September 18, 2023 • 15 mins
In this episode I help you assess your dating pool and explain what to do to make changes to it.
***Please rate and review the podcast and respond to the poll and episode question (Spotify only) if you'd like to share your thoughts***
Ep. 8: How Good AND Bad Dating Can Uplevel Your Standards https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/QQnQVYZwHCb
Ep. 15: How To EFFECTIVELY UseDating Apps https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/awhwqdHXbDb
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:00):
Hey. Just a little message before we get started. I offer one on one coaching to women for breakup recovery and dating. So if you're interested, just send me an email at tracy@tphtherapy.com.
That's tracie@tphtherapy.com.
And let me know if you're interested, and I can give you information. We can hop on a very brief call
(00:24):
to see what your needs are either around dating and or breakup recovery,
and I'm really excited to help you on your journey.
Hey. I'm Tracy Panock, and welcome to the Bitter to Better podcast,
where I talk all things love and life that help women live better after breakups.
(00:46):
I'm glad you're here, and let's get into it.
Today, I want to talk about your dating pool.
Are you swimming in a cesspool,
an above ground pool,
or an infinity pool?
When it comes to
(01:07):
your
circle of dating
options
or what am I trying to say? When it comes to
your potential dating partners,
are you
around them? Are you finding them? Are you amongst them? Are you interacting with them?
So I want to
(01:29):
have you take some time to assess your current dating pool and if you'd like to make any changes to that dating pool.
So let's talk about it.
I hear very often women talk about not meeting the right men or why am I always meeting this type of guy or there's no one to date, etcetera, etcetera.
And one of the immediate things I ask one of the first things I ask is,
(01:54):
what what is your dating pool?
And it can be everything from there is no dating pool because I stay in my house all the time, and I don't do any form of going out to meet people, or I don't do any online,
interactions or anything like that. Two,
oh, my dating pool is very small and familiar. It's,
(02:16):
you know, old friends from high school. It's,
coworkers. It's friends of friends.
All of these can be potential dating
pool options. But for people who find that
they don't have,
suitable coworkers who they would want to date or they're very weary about dating coworkers
(02:37):
or, you know,
the same friend circles they've been in for years. It's just like a Dawson's Creek pool of
oh my gosh. Just if you're listening to this and you're not familiar with Dawson's Creek, just don't tell me. But, anyway, like, everyone is just, like, dating
everyone, you know, the same people. Dare I say incestuous,
(02:58):
which, technically, it's not. But okay. You get my point.
Or dating your exes and, like, repeat dating of past partners. But these pools that are small, very comfortable,
those can be a problem.
There can also be
the locations
(03:19):
that you frequent
do not attract your ideal partner.
They're not places where your ideal partner
tends to frequent.
First, you want to identify your ideal partner, and you can do that through creating an ideal partner list. It's something that I talk about in various episodes. And if you're interested in getting a free video tutorial on how to create your ideal partner list, just rate or review this podcast, take a screenshot of it, and email it to me at Tracy@tphtherapy.com.
(03:50):
It's in the show notes,
and I will send that right along to you. But, ultimately, the ideal partner list is this list that you make
of your of the traits and qualities and life circumstances of your ideal partner.
And there's a whole exercise that I have you go through to really hone in on that, and that's in the video.
But once you identify
(04:10):
your ideal partner, you want to then identify where does this person exist. Like, where am I likely to find someone who likes to read if that's something that is, you know, important to you or that you'd like in a partner. So are you going to bookstores and libraries?
Are you going to book sales or book events?
If you're into coffee, you know, or the coffee shop,
(04:31):
I don't know. Go to a boat show to find people who are into boats. Go to certain sporting events.
Go to the gym. But the idea being, are you going to the places where you are likely to find the person who you want to meet? So that's another that can be another issue for people's dating pools, that they're just not in the right locations.
And then, you know, are you dating people who tend to treat you poorly? So then your, you know,
(04:57):
your perspective is that there are no good guys out there or
everyone is x, y, and z. Well, have you tended to date those type of people?
Or are you dating people who don't date you the way you like to be dated and you wanna identify how you like to be dated? Like, where do you like to go? How do you like to be, you know, asked out on dates, or how do you like to be approached? Things like that.
(05:25):
My point being that if you find yourself
saying there's, you know, no good guys or there's, you know, I can't meet anyone or I always, you know, meet the same type of people or the biggest one people will say is I attract
x type of person.
