May 15, 2024 • 26 mins
After a week of waiting, Meredith learns how many of her fertilized eggs have become full fledged embryos. She shares how she found out, how she's feeling, and what's up next.
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---
I'm becoming a single mother by choice using a known donor; I'm so stoked to be having a baby with my gay best friend. After a few tries with the turkey baster in 2023, I turned to IVF in Spring of 2024.
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Created, produced and hosted by Meredith Kate, co-produced by Julian Hagins.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Hello, hey, hey, I'm calling to tell you that there
is for sure, one embryo.
I don't know about the othertwo, but one was ready for
testing today.
Oh, we got a little bouchata, alittle, what A little bouchata,
(00:34):
and we don't know if it's Huey,dewey or Louie, but we got one,
yeah.
So I don't know if there aremore coming, but Just find out.
I literally just found out.
I told I'm packing my suitcasestoday I had a feeling, okay,
yeah, I have feelings,something's going on.
No, I got, um, I got an email.
(00:58):
I asked because I was like nothearing.
I was just about to message youthat we have one embryo that
was for PGT today, day five.
Yeah, it beat PGT as thetesting.
They will check again tomorrowand then on Saturday and you'll
get a final update then.
Do you want me to give you anupdate tomorrow as well?
So I said, yeah, as soon aspossible.
Every time, every time, everytime.
(01:18):
Yeah, all that, that's good,that's good, yeah, that's good,
yeah, so yeah, and you got yournews in San Francisco.
Yeah, I'm going to go collectmyself.
(01:40):
Are you still there?
Oh, yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, I'min the Jakku conference room
right now.
Hey, hey, how's it going?
Hey, I'm at Lucasfilmheadquarters in San Francisco
right now oh fun.
(02:01):
And I'm calling to tell youthat officially, we have one
embryo so far.
Oh, uh.
Does that mean that there's?
Uh, I think the other two canstill develop?
Oh, okay, but we have oneconfirmed one.
Yeah, and I'm crying and I'mhappy, awesome.
(02:25):
But when do they send it offfor testing?
I don't know if they send itoff immediately or if they wait
to see what happened with theother two.
Okay, yeah, I'm happy.
You look great.
Yeah, I'm happy.
I was getting kind of afraid.
I was kind of afraid that theremight be none.
So, like, I'm stoked and wewant to thank all of you for
(02:47):
watching and hanging out with ustoday.
We really appreciate it.
We really enjoyed you guys.
Thanks for hanging out in thechat and we hope to hear from
you soon.
And thank you eBay and thankyou Star Wars.
Thank you guys so much.
I have been dying to tell youthis the whole time.
I have an embryo.
Oh, I have been dying to tellyou this the whole time.
I have an embryo Way.
(03:13):
I've been like crying, oh mygosh.
In college, my gay best friendand I joked that if we hadn't
found love by 40, we'd have ababy with each other.
20 years later, I'm pulling theripcord From deciding on solo
motherhood to choosing IVF.
I'm Meredith and this is theBackup Plan.
Okay, well, that was a funlittle montage to edit.
(03:40):
I have had so many ups and downsthroughout this.
When people say that IVF is aroller coaster, it's really no
joke.
I have never felt so many highsand so many lows in such a
short period of time, and I feellike I'm getting sad and
excited about the same things atdifferent times.
It's very strange.
I mean, I went from being superexcited about nine eggs, super
(04:04):
sad about three eggs.
I should have been more excitedabout three fertilized eggs,
but it didn't register becauseof the sad news I had just
gotten.
So, anyway, I was wonderingshould I wait until the end of
the video for you to find outthat there indeed is at least a
blastocyst from this process, orshould I just lead with it?
(04:26):
And I just decided to lead withit.
So I'll wait until the end togive you the results of
everything that came through.
But I did find out that oneblastocyst made it on day five,
which is what we like to see, Ithink the best thing I did for
myself during this time periodwas to have a stacked calendar.
So I knew I was likely to getthis information on Wednesday,
thursday or Friday I didn't knowexactly when.
(04:47):
I knew I was going to have acheck in with my doctor the
following Monday but, like theinformation could have come at
any time, luckily I already hadstuff coming along on those days
.
I knew I was going up to SanFrancisco with Christina for
this Star Wars event that shewas doing.
Knew I was going up to SanFrancisco with Christina for
this Star Wars event that shewas doing and I was very excited
(05:09):
because I've never been toLucasfilm headquarters even
though I've worked for them andI worked on the productions, I'd
never been up to San Franciscoto like see the Yoda fountain in
person and that was veryexciting.
I didn't have control over whenthat was corresponding to news
I was getting, but I did thinkto myself I may be there while I
get this information.
(05:29):
Not only did I have that readyto go, but as soon as we landed
I had a lunch and normally Iprobably would have rescheduled
that, but it was really good tojust have, for my brain at least
to have one thing to go fromhere to there, and it was just
like the best way to do all this.
So I encourage you, if you aregoing through the fertility
(05:51):
process like really know who youare and what you like and how
you process things and just tryto align your schedule with that
it's.
I was really glad that I hadstuff to roll into.
I am extremely grateful for therelationship and the
communication that I'm able tohave with my doctor throughout
(06:12):
this process.
While the kind body app is verywonky, at least I know
sometimes when I'm on it mydoctors and nurses are on at the
same time, so they'll I'll senda message and I'll get a
message right back.
It doesn't necessarily alwayspop up accordingly.
