August 8, 2024 • 48 mins
Enjoy the "talk" portion of this week's EFT Tap & Talk Session that happens inside the BE*INWARD membership.
This week we're talking about Gate 13 in Human Design and Quantum Human Design - The Gate of The Listener or The Gate of Narrative.
The stories we tell ourselves can completely transform our lives. What stories are you telling? What stories from others are you holding? And what stories no longer serve you?
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hello, hello and welcome to this week's EFT Tap
and Talk.
I'm Corinne and today is August7th and we are going to be
talking about the energy of Gate13.
And for our EFT Tap and Talksin case you're new we move along
with the energy of theEarthgates, so as the Sun moves
(00:22):
through.
A lot of people talk about theSun energy, because 70% of our
energy comes from the sun everyday, because it's where all of
our light and it takes up all ofthat space.
But while the sun is moved intoa gate, we are opposite it and
so we are in a different gate,and in order for us to access
(00:44):
and really embody and get thebenefits of all that juicy sun
energy, we have to ground intothe energy of the earth gates.
And so that's the reason why Ifollowed the earth gates through
our tapping, because if we'restruggling with the energy of
the earth gates, we can use EFTtapping to shift that energy and
change the way that we'reshowing up.
(01:05):
And so today we are on theearth and we are sitting in gate
13.
So gate 13 is, in human design,is called the gate of the
listener, and in the I Chingit's called fellowship with men
or unite with men, and in thegene keys it's called listening
(01:26):
through empathy.
And the gift.
We have the shadow and the giftand the city and the gift is
what we're trying to accomplish,and the shadow is called
discord.
And in quantum human design,this is called the gate of
narrative.
And all of these things have todo with story and storytelling.
(01:49):
And if we start with humandesign, this is a collective
energy and it is part of the um,the sensing circuit, but it's
the abstract side, because it'son the side of the emotional
solar plexus, and it's all aboutfeeling.
There's a lot of feeling thatgoes on with this gate.
(02:09):
And what do you mean, feelingwhen we're talking about
narrative and story?
But what it is is aboutunderstanding.
It's the gate of the listenerbeing deeply connected to the
themes of hearing and alsounderstanding, listening deeply,
knowing the stories that otherpeople are telling us and also
(02:32):
listening to and embodying ourown story.
So it's really important youknow what stories are we telling
ourselves, about ourselves, butalso what stories are we
carrying from the past.
So this has to do with memory,right and understanding and
empathy and people with gate 13.
And I am one of those people, ifyou have the gate 13 defined in
(02:54):
your chart and right now all ofus do because we are.
The earth is in that gate.
So, through the benefit of thetransit, you have access to the
energy of gate 13.
This is the energy of thenatural listener.
This is the person to whompeople tell stories.
This is the person to whompeople share secrets and I can't
tell you my whole life has beenthis and it's been actually a
(03:20):
point of pride that in my lifeI've been a person who can hold
other people's stories.
I can hold other people'ssecrets, I can be trusted in
confidence, and so you knowthat's a positive thing as far
as being a friend and havingempathy and understanding and
awareness, but it can also be aburden, right.
(03:40):
So the challenge for peoplewith Gate 13 and for all of us
while we're sitting in theenergy of Gate 13, is to be
discerning about which storiesare worth holding on to, which
ones we need to let go of,because we can become really
overwhelmed by the weight ofeither the volume of stories
(04:00):
that we're hearing or theheaviness of the story that
someone has just told us, or theweight of the story that we're
sitting in.
Right, and how many times haveyou been stuck in a story where
limiting beliefs are the thingthat you're sitting in for your
own self?
Hello, I think we all arereally intimately connected to
(04:26):
the energy of that.
And so the I Ching, theinteresting thing.
So all of this is based on theI Ching.
And when you look at the IChing, it's those six lines,
right, and those six lines makeup that hexagram shape which is
on my wall behind me.
But there's two trigrams,there's three lines on top and
three lines on bottom, and theposition of these different
things explains the energy ofthe gate.
(04:48):
And for this one, it's heavenover fire.
And you know, when you thinkabout heaven, right, this is
something that is overarchingand it is up there and it's like
it's everywhere and it's forthe benefit of man, right.
And then you think about fire,which is also for the benefit of
man, but it is something thatrises up and it is something
(05:09):
that ascends and expands andspreads, and so it represents
story in that way, and itrepresents the power of story.
When you think about the thingyou know, think about an
inspirational story, think aboutlike a really powerful movie,
like Rudy is one of thosestories or um, I'm trying to
(05:30):
think I just saw a meme aboutRudy, which is why that came to
mind.
But when somebody has a reallypowerful story of transformation
, of, of, of overcomingadversity and and thriving and,
you know, changing their world,changing the larger world,
changing the collective, that'sreally inspirational.
We can carry that energy, wecan hear that story and be so
(05:53):
moved to change how we show upin the world, to change the way
we're living our lives.
And so we can't underestimateor understate or overstate I'm
backward and forward on this oneyou can't overstate the power
(06:15):
and the value of a good story.
And so the way that thisconnects to the collective is
that, you know, the hexagrams ofheaven and fire are all about
unity.
The hexagrams of heaven andfire are all about unity.
(06:35):
They're all about community andcoming together in fellowship
for the mutual support of thecollective collaborate right.
It uses story as a way toexemplify, to embody the power
of communication and to, like,open the doors to hey, everybody
is able to share their story.
But it also comes in the formof strength, like we come
(06:56):
together in an alliance becausewe are all moved by a story.
Like you know, we're right nowin a very huge political cycle
in this country and you know,when you hear a fabulous story,
that's like whoa and all theenergy and everyone's like yay
behind it, like that's it causestogetherness, it causes us to
(07:19):
move in a unified way towardsomething that we all believe in
, because that story has movedus.
And so you know, that's wherethe link to storytelling comes
from, with this gate.
And so in the gene keys Ireally did like the learning
about the gene keyinterpretation of this energy.
(07:42):
So, as I said before, the shadowof this energy is called
discord and it's the lowfrequency of this because it's
about miscommunication andmisunderstanding.
And this comes from not trulylistening right, and there's two
sides to the shadow In the genekeys.
(08:05):
There's the passive and theactive, and the passive one is
this permissive, you know,mistaking hearing for listening
and, as a result, you're justpretending to listen to somebody
and, like, take in what they'resaying and it's in one ear, not
(08:25):
the other, so that you can,like you know, not rock the boat
, because they need somebody tohear their story.
But you don't take that on anduse it to do anything with.
Like you become a doormat, youlet people just talk over you
and talk, you know, at you, andyou're not actually becoming an
active participant.
You don't do anything with thestories that you hear, with the
(08:47):
things that you learn.
And then the opposite side ofthat is the reactive part of
that, that is the aggressivenarrow-mindedness, where you
can't take in anybody's story,you are impervious to other
opinions and you will disagreewith everything that is being
said because you just can't, youwon't, and it isn't necessarily
(09:09):
.
You know, it's kind ofimportant to understand that
like it's not an all or nothingkind of a thing, like there's,
there's degrees of all of thesethings, and so if you find
yourself being really rigid withan opinion and not being open
to hearing somebody else'sopinion, that's a shadow, that's
the shadow of discord with thisenergy.
So it's kind of interestingagain not to get political, but
(09:33):
like we see it all the time onsocial media, especially in the
news, with all the stuff that'sgoing on in politics right now,
there are people who will nothear, and you know, on all sides
of the aisle and there arepeople who are just listening
for the sake of listening,because they just they want you
to think that they're hearingyou and all they really want to
(09:55):
do is get it over with right.
They're not going to doanything with what you're
sharing.
And so there's a lot ofstorytelling, there's a lot of
shadow on the storytelling sidewith what we do with those
stories.
And you know, when you look atthe gene keys, the way that you
move through them is from theshadow into the gift and into
(10:16):
the city.
And the only way you can getinto the city, which is
S-I-D-D-H-I, which is like thatBuddha, that high enlightenment
state, the only way to get hereis through the others.
It's a road, it's not threeseparate locations.
So you can't get to the highestexpression without having gone
through the shadow and themid-level.
(10:37):
And so the mid-level, which iscalled the gift, which is where
we probably can spend most ofour time, is called discernment.
And what this is about is theability to listen deeply and
understand the core essence ofwhat's being shared beyond the
words right To be presentemotionally, to be listening to
(11:00):
what's happening beyond theactual words that are being
verbalized.
And it requires emotionalawareness because you need to be
able to feel what is beingshared and actually bear witness
to the person who's telling youthe story, and you can then
understand what's going on, youknow, behind the curtain there,
(11:20):
and the highest expression likethe Buddha expression of this
energy is empathy, and that'sthe highest frequency.
It's all about connecting sodeeply with other people by
being able to put yourself intheir shoes without making it
about you.
You right, it's in support oftheir story and it's actually in
(11:46):
support of being present fortheir story and it actually that
is something that fostershealing in the world and unity.
