July 2, 2025 • 25 mins
You’ve said it—maybe under your breath, maybe in the kitchen, maybe five times before 9 a.m.: “Why can’t they just do it on their own?”
In this empowering episode, Christy-Faith dives into one of the most common struggles in homeschool life—kids who won’t work independently. If you’ve ever felt like you’re the only thing standing between your child and productivity, this one’s for you.
Spoiler: independence isn’t selfish—it’s a gift. And it can change everything.
The Christy-Faith Show | Ep. 72
🛠️ LINKS & RESOURCES
Free Homeschooling Resources
Find everything you need to simplify and strengthen your homeschool journey:
👉 https://christy-faith.com/links
Thrive Homeschool Community
Join Christy-Faith’s online community for mentorship, encouragement, and real friendships that last:
👉 https://christy-faith.com/thrive
Christy-Faith’s List
A curated directory of homeschool-friendly service providers, businesses, and colleges:
👉 https://christy-faiths-list.com
Christy-Faith’s Book: Homeschool Rising
📖 Includes practical strategies for confidence-building and character growth:
👉 https://christy-faith.com/book-homeschool-rising
Books Mentioned in Episode
📖 Mindset by Carol Dweck: https://amzn.to/4kJQo9Q
📖 Punished By Rewards: https://amzn.to/3FFTKvo
📖 Atomic Habits: https://amzn.to/3FNufs3
📖 Smart but Scattered: https://amzn.to/4jNEDxK
📖 The Five Love Languages of Children: https://amzn.to/4e1wPHD
🎙️ SHOW SPONSORS
BJU Press Homeschool
✔ Flexible structure, biblical worldview
✔ Built-in critical thinking and hands-on learning
👉 https://www.bjupresshomeschool.com/christy
CTC Math
✔ Online, self-paced K–12 math curriculum
✔ 50% off + free trial for Christy-Faith listeners
👉 https://ctcmath.com/how-it-works/home-school?tr_id=CF
LearningRx
✔ Cognitive skills training for kids with ADHD, dyslexia & more
✔ $50 off assessment with code HOME50
👉 https://LearningRx.com or call 866-272-4601
Lovevery – The Reading Skill Set
✔ Game-based, science-backed reading program
✔ 98% of kids improved in just 6 weeks!
💰 https://lovevery.com/christyfaith (code CHRISTY10)
🎧 SHOW RECAP
Teaching your child to work independently isn’t just about giving yourself a break (though yes, please)—it’s about equipping your child with confidence, resilience, and real-world readiness.
✅ Why doing less for your kids is actually doing more
✅ How to create routines that support independence
✅ When to step back—and how not to micromanage
✅ Tips for time management, goal setting, and real-life responsibility
✅ Why intrinsic motivation beats sticker charts every time
✅ The role of failure, struggle, and grace in building confidence
Whether your child is five or fifteen, this episode is packed with tools to help you shift from overwhelm to empowerment.
📌 Like, subscribe, and share this with the homeschool parent who’s tired of being the human to-do list.
💬 What’s helped your kids become more independent in your homeschool? Share your wins and workarounds in the comments!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Christy-Faith (00:00):
Welcome to today's episode where we're
tackling a big one. How to getour kids to work more
independently with theirschoolwork? Because let's be
honest, if homeschooling had aslogan, it might just be, mom, I
need help on repeat. Today,we're diving into some major
game changers that won't justlighten your load, but will set
your kids up for a lifetime ofconfidence and capability.
(00:24):
Whether you've beenhomeschooling for ten days or
ten years, trust me, you'regonna wanna stick around for
this one.
Before we get into the nittygritty of today, I gotta ask
you, how are you doing? No.Really. Because if you're
anything like me or thecountless homeschooling parents
that I work with, you might feela bit stretched thin right now,
maybe even downright exhausted.The alarm goes off in the
(00:46):
morning, and from the momentyour feet hit the floor, it's
game time.
Right? Breakfast to make,lessons to teach, emotions to
manage, sometimes yours, and asuspiciously large pile of
laundry that seems to havemultiplied overnight. By
midmorning, most of us arebouncing between subjects,
breaking up sibling debates, andwondering for the hundredth time
(01:07):
if we're doing enough when we'redoing so much. But what we're
really wondering, are we doingthe right things? As
homeschooling parents, we aredoing incredible work, and
here's a message that I need tohear just as much as anyone else
listening.
We are doing incredible work,yes, but we don't have to do all
the incredible work. Letting goof some of this load, it can
(01:29):
feel lazy or selfish, but it'sactually not that at all. It's
actually an act of love despitewhat our inner dialogue wants us
to believe. Because when weshift from doing everything for
our kids to then guiding them,we're actually giving them
something invaluable,independence. And that's the
topic of today's episode.
How do we, as homeschoolingparents, foster more
(01:52):
independence in our children?How do we go from, just let me
finish my coffee first, toraising kids who take ownership
of their learning? Not only willthis transformation lighten your
load homeschool mama, but itwill also set your children up
for a lifetime of confidence,resilience, and capability. By
(02:12):
the end of today's episodes,you'll walk away with real life
strategies, relatable stories,and some fantastic book
recommendations to help you makethis shift easier. We're gonna
break it down by topic, talkabout where to start even if
just starting feels reallyoverwhelming, and what this
actually looks like in everydayhomeschooling life.
(02:32):
So take a deep breath. Let'sagree to spend the next couple
minutes together and let meguide you towards a transformed
homeschool. Hi. I'm KristiFaith, author of Homeschool
(02:54):
Rising, speaker and founder ofThrive Homeschool Community,
which is a place where you canfind real connection,
mentorship, and support fromparents who actually get it. Not
to mention tons of trainings,master classes, and protocols so
that we can fail proof yourhomeschool.
Welcome to the show.Homeschooling comes with a lot
(03:15):
of roles that we've alreadyhinted at, teacher, parent,
referee, occasional hostagenegotiator. If you know, you
know. And we don't have to carryit all alone. When kids are able
to take ownership of theirlearning, it frees up time and
energy, maybe even enough foryou to actually have a hot cup
of coffee and not have to reheatit in the microwave four times a
(03:37):
day.
