November 25, 2025 • 20 mins
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Holiday gatherings don’t have to feel like conversational minefields. We explore a practical, heart-forward approach to keep the peace without tiptoeing around every topic: lead with curiosity, set kind boundaries, and make service your default setting. Instead of avoiding politics, religion, or health decisions by staying silent, we share scripts and strategies that let you engage without getting dragged into a win-or-lose debate. We trade the tired “don’t talk about it” rules for a better plan!
We also discuss:
• reframing the goal from winning to harmony
• shifting from opinions to stories and experiences
• using open questions to deepen understanding
• setting friendly boundaries and graceful exits
• applying self-deprecating humor to defuse tension
• practical self-care: limits, sleep, breaks, helping the host
• modeling calm connection for kids and family culture
• serving others to reduce conflict and build trust
If you aren’t part of our parent community, please join today! Visit our website and subscribe to our weekly newsletter.
And if you’re in the Denver area, be sure to check out the Denver Events tab to see what community gatherings we have going on!
Give $20 to keep the mic on. We're a 501 c(3) non-profit and produce this show for parents around the globe.
Discover the secrets to building a connected + thriving family. All you'll need is a few minutes of your week—it's easy!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:29):
Hey there, families of character.
I'm your host, Jordan Langdon,here for another episode of our
show.
Y'all, this is episode 178.
Our podcast is a toddler now, 78weeks old, or three and a half
(00:49):
years.
Isn't it so funny how as newparents, we often refer to our
child's age in weeks or months,even long after they've hit
their first and secondbirthdays.
I always love it when someonesays, he's 26 months.
It's just so cute.
In all seriousness, thank youfor supporting our show.
(01:12):
When you subscribe to theFamilies of Character show,
listen, and then share theseepisodes with your family and
friends.
It helps us get our message outfar and wide.
To date, our show has beendownloaded over 50,000 times.
So thank you for helping us toexpand our mission to help unite
(01:38):
families and bring peace and joyback to the cellular level of
society, to the family.
Okay, so this episode is allabout how to avoid fights over
the holidays.
But no matter when you'relistening, this advice is
(01:58):
relevant.
You're probably able to call tomind the last family
get-together you attended orhosted and how you felt when it
was over, especially if that wasrecently.
So if you can just call to mindyour last family get-together,
(02:20):
take just a quick moment toverbalize that right now.
Just what was that?
Like Joe's wedding or our LaborDay family reunion.
Keeping that in mind, you know,holidays and family celebrations
or gatherings can be quitestressful when it comes to
(02:40):
conversations and what to saywhen you haven't seen each other
in months or sometimes evenyears.
And there's all kinds of stuffthat make interacting just a
little bit tricky to navigate.
For example, if there's alcoholinvolved, right, that can throw
a wrench into the wholesituation because what once was
(03:01):
taboo to talk about could comeflying out of someone's mouth
and then it's out there.
If someone reveals something newor surprising, that can be
tricky too.
And how about when someone justkind of enjoys picking at you,
right?
Picking a fight or needlingabout something that's sensitive
(03:23):
to you, or maybe even making funof you, or making fun of
something that you did in yourpast.
All of these nuances can makenavigating conversations tricky.
So keeping in mind how your lastget together went, let's jump
right into how to avoid familyfights in the future and focus
(03:46):
on what's most important.
First of all, what's mostimportant is coming together,
right?
I mean, if you think back, wayback to 2020, we were all
quarantined and isolated for agood chunk of the holidays, and
we couldn't really get togetherwith people, and we missed that.
(04:08):
Well, things are definitely backto normal now, and it's great to
be able to see people when wewant to, but also our time is
precious.
So we want it to be enjoyable,right?
So getting together and beingwith one another in harmony is
the goal.
(04:29):
That being said, havingmeaningful conversations and
being mindful not to judgeothers and pick fights are the
objectives that will help usattain our goal.
And listen, if you disagree withme that being together in
harmony is the goal, guys, whyare you saying yes to gathering
(04:51):
together with these people then?
What's your why for attending orhosting or inviting them?
That's an honest question to askyourself.
And if you did say yes to aninvitation to Christmas or New
Year's or the 40th birthdayparty because you really do want
to be together in harmony, evena small part of you, would that
(05:14):
make sense, most sense, to focuson truly being present and
enjoying yourself in thepresence of those around you?
