October 3, 2023 • 12 mins
Lower your standards! Yep, I said it. TO BE CLEAR, I'm referring to FIRST DATE standards NOT your ideal partner standards. Listen for my 4 (I originally said 3...my bad!) questions to ask yourself to determine if you should go on a first date with a guy.
***Please rate and review the podcast and respond to the poll and episode question (Spotify only) if you'd like to share your thoughts***
Ep. 3: It's Dating Season! https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/ffU5mOdRADb
Ep. 5: Hasty Dates In The City https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/Xk3RsLdRADb
MINISODE: Dating Is Romantic Interviewing https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/n3ovcyiRADb
MINISODE: I'm Back On The Apps And I Have Some Things To Say https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/T45mmwiRADb
Ep. 15: How To EFFECTIVELY Use Dating Apps https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/fyhXwtiRADb
Ep. 22: Dating With A Full Roster https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/rITqImtRADb
Ep. 24: Cesspools or Infinity Pools: Which Are You Swimming In? https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/4aXZFltRADb
MINISODE: Here For A Good Time Not A Long Time: No-Pressure Dating https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/K5h7iktRADb
BOOK A FREE CALL
https://calendly.com/traciepinnock
Join my email list
https://tphtherapy.us14.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=be02a721b82e4378558515ed3&id=888df392e4
Subscribe to my YouTube channel
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHVUSpAJ869rH817vCwLY3Q
Follow me on Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/traciepinnock.datingcoach/
Send me an email: tracie@tphtherapy.com
***Please rate and review the podcast and respond to the poll and episode question (Spotify only) if you'd like to share your thoughts***
Ep. 3: It's Dating Season! https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/ffU5mOdRADb
Ep. 5: Hasty Dates In The City https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/Xk3RsLdRADb
MINISODE: Dating Is Romantic Interviewing https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/n3ovcyiRADb
MINISODE: I'm Back On The Apps And I Have Some Things To Say https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/T45mmwiRADb
Ep. 15: How To EFFECTIVELY Use Dating Apps https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/fyhXwtiRADb
Ep. 22: Dating With A Full Roster https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/rITqImtRADb
Ep. 24: Cesspools or Infinity Pools: Which Are You Swimming In? https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/4aXZFltRADb
MINISODE: Here For A Good Time Not A Long Time: No-Pressure Dating https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/K5h7iktRADb
BOOK A FREE CALL
https://calendly.com/traciepinnock
Join my email list
https://tphtherapy.us14.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=be02a721b82e4378558515ed3&id=888df392e4
Subscribe to my YouTube channel
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHVUSpAJ869rH817vCwLY3Q
Follow me on Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/traciepinnock.datingcoach/
Send me an email: tracie@tphtherapy.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:05):
Hey. I'm Tracy Panock, and welcome to the Bitter to Better podcast,
where I talk all things love and life that help women live and date better after breakups. I'm glad you're here, and let's get into it.
Today, I am here to encourage you no. To urge you
(00:27):
to lower your first date standard.
What she say? I did not say
lower your overall standards for an ideal partner, a committed partner, a life partner.
I said
lower your first
date standards.
Here's what I mean.
So
(00:47):
something I noticed is a lot of women
really hinder their dating process by not going on enough dates.
You need to go on
dates.
A bunch of dates,
lots of dates. Go on the dates.
And there are a number of things that get in the way of someone choosing to or choosing to go on dates or not go on dates.
(01:11):
But one of the big ones
is having,
all of this criteria
in order to
meet up with somebody for the first time, and I am here to say that that does not work to your So
today,
I'm going to talk about really the three things that you need to be asking yourself as to whether to in order to help you decide if you go go on a first date with someone.
(01:33):
So
listen closely, and this is for all the girlies out there who find themselves listening to this podcast,
watching my YouTube channel, working with me,
or just being out here in these streets
and not actually going on dates. Like, if you are following any of my content and you have found yourself not even you you haven't even gone on a date
(01:57):
since listening to my content or you've done very few,
I'm really I'm really talking to you. I need you to listen up. So,
also, check the show notes of this episode because there are, like, I don't know,
10
eight to 10 episodes that I'm going to link of past podcast episodes that talk about dating specifically from this place of getting on the dates or making the most of dating season or casually dating that are also helpful for you to listen to if you have not yet.
(02:28):
Kinda just, like, go through all of them and get yourself, you know, hyped up and motivated for this whole dating thing.
Okay. So here's my breakdown for deciding on whether you go on a first date with someone. The first thing is, of course,
are you attracted to them?
