February 18, 2025 • 50 mins
We explore how fathers move from force to influence by winning their kids’ hearts, not just their ears. Through stories, scripture, and practical tools, we show how tone, modeling, questions, and genuine apologies rebuild trust and open space for guidance.
• Mission to equip men to be present, trusted fathers
• Why tone shapes a child’s view of God
• Listening first and asking questions to build ownership
• Shifting from parent–child control to adult–adult respect
• Modeling the life you want your kids to copy
• Specific apologies that break bitterness
• Humility and forgiveness as family superpowers
• Invitation to join Fatherhood Academy and go deeper
Visit www.thefatherdifference.com/links for a free book download and information about personal coaching.
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Ready to be the parent or grandparent you’ve always dreamed of becoming? Subscribe and tune into this podcast each week, and check out our resources, heartfelt encouragement, and practical tools to help you make a lasting impact on the ones you love most. Click this link below:
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:01):
What kind of father do you want to be?
What kind of man do you want tobecome for your family and for
yourself?
If you've ever wondered how tostep into the fullness of your
role as a father, husband, andman of God, then you're in the
right place.
Here at the Father Difference,our mission is to inspire and
equip men to be the best fathersthey can be.
(00:24):
It's a powerful mission.
And today, we're going toexplore exactly how you can take
steps toward that calling.
Whether you're a father, a son,a husband, grandfather, single
dad, stepfather, or just lookingto grow, I believe God has
something powerful for you intoday's message.
(00:44):
Whether you're tuning in live orwatching this later, we are so
excited to have you here.
If this is what you're lookingfor, then subscribe so you can
tune in each week to the FatherDifference Live.
You can sign up below.
And now your host, a husband,father, grandfather, author, and
(01:04):
former NFL player, Pastor EdMcGlass.
SPEAKER_02 (01:17):
Well, welcome.
Here we are.
How dads get their kids tolisten.
We're gonna be there in just asecond.
I gotta find out where thisbanner is.
That oh boy, where is the mediaassets on here?
And okay.
(01:39):
Hold on with me here.
Let me find out where thisbanner is.
There it is.
Hide there's your there we go.
Here's yours truly.
Hi Met Tanya McGlass, andwelcome tonight.
I'm looking forward to thistime.
And as in coaching, this is oneof the questions that comes up
(02:03):
all the time.
How do I get my kids to listento me?
And you probably don't have thatproblem, but I'll share some of
my story.
It might give you someencouragement.
And we'll look at we'll look atthe how the how-tos of really
(02:24):
the mission with your childrenis really the mission of
recapturing your heart so thatthey trust you and and and
really begin and really let youengage in their story.
Because if they're not ifthey're not engaging in your
(02:46):
story and they don't want to bea want you to be part of their
story, then you know you got aproblem.
And so how do you fix that?
And so we're gonna we're gonnalearn we're gonna learn about
that today and and talk aboutthat.
And I'd love in the comments, ifyou got a question or an issue
that's happened with you and oneof your kids, I'd love to hear
(03:09):
from you.
You might be tuning in at an atanother time frame after we've
recorded this.
We're actually on Rumble, we'rewe're on Facebook Live, on both
of my pages, we're on YouTube,we're on X, we're on Instagram,
and so wherever you're comingfrom, welcome today.
(03:30):
And we're gonna talk about howto do that.
So I'm gonna start off bytelling you a story, and then
I'm gonna get into the notesthat we're gonna talk about
tonight.
And I was at a uh sit-down witha number of different people.
It was a radio sit-down liveevent in an auditorium uh a
(03:53):
number of years ago.
And you could ask any questionthat you wanted to ask of the
panel.
And I happened to be one ofthose people on the panel.
We had James Dobson's son, wehad uh a number of different
other ministries represented.
(04:14):
And so this guy looks at thecamera and looks at us, and I'm
looking at the camera and no, hewas looking at us, and he gets
really animated and reallyangry.
He kept trying to get hisquestion in, and I saw his hand
come up, and finally he he callson me and he says, I'll do my
(04:39):
best to kind of to to emulateexactly the way he was.
And he says, How do I get mykids to listen to me?
And I and I I listened to him,and I looked at him, and I said,
So can I ask you a question?
(05:01):
How often do you use that tonewith your kids?
And he was just flabbergasted.
And I said, Why are you why areyou so angry, sir?
Because my kids don't do what Isay.
And I said, Okay.
I said, Can I ask you aquestion?
Do you always do what God saysto you?
(05:26):
And it just kind of busted him.
And he goes, Well, and he kindof calms down.
He goes, No, I'm I just don'twant my kids to turn out like
me.
And I said, Well, that's a greatplan.
But what's happening is you'remodeling to them exactly the
(05:48):
kind of person you want them tobe.
See, most of us as dads don'tunderstand that the way we treat
our kids, the way we speak toour kids, the words we use, it
frames for them really a coupleof things.
Number one, what ourexpectations are.
Number two, it frames for themof maybe who how how God would
(06:14):
speak to them one day.
Because when you learn to be areally present, loving father,
it'll open your kids more tohearing from the Lord than the
guy who's mad at them because hewon't listen to God.
And and what kid in her rightmind would want to, you know, to
(06:37):
go to a God that's that's that'skind of pissed at them because
they're not quite right yet.
And yet I didn't know, being ayoung dad, how vital it was for
me to model the way God theFather speaks to me.
(06:57):
So I want you to think about fora moment.
Maybe you can even comment aboutthis in the comments.
Think about those times whenyou've had like incredible
breakthrough with Jesus, wherehe's spoken to you, where the
Father's spoken to you, when ascripture popped out of a
(07:19):
sermon.
I mean, how did it come at you?
And if you look back, you youknow, chances are are are really
high that it didn't come, itcame and it felt like a
sledgehammer, but it came withthis incredible gentleness and
(07:40):
kindness and goodness that endsup changing our hearts.
Matter of fact, it says inRomans that it's the it's the
goodness of God that leads us torepentance.
It's just kindness in Christ.
And the only reason why God isable to pour out that goodness
(08:04):
upon us is not because we're weget it together, is because he
took all the wrath and all thehurt and all the upset stuff,
and he poured it out on his sonon the cross.
