December 12, 2024 • 28 mins
Welcome to another episode in our series entitled: "Aging Unfiltered". In this episode, we talk to Shari Foos, a psychotherapist, educator, activist, writer, a former punk rock star, and the founder of The Narrative Method, a nonprofit program that promotes human connection by increasing empathy and tolerance. Join us as we speak about intergenerational connections and ageism on a deep and personal level. By fostering inclusive social environments, people of all ages can have more meaningful and rewarding social experiences. Tune in to learn about this innovative project using stories, creativity, and a sense of shared humanity to promote social connections between people of all ages.
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Podcast: ageguide.org/the-age-guide-podcast
Website: ageguide.org
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Gretchen (00:00):
Welcome to the Age Guide podcast, Perspectives on
the Aging Journey.
In this episode of our fourthseason about aging unfiltered,
we are going to be talking toSherry Foos.
Sherry is a psychotherapist,educator, activist, writer,
improvisational artist, and thefounder of The Narrative Method,
(00:24):
a nonprofit program thatpromotes radical human
connection by increasing empathyand tolerance.
Listen in as we discuss how wecan work together to help people
of all ages to feel a sense ofbelonging and being free to
express themselves.
Welcome Sherry, thank you forbeing here today.
Shari (00:46):
Thank you so much for having me Gretchen, I'm really
looking forward to this.
Gretchen (00:51):
Same here.
I would love for you to share abit about yourself and what
sparked you to build thisnonprofit that brings diverse
groups of people together in asafe space.
Shari (01:05):
It's really been my life's passion, but it took my
whole life to shape
Speaker 01 (01:12):
it.
Shari (01:12):
So going back, I was a troubled kid because I had a
kind of an emotionally violenthome.
And so early on, I became veryintrospective.
I started to really read bodylanguage as a way to anticipate
(01:34):
what might happen.
And as a result of these kindsof things, I developed an inner
relationship with my creativity.
But there was no way to takeclasses or to learn this or
that.
So I had to make things up.
And when you're a kid andyou're making things up, not to
mention when you're an adult andmaking things up, it's hard to
(01:57):
put value on that because youthink, oh, well, you know, it's
just coming to me.
But what comes to you easily isshould not be devalued.
It comes too easily at timesbecause it's an innate gift.
Gretchen (02:13):
Interesting.
Shari (02:14):
So with this innate gift for reading people and loving
people and really wanting to beconnected and have fun, I was a
theater major in college anddecided to come to Los Angeles
even before I graduated becauseI worked as an actor one day on
(02:36):
a movie.
And I've been here my entireadult life.
And whereas I first camepursuing comedy and acting, what
it grew into was so muchdifferent from that.
And by the time I startedvolunteering, I decided to go
(02:57):
back to school and become amarriage and family therapist.
And I've been one for 25 years,I'm going to say.
And so I I love working withgroups.
I always have.
And what I have noticed sinceI've become a therapist and in
the past 12 years since thenarrative method was started is
that when you are talkingone-on-one to someone, very
(03:21):
honestly and vulnerably, firstof all, one-on-one relationships
are essential.
It doesn't necessarily meanit's a love affair, but we need
intimate relationships.
intense eye contact to eyecontact.
But what happens in a group isanother kind of magic.
And if you didn't have a safechildhood or maybe you had
(03:45):
trauma being picked on at schoolor whatever, if you didn't have
good experiences of groups, youmight not have had an
opportunity to experience theincredible sense of belonging
And not just belonging becauseyou're all on the same team, but
belonging because you're allwitnessing and appreciating each
(04:08):
other.
That is huge.
So if I were to talk aboutsomething I was self-conscious
about, let's say some beautyissue, every woman in this
culture gets that drilled intoher.
You know, by the time you're inelementary school, what's wrong
with you?
Too fat, too skinny, too tall,not white enough, not smart
(04:29):
enough, not cool enough, on andon.
So to be able to create salonsonline, and we also do stuff in
person, workshops, retreats,seminars, all that stuff, where
you bring together diversepeople who would not have met
each other otherwise, and oneperson's being vulnerable and
(04:51):
everyone else is thinking, oh myGod, I thought it was just me.
You're better.
You're 50% better, at leastintellectually.
It takes a while to sync up newinformation, but it's like,
wait a minute.
This was my private shame.
The fact that we are allnodding here is so comforting.
(05:13):
Yes.
So.
One of the things that thenarrative method does is it
invites us to be who we reallyare so that we can get down to a
meaningful level with ourselvesand also with others.
That is an order of a storyI've never told before.
Gretchen (05:32):
And that's a powerful story too.
I love how it all fits togetherwith your own background and
the way you were able to come upwith this vision and create
this narrative method.
So what you're doing, you'redoing sometimes in person, but
it also works virtually, right?
That's incredible.
(05:54):
So tell me a little bit moreabout how this works so that we
can kind of visualize what'sreally going on and what kind of
impact it has on people.
