July 22, 2026 • 26 mins
Trust isn’t about what you know -- it’s about how your prospects feel with you.
I’ll share actionable strategies to build trust by creating emotional safety and understanding their deepest concerns.
In this month’s Stump The Guru show I will dive into the essence of trust. What is it, really?
I've made it my life’s mission to create the clarity that is missing in the traditional sales process, through decades of working with thousands of business owners all over the world, refining Trust-Based Selling into a true art form:
· Stop "chasing" ghosts (leads that never call you back!)
· Make the sale in ONE conversation, without pressure
· Stop selling, create deep trust instead
I’ve taken my mission one step further and created a livestream show called “Stump The Guru’” -- where you get the opportunity to jump on live and ask me your toughest sales questions that you’d love an answer for.
Get Ari's latest best-selling book "Trust In A Split Second!" for FREE along with a Complimentary Lead & Sales Growth Consultation (Value $995.00) at http://www.UnlockTheGame.com/FreeConsult, and join him as a guest on his podcast "Stump The Guru" and get your chance to ask Ari one-on-one questions, fill in the form to be clickable to this link: https://links.arigalper.com/widget/form/rh5YanDqzZqPHVBCKlKG
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Hi everyone, welcome to Stump the Guru podcast with
your host, Ari Galpa, theworld's number one authority on
trust-based selling and thecreator of Unlock the Game.
This monthly podcast will bringyou guests from virtually every
industry unrehearsed to try andstump Ari with their most
difficult sales challenges.
(00:21):
This podcast is for businessowners, financial advisors,
entrepreneurs, and salesexecutives.
The guests on this show haveonly one goal in mind: to stump
Ari.
And Ari has one goal in mind (00:33):
to overturn the notion of selling
as we know it today by buildingtrust between buyers and
sellers.
SPEAKER_01 (00:44):
Hello, everybody.
Welcome to the Stump the GuruShow.
My name is Ari Galper.
As many of you might know, Ispecialize in trust-based
selling.
Now on two decades of thisspecialized work, and this is
our live show where we havefolks who are uh can come on
live, ask me a question theymight have about their
situation, uh, where we shareour insights on our unique
(01:07):
approach around how to approachthe market, how to move someone
forward without having to chase,follow up, do free consulting,
the opposite of what typicalselling is all about.
And uh, for those of you whodon't know, we have a whole body
of work around this, uh,multiple books.
Uh, you're welcome to join ourcommunity for free, by the way.
You'll see on the screen thereit says rekalper.com forward
(01:28):
slash free.
You can join our community,access my Master of the Mindset
course for free, understand howwe think, what our philosophy
is, and some tips to help you uhwith your process as well.
Um, if you don't have my latestbook, you can grab a copy of
thetrustbook.com and get a copyof that mailed to you for free,
along with a consultation thatcomes along with that if you'd
(01:48):
like.
And so, yeah, this is our chanceto really kind of brainstorm
ideas together, whoever comeson.
I usually have Sam with me aswell, our head coach.
We chat about things and um Iusually start the the show
around a theme.
And the theme today is aroundsort of what is the definition
of trust in the sales process,because it's a bit confusing.
(02:12):
Most people believe that trustis all about relationship
building and then meld it alltogether into one unit.
And what I have figured out inmy work over the last two
decades is that relationshipbuilding and trust building are
two different concepts that canbe separated.
Um, and the traditional modelsof selling have always been
(02:32):
relationship-based starterpoints, where it's always been
about the relationship.
You meet someone for the firsttime, you get to know them, they
get to like you, you get to likethem, then over time they get to
trust you, then they work withyou.
And that's fine if you're happyto wait a very long time and in
the hope they uh come back toyou when they're ready or they
(02:55):
trust you at the end of theprocess.
But what we figured out is ifyou can eliminate the
relationship piece of this andonly use the trust piece of this
pre-sale, then you shorten andcompress your sales cycle down
to a very short amount of steps.
Um, and you know, pre-COVID inthe old days, I call it old
days, pre-internet days,pre-COVID, um, relationship
(03:15):
building was what it was allabout because they didn't people
didn't have much choice, manychoices back then.
There's no internet, no socialmedia, uh, no information
pre-consultation.
You met somebody, you likedthem, you trusted them.
They're the they were the solesource of information at the
time.
So, of course, trust was prettyquick back then starting with
(03:36):
the relationship.
Now we're in a commoditizedmarket.
Now you're being shopped.
Now your potential clients haveseen what you do online and
they're comparing you tosomebody else before they even
get to you.
So starting with a quoterelationship is
counterproductive because theyaren't coming to you to build a
(03:57):
relationship with you, theydon't even have to like you.
They're coming to you with aproblem they want to solve.
And the irony of all this isthat we have been so conditioned
to train when someone comes tous in a lead or first meeting,
we think that they want arelationship from us.
So it makes us feel good to knowthat they like us.
(04:18):
So, what do we do?
We we do the charm offensive,right?
We do the whole social rapportthing.
How's it going?
I like your shacket.
Um, nice to meet you.
Let me tell you about me and letme tell you about you.
And now it becomes sort of thesocial engagement that is not
structured around their problem.
(04:38):
And it goes way off thereservation.
I call it off the ski trail inthe forest.
And that's the problem withtraditional selling is that
we've been trained andconditioned to bring forward
everything we knew from thepast, assuming the market was
the same, but the market'schanged.
So, what we have figured out isa way to systematize and scale
(04:59):
up trust in your business to beable to build trust with a new
opportunity quickly, almost inone meeting with them called the
one-call sale, where you do nothave to build a relationship
with them at all.
Instead, you build trust withthem.
And that means a behavior changefrom your side.