I think so.
Now I do get it.
Some of you are thinking, youknow what?
I never want to join my in-lawsor my spouse's co-workers or my
own siblings for the holidays,but it's just a tradition that
(05:35):
we've kept up for years, so Ican't say no.
Well, you are an adult and youcan say no, but you choose not
to.
And if you choose not to, that'sokay.
Sometimes we do things out ofobligation or sacrifice for our
spouse or a friend.
But even if that's the case,this episode is gonna help you
(05:58):
make the most of the time youspend with these folks and to go
into it with a differentmindset.
It doesn't have to be a dreadedget together.
So I'm not gonna tell you whatmost people would tell you about
how to handle the holidays whenit comes to conversations around
the dinner table, which is allthe don'ts.
(06:19):
Like, just don't bring uppolitics, don't talk about
religion, don't talk about yourrelationship status, your
children, or lack thereof.
Guys, to me, that's cheap adviceanyway.
That's a plan of pure avoidance,right?
Just don't step on thelandmines.
We can do better than that.
And I'm calling you to do betterthan that.
(06:42):
Instead, I want to give you somesolid advice that five years ago
I wanted to know myself.
I want you to know how to engageyour family in a genuine way
where your focus is externalversus internal.
I want you to know how topolitely disengage if Uncle Joe
(07:03):
starts digging in his claws fora good old long debate that you
know won't end well.
And I do want you to know how tolovingly decline to participate
in certain topics if you'd liketo, because that's okay too.
The focus of this episode isabout setting healthy boundaries
(07:25):
with your family, with anemphasis on being curious, being
a listener, going on the hunt tolearn something new about the
people you're spending timewith.
In other words, I want you toknow how to participate and
truly lean in and be genuinelyinterested in the people you
(07:48):
choose to spend your holidayswith, without judgment, without
getting triggered to take a sideor defend your position, because
that's what usually happens whenwe're participating in the
conversation about religion,politics, relationship status,
or healthcare decisions, right?
We're focused more on beingright and defending our position
(08:11):
than on the true connectionitself.
So let's do it.
Let's take a completelydifferent approach to the
holidays, to family gatherings.
Instead of going into thesituation with our stance ready
or our guard up with that senseof fear or dread, what if we
went into it equipped with thebest tools for engaging people
(08:35):
and taking a genuine interest intheir lives?
Think about that for a minute.
How might that make your holidaytime more enjoyable?
Would that be different fromwhat you normally do?
Taking more of a listeningapproach rather than just
showing up and waiting forsomeone to throw out a topic to
(08:56):
discuss and then taking a swingat it?
Most of us do that, right?
We just show up with our foodand gifts in tow and then jump
in when conversations happen andthen go to bed that night
wondering if we put our foot inour mouth or not, right?
How often has that happened toyou?
Does this sound crazy to have anintentional plan for managing
conversations when you'reattending a gathering?
(09:18):
Maybe so, because it's new.
Well, just stay with me here.
Okay.
What if you didn't worry aboutwhat you were going to share and
instead focused your effortssolely around connecting with
others to find out what's goingon in their world, what's
interesting to them?
(09:39):
You could think about it likeyou're going on the hunt to find
out some new information aboutthese people.
Not gossip, but something newyou never knew about them, where
they went to vacation, whatcareer goals they're chasing,
what it's actually like to shootand skin a deer, right?
What their biggest healthstruggle is.
What if you challenged yourselfto make this next get-together
(10:02):
an adventure where you're tryingto truly walk in someone else's
shoes?
To walk away knowing more deeplywhat it would be like to lose
your beloved pet of 13 years, orto wait for the news from the
doctor when you're waiting tofind out if your cancer is back,
or what it was like to take fivekids to Disney in 113-degree
(10:26):
heat when you actually hatemascots and Disney.
Right?
There are so many experiences wehave had.
And sharing those experienceswith someone like you who is
capable of validating theirexperience, entering into their
feelings and emotions withoutjudgment or without hijacking
(10:48):
the conversation to make itabout your trip to Disney or
your latest health scare, thatmakes a person feel seen.
It makes a lasting connectionfor them.
