March 28, 2025 • 38 mins
Is modern dating broken? On this episode of The Covenant Eyes Podcast, Karen Potter sits down with Bethany Beal of Girl Defined Ministries to discuss the challenges of dating, marriage, and purity in today's hookup culture.
Bethany shares her personal journey, insights on navigating relationships with intention, and offers powerful advice for both men and women on topics like pornography, sexual addiction, and building healthy community.
This is a must-listen for anyone seeking Godly relationships and struggling to navigate the complexities of love and purity in a world that often contradicts Christian values.
GIRL DEFINED MINISTRIES:
https://girldefined.com/
BETHANY BEAL:
https://www.bethanybeal.com/
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LEARN HOW COVENANT EYES WORKS:
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HIGHLIGHTS FROM THIS EPISODE:
🏞️ The changing landscape of dating and its impact on relationships.
💋 Bethany's unconventional approach to dating and saving her first kiss for marriage.
💡 Practical tips for building strong communities and finding support.
🧭 Navigating the challenges of pornography and sexual addiction in dating and marriage.
🤝 The importance of intentionality, accountability, and mentorship in relationships.
🛠️ Resources available for those seeking help with sexual struggles.
💬 The crucial role of open and honest communication about intimacy.
#dating #marriage #relationships #marriage
CHAPTERS:
00:00 - Introduction and Bethany's Story
03:47 - The Evolution of Dating
07:13 - Bethany's Personal Dating Journey
10:49 - Building Community in a Disconnected World
16:46 - The Impact of Pornography on Dating
19:09 - Navigating Pornography in Relationships
26:01 - Seeking Help and Accountability
28:41 - Mentorship and Resources from Girl Defined
30:58 - Bethany's Personal Website and Courses (The Intimate Wife)
36:17 - Closing Thoughts and Resources
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:06):
Hey, everybody, welcome backto The Covenant Eyes Podcast.
It's Karenand we are back for another
great episode on season four.
I can't believewe are on season four.
You guys have been an amazing,amazing audience
and we are just so excitedto bring today's guest
to you and talk about a topicthat does not get
talked about a lot.
We actually have Bethany Bealjoining us today,
(00:27):
and we are going to be talkingabout all sorts of issues
like dating and marriageand just the whole thing.
And also what do Christiansget wrong in those spaces?
So hopefully we'll learn a lotfrom Bethany and her ministry.
Bethany, thank you so muchfor joining us today.
Thank you.
I'm really excited.
It's so fun because datingand singleness, marriage,
(00:52):
those topics weresuch a huge focus for us
over here at GirlDefinedd in the beginning.
So when I started GirlDefinedd Ministries
over ten years ago,I was totally single.
But like I was inthe desert lands
with no options.
And so I talked a lotabout singleness and just dates.
I was going on herdating relationships. I was in.
And so this is areally fun conversation
because I feel likethis was my passion
(01:12):
and kind of how ourthe ministry started.
So this is really exciting.
Oh so good.
Well, for our listenersthat are not familiar
with your work or who you are,can you share a little bit
about how you got startedand what
a bit about your background?
Yeah, so I grew up in a familywith eight kids,
which is a lot to some people,not a lot to others.
There are five girlsand we're all pretty close
and eight.
So my sister,who's just less than two years
(01:33):
older than me, Christian,and we in some ways
I feel like we sharethe exact same life.
Almost like we were twins,but not.
And growing up we both had this.
Like, we just wish thatthere was someone
who was a little bitolder than us
that would pour into our lives,like spiritually,
we really, you know,I really want to
do the right thing.
She really wantedto do the right thing.
And we were just like me.
And it would be so coolif there were like
an older woman or even a womanwho was maybe like 5
(01:54):
or 10 years older than us,and it just didn't happen.
And, you know, backthen, growing up, there weren't
as many like,social media didn't exist,
there weren'tas many online options.
But as we had,like our college years
or early 20s,we were like, you know,
we could be that mentoror that role model
for other younger womenwho would desire this
and who would want this.
(02:14):
And we're not perfect,but hey, we've learned
a few things over the years,and maybe we can just link arms
with the the younger generationand kind of like
just point them to the word,point them to truth,
you know, share ourour mistakes. Sure.
That the things we thinkwe did well, how God grew us.
And sojust time out of the blue,
we launched a blogand it was called Girl
to Find Ministries.
And that was backwhen blogging was like
(02:36):
the only thingand the main thing, and God
was just super gracious to usbecause within the
first year, like,we're literally nobodies
from Texas.
Nobody knows about us.
We, you know, we'rejust these two girls.
We launched this blogand this huge publishing company
comes across one of our posts,and they think we are
like these established authors,and they literally reached out
to us and offered usa book contract on the spot.
(02:58):
And so it was just like,miracle of all miracles.
That's kind of howGirl Divine came to be,
because we got thiscrazy connection within,
like the first three monthsof launching and now six books
later, ten yearslater, of Ministry, here we are.
So our passion,our lives have changed.
You know, I was singlewhen we started.
I'm married with two kids now.
Kristen is marriedwith three kids.
And so our lives have changed.
But the passionto really reach out
(03:19):
and encourage other womenand in this case, other,
you know, men and women, singlescouples, people
dating, people married, that'sstill the passion of ours.
That's incredible.
And we need moreof that out there,
because I think there are inthis culture, at least,
there are so many like liesbeing told to young people
about dating, about,you know what?
(03:40):
It's what it's for,why we should do it
or why we shouldn't do it.
I want to dive into thata little bit,
because I think it's important.
You know, dating has a weird,unique history.
It it's changed, right?
It's changed over the years.
It used to be somethingmore in line with courtship,
and it was very like,supervised.
And parents were involved inthe family was involved,
(04:01):
and it was all gearedtowards marriage.
But now we livein this very fleeting
culture of datingwhere it's, there's
no commitment, really.
It's just liketrying things out.
So talk to mea little bit about,
from your perspectiveand your wisdom
and your teaching,how you guys are training
the younger generationwhen it comes to dating.
So my personal storyand Kristen's really,
but I'll share frommy perspective, is unique.
(04:22):
And it's some people,really hate my story.
And what I didwhen it came to dating
and other people thinkit's really sweet.
So it's, gained a lot ofattention online
just because some people thinkit's really unique.
So when I wasmaybe like 12 or 13 years old,
I came across a bookand I don't even
remember who it was.
I think it was likesome Christian female singer
or someone who wrote a book,and she basically talked about
(04:44):
how she was saving herfirst kiss for marriage,
and I was superinspired by that.
And I was like,oh my goodness, that's so cool.
I want to do that.
So when I was like 13 or 14,my parents, we did like
the whole purity ring thing.
And we were very muchin that kind of like courtship.
In some ways legalistic, world.
But there were a lot of benefitsthat came from it.
But one of my commitmentswas that I was going to
(05:06):
save my first kiss for marriage.
And I thought, like, of courseI'll be married by like 19
or 20 or 21 at the latest.
Like, because I desire marriage,I want to have a lot of kids.
Of course,that would bless this desire.
Like why wouldn't hear so good?
And so as the years went on,I didn't date in high school.
I was committed very muchto like dating with intention,
wanting to date with purpose.
(05:27):
And I had my first boyfriendwhen I was 19 and I thought,
oh my goodness,my life is so perfect.
Like here,everything is coming together.
And I just so naively assumedwe would get married.
So he broke up with meone day and just was like,
we're going in twodifferent directions.
He was going in a lessconservative direction.
I was goinga more conservative direction.
And looking back,we were not a good fit.
(05:47):
But I was so not evenI just thought, what?
How could this happen to me?
So anyway, yearsgo on and I'm like,
wait a minute.
Like I have all these kindof extreme convictions.
I'm like, now in my later 20sand there are no options
in sight.
And, you know, it kind of that,that whole topic,
I was talking about singleness,I was talking
about my struggles with it.
I was talking about dating.
(06:08):
And there werea lot of people like,
you know what?
Like if you have these extremeconvictions, like,
that's probablywhy you're not married.
You're you know, likeyou just need to loosen up
a little, like, come on.
And I just really felt convictedthat this is a commitment
I made, and it's somethingI wanted to stick to.
And so I, I rememberthere was a guy
who asked me out at church,you know, before I met, before
I was with my husbandand I knew him.
We were friends.
(06:28):
And like, rightwhen he asked me out,
I was like, you know, I'm like,a lot more conservative
than maybe girlsare used to dating.
Like, I don't want to kisstill marriage.
So, like,if that's not cool for you,
like, let'sjust not even go on a date,
you know, he was like,hey, I can roll with that,
you know?
So obviously a lot of guyswere like
very respectful of thatand like very honoring of that.
So long story short,I ended up meeting my
well and my husbandand I kind of knew each other,
but we ended upgetting together,
(06:50):
like, officiallyin a relationship when I was 29.
And then we got marriedwhen I was 30,
and so we both of us,it was actually our first kiss
to anyone, ever.
He didn't necessarilymake that commitment,
but I was his first girlfriendand he is just
I that's what I had chosen.
So that's what we did.
And the video of thatI had posted around online,
and that's kind ofwhat has garnered
(07:11):
some all sorts of opinions.
But when I look back on thatand I think
about the modern stateof dating now,
and I just think of how,you know, it's just dating
has kind of become this.
It's just like another thingyou do, you know,
like everyone'sonline, everyone,
you know, when you're 15,you get your first boyfriend
or girlfriend.
It's just like thiscasual thing.
Not a lot of thoughtput into it.
(07:32):
And then as you look forwardand you see it just,
you know, marriagesaren't really thriving.
A lot of couplesare getting divorced.
I'm just shockedwhen I see on social media,
it seems like every single daythese, you know,
Christian couples,religious couples,
they're posting like it justand not even for huge reasons.
Just like, oh, our love.
Like kind of withered.
Oh, we just aren't really goingin the same direction.
I knowwe have five kids together
(07:53):
and our youngest is two,but it's better for them
if we go our separate.
You know,you're just seeing all this
and you're like,what is going on?
And so in some ways I look backand I, I don't
I don't want to, say, okay,there has to be
this specific set of ruleseveryone needs to save
their first kiss for marriage.
I'm not saying that,but I'm saying I wonder
if we would be a lot better offif maybe we brought
(08:13):
some of that intentionalityback into modern dating.
I hear from so many womenwho one of their
biggest complaintsis they're saying men aren't
willing to commit, men aren't,you know, like modern men.
I will not say no.
Yes,I am thinking about marriage.