Shari (06:03):
So several times a week, sometimes somewhere between
three and five in general, Wehave a free salon.
People come from all over thecountry.
We had somebody from Dubai, andthat's not in the U.S.
a few days ago.
And that was so cool, even withthe time difference.
So people come because it'sfree.
(06:24):
They hear about it on Facebookor Instagram or from a friend.
And they never know what toexpect because, of course,
everybody's suspect of somethingthat's free anyhow.
Right.
It's advertised as a writingprogram.
salon and what it is all aboutis in one hour you get creative
(06:45):
writing prompts and are invitedto write for a total of 14
minutes in two sections with twodifferent prompts that take you
who cares where wherever thatmight be that you begin to get
ideas about a story or a poem orsomething you want to write
(07:09):
autobiographically.
And there's no criticism.
There's no need for publishingmentality.
You don't
Gretchen (07:19):
have to be a great writer.
Shari (07:20):
No, it's not about being a great writer.
It's about being a releaser.
of your fears.
So putting aside all the noisethat we all have in our heads,
like, you know, who do you thinkyou are to write?
Or this sucks, or it's notgood.
It doesn't matter.
It's about practicing trustingyour voice, whether it's
(07:40):
verbally in writing or in anyother form of expression.
The idea is that there is somuch bonding because there's no
judgment.
So that's a little thumbnail ofwhat we're doing.
And if anyone would like toattend, go to
thenarrativemethod.org and go tothe events page.
(08:05):
You can sign up for as many asyou like, but each one has its
own link.
So you have to sign upindividually.
And that's it.
It's such a warm and wonderfulcommunity.
The idea is because we're alsogoing into small breakouts and
then later we do anotherbreakout, which is just
conversational for five minuteswith one other person.
(08:27):
So because you're having both alarger group experience and
intimate experiences.
So it's wonderful to hearpeople's responses.
I think there's something aboutit that's refreshing because
we're just not used to beingtreated with so much freedom.
Gretchen (08:48):
Right?
Yes, this is so unusual to havea space, like you said, that is
a non judgmental space.
Shari (08:55):
But it sure feels good to just be given that space.
And we do know when people areconnected to us, we know how to
read people's body language andeyes.
And that allows us to so muchmore easily move on from that
insult because you feel heard.
Okay, you get it.
Gretchen (09:15):
Yes.
And you've got, you're bringingtogether people from various
backgrounds, all kinds ofdiverse folks and all different
ages too, right?
So this is intergenerational.
Shari (09:27):
It is.
It does skew more women thanmen.
But other than that, it'scompletely diverse.
And I just am so constantlythrilled by that.
That means everything to mebecause we are so siloed in this
internet age.
And even though we know that weare siloed, it's easy to forget
(09:52):
that there are otherperspectives that are valid too.
Right.
Gretchen (09:57):
And it's hard to find exposure to those things when
your own little group is acertain way.
And where do you go to findthat diversity?
Shari (10:06):
And also, we haven't really been introduced or
invited to pursue diversity.
You know, it's not likesomebody goes into a diverse
group to, you know, understandthe suffering of someone else.
Or, I mean, that may be part ofit.
But it's such a gift.
It's like going to anothercountry.
(10:27):
Each person has such a uniqueset of knowledge and experiences
and feelings based on theirbackground or not based on their
background.
So it makes me feel more wholeto talk to a diverse group.
Yeah.
Gretchen (10:46):
And that really gets at the whole, like the power of
community.
Right.
And I know community.
plays such a vital role inshaping our thoughts and our
beliefs.
Like you said, we can getsiloed and we maybe don't even
realize it or we don't know whatto do about it.
How do you think that engagingwith others through these salons
(11:08):
can help people maybe challengeand overcome some of the
limiting thoughts andassumptions about themselves or
about other people?
Shari (11:15):
Certainly, you know, what I was talking about earlier,
when you...
realize, and you know how youknow when people are being very
honest, when you realize thatthat person is talking about an
insecurity that you totallyrelate to, and that On some
level, you thought you had themonopoly to it, but I promise
(11:38):
you're no more messed up thananyone else.
We all are.
The world is crazy, but thatdoesn't mean we can't cope and
be functional and be loved andlove.
So I think the first thing isthat sense of belonging to the
human race and alsounderstanding Allowing yourself
(11:58):
to realize no matter who youridol is, you're not going to be
like them.
You can't.
They are them.
But once you appreciate thatwhatever you don't have, you do
have your unique perspective,your voice, your set of
experiences.
Every person is interesting.
(12:18):
When you read a book or see amovie about someone who has what
we might think of as a smalllife, maybe they don't know a
lot of people, they live in onesmall community, and you get
into that character, nobody hasa small life.
And it's very, it's not justfascinating, but it's a real
gift to people.
(12:39):
feel someone else's experience.
So I think that's an awakeningfor all of us and a fascination
too.
And then of course, I think oneof the strongest takeaways is
that I can allow myself to trustmy impulse, especially when it
comes to something creative.