It makes their feeling when theyleave the gathering be one
that's positive, that lingers,one that's not forgotten.
(11:10):
All of us want to be seen andknown.
I just listened to one of thebest podcast episodes I've ever
come across.
It was hosted by Ed Milette.
And he interviewed Kevin Hines,a gentleman who shared his story
about jumping off the GoldenGate Bridge, an attempt to kill
(11:31):
himself.
And he talks about what the busride on the way to the bridge
was like.
He talked about hearing voicestelling him he needed to die
that particular day and theagonizing pain he was in, just
hoping some human, some personon that bus, witnessing him
yelling back at the voices,would have the courage to tell
(11:54):
him, it's okay.
You don't have to do it.
And how once he got to thebridge to jump, a woman
approached him.
And again, he was hoping that hewould be sane, that she would
say something that wouldconvince him that today he
didn't have to die.
But instead, you know what shedid?
(12:14):
She asked him to take a pictureof her, and she never said a
word to Kevin.
You see, most of us are veryinternally focused.
We're more consumed with what weneed from an encounter, a
relationship, a celebration.
And in the meantime, there'ssomeone right in front of us
(12:36):
that just wants to be seen,wants to be heard, wants to be
understood.
Maybe the way they presentthemselves doesn't look like
that's what they want.
They're yelling nonsensicalthings that we don't understand
or raising their voice,whatever.
But the fact remains thateveryone wants to be seen and
(12:58):
known.
Everyone, including yourbrother-in-law, your spouse's
boss, your mother, yourneighbor, and you know what?
Especially your own spouse andyour own children under your
roof.
So, how can we feel bad aboutgoing into a gathering with the
(13:18):
mindset that we are going to seeand know our company?
That by the time we leave, we'regonna know more than we did
before about each person weencountered.
Isn't that what matters morethan when in the debate with
Uncle Joe or repeating ourreligious or political beliefs
(13:40):
13 times in our attempt tochange the minds of those around
us?
Isn't loving people where theyare the key to connection and
not fighting?
Now, because we are only incontrol of ourselves and our own
actions, it is important to havea game plan on how to respond to
circumstances outside ourcontrol.
(14:03):
So let's take a quick look atsome practical examples some
people have shared with me whenit comes to engaging family and
friends, when there's somehistory of arguing or blow-ups.
When a person engages you abouta topic you feel uncomfortable
with, there are two ways tohandle it.
First, you can compliment theperson about how well versed
(14:26):
they are in the topic and thenpolitely excuse yourself from
the conversation.
I love that one.
Maybe you say something like,Uncle Joe, you might be one of
the most knowledgeable people Iknow when it comes to politics.
And I'm not really evencomfortable contributing because
politics just isn't my thing.
(14:48):
Or you say, because there's noway I can offer more than what
you know.
I'm interested in what you haveto say, though.
In saying this, you're notfluffing up a skirt, you're
acknowledging that you respecthis body of knowledge, right?
Not that you agree with it, butthe he has gathered knowledge
(15:09):
about politics.
You're just acknowledging that,and that validates him.
And you also indicate that youaren't interested in
contributing to theconversation, but you are open
to hearing his thoughts.
This boundary helps indicate youwill listen, but you aren't
going to debate.
(15:29):
Use a little self-deprecatinghumor.
This is one of my go-tos.
I like to just laugh a littleand say, man, you've known me
for 20 years.
You know I'm not up for goingtoe to toe on this topic.
Like I'm here for the party.
Or if you have been up for goingtoe to toe with people in the
past, you can make a joke aboutthat and just say, you know
(15:52):
what?
I've given that up.
That was the old me.
I used to be feisty and up for agood old debate, but I have
retired that part of me.
I'm good to just enjoy yourcompany.
You see, when people aren'tafraid to be the butt of their
own jokes or to poke fun atthemselves a bit, they come
across as humble.
Psychology research shows thathumble people are attractive,
(16:15):
empathetic, and apologetic.
And when you make fun ofyourself, you appear to be
friendly and real because youare.
You show that you're not aboveanyone.
You make everyone around youfeel superior, which is one of
the main reasons others laugh.
And since you are the target ofyour own joke, you're not going
(16:37):
to offend anyone either.
So keep it light.
