June 1, 2026 • 56 mins
Life isn't fair.
The sooner we accept that truth, the sooner we can begin taking control of what actually matters: our response.
In this episode of Run With The Cheetahs, Russell Anderson and Jerry Freishtat revisit Chapter 13 of Jerry's book, From Victim to Victor, and explore one of the most important mindset shifts a person can make.
Through personal stories, lessons from business, athletics, relationships, and life's toughest tragedies, they discuss why adversity is unavoidable and how extraordinary people learn to navigate setbacks without allowing them to define their future.
Jerry shares insights on resilience, preparation, personal responsibility, and the importance of building the mental toughness needed to face life's inevitable challenges. The conversation also examines grief, recovery, the power of perspective, and why no setback has to become a permanent identity.
Key themes include:
- Victim vs. Victor mentality
- Resilience and recovery
- Why life isn't supposed to be fair
- The power of acceptance
- Plan B thinking
- Building mental toughness
- Learning from adversity
- Relationships and support systems
- Responding instead of reacting
- Creating positive outcomes despite difficult circumstances
As Jerry reminds listeners:
"No defeat is a final defeat."
If you're facing a difficult season, this episode offers practical guidance, encouragement, and a roadmap for moving forward.
Run With The Cheetahs — Your Guide to an Extraordinary Life.
Jerry Freishtat
CEO of Wealth Climber | Serial Entrepreneur | Investor | Advisory for Startup Entrepreneurs | Speaker | Author | Committed to innovation, growth, and making a positive impact on the world.
Russell Anderson
Founder, President ACS Creative; Marketing & Design (30+ years of growing brands; global and local)
Serial Entrepreneur, Forever Student of Business - and Life
Buy the Book and Audiobook!
Amazon Audiobook
https://a.co/d/jbuW7Bh
Amazon Book Purchase
https://a.co/d/7Kq3MrG
Intro/Outro Music Credit
Big Thanks to Michael Fath for the use of The Emerald Isle
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hva33IEU3SY&list=RDHva33IEU3SY&start_radio=1
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
People who understand that life isn't fair
spend a lot of time preparingfor the unfairness so that when
it comes your way, you it's allhow you handle it, which gets
into this whole victor or victimmindset.
Okay.
If you have a victor mindset inadvance of unfairness, it's not
(00:22):
that it's not unfair, it isunfair, right?
But how you handle it, how yourespond, and the results is what
life is all about.
SPEAKER_02 (00:46):
Welcome to Run with the Cheetahs, the podcast.
Podcast, this podcast, and Ihope you've seen some of it
before.
But if not, if you're new, thispodcast is the companion podcast
to the book, Run with theCheetahs, written by Mr.
Jerry Freistadt.
And uh we are so fortunate tohave Mr.
Freistatt with us every time wedo one of these podcasts.
(01:10):
And uh matter of fact, let meget him in here right now.
Jerry, come on in and say helloto everybody.
SPEAKER_00 (01:14):
Hey, hey there, Russell.
Hey, another great day overhere.
Uh looking forward to gettinggoing.
Uh today, today we are going togo into one of life's greatest
questions.
And we'll we'll we are gonnajump into that here and and cut
cover some really, really goodcontent for you.
SPEAKER_02 (01:33):
You're right, Jerry.
And as a matter of fact, youknow, we've touched on this
before.
We've because this is one of ourfavorites, you know, and it's
important.
This is important stuff.
Um I gotta say, folks, this bookis pretty amazing.
Today, we are actually gonna gorevisit chapter 13, Jerry.
I went back and, you know, I hadto read chapter 13.
(01:55):
The chapter 13 is called fromFrom Victim to Victor, which
fits so perfectly into ourconversation today about life's
not fair.
And I, you know what?
We're gonna go ahead and jumpover some of this and just say,
look, people, life's unfair.
Life is unfair.
(02:16):
There's there shouldn't be anysurprise about it here at this
point, okay?
Life is unfair.
So I've got two things I want toread to you from your book, and
then we'll get started here.
Many people let the worlddictate their destiny.
They have an inherent belief, nomatter what I do, the world is
(02:38):
unfair.
It's just a matter of time untilit's my turn to have negativity
or even tragedy thrust upon me.
That's right out of your book.
Okay.
Now I want to read, I want toread the follow-up to that,
okay?
Actually, and this is the leadin the chapter.
SPEAKER_01 (02:59):
Right.
SPEAKER_02 (02:59):
Yep.
In life, the comeback is alwaysgreater than the setback.
Find those who have been in thetrenches, who suffered difficult
times, who may have losteverything, only to rebound to
new heights on their ladder.
I have never met anyone who hasachieved anything worthwhile who
(03:24):
didn't at some point recoverfrom an event that caused severe
pain and suffering.
It's all part of the game.
Jerry, we know life is unfair.
We know that.
We have we have to know that.
Okay.
I mean, and if if there arepeople new to this conversation,
(03:46):
folks, life is unfair.
It is.
But Jerry, why is it so hard forus as adults to understand that?
SPEAKER_00 (03:58):
Well, let me set the tone of this conversation.
Let me set the tone of thisconversation by asking you a
question, right?
Okay, so if we know up frontlife is unfair, randomness,
negativity, stuff that's thrust,no matter what you do, no matter
how great of a human being youare, no matter how much you work
(04:22):
at something, something negativeor tragic can be thrust upon you
any moment, any time.
You know, and I I always like tosay, you know, we we all get
that call, you know, that thatcall we don't want, right?
And so if you know life isunfair upfront, can there be
(04:45):
anything unfair about it?
Well, I I know that's a greatquestion.
Right.
And here's the basis of thequestion.
It just comes back to mindset.
And the reality of it is thatthe majority of people just
don't prepare for it.
Um, you see, you can't eliminateall randomness in life, but you
(05:09):
can have a big influence on itsoutcome.
Right?
And now let me let me tell youjust a quick story just to just
to get things rolling here.
Okay.
Now, and this is this is notlike you know, one of these like
tragedy stories.
It's just to convey how it allworks.
Okay.
So uh, you know, a lot of youmay know my athletic background
(05:32):
was in golf, played collegiategolf and caddy on the PGA tour.
And um, I was around some of themost elite players.
I mean, it was it was just themost incredible experience ever.
But let's just say you're outplaying golf and you're a fairly
good golfer, and you rip a driveright down the middle, 300
yards, just perfect position foryour next shot.
(05:52):
Everything's great.
You walk out there and you getto where your ball is, and it's
sitting in a divot from anotherplayer that either didn't fill
the divot or some courses justleave their divots out there.
But whatever it is, the ball issitting in a divot.
Not only is it sitting in adivot, it's sitting in the back
edge of the divot.
So you really even can't get theclub on the back of the ball to
(06:14):
hit your next shot.
Okay.
Well, the immediate reaction byalmost everybody is, well,
that's not fair.
I just hit it right down themiddle in the middle of the
fairway, right?
Okay, so the difference is thatthe amateur player, okay, walks
up to that situation andessentially is self-defeated
(06:38):
because of the circumstances.
They they've already determinedI have no way of hitting this
next shot.
I can't get it out of the divot.
I don't know how to do it.
Well, the PGA tour player haspracticed that situation
hundreds of times.
Not only have they practiced ita hundred times, I guarantee
you, Tiger Woods, ScottyScheffler, Jack Nicholas, I
(07:00):
don't care who you want to name,they've hit a hundred hundreds
of shots out of that divot fromthe front of the divot, the back
of the divot, the side of thedivot, different depths down in
the divot.
So the so they're more preparedfor the situation.
And I find that in life ingeneral, people who understand
(07:24):
that life isn't fair spend a lotof time preparing for the
unfairness so that when it comesyour way, you it's all how you
handle it, which gets into thiswhole victor or victim mindset.
Okay.
If you have a victor mindset inadvance of unfairness, it's not
(07:45):
that it's not unfair, it isunfair, right?
But how you handle it, how yourespond, and the results is what
life is all about.
Okay, so the person that comesup against a tough situation and
just decides, uh, woe was me,here we go again, I can't
believe this happened.
(08:05):
They kind of go into thisnegative victimization that it
just becomes part of you.
It's part of who you are.
And the exact opposite is truefor people who live a victor
lifestyle where they come into asituation that takes a lot of
practice, takes years.
I'm not saying this is an easymindset to get into, but after
(08:25):
you conquer it multiple times,every time you come up against
those situations, and you youyou may have a short-term, you
may have short-term negativitythat we all do, especially if
it's a tragic situation.
You know, there's a mourningperiod, whatever that might be.
But you still have thecapability of realizing that
this is not all-encompassing.
(08:46):
I've been here before, I'm gonnaget through it.
And and that's the difference.
So um, you know, yes, life isvery unfair, um, but how you
respond to the unfairness willdetermine um, you know, your
destiny.
SPEAKER_02 (09:01):
Well, that's just fabulous.
And I'll tell you what, it ithits on two things that I want
to highlight.
And and and just Jerry, just soyou know, this is definitely not
in order of our outline.
Okay.
Okay, but here's the deal.
You know, you talk about a golfshot.
Um, I want to talk about thescale of life is not fair for a
(09:23):
minute.
I want to talk about thecontinuum of life is not fair.
You know, life is not fair at atthe at the low end when you're
in the Costco line, which islong, and then someone goes to
open another register and theytake people from the back or new
people instead of bringing youover.
That's an un some people wouldsay that's unfair.
(09:44):
That's unfair.
You know, and then then we havewe have traffic unfair things,
okay?
But and then we have tragicunfairness.
Sickness, we have divorce.
I mean, these are things thatwhen they happened are really
upsetting, unsettling tosomeone's life.
I'll get to a couple more in afew minutes, but so we have this
(10:08):
continuum of unfairness, and andhere's the deal about it the
mindset is really the big dealhere.
And and here's why.
Here is why you mention itvictim or victor.
The truth of the matter is thatyou perform better.
You as a human being, you as aperson, your your person
(10:31):
performs better when you havethe victor mindset.
When you have a victim mindset,you're not performing at your
best.
And and I mean, we could go intowe can go deep on this, but
that's a shortcut right there.
That's a that's why this isimportant.
(10:51):
People need to understand thatlife is not fair and we need to
learn how to deal with it.
Um that's just and and you yousaid it perfectly.
And the shot having that shot inthe divot, oh my god, that would
be that would be awful, dude.
SPEAKER_00 (11:04):
Yeah, I mean, it you know, it there, you know, what
you're saying right now alsojust gets back to, you know, the
optimistic life's lifestyleversus a pessimistic lifestyle,
you know, which which, you know,again, there's a lot of reasons
people are pessimistic and youknow, and and have victimization
(11:24):
mentalities and and things thatthey they feel they've been
victim to or haven't experiencedthe ability or the right mentor,
the right coach, or whatever itmight be to get them to see
things a different way.
So um, you know, that's againthat it's it's it's a uh it
(11:45):
starts with a basic disciplineof just an understanding and a
realization that um that theworld is not against me.
As a matter of fact, if you ifyou take a look around, the
world is weighed heavily in yourfavor.
SPEAKER_02 (11:59):
Well, you know, I think that uh, you know, getting
into expectations for a minute,I think most of us want and
expect what we consider to be afair and just world.
