March 4, 2025 • 21 mins
For the wakeful, one whose mind is quiet, whose thoughts are undisturbed, who has relinquished judgment and blame, there is no fear.
—Buddha
Today's talk continues the deep dive into Foundation of Self work with an in-depth review of nonjudgment, the lifeblood of this inner work. We explore why humans judge (the need for safety), the different types of judgment (appearance, sociability, morality), and how judgment often stems from survival instincts and projection of our own hidden aspects.
You'll even have a chance to practice nonjudgment with yourself.
Have a question? Comment? Email me at rachel@selftalkpodcast.com.
Don't forget to subscribe, share your thoughts, and leave a review to spread the word.
xo RA
________________
Episode Breakdown
0:00:25 - Episode Introduction
- Rachel introduces the topic of non-judgment
0:03:39 - Understanding Judgment
- Why humans judge and its survival purposes
- Three fundamental ways of judging: appearance, sociability, morality
0:05:00 - Carl Jung's Projection and Shadow Concept
- Explanation of how we project disowned parts of ourselves onto others
0:07:49 - Non-Judgment of Ourselves
Benefits of practicing non-judgment
- Avoiding comparison traps
- Creating connection with others
- Gaining clarity and peace of mind
0:11:16 - Imposter Syndrome and Self-Judgment
- Examples of negative self-talk
- Reframing techniques for self-judgment
0:14:14 - Why Non-Judgment is Vital in Self-Work
- How judgment stops personal progress
- Importance of gentle self-encouragement
0:16:41 - Non-Judgment Exercise
- Practical exercise for reframing self-judgmental thoughts
- Example of Rachel's personal reframing
0:17:50 - Closing Remarks
- Encouragement to be gentle with oneself
- Preview of next episode on awareness
(Courtesy of Otter.ai)
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It's all the benefits of personal transformation + community-building without the constraints of talk therapy.
Join anytime. No previous meditation or writing experience necessary.
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Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
For the wakeful one, whose mind is quiet, whose
thoughts are undisturbed, whohas relinquished judgment and
blame.
There is no fear, the Buddha.
Welcome to Self Talk.
(00:32):
I'm Rachel Estarte.
Thank you for being here Today.
We're going to continue ourdiscussion about the
fundamentals of the foundationof self by talking about
non-judgment.
So grab your favorite notebookand your favorite pen and we'll
dive in.
Non-judgment is the lifebloodof foundation of self-work.
But before we talk aboutnon-judgment and how it plays
(00:54):
such an important role in thebuilding of our foundation of
self, let's look for a minute atwhat judgment is and why we
judge in the first place, atwhat judgment is and why we
judge in the first place.
Judgment of our surroundings ispart of our safety and survival
instinct.
We're consciously orunconsciously sniffing out our
(01:14):
environment all the time.
What we want to know is thisAre we safe?
If we see something thatdoesn't seem right to us, our
animal instinct causes us topull back.
So, for example, with people,should I get close to this
person?
Are they safe to me?
Think of this you see someoneat a party off in the corner
(01:37):
alone, looking a bit menacingmaybe, and you may decide to go
over and say hello to thatperson.
But you may also have a sensethat this person may not want
company or perhaps is evenunsafe to approach.
Respect also plays a part inwhy we judge others.
Can I respect this person?
Like being out to dinner withsomeone who's rude to the
(02:00):
waitstaff?
Can I respect a person whodisplays that kind of behavior?
Is this a person I feelcomfortable spending time with?
And another reason that we judgeis that we humans need to
understand the world around us.
In the 1950s, the Austrianpsychologist Fritz Haider looked
(02:23):
into this desire to understandour world.
The result of that was hisattribution theory, the process
by which individuals explain thecauses of behaviors and events,
in other words, making sense ofwhy people do what they do.
Part of attribution theory isthe concept of our perceived
(02:44):
locus of causality.
That's the origin of ourperception, which can be
internal or external.
Are we judging based onsomething within us or outside
of us?
And we'll talk more about thatin a minute.
When we judge, we are mentallyprocessing the causes of a
behavior or an event so that wecan feel safe in the world.
(03:07):
It just comes naturally to us.
Judging in itself is notinherently bad.
We probably wouldn't even behere if our ancestors hadn't
judged at some point Like, oh,there's that nice saber-toothed
tiger over there, let me go petit.
And there goes our bloodline.
