June 22, 2025 • 47 mins
If you're feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, or silently drowning in expectations, this episode is for you.
In this empowering conversation, Dr. Denise Brown—known as The Fairy God Doctor—shares her powerful prescription for burnout recovery and emotional well-being. With over 30 years of experience in healthcare, she offers a refreshing take on what it means to be well and truly fulfilled.
Dr. Brown reveals how high-achieving women can stop chasing external success and start creating lives that feel good on the inside. She shares insights on how to overcome burnout, reconnect with what really matters, and redefine success on your own terms.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- How to recognize and recover from emotional burnout
- Why “having it all” can leave women feeling empty
- How to separate true satisfaction from surface-level success
- Practical strategies to manage stress in work, parenting, and daily life
- Self-care methods that actually work for busy women
- Creative, real-life tools to build community and ease daily pressure
- Why effective stress management goes deeper than bubble baths and to-do lists
Whether you're an entrepreneur, professional, caregiver, or simply a woman carrying too much, Dr. Brown offers a heartfelt message of healing, strength, and hope.
If you've been wondering how to reclaim your energy, reset your priorities, and take care of yourself without guilt, this conversation is your permission slip.
Get the Book:
The Fairy God Doctor’s Guide to a Good Life: A Prescription for the Working Woman — available at major retailers.
Connect with Dr. Denise Brown:
Website: https://DeniseSBrownMD.com
More Resources: https://TheFairyGodDoctor.com
Subscribe to Starter Girlz for more empowering conversations on women's wellness, emotional resilience, and sustainable success.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Denise Brown MD (00:00):
And I think success is a very it's the
accolades, it's the externalmeasures in everybody looking,
you know, in at you and it'sreally easy to get sucked in by
those bright lights, right when.
This is where you startthinking of all the things you
should be doing and you knowthat you're supposed to be doing
.
All these words start poppingup when you start thinking like
(00:22):
versus satisfaction, which is,you know, in the quiet of the,
you know dead of the night, likewhat actually, like makes your
heart feel full.
They may not be the same thingsand often they're not.
And, speaking as someone who,by all accounts, has all those
little boxes checked off, youknow the med school to this,
that whatever that doesn't keepyou warm at night, right, that's
not what, really, who you are,and it's scary to start to
(00:44):
really kind of delve into that.
And I think it's very easy todistract yourself with the
things, the success measures,the accolades, and never really
actually do the sort of moredeep and difficult work of what
actually matters to you.
Jennifer Loehding (01:00):
Welcome to the Starter Girlz podcast, your
ultimate source of inspirationand empowerment.
We're here to help womensucceed in every area of their
lives career, money,relationships, and health and
well-being while celebrating theremarkable journeys of
individuals from all walks oflife who've achieved amazing
things.
Whether you're looking tosupercharge your career, build
(01:21):
financial independence, nurturemeaningful relationships or
enhance your overall well-being,the Starter Girlz Podcast is
here to guide you.
Join us as we explore thejourneys of those who dare to
dream big and achieve greatness.
I'm your host, jenniferLoehding, and welcome to this
episode.
Welcome to another episode ofthe Starter Girlz podcast.
(01:47):
I'm your host, jenniferLoehding, and wherever you are
tuning in today, we are so gladto have you.
Let's get this thing started Allright.
So I want to open up with this.
Let's be honest Modern lifedoesn't come with an off switch.
For high-achieving women, thepressure to succeed in all areas
career, family, health andpersonal fulfillment can feel
(02:10):
relentless.
We're told to chase dreams,care for others, stay composed
and somehow keep every platespinning.
But what if real success isn'tabout doing more.
It's about choosing whatmatters most?
What if the secret to a goodlife is learning how to
prioritize you?
Today, we're going to be divinginto what it really means to
(02:31):
thrive in a world that dependsso much from women.
So I am so excited about myguest today.
This is going to be so much fun.
But before I welcome her onofficially, we do need to do a
quick shout out to our sponsor.
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Want to learn more about Waltand his work?
Head on over towaltmillsproductionsnet and let
your content shine All right,and with that we do want to also
make a mention to head on overto startergirlscom.
I tell you this every singleweek because I want you to get
(03:33):
over there.
And why do I want you to goover there?
For a couple reasons.
One, if you have missed any ofour episodes and there are so
many go back and you can findanything you want, even the
cheesy ones in the beginning,they're there.
You can also sign up for ourcommunity newsletter and then
that way you can keep in theknow of who's coming out and all
of our fabulous guests that aresharing content.
But also, if you are maybe oneof those high-achieving women or
(03:57):
men and you want to know whatsabotaging block may be
hindering your success, I have afun, cool quiz over there.
It's like two minutes.
You can take it and it willtell you what may be blocking
your success right now.
So again, startergirlz.
com, go do your thing.
I need to welcome my guests andI'm looking at my phone because
(04:18):
I always do this to put my notesin here, so I don't lose my
train of thought.
But here we go.
My guest, Dr Denise Brown, alsoknown as the fairy God Doctor,
is a physician, ceo andtransformational leader with
over 30 years in healthcare.
In her book, the Fairy GodDoctor's Guide to a Good Life a
prescription for the workingwoman, she offers a practical
and powerful framework to helpwomen avoid burnout, reclaim
(04:41):
their energy and create successthat's both sustainable and
deeply fulfilling, while herwork speaks directly to working
women, the insights she sharesare relevant to anyone
navigating big dreams and bigresponsibilities.
So, Dr Denise Brown, I'm soexcited to have you here today.
I know this is going to be fun.
Welcome to the Starter GirlzShow.
I'm thrilled to be here.
It's going to be great.
(05:02):
Okay, and first of all, youknow, what's so funny is
whenever I bring guests on theshow, I always have to do like a
little background and I go lookat them and I check out to see
like where they've been on othershows, kind of their content,
and I'm like I saw you I don'teven know what episode I saw you
in, but I'm like I like thisgirl's personality, I just like
it spunky, I love it becausethat is how I roll and that's
(05:23):
what I think a lot of ourlisteners I'm not saying
everybody listens like that, butI think that they kind of like
that authenticity and that rawand that real.
You know what I mean.
So I think we're going to belike speaking kind of some
language together today and I'mexcited about it.
Denise Brown MD (05:37):
We'll try and keep it, you know, safe for work
.
Jennifer Loehding (05:40):
That's right.
That's right.
Good stuff, good stuff.
Okay, so let's start this thingoff, because you have been in
healthcare for 30 years and Iwant to kind of start there.
What brought you to that?
Because I think this is so fun.
I've had doctors on the showbefore and I'm always intrigued
about you know why?
Medicine.
What brought you here today?
Denise Brown MD (06:14):
Yeah Well, I've had sort of lots of careers
which I think you know.
If you talk to any woman who'slived an interesting life, we
probably have one career adecade maybe, if not more New
Mexico top secret, but reallyinteresting times to live in in
the sort of end of the Cold War,and I've always just been
really interested in how thingswork and there's nothing more
(06:34):
fascinating than the human body.
So when I was in college Ithought I wanted to be a
broadcast journalist.
So that's weird.
I did the radio news on thecollege radio station every day
and I found out that the, I didthe radio news like on the on
the you know college radiostation every day, and and I
found out that the stories Iliked the most had to do with
kind of health and healthcarerelated stuff and I I just felt
like that was interesting andsomething was telling me
something and my parents hadmade me do all the science
(06:56):
classes regardless.
So when it came time to sort ofdecide you know what I was
going to do after graduation,medical school seemed like a
perfect kind of combination andso off I went and I loved it.
It was so fascinating to me,just like really kind of
scrunching down andunderstanding all sorts of
different things and then, moreimportantly, kind of putting it
all back together and figuringout how that worked.
(07:18):
And so you know, when you trainto be a doctor, you learn kind
of I mean, I fear a good oneMaybe there's plenty of crappy
ones out there, but the goodones really learn how to be a
good listener.
Right, you got to really listento what somebody is telling you
and you have to ask kind ofdirected questions to kind of
get at the thing that you knowmay be missing that maybe people
(07:39):
are nervous to say or afraid tosay, and then you have to find
out the sort of objectiveinformation and kind of put it
all together into a package thatmay not be perfect, but it's
what you have at the time, andthen you've got to make a plan,
and then you've got to goimplement that plan and then,
most importantly, you have to bewilling to change the plan when
different information comes up,and so it's a really nice kind
(08:01):
of rubric really for being adoctor, but also really kind of
anything else that you want todo in life, and so that just
kind of set me on my way and I'mvery grateful for it.
I practiced medicine exclusivelyfor about 15 years before I
started getting more involved inbusinessy kind of aspects of
healthcare, and some days Ireally really really miss taking
(08:22):
care of people, and some days Ireally don't miss insurance
companies or paperwork.
Jennifer Loehding (08:27):
So yeah, you said so many good things and,
first of all, I've been to LosAlamos, so I know about that
place.
Yes, I know what you're talkingabout.
Wanted to say that you said somany really good things here,
because you mentioned, like youknow, being a good doctor and
what you just said and like itapplicable in many areas,
because asking good questions,right, I think that you know,
(08:48):
like I know personally, I've hadbecause I deal with chronic
conditions, so I've had, I havedoctors that I absolutely love
and I will tell you the onesthat I like investigate, they're
solution oriented, theyinvestigate.
You know, and I talk about myGI doctor.
I actually interviewed him on myother show at one point, but I
talked about how he kind of inthe way back this up to like
(09:09):
2017, 2000, maybe, no, it wasactually before that because I
started doing keto in 2017 toactually cure a disorder because
I was dealing with a nervecondition and I was at Innswit
and this is where I ended up,but he was the doctor that
actually introduced me to smallintestinal bacterial overgrowth,
(09:30):
because he was developing aproduct and he had his research
facility and so he sort of sentme on this journey of
investigation, you know, and soI have my doctors that I
absolutely love, that are thatare good at asking questions,
good at finding solutions, andthen I have my doctors that I
absolutely love, that are goodat asking questions, good at
finding solutions, and then Ihave the ones that no, no.
So you hit the nail on the headwhen you said that, but I think
(09:51):
that's so applicable in anythingwe do right, it's asking good
questions and being a goodlistener so that you can figure
out how to actually really helpsomeone.
Denise Brown MD (10:01):
Yeah, and I think the most important
probably part of that that weneed to highlight is the
curiosity, to actually be, tokind of be willing to have your
mind expanded, and I thinkthat's a big thing.
So, like you know, sibo is aperfect example, right, and
plenty of people who are likethis is absolutely.
This was a game changer for mylife, completely changed my life
.
There are plenty of otherdoctors who kind of roll their
(10:22):
eyes, right, because you're justnot open to the universe and
you know you get exactly whatyou give.
I think curious people areinteresting and I think they
find other people interesting.
So that's definitely one of therecipes for living a good life
is to be curious and to be open,and you never know what you're
going to find out because, lordknows, we don't all know it all
you gave me chills when you justsaid that.
Jennifer Loehding (10:41):
See, I love those moments when somebody says
something.
I'm like yes, that's what I'mtalking about Be curious.
There is nothing wrong withbeing curious.
I agree with you on this, and Ithink this is nothing.
I don't know about you, but mepersonally, nothing drives me
crazy more than narrow mindedpeople that just aren't curious
at all.
They're just like no, that isthe way it is, and are not
curious, and so I think,whatever you're doing, you
(11:02):
should always live withcuriosity, learning about people
and things, and you saidsomething even early on being
willing to change right, beingwilling, if you find out new
information, to be able to say,okay, maybe we have something
new now and we need to changeour thinking.
Denise Brown MD (11:18):
You know we're going to turn a little bit in
this direction.
