November 23, 2023 • 12 mins
I been gone for a minute now I'm back with the...gratitude. Just a quick hello on Thanksgiving day. I share my current thoughts and opinions about my decision to spend Thanksgiving "alone".
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:00):
Hello.
Good morning. This is a special Thanksgiving episode of the Better to Better podcast.
I've taken a bit of a break,
so this will be the first episode
in weeks.
But I figured I would just pop in. This is a very off the cuff episode, by the way. I'm literally making my coffee
and pacing around at my place while I record this,
(00:23):
which I probably should stop because you can hear the pacing in the background usually.
But, actually,
when I'm talking, like, on the phone or
recording anything, like,
when I recording a voice note or a voice message, I naturally start to pace. It's very calming to me. So
I'm gonna really have to stop myself. You could just hear the floor creak just now. Anyway,
(00:48):
I am hoping to actually,
record a bunch of episodes today
to be released later, but, like, to catch up and and batch some episodes so that I can keep
this pod as a weekly podcast.
But,
yeah. And life naturally, like, caused me to take a break.
I
(01:09):
I've mentioned it. I mentioned a few podcast episodes ago that I,
were
were that I was making some changes career wise
or some additions. I'm still in private practice as a therapist.
I'm just seeing less clients, and I've taken on a full time job,
with a mental health agency.
So,
(01:30):
I'm, like, three weeks into that, and it's been going well.
So it's just caused me to have to shift
my life a bit, my schedule,
childcare
things, all of that sort of stuff.
But I'm excited to be back with the podcast.
And this Thanksgiving episode is one in which it really, came to me to
(01:52):
talk about the fact that I've been feeling very,
interesting.
I don't know. It's not odd. It's not weird. It's just I I don't know what the word is lately
about,
myself,
being a mother,
people's ideas, thoughts, perceptions.
(02:14):
And this has come up around the idea of thanksgiving Thanksgiving in particular or holidays,
which is that this Thanksgiving,
I made a conscious decision to have my sons be with their fathers
so that I could be alone.
I
first of all, I guess, should talk about myself as a person. I am an introvert, though I may very social
(02:37):
and, you know, I have an extroverted personality,
people might say, but I rejuvenate
in solitude.
I get very anxious
when my threshold like, my social battery, all of that. And I think I have a pretty high one. So I'm I I love parties. I love events. I love hosting.
It there's an event. Yes. Like, I wanna be there. That is me.
(02:59):
And
I am also very keenly aware of when I need
to retreat.
And if I don't,
I don't
feel good. So this even comes up, like, if people were visiting me or I'm visiting others. So this doesn't have to be some big social event. It's just being in the presence of other human beings,
(03:20):
which poses a particular challenge as a parent and as a single parent,
because my children are often always around they're around me a lot.
And I
like, that realization only came to me maybe sometime last year where I was like, oh, being an introvert and and being a parent,
those don't those don't go together well because
(03:42):
I do not rejuvenate in the presence of other human beings. I do not. I enjoy the presence
of other certain human beings, but I do not
get to my my
good
mental and emotional state
in the presence of other people.
I need to be by myself.
So that means I have to be very deliberate about creating
(04:04):
that solitude and that alone time. So that's what I did this Thanksgiving.
And I feel like some people didn't get that or understand that.
And also, I recognize
that I
could be projecting
my own thoughts and feelings on some other people. There there and I'm saying some. I don't know. It could be one or two, but it's just easier for for me to refer to it as. Some people did clearly indicate like, oh, that's interesting
(04:32):
that you don't want to be
with your son today,
which is not true that I don't want to be. But, like, that's how I was kind of seen and presented. And others are just kinda me being like, oh, society thinks that x, y, and z and some of my own projection.