And
it can feel that way
when
(05:46):
the pools that you are swimming in have x type of people. And so, therefore, yes, if you are swimming in those
pools, those are the people who are going to be around you, who you are going to be choosing from as dating partners. So
before you you go with the type the idea of the type of person you tend to attract, you first want to ask yourself, where am I actually finding these people?
(06:08):
And if I'm finding the same people in the same place and I'm not happy with that, then there's maybe some things I want to switch up, which are some of the things that I just mentioned. So let's talk about how you might switch some of these things up.
Do you like what you're hearing? Are you picking up what I'm putting down? Want to help the pod?
(06:31):
If so, please know it's greatly appreciated, and I welcome you to support the Bitter to Better podcast however you can.
Might I suggest a few options?
First, please rate and review the show on Spotify, Apple podcast, or whatever platform you choose.
Next, how about sending this podcast to one friend who you know could use it? This way, she can't say you've never given her anything.
(06:55):
If you're really riding with me, talk about the show on social media and tag me. I'm at tracy panach on Instagram.
And lastly,
if you ever use any products or services I mentioned in the pod, can you tell them Tracy Pinnock from the Bitter to Better podcast sent you?
Please, and thank you.
(07:19):
First of all, find new places. That means
if you're always in your house, go out of your house
to do grocery shopping, to go to the bank,
you know, be deliberate about doing things out of the house that nowadays you can really do in the house, electronic banking and food delivery or grocery delivery and things like that, but go out and intentionally do those things.
(07:42):
Maybe join a some sort of,
sporting
sport team sports team. You can see how much I do sports. What are they called? Like, a team where they play sports,
or join, you know, some sort of workout class or something like that,
and
also utilize
(08:03):
various other, like, specific dating options such as online dating.
I think it's good
to have your dating life consist of online dating as well as meeting people in person.
But, also, try speed dating, try singles events, try professional networking events, try meetups, like at meetup.com,
(08:24):
or the Meetup app,
that now exist. I
I used Meetup when it was just a website called meetup.com.
Wow. This episode is really aging me. But, anyway,
so, yeah, do these different types of things that get you out of your house and connecting with other people. Do trivia nights at the local bar, things like that. Like, think outside the box.
(08:47):
Go to, you know, go rock climbing. Go to a derby. Try new
activities
that are likely to attract the type type of person you've decided you would like to meet, but it's an intentional decision
to go out and do these things.
If you are staying in your house and you're not online dating,
good luck.
(09:08):
You can meet people
as you go out randomly.
You're just significantly
lowering your chances of doing so and of meeting
the right type of people for you. You kinda have to really get out there and
and, you know,
interface, interact with other human beings.
Also, don't let comfort be your downfall.
(09:31):
So back to this whole idea of of a incestuous dating pool of, like, coworkers, friends of friends, old friends from high school, exes.
A lot of people will date
people
who they've known for a while,
and a lot of that comes from comfort and the discomfort of meeting new people and having to get to know them and dating them. And if that's been working for you and you feel like you've been having quality relationships that way, then great. But oftentimes, people are complaining that
(10:01):
they meet the same type of person or they're not happy with the people they're meeting, and they're only dating
from these pools of people who they already know and who they are comfortable with. So don't let comfort be your downfall.
You gotta mix it up a little bit. Get out there and meet some new people.
Also, do some research
and make a plan to visit
(10:22):
the places that your IP, your ideal partner, frequents. So as I said before,
one of the problems with your dating pool might be that you are not going to the places where your type of person hangs out. So you want to do some research on, again, at first identifying
your ideal partner, but then secondly,
thinking about, well, where is this person likely to reside? If I'm looking for someone who has,
(10:47):
you know, a they're ambitious
in their career, and so so maybe they're entrepreneurial.
So maybe they're going to networking events. Maybe they,
have a cert they're in a certain field, and so you want to go to the places where those people hang out. Like, you know,
are they, you know,
particularly fit person? So are they going to the gym? Are they playing sports? Are they an athletic person? Are they, you know, an intellectual?
(11:14):
Do they like to travel?
I mean, identifying
who this person is, kind of creating your ideal partner avatar and asking yourself where does this person spend their time. And so does it make sense for me to be in those places?
So take some research and some deliberate
effort to show up in those spaces.
(11:35):
And then
also identify,
how you want to be dated, how you want to date.
