October 24, 2023 • 38 mins
I am teaching you 3 simple steps that you can use IN THE MOMENT when you are in front of that food that you continue to go back to and eat....and then get mad at yourself for eating.
Once you implement these 3 steps, you will learn how to feel in control around food and weight loss will become easier and sustainable.
You can do this!
Want to speak with me directly? Schedule a consultation with me HERE
Courtney
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I work 1:1 with women to lose weight permanently, using mindset and strategy. My process is exciting, life changing, and empowering. Join me!
I have 2 bits of Exciting News! I have a NEW podcast called Modern Body Modern Life....here is the link to Listen...
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/welcome-to-the-first-episode/id1720478442?i=1000637985103
And Enrollment is NOW OPEN for my March Group Program, click HERE to find all the details,
Courtney
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:02):
Welcome to the Courtney Gray podcast the show for women
who are ready to lose weightpermanently, and love their body
love the way they feel. Andlook, I'm going to teach you how
to stop overeating and obsessingabout food and your weight. So
you can be more confident andempowered to then create an even
bigger life. I'm life and bodycoach Courtney Gray. And each
(00:25):
week, I'm going to be teachingyou how losing and maintaining
your ideal weight can be so mucheasier than it's been in the
past. And by taking care of youand achieving your health goals,
you will live in even moreamazing life than the one you
have lived so far. Let's getstarted.
Welcome to the podcast episode93, three steps to not eating
(00:48):
that food that you are craving.
This is a spin off of myworkshop that I just delivered
live this morning how to not eatthe candy. And in this podcast,
I'm delivering it to you again.
And I really want you to thinkabout what food you are craving
or what food is kind of atrigger food for you. And that's
what we're going to be talkingabout three steps to not eating
(01:11):
that food. And if you were at mylive workshop, or if you have
watched the replay because yousigned up for my live workshop,
do not despair girlfriend Do notdespair, it is so good to hear
this information over and overand over again, I'm gonna say it
differently every time because Ikind of riff and you cannot hear
it too many times. I know a lotof you listen to the podcasts
(01:31):
over and over and over if youfind an episode you really like.
So if you were there thismorning, give it a listen again.
And you're gonna learn thesethree steps even more, because
it's going to take practice. Andit's going to take some effort
on your part to learn thesesteps. So in the moment, you can
get good at not eating that foodyou're craving. So thank you for
(01:53):
all of those. This was probablyone of my biggest signups for a
workshop and I had a lot I can'teven remember how many people I
had live out a bunch of peoplelive. I've already had a bunch
of people watch the replay, itwas really a good one. And I
feel like my messaging isgetting more succinct. And I'm
loving talking to all of youabout losing weight permanently
and getting in your best healthand all of the things. So why
(02:14):
did I even do this workshop inthe first place this workshop,
how to not eat the candy, I didit because I really did it for
my clients. I love you. Ifyou're listening to this
podcast, I love you too. But Iam always looking for ways to
help my clients help them likejust get better at doing this
help them be successful helpgive them everything they need.
(02:35):
And I find myself I actuallyhave to sometimes turn off my
brain and go stop thinking abouther. And then I'll start
thinking about someone else stopthinking about her. Sometimes, I
will wake up in the morning andI will make a video for one of
my clients like in my workoutoutfit with no makeup on. And
I'm like, Hey, girl, I was justthinking of you. And so I wanted
to meet and I'll make a videolike on my whiteboard and
(02:56):
everything. I thought deeperabout what we were talking
about. And this is what I wasthinking about you so. So I'm
always thinking about myclients. And I wanted to create
a process where in the moment,when all of a sudden you are
presented with food that youtold yourself you are not going
to eat, how do you not eat it inthat moment, a simple process
(03:16):
that you can kind of memorize. Iknow one of my mentors has a
three step process. And I havememorized that three step
process. And I will go back toit when I was ever with my
business. Like, if I was everthinking I don't know what to
do, I'm confused, I would goback to that three step process.
So that's what I wanted to dofor my clients and for you. I
want you to first think of this.
I want you to think of yousitting at work or sitting in
(03:40):
whatever is a time for you thatyou feel like maybe it's after
dinner, when you're presentedwith this food that you really
have told yourself you don'twant to eat. For me. The example
I gave during the workshop is Iused to work at Hewlett Packard
right out of college, I got ajob at Hewlett Packard, and I
was in customer service. Andthere was so much food if you've
(04:02):
ever worked for an environmentlike if you've ever worked for
Google or Hewlett Packard orIntel or if you've ever worked
in an office setting, you knowhow it is when you are working
in an environment where peopleare bringing in food all the
time. It's really hard. In fact,when I got hired on at Hewlett
Packard I got hired with therewere I think about 15 of us and
(04:22):
they told us on our first day oftraining, there's a thing called
the freshman 10 and expect togain 10 pounds within the first
few months. And then everyonekind of laughed and I was like
what are why is everyonelaughing? This sounds horrible.
And did I gain 10 pounds youbetter believe I did. And I did
because the food I had nocontrol. This is years and years
ago I had no control and therewas food everywhere and it was
(04:44):
just so hard to resist it. Sowhen I delivered the workshop
this morning I gave the exampleof me sitting in my desk in my
cubicle and I would get to workearly and I will go saying I'm
not going to eat any the food.
I'm not going to eat anything. Ibrought my lunch, I'm not gonna
eat anything, and I would sitdown and then all of a sudden,
one of my friends from workwould walk by and plop down a
(05:05):
blueberry muffin, oh, I got ablueberry muffin for you. It was
the last one left, here you go,and you plop it down, and she
would go over to her cubicle.
And then I would be sittingthere. And this is the moment.
So think of that moment for you.
Is it after dinner? When yourhusband goes do want some ice
cream? Is it during lunch? Whenyour people are like, Why aren't
(05:25):
you eating the chips? Is it whenyou're out to drinks with your
girlfriends and your girlfriendsare like drink with us have
another glass of wine? Is itnine o'clock at night when you
want to have cereal, becauseyou're not really tired, but
you're kind of bored. Thinkabout that moment for you. I
want you to be able to use thesethree steps in that moment. And
so because in that moment, whatwould happen to me is I would
(05:47):
have told myself all morningthat I wasn't going to eat the
office food. And then I wassitting here with this
beautiful, delicious muffinsthat some random person made,
who's an amazing Baker. It'sscreaming at me, you really
should eat me. And then the warstarts and you know what I'm
talking about? The war betweenme saying no, don't eat it. I
really want to stick to my youknow, stick to my plan. And then
(06:07):
the stronger voice in my head.
My more of my primitive brain istelling me well, it looks
amazing. It's you know, just eatit right? You don't want to hurt
the girls feelings that broughtit to you. It's only one muffin.
What is it matter? Life is tooshort. You look fine. What does
it matter? All of these things,and it feels so painful. If you
(06:32):
are resonating with thismessage, you understand that
it's it's kind of torturous, wecan kind of laugh about it. In
fact, oh my gosh, I posted toInstagram the other day I saw
this skit. It's it's thesewomen, these four women. I don't
even know the name. I shouldfind the name of the show out.
But it's almost like SaturdayNight Live. But it's these four
women and they do differentbunch of different skits and
(06:53):
they're very highlyinappropriate and they cuss and
their mic kinda ladies. And shethe girl did this skit, where
all of a sudden the boss comesover and goes, What is this? And
basically it was someone broughtin like, what was it someone
brought in a bunch of pretzelswith like drizzled caramel and
chocolate over it. She's like,What is this? And like, oh, it's
pretzels with? And she's like,What the fuck is this? I am not
(07:15):
going to be able to but she saysit obviously in a hilarious way.
But she basically goes, I'mgoing to be thinking about these
goddamn pretzels all day. We'renot going to get any work done.
And I saw it and I startedlaughing. I'm like, That's so
true. And then she even says atone point she goes, and then I'm
going to have one and I'm goingto think how many can I have
have? Has it been long enough?
Since I had the one can I haveanother? How many is too much.