And you know unity, becausewhat is more powerful than being
seen when you share a storywith someone, especially if it's
a story of strife or struggleor where something like really
bad has happened or somethingthat you're really trying to
(12:08):
overcome or that you haveovercome, and you feel witnessed
and you feel seen and validatedby the person who's on the
receiving end of that, becausethey are actually like, so in
touch with their ability to be,to empathize, there's you can't
fake that, that that's notsomething that can be.
You know you can't pretend yourway through that.
(12:28):
That's like that's the oppositeof what that is Like.
You can't fake empathy.
You can try to fake empathy,but true empathy is not
something that you can mistakelike for something else.
I guess that's what I'm saying.
So when we look at quantum humandesign, it's called the gate of
(12:48):
narrative and this, um, I think, is the most easily accessible
explanation for what this energyis.
And basically what it's aboutis what are the stories that
you're telling yourself?
What are the stories thatyou're using other people's
stories that you're using in theworld?
What is the purpose of the waythat you're telling your stories
(13:10):
?
Are your stories high vibestories?
Are they empowering stories?
Are they stories that are goingto open up the potential?
Are they big enough stories tohold all the things that we are
trying to achieve?
So that's the big question.
It's all about how the storiesthat we choose to tell shape the
(13:35):
way the world is moving.
And you know, when we talkabout energy, like, we want to
be in the high energy placebecause, as a collective, the
higher all of our energy is, thehigher the collective energy is
, the higher the energy on theearth is.
And you know, for a lot ofpeople, when you hear that, like
some people are like, you know,I don't know, that's a little
(13:57):
bit like one molecule too far,but it's actually the truth.
We, everything is frequency andthe more we can use higher
frequency language, to tellhigher frequency stories, to
share stories with the purposeof expanding and empowering and
(14:18):
building a world that's largeenough to fulfill the story of
our potential.
I'm trying to keep my hands inframe here.
That's what our job should beat all times.
And when we get stuck innegative self-talk, when we get
stuck in limiting beliefs, weknow why this is so dangerous.
(14:40):
Because there's a funky thingthat happens in our brain, right
, our reticular activatingsystem.
It's on 100% of the time and atall times it is hearing the
story that we're tellingourselves about ourselves and it
is focusing on the things inthe world that are evidence that
are proving our story true.
So if we are telling ourselvesa negative story, our brain is
(15:04):
going to be seeking out thingsthat prove it right.
The answer is always yes.
The answer is always yesenergetically.
So if you're telling yourself,oh my gosh, you know I'm a
terrible person, I'm a loser,I'm never going to have success,
well, you know I'm a terribleperson, I'm a loser, I'm never
going to have success.
Well, guess, guess what proofyou're going to keep on finding,
(15:27):
because your brain is alwaysout there trying to reinforce
your beliefs.
So when you think about it interms of that.
It's like, well, holy cow, thestories that I'm telling myself
are super powerful, but it's notjust about your own stories,
it's, it can be about sharingsomebody else's really powerful
story, like you know, how manytimes have you do you hear
stories like, oh my gosh, Iheard this story about this guy
who, you know, climbed, you know, mount Everest when he, you
(15:49):
know, after becoming aquadriplegic and all these
amazing things, and, holy cow,if he could do that, what is the
world, what is available to allof us?
Like, we get to pick the storiesthat we hold and the narrative
that we are holding on to reallydoes speak to empowerment.
And you know, we have to notonly invite ourselves to choose
(16:16):
those higher vibe stories, wealso have to listen to the
stories of the people who aretelling their stories to us.
And when we identify thatthey're stuck, that this is a
story that's old, where they'rea victim, this is a story that
is actually a limiting belief,which is really just like, hey,
that's a story that's not eventrue, we have to use our ability
(16:38):
as empathetic receivers oftheir story to say, hey, have
you considered looking at thisthrough a different lens,
because when we help otherpeople through a victim story or
through a disempowerment storywhether or not that thing is
(17:00):
true like things happen andpeople do things to us and we
have become a victim of thisevent.
This event happened.
I was a victim, that is a fact,but that doesn't mean that I am
forever a victim in the storythat I continue to tell.
Because, number one, I don'tbelieve what they said about me.
(17:20):
What they said isn't true orthat's who I was when that was
going on.
I am a different person.
I have chosen to move beyondthis and I'm going to carry this
and I'm going to use this asfuel.
We get to turn truth intoempowerment in any way that we
choose to, and we get to do itevery single day.
(17:44):
If you wake up today, like Iwoke up today, and I was telling
myself a rather not fabulousstory about the effort that I'm
putting in to my business, andI'm thinking like, well, you
know, putting in to my business.
And I'm thinking like, well,you know, right now it's really
difficult to do X, so why am Ibothering?
And I'm never going to besuccessful.
(18:05):
And then it turned into well,look at all these other times
that you did these things thatweren't success.
And I'm ignoring all the waysin which I have had actual,
tangible, provable, measurablesuccess, because my brain is
just trying to say, yes, it'sreinforcing the story.
Like you know, corinne woke upon the wrong side of the bed
(18:25):
today, so we're going to maketoday a bad, bad day?
No, so we get to choose and weget to embrace a narrative that
uplifts right, not onlyempowering ourselves, but
empowering the collective andfacilitating healing in a way
that supports us and is creatinga world that is sustainable for
(18:46):
us.
And it's really a matter ofchanging the way that we're
talking to ourselves.
And so it asks you know, whereare you stuck?
In old stories?
What are those limiting beliefsthat you keep actually saying
to yourself and you know,sharing with other people about
yourself, or just talking toyourself negatively, like, oh
(19:08):
God, you're so stupid.
Or, oh my gosh, you lookhorrible in those jeans, or you
know, whatever, whatever it isthat you're doing, identify
those and stop it and find a wayto turn it around, if you can,
into something that's actuallymore powerful, empowering, and
then use that as fuel to proveto yourself that you know.
(19:30):
Pay attention to what comes intoyour awareness once you shift
the story, because it is so easyfor us to hold on to stories
where we are the victim.
And you know, and all of uslike I'm going to raise my hand
again for all of these things Ithink that we, all of us as
human beings, have gone throughsome stuff right, and the older
(19:52):
you are, the more stuff you'veseen and we get to choose if the
things that have happened aregoing to keep us held back or if
we're going to move throughthem.
And you know I talk about.
This is something that I talkabout a lot like daily with my
nonprofit work.
So I work in supportingbereaved families after the
(20:13):
death of a child, and one of thetenets of my organization is we
help you.
Our mission is to help you learnhow to live with your grief not
in your grief, because there'sa difference between making
(20:37):
something that happened to youyour identity and making it part
of your story.
And it's interesting becausenot to keep using this as an
example but there are people whomeet me and spend lots and lots
of time with me and it'll bequite some time before they ever
learn about my nonprofit orabout this about losing my
daughter or about what happened,and you know how that changed
(20:57):
our lives and you lives and whoI am and everything that we have
in the world, in my family,shifted because that happened.
And yet it is only one piece ofmy story, even though it is a
gigantic, pivot point in my life.
And the reason why is becausethere's a way to tell that story
(21:18):
where there's the what was me?
Oh my gosh, this is whathappened.
And then there's the story whereit's like look who I became
because this happened and that's, it's the same story.
It's, it doesn't.
None of the facts have changed,it's just a matter of
perspective, and this is notshining sunshine on something.
(21:38):
That perspective, and this isnot shining sunshine on
something that you know we'renot.
We're not making stuff up.
We're choosing to tell anempowering story and like using
that bereavement story as anexample.
I can't think of a morepowerful example or a more
powerful proof of the power ofthat, because nothing changes
(22:03):
the facts of that story exceptthe way that we choose to view
it.
And so I use that story of myloss and my life since my loss
and all the things that havehappened as a result and, in the
midst of all of those things,to support people who are going
through it new, and it is apowerful thing.
(22:27):
It is a powerful thing to beable to use story for good, to
use story to uplift, to usestory to empower, and every
single story can do this.
It doesn't need to be a tragicstory that you can turn into a
powerful story.
It can be the story of losingyour keys that turns into a
(22:49):
powerful story.
It can be the story of having afight with your spouse that
turns into a really empoweringstory.
So the magnitude of the eventdoes not dictate the power of
the story, ever.
I mean it really.
It is just about how we can usestory to better the world.
(23:12):
And so, oh, wow, okay, I didn'tmean to go into that, that was
not included in my notes today,but I can't talk about story
without talking about that,because it's really such a stark
example of the choice that youcan make to to make a story
powerful, empowering ordisempowering for myself and for
(23:34):
other people.
And so the shadows of gate 13,.
As we've gone through all ofthese things, discord right At
its lowest frequency.
Gate 13, the energy of thisgate is discord.
This is lack of understanding.
This is lack of communication.
This is mercury.
(23:56):
Retrograde in all of its forms.
Right?
This is when things go sidewaysand the voicemail didn't get
delivered.