All that rage, all that angergot poured out, and Jesus
(08:26):
actually really did die in ourplace so that we could have a
new beginning.
And that, and and when you beginto really think about and
meditate on that the reason thatwe can hear from God or read the
Bible and understand the voiceof God that comes through the
(08:46):
Holy Spirit and and God theFather, as He speaks into us and
leads our life, is becausethere's nothing that He didn't
pay for on the cross, so that Hedoesn't hold that in front of
you to keep you from havingaccess to Him.
Because at that moment when yousay, Father, forgive me, He's
(09:08):
just right there.
And even the way that He bringsthat forgiveness to us, we don't
think we deserve it because wedidn't have a part in fixing
ourselves.
Well, welcome then, Goy Music.
Welcome to Blessings to you.
There's people just popping infrom all over the place.
(09:28):
And so if you're on Rumble, oractually, I don't see Rumble
feed right here, or I would loveto find out too where you're
from.
Maybe that one of the big kahunathings that you want to learn
tonight is we talk about thiswhole thing.
How can I get my kids to listen?
And how to listen to me andfollow me and care about what I
(09:51):
say as a dad.
Well, the first thing we'retalking about is that the way
you hear the Lord yourself, themore you learn to hear his voice
for you from that incredibleplace of goodness that he speaks
to and his kindness that hespeaks to you.
Not that his words at times arejust incredibly confronting, but
(10:16):
just think about, you know, itsays in Proverbs that, you know,
when you go to confrontsomebody, you do it with like a
setting of silver.
You do it in gentleness, youdon't do it in superiority
because it just blasts thatperson out.
I mean, I I remember the earlydays of being a dad, and and you
(10:38):
know, I was really hard on them,trying to protect them, trying
to keep them from doing stupidsins like me.
And it doesn't, it didn't reallymatter how much I how much of
the Bible I I quoted to them isthe tone that was coming out of
(10:59):
my mouth, is the way I wasframing who God was, and is that
they, you know what they gotfrom me?
They got God's pissed at me.
And he's not gonna bless my lifeuntil I just do everything
perfect.
And if when you're a pastor of achurch and your children begin
(11:21):
to do that, you know what theydo?
They eventually they startresenting going to church
because they always feel thatthey can't do it.
And then the added pressure ofthem being some kind of example
of doing everything right putsthis incredible pressure on
(11:41):
them.
And so they think that they'rein with God because they do it
right.
They don't understand theincredible truth of the gospel
that Paul teaches us and Jesustaught us that we're in because
Jesus did right.
While we were still dead in oursins, Romans 5.8 says, right?
(12:03):
We're still dead in our sins.
And that word dead is graveyarddebt.
I mean, there's no way you cansave yourself.
Your sin comes on your life, andit produces death in you,
spiritual death, and separationfrom God.
But even though you were born inyour you were already dead in
(12:23):
your sins, Romans 5.8 says,Christ died for you.
So just think about thesacrifice that Jesus made for
you on the cross, way before youwere born, way before you were
looking for it, way before youhad anything really to offer
(12:48):
him.
And it's to begin to think aboutthat.
You'll you'll begin to you'llbegin to understand how to be a
better father.
Or if you're a mom listening, abetter mom.
Because the way we frame theLord will be the way kids start
out really thinking about whoGod is.
(13:09):
And so it's vital in the way youway you you frame him.
And and is it too late if I'veI've screwed up and done it
wrong for years?
Absolutely not.
It's really amazing, and I and Ihave dads who started off wrong
like I did, and I'd go to mykids and go, you know, dad's
(13:30):
been really hard on you.
Will you forgive me for doingthat because I was wrong?
It's amazing how quickly my kidswould forgive me when I was
honest.
If I just said sorry, dad's hada bad, I'm having a bad day,
man, bad day of work, a lot ofpressure.
SPEAKER_01 (13:49):
You don't know how hard it is for me to make a
living and support you and here,you don't even clean your room.
SPEAKER_02 (14:01):
I know you might think I'm making fun of
somebody.
That's me.
That's the way I treated mykids.
You know, I was just, I wasmanipulating them and I was I
was working them because I Ireally lost touch at times with
the fact that it was the God'sgoodness that that called Edmont
Glass and this broken footballplayer out in Kiel Cauley
(14:27):
dormitory in room 603 and healedmy knee, gave me a new
beginning, and gave me a lifethat I live today.
And so when you understand thatthe way the connect to your kids
really flows out of the in areal way, the vine of you being
(14:51):
connected to the vine of Jesus.
You know, Jesus said, I'm thevine, you're the branches.
He who abides in me will bearmuch fruit.
Apart from me, you can donothing.
Nothing.
And not only by you, but I'vetried to do something for years.
(15:11):
I've tried to even super glue myconnection of my branch into the
vine to prove myself that I amworthy of God's blessing in my
life.
We can't be, because we're eventhat is sinful.
That even that basically treadson the sacrifice of Christ.
(15:32):
And so I have my customary callfrom my my oldest son every
night.
I forgot to turn off my ringer.
And let me do that right now.
And let me let me tell you whythat's so important to me as a
dad.
Is you know, God's done a lot ofwork on me so that I learn how
(16:02):
to to really capture the heartof my kids and keep their
hearts.
See, they won't listen to you ifyou don't have their heart.
You can have all the truth inthe world, you can have all the
wisdom of the world, you canhave all the money in the world
to give to them or resourcethem.
(16:23):
And they won't become the personthey really need to be until
they understand about theincredible love of God that He
He gave us when He sent His Sonfor us.
And they'll never understandreally the Christian life if
they never learn from dad how toreceive from God Himself.
(16:46):
And the quickest way for you tocut that off is to be hard on
him.
Now, I know some of you mightthink, well, what about
discipline?
Well, we'll we'll get into allthat, but we sort of err on
structure.
I'm the father of the family,you know, these are my rules.
(17:07):
This is the way you're to live.
And there's it, there's healthythings of creating a loving
boundary for your children aboutwhat it looks like to be in a
family.