But more importantly, yes,fostering independence in your
kids is really great for youbecause it lets you handle more
throughout your day. But youknow what? It's actually really
great for your kids too. DoctorCarol Dweck touches on this in
her book mindset, explainingthat kids with a growth mindset
thrive when they take on newchallenges. They see mistakes
(03:58):
not as failures, but asopportunities to learn and try
again.
And that's exactly what we allwant for our kids. Right? It all
starts with giving them thereins little by little so they
can develop that confidence andindependence. After a recent
masterclass in Thrive, my onlinecommunity, we have masterclasses
once a month that I teach or Ibring in an expert. I heard from
(04:19):
a mom who had been feelingcompletely burnt out.
She was managing everything onher own. Homeschooling, keeping
up with the house, and wranglinglittle ones while her eight year
old still needed step by stepguidance through the basics of
their morning routine everysingle day. After attending my
master class on fosteringindependence and responsibility,
she had a light bulb moment. Whyisn't her daughter doing some
(04:42):
things more independently? Itwasn't that her daughter
couldn't, it simply was that shehad never been given the
expectation to do so.
So she decided to start small.Using a simple visual routine
with five steps, brushing herteeth, getting dressed, making
her bed, tidying her room, andone extra task, her daughter
finally had clear predictableguidelines to follow. And you
(05:04):
know what? It worked. Over time,what once felt like a daily
struggle became second nature.
Within about two months, herdaughter was handling her
mornings on her own, giving hermom one less thing to manage.
And the best part, theirrelationship thrived because of
it. This small shift gave herdaughter a sense of ownership
and confidence and for the firsttime in a long time, that mom
(05:27):
felt like she could breathe.Simple gradual steps towards
independence can have such astrong ripple effect for
everyone in the family. I'mabout to go over some tips and
strategies and no matter the ageor stage of your child, what I'm
about to give you can be adaptedto fit your family's needs.
And the first one is the powerof choice and autonomy. One of
(05:48):
the simplest ways to encourageindependence is by offering
choices when possible. Givingkids two healthy options can
help them feel in controlwithout overwhelming them. For
little kids, instead of sayingsomething like, it's time for
math, let's sit down and do ourmath, you could say, would you
like to do math or handwritingfirst? For my high schooler, for
example, it's just expanded abit.
(06:09):
This can look like giving themfull control over their daily
assignments. So instead ofmicromanaging, what you can do
is just present clearexpectations. Here's what needs
to be done today. When do youwanna tackle it? This shift
fosters trust while allowingthem to practice time management
in a more low stakesenvironment.
Here's a real life example. Onemom in Thrive Homeschool
(06:30):
Community let her high schoolerplan her own week of work. She
was so confident. Mom, I gotthis. But then by Friday, only
about 75% of the assignmentswere completed.
Right? Cue the panic and thescrambling. Now I'm giving you
an imperfect example becausethat's probably what's gonna
happen. The moral of the storyhere is it's still good to do
(06:51):
it. It's still good to practiceit.
Build those skills while they'rein your home. Sometimes watching
our kids fumble through things alittle bit teaches more than us
controlling it ever could. Andwith only 75% of it being done,
then this opens the door toreally great conversations about
executive functioning, timemanagement, calendaring,
prioritizing your week. Whatamazing conversations. And
(07:15):
honestly, those are thefantastic skills that employers
are looking for later.
We have so much more to talkabout like routines, structure,
and teaching time management,and we will get into all of
those right after a word fromour sponsors. As a homeschool
mom who values a family togetherapproach and leans towards the
classical and Charlotte Masonstyles, I often struggle to
bring my educational vision tolife with my kids' diverse ages
(07:37):
and learning needs. With all ourinterests and super packed
schedule, bridging that gapbetween the dreamy homeschool I
want and reality, I gotta behonest. It's a challenge. Now,
yes, I know perfection isn't thegoal.
But if you're listening and youcould use a little easing of
your mental load in your day today, I found a resource that has
become the quiet hero of ourroutine and it could be a really
(07:57):
great option for you too. BJUPress homeschool curriculum. Now
many think that BJU Presshomeschool is solely an all in
one option, and though it doesexcel in that role, did you know
you can also opt for specificcourses and tailor them to fit
your family's needs just as Ihave? BJU Press homeschool
provides the perfect balance ofstructure and flexibility and
easily complements my family'smixed age family together on the
(08:22):
couch learning style. They aresecond to none in integrating a
biblical worldview, stimulatingcritical thinking, and offering
tons of hands on activitieslessons.
To find out how BJU PressHomeschool can come alongside
you in your homeschooling goalstoo, visit
bjupresshomeschool.com or clickthe link in the show notes. Is
your child struggling withattention, memory, reading,
(08:43):
writing, or math? If you'reexperiencing this, you know how
heart wrenching it is to watchthem face these hurdles. You've
poured love, time, and attentioninto their education, yet the
struggle persists, leaving youfeeling stuck and desperately
searching for answers. You guys,I want you to know about
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(09:05):
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learningrx.com or click the linkin the show notes. Welcome back.
Predictability creates securityfor both us and our kids,
(09:29):
whether it's a consistentmorning routine, structured meal
times, or a simple checklist.It's like having a road map for
your day, and honestly, it'swhat keeps us from losing our
minds. For younger kids,routines might look like
gathering up their suppliesbefore a lesson. It's a small
task, but for little ones, it'slike they've been given a
backstage pass in their ownshow. And suddenly, they're the
(09:51):
star prepping for a big moment.
And of course, which we'vealready talked about a little
bit, as they get older, routinesshift towards managing their own
schedules. But let's be real.Just because they're older
doesn't mean that they'vemagically mastered it. Right?
One mom in Thrive HomeschoolCommunity shared that her middle
schooler had a paper plannerfull of good intentions, but it
(10:12):
was essentially a glorifiednotebook as effective as a
shopping list in a hurricane.