That means less chit chat, lesschemistry that you feel you have
(05:24):
to make with them, less need foryou to like them.
I'm sorry, for them to like you,right?
They don't have to like you,they have to respect you.
So respect and trust aredifferent, the relationship
building.
Okay.
So to build trust with somebody,you want to engage them like a
doctor and a patient aroundtheir problem at hello.
(05:46):
Okay.
Not trying to have them befriends with you and say, you
know, let's see if we're a fittoday and that whole sales
thing, everyone knows that amile away.
So you want to remove all thelanguaging and all the behavior
that puts you in a spot whereyou're now having to create a
social connection with them tolike each other first.
So our process, and I'llsummarize this quickly, uh, is
(06:10):
around the one-call sale, isthis concept where your job is
to have empathy, yes, bed sidemanner, yes, in your ability to
unpack the detail and depths oftheir issues.
Um, and it's often hard to dothat if you have what I call the
expert syndrome, where you knowyour material so well over the
(06:32):
years that when you meet someonenew and they tell you I'm
looking for X, your system goes,I can help you.
Because you heard that requestso many times.
But that then means you'reassuming what they're telling
you is true.
So it's like going to a doctor.
If the patient says, My shoulderhurts and I want some help with
this medicine, using themedicine that you have on the
(06:53):
shelf there, the doctor will sayto you, Well, hold on a minute.
Let me take you through adiagnostic process first.
Let me assess the level ofseriousness of your problem, and
then I'll let you know where wego from there.
So, in essence, your job is toadd a structure on top of the
relationship there, so to speak,that diagnoses their issues at a
very deep level usingtrust-based languaging.
(07:15):
And not to qualify them, forthem to feel comfortable
trusting you.
And let me kind of end this withthis is that trust is when
someone feels that youunderstand them.
They are hiring you emotionallyin many cases, not logically.
They're hiring you on yourapproach.
(07:36):
If they feel you're doingtypical sales behaviors like
free consulting, education,relationship building, and all
that stuff like that, they'regonna sense right away that
you're up to something.
So instead, you want to stripall that away and you have a
structure where you go deepinside their world, inside their
issues, and you unpack it.
And you are able to then reverseengineer their problems and help
(07:58):
them see the impact and lossesand risks around that in the
first meeting and ask them thisquestion Is this a priority for
you to address once and for all?
Then it goes to our next tastefrom there.
So I'm giving you a quickstructure of how to put trust in
your business, in your model, inyour sales process to eliminate
(08:20):
all the sales behaviors out ofthat that you're used to.
Why?
Because the old way leads tolower conversion.
The trust-based way increasesthe conversion because there's
less time involved with themthinking about things and they
can make a decision with you onthe spot.
So that's a quick summary aroundthis whole notion of trust
(08:40):
versus relationship building.
So hopefully that provides someclarity and we will um see who's
who's here today for the liveshow and uh see if we have a
question.
See, who do we have back there?
SPEAKER_02 (08:53):
Sure.
Hey, what's up, everybody?
And listen, for some people thatare struggling seeing us live
right now, if they're postinganywhere, they could just go
right to the community.
And I've got the YouTube link upwith the live feed for anybody
that's having a problem with thelive page.
I got a couple support issuesthere.
So if you see it somewhere else,join us on YouTube.
I'm gonna bring Larry on rightnow.
Hey Larry, what's happening,man?
(09:14):
How are you?
Yeah, it's good.
All right, if you could uh letAri know a little bit about your
problem and uh what's going onin your universe, and also a
little bit about yourself foreverybody that's watching today.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (09:26):
Uh yeah, Ari, uh wanna bring uh I guess we want
to uh get a little uh more intothe uh the trust factor of the
of the almost the immediate uhfeeling of trust that someone
(09:48):
will find with you.
Um how how do you go aboutgetting that almost
instantaneous trust connectionwith someone?
SPEAKER_01 (10:02):
Well, it starts at hello, obviously.
So let's just assume that youhave a new opportunity and
they're willing to meet withyou.
Um the thing with that is youstart obviously with nice to
meet you and nice to meet you aswell, right?
You don't try and say, how youheard about me or uh or go
backwards.
Then it's here's the openingphrase that that immediately
(10:23):
starts the trust process.
You say this.
If you wouldn't mind, uhMichael, take a step back for a
moment and walk me through yourbackground, your situation up to
your current.
Here's the key word, concernsyou have around X.
So if you're a financial advisoraround your finances, if you're
around your business, businessgrowth, you kind of plop in the
problem there.
But the key word is concerns.
(10:45):
You have to start at the top ofyour conversation around their
concerns that helps them feelcomfortable opening up.
Now, we're not used to doingthat.
We're used to saying, nice tomeet you, nice to meet you as
well.
So let me tell you about me andlet's about you, and then it
becomes like a datingconversation.
(11:07):
So it's about having the rightlanguaging and the space to have
them open up.
Is that sort of what you'relooking for?
SPEAKER_03 (11:14):
Yes, uh so often I think I find with potential
clients that I guess out oftheir nervousness when they come
into uh an office, a new spaceto them, uh they they get kind
of chatty and and they want tostart having those warm and
(11:36):
fuzzy conversations, uh, likeyou know, hey, I I know that you
know so and so, and righttalking about other people or uh
other issues.
SPEAKER_01 (11:47):
So it they they they will they will try, Larry, yeah
to hijack the meeting.
They will start the processbeing very social.
That's fine.
Let them say a couple of things.
Then when when the space isopen, just start with that
question.
Hey, if you wouldn't mind, guys,take a step back for a second.
(12:10):
Walk me through the big pictureof where you're at, your
concerns, back what's in theback of your mind about your
situation financially, and thenwe'll go from there.
