May 4, 2026 • 18 mins
#137 I ripped up our D/s contract… more than once.
If your dynamic feels off, it might not be your partner. It’s often subtle patterns that keep you stuck. In this episode, I break down the hidden mistakes that quietly stall your growth as a Dom or sub.
Ready to grow your D/s dynamic? Hit play and start leveling up now.
➡️ Kink Personality Type Quiz: https://domsubliving.com/quiz
➡️ Step-by-step Dom Sub Training course: https://domsubtraining.com
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SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
So I ripped up our DS contract more than once.
And instead of talking it outlike an adult, I just rage quit
the whole dynamic.
That was just one of themistakes I made as a newbie
kinkster.
But today I'm sharing the fiveBDSM mistakes that keep you
stuck as a Dom or Sab.
(00:20):
Because if I'd known theseearlier, it would have saved me
so much time and heartache.
Let's get into it.
Welcome to the Dom Sub-LivingPodcast.
This is really embarrassing, butI'm sharing it all today.
I'm not holding back.
I'm pulling back the curtain andsharing the newbie mistakes that
(00:43):
I made when I first started out.
And that way you don't have tomake those same mistakes too.
So whether you're just startingout or you have been exploring
in the lifestyle for a while,these reflections will save you
from some awkward situations anda lot of heartache.
So let's dive in and break downmy mistakes so you can continue
(01:04):
to grow in your BDSM journey.
So my first mistake, my firstnewbie mistake, was buying too
much gear instead of focusing onother skills and mindset.
So I remember when I got myfirst collar, I was super
excited.
I thought I was finally anofficial sub, and I was just so
(01:26):
excited to have that collar.
Like more excited to have thecollar than actually be a
submissive.
And new gear can be reallyexciting.
It's something new to play with,something new to learn.
New hobbies are always fun.
So getting new gear, there'sthere's nothing wrong with being
excited to have new gear.
(01:47):
But it distracted me from themore essential parts of BDSM.
And our toy collection quicklygrew.
We got paddles, every restraintyou can think of, handcuffs,
ankle cuffs, leashes, we gotfloggers and writing crops.
(02:07):
And so just all the things, ballgags, all of it that was out
there, you name it, we had it.
But I was more concerned aboutthe toys in the gear than really
focusing on my submission andbeing obedient to my Dom and
being attentive to him and justforgetting why I wanted to be a
(02:30):
submissive in the first place.
So some things I was neglectingwas things like communication.
Communication is so essential asa Dom subcouple.
Um, that's how you grow, that'show you progress.
I was also neglecting the areaof trust and learning how to
(02:53):
know what I needed to build thattrust in my DOM and to
communicate to my Dom what Ineeded to build trust in him.
I should have been prioritizingthe emotional connection over
the material possessions and allthe gear, all the pain
implements, and I should havebeen focusing on the more
(03:14):
important things.
So again, what I should havedone and what you can do too is
just start with minimal gear.
So just things like a simplecollar, a couple restraints, and
maybe one pain implement, likeone flogger, one paddle, and
focus more on the emotional, thepsychological aspects of BDSM
(03:40):
before you move on.
Because there's always going tobe new gear.
Even at this point in myrelationship, when we've done
everything, we've triedeverything, I still see new toys
and gears and get super excitedand want to try those.
So you're not missing anything.
Those toys and gears will alwaysbe there.
There's going to be new releasesall the time.
(04:03):
So have that good foundationfirst before you start building
your toy collection.
So again, just keep focusing onbuilding those essential skills
like dominance, submission,control, um, all those things,
obedience, and just reallyunderstanding basic BDSM
principles like um consent andsafety before you move on to
(04:29):
more and more complex gear.
So that was my first mistake,buying too much gear instead of
focusing on other skills andmindset.
So my second newbie mistake isprobably one that you know I'm
gonna say, and that was toppingfrom the bottom.