You know, words are powerfuland I think a willingness and an
openness to kind of change yourmind is really the hallmark of
kind of the highest intelligence, right.
And it's easy for people to getstuck in thinking that they
know what they know and getreally rigid in that, and I
(11:41):
think experts in things areparticularly prone to that.
So, like your average doctor,for example, is like I know a
lot.
I went to school for a longtime, right, but that's kind of
dull, but yeah, I mean.
So I think the more you can,the more you approach the world
is like today's my very firstday and I'm just really excited
to learn as much as I can.
I love it Proud of it for sure.
Jennifer Loehding (12:02):
I love it because so many of us, and
especially if we're curiouspeople, right, we welcome a lot
of things into our world.
(12:26):
And I don't know about you, butsomebody says they have an idea
.
I'm excited.
I'm like, tell me your idea.
Like I get truly excited aboutideas.
So I think our lives arenonlinear and I think if we are
curious people, we are always inin adventures.
And you know, like I just,funny enough, launched a little
I've been doing, I do petsitting on the side and I and
it's not for me, it's never beenabout money I love animals, I
(12:48):
grew up around them, we've got amenagerie in my house and I
just it's comforting for mebecause I always say animals
don't judge you, they love youregardless, right, so for me
it's a comforting thing.
But I I started this littlebusiness with her kind of with
the intent that you know, I wantto let her kind of take it over
and let her have it.
She wants to go into vet tech.
(13:08):
You know, be a vet, maybe a vettech, and so I thought maybe
this would be a cool thing.
But here we are, I'm in myfifties and like I need another
thing to add onto my plate ofthings, like I got this going on
the podcast, I'm a, I'm ancoach, and then I add this to
you know, but this is what we dowhen we're curious.
You know we want to explore,and so I would love to know,
tell us a little bit.
You know where you're at now,what you're doing?
Denise Brown MD (13:48):
Yeah, I love it .
Well, I'm just cracking upbecause chapter three of my book
is literally about nonlinearwomanhood.
So you know, there you go.
I mean it's nonlinear, it'skind of a wandering journey.
So I did about like I said Istarted my own practice and then
I rolled that into a largerpractice.
So that was pretty cool and Isort of did that kind of
exclusively for about 15-ishyears after finishing residency,
had two little kids along theway, did my thing, worked hard,
and then was kind of asked tostart doing some business
development kind of type stufffor this larger group.
And I, you know, it was one ofthose things where I was like I
wasn't good at it.
(14:08):
I didn't go to business school,I'd never done anything like
that, but I thought, well, sure,why not?
You know, can't hurt to try.
And it turned out I justhappened to be really good at it
.
And so little by little Istarted doing more and more of
that physician partnership andtook it from about $600 million
(14:31):
in top line revenue a year toabout one and a half billion
dollars in top line revenue andwas kind of the primary driver
of growth there.
So it was like kind of drinkingfrom a fire hose, but not being
afraid to sort of not knoweverything.
And I think that's one of thechallenges that particularly
some of the younger women I kindof work with and mentor is you
think you're supposed to have itall figured out before you
start and that's just doesn'twork.
(14:53):
I never.
It never happens Right.
Enough research, I mean.
Sometimes you just have to takeaction and so and so I did.
And that's always been kind ofa mantra for me, like yes, I'm
going to give that a rip If itsounds interesting to me.
That doesn't mean I make majordecisions.
I think I am.
You know, I kind of find outabout something.
I usually let it sit with me.
(15:14):
I like to let stuff marinatekind of in the back for at least
a weekend, like I want to atleast sleep on it one night,
preferably two, and then somehowthe answer just sort of comes
to you and you know what isright, and I think you get
better and better at that themore you give yourself the
opportunity to do those things.
But then I got recruited by afirm to run a telehealth company
(15:39):
and that was really fun and Itook that over as a CEO, turned
it around and then we ended upselling that in the fall of 23.
And I thought to myself mygoodness, I've been going pretty
much non-stop for about 24years now.
I never had taken a break ever.
What would it look like if Idid quote-unquote nothing for a
year?
And so I made it three monthsand uh, and then I thought I
(16:05):
actually got interviewed by uh,by a magazine doing an article
on exit entrepreneurs and askingme what my legacy was.
And I was like, well, my workand my legacy don't really have
anything to do with each other.
And she said, well, what isyour legacy?
And I said, well, the legacyare all the people I've made
feel better along the way,whether they were patients or
family or friends or whoever.
(16:25):
And we got to talking anyway.
One thing led to another andshe was trying to figure out if
she's gonna have kids.
What she was gonna do wasworried about her career and all
this stuff.
And we just got gabbing and andshe said to me I wish you would
just write all this down, likeyou've figured out how to have a
good life.
And I, I wish you would writeit down.
And I thought, well, that'sreally not something I ever
thought about.
I slept on it over the weekendyou know, I think I'm, I'm going
(16:48):
to write a book, I'm going totake her advice, so that's what
I did.
So I worked on that for thenext six months or so and then
it was really fun to do all thestuff with the publisher and the
editors and all these things.
And then it was like, well,when do you want it?
When should we release it?
And I guess there's some magicin when you're supposed to
release books.
I don't know, but I wanted todo it as a tribute to my mom, so
(17:08):
I put it out on what shouldhave been her 83rd birthday.
But I lost her when I was inmed school, so she's been kind
of like my guardian angel allthese years.
So I gave it to her as abirthday present.
I love it.
Jennifer Loehding (17:22):
I love it.
Yeah, that's so awesome.
Everything I'm listening to iscracking up.
You're like let me sleep on atleast a day or two.
And I'm like I get it becauseI'm a quick decision maker and
so a lot of times I will.
I've gotten better, you know,as I've gotten older, with the
pause to just taking it down andbeing okay, you know, because I
don't need a lot of information.
You know, because I feel youmentioned this kind of trusting
your intuition you didn'tnecessarily say that word.
(17:43):
As we get more comfortable inour skin, we know, right, like
we know our priorities, we knowour boundaries, we start
recognizing those things, whatwe're going to do, what we're
not going to do, and it'sactually such a great feeling.
I mean, my husband asked me theother day he's like how do you
know?
And I'm like you just know.
You just know when you get tome, you just know when you get
(18:05):
to a place where you're okaywith yourself, that if you make
a decision and it goes bad,you're okay.
If it messes up, it messes up,it's not the end of the world,
right, like you're okay withthat.
You know, and you mentionedworking with younger people and
I think, as we're trying to findourselves.
There's this whole idea that wecan't make a mistake, we can't
be wrong, we can't be perfect,you know, like we have to do all
(18:25):
these things right or we'rejust a bad human if it doesn't
go right.
Right, and I've learned that no, we're still.
We're still good people.
We make mistakes because we'recomplex, and that's OK in the
process, right?
So I love that.
You kind of talked about that.
I read a book and I've talkedabout this several times on the
show Jamie Kern Lima, thefounder of it Cosmetics.
She put a book out calledWorthy.
(18:46):
I'd actually seen her in like alive event and then I ended up
purchasing her book, one of myfavorite books, because she
talks about you know herself andthis journey she went through.
She ended up selling hercosmetic company, I think, to
Revlon, became, like you know,rich CEO, whatever, but the
first chapter I want to say it'sthe first chapter.
She talks about the differencebetween worth and confidence and
(19:10):
how we tend to interlace thosetogether, and this is why you'll
see people that have a lot ofskill but they're not
necessarily comfortable in theirown skin.
Right, they'll keep gettingaccolades but they still don't
think they're worthy, and thenyou could see somebody who maybe
doesn't have a lot of accoladesbut they seem to appear, you
know, confident, grounded, allthose things.
(19:31):
And so she talked a lot aboutthis.
You know that, how we have towork on both, because confidence
is really tied to ourachievements and the things that
we do.
And if you're a high achievingperson, you know understanding
that that's what that is, butyou're still lovable, you're
still likable, All of thesethings about you are still
grounded, whether or not thishappens.
So you kind of said that and Ilove it because it is so true
(19:53):
with women, they fight this allthe time.
Denise Brown MD (19:55):
Yeah Well, for me it's the difference between
success and satisfaction and Ithink, yeah, this is a very.
It's the accolades, it's theexternal measures, everybody
looking, you know, in at you,and it's really easy to get
sucked in by those bright lightsright where.
This is where you startthinking of all the things you
(20:17):
should be doing and you knowlike you're supposed to be doing
.
All these words start poppingup when you start thinking like
that versus satisfaction, whichis, you know, in the quiet of
the, you know dead of the night,like what actually like makes
your heart feel full.
They may not be the same thingsand often they're not.
And, speaking as someone who, byall accounts, has all those
(20:38):
little boxes checked off, youknow the med school to this,
that whatever that doesn't keepyou warm at night, right, that's
not what really who you are,and it's scary to start to
really kind of delve into that.
And I think it's very easy todistract yourself with the
things, the success measures,the accolades, and never really
(20:59):
actually do the sort of moredeep and difficult work of what
actually matters to you.
And in the end, that's kind ofwhat actually matters Like the
end.
My legacy isn't like oh, thiswork that I, what actually
matters, like the end, likelegacy, isn't like, oh, this
work that I did or this moneythat I made, right, it's the
people I made feel better.
Those are very different things, and so you know, if I could
tell my sort of 25 year old selfanything, it would be like
(21:23):
really sink into that as soon asyou can.
And then you start, then itstarts informing your
decision-making process in amuch more.
I hate sometimes the wordauthentic makes me want to kind
of roll my eyes but, like, youreally get to figure out who you
are and you really get to kindof keep picking you and and that
is not a selfish decision,that's just the way you should
(21:44):
be picking the things thatmatter to you.
And then all of a sudden, youcould be really successful and
really satisfied, and wouldn'tit be nice to have both.
Jennifer Loehding (21:53):
Yes, and the word meaningful was coming up
when you were talking about that.
Right and no.
This is so true.
I love that you said thesatisfaction versus success,
because that is so true.
You know, my priorities todayare very much different than
they were, you know, before.
I was 22 years in Mary Kay,crunch crunching numbers and
leadership and trying to wincars and all that stuff and
grinding, and I told somebodythe other day that it's
(22:16):
interesting because there areparts of it.
Mary Kay is a wonderful company, don't get me wrong.
I had a great run there.
I learned a lot of leadershipskills.
There are things I miss andthings I don't.
What I tell you that I miss.
I miss the camaraderie.
I miss the team.
I miss the having somebody tobe accountable to and having
somebody be accountable to me,just that support.
I miss that because I hadmentors for free, forever, you
(22:37):
know, while I was there.
But I don't miss the grinding.
I don't miss the punching, thenumbers.
I don't miss the worrying aboutquotas and am I going to keep
my car this month or whatever,and I realized that that's all
you.
When you're doing the work, youknow it happens, but I'm in a
very I'm in a very differentplace today.
I'm like man, if I knew thenwhat I knew today, I would have
(22:57):
rocked that thing like so easily, right, because I would have.
My processes are so differentnow and my priorities are
different, you know.
And so all those things you'retalking about satisfaction, it's
like you know, my satisfactionis getting up.
I get up early every day.
I'm up at 4 35 AM every singleday.
I have my morning routine.
I love, I, I'm prettyparticular about it, I, I,
(23:19):
because I, I, it's mine, right,I guard it.
And I love being able to dowhat I want to do.
I love doing these podcasts.
I love having conversationswith you guys that are on here.
That fills my cup every, youknow, every time I do that, and
so that is satisfaction to me.
And all the other stuff, yes, Iget to make money on all these
other thing, right, and I'mdoing what I love doing.
It's not these grinding, thesenumbers, and you know.