However, there isn't reallythat much of a lack of time
between when I'm sendingmessages back, you know allowing
(06:35):
for Saturdays and Sundays, but,as you saw in the previous
video, even if it's reallyimportant information, my doctor
has been great enough tocontact me on those off days.
Okay, so let's talk about thefirst bit of news and how I got
it, as I said, up in SanFrancisco.
So the reason I was in SanFrancisco is because Christina,
who is my friend, who is also myclient because I'm managing her
(06:57):
career now.
She had a live streaming gigwhere she was up at San
Francisco and did a like two anda half hour recording of eBay
live auctions.
I mean it was very.
It ended up being a very coollittle setup.
It went really, really well.
But I noticed I got an emailfrom kind body, like I don't
know, 1530 minutes into herstreaming session.
(07:20):
Now, as we've gone over in thepast, she was the one to take me
to my egg retrieval and I havejust felt this like lizard brain
attachment to her during thisperiod.
It's like all I want to do isjust like talk to her and my mom
and that's it, like nobody else.
So I was just really gratefulto be with her there at this,
you know, sort of emotionallytumultuous time.
So to look down and get amessage from kind body while my
(07:44):
like buoy is on screen and Ican't talk to her for a while
was very unsettling.
So, uh, I checked my kind bodymessage and I'm sitting next to
her makeup artist, who's sosweet, and I, you know, I barely
know her, and she was the firstone to find out this
information.
For those of you who don't know, because I didn't, what they do
(08:06):
is when they retrieve the eggs,they do an insemination
immediately.
One of the questions I had forher was whether or not it was a
conventional insemination or anICSI, i-c-s-i, which I can't
remember what that stands forright now.
So if you're watching onYouTube I'll put it here at the
bottom of the screen.
So I sent a message to mydoctor on like the 29th and said
(08:27):
hey, what kind of inseminationdo I have?
And I learned it was ICSI.
And if you check out videos ofthis on YouTube, like it's so
wild, they take one sperm andthey just put it right, right in
the egg.
And it's supposed to be a moreprecise way of doing it.
But just like in my theatermajor brain, like it doesn't.
(08:48):
It feels like you're supposedto have these millions of sperm
and just one special one makesit through.
So to choose one and be likeyou're going in it, I mean I
guess it's great.
It's it ended up great for me,so I'm no complaints, but it's
just it's absolutely wild.
So she wrote back to me and shedid say that it was ICSI.
And then, as I'm up thereChristine is on screen.
(09:10):
I get on my phone and I sentthis message Thank you for this
info, checking in to see whenI'm going to get the next update
.
Thank you, and she respondedback pretty quickly.
That was what I was surprisedby, love, that you sent this.
I was just about to message youthat we have one embryo that
was for PGT today, day five.
(09:30):
Yay, they will check againtomorrow and then on Saturday
and you will get the finalupdate then.
Do you want me to give anupdate tomorrow as well?
To which I replied yeah,updates as often as possible.
Could the other two comethrough?
She said Okay, you got it.
One might, but the other one isfurther behind, so I kind of
doubt it.
We will see.
I told her I'm up in SanFrancisco at Lucasfilm
(09:53):
headquarters and it's such aweird place to learn this
information.
So then she wrote back and saidif you would rather wait to
know the info, we can do thattoo, whatever you prefer.
And I said, no, it's been greatto learn in real time.
I came up here knowing that itwould be a great place to learn
good news or a good distractionif necessary.
So then the next day I got thismessage from her.
Hello again.
(10:13):
Hope you had, or have, safetravels today.
The day six update is that oneof the embryos progressed but it
is not yet ready for the biopsy, for PGT testing.
Maybe, hopefully, tomorrow.
The other embryo, the one thatI mentioned was behind, did not
progress and is unlikely to makeit.
You will get the final updatetomorrow directly from the
embryology team.
(10:34):
I think we are scheduled totalk Wednesday, but if you want
to schedule that for earlier,let me know.
Have a nice weekend, dr S.
Okay, wednesday was when wewere going to talk.
I thought it was Monday.
There are a lot of days in aweek, seven.
So I wrote back and I saidgreat news.
I understand that the third'sprogress is unlikely, but I like
to defy odds, so let's justhope it takes after me
(10:55):
regardless, thrilled otherwise.
So I got that information at anIrish pub, which, if you know
me well, the fact that I learnedembryo progress in an Irish pub
and also at Lucasfilmheadquarters, it's just so
wildly on brand for me andeverything feels right is what
I'm saying.
And then, finally, on May the4th, may the 4th, be with you.
(11:19):
She wrote back and said theother one made it.
Woo, have a great weekend.
I got excited and I said allthree.
And then I checked and I hadthis message from the
embryologist.
I will say that this is clearlya form message and not all of
it makes sense.
The information is all there,it's just grammatically it
doesn't really make sense.
(11:39):
Hello, below is the finalsummary for your recent cycle.
We retrieved nine number ofoocytes.
We retrieved nine number ofoocytes Nine oocytes they should
have cut the word number out.
It's fine.
It's fine.
Of those, three were mature.
Three were exposed to sperm.
(12:00):
Three oocytes showed evidenceof normal fertilization.
The total number of embryosbiopsied for PGT was two.
The total number of embryosvitrified for future use was two
.
We hope this informationprovides you with a detailed
summary of your recent IVF cycle.
You should have an appointmentscheduled with your physician or
(12:21):
provider team in seven to 10days.
We wish you nothing but successfor you.
We wish, we wish you nothingbut success for you.
Again, the grammar, they, theywant me to have a nice journey.
I want to have a nice journeytoo.