And I'm like, oh my god, it'sfunny, but it's not funny
(07:37):
because it's so painful. So Ican relate, you can probably
relate in that moment in thattorturous moment. Here is what I
want you to do. Here are thethree steps I'm going to tell
you them the three and then I'mgoing to break each down for
you. First, I want you toembrace the two Ds D as in dog
desire and discomfort. I'm goingto teach you in a minute how to
(08:02):
embrace desire and discomfortnumber two, I want you to give
yourself a moment it sounds kindof no big deal I promise you
it's important. And number threeI want you to decide what you
want more in that moment. So letme move right on to embrace the
two Ds and the reason I didn'tjust say desire and discomfort
is I want you to rememberstarting out you know when you
(08:24):
when you memorize the the startof something it can help you
remember the rest of the whatyou're trying to remember so
embrace the two Ds I thought wasmore powerful than embrace the
desire and discomfort. Sodesire. So there's a few reasons
we eat one of the reasons we eatis the food tastes amazing. Can
we just admit that the foodtastes amazing? Here's the
(08:46):
question. Why are we so mad atourselves that we want it
popcorn with butter at the endof the day? Tastes amazing? Of
course you want it. A margaritawhen you're out at Mexican food
tastes amazing. And it makes youfeel amazing because it takes
the edge off and it makes you alittle tipsy and loosens your
tongue it's amazing. Of courseyou want it cereal When it's
(09:08):
night first of all I don't evenbuy cereal so all all y'all that
is eating cereal. I don't knowhow you do it. I don't buy
cereal because if I did it wouldjust be calling to me. Because
it tastes amazing. All of thesethings the blueberry muffin
Omega it tastes amazing. I wantyou to embrace that it does. So
of course you have desire forit. And especially if we start
(09:32):
thinking about the chemicallylike created food like the real
man made food right? At least ifyou break down what what what is
in a muffin. It is like flourand sugar even though it's very
refined. It is kind of from theearth in some sense. But you
start getting into hostessproducts and little candy bars
around Halloween. That stuff iscreated to be an explosion of
(10:00):
Have a orgasm in your mouth. Itis created to make you want
more. It's not created for youto eat one and go. God that was
satisfying, right? That was I'mgood. No, it was created to keep
you coming back. So I want youto embrace the desire and what
that looks like. For me, myfavorite thing to say to myself
(10:21):
is, of course, I want thiscourse I want this. If I go to
my girlfriend's house, and she'slike, I mean, spinach dip, of
course I want it, you can wantsomething and not eat it. Maybe
that's a mind explosion for you.
I remember the first time I kindof figured that out for myself
as like, Oh, I think so manypeople are waiting to not want
it. And in fact, in the industryof weight loss and
(10:46):
health and really weight lossmore than anything, I hear so
many people selling this ideathat you're going to get to a
point where you don't desire thefood anymore. And I don't agree.
I don't agree. I will tell youif you haven't ever done like a
whole 30 year keto, where ifyou've ever taken out the sugar
completely and taken out thealcohol completely. I don't know
(11:08):
if your this is your experience.
But this was my experience. Andmy sister has experience where
we did those diets. And theywere a 30 day diet, I went about
40 days. And I really did notwant the things. And I think
that what is happening happeningchemically at that point is that
I have gotten so rid of all ofthe sugar, the sugar from the
alcohol, the sugar from thebread and the flour and just raw
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sugar, you get rid of thosethings to where your body really
doesn't crave it anymore. But Ithink if you're like me, and you
want to live a life where you'reeating better you're living in
the body you want. But you alsowant to be able to make holiday
cookies with your girlfriend andhave a few. Or if you want to
(11:51):
have a cocktail every once in awhile. Or if you want to
actually have a piece of breadwhen your friend like I remember
one of my girlfriends makes likesourdough bread and she made me
somebody, I'm gonna have aslice. So if you're like me, and
you want to eat better, you wantto be in the body you want, but
you want to actually have someof these things from time to
time, you are going to have toallow that there is going to be
(12:13):
desire, unless you want to livea life where you get rid of all
of it, which I think is a littlebit unrealistic for most people.
The second part of this allowingof desire embracing of desire is
we were designed our brains weredesigned to make ourselves feel
(12:35):
good. If we go back to themotivational triad as well,
like, I don't know, who knowphilosophers or so on I don't
know describes how our primitivebrain was formed it. And I
believe there's so much you cansee this, it makes so much
sense. We were designed to stayalive. We weren't designed to
rock that pair of jeans, we wantto rock. We weren't designed to
(12:58):
be bikini ready. We weren'tdesigned to feel even better
about ourselves during sex, wewere just designed to survive.
We were so we were designed. Themotivational triad tells us we
were designed to seek pleasure,avoid pain and conserve energy.
And so this is why in thatmoment, we have desire for the
(13:20):
muffin.
Because our brain is telling usat all times, be in pleasure, be
in pleasure, be in pleasure,avoid pain. And for a lot of us,
we're in pain in terms of we'rehaving anxiety about things. Our
business isn't doing as good.
And so we're frustrated thatwork. We're working harder to
businesses and doing as good.
Maybe we're getting ready to payfor kids college and we're like,
(13:41):
where are we going to come upwith the money and that's a
little stressful. Maybe we'retaking care of our parents as
they get older. And that can bea little stressful. Maybe we're
trying to allow more space inour life, to find fun and like
create more friendships and weare feeling bad because we
haven't met a new new friends.
There's so many differentemotions, we are feeling guilt,
(14:02):
shame, anxiety, stress, and ourprimitive brain wants us to get
away from all of that. And rightnow in our society, because food
is so readily available. Thefastest way to get rid of all of
those feelings immediately isfood. Sex takes a little bit of
time because you have to findsomeone to have sex with for
(14:24):
some people, they don't evenenjoy sex. So that's not even
really pleasure to begin withalcohol. There's not you know,
even if you drink alcohol, youmight not be drinking it at nine
in the morning on a Tuesday. Soreally the fastest way you can
get into pleasure at mostmoments is food. Can we embrace
the fact that there is going tobe desire can we say okay, I
totally understand why I have somuch desire for food. And then
(14:48):
the last thing I'll say about itis throw in that these are your
habits. You've created a lifewhere you are you have made
eating these things part of likewhat you do you
It is part of your self concept.
You're the woman that doesthings a certain way. Think
about how you do things. Do yousnack all day? Do you feel like
you eat a lot of food do youalways want to feel full, like
(15:10):
you have created a lifestyle ofliving in a certain way, and
that has become a habit. So itmakes sense that you have
desire, I want you to embrace itand not be mad at yourself for
it. That's number one. And thenthe second D and embrace the two
DS is discomfort, embracediscomfort, let me tell you why.
If you are eating, because youare stressed, you're going to
(15:34):
have to be stressed in order tonot eat. If you're stressed
about something that's happeningand you're turning to food, when
you don't eat the food, you aregoing to be stressed, you're
going to have to learn how tosit with that stress, how to
acknowledge that stress, how toprocess that stress, I'm pretty
sure I have a podcast onprocessing emotion. If not, I
will make sure to make one ofthose very soon. But your if you
(15:55):
are bored, this was a big onefor me. Years ago, when I was
learning how to do this work. Iwas bored in the evenings it was
in the middle of winter, Ididn't really want to watch TV.
If I started reading at fiveo'clock, I'd be falling asleep.
I didn't know what to do withmyself. And I was bored. And so
I would make cookies, or I wouldeat. And it would get me out of
(16:17):
being bored. And it would makeme feel good. So the answer
would be instead of eating andfeeling better with food, allow
yourself to be bored. Tellyourself that I'm going to
embrace the discomfort of thisfeeling. It is the only way to
actually not eat the food. And Itold this story in my workshop
and it was so awesome. I had Ihave signed three new clients.
(16:40):
I've had three new clients startin the last week. So so
exciting. And one of them on ourfirst call. We're talking. And
she said the most profound thingwhen I talked to her about
embracing discomfort andembracing
desire, she kind of got a lookon her face. Like this sucks.
I'm like,it was so funny. I'm like, yeah,
it's not fun. It's not fun. It'shard work. And but then she said
(17:02):
before I even got a chance tosell her on this next concept.
She's She said to me, I guessit's gonna be hard either way.
Yes. And I was so excited tohear her come to me with that.
It's so true. So when you thinkabout embracing discomfort, I
want you to realize you'realready uncomfortable. Right?
(17:22):
You can think oh my god, I'mgonna have to learn how to sit
with stress that'suncomfortable. You know what's
uncomfortable? Being in a body,you don't love going into your
closet? And trying to figure outwhat to where to hide your arms
because you don't like yourarms? And then it's like, oh,
well, I know I'm gonna be hotflashing all day. But I have a
tank top on it. But I want tocover it up because I want to
(17:43):
hide my arm. So how do I, I wantto get cool when I'm hot
fishing. Oh my god, it's, it'sabsolutely, you're already in
discomfort. You know, if you goto take a picture with your
friends, and you're trying toshove people in front of you,
you're in discomfort. And Idon't say that lightly. And I'm
not certainly not making fun. Soif this is you, I want you to
know, I see you and I feel yourpain. It's a horrible place to
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be in, to go to take a pictureand to be trying to get people
in front of you. So you don'tlook as big. And the reason why
I'm talking about this isbecause no one is and so many
people are going through this.