But the most important thing youdo with them is you need to
teach them how to receive fromGod, how to forgive, how to be
(17:27):
forgiven, how to hear from him.
And at the core of their most ofall of their experience with you
as you're raising your children,is a question.
What does my dad really thinkabout me?
So if you're thinking right now,think about your son or your
(17:48):
daughters.
How would they answer thatquestion?
Somebody might say, Well, my mykids would say I love them.
And and that's awesome.
What does that look like?
And yet they measure what youthink about them, where love is
(18:13):
really powerful and that's animportant building block, but
they measure themselves by whatthey believe you truly think
about your children.
So, what do you kids think thatyou believe about them?
(18:34):
Sometimes it comes out of ourwords, right?
You know, they did a surveyyears ago.
Bill Glass, one of one of myheroes of the faith, was one of
the NFL football players thatreally help and helped open up
prisons.
You know, he would go intoprisons with some other football
players and share about the loveof Christ and about the love of
(18:58):
the father to these guys.
And so he would do a survey inevery prison he'd go to, and he
would ask the same question.
He would say, When you thinkabout your childhood, what was
the one thing that your dad oryour mom repeated over you over
and over again that reallyframed who you are today?
(19:23):
So these guys would think, youknow what the number one
response was?
There's not even a close second.
And it was, if you keep livingthis way, one day you're gonna
end up in prison.
See, I didn't understand as ayoung dad that my words can
(19:48):
frame the future of my children.
And the tone I speak frames forthem maybe what God thinks about
them.
And it also they're they'reconstantly kind of looking at
you.
Well, what does my dad reallythink about me?
And if they discern that youdon't, you're not proud of them
(20:12):
for anything, or they're justyou know, they're gonna end up
in prison, or they're justgonna, you know, live this crazy
life, guess what?
That's exactly how they start.
So, how do we how do we get ourkids to listen to us?
And I'm gonna just give youthere's some real practical
(20:33):
tools tonight that I've learnedto use.
And I mean, it's changed myrelationship with my kids.
It's really helped them.
And you might say, well, boy,that's enough of what you've
already shared.
Well, I'll share a few morethings with you.
And so, so how do how do I getmy kids to listen?
Well, here's here's the firstthing.
Listening is really foundationalfor a healthy relationship.
(20:56):
Now, no one's gonna say, no,you're out of your tree.
Well, it's true.
Your ability to communicate withyour wife determines the the
level of relationship you have.
And you know, it's it at times,I mean, that's that's a really
hard deal.
But do your kids ever say to youin their teenage years, or maybe
(21:21):
younger years, you're notlistening to me.
And you know, you you respondback, I hear perfectly well.
The problem is you're notlistening to me.
Because we have this idea thatour rule book is the master rule
book for their life.
But here's a little nuance.
(21:42):
It's only the master rule bookif we live out everything we're
asking them to do.
Oh, I just moved from talkingand sharing to meddling, haven't
I?
Because it's not the things thatI know that frames my life for
my children.
It's the way I do things.
And here's the other nuance: it's the way I do things even (22:02):
undefined
when they don't see me, becauseit's the man we become in Christ
and following God that becomesthe model of what your
expectations are, way more thanyour words.
And yet we're quick to speak andwe're slow to listen, which the
(22:25):
Bible says we need to do theopposite of that.
We should need to be slow tospeak and quick to listen, so
that we can help our kidsnavigate who God has made them
to be.
And so part of the problem thatwe have is that it's it's really
easy for us to give advice whenour children aren't asking for
(22:48):
device, advice.
See, because listening tofoundational have a
relationship, the the thing thatwe got to do is we got to ask
more questions than we giveanswers.
We ask more questions than wegive answers.
Think about that.
Do that until they come and askfor advice, and even then,
(23:11):
answer with a question.
I learned this in the way Jesusdealt with disciples.
Because if you if you're alwaysgiving the answers and trying to
be the hero for your kids or myway or the highway, guess what
happens?
You create this parent-childrelationship where you have the
(23:31):
power, they don't have thepower.
And so you, with your force,because you're the dad and you
got the food, and you got thehouse, and you got all this
stuff, you can determine youbasically listen to me.
And so the the conversation isusually one-directional.
(23:51):
And Jesus, he was the master atdoing this simple little thing
that I began to learn andmanage, just changes the
dynamics of with my children.
If Jesus would begin to askquestions, so that relationship
with that person would turn toadult, adult.
(24:12):
See, in parent-childrelationships, you got the
power, you got the money, yougot the food that they want.
And I found with kids, even intheir teen years, they might
obey their parents when theirdad is around, but when they're
not with their family, beingtheir own adult, they live by
(24:33):
the rules they believe.
Well, the secret of raising ahealthy kid is to help them
discover God's way for them.
So they begin to teach you aboutthe things they're learning from
him.
And it's not, because I I'veI've had, I can't tell you how
(24:55):
many times I've heard this whereparents will come to me and say,
I just don't understand.
I I did everything I knew to do.
I took them to church, I raisedthem in a Christian home.
And I go, really?
I mean, was uh so your house wasborn again?
(25:20):
And they go, What?
You see, you raise them in aChristian home, so and I know
what you really mean is that youraised him, you took them to
church, you got them in Sundayschool.
And then I asked them thisquestion so how how much did you
model to them the life that youwanted them to live in Christ?
(25:49):
Where it's so believable and socompelling for them that they
want to they want to follow Godjust like you.
See, that's the that's the bigkahuna point of everything I'm
sharing with you today.
See, I've learned one thing overand over as a dad, now grandpa.
(26:15):
I gotta live the life first sothey see it's possible.
And then I gotta teach them andshare with them how to enter
that themselves.
And then I celebrate them whenthey enter it.
And I brag on them and otherpeople, and they get it, it gets
back to my kids.
Hey, I was with your dad today,and man, he just says incredible
(26:38):
things about you.
It's it's powerful when yourchildren do that.
And you know what's even morepowerful when your friends that
you have tell you that they justmet your son and he all he
(26:59):
talked about was how proud hewas of you being his dad.
Isn't that ultimately what youwant as a father?
You want your children to toexcel in their life, but don't
you want a a great relationshipwhere they really are receiving
from you?