So Huey, dewey and Louise havenow graduated to Chippendale.
I am happy.
(12:43):
I'm happy.
Do I want a few more?
Yes, because of attrition ratesand stuff, but I feel a lot
more confident about this stageof the game.
I don't know why I just do.
I mean, every time I've gone into get checked out I've been
told that my uterine lining isgorgeous, so it is just a very
(13:06):
happy little home, ready for alittle tiny blastocyst.
For those of you that don't knowthe like embryo development
process because I didn't afterthe fertilization conventional
or ICSI they wait to see how thecells develop.
So every day they split into.
It starts with two cells andthen four and then eight, and
(13:27):
then it kind of just becomes aclump of cells.
You want to get to the fifthday.
The fifth day is the best dayfor embryos.
That is when the cells havekind of divided into two
separate little spots.
Again, I am a theater major, solike probably look this up from
a scientist or a doctor.
But part of the cells areforming what will be the
(13:48):
placenta and the other part ofthe cells are forming what will
be the baby.
Day five is the best day forthis, although it can develop up
until the seventh day.
So I have a day five and I havea day seven.
The day five is the better one,the day seven.
It's not that it's bad, it'sjust that the chances are a
little bit less that it will beokie dokie smoky.
(14:11):
Now my two little blastocystshave had a couple of cells
pulled from them.
They've been sent off toanother lab so it is supposed to
be like two to three weeksuntil I find out exactly how
okie dokie smoky my twoblastocysts are.
So since I've gotten all thisinformation, I had a little chat
(14:33):
with my doctor and man did Ihave a list of like some
important, smart questions andthen other questions that were
just like I just want to know?
She gave me the visual grade ofthe two embryos as well.
So they get graded just likeeggs in a grocery store, and
obviously the best one that youwant is like a double A grade.
(14:54):
My day five has a BB grade andmy day seven has a BA grade.
So technically BA is better,but because it's the day seven
it's not as choice as the dayfive is.
So the day five is the one thatwe would implant if the genetic
tests come back and both of thelittle guys are great.
(15:16):
So the day five is the one thatwe would implant if Chip and
Dale both come back.
A-okay, there's also a numberassociated with eggs and I don't
fully understand that, eventhough I've read through
documentation a number of times.
Again, I am a theater major.
I'm just going to say thatright now I feel very good.
I just feel as though thingsare going to be fine.
(15:40):
I've got my thick uterinelining.
They've made it this far.
I am happy.
Okay, so let's talk about thequestions that I had for my
doctor, cause I don't know,maybe you have questions like
this too.
I wanted to know if, when theypulled the eggs out, if they
(16:01):
knew, like, if they kept trackof, like, which follicle they
came from.
I don't know, I just I cause,because the whole way my
ultrasound tech has been like,oh man, the party's happening on
the left side, like your leftovary is kicking it, and I was
just like.
I just want to know if they allcame from the left ovary,
although I just like feel likethey did.
The answer is no, she said oncethey suck it all out, it's just
(16:22):
, it's just in a pool of of eggsand goo.
And again, technical terms, Iam a theater major, so there's
no way of knowing, there's justthe feeling I have within my
heart.
She told me that if an egg isover 15 millimeters, there's an
80% chance they're going to geta mature egg.
(16:44):
I'm going to go back and lookat my charts and see how many I
had over 15.
This is why we take pictures ofeverything.
Okay, I had 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.
Six, seven, I had seven thatwere over 15.
(17:08):
And then one, two, three thatwere hovering around.
They were like 13, almost 14.
So that's why we expected moremature eggs.
So it's uh, that was why justthe three mature eggs were
surprising.
I asked her If we had to do eggretrieval again, which you know,
just last week I think it was,you heard me saying that I was
really grateful I don't everhave to do egg retrieval again.
(17:30):
But then I had this like cometo Jesus moment where I was like
I mean, if I had to do it again, it was like two weeks, it
wasn't forever, and it feltquicker than two weeks.
And now that I know how to doit and now that I know the
outcome, it's really not thatbad right.
(17:50):
I didn't have wild side effectsand it's kind of like having to
drive to a location the firsttime with kind of complicated
MapQuest printed directionsversus oh, I've been here before
, I know where I'm going.
You turn at that drivewayinstead of that mailbox.
You know what I mean.
So I feel better about havingto do this, not financially, but
(18:14):
if I had to do it again, Idon't feel terrible about it.
I did ask her what kind ofchanges they would make if we
had to go through this processagain, and she said well, I
would want to have a morethorough look at your chart and
really look at all the differentsteps that we took.
But, just off the cuff, I thinkwe would start you at a higher
(18:35):
dosage of medication at thebeginning and then maybe taper
it off a little bit at the end,so that gives your follicles a
little bit more time to do whatthey got to do.
So if I have to do it again, Ihave to do it again.
We'll see what happens.
We'll see what happens.
I, like I said, I feel goodabout where I'm at right now.
I did ask her about vitamin D3,because I have seen some videos
(18:57):
online that say you should boostup your vitamin D while you're
going through this process, andshe said well, let's take a look
at the prenatals that you're onright now, so I pulled up what
was included in them forreference.
I'm taking rituals prenatalvitamins which are expensive,
but I'm taking them and theyhave quite a bit of vitamin D3
in them, so I'm not concerned.
(19:18):
She asked if I have a vitamin Ddeficiency, which typically I
do.
That's the only thing thatdoctors are ever like a little
bit concerned about.
I was not on the regularvitamin D regimen at that time.
She mentioned that we could runmy blood again, see what it
looks like, and I just kind offeel like not terribly necessary
.