(12:59):
So many of us have never reallybeen permitted to be creative
ever.
You know, either you were toldit's not practical or you're not
good enough or all that stuff.
Nobody.
We just feel that
Gretchen (13:13):
shame about our expressing our own creativity.
Shari (13:16):
Right.
Who do you think you are?
You know, but then nobody gotthe letter.
Hey, dear Gretchen, welcome tothe world of creativity.
The world would love you to bea writer.
Nobody got it.
You have to fight to allowyourself.
And that's what this does in somany ways.
(13:37):
It invites you to be who youare, because if you are truly
who you are, you're going to becomfortable and other people are
going to feel you.
And if they can feel you, theycan know you.
And if they can know you, theycan love you.
But when we present what isexpected of us, They only know a
part of us.
Gretchen (14:25):
overcoming ageism is valuing each other.
And that experience that comeswith aging, some of the
knowledge that comes with aging,there just isn't a lot.
There aren't a lot of places inour culture where there is room
to express that and to valuethat.
And this seems like it would bea safe place for older adults.
Shari (14:45):
Oh, it is.
We have a lot.
We probably have more olderadults than we do any other
group.
Look, it's so, so sad.
that we live in a culture thatdoesn't understand the
importance of wisdom.
Not to make this person's lifemeaningful because you're taking
(15:07):
them seriously, but there is athing about learning from the
past so as not to make mistakesin the future.
And we're seeing so manyunnecessary mistakes based on
people not knowing, you know,What can happen if you do this
or that?
Right.
We are the biggest group in thecountry, maybe in many countries
(15:31):
in the world.
And as such, we have to empowerourselves and our own
importance and whether or not wecan force others who are
younger to value us we still canhelp each other in all of these
meaningful ways and let's faceit once you're past whatever
(15:55):
that age is for you when youfeel like I'm an adult I am
connected to myself enough toknow that this is maybe my last
batch of eras and I want meaningnow.
I want to be able to talk aboutwhat I care about.
(16:18):
I want to be fascinated by theideas and the books and the
people and foods and the thingsI want to do.
And to be able to do thatwithout leaving your house,
without getting dressed.
I mean, you have to wearsomething from the top up, but
nobody can.
We hope, yes.
You can wear sweatpants, whocares?
(16:39):
But it's really a reminder.
that genuine humanity cutsthrough even the internet to be
able to have the eye contactthat you and I are having right
now.
If we were in a room together,we wouldn't be this close.
That's true.
And I find also on our Zooms,because it is required that you
(17:02):
keep your camera on, otherwise,you know, people share their
story not knowing who they'retalking to.
But people are not on theirphones when they're on a Zoom
like this.
And it's a beautiful experienceto have everybody present and
in an accepting state of mind.
It's not that hard for an hour.
(17:22):
It's easy to love people for anhour.
It's easy to be moreopen-minded than you might be if
it was all day.
And that's something I think welove about ourselves and can
really enjoy because nobody canlive in a state of perfect
acceptance.
But having that for an hour,It's joyous.
Gretchen (17:45):
Yes.
Have you seen relationshipsbuild and friendships build
through this method too?
Shari (17:53):
We've had a marriage.
Oh, really?
Wow.
And there have beenfriendships.
We were...
For some reason, there was aperiod of time where we had so
many people in British Columbia.
Two women happened to be in abreakout group from British
Columbia, only to discover theylived a couple of miles from
each other.
And they became friends.
(18:13):
And so that stuff isincredible.
But it's also incredible towind up having a deep and
beautiful connection withsomeone who you don't know.
And you might never see
Gretchen (18:25):
again person, right?
Shari (18:29):
It's such a reminder that what we are translates.
It doesn't take a ton of timeand small talk doesn't get us
there any faster.
Gretchen (18:37):
That's true.
That's a good point.
I love what you said earlierabout how each person is unique.
And there's no such thingreally as small lives, right?
Because each person has such aunique perspective.
And that really, I think,resonates with that theme of
(18:58):
respecting the value of aging.
And I wonder if you can speakto how we could use this
approach to maybe rethink andreshape our attitudes towards
aging.
I
Shari (19:11):
think the more people who do this, it's those kinds of
shifts are organic because whatyou experience here, you know,
young, old, BIPOC, white, what,you know, middle America, big
city, what you experience isorganic.
(19:32):
the human commonality it's gotnothing to do with age you know
how many beautifully awakepeople are very young even
children so it's it's a healingof these values that have been
pounded into us over the yearsthrough advertising and
(19:56):
institutions and all of thesethings where we learn that we
smell bad.
I didn't even know I hadcertain place.
Behind my knee smells bad,really?
You smell bad, you're not goodenough, you're too old, you're
invisible.
And then the older you are, themore you realize nobody who's
meeting me now has any idea whatI really look like.
(20:20):
They think I look like this.
This is just some shell that Iwound up in.