Because whether they listensometimes or appear not to, they
(27:21):
are always watching you.
And so the the first thing Iwant to say to you is that you
got to live a life you want themto live.
And I think it's I think it's inmy notes here.
I might be jumping way ahead,but and the reason and and that
(27:41):
is, you know, you know, Jamessays it this way about this
whole understanding oflistening, asking questions.
My dear brothers and sisters,take note of this.
Everyone should be quick tolisten, slow to speak, and slow
to become angry.
That's really hard for us asparents when we don't feel
heard.
(28:04):
Can I ask you the question?
How long and how much have youlearned and gone through in your
life to come to the point whereyou are today with God?
Some of you might be, you know,recently asking Christ in your
life, you might be new to him.
(28:25):
But just think about all of theyears that you've been following
God, all the mistakes, all theall the repentance, all the
coming back, all the ways hetreated you and loved you and
took care of you.
Excuse me.
And all the gentleness in theway he's treated you.
(28:49):
What would change in yourrelationship with your children
right now if you really learnedhow to be gentle that way?
If you really learned how to beaffirming that way.
If you really learned how to bepatient that way.
(29:14):
Understanding that you backingoff and not putting the pressure
on your kids when they'rebroken, but praying for them and
modeling that life and beingready uh to help them, the more
you do that with them, the moreimpact you're gonna have.
(29:38):
And that and that's and that'san incredible, incredible truth.
I'm gonna share maybe one morething.
We I have a big list.
I'm gonna finish this next weekbecause it's such a big, big
subject.
And I want to honor your timebecause I am so grateful that
you showed up here tonight.
(29:58):
But the more you You model theman you want your son to be, or
the kind of man you would wantyour daughter to marry, or
become that kind of father thatshe wants to be like you, and
the way you walk with God.
That first the thing, the wayyou open her ears, or your your
(30:22):
son's ears when they're uh angrywith you, is in the way you
treat them, in the way you livethat life.
And so you don't have to have tolove a lot of money to be a good
father.
Matter of fact, I I I've coacheda number of kids that were
raised in opulence, and and theythey're so screwed up because
(30:48):
they they count on the money ofthe family.
They've learned to count on themoney and the fun and the things
they do, but they've not reallylearned how to be honest and and
count on their dads.
Because they're working all thetime.
And yet our legacy is father'sand as grandfathers, it's more
(31:13):
than the estates we build, notsaying that that's not
important.
It's about the the true man thatyou are before the Lord.
And let me kind of close withthis because I I want to be
sensitive to your time.
Not only do you ask questions,but the second second part I
(31:36):
wanted to share with you tonightis you get really good at
showing your kids how to ask forforgiveness.
If there's like one thing thatyou could do that that could
(32:00):
have the biggest impact inprotecting your family legacy
from bitterness, is to model toyour children how to ask for
forgiveness when you blow it.
I was with uh a group of galsthat I ministered to here in
Southern California, a number ofthem, you know, they ended up
(32:24):
having really bad relationshipswith their dads.
Or no father at all.
Even talking about it with them.
I was with them last night, andthey're just lovely young women,
but they just don't know itbecause their fathers were so
(32:44):
brutal.
And they just wept, you know,when they started talking about
their dads.
There was just moments where theHoly Spirit was just breaking
through for them because theywant to be great moms and they
want to have a different storyin their marriage than their
parents did, many of them.
(33:05):
And and I asked them a question,I said, How many of you made the
biggest mistakes of your lifebecause you were angry with your
dad?
You know, all their hands wentup.
(33:29):
And they started sharing yourstory and and one just couldn't
even get the words out becausetheir persona of how they saw
themselves as a young girl, nowa mother, was shaped by that the
(33:51):
first man of their story.
Now you might not realize this,Dan, but you are the first man
of your daughter's story, andyou might have completely blown
it.
I got great news for you.
It's never too late to repairthat.
(34:12):
But if there's one one thing Iwant to leave you with tonight,
just kind of in closing, isteach them how to get forgiven
by God.
And here's what you do you modelto them what asking for
(34:33):
forgiveness looks like.
And you know, I remember whenGod started showing me about my
kids, and I wanted unity and Iwanted my kids to be a certain
way, and I found myself drivingthem, treating them like
(34:56):
pastors' kids, not my kids,hurting them deeply.
But the breakthrough startedcoming when I learned that the
biggest offender in their lifewasn't necessarily their bad
things they did with Godthemselves.
It was the way I treated themwhen I got angry, the way I
(35:17):
drove them, didn't listen tothem.
And I I remember, like it wasjust yesterday, where I'm, you
know, frustrated with my kidsbecause they're not listening to
me.
And I'm just, you know, they'refighting in the other room and
treating one another badly.
And I heard them, and and mywife said, You need to go in and
(35:39):
handle that.
And I was I was walking thereready to just, you know, have a
family meeting and just drillthem for not treating one
another well.
As I'm walking, the Lord said,Well, you showed them.
You showed them how to how totreat be this way.
(36:03):
Why don't you ask them how youhurt them so you can ask for
forgiveness?
Gosh, what a moment that was.
Because immediately I'm like,well, you know, I couldn't have
been that bad.
And so I I trusted what God wasleading me to do, and I had no
(36:27):
idea what was going to do to myrelationship.
And I I got I put my kids at thetable, and one of my sons said,
Oh boy, here comes anothersermon.
And I said, You know, guys, Iknow that I've really hurt you
at times, is your dad.
And I never really I neverreally asked for forgiveness.
(36:49):
Can you tell me what I did so Ican ask for forgiveness?
And I want to tell you, I mean,that it was like a holy bomb
went off in in our den, and mydaughters immediately started to
tear up and cry.
My oldest son just sat back.
(37:09):
He'd never seen this side of me.
I was big head the evangelist,professional football player,
you know, pastor of a church.
Now I was just dad.
I was just dad.
He was broken.
(37:29):
And so my daughter, my oldestdaughter, Jessica, said, Really?
Really?
And I said, Yeah.
Whatever it is.
And she shared her heart and ithit me.
Oh man, I did that.
And I you don't when forgivenessdoesn't happen when you say
(37:52):
sorry.