And,
really, the question is, are you attracted enough to them? You may not think that they are the most,
(02:51):
you know, mind blowing person, etcetera, etcetera, but what is your general level of attraction? So this may be meeting them in person. This may be seeing their picture on a dating profile. But from just from what you can see so far,
are you attracted enough? That's question number one. If the answer is no, there's no attraction,
then then no. You don't go any further. Don't go don't don't pass go. But if you're attracted enough, okay. Let's move on to the next. Do I feel safe? So what I mean is,
(03:18):
again, whether this is in person or online, but whatever your interactions or communication are with this person,
are you, you know, feeling like they are a decent average person? They're not giving you creeper vibes. They're not saying crazy
stuff that that makes you concerned for your safety,
then if the answer is yes, I feel safe, like, I don't have any safety concerns here with this person, they're not doing or saying anything that should make me concerned,
(03:43):
then move on to the next.
Next question is, am I turned off? Meaning, in your interaction with this person so I don't know if you met them in the grocery store and you're sitting there having conversation with them, or maybe you've exchanged numbers, and so this is happening
over the phone or through text messages,
or you're online in DMs, or, again, you've moved to text messages or phone conversations. But in your talking to this person over the days
(04:09):
to
come, are they saying anything or not saying anything that, like, turns you off from them? That makes you kind of either feel, like, discussed or or, like,
okay. Loss of attraction, any of that. If the answer is no. If if you're not turned off by them, then you you move to the next step. The next and really the last question I would say is, am I offended? Have they said anything or done anything to offend me? It can be about anything. It can be about something,
(04:37):
I don't know, something they say about you. It could be about their values, their
political things, whatever it is. The question is for you,
have you taken any offense to anything they've done or said, and is it significant in any way? If the answer is yes, then, yeah, that would be a good reason to be like, yeah. No. There's no point in us, you know, ever meeting in person. But if the answer is no, you keep on moving. So I guess I've actually listed four things. So I'm correcting my system as I speak. Attraction,
(05:05):
attracted enough, feeling safe,
not feeling turned off, and not feeling offended.
And one could say that
being offended by someone could also turn you off. But, like, we're we're we're getting, you know, really clear here. The the
the answer is if it's yes, I'm attracted enough, yes, I feel safe, no, I'm not turned off, and no, I'm not offended, then the answer is yes, you might as well go on a first date with them. So now the next question becomes
(05:30):
getting on that date. And either
so my general suggestion is if you are offered a date by this person, it's a yes. It's a clear yes, and I'll get to the reasons why.
And if you're if you haven't been offered the date yet, but you have answered all of those questions
in the, you know, right direction and you decide, yeah. Okay. This is someone I can go on a first date with, then you can suggest a date. So the way I suggest suggesting a date is, you know, if you're enjoying talking to the person, it can be just, you know, a couple of days, a week. And these questions, you've answered
(06:03):
them,
you know, in the the positive direction,
then you can say, hey. It'd be great to meet in person soon, or it'd be great to meet soon. And I always I always say to ask or to add soon to it to make it clear to the person, like, this is not some let's plan something a month from now. And after you making that statement,
the person
the guy should be like, yeah. Absolutely. And ideally, go into the process of scheduling. Or whether it's like, hey. I'm busy the next week or two, but definitely
(06:31):
let's, tentatively plan for x, y, and z. Or let's,
let me touch bases with you next week when I have a better idea of my schedule and let's plan something. The point is you want to see initiative. Because as I've talked about many, many times, we don't stay in the DMs for weeks and weeks and weeks getting an idea of somebody and then meeting them in person and possibly being disappointed. We don't need any of that. But that's a conversation for another
(06:56):
time.
Do you like what you're hearing? Are you picking up what I'm putting down?
Want to help the pod?
If so, please know it's greatly appreciated, and I welcome you to support the Better to Better
podcast however you
can. Might I suggest a few options?
First, please rate and review the show on your platform of choice.
(07:17):
Next, how about sending this podcast to one friend who you know could use it? This way, she can't say you've never given her anything.
And if you're really riding with me, talk about the show on social media and tag me. I'm tracy panach dot dating coach on Instagram.
Lastly,
if you ever use any of the products or services I mentioned in the pod, can you tell them Tracy Pinnock from the Better to Better podcast sent you?
(07:43):
Please and thank you.
My main point here is for you to
recognize
that first date standards
can be pretty low.