Denise Brown MD (23:41):
And so that's what I'm hearing when I hear you
say this oh my god versussatisfaction yeah, I mean, and
you got to do both right, yougot to make the mortgage, you
got to you know I'm going tokeep the lights on so like it's
not, like we're all just pie inthe sky around the unicorns.
I mean you have shit you got todo right, but I still think you
can find that like the joyalong the way of doing those
(24:02):
things.
And the more you keep choosingyourself, the easier it gets to
pick yourself the easier it getsto say to your boss you know
that 830 meeting is reallydifficult for me because of
blank.
Would it be possible to move itfor half an hour, like what
would that look like, you know?
And then of course your bosswas gonna be like, oh sure, no
problem, I, you know like.
(24:22):
But you start to kind of showup even more, more and more for
yourself.
And so that's why I wrote thebook for my fairy goddaughters
to say like, hey, let's jumpforward, jump forward with me,
so that, like here I am in aplace where I'm really thrilled
to be.
I would like for you to be hereand not have to wait 30 years
(24:42):
to arrive.
Like what, if you show up, likethis next week?
And here are my, you know,seven prescriptions for making
that happen.
Jennifer Loehding (24:52):
That's so awesome and that's how I feel
too about the work that I do.
I feel like it's the samemessage.
We're doing a little bit, butit's the same thing.
It's like if I can help shaveoff some of the pain and the
heartache and the things andmaybe you know, and even for my
kids I tell them I see them dothings I'm like please don't do
that, don't you?
Just?
No, we don't do all that, I'mjust going to save you.
I've been there, done it, let'sjust not do it, you know.
And so, yes, I feel like wehave, you know, something we can
(25:14):
share and hopefully, yes, maybehelp, you know, somebody
younger come up and just shaveoff some of their time, and but
I love that.
You said if you could tellyour't got to do it all, you
don't have to wear all the hats,just slow down and enjoy life a
little bit, you know.
But here's the thing wewouldn't be where we are today
(25:40):
had we not gone through and doneall those things.
Denise Brown MD (25:42):
You know what I mean.
It's like we had to do it one.
I think that's true.
It might have just been alittle bit easier.
You know I used to always, andthere's a lot of people who have
this problem.
You know yes is always myanswer.
I learned over time to sort ofsay yes and and kind of pause.
It's good, because you know thebest person to give something
else to do is a busy woman who'salready doing seven other
things, right?
(26:03):
Right right, but that's a lot ofpressure for us and I think, as
high achieving women inparticular, we tend to take on
things without even realizing.
So there's a lot ofunintentionality where you're
just like oh yeah, all now, allof a sudden I'm the team coach
and the room mom and I'm runninga practice and also all, and
(26:23):
you don't even realize it.
So you've got to learn how tosort of be a little bit more
specific with yourself aboutthat.
So you've got to learn how tosort of be a little bit more
specific with yourself aboutthat.
Jennifer Loehding (26:33):
And what I like to say to people is you
know you can have it all, butyou can't do it all.
Denise Brown MD (26:37):
That's right, so figure out what things you
don't like to do.
Probably is the easiest thing todo first what things you really
don't like to do, what thingsare you okay with doing, and
then what do you love to do, andthen try to work from that.
Like, yeah, for me, I know Italk about in the book like I
thought I would be one of thosemoms, you know, we would be
(26:58):
finger painting at home and wewould be breaking bread, and I
was like what I mean, I waskilling myself to try to like
race out of the hospital and getout the finger paints and I was
like you know what this is,what preschool is for?
Like we're, this is not whatI'm going to be doing it, I'm
going to be sitting in thebackyard on the slip and slide,
you know.
And so, like you just kind oflearn how to make these choices
(27:18):
and if you can figure out thestuff that matters and be really
specific about it, then you canstart to, you know, kind of
just get more and more clear onthat and then more and more
savage in protecting thosethings.
And that's what I actuallythink it takes is some savagery.
Really.
That's a great way to put it.
Jennifer Loehding (27:38):
Yes, great way, you know, it's so funny.
I was thinking about one of myguests that came on the show a
while back.
She is a, she did a, set aworld record, she climbed the
seven second summits and she's amom of like I think I don't
know I'm going to mess this up.
I mean I just know she hasmultiple kids and she was
telling this story about how shewent up there to I don't know
if it was like a they have aschool party or whatever she
realized she wasn't those momsthat were doing that.
(28:00):
She loved her kids andoutdoorsy, but those were not.
She wasn't that kind of and Iand I laugh because I always
felt like I was kind of that momtoo.
I was the mom that, like, I washomeroom mom, I was the field
trip mom, you know the PT, allthose moms that wore all those
hats, but I was not the mom thatwas like oh my God, we're going
to have all the little goodiebags and have a fancy cake.
Like you know, I think we didone birthday party at our house.
(28:26):
A few other places.
You, let's go to the hobbystore and pick out some hot, you
know, gifts.
We've always going to have beenthat sort of the the, not cliche
, you know, but I was with, Iwas grateful and fortunate
enough that I was able to workfrom home, so I got to be with
my kids most of the time.
And now they're all grown,they're all you know, big adults
now and um doing their things,and so they can never complain
(28:47):
that I wasn't there, because Iwas, but we were never that.
You know that.
The nail, yeah, I tell you, mykids got good at doing that
stuff, the nail polish thingswith each other and all that,
even the, even the boy, they alldid.
He was the youngest.
They paint him up and do himtoo, you know.
Denise Brown MD (29:01):
I love you, I love it, I'm impressed we, we.
Jennifer Loehding (29:05):
It's really easy to be harder on yourself,
oh yeah yeah, and that's what Ithink is good about what you're
bringing to the.
You know, the table here isthat it's.
You know, think, don't we weshouldn't beat ourselves up
about all of these things?
I think when we're young wetend to do that because it's
kind of like you know I.
I tell this story like rememberwhen you had your first kid and
I don't know about you but me itwas like they gotta be walking,
(29:28):
no diaper, right?
That's how you gotta have allthat done.
Big kid was walking.
At nine months she was offdiaper, off the bottle, all the
things.
By the time we got to babynumber three, that diaper stayed
on until he was ready to settledown and get that diaper off.
That kid would literally runaround with a dirty, messy
diaper because I'd have to pinhim down and be like you know
what.
You've had that thing on waytoo long.
It needs to go.
(29:50):
You know, like cause I just waslike he'd follow, he would play
, and seriously, like he wouldget tired.
He would just fall over on thecouch and I'm like don't mess
with sleeping baby, just leavehim there, just leave him there.
He'll wake up, he'll be fine,you know.
So it's so funny how we get allthese stereotypes and stigmas
about how we Show up and reallyeverybody's just doing the best
they can.
Just give yourself some grace,you know?
Denise Brown MD (30:10):
Well, give yourself some grace, and then
give everybody else some gracetoo, Exactly, you know, mommies
are horrible to one another.
Yeah, really.
I mean, women in general arenot nice to one another, sadly.
Yeah, constantly judging oneanother, we're constantly
comparing, and I don't know why,because literally we're all
struggling with the same shitand me too.
Jennifer Loehding (30:30):
We need to figure that.
Maybe we need to solve that,because I say that every day.
I'm like I don't know why, whywe do this to each other Because
, like, if you're, if you'resuccessful, I'm happy for you.
Rock on, girl, do your thing.
Denise Brown MD (30:40):
Right.
You know, like I'm, I'm excitedfor any woman that's out
kicking ass comparison and thatkind of leads to a little bit of
judgment and a lot of guilt.
(31:03):
And then we just, you know,kind of go right around the horn
again and you know who cares if.
If that other lady's birthdayparty had a you know coordinated
balloon, arch and party andmine was mud puddles and
whatever, did the kids have fun?
Like did you have?
Jennifer Loehding (31:16):
fun.
Yes, who had fun?
Denise Brown MD (31:19):
Yep, yeah, and I think all the social media
crap you know, makes that somuch more difficult.
I mean, you know, being a momis hard enough.
Going to work every day andcoming home every day that's
hard enough, like we don't needto make it so difficult for
ourselves by adding that extralayer of comparison in there.
And whatever you're doing rightnow is probably exactly what
(31:41):
you should be doing and none ofthe rest of it.
You know that that's all comingfrom some weird, you know
mythical land, uh of should be'sand yeah, I just, I just, I
don't have any time for thatanymore and and but it is
interesting to watch of all ages.
You know whether it's on theplayground or you know mommy's
um.
You know on the sidelines atsports.
You know whether it's on theplayground or you know mommy's
um.
You know on the sidelines atsports.
(32:02):
Or you know even sitting around, grown and flown, like somehow
it just rears its ugly head andyou have to be brave enough to
be like.
You know I'm not going to, I'mnot going to participate in this
, yeah no, I love it and I loveyou know, I'll tell you, most of
the people that I bring into mycircle are like that.
Jennifer Loehding (32:19):
I always say we don't have time for the drama
stuff.
I'm with you on that, denise,because I'm like you.
I'm just like do your thing, behappy.
And if one of us is a reminderthat you're not doing what you
want to do, then you need towork on that.
That's your thing.
You need to figure youridentity out, what you need to
be doing.
We're here to inspire.
We just want to inspire, makeit.
(32:39):
We just try to like, encourageyou to do things right.
We just want you to go out, doawesome things.
So you said your book, youryour book.
You got seven prescriptions inthere I don't want you to tell
us everything.
But so what are these peoplethey're going to find learn
about?
We talked a little bit aboutthe non-linear what.
What's the big?
What message?
Denise Brown MD (32:56):
well, we start with that sort of success versus
satisfaction concept, which Ithink is kind of foundational,
yeah, and then once you kind ofget on that, you can really
recognize that the wholework-life balance concept is
bullshit Right.
There's no balance.
Jennifer Loehding (33:11):
No, you just got to find harmony.
Denise Brown MD (33:13):
No, you're never going to find it Okay.
We talk a lot about decidingwhat plates you want to spin and
which ones you got to keepspinning, and which ones you can
let crash and burn sometimes,because that happens, it's going
to happen.
So you might as well beintentional about which ones
that fall down, instead of whatmost people do, which is they're
like well, I can count on myhusband, I can count on my kids,
so I'm going to make that thelast priority, or my priority,
(33:37):
to treat as the treasures thatthey really are yeah and then we
kind of talk about how do youmake choices, how do you make
decisions like what does that,what does that look like for you
and how can you sort of do itmost effectively for you?
and then we spend a lot of timetalking about comparison, guilt
and judgment and and um, andthen we sort of end up talking
about how to figure out how tonot do the stuff you don't like.
(34:00):
And that doesn't mean you throwmoney at a problem, but it does
mean that sometimes you poolresources.
So I'm not a whole section inkind of imagining outsourcing,
which doesn't mean you know,you're paying out the nose for
DoorDash or grocery deliveriesor whatever, but it might mean
starting a supper co-op in yourneighborhood, which I did for 10
years when my kids were little.
I cooked dinner once a week andSteph did it on Tuesdays and
(34:23):
Jenny did it on Wednesdays andwe all took turns.
So you know, there's ways tokind of make the drudgery, I
think, a little bit lighter ifyou're a creative.
So I offer up some solutionsthere.
And then really the kind of thetake home message is you have to
choose you first, regardless ofwhat you think.
It's not a selfish thing youpick you, you learn to trust
(34:45):
yourself, you learn to know whatreally matters to you, and then
you're able to do that foreverybody else around you.
And that's ultimately what Ithink we all want to be part of
is a community who loves oneanother and and does good things
for one another and lives theselong, satisfied, happy lives
and that's my definition of agood life is sort of sitting on
the porch, you know, kind oflooking back as the sun goes
(35:10):
down and like that you knowtoday was a good day.
But this was a good life.
I love it we're all looking for.
Nobody sort of wants the likeCV on their tombstone right.