It'll disarm the other personand you'll avoid conflict.
Now, if you do want to be partof these sometimes controversial
conversations, but aren'tcertain your message will be
properly received, consider justasking some open-ended questions
(17:01):
to get the other person to offertheir point of view and try to
enter into their experienceinstead.
Guys, empathy goes a long way.
Gathering information toincrease understanding is kind
and genuine.
Arguing or debating at a familyfunction will distract from the
(17:22):
host and hostess or the personbeing celebrated if it's a party
or a baby shower or something.
You may have to be the person toset the boundary so arguments
don't ensue.
And in order to be prepared toact in a way that is in line
with your conscience, there aresome basic self-care tips to
(17:45):
consider, especially around theholidays.
One is just limit yourself toone drink if you're drinking
alcohol.
Just avoid the temptation tostay up past midnight and
instead set solid boundaries onwhat time you go to sleep at
night.
That helps.
And take breaks in the action.
(18:06):
Go for a 15-minute walk.
Excuse yourself for aconversation to help the hostess
set up or clean up or take a napwith the baby without guilt.
And make a plan before youarrive with your spouse or
whoever you ride with and stickto the plan.
If you're gonna leave at 8,leave at 8.
Be a helper.
(18:27):
It's hard to be engaged in acontentious debate or get your
knickers in a bunch or findyourself gossiping if you're
running the trash out or washingthe dishes or packaging up some
leftovers.
So be a helper.
And parents, just imagine.
Just imagine if you're modelingthis way of being for your kids,
(18:50):
how they will show up at familygatherings in the future, how
they will show up for theirspouse and their kids.
Our kids are always watching andlearning from us.
If you make some small changesin the way you engage family and
friends, imagine the differencethat will make for your kids in
(19:12):
five, 10, and 15 years.
Friends, serving another is thehighest form of love.
Choose love, choose the highroad, go on the hunt for
something new about a person andbe the one that helps someone be
(19:33):
seen and heard.
It might just save you from afight and save their life.
Friends, if you aren't part ofour parent community, please
join today.
Go to families of character.comand subscribe to our weekly
newsletter.
And if you're in the Denverarea, be sure to go to our
(19:55):
website and check out the Denverevents tab to see what community
gatherings we have going on.
We would love to have you joinus.
And please do me a favor, keepthis little toddler podcast
growing and rate and review ourpodcast and considering and
consider making a small donationto our organization.
(20:16):
We are a nonprofit and yoursupport helps keep us on the
airwaves and helps us offer tonsof valuable resources for
married couples raising kidstoday.
Friends, I see you, you matter,and your family matters.
Enjoy getting to know more abouteach other.
(20:37):
I'll catch you on anotherepisode of our show real soon.
Take care and happy holidays.
Hey there, families of character.
I'm your host, Jordan Langdon,here for another episode of our
show.
Y'all, this is episode 178.
Our podcast is a toddler now, 78weeks old, or three and a half
(00:49):
years.
Isn't it so funny how as newparents, we often refer to our
child's age in weeks or months,even long after they've hit
their first and secondbirthdays.
I always love it when someonesays, he's 26 months.
It's just so cute.
In all seriousness, thank youfor supporting our show.
(01:12):
When you subscribe to theFamilies of Character show,
listen, and then share theseepisodes with your family and
friends.
It helps us get our message outfar and wide.
To date, our show has beendownloaded over 50,000 times.
So thank you for helping us toexpand our mission to help unite
(01:38):
families and bring peace and joyback to the cellular level of
society, to the family.
Okay, so this episode is allabout how to avoid fights over
the holidays.
But no matter when you'relistening, this advice is
(01:58):
relevant.
You're probably able to call tomind the last family
get-together you attended orhosted and how you felt when it
was over, especially if that wasrecently.
So if you can just call to mindyour last family get-together,
(02:20):
take just a quick moment toverbalize that right now.
Just what was that?
Like Joe's wedding or our LaborDay family reunion.
Keeping that in mind, you know,holidays and family celebrations
or gatherings can be quitestressful when it comes to
(02:40):
conversations and what to saywhen you haven't seen each other
in months or sometimes evenyears.
And there's all kinds of stuffthat make interacting just a
little bit tricky to navigate.