But the reality is I know myself as a person. I know how I best show up for other people, including my children,
(04:55):
and being able to have that space
is one of the factors. Another big thing here is that I'm supposed to host Christmas dinner, which I'm excited to do. I did it last year. So I'm gonna have my fill of
lots of people cooking, doing lots of things, all of those things, and I'm excited about it,
which is also why I was like, okay. I can I can just lay low for Thanksgiving?
(05:17):
I did get invited to, like, a Friendsgiving by a friend
that I do plan to attend later today,
but I am so excited right now
for
being able
to do my solo thing
the first part of the day. Like,
totally excited.
I,
(05:38):
in terms of the dating space,
I had the possibility
of
being of seeing someone, like, earlier today, and I purposely
told them
I am intending to be in solitude
for many of the hours of my day. This is all intentional.
I've had my children go with their fathers.
(05:58):
My oldest is actually with my mom and then will be with his dad.
All of this was on purpose because I realized what I need.
And the very rare instance
in which
I am without
at least one of my children,
and not always with both of them,
but I'm almost always with at least one of them. Because, you know, parenting,
(06:23):
and particularly single parenting where you're if you are going to
be away from your kids, it is because they are in school
or you have requested or paid someone to be with them. Like, those are the the options
that you have if you're not going to be around your child. When you're partnered with somebody, there's the possibility of, like, you're just, you know, leaving them with their dad as you go out somewhere or something like that.
(06:50):
So I have to make very deliberate space when it comes to these things. So that being said oh, sorry. I need to stop pacing. That being said,
and I need to get my coffee. It's in the French press.
This is me saying,
yeah. I mean, take take the space when and if you can. And more so,
(07:13):
think about how you function as a person and what is a good,
you know, do do you need people around you to to really rejuvenate? Like, if that's your thing, then you wanna be conscious of that. And something like
being at a a Thanksgiving dinner or something like that might
be might be the thing for you to, like, get that energy you need.
(07:34):
When I go to, like, a dinner, like like, I'm going to be going, I'm super excited.
But, like, this that I'm having right now helps prepare me for that experience to really, like, lean into it and and enjoy it and show up as a, you know,
great guest or fit or friend or whatever.
But that's not where I get my that's not where I get my my energy and my grounding, not at all. So I'm also I'm gonna have my coffee, then I think I'm gonna go to a workout class. And then I want to read
(08:06):
at least some something I rarely get to do, read, like, three chapters in a row of my book,
and just curl up on my sofa
by myself.
And I'm so excited for this. And I I think people
are like, what? Like, I'm good. Because I know I also I know my circle. I know the people in my life. I'm well supported. I feel loved every day. I I there's just not a day in my life. I've been fortunate in my life. There's not a day in my life where I have not felt loved.
(08:35):
Even when I was going through hard things with people in my life, it could have been a breakup, anything like that. I still knew I was loved.
And so I don't question that. And so I don't
for me, I don't feel the need to, like, oh, it's the holidays. You have to be with x, y, and z.
And I and I to be clear, I take this, like, as it go. Like, Christmas,
(08:56):
I do think I it would feel odd to me to, like, not be around others, particularly because, like, I have the kids, and I want them to be around, like, family and friends and other people.
New Year's is interesting, and I'm sure there will be more to come on this as we as New Year's
approaches.
New Year's,
since
my,
(09:17):
breakup from CP one, has always felt a little lonely.
And then I was in a relationship,
and so it felt
better then. And then I
had the breakup with CP two,
and it's felt like there's something about New Year's that's very interesting to me. And when I say a little lonely, I don't mean bad. I've had great New Year's since.
(09:40):
I remember the first New Year's
after I had my breakup with CP two, and I moved into my place. My sister came to visit, and that was awesome.
Like,
these don't equate to bad,
but there's definitely a sense of
of loneliness and
some other stuff that I need to, explore and reflect on. So maybe
(10:03):
maybe everyone would be fortunate enough to go down that path with me. But what I'm saying is
I'm so excited for this Thanksgiving day.