You know, do you want someone who takes initiative, things like that so that you can at least be,
as you are maybe meeting certain people. So for instance, maybe you're in that small dating pool of people you already know, but you know you want someone who initiates dates and,
(11:59):
put some creativity into them and things like that. And
you are not finding that happening because you're in this dating pool where everyone has just known each other for years, and so there's not really much effort put into the idea of of inviting you out on a date or putting a date together. You would at least know that,
hey. This is a no for me because I'm looking for a different type of dating experience.
(12:20):
So this is just kind of about having awareness of how you like to be dated because
if you're saying that, like, oh, I'm not you know, I'm meeting guys who do x, y, and z. Well, then you want to say, okay. Maybe I I remove myself from those circles and go into these other circles where I'm likely to have people who are going to initiate more or be more creative in dates. Again, this, I think, would come up in particular when you're meeting new people who don't already know you because there's going to be more motivation and need to, you know, put their best foot forward and and things like that. So these are just some thoughts on dating pools and really looking at your dating pool and how
(12:59):
it how it suits you or how it doesn't. I'm sure there are other examples that can be added to this list of the ways in which you might be in a dating cesspool as opposed to an infinity pool.
But these are just some things to really consider,
some of the most common ones that I see.
And a lot of it has to do with people allowing comfort to hold them back, dating, you know, from a saint the same small pool,
(13:24):
and from their pool just being too small because they're not getting out and actually
just interacting
with enough
with enough,
other humans.
So get out there,
meet people,
go to places in person, but also utilize online dating
as the directory that it is and a directory that shows you a listing of people who are
(13:49):
interested in dating and then, you know, go from there. You know?
I have a episode on the podcast
about, effectively using, you know, effectively using dating apps and online dating, and I highly recommend that episode when it comes to really
learning how to
effectively utilize the online dating platforms. That can be a headache for many people, but there are ways to effectively
(14:15):
use it to help really improve your dating pool. So
look at your dating pool. Are there things you want to change?
And identify how you might go about changing those things.
Hey. By the way, I can be found in other places besides this podcast.
(14:38):
Just search my name on YouTube, and you'll find my channel.
Subscribe for periodic how to videos for dealing with breakups and mastering dating.
That's right. I said mastering dating. It's a skill, ladies.
I can also be found on Instagram at tracy panach.
And lastly, I most encourage you to join my email list where you get breakup and dating support delivered to your inbox in addition to getting the most exclusive access to my programs and coaching services.
(15:05):
My email list subscribers
are the first to know when my coaching programs launch and the only people to get discounts when they're offered.
As always, I'm glad we got into it and looking forward to next time.
Hey. Just a little message before we get started. I offer one on one coaching to women for breakup recovery and dating. So if you're interested, just send me an email at tracy@tphtherapy.com.
That's tracie@tphtherapy.com.
And let me know if you're interested, and I can give you information. We can hop on a very brief call
(00:24):
to see what your needs are either around dating and or breakup recovery,
and I'm really excited to help you on your journey.
Hey. I'm Tracy Panock, and welcome to the Bitter to Better podcast,
where I talk all things love and life that help women live better after breakups.
(00:46):
I'm glad you're here, and let's get into it.
Today, I want to talk about your dating pool.
Are you swimming in a cesspool,
an above ground pool,
or an infinity pool?
When it comes to
(01:07):
your
circle of dating
options
or what am I trying to say? When it comes to
your potential dating partners,
are you
around them? Are you finding them? Are you amongst them? Are you interacting with them?
So I want to
(01:29):
have you take some time to assess your current dating pool and if you'd like to make any changes to that dating pool.
So let's talk about it.
I hear very often women talk about not meeting the right men or why am I always meeting this type of guy or there's no one to date, etcetera, etcetera.
And one of the immediate things I ask one of the first things I ask is,
(01:54):
what what is your dating pool?
And it can be everything from there is no dating pool because I stay in my house all the time, and I don't do any form of going out to meet people, or I don't do any online,
interactions or anything like that. Two,
oh, my dating pool is very small and familiar. It's,
(02:16):
you know, old friends from high school. It's,
coworkers. It's friends of friends.
All of these can be potential dating
pool options. But for people who find that
they don't have,
suitable coworkers who they would want to date or they're very weary about dating coworkers
(02:37):
or, you know,
the same friend circles they've been in for years. It's just like a Dawson's Creek pool of
oh my gosh. Just if you're listening to this and you're not familiar with Dawson's Creek, just don't tell me. But, anyway, like, everyone is just, like, dating
everyone, you know, the same people. Dare I say incestuous,
(02:58):
which, technically, it's not. But okay. You get my point.