So maybe you've heard of toppingfrom the bottom before, maybe
(04:51):
you've heard negative thingsabout it or you've heard
misconceptions.
But basically, what topping fromthe bottom is, is just when the
submissive takes on more of thedominant role in the
relationship.
And there can also be bottomingfrom the top where the DOM kind
of takes on a more submissiverole in the relationship.
(05:12):
I really struggled with this inthe beginning because honestly,
I am very feminist.
I am pretty stubborn andindependent.
So this was hard to kind of giveup some of my own preferences
and really look to my Dom totake the lead.
(05:33):
So how this manifested in ourrelationship is I would really
start to dictate things a lot.
And when my Dom would, you know,say what we were gonna do, I
would kind of just be like,well, actually, I thought maybe
we should do it this way andjust kind of try to bend him to
(05:55):
what I really wanted.
And then another way itmanifested is I safe worded a
lot.
So let me say first of all thatsafe wording is extremely
important.
It's a way for a submissive tostay safe, and a DOM should
always respect their son's safewords.
(06:15):
So only the submissive knows ifthey are really truly safe
wording because they are attheir limit or close to it.
But what was happening in mycase is I was safe wording all
the time just because I waseither lazy, didn't want to do
something, I was just feeling alittle uncomfortable, or I just
(06:37):
plain didn't want to dosomething.
So I would say red wasn't that Iwas at my limit, wasn't that I
was even close to my limit.
It was just that I didn't wantto put forth the effort and do
what my dominant was wanting.
And so why this is such aproblem is because it can
(06:58):
frustrate the DOM becausethey're trying their best to be
dominant, to take the lead.
And if the submissive isconstantly pushing back or just
safe wording just to safe word,doesn't really have a good
reason.
Again, I'm I'm not saying at allthat a sub should not safe word.
I'm just saying that only thesubmissive knows if it's truly
(07:20):
genuine.
But the bottom line is thattopping from the bottom really
just makes the Dom lessenthusiastic to take the lead
over their sub.
And it kind of just takes awaythe whole point and the benefit
of being a sub.
I wanted to be a sub so my Domcould take the lead, that I
(07:42):
could be useful to them and theycan use me.
And me topping from the bottomjust undermined all of that.
So there was really no point tomy submission anymore.
I wasn't getting what I needed,he wasn't getting what he
needed.
So instead of topping from thebottom, like I did a lot, you
need to communicate your needsand desires effectively without
(08:05):
undermining that establisheddynamic.
So one of the ways you can dothis is with journaling.
So journaling gives thesubmissive and the DOM a safe
place to kind of vent theirthoughts, to kind of brain dump
so that way they can be in abetter headspace and a clearer
headspace to then fulfill theirrole.
(08:27):
Also, check-ins are extremelyimportant.
So these could be things like adaily check-in where the sub can
kneel and really express openlyhow they're feeling, or
something that we like to do asa weekly check-in before my dom
goes to work.
And that way we're both on thesame page.
If I'm needing him to be moredominant, I can express that.
(08:50):
If he's needing me to be moresubmissive, he can express that
too.
And it's all about how youcommunicate.
So being respectful, recognizingyour partner's role.
These are all things that go along way.
Also using your partner'shonorifics.
So if you call your partner sir,or if you're DDLG and you call
(09:12):
your partner daddy, or you'rethe Dom and you call your
partner um baby girl or littleone, using those honorifics can
really help to keep you in themindset and keep you from
topping from the bottom.
So that was my second newbiemistake, topping from the
bottom.
And mistake number three was notgoing to in-person events.
(09:36):
When I first started being inthe lifestyle, I was so nervous
about going to different groupsand in-person events.
I was afraid that I wouldn't fitin.
I was afraid that I was too mucha newbie and people wouldn't
recognize that right off the batthat, you know, people would
(09:57):
laugh at me and laugh at myskills.
I was afraid that I wasn'tpretty enough, that I would
stick out like a sore thumb.
I thought I was too old.
So all of these reasons held meback.
