FF Brian - "Stepping Away"

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“One thing I kind of regret doing, looking back now, is when everyone’s asking, 'Hey, are you good?' is saying, 'Yes, I’m fine.'” - Firefighter Brian

When Firefighter Brian joined the fire service in July 2021, he was living his childhood dream — helping people, running calls, and finding family in the firehouse. But one clear, sunny day, a single call changed everything.

Brian responded to a serious crash involving two teenagers. Despite the crew doing everything possible to save them, one of the girls didn’t survive. Brian recalls looking into her eyes as the time of death was called — and something inside him shifted. Still a probationary firefighter, Brian told everyone he was fine. But he wasn’t. The flashbacks came weeks later – first on a drive to work, then during EMT class, and finally on scenes where he found himself disconnected and lost in memory.

Then came the breaking point – a dark thought and an AR-15 in the closet. But before he could act, his cat walked into the room. That small moment – a simple reminder that he wasn’t alone – saved his life.

From there, Brian’s story became one of healing. A wellness check from his department led to hospitalization, therapy, and the realization that it’s okay to not be okay. He started journaling every call that weighed on him – entries that his therapist still uses to guide their sessions.

Today, Brian works doing non-emergency transfers, often with psychiatric patients. He finds meaning in being able to see them not as cases but as people who are still fighting.

He volunteers in fire service, but on his own terms now – when and how he chooses. His message to other first responders is simple: “As much as we love being prideful of the job – if it’s affecting you in any way, just take a step back.”

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