With that being good, you guys,you have to kind of set the
structure once the space opensup.
Obviously, if it's physicalmeeting, it's harder because
you're physically in a meet in aplace.
They have to get a chair, a cupof coffee, they drove to you.
(12:33):
They feel this obligation tokind of go social.
That's why I'd encourage peopleto go to a first meeting on
Zoom, because Zoom cuts out allthat social momentum because
it's limited, you're in asquare, right?
And you can be the doctor.
So you're right, it's tougherwhen it's live, especially if
you go to like a coffee shop.
(12:55):
Then it's like forget it.
What kind of coffee do you want,right?
So try and uh reorganize yourprocess if possible to start the
brief meeting, maybe in Zoom, orif they get to you physically,
try and obviously let them saytheir piece and then write into
the structure right away.
SPEAKER_03 (13:16):
Great.
Yeah, that's what I was lookingfor.
SPEAKER_01 (13:19):
Oh, good, Larry.
Good to see you again.
Thanks for joining me on.
All right, so uh that was aquote from Larry, a financial
advisor, and um, this is verycommon in most industries that
we struggle with how to navigatefrom a social structure to a
professional structure becausewe're afraid of quote breaking
(13:43):
the relationship with them orthem not liking us or making it
awkward.
It doesn't have to be awkward ifyou have the right languaging
and process in place to initiatethe model from the beginning
with them, where they feel rightaway it's about them and not
about you.
Okay, so um it's much easier,obviously, on Zoom or Teams to
(14:05):
do this, but if you're doingmeeting someone physically, you
can do it as well.
Uh, as long as you are aware inyour mind of the structure so
they don't take over themeeting, now you have to adapt
to where they're gonna go, andnow you're in trouble.
Because it's why doctors have astructured process in place to
not allow that to happen becausethey're on a time limit.
(14:26):
They have 30 minutes for nextpatient.
They have to do their job, theyhave to diagnose first.
So, your job is to make surethat's structured in place to do
that.
To learn more about this, grabmy book, Trust the Split Second,
at www.thetrustbook.com, or justget take our free course uh in
our community at arigalper.comforward slash free.
You see at the bottom of thescreen there, and learn the
(14:48):
mindset and update your skillset to where the market is now
because you're selling the oldway in a commoditized world, you
have a very low conversion rateof struggle with that.
So um uh who's back there?
Is that is that Sam back there,Steve?
SPEAKER_02 (15:05):
Ah, yeah, let me bring Sam on right now.
Here we go.
Hey Sam, what's happening?
Happy winter.
Hey Steve, how are you?
SPEAKER_01 (15:12):
Hey Sam, how's it going?
SPEAKER_04 (15:14):
Great, thanks, great.
Um, I've just been thinkingabout what you're saying.
You know, there's people getconfused with this whole trust
thing, you know, they they youmake it more complex than really
is.
But let's I'm glad you refinedit because if you look at it
from the simplistic level, now Ijust want to say that no one's
suggesting that people are nottrustworthy, right?
(15:36):
This is a perception.
So your prospects need to feelthat they can trust you, right?
So that's I like what you saidabout defining trust now.
In the simplest fashion, this isthe way I look at it.
When they hop on a call, they'resort of saying to themselves,
are they a friend or a foe,right?
Do I need to put my guard uphere?
Can I relax?
Can I just be me?
(15:57):
And I like what you said aboutat the end of the day, trust in
their mind is simply when theysay to themselves, this person
gets me, this person understandsme.
And when you feel understood,you're right, it's an emotional
the logic, you know, issecondary.
(16:18):
When they feel, gee, this personreally understands me.
It's like when you go to thedoctor, the doctor just gives
you 100% clarity on something,empathizes with you.
You think, finally, someone getsme.
I think that's in a nutshell forme.
Trust is that feeling, also thefeeling of, is this person a
(16:38):
friendly?
Are they on my side, or do Ineed to put my guard up?
And the other thing that reallycomes into play is that they're
constantly they were thinking tothemselves, this person got my
back as their best interests, ordo they have their agenda?
Because that's a big difference,you can smell it a mile away,
(16:59):
and they're I think they're thefundamentals around trust as
well.
What do you think?
SPEAKER_01 (17:04):
Well, it's interesting because when a lead
comes to us, we assume they'relooking for information.
Yeah, and they'll say, I'mlooking for some help around
this.
Can you help me?
And we just jump right into yes,I can, or here's how we work, or
let me ask you a couplequestions, and you you qualify
them and off you go to theraces.
And what people don't realize ispsychologically, what they're
(17:28):
really asking themselves in theback of their mind what they
want that say to you up front iscan I trust you?
So when you understand thepsychology of their process,
that they are emotionally,they're emotion beings,
emotional beings like us, weneed to feel our system is on
alert, especially nowadays.
(17:48):
And when we're calling someonenew or meeting someone new,
we're worried about theirbehavior.
We're worried about what theymight do.
In fact, we've had experiencesin the past where we've been
taken advantage of, so we assumetheir agenda is to move us
forward.
That in advance, then your jobis to diffuse that at hello.
(18:10):
Otherwise, you're playing a gamewith someone else that you can't
win.
That's why you end up chasingleads who don't call you back
and go cold on you because youstarted the process inside their
process, so to speak.
SPEAKER_04 (18:22):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
And uh, you know, that's the keything.
I mean, uh, you know, and andthey're always thinking to
themselves in that conversationfrom hello, two things.
Do I trust him or her?
And the other one they'rethinking is it's pretty obvious.
They're thinking, are they gonnatry and sell me something?
SPEAKER_03 (18:41):
Because that's what they expect on the marketplace.
SPEAKER_04 (18:45):
That's what they've been conditioned to.
