The Hard Truth About Inconsistent Doms

#149 How many times should you believe, 'I'll do better'? Whether you're the Dom struggling to stay consistent or the submissive wondering how much longer to wait, this episode is for you. Learn how to identify the real problem, improve communication, and decide whether your D/s dynamic is worth fighting for. Listen now before making a decision you'll regret.

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
If your partner keeps saying, I'll do better,
but nothing really changes, atwhat point do you stop waiting?
That's exactly what we'reunpacking today.
Because before you make thedecision to stay and fight for
your relationship or walk away,there are a few things you need
to consider.
Welcome to the Dom Sub LivingPodcast.

(00:22):
Today's episode comes from aquestion someone asked me during
a private QA inside one of myprograms.
I love this question because Iknow it's something so many
people struggle with, but veryfew people actually talk about
out loud.
If you've ever felt torn betweenloving your partner and

(00:43):
wondering whether your needs areever really going to be met, I
think you're going to get a lotout of today's answer.
Here's the question.
So Michaela said, How do you goabout when you're wanting more
as a submissive, realizing thateven though your Dom is
acknowledging the inconsistencyon his side and wanting to be

(01:05):
better, although it'sshort-lived, but he's just not
able to give that much.
I do love him and enjoy ourdynamic for what it is, but I
also need more structureaccountability.
Is it better to maybe end ourdynamic or maybe suggest that I
look for disciplinary type, um,a disciplinary type DOM?
My first advice would just, youknow, I can't say this enough,

(01:29):
but like you might want to trygoing to therapy together, you
know, finding a kink-friendlytherapist.
I know lots of the speakershave, you know, shared um
different ways you can findking-friendly therapists.
You can always check ourresources in the DOM sub
training course, but um that'salways an option.
And just remembering like, whydo you want a more disciplinary

(01:55):
type of DOM?
So, like tackling that first,like what is coming from that
desire to have a disciplinaryDOM?
Um, you know, is it just, youknow, for the thrill of it, or
it just sounds good, or that'swhat you hear other subs have,
but like really figuring out whydo you want that and why do you
need that?
Because sometimes when we likego to like the actual core of

(02:17):
what we want, it doesn't mean wealways have to get that from our
partner.
And also too, like sometimesthese same issues will follow us
no matter the partner that wehave.
You know, if we're, you know,constantly wanting more, more
and more consistency, more andmore disciplinary, we want them
harsher, you know, that'sprobably gonna follow you no

(02:39):
matter, you know, which partneryou have, because no partner is
perfect.
So just remembering that too.
So just trying to look for howcan you provide those things you
want in yourself?
How can you be more strict withyourself?
And but then also approach yourpartner and just asking them,
like, how can you make it easierfor them?

(03:02):
And communicating how importantit is for you, and communicating
too that it's getting to thepoint where you're feeling like
it may have to end.
Because sometimes a partner,like you said, in your case,
they may keep saying, Well, youknow, okay, I'll try to be
better, I'll try to be better.
And then, you know, that lasts afew days, maybe a few weeks.

(03:23):
But if they knew it's to thepoint where you're like, Well, I
kind of want to leave now, I'mnot getting my needs met, then
that may be enough to like showthem how serious you are.
Um, so definitely communicate init, you know, whether or not any
of us leaves a dynamic, it's youknow, it's totally up to you as
the individual.

(03:43):
But I would say exhaust all yourother options, go to, you know,
a king-friendly therapist, youknow, try to get to the root of
why you're wanting these things.
That way you don't like carrythese issues into other
relationships and just reallycommunicate with your partner as
much as you can.
But I do hope it goes well foryou.

(04:04):
Okay, so the biggest takeaway Iwant to leave you with is this.
Before you end a relationship,make sure you're solving the
right problem.
Sometimes the issue is yourpartner, sometimes it's your
expectations.
And sometimes it's just that thetwo of you haven't had the
honest conversations orexhausted the options that could

(04:27):
still make your dynamic thrive.
Whatever you decide, make sureit's a decision you can make
from a place of calmness andunderstanding and not just
frustration.
I hope this gave you someclarity.
And if you're sitting therethinking, okay, but what about
my situation?
I'd love to help.

(04:48):
And inside my all access pass,members get to ask me their
questions privately every month,and I personally answer each one
one on one.
So if you like that kind ofpersonalized guidance for your
own dynamic, you can learn moreat domsubliving.comslash all
access or just click the link inthe description.

(05:09):
Thanks so much for listening,and until next time, keep
embracing your power andpleasure through Dom Subliving.