You know, we we we expect thisto be a just life, and in many
ways it is, and unfortunately,in many ways it is not.
(12:22):
And you have a you know, youhave a comment about
expectations, you know.
Well, we here we are, we'retalking, this is a run with the
cheetahs, and you point out thateven the fastest cheetah, the
fastest animal on earth, losesmost of its hunts.
You know, what can nature teachus about expectations?
SPEAKER_00 (12:44):
So this world that we live in, okay, and another
aspect of it is is, and thisgets back to another thing I say
in my book about the playingfield, right?
You know, and and you know, youcan't change the playing field.
So you have to accept thathumans were designed this way,
(13:07):
okay?
The world is designed this way.
I couldn't tell you why, but Imean the reality of it is, is
think about it.
What if there were no setbacks,no tragedies, no events, or
anything like that?
You know, the our our spirit isdesigned to deal with things and
come back and do that again.
You know, all animals, allanimals except humans have an
(13:30):
inherent built-in ability tocompartmentalize situations,
okay, because it's just nature.
Okay, they don't have the brainsthat we have.
So they they're every animal onearth is faced with random
situations every day.
They compartmentalize it, dealwith it, fix it, and move to the
next thing, and never evenquestion anything, okay, because
(13:53):
it's just in the nature of theway animals, animals are.
And humans, whether you believeit or not, originally we were
the same way.
Because just like every otheranimal, our brains are wired for
survival.
But over time, what's happenedis the evolution of abundance.
(14:14):
And that gives us options.
It gives us options to be lazy,unaccountable, weak.
And because of that, in themodern world, and as as we've
brains have developed and soforth, it becomes your
obligation, okay, to embracethat cheetah mentality, okay, if
(14:37):
you want to live an extraextraordinary life or a life of
you know a victor mentality.
You have to actually trainyourself to do this stuff
because you know 100,000 yearsago, it was built in.
You know, if you if you didn't,if you didn't, you know, go out
and execute, you know, you youyou died, right?
(14:59):
There was there were there wereno options.
And those options we have inlife today, in some ways, even
though there's tremendousbenefit to it, in some ways
makes us a sadder society.
And um, so it's your obligationto understand that, do hard
things, and like Goggin says,calllous your mind, right?
(15:22):
Yes, you callous your mind, andthen these unfair things and
these setbacks just become partof the game.
I mean, it's just that simple.
Wow.
SPEAKER_02 (15:33):
You know, I want to go back to uh I'll tell you
what, Jerry, in in the 80s, Ithink I was in my late 20s or
early 30s, I think, back in the80s, and uh I remember when
Rabbi Harold Kushner wrote abook called When Bad Things
Happen to Good People.
And I couldn't wait to readthis.
(15:53):
Because I I I thought, oh mygoodness, here's a here's a man
of God who's gonna really giveme the bottom line on this and
explain this to me.
He's gonna explain to me why badthings happen to good people.
It's a great book.
It's been read by millions andmillions of people.
I think I still have my copy,actually.
Great book.
(16:14):
But the bottom line and what hesays is that um yeah, bad things
happen, there is no rhyme orreason to it, and the question
becomes what do you do with it?
SPEAKER_01 (16:30):
Yep.
SPEAKER_02 (16:31):
That yeah, I mean that's the ultimate question.
That's and and that's whetherit's Rabbi Kushner or whether
it's Jerry Freistadt, thatbecomes the question.
What do you do with it?
SPEAKER_00 (16:44):
So let's go into like the more severe things, you
know, the you know, tragediesthat happened, and you know, I
mean, awful the death of achild.
I mean, something just horrificthings that take place in the
life.
SPEAKER_02 (16:56):
Which, by the way, that is what had happened with
Rabbi Kushner.
His son had progeria, I believe,and and he died, I believe, at
the age of 14.
He that's what drove him to seekand to write this book, I
believe.
SPEAKER_00 (17:11):
Yeah, and um, you know, and you know, in my
youngest son a couple years agowas diagnosed with leukemia.
Thank God everything is fine andhe's he's recovered.
But when you when those thingshappen, it's like regardless of
the depth of the tragedy, andyou're gonna go through a
mourning period no matter what.
Okay, that's that's again partof the human species and how
(17:35):
we're made.
But you have to at some pointtransition from that victim
mentality back to the victormentality.
You have to somehow be able toput what happened in its in a in
a in a compartment and be ableto move on.
Um, and again, because nothingis all-encompassing.
(17:58):
So the the depth and length thatyou stay in that mourning period
um will test your resilience tocome back.
And what I've learned now thatI'm getting older is that when
really negative things happen orfinancial laws, whatever it
might be, that with experience,those mourning periods are
(18:21):
shorter, shallower, not aspainful.
And you you've learned to havethe resilience to bounce back.
And the quicker you can comeback, the reality of it is, is
the better overall life that youthat you're gonna live.
Um you don't forget thetragedies in life.
(18:41):
They don't go away.
It's always gonna be part of youin your brain.
Okay, and we talked about thatin another podcast as well.
But the trick is to overwritethem with positive input and
actions to limit their impact inyour daily thoughts.
See, your daily thoughts arewhat create a victim mentality.
(19:03):
Just this constant feeling ofthings that are not in your
control.
The world is, you know, throwyou know, throwing these
negative things at me and soforth.
So, you know, your dailythoughts, the more input and
positivity you get there, thequicker um you can bounce back
(19:23):
um and get back on track.
And as I said, pain doesn't goaway.
It's there, but you have tosuppress it by overriding
positive things.
SPEAKER_02 (19:36):
I I think it's so important that you have
addressed, and I'm I'm gonnapause here just for emphasis on
mourning.
On mourning.
Uh we we have to acknowledge thefact that when ugly stuff
happens, there is gonna be aperiod of mourning.
And we don't want to diminishthat.
(19:58):
We do not want to diminish that.
Uh I'm gonna talk in a fewminutes about you mentioned your
son.
I remember that, I remember thatsituation.
Um, you know, my my wife's mywife's had breast cancer, your
wife's had breast cancer.
I mean, we we we in our ownuniverses we've we've dealt with
this, and uh but the worst, bythe way, on that scale we were
(20:20):
talking about of life's notfair, the worst situation, the
worst thing from what I read andall the research that's been
done is actually when you lose achild.
Losing a child, and and here'sthe deal about this, by the way.
A divorce and losing a child arevery comparable as far as the
heartache they causeimmediately.
(20:44):
Right.
But as it turns out, losing achild is the much tougher one to
come back from.
Right.
That's what the research shows.
So I don't want us to skip overthe fact of mourning in any
situation is bad.
By the way, if that drive intothe fairway and that land in the
divot, if that cost you themaster's tournament, there'd be
(21:06):
some mourning over that, youknow?
Right.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, no doubt about that.
There'd be some mourning overthat.
But uh, you know, but onceagain, so uh Jared, we maybe
we've covered this already, butso people who are in the midst
of these tragedies, they say,Why me?
(21:27):
Or or when they're in the midstof this unfairness, they say,
Why me?
Why me?
SPEAKER_00 (21:34):
Robert Kiyosaki, the guy that wrote uh Rich Dad, Poor
Dad.
Yeah, um, he he has one of myfavorite quotes on this subject,
and it it you know, he goes,Life isn't fair, it never will
be.
Quit trying to make it fair.
You don't need it to be fair,and that last line is the whole
(21:59):
key.
Key to the whole thing.
Okay.
You don't have to haveeverything working.
I mean, what would life be likeif everything went your way all
the time?
That'd be pretty sweet, butnever mind.
Okay.
So what I'm saying is, is like,you know, if you had the ability
(22:21):
to eat out at a five-starrestaurant every single night
and have chefs serve you thegreatest food every single day,
well, after a couple months,guess what?
It's not a big deal anymore,right?
So the the setbacks in lifeessentially prime us for the
benefits and joy in life.
And there's a balance in there.
But I think what Kiyasaki'sreally saying about this subject
(22:45):
is that your approach needs tobe tied to your core beliefs,
right?
When you're dealing withunfairness.
You know, that last line of youdon't need it to be fair.
Again, if your core belief is,is that you know that unfairness
(23:06):
is going to happen at randomtimes, and I know that no matter
what I do, um, you know, it'sgoing to happen, then as a core
belief, you understand that inthe midst of those setbacks,
that it's just part of the game.
And you have to have theresilience just to bounce back
(23:30):
from it.
So I think, you know, that thatthat's kind of my answer to that
one.
SPEAKER_02 (23:34):
I think it's fabulous.
I think that's a fabulousanswer.
What a great quote that is.
Uh that's excellent.
You know, I want to go back tothe just for a moment to the
scale of unfairness and talkabout how different people have
slightly different mindsets.
Now, again, we you and I, we'vetalked a little bit about this,
and I happen to know one of yourpain points, so I'll probably
(23:56):
bring it up here in a minute.
But like for me, I'll give youan example.
If I'm in traffic, if I'm intraffic, and and then I do a lot
of traveling up and down I-95.
Okay, so I mean, you know, Imean, uh there's constantly
construction going on, and youknow, you run into a situation
where a sign says left laneclosed ahead, move right.
(24:19):
Okay.
So, you know, because I'm abecause I'm a rule, a rule
keeper, you know, kind of guy,if I see that sign, I move over
to the right.
And then a gazillion people arezooming past me in the left
lane, okay?
Now we listen, we've all beenhere doing this, okay?
Now, I will just kind of say,uh, that's that's that's how it
(24:43):
is, you know.
That's that's it.
That's you know, okay, but but Idon't necessarily, but my wife,
now my wife, she she is tickedoff at those people that are
zooming down there.
You know, she she's got a she'sworking up an attitude, a bad
attitude about these people.
And the difference is this.
The difference is then whatmindset are you now in?
(25:06):
I I'm in pretty much acomplacent, happy-go-lucky.
Okay, I'm in the right lane.
I'm I'm sorry it's gonna take alittle longer, but I'm I'm doing
what I'm supposed to do.
And yeah, and she's prettyticked off.
So, I mean, she's ready tounleash, she's really to ready
to unleash some fury on somebodyif if need be.
So again, the even in aneveryday, very minor situation
(25:31):
compared to what we're talkingabout as far as tragedy, these
little things that go on, theythey adjust your mindset.
And when they adjust yourmindset, if you're in a negative
mindset, if you're in a victimmindset, you're not performing
well.
You're not performing at yourbest.
And I just think that'simportant to realize that yes,
(25:53):
mindset's important at in thebig, in the in the ugly, in the
big ugly, the the the death of aloved one, the divorce,
mindset's really important.
It's also important in all thoselittle daily things that go on.
SPEAKER_00 (26:07):
Right.
And what what you just what youjust said is what makes us all
different, okay?
So the person zooming down theright lane is okay.
It could be me.
It could be, but that personmentally is thinking, what's
wrong with all these otherpeople?
Why are they why what they don'tunderstand the efficiency of
(26:30):
getting down as far as you canget down before you merge over?
Maybe it's an efficiency, youknow, I out of my book, being an
efficiency freak, whereeverything that you do is
maximized for maximum output andpotential and things like that.
So again, you know, there's nota right or wrong to this.
I love it.
No, I went to your question,right?