I mean, how many calls do youget?
You know that all the calls youreceive is somebody pitching
something, something thatthey've got that they want you
to get.
So, you know, they're used tothat.
So, disarming that from thestart, this is not about me,
this is about you.
(19:06):
That's right.
SPEAKER_01 (19:07):
Concept right there.
You just said this meeting isnot about us, it's about you.
See, they're coming in thinkingyou are gonna hijack the meeting
about you to sell your services.
That's what the buyers arethinking, going to a seller.
So, your job is to reframe theentire structure at hello for
(19:30):
them to feel comfortable withyou to know this this meeting
today is not about me.
I'm not gonna talk about me,it's about you, and then you
have a structure to go deep diveinside their issues and then
unpack their problems and thenask them that question I said
earlier as a priority of you tosolve this, and really they
that's what their way to judgeyou.
(19:50):
And and the irony of all this,Sam, is they're actually hiring
you on your approach, yeah.
Services, they already know whatyou do in advance of the
meeting, it's not a mystery.
They know what you do, they'reon your website, they saw what
you do.
You don't have to talk aboutwhat you do, you talk about how
you can unpack their problems,and that's the real shift
(20:13):
because we can't help ourselvesbut to talk about our product,
our business, our credibility,and our resume de flex, yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (20:23):
And the other irony too are is that people are
prepared to pay more for someonethey trust, right?
I mean, it no longer there'sprice, I mean, there's always a
an equation in there, but youknow, they don't always
necessarily go with the cheapestbecause they think, you know
what, I trust this person.
I'm I'm I'm happy to pay thatextra for peace of mind, for a
(20:43):
bit of sanity, and and also toknow that this person will do
the job as I expect.
That's trust as well.
So, you know, that that peopleare prepared to pay a premium in
some cases for trust.
SPEAKER_01 (20:57):
Yes, a lot of industries right now are being
um suppressed around price andbeing compared and shopped
around by price.
And the irony of this is thatcertain clients will pay you
more, like you said, if theytrust you, um, because you're
you have to think about this newway of selling as a
(21:17):
differentiator.
You differentiate your businessnot based upon your services.
That's hard to get that rightnow because everything's so much
the same, but you differentiateon your approach to the market,
yeah, how they perceive you, howyou handle them, what you say is
back to the old craft and theart form of this model around
(21:41):
trust building.
And in the day in a in the ageof AI, more than ever, us humans
have to get better at buildingtrust with other humans.
That's the only way to closethat gap.
Otherwise, uh, you're gonna loseopportunity as the market shifts
to all technology.
And if you're listening today,your job is to become a master
(22:04):
at trust building, not a masterat selling.
So sounds counterintuitive.
But we have to replace that wordselling with trust building to
be able to understand how thisworks.
SPEAKER_04 (22:16):
Absolutely.
And then the whole processbecomes ineffective.
Because if they don't trust you,they're not prepared to really
open up and they'll give you asurface level problem, something
that they know you'll take andstart running with.
But the real issue for them asyou know as a as a human being
is what's below the surface.
And you know, they you want tomatch your solution to their
(22:39):
real problem, not their surfacelevel problem.
So unless you have a processthat's designed around trust to
get that problem to rise to thesurface where they're
comfortable telling you, thenyou're not going to be as
effective.
And you might miss out onopportunities because you
weren't able to do that.
And every opportunity for manypeople, usually people in low
(23:02):
volume, high margin, it's bigmoney.
So why why why miss out on anopportunity?
It makes no sense.
SPEAKER_01 (23:09):
Yeah, I'll just close on this.
You mentioned the word iceberg,service level below the surface.
When you meet someone at thefirst for the first time for a
first meeting, they're gonnagive you only what I call above
the iceberg, above the surfacelevel information.
They have to, they don't trustyou yet.
Yeah, okay.
What you'll do is if you don'tknow this process well enough,
(23:32):
you'll assume what they'retelling you is true, and that's
the whole picture.
They might ask you a fewquestions, you'll qualify them,
and off you go to yourpresentation.
That's not trust building,that's making assumptions,
right?
Doctors don't make assumptionsbased upon what the patient says
about their problem, theirsymptom.
Their job is to get to thesource of the problem and not
(23:54):
assume what they're hearing istrue, which is counterintuitive
because in sales, we've beentaught to be what I call yes
people to always agree with theclient, always make them happy.
But in our world, we're the nopeople.
I don't mean no, no, I mean wechallenge their assumptions, we
(24:15):
challenge what they think theirproblem is.
How often do we do we they sayour problems X?
Turns out it's actually Y.
So you have to be able to gobeyond what they're telling you
and see inside, deep dive insidetheir world in advance of that
first prostate to really buildtrust with them at hello.
SPEAKER_04 (24:34):
Yeah, absolutely.
Uh you got to be the truthteller.
I've heard you say that before.
I love it.
SPEAKER_01 (24:38):
Here you go.
The truth teller, not the pitchperson.
So on that note, Sam, thanks forcoming today.
Thanks to everybody else whojoined us today.
Where this is now gonna be apodcast, you'll hear it on
Spotify or YouTube.
You can watch it.
And again, if you're notinvolved with us in any way,
there's a way to do that uh byordering my book uh at the
trustbook.com and or join ourcommunity for free at
(25:02):
arigalper.com forward slashfree.
Access my course there, join thecommunity, post up a question,
uh, see what other members aretalking about, um, and uh we'll
see you next time.
Signing off for now.
Be well.
SPEAKER_00 (25:17):
We hope you've enjoyed this month's segment of
Stump the Guru and that you'vediscovered some new trust-based
selling strategies that you canapply directly to your sales
process.