Judging has a purpose thedesire to be safe, the desire to
(03:30):
survive.
What we need is the skill todiscern whether or not we are
actually in danger.
And with that in mind, let'stake a look at how we judge.
Mind, let's take a look at howwe judge.
Three fundamental ways we judgeare based on appearance,
(03:55):
sociability and morality.
A basic example of how we judgebased on appearance alone is
the symbolism in old westernfilms the guy in the white hat
is good and the guy in the blackhat is bad.
Or that meat looks rotten, Ibetter not eat it.
Judgment based on sociabilityharks back to our animal nature.
Again, the example we gaveearlier.
It's a pack mentality.
If there's a member of thetribe that has isolated itself,
(04:19):
it may be because of illness, soit's best to stay away With
morality.
We judge based on whether ornot we believe someone else's
beliefs in what is right andjust align with our own.
Now this brings us to thatdiscernment part.
Are we really in peril if weencounter someone whose beliefs
(04:40):
don't align with our own.
Carl Jung's concept ofprojection is a nice segue here.
Carl Jung's a Swisspsychiatrist in the early 20th
century.
Anyway, here's what Carl Jungsays Although our conscious
minds are avoiding our own flaws, they still want to deal with
(05:00):
them on a deeper level.
So we magnify those flaws inothers.
Okay, we're taking a leap here,so stick with me.
Our conscious minds know thatwe have flaws and we want to
deal with them on a deeper level.
We can't quite, so we magnifythose flaws in others.
That's projection, right?
(05:21):
So Carl Jung suggests that theparts of us that we avoid or
disown become part of what hecalls our shadow.
Here's where the morality partcomes in.
For example, if I have disownedmy sexuality, my morals say
that one should suppress one'ssexuality and dress modestly.
(05:42):
But I see a woman who'sscantily clad.
I may judge her as beingunvirtuous or an indecent person
.
I project onto her the hiddensexual part of myself.
My morality, which issubjective, causes me to judge
(06:03):
another person, perhaps and verylikely in this case unduly,
because all beings areinterconnected.
When we judge others, we arejudging the self ultimately.
So what we've just covered iswhy and how we judge.
We do it to survive.
But we also need to know, as Imentioned before, if we're
(06:26):
really in danger when we judge,or if perhaps we're judging
based on these disowned parts ofourselves, the shadow, which
need to come into the light, tobe addressed, so that we can
even the playing field and seethat in reality, we're no
different from one anotherCompassion, in other words, for
(06:50):
our fellow human beings.
If you want to learn more aboutthe shadow and how to integrate
it, I invite you to listen toepisodes 13 through 15 of this
podcast, and there's also acouple of exercises in
integrating the shadow in thereas well which might be helpful.
So now let's return tonon-judgment.
Non-judgment is not theelimination of instinctive
(07:13):
appraisal of a person orsituation, but the suspension of
the othering response relatedto it.
We've already established thatwe're going to judge, but it's
what we do with the judgmentthat matters, and that scantily
clad woman example is a greatone.
That's part of who I am.
So when I see her sharing hersexuality, then I recognize okay
(07:39):
, I have that in me too.
I may not choose to show it,but we both are similar in that
way.
We both have sexuality.
So far we've been talking aboutjudgment of others, but now
let's look at non-judgment ofourselves.
We don't want to otherourselves any more than we want
(08:00):
to other those around us.
That compassion that we havefor those around us, we also
want to have for ourselves aswell.
Why not?
Well, there are a lot ofbenefits of practicing
non-judgment of ourselves.
For example, when we don'tjudge ourselves, we don't fall
into the comparison trap.
(08:22):
Let's say, we see a post onInstagram by someone in our line
of work who's alreadyestablished in our common field,
but they've done it at a muchyounger age.
Or let's say, they havethousands of followers and you
have 12.
When we compare, we shameourselves.
Non-judgment eliminates that.
(08:44):
We can remind ourselves why wedo what we do and take solace in
the fact that our path is ourown.
We will walk it at our own pace.
Another benefit of non-judgmentis that, instead of comparing
ourselves to others, we create afeeling of connection with
(09:04):
others, and shadow work is agreat way to practice that.
Also, when we're not judgingourselves, we then have clarity
of vision, and that helps us inwise decision making.
We can see more of life'sbeauty.
Not judging ourselves clearsthe way to appreciate the magic
(09:25):
of life all around us.