But three yearsinto the relationship,
they don't actuallywant to get married.
And I think, you know,from a woman's perspective,
I'm like, raise the barlike you have, you know,
(08:35):
our rules of what you willand you will not do.
In my opinion.
I'm like,I would never date someone
for three yearswith no marriage.
And I'd be like,I've been out there,
you know, six months.
And so I just, I, I want to see,like a generation rise up.
And I hope Gen Zthe next generation, though,
maybe like, get off the internetin some ways, like get offline
off those dating apps,not allow that
(08:57):
to become the normand actually go
and do the hard workof meeting someone,
having a real faceto face relationship,
not just sliding into the DMs,but actually kind of like
pulling back into whatwe used to do.
You had to meetsomeone in person.
There wasn'tthe option of online.
And so in some waysI think it would
be really healthy to pullsome of those old fashioned
values back intothe modern world.
(09:17):
And I think you would seemen that are willing to rise up
a little bit more and commit,and you would see women who are
willing to hang onto their dignity
and self respect and say,no, I don't have to.
I don't have to give thisor that away.
I don't have to settle and say,oh, well, he's looking at porn.
It doesn't really matter.
I have this secretsexual addiction.
Like everyone has that.
Like, no, we can set the bara little bit higher.
(09:38):
And I think if we thosethat are listening right now
say, yes, I'mgoing to take a step forward
and have some boundariesor have some convictions.
It can encourage the peoplearound you as well.
And so that's one of my hopes inin sharing my own
story is to less of like,oh, you know,
look how great it was or lookhow terribly legalistic it was.
But just to say, like,hey, maybe we should have
some old fashioned values.
I think that could help.
(09:59):
Kind of the predicamentthat we're in right now.
Yeah, that'sa lot of great wisdom.
And there's somethingrefreshing about
kind of going backto the way it was. Right?
I mean, there is somesome holiness to that process
where it was a little bitmore conservative
in the dating spaces.
But, you know,you talked a lot about,
you know, that in person kind ofyou got to get to know people.
(10:19):
And I think, I thinka lot of people are dating,
you know, via appsand they're meeting
people and having,you know, developing
these friendshipsand relationships online
and then meetingpeople in person,
you know, months into itor weeks into it.
How do we get to a placewhere people can get together?
Because I, I'm finding,you know,
I go and speak to churchesand speak to young people
quite a bit.
(10:40):
I'm finding that young peoplejust are not as connected
in community as, say,some of the older generations
where, you know,we didn't have technology.
So what can we do to fix that?
For sure?
And, you know, when I was likeprobably 26, 27, at that point,
online dating was a thing.
And I have many friendswho met their spouses online.
I'm not saying it's all likewe just all need to get offline.
(11:00):
Like I think there's the balanceand there can be a place for it.
But from my ownpersonal experience
and from running a ministrywhere I have talked
to thousands of womenwho want to be married,
who are in that placefor there's always exceptions,
but a lot of them.
It's scary to get outand put yourself out there.
It's scary to goand try a new singles group.
It's can be really intimidatingto like, hey, I'm going to fly
(11:22):
to this conferenceor I'm going to, you know, try
this new young adults groupor I'm going to
attend a new church.
Like, I remember talking to oneyoung lady in particular
and she was like, you know,I am still at the same church
that I grew up. It's great.
It's theologically sound,but there are literally
only old people here,and I don't really
feel passionate,like I need to be
specifically at this church.
I don't feel like I have to,I, I really think
I could thrive in a churchwhere they're all I would,
(11:42):
you know, all age demographics.
But she's like, that's justkind of intimidating.
It's scary, you know,like you're meeting new people.
And I think a lot of usfind herself in that place.
So remind to back towhen I was like 26, 27.
I remember feeling that exactsame way, like, okay,
is it online dating or nothing?
Or is there still a possibilityof meeting people in person?
(12:02):
And so I made somedrastic changes.
I was like, you know,I might feel awkward
doing some of this stuff.
I might feel like uncomfortableputting myself out there.
But I was like, you know,I am going to do my part
and I'm reallygoing to be praying
and just trusting God that,you know, at the end of the day,
I'm not like hiding in some,you know, under my bed
or something like,oh God, just bring someone
to my front door.
Of course you can domiracles, but like, you know,
where is myresponsibility in this?
(12:23):
So I just decided I,like, looked up in my city.
I found a young adultsBible study fellowship group.
I had never been to that before.
I found, a young adults singlesgroup at a really solid
biblical church,and I found like 2
or 3 other things.
They weren't all singles groups,but I was like,
you know, there mightthere might be someone
there who was like,has this vision.
It's likea good Christian organization
(12:45):
somewhere I can volunteer in.
And so I was like,you know, this year
I'm just going to startattending those places
and really put myself out there.
And I remember the first timeI went to this singles group,
it was inthe back of this church,
but it was meetinglike in a house in the back,
and it's like kind of awkward.
You're driving up, you're like,I might even in the right place.
And I remember walking inand the door was so squeaky.
And so I open the doorand I walk in and everyone's
(13:06):
just kind of like staring at me.
And I just was like, you know,I just have to really be
my most extroverted self.
I have to go up and meet people.
I can't rely on othersto come and like,
you know, hold my handlike I'm an adult,
for crying out loud.
And so at that point,I just changed
the way that I lived,and I stopped kind of,
you know, just hopingthat this miracle
would happen in my life.
(13:26):
And I just kind of putmyself out
there, did the hard things.
And in talking to young people,I find that a lot of them
singles aren'twilling to kind of like,
take that riskor put themselves out there.
And I think social mediahas done
a great disservice in that way,where we're like
the most connected generationbut most disconnected,
like truly.
And so I just want to challengeyou if you're listening
(13:47):
and you're singleand you aren't like, you know,
willing to to try that new groupor you're not willing
to, you know,drive across town to attend
that service project,it's scary. It's hard.
But I would just encourage youto be the one to make that step,
be the one to make that effort.
And also,when it comes to community,
so many of us want to bethe one to be invited.
(14:08):
We want someone elseto do the hard work,
and then we want tojust be able to kind of like
come along, you know?
And I realize, like, okay,if I'm going to sit around
and wait for thatto happen in my life,
I might not have the communitythat I want.
And there's no guaranteethat any of us for sure
will get married, like,statistically most.
Well, but you know what?
If God calls me to singleness,I just want to like,
I want to still build communitybecause we all need friendships.
We all needgood community around us.
(14:30):
And so I just decidedI was going to be
the one to plan stuff.
So I just startedplanning events.
I startedin certain singles groups.
We'd have like online,you know, Facebook groups
where you could like planactivities and stuff.
I just started to be the oneto put myself out there
and start to planthose activities,
and those are some of the best.
Like I lookback on my singleness
and I'm like those dayswhen I started
to take more responsibilityand kind of put myself
(14:50):
out there,invite people to things.
Those are some of the bestdays of like my single,
my single years, like soamazing and just,
you know, making the effortto show up when someone else
planned somethinginstead of being like, okay,
I think I'll skip I'm tiredwhenever, you know, it's like,
no, like, yeah,it was awkward sometimes.
I rememberwalking up to certain groups
and there were like five peoplethere, and I'm like,
I don't even knowany of these people.
(15:10):
I feel likereally uncomfortable.
I wish I had never called,you know, but to think like, no
pushing through itand actually making the effort.
So I would just challengeyoung people and singles to,
to reallyput themselves out there
and to make those hard effortsand to stop having excuses,
because at the end of the day,whether you meet a spouse
or not, the friendshipsyou build, the community
you build, it'slike we were designed
(15:31):
to walk in relationshipwith one another,
the body of Christ.
We need each other.
And so no matter what,like having those in-person
relationships is so crucialfor your growth,
for your health,for, like, your entire life.
So it's not a waste either way.
And if you end upmeeting someone
and meeting your spouse,that's amazing.
But at the end of the day,I think it's so healthy for us.
And I think singles needthis more than ever.
(15:52):
So it's a hard challenge.
It's not easyand there are a lot of
there are a lot of groupsout there, like we can
just be real.
Like there are a lot of churchesthat have groups.
There are a lot ofservice project.
There are conferencesthat happen
where there are youngadult singles.
So I justI think we in some ways
need to stop making excusesand just kind of
do the hard thing.
Absolutely.
Sometimes that first stepis the hardest though.
So forsome of our listeners out there
(16:13):
that are like,this sounds great,
but it's really hard.
You know, sometimes it'sjust as simple as one
first step, maybe joining youryour own churches group,
small group, maybe it'snot even a singles group.
It's just the regularsmall group.
It just, you know, get to knowpeople and develop friendships.
You know, I was onlineand I think it was on Instagram
and somebody had a postwhere they were showing and,
(16:33):
you know, the progressionof how people meet their future
spouses over time.
Did you see that as well?
It was amazing to me.
It used to be your familyand your friends
and your church,and it is completely
flipped around now.
You know, we kind of needto go back to that
because, you know,the people that love us
and care about us and arepart of our community
are also going to be looking outfor our best interest
(16:53):
and know people.
That would be greatfor us, whether in friendship
or potentially courtship.
So I just hope thatmaybe we can get back to a place
where we lean into that well.
And all right, on top of that,something that
I really encourage, like the,you know,
because our audience, at GirlDefined is primarily women
Girl Defined.
So that's kind of whowe talk to.
But just being vocal about itto to people
(17:15):
you trust, to peopleyou respect, married couples
that, you know, saying, hey,I would really
like to get married.
If you think of anyonethat you know, that you think
might be a good fit for me,or that's just a godly person,
would you be willing to maybeset us up on a date or invite us
to an activity together?
I just think thatcan be so helpful.
I mean, personally, like, Iit hasn't happened for a while
(17:37):
because I feel likethe longer I'm married,
the less single people I know.
So I have a one sisterwho's still single
and she's like,come on, don't you have any,
you know, don'tyou have any good options
for me?
I'm like, I'm trying.
But I feel like my friends,even in my church,
we don't have a lotof single people,
so I do my best.
But back in the day,I remember just like planning
certain activities.
And I was like, you know,I don't think this person and I
would be a good fit,but this other girl
I know, maybe herand him would be a good fit.
(17:58):
And it's just it's so awesometo see, like actual people,
like tryingto bring others together.
Not that theyhave to get married,
but just giving themthe opportunity to meet.
So don't be embarrassed of,like vocalizing your desire
to get married.
Like that's a beautiful desireand expressing
that to the people aroundyou and just saying,
hey, I am open to,you know, being set up
(18:18):
or to being invited to an eventthat someone else is at.