I'm currently
getting my coffee, gonna look out my bay window at the pond,
get myself ready for a workout do some readings. I think I'm gonna miss the first workout class that I wanted to do,
(10:23):
and then go to a class, hopefully.
And, yeah, I look forward to the rest of the day.
I will
I will be seeing my mom. I'm gonna be going by her house to get food. And if my oldest son is still there, meaning he hasn't been picked up from by his dad yet, then I will see him as well.
(10:44):
But, usually, the way Thanksgiving has been done in the past with me is I have the kids the first half of the day, and they go with their dads the second half anyway or at least my oldest, and maybe it's the opposite with my youngest. But my point is I always split the holiday anyway, so they never usually spend the whole holiday with me unless we, like, travel somewhere.
So
(11:05):
so, yeah, I mean, it's the norm for them to be with their dads at some point anyway on holiday.
And,
they get to be with their dads,
most of the day on this Thanksgiving. So
I wish you
a wonderful day,
however you choose to celebrate.
Time alone, time with family, lots of food, not lots of food, whatever.
(11:28):
And I guess, oh, this is the part we talk about we're grateful for, which is something I do on a daily basis. So I'm so
grateful for being able to have the ability to have this space that I recognize I need,
especially in the context of
this new job, which there's a whole episode I need to do just on the financial aspect of things that I've been planning for a while, and then I wanted to wait until I got a job, etcetera, etcetera. But I wanna talk about how that, you know, goes into the whole
(11:56):
recovering from a breakup,
parenting,
single
parenting, all that stuff. Anyway,
wish I wish you a very wonderful day.
Hey. By the way, I can be found in other places beyond this podcast.
(12:17):
Search my name on YouTube, and you'll find my channel. Subscribe for periodic how to videos for dealing with breakups and mastering dating. That's right. I said mastering dating. It's a skill, ladies.
I can also be found on Instagram at tracy panach dot dating coach. And lastly,
I most encourage you to join my email list where you get breakup and dating support delivered to your inbox in addition to getting the most exclusive access to my programs and coaching services.
(12:45):
My email list subscribers are the first to know when my coaching programs launch and the only people to get discounts when they're offered.
Hello.
Good morning. This is a special Thanksgiving episode of the Better to Better podcast.
I've taken a bit of a break,
so this will be the first episode
in weeks.
But I figured I would just pop in. This is a very off the cuff episode, by the way. I'm literally making my coffee
and pacing around at my place while I record this,
(00:23):
which I probably should stop because you can hear the pacing in the background usually.
But, actually,
when I'm talking, like, on the phone or
recording anything, like,
when I recording a voice note or a voice message, I naturally start to pace. It's very calming to me. So
I'm gonna really have to stop myself. You could just hear the floor creak just now. Anyway,
(00:48):
I am hoping to actually,
record a bunch of episodes today
to be released later, but, like, to catch up and and batch some episodes so that I can keep
this pod as a weekly podcast.
But,
yeah. And life naturally, like, caused me to take a break.
I
(01:09):
I've mentioned it. I mentioned a few podcast episodes ago that I,
were
were that I was making some changes career wise
or some additions. I'm still in private practice as a therapist.
I'm just seeing less clients, and I've taken on a full time job,
with a mental health agency.
So,
(01:30):
I'm, like, three weeks into that, and it's been going well.
So it's just caused me to have to shift
my life a bit, my schedule,
childcare
things, all of that sort of stuff.
But I'm excited to be back with the podcast.
And this Thanksgiving episode is one in which it really, came to me to
(01:52):
talk about the fact that I've been feeling very,
interesting.
I don't know. It's not odd. It's not weird. It's just I I don't know what the word is lately
about,
myself,
being a mother,
people's ideas, thoughts, perceptions.
(02:14):
And this has come up around the idea of thanksgiving Thanksgiving in particular or holidays,
which is that this Thanksgiving,
I made a conscious decision to have my sons be with their fathers
so that I could be alone.