Honestly, that's a little toorelatable for me as an adult. I
was just looking at my desk thismorning. Do you have a few of
those glorified notebooks? Icertainly do. But then they
switched to using a smartwatchfor reminders.
That small change was a big gamechanger. He was suddenly
(10:33):
managing his own tasks like amini CEO. Pretty sure he felt
like he was one step closer tobecoming Tony Stark. The book,
Smart But Scattered, is a mustread for middle schoolers and
honestly adults who strugglewith time management. And let's
face it, it's a great reminderfor us all who've been there
with the shopping list in ahurricane planner approach.
(10:55):
Now for teens, time managementbecomes more of a personal
challenge. It's time to handover the reins. And yes, it
feels like watching someone tryto drive for the first time. But
you want them to take fullownership of their day. I love
the book Atomic Habits by JamesClear.
It's fantastic for teachingteens how small consistent
(11:15):
actions lead to big changes.Next time your teen says they're
too busy, you can throw out thatcasual well. Do you remember the
habit that we talked about? Asfor goal setting, it's about
learning how to manage timewhile juggling your priorities.
For younger kids, visualplanners, checklists, and simple
schedules work wonders.
For middle and high schoolers,it's about helping them break
(11:37):
down those big tasks intosmaller steps and teaching them
to set their own timeline andgoals. At our center, when we
did tutoring, we often helpedkids through long term projects,
and we would pull out acalendar. And with that student,
we would map out goals forthemselves, and then we would
check-in on them. Now, yes, didwe help them a lot first? But
(11:58):
our goal was always to slowlywean them and train them how to
do this skill themselves.
Teenagers are always managinglong term projects. They start
to want to buy big expensivethings that they need to set
budgets for. These real worldresponsibilities help build
confidence and set them up foradulthood. Right? So by the time
(12:19):
they're 25, they might actuallyknow where all their socks are.
The takeaway, help your kidscreate a structure that works
for them, not just one thatworks for us because their way
may involve technology and notsay a pile of sticky notes and a
vision board. Though we do lovea really good sparkly vision
board. Let's get into my thirdstrategy for today, handling
(12:40):
mistakes and buildingresilience. One of the hardest
but most valuable lessons inindependence is learning how to
handle failure. Yes.
I said failure. It's like thespinach of life skills. Right?
Nobody wants it, but it'sactually really good for us.
Look.
Kids need to experience setbacksin order to build problem
(13:00):
solving skills. As parents, itis so hard to resist the urge
not to swoop in every timesomething goes sideways with our
kids. Let's say your middleschooler forgets to plan their
assignments and then getscompletely overwhelmed. It's
tempting to jump in with arescue plan. Right?
I've been there. Just hand methe cape. But instead, we can
ask guiding questions like whatdidn't work? How can we adjust?
(13:24):
This helps build the skill inour kids to learn how to
reassess and pivot, and this isan essential life skill that
they're gonna need with probablyevery project that they'll ever
tackle in their future.
It's so great for us to shareour own past mistakes and
struggles with our kids and whatwe've learned. One, they love
hearing our mistakes. But two,it's important that they know
(13:46):
that we're not perfect and weended up okay and to hear what
we learned about a situation. Wecan build a family culture where
mistakes aren't failures.They're just things that we
learn from and one day we laughabout.
And trust me, nothing bonds youto your kid more than them
realizing that you've made a tonof mistakes and you're still
trying to figure out life too.Sometimes at the dinner table,
(14:07):
my kids ask me and Scott, tellus about a mistake you made when
you were a kid. Tell us abouttimes where you got in trouble.
They just love it. But whatawesome opportunities too,
right, to share with them whatwe've learned and how we grew
from it.
So pro tip, next time your kidhits a roadblock, you can calmly
ask them, hey. What did youlearn from this? Make sure
(14:27):
they're not dysregulated though.Maybe you have to wait a day or
two because that conversationwill lead to them becoming more
resilient. And hearing how theysolved and attacked their own
problems may give you some freshideas on how you can deal with
your own in the future too.
It can be a win win. Okay.Fourth strategy, motivation.
Moving beyond rewards andpunishments. Yikes.
(14:51):
Don't cancel me. Remember whensticker charts were the holy
grail of motivation? Oh, wait.They still are. If you got three
stickers, you could cash them infor a toy or extra screen time,
and it felt like it was living adream, and it was for the hot
minute.
Right? But turns out long term,those shiny stickers might not
be as magical as we thought, andmaybe they're even undermining
(15:13):
motivation at large. Actually,I'm not saying anything profound
here. Research has shown this.Although they're quick and in
the moment and will get kids toact, the reality is external
rewards don't create lastingmotivation, intrinsic
motivation, which is actuallythe good kind.
In fact, they undermine it. Oneof my most popular talks at
(15:35):
conventions and conferences ison resistance battles, lack of
motivation. Help. It's always afull house. And in that talk, I
go deep on this thing calledoperant conditioning, which was
made popular by BF Skinner andwhy it's so awful for us to be
teaching our kids and parentingin this way.
Now I don't have time today todo that entire talk. You'll have
(15:57):
to see me at a conference orwatch it as a master class in
Thrive Homeschool Community. Buthere's the bottom line. Instead
of focusing on prizes, it's soimportant for us to be
celebrating effort. And there'sso much more to this, but here's
just a quick example.
Instead of handing out a stickerfor every math problem completed
or gotten correct, we can saythings like, wow. I noticed that
(16:19):
you kept going on that reallytricky problem until you got it.
What amazing perseverance. Andsuddenly, your kid isn't just
looking for the next reward forgetting an answer right. They're
learning that the real win is inthe effort itself.
And trust me, this is the stuffthat lasts. It builds intrinsic
motivation, that kind thatsticks around long after the
(16:40):
toys and the sticker charts havebeen forgotten. One book that
totally flipped my perspectiveon this is a book called
Punished by Rewards by AlfieCohn. It's a great read if
you're curious about how toshift from external incentives
like stickers and candy tonurturing that inner drive. It's
not about taking away the fun.