This is when you left a stickynote on someone's door but the
breeze blew it down and theynever got the message.
It can be also when you becomeintransigent and you are not
listening.
You're just sitting there andyou're letting people talk at
(24:18):
you because that's the best wayto get through this without
fighting, and then you walk awayand it had no impact and it's
not going to do anything, andthat's not even good for you,
even if you didn't ruffle thefeather.
It's all about avoidingconflict in that way, and the
thing that is so sad about thatis that you're using this
(24:41):
passiveness as a way to getthrough the moment, and
typically that happens becausewe don't feel connected.
But the fact of that act isactually perpetuating that lack
of connectivity.
Like you're, you're notaccessing empathy, for whatever
reason.
Like you don't have it in you,like you don't have a cup full
of anything to give or you don'tcare, or you've lost touch with
(25:06):
being able to access that, thatthat well of empathy, because
you've been wounded by peoplewho have not been able to be
there for you, like it's there's.
There's a thousand differentways that that can show up, but
if you find that you're there,if discord is, you know that
miscommunication, that conflictis showing up for you.
(25:29):
You know, that's one of thosethings to look at and that's why
we talk about these things inour EFT Tap and Talks, because
you don't have to be living inthis 24 seven to experience it.
And if you're experiencing it,it's an opportunity to say, hey,
I see that and I would like tochange that, and so we're going
to try to move that energy right.
Overwhelm so if you are someoneto whom people tell their
(25:52):
stories and tell their secrets,you can very easily become
overwhelmed by the magnitude ofthat, by the weight of that and
by dropping empathetically intopeople's stuff.
That's a lot, that's a lot ofenergy to hold and also there's
a lot of pressure there, becauseyou know a lot can go wrong if
(26:15):
you're not able to really holdthat story.
Yeah, and also if somebody issharing a really heavy-duty
negative story with you, thatcan bring you out of your
high-vibe state because it'slike, oh my gosh, and it could
change the way that you thinkabout the world, right?
(26:47):
I'll give you another examplefrom my life.
For a really long time Iwatched crime shows and I
listened to true crime podcastsand I listened to a lot of dark,
dark, dark, dark stuff.
And I don't know what happened.
But one day I was listening tothis podcast and it was
seriously like I don't know ifit was because of the people
that were telling the story wereactually part of the family
that it was related to, or whatit was, but it got so dark and
(27:09):
it hit me all the way in my bodyLike, oh my God, I can't live
in a world where this isactually possible.
And I haven't listened toanything like that since I used
to watch Criminal Minds and Iwas into the darker the better
it was better watch CriminalMinds.
And like I was into the darkerthe better it was better, like
(27:29):
everything was great.
And now I can't go there andit's because I think that I
cracked open the empathy thing,like stepping into someone
else's shoes, a little bit, likeI can't close that door anymore
.
And now it's like, oh, I likethis isn't entertaining to me.
This is actually really, reallyhard for me to hold, so we can
really get overwhelmed if we'renot careful with the way that we
(27:52):
pick up on the stories thatwe're receiving that we're
allowing in Right.
So we need to make sure that webecome more discerning when it
comes to that kind of stuff.
The next shadow of this is thejudgment piece.
That's when you show up andyou're just listening.
You're not listening.
You're actually just lettingthem.
You're hearing it but you'renot listening.
(28:13):
And that can be because youlack the ability or the energy
to give empathy, or you don'tcare, or it's so far beyond your
ability to comprehend whathappened that you can't connect
and you're not willing toconnect because you're judging
(28:34):
that person's story and you knowthere's a lot of, there's a lot
of that that goes on in theworld and I think that you know
it's it's hard to shine thelight back on ourselves and say,
wow, am I being judgmental inlistening to this story?
Or can I be empathetic andcarry this story?
(28:56):
Or even if I can't carry thestory, can I be empathetic
enough to listen to this storywith my heart and be the
receiver of this person's story,even if I don't actually ever
really do anything with itexcept hold it for them, because
that energy exchange is reallyimportant.
And that's the thing when I wastalking about empathy that you
can't really fake.
The person who's telling youthe story will know if you're
(29:21):
able to hold that.
The other thing that happenshere is isolation.
When you are feeling burdenedby the weight of the stories or
overburdened by the magnitude ofsecrets that you're holding for
other people, you might startto distance yourself from the
(29:43):
people around you, and this is aprotective mechanism.
Right, we're doing this out ofself-preservation, but you know
that defeats the purpose ofbeing, you know, part of the
world, like we want to be partof the world.
So if you're finding yourselfpulling away because you're
feeling overwhelmed, maybe it'stime to do some work where
(30:04):
you're letting yourself releasesome of these stories, not by
sharing people's confidences,but maybe by journaling or by
doing some EFT tapping torelease yourself from the burden
of having to be the holder ofthe story anymore.
Right, maybe your job here isdone and you don't have to hold
on to it anymore.
When you get into the placewhere you're having judgment and
(30:24):
you're isolating, you mighthave resentment, and that is one
of those things where it's likeyou feel like you're listening
so much to everybody else'sstories, that your stories have
nowhere to be heard, nobody isavailable to listen to you, and
you might feel that that is thecase because now you're
isolating, you're not accessingthe people that are in your
(30:46):
circle, or maybe you don't haveenough people in that circle, or
maybe there's so much going onwith the people in your circle
that reciprocity is not possible.
So that's another place to lookif you're feeling like you're
out of whack with your abilityto share and receive story.
(31:06):
The other thing that can happen,especially when you're dealing
with somebody who's living in avictim consciousness, is the
story becomes distorted by theirworldview, by their view of
what happened, by theirinterpretation or through that
game of telephone, how thingsjust don't look the same at the
other side when they as they didwhen they start.
But what can happen there is,that's when stories become trite
(31:31):
and they become, they losetheir meaning and they lose the
weight of their, of theiressence.
And I think that our job, Ithink, when we hear those kinds
of stories, is actually to justtry to sit with them for a
moment and say like, okay, I'mnot sure how I feel about this a
hundred percent, but I canlisten to it and be here in this
moment, whether or not, again,I choose to carry that story
(31:54):
going forward.
And then there's the two victimpieces.
Number one is the inability tolet go of past experiences.
Like this is living in yourthing versus with your thing
right?
If you find that you are holdingon to a story from your past so
(32:19):
tightly that it becomes youridentity, that is not actually
something that is desirable,because you are not the story
and you are not that thing thathappened to you.
And I was actually just talkingabout this with my son
yesterday.
My son is my youngest, isactually moving into the dorms
for his freshman year for thevery first time and he has these
(32:42):
new roommates and he's nevermet them and he's so worried
about like, what if I show upand they're, you know, not good
people or they're you knowwhatever bullies or you show up
as and that's going to?
That is by letting go.
You can't hold too tightly toany one story, because you are
(33:33):
not one story.
We are not.
I wish I had my diamond.
We are diamonds.
There are so many facets on ourbeing and every single story
that we have is just one morefacet in that diamond excuse me,
the underlying gemstone, youknow, that has its facets cut
(33:57):
onto its top is not any one ofthese things.
We can turn it and look throughand be able to empathize with
somebody because this facetmatches up with the thing that
they're sharing, because we havethat experience.
But it is not our wholeidentity.
It shouldn't be.
And if you find that you'reunable to let go of a story and
(34:20):
this is especially somethingthat comes up with relationships
, like when I think about thatperson oh, this is who I am in
this relationship you don't haveto be that person, especially
if that's costing you to hold onto that.
And then, finally, the last oneis victim mentality.
If you see yourself as thevictim rather than the empowered
(34:40):
person, that is going to keepyou in that place and it's going
to become part of your identitybecause it's going to be
something that you can't let goof, but it's going to be the way
that you show up in the worldand, as we know, our reticular
activating system is going tosay yes in all the ways.
So if you find that every timeI share my story, no one ever
(35:01):
listens, for example, your brainis going to continue to show
you and remind you of all thedifferent times that that
happened to you.
And if you try to share a storywith someone who is distracted
in the moment, you might notgive them the benefit of the
doubt by saying, hey, are youable to, you know, are you able
(35:23):
to listen to my story right now?
Instead, you'll see thatthey're distracted like nobody
has time for me and my stories.
You will make it true.
And so we really need to bemindful of the ways that we live
in shadow, and we all live inthe shadow, and that was a
little Lord of the Rings there,like Corinne's, gone into the
shadow.
I haven't.
I'm still here, I'm among theliving, but we have more access
(35:46):
to the shadow energies of all ofthe gates at all the times,
because we're people, and sothat's why I choose to focus so
much on them, because it's sorelatable, it's.
It's like I don't think anybodycan really get through this
without really, you know, livingin the shadow at one point or
another.
And so, whether or not youactually are experiencing any of
(36:08):
these shadows, it's stillimportant to tap through them.
There's still a benefit.