Forgiveness happens when youacknowledge what you did and you
ask them to forgive you, andthat becomes a transaction
between you and them where theyget to vote on whether or not
they forgive you.
You give them the choice.
(38:12):
And so I I acknowledge, I said,Would you forgive me for doing
that to you?
I can tell it really hurt you,and I am I'm so sorry that I did
that.
Will you forgive me?
And she paused for about aminute, just crying, and and
(38:35):
then she looked at me, she goes,I forgive you, Daddy.
And then Mary shares something,and then same kind of thing.
And then Edward and Josh andLucas.
Josh was little and somethingbroke in my family.
(39:03):
And what broke was bitterness,was laying a foundation between
me and my kids.
And so when you think about yourchildren right now, is
bitterness crept in?
You know how you breakbitterness?
(39:25):
Not by going up to somebody andsaying, Hey, you need to stop
being so bitter.
Well, you break bitternessbetween you and a person as you
go and say, What did I do?
Because I can tell you're doingthis to me.
Is there something that I didthat I need to ask for
forgiveness for?
(39:47):
And I can't tell you how manyhundreds of dads that I've
coached through this and howthey got their kids back.
Because what I didn't realize inthat moment is that I was
modeling to my children whatasking forgiveness was all
about.
And I was laying a foundation offorgiveness so that God's
(40:11):
blessing could flow between usand restore our relationship.
So think about it for a minute.
Which one of your kids do youneed to ask forgiveness for?
Think about that.
Have you ever asked thatquestion?
(40:33):
Do you know how you knowforgiveness is happening?
Because they want to be aroundyou.
I mean, you know, there's athere there's a lot of hurt in
families today, and modernpsychology is kind of stepped
in, and kids now are creatingboundaries around parents
(40:55):
because of hurt.
And it's because forgivenessdoes not come between them.
And it's it's demonic, it'swicked.
And even for a while, there'speople in political parties who
I will not mention, you know,have been perpetrating this in
(41:16):
separating families so that sonsand daughters can listen to the
culture more than they do theirfathers.
That's the devil's plan.
So what's our what's oursuperpower?
Humility.
(41:36):
And it's a question.
I know I've hurt you.
Can you tell me what I've doneso I can ask for forgiveness?
Who in your life do you need toask it for?
Or maybe you have.
Or maybe it's new for youtonight.
(41:57):
And so I wanted I wanted toshare that with you tonight and
have you think about it.
And we're gonna come back nextweek and uh and learn some more.
But tonight is just about thosetwo things that we talked about.
And I'm just uh grateful.
(42:17):
I'd love to get comments fromyou too, and and just a couple
of things is that we have a lotof different resources for you
that I would be honored to youknow share with you.
That in our if you've never beenin our website, it's a father
difference.
And we have an online uhfatherhood academy that has
(42:42):
personal coaching to really helpyou get to the next level.
And right on our website, andyou can go to our website and
and uh and you'll see it on ourwebsite about the fatherhood
academy.
It's a it's a brand new thingthat we're doing, and it's a
(43:05):
place for you as a as a man tobecome the husband, father, and
maybe you're single, the manthat God has called you to be.
And I'd love for you to be partof our program.
Because like after this callhere, I'm I'm meeting with my
guys online for kind of anadvanced coaching time to teach
(43:26):
them not only how to workthrough those issues, but how
they can learn to be coachesthemselves to the men that they
know.
Because if we're gonna changethe culture of the world where
dads have been systematicallycut out by the devil and crazy
politicians, because theyweren't good fathers themselves.
(43:47):
So, how are they gonna teachpeople to do that?
But God's gonna do somethingbefore the great and coming day
of the Lord.
He is gonna turn the hearts ofus, our dads, towards our
children.
So that the hearts of ourchildren will turn back to our
fathers.
It's never too late to heal yourfamily.
And so we built a FatherhoodAcademy.
(44:09):
So, and it'll be a littlecommercial at the end about this
that I just encourage you towatch.
I'd love for you to become partof.
It's a money-back guarantee,it's a small investment every
month, but it gives you somemaximum results in your life.
And I want to encourage you tothink about that.
But before we do that, I want topray with you, Father.
(44:31):
I just I pray for every friendthat I have right now on all the
different platforms.
And I ask you right now to healtheir relationship with their
children and teach them how tobe the kind of father that their
children call because they wantto hear from their dad.
(44:52):
They want to know what he knows,and they want their dads to be
part of their story.
So, Father, I pray you wouldbring that level of healing with
my friends that are watching.
And that these little tools theylearned tonight.
If you've forgotten what theyare, go back and listen to the
replay.
(45:14):
There's some moments I want tolisten to because I know that
God kind of showed up in ourmidst here in some profound
ways.
And Lord, I pray you would wewould heal the families of the
men that are listening right nowin the name of Jesus.
And no matter what is happening,even maybe you're in the midst
(45:35):
of a divorce or your wife wantsa divorce.
That question for your children,it's a powerful question to
understand how much you've hurtyour wife so that you can ask
for forgiveness.
Imagine what would happen in aworld, in our world, if we
really learned how to do that.
(45:55):
Well, that's God's plan.
So I ask you to bless mybrothers and sisters, use their
lives in profound ways, Lord, tobe a light for you, Jesus, in a
really dark time in our world.
And we pray all these things inthe name of Jesus.
Thanks for being with me.
Thanks for just hanging inthere.
(46:18):
This was a beautiful, intimatetime for me anyway.
I'd love your feedback.
You can email me at any time.
You can go to my website at thefatherdifferent.com, send me an
email, let me know what spoke toyou, or maybe you got a prayer
request.
We also have a free book you canget at any time.
(46:41):
Right now, this this is goingout to 233 countries, and I'm so
grateful that it's gone so far,and I'm so blessed by it.
And all that to say, watch thislittle short little video in
closing.
And uh, I can't, I'll I'll seeyou next week.
The Lord bless you.
(47:01):
And uh I'm really excited abouthow God's going to use you as
the model to model to yourchildren who God is really wants
them to be, and in the way youask for forgiveness to bring
healing to your family.
So that's what we talked abouttonight.