It's about helping kids realizethat who they are is pretty
(17:03):
cool, not only what they do orhow they can perform. My fifth
strategy is helping our kiddosprepare for life beyond
homeschooling, and we willdiscuss the importance of that
right after this word from ouramazing sponsors. Before we
continue, I wanna share with youa program that's been a game
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(17:23):
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(17:45):
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That'slovevery.com/christyfaith. As
(18:55):
your teen approaches the end oftheir homeschooling journey,
it's time to start shifting frommanaging their daily assignments
to preparing them for the big,scary, grown up world beyond the
cozy confines of your home. Thisis the time to let our kids
handle some things that arebigger and more meaningful,
whether that's budgeting for apassion project or launching a
small business because whowouldn't want a teen
(19:16):
entrepreneur in the family?
Let me share with you how otherhomeschooling families I've
known have managed this, and wedo too. We can let our kids take
the reins on some things thatreally matter in the real world.
Maybe they actually plan theitinerary for a family trip. I
know one family, they have olderkids, and they assign dinners to
each of their kids throughoutthe week. They have to give mom
(19:37):
the shopping list.
They have to prepare it, planfor it, cook it, and clean it
up. One thing I noticed with theteenagers that we worked with
for years is that a lot of themdidn't have real life skills. I
once hired a babysitter, andwhen I asked her to prepare the
meal, which was a very simplemeal of fruit and pasta, she
actually didn't know how toproperly cut a nectarine or make
(19:57):
noodles. Our kids are eventuallygoing to need to make decisions
about their life afterhomeschooling. So the more adult
hands on experience that theyget while they're under our roof
and we can talk about it andcoach them through it, the more
confident they'll be when theylaunch.
The point is these kinds ofresponsibilities build skills
that textbooks never will.There. We're landing in the
(20:20):
plane. Things like decisionmaking, budgeting, crisis
management. As you know, wetravel with our teenage son, and
he has certain responsibilities.
There were some sticky momentslike leaving luggage on the
plane that we walked throughtogether just this year, and it
was great. We can step back alittle, let our teen own some of
the process of everyday life.It'll help them feel prepared
(20:43):
for what's coming next. Andtrust me, the outside world is
coming and coming in hot whetherwe like it or not. Alright.
Now that we've covered the whyand how for a bunch of different
topics, you might be sittinghere thinking, okay, where do I
even start? Don't worry. I gotyour back. If there's one thing
you know about me is I love thehigh level action steps that you
(21:04):
can actually use right awaybecause I want this podcast to
be helpful. I don't want you tohave to go back to the drawing
board every time you learnsomething new.
So first things first, startsmall. Find just one area where
maybe your child can pick up alittle bit more ownership. The
morning checklist, packing thelunch for the next day. Success
in one area will give your kidsthe courage to tackle the next.
(21:25):
This is all about little wins.
And we don't want youoverwhelmed either, so we gotta
manage this for you too. Next,model what you want to see. Want
your child to be more organized?Show them your strategies. Talk
about your routines, how youtackle your to do list, or even
how you didn't flip out whenyour meticulously organized plan
fell apart.
Invite them into theconversation that you have with
(21:46):
yourself. Wow. I didn't freakout over that. I'm really proud
of myself. And the hardest one,resist the urge to micromanage.
I know. I know. You see themstruggling and everything inside
you wants to jump in and savethe day. But remember, stepping
back lets them develop theproblem solving skills that they
need for the rest of theirlives. It's okay if their plan
(22:09):
isn't perfect.
It's okay if it's not how youwould do it. It's okay if their
plan takes longer than you knowit really needs to take. The
whole point is at least theymade the plan. Right? Progress
is the goal.
And the last thing I wanna becalled when my kids are grown is
an overbearing mother. That isnot what I want. Our kids need
that breathing room, and theyneed their support, and they
(22:31):
need to know that we're on theirteam to help them figure it out,
and they can ask us questionsalong the way. But most
importantly, we're on theirteam. Now I hope you're feeling
inspired to take the first steptowards fostering independence
today.
Whether it's encouraging yourfive year old to pack up their
crayons or letting your teenplan their entire school week,
(22:51):
each small step counts. Raisingindependent learners isn't just
about making your homeschool dayeasier, though let's be real,
that is a perk to this, but it'salso about preparing your kids
to confidently take on the worldand challenges and opportunities
and everything in between. Andthe bonus, you get a much
(23:11):
smoother homeschool out of it.You're doing incredible work.
The seeds that you're plantingnow, they're growing into
something amazing.
It just takes time. And while itmight not always feel like it in
the moment, the impact you'rehaving on your child's future is
profound. Let them take risks.Let them make mistakes. Make
sure they know that you are ontheir team no matter what, and
(23:34):
that they can come to you withthose mistakes that they
inevitably will make because weall make mistakes.
Be that safe person. Celebratetheir growth. Celebrate their
effort. Celebrate the progress,and minimize the conversations
about the performance, thegrades. And for crying out loud,
please slow your roll on thepraise for performance.
(23:56):
The last thing we wannacommunicate is that our love is
earned by how they perform orthe grades that they get or the
amount of baskets they make inthe basketball game. Right? If
today's conversation spoke toyour heart at all and you want
some more in-depth support, Iwould love for you to join the
Thrive Homeschool Community.That's where you're gonna get
the coaching and the how to'sregarding these big mindset game
(24:18):
changers that we talk about onthe show. You'll find amazing
mentors, qualified experts.
I am picky. Let me tell you. Noteveryone gets invited to teach
master classes in Thrive or beinvited to our office hours,
which are our live Zoom coachingcalls like the ones where we
help you homeschool your childwith special needs. In Thrive,
you're gonna find a community oflike minded parents who really
(24:41):
wanna be good homeschoolers. Mypoint, you don't have to do this
solo.