It helps us to be grateful forthis life, which leads to peace
of mind.
It's about having compassiontoward others and the self.
I can have compassion forsomeone who's different than I
am and for myself, becausethere's no reason to judge.
I'm safe, I'm secure and we'reall connected.
(09:48):
Not judging ourself means Iaccept where I am, even if I
want to change what is going onin this moment.
Not judging ourselves allows usto move into deep inner work
more freely.
We eliminate the obstacle ofshame.
Why did I do that?
I'm a mess.
That kind of self-talk doesn'thelp.
(11:25):
So let's bring back attributiontheory and the locus of
causality.
According to Heider, the originpoint of our perception is
either internal or external.
For example, I am terrible atgardening.
That is internal attribution.
That's me.
That can be shifted into therewas too much rain this season to
(11:50):
grow healthy crops.
That's external attribution.
Right, that happened because ofsomething outside of me.
External attribution right,that happened because of
something outside of me.
Now the goal is to takeexternal information and
integrate it so that we have astronger sense of self.
We don't want to make excusesor blame like I'm a shitty
gardener because of the stupidweather right.
(12:10):
We want to rise above and takea larger view that helps us to
grow.
In other words, the weather isnot in my control, but I can use
this season as a lesson in howto prepare for inclement weather
when I garden next year.
Yeah, all right.
Now let's take a look at whereself-judgment shows up in our
(12:34):
daily lives.
And that happens a lot, andwe'll have a few examples coming
up later on.
But I want to tackle a big oneImposter syndrome.
This is something that most ofus experience at some point in
our lives.
Very simply, imposter syndromeis the feeling we are not good
enough just as we are, and it'svery much tied in with negative
(12:57):
self-talk.
It's the voice in your headtelling you this information.
So let's look at a few examplesof imposter syndrome unhelpful
self-talk Okay, so there's thissense I'm not good enough.
When we apply non-judgment andwe're moving toward
(13:17):
self-acceptance, we can reframethat feeling of not being good
enough to seeing myself as abeing in progress, right, so I'm
not good enough becomes hey,I'm a work in progress, right?
You see how there's growth tothat.
Imposter syndrome may bring upfeelings of being a fake.
(13:39):
Right, I'm a fake.
People are going to figure meout eventually.
I'm no good at this and I'mgoing to get caught.
When we reframe that withnon-judgment, we can say I'm
owning my place in the world,right, I'm doing exactly what I
can do in this life.
Imposter syndrome might alsogive us a feeling that we are
(14:04):
undeserving self-talk, I'mundeserving of accolades or
compliments.
We can reframe that torecognize our strengths, right.
So instead of feelingundeserving of an accolade, we
can say, well, here are somereally great skills that I have,
and so, yeah, I can see whysomebody would want to
(14:29):
compliment me.
And finally, comparing yourselfto others we talked a little
bit about that, right.
But here's a particular flavorof the comparison.
Trap in imposter syndrome isthat when other people are
successful, we feel threatened,and we can reframe that by
(14:51):
inclusivity.
We can honor other people'sprogress as well as our own.
They are on their path.
I'm on mine, as I mentionedearlier.
So look at how we're taking theinternal belief and expanding
outward to see the largerpicture, so that we can
integrate that new idea into ourself-perception.
(15:14):
You can see that it's much moreforgiving and gentler to do
that for yourself.
We kind of clear the path sothat we can keep going.
So why is non-judgment such avital tool as we build a
foundation of self, because asyou embark on inner work, you
(15:39):
will be facing elements ofyourself that you want to change
, and it's much easier to makenecessary shifts in your
behavior when you remain openand supportive of yourself on
this journey.
You remain open and supportiveof yourself on this journey.
Judging yourself puts thebrakes on your progress,
immediately screeching to a halt.
(15:59):
So here's how that might showup as you do foundation of
self-work, we tend to judgeourselves for past behavior, for
example, staying in anunhealthy relationship even
after the signs are there thatit is just not the right match
for you.
So we might judge ourselves whydid I do that?
Why did I stay in that thing solong?
I was so stupid.
Judgment slams the door shut,breaks on right.
(16:24):
Another way you'll encounterthis, especially this as you do
foundation of self-work, isyou're going to start learning
tools like the one we just did,the reframing tool and let's say
you're reframing negativeself-talk, in this case,
emphasizing the false beliefthat you're not good enough.