In terms of next steps, I askedher where do we go from here?
(19:42):
Let's assume these two littledudes or doodads are ready to go
and feeling great.
I'm going to stay positive thatthey are that way.
What are we going to do now?
She said well, what we want todo is we want to start the cycle
of progesterone, which is the.
That's the big shot.
It is a shot of oil into yourmuscle and I know it is more
(20:06):
difficult, so I've alreadystarted watching videos on how
to prep for that.
She said that that starts whenyour period starts.
Now I have just ended mine.
She said that I could go onbirth control and then, as soon
as we know the information aboutthese embryos, we can stop the
birth control, start theprogesterone it's like a more
(20:27):
streamlined effect or we couldwait until my next period starts
.
She said that's up to you, andI hate making decisions.
So I was like what's better,she goes, doesn't matter,
whatever you prefer.
I asked her what the timedifferential was if we were to
start the birth control rightnow to lock me into whatever
(20:48):
part of the menstrual cycle weneed to, so we can release the
floodgates when we need to.
And she said that thedifferential between going the
birth control route or thenatural route is like a week, a
week and a half or something,and for me that's just.
It doesn't matter.
A week is not a huge deal.
If it was like oh, this isgoing to buy you a month of time
(21:10):
, okay, sure, but just waiting aweek or two.
I have already pumped myselffull of so many hormones that I
would rather give my body alittle bit of a break and start
when my natural cycle comes intoplay.
So that's looking like.
Let's check the calendar.
Ooh, I haven't put in my periodfor this.
Let's do that too.
(21:31):
So I started was a little bitlonger this week.
My period wasn't crazy.
It wasn't like, um, I think Ihad a little bit more flow.
I used pads this month insteadof my menstrual cup.
Menstrual cup If you're notusing it, I don't know what to
tell you.
It's the future, guys.
Let's see.
I'm recording this on mother'sday.
Happy mother's day to me, butonly in Alabama.
(21:53):
Um, yeah, so it lasted a littlebit longer than usual.
Um, it really didn't feel toodifferent for me, but then again
, I'm a very lucky lady and myperiod has always been pretty
chill.
Shout out to my sisters outthere with difficult periods, oh
God.
But like using a pad this monthI told a friend of mine I was
(22:14):
like I feel like a colonialmistress.
The cup is great, you don'thave to worry about anything.
I just empty in the shower inthe morning and at night and we
good to go.
I don't have to worry aboutanything else throughout the day
.
Smell, feeling dirty, like ifyou don't use a menstrual cup.
Just give it a go.
I know it's a little bit grossmaybe, but you get over that so
fast and I just feel like I knowmy body better.
(22:34):
Anyway, what were we looking atwhen my next period is right,
okay, so iPhone tells me itcould be around.
Yep, the math is mathing and itlooks like I'm going to start
my period right during myfriend's wedding, which is a
destination wedding, and that iswhy I said no to it, because I
(22:55):
cannot imagine having to travelwith all of this fertility gear.
I don't know if I start theshots right then or if I have to
start the pills right then, buttraveling during this time just
did not feel like the rightmove.
So it's almost like May 26 27is when that starts.
So those are the next steps.
(23:16):
I have a follow up appointmenton May 23.
Although I think I'm going toget the news this week.
So that's where we're at.
I'm excited, I feel good.
I wonder what going through thisprocess would be like if I
wasn't telling anybody.
I am just telling everybodythat it comes up around because,
I mean, I'm telling it online,so I might as well just share it
(23:39):
everywhere.
Like I can't imagine not nottelling people while you're
going through this, not in a waythat, like I'm belittling
people's choice of of nottelling.
I just think that for, like, myemotions are like, for me, this
is everything I'm doing Likethis is my whole world.
When people are like what's new, I'm like well, and I go into
(24:04):
you know where I'm at in thisprocess, like nothing else kind
of matters to me right now.
So I can't imagine keeping thata total secret.
So I admire people who are ableto compartmentalize their lives
that much and not share out thisinformation Like kudos to you.
(24:25):
I'm not saying one way is rightor one way is wrong.
I'm just saying like life'scrazy, yeah, and I'm just.
I know that at any step I couldbe back chutes and ladders to
square one and that ishorrifying.
But this is the thing I cancompartmentalize.
I can put away the scary stuffand just be excited about
(24:49):
exciting stuff.
If this goes through right, likeif this works, I want to be
able to look back at this timeand feel good about it and feel
excited about it and be like youknow, I know I'm going to want
to go back to past me and sayyou didn't have to worry that
whole time, you could have justbeen excited.
(25:10):
Although on the flip side, Idon't want to look back and be
like why did you prepare as muchas you did?
You know I bought onesies whenI was up at Lucasfilm little
newborn onesies and I don't know.
I just everything could end ina second right Like I could.
Something horrible could happenand everything could be done
(25:31):
tomorrow.
So I guess we should just beexcited about the things that we
can be excited about.
While we can be excited aboutthem, there will be a tiny baby
in my life at some point, evenif I end up adopting or
something and I don't have anitty bitty baby, I know other
itty bitty babies I can givelittle onesies to.
So it's fine.
It's just it's a really wildtime and I miss stability, but I
(25:54):
never feel stable, I'm nevercontent, I'm always looking for
the next thing.
So such is life.
Anyway, thanks for hanging inthere, guys.
Keep thinking positive thoughtsfor me and I will catch you on
the flip side.
The Backup Plan is created,produced and hosted by me.
Meredith Kate Julian Hagans ismy co-producer.