And so to be able to get pastthat and to be focused on the
tone and the feeling and you'reusing your empathy to connect to
(20:40):
someone, it's got nothing to dowith age or place.
It's got to do with your voice.
Gretchen (20:49):
We need more people to get involved.
We need this to spread.
(21:16):
a little bit about yourpersonal experience with ageism.
So I'm shifting gears just alittle bit here.
But we talked about, you know,ageism is pervasive in the media
and in our culture, andeveryone is going to encounter
it at some point in their life.
People are prejudiced againstyou when you're too young.
(21:39):
They're prejudiced against youwhen you're not old enough.
And when you're too old.
Have you personally experiencedageism in your life?
You've had such an interestinglife.
I'd love to hear more about allthe different things that
you've done in your life.
But you've done so many coolthings.
Would you be willing to sharean experience or two that
highlights how you dealt withageism in your own life and what
(22:03):
you learned from thatexperience?
Shari (22:05):
For sure.
I was walking down the streetand I had decided to go gray
because my friend talked me intoit.
So these two girls asked mefor...
directions and I gave them.
And then when we walked away, Iheard them say, she's so cute.
So I got back.
(22:25):
It's just like, I couldn't takeit.
What, what a painful, you know,you think you're relating to
them from who you are andthey're seeing an old lady.
Gretchen (22:39):
Right.
Right.
And cute might feel like acompliment sometimes, like they
think they're being nice byacknowledging something positive
in a sense of cute, but cutecan be very demeaning.
And we often refer to olderadults as cute or somebody with
gray hair as cute.
And what adult wants to be cuteanymore?
(23:00):
Once you're past the age of 10,it's just not
Shari (23:04):
really a compliment.
It's almost like, look howthey're still breathing.
They're so cute.
Gretchen (23:08):
Yeah.
Pets are cute.
Shari (23:10):
Babies are cute.
Yeah.
What's that tick?
You know, oh, stop doing.
I mean, it's it's so muchmisinformation.
It's in that awful pile of whathappens to communities and to
an entire society when peopledevalue Groups, a huge group of
(23:35):
the population group who wouldbe willing to help you with your
endeavor.
Right.
It's for free.
Yes.
Right.
So what a waste, you know, it'sgoing to be younger people's
world.
Take what we have.
It's right.
Because you're in a differentshell.
(23:56):
You're different kinds ofpeople are interested in you.
I get that.
But.
That level of invisibility whenpeople are looking around the
room to see who they want toconnect with, it's just not the
same.
So I don't know if there is ananswer on an individual basis.
(24:18):
I think we need laws, some ofwhich we have, and I think we
need awareness through media andthrough the sources that get
through to people.
Your grandma is a person, had alife, bucked some system,
(24:38):
survived, and is not just cute.
Gretchen (24:44):
Yes, exactly.
And The thing is, if we'relucky, we're all going to be old
someday.
So any kind of prejudiceagainst age, they say, is a
prejudice against yourself.
So you're really harmingyourself.
So I think you're right.
We need to see some culturechange.
We need to build awareness.
And that's what we're hoping todo through this podcast, where
we're shining a light on ageism.
(25:04):
And we're talking about thingslike the narrative method.
That's a great resource forpeople to engage with each other
and erase some of thatinvisibility and really share
who they are.
with everyone.
So I'm really excited to sharethe narrative method with our
listeners and we will put somelinks in the show notes so
(25:24):
people can find you, Sherry.
And I hope that you get somemore participants from this and
that Age Guide can continue towork with you in the future.
I think there's someopportunities for partnership
with the Aging Network.
So thank you for joining ustoday.
Shari (25:40):
Thank you for everything.
Val (25:47):
Hello and welcome to your Medicare Minutes.
My name is Val Guzman and I'mthe Benefit Access Specialist
here at AgeGuide.
Today we are answering aquestion about Medicare
Advantage plans.
In case you're enrolled in aMedicare Advantage plan and not
sure if you want to keep it orif it's the best plan for you,
(26:09):
what can you do?
Actually, we get a lot ofquestions about Medicare
Advantage plans.
There are dozens of MedicareAdvantage plans available, and
finding the right one can bevery difficult.
You can change your plan duringthe annual Medicare open
enrollment period that startsOctober 15th, and you can also
change your plan during theMedicare Advantage open
(26:31):
enrollment period if you'resigned up for a plan as of
January 1st.
The Medicare Advantage openenrollment period runs from
January 1st to March 31st.
During both open enrollmentperiods, you'll have the option
to switch back to OriginalMedicare.
Comparing the plan options andmaking changes to your Medicare
coverage can be a big decisionand that's where connecting with
(26:55):
a SHIP counselor can help giveyou the peace of mind knowing
that you explored all youroptions.
Visit ageguide.org to getconnected with a SHIP counselor
or call Age Guide at1-800-528-2000.
Gretchen (27:13):
Thank you for listening to The Age Guide,
Perspectives on the AgingJourney.
Age Guide coordinates andadministers many services for
older adults in NortheasternIllinois.