Yeah, but you know, that thatthat's the that's the
(26:52):
understanding.
So, you know, your your wife isreally upset about those people,
and those people are wonderingwhat's wrong with everybody
else.
I love it.
SPEAKER_02 (26:59):
I love every bit about this.
Okay, so Jerry, here you go.
You made reservations for yourwife's birthday dinner.
Okay?
A tough place to getreservations at, but you made
reservations a couple weeks inadvance, and you you two show up
for dinner.
You go up to the girl at the atthe desk and you say, I'm here,
and she says, Great, Mr.
Freistadt, we'll have your tablehere in just a moment.
(27:21):
And then while you're standingthere waiting, another couple
walks up and they say, uh, youknow, we didn't we don't have
any reservations, any chance ofgetting in here.
And she says, Maybe we can workyou in.
So then, so then you get seated,and then these other people get
seated several tables away fromyou.
And the servers come up and dealwith them first.
(27:41):
Those servers come up and dealwith them first.
And they're they're taking theirorder, and and you haven't even
seen a server yet.
Now, I I know you well enough toknow that that sets you off.
SPEAKER_00 (27:55):
Well, the part of the reason that that's so
anything, any inefficiency,because I'm a career 40-year
entrepreneur, run multiplebusinesses, and and and and I've
always been in the you knowconsumer-related businesses.
Um, I understand, you know, theimportance of that.
So my my aggravation a lot oftimes is this is not a well-run
(28:18):
company.
SPEAKER_01 (28:19):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (28:19):
Right.
Yeah.
Or these these people weren'ttrained properly, right?
Okay.
And um and as everybody knows,there's not too many well-run
companies, right?
So, you know, it's somethingthat, yeah, does that bother me?
And would I be agitated andaggravated about it?
I 100% would be.
Um, but you know, again, that'sone of those things, getting
(28:42):
back to the two people in thelanes, you know, that's that's a
pet peeve of mine because of myprevious experiences and
understanding what it takes totake care of a customer.
SPEAKER_02 (28:51):
And and the reason, again, that I bring that up, the
reason I bring it up is becauseI just want to point out to
people that your victim victorattitude in even these smaller
things affects your performance.
Now, you are likely not to bequite as kind, giving, and
loving in those next few minuteswith anyone else that's, you
(29:14):
know, as you would be normally.
I know you're a jovial, glowingkind of guy, but boy, if that
happened to you, you you you'dbe you'd be a little bit miffed
there for a bitch, you know.
So it's important to understandhow your our attitudes are
affected by these happenings,and we need to work as hard as
we can at understanding you canovercome all this.
(29:36):
Um, so I'm gonna jump to I'mgonna jump to some people that I
call plan A people.
And I don't know whether youknow any of these people or not.
You know, I I know a couple ofplan A people.
Um and these are people thateither had their life tracked
out, I mean, they had a plan.
They had they had a plan fortheir life.
I mean, you know, it was go tohigh school, go to college, you
(29:58):
know, get married, have a couplekids.
I mean, they they had it.
They they knew where they weregoing.
Or that's one situation.
Another situation was uh agentleman who from early on
wanted to be uh an attorney orwanted to be a doctor, either
one.
Yep, and uh these plan A peopleget to where they were going,
(30:22):
and then something's not right.
They're not right, they'remiserable.
Okay, they're miserable.
SPEAKER_00 (30:29):
Yeah, and in that scenario where somebody plans
out their life and it turns outthe way they planned it happens
0% of the time.
SPEAKER_02 (30:38):
Oh, that's uh yeah.
In other words, the life worksout like they planned it, you're
saying.
Never.
Yeah, yeah.
Right, yeah, so so you know,those people feel like victims.
I mean, those people really feellike life's not fair.
I mean, they have had a theyhave had a solid gold plan, they
have the checked all the boxes,I mean, they've done what
(31:01):
they're supposed to do, and thenit doesn't work out.
And it's tough for those people.
Those people get hit hard.
I mean, they get hit hard.
I mean, I think, and I thinksome of them never recover from
that, unfortunately.
SPEAKER_00 (31:12):
Yeah, I mean, a part of the reason that those people
go so many years with being ableto execute that plan is because
they're risk averse.
Right?
So, so they spend they spendmost of their life or most of
the time making sure nothinggoes wrong, right?
And and that and reality is thatcan work for a while.
(31:35):
You know, that that that thatcan work for a while, okay?
But uh it doesn't prepare youfor for the realities of the
world or the realities of lifewhen when something does happen
like that.
I mean, um the you know, thosepeople, I think not just those
people, but for some reason,some people have victimization
(31:57):
set in that just lasts alifetime.
I mean, and and they and theseare these are the saddest
stories, by the way.
I mean, people, these people arevery unhappy and they die
unhappy.
Um, and uh, so I think that umin the your plan A people and
and and people like that, youthe key is you have to have the
(32:20):
ability to change directions,pivot, recharge, start the
comeback from whatever thesetback is.
And, you know, and probably thetenth time we've already said
this, but you have to get invictor mode.
I mean, it there's no if youwant to live an extraordinary,
fulfilled, happy, resilientlife, you have to spend the
(32:44):
majority of your time in apositive outlook, positive
vision.
And the other thing is thepeople that go into long-term
victimization, they don'trealize that when you start
over, you start over withknowledge that you didn't have
before.
And that puts you just that stepfrom the bottom, just that what
(33:09):
you learned and whatever thatsetback was, that puts you one
rung up on that ladder, andthat's how you start again.
No doubt.
You have to yeah, you take theinformation and say, okay, whoa,
that didn't work, not doing thatagain.
Okay, and you learn something,and then you're on to the next
thing.
And um, and that that's whatvictors do.
(33:30):
I mean, there there's there's noum there's another perceived
thing that that that alwaysbothers me.
And you know, I see thissometimes when I go speak speak
places.
You know, people have thisperception that, whoa, man, look
at this guy.
You know, he's got the five kid,five successful kids, amazing
(33:52):
wife, you know, financially hitit big.
I mean, all this other stuff.
But but the but that's not thereality.
The reality of it is is I havesetbacks all the time.
All the time.
I know.
And and people need tounderstand that I don't care who
your idol is or who your who whoyou uh you know think your
(34:16):
greatest mentor is going to be,I think every one of those
people is gonna tell you they'reno different than you, right?
It's just how they respond to asetback or respond to unfairness
that makes the difference sothat a larger percentage of your
time, which is turns into apercentage of your life, is
(34:39):
spent in a growth, healthy,expanding, you know, happy um
world.
And uh, and if you fall in thatvictim mode, and um, you know, I
I know some people, um, youknow, just to describe the other
side of it, um, I know somepeople that got divorced and
(35:02):
became a victim to that theirwhole life.
Absolutely, yes.
Yes.
Like, you know, just like, oh,you know, I'm a failure, and
that there's no, there's nomoving on, and and you know,
whatever it might be.
And uh, and that can happen toyou with any big setback or or
failure or anything like that.
So um, you know, the ability topick yourself up, move on, and
(35:25):
as I said, get that one morerung up that ladder, that first
step up that that first rung,that's the hardest one after
after a setback, but it's thelaunching point to uh to
expansion.
SPEAKER_02 (35:36):
That's fantastic stuff.
I'm gonna I want to go back justfor a minute and finish up on my
plan A, people, because here Iwant to give those people the
secret for a better life.
Plan A, people.
Let me tell you what you can'twait to hear that.
You need plan B.
You need plan B.
Okay, that's the answer.
(35:56):
Okay, plan A did not work.
Plan B is what you need.
And and get with it.
Get on it, get with it, youknow.
And uh, and uh the other littlecomment I have here is that stop
uh stop following the map andstart reading the terrain.
You know what I mean?
You know, uh you know, they say,Jerry, and this is so true, they
(36:18):
say the best business leaders,and by the way, I believe this
to the core of my soul.
The best business leaders, thefirst thing they have to do is
understand reality.
They can't, they can't have athey can't have a distorted,
inflated vision of what well ofwhere they are in business.
(36:41):
They got to be able to see wherethings are.
So I think it's the same thingfor people.
We need to really be able tohave an understanding of where
things really are, and thenassume the appropriate mindset
for being able to move forward.
Plan B.
I love plan B.
Plan B is great.
I mean, you can do a lot withplan B.
So on my plan A, people, whenthat thing fails for you, your
(37:04):
answer is plan B.
Let's get on with it.
SPEAKER_00 (37:07):
Yep.
All right, totally agree.
SPEAKER_02 (37:09):
All right, so you know, now let's go.
I'm gonna go to the deep, deep,deep pain just for a minute.
Answers are pretty much thesame, but I'll I want to talk
about it.
So I have a couple of people inmy universe, um, and both of
these situations are freshenough.
And when I say fresh enough, I'mgonna say within five years.
(37:31):
These are two people, thesepeople do not know each other,
both have lost a child.
In this case, both due tosuicide.
Both case to do a suicide.
Um the pain is the pain'sindescribable.
I mean, it it's indescribable.
(37:52):
And my I my heart, my heartcries for these people.
I mean, it's it's awful.
It's awful.
And so I I I think again we haveto acknowledge that there is
mourning.
There is a there is a grieving.
There is a grieving period.
And I don't have any uh I don'thave any idea how long that is.
And as I mentioned earlier, theresearch shows that the recovery
(38:15):
from losing a child is thelongest recovery of any of the
pain points.
I mean, divorce you could youovercome quicker.
I know some people don't, as youjust mentioned.
But generally speaking, theresearch shows, so I don't know
quite what to say to thesepeople, except do your best to
(38:40):
do your best to understandyou're gonna grieve and to
accept accept the situation,surrender to the situation.
And again, what really broughtthis whole topic to mind for me
is one of my one of thesepeople, young lady I know who
(39:04):
lost a child, lost a son.
Um Divine Surrender.
And uh, you know, it's it's amatter of you finally get to
that point at some point whereyou just say, I can't do it, I'm
done.
I'm done, I can't do it anymore,I can't take it anymore, I'm
(39:26):
done.
And the good news about divinesurrender is that even when you
finally have left it out there,you're done, you're you're
you're out.
Now you have to move forward.
It so it is your line, whichI've seen, it's accept and I f
(39:49):
and and and and and moveforward.
It's accept and move forward.
Don't deny.
SPEAKER_00 (39:55):
Yeah, yeah, accept and correct.
SPEAKER_02 (39:57):
Accept and correct.
Thank you, Jerry.
Accept and correct.
And that might not be theperfect language for that
situation, but the bottom line,so you you and I think we all
for a moment can understand ifif that sort of an unfortunate
thing happened to you, it wouldbe it would be just as painful
(40:18):
as you can imagine.
But that divine surrender, ifyou get to a point where you
just finally have given up.
SPEAKER_00 (40:24):
You've given up.
Yeah, I mean, on this subject,you know, like we, you know,
people in the self-help arenalike us and everything else, you
know, we we're the majority ofus are like anti-therapy.
You know, my you know, someonesays, oh, I, you know, their woe
is me on small issues and tryingto get little things in their
(40:44):
life straight and everythingelse.
You know, my answer to that isgo to the gym.
But, you know, in in these, inthese tragic situations,
Russell, I I I am a big believerin, you know, there are times,
you know, where you need to seekprofessional help.