And I mean, I've seen multiplepeople get married that way.
And, you know, you mightjust be one connection away
from meetinga really godly person
and just vocalizing that desirecould actually kind of help
you toward that goal.
Well, let's pivotand talk a little bit
about some of the challengesthat, you know,
while you're out therepotentially looking to,
(18:40):
date, you know,some of the things that women
specifically arerunning into is,
you know, most men,are viewing pornography.
Barna stats from this yearactually showed us,
over 76% of menare viewing pornography
on a regular basisof some regular frequency.
So the dating poolis definitely being impacted
(19:00):
by pornography.
So talk to us a little bitabout how to navigate that.
I knowyou recently wrote a blog post
about that topic,so share with us
some of your wisdomin that space.
Yeah, I mean,I take a pretty hardline
stance on that, even though it'skind of depressing, but this is,
something for myself.
Like, I, I would not likeif I found out,
that someone I was datingwas looking at porn,
I would end the relationship.
(19:22):
Not to say thatthat person couldn't
find freedom, and it couldwork out eventually, but I just,
you know, I don't think thatwhen you're in dating
and entrapped in such a sin,whether it's the man
or the woman,that it's a good idea
to continue the relationship.
But it's hardwhen you hear these statistics
and you're like,oh my goodness, literally
everyone is looking at porn.
What is going on?
Like one, I want to saythere are men that aren't,
(19:43):
you know, like I know someand you know, and I'm married
now, my husband and I,we had super
honest conversationsfrom the very beginning,
and that can be awkward to do,you know, like if you're dating
and you're like,that is not something
I want to like,talk about or ask like,
oh, that seems so deep.
I would just recommend, likeif you are dating someone,
it doesn't have to be likeon the first date,
but I would really recommendmaybe you're on like
2 or 3 datesand you're like, okay, I could
(20:04):
I do like this person.
Like actuallyI do think this might,
you know, likewe might actually go
on a few more dates.
I personally would recommendhaving some
like immediate dealbreakerconversations at that point,
because why go for six monthsa year down the road
and then you find out like,oh my goodness,
this person has all this stuffthat they're going through.
And now I'mlike all emotionally involved
(20:26):
and this is so difficultand so hard.
And so I, you know,I would honestly
recommend like date 2 or 3if you feel like
it's going well, to justhave a super honest conversation
and say,hey, this is really important
to me, and I'm not asking thisbecause I want to just like,
keep a bunch of shame on youor like bring up
something that you'restruggling with.
But I just need to know,if you are currently
(20:48):
looking at pornographyand if so, when is the last time
that you looked at it?
And just be very directabout the conversation
and very direct and just,you know, if they're not
willing to answeror they're not, they're like,
oh my gosh, you're so crazy,blah, blah, blah.
Like, well, it's probably a signyou just need to go your own way
and you're not coming inas like God being like,
I am the moral authority here.
You're just saying, hey,you know, relationships
really can't thrivewhen this is happening.
(21:09):
And so this is somethingreally important to me.
But the hard partabout that too, is that, like,
I work with womenall of the time,
and our most popular topicsI will define have to do
with sexual struggles,sexual addiction,
pornography, masturbation,addiction, things like that.
And so it's really challengingbecause if you are
looking for someone,whether you're a man or a woman,
and you're saying, you know,I want someone who's
walking in freedomof fighting for freedom
(21:31):
or desiring that you haveto turn the mirror
around and say,am I that kind of person?
Am I willing tobring this into the light?
Am I willing toget the accountability?
Am I willing to, get a mentorto help me walk through this?
Am I willing to dothe hard things, or do
I only want thatfrom this person?
I want to keepall my secrets over here.
And so I know statisticallyit's the, the, the main.
(21:53):
You know, the man's problem.
But so many women,like I'm telling you,
I don't even thinkthey're in the statistics
because so many women,we will get emails,
we will talk to them.
They'll say,I've never told anyone
this before.
And that girl to find wi meor my sister will be
the first onesthat they will ever share
that they've had thispornography addiction
since they were 13,that they've been
secretly strugglingwith whatever it is.
And they want freedom,but because also of this
(22:16):
kind of like stereotypethat it should be more
of a man's problem,they're not even speaking up,
so they're not even apart of the statistics.
And so that's whyI want to challenge women
to say, hey, like,you've got to bring
this into the light,like you are a sexual being too.
And if you would like athriving relationship
in the future, you can't justshove this under the rug
and pretend like marriageis going to fix
all of your problemsbecause it doesn't like
(22:37):
the person that you are beforemarriage will be the person
that you are after marriage,and you might go through
a honeymoon phasewhere you're like,
oh my goodness, all my,my problems have gone away.
Like, no, like sindoesn't just disappear
like we have to repent of it.
We have togrow and be sanctified.
And so I just wantto encourage you
to take that seriously,whether you are
a man or a woman.
So have that honest conversationand have hope, knowing like God
(22:57):
has not given up on people.
God has not given up on men.
He hasn't given up on women.
We have a responsibilityin this.
But having hopeand knowing like, okay,
God can free people from this.
God can provide a way.
God can,you know, raise men up to,
to change course.
I mean, obviouslyCovenant Eyes, that's
what y'all are doing.
And it's amazing.
And I know you have seenso many incredible like, like
(23:20):
men and womenwho have been so sanctified
and so just brought to freedomin this area.
And God has, like completelyredeemed them
and changed their life,which is incredible.
But I just my biggestthing is don't settle
and assume that romance.
And once we're marriedand having sex, like it'll fix
all the problems.
Like, no, it won't.
Like if you look at marriages,if marriage and, getting married
(23:40):
and having sex fixesall the problem,
why are people having affairs?
Why are people, you know,like running off
on their spouses?
Why are there so many divorces?
Like,we have to look ahead and say,
okay, that just getting marriedand having sex doesn't
fix the problem.
You know, like sin is sin.
And unless we repent of itand go through biblical steps
of bringing it into the lightand seeking accountability
and putting in measuresthat actually help us
(24:00):
to walk in freedom,I think that's huge.
I actually heard someonethe other day and I can't
remember who it was.
But they said,you know, if you're a smoker
and you want to stop smoking,there are a lot of tools
you can use.
But at the end of the day,you just have to
not pick up the cigaretand put it in your mouth.
And when it comesto pornography,
there are a lot of toolswe can use
which can be so helpful.
But at the end of the day, it'sjust that simple step
(24:21):
of not clicking that buttonor not opening that browser.
And soI just want us to also realize
how powerful the Holy Spiritis, how powerful God is, and
and to like,pray for our brothers
in Christ, prayfor our sisters in Christ, and
and just pray that they would,that they would
fall on their kneesand that they would cry out
to God and say,God, give me the strength
to not clickthat button, to not do that.
(24:42):
And then they would take thoseadditional wisdom steps
like we see in Proverbs,like we see in Scripture,
you know, using Covenant Eyesor getting those accountability
measures,whatever that looks like
for each person,because there is hope.
This isn't and this isn't ahopeless world.
This isn't a well, everyone'sjust always going to
be looking at porn.
So that's just the way it is.
I mean, I had someonewho recently basically told me
(25:03):
because I've talked about thisonline and people
will get super madwhen I talk about this.
They'll say, are you kidding?
That's such a high standard.
Like,guys are just looking at porn.
Like, are you serious?
You're not going to like,I'm sorry,
that's not going to flyin my marriage.
You know, like, I'mnot just going to it.
Once you're married,there's that covenant,
and I'm notgoing to be like, well,
then look at porn.
So my husband's over in the.
But no.
And I'm so gratefulmy husband isn't
looking at porn,but that would not, like,
fly with me, you know?
And a marriedwoman was telling me
(25:25):
she was like, well, you know,it's just really hard
if there's a season where maybe,you know, postpartum or there's
traveling or whatever,and you're not able to like
the intimate together,like you just need to be okay
with your husbandlooking at porn because it's
just the way that it is.
And I'm like,why is the bar so low?
Like, I don't see in Scriptureabout having this bar
where it's like, well,life is really hard.
(25:45):
You just give into all your flesh,
you know, it's like,we know we can battle this.
We can fight for this.
We can have higher standards.
It's okay to to do that.
So I just want to encourageyou not to settle.
And personallyto fight for that freedom
and to put the measuresin place that can actually help
you get there. Yeah, for sure.
And I think a lot of peoplecertainly might be offended
(26:05):
with such a harsh stanceon, you know, because, I mean,
obviously there areso many people, men and women
struggling with pornographythat that disqualifies,
you know, many people frommaybe a certain person's
dating pool for a while.
I don't think thateliminates, though, the wanting
to help our brothersand sisters.
So, you know,I think it's important
that we just callthat out, that, you know,
(26:25):
if you are entering intoa potential dating
relationship with someoneand you do find out
that there's a pornographystruggle, really?
I mean, you probably do needto pump the brakes on that
because that person, you know,if they were struggling
with, drug addictionor any other type of addiction,
we would want to get themhelp first.
We wouldn't just say,hey, let's go get married
and try to fix itin the marriage,
like you want to help themand get them healed and
(26:47):
and walk alongside of themand help them.
But at the same time, you know,a lot of people, we hear this
all the time at Covenant Eyes.
You know,they think getting married
will solve the problemand unfortunately it doesn't.
So I just, I want to make surepeople, you know,
see your heart with that too,because it really it really can
be very dangerous.
And we see thatevery single day here
at Covenant Eyes.
(27:08):
Yeah I know I'm sure y'all do.
And I,I'm sure you see the, the,
the fruit that comes thoughwhen you take a pause
because it,you know if you're like
oh well marriageis going to fix this or I'm
just going to kind of dateand work on this on the side.
It would be amazing to sayno, this is really serious.
And I'm going to really,you know, humble myself
and work on this,you know, and really
that can be so, so hard.
(27:29):
And it can feel solike embarrassing in some ways
because, you know,the enemy likes to lie to us
and like, so lead usand make us think
we're the only ones.
We're on this little island.
No one else is struggling.
It's just us, you know,especially if you're a woman.
But, you know, instead ofinvesting all this time
in a relationship,that's not going to be
in the healthiest placewith these sexual addictions
going on and pausingthat and really just going
like full speed after this,you know, after this struggle,
(27:51):
after the pornography,whatever it is, and really,
you know, reallygetting accountability,
really gettinglike mentorship in your life,
getting getting to the rootcauses of why,
why this is happeningand and getting the, the,
biblical counselingand getting the accountability,
making surethings like being involved
in church, being involved,a small group, having godly men
or godly women aroundyou like that
(28:11):
takes time and effortand putting those things
in place before you continue onin a relationship.