(26:16):
You can find us on social mediaat Backup Plan Pod.
The best place to get updatesis to sign up for our newsletter
at BackupPlanPodcom, where wealso post all episodes, show
notes and transcripts.
Thank you for listening.
Hello, hey, hey, I'm calling to tell you that there
is for sure, one embryo.
I don't know about the othertwo, but one was ready for
testing today.
Oh, we got a little bouchata, alittle, what A little bouchata,
(00:34):
and we don't know if it's Huey,dewey or Louie, but we got one,
yeah.
So I don't know if there aremore coming, but Just find out.
I literally just found out.
I told I'm packing my suitcasestoday I had a feeling, okay,
yeah, I have feelings,something's going on.
No, I got, um, I got an email.
(00:58):
I asked because I was like nothearing.
I was just about to message youthat we have one embryo that
was for PGT today, day five.
Yeah, it beat PGT as thetesting.
They will check again tomorrowand then on Saturday and you'll
get a final update then.
Do you want me to give you anupdate tomorrow as well?
So I said, yeah, as soon aspossible.
Every time, every time, everytime.
(01:18):
Yeah, all that, that's good,that's good, yeah, that's good,
yeah, so yeah, and you got yournews in San Francisco.
Yeah, I'm going to go collectmyself.
(01:40):
Are you still there?
Oh, yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, I'min the Jakku conference room
right now.
Hey, hey, how's it going?
Hey, I'm at Lucasfilmheadquarters in San Francisco
right now oh fun.
(02:01):
And I'm calling to tell youthat officially, we have one
embryo so far.
Oh, uh.
Does that mean that there's?
Uh, I think the other two canstill develop?
Oh, okay, but we have oneconfirmed one.
Yeah, and I'm crying and I'mhappy, awesome.
(02:25):
But when do they send it offfor testing?
I don't know if they send itoff immediately or if they wait
to see what happened with theother two.
Okay, yeah, I'm happy.
You look great.
Yeah, I'm happy.
I was getting kind of afraid.
I was kind of afraid that theremight be none.
So, like, I'm stoked and wewant to thank all of you for
(02:47):
watching and hanging out with ustoday.
We really appreciate it.
We really enjoyed you guys.
Thanks for hanging out in thechat and we hope to hear from
you soon.
And thank you eBay and thankyou Star Wars.
Thank you guys so much.
I have been dying to tell youthis the whole time.
I have an embryo.
Oh, I have been dying to tellyou this the whole time.
I have an embryo Way.
(03:13):
I've been like crying, oh mygosh.
In college, my gay best friendand I joked that if we hadn't
found love by 40, we'd have ababy with each other.
20 years later, I'm pulling theripcord From deciding on solo
motherhood to choosing IVF.
I'm Meredith and this is theBackup Plan.
Okay, well, that was a funlittle montage to edit.
(03:40):
I have had so many ups and downsthroughout this.
When people say that IVF is aroller coaster, it's really no
joke.
I have never felt so many highsand so many lows in such a
short period of time, and I feellike I'm getting sad and
excited about the same things atdifferent times.
It's very strange.
I mean, I went from being superexcited about nine eggs, super
(04:04):
sad about three eggs.
I should have been more excitedabout three fertilized eggs,
but it didn't register becauseof the sad news I had just
gotten.
So, anyway, I was wonderingshould I wait until the end of
the video for you to find outthat there indeed is at least a
blastocyst from this process, orshould I just lead with it?
(04:26):
And I just decided to lead withit.
So I'll wait until the end togive you the results of
everything that came through.
But I did find out that oneblastocyst made it on day five,
which is what we like to see, Ithink the best thing I did for
myself during this time periodwas to have a stacked calendar.
So I knew I was likely to getthis information on Wednesday,
thursday or Friday I didn't knowexactly when.
(04:47):
I knew I was going to have acheck in with my doctor the
following Monday but, like theinformation could have come at
any time, luckily I already hadstuff coming along on those days
.
I knew I was going up to SanFrancisco with Christina for
this Star Wars event that shewas doing.
Knew I was going up to SanFrancisco with Christina for
this Star Wars event that shewas doing and I was very excited
(05:09):
because I've never been toLucasfilm headquarters even
though I've worked for them andI worked on the productions, I'd
never been up to San Franciscoto like see the Yoda fountain in
person and that was veryexciting.
I didn't have control over whenthat was corresponding to news
I was getting, but I did thinkto myself I may be there while I
get this information.
(05:29):
Not only did I have that readyto go, but as soon as we landed
I had a lunch and normally Iprobably would have rescheduled
that, but it was really good tojust have, for my brain at least
to have one thing to go fromhere to there, and it was just
like the best way to do all this.
So I encourage you, if you aregoing through the fertility
(05:51):
process like really know who youare and what you like and how
you process things and just tryto align your schedule with that
it's.
I was really glad that I hadstuff to roll into.
I am extremely grateful for therelationship and the
communication that I'm able tohave with my doctor throughout
(06:12):
this process.
While the kind body app is verywonky, at least I know
sometimes when I'm on it mydoctors and nurses are on at the
same time, so they'll I'll senda message and I'll get a
message right back.
It doesn't necessarily alwayspop up accordingly.
However, there isn't reallythat much of a lack of time
between when I'm sendingmessages back, you know allowing
(06:35):
for Saturdays and Sundays, but,as you saw in the previous
video, even if it's reallyimportant information, my doctor
has been great enough tocontact me on those off days.
Okay, so let's talk about thefirst bit of news and how I got
it, as I said, up in SanFrancisco.