It needs to be, am I attracted enough? Do I feel safe? Am I not turned off? And am I not offended? Because all of that other stuff, figuring out all of this other stuff about someone, you are doing that as you date them. As you go out on dates with them in person, as you continue to have phone conversations,
(08:15):
text conversations with them over time, you are then able to vet
out
all of the other stuff that would be on your ideal partner list. Ideal partner list, if you haven't heard, it's a list that you make with all of your ideal traits and qualities for your ideal
for your ideal partner, and there's also a whole process I walk you through on asking yourself questions to really hone your list. I can send you a free video tutorial of that if you email me a screenshot of your rating or review of this podcast on whatever podcast platform you choose. My email is in the, in the show notes, but it's also tracy@tphtherapy.com.
(08:49):
Anyway,
all the detailed vetting happens as you're dating someone. This is why I highly recommend dating and not just jumping into committed relationships with people.
The key, though, is to get on the first date so that you can decide
if you want to see them again. Your only,
job on a first date is to determine if you want to spend any more time with that person. Meaning, do you want a second date with that person? You go out with them. You talk. You chat. Whether you have a meal or you do an activity or whatever it is, and you get a sense for chemistry. You get a sense for how attracted you are to them in person. You get a sense for how conversation flows. You get a sense for how they,
(09:31):
behave around other people, how they interact with other people,
how they interact with you. You ask questions. They ask you questions. All of that's happening on the first date, and your only job is
to come to a conclusion as to whether you would like to accept a second date or suggest a second date. That's it.
So it's so important to,
(09:52):
like, take the pressure off of the first date. I just hear so many women be like, oh, well, I stopped. I didn't I didn't,
I didn't go on the date or I didn't say yes to the date or I didn't suggest we meet because
I don't know x y and z x y z x y and z about them. Well, yeah, you start to learn that as you date someone. What we need to know is
(10:13):
we're attracted to them, we feel safe,
we are not turned off, and we're not offended
by things they're doing or saying. Sure. I'll go out on a date with you. Sure. I'll have a good meal. Sure. I'll have some interesting conversation. Sure. I'll try a new activity.
Sure. I'll do something with my time that I might not typically be doing.
(10:34):
Why not?
So
lower your standards for the first date.
Don't lower your standards
for your ideal partner that you've determined, you know, the the the criteria that you've determined for your ideal partner. But lower your standards for the first date because
the vast majority of first dates
will not be your person. Because if you're looking for, you know, what is considered, like, the, you know, the one person
(11:01):
who you are seeking to be with, you know, right now, this go around,
then, of course, the vast majority are not going to work out. Everyone's not gonna be your person. Everyone shouldn't be and doesn't need to be your person. But you absolutely
should be getting out there on first dates.
See how many of them you can make into second dates. But many first dates do not become second dates, and that's okay.
(11:22):
But you do need to have, like, these DM conversations,
turn into first dates,
you know, at least a good amount of them so that you can go out and have experiences and learn to vet
and learn what you want and don't want, what feels good to you and what doesn't. Learn how you want to be dated,
you know,
get experiences with people who you know, with qualities or traits that you thought you wanted and find out if that's that's really the case.
(11:49):
Get out on these first dates. And the way you get out on these first dates is by lowering your standards for first dates, keeping in mind, am I attracted? Do I feel safe? Am I not turned off? Am I not offended?
That's it. And go on the date.
(12:10):
Hey. By the way, I can be found in other places beyond this podcast.
Search my name on YouTube and you'll find my channel.
Subscribe for periodic how to videos for dealing with breakups and mastering dating. That's right. I said mastering dating. It's a skill, ladies. I can also be found on Instagram at tracy panach.datingcoach.
(12:31):
And lastly,
I most encourage you to join my email list where you get breakup and dating support delivered to your inbox in addition to getting the most exclusive access to my programs and coaching services.
My email list subscribers are the first to know when my coaching programs launch and the only people to get discounts when they're offered.
Hey. I'm Tracy Panock, and welcome to the Bitter to Better podcast,
where I talk all things love and life that help women live and date better after breakups. I'm glad you're here, and let's get into it.
Today, I am here to encourage you no. To urge you
(00:27):
to lower your first date standard.
What she say? I did not say
lower your overall standards for an ideal partner, a committed partner, a life partner.
I said
lower your first
date standards.
Here's what I mean.
So
(00:47):
something I noticed is a lot of women
really hinder their dating process by not going on enough dates.
You need to go on
dates.
A bunch of dates,
lots of dates. Go on the dates.
And there are a number of things that get in the way of someone choosing to or choosing to go on dates or not go on dates.
(01:11):
But one of the big ones
is having,
all of this criteria
in order to
meet up with somebody for the first time, and I am here to say that that does not work to your So
today,
I'm going to talk about really the three things that you need to be asking yourself as to whether to in order to help you decide if you go go on a first date with someone.