You can get access to Ari'strust-based selling 60-minute
masterclass atwww.unlockthegame.com forward
slash video.
(25:38):
And if you want to go one stepfurther, you can order his
latest book, Unlock the SalesGame, and get a free one-on-one
sales growth consultation atwww.unlockthame.com.
Before we say goodbye for now,if you enjoyed this podcast,
please take a moment to reviewthis podcast.
It's easy.
(25:58):
Just scroll down to the bottomof Stump the Guru Podcast within
Apple Podcasts until you reachratings and reviews.
Click one of the five starsunder Tap to Rate to leave a
rating.
Thanks so much, and we'll seeyou on the next show.
Hi everyone, welcome to Stump the Guru podcast with
your host, Ari Galpa, theworld's number one authority on
trust-based selling and thecreator of Unlock the Game.
This monthly podcast will bringyou guests from virtually every
industry unrehearsed to try andstump Ari with their most
difficult sales challenges.
(00:21):
This podcast is for businessowners, financial advisors,
entrepreneurs, and salesexecutives.
The guests on this show haveonly one goal in mind: to stump
Ari.
And Ari has one goal in mind (00:33):
to overturn the notion of selling
as we know it today by buildingtrust between buyers and
sellers.
SPEAKER_01 (00:44):
Hello, everybody.
Welcome to the Stump the GuruShow.
My name is Ari Galper.
As many of you might know, Ispecialize in trust-based
selling.
Now on two decades of thisspecialized work, and this is
our live show where we havefolks who are uh can come on
live, ask me a question theymight have about their
situation, uh, where we shareour insights on our unique
(01:07):
approach around how to approachthe market, how to move someone
forward without having to chase,follow up, do free consulting,
the opposite of what typicalselling is all about.
And uh, for those of you whodon't know, we have a whole body
of work around this, uh,multiple books.
Uh, you're welcome to join ourcommunity for free, by the way.
You'll see on the screen thereit says rekalper.com forward
(01:28):
slash free.
You can join our community,access my Master of the Mindset
course for free, understand howwe think, what our philosophy
is, and some tips to help you uhwith your process as well.
Um, if you don't have my latestbook, you can grab a copy of
thetrustbook.com and get a copyof that mailed to you for free,
along with a consultation thatcomes along with that if you'd
(01:48):
like.
And so, yeah, this is our chanceto really kind of brainstorm
ideas together, whoever comeson.
I usually have Sam with me aswell, our head coach.
We chat about things and um Iusually start the the show
around a theme.
And the theme today is aroundsort of what is the definition
of trust in the sales process,because it's a bit confusing.
(02:12):
Most people believe that trustis all about relationship
building and then meld it alltogether into one unit.
And what I have figured out inmy work over the last two
decades is that relationshipbuilding and trust building are
two different concepts that canbe separated.
Um, and the traditional modelsof selling have always been
(02:32):
relationship-based starterpoints, where it's always been
about the relationship.
You meet someone for the firsttime, you get to know them, they
get to like you, you get to likethem, then over time they get to
trust you, then they work withyou.
And that's fine if you're happyto wait a very long time and in
the hope they uh come back toyou when they're ready or they
(02:55):
trust you at the end of theprocess.
But what we figured out is ifyou can eliminate the
relationship piece of this andonly use the trust piece of this
pre-sale, then you shorten andcompress your sales cycle down
to a very short amount of steps.
Um, and you know, pre-COVID inthe old days, I call it old
days, pre-internet days,pre-COVID, um, relationship
(03:15):
building was what it was allabout because they didn't people
didn't have much choice, manychoices back then.
There's no internet, no socialmedia, uh, no information
pre-consultation.
You met somebody, you likedthem, you trusted them.
They're the they were the solesource of information at the
time.
So, of course, trust was prettyquick back then starting with
(03:36):
the relationship.
Now we're in a commoditizedmarket.
Now you're being shopped.
Now your potential clients haveseen what you do online and
they're comparing you tosomebody else before they even
get to you.
So starting with a quoterelationship is
counterproductive because theyaren't coming to you to build a
(03:57):
relationship with you, theydon't even have to like you.
They're coming to you with aproblem they want to solve.
And the irony of all this isthat we have been so conditioned
to train when someone comes tous in a lead or first meeting,
we think that they want arelationship from us.
So it makes us feel good to knowthat they like us.
(04:18):
So, what do we do?
We we do the charm offensive,right?
We do the whole social rapportthing.
How's it going?
I like your shacket.
Um, nice to meet you.
Let me tell you about me and letme tell you about you.
And now it becomes sort of thesocial engagement that is not
structured around their problem.
(04:38):
And it goes way off thereservation.
I call it off the ski trail inthe forest.
And that's the problem withtraditional selling is that
we've been trained andconditioned to bring forward
everything we knew from thepast, assuming the market was
the same, but the market'schanged.
So, what we have figured out isa way to systematize and scale
(04:59):
up trust in your business to beable to build trust with a new
opportunity quickly, almost inone meeting with them called the
one-call sale, where you do nothave to build a relationship
with them at all.
Instead, you build trust withthem.
And that means a behavior changefrom your side.
That means less chit chat, lesschemistry that you feel you have
(05:24):
to make with them, less need foryou to like them.
I'm sorry, for them to like you,right?
They don't have to like you,they have to respect you.
So respect and trust aredifferent, the relationship
building.
Okay.
So to build trust with somebody,you want to engage them like a
doctor and a patient aroundtheir problem at hello.
(05:46):
Okay.
Not trying to have them befriends with you and say, you
know, let's see if we're a fittoday and that whole sales
thing, everyone knows that amile away.
So you want to remove all thelanguaging and all the behavior
that puts you in a spot whereyou're now having to create a
social connection with them tolike each other first.