And and my advice on that is isum, you know, and and I cover
(41:05):
this in my book about only only10% of people are at the top of
their field in what they do.
So if you go seek professionalhelp for these types of
circumstances, you've got tomake sure you're with the right
people.
Yes.
And and and it's very hard todo.
But um, you know, there's umthere are things in life, I
(41:28):
mean, it's very sad that are,you know, really tough to
overcome.
Really tough.
SPEAKER_02 (41:36):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (41:37):
And uh um, but you've but hopefully for those
people that you know andeverybody else that's listening
that may have a similarsituation, hopefully you find
something.
You know, I mean, and and findfind a launching launching point
to, you know, kind of, you know,honor, honor the loss in a in a
(41:57):
positive way of what they wouldwant for you, um, and and try to
you know live live as full alife as possible.
SPEAKER_02 (42:05):
No, you're right.
You try and live as full a lifeas possible in spite of what has
happened.
I think that's good.
Uh two things I got for you.
Well, that then we're gonna turnthe corner on that.
And that was, I think we thatwas important that we stated all
that.
Two things.
Uh Stephen Covey, whose book youknow has been a tremendous
bestseller.
What's the name of his book?
SPEAKER_00 (42:26):
Seven habits of highly effective people.
SPEAKER_02 (42:29):
Yes, and that's a great it's a great book.
And by the way, one of the guysthat works with me, that is his
Bible.
He absolutely loves that bookand just just keeps it on his
desk all the time.
But you know, one of StephenCovey's things is this, and I
think this is great for whatwe're talking about today.
He says, 10%, he says, own your90%.
Own your 90.
(42:49):
10% of life is what happens toyou.
SPEAKER_01 (42:52):
Yep.
SPEAKER_02 (42:53):
Own your 90.
Okay, take it from there.
10% is what's gonna happen.
Own your 90%.
I think that's just fantastic.
I think that's great stuff.
And then the other one I'm gonnabring up at this point is, you
know, I wrote to you uh severalweeks ago after getting an email
from Brian Kite, K-I-G-H-T.
And by the way, folks, I'm gonnasay Brian Kite has a has a
(43:16):
newsletter uh that goes out, Ithink, every day.
It's called Daily Discipline.
It's really good stuff, it'sfantastic stuff.
And he sent a newsletter out acouple of weeks ago that I
forwarded on to Jerry.
It had a lot to do with life isnot fair.
But Brian Kite's main premise isa formula that he introduces and
(43:36):
he he references this all thetime.
And the formula is E plus Requals zero.
Excuse me.
Equals O, not zero, equals O.
And so that's and what that isis that's an event plus your
response equals outcome.
(43:58):
And if we just stop for just asecond.
Here's the deal.
The only thing you really haveany control over in that formula
is your response.
In other words, somethinghappens, the event, you now have
a response, and there will be anoutcome.
And by the way, I mean, he hedrills this non-stop because it
(44:23):
is so true.
I mean, it is so very true.
So, I mean, that's how we shouldlook at most everything.
There's an event.
How are we going to respond?
And there will be a new, freshoutcome.
SPEAKER_00 (44:38):
Probably a good time to bring up the first part of
that, the events.
Yes.
You know, um, you know, there'sagain, this is one of just one
of those phenomenon things thatthat people need to be aware of.
Um, is that like most peopleknow somebody or or a few people
or whatever that um seems likeno matter what they do, no
(45:00):
matter what happens, there'sjust negativity, bad things in
their life, bad outcomes, youknow, just can't get anywhere,
complaining, whatever it mightbe.
And then on the other side ofthat, there's people, it just
seems like everything they touchturns to gold.
Right.
So, you know, I'm I'm here totell you, okay, that it's not a
(45:31):
coincidence, right?
That in that whole thing aboutwhich which category you may
fall in, you know, has to dowith your uh you know, your
mindset and your daily behaviorsand and what you do and what
your actions are.
(45:52):
Um and I'm gonna go back to tobeing uh people who are risk
averse.
If you're risk averse, nothinggood can happen.
Right?
But the negative randomness oflife is built into everyone.
Okay, so without having thetaking risk and challenges and
(46:16):
executing and trying new things,you take away the upside, and
all you have is the downside.
Wow.
And and that's what happens topeople that I just described,
where it just seems likewhatever they happen, whatever
they do, something bad's goingon, the negativity.
(46:36):
And the people who are superrisk takers are winning all the
time.
They still have the losses, samelosses as the other guy, but
they have the wins.
And then the more the wins come,and the more you get experience
and understanding how lifeworks, it's just a random
(46:59):
phenomenon that it's way lesslikely that random negative
things happen to you.
That's just the and it, youknow, I guess the best way of
describing this is health andwellness.
If you're if you're if you're ahealth and wellness person, you
know, living in a uh, you know,extreme healthy lifestyle with
(47:19):
nutrition, exercise, and allthose things, the randomness
chances of a negative medicalissue happening to you are cut,
I'm gonna say 80-90% versus theperson who's unhealthy doing all
those other things.
So people don't look at it thatway.
If you step back and look at itfrom that perspective, you have
(47:42):
a lot of control on therandomness that happens in your
life.
And that's what, and that's whyyou see the person that
everything turns to gold and theperson that everything's a
disaster.
So that's we do have morecontrol than we think.
SPEAKER_02 (47:57):
You know, Jerry, we have we're gonna be doing an
upcoming segment, this will bein the next six to eight weeks,
on how one finds strength aftersome of these real tough losses.
And and you and I both know, andand and most people should
acknowledge this, but if theyhaven't experienced any real
hardships, they may not reallyunderstand it.
(48:19):
I mean, you and I both know thatafter having divorces, which
we've both had, and after havinglosses in business, which we
both have had, and have havinghealth challenges in our family.
We know that after you enduresome of these things, after you
go through these things, yourresilience to things in the
(48:40):
future gets better.
You're stronger going forward.
So you've said it earlier today,I believe.
Those setbacks are shallowerthan they would have been
initially because they havebuilt up some resilience.
That's an important thing toknow.
That's an important thing toknow.
SPEAKER_00 (48:58):
Yeah, and that's why when you describe that scenario,
you know, that that process, thefirst tragedy of the first major
setback is that is by far thetoughest.
And that and that's why it's uhI'm literally gonna say it's
almost easy.
It almost happened to me.
Almost happened to me in mydivorce.
Almost easy to fall into thatlifetime victim mode.
(49:19):
And uh so uh getting throughthat first one and the only way,
and you know, people always askme, well, how how did how did
you recover from that?
You know, what how what what waswhat was the moment?
What what what transition to getyou on the right track?
And and you know, the I don'treally know.
(49:40):
I don't really know the answerto that question, but there's
there was a there was um a justa certain discipline that just
just came across me after twoyears of, you know, I had four
little kids at the time, and Ijust I just woke up one day and
I just said, I can't be likethis anymore.
SPEAKER_02 (50:00):
I think you said, I think I can almost imagine you
saying, I've got to do betterthan this.
I've got to do better than that.
SPEAKER_00 (50:05):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
And and so, you know, and again,I think that's just part of, you
know, again, somebody aprofessional in the field can
answer this a lot better thanme.
But it's part of that mourningprocess where I don't know how
long it takes or or how low yougo or anything else, but you get
to a certain point where justthe tide turns.
(50:28):
And um, and for people who aregoing through real tough times,
you you need to embrace thatmindset that it may not be
today, next week, or next month,but the tide is going to turn.
SPEAKER_02 (50:40):
Wow, good stuff.
Jerry, I think we uh, boy, we'vewe've covered some we've covered
some good stuff here.
And I I think we want to wrapthis up a little bit.
Let me ask you this.
If our listener, if a listenerthat's out there right now is
going through a real tough,deeply unfair season right now,
(51:00):
what is the one thing they cancontrol today to start moving
forward?
SPEAKER_00 (51:06):
Well, for those of you that watch this and have
read my book and follow me, youyou know one of my favorite
sayings is the Abraham Lincolnquote of no defeat is a final
defeat.
And um I know that's a realtough thing to hear when you're
in the middle of it, but iteventually you you do come out
(51:29):
of it.
Um, you know, setbacks relatedto random circumstances.
I like to view it, and and I'mreal good at doing this now.
Okay, I was I wasn't years ago,and real good at doing this now,
but I view it as simply part ofthe game.
Yeah.
I mean, and I and I I almostlook at life as a game.
You know, it's a game of oddsand percentages of just trying
(51:51):
to execute at the highest levelI can, uh, be great in all the
areas of my life.
I want to be a great father, agreat husband, community,
relationships, um, business,whatever it might be.
I want to excel in all thoseareas and and be the best I can.
Um, but I definitely have theability to look at it as um as a
(52:17):
setback, as a test.
It's literally a test, or um youcan you can even look at it as
like a puzzle you need to solve.
And when when you get in that,when you get that mindset, um
even even the tough ones now,even the tough ones, had a few
tough ones lately, um you'reyou're able to handle it better
(52:39):
and and realize that you know,with time, execution, effort,
you know, things you know willimprove.
And you know what?
To wrap this up, I just hadanother thought about this whole
thing.
Please.
One of the greatest things thathappened to me over all the
years is resources andrelationships.
(53:02):
So when you're younger, try andfind those key people.
Like our relationship, Russell,you and I, okay, that's a
treasured relationship.
Okay, and and each, everybodyshould have, you know, several
of those people that you cancount on, people you can go to,
depending on the circumstances.
I mean, there's not a whole lotthat can happen in business to
(53:23):
me that I don't have a resourceto call and at least get some
input, get some advice, youknow, get some direction.
You know, whereas when you'releft out on an island all by
yourself and you don't havethose relationships, yeah, these
comebacks are way harder.
SPEAKER_02 (53:37):
Yeah.
Absolutely.
Well, I'll tell you what, I'mgonna read something here that
as kind of a wrap-up, and thenif you have a last word, I'd
love to hear it.
But here's this ladies andgentlemen, life is not fair.
It never was and it never willbe.
But you are not defined by whathappens to you.
You are defined by how yourespond to what happens to you.
(54:02):
Be a cheetah, accept theterrain, surrender to what is,
then run anyway with the packbeside you.
What do you say, Jerry?
SPEAKER_00 (54:14):
Yeah, I love that whole thing.
Um, yeah, I think I think myfinal thought on this uh topic
for today is um I want people toget in a mindset of acceptance.
Yes.
You know, acceptance thatunfairness is inherent in human
(54:36):
beings, inherent in the world.
It's gonna get gonna get thrownat you, you know, um, you know,
randomly, time to time, atdifferent depths, um, and and
and different levels.
And um you you need to wake upevery day knowing that that is
embedded in in the you knowlifelong game that you're
(55:01):
playing.
So um, and and let's just goback.
Let me wrap it up with this.
If you like, if you know life isunfair, can there be anything
unfair about it?
SPEAKER_02 (55:10):
I love it.
That's great.
There you go.
SPEAKER_00 (55:11):
Yep.
SPEAKER_02 (55:12):
Ladies and gentlemen, well, Jerry, thank
you so much.
Ladies and gentlemen, um, firstoff, if you're new to us and
you're still with us here atalmost an hour, well, thank you
for joining us.
Thank you for staying with us.