Right, you'll be doing great,you'll be really good at
(16:46):
reframing and you'll catch thatnasty voice in your head and
you'll reframe it and you'llfeel better and then one day
you're going to catch yourselfgetting down on yourself and
maybe it goes on so long,unconsciously, that you get into
a little funk and you realizewhy am I in such a bad?
Oh my gosh, I haven't beenreframing, I haven't been taking
(17:08):
care of my self-talk.
I was doing so.
Well, this is crazy.
I'm not making any progress.
You see how that stops you inyour tracks and it's shaming and
it doesn't allow you to be openand grow.
So instead we need to showgentle encouragement to
ourselves.
That's what non-judgment does.
(17:28):
Hey, it's okay, keep goingRight.
That's why it's the lifebloodof this work.
As soon as we let go of thejudgment and we begin to see
ourselves as a work in progressthat we are lovingly scooting
along and encouraging andpicking ourselves up when we
fall down, we're much betterable to make progress and
(17:52):
achieve what we want to achieve.
Okay so, notebooks, pens I'dlike you to try a little
non-judgment exercise.
So here's what you're going todo Write between one and three
things that you judge aboutyourself.
Between one to three things,you might have one thing that
you really judge yourself about,and that's fine.
(18:14):
Just work with that.
Maybe you have a few things.
If you want to do five, do five, it's fine.
Allow yourself to drop into amindset of non-judgment.
And how do you do that?
Well, you're going to look atthe larger picture.
You're going to look at,instead of the detail, the
internal attribution.
You're going to make it anoutward attribution.
(18:36):
You're going to how do I riseabove this and look at it?
Right, if that still doesn'tmake sense, think about how you
would talk to a friend.
That's how you're going to helpreframe.
So you're going to rewrite thestatements that you've just
written down, the things thatyou judge about yourself, so
that they're more supportive ofyour growth.
Right, you're going to rewriteeach sentence.
(18:58):
Now, this is important.
This is not an exercise insyntax.
This is not simply aboutwriting the reverse of the
statement.
It has to resonate with youpersonally.
In other words, how would yourhighest self respond to the
first statement and reframe itin a genuine, gentle, hopeful,
(19:19):
supportive way?
Here's an example from my ownlife, and this is true.
I constantly feel I will neverbe good enough as a writer
because I haven't readeverything.
All the classic literature Ihaven't read nearly enough to be
a really, really good writer.
That's judgment, and you seehow that puts the brakes on my
(19:40):
growth as a writer.
To reframe that and benon-judging about it, I can say,
hey, no one can read all thebooks, no one can do that.
But I will write about how I seethe world in my own way.
No one else can write with myvoice, right?
(20:02):
So it's not just I've set up anobstacle for myself.
You won't be a good writerunless you read all the books.
Well, no one can do that.
But I know that I see the worldin a way that I want to share
with others, and how I expressthat will be in Rachel's voice,
and no one else has Rachel'svoice, right?
So that's an example of howyou'll do that.
(20:23):
I hope you'll take some time totry this exercise and let me
know how it goes.
Next time we'll dive into thefirst step of our foundation of
self-work, which is awareness.
Until then, be gentle withyourself.
For the wakeful one, whose mind is quiet, whose
thoughts are undisturbed, whohas relinquished judgment and
blame.
There is no fear, the Buddha.
Welcome to Self Talk.
(00:32):
I'm Rachel Estarte.
Thank you for being here Today.
We're going to continue ourdiscussion about the
fundamentals of the foundationof self by talking about
non-judgment.
So grab your favorite notebookand your favorite pen and we'll
dive in.
Non-judgment is the lifebloodof foundation of self-work.
But before we talk aboutnon-judgment and how it plays
(00:54):
such an important role in thebuilding of our foundation of
self, let's look for a minute atwhat judgment is and why we
judge in the first place, atwhat judgment is and why we
judge in the first place.
Judgment of our surroundings ispart of our safety and survival
instinct.
We're consciously orunconsciously sniffing out our
(01:14):
environment all the time.
What we want to know is thisAre we safe?
If we see something thatdoesn't seem right to us, our
animal instinct causes us topull back.
So, for example, with people,should I get close to this
person?
Are they safe to me?
Think of this you see someoneat a party off in the corner
(01:37):
alone, looking a bit menacingmaybe, and you may decide to go
over and say hello to thatperson.