You get that side effect, thatbeautiful side effect that comes
because your subconscious mindis doing all kinds of things
that we're not aware of, right,it's subconscious, and so
tapping on these things mighthelp us release some things that
we didn't even know we werethinking about.
(36:28):
So some of the ways that we canmitigate these shadows is by
practicing discernment right, bediscerning which stories and
experiences we're holding andwho we're sharing our stuff with
and who we're receiving thingsfrom.
Right, developing healthyboundaries to protect our
emotional wellbeing, but also toprevent overwhelm and also to
protect us from sharing ourstories out of habit, like we
(36:51):
don't have to share our storieswith everyone.
We can foster self-reflection,right, reflecting on our own
experiences and emotions toensure that we're not carrying
unnecessary burdens, and we cando that through tapping, we can
do that through sharing, we cando that through journaling, by
meditating, just by sitting withwhat we're feeling after we
carried a story for a littlewhile.
(37:12):
We can seek reciprocity.
We can actually consciouslychoose to embark on relationship
time with hey, I want to talkto you about something that's
been on my mind.
I want to hear what you have tosay, but can I also share what
I have to share and make that anactual thing that you do with
(37:35):
your people, seeking reciprocityas opposed to trying to prove
that no one's listening, is achallenge that I, you know, I I
challenged myself to do and Ichallenge you to do Practicing
empathy.
It's I think that we're allmoving so quickly that we forget
that we're connected, like weare all connected.
(37:55):
We're all in this together, andwhen we can practice empathy by
putting ourselves in the shoesof the other person and trying
to understand their perspectiveand trying to understand their
emotions without judgment,trying to really understand how
they could be coming to thisfrom here, the power of that
(38:17):
really does so much to help usconnect with our people, with
everyone around us.
Practice letting go rituals.
There's one that I learned amillion years ago.
It has to do with water.
You can do it when you'rewashing your hands.
You can do it when you'reshowering.
You can do it.
You could go in to a sink andrun the water with the purpose
(38:39):
of doing this.
But anytime I feel like I'mcarrying a lot of stuff that
doesn't belong to me, I will,while I'm washing my hands, or
I'll go put the water on so thatI can run my hands under it,
but it's something that Iactually do when I'm in the
shower.
I'm pretty sure I do it everyday.
(39:00):
I'm going to have to thinkabout that.
I think I'm being honest when Isay that, if not 90% of the time
, when I'm in the shower, as thewater is running over me, I
take a moment and I close myeyes and I think about where am
I?
What am I thinking about?
What am I holding on to?
Where's the stress in my body?
And I say this is not for me tocarry.
I let this wash through me.
(39:21):
I'm going to let this run downthe drain.
I don't have to hold thisenergy anymore and I use the
water as this physical sensationof actually pulling something
away, washing it off of me,washing it out of my hands.
It's a powerful exercise, butif you can come up with some
letting go rituals you know somepeople like to write things
(39:43):
down and then burn them.
Some people like to writethings down and then bury them,
give them back to the earth.
You know things that no longerserve can be released, and so if
you get into the practice ofdoing releasing, you'll find
that there's just that much moreenergy available for you to
show up in the ways that youwant to show up in the world.
(40:06):
Cultivate a deep listeningpractice.
Like practice active listeningwhen it comes to other people,
right, focusing on truly hearingwhat they're saying, without
trying to form a response towhat they're saying, without
waiting for them to take abreath so that you can interject
your statement.
(40:26):
Like try to really listen.
And when I was doing mycoaching training, learning how
to be a life coach that was ahuge part of that curriculum was
really learning to just listen.
And it's funny because I'vealways been somebody to whom
people tell stories, always towhom people tell stories.
(40:50):
Always I used to be an activeparticipant in the conversation
of listening to their stories.
I'd be interjecting things, I'dbe like oh my gosh, and giving
my opinions and just respondingreal time.
But I have found, since takingmy coaching certification, the
power of really just receivingand hearing what they're saying
and then waiting until they'redone telling their story.
(41:10):
And it's actually beautifulbecause it's very calming to
just know that all I have to dois receive this and then, while
I'm listening and receiving, I'mhearing a lot of other things
that are happening underneaththe words that are being spoken,
and so there's a clarity thatcomes with being truly present
(41:38):
in listening, without trying toprocess, and I took that skill
that I learned to just bepresent and listen to reading
books and watching movies.
And now, when I'm watchingmovies with my husband, for
example, and he starts talkingabout solving the clues and
telling me what he's thinking, Ilose my mind because I'm like I
(42:01):
am not processing, I'm justreceiving.
I don't want to think about it,I want to be taken on the ride
because, as somebody who writesnovels, I'm thinking about
storytelling all the time.
I'm just receiving.
I don't want to think about it.
I want to be taken on the ridebecause, as somebody who writes
novels, I'm thinking aboutstorytelling all the time.
I'm thinking about story craft,I'm thinking about tropes and
genres and like I used to havevery low enjoyment with reading
books and watching moviesbecause I was like, oh, I know
how this is going to end.
I've turned that off becauseI've learned this active
(42:24):
listening.
I've turned that off becauseI've learned this active
listening.
It's like blinders, and so Iencourage you to try that.
It's been a wonderful gift tome.
And when I think about how itfeels in my body, it feels
expansive, it feels like I'mbecoming a vessel to receive and
hold a story right, whetherthat be fiction or somebody's
(42:48):
actual story that they'retelling me like across a table.
So that's a beautiful thing.
And then, once you're activelylistening and you have the story
, reflect on the story right,spend time thinking about it.
Think about how your ownexperiences might have been
similar to the thing that youjust received.
(43:09):
Consider how it is empoweringor disempowering the way the
story was told.
Can you help the person whojust shared the story that was
disempowering, help them shiftit to a more empowering story?
Can you find a way to use thisas fuel to lift right, to expand
(43:31):
, to open the world, so that theworld can hold the potential of
what's possible?
And then, finally, the lastthing when it comes to holding
people's stories is share wiselyright.
It is really important that weretell stories right.
This is the gate of narrative.
(43:51):
This is about telling stories.
This is not about sharingconfidences, but it's about you
can tell someone else's story tosomeone in a way that's really
empowering, or you can tell thatstory in a way that is
disempowering or is in conflictto the confidence that you held
(44:11):
the story in when you receivedit.
So all of these differentthings are the toolkit that we
can bring to what we do when wehear, hear story.
And the gate 13 is, um, it's oneof my favorite gates.
It's, it's such a, it's such apowerful energy because, because
(44:36):
it's story and it's interesting, it's, it's in, it appears in
my chart as my north node, whichis the north node, is like your
north star.
It's like what you're here todo and be and like storytelling.
That's kind of cool because, asa coach, I'm helping.
As a quantum human design coach, I'm helping you craft a new
story and as an author, I'musing stories and I think that
(44:57):
it's I don't know, I justthought that was a cool thing to
have discovered.
But the gate of narrative, thegate of the listener, it's a
wonderful, wonderful energy tofocus on and do the work in.
And whether or not you have itdefined, you still have access
to this energy.
Human design tells us that ifyou don't have it defined, you
(45:22):
then have wisdom when it comesto this because when you have it
defined, you access that energyat all times.
When you have it open, youexperience it in all the
different flavors that it can,as it transits in your pie when
you're in a crowd, when you'reat work with other people, when
you're in your home, when you'reat the store, anybody with gate
(45:42):
13 is going to reflect that.
You're going to receive that inyou, and so you have a lot of
wisdom when it comes to the waythat gate 13 can become
expressed.
And so it's just really juicy,and I think that you know,
because story has such a pivotalpart in who we are right.
This is energy of the G center,this is the identity center.
(46:04):
This is energy of the G center.
(46:29):
This is the identity center.
That's where gate 13 lives.
It's vitally important that weare aware of the stories that
we're telling ourselves, but askyourself the question, you know
are you holding on to storiesfrom your past?
Are you clinging to theidentity of victimhood in a way
that maybe is no longer true?
Do you feel overburdened by thestories that you're holding
from other people?
Can you release them?
Can you use the water ritual towash your hands of these things
that are not for you to carryany longer?
Can you forgive yourself foryour role in the stories of the
past and move forward in a waythat is powerful and standing in
(46:53):
your value?
And I want to read theaffirmation that was written
about Gate 13 by my mentor,karen Curry Parker, and it says
the story that I tell myself andthe one I tell the world sets
the tone and the direction formy life.
(47:18):
I am the artist and creator ofmy story.
I have the power to rewrite mystory every day.
The true story I tell from myheart allows me to serve my
right place in the cosmic plan,and I think that you know, when
(47:40):
we talk about human design inparticular, it's the science of
differentiation.
You are meant to be who you areat all times, and we can use
stories to differentiate and tostand in our power and to
understand like I am me.
This is my story, this is myexperience.
These are the things that Ihave lived and other people have
(48:01):
not.
So how could we all be tellingthe same story?
Right?