Jennifer Loehding (35:17):
No, I love it , denise, and I think it's so
great that you're bringing allthis to light, because you know,
I tell people we've had a lotof stuff going on my son's car
got stolen last week, werecovered it and we've just had
a lot of little crazy things.
And it's funny because I lookat all these things and I'm like
, yeah, they suck, things happenright, but overall, probably
like you do, I get up every dayand I'm like my life's pretty
(35:38):
good for the most part.
I get to do what I want to doand I, like I mentioned early in
, you know in the early in theepisode, I love what the work I
get to do and the things that Iget to do.
So even when bad things happenyeah, they suck in the moment,
but I also feel like overall, mylife feels fulfilled.
You know what I mean and that'swhat I think is what we want,
(35:59):
right.
And it's great because once youfeel that way, there's really
no looking back.
You know what I'm saying.
Like now, you know, becauseyou're on that, I feel like it's
like you jump over that littlebridge.
You know what I mean Becauseyou create that and so it really
comes back to all these thingsyou're saying putting you first,
identifying what's important toyou and giving yourself grace.
(36:20):
There's so many about it.
Denise Brown MD (36:21):
Yeah, yeah about it like everyone can be
like oh, I want a big house andright right bars, or you know
that like that's, that's alittle sad right?
no, I mean sure that soundsgreat, but that's not you know
like, and so it's not you knowand you have to constantly be
kind of re having anotherconversation, you know,
(36:43):
constantly reiterating toyourself what matters, because
it does change and it should.
It's like you know, what Iwanted at 25 is not what I want
at 53.
Why would it be, you know?
No, I agree, but there are,through, lines that you know
that really matter, and thoseare the things that I think are
the real.
That's the real deal.
So that's what a good life is.
It's not the good life, it's agood life.
(37:05):
You're the only one who canfigure out what that means for
you, but wouldn't it be nice ifwe all could have one?
Jennifer Loehding (37:11):
I know it's good stuff.
It's good stuff.
I do want to ask you daysomebody told me you need to
write a book, so I go in the caryou're going to allow.
This is 2019, when I launchedmine, when I put mine out, so I
get in the car and open upFacebook and I just said
something like I'm going towrite a book because I wanted
(37:43):
people to hold me accountable toit.
And then I got I think that wasin maybe May and then I spit it
out in like October of thatyear, and then two weeks later,
we launched this podcast and soyeah, and so I love it.
So I would love to know, justmaybe for somebody listening,
like what do you feel?
Like what was the hardest partof writing that book for you?
Like what was the I guess,maybe just the toughest thing
you had to do in that?
Denise Brown MD (37:55):
Well, you know, like everything you have, you
have a conception of what it'ssupposed to look like.
And so in my mind I was like,oh well, if you're going to
write a book, you're supposed toblock out time on your calendar
and you're supposed to sit atyour laptop and you're supposed
to write 2000 words a day.
Well, I tried that for likethree days and I was like, okay,
this is not going to goanywhere, like there is nothing
(38:17):
about me that does that.
So, okay, this is not going togo anywhere, like there is
nothing about me that does that.
So then I was like, all right,I'm just gonna take, just gonna
not think about it, just gonnalet it set first.
You know, because, like I said,like that's how I do my best
thinking, I'm a big power, powerof the subconscious mind,
believer, um, and I was like,what do I really like to do?
And this is funny, I like totalk.
I mean, I'm a talker, you cantell, tell.
(38:37):
And I got through med school andresidency and everything with
my index card.
You should see the stat.
I got index card.
Like, I write it down on anindex card.
I put my thoughts down and itmakes sense.
So I thought you know what?
I'm just going to get my stackindex cards and my trusty Pentel
pencil and I'm going to writedown the things that I think
matter the most, and then I'mjust going to do a little bullet
(38:58):
outline of the things that Iwould sort of want to say, okay,
great.
And then I took my stack indexcards and I put my headphones on
and I went out walking, becauseI'm a walk-in talker, I think
when I'm moving and I talked thewhole book.
I did it on Otter and I justtalked the whole book.
And you know, as a doctor youlearn how to do transcription.
(39:18):
Right, we've been doingtranscript, you know.
So you say period, paragraphnext, whatever, and it made it
really easy.
So then when Otter kind ofdumped it into Word, it was all
at least sort of there, and thenI could read much around it.
And so people who know me readthe book and they're like, oh my
God, it's like you're talkingto me.
And I'm like, well, it'sbecause of one One.
Yeah, I was talking to you.
(39:38):
And then I read the audio book.
So that was actually really fun.
I hear if you listen to it attime and a half, you can get it
done in three hours Okay.
Jennifer Loehding (39:46):
I'm going to check your book out.
I like the title, I like thestar, it's very good.
You know it's great.
Because you kind of mentioned,you know, the sitting down and
writing, and you saw me laughingon that because I kind of think
I sort of had that same kind ofmindset.
Then I realized no, you can'twrite when you just can't write
(40:08):
to write Like I can't just sitdown and write, so I would have
to wait for it to like sort ofcome about and it would just
sort of like and here's thefunny thing I I get used to we
were walking our dogs everysingle morning.
One of my dogs has gotten oldnow, so my husband's just taken
the other one running, but wewould walk every morning and I
would say that all of my ideaswould come while we were walking
the dogs and then I wouldn'thave anything with me, I
(40:30):
wouldn't have my phone, I'd belike.
So I tell my husband I'd be likedo not forget this idea.
Help me remember this idea whenwe get in the door, because I'm
going to forget this and I needyou to help me remember this.
You know, because when I'mmoving, that's when things will
come up.
So to your point on the book.
Yes, I'm glad you shared that,because somebody writing may
think again they got to sit downand block these types.
Now, sometimes you just whenthe ideas flow, that's when you
(40:51):
pull the paper or the pen or dothe audio, whatever it is have
it ready so that when the ideascome out you can start.
You know, if you're going towalk your dog, bring your phone
so that you can try to get theidea in there before you get up.
Denise Brown MD (41:06):
That's the truth.
Yeah, I mean I do have.
I do have girlfriends.
I mean one of my friends is areally successful novelist and
she does sit down and write.
That is her process.
She's a writer, like that washer profession.
You know it's different than me, like that's not my profession.
Yeah, anyway, it is really.
It is really funny thatdifferent, different ways that
people pull it off.
(41:27):
But yeah, for me it was a lot,it was, it was actually really
fun to do.
And then I had these my fairygoddaughters who kind of read
through it and they were like myhype squad and, you know, kind
of helped me figure some thingsout about where to put what and
whatnot.
So that was, it was just, itwas really it was a fun project
to um, to kind of go down and I,you know, I, I the whole time I
(41:50):
try to be entertained.
I most of life is highlyentertaining, and so I just was
entertained by the whole processand learning about it and you
know, meeting editors and talk,you know all this stuff.
It's just not something I knewanything about.
So really cool.
Jennifer Loehding (42:03):
Well, good, I'm glad it was a good
experience, because you get toshare your gifts and your
knowledge with the world youknow put it out there.
Whatever way that works for you.
That's right.
I have two questions left Iwant to ask you.
This one is success tips.
So what is your one thing inthe morning that you do, when
you get up and like set your day, like that one thing that's
important to you?
Denise Brown MD (42:24):
Well, I don't get up at four, 30 in the
morning.
Jennifer Loehding (42:28):
Yeah, Don't do that If it doesn't work.
I mean I train myself, I wakeup now.
I mean, Lauren, does I come upbefore the alarm?
Now I'm like what's up withthat.
Denise Brown MD (42:41):
Well, I appreciate that, but that is not
me.
I I think because I spent youknow about 15 years getting up
all night long every night, orat least every third night, but
no just no, like no, we did it,we're done.
Yeah, don't not again.
Never again.
Um, it's actually kind ofcheesy, but I love it.
Um, every day, my husband comesin and leaves my yeti of coffee
on my own oh nice.
And I get a kiss and he tellsme he loves me before he goes
(43:05):
off to work and I sit and I justenjoy my coffee and I think
about how lucky I am.
That is so awesome and that'show I start every day that is so
great, my dog.
But I think that moment of justbeing like, hey, you know, we're
at it again on the right sideof the grass, a little bit of
gratitude, goes a long way,especially first thing in the
(43:26):
morning.
Jennifer Loehding (43:27):
Yeah, thanks for sharing that.
I haven't had anybody say thatbefore, so I love it.
That's great.
No, I think it's.
I think it's.
How long have you guys now beenmarried?
We had our 20th weddinganniversary this week.
You know I agree right aboutwhere we are, so we had 29 in
April, so, yeah, so it's a longtime it's in space with the same
person.
Denise Brown MD (43:45):
I know, it seems like two days ago, but
also really long time.
Jennifer Loehding (43:49):
My kids laugh .
Yesterday we went to go up towhere my son's a chef and we
went to go eat in his restaurant.
It was so nice.
They comped our meal.
They love my son there there.
They always have good things tosay about him, but he comes
home and I got to meet, like thehostess general, the manager
that she came on, though.
We love sean blah blah.
So she goes back to my son andsays your mom is so nice, and I
said well, I don't know thatyour husband was.
(44:11):
I don't know my husband wouldsay that every day.
Denise Brown MD (44:14):
So I love it.
I love it sweet.
Jennifer Loehding (44:18):
I like I know I'm nice, but I don't know if
your dad's going to go, as agreewith that one.
Congratulations on your 28years.
That is so awesome and I lovethat you shared that about the
coffee, because it's reallyabout the gratitude, right.
Denise Brown MD (44:31):
It's about finding the little things.
It's the little things you know.
In fact, I just finishedAnnabelle Monabelle Monahan's um
, newest books, just it justcame out maybe a week or so ago
and she writes she writes agreat book, uh, nora goes off
script and and this new one iscalled uh, not a love story, um,
and one of the, what is sort ofone of the.
(44:55):
There's a couple in there thathave been married a long time
and said love is for breakfast,love happens at breakfast, and
basically the idea that romancehappens at dinner time.
They're dressed up, you haveyour makeup on, you're sort of
presenting yourself out into theworld, but love happens over
(45:17):
breakfast.
Nobody's got their makeup on.
You're talking about your day,you're kind of having your cup
of coffee, you're kind of andand and it's those little things
that the breakfastconversations, that that's where
, like, kind of the real, truelove is, and it keeps showing up
.
And I just thought I, I just Idon't know it really resonated
with me because, because I thinkthat's true about anything,
it's the, it's those littlethings that we do for one
(45:37):
another, um, that end up, youknow, being the building blocks
of of a good life.
So I that, just it.
The whole thing just made myheart sing.
I thought it was really cool.
Jennifer Loehding (45:46):
Thank you for sharing that.
So, denise, if our listenerswant to pick up the book or get
in touch with you, where wouldyou like us to send them?
Denise Brown MD (45:53):
Oh well, you can find the book at, like the
usual suspects.
You know Amazon, barnes, noble.
What have you the Audible's on?
You know Google, apple, spotify, whatever.
The Audible is fun.
I read it myself.
So that was a hoot and a half.
And then I have a website.
It's Denise S Brown MD or theFairy God Doctor.
(46:14):
I'll get you there too.
Jennifer Loehding (46:16):
We'll make sure when we get the show notes,
when my guy does all, puts allthe bells and whistles on there,
we'll get the website in thereso everybody knows where to find
the book, find you all the goodstuff.
But yes, I'm gonna check it outmyself because I took, like I
said, I love the, the title andI love the little star and I saw
you kind of moving with yeah,it's a big old magic wand on the
cover there I love it because,having my you know background,
Mary Kay, we were all aboutthese stars and all that stuff.
(46:40):
And that's another thing Imissed too is all that little
glitzy fun yes, All that funstuff that we got to do in there
.