But you may also have a sensethat this person may not want
company or perhaps is evenunsafe to approach.
Respect also plays a part inwhy we judge others.
Can I respect this person?
Like being out to dinner withsomeone who's rude to the
(02:00):
waitstaff?
Can I respect a person whodisplays that kind of behavior?
Is this a person I feelcomfortable spending time with?
And another reason that we judgeis that we humans need to
understand the world around us.
In the 1950s, the Austrianpsychologist Fritz Haider looked
(02:23):
into this desire to understandour world.
The result of that was hisattribution theory, the process
by which individuals explain thecauses of behaviors and events,
in other words, making sense ofwhy people do what they do.
Part of attribution theory isthe concept of our perceived
(02:44):
locus of causality.
That's the origin of ourperception, which can be
internal or external.
Are we judging based onsomething within us or outside
of us?
And we'll talk more about thatin a minute.
When we judge, we are mentallyprocessing the causes of a
behavior or an event so that wecan feel safe in the world.
(03:07):
It just comes naturally to us.
Judging in itself is notinherently bad.
We probably wouldn't even behere if our ancestors hadn't
judged at some point Like, oh,there's that nice saber-toothed
tiger over there, let me go petit.
And there goes our bloodline.
Judging has a purpose thedesire to be safe, the desire to
(03:30):
survive.
What we need is the skill todiscern whether or not we are
actually in danger.
And with that in mind, let'stake a look at how we judge.
Mind, let's take a look at howwe judge.
Three fundamental ways we judgeare based on appearance,
(03:55):
sociability and morality.
A basic example of how we judgebased on appearance alone is
the symbolism in old westernfilms the guy in the white hat
is good and the guy in the blackhat is bad.
Or that meat looks rotten, Ibetter not eat it.
Judgment based on sociabilityharks back to our animal nature.
Again, the example we gaveearlier.
It's a pack mentality.
If there's a member of thetribe that has isolated itself,
(04:19):
it may be because of illness, soit's best to stay away With
morality.
We judge based on whether ornot we believe someone else's
beliefs in what is right andjust align with our own.
Now this brings us to thatdiscernment part.
Are we really in peril if weencounter someone whose beliefs
(04:40):
don't align with our own.
Carl Jung's concept ofprojection is a nice segue here.
Carl Jung's a Swisspsychiatrist in the early 20th
century.
Anyway, here's what Carl Jungsays Although our conscious
minds are avoiding our own flaws, they still want to deal with
(05:00):
them on a deeper level.
So we magnify those flaws inothers.
Okay, we're taking a leap here,so stick with me.
Our conscious minds know thatwe have flaws and we want to
deal with them on a deeper level.
We can't quite, so we magnifythose flaws in others.
That's projection, right?
(05:21):
So Carl Jung suggests that theparts of us that we avoid or
disown become part of what hecalls our shadow.
Here's where the morality partcomes in.
For example, if I have disownedmy sexuality, my morals say
that one should suppress one'ssexuality and dress modestly.
(05:42):
But I see a woman who'sscantily clad.
I may judge her as beingunvirtuous or an indecent person
.
I project onto her the hiddensexual part of myself.
My morality, which issubjective, causes me to judge
(06:03):
another person, perhaps and verylikely in this case unduly,
because all beings areinterconnected.
When we judge others, we arejudging the self ultimately.
So what we've just covered iswhy and how we judge.
We do it to survive.
But we also need to know, as Imentioned before, if we're
(06:26):
really in danger when we judge,or if perhaps we're judging
based on these disowned parts ofourselves, the shadow, which
need to come into the light, tobe addressed, so that we can
even the playing field and seethat in reality, we're no
different from one anotherCompassion, in other words, for
(06:50):
our fellow human beings.
If you want to learn more aboutthe shadow and how to integrate
it, I invite you to listen toepisodes 13 through 15 of this
podcast, and there's also acouple of exercises in
integrating the shadow in thereas well which might be helpful.
So now let's return tonon-judgment.
Non-judgment is not theelimination of instinctive
(07:13):
appraisal of a person orsituation, but the suspension of
the othering response relatedto it.
We've already established thatwe're going to judge, but it's
what we do with the judgmentthat matters, and that scantily
clad woman example is a greatone.
That's part of who I am.
So when I see her sharing hersexuality, then I recognize okay
(07:39):
, I have that in me too.
I may not choose to show it,but we both are similar in that
way.