For example, if there's alcoholinvolved, right, that can throw
a wrench into the wholesituation because what once was
(03:01):
taboo to talk about could comeflying out of someone's mouth
and then it's out there.
If someone reveals something newor surprising, that can be
tricky too.
And how about when someone justkind of enjoys picking at you,
right?
Picking a fight or needlingabout something that's sensitive
(03:23):
to you, or maybe even making funof you, or making fun of
something that you did in yourpast.
All of these nuances can makenavigating conversations tricky.
So keeping in mind how your lastget together went, let's jump
right into how to avoid familyfights in the future and focus
(03:46):
on what's most important.
First of all, what's mostimportant is coming together,
right?
I mean, if you think back, wayback to 2020, we were all
quarantined and isolated for agood chunk of the holidays, and
we couldn't really get togetherwith people, and we missed that.
(04:08):
Well, things are definitely backto normal now, and it's great to
be able to see people when wewant to, but also our time is
precious.
So we want it to be enjoyable,right?
So getting together and beingwith one another in harmony is
the goal.
(04:29):
That being said, havingmeaningful conversations and
being mindful not to judgeothers and pick fights are the
objectives that will help usattain our goal.
And listen, if you disagree withme that being together in
harmony is the goal, guys, whyare you saying yes to gathering
(04:51):
together with these people then?
What's your why for attending orhosting or inviting them?
That's an honest question to askyourself.
And if you did say yes to aninvitation to Christmas or New
Year's or the 40th birthdayparty because you really do want
to be together in harmony, evena small part of you, would that
(05:14):
make sense, most sense, to focuson truly being present and
enjoying yourself in thepresence of those around you?
I think so.
Now I do get it.
Some of you are thinking, youknow what?
I never want to join my in-lawsor my spouse's co-workers or my
own siblings for the holidays,but it's just a tradition that
(05:35):
we've kept up for years, so Ican't say no.
Well, you are an adult and youcan say no, but you choose not
to.
And if you choose not to, that'sokay.
Sometimes we do things out ofobligation or sacrifice for our
spouse or a friend.
But even if that's the case,this episode is gonna help you
(05:58):
make the most of the time youspend with these folks and to go
into it with a differentmindset.
It doesn't have to be a dreadedget together.
So I'm not gonna tell you whatmost people would tell you about
how to handle the holidays whenit comes to conversations around
the dinner table, which is allthe don'ts.
(06:19):
Like, just don't bring uppolitics, don't talk about
religion, don't talk about yourrelationship status, your
children, or lack thereof.
Guys, to me, that's cheap adviceanyway.
That's a plan of pure avoidance,right?
Just don't step on thelandmines.
We can do better than that.
And I'm calling you to do betterthan that.
(06:42):
Instead, I want to give you somesolid advice that five years ago
I wanted to know myself.
I want you to know how to engageyour family in a genuine way
where your focus is externalversus internal.
I want you to know how topolitely disengage if Uncle Joe
(07:03):
starts digging in his claws fora good old long debate that you
know won't end well.
And I do want you to know how tolovingly decline to participate
in certain topics if you'd liketo, because that's okay too.
The focus of this episode isabout setting healthy boundaries
(07:25):
with your family, with anemphasis on being curious, being
a listener, going on the hunt tolearn something new about the
people you're spending timewith.
In other words, I want you toknow how to participate and
truly lean in and be genuinelyinterested in the people you
(07:48):
choose to spend your holidayswith, without judgment, without
getting triggered to take a sideor defend your position, because
that's what usually happens whenwe're participating in the
conversation about religion,politics, relationship status,
or healthcare decisions, right?
We're focused more on beingright and defending our position
(08:11):
than on the true connectionitself.
So let's do it.
Let's take a completelydifferent approach to the
holidays, to family gatherings.
Instead of going into thesituation with our stance ready
or our guard up with that senseof fear or dread, what if we
went into it equipped with thebest tools for engaging people
(08:35):
and taking a genuine interest intheir lives?
Think about that for a minute.
How might that make your holidaytime more enjoyable?
Would that be different fromwhat you normally do?
Taking more of a listeningapproach rather than just
showing up and waiting forsomeone to throw out a topic to
(08:56):
discuss and then taking a swingat it?
Most of us do that, right?
