# 35. Why Belonging Isn’t Instant—What every expat woman wish they knew to feel at home in their new country

Feeling like you don’t belong yet? 

In this heartfelt episode, Yolanda Reshemah and guest Karen Giva share the truth about starting over abroad—why belonging takes time, how healing helps, and what every expat woman can do to truly feel at home in a new country. 

You'll learn why vulnerability matters, how to rebuild community, and what it really takes to feel at home in a new country—no matter where you are in your journey.

 Press play. Uncover the truth about belonging abroad.

To share your own migration story or feedback email  [e-mail] 

This compelling podcast dives into Expat and immigrant women (and men) stories. Those who immigrate to the USA, tackling the struggles of homesickness, identity crisis, and culture shock in the USA while adjusting to expat life and navigating cultural differences. Through conversations on starting over, reinventing yourself, and finding purpose, it highlights success stories of women's tenacity, and the resilience of expats in the USA. It offers insights into bicultural identity, language barriers, and the challenges of living overseas. The podcast emphasizes the importance of a strong support system and wellbeing for women in pursuit of the American dream.

https://www.instagram.com/theplaces_wecallhome

Episode Transcript

(00:03):
In this episode, I'm sharing notjust the hard truth of belonging
in the USA when you're fromanother country, but I want to
show you the power of beingauthentic and vulnerable, also
why healing is a vital part ofour experience as expat women in

(00:23):
the USA.
Welcome to starting over in theUSA, the Expat Woman's Guide to
overcoming homesickness,embracing cultural differences,
and creating a new home awayfrom home.
On this podcast, we talk aboutleaving behind the familiar, you
know, the pangs of homesicknessand culture shock to the

(00:44):
journeys of reinventingyourself.
I'm Yolanda Reshemah.
And after relocating six times,I know firsthand what it's like
to start from scratch, feelinglike both a foreign child and a
foreign adult in a new world.
Now Wednesdays are for realconversations with my expat

(01:07):
guests, women who know what itmeans to immigrate.
And today I am following up achat with my guest, Karen Giva,
from episode 33.
We are exploring what we wish weknew before we relocated,
acknowledging that moving abroadoften means dealing with the
hurt of leaving everythingbehind.

(01:29):
I'm inviting you into a spacewhere honesty, vulnerability and
healing takes center stage.
So let's pick up theconversation.
Let's jump into it.
What do you wish you knew backthen that you know now?

(01:49):
Wow.
That's a hell of a question.
Why do I wish I knew then beforeI moved here that I know now?
I'll give you an example from myexperience.
When I lived in England, it wasso simple to meet new people
whether you are on a train onthe way home from work, 10

(02:13):
o'clock in the evening afterbeing with your friends or in a
park on a Saturday, but it waseasy to strike up conversation
with random people, exchangenumbers, and meet for coffee.
And then you keep meeting forcoffee.
And before you know it, it's twoyears later, you are going on
vacation together and allbecause you met this person

(02:37):
randomly.
He struck up a conversation.
I was truly expectingfriendships to develop that way
here so I didn't at all have aplan in place of how I was going
to create a community of friendsaround me.
I expected it to just happen.
I wish I knew that there wouldbe absence of the things that

(03:00):
made up my culture, the, themusic and an eclectic mix of
people, but I expected thatvibrancy to continue., I started
realizing what, what am Imissing?
There's something that justdoesn't quite feel right, and
it's the, the vibrancy fromhaving different type of people

(03:22):
around me with differentexperiences and ideas all
together as friends.
And I struggled with that.
So that's my example.
So if you would've not had theexpectation, your life would've
been be able to be a bit easier?

(03:43):
I would have prepared myself forthat.
I would've done more research.
I had very high expectation thatI'm gonna, I told myself, Hey,
you lived in the States, this isthe third time easy wy and when
I arrived, it was not like that.

(04:04):
First I didn't wanna move.
And when I realized we're gonnastay, it was heartbreaking, we
just moved to a new place inIsrael eight months before I
found my dream house.
I made friends like you weresaying, I had to leave
everything behind and start overin a place I never heard of

(04:24):
Novato I didn't know this placeexisted, Nova.
What?
I missed the lack of diversityin Marine specifically.
I think, I want my kids to meetpeople different from them.
We need to accept everyone.
It doesn't matter what his skincolor, language, religious, on a

(04:50):
wheelchair, special needs.
I don't care.
You're gonna accept everyone.
Be nice help and embrace, that'swhat we're teaching them, I
remember when we sat in Israelat home and Shahar, my husband
said, okay, there is Berkeley,there is the city, there is
Marine and there is Oakland.

(05:10):
And he said, on Marine, youknow, there's not so much
diversity.
But I was looking for warmweather.
I don't like the city.
I like nature and need warmweather.
I'm from Israel and sometimeseven Novato is not warm enough
for me.
But I said, I don't wantBerkeley.
Too cloudy Oakland.
And the city.