Or dating your exes and, like, repeat dating of past partners. But these pools that are small, very comfortable,
those can be a problem.
There can also be
the locations
(03:19):
that you frequent
do not attract your ideal partner.
They're not places where your ideal partner
tends to frequent.
First, you want to identify your ideal partner, and you can do that through creating an ideal partner list. It's something that I talk about in various episodes. And if you're interested in getting a free video tutorial on how to create your ideal partner list, just rate or review this podcast, take a screenshot of it, and email it to me at Tracy@tphtherapy.com.
(03:50):
It's in the show notes,
and I will send that right along to you. But, ultimately, the ideal partner list is this list that you make
of your of the traits and qualities and life circumstances of your ideal partner.
And there's a whole exercise that I have you go through to really hone in on that, and that's in the video.
But once you identify
(04:10):
your ideal partner, you want to then identify where does this person exist. Like, where am I likely to find someone who likes to read if that's something that is, you know, important to you or that you'd like in a partner. So are you going to bookstores and libraries?
Are you going to book sales or book events?
If you're into coffee, you know, or the coffee shop,
(04:31):
I don't know. Go to a boat show to find people who are into boats. Go to certain sporting events.
Go to the gym. But the idea being, are you going to the places where you are likely to find the person who you want to meet? So that's another that can be another issue for people's dating pools, that they're just not in the right locations.
And then, you know, are you dating people who tend to treat you poorly? So then your, you know,
(04:57):
your perspective is that there are no good guys out there or
everyone is x, y, and z. Well, have you tended to date those type of people?
Or are you dating people who don't date you the way you like to be dated and you wanna identify how you like to be dated? Like, where do you like to go? How do you like to be, you know, asked out on dates, or how do you like to be approached? Things like that.
(05:25):
My point being that if you find yourself
saying there's, you know, no good guys or there's, you know, I can't meet anyone or I always, you know, meet the same type of people or the biggest one people will say is I attract
x type of person.
And
it can feel that way
when
(05:46):
the pools that you are swimming in have x type of people. And so, therefore, yes, if you are swimming in those
pools, those are the people who are going to be around you, who you are going to be choosing from as dating partners. So
before you you go with the type the idea of the type of person you tend to attract, you first want to ask yourself, where am I actually finding these people?
(06:08):
And if I'm finding the same people in the same place and I'm not happy with that, then there's maybe some things I want to switch up, which are some of the things that I just mentioned. So let's talk about how you might switch some of these things up.
Do you like what you're hearing? Are you picking up what I'm putting down? Want to help the pod?
(06:31):
If so, please know it's greatly appreciated, and I welcome you to support the Bitter to Better podcast however you can.
Might I suggest a few options?
First, please rate and review the show on Spotify, Apple podcast, or whatever platform you choose.
Next, how about sending this podcast to one friend who you know could use it? This way, she can't say you've never given her anything.
(06:55):
If you're really riding with me, talk about the show on social media and tag me. I'm at tracy panach on Instagram.
And lastly,
if you ever use any products or services I mentioned in the pod, can you tell them Tracy Pinnock from the Bitter to Better podcast sent you?
Please, and thank you.
(07:19):
First of all, find new places. That means
if you're always in your house, go out of your house
to do grocery shopping, to go to the bank,
you know, be deliberate about doing things out of the house that nowadays you can really do in the house, electronic banking and food delivery or grocery delivery and things like that, but go out and intentionally do those things.
(07:42):
Maybe join a some sort of,
sporting
sport team sports team. You can see how much I do sports. What are they called? Like, a team where they play sports,
or join, you know, some sort of workout class or something like that,
and
also utilize
(08:03):
various other, like, specific dating options such as online dating.
I think it's good
to have your dating life consist of online dating as well as meeting people in person.
But, also, try speed dating, try singles events, try professional networking events, try meetups, like at meetup.com,
(08:24):
or the Meetup app,
that now exist. I
I used Meetup when it was just a website called meetup.com.
Wow. This episode is really aging me. But, anyway,
so, yeah, do these different types of things that get you out of your house and connecting with other people. Do trivia nights at the local bar, things like that. Like, think outside the box.
(08:47):
Go to, you know, go rock climbing. Go to a derby. Try new
activities
that are likely to attract the type type of person you've decided you would like to meet, but it's an intentional decision
to go out and do these things.
If you are staying in your house and you're not online dating,
good luck.
(09:08):
You can meet people
as you go out randomly.