We just show up with our foodand gifts in tow and then jump
in when conversations happen andthen go to bed that night
wondering if we put our foot inour mouth or not, right?
How often has that happened toyou?
Does this sound crazy to have anintentional plan for managing
conversations when you'reattending a gathering?
(09:18):
Maybe so, because it's new.
Well, just stay with me here.
Okay.
What if you didn't worry aboutwhat you were going to share and
instead focused your effortssolely around connecting with
others to find out what's goingon in their world, what's
interesting to them?
(09:39):
You could think about it likeyou're going on the hunt to find
out some new information aboutthese people.
Not gossip, but something newyou never knew about them, where
they went to vacation, whatcareer goals they're chasing,
what it's actually like to shootand skin a deer, right?
What their biggest healthstruggle is.
What if you challenged yourselfto make this next get-together
(10:02):
an adventure where you're tryingto truly walk in someone else's
shoes?
To walk away knowing more deeplywhat it would be like to lose
your beloved pet of 13 years, orto wait for the news from the
doctor when you're waiting tofind out if your cancer is back,
or what it was like to take fivekids to Disney in 113-degree
(10:26):
heat when you actually hatemascots and Disney.
Right?
There are so many experiences wehave had.
And sharing those experienceswith someone like you who is
capable of validating theirexperience, entering into their
feelings and emotions withoutjudgment or without hijacking
(10:48):
the conversation to make itabout your trip to Disney or
your latest health scare, thatmakes a person feel seen.
It makes a lasting connectionfor them.
It makes their feeling when theyleave the gathering be one
that's positive, that lingers,one that's not forgotten.
(11:10):
All of us want to be seen andknown.
I just listened to one of thebest podcast episodes I've ever
come across.
It was hosted by Ed Milette.
And he interviewed Kevin Hines,a gentleman who shared his story
about jumping off the GoldenGate Bridge, an attempt to kill
(11:31):
himself.
And he talks about what the busride on the way to the bridge
was like.
He talked about hearing voicestelling him he needed to die
that particular day and theagonizing pain he was in, just
hoping some human, some personon that bus, witnessing him
yelling back at the voices,would have the courage to tell
(11:54):
him, it's okay.
You don't have to do it.
And how once he got to thebridge to jump, a woman
approached him.
And again, he was hoping that hewould be sane, that she would
say something that wouldconvince him that today he
didn't have to die.
But instead, you know what shedid?
(12:14):
She asked him to take a pictureof her, and she never said a
word to Kevin.
You see, most of us are veryinternally focused.
We're more consumed with what weneed from an encounter, a
relationship, a celebration.
And in the meantime, there'ssomeone right in front of us
(12:36):
that just wants to be seen,wants to be heard, wants to be
understood.
Maybe the way they presentthemselves doesn't look like
that's what they want.
They're yelling nonsensicalthings that we don't understand
or raising their voice,whatever.
But the fact remains thateveryone wants to be seen and
(12:58):
known.
Everyone, including yourbrother-in-law, your spouse's
boss, your mother, yourneighbor, and you know what?
Especially your own spouse andyour own children under your
roof.
So, how can we feel bad aboutgoing into a gathering with the
(13:18):
mindset that we are going to seeand know our company?
That by the time we leave, we'regonna know more than we did
before about each person weencountered.
Isn't that what matters morethan when in the debate with
Uncle Joe or repeating ourreligious or political beliefs
(13:40):
13 times in our attempt tochange the minds of those around
us?
Isn't loving people where theyare the key to connection and
not fighting?
Now, because we are only incontrol of ourselves and our own
actions, it is important to havea game plan on how to respond to
circumstances outside ourcontrol.
(14:03):
So let's take a quick look atsome practical examples some
people have shared with me whenit comes to engaging family and
friends, when there's somehistory of arguing or blow-ups.
When a person engages you abouta topic you feel uncomfortable
with, there are two ways tohandle it.
First, you can compliment theperson about how well versed
(14:26):
they are in the topic and thenpolitely excuse yourself from
the conversation.
I love that one.
Maybe you say something like,Uncle Joe, you might be one of
the most knowledgeable people Iknow when it comes to politics.
And I'm not really evencomfortable contributing because
politics just isn't my thing.