And it doesn't matter if youhave 15 pounds to lose or you
have 50 it is uncomfortableeither way. So the first to
(18:28):
embrace the two Ds desire anddiscomfort. And the last thing
I'll say about that is when youthink about either way, it's
going to be hard life is gonnabe hard either way, choose your
discomfort Do you want thediscomfort of doing this work
and learning to embrace thesenegative emotions and, and allow
them and not eat or choose thediscomfort of being in the body
(18:49):
you don't love so that it reallyis a choose your discomfort
situation. So the second one isgive yourself a moment, I really
want you to slow things down.
And this is so common for somany of my clients. When we tell
ourselves, we're not going toeat whatever it is. All of a
sudden we're in that moment andwe're choosing we're like re
(19:09):
deciding and our primitivebrains just like eat the cake,
eat the cake, eat them off andeat them off and you deserve it.
You've been good all day, allthe shenanigans that it does to
us. I want you to give yourselfa moment. And I told a story a
few weeks on the podcast and Iforget which episode it is I
really shouldn't have writtenthat down. But I talked about
wanting the pizza and getting upand going to the bathroom. And I
(19:34):
really walked you through this,this whole process this three
step process I'm talking about.
But for me when I would alwayshere's the proof. Here's an
example for you of what I usedto do. I would tell myself when
we were having pizza we had whenthe kids were a certain age and
it was really busy and we hadthree good three kids going in
different directions withsports. We would probably do
(19:57):
pizza two nights a week. I'm notproud but I think it's pretty
common.
So we had a pizza, and I wouldtell myself, this is probably
like six years ago, I would tellmyself, I'm gonna only have one
piece, and then I'm gonna have asalad. And so then I would be
cutting the pizza. And I wouldeat one piece very quickly
standing up, as if it like,didn't count because I was
standing up. And as if, becauseif I ate it really fast, it
(20:20):
didn't count. And then I wouldsit down, I would be like, just
like no big deal about it. Noone else knew my whole family.
They don't care how much I eat.
But it was me, I knew it. And sothen I would finally sit down
when it was time for dinner withmy one piece of pizza and salad.
And I would just be pretendingnone of it happened. I would be
lying to myself. And then afterdinner, it would hit me the
guilt and the shame and the Whatthe hell, why do I always do
(20:42):
this, that would hit me. And Inoticed that what I really
needed to start doing and how Ireally solved for this and how I
got to the point that I'm at nowas I started realizing, I need
to slow this down, I need totake a moment and re decide in
that moment. Instead of justshoving the pizza in my face, I
need to take a moment. And forso many of you, one of the best
(21:05):
moments you can take is go tothe bathroom, go to the ladies
room. If you're at work, ifyou're at a party, if you're at
your friend's house, you'rehaving dinner, and all of a
sudden you had told yourself youwere going to eat in a certain
way. And all of a sudden,there's a different suggestion
in front of you a differentoption in front of you say
excuse me for a moment, go tothe bathroom and have a little
talk with yourself, girl, sloweverything down. Because right
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now, if you're listening to thispodcast, you probably don't
trust yourself to do what isbest for you. For you in the
future you're doing in the past,what you've done is what's best
for you in the moment you have,you have acted in a way that is
in line with what your primitivebrain is telling you to do.
Right? So maybe you're at aparty, or your friend's house.
(21:49):
And she's like, Oh, I made you acocktail. Have you ever had that
happen? I have a few girlfriendsthat they will literally walk up
to me and hand me a drink. Andit's really awkward. You're
like, oh, I don't want to hurttheir feelings. Right? So then
what we do is we people pleaseand we actually drink the drink
anyways, instead of staying trueto what we want to do. And say,
oh my god, you're so sweet. I'mso sorry. You know what I'm not
(22:11):
drinking. I just I just don't, Idon't want to have a drink
tonight. And you can explain itor not explain it. And if they
love you, they will support you.
But slowing things down is thebest thing you can do if you can
go to the bathroom and go, Oh mygod, she gave me a drink. And
now I have this drink and Idon't want to drink it and
Should I pour it in the toilet?
Or what should I do and justslow it down and make a decision
(22:31):
for your future self.
I'm taking a moment to tell youthat I work privately one on one
with women to help them loseweight permanently, and create a
body they love. This is not adiet program. This is a
customized program to teach youhow to eat the way you want to
eat forever. No morerestriction, no more willpower,
(22:53):
no more losing weight only tosabotage and then gain it back
again. The problem is not you,we women are so hard on
ourselves. And we think if wecould just get motivated or more
determined if we could find theright diet plan or cut out
certain foods, we will loseweight and be happy. But the
answer is changing your brainand how you think and feel.
(23:15):
Changing your self image and howyou talk to yourself. Learning
how to trust yourself. This ishow you lose weight permanently.
It sounds too good to be true.
But I promise you it's not. Thework I do with my clients is
powerful, exciting and loving.
And it's hard work to but theresult is change forever. The
women I work with are smart andsuccessful in so many areas of
(23:38):
their life, they just haven'tbeen able to figure out their
body. This is where I come in,head to my website to schedule a
consultation. And we can talkabout all the details back to
the podcast.
So the third step is decide whatyou want more. And so this is
what this looks like in themoment. If you imagine I'm at my
(23:59):
cubicle at Hewlett Packard, Ihave the delicious blueberry
muffin sitting on the desk. AndI'm thinking about this one time
this actually happened and themuffin was so huge. I'm like,
because when I make muffins,they're a little small. Is there
a muffin pan for like oversizedmuffins? It's a good question. I
need to look into it. Okay, thatwas a tangent. Decide what you
want more. So in the moment whensomeone throws down a muffin, it
(24:21):
says here you go, I got you thelast one. In that moment you
want them often. You're going toown it. Yep, I want it. You're
going to allow the discomfort ofall of it, even the discomfort
of the mind drama, you're goingto slow it down. Maybe you go to
the ladies room. And maybe you'dreally talk to yourself and say
what's happening and I want youthen to decide what you want
(24:41):
more acknowledging we do wantthe muffin. But what do we want
more in the moment? Of courseyou want the weight loss but
that might not be happening fora few weeks or a few months if
depending on how fast this isgoing for you. So in the moment,
what do you want more? And so Imade a list of
For me what I tell myself, Idon't have to go through this
(25:03):
process as much anymore becauseI've gotten really good at this
process. And the tangent hereyou might find, if you start
getting really good at thisprocess is, once you hit that
first D of decide, embracingyour desire, you almost don't
even need to go to the nextstep. So that's how good how
easy this can get, I should say,it gets easier, you walk into a
(25:24):
party, and all of a sudden, yourfriend who makes this certain
dish every year, and it's there,and you're like, Oh, my God, I
totally want that it's not aproblem. And you almost don't
even need to go to the rest ofthe steps. But in the moment,
every once in a while, when Ihave to actually go through this
process still for myself, I willcome up with what I want more.
And so I came up with a list ofwhat I would say to myself right
(25:46):
now. So for me, I would say tomyself, I want to feel proud. I
want to feel proud of myself, atthe end of the day,
I want that more than themuffin, I want to prove this is
something you might say to you,I don't say this one to myself
anymore, because I've alreadyproved myself. But if you're new
to doing this work, you mightwant to say I want to prove to
(26:06):
myself that I can do this, Iwant to prove that these three
steps actually work. And I wantthat more than I want them off.
And I do want that muffin, but Iwant it more than the muffin. I
want to sleep well. You've heardme talk before about sleeping
and all that. And you might belike, I don't relate, I will
tell you. Part of the work I dowith my clients is not only do
(26:29):
we think about how weemotionally are thinking about
food, but we really dive intohow we physically feel about
food. And for many people,myself included, before I really
got in control around food, Ididn't realize how food was
affecting my body. And when youstart eating better, you
(26:49):
physically feel better. But it'salmost like you don't even know
that until you start feelingbetter. I didn't know how bad I
was feeling until I felt good.
And so for me in the moment,when I go to decide what I want
more I can say I want to sleepwell. I know that some nights I
make cookies, and I have a few Iwill not sleep as well. It's
(27:11):
just a fact. And I tried to notget it in my head and manifest
it. But it is just time and timeagain. It's it's a fact. And
sometimes I say you know what, Iwant the cookies, I don't care.
But if I know that I don't wantto eat something, I will say I
want to sleep well. I say tomyself, I want to not spike my
insulin. I don't know about you.
(27:31):
But I'm hearing so much aboutmidlife and health and diabetes
and heart disease and cancer.
And all these tie back to whatwe are putting in our mouths.
And I'm hearing a lot of talkabout hormones and insulin and
inflammation. And I know fromthe tiny bit of research I've
done about when my insulinspikes consistently, it means
(27:52):
I'm more inflamed consistently.