Plus, I have social anxiety.
So just overall, I am a reallyanxious person and especially
meeting new people, being in newenvironments.
(10:18):
So I really held back from beinga part of the BDSM community in
person.
But going to these in-persongroups and events is so
important when you're newbecause it gives you a chance to
meet people in the lifestyle,see that they are just like you.
There's people of all genders,people of all ages, all
(10:42):
nationalities, all skill levels,and they have this passion for
BDSM and the Dom sub lifestyle.
And you build this huge supportsystem that is just so valuable
when you're first starting out.
You can bounce ideas off ofthem, get advice and feedback.
It's just, I highly, highlyrecommend it.
(11:04):
And I always say that it takes avillage to raise a kingster.
So by us not going to thesein-person events and groups, it
just really held us back.
It held us back from growing asindividuals and also growing in
our relationship and just reallybeing a part of the community.
(11:26):
And because we didn't haveanyone to talk to other than
each other, really, we wereconstantly feeling like, am I
doing this right?
Are we doing this right?
And it just really, reallystunted our growth.
And now I know it can be hard tofind groups and events in your
area, even if you're in a smallrural town.
(11:48):
So if you're a DOM subtrainingmember of our course, definitely
check out the resources therebecause we have directories for
finding these types of events inyour local area and just lots of
tips for how to navigate them asa newbie.
So if you're a member of thatcourse, definitely check out the
resources there.
So that was my third mistake,which was not going to in-person
(12:12):
events.
Now, my fourth newbie mistakewas putting too much reliance on
my Dom.
So within a Dom subrelationship, independence and
personal responsibility is soimportant.
I try to remember that I'm asubmissive first and a partner
(12:35):
second.
And so even if I didn't have apartner, I would still consider
myself a submissive.
It's it's part of my identity,and it should be the way for
DOMs too, that they should be adominant, whether or not they
even have a partner.
But in the beginning, I reallyjust over-relied on my DOM and
(12:58):
sort of just created thiscodependent relationship and
just expected him to doeverything and just be in charge
of education for both of us,learning and growing for both of
us, and me not doing my part.
So it created really thisimbalance dynamic, and it really
(13:19):
hindered my personal growth andhis growth too.
So some reliance on your partneris okay and is actually healthy,
but you still want to focus onyour own growth too, and not
just your relationship either.
You should be concerned aboutyour own individual identity
too, and what you want out ofyour role.
(13:41):
So, some ways to do this, evenif you're a dom or sub, have
hobbies, make friends.
So friends in the community,even have hobbies that are, you
know, part of the lifestyle,things like self-tying,
exercise, meditation, tons offorms of self-care.
These are all really, reallygood to again build that
(14:04):
foundation so that you don'thave that unhealthy, codependent
relationship.
So that was my fourth mistake,which was putting too much
reliance on my Dom.
So my fifth newbie mistake wasquitting every time it got hard.
So this is really embarrassing.
But when we first started out, Iat one time ripped up our
(14:30):
contract.
And I ripped it up more thanonce.
So when maybe we had adisagreement or I wasn't getting
my needs and wants met, andinstead of communicating
maturely and having discussionsand being patient, I was very
(14:52):
bratty and not in a good way.
I would just rip up the contractand say, it's over.
I'm not doing this anymore.
And part of the reason why I didthat looking back was just
practicing BDSM.
It's emotionally intense.
It's it's not for the faint ofheart.
(15:13):
It's very hard.
You have to be extremelyvulnerable.
And so to put myself out therein such a vulnerable state of
mind and to have it not go theway I wanted and I thought it
should go and I dreamed of and Iexpected it to go, it would just
really, really upset me.
(15:33):
And so I would lash out.
So there was lots of times Ifelt like quitting and just
whenever we had a lapse incommunication, or I didn't feel
like my Dom was being consistentenough.