I
first of all, I guess, should talk about myself as a person. I am an introvert, though I may very social
(02:37):
and, you know, I have an extroverted personality,
people might say, but I rejuvenate
in solitude.
I get very anxious
when my threshold like, my social battery, all of that. And I think I have a pretty high one. So I'm I I love parties. I love events. I love hosting.
It there's an event. Yes. Like, I wanna be there. That is me.
(02:59):
And
I am also very keenly aware of when I need
to retreat.
And if I don't,
I don't
feel good. So this even comes up, like, if people were visiting me or I'm visiting others. So this doesn't have to be some big social event. It's just being in the presence of other human beings,
(03:20):
which poses a particular challenge as a parent and as a single parent,
because my children are often always around they're around me a lot.
And I
like, that realization only came to me maybe sometime last year where I was like, oh, being an introvert and and being a parent,
those don't those don't go together well because
(03:42):
I do not rejuvenate in the presence of other human beings. I do not. I enjoy the presence
of other certain human beings, but I do not
get to my my
good
mental and emotional state
in the presence of other people.
I need to be by myself.
So that means I have to be very deliberate about creating
(04:04):
that solitude and that alone time. So that's what I did this Thanksgiving.
And I feel like some people didn't get that or understand that.
And also, I recognize
that I
could be projecting
my own thoughts and feelings on some other people. There there and I'm saying some. I don't know. It could be one or two, but it's just easier for for me to refer to it as. Some people did clearly indicate like, oh, that's interesting
(04:32):
that you don't want to be
with your son today,
which is not true that I don't want to be. But, like, that's how I was kind of seen and presented. And others are just kinda me being like, oh, society thinks that x, y, and z and some of my own projection.
But the reality is I know myself as a person. I know how I best show up for other people, including my children,
(04:55):
and being able to have that space
is one of the factors. Another big thing here is that I'm supposed to host Christmas dinner, which I'm excited to do. I did it last year. So I'm gonna have my fill of
lots of people cooking, doing lots of things, all of those things, and I'm excited about it,
which is also why I was like, okay. I can I can just lay low for Thanksgiving?
(05:17):
I did get invited to, like, a Friendsgiving by a friend
that I do plan to attend later today,
but I am so excited right now
for
being able
to do my solo thing
the first part of the day. Like,
totally excited.
I,
(05:38):
in terms of the dating space,
I had the possibility
of
being of seeing someone, like, earlier today, and I purposely
told them
I am intending to be in solitude
for many of the hours of my day. This is all intentional.
I've had my children go with their fathers.
(05:58):
My oldest is actually with my mom and then will be with his dad.
All of this was on purpose because I realized what I need.
And the very rare instance
in which
I am without
at least one of my children,
and not always with both of them,
but I'm almost always with at least one of them. Because, you know, parenting,
(06:23):
and particularly single parenting where you're if you are going to
be away from your kids, it is because they are in school
or you have requested or paid someone to be with them. Like, those are the the options
that you have if you're not going to be around your child. When you're partnered with somebody, there's the possibility of, like, you're just, you know, leaving them with their dad as you go out somewhere or something like that.
(06:50):
So I have to make very deliberate space when it comes to these things. So that being said oh, sorry. I need to stop pacing. That being said,
and I need to get my coffee. It's in the French press.
This is me saying,
yeah. I mean, take take the space when and if you can. And more so,
(07:13):
think about how you function as a person and what is a good,
you know, do do you need people around you to to really rejuvenate? Like, if that's your thing, then you wanna be conscious of that. And something like
being at a a Thanksgiving dinner or something like that might
be might be the thing for you to, like, get that energy you need.
(07:34):
When I go to, like, a dinner, like like, I'm going to be going, I'm super excited.
But, like, this that I'm having right now helps prepare me for that experience to really, like, lean into it and and enjoy it and show up as a, you know,
great guest or fit or friend or whatever.