(05:30):
No, so we chose here, angelsbrought us here, which is okay.
I love Novato.
I really miss having, like more,I you know, other people.
If I knew it's not gonna be soeasy, for me, I would not have
expected.
Then disappointed not being ableto do it fast, because usually

(05:54):
i'm very fast, we moved to a newplace in Israel, and it took me
a month and a half and I hadgood friends.
I started building a communityand here, wow.
It was super, super hard, andI'm still working on it, if
someone told me to take my timeand give myself the grace period

(06:19):
of making friends, understandinghow things are being done from
every aspect, from shopping topaying the bills.
My experience would've beenmuch, easier than what I
experienced in the first year,which was awful.

(06:41):
But now, here you are.
Now I am here four.
It's getting easier.
It's still a journey.
It's still a road to be travel.
I think it'll always be ajourney because it's not our
home.
If you are gonna go back toEngland, and I'm gonna go back
to Israel, we are gonna slide toour slippers right away.

(07:02):
In a way we're still gettingused to things that we have now
in our lives, but it's stillgonna be home.
You're not gonna have to adjustso much.
I'm feeling that I always gonnafeel a bit, off here.
When I was single, I alwayssaid, I felt right at home in

(07:24):
America.
I lived a year in New York.
I lived four years in LosAngeles.
I fell right at home, but youknow, I was by myself.
I was young.
It's a different life.
Now you have two other beautifulsouls that you're responsible
of.
Mm-hmm.

(07:44):
And I'm always saying to myhusband, I wish our kids
would've been able to have thechildhood we had in Israel.
Mind the fact that it's not thatanymore and everything changed
but.
The mentality, and, and the,the, the, you know, even the
holidays, the small holidays, wehave so many small ones we're
not celebrating here but inIsrael, you're gonna celebrate

(08:06):
because it's in the schoolsystem and it's everywhere so
this is something I will alwaysmiss.
And you know, I'm not gonna liethat if one, you know, A few
years from now, if my kid'sgonna say, mom.
I have decided to go back andlive in Israel.
I would say yes.
Even the IDF that we have to go.
It's a mandatory thing.

(08:26):
I don't admire the IDFI, it'snot a fun place to be.
But it teaches you a lot aboutlife.
I'm not sure I would want tosend our kids there.
What's going on now?
Mm-hmm.
In my country.
So I I wouldn't wanna send mykids, to get killed in a war, I
don't want that to happen.
I have a son and a, a boy and agirl.

(08:46):
To have the experience ofhanding yourself and answering
to a supervisor and how do youhandle yourself away from home.
For a week, months, how do youhandle yourself with food?
Taking care of yourself at theage of 18.
You're done.
Not the war and guns which Ihate.
And you're a mom.

(09:07):
And you look at it from theperspective of a mom wanting
kids to be Well, So Karen.
It has been a pleasure.
That is perfect, note on whichto end.
Can you believe we have beenchatting for an hour?
I probably could have beenchatting with you more.

(09:27):
Let's meet.
It's gonna be great if you'regonna come here.
I would love that.
Let's do that.
thank you so much for sharingyour transparency, your
vulnerability, and the healingthat is taking place in you
right now.
These two takeaways are aboutvulnerability and transparency,
the first is that Karen openlynames the hard feelings without

(09:51):
flinching.
She's not sugarcoating herexperience.
She calls her first year in theUS Awful.
And admits that she just did notwant to move.
We see, and we hear Karenheartbreak of leaving behind her
dream home, her friendseverything that she knew., The
other thing that really jumpsout to me is that Karen doesn't

(10:11):
wait until everything isresolved before she shared her
story it's a journey that istaking place, it will always be
a journey because this is notour home.
That's vulnerability.
Let's talk about healing, movingto the US or anywhere else means
leaving behind.
Really important parts ofyourself, and that grief doesn't

(10:35):
always show up immediately, butwhen it does show up that means
recognizing what you arefeeling, and talking about it
with somebody.
From my experience, I see it asthe thing that allowed me to
find my new north it's enabledme to discover what I enjoy in

(10:58):
this new country of mine.
If you are hurting for whatyou've left behind, that's not
failing.
It simply means that you'restill on the journey of letting
go, of discovering somethingnew.
And many of us expect womenarrive in our new place--
assuming that we are going toform friendships very easily.

(11:18):
But when that reality doesn'tmatch, it can feel like failure.
Healing again is that thing thathelps us to rewrite those
expectations with compassion,not shame.
You don't have to be fullyhealed to connect with other
people.
Like Karen it takes courage tospeak out and to be so

(11:40):
vulnerable about what you'regoing through, but it helps you
to show up with your honesty andopenness.
That's it from me.
Enjoy the rest of your day.
Bye-bye.