So the reason I was in SanFrancisco is because Christina,
who is my friend, who is also myclient because I'm managing her
(06:57):
career now.
She had a live streaming gigwhere she was up at San
Francisco and did a like two anda half hour recording of eBay
live auctions.
I mean it was very.
It ended up being a very coollittle setup.
It went really, really well.
But I noticed I got an emailfrom kind body, like I don't
know, 1530 minutes into herstreaming session.
(07:20):
Now, as we've gone over in thepast, she was the one to take me
to my egg retrieval and I havejust felt this like lizard brain
attachment to her during thisperiod.
It's like all I want to do isjust like talk to her and my mom
and that's it, like nobody else.
So I was just really gratefulto be with her there at this,
you know, sort of emotionallytumultuous time.
So to look down and get amessage from kind body while my
(07:44):
like buoy is on screen and Ican't talk to her for a while
was very unsettling.
So, uh, I checked my kind bodymessage and I'm sitting next to
her makeup artist, who's sosweet, and I, you know, I barely
know her, and she was the firstone to find out this
information.
For those of you who don't know, because I didn't, what they do
(08:06):
is when they retrieve the eggs,they do an insemination
immediately.
One of the questions I had forher was whether or not it was a
conventional insemination or anICSI, i-c-s-i, which I can't
remember what that stands forright now.
So if you're watching onYouTube I'll put it here at the
bottom of the screen.
So I sent a message to mydoctor on like the 29th and said
(08:27):
hey, what kind of inseminationdo I have?
And I learned it was ICSI.
And if you check out videos ofthis on YouTube, like it's so
wild, they take one sperm andthey just put it right, right in
the egg.
And it's supposed to be a moreprecise way of doing it.
But just like in my theatermajor brain, like it doesn't.
(08:48):
It feels like you're supposedto have these millions of sperm
and just one special one makesit through.
So to choose one and be likeyou're going in it, I mean I
guess it's great.
It's it ended up great for me,so I'm no complaints, but it's
just it's absolutely wild.
So she wrote back to me and shedid say that it was ICSI.
And then, as I'm up thereChristine is on screen.
(09:10):
I get on my phone and I sentthis message Thank you for this
info, checking in to see whenI'm going to get the next update
.
Thank you, and she respondedback pretty quickly.
That was what I was surprisedby, love, that you sent this.
I was just about to message youthat we have one embryo that
was for PGT today, day five.
(09:30):
Yay, they will check againtomorrow and then on Saturday
and you will get the finalupdate then.
Do you want me to give anupdate tomorrow as well?
To which I replied yeah,updates as often as possible.
Could the other two comethrough?
She said Okay, you got it.
One might, but the other one isfurther behind, so I kind of
doubt it.
We will see.
I told her I'm up in SanFrancisco at Lucasfilm
(09:53):
headquarters and it's such aweird place to learn this
information.
So then she wrote back and saidif you would rather wait to
know the info, we can do thattoo, whatever you prefer.
And I said, no, it's been greatto learn in real time.
I came up here knowing that itwould be a great place to learn
good news or a good distractionif necessary.
So then the next day I got thismessage from her.
Hello again.
(10:13):
Hope you had, or have, safetravels today.
The day six update is that oneof the embryos progressed but it
is not yet ready for the biopsy, for PGT testing.
Maybe, hopefully, tomorrow.
The other embryo, the one thatI mentioned was behind, did not
progress and is unlikely to makeit.
You will get the final updatetomorrow directly from the
embryology team.
(10:34):
I think we are scheduled totalk Wednesday, but if you want
to schedule that for earlier,let me know.
Have a nice weekend, dr S.
Okay, wednesday was when wewere going to talk.
I thought it was Monday.
There are a lot of days in aweek, seven.
So I wrote back and I saidgreat news.
I understand that the third'sprogress is unlikely, but I like
to defy odds, so let's justhope it takes after me
(10:55):
regardless, thrilled otherwise.
So I got that information at anIrish pub, which, if you know
me well, the fact that I learnedembryo progress in an Irish pub
and also at Lucasfilmheadquarters, it's just so
wildly on brand for me andeverything feels right is what
I'm saying.
And then, finally, on May the4th, may the 4th, be with you.
(11:19):
She wrote back and said theother one made it.
Woo, have a great weekend.
I got excited and I said allthree.
And then I checked and I hadthis message from the
embryologist.
I will say that this is clearlya form message and not all of
it makes sense.
The information is all there,it's just grammatically it
doesn't really make sense.
(11:39):
Hello, below is the finalsummary for your recent cycle.
We retrieved nine number ofoocytes.
We retrieved nine number ofoocytes Nine oocytes they should
have cut the word number out.
It's fine.
It's fine.
Of those, three were mature.
Three were exposed to sperm.
(12:00):
Three oocytes showed evidenceof normal fertilization.
The total number of embryosbiopsied for PGT was two.
The total number of embryosvitrified for future use was two
.
We hope this informationprovides you with a detailed
summary of your recent IVF cycle.
You should have an appointmentscheduled with your physician or
(12:21):
provider team in seven to 10days.
We wish you nothing but successfor you.
We wish, we wish you nothingbut success for you.
Again, the grammar, they, theywant me to have a nice journey.
I want to have a nice journeytoo.
So Huey, dewey and Louise havenow graduated to Chippendale.
I am happy.
(12:43):
I'm happy.
Do I want a few more?
Yes, because of attrition ratesand stuff, but I feel a lot
more confident about this stageof the game.
I don't know why I just do.