If you liked what you heard,please give us a like, share
this with people.
So maybe somebody you know isgoing through a tough time.
This might be something good tohear uh for them.
(55:32):
It might be helpful.
Uh, I want to recommend onceagain, this book is amazing.
Uh, you know, I I've read itseveral times, but I went back
and got into chapter 13 beforethis because I wanted to review
some of the things.
It's fantastic material.
And I also want to let you knowuh, you know, Jerry is available
for speaking engagements.
(55:53):
He uh can do things local in theWashington Metro area, and he
can also do some travel and getout to wherever you are.
So if your organization orbusiness has a need for someone
to come in and really speak thetruth and get people going on
the right track, Jerry is theman, let me tell you.
I've heard him.
He's fantastic.
So I want to thank you forjoining us today, and uh, we
(56:15):
will uh see you soon withanother podcast here in a couple
of weeks.
We've got a couple of real nicetopics coming up.
Jerry, thank you so much.
Talk to you soon.
We got a new one coming up soon.
See you, buddy.
People who understand that life isn't fair
spend a lot of time preparingfor the unfairness so that when
it comes your way, you it's allhow you handle it, which gets
into this whole victor or victimmindset.
Okay.
If you have a victor mindset inadvance of unfairness, it's not
(00:22):
that it's not unfair, it isunfair, right?
But how you handle it, how yourespond, and the results is what
life is all about.
SPEAKER_02 (00:46):
Welcome to Run with the Cheetahs, the podcast.
Podcast, this podcast, and Ihope you've seen some of it
before.
But if not, if you're new, thispodcast is the companion podcast
to the book, Run with theCheetahs, written by Mr.
Jerry Freistadt.
And uh we are so fortunate tohave Mr.
Freistatt with us every time wedo one of these podcasts.
(01:10):
And uh matter of fact, let meget him in here right now.
Jerry, come on in and say helloto everybody.
SPEAKER_00 (01:14):
Hey, hey there, Russell.
Hey, another great day overhere.
Uh looking forward to gettinggoing.
Uh today, today we are going togo into one of life's greatest
questions.
And we'll we'll we are gonnajump into that here and and cut
cover some really, really goodcontent for you.
SPEAKER_02 (01:33):
You're right, Jerry.
And as a matter of fact, youknow, we've touched on this
before.
We've because this is one of ourfavorites, you know, and it's
important.
This is important stuff.
Um I gotta say, folks, this bookis pretty amazing.
Today, we are actually gonna gorevisit chapter 13, Jerry.
I went back and, you know, I hadto read chapter 13.
(01:55):
The chapter 13 is called fromFrom Victim to Victor, which
fits so perfectly into ourconversation today about life's
not fair.
And I, you know what?
We're gonna go ahead and jumpover some of this and just say,
look, people, life's unfair.
Life is unfair.
(02:16):
There's there shouldn't be anysurprise about it here at this
point, okay?
Life is unfair.
So I've got two things I want toread to you from your book, and
then we'll get started here.
Many people let the worlddictate their destiny.
They have an inherent belief, nomatter what I do, the world is
(02:38):
unfair.
It's just a matter of time untilit's my turn to have negativity
or even tragedy thrust upon me.
That's right out of your book.
Okay.
Now I want to read, I want toread the follow-up to that,
okay?
Actually, and this is the leadin the chapter.
SPEAKER_01 (02:59):
Right.
SPEAKER_02 (02:59):
Yep.
In life, the comeback is alwaysgreater than the setback.
Find those who have been in thetrenches, who suffered difficult
times, who may have losteverything, only to rebound to
new heights on their ladder.
I have never met anyone who hasachieved anything worthwhile who
(03:24):
didn't at some point recoverfrom an event that caused severe
pain and suffering.
It's all part of the game.
Jerry, we know life is unfair.
We know that.
We have we have to know that.
Okay.
I mean, and if if there arepeople new to this conversation,
(03:46):
folks, life is unfair.
It is.
But Jerry, why is it so hard forus as adults to understand that?
SPEAKER_00 (03:58):
Well, let me set the tone of this conversation.
Let me set the tone of thisconversation by asking you a
question, right?
Okay, so if we know up frontlife is unfair, randomness,
negativity, stuff that's thrust,no matter what you do, no matter
how great of a human being youare, no matter how much you work
(04:22):
at something, something negativeor tragic can be thrust upon you
any moment, any time.
You know, and I I always like tosay, you know, we we all get
that call, you know, that thatcall we don't want, right?
And so if you know life isunfair upfront, can there be
(04:45):
anything unfair about it?
Well, I I know that's a greatquestion.
Right.
And here's the basis of thequestion.
It just comes back to mindset.
And the reality of it is thatthe majority of people just
don't prepare for it.
Um, you see, you can't eliminateall randomness in life, but you
(05:09):
can have a big influence on itsoutcome.
Right?
And now let me let me tell youjust a quick story just to just
to get things rolling here.
Okay.
Now, and this is this is notlike you know, one of these like
tragedy stories.
It's just to convey how it allworks.
Okay.
So uh, you know, a lot of youmay know my athletic background
(05:32):
was in golf, played collegiategolf and caddy on the PGA tour.
And um, I was around some of themost elite players.
I mean, it was it was just themost incredible experience ever.
But let's just say you're outplaying golf and you're a fairly
good golfer, and you rip a driveright down the middle, 300
yards, just perfect position foryour next shot.
(05:52):
Everything's great.
You walk out there and you getto where your ball is, and it's
sitting in a divot from anotherplayer that either didn't fill
the divot or some courses justleave their divots out there.
But whatever it is, the ball issitting in a divot.
Not only is it sitting in adivot, it's sitting in the back
edge of the divot.
So you really even can't get theclub on the back of the ball to
(06:14):
hit your next shot.
Okay.
Well, the immediate reaction byalmost everybody is, well,
that's not fair.
I just hit it right down themiddle in the middle of the
fairway, right?
Okay, so the difference is thatthe amateur player, okay, walks
up to that situation andessentially is self-defeated
(06:38):
because of the circumstances.
They they've already determinedI have no way of hitting this
next shot.
I can't get it out of the divot.
I don't know how to do it.
Well, the PGA tour player haspracticed that situation
hundreds of times.
Not only have they practiced ita hundred times, I guarantee
you, Tiger Woods, ScottyScheffler, Jack Nicholas, I
(07:00):
don't care who you want to name,they've hit a hundred hundreds
of shots out of that divot fromthe front of the divot, the back
of the divot, the side of thedivot, different depths down in
the divot.
So the so they're more preparedfor the situation.
And I find that in life ingeneral, people who understand
(07:24):
that life isn't fair spend a lotof time preparing for the
unfairness so that when it comesyour way, you it's all how you
handle it, which gets into thiswhole victor or victim mindset.
Okay.
If you have a victor mindset inadvance of unfairness, it's not
(07:45):
that it's not unfair, it isunfair, right?
But how you handle it, how yourespond, and the results is what
life is all about.
Okay, so the person that comesup against a tough situation and
just decides, uh, woe was me,here we go again, I can't
believe this happened.
(08:05):
They kind of go into thisnegative victimization that it
just becomes part of you.
It's part of who you are.
And the exact opposite is truefor people who live a victor
lifestyle where they come into asituation that takes a lot of
practice, takes years.
I'm not saying this is an easymindset to get into, but after
(08:25):
you conquer it multiple times,every time you come up against
those situations, and you youyou may have a short-term, you
may have short-term negativitythat we all do, especially if
it's a tragic situation.
You know, there's a mourningperiod, whatever that might be.
But you still have thecapability of realizing that
this is not all-encompassing.
(08:46):
I've been here before, I'm gonnaget through it.
And and that's the difference.
So um, you know, yes, life isvery unfair, um, but how you
respond to the unfairness willdetermine um, you know, your
destiny.
SPEAKER_02 (09:01):
Well, that's just fabulous.
And I'll tell you what, it ithits on two things that I want
to highlight.
And and and just Jerry, just soyou know, this is definitely not
in order of our outline.
Okay.
Okay, but here's the deal.
You know, you talk about a golfshot.
Um, I want to talk about thescale of life is not fair for a
(09:23):
minute.
I want to talk about thecontinuum of life is not fair.
You know, life is not fair at atthe at the low end when you're
in the Costco line, which islong, and then someone goes to
open another register and theytake people from the back or new
people instead of bringing youover.
That's an un some people wouldsay that's unfair.
(09:44):
That's unfair.
You know, and then then we havewe have traffic unfair things,
okay?
But and then we have tragicunfairness.
Sickness, we have divorce.
I mean, these are things thatwhen they happened are really
upsetting, unsettling tosomeone's life.
I'll get to a couple more in afew minutes, but so we have this
(10:08):
continuum of unfairness, and andhere's the deal about it the
mindset is really the big dealhere.
And and here's why.
Here is why you mention itvictim or victor.
The truth of the matter is thatyou perform better.
You as a human being, you as aperson, your your person
(10:31):
performs better when you havethe victor mindset.
When you have a victim mindset,you're not performing at your
best.
And and I mean, we could go intowe can go deep on this, but
that's a shortcut right there.
That's a that's why this isimportant.
(10:51):
People need to understand thatlife is not fair and we need to
learn how to deal with it.
Um that's just and and you yousaid it perfectly.
And the shot having that shot inthe divot, oh my god, that would
be that would be awful, dude.
SPEAKER_00 (11:04):
Yeah, I mean, it you know, it there, you know, what
you're saying right now alsojust gets back to, you know, the
optimistic life's lifestyleversus a pessimistic lifestyle,
you know, which which, you know,again, there's a lot of reasons
people are pessimistic and youknow, and and have victimization
(11:24):
mentalities and and things thatthey they feel they've been
victim to or haven't experiencedthe ability or the right mentor,
the right coach, or whatever itmight be to get them to see
things a different way.
So um, you know, that's againthat it's it's it's a uh it
(11:45):
starts with a basic disciplineof just an understanding and a
realization that um that theworld is not against me.
As a matter of fact, if you ifyou take a look around, the
world is weighed heavily in yourfavor.
SPEAKER_02 (11:59):
Well, you know, I think that uh, you know, getting
into expectations for a minute,I think most of us want and
expect what we consider to be afair and just world.
You know, we we we expect thisto be a just life, and in many
ways it is, and unfortunately,in many ways it is not.
(12:22):
And you have a you know, youhave a comment about
expectations, you know.
Well, we here we are, we'retalking, this is a run with the
cheetahs, and you point out thateven the fastest cheetah, the
fastest animal on earth, losesmost of its hunts.
You know, what can nature teachus about expectations?
SPEAKER_00 (12:44):
So this world that we live in, okay, and another
aspect of it is is, and thisgets back to another thing I say
in my book about the playingfield, right?
You know, and and you know, youcan't change the playing field.
So you have to accept thathumans were designed this way,
(13:07):
okay?
The world is designed this way.
I couldn't tell you why, but Imean the reality of it is, is
think about it.
What if there were no setbacks,no tragedies, no events, or
anything like that?
You know, the our our spirit isdesigned to deal with things and
come back and do that again.
You know, all animals, allanimals except humans have an
(13:30):
inherent built-in ability tocompartmentalize situations,
okay, because it's just nature.