So I want to tell youcongratulations, you know, on
the book coming out, all yoursuccess and you're happy, things
that you're getting to do andthe things that you're sharing
and putting out into the world.
So congratulations putting outinto the world.
So congratulations, thank you,right back at you.
Thank you so much and, ofcourse, to our listeners we
(47:05):
appreciate you.
We hope that you find thisepisode both inspiring and
informative, and if you do, youknow what to do.
Do all the things.
First of all, go find Denise,get her book, but also subscribe
, like share comment, so that wecan keep sharing all these
fabulous stories and all thiscontent with you.
And, as I always say, in orderto live the extraordinary, you
have to start, and every startbegins with a decision.
You guys, take care, be safe,be kind to one another and we
(47:25):
will see you next time.
Thank you.
And I think success is a very it's the
accolades, it's the externalmeasures in everybody looking,
you know, in at you and it'sreally easy to get sucked in by
those bright lights, right when.
This is where you startthinking of all the things you
should be doing and you knowthat you're supposed to be doing
.
All these words start poppingup when you start thinking like
(00:22):
versus satisfaction, which is,you know, in the quiet of the,
you know dead of the night, likewhat actually, like makes your
heart feel full.
They may not be the same thingsand often they're not.
And, speaking as someone who,by all accounts, has all those
little boxes checked off, youknow the med school to this,
that whatever that doesn't keepyou warm at night, right, that's
not what, really, who you are,and it's scary to start to
(00:44):
really kind of delve into that.
And I think it's very easy todistract yourself with the
things, the success measures,the accolades, and never really
actually do the sort of moredeep and difficult work of what
actually matters to you.
Jennifer Loehding (01:00):
Welcome to the Starter Girlz podcast, your
ultimate source of inspirationand empowerment.
We're here to help womensucceed in every area of their
lives career, money,relationships, and health and
well-being while celebrating theremarkable journeys of
individuals from all walks oflife who've achieved amazing
things.
Whether you're looking tosupercharge your career, build
(01:21):
financial independence, nurturemeaningful relationships or
enhance your overall well-being,the Starter Girlz Podcast is
here to guide you.
Join us as we explore thejourneys of those who dare to
dream big and achieve greatness.
I'm your host, jenniferLoehding, and welcome to this
episode.
Welcome to another episode ofthe Starter Girlz podcast.
(01:47):
I'm your host, jenniferLoehding, and wherever you are
tuning in today, we are so gladto have you.
Let's get this thing started Allright.
So I want to open up with this.
Let's be honest Modern lifedoesn't come with an off switch.
For high-achieving women, thepressure to succeed in all areas
career, family, health andpersonal fulfillment can feel
(02:10):
relentless.
We're told to chase dreams,care for others, stay composed
and somehow keep every platespinning.
But what if real success isn'tabout doing more.
It's about choosing whatmatters most?
What if the secret to a goodlife is learning how to
prioritize you?
Today, we're going to be divinginto what it really means to
(02:31):
thrive in a world that dependsso much from women.
So I am so excited about myguest today.
This is going to be so much fun.
But before I welcome her onofficially, we do need to do a
quick shout out to our sponsor.
This episode is brought to youby Walt Mills Productions.
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Want to learn more about Waltand his work?
Head on over towaltmillsproductionsnet and let
your content shine All right,and with that we do want to also
make a mention to head on overto startergirlscom.
I tell you this every singleweek because I want you to get
(03:33):
over there.
And why do I want you to goover there?
For a couple reasons.
One, if you have missed any ofour episodes and there are so
many go back and you can findanything you want, even the
cheesy ones in the beginning,they're there.
You can also sign up for ourcommunity newsletter and then
that way you can keep in theknow of who's coming out and all
of our fabulous guests that aresharing content.
But also, if you are maybe oneof those high-achieving women or
(03:57):
men and you want to know whatsabotaging block may be
hindering your success, I have afun, cool quiz over there.
It's like two minutes.
You can take it and it willtell you what may be blocking
your success right now.
So again, startergirlz.
com, go do your thing.
I need to welcome my guests andI'm looking at my phone because
(04:18):
I always do this to put my notesin here, so I don't lose my
train of thought.
But here we go.
My guest, Dr Denise Brown, alsoknown as the fairy God Doctor,
is a physician, ceo andtransformational leader with
over 30 years in healthcare.
In her book, the Fairy GodDoctor's Guide to a Good Life a
prescription for the workingwoman, she offers a practical
and powerful framework to helpwomen avoid burnout, reclaim
(04:41):
their energy and create successthat's both sustainable and
deeply fulfilling, while herwork speaks directly to working
women, the insights she sharesare relevant to anyone
navigating big dreams and bigresponsibilities.
So, Dr Denise Brown, I'm soexcited to have you here today.
I know this is going to be fun.
Welcome to the Starter GirlzShow.
I'm thrilled to be here.
It's going to be great.
(05:02):
Okay, and first of all, youknow, what's so funny is
whenever I bring guests on theshow, I always have to do like a
little background and I go lookat them and I check out to see
like where they've been on othershows, kind of their content,
and I'm like I saw you I don'teven know what episode I saw you
in, but I'm like I like thisgirl's personality, I just like
it spunky, I love it becausethat is how I roll and that's
(05:23):
what I think a lot of ourlisteners I'm not saying
everybody listens like that, butI think that they kind of like
that authenticity and that rawand that real.
You know what I mean.
So I think we're going to belike speaking kind of some
language together today and I'mexcited about it.
Denise Brown MD (05:37):
We'll try and keep it, you know, safe for work
.
Jennifer Loehding (05:40):
That's right.
That's right.
Good stuff, good stuff.
Okay, so let's start this thingoff, because you have been in
healthcare for 30 years and Iwant to kind of start there.
What brought you to that?
Because I think this is so fun.
I've had doctors on the showbefore and I'm always intrigued
about you know why?
Medicine.
What brought you here today?
Denise Brown MD (06:14):
Yeah Well, I've had sort of lots of careers
which I think you know.
If you talk to any woman who'slived an interesting life, we
probably have one career adecade maybe, if not more New
Mexico top secret, but reallyinteresting times to live in in
the sort of end of the Cold War,and I've always just been
really interested in how thingswork and there's nothing more
(06:34):
fascinating than the human body.
So when I was in college Ithought I wanted to be a
broadcast journalist.
So that's weird.
I did the radio news on thecollege radio station every day
and I found out that the, I didthe radio news like on the on
the you know college radiostation every day, and and I
found out that the stories Iliked the most had to do with
kind of health and healthcarerelated stuff and I I just felt
like that was interesting andsomething was telling me
something and my parents hadmade me do all the science
(06:56):
classes regardless.
So when it came time to sort ofdecide you know what I was
going to do after graduation,medical school seemed like a
perfect kind of combination andso off I went and I loved it.
It was so fascinating to me,just like really kind of
scrunching down andunderstanding all sorts of
different things and then, moreimportantly, kind of putting it
all back together and figuringout how that worked.
(07:18):
And so you know, when you trainto be a doctor, you learn kind
of I mean, I fear a good oneMaybe there's plenty of crappy
ones out there, but the goodones really learn how to be a
good listener.
Right, you got to really listento what somebody is telling you
and you have to ask kind ofdirected questions to kind of
get at the thing that you knowmay be missing that maybe people
(07:39):
are nervous to say or afraid tosay, and then you have to find
out the sort of objectiveinformation and kind of put it
all together into a package thatmay not be perfect, but it's
what you have at the time, andthen you've got to make a plan,
and then you've got to goimplement that plan and then,
most importantly, you have to bewilling to change the plan when
different information comes up,and so it's a really nice kind
(08:01):
of rubric really for being adoctor, but also really kind of
anything else that you want todo in life, and so that just
kind of set me on my way and I'mvery grateful for it.
I practiced medicine exclusivelyfor about 15 years before I
started getting more involved inbusinessy kind of aspects of
healthcare, and some days Ireally really really miss taking
(08:22):
care of people, and some days Ireally don't miss insurance
companies or paperwork.
Jennifer Loehding (08:27):
So yeah, you said so many good things and,
first of all, I've been to LosAlamos, so I know about that
place.
Yes, I know what you're talkingabout.
Wanted to say that you said somany really good things here,
because you mentioned, like youknow, being a good doctor and
what you just said and like itapplicable in many areas,
because asking good questions,right, I think that you know,
(08:48):
like I know personally, I've hadbecause I deal with chronic
conditions, so I've had, I havedoctors that I absolutely love
and I will tell you the onesthat I like investigate, they're
solution oriented, theyinvestigate.
You know, and I talk about myGI doctor.
I actually interviewed him on myother show at one point, but I
talked about how he kind of inthe way back this up to like
(09:09):
2017, 2000, maybe, no, it wasactually before that because I
started doing keto in 2017 toactually cure a disorder because
I was dealing with a nervecondition and I was at Innswit
and this is where I ended up,but he was the doctor that
actually introduced me to smallintestinal bacterial overgrowth,
(09:30):
because he was developing aproduct and he had his research
facility and so he sort of sentme on this journey of
investigation, you know, and soI have my doctors that I
absolutely love, that are thatare good at asking questions,
good at finding solutions, andthen I have my doctors that I
absolutely love, that are goodat asking questions, good at
finding solutions, and then Ihave the ones that no, no.
So you hit the nail on the headwhen you said that, but I think
(09:51):
that's so applicable in anythingwe do right, it's asking good
questions and being a goodlistener so that you can figure
out how to actually really helpsomeone.
Denise Brown MD (10:01):
Yeah, and I think the most important
probably part of that that weneed to highlight is the
curiosity, to actually be, tokind of be willing to have your
mind expanded, and I thinkthat's a big thing.
So, like you know, sibo is aperfect example, right, and
plenty of people who are likethis is absolutely.
This was a game changer for mylife, completely changed my life
.
There are plenty of otherdoctors who kind of roll their
(10:22):
eyes, right, because you're justnot open to the universe and
you know you get exactly whatyou give.
I think curious people areinteresting and I think they
find other people interesting.
So that's definitely one of therecipes for living a good life
is to be curious and to be open,and you never know what you're
going to find out because, lordknows, we don't all know it all
you gave me chills when you justsaid that.
Jennifer Loehding (10:41):
See, I love those moments when somebody says
something.
I'm like yes, that's what I'mtalking about Be curious.
There is nothing wrong withbeing curious.
I agree with you on this, and Ithink this is nothing.
I don't know about you, but mepersonally, nothing drives me
crazy more than narrow mindedpeople that just aren't curious
at all.
They're just like no, that isthe way it is, and are not
curious, and so I think,whatever you're doing, you
(11:02):
should always live withcuriosity, learning about people
and things, and you saidsomething even early on being
willing to change right, beingwilling, if you find out new
information, to be able to say,okay, maybe we have something
new now and we need to changeour thinking.
Denise Brown MD (11:18):
You know we're going to turn a little bit in
this direction.
You know, words are powerfuland I think a willingness and an
openness to kind of change yourmind is really the hallmark of
kind of the highest intelligence, right.
And it's easy for people to getstuck in thinking that they
know what they know and getreally rigid in that, and I
(11:41):
think experts in things areparticularly prone to that.
So, like your average doctor,for example, is like I know a
lot.
I went to school for a longtime, right, but that's kind of
dull, but yeah, I mean.
So I think the more you can,the more you approach the world
is like today's my very firstday and I'm just really excited
to learn as much as I can.
I love it Proud of it for sure.
Jennifer Loehding (12:02):
I love it because so many of us, and
especially if we're curiouspeople, right, we welcome a lot
of things into our world.
(12:26):
And I don't know about you, butsomebody says they have an idea
.
I'm excited.
I'm like, tell me your idea.