And that leads me to have moreof a risk for all of these
diseases that nobody wants. So Ilegit will say that to myself, I
don't want to spec my insulin. Ialso say to myself, I want to
not feel pressure in my ears.
This is also one of thosephysical things that will happen
(28:13):
for me because I eat so goodmost of the time. When I don't
eat great, I feel it like in myears, the inflammation in the
sugar. I don't know if it'sdairy, I don't even know
exactly, but I feel it in myears when I go to bed. And the
last one might be one that youmight want to say and this is a
really a beautiful one, I wantto lay my head on the pillow
thinking maybe this is going towork. When people start working
(28:36):
with me or even consider workingwith me. They're like, I don't
know if this is going to workfor me. I'm not sure. And I'm
like I get it. It usually takessomeone signing up with me and
they start losing weight rightaway. But it takes up until
about four months before theyreally start going. I think this
is going to work I meaning Ithink I'm not gonna gain the
(28:58):
weight back. They've lost weightbefore and they are losing
weight. But it's still thatsneaky little voice, you're
gonna get it back. You're gonnafuck this up. Yeah, you've lost
weight before, we'll see if thisreally sticks. So one thing you
can say in the moment when thatmuffin or whatever it is in
front of you is I do want thismuffin. But you know what, I
want more. I want to lay my headon the pillow tonight thinking
(29:21):
maybe this is going to work?
What if it did, and let yourmind go there. So we're going to
talk about the results that willcome to your life of getting
good at this three step process.
And of course weight your weightloss and maintenance. Totally.
I'll talk about that. I mean,that's kind of obvious. But I
want to give you some resultsthat you might not really think
(29:42):
about the wanting the desireactually subsides a little bit.
It becomes not it's two things,you eat better so you don't have
as much of a sugar addiction. SoI think chemically, your desire
subsides a little bit, but alsowhat happens is
When you have desire, it's notas big a deal. When I go to
(30:04):
Thanksgiving this year, I willeither decide or not decide to
have dessert, I will tell youeven if I decide to have
dessert, I'm going to want more.
There's when it comes todessert, there's no there's, I
always want more. So what'sgoing to happen for me is when I
if I just allow myself to havedessert, and I usually actually
bring dessert, I have twofriends and they make these
amazing coffee cakes, and notcoffee, cakes, cheesecakes, so I
(30:26):
usually do have dessert. ButI'll tell you, I will want more
even after my first piece ofcheesecake, I will want more.
And I'm gonna be like, of courseI want to bar it's totally not a
big deal. So you don't even getto a point where you don't even
sometimes need to go throughthis whole process, the three
step process because the firstone you're like, I have desire,
and it's okay. It's pretty cool.
(30:48):
So results of this three stepprocess, you will lose weight,
and then you'll be able tomaintain it. Why why is this
different than a diet, becauseyou lose weight in a way that
you will then live your life?
When you do a diet and you giveup all these things, only to
lose the weight and thenreintroduce them. It's madness.
It's madness. It's like this iscrazy. Why do we think this is
(31:10):
going to work and then we getmad at ourselves. When we start
gaining the weight back. Ofcourse, we gain the weight back,
this makes no sense. But in thisway, when you do these three
step process when you were inwhen especially for my clients,
when they when they invest inthemselves, and they work with
me and they learn how to do thiswork. Of course, they're able to
maintain it, because they changethe way they eat forever. They
(31:32):
change the way they thinkforever and they become a woman
who does things differently.
Another cool thing that happenswhen you get good at this is
you'll be able to edit to whatyou eat. So I'll tell you that
right about halfway of when whena client is working with me
halfway through working with me.
When they start feeling incontrol, we edit what they eat,
(31:52):
we look at what they eat, and wesay, Okay, do you want to maybe
not add sugar to your drinkdrink? Do you want to maybe not
do soda anymore? Do you want toyou know, I know you want to you
don't want to get rid of alcoholbut maybe you want to change the
alcohol you're drinking like forme, I used to drink margaritas
and I used to drink Mojito isthat I would do like the
(32:13):
raspberry Mojito. It's verysugary drinks. Now if I do
drink, it is more of like avodka soda. So it's like there's
just a better way to drink. Ifyou're going to drink, right?
Maybe you want to stop snacking.
Maybe you want to allow bread,but you only want to allow one
or two pieces. Maybe you want toonly allow 10 chips. When you're
(32:37):
doing chips and salsa chips andguacamole. Maybe you want to
intermittent fast. Here's thething, when you feel in control
around food, you can edit whatyou're eating so much easier. So
another result of this work isit really works in the reverse.
When it comes to I love thethought of working out because a
lot of my clients not only dothey want to eat better lose
(33:00):
weight, but they also just wantto be healthier in every way.
They want to move their bodymore, some of them want to work
out, some of them want to movetheir body more, the three steps
actually work in reverse. Likefor example, you can allow and
embrace the desire to not workout, you set your alarm, you're
going to work out early in themorning and you get up and
(33:20):
you're like I don't want to doit and you're like, Yeah, I'm
going to embrace the desire tonot do it. It's no problem that
I'm not, of course, I don't wantto do it, I want to go back to
bed, it's freezing outside,right? So you can embrace that
you can not be surprised by it.
And then it's going to feeluncomfortable. Because you're
pushing yourself to do somethingnew that is uncomfortable, you
can embrace the discomfort ofdoing something new, and
(33:43):
building new habits. And maybethere's a little insecurity
because you're going to the gymand walking in the gym. And
maybe you feel like you don'tlook good. So you are a little
insecure, walking to the gym,all those things, you can
embrace the discomfort of that.
And then you can give yourself amoment in the morning when your
alarm goes off. And you're like,Oh my God, I don't know if I
(34:04):
want to do this. Give yourself amoment. Now I will say for
getting yourself to dosomething, when you're giving
yourself that moment, instead oftaking a moment to slow things
down. I would give yourself amoment and actually head in the
direction of what you're tryingto do. So that's the only little
tweak. So I would give yourselfa moment while you're putting
your shoes on. Just say youknow, I'm just going to put my
(34:25):
shoes on. You know what, I'mjust gonna go brush my teeth.
And then let me give myself amoment and I'm going to be
thinking about this while I'mbrushing my teeth.
And then you have time to decidewhat you want more. You're
saying it's dark outside. I'mcold. I don't want to be doing
this. But what do I want more? Iwant to feel proud after I work
out. I want my partner to go youdid it. You've been wanting to
(34:48):
do that for a long time.
Awesome. You want to be sore,which is your body's way of
telling you you're doingsomething new. You want to sleep
better. I can't think of anyperson that doesn't work out
during the day and sleepbetter at night,
you want to create evidence foryourself that you are a woman
who does shit she doesn't wantto do in the moment, it really
(35:10):
is a changing of self concept.
That's how it can work like kindof in the reverse to get you to
do something. This is what I'mgoing to leave you with, I want
you to think about this, if youcould learn how to follow
through with what you trulywant, by using these three
steps, how would your lifechange? Yes, you would lose
weight, and you would be able tomaintain it because you would be
(35:32):
changed. But it would change theway you feel about yourself
getting dressed in the morning,it would change the way you look
at yourself in the mirror, itwould change the way you
interact with people because youwould be more confident it would
change the way you think aboutother people. Because often when
we are judging ourselves, we arejudging others. It would change
the way you interact with yourkids. I know a lot of people,
(35:54):
especially if you havedaughters, it can be hard when
you are wanting to lose weightand you're not feeling good, but
you're trying to buildconfidence in them. It would
change a sex life. If you have asex life right now you're going
to feel sexier. It would changeeverything. Even though you're
not perfect. Even though you'reaging, it would change
everything. It would change howyou feel going to your next
(36:16):
doctor's appointment. I'll tellyou that much right, going to
your next doctor's appointmentgoing you know what, I'm feeling
pretty good. My doctors gonnatell me my numbers are better.
Whatever those numbers are thatyou've been tracking. It would
change your life in every singleway. I'll tell you another thing
a client just said to me andthis is so true is when you take
away some of the joy with food,not all of the joy. But when you
(36:38):
take away some of the amazingjoy that right now you probably
have placed on food. It reallyallows you to find joy in other
areas. It allows you to thinkabout other things besides food.
And I love food and I get joyfrom food but I like to say it's
almost like for me food used tobe like one of my inner circle
(37:00):
best friends. And now food is anacquaintance every once awhile I
love seeing it and then I'm okayto let it go. How amazing is
that? It leaves so much morespace to do other things in my
life. So this workshop that Idelivered in person is not
available anymore the replaysgone. But if you want it girl,
(37:21):
shoot me a message. I will sendit to you just because I like
you because we're friends. It'sgoing to be the same concepts,
but you're going to be able towatch me deliver it live and I
will say I'm quite entertaining.
So I hope you love this one.
Happy Tuesday.