(47:22):
And when you do that, yourchildren will listen to you.
God bless you.
SPEAKER_00 (47:28):
Here's that little video.
Dear friends, imagine a worldwhere every father feels
equipped to lead with faith,love, and purpose.
A world where families thriveand communities grow stronger
because of devoted,Christ-centered fathers.
SPEAKER_02 (47:45):
You know, beloved, that is the vision that God's
put in my heart for every singlefamily.
You know, he is on the move, Ibelieve.
He promises in Malachi thatbefore the great and coming day
of the Lord, he's gonna dosomething profound.
He's gonna turn the hearts offathers back towards their
(48:07):
children.
So the hearts of their childrenwill turn back to their father.
That's what God is doing.
I mean dads daily who want tolearn to be better fathers.
Yet many have never been shownhow.
Too many families are beingfractured through bitterness and
with parents and grandparentseven being canceled.
(48:29):
That's why we're launching anonline community to quit and to
be the fathers that God hascalled them to be.
It's more than a program, it's apart of a movement that God is
already doing to reshapefatherhood as a sacred calling
rooted in the teachings ofpride.
(48:50):
And we're calling this theFatherhood Academy, where men
will embark on a journey ofhealing and spiritual
restoration that helps themtransform their family
relationship.
And to make this vision areality, would you consider
partnering with us financiallyas we continue to reach and
(49:14):
disciple every man, dad, andgrandpa that comes our way?
Your donation will help create aripple across the neighborhoods,
communities, you know, andultimately our nature, anchoring
each child, their division, andthe unwavering love and guidance
of a devoted dad.
SPEAKER_00 (49:36):
Will you partner with us?
Your gift, whether a one-timedonation or ongoing monthly
support, will help to transformlives.
Together, we can equip fathersand grandfathers to lead with
faith and create a brighter,hope filled future for
generations to come.
(49:57):
Click the link to donate today.
Thank you for believing in thismission and joining us on this
transformative journey.
What kind of father do you want to be?
What kind of man do you want tobecome for your family and for
yourself?
If you've ever wondered how tostep into the fullness of your
role as a father, husband, andman of God, then you're in the
right place.
Here at the Father Difference,our mission is to inspire and
equip men to be the best fathersthey can be.
(00:24):
It's a powerful mission.
And today, we're going toexplore exactly how you can take
steps toward that calling.
Whether you're a father, a son,a husband, grandfather, single
dad, stepfather, or just lookingto grow, I believe God has
something powerful for you intoday's message.
(00:44):
Whether you're tuning in live orwatching this later, we are so
excited to have you here.
If this is what you're lookingfor, then subscribe so you can
tune in each week to the FatherDifference Live.
You can sign up below.
And now your host, a husband,father, grandfather, author, and
(01:04):
former NFL player, Pastor EdMcGlass.
SPEAKER_02 (01:17):
Well, welcome.
Here we are.
How dads get their kids tolisten.
We're gonna be there in just asecond.
I gotta find out where thisbanner is.
That oh boy, where is the mediaassets on here?
And okay.
(01:39):
Hold on with me here.
Let me find out where thisbanner is.
There it is.
Hide there's your there we go.
Here's yours truly.
Hi Met Tanya McGlass, andwelcome tonight.
I'm looking forward to thistime.
And as in coaching, this is oneof the questions that comes up
(02:03):
all the time.
How do I get my kids to listento me?
And you probably don't have thatproblem, but I'll share some of
my story.
It might give you someencouragement.
And we'll look at we'll look atthe how the how-tos of really
(02:24):
the mission with your childrenis really the mission of
recapturing your heart so thatthey trust you and and and
really begin and really let youengage in their story.
Because if they're not ifthey're not engaging in your
(02:46):
story and they don't want to bea want you to be part of their
story, then you know you got aproblem.
And so how do you fix that?
And so we're gonna we're gonnalearn we're gonna learn about
that today and and talk aboutthat.
And I'd love in the comments, ifyou got a question or an issue
that's happened with you and oneof your kids, I'd love to hear
(03:09):
from you.
You might be tuning in at an atanother time frame after we've
recorded this.
We're actually on Rumble, we'rewe're on Facebook Live, on both
of my pages, we're on YouTube,we're on X, we're on Instagram,
and so wherever you're comingfrom, welcome today.
(03:30):
And we're gonna talk about howto do that.
So I'm gonna start off bytelling you a story, and then
I'm gonna get into the notesthat we're gonna talk about
tonight.
And I was at a uh sit-down witha number of different people.
It was a radio sit-down liveevent in an auditorium uh a
(03:53):
number of years ago.
And you could ask any questionthat you wanted to ask of the
panel.
And I happened to be one ofthose people on the panel.
We had James Dobson's son, wehad uh a number of different
other ministries represented.
(04:14):
And so this guy looks at thecamera and looks at us, and I'm
looking at the camera and no, hewas looking at us, and he gets
really animated and reallyangry.
He kept trying to get hisquestion in, and I saw his hand
come up, and finally he he callson me and he says, I'll do my
(04:39):
best to kind of to to emulateexactly the way he was.
And he says, How do I get mykids to listen to me?
And I and I I listened to him,and I looked at him, and I said,
So can I ask you a question?
(05:01):
How often do you use that tonewith your kids?
And he was just flabbergasted.
And I said, Why are you why areyou so angry, sir?
Because my kids don't do what Isay.
And I said, Okay.
I said, Can I ask you aquestion?
Do you always do what God saysto you?
(05:26):
And it just kind of busted him.
And he goes, Well, and he kindof calms down.
He goes, No, I'm I just don'twant my kids to turn out like
me.
And I said, Well, that's a greatplan.
But what's happening is you'remodeling to them exactly the
(05:48):
kind of person you want them tobe.
See, most of us as dads don'tunderstand that the way we treat
our kids, the way we speak toour kids, the words we use, it
frames for them really a coupleof things.
Number one, what ourexpectations are.
Number two, it frames for themof maybe who how how God would
(06:14):
speak to them one day.
Because when you learn to be areally present, loving father,
it'll open your kids more tohearing from the Lord than the
guy who's mad at them because hewon't listen to God.