Like I get truly excited aboutideas.
So I think our lives arenonlinear and I think if we are
curious people, we are always inin adventures.
And you know, like I just,funny enough, launched a little
I've been doing, I do petsitting on the side and I and
it's not for me, it's never beenabout money I love animals, I
(12:48):
grew up around them, we've got amenagerie in my house and I
just it's comforting for mebecause I always say animals
don't judge you, they love youregardless, right, so for me
it's a comforting thing.
But I I started this littlebusiness with her kind of with
the intent that you know, I wantto let her kind of take it over
and let her have it.
She wants to go into vet tech.
(13:08):
You know, be a vet, maybe a vettech, and so I thought maybe
this would be a cool thing.
But here we are, I'm in myfifties and like I need another
thing to add onto my plate ofthings, like I got this going on
the podcast, I'm a, I'm ancoach, and then I add this to
you know, but this is what we dowhen we're curious.
You know we want to explore,and so I would love to know,
tell us a little bit.
You know where you're at now,what you're doing?
Denise Brown MD (13:48):
Yeah, I love it .
Well, I'm just cracking upbecause chapter three of my book
is literally about nonlinearwomanhood.
So you know, there you go.
I mean it's nonlinear, it'skind of a wandering journey.
So I did about like I said Istarted my own practice and then
I rolled that into a largerpractice.
So that was pretty cool and Isort of did that kind of
exclusively for about 15-ishyears after finishing residency,
had two little kids along theway, did my thing, worked hard,
and then was kind of asked tostart doing some business
development kind of type stufffor this larger group.
And I, you know, it was one ofthose things where I was like I
wasn't good at it.
(14:08):
I didn't go to business school,I'd never done anything like
that, but I thought, well, sure,why not?
You know, can't hurt to try.
And it turned out I justhappened to be really good at it
.
And so little by little Istarted doing more and more of
that physician partnership andtook it from about $600 million
(14:31):
in top line revenue a year toabout one and a half billion
dollars in top line revenue andwas kind of the primary driver
of growth there.
So it was like kind of drinkingfrom a fire hose, but not being
afraid to sort of not knoweverything.
And I think that's one of thechallenges that particularly
some of the younger women I kindof work with and mentor is you
think you're supposed to have itall figured out before you
start and that's just doesn'twork.
(14:53):
I never.
It never happens Right.
Enough research, I mean.
Sometimes you just have to takeaction and so and so I did.
And that's always been kind ofa mantra for me, like yes, I'm
going to give that a rip If itsounds interesting to me.
That doesn't mean I make majordecisions.
I think I am.
You know, I kind of find outabout something.
I usually let it sit with me.
(15:14):
I like to let stuff marinatekind of in the back for at least
a weekend, like I want to atleast sleep on it one night,
preferably two, and then somehowthe answer just sort of comes
to you and you know what isright, and I think you get
better and better at that themore you give yourself the
opportunity to do those things.
But then I got recruited by afirm to run a telehealth company
(15:39):
and that was really fun and Itook that over as a CEO, turned
it around and then we ended upselling that in the fall of 23.
And I thought to myself mygoodness, I've been going pretty
much non-stop for about 24years now.
I never had taken a break ever.
What would it look like if Idid quote-unquote nothing for a
year?
And so I made it three monthsand uh, and then I thought I
(16:05):
actually got interviewed by uh,by a magazine doing an article
on exit entrepreneurs and askingme what my legacy was.
And I was like, well, my workand my legacy don't really have
anything to do with each other.
And she said, well, what isyour legacy?
And I said, well, the legacyare all the people I've made
feel better along the way,whether they were patients or
family or friends or whoever.
(16:25):
And we got to talking anyway.
One thing led to another andshe was trying to figure out if
she's gonna have kids.
What she was gonna do wasworried about her career and all
this stuff.
And we just got gabbing and andshe said to me I wish you would
just write all this down, likeyou've figured out how to have a
good life.
And I, I wish you would writeit down.
And I thought, well, that'sreally not something I ever
thought about.
I slept on it over the weekendyou know, I think I'm, I'm going
(16:48):
to write a book, I'm going totake her advice, so that's what
I did.
So I worked on that for thenext six months or so and then
it was really fun to do all thestuff with the publisher and the
editors and all these things.
And then it was like, well,when do you want it?
When should we release it?
And I guess there's some magicin when you're supposed to
release books.
I don't know, but I wanted todo it as a tribute to my mom, so
(17:08):
I put it out on what shouldhave been her 83rd birthday.
But I lost her when I was inmed school, so she's been kind
of like my guardian angel allthese years.
So I gave it to her as abirthday present.
I love it.
Jennifer Loehding (17:22):
I love it.
Yeah, that's so awesome.
Everything I'm listening to iscracking up.
You're like let me sleep on atleast a day or two.
And I'm like I get it becauseI'm a quick decision maker and
so a lot of times I will.
I've gotten better, you know,as I've gotten older, with the
pause to just taking it down andbeing okay, you know, because I
don't need a lot of information.
You know, because I feel youmentioned this kind of trusting
your intuition you didn'tnecessarily say that word.
(17:43):
As we get more comfortable inour skin, we know, right, like
we know our priorities, we knowour boundaries, we start
recognizing those things, whatwe're going to do, what we're
not going to do, and it'sactually such a great feeling.
I mean, my husband asked me theother day he's like how do you
know?
And I'm like you just know.
You just know when you get tome, you just know when you get
(18:05):
to a place where you're okaywith yourself, that if you make
a decision and it goes bad,you're okay.
If it messes up, it messes up,it's not the end of the world,
right, like you're okay withthat.
You know, and you mentionedworking with younger people and
I think, as we're trying to findourselves.
There's this whole idea that wecan't make a mistake, we can't
be wrong, we can't be perfect,you know, like we have to do all
(18:25):
these things right or we'rejust a bad human if it doesn't
go right.
Right, and I've learned that no, we're still.
We're still good people.
We make mistakes because we'recomplex, and that's OK in the
process, right?
So I love that.
You kind of talked about that.
I read a book and I've talkedabout this several times on the
show Jamie Kern Lima, thefounder of it Cosmetics.
She put a book out calledWorthy.
(18:46):
I'd actually seen her in like alive event and then I ended up
purchasing her book, one of myfavorite books, because she
talks about you know herself andthis journey she went through.
She ended up selling hercosmetic company, I think, to
Revlon, became, like you know,rich CEO, whatever, but the
first chapter I want to say it'sthe first chapter.
She talks about the differencebetween worth and confidence and
(19:10):
how we tend to interlace thosetogether, and this is why you'll
see people that have a lot ofskill but they're not
necessarily comfortable in theirown skin.
Right, they'll keep gettingaccolades but they still don't
think they're worthy, and thenyou could see somebody who maybe
doesn't have a lot of accoladesbut they seem to appear, you
know, confident, grounded, allthose things.
(19:31):
And so she talked a lot aboutthis.
You know that, how we have towork on both, because confidence
is really tied to ourachievements and the things that
we do.
And if you're a high achievingperson, you know understanding
that that's what that is, butyou're still lovable, you're
still likable, All of thesethings about you are still
grounded, whether or not thishappens.
So you kind of said that and Ilove it because it is so true
(19:53):
with women, they fight this allthe time.
Denise Brown MD (19:55):
Yeah Well, for me it's the difference between
success and satisfaction and Ithink, yeah, this is a very.
It's the accolades, it's theexternal measures, everybody
looking, you know, in at you,and it's really easy to get
sucked in by those bright lightsright where.
This is where you startthinking of all the things you
(20:17):
should be doing and you knowlike you're supposed to be doing
.
All these words start poppingup when you start thinking like
that versus satisfaction, whichis, you know, in the quiet of
the, you know dead of the night,like what actually like makes
your heart feel full.
They may not be the same thingsand often they're not.
And, speaking as someone who, byall accounts, has all those
(20:38):
little boxes checked off, youknow the med school to this,
that whatever that doesn't keepyou warm at night, right, that's
not what really who you are,and it's scary to start to
really kind of delve into that.
And I think it's very easy todistract yourself with the
things, the success measures,the accolades, and never really
(20:59):
actually do the sort of moredeep and difficult work of what
actually matters to you.
And in the end, that's kind ofwhat actually matters Like the
end.
My legacy isn't like oh, thiswork that I, what actually
matters, like the end, likelegacy, isn't like, oh, this
work that I did or this moneythat I made, right, it's the
people I made feel better.
Those are very different things, and so you know, if I could
tell my sort of 25 year old selfanything, it would be like
(21:23):
really sink into that as soon asyou can.
And then you start, then itstarts informing your
decision-making process in amuch more.
I hate sometimes the wordauthentic makes me want to kind
of roll my eyes but, like, youreally get to figure out who you
are and you really get to kindof keep picking you and and that
is not a selfish decision,that's just the way you should
(21:44):
be picking the things thatmatter to you.
And then all of a sudden, youcould be really successful and
really satisfied, and wouldn'tit be nice to have both.
Jennifer Loehding (21:53):
Yes, and the word meaningful was coming up
when you were talking about that.
Right and no.
This is so true.
I love that you said thesatisfaction versus success,
because that is so true.
You know, my priorities todayare very much different than
they were, you know, before.
I was 22 years in Mary Kay,crunch crunching numbers and
leadership and trying to wincars and all that stuff and
grinding, and I told somebodythe other day that it's
(22:16):
interesting because there areparts of it.
Mary Kay is a wonderful company, don't get me wrong.
I had a great run there.
I learned a lot of leadershipskills.
There are things I miss andthings I don't.
What I tell you that I miss.
I miss the camaraderie.
I miss the team.
I miss the having somebody tobe accountable to and having
somebody be accountable to me,just that support.
I miss that because I hadmentors for free, forever, you
(22:37):
know, while I was there.
But I don't miss the grinding.
I don't miss the punching, thenumbers.
I don't miss the worrying aboutquotas and am I going to keep
my car this month or whatever,and I realized that that's all
you.
When you're doing the work, youknow it happens, but I'm in a
very I'm in a very differentplace today.
I'm like man, if I knew thenwhat I knew today, I would have
(22:57):
rocked that thing like so easily, right, because I would have.
My processes are so differentnow and my priorities are
different, you know.
And so all those things you'retalking about satisfaction, it's
like you know, my satisfactionis getting up.
I get up early every day.
I'm up at 4 35 AM every singleday.
I have my morning routine.
I love, I, I'm prettyparticular about it, I, I,
(23:19):
because I, I, it's mine, right,I guard it.
And I love being able to dowhat I want to do.
I love doing these podcasts.
I love having conversationswith you guys that are on here.
That fills my cup every, youknow, every time I do that, and
so that is satisfaction to me.
And all the other stuff, yes, Iget to make money on all these
other thing, right, and I'mdoing what I love doing.
It's not these grinding, thesenumbers, and you know.
Denise Brown MD (23:41):
And so that's what I'm hearing when I hear you
say this oh my god versussatisfaction yeah, I mean, and
you got to do both right, yougot to make the mortgage, you
got to you know I'm going tokeep the lights on so like it's
not, like we're all just pie inthe sky around the unicorns.
I mean you have shit you got todo right, but I still think you
can find that like the joyalong the way of doing those
(24:02):
things.
And the more you keep choosingyourself, the easier it gets to
pick yourself the easier it getsto say to your boss you know
that 830 meeting is reallydifficult for me because of
blank.
Would it be possible to move itfor half an hour, like what
would that look like, you know?
And then of course your bosswas gonna be like, oh sure, no
problem, I, you know like.
(24:22):
But you start to kind of showup even more, more and more for
yourself.
And so that's why I wrote thebook for my fairy goddaughters
to say like, hey, let's jumpforward, jump forward with me,
so that, like here I am in aplace where I'm really thrilled
to be.