Okay, they don't have the brainsthat we have.
So they they're every animal onearth is faced with random
situations every day.
They compartmentalize it, dealwith it, fix it, and move to the
next thing, and never evenquestion anything, okay, because
(13:53):
it's just in the nature of theway animals, animals are.
And humans, whether you believeit or not, originally we were
the same way.
Because just like every otheranimal, our brains are wired for
survival.
But over time, what's happenedis the evolution of abundance.
(14:14):
And that gives us options.
It gives us options to be lazy,unaccountable, weak.
And because of that, in themodern world, and as as we've
brains have developed and soforth, it becomes your
obligation, okay, to embracethat cheetah mentality, okay, if
(14:37):
you want to live an extraextraordinary life or a life of
you know a victor mentality.
You have to actually trainyourself to do this stuff
because you know 100,000 yearsago, it was built in.
You know, if you if you didn't,if you didn't, you know, go out
and execute, you know, you youyou died, right?
(14:59):
There was there were there wereno options.
And those options we have inlife today, in some ways, even
though there's tremendousbenefit to it, in some ways
makes us a sadder society.
And um, so it's your obligationto understand that, do hard
things, and like Goggin says,calllous your mind, right?
(15:22):
Yes, you callous your mind, andthen these unfair things and
these setbacks just become partof the game.
I mean, it's just that simple.
Wow.
SPEAKER_02 (15:33):
You know, I want to go back to uh I'll tell you
what, Jerry, in in the 80s, Ithink I was in my late 20s or
early 30s, I think, back in the80s, and uh I remember when
Rabbi Harold Kushner wrote abook called When Bad Things
Happen to Good People.
And I couldn't wait to readthis.
(15:53):
Because I I I thought, oh mygoodness, here's a here's a man
of God who's gonna really giveme the bottom line on this and
explain this to me.
He's gonna explain to me why badthings happen to good people.
It's a great book.
It's been read by millions andmillions of people.
I think I still have my copy,actually.
Great book.
(16:14):
But the bottom line and what hesays is that um yeah, bad things
happen, there is no rhyme orreason to it, and the question
becomes what do you do with it?
SPEAKER_01 (16:30):
Yep.
SPEAKER_02 (16:31):
That yeah, I mean that's the ultimate question.
That's and and that's whetherit's Rabbi Kushner or whether
it's Jerry Freistadt, thatbecomes the question.
What do you do with it?
SPEAKER_00 (16:44):
So let's go into like the more severe things, you
know, the you know, tragediesthat happened, and you know, I
mean, awful the death of achild.
I mean, something just horrificthings that take place in the
life.
SPEAKER_02 (16:56):
Which, by the way, that is what had happened with
Rabbi Kushner.
His son had progeria, I believe,and and he died, I believe, at
the age of 14.
He that's what drove him to seekand to write this book, I
believe.
SPEAKER_00 (17:11):
Yeah, and um, you know, and you know, in my
youngest son a couple years agowas diagnosed with leukemia.
Thank God everything is fine andhe's he's recovered.
But when you when those thingshappen, it's like regardless of
the depth of the tragedy, andyou're gonna go through a
mourning period no matter what.
Okay, that's that's again partof the human species and how
(17:35):
we're made.
But you have to at some pointtransition from that victim
mentality back to the victormentality.
You have to somehow be able toput what happened in its in a in
a in a compartment and be ableto move on.
Um, and again, because nothingis all-encompassing.
(17:58):
So the the depth and length thatyou stay in that mourning period
um will test your resilience tocome back.
And what I've learned now thatI'm getting older is that when
really negative things happen orfinancial laws, whatever it
might be, that with experience,those mourning periods are
(18:21):
shorter, shallower, not aspainful.
And you you've learned to havethe resilience to bounce back.
And the quicker you can comeback, the reality of it is, is
the better overall life that youthat you're gonna live.
Um you don't forget thetragedies in life.
(18:41):
They don't go away.
It's always gonna be part of youin your brain.
Okay, and we talked about thatin another podcast as well.
But the trick is to overwritethem with positive input and
actions to limit their impact inyour daily thoughts.
See, your daily thoughts arewhat create a victim mentality.
(19:03):
Just this constant feeling ofthings that are not in your
control.
The world is, you know, throwyou know, throwing these
negative things at me and soforth.
So, you know, your dailythoughts, the more input and
positivity you get there, thequicker um you can bounce back
(19:23):
um and get back on track.
And as I said, pain doesn't goaway.
It's there, but you have tosuppress it by overriding
positive things.
SPEAKER_02 (19:36):
I I think it's so important that you have
addressed, and I'm I'm gonnapause here just for emphasis on
mourning.
On mourning.
Uh we we have to acknowledge thefact that when ugly stuff
happens, there is gonna be aperiod of mourning.
And we don't want to diminishthat.
(19:58):
We do not want to diminish that.
Uh I'm gonna talk in a fewminutes about you mentioned your
son.
I remember that, I remember thatsituation.
Um, you know, my my wife's mywife's had breast cancer, your
wife's had breast cancer.
I mean, we we we in our ownuniverses we've we've dealt with
this, and uh but the worst, bythe way, on that scale we were
(20:20):
talking about of life's notfair, the worst situation, the
worst thing from what I read andall the research that's been
done is actually when you lose achild.
Losing a child, and and here'sthe deal about this, by the way.
A divorce and losing a child arevery comparable as far as the
heartache they causeimmediately.
(20:44):
Right.
But as it turns out, losing achild is the much tougher one to
come back from.
Right.
That's what the research shows.
So I don't want us to skip overthe fact of mourning in any
situation is bad.
By the way, if that drive intothe fairway and that land in the
divot, if that cost you themaster's tournament, there'd be
(21:06):
some mourning over that, youknow?
Right.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, no doubt about that.
There'd be some mourning overthat.
But uh, you know, but onceagain, so uh Jared, we maybe
we've covered this already, butso people who are in the midst
of these tragedies, they say,Why me?
(21:27):
Or or when they're in the midstof this unfairness, they say,
Why me?
Why me?
SPEAKER_00 (21:34):
Robert Kiyosaki, the guy that wrote uh Rich Dad, Poor
Dad.
Yeah, um, he he has one of myfavorite quotes on this subject,
and it it you know, he goes,Life isn't fair, it never will
be.
Quit trying to make it fair.
You don't need it to be fair,and that last line is the whole
(21:59):
key.
Key to the whole thing.
Okay.
You don't have to haveeverything working.
I mean, what would life be likeif everything went your way all
the time?
That'd be pretty sweet, butnever mind.
Okay.
So what I'm saying is, is like,you know, if you had the ability
(22:21):
to eat out at a five-starrestaurant every single night
and have chefs serve you thegreatest food every single day,
well, after a couple months,guess what?
It's not a big deal anymore,right?
So the the setbacks in lifeessentially prime us for the
benefits and joy in life.
And there's a balance in there.
But I think what Kiyasaki'sreally saying about this subject
(22:45):
is that your approach needs tobe tied to your core beliefs,
right?
When you're dealing withunfairness.
You know, that last line of youdon't need it to be fair.
Again, if your core belief is,is that you know that unfairness
(23:06):
is going to happen at randomtimes, and I know that no matter
what I do, um, you know, it'sgoing to happen, then as a core
belief, you understand that inthe midst of those setbacks,
that it's just part of the game.
And you have to have theresilience just to bounce back
(23:30):
from it.
So I think, you know, that thatthat's kind of my answer to that
one.
SPEAKER_02 (23:34):
I think it's fabulous.
I think that's a fabulousanswer.
What a great quote that is.
Uh that's excellent.
You know, I want to go back tothe just for a moment to the
scale of unfairness and talkabout how different people have
slightly different mindsets.
Now, again, we you and I, we'vetalked a little bit about this,
and I happen to know one of yourpain points, so I'll probably
(23:56):
bring it up here in a minute.
But like for me, I'll give youan example.
If I'm in traffic, if I'm intraffic, and and then I do a lot
of traveling up and down I-95.
Okay, so I mean, you know, Imean, uh there's constantly
construction going on, and youknow, you run into a situation
where a sign says left laneclosed ahead, move right.
(24:19):
Okay.
So, you know, because I'm abecause I'm a rule, a rule
keeper, you know, kind of guy,if I see that sign, I move over
to the right.
And then a gazillion people arezooming past me in the left
lane, okay?
Now we listen, we've all beenhere doing this, okay?
Now, I will just kind of say,uh, that's that's that's how it
(24:43):
is, you know.
That's that's it.
That's you know, okay, but but Idon't necessarily, but my wife,
now my wife, she she is tickedoff at those people that are
zooming down there.
You know, she she's got a she'sworking up an attitude, a bad
attitude about these people.
And the difference is this.
The difference is then whatmindset are you now in?
(25:06):
I I'm in pretty much acomplacent, happy-go-lucky.
Okay, I'm in the right lane.
I'm I'm sorry it's gonna take alittle longer, but I'm I'm doing
what I'm supposed to do.
And yeah, and she's prettyticked off.
So, I mean, she's ready tounleash, she's really to ready
to unleash some fury on somebodyif if need be.
So again, the even in aneveryday, very minor situation
(25:31):
compared to what we're talkingabout as far as tragedy, these
little things that go on, theythey adjust your mindset.
And when they adjust yourmindset, if you're in a negative
mindset, if you're in a victimmindset, you're not performing
well.
You're not performing at yourbest.
And I just think that'simportant to realize that yes,
(25:53):
mindset's important at in thebig, in the in the ugly, in the
big ugly, the the the death of aloved one, the divorce,
mindset's really important.
It's also important in all thoselittle daily things that go on.
SPEAKER_00 (26:07):
Right.
And what what you just what youjust said is what makes us all
different, okay?
So the person zooming down theright lane is okay.
It could be me.
It could be, but that personmentally is thinking, what's
wrong with all these otherpeople?
Why are they why what they don'tunderstand the efficiency of
(26:30):
getting down as far as you canget down before you merge over?
Maybe it's an efficiency, youknow, I out of my book, being an
efficiency freak, whereeverything that you do is
maximized for maximum output andpotential and things like that.
So again, you know, there's nota right or wrong to this.
I love it.
No, I went to your question,right?
Yeah, but you know, that thatthat's the that's the
(26:52):
understanding.
So, you know, your your wife isreally upset about those people,
and those people are wonderingwhat's wrong with everybody
else.
I love it.
SPEAKER_02 (26:59):
I love every bit about this.
Okay, so Jerry, here you go.
You made reservations for yourwife's birthday dinner.
Okay?
A tough place to getreservations at, but you made
reservations a couple weeks inadvance, and you you two show up
for dinner.
You go up to the girl at the atthe desk and you say, I'm here,
and she says, Great, Mr.
Freistadt, we'll have your tablehere in just a moment.
(27:21):
And then while you're standingthere waiting, another couple
walks up and they say, uh, youknow, we didn't we don't have
any reservations, any chance ofgetting in here.
And she says, Maybe we can workyou in.
So then, so then you get seated,and then these other people get
seated several tables away fromyou.
And the servers come up and dealwith them first.
(27:41):
Those servers come up and dealwith them first.
And they're they're taking theirorder, and and you haven't even
seen a server yet.