But eventually, by workingthrough those challenges, I
learned that I can do hardthings, that we could do hard
(15:57):
things too, and that we had toreally put our heads together
and problem solve, get brutallyhonest with each other about
what we wanted, what we needed.
And when we did have an argumentor a disagreement, because they
still happen, we have to figureout what went wrong and learn
(16:20):
how we can be more successful inthe future.
And one thing that we did dothat really, really helped is we
we got help from kink-friendlytherapists.
So, you know, psychologists,counselors that were
kink-friendly, and that canreally help us work out these
issues that we were having inthe beginning of our
(16:41):
relationship.
And again, if you're a member ofour DOM sub training course,
check out the resource sectionbecause we have links for how to
find kink-friendly therapists inyour area.
So definitely check that out.
But so perseverance,communication, seeking support
from the community and fromkink-friendly therapists, all
(17:01):
those things were really vitalfor getting to where we are now,
which is a healthy dom subdynamic, a fun and kinky
dynamic.
And we are 24-7 full-time TPE,and so we're in a really good
place.
So those were my five newbiemistakes.
So number one, buying too muchgear instead of focusing on
(17:25):
other skills and mindset, two,topping from the bottom, three,
not going to in-person events,and four, putting too much
reliance on my DOM, and five,quitting every time it got hard.
So I want you to approach yourBDSM journey with an open mind
(17:45):
and just be willing to learnfrom your mistakes and learn
from your experiences so thatyou can grow and evolve too,
whether you're a DOM, a sub, ora Switch.
And feel free to reach out to meand share your experiences.
And you can also give your ownnewbie advice in the comments
(18:07):
too.
And remember, you can take ourkink personality type quiz that
will tell you not only whereyou're at in the spectrum at the
BDSM lifestyle, but it alsogives you a personalized action
plan so you can make realprogress as a Dom or sub.
And you can take the quiz forfree at Domsubliving.com slash
quiz.
It's really fun, really quick.
(18:28):
And again, that's atDomsubliving.com slash quiz.
I hope you enjoyed this episode.
Thank you for joining me andbeing a part of the Dom
Subliving community.
You can check out all of thedetails and links for this
episode in the description andshow notes.
And be sure to hit subscribe soyou never miss an episode.
But until next time, keepembracing your power and
pleasure through Dom Subliving.
So I ripped up our DS contract more than once.
And instead of talking it outlike an adult, I just rage quit
the whole dynamic.
That was just one of themistakes I made as a newbie
kinkster.
But today I'm sharing the fiveBDSM mistakes that keep you
stuck as a Dom or Sab.
(00:20):
Because if I'd known theseearlier, it would have saved me
so much time and heartache.
Let's get into it.
Welcome to the Dom Sub-LivingPodcast.
This is really embarrassing, butI'm sharing it all today.
I'm not holding back.
I'm pulling back the curtain andsharing the newbie mistakes that
(00:43):
I made when I first started out.
And that way you don't have tomake those same mistakes too.
So whether you're just startingout or you have been exploring
in the lifestyle for a while,these reflections will save you
from some awkward situations anda lot of heartache.
So let's dive in and break downmy mistakes so you can continue
(01:04):
to grow in your BDSM journey.
So my first mistake, my firstnewbie mistake, was buying too
much gear instead of focusing onother skills and mindset.
So I remember when I got myfirst collar, I was super
excited.
I thought I was finally anofficial sub, and I was just so
(01:26):
excited to have that collar.
Like more excited to have thecollar than actually be a
submissive.
And new gear can be reallyexciting.
It's something new to play with,something new to learn.
New hobbies are always fun.
So getting new gear, there'sthere's nothing wrong with being
excited to have new gear.
(01:47):
But it distracted me from themore essential parts of BDSM.
And our toy collection quicklygrew.
We got paddles, every restraintyou can think of, handcuffs,
ankle cuffs, leashes, we gotfloggers and writing crops.
(02:07):
And so just all the things, ballgags, all of it that was out
there, you name it, we had it.
