Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to she is
Redefined, the podcast where we
break free from societalexpectations, redefine our
identities and step fully intothe woman we were always meant
to be.
I'm Katie Smith, your host andguide on this journey of
transformation.
Here, we're all about embracingchange, cultivating confidence
and living life on our own terms.
Each week, we'll dive intotopics that inspire, challenge
(00:22):
and empower you to redefine whatit means to be you.
Into topics that inspire,challenge and empower you to
redefine what it means to be you.
So if you're ready to rewriteyour story and live life that's
bold, authentic andunapologetically yours, let's
dive in.
Hello, Okay, so I have to givean intro for this episode.
You can hear my voice.
I don't have a voice and Irecorded the episode in this
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same state, and so I'm kind ofhopping on and giving you an
intro before you head into it.
If you are sensitive to crying,hearing someone cry or
listening to someone whose voiceis sick, you know, like some
people's like it makes theireyes water.
I don't know if that's you ornot.
If that is, this episode is notfor you.
I have never been this raw andvulnerable, sharing what
(01:07):
happened in my life thisprevious week, most importantly,
the story around my horse.
If you follow me on Instagram,you know he had to have
emergency surgery and I walk youthrough that entire story and I
am bawling at some point.
And, honestly, if you were toask me, why did I do this, why
did I record this?
So much in me wants to take itdown, but also so much in me
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wants to share, to honor him, tohonor authenticity, lots of
things, and so I am warning youthat this is the most raw,
vulnerable episode I've everrecorded.
Everything in me wants to takeit down, but I'm not, because
I'm trying to be more authenticmyself and step into that, to
give you permission to do thesame thing.
So, without further ado, let'shead into the episode and thank
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you so much always for yoursupport.
Hello, welcome back to the sheIs Redefined podcast and I am
going to just get right into itand be very raw and vulnerable
and honest with you about what'sbeen going on in my world the
last 72 hours.
I have been to hell and back,I'll tell you, and so this is
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going to be a very transparent,raw, vulnerable conversation and
I might cry, and if I do, it'sokay.
I feel safe enough to do thatwhen I never used to feel safe
enough to do that.
In fact, I have recorded ahandful of episodes where I get
emotional and I tell my editorto cut it out every time.
And even he said I think, likethe last time which was like
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several, like a long time ago,where he's like hey, I think
it's okay, like you're human,like I think it's okay and God
bless him and I just love himbut I might cry and it's
probably because the last 72hours have been absolutely nuts.
So Monday morning I got a phonecall that my horse was not doing
well.
He was showing signs of colic.
So horses can colic.
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If you're a horse person, youknow, if you're not a horse
person, it's basically like areally bad tummy ache and where
they get gas built up and horsescan fart but they cannot throw
up or burp.
So when they cannot likerelease the gas by basically
farting, it gets trapped up.
And think about anytime you'vehad a gassy stomach.
It hurts and a horse wants toget down and roll and that's
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usually the sign of likesomething is not right here.
So I was driving my kids toschool when I got the call and I
was like, oh no, this isliterally like my worst
nightmare in real life.
I go over there, he doesn'tseem himself, his head's really
low, he wants to roll, so he'sobviously uncomfortable.
And so I started walking himaround and he actually rolled
while I walked him aroundbecause I was like like I wasn't
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even paying that much attention.
I guess I don't even know.
But also it's my first evertime experiencing this.
And so we had to have the vetout.
The vet came out.
He's like I think he's okay,like no-transcript never does,
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so I'm like this is nothappening right now, like what
is going on.
And he started to look likejust really bad.
And so I had to get another veton the phone.
He said head over to the vetright now, haul him over there.
And so we got in the car and wehauled him up.
He did not want to go on thetrailer.
Until I did it, no one couldget him on the trailer except
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for me, which was such a sweethallmark moment Like yes, he
trusts me and loves me, he'llget on if I say, and we go over
there, and getting there was.
This is when things kind of gotreally bad, when they were like,
is he a surgical candidate andwhen you're asked that before
they even really look at him,you know it's not good.