You don't have to muck aroundYouTube watching endless videos
on how to do something. You canlearn from us women who have
been at it a very long time, andwe know the pitfalls and the
common mistakes. Just considerthis your personal invitation. I
will put a link in the shownotes. And remember,
(25:02):
independence isn't a switch thatyou flip overnight.
It's a gradual, beautifulprocess. Whether your child is
five or 15, you can build theirconfidence and responsibility
with simple small steps. Thegoal isn't perfection, it's
preparation. And by offeringchoices, building structure,
fostering resilience, andcelebrating your kid's effort,
(25:24):
you're equipping your child tothrive, not just in
homeschooling, but in life. Andyour homeschool day, my sweet
mama, will be that much easierand better for it.
Win win. See you next time.
Welcome to today's episode where we're
tackling a big one. How to getour kids to work more
independently with theirschoolwork? Because let's be
honest, if homeschooling had aslogan, it might just be, mom, I
need help on repeat. Today,we're diving into some major
game changers that won't justlighten your load, but will set
your kids up for a lifetime ofconfidence and capability.
(00:24):
Whether you've beenhomeschooling for ten days or
ten years, trust me, you'regonna wanna stick around for
this one.
Before we get into the nittygritty of today, I gotta ask
you, how are you doing? No.Really. Because if you're
anything like me or thecountless homeschooling parents
that I work with, you might feela bit stretched thin right now,
maybe even downright exhausted.The alarm goes off in the
(00:46):
morning, and from the momentyour feet hit the floor, it's
game time.
Right? Breakfast to make,lessons to teach, emotions to
manage, sometimes yours, and asuspiciously large pile of
laundry that seems to havemultiplied overnight. By
midmorning, most of us arebouncing between subjects,
breaking up sibling debates, andwondering for the hundredth time
(01:07):
if we're doing enough when we'redoing so much. But what we're
really wondering, are we doingthe right things? As
homeschooling parents, we aredoing incredible work, and
here's a message that I need tohear just as much as anyone else
listening.
We are doing incredible work,yes, but we don't have to do all
the incredible work. Letting goof some of this load, it can
(01:29):
feel lazy or selfish, but it'sactually not that at all. It's
actually an act of love despitewhat our inner dialogue wants us
to believe. Because when weshift from doing everything for
our kids to then guiding them,we're actually giving them
something invaluable,independence. And that's the
topic of today's episode.
How do we, as homeschoolingparents, foster more
(01:52):
independence in our children?How do we go from, just let me
finish my coffee first, toraising kids who take ownership
of their learning? Not only willthis transformation lighten your
load homeschool mama, but itwill also set your children up
for a lifetime of confidence,resilience, and capability. By
(02:12):
the end of today's episodes,you'll walk away with real life
strategies, relatable stories,and some fantastic book
recommendations to help you makethis shift easier. We're gonna
break it down by topic, talkabout where to start even if
just starting feels reallyoverwhelming, and what this
actually looks like in everydayhomeschooling life.
(02:32):
So take a deep breath. Let'sagree to spend the next couple
minutes together and let meguide you towards a transformed
homeschool. Hi. I'm KristiFaith, author of Homeschool
(02:54):
Rising, speaker and founder ofThrive Homeschool Community,
which is a place where you canfind real connection,
mentorship, and support fromparents who actually get it. Not
to mention tons of trainings,master classes, and protocols so
that we can fail proof yourhomeschool.
Welcome to the show.Homeschooling comes with a lot
(03:15):
of roles that we've alreadyhinted at, teacher, parent,
referee, occasional hostagenegotiator. If you know, you
know. And we don't have to carryit all alone. When kids are able
to take ownership of theirlearning, it frees up time and
energy, maybe even enough foryou to actually have a hot cup
of coffee and not have to reheatit in the microwave four times a
(03:37):
day.
But more importantly, yes,fostering independence in your
kids is really great for youbecause it lets you handle more
throughout your day. But youknow what? It's actually really
great for your kids too. DoctorCarol Dweck touches on this in
her book mindset, explainingthat kids with a growth mindset
thrive when they take on newchallenges. They see mistakes
(03:58):
not as failures, but asopportunities to learn and try
again.
And that's exactly what we allwant for our kids. Right? It all
starts with giving them thereins little by little so they
can develop that confidence andindependence. After a recent
masterclass in Thrive, my onlinecommunity, we have masterclasses
once a month that I teach or Ibring in an expert. I heard from
(04:19):
a mom who had been feelingcompletely burnt out.
She was managing everything onher own. Homeschooling, keeping
up with the house, and wranglinglittle ones while her eight year
old still needed step by stepguidance through the basics of
their morning routine everysingle day. After attending my
master class on fosteringindependence and responsibility,
she had a light bulb moment. Whyisn't her daughter doing some
(04:42):
things more independently? Itwasn't that her daughter
couldn't, it simply was that shehad never been given the
expectation to do so.
So she decided to start small.Using a simple visual routine
with five steps, brushing herteeth, getting dressed, making
her bed, tidying her room, andone extra task, her daughter
finally had clear predictableguidelines to follow. And you
(05:04):
know what? It worked. Over time,what once felt like a daily
struggle became second nature.
Within about two months, herdaughter was handling her
mornings on her own, giving hermom one less thing to manage.
And the best part, theirrelationship thrived because of
it. This small shift gave herdaughter a sense of ownership
and confidence and for the firsttime in a long time, that mom
(05:27):
felt like she could breathe.Simple gradual steps towards
independence can have such astrong ripple effect for
everyone in the family. I'mabout to go over some tips and
strategies and no matter the ageor stage of your child, what I'm
about to give you can be adaptedto fit your family's needs.
And the first one is the powerof choice and autonomy. One of
(05:48):
the simplest ways to encourageindependence is by offering
choices when possible. Givingkids two healthy options can
help them feel in controlwithout overwhelming them. For
little kids, instead of sayingsomething like, it's time for
math, let's sit down and do ourmath, you could say, would you
like to do math or handwritingfirst? For my high schooler, for
example, it's just expanded abit.