It's a powerful thing, and Ithink that you know we need more
inroads into differentiation,into making it normal for us to
be completely ourselves, withouta care for what other people
think or believe about us.
(48:23):
So that's all I have for youtoday.
Thank you so much for watchingand I will catch you next time.
Hello, hello and welcome to this week's EFT Tap
and Talk.
I'm Corinne and today is August7th and we are going to be
talking about the energy of Gate13.
And for our EFT Tap and Talksin case you're new we move along
with the energy of theEarthgates, so as the Sun moves
(00:22):
through.
A lot of people talk about theSun energy, because 70% of our
energy comes from the sun everyday, because it's where all of
our light and it takes up all ofthat space.
But while the sun is moved intoa gate, we are opposite it and
so we are in a different gate,and in order for us to access
(00:44):
and really embody and get thebenefits of all that juicy sun
energy, we have to ground intothe energy of the earth gates.
And so that's the reason why Ifollowed the earth gates through
our tapping, because if we'restruggling with the energy of
the earth gates, we can use EFTtapping to shift that energy and
change the way that we'reshowing up.
(01:05):
And so today we are on theearth and we are sitting in gate
13.
So gate 13 is, in human design,is called the gate of the
listener, and in the I Chingit's called fellowship with men
or unite with men, and in thegene keys it's called listening
(01:26):
through empathy.
And the gift.
We have the shadow and the giftand the city and the gift is
what we're trying to accomplish,and the shadow is called
discord.
And in quantum human design,this is called the gate of
narrative.
And all of these things have todo with story and storytelling.
(01:49):
And if we start with humandesign, this is a collective
energy and it is part of the um,the sensing circuit, but it's
the abstract side, because it'son the side of the emotional
solar plexus, and it's all aboutfeeling.
There's a lot of feeling thatgoes on with this gate.
(02:09):
And what do you mean, feelingwhen we're talking about
narrative and story?
But what it is is aboutunderstanding.
It's the gate of the listenerbeing deeply connected to the
themes of hearing and alsounderstanding, listening deeply,
knowing the stories that otherpeople are telling us and also
(02:32):
listening to and embodying ourown story.
So it's really important youknow what stories are we telling
ourselves, about ourselves, butalso what stories are we
carrying from the past.
So this has to do with memory,right and understanding and
empathy and people with gate 13.
And I am one of those people, ifyou have the gate 13 defined in
(02:54):
your chart and right now all ofus do because we are.
The earth is in that gate.
So, through the benefit of thetransit, you have access to the
energy of gate 13.
This is the energy of thenatural listener.
This is the person to whompeople tell stories.
This is the person to whompeople share secrets and I can't
tell you my whole life has beenthis and it's been actually a
(03:20):
point of pride that in my lifeI've been a person who can hold
other people's stories.
I can hold other people'ssecrets, I can be trusted in
confidence, and so you knowthat's a positive thing as far
as being a friend and havingempathy and understanding and
awareness, but it can also be aburden, right.
(03:40):
So the challenge for peoplewith Gate 13 and for all of us
while we're sitting in theenergy of Gate 13, is to be
discerning about which storiesare worth holding on to, which
ones we need to let go of,because we can become really
overwhelmed by the weight ofeither the volume of stories
(04:00):
that we're hearing or theheaviness of the story that
someone has just told us, or theweight of the story that we're
sitting in.
Right, and how many times haveyou been stuck in a story where
limiting beliefs are the thingthat you're sitting in for your
own self?
Hello, I think we all arereally intimately connected to
(04:26):
the energy of that.
And so the I Ching, theinteresting thing.
So all of this is based on theI Ching.
And when you look at the IChing, it's those six lines,
right, and those six lines makeup that hexagram shape which is
on my wall behind me.
But there's two trigrams,there's three lines on top and
three lines on bottom, and theposition of these different
things explains the energy ofthe gate.
(04:48):
And for this one, it's heavenover fire.
And you know, when you thinkabout heaven, right, this is
something that is overarchingand it is up there and it's like
it's everywhere and it's forthe benefit of man, right.
And then you think about fire,which is also for the benefit of
man, but it is something thatrises up and it is something
(05:09):
that ascends and expands andspreads, and so it represents
story in that way, and itrepresents the power of story.
When you think about the thingyou know, think about an
inspirational story, think aboutlike a really powerful movie,
like Rudy is one of thosestories or um, I'm trying to
(05:30):
think I just saw a meme aboutRudy, which is why that came to
mind.
But when somebody has a reallypowerful story of transformation
, of, of, of overcomingadversity and and thriving and,
you know, changing their world,changing the larger world,
changing the collective, that'sreally inspirational.
We can carry that energy, wecan hear that story and be so
(05:53):
moved to change how we show upin the world, to change the way
we're living our lives.
And so we can't underestimateor understate or overstate I'm
backward and forward on this oneyou can't overstate the power
(06:15):
and the value of a good story.
And so the way that thisconnects to the collective is
that, you know, the hexagrams ofheaven and fire are all about
unity.
The hexagrams of heaven andfire are all about unity.
(06:35):
They're all about community andcoming together in fellowship
for the mutual support of thecollective collaborate right.
It uses story as a way toexemplify, to embody the power
of communication and to, like,open the doors to hey, everybody
is able to share their story.
But it also comes in the formof strength, like we come
(06:56):
together in an alliance becausewe are all moved by a story.
Like you know, we're right nowin a very huge political cycle
in this country and you know,when you hear a fabulous story,
that's like whoa and all theenergy and everyone's like yay
behind it, like that's it causestogetherness, it causes us to
(07:19):
move in a unified way towardsomething that we all believe in
, because that story has movedus.
And so you know, that's wherethe link to storytelling comes
from, with this gate.
And so in the gene keys Ireally did like the learning
about the gene keyinterpretation of this energy.
(07:42):
So, as I said before, the shadowof this energy is called
discord and it's the lowfrequency of this because it's
about miscommunication andmisunderstanding.
And this comes from not trulylistening right, and there's two
sides to the shadow In the genekeys.
(08:05):
There's the passive and theactive, and the passive one is
this permissive, you know,mistaking hearing for listening
and, as a result, you're justpretending to listen to somebody
and, like, take in what they'resaying and it's in one ear, not
(08:25):
the other, so that you can,like you know, not rock the boat
, because they need somebody tohear their story.
But you don't take that on anduse it to do anything with.
Like you become a doormat, youlet people just talk over you
and talk, you know, at you, andyou're not actually becoming an
active participant.
You don't do anything with thestories that you hear, with the
(08:47):
things that you learn.
And then the opposite side ofthat is the reactive part of
that, that is the aggressivenarrow-mindedness, where you
can't take in anybody's story,you are impervious to other
opinions and you will disagreewith everything that is being
said because you just can't, youwon't, and it isn't necessarily
(09:09):
.
You know, it's kind ofimportant to understand that
like it's not an all or nothingkind of a thing, like there's,
there's degrees of all of thesethings, and so if you find
yourself being really rigid withan opinion and not being open
to hearing somebody else'sopinion, that's a shadow, that's
the shadow of discord with thisenergy.
So it's kind of interestingagain not to get political, but
(09:33):
like we see it all the time onsocial media, especially in the
news, with all the stuff that'sgoing on in politics right now,
there are people who will nothear, and you know, on all sides
of the aisle and there arepeople who are just listening
for the sake of listening,because they just they want you
to think that they're hearingyou and all they really want to
(09:55):
do is get it over with right.
They're not going to doanything with what you're
sharing.
And so there's a lot ofstorytelling, there's a lot of
shadow on the storytelling sidewith what we do with those
stories.
And you know, when you look atthe gene keys, the way that you
move through them is from theshadow into the gift and into
(10:16):
the city.
And the only way you can getinto the city, which is
S-I-D-D-H-I, which is like thatBuddha, that high enlightenment
state, the only way to get hereis through the others.
It's a road, it's not threeseparate locations.
So you can't get to the highestexpression without having gone
through the shadow and themid-level.
(10:37):
And so the mid-level, which iscalled the gift, which is where
we probably can spend most ofour time, is called discernment.
And what this is about is theability to listen deeply and
understand the core essence ofwhat's being shared beyond the
words right To be presentemotionally, to be listening to
(11:00):
what's happening beyond theactual words that are being
verbalized.
And it requires emotionalawareness because you need to be
able to feel what is beingshared and actually bear witness
to the person who's telling youthe story, and you can then
understand what's going on, youknow, behind the curtain there,
(11:20):
and the highest expression likethe Buddha expression of this
energy is empathy, and that'sthe highest frequency.
It's all about connecting sodeeply with other people by
being able to put yourself intheir shoes without making it
about you.
You right, it's in support oftheir story and it's actually in
(11:46):
support of being present fortheir story and it actually that
is something that fostershealing in the world and unity.
