Exquisite Care – The Feminine Way to Sobriety, Deep Nourishment & Expansion Part 3

This week, we’re diving into Exquisite Care, the third principle of The Feminine Way. And no, I’m not just talking about bubble baths and spa days—this is about deep, soul-level nourishment that actually supports your body, your nervous system, and your expansion.

We’re still in the vibe of finding out instead of figuring it out, and sometimes, that means letting go of control, asking for support, and allowing yourself to truly receive. I share how exquisite care has shown up in my life, from checking in with my inner child to rethinking what relaxation really means. Plus, I walk through examples of how my clients have transformed by shifting from control and micromanagement into ease, joy, and presence.

Key Takeaways:

🌿 Exquisite care is about giving yourself what you actually need—not what you think you should need.
🌿 You’re already supporting your inner child in some way—how can you do it with more love and intention?
🌿 Control is a false sense of safety. Real safety comes from trust and resourcing yourself deeply.
🌿 There’s no rush—soften, listen, and see what happens when you stop forcing.
🌿 Pleasure is not an indulgence. It’s a way of life.

If this resonates with you, let’s take it deeper. Book a Sober Glow Up Activation Session, where we’ll work through a heart altar activation, rewrite your story, and create a new vision of what’s possible.

🔗 Try Magic Mind with 20% off: magicmind.com/maryW20

DISCLAIMER: This podcast and its contents are not a substitute for rehabilitation, medical treatment or advice. It is for educational and inspirational purposes. I am not a therapist or doctor. The views here are expressed a personal opinion and based on first hand experience. Please consult a doctor if your mental or physical health is at risk.

Episode Transcript

Mary Wagstaff (00:02):
Music. Welcome to stop drinking and start living
the feminine way. I'm yourhostess. Mary Wagstaff, holistic
alcohol coach and feminineembodiment guide here to help
you effortlessly release alcoholby reclaiming your feminine
essence. Sobriety isn't justabout quitting drinking, it's
about removing the distortionsthat keep you disconnected,

(00:26):
overwhelmed and stuck in cyclesof numbing. Each week, I'll
share powerful tools, newperspectives that transform and
deeply relatable stories to helpyou step into the power pleasure
and purpose that it is to be awoman. This is your next
evolution of awakenedempowerment. Welcome to the

(00:47):
feminine way. Beautifullisteners. Have you checked out
my sober glow up activationoffering. This is such a
powerful, powerful opportunityfor you to make a big shift. Now
we're still in the vibe offinding out, but in order to

(01:11):
find out, oftentimes, we needthis catalyst to help us
activate something inside thatwe just couldn't see. So I
created these sober activationsessions as an opportunity to do
a two hour deep dive with youthat you can get a taste, a
first hand taste, of a lot ofthe stuff that I talk about on

(01:34):
the podcast, where I will walkyou through a heart altar
activation. We will really lookat your visionary story in
alignment with your values andan identity. Reframe this one
session is going to really bringto light the places where you've

(01:55):
felt stuck and give you a lot tonot work with, but to explore,
right? So that you have somematerial to really place your
intention on and your attentionon, so you don't just feel like
you're kind of like floundering,like, when will I know, right?
And we're gonna also really lookat the areas of strength where

(02:17):
you already are doing it, butyou just can't see it. And the
one thing where you can placeall of your attention that's
going to help carry you throughto get to the other side of
whether you're sober, curious,and you're just starting your
journey, or if you're reallyinterested in living more in the

(02:37):
feminine way in an alcohol freelife, because you deserve to
wake up every day just feelingproud of yourself and excited
for possibility, even whenyou're not feeling amazing. So
the link is right here. In theshow notes, there's spaces
available for you to come andjump in, and I just love being

(02:58):
able to connect with mylisteners on the other side
here, it's just such an awesomeopportunity for us to create the
sacred experience together. Sothe third piece of the feminine
way, and there's many, manypieces, but is exquisite care?
What does exquisite care mean?
Exquisite is of the highestcaliber, right? This isn't just

(03:20):
getting your nails done. Thisisn't just a massage, and it's
that too, but it is a holisticperspective, and for me,
oftentimes it is asking forhelp. It is asking for support.
It is letting setting down myburdens, not like putting my
burdens on someone else. But youknow, there's an invitation,

(03:42):
especially with the work I do,or with any other healing
modality or healingpractitioner, to say, Hey, I'm
here to support you, lightenyour load, right? Because if as
a coach, as a coach and amentor, I'm not taking on my
client's energy, I am helpingthem release it right. I'm here
to witness and to hold space andguide into a new perspective of

(04:04):
release, of reclamation, of awild, new way of reclaiming
their their own sovereignty inlife so exquisite care is kind
of gathering more resources,where with with something that