Because let's be real,relationships take time.
And when you're so in lovein the early days,
it's like you justwanna be texting
and talking all the time.
And so usingsome of that energy,
the majority of it towards,you know, battling
this struggle,I think would be a much wiser
use of time.
Well,and you brought up mentorship
(28:32):
and I know at Girl Defineddo you guys offer
mentorship courses.
So let's talka little bit about that.
How do you guys walkalongside women
and help them in this way?
Yeah.
So we have had Kristen and Iwho run girl to find
we have had women over the yearsreach out to us
and ask us to mentor them.
And, you know, all the timein the world wouldn't
allow for us to one onone mentor everyone.
And so we do take one onone mentorship seriously.
(28:54):
And that happensmore in the context
of our local church.
And here in our city,we're able to meet with people,
you know, physically,but we wanted to
create resourcesand an opportunity for women.
Like if we were like,this is what we would
want to walk you throughif we were to mentor
you in person.
Here's what it would look like.
So we actually created an onlinementorship course
that is Kristenand I teaching and talking.
(29:14):
We created an entire workbook.
It's basically everythingthat we would want for ourselves
and we want for other women.
It goes into all of thesesexual struggles
and addictions and all of that.
We have an entire weekwhere we focus on that.
It's it's pretty intenseas far as like
a mentorship goes.
It's not just like,okay, we're going to read this
like little Christianbook and like, oh my goodness,
God loves me at the end.
You know, it's like,no, we're actually
really digging inand going deep.
(29:35):
And all of thatis on our website girl
to find.com.
But we, you know, we knowlike right now
if a woman sitting hereand she's thinking
for as a woman like meand I am struggling
with pornographyor I am struggling
with a really unhealthylike masturbation problem,
we actually createdalso individual
PDF guides that addresseach of these issues,
and those are our topsellers by far.
(29:55):
They're instant downloadable.
They're very cheap.
You can go onto ourwebsite, GirlDefined.com,
go to the shopand you can literally go like
get this, these different guidesand they're going to have
tons of great resources.
We obviously recommendCovenant Eyes
and link to different postsyou'll have
and and just your resourcesand many of these, guides.
But that would bea really helpful resource
because you can you can.
It's a great way to start.
(30:16):
I think that everyone should,should seek
an in-person mentorshipor someone they can talk to
on Zoom.
Like, I just think that'sabsolutely amazing.
But if you're like, man,I want something right now,
I want to jump into somethingright now to really skyrocket
this growth or to really, like,know how to dig into the word,
to know how tonavigate my relationship
with God.
These courses and ebooksand stuff that we offer at Girl
(30:37):
Defined are going to be a great,just like instant first step.
That's awesome. Yeah.
And it sounds like it'sa good course to
if you're looking to maybeeven get into mentorship,
like how tobecome a good mentor.
Yeah. Yeah, I love that.
Well, let's talkalso because I think,
if I'm not mistaken,you also offer
some additional resourcesthrough your own
personal website.
I believe it's calledThe Intimate Wife.
(30:58):
Is that correct?
Yeah. So it's my name.
The website is it'stechnically the Intimate wife,
but it's BethanyBeal.com.
So just my nameis there the landing page?
But yeah,I found that, you know,
there are more and more womenthat are talking about
when it comes to sexand intimacy and marriage.
But I found within my ownjust community of kind of
(31:19):
millennial Christian women,it was just hard to
find, like, really,I mean, for better,
like a word like explicit,almost like
really direct advice.
And there's so many womenwho are like,
we waited till marriageand why is sex, sex
just such a struggle?
Like, why is this sucha disappointment?
Why is this so hard?
Why?
I just feel like I'm broken,you know?
You know,you get you're like, yay,
(31:40):
I made it almost.
And then you're like,man, this kind of sucks,
you know?
And so I just looked around.
I was like, you know,I know a ton of people.
I have just God has blessed mewith a ton of connections
through GirlDefined over the years.
And so I just decided to gathersome of the best
Christian voices and doctorsand experts, really
multiple doctorsthat come in and share
and I interview themand we tackle
(32:00):
all sorts of topicsthat Christian women
specifically arewanting to know when it comes
to sexand intimacy and marriage.
So I created this kind of likemaster course
called the Ultimate Sex Coursefor Christian Women.
And at this point it has,I think like 12 or 13 in-depth
sessions and in-depth workbooklike some of the best voices
in the Christian communitythat come and share. And it's,
I think beyond thousands atthis point of women
(32:22):
have gone through it.
And just the feedbackof women saying,
oh my goodness, like,I cannot believe that
I didn't even understand thisor I didn't know this.
And we do dig into I broughtdoctor on
and she talks about herown personal struggles
with sexual addictionwithin her own marriage,
you know, areasshe was struggling and she talks
because let's be real,you know, like we talked about,
(32:43):
it doesn'tgo away when you get married.
And sometimes new stuff pops upwhen you're married.
And so it's this courseis specifically designed
for women.
But I have had so many husbandswho have purchased it
for their wivesand just said, hey,
I think you couldreally benefit from this.
The outcry was so huge,so I ended up creating
a separate coursefor single women,
and it is truly one of the best,like sexuality
(33:05):
mentorship courses availablefor Christian women
that I have ever seen.
Like, I have never seen anythingthis in depth.
And I look back and I'm like,I so wish I would have had this
when I was single,because there can just
be so much confusion,so many questions,
even a lot of shame ofjust like, is this okay
to have this desireor to feel this way,
or for my body to do thislike I don't know, you know,
can feel really awkward.
So I created a courselike an in-depth sexuality
(33:28):
mentorship coursefor single women.
And then there's kindof an abbreviated one
for really specificallypreparing for the honeymoon.
But I just want to encourageyou, this is these are great
courses to take to help youreally gain a biblical worldview
of what sex and intimacyand sexuality
should even look like.
So many of us, our perspectivesare incredibly messed up
(33:48):
because we pull from Hollywood,we pull from pornography,
we pull fromreally unhealthy relationships,
and we think, oh,I guess this is just normal.
And so taking a step backand really being able to absorb
all of this informationfrom like such a godly,
wise mentorwho have spent their careers,
you know, investingand counseling
thousands of peopleand getting to like,
sit there and learnfrom them is amazing.
(34:10):
So no matter what stage of lifeyou're in,
if you're a woman, single,engaged, or married,
there's a specific sexualitymentorship course for you.
And that'sall on BethanyBeal.com.
That's awesome.
We need more resourceslike that, honestly,
because I thinkthat's one thing you know,
the church fallsshort in that area
of talking about anythingkind of related to sex.
And certainlythey're getting better
at talking about those topicsand pornography.
(34:31):
But we you know,we have a lot of young women
out there getting marriedand don't have all the answers.
And Hollywood and cultureare happy
to fill in the blanks, which,you know,
they provide a very badlook at what intimacy
looks like so well.
It's so crazy to me, too.
How like so, so many people,they're like, it's hilarious.
They're like, aren't you?
Like, this is really bull.
Like, I can't believe you'remaking these courses
(34:53):
and like, offering this stuff.
And I'm like, what do youwhat with Christian women doing?
Just like,are we left to Google?
Like,if we're not going to be like
taught and helped by godlyChristian people,
what is the other optionyou just like
invented in our brain, you know?
So I just thinkit's this hilarious, like,
I don't know, worldwhere Christians are like,
we're so under-equipped.
(35:14):
And then a lot of them like,oh no, someone's
talking about it, you know?
And I think they'reobviously like mature or wise,
healthy ways to communicate.
It doesn't have to be all justcompletely vulgar, you know?
But, I just I'mso passionate about it.
And so even,you know, people in my own
family are like,oh, that's that's
so embarrassing, you know?
And I'm like, I don't care.
Like, it doesn't embarrass me.
And I think it's so needed.
And I hear from enough womenand, and, you know, even
(35:36):
from my own experiencethat I'm like, this is this
is something that's needed.
And I don't, you know,if other people think I'm weird,
that's okay, because I thinkthe benefit is far more then
and then.
Absolutely. And you're right.
I mean,people will just Google it
or go out to cultureto get answers.
So and that'swhat our young people
are doing, unfortunately.
And that's how a lot of themget lured into pornography.
(35:56):
And that's where they gettheir sexual education.
So as Christians,I think we need to fight back.
We need to providegood information.
So thank you so much, Bethany.
You know, as we bring today'sepisode to a close,
I'd love to share how people canget in touch with you.
I know you've saida few of the websites
and places,but if you wouldn't mind
just repeating thosefor our listeners
and telling them about anythingnew that's on the horizon
(36:16):
for you guys.
Yeah, well,Kristin and I have six books
that have released,and the one that
probably be likesuper helpful for,
you know, obviously for womenspecifically,
but it's called Sex Purity,and the Longings
of, of a Girl’s Heart.
And it's just anamazing resource
that would really helpwomen take a deep
dive in understandingwhat is God's
good design for my sexuality.
(36:37):
Sometimes it canfeel like a curse.
Sometimes it can feel like,oh am
I just going to have to, like,suppress these longings forever.
What do I do with this?
And Sex Purity, and the Longingsof, of a Girl’s Heart is just an
incredible resource,whether you're single
or married.
It's one two.
If you are a mentoror you're someone who
maybe has some experienceand you're like,
hey, I've been married, orI feel confident
that I could at leastopen a book and walk
(36:58):
through this with other people.
I would encourage you.
Sex, Purity, and the Longingsof, of a Girl’s
Heart has a study guideat the end of each chapter,
so you literally don'thave to do anything.
You could just invitea couple friends
younger your same age and say,hey, let's
read through this book togetherand you can be one of the ones
to change the conversation.
You can beone of the ones to say, hey,
I know we all have questions.
We all have struggles.
Let's work on this together.
And I have just seen likewhen women step out and do that
(37:21):
so often,the response is so positive.
And just like think youfor doing this.
I've had mom say like, okay,I decided to do this
with my daughter.
And she's like,I was feeling uncomfortable
because I'm like,we haven't talked
about this stuff,but the daughters
are super open and like,oh yeah, this is I totally like
I see thator we struggled with that
in the moms.
Like, this is great.
But just, you know,she didn't feel confident enough
(37:41):
to bring up the topicfor herself.
So our book is a great wayto kind of take
those awkward topics and,and basically be the middle guy
so you don't haveto bring them up.