But I was more concerned aboutthe toys in the gear than really
focusing on my submission andbeing obedient to my Dom and
being attentive to him and justforgetting why I wanted to be a
(02:30):
submissive in the first place.
So some things I was neglectingwas things like communication.
Communication is so essential asa Dom subcouple.
Um, that's how you grow, that'show you progress.
I was also neglecting the areaof trust and learning how to
(02:53):
know what I needed to build thattrust in my DOM and to
communicate to my Dom what Ineeded to build trust in him.
I should have been prioritizingthe emotional connection over
the material possessions and allthe gear, all the pain
implements, and I should havebeen focusing on the more
(03:14):
important things.
So again, what I should havedone and what you can do too is
just start with minimal gear.
So just things like a simplecollar, a couple restraints, and
maybe one pain implement, likeone flogger, one paddle, and
focus more on the emotional, thepsychological aspects of BDSM
(03:40):
before you move on.
Because there's always going tobe new gear.
Even at this point in myrelationship, when we've done
everything, we've triedeverything, I still see new toys
and gears and get super excitedand want to try those.
So you're not missing anything.
Those toys and gears will alwaysbe there.
There's going to be new releasesall the time.
(04:03):
So have that good foundationfirst before you start building
your toy collection.
So again, just keep focusing onbuilding those essential skills
like dominance, submission,control, um, all those things,
obedience, and just reallyunderstanding basic BDSM
principles like um consent andsafety before you move on to
(04:29):
more and more complex gear.
So that was my first mistake,buying too much gear instead of
focusing on other skills andmindset.
So my second newbie mistake isprobably one that you know I'm
gonna say, and that was toppingfrom the bottom.
So maybe you've heard of toppingfrom the bottom before, maybe
(04:51):
you've heard negative thingsabout it or you've heard
misconceptions.
But basically, what topping fromthe bottom is, is just when the
submissive takes on more of thedominant role in the
relationship.
And there can also be bottomingfrom the top where the DOM kind
of takes on a more submissiverole in the relationship.
(05:12):
I really struggled with this inthe beginning because honestly,
I am very feminist.
I am pretty stubborn andindependent.
So this was hard to kind of giveup some of my own preferences
and really look to my Dom totake the lead.
(05:33):
So how this manifested in ourrelationship is I would really
start to dictate things a lot.
And when my Dom would, you know,say what we were gonna do, I
would kind of just be like,well, actually, I thought maybe
we should do it this way andjust kind of try to bend him to
(05:55):
what I really wanted.
And then another way itmanifested is I safe worded a
lot.
So let me say first of all thatsafe wording is extremely
important.
It's a way for a submissive tostay safe, and a DOM should
always respect their son's safewords.
(06:15):
So only the submissive knows ifthey are really truly safe
wording because they are attheir limit or close to it.
But what was happening in mycase is I was safe wording all
the time just because I waseither lazy, didn't want to do
something, I was just feeling alittle uncomfortable, or I just
(06:37):
plain didn't want to dosomething.
So I would say red wasn't that Iwas at my limit, wasn't that I
was even close to my limit.
It was just that I didn't wantto put forth the effort and do
what my dominant was wanting.
And so why this is such aproblem is because it can
(06:58):
frustrate the DOM becausethey're trying their best to be
dominant, to take the lead.
And if the submissive isconstantly pushing back or just
safe wording just to safe word,doesn't really have a good
reason.
Again, I'm I'm not saying at allthat a sub should not safe word.
I'm just saying that only thesubmissive knows if it's truly
(07:20):
genuine.
But the bottom line is thattopping from the bottom really
just makes the Dom lessenthusiastic to take the lead
over their sub.
And it kind of just takes awaythe whole point and the benefit
of being a sub.
I wanted to be a sub so my Domcould take the lead, that I
(07:42):
could be useful to them and theycan use me.
And me topping from the bottomjust undermined all of that.
So there was really no point tomy submission anymore.