(01:33):
So
listen closely, and this is for all the girlies out there who find themselves listening to this podcast,
watching my YouTube channel, working with me,
or just being out here in these streets
and not actually going on dates. Like, if you are following any of my content and you have found yourself not even you you haven't even gone on a date
(01:57):
since listening to my content or you've done very few,
I'm really I'm really talking to you. I need you to listen up. So,
also, check the show notes of this episode because there are, like, I don't know,
10
eight to 10 episodes that I'm going to link of past podcast episodes that talk about dating specifically from this place of getting on the dates or making the most of dating season or casually dating that are also helpful for you to listen to if you have not yet.
(02:28):
Kinda just, like, go through all of them and get yourself, you know, hyped up and motivated for this whole dating thing.
Okay. So here's my breakdown for deciding on whether you go on a first date with someone. The first thing is, of course,
are you attracted to them?
And,
really, the question is, are you attracted enough to them? You may not think that they are the most,
(02:51):
you know, mind blowing person, etcetera, etcetera, but what is your general level of attraction? So this may be meeting them in person. This may be seeing their picture on a dating profile. But from just from what you can see so far,
are you attracted enough? That's question number one. If the answer is no, there's no attraction,
then then no. You don't go any further. Don't go don't don't pass go. But if you're attracted enough, okay. Let's move on to the next. Do I feel safe? So what I mean is,
(03:18):
again, whether this is in person or online, but whatever your interactions or communication are with this person,
are you, you know, feeling like they are a decent average person? They're not giving you creeper vibes. They're not saying crazy
stuff that that makes you concerned for your safety,
then if the answer is yes, I feel safe, like, I don't have any safety concerns here with this person, they're not doing or saying anything that should make me concerned,
(03:43):
then move on to the next.
Next question is, am I turned off? Meaning, in your interaction with this person so I don't know if you met them in the grocery store and you're sitting there having conversation with them, or maybe you've exchanged numbers, and so this is happening
over the phone or through text messages,
or you're online in DMs, or, again, you've moved to text messages or phone conversations. But in your talking to this person over the days
(04:09):
to
come, are they saying anything or not saying anything that, like, turns you off from them? That makes you kind of either feel, like, discussed or or, like,
okay. Loss of attraction, any of that. If the answer is no. If if you're not turned off by them, then you you move to the next step. The next and really the last question I would say is, am I offended? Have they said anything or done anything to offend me? It can be about anything. It can be about something,
(04:37):
I don't know, something they say about you. It could be about their values, their
political things, whatever it is. The question is for you,
have you taken any offense to anything they've done or said, and is it significant in any way? If the answer is yes, then, yeah, that would be a good reason to be like, yeah. No. There's no point in us, you know, ever meeting in person. But if the answer is no, you keep on moving. So I guess I've actually listed four things. So I'm correcting my system as I speak. Attraction,
(05:05):
attracted enough, feeling safe,
not feeling turned off, and not feeling offended.
And one could say that
being offended by someone could also turn you off. But, like, we're we're we're getting, you know, really clear here. The the
the answer is if it's yes, I'm attracted enough, yes, I feel safe, no, I'm not turned off, and no, I'm not offended, then the answer is yes, you might as well go on a first date with them. So now the next question becomes
(05:30):
getting on that date. And either
so my general suggestion is if you are offered a date by this person, it's a yes. It's a clear yes, and I'll get to the reasons why.
And if you're if you haven't been offered the date yet, but you have answered all of those questions
in the, you know, right direction and you decide, yeah. Okay. This is someone I can go on a first date with, then you can suggest a date. So the way I suggest suggesting a date is, you know, if you're enjoying talking to the person, it can be just, you know, a couple of days, a week. And these questions, you've answered
(06:03):
them,
you know, in the the positive direction,
then you can say, hey. It'd be great to meet in person soon, or it'd be great to meet soon. And I always I always say to ask or to add soon to it to make it clear to the person, like, this is not some let's plan something a month from now. And after you making that statement,
the person
the guy should be like, yeah. Absolutely. And ideally, go into the process of scheduling. Or whether it's like, hey. I'm busy the next week or two, but definitely
(06:31):
let's, tentatively plan for x, y, and z. Or let's,
let me touch bases with you next week when I have a better idea of my schedule and let's plan something. The point is you want to see initiative. Because as I've talked about many, many times, we don't stay in the DMs for weeks and weeks and weeks getting an idea of somebody and then meeting them in person and possibly being disappointed. We don't need any of that. But that's a conversation for another
(06:56):
time.
Do you like what you're hearing? Are you picking up what I'm putting down?