So I definitely recommendthat you can get on audio,
Amazon, all those places.
And then for all of ourlike instant accessible sources
or our mentorship course,go to girl to find.com.
And then if you wantthe in-depth
(38:01):
sexuality mentorship,marriage intimacy courses,
those are allat BethanyBeal.com Awesome.
All right.
Well, we'll put all those linksin our show notes.
And I want to thank youfor an amazing conversation,
something thatdoes not get talked and talked
about enough around here,but I'm glad that you were able
to share with our listenersyour heart and your ministry,
and thank you for what you do.
(38:22):
Bethany. Absolutely.
Thanks for having me on, Karen.
Absolutely.
To all of our listeners,thanks for tuning in
to this episodeof The Covenant Eyes Podcast.
We'll see you next time.
Be sure to share this episodefar and wide
and we'll see you again soon.
Bye bye.
Hey, everybody, welcome backto The Covenant Eyes Podcast.
It's Karenand we are back for another
great episode on season four.
I can't believewe are on season four.
You guys have been an amazing,amazing audience
and we are just so excitedto bring today's guest
to you and talk about a topicthat does not get
talked about a lot.
We actually have Bethany Bealjoining us today,
(00:27):
and we are going to be talkingabout all sorts of issues
like dating and marriageand just the whole thing.
And also what do Christiansget wrong in those spaces?
So hopefully we'll learn a lotfrom Bethany and her ministry.
Bethany, thank you so muchfor joining us today.
Thank you.
I'm really excited.
It's so fun because datingand singleness, marriage,
(00:52):
those topics weresuch a huge focus for us
over here at GirlDefinedd in the beginning.
So when I started GirlDefinedd Ministries
over ten years ago,I was totally single.
But like I was inthe desert lands
with no options.
And so I talked a lotabout singleness and just dates.
I was going on herdating relationships. I was in.
And so this is areally fun conversation
because I feel likethis was my passion
(01:12):
and kind of how ourthe ministry started.
So this is really exciting.
Oh so good.
Well, for our listenersthat are not familiar
with your work or who you are,can you share a little bit
about how you got startedand what
a bit about your background?
Yeah, so I grew up in a familywith eight kids,
which is a lot to some people,not a lot to others.
There are five girlsand we're all pretty close
and eight.
So my sister,who's just less than two years
(01:33):
older than me, Christian,and we in some ways
I feel like we sharethe exact same life.
Almost like we were twins,but not.
And growing up we both had this.
Like, we just wish thatthere was someone
who was a little bitolder than us
that would pour into our lives,like spiritually,
we really, you know,I really want to
do the right thing.
She really wantedto do the right thing.
And we were just like me.
And it would be so coolif there were like
an older woman or even a womanwho was maybe like 5
(01:54):
or 10 years older than us,and it just didn't happen.
And, you know, backthen, growing up, there weren't
as many like,social media didn't exist,
there weren'tas many online options.
But as we had,like our college years
or early 20s,we were like, you know,
we could be that mentoror that role model
for other younger womenwho would desire this
and who would want this.
(02:14):
And we're not perfect,but hey, we've learned
a few things over the years,and maybe we can just link arms
with the the younger generationand kind of like
just point them to the word,point them to truth,
you know, share ourour mistakes. Sure.
That the things we thinkwe did well, how God grew us.
And sojust time out of the blue,
we launched a blogand it was called Girl
to Find Ministries.
And that was backwhen blogging was like
(02:36):
the only thingand the main thing, and God
was just super gracious to usbecause within the
first year, like,we're literally nobodies
from Texas.
Nobody knows about us.
We, you know, we'rejust these two girls.
We launched this blogand this huge publishing company
comes across one of our posts,and they think we are
like these established authors,and they literally reached out
to us and offered usa book contract on the spot.
(02:58):
And so it was just like,miracle of all miracles.
That's kind of howGirl Divine came to be,
because we got thiscrazy connection within,
like the first three monthsof launching and now six books
later, ten yearslater, of Ministry, here we are.
So our passion,our lives have changed.
You know, I was singlewhen we started.
I'm married with two kids now.
Kristen is marriedwith three kids.
And so our lives have changed.
But the passionto really reach out
(03:19):
and encourage other womenand in this case, other,
you know, men and women, singlescouples, people
dating, people married, that'sstill the passion of ours.
That's incredible.
And we need moreof that out there,
because I think there are inthis culture, at least,
there are so many like liesbeing told to young people
about dating, about,you know what?
(03:40):
It's what it's for,why we should do it
or why we shouldn't do it.
I want to dive into thata little bit,
because I think it's important.
You know, dating has a weird,unique history.
It it's changed, right?
It's changed over the years.
It used to be somethingmore in line with courtship,
and it was very like,supervised.
And parents were involved inthe family was involved,
(04:01):
and it was all gearedtowards marriage.
But now we livein this very fleeting
culture of datingwhere it's, there's
no commitment, really.
It's just liketrying things out.
So talk to mea little bit about,
from your perspectiveand your wisdom
and your teaching,how you guys are training
the younger generationwhen it comes to dating.
So my personal storyand Kristen's really,
but I'll share frommy perspective, is unique.
(04:22):
And it's some people,really hate my story.
And what I didwhen it came to dating
and other people thinkit's really sweet.
So it's, gained a lot ofattention online
just because some people thinkit's really unique.
So when I wasmaybe like 12 or 13 years old,
I came across a bookand I don't even
remember who it was.
I think it was likesome Christian female singer
or someone who wrote a book,and she basically talked about
(04:44):
how she was saving herfirst kiss for marriage,
and I was superinspired by that.
And I was like,oh my goodness, that's so cool.
I want to do that.
So when I was like 13 or 14,my parents, we did like
the whole purity ring thing.
And we were very muchin that kind of like courtship.
In some ways legalistic, world.
But there were a lot of benefitsthat came from it.
But one of my commitmentswas that I was going to
(05:06):
save my first kiss for marriage.
And I thought, like, of courseI'll be married by like 19
or 20 or 21 at the latest.
Like, because I desire marriage,I want to have a lot of kids.
Of course,that would bless this desire.
Like why wouldn't hear so good?
And so as the years went on,I didn't date in high school.
I was committed very muchto like dating with intention,
wanting to date with purpose.
(05:27):
And I had my first boyfriendwhen I was 19 and I thought,
oh my goodness,my life is so perfect.
Like here,everything is coming together.
And I just so naively assumedwe would get married.
So he broke up with meone day and just was like,
we're going in twodifferent directions.
He was going in a lessconservative direction.
I was goinga more conservative direction.
And looking back,we were not a good fit.
(05:47):
But I was so not evenI just thought, what?
How could this happen to me?
So anyway, yearsgo on and I'm like,
wait a minute.
Like I have all these kindof extreme convictions.
I'm like, now in my later 20sand there are no options
in sight.
And, you know, it kind of that,that whole topic,
I was talking about singleness,I was talking
about my struggles with it.
I was talking about dating.
(06:08):
And there werea lot of people like,
you know what?
Like if you have these extremeconvictions, like,
that's probablywhy you're not married.
You're you know, likeyou just need to loosen up
a little, like, come on.
And I just really felt convictedthat this is a commitment
I made, and it's somethingI wanted to stick to.
And so I, I rememberthere was a guy
who asked me out at church,you know, before I met, before
I was with my husbandand I knew him.
We were friends.
(06:28):
And like, rightwhen he asked me out,
I was like, you know, I'm like,a lot more conservative
than maybe girlsare used to dating.
Like, I don't want to kisstill marriage.
So, like,if that's not cool for you,
like, let'sjust not even go on a date,
you know, he was like,hey, I can roll with that,
you know?
So obviously a lot of guyswere like
very respectful of thatand like very honoring of that.
So long story short,I ended up meeting my
well and my husbandand I kind of knew each other,
but we ended upgetting together,
(06:50):
like, officiallyin a relationship when I was 29.
And then we got marriedwhen I was 30,
and so we both of us,it was actually our first kiss
to anyone, ever.
He didn't necessarilymake that commitment,
but I was his first girlfriendand he is just
I that's what I had chosen.
So that's what we did.
And the video of thatI had posted around online,
and that's kind ofwhat has garnered
(07:11):
some all sorts of opinions.
But when I look back on thatand I think
about the modern stateof dating now,
and I just think of how,you know, it's just dating
has kind of become this.
It's just like another thingyou do, you know,
like everyone'sonline, everyone,
you know, when you're 15,you get your first boyfriend
or girlfriend.
It's just like thiscasual thing.
Not a lot of thoughtput into it.
(07:32):
And then as you look forwardand you see it just,
you know, marriagesaren't really thriving.
A lot of couplesare getting divorced.
I'm just shockedwhen I see on social media,
it seems like every single daythese, you know,
Christian couples,religious couples,
they're posting like it justand not even for huge reasons.
Just like, oh, our love.
Like kind of withered.
Oh, we just aren't really goingin the same direction.
I knowwe have five kids together
(07:53):
and our youngest is two,but it's better for them
if we go our separate.
You know,you're just seeing all this
and you're like,what is going on?
And so in some ways I look backand I, I don't
I don't want to, say, okay,there has to be
this specific set of ruleseveryone needs to save
their first kiss for marriage.
I'm not saying that,but I'm saying I wonder
if we would be a lot better offif maybe we brought
(08:13):
some of that intentionalityback into modern dating.
I hear from so many womenwho one of their
biggest complaintsis they're saying men aren't
willing to commit, men aren't,you know, like modern men.
I will not say no.
Yes,I am thinking about marriage.
But three yearsinto the relationship,
they don't actuallywant to get married.
And I think, you know,from a woman's perspective,
I'm like, raise the barlike you have, you know,
(08:35):
our rules of what you willand you will not do.
In my opinion.
I'm like,I would never date someone
for three yearswith no marriage.
And I'd be like,I've been out there,
you know, six months.
And so I just, I, I want to see,like a generation rise up.
And I hope Gen Zthe next generation, though,
maybe like, get off the internetin some ways, like get offline
off those dating apps,not allow that
(08:57):
to become the normand actually go
and do the hard workof meeting someone,
having a real faceto face relationship,
not just sliding into the DMs,but actually kind of like
pulling back into whatwe used to do.
You had to meetsomeone in person.
There wasn'tthe option of online.
And so in some waysI think it would
be really healthy to pullsome of those old fashioned
values back intothe modern world.