I mean, every time I've gone into get checked out I've been
told that my uterine lining isgorgeous, so it is just a very
(13:06):
happy little home, ready for alittle tiny blastocyst.
For those of you that don't knowthe like embryo development
process because I didn't afterthe fertilization conventional
or ICSI they wait to see how thecells develop.
So every day they split into.
It starts with two cells andthen four and then eight, and
(13:27):
then it kind of just becomes aclump of cells.
You want to get to the fifthday.
The fifth day is the best dayfor embryos.
That is when the cells havekind of divided into two
separate little spots.
Again, I am a theater major, solike probably look this up from
a scientist or a doctor.
But part of the cells areforming what will be the
(13:48):
placenta and the other part ofthe cells are forming what will
be the baby.
Day five is the best day forthis, although it can develop up
until the seventh day.
So I have a day five and I havea day seven.
The day five is the better one,the day seven.
It's not that it's bad, it'sjust that the chances are a
little bit less that it will beokie dokie smoky.
(14:11):
Now my two little blastocystshave had a couple of cells
pulled from them.
They've been sent off toanother lab so it is supposed to
be like two to three weeksuntil I find out exactly how
okie dokie smoky my twoblastocysts are.
So since I've gotten all thisinformation, I had a little chat
(14:33):
with my doctor and man did Ihave a list of like some
important, smart questions andthen other questions that were
just like I just want to know?
She gave me the visual grade ofthe two embryos as well.
So they get graded just likeeggs in a grocery store, and
obviously the best one that youwant is like a double A grade.
(14:54):
My day five has a BB grade andmy day seven has a BA grade.
So technically BA is better,but because it's the day seven
it's not as choice as the dayfive is.
So the day five is the one thatwe would implant if the genetic
tests come back and both of thelittle guys are great.
(15:16):
So the day five is the one thatwe would implant if Chip and
Dale both come back.
A-okay, there's also a numberassociated with eggs and I don't
fully understand that, eventhough I've read through
documentation a number of times.
Again, I am a theater major.
I'm just going to say thatright now I feel very good.
I just feel as though thingsare going to be fine.
(15:40):
I've got my thick uterinelining.
They've made it this far.
I am happy.
Okay, so let's talk about thequestions that I had for my
doctor, cause I don't know,maybe you have questions like
this too.
I wanted to know if, when theypulled the eggs out, if they
(16:01):
knew, like, if they kept trackof, like, which follicle they
came from.
I don't know, I just I cause,because the whole way my
ultrasound tech has been like,oh man, the party's happening on
the left side, like your leftovary is kicking it, and I was
just like.
I just want to know if they allcame from the left ovary,
although I just like feel likethey did.
The answer is no, she said oncethey suck it all out, it's just
(16:22):
, it's just in a pool of of eggsand goo.
And again, technical terms, Iam a theater major, so there's
no way of knowing, there's justthe feeling I have within my
heart.
She told me that if an egg isover 15 millimeters, there's an
80% chance they're going to geta mature egg.
(16:44):
I'm going to go back and lookat my charts and see how many I
had over 15.
This is why we take pictures ofeverything.
Okay, I had 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.
Six, seven, I had seven thatwere over 15.
(17:08):
And then one, two, three thatwere hovering around.
They were like 13, almost 14.
So that's why we expected moremature eggs.
So it's uh, that was why justthe three mature eggs were
surprising.
I asked her If we had to do eggretrieval again, which you know,
just last week I think it was,you heard me saying that I was
really grateful I don't everhave to do egg retrieval again.
(17:30):
But then I had this like cometo Jesus moment where I was like
I mean, if I had to do it again, it was like two weeks, it
wasn't forever, and it feltquicker than two weeks.
And now that I know how to doit and now that I know the
outcome, it's really not thatbad right.
(17:50):
I didn't have wild side effectsand it's kind of like having to
drive to a location the firsttime with kind of complicated
MapQuest printed directionsversus oh, I've been here before
, I know where I'm going.
You turn at that drivewayinstead of that mailbox.
You know what I mean.
So I feel better about havingto do this, not financially, but
(18:14):
if I had to do it again, Idon't feel terrible about it.
I did ask her what kind ofchanges they would make if we
had to go through this processagain, and she said well, I
would want to have a morethorough look at your chart and
really look at all the differentsteps that we took.
But, just off the cuff, I thinkwe would start you at a higher
(18:35):
dosage of medication at thebeginning and then maybe taper
it off a little bit at the end,so that gives your follicles a
little bit more time to do whatthey got to do.
So if I have to do it again, Ihave to do it again.
We'll see what happens.
We'll see what happens.
I, like I said, I feel goodabout where I'm at right now.
I did ask her about vitamin D3,because I have seen some videos
(18:57):
online that say you should boostup your vitamin D while you're
going through this process, andshe said well, let's take a look
at the prenatals that you're onright now, so I pulled up what
was included in them forreference.
I'm taking rituals prenatalvitamins which are expensive,
but I'm taking them and theyhave quite a bit of vitamin D3
in them, so I'm not concerned.
(19:18):
She asked if I have a vitamin Ddeficiency, which typically I
do.
That's the only thing thatdoctors are ever like a little
bit concerned about.
I was not on the regularvitamin D regimen at that time.
She mentioned that we could runmy blood again, see what it
looks like, and I just kind offeel like not terribly necessary
.
In terms of next steps, I askedher where do we go from here?
(19:42):
Let's assume these two littledudes or doodads are ready to go
and feeling great.
I'm going to stay positive thatthey are that way.
What are we going to do now?