And you know unity, becausewhat is more powerful than being
seen when you share a storywith someone, especially if it's
a story of strife or struggleor where something like really
bad has happened or somethingthat you're really trying to
(12:08):
overcome or that you haveovercome, and you feel witnessed
and you feel seen and validatedby the person who's on the
receiving end of that, becausethey are actually like, so in
touch with their ability to be,to empathize, there's you can't
fake that, that that's notsomething that can be.
You know you can't pretend yourway through that.
(12:28):
That's like that's the oppositeof what that is Like.
You can't fake empathy.
You can try to fake empathy,but true empathy is not
something that you can mistakelike for something else.
I guess that's what I'm saying.
So when we look at quantum humandesign, it's called the gate of
(12:48):
narrative and this, um, I think, is the most easily accessible
explanation for what this energyis.
And basically what it's aboutis what are the stories that
you're telling yourself?
What are the stories thatyou're using other people's
stories that you're using in theworld?
What is the purpose of the waythat you're telling your stories
(13:10):
?
Are your stories high vibestories?
Are they empowering stories?
Are they stories that are goingto open up the potential?
Are they big enough stories tohold all the things that we are
trying to achieve?
So that's the big question.
It's all about how the storiesthat we choose to tell shape the
(13:35):
way the world is moving.
And you know, when we talkabout energy, like, we want to
be in the high energy placebecause, as a collective, the
higher all of our energy is, thehigher the collective energy is
, the higher the energy on theearth is.
And you know, for a lot ofpeople, when you hear that, like
some people are like, you know,I don't know, that's a little
(13:57):
bit like one molecule too far,but it's actually the truth.
We, everything is frequency andthe more we can use higher
frequency language, to tellhigher frequency stories, to
share stories with the purposeof expanding and empowering and
(14:18):
building a world that's largeenough to fulfill the story of
our potential.
I'm trying to keep my hands inframe here.
That's what our job should beat all times.
And when we get stuck innegative self-talk, when we get
stuck in limiting beliefs, weknow why this is so dangerous.
(14:40):
Because there's a funky thingthat happens in our brain, right
, our reticular activatingsystem.
It's on 100% of the time and atall times it is hearing the
story that we're tellingourselves about ourselves and it
is focusing on the things inthe world that are evidence that
are proving our story true.
So if we are telling ourselvesa negative story, our brain is
(15:04):
going to be seeking out thingsthat prove it right.
The answer is always yes.
The answer is always yesenergetically.
So if you're telling yourself,oh my gosh, you know I'm a
terrible person, I'm a loser,I'm never going to have success,
well, you know I'm a terribleperson, I'm a loser, I'm never
going to have success.
Well, guess, guess what proofyou're going to keep on finding,
(15:27):
because your brain is alwaysout there trying to reinforce
your beliefs.
So when you think about it interms of that.
It's like, well, holy cow, thestories that I'm telling myself
are super powerful, but it's notjust about your own stories,
it's, it can be about sharingsomebody else's really powerful
story, like you know, how manytimes have you do you hear
stories like, oh my gosh, Iheard this story about this guy
who, you know, climbed, you know, mount Everest when he, you
(15:49):
know, after becoming aquadriplegic and all these
amazing things, and, holy cow,if he could do that, what is the
world, what is available to allof us?
Like, we get to pick the storiesthat we hold and the narrative
that we are holding on to reallydoes speak to empowerment.
And you know, we have to notonly invite ourselves to choose
(16:16):
those higher vibe stories, wealso have to listen to the
stories of the people who aretelling their stories to us.
And when we identify thatthey're stuck, that this is a
story that's old, where they'rea victim, this is a story that
is actually a limiting belief,which is really just like, hey,
that's a story that's not eventrue, we have to use our ability
(16:38):
as empathetic receivers oftheir story to say, hey, have
you considered looking at thisthrough a different lens,
because when we help otherpeople through a victim story or
through a disempowerment storywhether or not that thing is
(17:00):
true like things happen andpeople do things to us and we
have become a victim of thisevent.
This event happened.
I was a victim, that is a fact,but that doesn't mean that I am
forever a victim in the storythat I continue to tell.
Because, number one, I don'tbelieve what they said about me.
(17:20):
What they said isn't true orthat's who I was when that was
going on.
I am a different person.
I have chosen to move beyondthis and I'm going to carry this
and I'm going to use this asfuel.
We get to turn truth intoempowerment in any way that we
choose to, and we get to do itevery single day.
(17:44):
If you wake up today, like Iwoke up today, and I was telling
myself a rather not fabulousstory about the effort that I'm
putting in to my business, andI'm thinking like, well, you
know, putting in to my business.
And I'm thinking like, well,you know, right now it's really
difficult to do X, so why am Ibothering?
And I'm never going to besuccessful.
(18:05):
And then it turned into well,look at all these other times
that you did these things thatweren't success.
And I'm ignoring all the waysin which I have had actual,
tangible, provable, measurablesuccess, because my brain is
just trying to say, yes, it'sreinforcing the story.
Like you know, corinne woke upon the wrong side of the bed
(18:25):
today, so we're going to maketoday a bad, bad day?
No, so we get to choose and weget to embrace a narrative that
uplifts right, not onlyempowering ourselves, but
empowering the collective andfacilitating healing in a way
that supports us and is creatinga world that is sustainable for
(18:46):
us.
And it's really a matter ofchanging the way that we're
talking to ourselves.
And so it asks you know, whereare you stuck?
In old stories?
What are those limiting beliefsthat you keep actually saying
to yourself and you know,sharing with other people about
yourself, or just talking toyourself negatively, like, oh
(19:08):
God, you're so stupid.
Or, oh my gosh, you lookhorrible in those jeans, or you
know, whatever, whatever it isthat you're doing, identify
those and stop it and find a wayto turn it around, if you can,
into something that's actuallymore powerful, empowering, and
then use that as fuel to proveto yourself that you know.
(19:30):
Pay attention to what comes intoyour awareness once you shift
the story, because it is so easyfor us to hold on to stories
where we are the victim.
And you know, and all of uslike I'm going to raise my hand
again for all of these things Ithink that we, all of us as
human beings, have gone throughsome stuff right, and the older
(19:52):
you are, the more stuff you'veseen and we get to choose if the
things that have happened aregoing to keep us held back or if
we're going to move throughthem.
And you know I talk about.
This is something that I talkabout a lot like daily with my
nonprofit work.
So I work in supportingbereaved families after the
(20:13):
death of a child, and one of thetenets of my organization is we
help you.
Our mission is to help you learnhow to live with your grief not
in your grief, because there'sa difference between making
(20:37):
something that happened to youyour identity and making it part
of your story.
And it's interesting becausenot to keep using this as an
example but there are people whomeet me and spend lots and lots
of time with me and it'll bequite some time before they ever
learn about my nonprofit orabout this about losing my
daughter or about what happened,and you know how that changed
(20:57):
our lives and you lives and whoI am and everything that we have
in the world, in my family,shifted because that happened.
And yet it is only one piece ofmy story, even though it is a
gigantic, pivot point in my life.
And the reason why is becausethere's a way to tell that story
(21:18):
where there's the what was me?
Oh my gosh, this is whathappened.
And then there's the story whereit's like look who I became
because this happened and that's, it's the same story.
It's, it doesn't.
None of the facts have changed,it's just a matter of
perspective, and this is notshining sunshine on something.
(21:38):
That perspective, and this isnot shining sunshine on
something that you know we'renot.
We're not making stuff up.
We're choosing to tell anempowering story and like using
that bereavement story as anexample.
I can't think of a morepowerful example or a more
powerful proof of the power ofthat, because nothing changes
(22:03):
the facts of that story exceptthe way that we choose to view
it.
And so I use that story of myloss and my life since my loss
and all the things that havehappened as a result and, in the
midst of all of those things,to support people who are going
through it new, and it is apowerful thing.
(22:27):
It is a powerful thing to beable to use story for good, to
use story to uplift, to usestory to empower, and every
single story can do this.
It doesn't need to be a tragicstory that you can turn into a
powerful story.
It can be the story of losingyour keys that turns into a
(22:49):
powerful story.
It can be the story of having afight with your spouse that
turns into a really empoweringstory.
So the magnitude of the eventdoes not dictate the power of
the story, ever.
I mean it really.
It is just about how we can usestory to better the world.
(23:12):
And so, oh, wow, okay, I didn'tmean to go into that, that was
not included in my notes today,but I can't talk about story
without talking about that,because it's really such a stark
example of the choice that youcan make to to make a story
powerful, empowering ordisempowering for myself and for
(23:34):
other people.
And so the shadows of gate 13,.
As we've gone through all ofthese things, discord right At
its lowest frequency.
Gate 13, the energy of thisgate is discord.
This is lack of understanding.
This is lack of communication.
This is mercury.
(23:56):
Retrograde in all of its forms.
Right?
This is when things go sidewaysand the voicemail didn't get
delivered.
This is when you left a stickynote on someone's door but the
breeze blew it down and theynever got the message.
It can be also when you becomeintransigent and you are not
listening.