(04:26):
maybe you you haven't lookedinto yet, right? And that could
be going to the chiropractor fora nervous system reset. That
could be making sure that youschedule in 1020 minutes of a
day after everyone goes to bed,where you just have time to be
in that silent place ofsolitude, creating whatever

(04:49):
feels like a devotional practicefor yourself and honoring that
without judgment, withoutpressure, without shame, but
finding out so this exquisite.
It care is also nurturing yourinner child, the part of you
that in a lot of ways, you'vebeen supporting, and I know this

(05:11):
is backwards. It's kind ofinverted, and this is why we
have to look at it. You've beensupporting with alcohol, you've
been supporting with some ofthese unintentional ways that
you protect yourself. We thinkwe're supporting ourselves by
controlling everything, and thisis what the last two
conversations were like,actually, the last three right,
controlling our environment,micromanaging everything, when

(05:33):
really we've been creating somuch restriction on ourselves
and kind of dampening the voiceof the inner child, and
unintentionally and with goodintention, right? Subconsciously
and with good intention, wethink we're practicing,
practicing and protectingourselves from being hurt again,
from being in a situation wheremaybe these methods did work

(05:56):
before, but they're not workingbecause they're stunting our
growth. And so there's thisopportunity to take exquisite
care of yourself by Re parentingyourself and really checking in
with your inner child. And youcan even do that right now of
just saying, you know, sweet,sweet little inner child, reveal
yourself. And I'd love to I'dlove to share. I'd love to talk

(06:18):
to you and placing your hand onyour body and just saying, Where
are you? Where are you living?
Where are you hiding out. Andshe might be teeny, tiny, like
an inch, or she might my innerchild is quite big, and she she
lives in the lower parts of mybody, kind of in my womb space
and in my pelvic floor. And whenshe's expansive and she's

(06:40):
feeling really good, she getsbigger, she loves she's always
just asking, and I probablydon't do this nearly enough, but
she always just wants to playwith Emmett. She always wants to
play with my son. She's like,that's when I have the most fun
when we're playing with Emmett.
She always tells me that. And ofcourse, I play with my son, but
I get in my daily, like, adultlife, and so I have to remember

(07:03):
that, and I check in with heroften when I'm in confusion,
when I'm in worry, when I'm inand sometimes I forget, you
know, when I'm really justwrapping my mind going around
something again and again andagain, and sitting in my
thoughts versus getting in mybody. So exquisite care does it
mean making a list of the bookbenefits and the negatives and

(07:26):
the positives? No? Exquisitecare means being in the present
moment with your with your body,with your nervous system, with
your emotions. Because emotionsas humans and especially as
women, are our gifts. Thinkabout the vastness of
experiences that they offer us.
It's such a pleasure. And

Unknown (07:45):
the more you remove alcohol, you can

Mary Wagstaff (07:49):
and then step into the feminine way, it's not
just the removal of alcohol,right? You will feel emotions,
but if you decide that there areproblems, and without stepping
into the feminine way, thatthere's actually this
opportunity of deep pleasure, ofdeep embodied pleasure of the
want, like being in the wantingis feels better than in the

(08:10):
having, right or what'sdelighting you, what's turning
you on. And there is a lot ofwork that has to be done here,
because our nervous systems haveto be able to be regulated by
pleasure. And this is thecraziest part of it, right? This
is the craziest part of it thatit's not that we're feeling so

(08:34):
stressed out and we can't handlethat, because I know you can
handle stress. It's that we findthe discomfort in relaxation,
and that's what our episode wasall about last week. So we have
to go deeper into experiencingexquisite care for ourselves and
practicing what that means. Andso for me, something that I love

(08:57):
to do, my favorite thing to dois for is go for a walk. And I
don't like walk. I keep a goodpace. If you walked with me,
you'd probably be like, Mary,you walk really fast. But, you
know, I like to move. So I haveto remember when I'm walking
with a dog or walking withEmmett, like it's I'm here to be
in the pleasure of it. But Ilove to walk, and a lot of the

(09:18):
times, I don't listen toanything. I don't bring my phone
with me. I really try to be inthe sounds, the sights, the the
sensation, the feelings, all ofthe things. And just to be, just
to kind of notice what my mindis rattle what's rattling around
in my mind. That is exquisitecare for me, fitting that in and

(09:42):
not, you know, crunching it inlike it's something to check off
my to do list, but letting it besomething that can be really
just for me, something else thatfeels really pleasurable to me,
and sometimes I always Matthewprobably thinks I'm such a jerk.
I'll be like, Isn't it weirdthat adults have to share a room