(06:09):
This can look like giving themfull control over their daily
assignments. So instead ofmicromanaging, what you can do
is just present clearexpectations. Here's what needs
to be done today. When do youwanna tackle it? This shift
fosters trust while allowingthem to practice time management
in a more low stakesenvironment.
Here's a real life example. Onemom in Thrive Homeschool
(06:30):
Community let her high schoolerplan her own week of work. She
was so confident. Mom, I gotthis. But then by Friday, only
about 75% of the assignmentswere completed.
Right? Cue the panic and thescrambling. Now I'm giving you
an imperfect example becausethat's probably what's gonna
happen. The moral of the storyhere is it's still good to do
(06:51):
it. It's still good to practiceit.
Build those skills while they'rein your home. Sometimes watching
our kids fumble through things alittle bit teaches more than us
controlling it ever could. Andwith only 75% of it being done,
then this opens the door toreally great conversations about
executive functioning, timemanagement, calendaring,
prioritizing your week. Whatamazing conversations. And
(07:15):
honestly, those are thefantastic skills that employers
are looking for later.
We have so much more to talkabout like routines, structure,
and teaching time management,and we will get into all of
those right after a word fromour sponsors. As a homeschool
mom who values a family togetherapproach and leans towards the
classical and Charlotte Masonstyles, I often struggle to
bring my educational vision tolife with my kids' diverse ages
(07:37):
and learning needs. With all ourinterests and super packed
schedule, bridging that gapbetween the dreamy homeschool I
want and reality, I gotta behonest. It's a challenge. Now,
yes, I know perfection isn't thegoal.
But if you're listening and youcould use a little easing of
your mental load in your day today, I found a resource that has
become the quiet hero of ourroutine and it could be a really
(07:57):
great option for you too. BJUPress homeschool curriculum. Now
many think that BJU Presshomeschool is solely an all in
one option, and though it doesexcel in that role, did you know
you can also opt for specificcourses and tailor them to fit
your family's needs just as Ihave? BJU Press homeschool
provides the perfect balance ofstructure and flexibility and
easily complements my family'smixed age family together on the
(08:22):
couch learning style. They aresecond to none in integrating a
biblical worldview, stimulatingcritical thinking, and offering
tons of hands on activitieslessons.
To find out how BJU PressHomeschool can come alongside
you in your homeschooling goalstoo, visit
bjupresshomeschool.com or clickthe link in the show notes. Is
your child struggling withattention, memory, reading,
(08:43):
writing, or math? If you'reexperiencing this, you know how
heart wrenching it is to watchthem face these hurdles. You've
poured love, time, and attentioninto their education, yet the
struggle persists, leaving youfeeling stuck and desperately
searching for answers. You guys,I want you to know about
LearningRx, a proven programdesigned to help your child's
cognitive skills, enabling themto think faster, learn more
(09:05):
easily, and perform at theirbest.
I'm talking getting real longterm help here with things like
ADHD and dyslexia. LearningRx isbacked by thirty five years of
research, and their results aretransformative. Use code HOME 50
for $50 off your cognitiveskills assessment. Go to
learningrx.com or click the linkin the show notes. Welcome back.
Predictability creates securityfor both us and our kids,
(09:29):
whether it's a consistentmorning routine, structured meal
times, or a simple checklist.It's like having a road map for
your day, and honestly, it'swhat keeps us from losing our
minds. For younger kids,routines might look like
gathering up their suppliesbefore a lesson. It's a small
task, but for little ones, it'slike they've been given a
backstage pass in their ownshow. And suddenly, they're the
(09:51):
star prepping for a big moment.
And of course, which we'vealready talked about a little
bit, as they get older, routinesshift towards managing their own
schedules. But let's be real.Just because they're older
doesn't mean that they'vemagically mastered it. Right?
One mom in Thrive HomeschoolCommunity shared that her middle
schooler had a paper plannerfull of good intentions, but it
(10:12):
was essentially a glorifiednotebook as effective as a
shopping list in a hurricane.
Honestly, that's a little toorelatable for me as an adult. I
was just looking at my desk thismorning. Do you have a few of
those glorified notebooks? Icertainly do. But then they
switched to using a smartwatchfor reminders.
That small change was a big gamechanger. He was suddenly
(10:33):
managing his own tasks like amini CEO. Pretty sure he felt
like he was one step closer tobecoming Tony Stark. The book,
Smart But Scattered, is a mustread for middle schoolers and
honestly adults who strugglewith time management. And let's
face it, it's a great reminderfor us all who've been there
with the shopping list in ahurricane planner approach.
(10:55):
Now for teens, time managementbecomes more of a personal
challenge. It's time to handover the reins. And yes, it
feels like watching someone tryto drive for the first time. But
you want them to take fullownership of their day. I love
the book Atomic Habits by JamesClear.
It's fantastic for teachingteens how small consistent
(11:15):
actions lead to big changes.Next time your teen says they're
too busy, you can throw out thatcasual well. Do you remember the
habit that we talked about? Asfor goal setting, it's about
learning how to manage timewhile juggling your priorities.
For younger kids, visualplanners, checklists, and simple
schedules work wonders.
For middle and high schoolers,it's about helping them break
(11:37):
down those big tasks intosmaller steps and teaching them
to set their own timeline andgoals. At our center, when we
did tutoring, we often helpedkids through long term projects,
and we would pull out acalendar. And with that student,
we would map out goals forthemselves, and then we would
check-in on them. Now, yes, didwe help them a lot first? But
(11:58):
our goal was always to slowlywean them and train them how to
do this skill themselves.
Teenagers are always managinglong term projects. They start
to want to buy big expensivethings that they need to set
budgets for. These real worldresponsibilities help build
confidence and set them up foradulthood. Right? So by the time
(12:19):
they're 25, they might actuallyknow where all their socks are.