Our specially trainedprofessionals are available to
answer questions and connect youwith local service providers
and resources.
If you are interested in theseservices or want to learn more,
(27:35):
go to our website atageguide.org or call our offices
at 630-293-5990.
Please follow our podcast soyou can be notified in your
streaming account.
Thank you and we will see younext time on The Age Guide.
Guide podcast.
Welcome to the Age Guide podcast, Perspectives on
the Aging Journey.
In this episode of our fourthseason about aging unfiltered,
we are going to be talking toSherry Foos.
Sherry is a psychotherapist,educator, activist, writer,
improvisational artist, and thefounder of The Narrative Method,
(00:24):
a nonprofit program thatpromotes radical human
connection by increasing empathyand tolerance.
Listen in as we discuss how wecan work together to help people
of all ages to feel a sense ofbelonging and being free to
express themselves.
Welcome Sherry, thank you forbeing here today.
Shari (00:46):
Thank you so much for having me Gretchen, I'm really
looking forward to this.
Gretchen (00:51):
Same here.
I would love for you to share abit about yourself and what
sparked you to build thisnonprofit that brings diverse
groups of people together in asafe space.
Shari (01:05):
It's really been my life's passion, but it took my
whole life to shape
Speaker 01 (01:12):
it.
Shari (01:12):
So going back, I was a troubled kid because I had a
kind of an emotionally violenthome.
And so early on, I became veryintrospective.
I started to really read bodylanguage as a way to anticipate
(01:34):
what might happen.
And as a result of these kindsof things, I developed an inner
relationship with my creativity.
But there was no way to takeclasses or to learn this or
that.
So I had to make things up.
And when you're a kid andyou're making things up, not to
mention when you're an adult andmaking things up, it's hard to
(01:57):
put value on that because youthink, oh, well, you know, it's
just coming to me.
But what comes to you easily isshould not be devalued.
It comes too easily at timesbecause it's an innate gift.
Gretchen (02:13):
Interesting.
Shari (02:14):
So with this innate gift for reading people and loving
people and really wanting to beconnected and have fun, I was a
theater major in college anddecided to come to Los Angeles
even before I graduated becauseI worked as an actor one day on
(02:36):
a movie.
And I've been here my entireadult life.
And whereas I first camepursuing comedy and acting, what
it grew into was so muchdifferent from that.
And by the time I startedvolunteering, I decided to go
(02:57):
back to school and become amarriage and family therapist.
And I've been one for 25 years,I'm going to say.
And so I I love working withgroups.
I always have.
And what I have noticed sinceI've become a therapist and in
the past 12 years since thenarrative method was started is
that when you are talkingone-on-one to someone, very
(03:21):
honestly and vulnerably, firstof all, one-on-one relationships
are essential.
It doesn't necessarily meanit's a love affair, but we need
intimate relationships.
intense eye contact to eyecontact.
But what happens in a group isanother kind of magic.
And if you didn't have a safechildhood or maybe you had
(03:45):
trauma being picked on at schoolor whatever, if you didn't have
good experiences of groups, youmight not have had an
opportunity to experience theincredible sense of belonging
And not just belonging becauseyou're all on the same team, but
belonging because you're allwitnessing and appreciating each
(04:08):
other.
That is huge.
So if I were to talk aboutsomething I was self-conscious
about, let's say some beautyissue, every woman in this
culture gets that drilled intoher.
You know, by the time you're inelementary school, what's wrong
with you?
Too fat, too skinny, too tall,not white enough, not smart
(04:29):
enough, not cool enough, on andon.
So to be able to create salonsonline, and we also do stuff in
person, workshops, retreats,seminars, all that stuff, where
you bring together diversepeople who would not have met
each other otherwise, and oneperson's being vulnerable and
(04:51):
everyone else is thinking, oh myGod, I thought it was just me.
You're better.
You're 50% better, at leastintellectually.
It takes a while to sync up newinformation, but it's like,
wait a minute.
This was my private shame.
The fact that we are allnodding here is so comforting.
(05:13):
Yes.
So.
One of the things that thenarrative method does is it
invites us to be who we reallyare so that we can get down to a
meaningful level with ourselvesand also with others.
That is an order of a storyI've never told before.
Gretchen (05:32):
And that's a powerful story too.
I love how it all fits togetherwith your own background and
the way you were able to come upwith this vision and create
this narrative method.
So what you're doing, you'redoing sometimes in person, but
it also works virtually, right?
That's incredible.
(05:54):
So tell me a little bit moreabout how this works so that we
can kind of visualize what'sreally going on and what kind of
impact it has on people.
Shari (06:03):
So several times a week, sometimes somewhere between
three and five in general, Wehave a free salon.
People come from all over thecountry.
We had somebody from Dubai, andthat's not in the U.S.
a few days ago.
And that was so cool, even withthe time difference.
So people come because it'sfree.
(06:24):
They hear about it on Facebookor Instagram or from a friend.