But that's not where I get my that's not where I get my my energy and my grounding, not at all. So I'm also I'm gonna have my coffee, then I think I'm gonna go to a workout class. And then I want to read
(08:06):
at least some something I rarely get to do, read, like, three chapters in a row of my book,
and just curl up on my sofa
by myself.
And I'm so excited for this. And I I think people
are like, what? Like, I'm good. Because I know I also I know my circle. I know the people in my life. I'm well supported. I feel loved every day. I I there's just not a day in my life. I've been fortunate in my life. There's not a day in my life where I have not felt loved.
(08:35):
Even when I was going through hard things with people in my life, it could have been a breakup, anything like that. I still knew I was loved.
And so I don't question that. And so I don't
for me, I don't feel the need to, like, oh, it's the holidays. You have to be with x, y, and z.
And I and I to be clear, I take this, like, as it go. Like, Christmas,
(08:56):
I do think I it would feel odd to me to, like, not be around others, particularly because, like, I have the kids, and I want them to be around, like, family and friends and other people.
New Year's is interesting, and I'm sure there will be more to come on this as we as New Year's
approaches.
New Year's,
since
my,
(09:17):
breakup from CP one, has always felt a little lonely.
And then I was in a relationship,
and so it felt
better then. And then I
had the breakup with CP two,
and it's felt like there's something about New Year's that's very interesting to me. And when I say a little lonely, I don't mean bad. I've had great New Year's since.
(09:40):
I remember the first New Year's
after I had my breakup with CP two, and I moved into my place. My sister came to visit, and that was awesome.
Like,
these don't equate to bad,
but there's definitely a sense of
of loneliness and
some other stuff that I need to, explore and reflect on. So maybe
(10:03):
maybe everyone would be fortunate enough to go down that path with me. But what I'm saying is
I'm so excited for this Thanksgiving day.
I'm currently
getting my coffee, gonna look out my bay window at the pond,
get myself ready for a workout do some readings. I think I'm gonna miss the first workout class that I wanted to do,
(10:23):
and then go to a class, hopefully.
And, yeah, I look forward to the rest of the day.
I will
I will be seeing my mom. I'm gonna be going by her house to get food. And if my oldest son is still there, meaning he hasn't been picked up from by his dad yet, then I will see him as well.
(10:44):
But, usually, the way Thanksgiving has been done in the past with me is I have the kids the first half of the day, and they go with their dads the second half anyway or at least my oldest, and maybe it's the opposite with my youngest. But my point is I always split the holiday anyway, so they never usually spend the whole holiday with me unless we, like, travel somewhere.
So
(11:05):
so, yeah, I mean, it's the norm for them to be with their dads at some point anyway on holiday.
And,
they get to be with their dads,
most of the day on this Thanksgiving. So
I wish you
a wonderful day,
however you choose to celebrate.
Time alone, time with family, lots of food, not lots of food, whatever.
(11:28):
And I guess, oh, this is the part we talk about we're grateful for, which is something I do on a daily basis. So I'm so
grateful for being able to have the ability to have this space that I recognize I need,
especially in the context of
this new job, which there's a whole episode I need to do just on the financial aspect of things that I've been planning for a while, and then I wanted to wait until I got a job, etcetera, etcetera. But I wanna talk about how that, you know, goes into the whole
(11:56):
recovering from a breakup,
parenting,
single
parenting, all that stuff. Anyway,
wish I wish you a very wonderful day.
Hey. By the way, I can be found in other places beyond this podcast.
(12:17):
Search my name on YouTube, and you'll find my channel. Subscribe for periodic how to videos for dealing with breakups and mastering dating. That's right. I said mastering dating. It's a skill, ladies.
I can also be found on Instagram at tracy panach dot dating coach. And lastly,
I most encourage you to join my email list where you get breakup and dating support delivered to your inbox in addition to getting the most exclusive access to my programs and coaching services.
(12:45):
My email list subscribers are the first to know when my coaching programs launch and the only people to get discounts when they're offered.
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