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And just to give you an idea ofwhat a surgical candidate means
is, are you willing to payanywhere from $10,000 to $20,000
for us to open him up and savehis life?
So it's a serious, seriousquestion and I break down
immediately, like what ishappening?
How is this happening right now?
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And I said I need to haveobviously have this conversation
with my husband, but he isinsured and they were like okay,
great, If as long as he'sinsured, you're in pretty good
shape, and my horse is only nine.
And so they got him to feelcomfortable.
They ultrasound him.
They couldn't find anything.
So they're like we're justgoing to manage his pain.
His heart rate is elevated andwe'll go from there.
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And his heart rate was at likea 48 at that point.
And so I'm like okay, no,that's a top of what's normal.
I go home to see mysister-in-law, my brother-in-law
, who were visiting, spend timewith them, and then the second I
could leave I did, although Iloved seeing her there with the
best people ever and then I wentback and the doctor was like so
I don't think he needs surgery,but I don't think he should
(06:00):
stay here overnight.
I would actually transport himto the hospital where the
surgeon is, in case you needanything but my professional
opinion.
From what I see, I palpitatedhim.
I've done everything.
I don't think he needs surgery.
So I'm like jumping up and down.
I'm so relieved.
Skids is so sedated.
He literally like can't evenhold his head up.
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They had to, like rest it onsomething and we had to get him
on the trailer to go to anotherplace which is an hour away, an
hour away.
And so we get there and shitjust starts to get even worse.
I'm not kidding you and I amdoing all the things that I know
to do and that I coach myclients on, and I'll touch on
that in a second.
But I think you need to hear thewhole story, because who
doesn't love a story?
(06:41):
And so we get there and she'slike so I cannot find his colon.
Yes, you heard that right, shecan't feel it, she can't see it.
So that gives a suggestion thatit is displaced.
And if it is displaced, likeyes, that can happen with a
horse they cannot obviously goto the bathroom anywhere, so
there's a blockage somewhere andwe don't know where it is.
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And so she's like I'm gonna tryeverything I can and it's like
8.30 at this point I'm gonna tryeverything that I can to get it
to dislodge on its own.
50% of the time it works and50% of the time they have to go
on the table and do it andsurgically do it.
And I'm like, okay, okay, let'sget to manifesting that.
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He's 50% that can undo it.
And at this point my horse istrembling.
He's in so much pain, hedoesn't look right, he doesn't
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look like himself, he'strembling because he's in so
much pain.
I'm like, oh, my God, okay.
So she's like I have to helpanother patient.
Please take as much time as youneed.
And I need to get all yourinformation, because if I can't
do what I need to do to get itdislodged without surgery, I am
going to need to get him on thetable ASAP.
So take your time.
I'm going to need to get him onthe table ASAP.
So take your time, be with him.
And then like, sorry, you gotto go, but she was so kind, she
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didn't rush me out of there atall, and so how does one, you
know, when you're given thatopportunity, what do you say?
And also, how do you make sureyou say it all?
I just was telling him I've gothim, I will do whatever I need
to, and that he's strong.
And then I had to go and Ithanked him for everything.
(08:36):
So I go home and I am trying toground myself in everything
that's happening and in a daythat only seemed like it was
trending in the worst direction,because it was everything kept
getting worse and worse and atthe same time, I'm trying to
practice like there's a lessonhere.
There's a lesson here.
What's the lesson?
Like, katie, ground yourself.
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How can you show up differenthere?
What's the lesson?
Katie, ground yourself.
How can you show up different?
And I was playing around, myhead was all over the place.
I was like, yes, no energy, Iwas 50-50.
I had all the doubts.
I was worried, sick.
My husband was just holding meas I cried, just like, please,
please, can this work out?
So, also, before the vet left,she said, pray, you don't hear
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from me.
That's no news is good news.
And I said okay, and she gaveme so many hugs, she was so kind
and I'm in the shower finallyat like 10, 20 and I'm like
jumping up and down.
It's been two hours I haven'theard from her.
I'm like hell, yeah, we gotthis and I'm in the shower.
My phone rings and I justdropped shower.
(09:39):
My phone rings and I justdropped.