The takeaway, help your kidscreate a structure that works
for them, not just one thatworks for us because their way
may involve technology and notsay a pile of sticky notes and a
vision board. Though we do lovea really good sparkly vision
board. Let's get into my thirdstrategy for today, handling
(12:40):
mistakes and buildingresilience. One of the hardest
but most valuable lessons inindependence is learning how to
handle failure. Yes.
I said failure. It's like thespinach of life skills. Right?
Nobody wants it, but it'sactually really good for us.
Look.
Kids need to experience setbacksin order to build problem
(13:00):
solving skills. As parents, itis so hard to resist the urge
not to swoop in every timesomething goes sideways with our
kids. Let's say your middleschooler forgets to plan their
assignments and then getscompletely overwhelmed. It's
tempting to jump in with arescue plan. Right?
I've been there. Just hand methe cape. But instead, we can
ask guiding questions like whatdidn't work? How can we adjust?
(13:24):
This helps build the skill inour kids to learn how to
reassess and pivot, and this isan essential life skill that
they're gonna need with probablyevery project that they'll ever
tackle in their future.
It's so great for us to shareour own past mistakes and
struggles with our kids and whatwe've learned. One, they love
hearing our mistakes. But two,it's important that they know
(13:46):
that we're not perfect and weended up okay and to hear what
we learned about a situation. Wecan build a family culture where
mistakes aren't failures.They're just things that we
learn from and one day we laughabout.
And trust me, nothing bonds youto your kid more than them
realizing that you've made a tonof mistakes and you're still
trying to figure out life too.Sometimes at the dinner table,
(14:07):
my kids ask me and Scott, tellus about a mistake you made when
you were a kid. Tell us abouttimes where you got in trouble.
They just love it. But whatawesome opportunities too,
right, to share with them whatwe've learned and how we grew
from it.
So pro tip, next time your kidhits a roadblock, you can calmly
ask them, hey. What did youlearn from this? Make sure
(14:27):
they're not dysregulated though.Maybe you have to wait a day or
two because that conversationwill lead to them becoming more
resilient. And hearing how theysolved and attacked their own
problems may give you some freshideas on how you can deal with
your own in the future too.
It can be a win win. Okay.Fourth strategy, motivation.
Moving beyond rewards andpunishments. Yikes.
(14:51):
Don't cancel me. Remember whensticker charts were the holy
grail of motivation? Oh, wait.They still are. If you got three
stickers, you could cash them infor a toy or extra screen time,
and it felt like it was living adream, and it was for the hot
minute.
Right? But turns out long term,those shiny stickers might not
be as magical as we thought, andmaybe they're even undermining
(15:13):
motivation at large. Actually,I'm not saying anything profound
here. Research has shown this.Although they're quick and in
the moment and will get kids toact, the reality is external
rewards don't create lastingmotivation, intrinsic
motivation, which is actuallythe good kind.
In fact, they undermine it. Oneof my most popular talks at
(15:35):
conventions and conferences ison resistance battles, lack of
motivation. Help. It's always afull house. And in that talk, I
go deep on this thing calledoperant conditioning, which was
made popular by BF Skinner andwhy it's so awful for us to be
teaching our kids and parentingin this way.
Now I don't have time today todo that entire talk. You'll have
(15:57):
to see me at a conference orwatch it as a master class in
Thrive Homeschool Community. Buthere's the bottom line. Instead
of focusing on prizes, it's soimportant for us to be
celebrating effort. And there'sso much more to this, but here's
just a quick example.
Instead of handing out a stickerfor every math problem completed
or gotten correct, we can saythings like, wow. I noticed that
(16:19):
you kept going on that reallytricky problem until you got it.
What amazing perseverance. Andsuddenly, your kid isn't just
looking for the next reward forgetting an answer right. They're
learning that the real win is inthe effort itself.
And trust me, this is the stuffthat lasts. It builds intrinsic
motivation, that kind thatsticks around long after the
(16:40):
toys and the sticker charts havebeen forgotten. One book that
totally flipped my perspectiveon this is a book called
Punished by Rewards by AlfieCohn. It's a great read if
you're curious about how toshift from external incentives
like stickers and candy tonurturing that inner drive. It's
not about taking away the fun.
It's about helping kids realizethat who they are is pretty
(17:03):
cool, not only what they do orhow they can perform. My fifth
strategy is helping our kiddosprepare for life beyond
homeschooling, and we willdiscuss the importance of that
right after this word from ouramazing sponsors. Before we
continue, I wanna share with youa program that's been a game
changer for our homeschool. Atour center, we instructed and
(17:23):
helped kids through pretty muchevery math program on the market
and know firsthand just howimportant a solid math
foundation is for our kids'futures. As a career educator
with high standards, finding theright program that checked all
the boxes felt like too tall ofan order.
Until one day, I tried CTC Math.CTC Math is an online math
curriculum for k to 12 studentswith motivating interactive
(17:45):
lessons that allow kids to learnat their own pace. It does all
the teaching and grading so youdon't have to and their adaptive
lessons adjust so your child isprogressing confidently. With
CTC Math, your child is gettinga top notch education, and you
just made your homeschool lifeeasier. Visit ctcmath.com to
start your free trial today orclick the link in the show
notes.
I've got some news. There's anew reading curriculum that
(18:08):
ditches workbooks and drills forfun and games. If you're
thinking fun and games sounds alittle too good to be true, it's
not. Ninety eight percent ofchildren improved their reading
test scores in just six weekswith the reading skill set by
Love Every. It's a phonics basedprogram that follows a science
of reading, but makes learningto read fun, motivating, and
(18:29):
confidence boosting because ithappens by playing games and
then practicing with just rightskill level books.
Kids love it and parenteducators love it, and it works.
Visit lovevery.com/christyfaithtoday and use code christy 10 to
get 10% off your purchase of thereading skill set by loveevery.
That'slovevery.com/christyfaith. As
(18:55):
your teen approaches the end oftheir homeschooling journey,
it's time to start shifting frommanaging their daily assignments
to preparing them for the big,scary, grown up world beyond the
cozy confines of your home. Thisis the time to let our kids
handle some things that arebigger and more meaningful,
whether that's budgeting for apassion project or launching a
small business because whowouldn't want a teen
(19:16):
entrepreneur in the family?