If you are ready to lose weightand keep it off permanently, if
(37:44):
you have tried diets and youknow they don't work and you're
ready for real change. I wouldlove to have a conversation with
you. I coach women privately oneon one, and I'm currently
offering consultations to talkabout working together. click my
link in the show notes or headto Courtney Gray coaching.com Or
you can find me on Instagram atCourtney Gray coaching
Welcome to the Courtney Gray podcast the show for women
who are ready to lose weightpermanently, and love their body
love the way they feel. Andlook, I'm going to teach you how
to stop overeating and obsessingabout food and your weight. So
you can be more confident andempowered to then create an even
bigger life. I'm life and bodycoach Courtney Gray. And each
(00:25):
week, I'm going to be teachingyou how losing and maintaining
your ideal weight can be so mucheasier than it's been in the
past. And by taking care of youand achieving your health goals,
you will live in even moreamazing life than the one you
have lived so far. Let's getstarted.
Welcome to the podcast episode93, three steps to not eating
(00:48):
that food that you are craving.
This is a spin off of myworkshop that I just delivered
live this morning how to not eatthe candy. And in this podcast,
I'm delivering it to you again.
And I really want you to thinkabout what food you are craving
or what food is kind of atrigger food for you. And that's
what we're going to be talkingabout three steps to not eating
(01:11):
that food. And if you were at mylive workshop, or if you have
watched the replay because yousigned up for my live workshop,
do not despair girlfriend Do notdespair, it is so good to hear
this information over and overand over again, I'm gonna say it
differently every time because Ikind of riff and you cannot hear
it too many times. I know a lotof you listen to the podcasts
(01:31):
over and over and over if youfind an episode you really like.
So if you were there thismorning, give it a listen again.
And you're gonna learn thesethree steps even more, because
it's going to take practice. Andit's going to take some effort
on your part to learn thesesteps. So in the moment, you can
get good at not eating that foodyou're craving. So thank you for
(01:53):
all of those. This was probablyone of my biggest signups for a
workshop and I had a lot I can'teven remember how many people I
had live out a bunch of peoplelive. I've already had a bunch
of people watch the replay, itwas really a good one. And I
feel like my messaging isgetting more succinct. And I'm
loving talking to all of youabout losing weight permanently
and getting in your best healthand all of the things. So why
(02:14):
did I even do this workshop inthe first place this workshop,
how to not eat the candy, I didit because I really did it for
my clients. I love you. Ifyou're listening to this
podcast, I love you too. But Iam always looking for ways to
help my clients help them likejust get better at doing this
help them be successful helpgive them everything they need.
(02:35):
And I find myself I actuallyhave to sometimes turn off my
brain and go stop thinking abouther. And then I'll start
thinking about someone else stopthinking about her. Sometimes, I
will wake up in the morning andI will make a video for one of
my clients like in my workoutoutfit with no makeup on. And
I'm like, Hey, girl, I was justthinking of you. And so I wanted
to meet and I'll make a videolike on my whiteboard and
(02:56):
everything. I thought deeperabout what we were talking
about. And this is what I wasthinking about you so. So I'm
always thinking about myclients. And I wanted to create
a process where in the moment,when all of a sudden you are
presented with food that youtold yourself you are not going
to eat, how do you not eat it inthat moment, a simple process
(03:16):
that you can kind of memorize. Iknow one of my mentors has a
three step process. And I havememorized that three step
process. And I will go back toit when I was ever with my
business. Like, if I was everthinking I don't know what to
do, I'm confused, I would goback to that three step process.
So that's what I wanted to dofor my clients and for you. I
want you to first think of this.
I want you to think of yousitting at work or sitting in
(03:40):
whatever is a time for you thatyou feel like maybe it's after
dinner, when you're presentedwith this food that you really
have told yourself you don'twant to eat. For me. The example
I gave during the workshop is Iused to work at Hewlett Packard
right out of college, I got ajob at Hewlett Packard, and I
was in customer service. Andthere was so much food if you've
(04:02):
ever worked for an environmentlike if you've ever worked for
Google or Hewlett Packard orIntel or if you've ever worked
in an office setting, you knowhow it is when you are working
in an environment where peopleare bringing in food all the
time. It's really hard. In fact,when I got hired on at Hewlett
Packard I got hired with therewere I think about 15 of us and
(04:22):
they told us on our first day oftraining, there's a thing called
the freshman 10 and expect togain 10 pounds within the first
few months. And then everyonekind of laughed and I was like
what are why is everyonelaughing? This sounds horrible.
And did I gain 10 pounds youbetter believe I did. And I did
because the food I had nocontrol. This is years and years
ago I had no control and therewas food everywhere and it was
(04:44):
just so hard to resist it. Sowhen I delivered the workshop
this morning I gave the exampleof me sitting in my desk in my
cubicle and I would get to workearly and I will go saying I'm
not going to eat any the food.
I'm not going to eat anything. Ibrought my lunch, I'm not gonna
eat anything, and I would sitdown and then all of a sudden,
one of my friends from workwould walk by and plop down a
(05:05):
blueberry muffin, oh, I got ablueberry muffin for you. It was
the last one left, here you go,and you plop it down, and she
would go over to her cubicle.
And then I would be sittingthere. And this is the moment.
So think of that moment for you.
Is it after dinner? When yourhusband goes do want some ice
cream? Is it during lunch? Whenyour people are like, Why aren't
(05:25):
you eating the chips? Is it whenyou're out to drinks with your
girlfriends and your girlfriendsare like drink with us have
another glass of wine? Is itnine o'clock at night when you
want to have cereal, becauseyou're not really tired, but
you're kind of bored. Thinkabout that moment for you. I
want you to be able to use thesethree steps in that moment. And
so because in that moment, whatwould happen to me is I would
(05:47):
have told myself all morningthat I wasn't going to eat the
office food. And then I wassitting here with this
beautiful, delicious muffinsthat some random person made,
who's an amazing Baker. It'sscreaming at me, you really
should eat me. And then the warstarts and you know what I'm
talking about? The war betweenme saying no, don't eat it. I
really want to stick to my youknow, stick to my plan. And then
(06:07):
the stronger voice in my head.
My more of my primitive brain istelling me well, it looks
amazing. It's you know, just eatit right? You don't want to hurt
the girls feelings that broughtit to you. It's only one muffin.
What is it matter? Life is tooshort. You look fine. What does
it matter? All of these things,and it feels so painful. If you
(06:32):
are resonating with thismessage, you understand that
it's it's kind of torturous, wecan kind of laugh about it. In
fact, oh my gosh, I posted toInstagram the other day I saw
this skit. It's it's thesewomen, these four women. I don't
even know the name. I shouldfind the name of the show out.
But it's almost like SaturdayNight Live. But it's these four
women and they do differentbunch of different skits and
(06:53):
they're very highlyinappropriate and they cuss and
their mic kinda ladies. And shethe girl did this skit, where
all of a sudden the boss comesover and goes, What is this? And
basically it was someone broughtin like, what was it someone
brought in a bunch of pretzelswith like drizzled caramel and
chocolate over it. She's like,What is this? And like, oh, it's
pretzels with? And she's like,What the fuck is this? I am not
(07:15):
going to be able to but she saysit obviously in a hilarious way.
But she basically goes, I'mgoing to be thinking about these
goddamn pretzels all day. We'renot going to get any work done.
And I saw it and I startedlaughing. I'm like, That's so
true. And then she even says atone point she goes, and then I'm
going to have one and I'm goingto think how many can I have
have? Has it been long enough?
Since I had the one can I haveanother? How many is too much.