I wasn't getting what I needed,he wasn't getting what he
needed.
So instead of topping from thebottom, like I did a lot, you
need to communicate your needsand desires effectively without
(08:05):
undermining that establisheddynamic.
So one of the ways you can dothis is with journaling.
So journaling gives thesubmissive and the DOM a safe
place to kind of vent theirthoughts, to kind of brain dump
so that way they can be in abetter headspace and a clearer
headspace to then fulfill theirrole.
(08:27):
Also, check-ins are extremelyimportant.
So these could be things like adaily check-in where the sub can
kneel and really express openlyhow they're feeling, or
something that we like to do asa weekly check-in before my dom
goes to work.
And that way we're both on thesame page.
If I'm needing him to be moredominant, I can express that.
(08:50):
If he's needing me to be moresubmissive, he can express that
too.
And it's all about how youcommunicate.
So being respectful, recognizingyour partner's role.
These are all things that go along way.
Also using your partner'shonorifics.
So if you call your partner sir,or if you're DDLG and you call
(09:12):
your partner daddy, or you'rethe Dom and you call your
partner um baby girl or littleone, using those honorifics can
really help to keep you in themindset and keep you from
topping from the bottom.
So that was my second newbiemistake, topping from the
bottom.
And mistake number three was notgoing to in-person events.
(09:36):
When I first started being inthe lifestyle, I was so nervous
about going to different groupsand in-person events.
I was afraid that I wouldn't fitin.
I was afraid that I was too mucha newbie and people wouldn't
recognize that right off the batthat, you know, people would
(09:57):
laugh at me and laugh at myskills.
I was afraid that I wasn'tpretty enough, that I would
stick out like a sore thumb.
I thought I was too old.
So all of these reasons held meback.
Plus, I have social anxiety.
So just overall, I am a reallyanxious person and especially
meeting new people, being in newenvironments.
(10:18):
So I really held back from beinga part of the BDSM community in
person.
But going to these in-persongroups and events is so
important when you're newbecause it gives you a chance to
meet people in the lifestyle,see that they are just like you.
There's people of all genders,people of all ages, all
(10:42):
nationalities, all skill levels,and they have this passion for
BDSM and the Dom sub lifestyle.
And you build this huge supportsystem that is just so valuable
when you're first starting out.
You can bounce ideas off ofthem, get advice and feedback.
It's just, I highly, highlyrecommend it.
(11:04):
And I always say that it takes avillage to raise a kingster.
So by us not going to thesein-person events and groups, it
just really held us back.
It held us back from growing asindividuals and also growing in
our relationship and just reallybeing a part of the community.
(11:26):
And because we didn't haveanyone to talk to other than
each other, really, we wereconstantly feeling like, am I
doing this right?
Are we doing this right?
And it just really, reallystunted our growth.
And now I know it can be hard tofind groups and events in your
area, even if you're in a smallrural town.
(11:48):
So if you're a DOM subtrainingmember of our course, definitely
check out the resources therebecause we have directories for
finding these types of events inyour local area and just lots of
tips for how to navigate them asa newbie.
So if you're a member of thatcourse, definitely check out the
resources there.
So that was my third mistake,which was not going to in-person
(12:12):
events.
Now, my fourth newbie mistakewas putting too much reliance on
my Dom.
So within a Dom subrelationship, independence and
personal responsibility is soimportant.
I try to remember that I'm asubmissive first and a partner
(12:35):
second.
And so even if I didn't have apartner, I would still consider
myself a submissive.
It's it's part of my identity,and it should be the way for
DOMs too, that they should be adominant, whether or not they
even have a partner.
But in the beginning, I reallyjust over-relied on my DOM and
(12:58):
sort of just created thiscodependent relationship and
just expected him to doeverything and just be in charge
of education for both of us,learning and growing for both of
us, and me not doing my part.
So it created really thisimbalance dynamic, and it really
(13:19):
hindered my personal growth andhis growth too.