So our process, and I'llsummarize this quickly, uh, is
(06:10):
around the one-call sale, isthis concept where your job is
to have empathy, yes, bed sidemanner, yes, in your ability to
unpack the detail and depths oftheir issues.
Um, and it's often hard to dothat if you have what I call the
expert syndrome, where you knowyour material so well over the
(06:32):
years that when you meet someonenew and they tell you I'm
looking for X, your system goes,I can help you.
Because you heard that requestso many times.
But that then means you'reassuming what they're telling
you is true.
So it's like going to a doctor.
If the patient says, My shoulderhurts and I want some help with
this medicine, using themedicine that you have on the
(06:53):
shelf there, the doctor will sayto you, Well, hold on a minute.
Let me take you through adiagnostic process first.
Let me assess the level ofseriousness of your problem, and
then I'll let you know where wego from there.
So, in essence, your job is toadd a structure on top of the
relationship there, so to speak,that diagnoses their issues at a
very deep level usingtrust-based languaging.
(07:15):
And not to qualify them, forthem to feel comfortable
trusting you.
And let me kind of end this withthis is that trust is when
someone feels that youunderstand them.
They are hiring you emotionallyin many cases, not logically.
They're hiring you on yourapproach.
(07:36):
If they feel you're doingtypical sales behaviors like
free consulting, education,relationship building, and all
that stuff like that, they'regonna sense right away that
you're up to something.
So instead, you want to stripall that away and you have a
structure where you go deepinside their world, inside their
issues, and you unpack it.
And you are able to then reverseengineer their problems and help
(07:58):
them see the impact and lossesand risks around that in the
first meeting and ask them thisquestion Is this a priority for
you to address once and for all?
Then it goes to our next tastefrom there.
So I'm giving you a quickstructure of how to put trust in
your business, in your model, inyour sales process to eliminate
(08:20):
all the sales behaviors out ofthat that you're used to.
Why?
Because the old way leads tolower conversion.
The trust-based way increasesthe conversion because there's
less time involved with themthinking about things and they
can make a decision with you onthe spot.
So that's a quick summary aroundthis whole notion of trust
(08:40):
versus relationship building.
So hopefully that provides someclarity and we will um see who's
who's here today for the liveshow and uh see if we have a
question.
See, who do we have back there?
SPEAKER_02 (08:53):
Sure.
Hey, what's up, everybody?
And listen, for some people thatare struggling seeing us live
right now, if they're postinganywhere, they could just go
right to the community.
And I've got the YouTube link upwith the live feed for anybody
that's having a problem with thelive page.
I got a couple support issuesthere.
So if you see it somewhere else,join us on YouTube.
I'm gonna bring Larry on rightnow.
Hey Larry, what's happening,man?
(09:14):
How are you?
Yeah, it's good.
All right, if you could uh letAri know a little bit about your
problem and uh what's going onin your universe, and also a
little bit about yourself foreverybody that's watching today.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (09:26):
Uh yeah, Ari, uh wanna bring uh I guess we want
to uh get a little uh more intothe uh the trust factor of the
of the almost the immediate uhfeeling of trust that someone
(09:48):
will find with you.
Um how how do you go aboutgetting that almost
instantaneous trust connectionwith someone?
SPEAKER_01 (10:02):
Well, it starts at hello, obviously.
So let's just assume that youhave a new opportunity and
they're willing to meet withyou.
Um the thing with that is youstart obviously with nice to
meet you and nice to meet you aswell, right?
You don't try and say, how youheard about me or uh or go
backwards.
Then it's here's the openingphrase that that immediately
(10:23):
starts the trust process.
You say this.
If you wouldn't mind, uhMichael, take a step back for a
moment and walk me through yourbackground, your situation up to
your current.
Here's the key word, concernsyou have around X.
So if you're a financial advisoraround your finances, if you're
around your business, businessgrowth, you kind of plop in the
problem there.
But the key word is concerns.
(10:45):
You have to start at the top ofyour conversation around their
concerns that helps them feelcomfortable opening up.
Now, we're not used to doingthat.
We're used to saying, nice tomeet you, nice to meet you as
well.
So let me tell you about me andlet's about you, and then it
becomes like a datingconversation.
(11:07):
So it's about having the rightlanguaging and the space to have
them open up.
Is that sort of what you'relooking for?
SPEAKER_03 (11:14):
Yes, uh so often I think I find with potential
clients that I guess out oftheir nervousness when they come
into uh an office, a new spaceto them, uh they they get kind
of chatty and and they want tostart having those warm and
(11:36):
fuzzy conversations, uh, likeyou know, hey, I I know that you
know so and so, and righttalking about other people or uh
other issues.
SPEAKER_01 (11:47):
So it they they they will they will try, Larry, yeah
to hijack the meeting.
They will start the processbeing very social.
That's fine.
Let them say a couple of things.
Then when when the space isopen, just start with that
question.
Hey, if you wouldn't mind, guys,take a step back for a second.
(12:10):
Walk me through the big pictureof where you're at, your
concerns, back what's in theback of your mind about your
situation financially, and thenwe'll go from there.
With that being good, you guys,you have to kind of set the
structure once the space opensup.
Obviously, if it's physicalmeeting, it's harder because
you're physically in a meet in aplace.
They have to get a chair, a cupof coffee, they drove to you.
(12:33):
They feel this obligation tokind of go social.
That's why I'd encourage peopleto go to a first meeting on
Zoom, because Zoom cuts out allthat social momentum because
it's limited, you're in asquare, right?
And you can be the doctor.
So you're right, it's tougherwhen it's live, especially if
you go to like a coffee shop.
(12:55):
Then it's like forget it.
What kind of coffee do you want,right?