And I'm like, oh my god, it'sfunny, but it's not funny
(07:37):
because it's so painful. So Ican relate, you can probably
relate in that moment in thattorturous moment. Here is what I
want you to do. Here are thethree steps I'm going to tell
you them the three and then I'mgoing to break each down for
you. First, I want you toembrace the two Ds D as in dog
desire and discomfort. I'm goingto teach you in a minute how to
(08:02):
embrace desire and discomfortnumber two, I want you to give
yourself a moment it sounds kindof no big deal I promise you
it's important. And number threeI want you to decide what you
want more in that moment. So letme move right on to embrace the
two Ds and the reason I didn'tjust say desire and discomfort
is I want you to rememberstarting out you know when you
(08:24):
when you memorize the the startof something it can help you
remember the rest of the whatyou're trying to remember so
embrace the two Ds I thought wasmore powerful than embrace the
desire and discomfort. Sodesire. So there's a few reasons
we eat one of the reasons we eatis the food tastes amazing. Can
we just admit that the foodtastes amazing? Here's the
(08:46):
question. Why are we so mad atourselves that we want it
popcorn with butter at the endof the day? Tastes amazing? Of
course you want it. A margaritawhen you're out at Mexican food
tastes amazing. And it makes youfeel amazing because it takes
the edge off and it makes you alittle tipsy and loosens your
tongue it's amazing. Of courseyou want it cereal When it's
(09:08):
night first of all I don't evenbuy cereal so all all y'all that
is eating cereal. I don't knowhow you do it. I don't buy
cereal because if I did it wouldjust be calling to me. Because
it tastes amazing. All of thesethings the blueberry muffin
Omega it tastes amazing. I wantyou to embrace that it does. So
of course you have desire forit. And especially if we start
(09:32):
thinking about the chemicallylike created food like the real
man made food right? At least ifyou break down what what what is
in a muffin. It is like flourand sugar even though it's very
refined. It is kind of from theearth in some sense. But you
start getting into hostessproducts and little candy bars
around Halloween. That stuff iscreated to be an explosion of
(10:00):
Have a orgasm in your mouth. Itis created to make you want
more. It's not created for youto eat one and go. God that was
satisfying, right? That was I'mgood. No, it was created to keep
you coming back. So I want youto embrace the desire and what
that looks like. For me, myfavorite thing to say to myself
(10:21):
is, of course, I want thiscourse I want this. If I go to
my girlfriend's house, and she'slike, I mean, spinach dip, of
course I want it, you can wantsomething and not eat it. Maybe
that's a mind explosion for you.
I remember the first time I kindof figured that out for myself
as like, Oh, I think so manypeople are waiting to not want
it. And in fact, in the industryof weight loss and
(10:46):
health and really weight lossmore than anything, I hear so
many people selling this ideathat you're going to get to a
point where you don't desire thefood anymore. And I don't agree.
I don't agree. I will tell youif you haven't ever done like a
whole 30 year keto, where ifyou've ever taken out the sugar
completely and taken out thealcohol completely. I don't know
(11:08):
if your this is your experience.
But this was my experience. Andmy sister has experience where
we did those diets. And theywere a 30 day diet, I went about
40 days. And I really did notwant the things. And I think
that what is happening happeningchemically at that point is that
I have gotten so rid of all ofthe sugar, the sugar from the
alcohol, the sugar from thebread and the flour and just raw
(11:30):
sugar, you get rid of thosethings to where your body really
doesn't crave it anymore. But Ithink if you're like me, and you
want to live a life where you'reeating better you're living in
the body you want. But you alsowant to be able to make holiday
cookies with your girlfriend andhave a few. Or if you want to
(11:51):
have a cocktail every once in awhile. Or if you want to
actually have a piece of breadwhen your friend like I remember
one of my girlfriends makes likesourdough bread and she made me
somebody, I'm gonna have aslice. So if you're like me, and
you want to eat better, you wantto be in the body you want, but
you want to actually have someof these things from time to
time, you are going to have toallow that there is going to be
(12:13):
desire, unless you want to livea life where you get rid of all
of it, which I think is a littlebit unrealistic for most people.
The second part of this allowingof desire embracing of desire is
we were designed our brains weredesigned to make ourselves feel
(12:35):
good. If we go back to themotivational triad as well,
like, I don't know, who knowphilosophers or so on I don't
know describes how our primitivebrain was formed it. And I
believe there's so much you cansee this, it makes so much
sense. We were designed to stayalive. We weren't designed to
rock that pair of jeans, we wantto rock. We weren't designed to
(12:58):
be bikini ready. We weren'tdesigned to feel even better
about ourselves during sex, wewere just designed to survive.
We were so we were designed. Themotivational triad tells us we
were designed to seek pleasure,avoid pain and conserve energy.
And so this is why in thatmoment, we have desire for the
(13:20):
muffin.
Because our brain is telling usat all times, be in pleasure, be
in pleasure, be in pleasure,avoid pain. And for a lot of us,
we're in pain in terms of we'rehaving anxiety about things. Our
business isn't doing as good.
And so we're frustrated thatwork. We're working harder to
businesses and doing as good.
Maybe we're getting ready to payfor kids college and we're like,
(13:41):
where are we going to come upwith the money and that's a
little stressful. Maybe we'retaking care of our parents as
they get older. And that can bea little stressful. Maybe we're
trying to allow more space inour life, to find fun and like
create more friendships and weare feeling bad because we
haven't met a new new friends.
There's so many differentemotions, we are feeling guilt,
(14:02):
shame, anxiety, stress, and ourprimitive brain wants us to get
away from all of that. And rightnow in our society, because food
is so readily available. Thefastest way to get rid of all of
those feelings immediately isfood. Sex takes a little bit of
time because you have to findsomeone to have sex with for
(14:24):
some people, they don't evenenjoy sex. So that's not even
really pleasure to begin withalcohol. There's not you know,
even if you drink alcohol, youmight not be drinking it at nine
in the morning on a Tuesday. Soreally the fastest way you can
get into pleasure at mostmoments is food. Can we embrace
the fact that there is going tobe desire can we say okay, I
totally understand why I have somuch desire for food. And then
(14:48):
the last thing I'll say about itis throw in that these are your
habits. You've created a lifewhere you are you have made
eating these things part of likewhat you do you
It is part of your self concept.
You're the woman that doesthings a certain way. Think
about how you do things. Do yousnack all day? Do you feel like
you eat a lot of food do youalways want to feel full, like
(15:10):
you have created a lifestyle ofliving in a certain way, and
that has become a habit. So itmakes sense that you have
desire, I want you to embrace itand not be mad at yourself for
it. That's number one. And thenthe second D and embrace the two
DS is discomfort, embracediscomfort, let me tell you why.
If you are eating, because youare stressed, you're going to
(15:34):
have to be stressed in order tonot eat. If you're stressed
about something that's happeningand you're turning to food, when
you don't eat the food, you aregoing to be stressed, you're
going to have to learn how tosit with that stress, how to
acknowledge that stress, how toprocess that stress, I'm pretty
sure I have a podcast onprocessing emotion. If not, I
will make sure to make one ofthose very soon. But your if you
(15:55):
are bored, this was a big onefor me. Years ago, when I was
learning how to do this work. Iwas bored in the evenings it was
in the middle of winter, Ididn't really want to watch TV.
If I started reading at fiveo'clock, I'd be falling asleep.
I didn't know what to do withmyself. And I was bored. And so
I would make cookies, or I wouldeat. And it would get me out of
(16:17):
being bored. And it would makeme feel good. So the answer
would be instead of eating andfeeling better with food, allow
yourself to be bored. Tellyourself that I'm going to
embrace the discomfort of thisfeeling. It is the only way to
actually not eat the food. And Itold this story in my workshop
and it was so awesome. I had Ihave signed three new clients.
(16:40):
I've had three new clients startin the last week. So so
exciting. And one of them on ourfirst call. We're talking. And
she said the most profound thingwhen I talked to her about
embracing discomfort andembracing
desire, she kind of got a lookon her face. Like this sucks.
I'm like,it was so funny. I'm like, yeah,
it's not fun. It's not fun. It'shard work. And but then she said
(17:02):
before I even got a chance tosell her on this next concept.
She's She said to me, I guessit's gonna be hard either way.
Yes. And I was so excited tohear her come to me with that.
It's so true. So when you thinkabout embracing discomfort, I
want you to realize you'realready uncomfortable. Right?
(17:22):
You can think oh my god, I'mgonna have to learn how to sit
with stress that'suncomfortable. You know what's
uncomfortable? Being in a body,you don't love going into your
closet? And trying to figure outwhat to where to hide your arms
because you don't like yourarms? And then it's like, oh,
well, I know I'm gonna be hotflashing all day. But I have a
tank top on it. But I want tocover it up because I want to
(17:43):
hide my arm. So how do I, I wantto get cool when I'm hot
fishing. Oh my god, it's, it'sabsolutely, you're already in
discomfort. You know, if you goto take a picture with your
friends, and you're trying toshove people in front of you,
you're in discomfort. And Idon't say that lightly. And I'm
not certainly not making fun. Soif this is you, I want you to
know, I see you and I feel yourpain. It's a horrible place to
(18:05):
be in, to go to take a pictureand to be trying to get people
in front of you. So you don'tlook as big. And the reason why
I'm talking about this isbecause no one is and so many
people are going through this.
And it doesn't matter if youhave 15 pounds to lose or you
have 50 it is uncomfortableeither way. So the first to
(18:28):
embrace the two Ds desire anddiscomfort. And the last thing
I'll say about that is when youthink about either way, it's
going to be hard life is gonnabe hard either way, choose your
discomfort Do you want thediscomfort of doing this work
and learning to embrace thesenegative emotions and, and allow
them and not eat or choose thediscomfort of being in the body
(18:49):
you don't love so that it reallyis a choose your discomfort
situation. So the second one isgive yourself a moment, I really
want you to slow things down.