And they never know what toexpect because, of course,
everybody's suspect of somethingthat's free anyhow.
Right.
It's advertised as a writingprogram.
salon and what it is all aboutis in one hour you get creative
(06:45):
writing prompts and are invitedto write for a total of 14
minutes in two sections with twodifferent prompts that take you
who cares where wherever thatmight be that you begin to get
ideas about a story or a poem orsomething you want to write
(07:09):
autobiographically.
And there's no criticism.
There's no need for publishingmentality.
You don't
Gretchen (07:19):
have to be a great writer.
Shari (07:20):
No, it's not about being a great writer.
It's about being a releaser.
of your fears.
So putting aside all the noisethat we all have in our heads,
like, you know, who do you thinkyou are to write?
Or this sucks, or it's notgood.
It doesn't matter.
It's about practicing trustingyour voice, whether it's
(07:40):
verbally in writing or in anyother form of expression.
The idea is that there is somuch bonding because there's no
judgment.
So that's a little thumbnail ofwhat we're doing.
And if anyone would like toattend, go to
thenarrativemethod.org and go tothe events page.
(08:05):
You can sign up for as many asyou like, but each one has its
own link.
So you have to sign upindividually.
And that's it.
It's such a warm and wonderfulcommunity.
The idea is because we're alsogoing into small breakouts and
then later we do anotherbreakout, which is just
conversational for five minuteswith one other person.
(08:27):
So because you're having both alarger group experience and
intimate experiences.
So it's wonderful to hearpeople's responses.
I think there's something aboutit that's refreshing because
we're just not used to beingtreated with so much freedom.
Gretchen (08:48):
Right?
Yes, this is so unusual to havea space, like you said, that is
a non judgmental space.
Shari (08:55):
But it sure feels good to just be given that space.
And we do know when people areconnected to us, we know how to
read people's body language andeyes.
And that allows us to so muchmore easily move on from that
insult because you feel heard.
Okay, you get it.
Gretchen (09:15):
Yes.
And you've got, you're bringingtogether people from various
backgrounds, all kinds ofdiverse folks and all different
ages too, right?
So this is intergenerational.
Shari (09:27):
It is.
It does skew more women thanmen.
But other than that, it'scompletely diverse.
And I just am so constantlythrilled by that.
That means everything to mebecause we are so siloed in this
internet age.
And even though we know that weare siloed, it's easy to forget
(09:52):
that there are otherperspectives that are valid too.
Right.
Gretchen (09:57):
And it's hard to find exposure to those things when
your own little group is acertain way.
And where do you go to findthat diversity?
Shari (10:06):
And also, we haven't really been introduced or
invited to pursue diversity.
You know, it's not likesomebody goes into a diverse
group to, you know, understandthe suffering of someone else.
Or, I mean, that may be part ofit.
But it's such a gift.
It's like going to anothercountry.
(10:27):
Each person has such a uniqueset of knowledge and experiences
and feelings based on theirbackground or not based on their
background.
So it makes me feel more wholeto talk to a diverse group.
Yeah.
Gretchen (10:46):
And that really gets at the whole, like the power of
community.
Right.
And I know community.
plays such a vital role inshaping our thoughts and our
beliefs.
Like you said, we can getsiloed and we maybe don't even
realize it or we don't know whatto do about it.
How do you think that engagingwith others through these salons
(11:08):
can help people maybe challengeand overcome some of the
limiting thoughts andassumptions about themselves or
about other people?
Shari (11:15):
Certainly, you know, what I was talking about earlier,
when you...
realize, and you know how youknow when people are being very
honest, when you realize thatthat person is talking about an
insecurity that you totallyrelate to, and that On some
level, you thought you had themonopoly to it, but I promise
(11:38):
you're no more messed up thananyone else.
We all are.
The world is crazy, but thatdoesn't mean we can't cope and
be functional and be loved andlove.
So I think the first thing isthat sense of belonging to the
human race and alsounderstanding Allowing yourself
(11:58):
to realize no matter who youridol is, you're not going to be
like them.
You can't.
They are them.
But once you appreciate thatwhatever you don't have, you do
have your unique perspective,your voice, your set of
experiences.
Every person is interesting.
(12:18):
When you read a book or see amovie about someone who has what
we might think of as a smalllife, maybe they don't know a
lot of people, they live in onesmall community, and you get
into that character, nobody hasa small life.
And it's very, it's not justfascinating, but it's a real
gift to people.
(12:39):
feel someone else's experience.
So I think that's an awakeningfor all of us and a fascination
too.
And then of course, I think oneof the strongest takeaways is
that I can allow myself to trustmy impulse, especially when it
comes to something creative.
(12:59):
So many of us have never reallybeen permitted to be creative
ever.
You know, either you were toldit's not practical or you're not
good enough or all that stuff.
Nobody.
We just feel that
Gretchen (13:13):
shame about our expressing our own creativity.
Shari (13:16):
Right.
Who do you think you are?
You know, but then nobody gotthe letter.