We both have sexuality.
So far we've been talking aboutjudgment of others, but now
let's look at non-judgment ofourselves.
We don't want to otherourselves any more than we want
(08:00):
to other those around us.
That compassion that we havefor those around us, we also
want to have for ourselves aswell.
Why not?
Well, there are a lot ofbenefits of practicing
non-judgment of ourselves.
For example, when we don'tjudge ourselves, we don't fall
into the comparison trap.
(08:22):
Let's say, we see a post onInstagram by someone in our line
of work who's alreadyestablished in our common field,
but they've done it at a muchyounger age.
Or let's say, they havethousands of followers and you
have 12.
When we compare, we shameourselves.
Non-judgment eliminates that.
(08:44):
We can remind ourselves why wedo what we do and take solace in
the fact that our path is ourown.
We will walk it at our own pace.
Another benefit of non-judgmentis that, instead of comparing
ourselves to others, we create afeeling of connection with
(09:04):
others, and shadow work is agreat way to practice that.
Also, when we're not judgingourselves, we then have clarity
of vision, and that helps us inwise decision making.
We can see more of life'sbeauty.
Not judging ourselves clearsthe way to appreciate the magic
(09:25):
of life all around us.
It helps us to be grateful forthis life, which leads to peace
of mind.
It's about having compassiontoward others and the self.
I can have compassion forsomeone who's different than I
am and for myself, becausethere's no reason to judge.
I'm safe, I'm secure and we'reall connected.
(09:48):
Not judging ourself means Iaccept where I am, even if I
want to change what is going onin this moment.
Not judging ourselves allows usto move into deep inner work
more freely.
We eliminate the obstacle ofshame.
Why did I do that?
I'm a mess.
That kind of self-talk doesn'thelp.
(11:25):
So let's bring back attributiontheory and the locus of
causality.
According to Heider, the originpoint of our perception is
either internal or external.
For example, I am terrible atgardening.
That is internal attribution.
That's me.
That can be shifted into therewas too much rain this season to
(11:50):
grow healthy crops.
That's external attribution.
Right, that happened because ofsomething outside of me.
External attribution right,that happened because of
something outside of me.
Now the goal is to takeexternal information and
integrate it so that we have astronger sense of self.
We don't want to make excusesor blame like I'm a shitty
gardener because of the stupidweather right.
(12:10):
We want to rise above and takea larger view that helps us to
grow.
In other words, the weather isnot in my control, but I can use
this season as a lesson in howto prepare for inclement weather
when I garden next year.
Yeah, all right.
Now let's take a look at whereself-judgment shows up in our
(12:34):
daily lives.
And that happens a lot, andwe'll have a few examples coming
up later on.
But I want to tackle a big oneImposter syndrome.
This is something that most ofus experience at some point in
our lives.
Very simply, imposter syndromeis the feeling we are not good
enough just as we are, and it'svery much tied in with negative
(12:57):
self-talk.
It's the voice in your headtelling you this information.
So let's look at a few examplesof imposter syndrome unhelpful
self-talk Okay, so there's thissense I'm not good enough.
When we apply non-judgment andwe're moving toward
(13:17):
self-acceptance, we can reframethat feeling of not being good
enough to seeing myself as abeing in progress, right, so I'm
not good enough becomes hey,I'm a work in progress, right?
You see how there's growth tothat.
Imposter syndrome may bring upfeelings of being a fake.
(13:39):
Right, I'm a fake.
People are going to figure meout eventually.
I'm no good at this and I'mgoing to get caught.
When we reframe that withnon-judgment, we can say I'm
owning my place in the world,right, I'm doing exactly what I
can do in this life.
Imposter syndrome might alsogive us a feeling that we are
(14:04):
undeserving self-talk, I'mundeserving of accolades or
compliments.
We can reframe that torecognize our strengths, right.
So instead of feelingundeserving of an accolade, we
can say, well, here are somereally great skills that I have,
and so, yeah, I can see whysomebody would want to
(14:29):
compliment me.
And finally, comparing yourselfto others we talked a little
bit about that, right.
But here's a particular flavorof the comparison.
Trap in imposter syndrome isthat when other people are
successful, we feel threatened,and we can reframe that by
(14:51):
inclusivity.
We can honor other people'sprogress as well as our own.
They are on their path.
I'm on mine, as I mentionedearlier.