So try and uh reorganize yourprocess if possible to start the
brief meeting, maybe in Zoom, orif they get to you physically,
try and obviously let them saytheir piece and then write into
the structure right away.
SPEAKER_03 (13:16):
Great.
Yeah, that's what I was lookingfor.
SPEAKER_01 (13:19):
Oh, good, Larry.
Good to see you again.
Thanks for joining me on.
All right, so uh that was aquote from Larry, a financial
advisor, and um, this is verycommon in most industries that
we struggle with how to navigatefrom a social structure to a
professional structure becausewe're afraid of quote breaking
(13:43):
the relationship with them orthem not liking us or making it
awkward.
It doesn't have to be awkward ifyou have the right languaging
and process in place to initiatethe model from the beginning
with them, where they feel rightaway it's about them and not
about you.
Okay, so um it's much easier,obviously, on Zoom or Teams to
(14:05):
do this, but if you're doingmeeting someone physically, you
can do it as well.
Uh, as long as you are aware inyour mind of the structure so
they don't take over themeeting, now you have to adapt
to where they're gonna go, andnow you're in trouble.
Because it's why doctors have astructured process in place to
not allow that to happen becausethey're on a time limit.
(14:26):
They have 30 minutes for nextpatient.
They have to do their job, theyhave to diagnose first.
So, your job is to make surethat's structured in place to do
that.
To learn more about this, grabmy book, Trust the Split Second,
at www.thetrustbook.com, or justget take our free course uh in
our community at arigalper.comforward slash free.
You see at the bottom of thescreen there, and learn the
(14:48):
mindset and update your skillset to where the market is now
because you're selling the oldway in a commoditized world, you
have a very low conversion rateof struggle with that.
So um uh who's back there?
Is that is that Sam back there,Steve?
SPEAKER_02 (15:05):
Ah, yeah, let me bring Sam on right now.
Here we go.
Hey Sam, what's happening?
Happy winter.
Hey Steve, how are you?
SPEAKER_01 (15:12):
Hey Sam, how's it going?
SPEAKER_04 (15:14):
Great, thanks, great.
Um, I've just been thinkingabout what you're saying.
You know, there's people getconfused with this whole trust
thing, you know, they they youmake it more complex than really
is.
But let's I'm glad you refinedit because if you look at it
from the simplistic level, now Ijust want to say that no one's
suggesting that people are nottrustworthy, right?
(15:36):
This is a perception.
So your prospects need to feelthat they can trust you, right?
So that's I like what you saidabout defining trust now.
In the simplest fashion, this isthe way I look at it.
When they hop on a call, they'resort of saying to themselves,
are they a friend or a foe,right?
Do I need to put my guard uphere?
Can I relax?
Can I just be me?
(15:57):
And I like what you said aboutat the end of the day, trust in
their mind is simply when theysay to themselves, this person
gets me, this person understandsme.
And when you feel understood,you're right, it's an emotional
the logic, you know, issecondary.
(16:18):
When they feel, gee, this personreally understands me.
It's like when you go to thedoctor, the doctor just gives
you 100% clarity on something,empathizes with you.
You think, finally, someone getsme.
I think that's in a nutshell forme.
Trust is that feeling, also thefeeling of, is this person a
(16:38):
friendly?
Are they on my side, or do Ineed to put my guard up?
And the other thing that reallycomes into play is that they're
constantly they were thinking tothemselves, this person got my
back as their best interests, ordo they have their agenda?
Because that's a big difference,you can smell it a mile away,
(16:59):
and they're I think they're thefundamentals around trust as
well.
What do you think?
SPEAKER_01 (17:04):
Well, it's interesting because when a lead
comes to us, we assume they'relooking for information.
Yeah, and they'll say, I'mlooking for some help around
this.
Can you help me?
And we just jump right into yes,I can, or here's how we work, or
let me ask you a couplequestions, and you you qualify
them and off you go to theraces.
And what people don't realize ispsychologically, what they're
(17:28):
really asking themselves in theback of their mind what they
want that say to you up front iscan I trust you?
So when you understand thepsychology of their process,
that they are emotionally,they're emotion beings,
emotional beings like us, weneed to feel our system is on
alert, especially nowadays.
(17:48):
And when we're calling someonenew or meeting someone new,
we're worried about theirbehavior.
We're worried about what theymight do.
In fact, we've had experiencesin the past where we've been
taken advantage of, so we assumetheir agenda is to move us
forward.
That in advance, then your jobis to diffuse that at hello.
(18:10):
Otherwise, you're playing a gamewith someone else that you can't
win.
That's why you end up chasingleads who don't call you back
and go cold on you because youstarted the process inside their
process, so to speak.
SPEAKER_04 (18:22):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
And uh, you know, that's the keything.
I mean, uh, you know, and andthey're always thinking to
themselves in that conversationfrom hello, two things.
Do I trust him or her?
And the other one they'rethinking is it's pretty obvious.
They're thinking, are they gonnatry and sell me something?
SPEAKER_03 (18:41):
Because that's what they expect on the marketplace.
SPEAKER_04 (18:45):
That's what they've been conditioned to.
I mean, how many calls do youget?
You know that all the calls youreceive is somebody pitching
something, something thatthey've got that they want you
to get.
So, you know, they're used tothat.
So, disarming that from thestart, this is not about me,
this is about you.
(19:06):
That's right.
SPEAKER_01 (19:07):
Concept right there.
You just said this meeting isnot about us, it's about you.
See, they're coming in thinkingyou are gonna hijack the meeting
about you to sell your services.
That's what the buyers arethinking, going to a seller.
So, your job is to reframe theentire structure at hello for
(19:30):
them to feel comfortable withyou to know this this meeting
today is not about me.