(10:04):
and kids get their own bedroom?
And I love nothing more than tosleep with Matthew. But
sometimes I want my own bed, youknow? Sometimes I want to get up
in the morning and just not talkand but I don't want to get out
of bed. I don't want to go siton the couch and I want to sit
up and I say my prayers or justbe quiet, or maybe even
sometimes I listen to ameditation. But I love nothing

(10:26):
more than to have a morning warmbeverage in bed, do some
journaling, do some reading andjust hang out. That is, like my
favorite thing. And I actuallyreally like to do it alone, and
that's just being honest. Sothat's the other thing about
exquisite care, is there's timeswhere I like to snuggle up and

(10:47):
hang out and chit chat, and thenthere's times where I really
want to be by myself, and thatthis is another piece of your
exquisite care is. What is that?
And then there's times where Ireally want to be with my
girlfriends, where I really wantto have just that hangout space
where we get to talk and shareand see what's coming up. And

(11:11):
this is why I intentionally haveSister Circles and women's
gatherings that brings a lot ofexquisite care and pleasure to
my life. So the things you knowreally fill you up, and what are
the excuses that you're makingfor yourself, something that I
believe every woman that I'veever worked with in sobriety, I

(11:36):
can think of so many examples.
So there's a woman that I haveworked with, that I coached, who
would take these trips all byherself, married woman, grown
children, take all take thesetrips by herself across the
country, and she would go stayat this cabin by herself. And
you know, she had to overcomesome objections around that. And

(11:57):
like people are like, you know,are you crazy, right? Whatever,
and so. But she loved it. Butone of the things that she would
do often when she was there andkind of engaging with this new
community, is she would drink toconnect well. When we started
working together, and we talkedabout being in the feminine and
being her, in her pleasure andopening her senses, and what
exquisite care is like, and herfinding out versus having to

(12:20):
figure it out. And she was ableto really be honest with
herself. She started creatingconnections in a brand new way.
And she had a whole differentexperience of what this
experience of being by herselffor, you know, several weeks at
a time that it ended up being somuch richer and so much deeper,

(12:43):
because she learned how to bewith herself, unaltered, right?
There's another woman who herhusband traveled a lot for work,
and she had been she's a stay athome mom, but her kids were, you
know, kind of older, and she hadthis guilt of not like being
busy and like feeling like shealways needed to be doing

(13:05):
something if she had some timein the afternoon or in the
evenings by herself. And youknow, we coached on if you were
to step into your feminine whatwould what would happen? What
would be the perspective shiftthere? And so the more she
started doing that, she realizedthat she was the one judging
herself. No one else was judgingher for having these afternoons

(13:27):
and these evenings alone. And ifshe wasn't, you know, busying
herself out and she would behome, she would drink. And after
our time together, she startedreally just, oh my gosh, like
studying history and justdelighting in new books and

(13:47):
resting and, you know, engagingin things in the past that she
thought may have been these likefrivolous indulgences, but they
created so much pleasure for herthat she didn't need the
alcohol. The alcohol actuallytook away from it, and she
started engaging with herfamily, not needing to control
and micromanage them, andtelling them, like, Hey, this is

(14:09):
on you guys, right? And but shewas in such a better place, and
she was so much more joyful, andshe showed up for her
responsibilities in a way thatjust made her feel so good and
receptive versus that it neededto look a certain way that she
was responsible for the outcomeof everyone else's emotions,
right? So there is this realimpact on doing the things that

(14:30):
you are already doing, but fromthis perspective of this
feminine way. And this is whysolitude and practicing being in
yourself and softening and justfinding out what happens what's
happening in my body. So weworked on embodiment. We worked
on the heart altar activationthat I offer to all my clients,

(14:51):
and inside of the sober glow upactivation sessions, we worked
on the vision she was creating.
For herself, for all of myclients. So I would love to
invite you to come and spendsome time with me, so that you
can actually experience embodiedin your body versus just a

(15:14):
concept, because you can take inall the information you want,
but nothing changes it until youactually decide to apply it from
a place of finding out, from aplace of curiosity and
expansion, right and andmagnetism and what if? What if
pleasure was your priorityversus your to do list,

(15:36):
everything you need is in theshow notes. I can't wait to talk
to you next week. Have abeautiful day. If something in
today's episode spoke to youdeeply, you are ready for your
next level of awakening, and Iwant to invite you to book a
sober glow up activation sessionwith me where we can rewrite
your alcohol story. Right now,we'll remove the energetic

(15:56):
blocks that are keeping youstuck and stagnant to activate
it and alive, to book a sessionand to learn more, just follow
the link right here in the shownotes, or head on over to my
website, Mary Wagstaff coach.comand find out what it means to
truly live life from your mostauthentic self. I will See you
over there. You