(09:17):
And I think you would seemen that are willing to rise up
a little bit more and commit,and you would see women who are
willing to hang onto their dignity
and self respect and say,no, I don't have to.
I don't have to give thisor that away.
I don't have to settle and say,oh, well, he's looking at porn.
It doesn't really matter.
I have this secretsexual addiction.
Like everyone has that.
Like, no, we can set the bara little bit higher.
(09:38):
And I think if we thosethat are listening right now
say, yes, I'mgoing to take a step forward
and have some boundariesor have some convictions.
It can encourage the peoplearound you as well.
And so that's one of my hopes inin sharing my own
story is to less of like,oh, you know,
look how great it was or lookhow terribly legalistic it was.
But just to say, like,hey, maybe we should have
some old fashioned values.
I think that could help.
(09:59):
Kind of the predicamentthat we're in right now.
Yeah, that'sa lot of great wisdom.
And there's somethingrefreshing about
kind of going backto the way it was. Right?
I mean, there is somesome holiness to that process
where it was a little bitmore conservative
in the dating spaces.
But, you know,you talked a lot about,
you know, that in person kind ofyou got to get to know people.
(10:19):
And I think, I thinka lot of people are dating,
you know, via appsand they're meeting
people and having,you know, developing
these friendshipsand relationships online
and then meetingpeople in person,
you know, months into itor weeks into it.
How do we get to a placewhere people can get together?
Because I, I'm finding,you know,
I go and speak to churchesand speak to young people
quite a bit.
(10:40):
I'm finding that young peoplejust are not as connected
in community as, say,some of the older generations
where, you know,we didn't have technology.
So what can we do to fix that?
For sure?
And, you know, when I was likeprobably 26, 27, at that point,
online dating was a thing.
And I have many friendswho met their spouses online.
I'm not saying it's all likewe just all need to get offline.
(11:00):
Like I think there's the balanceand there can be a place for it.
But from my ownpersonal experience
and from running a ministrywhere I have talked
to thousands of womenwho want to be married,
who are in that placefor there's always exceptions,
but a lot of them.
It's scary to get outand put yourself out there.
It's scary to goand try a new singles group.
It's can be really intimidatingto like, hey, I'm going to fly
(11:22):
to this conferenceor I'm going to, you know, try
this new young adults groupor I'm going to
attend a new church.
Like, I remember talking to oneyoung lady in particular
and she was like, you know,I am still at the same church
that I grew up. It's great.
It's theologically sound,but there are literally
only old people here,and I don't really
feel passionate,like I need to be
specifically at this church.
I don't feel like I have to,I, I really think
I could thrive in a churchwhere they're all I would,
(11:42):
you know, all age demographics.
But she's like, that's justkind of intimidating.
It's scary, you know,like you're meeting new people.
And I think a lot of usfind herself in that place.
So remind to back towhen I was like 26, 27.
I remember feeling that exactsame way, like, okay,
is it online dating or nothing?
Or is there still a possibilityof meeting people in person?
(12:02):
And so I made somedrastic changes.
I was like, you know,I might feel awkward
doing some of this stuff.
I might feel like uncomfortableputting myself out there.
But I was like, you know,I am going to do my part
and I'm reallygoing to be praying
and just trusting God that,you know, at the end of the day,
I'm not like hiding in some,you know, under my bed
or something like,oh God, just bring someone
to my front door.
Of course you can domiracles, but like, you know,
where is myresponsibility in this?
(12:23):
So I just decided I,like, looked up in my city.
I found a young adultsBible study fellowship group.
I had never been to that before.
I found, a young adults singlesgroup at a really solid
biblical church,and I found like 2
or 3 other things.
They weren't all singles groups,but I was like,
you know, there mightthere might be someone
there who was like,has this vision.
It's likea good Christian organization
(12:45):
somewhere I can volunteer in.
And so I was like,you know, this year
I'm just going to startattending those places
and really put myself out there.
And I remember the first timeI went to this singles group,
it was inthe back of this church,
but it was meetinglike in a house in the back,
and it's like kind of awkward.
You're driving up, you're like,I might even in the right place.
And I remember walking inand the door was so squeaky.
And so I open the doorand I walk in and everyone's
(13:06):
just kind of like staring at me.
And I just was like, you know,I just have to really be
my most extroverted self.
I have to go up and meet people.
I can't rely on othersto come and like,
you know, hold my handlike I'm an adult,
for crying out loud.
And so at that point,I just changed
the way that I lived,and I stopped kind of,
you know, just hopingthat this miracle
would happen in my life.
(13:26):
And I just kind of putmyself out
there, did the hard things.
And in talking to young people,I find that a lot of them
singles aren'twilling to kind of like,
take that riskor put themselves out there.
And I think social mediahas done
a great disservice in that way,where we're like
the most connected generationbut most disconnected,
like truly.
And so I just want to challengeyou if you're listening
(13:47):
and you're singleand you aren't like, you know,
willing to to try that new groupor you're not willing
to, you know,drive across town to attend
that service project,it's scary. It's hard.
But I would just encourage youto be the one to make that step,
be the one to make that effort.
And also,when it comes to community,
so many of us want to bethe one to be invited.
(14:08):
We want someone elseto do the hard work,
and then we want tojust be able to kind of like
come along, you know?
And I realize, like, okay,if I'm going to sit around
and wait for thatto happen in my life,
I might not have the communitythat I want.
And there's no guaranteethat any of us for sure
will get married, like,statistically most.
Well, but you know what?
If God calls me to singleness,I just want to like,
I want to still build communitybecause we all need friendships.
We all needgood community around us.
(14:30):
And so I just decidedI was going to be
the one to plan stuff.
So I just startedplanning events.
I startedin certain singles groups.
We'd have like online,you know, Facebook groups
where you could like planactivities and stuff.
I just started to be the oneto put myself out there
and start to planthose activities,
and those are some of the best.
Like I lookback on my singleness
and I'm like those dayswhen I started
to take more responsibilityand kind of put myself
(14:50):
out there,invite people to things.
Those are some of the bestdays of like my single,
my single years, like soamazing and just,
you know, making the effortto show up when someone else
planned somethinginstead of being like, okay,
I think I'll skip I'm tiredwhenever, you know, it's like,
no, like, yeah,it was awkward sometimes.
I rememberwalking up to certain groups
and there were like five peoplethere, and I'm like,
I don't even knowany of these people.
(15:10):
I feel likereally uncomfortable.
I wish I had never called,you know, but to think like, no
pushing through itand actually making the effort.
So I would just challengeyoung people and singles to,
to reallyput themselves out there
and to make those hard effortsand to stop having excuses,
because at the end of the day,whether you meet a spouse
or not, the friendshipsyou build, the community
you build, it'slike we were designed
(15:31):
to walk in relationshipwith one another,
the body of Christ.
We need each other.
And so no matter what,like having those in-person
relationships is so crucialfor your growth,
for your health,for, like, your entire life.
So it's not a waste either way.
And if you end upmeeting someone
and meeting your spouse,that's amazing.
But at the end of the day,I think it's so healthy for us.
And I think singles needthis more than ever.
(15:52):
So it's a hard challenge.
It's not easyand there are a lot of
there are a lot of groupsout there, like we can
just be real.
Like there are a lot of churchesthat have groups.
There are a lot ofservice project.
There are conferencesthat happen
where there are youngadult singles.
So I justI think we in some ways
need to stop making excusesand just kind of
do the hard thing.
Absolutely.
Sometimes that first stepis the hardest though.
So forsome of our listeners out there
(16:13):
that are like,this sounds great,
but it's really hard.
You know, sometimes it'sjust as simple as one
first step, maybe joining youryour own churches group,
small group, maybe it'snot even a singles group.
It's just the regularsmall group.
It just, you know, get to knowpeople and develop friendships.
You know, I was onlineand I think it was on Instagram
and somebody had a postwhere they were showing and,
(16:33):
you know, the progressionof how people meet their future
spouses over time.
Did you see that as well?
It was amazing to me.
It used to be your familyand your friends
and your church,and it is completely
flipped around now.
You know, we kind of needto go back to that
because, you know,the people that love us
and care about us and arepart of our community
are also going to be looking outfor our best interest
(16:53):
and know people.
That would be greatfor us, whether in friendship
or potentially courtship.
So I just hope thatmaybe we can get back to a place
where we lean into that well.
And all right, on top of that,something that
I really encourage, like the,you know,
because our audience, at GirlDefined is primarily women
Girl Defined.
So that's kind of whowe talk to.
But just being vocal about itto to people
(17:15):
you trust, to peopleyou respect, married couples
that, you know, saying, hey,I would really
like to get married.
If you think of anyonethat you know, that you think
might be a good fit for me,or that's just a godly person,
would you be willing to maybeset us up on a date or invite us
to an activity together?
I just think thatcan be so helpful.
I mean, personally, like, Iit hasn't happened for a while
(17:37):
because I feel likethe longer I'm married,
the less single people I know.
So I have a one sisterwho's still single
and she's like,come on, don't you have any,
you know, don'tyou have any good options
for me?
I'm like, I'm trying.
But I feel like my friends,even in my church,
we don't have a lotof single people,
so I do my best.
But back in the day,I remember just like planning
certain activities.
And I was like, you know,I don't think this person and I
would be a good fit,but this other girl
I know, maybe herand him would be a good fit.
(17:58):
And it's just it's so awesometo see, like actual people,
like tryingto bring others together.
Not that theyhave to get married,
but just giving themthe opportunity to meet.
So don't be embarrassed of,like vocalizing your desire
to get married.
Like that's a beautiful desireand expressing
that to the people aroundyou and just saying,
hey, I am open to,you know, being set up
(18:18):
or to being invited to an eventthat someone else is at.
And I mean, I've seen multiplepeople get married that way.
And, you know, you mightjust be one connection away
from meetinga really godly person
and just vocalizing that desirecould actually kind of help
you toward that goal.
Well, let's pivotand talk a little bit
about some of the challengesthat, you know,
while you're out therepotentially looking to,
(18:40):
date, you know,some of the things that women
specifically arerunning into is,
you know, most men,are viewing pornography.
Barna stats from this yearactually showed us,
over 76% of menare viewing pornography
on a regular basisof some regular frequency.
So the dating poolis definitely being impacted
(19:00):
by pornography.
So talk to us a little bitabout how to navigate that.
I knowyou recently wrote a blog post
about that topic,so share with us
some of your wisdomin that space.
Yeah, I mean,I take a pretty hardline
stance on that, even though it'skind of depressing, but this is,
something for myself.