I'm not gonna talk about me,it's about you, and then you
have a structure to go deep diveinside their issues and then
unpack their problems and thenask them that question I said
earlier as a priority of you tosolve this, and really they
that's what their way to judgeyou.
(19:50):
And and the irony of all this,Sam, is they're actually hiring
you on your approach, yeah.
Services, they already know whatyou do in advance of the
meeting, it's not a mystery.
They know what you do, they'reon your website, they saw what
you do.
You don't have to talk aboutwhat you do, you talk about how
you can unpack their problems,and that's the real shift
(20:13):
because we can't help ourselvesbut to talk about our product,
our business, our credibility,and our resume de flex, yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (20:23):
And the other irony too are is that people are
prepared to pay more for someonethey trust, right?
I mean, it no longer there'sprice, I mean, there's always a
an equation in there, but youknow, they don't always
necessarily go with the cheapestbecause they think, you know
what, I trust this person.
I'm I'm I'm happy to pay thatextra for peace of mind, for a
(20:43):
bit of sanity, and and also toknow that this person will do
the job as I expect.
That's trust as well.
So, you know, that that peopleare prepared to pay a premium in
some cases for trust.
SPEAKER_01 (20:57):
Yes, a lot of industries right now are being
um suppressed around price andbeing compared and shopped
around by price.
And the irony of this is thatcertain clients will pay you
more, like you said, if theytrust you, um, because you're
you have to think about this newway of selling as a
(21:17):
differentiator.
You differentiate your businessnot based upon your services.
That's hard to get that rightnow because everything's so much
the same, but you differentiateon your approach to the market,
yeah, how they perceive you, howyou handle them, what you say is
back to the old craft and theart form of this model around
(21:41):
trust building.
And in the day in a in the ageof AI, more than ever, us humans
have to get better at buildingtrust with other humans.
That's the only way to closethat gap.
Otherwise, uh, you're gonna loseopportunity as the market shifts
to all technology.
And if you're listening today,your job is to become a master
(22:04):
at trust building, not a masterat selling.
So sounds counterintuitive.
But we have to replace that wordselling with trust building to
be able to understand how thisworks.
SPEAKER_04 (22:16):
Absolutely.
And then the whole processbecomes ineffective.
Because if they don't trust you,they're not prepared to really
open up and they'll give you asurface level problem, something
that they know you'll take andstart running with.
But the real issue for them asyou know as a as a human being
is what's below the surface.
And you know, they you want tomatch your solution to their
(22:39):
real problem, not their surfacelevel problem.
So unless you have a processthat's designed around trust to
get that problem to rise to thesurface where they're
comfortable telling you, thenyou're not going to be as
effective.
And you might miss out onopportunities because you
weren't able to do that.
And every opportunity for manypeople, usually people in low
(23:02):
volume, high margin, it's bigmoney.
So why why why miss out on anopportunity?
It makes no sense.
SPEAKER_01 (23:09):
Yeah, I'll just close on this.
You mentioned the word iceberg,service level below the surface.
When you meet someone at thefirst for the first time for a
first meeting, they're gonnagive you only what I call above
the iceberg, above the surfacelevel information.
They have to, they don't trustyou yet.
Yeah, okay.
What you'll do is if you don'tknow this process well enough,
(23:32):
you'll assume what they'retelling you is true, and that's
the whole picture.
They might ask you a fewquestions, you'll qualify them,
and off you go to yourpresentation.
That's not trust building,that's making assumptions,
right?
Doctors don't make assumptionsbased upon what the patient says
about their problem, theirsymptom.
Their job is to get to thesource of the problem and not
(23:54):
assume what they're hearing istrue, which is counterintuitive
because in sales, we've beentaught to be what I call yes
people to always agree with theclient, always make them happy.
But in our world, we're the nopeople.
I don't mean no, no, I mean wechallenge their assumptions, we
(24:15):
challenge what they think theirproblem is.
How often do we do we they sayour problems X?
Turns out it's actually Y.
So you have to be able to gobeyond what they're telling you
and see inside, deep dive insidetheir world in advance of that
first prostate to really buildtrust with them at hello.
SPEAKER_04 (24:34):
Yeah, absolutely.
Uh you got to be the truthteller.
I've heard you say that before.
I love it.
SPEAKER_01 (24:38):
Here you go.
The truth teller, not the pitchperson.
So on that note, Sam, thanks forcoming today.
Thanks to everybody else whojoined us today.
Where this is now gonna be apodcast, you'll hear it on
Spotify or YouTube.
You can watch it.
And again, if you're notinvolved with us in any way,
there's a way to do that uh byordering my book uh at the
trustbook.com and or join ourcommunity for free at
(25:02):
arigalper.com forward slashfree.
Access my course there, join thecommunity, post up a question,
uh, see what other members aretalking about, um, and uh we'll
see you next time.
Signing off for now.
Be well.
SPEAKER_00 (25:17):
We hope you've enjoyed this month's segment of
Stump the Guru and that you'vediscovered some new trust-based
selling strategies that you canapply directly to your sales
process.
You can get access to Ari'strust-based selling 60-minute
masterclass atwww.unlockthegame.com forward
slash video.
(25:38):
And if you want to go one stepfurther, you can order his
latest book, Unlock the SalesGame, and get a free one-on-one
sales growth consultation atwww.unlockthame.com.
Before we say goodbye for now,if you enjoyed this podcast,
please take a moment to reviewthis podcast.
It's easy.
(25:58):
Just scroll down to the bottomof Stump the Guru Podcast within
Apple Podcasts until you reachratings and reviews.
Click one of the five starsunder Tap to Rate to leave a
rating.
Thanks so much, and we'll seeyou on the next show.
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