Hey, dear Gretchen, welcome tothe world of creativity.
The world would love you to bea writer.
Nobody got it.
You have to fight to allowyourself.
And that's what this does in somany ways.
(13:37):
It invites you to be who youare, because if you are truly
who you are, you're going to becomfortable and other people are
going to feel you.
And if they can feel you, theycan know you.
And if they can know you, theycan love you.
But when we present what isexpected of us, They only know a
part of us.
Gretchen (14:25):
overcoming ageism is valuing each other.
And that experience that comeswith aging, some of the
knowledge that comes with aging,there just isn't a lot.
There aren't a lot of places inour culture where there is room
to express that and to valuethat.
And this seems like it would bea safe place for older adults.
Shari (14:45):
Oh, it is.
We have a lot.
We probably have more olderadults than we do any other
group.
Look, it's so, so sad.
that we live in a culture thatdoesn't understand the
importance of wisdom.
Not to make this person's lifemeaningful because you're taking
(15:07):
them seriously, but there is athing about learning from the
past so as not to make mistakesin the future.
And we're seeing so manyunnecessary mistakes based on
people not knowing, you know,What can happen if you do this
or that?
Right.
We are the biggest group in thecountry, maybe in many countries
(15:31):
in the world.
And as such, we have to empowerourselves and our own
importance and whether or not wecan force others who are
younger to value us we still canhelp each other in all of these
meaningful ways and let's faceit once you're past whatever
(15:55):
that age is for you when youfeel like I'm an adult I am
connected to myself enough toknow that this is maybe my last
batch of eras and I want meaningnow.
I want to be able to talk aboutwhat I care about.
(16:18):
I want to be fascinated by theideas and the books and the
people and foods and the thingsI want to do.
And to be able to do thatwithout leaving your house,
without getting dressed.
I mean, you have to wearsomething from the top up, but
nobody can.
We hope, yes.
You can wear sweatpants, whocares?
(16:39):
But it's really a reminder.
that genuine humanity cutsthrough even the internet to be
able to have the eye contactthat you and I are having right
now.
If we were in a room together,we wouldn't be this close.
That's true.
And I find also on our Zooms,because it is required that you
(17:02):
keep your camera on, otherwise,you know, people share their
story not knowing who they'retalking to.
But people are not on theirphones when they're on a Zoom
like this.
And it's a beautiful experienceto have everybody present and
in an accepting state of mind.
It's not that hard for an hour.
(17:22):
It's easy to love people for anhour.
It's easy to be moreopen-minded than you might be if
it was all day.
And that's something I think welove about ourselves and can
really enjoy because nobody canlive in a state of perfect
acceptance.
But having that for an hour,It's joyous.
Gretchen (17:45):
Yes.
Have you seen relationshipsbuild and friendships build
through this method too?
Shari (17:53):
We've had a marriage.
Oh, really?
Wow.
And there have beenfriendships.
We were...
For some reason, there was aperiod of time where we had so
many people in British Columbia.
Two women happened to be in abreakout group from British
Columbia, only to discover theylived a couple of miles from
each other.
And they became friends.
(18:13):
And so that stuff isincredible.
But it's also incredible towind up having a deep and
beautiful connection withsomeone who you don't know.
And you might never see
Gretchen (18:25):
again person, right?
Shari (18:29):
It's such a reminder that what we are translates.
It doesn't take a ton of timeand small talk doesn't get us
there any faster.
Gretchen (18:37):
That's true.
That's a good point.
I love what you said earlierabout how each person is unique.
And there's no such thingreally as small lives, right?
Because each person has such aunique perspective.
And that really, I think,resonates with that theme of
(18:58):
respecting the value of aging.
And I wonder if you can speakto how we could use this
approach to maybe rethink andreshape our attitudes towards
aging.
I
Shari (19:11):
think the more people who do this, it's those kinds of
shifts are organic because whatyou experience here, you know,
young, old, BIPOC, white, what,you know, middle America, big
city, what you experience isorganic.
(19:32):
the human commonality it's gotnothing to do with age you know
how many beautifully awakepeople are very young even
children so it's it's a healingof these values that have been
pounded into us over the yearsthrough advertising and
(19:56):
institutions and all of thesethings where we learn that we
smell bad.
I didn't even know I hadcertain place.
Behind my knee smells bad,really?
You smell bad, you're not goodenough, you're too old, you're
invisible.
And then the older you are, themore you realize nobody who's
meeting me now has any idea whatI really look like.
(20:20):
They think I look like this.
This is just some shell that Iwound up in.
And so to be able to get pastthat and to be focused on the
tone and the feeling and you'reusing your empathy to connect to
(20:40):
someone, it's got nothing to dowith age or place.
It's got to do with your voice.
Gretchen (20:49):
We need more people to get involved.
We need this to spread.
(21:16):
a little bit about yourpersonal experience with ageism.
So I'm shifting gears just alittle bit here.