Now, I I know you well enough toknow that that sets you off.
SPEAKER_00 (27:55):
Well, the part of the reason that that's so
anything, any inefficiency,because I'm a career 40-year
entrepreneur, run multiplebusinesses, and and and and I've
always been in the you knowconsumer-related businesses.
Um, I understand, you know, theimportance of that.
So my my aggravation a lot oftimes is this is not a well-run
(28:18):
company.
SPEAKER_01 (28:19):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (28:19):
Right.
Yeah.
Or these these people weren'ttrained properly, right?
Okay.
And um and as everybody knows,there's not too many well-run
companies, right?
So, you know, it's somethingthat, yeah, does that bother me?
And would I be agitated andaggravated about it?
I 100% would be.
Um, but you know, again, that'sone of those things, getting
(28:42):
back to the two people in thelanes, you know, that's that's a
pet peeve of mine because of myprevious experiences and
understanding what it takes totake care of a customer.
SPEAKER_02 (28:51):
And and the reason, again, that I bring that up, the
reason I bring it up is becauseI just want to point out to
people that your victim victorattitude in even these smaller
things affects your performance.
Now, you are likely not to bequite as kind, giving, and
loving in those next few minuteswith anyone else that's, you
(29:14):
know, as you would be normally.
I know you're a jovial, glowingkind of guy, but boy, if that
happened to you, you you you'dbe you'd be a little bit miffed
there for a bitch, you know.
So it's important to understandhow your our attitudes are
affected by these happenings,and we need to work as hard as
we can at understanding you canovercome all this.
(29:36):
Um, so I'm gonna jump to I'mgonna jump to some people that I
call plan A people.
And I don't know whether youknow any of these people or not.
You know, I I know a couple ofplan A people.
Um and these are people thateither had their life tracked
out, I mean, they had a plan.
They had they had a plan fortheir life.
I mean, you know, it was go tohigh school, go to college, you
(29:58):
know, get married, have a couplekids.
I mean, they they had it.
They they knew where they weregoing.
Or that's one situation.
Another situation was uh agentleman who from early on
wanted to be uh an attorney orwanted to be a doctor, either
one.
Yep, and uh these plan A peopleget to where they were going,
(30:22):
and then something's not right.
They're not right, they'remiserable.
Okay, they're miserable.
SPEAKER_00 (30:29):
Yeah, and in that scenario where somebody plans
out their life and it turns outthe way they planned it happens
0% of the time.
SPEAKER_02 (30:38):
Oh, that's uh yeah.
In other words, the life worksout like they planned it, you're
saying.
Never.
Yeah, yeah.
Right, yeah, so so you know,those people feel like victims.
I mean, those people really feellike life's not fair.
I mean, they have had a theyhave had a solid gold plan, they
have the checked all the boxes,I mean, they've done what
(31:01):
they're supposed to do, and thenit doesn't work out.
And it's tough for those people.
Those people get hit hard.
I mean, they get hit hard.
I mean, I think, and I thinksome of them never recover from
that, unfortunately.
SPEAKER_00 (31:12):
Yeah, I mean, a part of the reason that those people
go so many years with being ableto execute that plan is because
they're risk averse.
Right?
So, so they spend they spendmost of their life or most of
the time making sure nothinggoes wrong, right?
And and that and reality is thatcan work for a while.
(31:35):
You know, that that that thatcan work for a while, okay?
But uh it doesn't prepare youfor for the realities of the
world or the realities of lifewhen when something does happen
like that.
I mean, um the you know, thosepeople, I think not just those
people, but for some reason,some people have victimization
(31:57):
set in that just lasts alifetime.
I mean, and and they and theseare these are the saddest
stories, by the way.
I mean, people, these people arevery unhappy and they die
unhappy.
Um, and uh, so I think that umin the your plan A people and
and and people like that, youthe key is you have to have the
(32:20):
ability to change directions,pivot, recharge, start the
comeback from whatever thesetback is.
And, you know, and probably thetenth time we've already said
this, but you have to get invictor mode.
I mean, it there's no if youwant to live an extraordinary,
fulfilled, happy, resilientlife, you have to spend the
(32:44):
majority of your time in apositive outlook, positive
vision.
And the other thing is thepeople that go into long-term
victimization, they don'trealize that when you start
over, you start over withknowledge that you didn't have
before.
And that puts you just that stepfrom the bottom, just that what
(33:09):
you learned and whatever thatsetback was, that puts you one
rung up on that ladder, andthat's how you start again.
No doubt.
You have to yeah, you take theinformation and say, okay, whoa,
that didn't work, not doing thatagain.
Okay, and you learn something,and then you're on to the next
thing.
And um, and that that's whatvictors do.
(33:30):
I mean, there there's there's noum there's another perceived
thing that that that alwaysbothers me.
And you know, I see thissometimes when I go speak speak
places.
You know, people have thisperception that, whoa, man, look
at this guy.
You know, he's got the five kid,five successful kids, amazing
(33:52):
wife, you know, financially hitit big.
I mean, all this other stuff.
But but the but that's not thereality.
The reality of it is is I havesetbacks all the time.
All the time.
I know.
And and people need tounderstand that I don't care who
your idol is or who your who whoyou uh you know think your
(34:16):
greatest mentor is going to be,I think every one of those
people is gonna tell you they'reno different than you, right?
It's just how they respond to asetback or respond to unfairness
that makes the difference sothat a larger percentage of your
time, which is turns into apercentage of your life, is
(34:39):
spent in a growth, healthy,expanding, you know, happy um
world.
And uh, and if you fall in thatvictim mode, and um, you know, I
I know some people, um, youknow, just to describe the other
side of it, um, I know somepeople that got divorced and
(35:02):
became a victim to that theirwhole life.
Absolutely, yes.
Yes.
Like, you know, just like, oh,you know, I'm a failure, and
that there's no, there's nomoving on, and and you know,
whatever it might be.
And uh, and that can happen toyou with any big setback or or
failure or anything like that.
So um, you know, the ability topick yourself up, move on, and
(35:25):
as I said, get that one morerung up that ladder, that first
step up that that first rung,that's the hardest one after
after a setback, but it's thelaunching point to uh to
expansion.
SPEAKER_02 (35:36):
That's fantastic stuff.
I'm gonna I want to go back justfor a minute and finish up on my
plan A, people, because here Iwant to give those people the
secret for a better life.
Plan A, people.
Let me tell you what you can'twait to hear that.
You need plan B.
You need plan B.
Okay, that's the answer.
(35:56):
Okay, plan A did not work.
Plan B is what you need.
And and get with it.
Get on it, get with it, youknow.
And uh, and uh the other littlecomment I have here is that stop
uh stop following the map andstart reading the terrain.
You know what I mean?
You know, uh you know, they say,Jerry, and this is so true, they
(36:18):
say the best business leaders,and by the way, I believe this
to the core of my soul.
The best business leaders, thefirst thing they have to do is
understand reality.
They can't, they can't have athey can't have a distorted,
inflated vision of what well ofwhere they are in business.
(36:41):
They got to be able to see wherethings are.
So I think it's the same thingfor people.
We need to really be able tohave an understanding of where
things really are, and thenassume the appropriate mindset
for being able to move forward.
Plan B.
I love plan B.
Plan B is great.
I mean, you can do a lot withplan B.
So on my plan A, people, whenthat thing fails for you, your
(37:04):
answer is plan B.
Let's get on with it.
SPEAKER_00 (37:07):
Yep.
All right, totally agree.
SPEAKER_02 (37:09):
All right, so you know, now let's go.
I'm gonna go to the deep, deep,deep pain just for a minute.
Answers are pretty much thesame, but I'll I want to talk
about it.
So I have a couple of people inmy universe, um, and both of
these situations are freshenough.
And when I say fresh enough, I'mgonna say within five years.
(37:31):
These are two people, thesepeople do not know each other,
both have lost a child.
In this case, both due tosuicide.
Both case to do a suicide.
Um the pain is the pain'sindescribable.
I mean, it it's indescribable.
(37:52):
And my I my heart, my heartcries for these people.
I mean, it's it's awful.
It's awful.
And so I I I think again we haveto acknowledge that there is
mourning.
There is a there is a grieving.
There is a grieving period.
And I don't have any uh I don'thave any idea how long that is.
And as I mentioned earlier, theresearch shows that the recovery
(38:15):
from losing a child is thelongest recovery of any of the
pain points.
I mean, divorce you could youovercome quicker.
I know some people don't, as youjust mentioned.
But generally speaking, theresearch shows, so I don't know
quite what to say to thesepeople, except do your best to
(38:40):
do your best to understandyou're gonna grieve and to
accept accept the situation,surrender to the situation.
And again, what really broughtthis whole topic to mind for me
is one of my one of thesepeople, young lady I know who
(39:04):
lost a child, lost a son.
Um Divine Surrender.
And uh, you know, it's it's amatter of you finally get to
that point at some point whereyou just say, I can't do it, I'm
done.
I'm done, I can't do it anymore,I can't take it anymore, I'm
(39:26):
done.
And the good news about divinesurrender is that even when you
finally have left it out there,you're done, you're you're
you're out.
Now you have to move forward.
It so it is your line, whichI've seen, it's accept and I f
(39:49):
and and and and and moveforward.
It's accept and move forward.
Don't deny.
SPEAKER_00 (39:55):
Yeah, yeah, accept and correct.
SPEAKER_02 (39:57):
Accept and correct.
Thank you, Jerry.
Accept and correct.
And that might not be theperfect language for that
situation, but the bottom line,so you you and I think we all
for a moment can understand ifif that sort of an unfortunate
thing happened to you, it wouldbe it would be just as painful
(40:18):
as you can imagine.
But that divine surrender, ifyou get to a point where you
just finally have given up.
SPEAKER_00 (40:24):
You've given up.
Yeah, I mean, on this subject,you know, like we, you know,
people in the self-help arenalike us and everything else, you
know, we we're the majority ofus are like anti-therapy.
You know, my you know, someonesays, oh, I, you know, their woe
is me on small issues and tryingto get little things in their
(40:44):
life straight and everythingelse.
You know, my answer to that isgo to the gym.
But, you know, in in these, inthese tragic situations,
Russell, I I I am a big believerin, you know, there are times,
you know, where you need to seekprofessional help.
And and my advice on that is isum, you know, and and I cover
(41:05):
this in my book about only only10% of people are at the top of
their field in what they do.
So if you go seek professionalhelp for these types of
circumstances, you've got tomake sure you're with the right
people.
Yes.
And and and it's very hard todo.
But um, you know, there's umthere are things in life, I
(41:28):
mean, it's very sad that are,you know, really tough to
overcome.
Really tough.
SPEAKER_02 (41:36):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (41:37):
And uh um, but you've but hopefully for those
people that you know andeverybody else that's listening
that may have a similarsituation, hopefully you find
something.
You know, I mean, and and findfind a launching launching point
to, you know, kind of, you know,honor, honor the loss in a in a
(41:57):
positive way of what they wouldwant for you, um, and and try to
you know live live as full alife as possible.
SPEAKER_02 (42:05):
No, you're right.
You try and live as full a lifeas possible in spite of what has
happened.
I think that's good.
Uh two things I got for you.
Well, that then we're gonna turnthe corner on that.