Want to help the pod?
If so, please know it's greatly appreciated, and I welcome you to support the Better to Better
podcast however you
can. Might I suggest a few options?
First, please rate and review the show on your platform of choice.
(07:17):
Next, how about sending this podcast to one friend who you know could use it? This way, she can't say you've never given her anything.
And if you're really riding with me, talk about the show on social media and tag me. I'm tracy panach dot dating coach on Instagram.
Lastly,
if you ever use any of the products or services I mentioned in the pod, can you tell them Tracy Pinnock from the Better to Better podcast sent you?
(07:43):
Please and thank you.
My main point here is for you to
recognize
that first date standards
can be pretty low.
It needs to be, am I attracted enough? Do I feel safe? Am I not turned off? And am I not offended? Because all of that other stuff, figuring out all of this other stuff about someone, you are doing that as you date them. As you go out on dates with them in person, as you continue to have phone conversations,
(08:15):
text conversations with them over time, you are then able to vet
out
all of the other stuff that would be on your ideal partner list. Ideal partner list, if you haven't heard, it's a list that you make with all of your ideal traits and qualities for your ideal
for your ideal partner, and there's also a whole process I walk you through on asking yourself questions to really hone your list. I can send you a free video tutorial of that if you email me a screenshot of your rating or review of this podcast on whatever podcast platform you choose. My email is in the, in the show notes, but it's also tracy@tphtherapy.com.
(08:49):
Anyway,
all the detailed vetting happens as you're dating someone. This is why I highly recommend dating and not just jumping into committed relationships with people.
The key, though, is to get on the first date so that you can decide
if you want to see them again. Your only,
job on a first date is to determine if you want to spend any more time with that person. Meaning, do you want a second date with that person? You go out with them. You talk. You chat. Whether you have a meal or you do an activity or whatever it is, and you get a sense for chemistry. You get a sense for how attracted you are to them in person. You get a sense for how conversation flows. You get a sense for how they,
(09:31):
behave around other people, how they interact with other people,
how they interact with you. You ask questions. They ask you questions. All of that's happening on the first date, and your only job is
to come to a conclusion as to whether you would like to accept a second date or suggest a second date. That's it.
So it's so important to,
(09:52):
like, take the pressure off of the first date. I just hear so many women be like, oh, well, I stopped. I didn't I didn't,
I didn't go on the date or I didn't say yes to the date or I didn't suggest we meet because
I don't know x y and z x y z x y and z about them. Well, yeah, you start to learn that as you date someone. What we need to know is
(10:13):
we're attracted to them, we feel safe,
we are not turned off, and we're not offended
by things they're doing or saying. Sure. I'll go out on a date with you. Sure. I'll have a good meal. Sure. I'll have some interesting conversation. Sure. I'll try a new activity.
Sure. I'll do something with my time that I might not typically be doing.
(10:34):
Why not?
So
lower your standards for the first date.
Don't lower your standards
for your ideal partner that you've determined, you know, the the the criteria that you've determined for your ideal partner. But lower your standards for the first date because
the vast majority of first dates
will not be your person. Because if you're looking for, you know, what is considered, like, the, you know, the one person
(11:01):
who you are seeking to be with, you know, right now, this go around,
then, of course, the vast majority are not going to work out. Everyone's not gonna be your person. Everyone shouldn't be and doesn't need to be your person. But you absolutely
should be getting out there on first dates.
See how many of them you can make into second dates. But many first dates do not become second dates, and that's okay.
(11:22):
But you do need to have, like, these DM conversations,
turn into first dates,
you know, at least a good amount of them so that you can go out and have experiences and learn to vet
and learn what you want and don't want, what feels good to you and what doesn't. Learn how you want to be dated,
you know,
get experiences with people who you know, with qualities or traits that you thought you wanted and find out if that's that's really the case.
(11:49):
Get out on these first dates. And the way you get out on these first dates is by lowering your standards for first dates, keeping in mind, am I attracted? Do I feel safe? Am I not turned off? Am I not offended?
That's it. And go on the date.
(12:10):
Hey. By the way, I can be found in other places beyond this podcast.
Search my name on YouTube and you'll find my channel.
Subscribe for periodic how to videos for dealing with breakups and mastering dating. That's right. I said mastering dating. It's a skill, ladies. I can also be found on Instagram at tracy panach.datingcoach.
(12:31):
And lastly,
I most encourage you to join my email list where you get breakup and dating support delivered to your inbox in addition to getting the most exclusive access to my programs and coaching services.
My email list subscribers are the first to know when my coaching programs launch and the only people to get discounts when they're offered.
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.