And this is so common for somany of my clients. When we tell
ourselves, we're not going toeat whatever it is. All of a
sudden we're in that moment andwe're choosing we're like re
(19:09):
deciding and our primitivebrains just like eat the cake,
eat the cake, eat them off andeat them off and you deserve it.
You've been good all day, allthe shenanigans that it does to
us. I want you to give yourselfa moment. And I told a story a
few weeks on the podcast and Iforget which episode it is I
really shouldn't have writtenthat down. But I talked about
wanting the pizza and getting upand going to the bathroom. And I
(19:34):
really walked you through this,this whole process this three
step process I'm talking about.
But for me when I would alwayshere's the proof. Here's an
example for you of what I usedto do. I would tell myself when
we were having pizza we had whenthe kids were a certain age and
it was really busy and we hadthree good three kids going in
different directions withsports. We would probably do
(19:57):
pizza two nights a week. I'm notproud but I think it's pretty
common.
So we had a pizza, and I wouldtell myself, this is probably
like six years ago, I would tellmyself, I'm gonna only have one
piece, and then I'm gonna have asalad. And so then I would be
cutting the pizza. And I wouldeat one piece very quickly
standing up, as if it like,didn't count because I was
standing up. And as if, becauseif I ate it really fast, it
(20:20):
didn't count. And then I wouldsit down, I would be like, just
like no big deal about it. Noone else knew my whole family.
They don't care how much I eat.
But it was me, I knew it. And sothen I would finally sit down
when it was time for dinner withmy one piece of pizza and salad.
And I would just be pretendingnone of it happened. I would be
lying to myself. And then afterdinner, it would hit me the
guilt and the shame and the Whatthe hell, why do I always do
(20:42):
this, that would hit me. And Inoticed that what I really
needed to start doing and how Ireally solved for this and how I
got to the point that I'm at nowas I started realizing, I need
to slow this down, I need totake a moment and re decide in
that moment. Instead of justshoving the pizza in my face, I
need to take a moment. And forso many of you, one of the best
(21:05):
moments you can take is go tothe bathroom, go to the ladies
room. If you're at work, ifyou're at a party, if you're at
your friend's house, you'rehaving dinner, and all of a
sudden you had told yourself youwere going to eat in a certain
way. And all of a sudden,there's a different suggestion
in front of you a differentoption in front of you say
excuse me for a moment, go tothe bathroom and have a little
talk with yourself, girl, sloweverything down. Because right
(21:27):
now, if you're listening to thispodcast, you probably don't
trust yourself to do what isbest for you. For you in the
future you're doing in the past,what you've done is what's best
for you in the moment you have,you have acted in a way that is
in line with what your primitivebrain is telling you to do.
Right? So maybe you're at aparty, or your friend's house.
(21:49):
And she's like, Oh, I made you acocktail. Have you ever had that
happen? I have a few girlfriendsthat they will literally walk up
to me and hand me a drink. Andit's really awkward. You're
like, oh, I don't want to hurttheir feelings. Right? So then
what we do is we people pleaseand we actually drink the drink
anyways, instead of staying trueto what we want to do. And say,
oh my god, you're so sweet. I'mso sorry. You know what I'm not
(22:11):
drinking. I just I just don't, Idon't want to have a drink
tonight. And you can explain itor not explain it. And if they
love you, they will support you.
But slowing things down is thebest thing you can do if you can
go to the bathroom and go, Oh mygod, she gave me a drink. And
now I have this drink and Idon't want to drink it and
Should I pour it in the toilet?
Or what should I do and justslow it down and make a decision
(22:31):
for your future self.
I'm taking a moment to tell youthat I work privately one on one
with women to help them loseweight permanently, and create a
body they love. This is not adiet program. This is a
customized program to teach youhow to eat the way you want to
eat forever. No morerestriction, no more willpower,
(22:53):
no more losing weight only tosabotage and then gain it back
again. The problem is not you,we women are so hard on
ourselves. And we think if wecould just get motivated or more
determined if we could find theright diet plan or cut out
certain foods, we will loseweight and be happy. But the
answer is changing your brainand how you think and feel.
(23:15):
Changing your self image and howyou talk to yourself. Learning
how to trust yourself. This ishow you lose weight permanently.
It sounds too good to be true.
But I promise you it's not. Thework I do with my clients is
powerful, exciting and loving.
And it's hard work to but theresult is change forever. The
women I work with are smart andsuccessful in so many areas of
(23:38):
their life, they just haven'tbeen able to figure out their
body. This is where I come in,head to my website to schedule a
consultation. And we can talkabout all the details back to
the podcast.
So the third step is decide whatyou want more. And so this is
what this looks like in themoment. If you imagine I'm at my
(23:59):
cubicle at Hewlett Packard, Ihave the delicious blueberry
muffin sitting on the desk. AndI'm thinking about this one time
this actually happened and themuffin was so huge. I'm like,
because when I make muffins,they're a little small. Is there
a muffin pan for like oversizedmuffins? It's a good question. I
need to look into it. Okay, thatwas a tangent. Decide what you
want more. So in the moment whensomeone throws down a muffin, it
(24:21):
says here you go, I got you thelast one. In that moment you
want them often. You're going toown it. Yep, I want it. You're
going to allow the discomfort ofall of it, even the discomfort
of the mind drama, you're goingto slow it down. Maybe you go to
the ladies room. And maybe you'dreally talk to yourself and say
what's happening and I want youthen to decide what you want
(24:41):
more acknowledging we do wantthe muffin. But what do we want
more in the moment? Of courseyou want the weight loss but
that might not be happening fora few weeks or a few months if
depending on how fast this isgoing for you. So in the moment,
what do you want more? And so Imade a list of
For me what I tell myself, Idon't have to go through this
(25:03):
process as much anymore becauseI've gotten really good at this
process. And the tangent hereyou might find, if you start
getting really good at thisprocess is, once you hit that
first D of decide, embracingyour desire, you almost don't
even need to go to the nextstep. So that's how good how
easy this can get, I should say,it gets easier, you walk into a
(25:24):
party, and all of a sudden, yourfriend who makes this certain
dish every year, and it's there,and you're like, Oh, my God, I
totally want that it's not aproblem. And you almost don't
even need to go to the rest ofthe steps. But in the moment,
every once in a while, when Ihave to actually go through this
process still for myself, I willcome up with what I want more.
And so I came up with a list ofwhat I would say to myself right
(25:46):
now. So for me, I would say tomyself, I want to feel proud. I
want to feel proud of myself, atthe end of the day,
I want that more than themuffin, I want to prove this is
something you might say to you,I don't say this one to myself
anymore, because I've alreadyproved myself. But if you're new
to doing this work, you mightwant to say I want to prove to
(26:06):
myself that I can do this, Iwant to prove that these three
steps actually work. And I wantthat more than I want them off.
And I do want that muffin, but Iwant it more than the muffin. I
want to sleep well. You've heardme talk before about sleeping
and all that. And you might belike, I don't relate, I will
tell you. Part of the work I dowith my clients is not only do
(26:29):
we think about how weemotionally are thinking about
food, but we really dive intohow we physically feel about
food. And for many people,myself included, before I really
got in control around food, Ididn't realize how food was
affecting my body. And when youstart eating better, you
(26:49):
physically feel better. But it'salmost like you don't even know
that until you start feelingbetter. I didn't know how bad I
was feeling until I felt good.
And so for me in the moment,when I go to decide what I want
more I can say I want to sleepwell. I know that some nights I
make cookies, and I have a few Iwill not sleep as well. It's
(27:11):
just a fact. And I tried to notget it in my head and manifest
it. But it is just time and timeagain. It's it's a fact. And
sometimes I say you know what, Iwant the cookies, I don't care.
But if I know that I don't wantto eat something, I will say I
want to sleep well. I say tomyself, I want to not spike my
insulin. I don't know about you.
(27:31):
But I'm hearing so much aboutmidlife and health and diabetes
and heart disease and cancer.
And all these tie back to whatwe are putting in our mouths.
And I'm hearing a lot of talkabout hormones and insulin and
inflammation. And I know fromthe tiny bit of research I've
done about when my insulinspikes consistently, it means
(27:52):
I'm more inflamed consistently.
And that leads me to have moreof a risk for all of these
diseases that nobody wants. So Ilegit will say that to myself, I
don't want to spec my insulin. Ialso say to myself, I want to
not feel pressure in my ears.