(14:48):
Or you say, because there's noway I can offer more than what
you know.
I'm interested in what you haveto say, though.
In saying this, you're notfluffing up a skirt, you're
acknowledging that you respecthis body of knowledge, right?
Not that you agree with it, butthe he has gathered knowledge
(15:09):
about politics.
You're just acknowledging that,and that validates him.
And you also indicate that youaren't interested in
contributing to theconversation, but you are open
to hearing his thoughts.
This boundary helps indicate youwill listen, but you aren't
going to debate.
(15:29):
Use a little self-deprecatinghumor.
This is one of my go-tos.
I like to just laugh a littleand say, man, you've known me
for 20 years.
You know I'm not up for goingtoe to toe on this topic.
Like I'm here for the party.
Or if you have been up for goingtoe to toe with people in the
past, you can make a joke aboutthat and just say, you know
(15:52):
what?
I've given that up.
That was the old me.
I used to be feisty and up for agood old debate, but I have
retired that part of me.
I'm good to just enjoy yourcompany.
You see, when people aren'tafraid to be the butt of their
own jokes or to poke fun atthemselves a bit, they come
across as humble.
Psychology research shows thathumble people are attractive,
(16:15):
empathetic, and apologetic.
And when you make fun ofyourself, you appear to be
friendly and real because youare.
You show that you're not aboveanyone.
You make everyone around youfeel superior, which is one of
the main reasons others laugh.
And since you are the target ofyour own joke, you're not going
(16:37):
to offend anyone either.
So keep it light.
It'll disarm the other personand you'll avoid conflict.
Now, if you do want to be partof these sometimes controversial
conversations, but aren'tcertain your message will be
properly received, consider justasking some open-ended questions
(17:01):
to get the other person to offertheir point of view and try to
enter into their experienceinstead.
Guys, empathy goes a long way.
Gathering information toincrease understanding is kind
and genuine.
Arguing or debating at a familyfunction will distract from the
(17:22):
host and hostess or the personbeing celebrated if it's a party
or a baby shower or something.
You may have to be the person toset the boundary so arguments
don't ensue.
And in order to be prepared toact in a way that is in line
with your conscience, there aresome basic self-care tips to
(17:45):
consider, especially around theholidays.
One is just limit yourself toone drink if you're drinking
alcohol.
Just avoid the temptation tostay up past midnight and
instead set solid boundaries onwhat time you go to sleep at
night.
That helps.
And take breaks in the action.
(18:06):
Go for a 15-minute walk.
Excuse yourself for aconversation to help the hostess
set up or clean up or take a napwith the baby without guilt.
And make a plan before youarrive with your spouse or
whoever you ride with and stickto the plan.
If you're gonna leave at 8,leave at 8.
Be a helper.
(18:27):
It's hard to be engaged in acontentious debate or get your
knickers in a bunch or findyourself gossiping if you're
running the trash out or washingthe dishes or packaging up some
leftovers.
So be a helper.
And parents, just imagine.
Just imagine if you're modelingthis way of being for your kids,
(18:50):
how they will show up at familygatherings in the future, how
they will show up for theirspouse and their kids.
Our kids are always watching andlearning from us.
If you make some small changesin the way you engage family and
friends, imagine the differencethat will make for your kids in
(19:12):
five, 10, and 15 years.
Friends, serving another is thehighest form of love.
Choose love, choose the highroad, go on the hunt for
something new about a person andbe the one that helps someone be
(19:33):
seen and heard.
It might just save you from afight and save their life.
Friends, if you aren't part ofour parent community, please
join today.
Go to families of character.comand subscribe to our weekly
newsletter.
And if you're in the Denverarea, be sure to go to our
(19:55):
website and check out the Denverevents tab to see what community
gatherings we have going on.
We would love to have you joinus.
And please do me a favor, keepthis little toddler podcast
growing and rate and review ourpodcast and considering and
consider making a small donationto our organization.
(20:16):
We are a nonprofit and yoursupport helps keep us on the
airwaves and helps us offer tonsof valuable resources for
married couples raising kidstoday.
Friends, I see you, you matter,and your family matters.
Enjoy getting to know more abouteach other.
(20:37):
I'll catch you on anotherepisode of our show real soon.
Take care and happy holidays.
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