So look at how we're taking theinternal belief and expanding
outward to see the largerpicture, so that we can
integrate that new idea into ourself-perception.
(15:14):
You can see that it's much moreforgiving and gentler to do
that for yourself.
We kind of clear the path sothat we can keep going.
So why is non-judgment such avital tool as we build a
foundation of self, because asyou embark on inner work, you
(15:39):
will be facing elements ofyourself that you want to change
, and it's much easier to makenecessary shifts in your
behavior when you remain openand supportive of yourself on
this journey.
You remain open and supportiveof yourself on this journey.
Judging yourself puts thebrakes on your progress,
immediately screeching to a halt.
(15:59):
So here's how that might showup as you do foundation of
self-work, we tend to judgeourselves for past behavior, for
example, staying in anunhealthy relationship even
after the signs are there thatit is just not the right match
for you.
So we might judge ourselves whydid I do that?
Why did I stay in that thing solong?
I was so stupid.
Judgment slams the door shut,breaks on right.
(16:24):
Another way you'll encounterthis, especially this as you do
foundation of self-work, isyou're going to start learning
tools like the one we just did,the reframing tool and let's say
you're reframing negativeself-talk, in this case,
emphasizing the false beliefthat you're not good enough.
Right, you'll be doing great,you'll be really good at
(16:46):
reframing and you'll catch thatnasty voice in your head and
you'll reframe it and you'llfeel better and then one day
you're going to catch yourselfgetting down on yourself and
maybe it goes on so long,unconsciously, that you get into
a little funk and you realizewhy am I in such a bad?
Oh my gosh, I haven't beenreframing, I haven't been taking
(17:08):
care of my self-talk.
I was doing so.
Well, this is crazy.
I'm not making any progress.
You see how that stops you inyour tracks and it's shaming and
it doesn't allow you to be openand grow.
So instead we need to showgentle encouragement to
ourselves.
That's what non-judgment does.
(17:28):
Hey, it's okay, keep goingRight.
That's why it's the lifebloodof this work.
As soon as we let go of thejudgment and we begin to see
ourselves as a work in progressthat we are lovingly scooting
along and encouraging andpicking ourselves up when we
fall down, we're much betterable to make progress and
(17:52):
achieve what we want to achieve.
Okay so, notebooks, pens I'dlike you to try a little
non-judgment exercise.
So here's what you're going todo Write between one and three
things that you judge aboutyourself.
Between one to three things,you might have one thing that
you really judge yourself about,and that's fine.
(18:14):
Just work with that.
Maybe you have a few things.
If you want to do five, do five, it's fine.
Allow yourself to drop into amindset of non-judgment.
And how do you do that?
Well, you're going to look atthe larger picture.
You're going to look at,instead of the detail, the
internal attribution.
You're going to make it anoutward attribution.
(18:36):
You're going to how do I riseabove this and look at it?
Right, if that still doesn'tmake sense, think about how you
would talk to a friend.
That's how you're going to helpreframe.
So you're going to rewrite thestatements that you've just
written down, the things thatyou judge about yourself, so
that they're more supportive ofyour growth.
Right, you're going to rewriteeach sentence.
(18:58):
Now, this is important.
This is not an exercise insyntax.
This is not simply aboutwriting the reverse of the
statement.
It has to resonate with youpersonally.
In other words, how would yourhighest self respond to the
first statement and reframe itin a genuine, gentle, hopeful,
(19:19):
supportive way?
Here's an example from my ownlife, and this is true.
I constantly feel I will neverbe good enough as a writer
because I haven't readeverything.
All the classic literature Ihaven't read nearly enough to be
a really, really good writer.
That's judgment, and you seehow that puts the brakes on my
(19:40):
growth as a writer.
To reframe that and benon-judging about it, I can say,
hey, no one can read all thebooks, no one can do that.
But I will write about how I seethe world in my own way.
No one else can write with myvoice, right?
(20:02):
So it's not just I've set up anobstacle for myself.
You won't be a good writerunless you read all the books.
Well, no one can do that.
But I know that I see the worldin a way that I want to share
with others, and how I expressthat will be in Rachel's voice,
and no one else has Rachel'svoice, right?
So that's an example of howyou'll do that.
(20:23):
I hope you'll take some time totry this exercise and let me
know how it goes.
Next time we'll dive into thefirst step of our foundation of
self-work, which is awareness.
Until then, be gentle withyourself.
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