What Should a Submissive Actually Be Doing in 24/7 D/s?

#140 “Am I supposed to just wait for direction… or take initiative?" If you’re new to a 24/7 D/s dynamic, this episode is for you.

We're sharing advice for submissives and Dominants on communication, structure, expectations, proactive service, and building a real-world power exchange relationship that actually works long term.

Listen now and see if you’ve been making this common D/s mistake.

➡️ The Ultimate Guide on How to Be a Submissive: https://domsubliving.com/sub

➡️ All-Access Pass: https://domsubliving.com/allaccess

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
One of the biggest mistakes people make in a 24-7

(00:03):
DS dynamic is assuming thesubmissive should either do
everything automatically ornothing unless they're told.
And to be honest, both of thosecan create a ton of frustration
in a relationship.
Let's show you what to doinstead.
Welcome to the Dom Sub-LivingPodcast.
Hey, it's Alessandra, andtoday's episode is a little

(00:26):
different.
This one actually comes fromJay, my Dom.
He answered this question insideone of our programs.
And honestly, when I went backand listened to it, I knew it
needed to be on the podcast.
Because if you're newer to a24-7 dynamic and you're sitting
there wondering if you're evendoing this right, this is

(00:46):
exactly what you need to hear.
Let's listen in.

SPEAKER_01 (00:50):
So Sarah says, my partner and I recently went from
being in an intermittenttop-bottom relationship to
pursuing a 24-7 DS lifestyle.
My question as a fairly new subis what am I supposed to be
doing?
Am I supposed to be waiting forhim to always take the lead, or
am I supposed to be moreproactive in things?

(01:12):
Well, Sarah, thanks for askingthis question.
Common for newer subs to havethe like, am I doing it right?
You know, kind of question.
So definitely glad you asked.
So if you haven't alreadychecked out, um if you haven't
seen it, we have an article onthe website uh called the

(01:32):
Ultimate Guide, How to BeSubmissive.
And we'll put a link to thatwith the video so you can check
that out if you haven't.
And that will give you, youknow, a lot of good guidelines,
maybe some reminders.
Uh might have some things youhaven't thought of.
Uh, so that might help you.
Looking at your question, itlooks like you went from kind of
an on and off thing, maybebedroom only, or just kind of

(01:55):
playing around, to now like amore uh structured 24-7 type of
dynamic.
And that definitely can changethings because now there's a
whole lot more control involved,a lot more attention involved, a
lot more planning and thingslike that that you need to work
on as a DOM.
So from the subs perspective, itcan be a little bit challenging

(02:18):
because you're looking to theDOM for structure and now in all
areas of your life, not just youknow, during the playtime or or
the on time, um, if that makessense.
So, what I my advice would bealways comes back to
communication.
There's something you're feelinglike, am I doing this right?

(02:39):
What am I supposed to be doing?
I'm a little unsure what Ishould be doing.
The very first thing you shoulddo is communicate that.
No DOM wants their sub tocontinually like wonder, like,
am I doing this right?
They want to know like they'vegot like precise direction, that
they know what's expected, howto follow it, and they know that

(02:59):
all I have to do is follow XYZand I'm doing it right.
Not that they don't wantreassurance still, but but for
the most part, it's kind of thatsimple.
So if it's not being laid outfor you in a way that you
understand, so you understandyour role and know what's
expected so that you know thenhow to fulfill it, if that makes

(03:23):
sense, then you need todefinitely communicate that with
your DOM.
And how to go about that wouldbe you can either wait till
there's your check-in time whereyou're able to speak freely
about concerns and bring it upthen, or anytime you have a
concern, you can request um tobe able to speak about it and

(03:46):
have that conversation.
So I would suggest one of thosetwo routes and then having that
conversation, like, hey, I don'tknow what I'm supposed to be
doing.
You know, I want to do my best,I want to be 100% in this, but
I'm not sure if I'm doing itright, or I don't know what you
expect of me.
Because that's kind of telling,you know, in your question where
you say, What am I supposed tobe doing?

(04:06):
Your Dom should be, and again,not putting blame necessarily
anywhere because every, youknow, we're all working on
things.
There's even times withAlessandra that I like want her
to do something, but she's notexactly sure how I want her to
go about doing it.
So she's like, What am Isupposed to be doing?
And she'll ask me.
So if you're not sure whatyou're supposed to be doing,

(04:27):
definitely bring it up to yourdom and find out what he wants
you to be doing.
And then that opens up, how canI put it?
Opens up another aspect to thatis now is what your dom
requesting of you is it enoughfor you?
Because for most subs, it's notthe kind of situation like it
is, like say when we go to workand we're working for our boss

(04:48):
or whatever, we're we're happyif we get away with having the
least amount to do.
Um, some subs don't want that,they want more structure, they
want it more in-depth anddetailed and uh detail-oriented,
and and so that they have a lotto do.
So if you're not having enoughstructure in your life, if

(05:10):
you're not having enough tasks,enough responsibilities where
you feel like you're reallytruly serving to the point that
is satisfying to you, then bringthat up and have the
conversation about it.
And I'm not sure if you're ifyour DOM is new to the lifestyle
either or new to a 24-7 kind ofuh dynamic, but it can take some

(05:31):
time too as a DOM to really sinkinto that role and realize like
how much is expected of you in a24-7 situation where you're
asked to basically run therelationship all the time.
That's a lot of extra workload,rewarding, but a lot of extra
workload.
So it can take some time toadjust to what is needed, and so

(05:54):
that could be the case too.
Your DOM could be thinking, oh,everything's fine, but really
they need to take more controlin some areas and step up in
their direction.
And then you could ask your DOMtoo, like, hey, is what I'm
doing okay?
Would you like more of this orless of that?
Do you like me being proactiveand kind of taking the lead in

(06:16):
my own life in certain areas, ordo you want to have the lead in
all of it?
You know, every relationship isdifferent.
Everybody's version of 24-7 isdifferent.
So find what works for you.
As always, with with any ofthis, everyone in the community
is always completely welcome tochime in with their advice or

(06:36):
what's worked for them or youknow, ideas.
That's what really makes thiscommunity worthwhile for
everyone, is is when we do that.
So don't think that it's uh offlimits to throw your your
comments in this thread aboutyour ideas or what you think of
it.
That's totally okay and andwelcomed.

(06:57):
And we want that so we all canyou know kind of band together
as a family here and helpstrengthen each other's
relationships.
So hope that helps you, Sarah,and let us know how it goes.

SPEAKER_00 (07:10):
So I really loved what he said there about how
different every 24-7 dynamic canlook and how so much of this
really comes down to justcommunication and figuring out
what actually works for yourrelationship instead of trying
to copy somebody else's dynamicfrom the internet.
If you want to ask questionslike this too, that's exactly

(07:33):
what we do inside our All AccessPass.
You'll get access to our privatecommunity, private coaching,
trainings, and the ability toask both me and Jay your own
questions about DS, BDSM, andreal world power exchange
relationships.
You can learn more atdomsubliving.com/slash all
access.
I'll put the link in thedescription too.

(07:55):
And until next time, keepembracing your power and
pleasure through Dom Subliving.