I would like for you to be hereand not have to wait 30 years
(24:42):
to arrive.
Like what, if you show up, likethis next week?
And here are my, you know,seven prescriptions for making
that happen.
Jennifer Loehding (24:52):
That's so awesome and that's how I feel
too about the work that I do.
I feel like it's the samemessage.
We're doing a little bit, butit's the same thing.
It's like if I can help shaveoff some of the pain and the
heartache and the things andmaybe you know, and even for my
kids I tell them I see them dothings I'm like please don't do
that, don't you?
Just?
No, we don't do all that, I'mjust going to save you.
I've been there, done it, let'sjust not do it, you know.
And so, yes, I feel like wehave, you know, something we can
(25:14):
share and hopefully, yes, maybehelp, you know, somebody
younger come up and just shaveoff some of their time, and but
I love that.
You said if you could tellyour't got to do it all, you
don't have to wear all the hats,just slow down and enjoy life a
little bit, you know.
But here's the thing wewouldn't be where we are today
(25:40):
had we not gone through and doneall those things.
Denise Brown MD (25:42):
You know what I mean.
It's like we had to do it one.
I think that's true.
It might have just been alittle bit easier.
You know I used to always, andthere's a lot of people who have
this problem.
You know yes is always myanswer.
I learned over time to sort ofsay yes and and kind of pause.
It's good, because you know thebest person to give something
else to do is a busy woman who'salready doing seven other
things, right?
(26:03):
Right right, but that's a lot ofpressure for us and I think, as
high achieving women inparticular, we tend to take on
things without even realizing.
So there's a lot ofunintentionality where you're
just like oh yeah, all now, allof a sudden I'm the team coach
and the room mom and I'm runninga practice and also all, and
(26:23):
you don't even realize it.
So you've got to learn how tosort of be a little bit more
specific with yourself aboutthat.
So you've got to learn how tosort of be a little bit more
specific with yourself aboutthat.
Jennifer Loehding (26:33):
And what I like to say to people is you
know you can have it all, butyou can't do it all.
Denise Brown MD (26:37):
That's right, so figure out what things you
don't like to do.
Probably is the easiest thing todo first what things you really
don't like to do, what thingsare you okay with doing, and
then what do you love to do, andthen try to work from that.
Like, yeah, for me, I know Italk about in the book like I
thought I would be one of thosemoms, you know, we would be
(26:58):
finger painting at home and wewould be breaking bread, and I
was like what I mean, I waskilling myself to try to like
race out of the hospital and getout the finger paints and I was
like you know what this is,what preschool is for?
Like we're, this is not whatI'm going to be doing it, I'm
going to be sitting in thebackyard on the slip and slide,
you know.
And so, like you just kind oflearn how to make these choices
(27:18):
and if you can figure out thestuff that matters and be really
specific about it, then you canstart to, you know, kind of
just get more and more clear onthat and then more and more
savage in protecting thosethings.
And that's what I actuallythink it takes is some savagery.
Really.
That's a great way to put it.
Jennifer Loehding (27:38):
Yes, great way, you know, it's so funny.
I was thinking about one of myguests that came on the show a
while back.
She is a, she did a, set aworld record, she climbed the
seven second summits and she's amom of like I think I don't
know I'm going to mess this up.
I mean I just know she hasmultiple kids and she was
telling this story about how shewent up there to I don't know
if it was like a they have aschool party or whatever she
realized she wasn't those momsthat were doing that.
(28:00):
She loved her kids andoutdoorsy, but those were not.
She wasn't that kind of and Iand I laugh because I always
felt like I was kind of that momtoo.
I was the mom that, like, I washomeroom mom, I was the field
trip mom, you know the PT, allthose moms that wore all those
hats, but I was not the mom thatwas like oh my God, we're going
to have all the little goodiebags and have a fancy cake.
Like you know, I think we didone birthday party at our house.
(28:26):
A few other places.
You, let's go to the hobbystore and pick out some hot, you
know, gifts.
We've always going to have beenthat sort of the the, not cliche
, you know, but I was with, Iwas grateful and fortunate
enough that I was able to workfrom home, so I got to be with
my kids most of the time.
And now they're all grown,they're all you know, big adults
now and um doing their things,and so they can never complain
(28:47):
that I wasn't there, because Iwas, but we were never that.
You know that.
The nail, yeah, I tell you, mykids got good at doing that
stuff, the nail polish thingswith each other and all that,
even the, even the boy, they alldid.
He was the youngest.
They paint him up and do himtoo, you know.
Denise Brown MD (29:01):
I love you, I love it, I'm impressed we, we.
Jennifer Loehding (29:05):
It's really easy to be harder on yourself,
oh yeah yeah, and that's what Ithink is good about what you're
bringing to the.
You know, the table here isthat it's.
You know, think, don't we weshouldn't beat ourselves up
about all of these things?
I think when we're young wetend to do that because it's
kind of like you know I.
I tell this story like rememberwhen you had your first kid and
I don't know about you but me itwas like they gotta be walking,
(29:28):
no diaper, right?
That's how you gotta have allthat done.
Big kid was walking.
At nine months she was offdiaper, off the bottle, all the
things.
By the time we got to babynumber three, that diaper stayed
on until he was ready to settledown and get that diaper off.
That kid would literally runaround with a dirty, messy
diaper because I'd have to pinhim down and be like you know
what.
You've had that thing on waytoo long.
It needs to go.
(29:50):
You know, like cause I just waslike he'd follow, he would play
, and seriously, like he wouldget tired.
He would just fall over on thecouch and I'm like don't mess
with sleeping baby, just leavehim there, just leave him there.
He'll wake up, he'll be fine,you know.
So it's so funny how we get allthese stereotypes and stigmas
about how we Show up and reallyeverybody's just doing the best
they can.
Just give yourself some grace,you know?
Denise Brown MD (30:10):
Well, give yourself some grace, and then
give everybody else some gracetoo, Exactly, you know, mommies
are horrible to one another.
Yeah, really.
I mean, women in general arenot nice to one another, sadly.
Yeah, constantly judging oneanother, we're constantly
comparing, and I don't know why,because literally we're all
struggling with the same shitand me too.
Jennifer Loehding (30:30):
We need to figure that.
Maybe we need to solve that,because I say that every day.
I'm like I don't know why, whywe do this to each other Because
, like, if you're, if you'resuccessful, I'm happy for you.
Rock on, girl, do your thing.
Denise Brown MD (30:40):
Right.
You know, like I'm, I'm excitedfor any woman that's out
kicking ass comparison and thatkind of leads to a little bit of
judgment and a lot of guilt.
(31:03):
And then we just, you know,kind of go right around the horn
again and you know who cares if.
If that other lady's birthdayparty had a you know coordinated
balloon, arch and party andmine was mud puddles and
whatever, did the kids have fun?
Like did you have?
Jennifer Loehding (31:16):
fun.
Yes, who had fun?
Denise Brown MD (31:19):
Yep, yeah, and I think all the social media
crap you know, makes that somuch more difficult.
I mean, you know, being a momis hard enough.
Going to work every day andcoming home every day that's
hard enough, like we don't needto make it so difficult for
ourselves by adding that extralayer of comparison in there.
And whatever you're doing rightnow is probably exactly what
(31:41):
you should be doing and none ofthe rest of it.
You know that that's all comingfrom some weird, you know
mythical land, uh of should be'sand yeah, I just, I just, I
don't have any time for thatanymore and and but it is
interesting to watch of all ages.
You know whether it's on theplayground or you know mommy's
um.
You know on the sidelines atsports.
You know whether it's on theplayground or you know mommy's
um.
You know on the sidelines atsports.
(32:02):
Or you know even sitting around, grown and flown, like somehow
it just rears its ugly head andyou have to be brave enough to
be like.
You know I'm not going to, I'mnot going to participate in this
, yeah no, I love it and I loveyou know, I'll tell you, most of
the people that I bring into mycircle are like that.
Jennifer Loehding (32:19):
I always say we don't have time for the drama
stuff.
I'm with you on that, denise,because I'm like you.
I'm just like do your thing, behappy.
And if one of us is a reminderthat you're not doing what you
want to do, then you need towork on that.
That's your thing.
You need to figure youridentity out, what you need to
be doing.
We're here to inspire.
We just want to inspire, makeit.
(32:39):
We just try to like, encourageyou to do things right.
We just want you to go out, doawesome things.
So you said your book, youryour book.
You got seven prescriptions inthere I don't want you to tell
us everything.
But so what are these peoplethey're going to find learn
about?
We talked a little bit aboutthe non-linear what.
What's the big?
What message?
Denise Brown MD (32:56):
well, we start with that sort of success versus
satisfaction concept, which Ithink is kind of foundational,
yeah, and then once you kind ofget on that, you can really
recognize that the wholework-life balance concept is
bullshit Right.
There's no balance.
Jennifer Loehding (33:11):
No, you just got to find harmony.
Denise Brown MD (33:13):
No, you're never going to find it Okay.
We talk a lot about decidingwhat plates you want to spin and
which ones you got to keepspinning, and which ones you can
let crash and burn sometimes,because that happens, it's going
to happen.
So you might as well beintentional about which ones
that fall down, instead of whatmost people do, which is they're
like well, I can count on myhusband, I can count on my kids,
so I'm going to make that thelast priority, or my priority,
(33:37):
to treat as the treasures thatthey really are yeah and then we
kind of talk about how do youmake choices, how do you make
decisions like what does that,what does that look like for you
and how can you sort of do itmost effectively for you?
and then we spend a lot of timetalking about comparison, guilt
and judgment and and um, andthen we sort of end up talking
about how to figure out how tonot do the stuff you don't like.
(34:00):
And that doesn't mean you throwmoney at a problem, but it does
mean that sometimes you poolresources.
So I'm not a whole section inkind of imagining outsourcing,
which doesn't mean you know,you're paying out the nose for
DoorDash or grocery deliveriesor whatever, but it might mean
starting a supper co-op in yourneighborhood, which I did for 10
years when my kids were little.
I cooked dinner once a week andSteph did it on Tuesdays and
(34:23):
Jenny did it on Wednesdays andwe all took turns.
So you know, there's ways tokind of make the drudgery, I
think, a little bit lighter ifyou're a creative.
So I offer up some solutionsthere.
And then really the kind of thetake home message is you have to
choose you first, regardless ofwhat you think.
It's not a selfish thing youpick you, you learn to trust
(34:45):
yourself, you learn to know whatreally matters to you, and then
you're able to do that foreverybody else around you.
And that's ultimately what Ithink we all want to be part of
is a community who loves oneanother and and does good things
for one another and lives theselong, satisfied, happy lives
and that's my definition of agood life is sort of sitting on
the porch, you know, kind oflooking back as the sun goes
(35:10):
down and like that you knowtoday was a good day.
But this was a good life.
I love it we're all looking for.
Nobody sort of wants the likeCV on their tombstone right.
Jennifer Loehding (35:17):
No, I love it , denise, and I think it's so
great that you're bringing allthis to light, because you know,
I tell people we've had a lotof stuff going on my son's car
got stolen last week, werecovered it and we've just had
a lot of little crazy things.
And it's funny because I lookat all these things and I'm like
, yeah, they suck, things happenright, but overall, probably
like you do, I get up every dayand I'm like my life's pretty
(35:38):
good for the most part.
I get to do what I want to doand I, like I mentioned early in
, you know in the early in theepisode, I love what the work I
get to do and the things that Iget to do.
So even when bad things happenyeah, they suck in the moment,
but I also feel like overall, mylife feels fulfilled.
You know what I mean and that'swhat I think is what we want,
(35:59):
right.
And it's great because once youfeel that way, there's really
no looking back.