And and what kid in her rightmind would want to, you know, to
(06:37):
go to a God that's that's that'skind of pissed at them because
they're not quite right yet.
And yet I didn't know, being ayoung dad, how vital it was for
me to model the way God theFather speaks to me.
(06:57):
So I want you to think about fora moment.
Maybe you can even comment aboutthis in the comments.
Think about those times whenyou've had like incredible
breakthrough with Jesus, wherehe's spoken to you, where the
Father's spoken to you, when ascripture popped out of a
(07:19):
sermon.
I mean, how did it come at you?
And if you look back, you youknow, chances are are are really
high that it didn't come, itcame and it felt like a
sledgehammer, but it came withthis incredible gentleness and
(07:40):
kindness and goodness that endsup changing our hearts.
Matter of fact, it says inRomans that it's the it's the
goodness of God that leads us torepentance.
It's just kindness in Christ.
And the only reason why God isable to pour out that goodness
(08:04):
upon us is not because we're weget it together, is because he
took all the wrath and all thehurt and all the upset stuff,
and he poured it out on his sonon the cross.
All that rage, all that angergot poured out, and Jesus
(08:26):
actually really did die in ourplace so that we could have a
new beginning.
And that, and and when you beginto really think about and
meditate on that the reason thatwe can hear from God or read the
Bible and understand the voiceof God that comes through the
(08:46):
Holy Spirit and and God theFather, as He speaks into us and
leads our life, is becausethere's nothing that He didn't
pay for on the cross, so that Hedoesn't hold that in front of
you to keep you from havingaccess to Him.
Because at that moment when yousay, Father, forgive me, He's
(09:08):
just right there.
And even the way that He bringsthat forgiveness to us, we don't
think we deserve it because wedidn't have a part in fixing
ourselves.
Well, welcome then, Goy Music.
Welcome to Blessings to you.
There's people just popping infrom all over the place.
(09:28):
And so if you're on Rumble, oractually, I don't see Rumble
feed right here, or I would loveto find out too where you're
from.
Maybe that one of the big kahunathings that you want to learn
tonight is we talk about thiswhole thing.
How can I get my kids to listen?
And how to listen to me andfollow me and care about what I
(09:51):
say as a dad.
Well, the first thing we'retalking about is that the way
you hear the Lord yourself, themore you learn to hear his voice
for you from that incredibleplace of goodness that he speaks
to and his kindness that hespeaks to you.
Not that his words at times arejust incredibly confronting, but
(10:16):
just think about, you know, itsays in Proverbs that, you know,
when you go to confrontsomebody, you do it with like a
setting of silver.
You do it in gentleness, youdon't do it in superiority
because it just blasts thatperson out.
I mean, I I remember the earlydays of being a dad, and and you
(10:38):
know, I was really hard on them,trying to protect them, trying
to keep them from doing stupidsins like me.
And it doesn't, it didn't reallymatter how much I how much of
the Bible I I quoted to them isthe tone that was coming out of
(10:59):
my mouth, is the way I wasframing who God was, and is that
they, you know what they gotfrom me?
They got God's pissed at me.
And he's not gonna bless my lifeuntil I just do everything
perfect.
And if when you're a pastor of achurch and your children begin
(11:21):
to do that, you know what theydo?
They eventually they startresenting going to church
because they always feel thatthey can't do it.
And then the added pressure ofthem being some kind of example
of doing everything right putsthis incredible pressure on
(11:41):
them.
And so they think that they'rein with God because they do it
right.
They don't understand theincredible truth of the gospel
that Paul teaches us and Jesustaught us that we're in because
Jesus did right.
While we were still dead in oursins, Romans 5.8 says, right?
(12:03):
We're still dead in our sins.
And that word dead is graveyarddebt.
I mean, there's no way you cansave yourself.
Your sin comes on your life, andit produces death in you,
spiritual death, and separationfrom God.
But even though you were born inyour you were already dead in
(12:23):
your sins, Romans 5.8 says,Christ died for you.
So just think about thesacrifice that Jesus made for
you on the cross, way before youwere born, way before you were
looking for it, way before youhad anything really to offer
(12:48):
him.
And it's to begin to think aboutthat.
You'll you'll begin to you'llbegin to understand how to be a
better father.
Or if you're a mom listening, abetter mom.
Because the way we frame theLord will be the way kids start
out really thinking about whoGod is.
(13:09):
And so it's vital in the way youway you you frame him.
And and is it too late if I'veI've screwed up and done it
wrong for years?
Absolutely not.
It's really amazing, and I and Ihave dads who started off wrong
like I did, and I'd go to mykids and go, you know, dad's
(13:30):
been really hard on you.
Will you forgive me for doingthat because I was wrong?
It's amazing how quickly my kidswould forgive me when I was
honest.
If I just said sorry, dad's hada bad, I'm having a bad day,
man, bad day of work, a lot ofpressure.
SPEAKER_01 (13:49):
You don't know how hard it is for me to make a
living and support you and here,you don't even clean your room.
SPEAKER_02 (14:01):
I know you might think I'm making fun of
somebody.
That's me.
That's the way I treated mykids.
You know, I was just, I wasmanipulating them and I was I
was working them because I Ireally lost touch at times with
the fact that it was the God'sgoodness that that called Edmont
Glass and this broken footballplayer out in Kiel Cauley
(14:27):
dormitory in room 603 and healedmy knee, gave me a new
beginning, and gave me a lifethat I live today.
And so when you understand thatthe way the connect to your kids
really flows out of the in areal way, the vine of you being
(14:51):
connected to the vine of Jesus.
You know, Jesus said, I'm thevine, you're the branches.
He who abides in me will bearmuch fruit.
Apart from me, you can donothing.
Nothing.
And not only by you, but I'vetried to do something for years.
(15:11):
I've tried to even super glue myconnection of my branch into the
vine to prove myself that I amworthy of God's blessing in my
life.
We can't be, because we're eventhat is sinful.
That even that basically treadson the sacrifice of Christ.
(15:32):
And so I have my customary callfrom my my oldest son every
night.
I forgot to turn off my ringer.
And let me do that right now.