You're just significantly
lowering your chances of doing so and of meeting
the right type of people for you. You kinda have to really get out there and
and, you know,
interface, interact with other human beings.
Also, don't let comfort be your downfall.
(09:31):
So back to this whole idea of of a incestuous dating pool of, like, coworkers, friends of friends, old friends from high school, exes.
A lot of people will date
people
who they've known for a while,
and a lot of that comes from comfort and the discomfort of meeting new people and having to get to know them and dating them. And if that's been working for you and you feel like you've been having quality relationships that way, then great. But oftentimes, people are complaining that
(10:01):
they meet the same type of person or they're not happy with the people they're meeting, and they're only dating
from these pools of people who they already know and who they are comfortable with. So don't let comfort be your downfall.
You gotta mix it up a little bit. Get out there and meet some new people.
Also, do some research
and make a plan to visit
(10:22):
the places that your IP, your ideal partner, frequents. So as I said before,
one of the problems with your dating pool might be that you are not going to the places where your type of person hangs out. So you want to do some research on, again, at first identifying
your ideal partner, but then secondly,
thinking about, well, where is this person likely to reside? If I'm looking for someone who has,
(10:47):
you know, a they're ambitious
in their career, and so so maybe they're entrepreneurial.
So maybe they're going to networking events. Maybe they,
have a cert they're in a certain field, and so you want to go to the places where those people hang out. Like, you know,
are they, you know,
particularly fit person? So are they going to the gym? Are they playing sports? Are they an athletic person? Are they, you know, an intellectual?
(11:14):
Do they like to travel?
I mean, identifying
who this person is, kind of creating your ideal partner avatar and asking yourself where does this person spend their time. And so does it make sense for me to be in those places?
So take some research and some deliberate
effort to show up in those spaces.
(11:35):
And then
also identify,
how you want to be dated, how you want to date.
You know, do you want someone who takes initiative, things like that so that you can at least be,
as you are maybe meeting certain people. So for instance, maybe you're in that small dating pool of people you already know, but you know you want someone who initiates dates and,
(11:59):
put some creativity into them and things like that. And
you are not finding that happening because you're in this dating pool where everyone has just known each other for years, and so there's not really much effort put into the idea of of inviting you out on a date or putting a date together. You would at least know that,
hey. This is a no for me because I'm looking for a different type of dating experience.
(12:20):
So this is just kind of about having awareness of how you like to be dated because
if you're saying that, like, oh, I'm not you know, I'm meeting guys who do x, y, and z. Well, then you want to say, okay. Maybe I I remove myself from those circles and go into these other circles where I'm likely to have people who are going to initiate more or be more creative in dates. Again, this, I think, would come up in particular when you're meeting new people who don't already know you because there's going to be more motivation and need to, you know, put their best foot forward and and things like that. So these are just some thoughts on dating pools and really looking at your dating pool and how
(12:59):
it how it suits you or how it doesn't. I'm sure there are other examples that can be added to this list of the ways in which you might be in a dating cesspool as opposed to an infinity pool.
But these are just some things to really consider,
some of the most common ones that I see.
And a lot of it has to do with people allowing comfort to hold them back, dating, you know, from a saint the same small pool,
(13:24):
and from their pool just being too small because they're not getting out and actually
just interacting
with enough
with enough,
other humans.
So get out there,
meet people,
go to places in person, but also utilize online dating
as the directory that it is and a directory that shows you a listing of people who are
(13:49):
interested in dating and then, you know, go from there. You know?
I have a episode on the podcast
about, effectively using, you know, effectively using dating apps and online dating, and I highly recommend that episode when it comes to really
learning how to
effectively utilize the online dating platforms. That can be a headache for many people, but there are ways to effectively
(14:15):
use it to help really improve your dating pool. So
look at your dating pool. Are there things you want to change?
And identify how you might go about changing those things.
Hey. By the way, I can be found in other places besides this podcast.
(14:38):
Just search my name on YouTube, and you'll find my channel.
Subscribe for periodic how to videos for dealing with breakups and mastering dating.
That's right. I said mastering dating. It's a skill, ladies.
I can also be found on Instagram at tracy panach.
And lastly, I most encourage you to join my email list where you get breakup and dating support delivered to your inbox in addition to getting the most exclusive access to my programs and coaching services.
(15:05):
My email list subscribers
are the first to know when my coaching programs launch and the only people to get discounts when they're offered.
As always, I'm glad we got into it and looking forward to next time.
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