I was like, okay, she's likeKatie, I can't get his heart
rate to calm down.
We've sedated him as much as wecan.
He's in serious pain.
We got to get him on the table.
Do I have your permission?
And then she said I'll give youa call if we open up and we
think there's a lot more goingon and if there's something that
would really limit his life,like make that decision.
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Then and it was like, oh my God, this is happening.
And my husband was so great, hejust held me as I dropped.
When you're met with that, youthink, like all the things, I'm
like, did I say enough?
Did I?
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You know?
Did I, did I, did I All thesethings?
But then, as I cried reallyhard, like I'm doing now, I
probably just stopped and said,is it possible that everything
could end up being totally fine?
Is that possible?
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And there was an ounce of methat believed that to be true,
that it is possible thateverything could be totally fine
, and I drifted off to sleep,believe it or not, because I was
so exhausted.
I was so swollen, puffy face.
You know you cry so hard allday.
You're just exhausted.
I drifted off to sleep with that1% of hope, that 1% of belief
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that it's going to be fine.
They're going to call me andtell me it's great, he did great
, he's a rock star.
And I was woken up by a phonecall because they told me to
keep my phone on loud at 1145.
And I shot up out of bed and Iwas like hello, hello.
And he's like hey, katie Skidsis in recovery.
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It was pretty minor, I just hadto dislodge it.
I didn't have to touch this, Ididn't have to touch that.
And I just burst into tearsbecause I knew that 1% of hope
didn't call me crazy.
But when you think about justthat little belief, it can
literally move mountains, it canchange the game, it can change
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everything.
I tip the scales into 51% ofhope and then 49% of doubt.
I tip the scales with my ounceounce of belief and my message
for you is that's all it takes.
I teach my clients and I teachthis in the miracle zone that
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it's all about the 51%.
Can you just tip the scales bya little belief.
Do you have it in you?
And what happened for me was, Iasked myself, do I think it's
possible that this couldpossibly end up being okay?
And I couldn't answer no.
And so, because of that, myhorse went through that with
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flying colors.
He has become stronger andstronger every day.
I am out there twice a day,even though I'm driving an hour.
I'm obviously sick because I'velost sleep over this, but I'm
just so grateful that I didn'tlose the hope for him and that I
feel like I passed the test ofthe lesson of what this was.
Katie, can you believe, can youapproach something like this
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different?
Because in the past I wouldalways go down the rabbit hole
of why me?
Why is this happening to me?
Which is victim?
And this time I knew.
I knew there was going to be alight at the end of the tunnel.
I knew there was going to be alight at the end of the tunnel.
I knew there was going to be apop after this dip.
There has to be, there has tobe.
Shit can't always get worse.
The dark, the night doesn't getdarker, the sun rises, and I
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know this, and I believe that iswhy I got through this.
Gosh guys, I'm so sorry with myvoice.
I had to get on here and speakfrom my heart and be raw and
honest and vulnerable with you,because I want to be an example
of being authentic andunapologetic about it, and
that's what I'm doing right now.
I really wanted to share thatfrom my heart.
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I wanted to share it real andraw, and I also want this to be
a memory because I will neverforget this.
But I want to look back in ayear from now and listen to this
podcast, If I'm ever havingdoubt or anything, and remember
this time and remember that Ishared it with you, regardless
of how my voice sounds,regardless of if I cried, and be
as authentic as I can be tothen give other people
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permission to do the same.
Okay, I'm going to wrap this upbecause my voice is getting so
bad.
I love you so much.
Thank you for being here.
I hope you got something out ofit.
I trust that you did, and Iwould love to hear how this
landed for you, and I hope youhave such a Merry Christmas and
a Happy New Year, but I willtalk to you one more time before
that.
I love you so much.
Have a beautiful day.
(14:24):
Bye.
Thank you so much for tuning into this episode of she is
Redefined.
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Remember, this is just thebeginning of your journey and
you've got everything you needto create the life that you want
.
If you enjoyed this episode,I'd love for you to leave a
review or share it with anotherwoman who's ready to redefine
herself too.
Until next time, keep embracingwho you are, because you're
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powerful, you're capable and youare redefined.