And that was, I think we thatwas important that we stated all
that.
Two things.
Uh Stephen Covey, whose book youknow has been a tremendous
bestseller.
What's the name of his book?
SPEAKER_00 (42:26):
Seven habits of highly effective people.
SPEAKER_02 (42:29):
Yes, and that's a great it's a great book.
And by the way, one of the guysthat works with me, that is his
Bible.
He absolutely loves that bookand just just keeps it on his
desk all the time.
But you know, one of StephenCovey's things is this, and I
think this is great for whatwe're talking about today.
He says, 10%, he says, own your90%.
Own your 90.
(42:49):
10% of life is what happens toyou.
SPEAKER_01 (42:52):
Yep.
SPEAKER_02 (42:53):
Own your 90.
Okay, take it from there.
10% is what's gonna happen.
Own your 90%.
I think that's just fantastic.
I think that's great stuff.
And then the other one I'm gonnabring up at this point is, you
know, I wrote to you uh severalweeks ago after getting an email
from Brian Kite, K-I-G-H-T.
And by the way, folks, I'm gonnasay Brian Kite has a has a
(43:16):
newsletter uh that goes out, Ithink, every day.
It's called Daily Discipline.
It's really good stuff, it'sfantastic stuff.
And he sent a newsletter out acouple of weeks ago that I
forwarded on to Jerry.
It had a lot to do with life isnot fair.
But Brian Kite's main premise isa formula that he introduces and
(43:36):
he he references this all thetime.
And the formula is E plus Requals zero.
Excuse me.
Equals O, not zero, equals O.
And so that's and what that isis that's an event plus your
response equals outcome.
(43:58):
And if we just stop for just asecond.
Here's the deal.
The only thing you really haveany control over in that formula
is your response.
In other words, somethinghappens, the event, you now have
a response, and there will be anoutcome.
And by the way, I mean, he hedrills this non-stop because it
(44:23):
is so true.
I mean, it is so very true.
So, I mean, that's how we shouldlook at most everything.
There's an event.
How are we going to respond?
And there will be a new, freshoutcome.
SPEAKER_00 (44:38):
Probably a good time to bring up the first part of
that, the events.
Yes.
You know, um, you know, there'sagain, this is one of just one
of those phenomenon things thatthat people need to be aware of.
Um, is that like most peopleknow somebody or or a few people
or whatever that um seems likeno matter what they do, no
(45:00):
matter what happens, there'sjust negativity, bad things in
their life, bad outcomes, youknow, just can't get anywhere,
complaining, whatever it mightbe.
And then on the other side ofthat, there's people, it just
seems like everything they touchturns to gold.
Right.
So, you know, I'm I'm here totell you, okay, that it's not a
(45:31):
coincidence, right?
That in that whole thing aboutwhich which category you may
fall in, you know, has to dowith your uh you know, your
mindset and your daily behaviorsand and what you do and what
your actions are.
(45:52):
Um and I'm gonna go back to tobeing uh people who are risk
averse.
If you're risk averse, nothinggood can happen.
Right?
But the negative randomness oflife is built into everyone.
Okay, so without having thetaking risk and challenges and
(46:16):
executing and trying new things,you take away the upside, and
all you have is the downside.
Wow.
And and that's what happens topeople that I just described,
where it just seems likewhatever they happen, whatever
they do, something bad's goingon, the negativity.
(46:36):
And the people who are superrisk takers are winning all the
time.
They still have the losses, samelosses as the other guy, but
they have the wins.
And then the more the wins come,and the more you get experience
and understanding how lifeworks, it's just a random
(46:59):
phenomenon that it's way lesslikely that random negative
things happen to you.
That's just the and it, youknow, I guess the best way of
describing this is health andwellness.
If you're if you're if you're ahealth and wellness person, you
know, living in a uh, you know,extreme healthy lifestyle with
(47:19):
nutrition, exercise, and allthose things, the randomness
chances of a negative medicalissue happening to you are cut,
I'm gonna say 80-90% versus theperson who's unhealthy doing all
those other things.
So people don't look at it thatway.
If you step back and look at itfrom that perspective, you have
(47:42):
a lot of control on therandomness that happens in your
life.
And that's what, and that's whyyou see the person that
everything turns to gold and theperson that everything's a
disaster.
So that's we do have morecontrol than we think.
SPEAKER_02 (47:57):
You know, Jerry, we have we're gonna be doing an
upcoming segment, this will bein the next six to eight weeks,
on how one finds strength aftersome of these real tough losses.
And and you and I both know, andand and most people should
acknowledge this, but if theyhaven't experienced any real
hardships, they may not reallyunderstand it.
(48:19):
I mean, you and I both know thatafter having divorces, which
we've both had, and after havinglosses in business, which we
both have had, and have havinghealth challenges in our family.
We know that after you enduresome of these things, after you
go through these things, yourresilience to things in the
(48:40):
future gets better.
You're stronger going forward.
So you've said it earlier today,I believe.
Those setbacks are shallowerthan they would have been
initially because they havebuilt up some resilience.
That's an important thing toknow.
That's an important thing toknow.
SPEAKER_00 (48:58):
Yeah, and that's why when you describe that scenario,
you know, that that process, thefirst tragedy of the first major
setback is that is by far thetoughest.
And that and that's why it's uhI'm literally gonna say it's
almost easy.
It almost happened to me.
Almost happened to me in mydivorce.
Almost easy to fall into thatlifetime victim mode.
(49:19):
And uh so uh getting throughthat first one and the only way,
and you know, people always askme, well, how how did how did
you recover from that?
You know, what how what what waswhat was the moment?
What what what transition to getyou on the right track?
And and you know, the I don'treally know.
(49:40):
I don't really know the answerto that question, but there's
there was a there was um a justa certain discipline that just
just came across me after twoyears of, you know, I had four
little kids at the time, and Ijust I just woke up one day and
I just said, I can't be likethis anymore.
SPEAKER_02 (50:00):
I think you said, I think I can almost imagine you
saying, I've got to do betterthan this.
I've got to do better than that.
SPEAKER_00 (50:05):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
And and so, you know, and again,I think that's just part of, you
know, again, somebody aprofessional in the field can
answer this a lot better thanme.
But it's part of that mourningprocess where I don't know how
long it takes or or how low yougo or anything else, but you get
to a certain point where justthe tide turns.
(50:28):
And um, and for people who aregoing through real tough times,
you you need to embrace thatmindset that it may not be
today, next week, or next month,but the tide is going to turn.
SPEAKER_02 (50:40):
Wow, good stuff.
Jerry, I think we uh, boy, we'vewe've covered some we've covered
some good stuff here.
And I I think we want to wrapthis up a little bit.
Let me ask you this.
If our listener, if a listenerthat's out there right now is
going through a real tough,deeply unfair season right now,
(51:00):
what is the one thing they cancontrol today to start moving
forward?
SPEAKER_00 (51:06):
Well, for those of you that watch this and have
read my book and follow me, youyou know one of my favorite
sayings is the Abraham Lincolnquote of no defeat is a final
defeat.
And um I know that's a realtough thing to hear when you're
in the middle of it, but iteventually you you do come out
(51:29):
of it.
Um, you know, setbacks relatedto random circumstances.
I like to view it, and and I'mreal good at doing this now.
Okay, I was I wasn't years ago,and real good at doing this now,
but I view it as simply part ofthe game.
Yeah.
I mean, and I and I I almostlook at life as a game.
You know, it's a game of oddsand percentages of just trying
(51:51):
to execute at the highest levelI can, uh, be great in all the
areas of my life.
I want to be a great father, agreat husband, community,
relationships, um, business,whatever it might be.
I want to excel in all thoseareas and and be the best I can.
Um, but I definitely have theability to look at it as um as a
(52:17):
setback, as a test.
It's literally a test, or um youcan you can even look at it as
like a puzzle you need to solve.
And when when you get in that,when you get that mindset, um
even even the tough ones now,even the tough ones, had a few
tough ones lately, um you'reyou're able to handle it better
(52:39):
and and realize that you know,with time, execution, effort,
you know, things you know willimprove.
And you know what?
To wrap this up, I just hadanother thought about this whole
thing.
Please.
One of the greatest things thathappened to me over all the
years is resources andrelationships.
(53:02):
So when you're younger, try andfind those key people.
Like our relationship, Russell,you and I, okay, that's a
treasured relationship.
Okay, and and each, everybodyshould have, you know, several
of those people that you cancount on, people you can go to,
depending on the circumstances.
I mean, there's not a whole lotthat can happen in business to
(53:23):
me that I don't have a resourceto call and at least get some
input, get some advice, youknow, get some direction.
You know, whereas when you'releft out on an island all by
yourself and you don't havethose relationships, yeah, these
comebacks are way harder.
SPEAKER_02 (53:37):
Yeah.
Absolutely.
Well, I'll tell you what, I'mgonna read something here that
as kind of a wrap-up, and thenif you have a last word, I'd
love to hear it.
But here's this ladies andgentlemen, life is not fair.
It never was and it never willbe.
But you are not defined by whathappens to you.
You are defined by how yourespond to what happens to you.
(54:02):
Be a cheetah, accept theterrain, surrender to what is,
then run anyway with the packbeside you.
What do you say, Jerry?
SPEAKER_00 (54:14):
Yeah, I love that whole thing.
Um, yeah, I think I think myfinal thought on this uh topic
for today is um I want people toget in a mindset of acceptance.
Yes.
You know, acceptance thatunfairness is inherent in human
(54:36):
beings, inherent in the world.
It's gonna get gonna get thrownat you, you know, um, you know,
randomly, time to time, atdifferent depths, um, and and
and different levels.
And um you you need to wake upevery day knowing that that is
embedded in in the you knowlifelong game that you're
(55:01):
playing.
So um, and and let's just goback.
Let me wrap it up with this.
If you like, if you know life isunfair, can there be anything
unfair about it?
SPEAKER_02 (55:10):
I love it.
That's great.
There you go.
SPEAKER_00 (55:11):
Yep.
SPEAKER_02 (55:12):
Ladies and gentlemen, well, Jerry, thank
you so much.
Ladies and gentlemen, um, firstoff, if you're new to us and
you're still with us here atalmost an hour, well, thank you
for joining us.
Thank you for staying with us.
If you liked what you heard,please give us a like, share
this with people.
So maybe somebody you know isgoing through a tough time.
This might be something good tohear uh for them.
(55:32):
It might be helpful.
Uh, I want to recommend onceagain, this book is amazing.
Uh, you know, I I've read itseveral times, but I went back
and got into chapter 13 beforethis because I wanted to review
some of the things.
It's fantastic material.
And I also want to let you knowuh, you know, Jerry is available
for speaking engagements.
(55:53):
He uh can do things local in theWashington Metro area, and he
can also do some travel and getout to wherever you are.
So if your organization orbusiness has a need for someone
to come in and really speak thetruth and get people going on
the right track, Jerry is theman, let me tell you.
I've heard him.
He's fantastic.
So I want to thank you forjoining us today, and uh, we
(56:15):
will uh see you soon withanother podcast here in a couple
of weeks.
We've got a couple of real nicetopics coming up.
Jerry, thank you so much.
Talk to you soon.
We got a new one coming up soon.
See you, buddy.
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