Let me share with you how otherhomeschooling families I've
known have managed this, and wedo too. We can let our kids take
the reins on some things thatreally matter in the real world.
Maybe they actually plan theitinerary for a family trip. I
know one family, they have olderkids, and they assign dinners to
each of their kids throughoutthe week. They have to give mom
(19:37):
the shopping list.
They have to prepare it, planfor it, cook it, and clean it
up. One thing I noticed with theteenagers that we worked with
for years is that a lot of themdidn't have real life skills. I
once hired a babysitter, andwhen I asked her to prepare the
meal, which was a very simplemeal of fruit and pasta, she
actually didn't know how toproperly cut a nectarine or make
(19:57):
noodles. Our kids are eventuallygoing to need to make decisions
about their life afterhomeschooling. So the more adult
hands on experience that theyget while they're under our roof
and we can talk about it andcoach them through it, the more
confident they'll be when theylaunch.
The point is these kinds ofresponsibilities build skills
that textbooks never will.There. We're landing in the
(20:20):
plane. Things like decisionmaking, budgeting, crisis
management. As you know, wetravel with our teenage son, and
he has certain responsibilities.
There were some sticky momentslike leaving luggage on the
plane that we walked throughtogether just this year, and it
was great. We can step back alittle, let our teen own some of
the process of everyday life.It'll help them feel prepared
(20:43):
for what's coming next. Andtrust me, the outside world is
coming and coming in hot whetherwe like it or not. Alright.
Now that we've covered the whyand how for a bunch of different
topics, you might be sittinghere thinking, okay, where do I
even start? Don't worry. I gotyour back. If there's one thing
you know about me is I love thehigh level action steps that you
(21:04):
can actually use right awaybecause I want this podcast to
be helpful. I don't want you tohave to go back to the drawing
board every time you learnsomething new.
So first things first, startsmall. Find just one area where
maybe your child can pick up alittle bit more ownership. The
morning checklist, packing thelunch for the next day. Success
in one area will give your kidsthe courage to tackle the next.
(21:25):
This is all about little wins.
And we don't want youoverwhelmed either, so we gotta
manage this for you too. Next,model what you want to see. Want
your child to be more organized?Show them your strategies. Talk
about your routines, how youtackle your to do list, or even
how you didn't flip out whenyour meticulously organized plan
fell apart.
Invite them into theconversation that you have with
(21:46):
yourself. Wow. I didn't freakout over that. I'm really proud
of myself. And the hardest one,resist the urge to micromanage.
I know. I know. You see themstruggling and everything inside
you wants to jump in and savethe day. But remember, stepping
back lets them develop theproblem solving skills that they
need for the rest of theirlives. It's okay if their plan
(22:09):
isn't perfect.
It's okay if it's not how youwould do it. It's okay if their
plan takes longer than you knowit really needs to take. The
whole point is at least theymade the plan. Right? Progress
is the goal.
And the last thing I wanna becalled when my kids are grown is
an overbearing mother. That isnot what I want. Our kids need
that breathing room, and theyneed their support, and they
(22:31):
need to know that we're on theirteam to help them figure it out,
and they can ask us questionsalong the way. But most
importantly, we're on theirteam. Now I hope you're feeling
inspired to take the first steptowards fostering independence
today.
Whether it's encouraging yourfive year old to pack up their
crayons or letting your teenplan their entire school week,
(22:51):
each small step counts. Raisingindependent learners isn't just
about making your homeschool dayeasier, though let's be real,
that is a perk to this, but it'salso about preparing your kids
to confidently take on the worldand challenges and opportunities
and everything in between. Andthe bonus, you get a much
(23:11):
smoother homeschool out of it.You're doing incredible work.
The seeds that you're plantingnow, they're growing into
something amazing.
It just takes time. And while itmight not always feel like it in
the moment, the impact you'rehaving on your child's future is
profound. Let them take risks.Let them make mistakes. Make
sure they know that you are ontheir team no matter what, and
(23:34):
that they can come to you withthose mistakes that they
inevitably will make because weall make mistakes.
Be that safe person. Celebratetheir growth. Celebrate their
effort. Celebrate the progress,and minimize the conversations
about the performance, thegrades. And for crying out loud,
please slow your roll on thepraise for performance.
(23:56):
The last thing we wannacommunicate is that our love is
earned by how they perform orthe grades that they get or the
amount of baskets they make inthe basketball game. Right? If
today's conversation spoke toyour heart at all and you want
some more in-depth support, Iwould love for you to join the
Thrive Homeschool Community.That's where you're gonna get
the coaching and the how to'sregarding these big mindset game
(24:18):
changers that we talk about onthe show. You'll find amazing
mentors, qualified experts.
I am picky. Let me tell you. Noteveryone gets invited to teach
master classes in Thrive or beinvited to our office hours,
which are our live Zoom coachingcalls like the ones where we
help you homeschool your childwith special needs. In Thrive,
you're gonna find a community oflike minded parents who really
(24:41):
wanna be good homeschoolers. Mypoint, you don't have to do this
solo.
You don't have to muck aroundYouTube watching endless videos
on how to do something. You canlearn from us women who have
been at it a very long time, andwe know the pitfalls and the
common mistakes. Just considerthis your personal invitation. I
will put a link in the shownotes. And remember,
(25:02):
independence isn't a switch thatyou flip overnight.
It's a gradual, beautifulprocess. Whether your child is
five or 15, you can build theirconfidence and responsibility
with simple small steps. Thegoal isn't perfection, it's
preparation. And by offeringchoices, building structure,
fostering resilience, andcelebrating your kid's effort,
(25:24):
you're equipping your child tothrive, not just in
homeschooling, but in life. Andyour homeschool day, my sweet
mama, will be that much easierand better for it.
Win win. See you next time.
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