This is also one of thosephysical things that will happen
(28:13):
for me because I eat so goodmost of the time. When I don't
eat great, I feel it like in myears, the inflammation in the
sugar. I don't know if it'sdairy, I don't even know
exactly, but I feel it in myears when I go to bed. And the
last one might be one that youmight want to say and this is a
really a beautiful one, I wantto lay my head on the pillow
thinking maybe this is going towork. When people start working
(28:36):
with me or even consider workingwith me. They're like, I don't
know if this is going to workfor me. I'm not sure. And I'm
like I get it. It usually takessomeone signing up with me and
they start losing weight rightaway. But it takes up until
about four months before theyreally start going. I think this
is going to work I meaning Ithink I'm not gonna gain the
(28:58):
weight back. They've lost weightbefore and they are losing
weight. But it's still thatsneaky little voice, you're
gonna get it back. You're gonnafuck this up. Yeah, you've lost
weight before, we'll see if thisreally sticks. So one thing you
can say in the moment when thatmuffin or whatever it is in
front of you is I do want thismuffin. But you know what, I
want more. I want to lay my headon the pillow tonight thinking
(29:21):
maybe this is going to work?
What if it did, and let yourmind go there. So we're going to
talk about the results that willcome to your life of getting
good at this three step process.
And of course weight your weightloss and maintenance. Totally.
I'll talk about that. I mean,that's kind of obvious. But I
want to give you some resultsthat you might not really think
(29:42):
about the wanting the desireactually subsides a little bit.
It becomes not it's two things,you eat better so you don't have
as much of a sugar addiction. SoI think chemically, your desire
subsides a little bit, but alsowhat happens is
When you have desire, it's notas big a deal. When I go to
(30:04):
Thanksgiving this year, I willeither decide or not decide to
have dessert, I will tell youeven if I decide to have
dessert, I'm going to want more.
There's when it comes todessert, there's no there's, I
always want more. So what'sgoing to happen for me is when I
if I just allow myself to havedessert, and I usually actually
bring dessert, I have twofriends and they make these
amazing coffee cakes, and notcoffee, cakes, cheesecakes, so I
(30:26):
usually do have dessert. ButI'll tell you, I will want more
even after my first piece ofcheesecake, I will want more.
And I'm gonna be like, of courseI want to bar it's totally not a
big deal. So you don't even getto a point where you don't even
sometimes need to go throughthis whole process, the three
step process because the firstone you're like, I have desire,
and it's okay. It's pretty cool.
(30:48):
So results of this three stepprocess, you will lose weight,
and then you'll be able tomaintain it. Why why is this
different than a diet, becauseyou lose weight in a way that
you will then live your life?
When you do a diet and you giveup all these things, only to
lose the weight and thenreintroduce them. It's madness.
It's madness. It's like this iscrazy. Why do we think this is
(31:10):
going to work and then we getmad at ourselves. When we start
gaining the weight back. Ofcourse, we gain the weight back,
this makes no sense. But in thisway, when you do these three
step process when you were inwhen especially for my clients,
when they when they invest inthemselves, and they work with
me and they learn how to do thiswork. Of course, they're able to
maintain it, because they changethe way they eat forever. They
(31:32):
change the way they thinkforever and they become a woman
who does things differently.
Another cool thing that happenswhen you get good at this is
you'll be able to edit to whatyou eat. So I'll tell you that
right about halfway of when whena client is working with me
halfway through working with me.
When they start feeling incontrol, we edit what they eat,
(31:52):
we look at what they eat, and wesay, Okay, do you want to maybe
not add sugar to your drinkdrink? Do you want to maybe not
do soda anymore? Do you want toyou know, I know you want to you
don't want to get rid of alcoholbut maybe you want to change the
alcohol you're drinking like forme, I used to drink margaritas
and I used to drink Mojito isthat I would do like the
(32:13):
raspberry Mojito. It's verysugary drinks. Now if I do
drink, it is more of like avodka soda. So it's like there's
just a better way to drink. Ifyou're going to drink, right?
Maybe you want to stop snacking.
Maybe you want to allow bread,but you only want to allow one
or two pieces. Maybe you want toonly allow 10 chips. When you're
(32:37):
doing chips and salsa chips andguacamole. Maybe you want to
intermittent fast. Here's thething, when you feel in control
around food, you can edit whatyou're eating so much easier. So
another result of this work isit really works in the reverse.
When it comes to I love thethought of working out because a
lot of my clients not only dothey want to eat better lose
(33:00):
weight, but they also just wantto be healthier in every way.
They want to move their bodymore, some of them want to work
out, some of them want to movetheir body more, the three steps
actually work in reverse. Likefor example, you can allow and
embrace the desire to not workout, you set your alarm, you're
going to work out early in themorning and you get up and
(33:20):
you're like I don't want to doit and you're like, Yeah, I'm
going to embrace the desire tonot do it. It's no problem that
I'm not, of course, I don't wantto do it, I want to go back to
bed, it's freezing outside,right? So you can embrace that
you can not be surprised by it.
And then it's going to feeluncomfortable. Because you're
pushing yourself to do somethingnew that is uncomfortable, you
can embrace the discomfort ofdoing something new, and
(33:43):
building new habits. And maybethere's a little insecurity
because you're going to the gymand walking in the gym. And
maybe you feel like you don'tlook good. So you are a little
insecure, walking to the gym,all those things, you can
embrace the discomfort of that.
And then you can give yourself amoment in the morning when your
alarm goes off. And you're like,Oh my God, I don't know if I
(34:04):
want to do this. Give yourself amoment. Now I will say for
getting yourself to dosomething, when you're giving
yourself that moment, instead oftaking a moment to slow things
down. I would give yourself amoment and actually head in the
direction of what you're tryingto do. So that's the only little
tweak. So I would give yourselfa moment while you're putting
your shoes on. Just say youknow, I'm just going to put my
(34:25):
shoes on. You know what, I'mjust gonna go brush my teeth.
And then let me give myself amoment and I'm going to be
thinking about this while I'mbrushing my teeth.
And then you have time to decidewhat you want more. You're
saying it's dark outside. I'mcold. I don't want to be doing
this. But what do I want more? Iwant to feel proud after I work
out. I want my partner to go youdid it. You've been wanting to
(34:48):
do that for a long time.
Awesome. You want to be sore,which is your body's way of
telling you you're doingsomething new. You want to sleep
better. I can't think of anyperson that doesn't work out
during the day and sleepbetter at night,
you want to create evidence foryourself that you are a woman
who does shit she doesn't wantto do in the moment, it really
(35:10):
is a changing of self concept.
That's how it can work like kindof in the reverse to get you to
do something. This is what I'mgoing to leave you with, I want
you to think about this, if youcould learn how to follow
through with what you trulywant, by using these three
steps, how would your lifechange? Yes, you would lose
weight, and you would be able tomaintain it because you would be
(35:32):
changed. But it would change theway you feel about yourself
getting dressed in the morning,it would change the way you look
at yourself in the mirror, itwould change the way you
interact with people because youwould be more confident it would
change the way you think aboutother people. Because often when
we are judging ourselves, we arejudging others. It would change
the way you interact with yourkids. I know a lot of people,
(35:54):
especially if you havedaughters, it can be hard when
you are wanting to lose weightand you're not feeling good, but
you're trying to buildconfidence in them. It would
change a sex life. If you have asex life right now you're going
to feel sexier. It would changeeverything. Even though you're
not perfect. Even though you'reaging, it would change
everything. It would change howyou feel going to your next
(36:16):
doctor's appointment. I'll tellyou that much right, going to
your next doctor's appointmentgoing you know what, I'm feeling
pretty good. My doctors gonnatell me my numbers are better.
Whatever those numbers are thatyou've been tracking. It would
change your life in every singleway. I'll tell you another thing
a client just said to me andthis is so true is when you take
away some of the joy with food,not all of the joy. But when you
(36:38):
take away some of the amazingjoy that right now you probably
have placed on food. It reallyallows you to find joy in other
areas. It allows you to thinkabout other things besides food.
And I love food and I get joyfrom food but I like to say it's
almost like for me food used tobe like one of my inner circle
(37:00):
best friends. And now food is anacquaintance every once awhile I
love seeing it and then I'm okayto let it go. How amazing is
that? It leaves so much morespace to do other things in my
life. So this workshop that Idelivered in person is not
available anymore the replaysgone. But if you want it girl,
(37:21):
shoot me a message. I will sendit to you just because I like
you because we're friends. It'sgoing to be the same concepts,
but you're going to be able towatch me deliver it live and I
will say I'm quite entertaining.
So I hope you love this one.
Happy Tuesday.
If you are ready to lose weightand keep it off permanently, if
(37:44):
you have tried diets and youknow they don't work and you're
ready for real change. I wouldlove to have a conversation with
you. I coach women privately oneon one, and I'm currently
offering consultations to talkabout working together. click my
link in the show notes or headto Courtney Gray coaching.com Or
you can find me on Instagram atCourtney Gray coaching
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