So some reliance on your partneris okay and is actually healthy,
but you still want to focus onyour own growth too, and not
just your relationship either.
You should be concerned aboutyour own individual identity
too, and what you want out ofyour role.
(13:41):
So, some ways to do this, evenif you're a dom or sub, have
hobbies, make friends.
So friends in the community,even have hobbies that are, you
know, part of the lifestyle,things like self-tying,
exercise, meditation, tons offorms of self-care.
These are all really, reallygood to again build that
(14:04):
foundation so that you don'thave that unhealthy, codependent
relationship.
So that was my fourth mistake,which was putting too much
reliance on my Dom.
So my fifth newbie mistake wasquitting every time it got hard.
So this is really embarrassing.
But when we first started out, Iat one time ripped up our
(14:30):
contract.
And I ripped it up more thanonce.
So when maybe we had adisagreement or I wasn't getting
my needs and wants met, andinstead of communicating
maturely and having discussionsand being patient, I was very
(14:52):
bratty and not in a good way.
I would just rip up the contractand say, it's over.
I'm not doing this anymore.
And part of the reason why I didthat looking back was just
practicing BDSM.
It's emotionally intense.
It's it's not for the faint ofheart.
(15:13):
It's very hard.
You have to be extremelyvulnerable.
And so to put myself out therein such a vulnerable state of
mind and to have it not go theway I wanted and I thought it
should go and I dreamed of and Iexpected it to go, it would just
really, really upset me.
(15:33):
And so I would lash out.
So there was lots of times Ifelt like quitting and just
whenever we had a lapse incommunication, or I didn't feel
like my Dom was being consistentenough.
But eventually, by workingthrough those challenges, I
learned that I can do hardthings, that we could do hard
(15:57):
things too, and that we had toreally put our heads together
and problem solve, get brutallyhonest with each other about
what we wanted, what we needed.
And when we did have an argumentor a disagreement, because they
still happen, we have to figureout what went wrong and learn
(16:20):
how we can be more successful inthe future.
And one thing that we did dothat really, really helped is we
we got help from kink-friendlytherapists.
So, you know, psychologists,counselors that were
kink-friendly, and that canreally help us work out these
issues that we were having inthe beginning of our
(16:41):
relationship.
And again, if you're a member ofour DOM sub training course,
check out the resource sectionbecause we have links for how to
find kink-friendly therapists inyour area.
So definitely check that out.
But so perseverance,communication, seeking support
from the community and fromkink-friendly therapists, all
(17:01):
those things were really vitalfor getting to where we are now,
which is a healthy dom subdynamic, a fun and kinky
dynamic.
And we are 24-7 full-time TPE,and so we're in a really good
place.
So those were my five newbiemistakes.
So number one, buying too muchgear instead of focusing on
(17:25):
other skills and mindset, two,topping from the bottom, three,
not going to in-person events,and four, putting too much
reliance on my DOM, and five,quitting every time it got hard.
So I want you to approach yourBDSM journey with an open mind
(17:45):
and just be willing to learnfrom your mistakes and learn
from your experiences so thatyou can grow and evolve too,
whether you're a DOM, a sub, ora Switch.
And feel free to reach out to meand share your experiences.
And you can also give your ownnewbie advice in the comments
(18:07):
too.
And remember, you can take ourkink personality type quiz that
will tell you not only whereyou're at in the spectrum at the
BDSM lifestyle, but it alsogives you a personalized action
plan so you can make realprogress as a Dom or sub.
And you can take the quiz forfree at Domsubliving.com slash
quiz.
It's really fun, really quick.
(18:28):
And again, that's atDomsubliving.com slash quiz.
I hope you enjoyed this episode.
Thank you for joining me andbeing a part of the Dom
Subliving community.
You can check out all of thedetails and links for this
episode in the description andshow notes.
And be sure to hit subscribe soyou never miss an episode.
But until next time, keepembracing your power and
pleasure through Dom Subliving.
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