You know what I'm saying.
Like now, you know, becauseyou're on that, I feel like it's
like you jump over that littlebridge.
You know what I mean Becauseyou create that and so it really
comes back to all these thingsyou're saying putting you first,
identifying what's important toyou and giving yourself grace.
(36:20):
There's so many about it.
Denise Brown MD (36:21):
Yeah, yeah about it like everyone can be
like oh, I want a big house andright right bars, or you know
that like that's, that's alittle sad right?
no, I mean sure that soundsgreat, but that's not you know
like, and so it's not you knowand you have to constantly be
kind of re having anotherconversation, you know,
(36:43):
constantly reiterating toyourself what matters, because
it does change and it should.
It's like you know, what Iwanted at 25 is not what I want
at 53.
Why would it be, you know?
No, I agree, but there are,through, lines that you know
that really matter, and thoseare the things that I think are
the real.
That's the real deal.
So that's what a good life is.
It's not the good life, it's agood life.
(37:05):
You're the only one who canfigure out what that means for
you, but wouldn't it be nice ifwe all could have one?
Jennifer Loehding (37:11):
I know it's good stuff.
It's good stuff.
I do want to ask you daysomebody told me you need to
write a book, so I go in the caryou're going to allow.
This is 2019, when I launchedmine, when I put mine out, so I
get in the car and open upFacebook and I just said
something like I'm going towrite a book because I wanted
(37:43):
people to hold me accountable toit.
And then I got I think that wasin maybe May and then I spit it
out in like October of thatyear, and then two weeks later,
we launched this podcast and soyeah, and so I love it.
So I would love to know, justmaybe for somebody listening,
like what do you feel?
Like what was the hardest partof writing that book for you?
Like what was the I guess,maybe just the toughest thing
you had to do in that?
Denise Brown MD (37:55):
Well, you know, like everything you have, you
have a conception of what it'ssupposed to look like.
And so in my mind I was like,oh well, if you're going to
write a book, you're supposed toblock out time on your calendar
and you're supposed to sit atyour laptop and you're supposed
to write 2000 words a day.
Well, I tried that for likethree days and I was like, okay,
this is not going to goanywhere, like there is nothing
(38:17):
about me that does that.
So, okay, this is not going togo anywhere, like there is
nothing about me that does that.
So then I was like, all right,I'm just gonna take, just gonna
not think about it, just gonnalet it set first.
You know, because, like I said,like that's how I do my best
thinking, I'm a big power, powerof the subconscious mind,
believer, um, and I was like,what do I really like to do?
And this is funny, I like totalk.
I mean, I'm a talker, you cantell, tell.
(38:37):
And I got through med school andresidency and everything with
my index card.
You should see the stat.
I got index card.
Like, I write it down on anindex card.
I put my thoughts down and itmakes sense.
So I thought you know what?
I'm just going to get my stackindex cards and my trusty Pentel
pencil and I'm going to writedown the things that I think
matter the most, and then I'mjust going to do a little bullet
(38:58):
outline of the things that Iwould sort of want to say, okay,
great.
And then I took my stack indexcards and I put my headphones on
and I went out walking, becauseI'm a walk-in talker, I think
when I'm moving and I talked thewhole book.
I did it on Otter and I justtalked the whole book.
And you know, as a doctor youlearn how to do transcription.
(39:18):
Right, we've been doingtranscript, you know.
So you say period, paragraphnext, whatever, and it made it
really easy.
So then when Otter kind ofdumped it into Word, it was all
at least sort of there, and thenI could read much around it.
And so people who know me readthe book and they're like, oh my
God, it's like you're talkingto me.
And I'm like, well, it'sbecause of one One.
Yeah, I was talking to you.
(39:38):
And then I read the audio book.
So that was actually really fun.
I hear if you listen to it attime and a half, you can get it
done in three hours Okay.
Jennifer Loehding (39:46):
I'm going to check your book out.
I like the title, I like thestar, it's very good.
You know it's great.
Because you kind of mentioned,you know, the sitting down and
writing, and you saw me laughingon that because I kind of think
I sort of had that same kind ofmindset.
Then I realized no, you can'twrite when you just can't write
(40:08):
to write Like I can't just sitdown and write, so I would have
to wait for it to like sort ofcome about and it would just
sort of like and here's thefunny thing I I get used to we
were walking our dogs everysingle morning.
One of my dogs has gotten oldnow, so my husband's just taken
the other one running, but wewould walk every morning and I
would say that all of my ideaswould come while we were walking
the dogs and then I wouldn'thave anything with me, I
(40:30):
wouldn't have my phone, I'd belike.
So I tell my husband I'd be likedo not forget this idea.
Help me remember this idea whenwe get in the door, because I'm
going to forget this and I needyou to help me remember this.
You know, because when I'mmoving, that's when things will
come up.
So to your point on the book.
Yes, I'm glad you shared that,because somebody writing may
think again they got to sit downand block these types.
Now, sometimes you just whenthe ideas flow, that's when you
(40:51):
pull the paper or the pen or dothe audio, whatever it is have
it ready so that when the ideascome out you can start.
You know, if you're going towalk your dog, bring your phone
so that you can try to get theidea in there before you get up.
Denise Brown MD (41:06):
That's the truth.
Yeah, I mean I do have.
I do have girlfriends.
I mean one of my friends is areally successful novelist and
she does sit down and write.
That is her process.
She's a writer, like that washer profession.
You know it's different than me, like that's not my profession.
Yeah, anyway, it is really.
It is really funny thatdifferent, different ways that
people pull it off.
(41:27):
But yeah, for me it was a lot,it was, it was actually really
fun to do.
And then I had these my fairygoddaughters who kind of read
through it and they were like myhype squad and, you know, kind
of helped me figure some thingsout about where to put what and
whatnot.
So that was, it was just, itwas really it was a fun project
to um, to kind of go down and I,you know, I, I the whole time I
(41:50):
try to be entertained.
I most of life is highlyentertaining, and so I just was
entertained by the whole processand learning about it and you
know, meeting editors and talk,you know all this stuff.
It's just not something I knewanything about.
So really cool.
Jennifer Loehding (42:03):
Well, good, I'm glad it was a good
experience, because you get toshare your gifts and your
knowledge with the world youknow put it out there.
Whatever way that works for you.
That's right.
I have two questions left Iwant to ask you.
This one is success tips.
So what is your one thing inthe morning that you do, when
you get up and like set your day, like that one thing that's
important to you?
Denise Brown MD (42:24):
Well, I don't get up at four, 30 in the
morning.
Jennifer Loehding (42:28):
Yeah, Don't do that If it doesn't work.
I mean I train myself, I wakeup now.
I mean, Lauren, does I come upbefore the alarm?
Now I'm like what's up withthat.
Denise Brown MD (42:41):
Well, I appreciate that, but that is not
me.
I I think because I spent youknow about 15 years getting up
all night long every night, orat least every third night, but
no just no, like no, we did it,we're done.
Yeah, don't not again.
Never again.
Um, it's actually kind ofcheesy, but I love it.
Um, every day, my husband comesin and leaves my yeti of coffee
on my own oh nice.
And I get a kiss and he tellsme he loves me before he goes
(43:05):
off to work and I sit and I justenjoy my coffee and I think
about how lucky I am.
That is so awesome and that'show I start every day that is so
great, my dog.
But I think that moment of justbeing like, hey, you know, we're
at it again on the right sideof the grass, a little bit of
gratitude, goes a long way,especially first thing in the
(43:26):
morning.
Jennifer Loehding (43:27):
Yeah, thanks for sharing that.
I haven't had anybody say thatbefore, so I love it.
That's great.
No, I think it's.
I think it's.
How long have you guys now beenmarried?
We had our 20th weddinganniversary this week.
You know I agree right aboutwhere we are, so we had 29 in
April, so, yeah, so it's a longtime it's in space with the same
person.
Denise Brown MD (43:45):
I know, it seems like two days ago, but
also really long time.
Jennifer Loehding (43:49):
My kids laugh .
Yesterday we went to go up towhere my son's a chef and we
went to go eat in his restaurant.
It was so nice.
They comped our meal.
They love my son there there.
They always have good things tosay about him, but he comes
home and I got to meet, like thehostess general, the manager
that she came on, though.
We love sean blah blah.
So she goes back to my son andsays your mom is so nice, and I
said well, I don't know thatyour husband was.
(44:11):
I don't know my husband wouldsay that every day.
Denise Brown MD (44:14):
So I love it.
I love it sweet.
Jennifer Loehding (44:18):
I like I know I'm nice, but I don't know if
your dad's going to go, as agreewith that one.
Congratulations on your 28years.
That is so awesome and I lovethat you shared that about the
coffee, because it's reallyabout the gratitude, right.
Denise Brown MD (44:31):
It's about finding the little things.
It's the little things you know.
In fact, I just finishedAnnabelle Monabelle Monahan's um
, newest books, just it justcame out maybe a week or so ago
and she writes she writes agreat book, uh, nora goes off
script and and this new one iscalled uh, not a love story, um,
and one of the, what is sort ofone of the.
(44:55):
There's a couple in there thathave been married a long time
and said love is for breakfast,love happens at breakfast, and
basically the idea that romancehappens at dinner time.
They're dressed up, you haveyour makeup on, you're sort of
presenting yourself out into theworld, but love happens over
(45:17):
breakfast.
Nobody's got their makeup on.
You're talking about your day,you're kind of having your cup
of coffee, you're kind of andand and it's those little things
that the breakfastconversations, that that's where
, like, kind of the real, truelove is, and it keeps showing up
.
And I just thought I, I just Idon't know it really resonated
with me because, because I thinkthat's true about anything,
it's the, it's those littlethings that we do for one
(45:37):
another, um, that end up, youknow, being the building blocks
of of a good life.
So I that, just it.
The whole thing just made myheart sing.
I thought it was really cool.
Jennifer Loehding (45:46):
Thank you for sharing that.
So, denise, if our listenerswant to pick up the book or get
in touch with you, where wouldyou like us to send them?
Denise Brown MD (45:53):
Oh well, you can find the book at, like the
usual suspects.
You know Amazon, barnes, noble.
What have you the Audible's on?
You know Google, apple, spotify, whatever.
The Audible is fun.
I read it myself.
So that was a hoot and a half.
And then I have a website.
It's Denise S Brown MD or theFairy God Doctor.
(46:14):
I'll get you there too.
Jennifer Loehding (46:16):
We'll make sure when we get the show notes,
when my guy does all, puts allthe bells and whistles on there,
we'll get the website in thereso everybody knows where to find
the book, find you all the goodstuff.
But yes, I'm gonna check it outmyself because I took, like I
said, I love the, the title andI love the little star and I saw
you kind of moving with yeah,it's a big old magic wand on the
cover there I love it because,having my you know background,
Mary Kay, we were all aboutthese stars and all that stuff.
(46:40):
And that's another thing Imissed too is all that little
glitzy fun yes, All that funstuff that we got to do in there
.
So I want to tell youcongratulations, you know, on
the book coming out, all yoursuccess and you're happy, things
that you're getting to do andthe things that you're sharing
and putting out into the world.
So congratulations putting outinto the world.
So congratulations, thank you,right back at you.
Thank you so much and, ofcourse, to our listeners we
(47:05):
appreciate you.
We hope that you find thisepisode both inspiring and
informative, and if you do, youknow what to do.
Do all the things.
First of all, go find Denise,get her book, but also subscribe
, like share comment, so that wecan keep sharing all these
fabulous stories and all thiscontent with you.
And, as I always say, in orderto live the extraordinary, you
have to start, and every startbegins with a decision.
You guys, take care, be safe,be kind to one another and we
(47:25):
will see you next time.
Thank you.
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