Like, I, I would not likeif I found out,
that someone I was datingwas looking at porn,
I would end the relationship.
(19:22):
Not to say thatthat person couldn't
find freedom, and it couldwork out eventually, but I just,
you know, I don't think thatwhen you're in dating
and entrapped in such a sin,whether it's the man
or the woman,that it's a good idea
to continue the relationship.
But it's hardwhen you hear these statistics
and you're like,oh my goodness, literally
everyone is looking at porn.
What is going on?
Like one, I want to saythere are men that aren't,
(19:43):
you know, like I know someand you know, and I'm married
now, my husband and I,we had super
honest conversationsfrom the very beginning,
and that can be awkward to do,you know, like if you're dating
and you're like,that is not something
I want to like,talk about or ask like,
oh, that seems so deep.
I would just recommend, likeif you are dating someone,
it doesn't have to be likeon the first date,
but I would really recommendmaybe you're on like
2 or 3 datesand you're like, okay, I could
(20:04):
I do like this person.
Like actuallyI do think this might,
you know, likewe might actually go
on a few more dates.
I personally would recommendhaving some
like immediate dealbreakerconversations at that point,
because why go for six monthsa year down the road
and then you find out like,oh my goodness,
this person has all this stuffthat they're going through.
And now I'mlike all emotionally involved
(20:26):
and this is so difficultand so hard.
And so I, you know,I would honestly
recommend like date 2 or 3if you feel like
it's going well, to justhave a super honest conversation
and say,hey, this is really important
to me, and I'm not asking thisbecause I want to just like,
keep a bunch of shame on youor like bring up
something that you'restruggling with.
But I just need to know,if you are currently
(20:48):
looking at pornographyand if so, when is the last time
that you looked at it?
And just be very directabout the conversation
and very direct and just,you know, if they're not
willing to answeror they're not, they're like,
oh my gosh, you're so crazy,blah, blah, blah.
Like, well, it's probably a signyou just need to go your own way
and you're not coming inas like God being like,
I am the moral authority here.
You're just saying, hey,you know, relationships
really can't thrivewhen this is happening.
(21:09):
And so this is somethingreally important to me.
But the hard partabout that too, is that, like,
I work with womenall of the time,
and our most popular topicsI will define have to do
with sexual struggles,sexual addiction,
pornography, masturbation,addiction, things like that.
And so it's really challengingbecause if you are
looking for someone,whether you're a man or a woman,
and you're saying, you know,I want someone who's
walking in freedomof fighting for freedom
(21:31):
or desiring that you haveto turn the mirror
around and say,am I that kind of person?
Am I willing tobring this into the light?
Am I willing toget the accountability?
Am I willing to, get a mentorto help me walk through this?
Am I willing to dothe hard things, or do
I only want thatfrom this person?
I want to keepall my secrets over here.
And so I know statisticallyit's the, the, the main.
(21:53):
You know, the man's problem.
But so many women,like I'm telling you,
I don't even thinkthey're in the statistics
because so many women,we will get emails,
we will talk to them.
They'll say,I've never told anyone
this before.
And that girl to find wi meor my sister will be
the first onesthat they will ever share
that they've had thispornography addiction
since they were 13,that they've been
secretly strugglingwith whatever it is.
And they want freedom,but because also of this
(22:16):
kind of like stereotypethat it should be more
of a man's problem,they're not even speaking up,
so they're not even apart of the statistics.
And so that's whyI want to challenge women
to say, hey, like,you've got to bring
this into the light,like you are a sexual being too.
And if you would like athriving relationship
in the future, you can't justshove this under the rug
and pretend like marriageis going to fix
all of your problemsbecause it doesn't like
(22:37):
the person that you are beforemarriage will be the person
that you are after marriage,and you might go through
a honeymoon phasewhere you're like,
oh my goodness, all my,my problems have gone away.
Like, no, like sindoesn't just disappear
like we have to repent of it.
We have togrow and be sanctified.
And so I just wantto encourage you
to take that seriously,whether you are
a man or a woman.
So have that honest conversationand have hope, knowing like God
(22:57):
has not given up on people.
God has not given up on men.
He hasn't given up on women.
We have a responsibilityin this.
But having hopeand knowing like, okay,
God can free people from this.
God can provide a way.
God can,you know, raise men up to,
to change course.
I mean, obviouslyCovenant Eyes, that's
what y'all are doing.
And it's amazing.
And I know you have seenso many incredible like, like
(23:20):
men and womenwho have been so sanctified
and so just brought to freedomin this area.
And God has, like completelyredeemed them
and changed their life,which is incredible.
But I just my biggestthing is don't settle
and assume that romance.
And once we're marriedand having sex, like it'll fix
all the problems.
Like, no, it won't.
Like if you look at marriages,if marriage and, getting married
(23:40):
and having sex fixesall the problem,
why are people having affairs?
Why are people, you know,like running off
on their spouses?
Why are there so many divorces?
Like,we have to look ahead and say,
okay, that just getting marriedand having sex doesn't
fix the problem.
You know, like sin is sin.
And unless we repent of itand go through biblical steps
of bringing it into the lightand seeking accountability
and putting in measuresthat actually help us
(24:00):
to walk in freedom,I think that's huge.
I actually heard someonethe other day and I can't
remember who it was.
But they said,you know, if you're a smoker
and you want to stop smoking,there are a lot of tools
you can use.
But at the end of the day,you just have to
not pick up the cigaretand put it in your mouth.
And when it comesto pornography,
there are a lot of toolswe can use
which can be so helpful.
But at the end of the day, it'sjust that simple step
(24:21):
of not clicking that buttonor not opening that browser.
And soI just want us to also realize
how powerful the Holy Spiritis, how powerful God is, and
and to like,pray for our brothers
in Christ, prayfor our sisters in Christ, and
and just pray that they would,that they would
fall on their kneesand that they would cry out
to God and say,God, give me the strength
to not clickthat button, to not do that.
(24:42):
And then they would take thoseadditional wisdom steps
like we see in Proverbs,like we see in Scripture,
you know, using Covenant Eyesor getting those accountability
measures,whatever that looks like
for each person,because there is hope.
This isn't and this isn't ahopeless world.
This isn't a well, everyone'sjust always going to
be looking at porn.
So that's just the way it is.
I mean, I had someonewho recently basically told me
(25:03):
because I've talked about thisonline and people
will get super madwhen I talk about this.
They'll say, are you kidding?
That's such a high standard.
Like,guys are just looking at porn.
Like, are you serious?
You're not going to like,I'm sorry,
that's not going to flyin my marriage.
You know, like, I'mnot just going to it.
Once you're married,there's that covenant,
and I'm notgoing to be like, well,
then look at porn.
So my husband's over in the.
But no.
And I'm so gratefulmy husband isn't
looking at porn,but that would not, like,
fly with me, you know?
And a marriedwoman was telling me
(25:25):
she was like, well, you know,it's just really hard
if there's a season where maybe,you know, postpartum or there's
traveling or whatever,and you're not able to like
the intimate together,like you just need to be okay
with your husbandlooking at porn because it's
just the way that it is.
And I'm like,why is the bar so low?
Like, I don't see in Scriptureabout having this bar
where it's like, well,life is really hard.
(25:45):
You just give into all your flesh,
you know, it's like,we know we can battle this.
We can fight for this.
We can have higher standards.
It's okay to to do that.
So I just want to encourageyou not to settle.
And personallyto fight for that freedom
and to put the measuresin place that can actually help
you get there. Yeah, for sure.
And I think a lot of peoplecertainly might be offended
(26:05):
with such a harsh stanceon, you know, because, I mean,
obviously there areso many people, men and women
struggling with pornographythat that disqualifies,
you know, many people frommaybe a certain person's
dating pool for a while.
I don't think thateliminates, though, the wanting
to help our brothersand sisters.
So, you know,I think it's important
that we just callthat out, that, you know,
(26:25):
if you are entering intoa potential dating
relationship with someoneand you do find out
that there's a pornographystruggle, really?
I mean, you probably do needto pump the brakes on that
because that person, you know,if they were struggling
with, drug addictionor any other type of addiction,
we would want to get themhelp first.
We wouldn't just say,hey, let's go get married
and try to fix itin the marriage,
like you want to help themand get them healed and
(26:47):
and walk alongside of themand help them.
But at the same time, you know,a lot of people, we hear this
all the time at Covenant Eyes.
You know,they think getting married
will solve the problemand unfortunately it doesn't.
So I just, I want to make surepeople, you know,
see your heart with that too,because it really it really can
be very dangerous.
And we see thatevery single day here
at Covenant Eyes.
(27:08):
Yeah I know I'm sure y'all do.
And I,I'm sure you see the, the,
the fruit that comes thoughwhen you take a pause
because it,you know if you're like
oh well marriageis going to fix this or I'm
just going to kind of dateand work on this on the side.
It would be amazing to sayno, this is really serious.
And I'm going to really,you know, humble myself
and work on this,you know, and really
that can be so, so hard.
(27:29):
And it can feel solike embarrassing in some ways
because, you know,the enemy likes to lie to us
and like, so lead usand make us think
we're the only ones.
We're on this little island.
No one else is struggling.
It's just us, you know,especially if you're a woman.
But, you know, instead ofinvesting all this time
in a relationship,that's not going to be
in the healthiest placewith these sexual addictions
going on and pausingthat and really just going
like full speed after this,you know, after this struggle,
(27:51):
after the pornography,whatever it is, and really,
you know, reallygetting accountability,
really gettinglike mentorship in your life,
getting getting to the rootcauses of why,
why this is happeningand and getting the, the,
biblical counselingand getting the accountability,
making surethings like being involved
in church, being involved,a small group, having godly men
or godly women aroundyou like that
(28:11):
takes time and effortand putting those things
in place before you continue onin a relationship.
Because let's be real,relationships take time.
And when you're so in lovein the early days,
it's like you justwanna be texting
and talking all the time.
And so usingsome of that energy,
the majority of it towards,you know, battling
this struggle,I think would be a much wiser
use of time.
Well,and you brought up mentorship
(28:32):
and I know at Girl Defineddo you guys offer
mentorship courses.
So let's talka little bit about that.
How do you guys walkalongside women
and help them in this way?
Yeah.
So we have had Kristen and Iwho run girl to find
we have had women over the yearsreach out to us
and ask us to mentor them.
And, you know, all the timein the world wouldn't
allow for us to one onone mentor everyone.
And so we do take one onone mentorship seriously.