You're just sitting there andyou're letting people talk at
(24:18):
you because that's the best wayto get through this without
fighting, and then you walk awayand it had no impact and it's
not going to do anything, andthat's not even good for you,
even if you didn't ruffle thefeather.
It's all about avoidingconflict in that way, and the
thing that is so sad about thatis that you're using this
(24:41):
passiveness as a way to getthrough the moment, and
typically that happens becausewe don't feel connected.
But the fact of that act isactually perpetuating that lack
of connectivity.
Like you're, you're notaccessing empathy, for whatever
reason.
Like you don't have it in you,like you don't have a cup full
of anything to give or you don'tcare, or you've lost touch with
(25:06):
being able to access that, thatthat well of empathy, because
you've been wounded by peoplewho have not been able to be
there for you, like it's there's.
There's a thousand differentways that that can show up, but
if you find that you're there,if discord is, you know that
miscommunication, that conflictis showing up for you.
(25:29):
You know, that's one of thosethings to look at and that's why
we talk about these things inour EFT Tap and Talks, because
you don't have to be living inthis 24 seven to experience it.
And if you're experiencing it,it's an opportunity to say, hey,
I see that and I would like tochange that, and so we're going
to try to move that energy right.
Overwhelm so if you are someoneto whom people tell their
(25:52):
stories and tell their secrets,you can very easily become
overwhelmed by the magnitude ofthat, by the weight of that and
by dropping empathetically intopeople's stuff.
That's a lot, that's a lot ofenergy to hold and also there's
a lot of pressure there, becauseyou know a lot can go wrong if
(26:15):
you're not able to really holdthat story.
Yeah, and also if somebody issharing a really heavy-duty
negative story with you, thatcan bring you out of your
high-vibe state because it'slike, oh my gosh, and it could
change the way that you thinkabout the world, right?
(26:47):
I'll give you another examplefrom my life.
For a really long time Iwatched crime shows and I
listened to true crime podcastsand I listened to a lot of dark,
dark, dark, dark stuff.
And I don't know what happened.
But one day I was listening tothis podcast and it was
seriously like I don't know ifit was because of the people
that were telling the story wereactually part of the family
that it was related to, or whatit was, but it got so dark and
(27:09):
it hit me all the way in my bodyLike, oh my God, I can't live
in a world where this isactually possible.
And I haven't listened toanything like that since I used
to watch Criminal Minds and Iwas into the darker the better
it was better watch CriminalMinds.
And like I was into the darkerthe better it was better, like
(27:29):
everything was great.
And now I can't go there andit's because I think that I
cracked open the empathy thing,like stepping into someone
else's shoes, a little bit, likeI can't close that door anymore
.
And now it's like, oh, I likethis isn't entertaining to me.
This is actually really, reallyhard for me to hold, so we can
really get overwhelmed if we'renot careful with the way that we
(27:52):
pick up on the stories thatwe're receiving that we're
allowing in Right.
So we need to make sure that webecome more discerning when it
comes to that kind of stuff.
The next shadow of this is thejudgment piece.
That's when you show up andyou're just listening.
You're not listening.
You're actually just lettingthem.
You're hearing it but you'renot listening.
(28:13):
And that can be because youlack the ability or the energy
to give empathy, or you don'tcare, or it's so far beyond your
ability to comprehend whathappened that you can't connect
and you're not willing toconnect because you're judging
(28:34):
that person's story and you knowthere's a lot of, there's a lot
of that that goes on in theworld and I think that you know
it's it's hard to shine thelight back on ourselves and say,
wow, am I being judgmental inlistening to this story?
Or can I be empathetic andcarry this story?
(28:56):
Or even if I can't carry thestory, can I be empathetic
enough to listen to this storywith my heart and be the
receiver of this person's story,even if I don't actually ever
really do anything with itexcept hold it for them, because
that energy exchange is reallyimportant.
And that's the thing when I wastalking about empathy that you
can't really fake.
The person who's telling youthe story will know if you're
(29:21):
able to hold that.
The other thing that happenshere is isolation.
When you are feeling burdenedby the weight of the stories or
overburdened by the magnitude ofsecrets that you're holding for
other people, you might startto distance yourself from the
(29:43):
people around you, and this is aprotective mechanism.
Right, we're doing this out ofself-preservation, but you know
that defeats the purpose ofbeing, you know, part of the
world, like we want to be partof the world.
So if you're finding yourselfpulling away because you're
feeling overwhelmed, maybe it'stime to do some work where
(30:04):
you're letting yourself releasesome of these stories, not by
sharing people's confidences,but maybe by journaling or by
doing some EFT tapping torelease yourself from the burden
of having to be the holder ofthe story anymore.
Right, maybe your job here isdone and you don't have to hold
on to it anymore.
When you get into the placewhere you're having judgment and
(30:24):
you're isolating, you mighthave resentment, and that is one
of those things where it's likeyou feel like you're listening
so much to everybody else'sstories, that your stories have
nowhere to be heard, nobody isavailable to listen to you, and
you might feel that that is thecase because now you're
isolating, you're not accessingthe people that are in your
(30:46):
circle, or maybe you don't haveenough people in that circle, or
maybe there's so much going onwith the people in your circle
that reciprocity is not possible.
So that's another place to lookif you're feeling like you're
out of whack with your abilityto share and receive story.
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The other thing that can happen,especially when you're dealing
with somebody who's living in avictim consciousness, is the
story becomes distorted by theirworldview, by their view of
what happened, by theirinterpretation or through that
game of telephone, how thingsjust don't look the same at the
other side when they as they didwhen they start.
But what can happen there is,that's when stories become trite
(31:31):
and they become, they losetheir meaning and they lose the
weight of their, of theiressence.
And I think that our job, Ithink, when we hear those kinds
of stories, is actually to justtry to sit with them for a
moment and say like, okay, I'mnot sure how I feel about this a
hundred percent, but I canlisten to it and be here in this
moment, whether or not, again,I choose to carry that story
(31:54):
going forward.
And then there's the two victimpieces.
Number one is the inability tolet go of past experiences.
Like this is living in yourthing versus with your thing
right?
If you find that you are holdingon to a story from your past so
(32:19):
tightly that it becomes youridentity, that is not actually
something that is desirable,because you are not the story
and you are not that thing thathappened to you.
And I was actually just talkingabout this with my son
yesterday.
My son is my youngest, isactually moving into the dorms
for his freshman year for thevery first time and he has these
(32:42):
new roommates and he's nevermet them and he's so worried
about like, what if I show upand they're, you know, not good
people or they're you knowwhatever bullies or you show up
as and that's going to?
That is by letting go.
You can't hold too tightly toany one story, because you are
(33:33):
not one story.
We are not.
I wish I had my diamond.
We are diamonds.
There are so many facets on ourbeing and every single story
that we have is just one morefacet in that diamond excuse me,
the underlying gemstone, youknow, that has its facets cut
(33:57):
onto its top is not any one ofthese things.
We can turn it and look throughand be able to empathize with
somebody because this facetmatches up with the thing that
they're sharing, because we havethat experience.
But it is not our wholeidentity.
It shouldn't be.
And if you find that you'reunable to let go of a story and
(34:20):
this is especially somethingthat comes up with relationships
, like when I think about thatperson oh, this is who I am in
this relationship you don't haveto be that person, especially
if that's costing you to hold onto that.
And then, finally, the last oneis victim mentality.
If you see yourself as thevictim rather than the empowered
(34:40):
person, that is going to keepyou in that place and it's going
to become part of your identitybecause it's going to be
something that you can't let goof, but it's going to be the way
that you show up in the worldand, as we know, our reticular
activating system is going tosay yes in all the ways.
So if you find that every timeI share my story, no one ever
(35:01):
listens, for example, your brainis going to continue to show
you and remind you of all thedifferent times that that
happened to you.
And if you try to share a storywith someone who is distracted
in the moment, you might notgive them the benefit of the
doubt by saying, hey, are youable to, you know, are you able
(35:23):
to listen to my story right now?
Instead, you'll see thatthey're distracted like nobody
has time for me and my stories.
You will make it true.
And so we really need to bemindful of the ways that we live
in shadow, and we all live inthe shadow, and that was a
little Lord of the Rings there,like Corinne's, gone into the
shadow.
I haven't.
I'm still here, I'm among theliving, but we have more access
(35:46):
to the shadow energies of all ofthe gates at all the times,
because we're people, and sothat's why I choose to focus so
much on them, because it's sorelatable, it's.
It's like I don't think anybodycan really get through this
without really, you know, livingin the shadow at one point or
another.
And so, whether or not youactually are experiencing any of
(36:08):
these shadows, it's stillimportant to tap through them.
There's still a benefit.
You get that side effect, thatbeautiful side effect that comes
because your subconscious mindis doing all kinds of things
that we're not aware of, right,it's subconscious, and so
tapping on these things mighthelp us release some things that
we didn't even know we werethinking about.