She said well, what we want todo is we want to start the cycle
of progesterone, which is the.
That's the big shot.
It is a shot of oil into yourmuscle and I know it is more
(20:06):
difficult, so I've alreadystarted watching videos on how
to prep for that.
She said that that starts whenyour period starts.
Now I have just ended mine.
She said that I could go onbirth control and then, as soon
as we know the information aboutthese embryos, we can stop the
birth control, start theprogesterone it's like a more
(20:27):
streamlined effect or we couldwait until my next period starts
.
She said that's up to you, andI hate making decisions.
So I was like what's better,she goes, doesn't matter,
whatever you prefer.
I asked her what the timedifferential was if we were to
start the birth control rightnow to lock me into whatever
(20:48):
part of the menstrual cycle weneed to, so we can release the
floodgates when we need to.
And she said that thedifferential between going the
birth control route or thenatural route is like a week, a
week and a half or something,and for me that's just.
It doesn't matter.
A week is not a huge deal.
If it was like oh, this isgoing to buy you a month of time
(21:10):
, okay, sure, but just waiting aweek or two.
I have already pumped myselffull of so many hormones that I
would rather give my body alittle bit of a break and start
when my natural cycle comes intoplay.
So that's looking like.
Let's check the calendar.
Ooh, I haven't put in my periodfor this.
Let's do that too.
(21:31):
So I started was a little bitlonger this week.
My period wasn't crazy.
It wasn't like, um, I think Ihad a little bit more flow.
I used pads this month insteadof my menstrual cup.
Menstrual cup If you're notusing it, I don't know what to
tell you.
It's the future, guys.
Let's see.
I'm recording this on mother'sday.
Happy mother's day to me, butonly in Alabama.
(21:53):
Um, yeah, so it lasted a littlebit longer than usual.
Um, it really didn't feel toodifferent for me, but then again
, I'm a very lucky lady and myperiod has always been pretty
chill.
Shout out to my sisters outthere with difficult periods, oh
God.
But like using a pad this monthI told a friend of mine I was
(22:14):
like I feel like a colonialmistress.
The cup is great, you don'thave to worry about anything.
I just empty in the shower inthe morning and at night and we
good to go.
I don't have to worry aboutanything else throughout the day
.
Smell, feeling dirty, like ifyou don't use a menstrual cup.
Just give it a go.
I know it's a little bit grossmaybe, but you get over that so
fast and I just feel like I knowmy body better.
(22:34):
Anyway, what were we looking atwhen my next period is right,
okay, so iPhone tells me itcould be around.
Yep, the math is mathing and itlooks like I'm going to start
my period right during myfriend's wedding, which is a
destination wedding, and that iswhy I said no to it, because I
(22:55):
cannot imagine having to travelwith all of this fertility gear.
I don't know if I start theshots right then or if I have to
start the pills right then, buttraveling during this time just
did not feel like the rightmove.
So it's almost like May 26 27is when that starts.
So those are the next steps.
(23:16):
I have a follow up appointmenton May 23.
Although I think I'm going toget the news this week.
So that's where we're at.
I'm excited, I feel good.
I wonder what going through thisprocess would be like if I
wasn't telling anybody.
I am just telling everybodythat it comes up around because,
I mean, I'm telling it online,so I might as well just share it
(23:39):
everywhere.
Like I can't imagine not nottelling people while you're
going through this, not in a waythat, like I'm belittling
people's choice of of nottelling.
I just think that for, like, myemotions are like, for me, this
is everything I'm doing Likethis is my whole world.
When people are like what's new, I'm like well, and I go into
(24:04):
you know where I'm at in thisprocess, like nothing else kind
of matters to me right now.
So I can't imagine keeping thata total secret.
So I admire people who are ableto compartmentalize their lives
that much and not share out thisinformation Like kudos to you.
(24:25):
I'm not saying one way is rightor one way is wrong.
I'm just saying like life'scrazy, yeah, and I'm just.
I know that at any step I couldbe back chutes and ladders to
square one and that ishorrifying.
But this is the thing I cancompartmentalize.
I can put away the scary stuffand just be excited about
(24:49):
exciting stuff.
If this goes through right, likeif this works, I want to be
able to look back at this timeand feel good about it and feel
excited about it and be like youknow, I know I'm going to want
to go back to past me and sayyou didn't have to worry that
whole time, you could have justbeen excited.
(25:10):
Although on the flip side, Idon't want to look back and be
like why did you prepare as muchas you did?
You know I bought onesies whenI was up at Lucasfilm little
newborn onesies and I don't know.
I just everything could end ina second right Like I could.
Something horrible could happenand everything could be done
(25:31):
tomorrow.
So I guess we should just beexcited about the things that we
can be excited about.
While we can be excited aboutthem, there will be a tiny baby
in my life at some point, evenif I end up adopting or
something and I don't have anitty bitty baby, I know other
itty bitty babies I can givelittle onesies to.
So it's fine.
It's just it's a really wildtime and I miss stability, but I
(25:54):
never feel stable, I'm nevercontent, I'm always looking for
the next thing.
So such is life.
Anyway, thanks for hanging inthere, guys.
Keep thinking positive thoughtsfor me and I will catch you on
the flip side.
The Backup Plan is created,produced and hosted by me.
Meredith Kate Julian Hagans ismy co-producer.
(26:16):
You can find us on social mediaat Backup Plan Pod.
The best place to get updatesis to sign up for our newsletter
at BackupPlanPodcom, where wealso post all episodes, show
notes and transcripts.
Thank you for listening.
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