(28:54):
And that happensmore in the context
of our local church.
And here in our city,we're able to meet with people,
you know, physically,but we wanted to
create resourcesand an opportunity for women.
Like if we were like,this is what we would
want to walk you throughif we were to mentor
you in person.
Here's what it would look like.
So we actually created an onlinementorship course
that is Kristenand I teaching and talking.
(29:14):
We created an entire workbook.
It's basically everythingthat we would want for ourselves
and we want for other women.
It goes into all of thesesexual struggles
and addictions and all of that.
We have an entire weekwhere we focus on that.
It's it's pretty intenseas far as like
a mentorship goes.
It's not just like,okay, we're going to read this
like little Christianbook and like, oh my goodness,
God loves me at the end.
You know, it's like,no, we're actually
really digging inand going deep.
(29:35):
And all of thatis on our website girl
to find.com.
But we, you know, we knowlike right now
if a woman sitting hereand she's thinking
for as a woman like meand I am struggling
with pornographyor I am struggling
with a really unhealthylike masturbation problem,
we actually createdalso individual
PDF guides that addresseach of these issues,
and those are our topsellers by far.
(29:55):
They're instant downloadable.
They're very cheap.
You can go onto ourwebsite, GirlDefined.com,
go to the shopand you can literally go like
get this, these different guidesand they're going to have
tons of great resources.
We obviously recommendCovenant Eyes
and link to different postsyou'll have
and and just your resourcesand many of these, guides.
But that would bea really helpful resource
because you can you can.
It's a great way to start.
(30:16):
I think that everyone should,should seek
an in-person mentorshipor someone they can talk to
on Zoom.
Like, I just think that'sabsolutely amazing.
But if you're like, man,I want something right now,
I want to jump into somethingright now to really skyrocket
this growth or to really, like,know how to dig into the word,
to know how tonavigate my relationship
with God.
These courses and ebooksand stuff that we offer at Girl
(30:37):
Defined are going to be a great,just like instant first step.
That's awesome. Yeah.
And it sounds like it'sa good course to
if you're looking to maybeeven get into mentorship,
like how tobecome a good mentor.
Yeah. Yeah, I love that.
Well, let's talkalso because I think,
if I'm not mistaken,you also offer
some additional resourcesthrough your own
personal website.
I believe it's calledThe Intimate Wife.
(30:58):
Is that correct?
Yeah. So it's my name.
The website is it'stechnically the Intimate wife,
but it's BethanyBeal.com.
So just my nameis there the landing page?
But yeah,I found that, you know,
there are more and more womenthat are talking about
when it comes to sexand intimacy and marriage.
But I found within my ownjust community of kind of
(31:19):
millennial Christian women,it was just hard to
find, like, really,I mean, for better,
like a word like explicit,almost like
really direct advice.
And there's so many womenwho are like,
we waited till marriageand why is sex, sex
just such a struggle?
Like, why is this sucha disappointment?
Why is this so hard?
Why?
I just feel like I'm broken,you know?
You know,you get you're like, yay,
(31:40):
I made it almost.
And then you're like,man, this kind of sucks,
you know?
And so I just looked around.
I was like, you know,I know a ton of people.
I have just God has blessed mewith a ton of connections
through GirlDefined over the years.
And so I just decided to gathersome of the best
Christian voices and doctorsand experts, really
multiple doctorsthat come in and share
and I interview themand we tackle
(32:00):
all sorts of topicsthat Christian women
specifically arewanting to know when it comes
to sexand intimacy and marriage.
So I created this kind of likemaster course
called the Ultimate Sex Coursefor Christian Women.
And at this point it has,I think like 12 or 13 in-depth
sessions and in-depth workbooklike some of the best voices
in the Christian communitythat come and share. And it's,
I think beyond thousands atthis point of women
(32:22):
have gone through it.
And just the feedbackof women saying,
oh my goodness, like,I cannot believe that
I didn't even understand thisor I didn't know this.
And we do dig into I broughtdoctor on
and she talks about herown personal struggles
with sexual addictionwithin her own marriage,
you know, areasshe was struggling and she talks
because let's be real,you know, like we talked about,
(32:43):
it doesn'tgo away when you get married.
And sometimes new stuff pops upwhen you're married.
And so it's this courseis specifically designed
for women.
But I have had so many husbandswho have purchased it
for their wivesand just said, hey,
I think you couldreally benefit from this.
The outcry was so huge,so I ended up creating
a separate coursefor single women,
and it is truly one of the best,like sexuality
(33:05):
mentorship courses availablefor Christian women
that I have ever seen.
Like, I have never seen anythingthis in depth.
And I look back and I'm like,I so wish I would have had this
when I was single,because there can just
be so much confusion,so many questions,
even a lot of shame ofjust like, is this okay
to have this desireor to feel this way,
or for my body to do thislike I don't know, you know,
can feel really awkward.
So I created a courselike an in-depth sexuality
(33:28):
mentorship coursefor single women.
And then there's kindof an abbreviated one
for really specificallypreparing for the honeymoon.
But I just want to encourageyou, this is these are great
courses to take to help youreally gain a biblical worldview
of what sex and intimacyand sexuality
should even look like.
So many of us, our perspectivesare incredibly messed up
(33:48):
because we pull from Hollywood,we pull from pornography,
we pull fromreally unhealthy relationships,
and we think, oh,I guess this is just normal.
And so taking a step backand really being able to absorb
all of this informationfrom like such a godly,
wise mentorwho have spent their careers,
you know, investingand counseling
thousands of peopleand getting to like,
sit there and learnfrom them is amazing.
(34:10):
So no matter what stage of lifeyou're in,
if you're a woman, single,engaged, or married,
there's a specific sexualitymentorship course for you.
And that'sall on BethanyBeal.com.
That's awesome.
We need more resourceslike that, honestly,
because I thinkthat's one thing you know,
the church fallsshort in that area
of talking about anythingkind of related to sex.
And certainlythey're getting better
at talking about those topicsand pornography.
(34:31):
But we you know,we have a lot of young women
out there getting marriedand don't have all the answers.
And Hollywood and cultureare happy
to fill in the blanks, which,you know,
they provide a very badlook at what intimacy
looks like so well.
It's so crazy to me, too.
How like so, so many people,they're like, it's hilarious.
They're like, aren't you?
Like, this is really bull.
Like, I can't believe you'remaking these courses
(34:53):
and like, offering this stuff.
And I'm like, what do youwhat with Christian women doing?
Just like,are we left to Google?
Like,if we're not going to be like
taught and helped by godlyChristian people,
what is the other optionyou just like
invented in our brain, you know?
So I just thinkit's this hilarious, like,
I don't know, worldwhere Christians are like,
we're so under-equipped.
(35:14):
And then a lot of them like,oh no, someone's
talking about it, you know?
And I think they'reobviously like mature or wise,
healthy ways to communicate.
It doesn't have to be all justcompletely vulgar, you know?
But, I just I'mso passionate about it.
And so even,you know, people in my own
family are like,oh, that's that's
so embarrassing, you know?
And I'm like, I don't care.
Like, it doesn't embarrass me.
And I think it's so needed.
And I hear from enough womenand, and, you know, even
(35:36):
from my own experiencethat I'm like, this is this
is something that's needed.
And I don't, you know,if other people think I'm weird,
that's okay, because I thinkthe benefit is far more then
and then.
Absolutely. And you're right.
I mean,people will just Google it
or go out to cultureto get answers.
So and that'swhat our young people
are doing, unfortunately.
And that's how a lot of themget lured into pornography.
(35:56):
And that's where they gettheir sexual education.
So as Christians,I think we need to fight back.
We need to providegood information.
So thank you so much, Bethany.
You know, as we bring today'sepisode to a close,
I'd love to share how people canget in touch with you.
I know you've saida few of the websites
and places,but if you wouldn't mind
just repeating thosefor our listeners
and telling them about anythingnew that's on the horizon
(36:16):
for you guys.
Yeah, well,Kristin and I have six books
that have released,and the one that
probably be likesuper helpful for,
you know, obviously for womenspecifically,
but it's called Sex Purity,and the Longings
of, of a Girl’s Heart.
And it's just anamazing resource
that would really helpwomen take a deep
dive in understandingwhat is God's
good design for my sexuality.
(36:37):
Sometimes it canfeel like a curse.
Sometimes it can feel like,oh am
I just going to have to, like,suppress these longings forever.
What do I do with this?
And Sex Purity, and the Longingsof, of a Girl’s Heart is just an
incredible resource,whether you're single
or married.
It's one two.
If you are a mentoror you're someone who
maybe has some experienceand you're like,
hey, I've been married, orI feel confident
that I could at leastopen a book and walk
(36:58):
through this with other people.
I would encourage you.
Sex, Purity, and the Longingsof, of a Girl’s
Heart has a study guideat the end of each chapter,
so you literally don'thave to do anything.
You could just invitea couple friends
younger your same age and say,hey, let's
read through this book togetherand you can be one of the ones
to change the conversation.
You can beone of the ones to say, hey,
I know we all have questions.
We all have struggles.
Let's work on this together.
And I have just seen likewhen women step out and do that
(37:21):
so often,the response is so positive.
And just like think youfor doing this.
I've had mom say like, okay,I decided to do this
with my daughter.
And she's like,I was feeling uncomfortable
because I'm like,we haven't talked
about this stuff,but the daughters
are super open and like,oh yeah, this is I totally like
I see thator we struggled with that
in the moms.
Like, this is great.
But just, you know,she didn't feel confident enough
(37:41):
to bring up the topicfor herself.
So our book is a great wayto kind of take
those awkward topics and,and basically be the middle guy
so you don't haveto bring them up.
So I definitely recommendthat you can get on audio,
Amazon, all those places.
And then for all of ourlike instant accessible sources
or our mentorship course,go to girl to find.com.
And then if you wantthe in-depth
(38:01):
sexuality mentorship,marriage intimacy courses,
those are allat BethanyBeal.com Awesome.
All right.
Well, we'll put all those linksin our show notes.
And I want to thank youfor an amazing conversation,
something thatdoes not get talked and talked
about enough around here,but I'm glad that you were able
to share with our listenersyour heart and your ministry,
and thank you for what you do.
(38:22):
Bethany. Absolutely.
Thanks for having me on, Karen.
Absolutely.
To all of our listeners,thanks for tuning in
to this episodeof The Covenant Eyes Podcast.
We'll see you next time.
Be sure to share this episodefar and wide
and we'll see you again soon.
Bye bye.
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