(36:28):
So some of the ways that we canmitigate these shadows is by
practicing discernment right, bediscerning which stories and
experiences we're holding andwho we're sharing our stuff with
and who we're receiving thingsfrom.
Right, developing healthyboundaries to protect our
emotional wellbeing, but also toprevent overwhelm and also to
protect us from sharing ourstories out of habit, like we
(36:51):
don't have to share our storieswith everyone.
We can foster self-reflection,right, reflecting on our own
experiences and emotions toensure that we're not carrying
unnecessary burdens, and we cando that through tapping, we can
do that through sharing, we cando that through journaling, by
meditating, just by sitting withwhat we're feeling after we
carried a story for a littlewhile.
(37:12):
We can seek reciprocity.
We can actually consciouslychoose to embark on relationship
time with hey, I want to talkto you about something that's
been on my mind.
I want to hear what you have tosay, but can I also share what
I have to share and make that anactual thing that you do with
(37:35):
your people, seeking reciprocityas opposed to trying to prove
that no one's listening, is achallenge that I, you know, I I
challenged myself to do and Ichallenge you to do Practicing
empathy.
It's I think that we're allmoving so quickly that we forget
that we're connected, like weare all connected.
(37:55):
We're all in this together, andwhen we can practice empathy by
putting ourselves in the shoesof the other person and trying
to understand their perspectiveand trying to understand their
emotions without judgment,trying to really understand how
they could be coming to thisfrom here, the power of that
(38:17):
really does so much to help usconnect with our people, with
everyone around us.
Practice letting go rituals.
There's one that I learned amillion years ago.
It has to do with water.
You can do it when you'rewashing your hands.
You can do it when you'reshowering.
You can do it.
You could go in to a sink andrun the water with the purpose
(38:39):
of doing this.
But anytime I feel like I'mcarrying a lot of stuff that
doesn't belong to me, I will,while I'm washing my hands, or
I'll go put the water on so thatI can run my hands under it,
but it's something that Iactually do when I'm in the
shower.
I'm pretty sure I do it everyday.
(39:00):
I'm going to have to thinkabout that.
I think I'm being honest when Isay that, if not 90% of the time
, when I'm in the shower, as thewater is running over me, I
take a moment and I close myeyes and I think about where am
I?
What am I thinking about?
What am I holding on to?
Where's the stress in my body?
And I say this is not for me tocarry.
I let this wash through me.
(39:21):
I'm going to let this run downthe drain.
I don't have to hold thisenergy anymore and I use the
water as this physical sensationof actually pulling something
away, washing it off of me,washing it out of my hands.
It's a powerful exercise, butif you can come up with some
letting go rituals you know somepeople like to write things
(39:43):
down and then burn them.
Some people like to writethings down and then bury them,
give them back to the earth.
You know things that no longerserve can be released, and so if
you get into the practice ofdoing releasing, you'll find
that there's just that much moreenergy available for you to
show up in the ways that youwant to show up in the world.
(40:06):
Cultivate a deep listeningpractice.
Like practice active listeningwhen it comes to other people,
right, focusing on truly hearingwhat they're saying, without
trying to form a response towhat they're saying, without
waiting for them to take abreath so that you can interject
your statement.
(40:26):
Like try to really listen.
And when I was doing mycoaching training, learning how
to be a life coach that was ahuge part of that curriculum was
really learning to just listen.
And it's funny because I'vealways been somebody to whom
people tell stories, always towhom people tell stories.
(40:50):
Always I used to be an activeparticipant in the conversation
of listening to their stories.
I'd be interjecting things, I'dbe like oh my gosh, and giving
my opinions and just respondingreal time.
But I have found, since takingmy coaching certification, the
power of really just receivingand hearing what they're saying
and then waiting until they'redone telling their story.
(41:10):
And it's actually beautifulbecause it's very calming to
just know that all I have to dois receive this and then, while
I'm listening and receiving, I'mhearing a lot of other things
that are happening underneaththe words that are being spoken,
and so there's a clarity thatcomes with being truly present
(41:38):
in listening, without trying toprocess, and I took that skill
that I learned to just bepresent and listen to reading
books and watching movies.
And now, when I'm watchingmovies with my husband, for
example, and he starts talkingabout solving the clues and
telling me what he's thinking, Ilose my mind because I'm like I
(42:01):
am not processing, I'm justreceiving.
I don't want to think about it,I want to be taken on the ride
because, as somebody who writesnovels, I'm thinking about
storytelling all the time.
I'm just receiving.
I don't want to think about it.
I want to be taken on the ridebecause, as somebody who writes
novels, I'm thinking aboutstorytelling all the time.
I'm thinking about story craft,I'm thinking about tropes and
genres and like I used to havevery low enjoyment with reading
books and watching moviesbecause I was like, oh, I know
how this is going to end.
I've turned that off becauseI've learned this active
(42:24):
listening.
I've turned that off becauseI've learned this active
listening.
It's like blinders, and so Iencourage you to try that.
It's been a wonderful gift tome.
And when I think about how itfeels in my body, it feels
expansive, it feels like I'mbecoming a vessel to receive and
hold a story right, whetherthat be fiction or somebody's
(42:48):
actual story that they'retelling me like across a table.
So that's a beautiful thing.
And then, once you're activelylistening and you have the story
, reflect on the story right,spend time thinking about it.
Think about how your ownexperiences might have been
similar to the thing that youjust received.
(43:09):
Consider how it is empoweringor disempowering the way the
story was told.
Can you help the person whojust shared the story that was
disempowering, help them shiftit to a more empowering story?
Can you find a way to use thisas fuel to lift right, to expand
(43:31):
, to open the world, so that theworld can hold the potential of
what's possible?
And then, finally, the lastthing when it comes to holding
people's stories is share wiselyright.
It is really important that weretell stories right.
This is the gate of narrative.
(43:51):
This is about telling stories.
This is not about sharingconfidences, but it's about you
can tell someone else's story tosomeone in a way that's really
empowering, or you can tell thatstory in a way that is
disempowering or is in conflictto the confidence that you held
(44:11):
the story in when you receivedit.
So all of these differentthings are the toolkit that we
can bring to what we do when wehear, hear story.
And the gate 13 is, um, it's oneof my favorite gates.
It's, it's such a, it's such apowerful energy because, because
(44:36):
it's story and it's interesting, it's, it's in, it appears in
my chart as my north node, whichis the north node, is like your
north star.
It's like what you're here todo and be and like storytelling.
That's kind of cool because, asa coach, I'm helping.
As a quantum human design coach, I'm helping you craft a new
story and as an author, I'musing stories and I think that
(44:57):
it's I don't know, I justthought that was a cool thing to
have discovered.
But the gate of narrative, thegate of the listener, it's a
wonderful, wonderful energy tofocus on and do the work in.
And whether or not you have itdefined, you still have access
to this energy.
Human design tells us that ifyou don't have it defined, you
(45:22):
then have wisdom when it comesto this because when you have it
defined, you access that energyat all times.
When you have it open, youexperience it in all the
different flavors that it can,as it transits in your pie when
you're in a crowd, when you'reat work with other people, when
you're in your home, when you'reat the store, anybody with gate
(45:42):
13 is going to reflect that.
You're going to receive that inyou, and so you have a lot of
wisdom when it comes to the waythat gate 13 can become
expressed.
And so it's just really juicy,and I think that you know,
because story has such a pivotalpart in who we are right.
This is energy of the G center,this is the identity center.
(46:04):
This is energy of the G center.
(46:29):
This is the identity center.
That's where gate 13 lives.
It's vitally important that weare aware of the stories that
we're telling ourselves, but askyourself the question, you know
are you holding on to storiesfrom your past?
Are you clinging to theidentity of victimhood in a way
that maybe is no longer true?
Do you feel overburdened by thestories that you're holding
from other people?
Can you release them?
Can you use the water ritual towash your hands of these things
that are not for you to carryany longer?
Can you forgive yourself foryour role in the stories of the
past and move forward in a waythat is powerful and standing in
(46:53):
your value?
And I want to read theaffirmation that was written
about Gate 13 by my mentor,karen Curry Parker, and it says
the story that I tell myself andthe one I tell the world sets
the tone and the direction formy life.
(47:18):
I am the artist and creator ofmy story.
I have the power to rewrite mystory every day.
The true story I tell from myheart allows me to serve my
right place in the cosmic plan,and I think that you know, when
(47:40):
we talk about human design inparticular, it's the science of
differentiation.
You are meant to be who you areat all times, and we can use
stories to differentiate and tostand in our power and to
understand like I am me.
This is my story, this is myexperience.
These are the things that Ihave lived and other people have
(48:01):
not.
So how could we all be tellingthe same story?
Right?
It's a powerful thing, and Ithink that you know we need more
inroads into differentiation,into making it normal for us to
be completely ourselves, withouta care for what other people
think or believe about us.
(48:23):
So that's all I have for youtoday.
Thank you so much for watchingand I will catch you next time.
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