But we talked about, you know,ageism is pervasive in the media
and in our culture, andeveryone is going to encounter
it at some point in their life.
People are prejudiced againstyou when you're too young.
(21:39):
They're prejudiced against youwhen you're not old enough.
And when you're too old.
Have you personally experiencedageism in your life?
You've had such an interestinglife.
I'd love to hear more about allthe different things that
you've done in your life.
But you've done so many coolthings.
Would you be willing to sharean experience or two that
highlights how you dealt withageism in your own life and what
(22:03):
you learned from thatexperience?
Shari (22:05):
For sure.
I was walking down the streetand I had decided to go gray
because my friend talked me intoit.
So these two girls asked mefor...
directions and I gave them.
And then when we walked away, Iheard them say, she's so cute.
So I got back.
(22:25):
It's just like, I couldn't takeit.
What, what a painful, you know,you think you're relating to
them from who you are andthey're seeing an old lady.
Gretchen (22:39):
Right.
Right.
And cute might feel like acompliment sometimes, like they
think they're being nice byacknowledging something positive
in a sense of cute, but cutecan be very demeaning.
And we often refer to olderadults as cute or somebody with
gray hair as cute.
And what adult wants to be cuteanymore?
(23:00):
Once you're past the age of 10,it's just not
Shari (23:04):
really a compliment.
It's almost like, look howthey're still breathing.
They're so cute.
Gretchen (23:08):
Yeah.
Pets are cute.
Shari (23:10):
Babies are cute.
Yeah.
What's that tick?
You know, oh, stop doing.
I mean, it's it's so muchmisinformation.
It's in that awful pile of whathappens to communities and to
an entire society when peopledevalue Groups, a huge group of
(23:35):
the population group who wouldbe willing to help you with your
endeavor.
Right.
It's for free.
Yes.
Right.
So what a waste, you know, it'sgoing to be younger people's
world.
Take what we have.
It's right.
Because you're in a differentshell.
(23:56):
You're different kinds ofpeople are interested in you.
I get that.
But.
That level of invisibility whenpeople are looking around the
room to see who they want toconnect with, it's just not the
same.
So I don't know if there is ananswer on an individual basis.
(24:18):
I think we need laws, some ofwhich we have, and I think we
need awareness through media andthrough the sources that get
through to people.
Your grandma is a person, had alife, bucked some system,
(24:38):
survived, and is not just cute.
Gretchen (24:44):
Yes, exactly.
And The thing is, if we'relucky, we're all going to be old
someday.
So any kind of prejudiceagainst age, they say, is a
prejudice against yourself.
So you're really harmingyourself.
So I think you're right.
We need to see some culturechange.
We need to build awareness.
And that's what we're hoping todo through this podcast, where
we're shining a light on ageism.
(25:04):
And we're talking about thingslike the narrative method.
That's a great resource forpeople to engage with each other
and erase some of thatinvisibility and really share
who they are.
with everyone.
So I'm really excited to sharethe narrative method with our
listeners and we will put somelinks in the show notes so
(25:24):
people can find you, Sherry.
And I hope that you get somemore participants from this and
that Age Guide can continue towork with you in the future.
I think there's someopportunities for partnership
with the Aging Network.
So thank you for joining ustoday.
Shari (25:40):
Thank you for everything.
Val (25:47):
Hello and welcome to your Medicare Minutes.
My name is Val Guzman and I'mthe Benefit Access Specialist
here at AgeGuide.
Today we are answering aquestion about Medicare
Advantage plans.
In case you're enrolled in aMedicare Advantage plan and not
sure if you want to keep it orif it's the best plan for you,
(26:09):
what can you do?
Actually, we get a lot ofquestions about Medicare
Advantage plans.
There are dozens of MedicareAdvantage plans available, and
finding the right one can bevery difficult.
You can change your plan duringthe annual Medicare open
enrollment period that startsOctober 15th, and you can also
change your plan during theMedicare Advantage open
(26:31):
enrollment period if you'resigned up for a plan as of
January 1st.
The Medicare Advantage openenrollment period runs from
January 1st to March 31st.
During both open enrollmentperiods, you'll have the option
to switch back to OriginalMedicare.
Comparing the plan options andmaking changes to your Medicare
coverage can be a big decisionand that's where connecting with
(26:55):
a SHIP counselor can help giveyou the peace of mind knowing
that you explored all youroptions.
Visit ageguide.org to getconnected with a SHIP counselor
or call Age Guide at1-800-528-2000.
Gretchen (27:13):
Thank you for listening to The Age Guide,
Perspectives on the AgingJourney.
Age Guide coordinates andadministers many services for
older adults in NortheasternIllinois.
Our specially trainedprofessionals are available to
answer questions and connect youwith local service providers
and resources.
If you are interested in theseservices or want to learn more,
(27:35):
go to our website atageguide.org or call our offices
at 630-293-5990.
Please follow our podcast soyou can be notified in your
streaming account.
Thank you and we will see younext time on The Age Guide.
Guide podcast.
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