And let me let me tell you whythat's so important to me as a
dad.
Is you know, God's done a lot ofwork on me so that I learn how
(16:02):
to to really capture the heartof my kids and keep their
hearts.
See, they won't listen to you ifyou don't have their heart.
You can have all the truth inthe world, you can have all the
wisdom of the world, you canhave all the money in the world
to give to them or resourcethem.
(16:23):
And they won't become the personthey really need to be until
they understand about theincredible love of God that He
He gave us when He sent His Sonfor us.
And they'll never understandreally the Christian life if
they never learn from dad how toreceive from God Himself.
(16:46):
And the quickest way for you tocut that off is to be hard on
him.
Now, I know some of you mightthink, well, what about
discipline?
Well, we'll we'll get into allthat, but we sort of err on
structure.
I'm the father of the family,you know, these are my rules.
(17:07):
This is the way you're to live.
And there's it, there's healthythings of creating a loving
boundary for your children aboutwhat it looks like to be in a
family.
But the most important thing youdo with them is you need to
teach them how to receive fromGod, how to forgive, how to be
(17:27):
forgiven, how to hear from him.
And at the core of their most ofall of their experience with you
as you're raising your children,is a question.
What does my dad really thinkabout me?
So if you're thinking right now,think about your son or your
(17:48):
daughters.
How would they answer thatquestion?
Somebody might say, Well, my mykids would say I love them.
And and that's awesome.
What does that look like?
And yet they measure what youthink about them, where love is
(18:13):
really powerful and that's animportant building block, but
they measure themselves by whatthey believe you truly think
about your children.
So, what do you kids think thatyou believe about them?
(18:34):
Sometimes it comes out of ourwords, right?
You know, they did a surveyyears ago.
Bill Glass, one of one of myheroes of the faith, was one of
the NFL football players thatreally help and helped open up
prisons.
You know, he would go intoprisons with some other football
players and share about the loveof Christ and about the love of
(18:58):
the father to these guys.
And so he would do a survey inevery prison he'd go to, and he
would ask the same question.
He would say, When you thinkabout your childhood, what was
the one thing that your dad oryour mom repeated over you over
and over again that reallyframed who you are today?
(19:23):
So these guys would think, youknow what the number one
response was?
There's not even a close second.
And it was, if you keep livingthis way, one day you're gonna
end up in prison.
See, I didn't understand as ayoung dad that my words can
(19:48):
frame the future of my children.
And the tone I speak frames forthem maybe what God thinks about
them.
And it also they're they'reconstantly kind of looking at
you.
Well, what does my dad reallythink about me?
And if they discern that youdon't, you're not proud of them
(20:12):
for anything, or they're justyou know, they're gonna end up
in prison, or they're justgonna, you know, live this crazy
life, guess what?
That's exactly how they start.
So, how do we how do we get ourkids to listen to us?
And I'm gonna just give youthere's some real practical
(20:33):
tools tonight that I've learnedto use.
And I mean, it's changed myrelationship with my kids.
It's really helped them.
And you might say, well, boy,that's enough of what you've
already shared.
Well, I'll share a few morethings with you.
And so, so how do how do I getmy kids to listen?
Well, here's here's the firstthing.
Listening is really foundationalfor a healthy relationship.
(20:56):
Now, no one's gonna say, no,you're out of your tree.
Well, it's true.
Your ability to communicate withyour wife determines the the
level of relationship you have.
And you know, it's it at times,I mean, that's that's a really
hard deal.
But do your kids ever say to youin their teenage years, or maybe
(21:21):
younger years, you're notlistening to me.
And you know, you you respondback, I hear perfectly well.
The problem is you're notlistening to me.
Because we have this idea thatour rule book is the master rule
book for their life.
But here's a little nuance.
(21:42):
It's only the master rule bookif we live out everything we're
asking them to do.
Oh, I just moved from talkingand sharing to meddling, haven't
I?
Because it's not the things thatI know that frames my life for
my children.
It's the way I do things.
And here's the other nuance: it's the way I do things even (22:02):
undefined
when they don't see me, becauseit's the man we become in Christ
and following God that becomesthe model of what your
expectations are, way more thanyour words.
And yet we're quick to speak andwe're slow to listen, which the
(22:25):
Bible says we need to do theopposite of that.
We should need to be slow tospeak and quick to listen, so
that we can help our kidsnavigate who God has made them
to be.
And so part of the problem thatwe have is that it's it's really
easy for us to give advice whenour children aren't asking for
(22:48):
device, advice.
See, because listening tofoundational have a
relationship, the the thing thatwe got to do is we got to ask
more questions than we giveanswers.
We ask more questions than wegive answers.
Think about that.
Do that until they come and askfor advice, and even then,
(23:11):
answer with a question.
I learned this in the way Jesusdealt with disciples.
Because if you if you're alwaysgiving the answers and trying to
be the hero for your kids or myway or the highway, guess what
happens?
You create this parent-childrelationship where you have the
(23:31):
power, they don't have thepower.
And so you, with your force,because you're the dad and you
got the food, and you got thehouse, and you got all this
stuff, you can determine youbasically listen to me.
And so the the conversation isusually one-directional.
(23:51):
And Jesus, he was the master atdoing this simple little thing
that I began to learn andmanage, just changes the
dynamics of with my children.
If Jesus would begin to askquestions, so that relationship
with that person would turn toadult, adult.
(24:12):
See, in parent-childrelationships, you got the
power, you got the money, yougot the food that they want.
And I found with kids, even intheir teen years, they might
obey their parents when theirdad is around, but when they're
not with their family, beingtheir own adult, they live by
(24:33):
the rules they believe.
Well, the secret of raising ahealthy kid is to help them
discover God's way for them.
So they begin to teach you aboutthe things they're learning from
him.
And it's not, because I I'veI've had, I can't tell you how
(24:55):
many times I've heard this whereparents will come to me and say,
I just don't understand.
I I did everything I knew to do.
I took them to church, I raisedthem in a Christian home.
And I go, really?
I mean, was uh so your house wasborn again?
(25:20):
And they go, What?
You see, you raise them in aChristian home, so and I know
what you really mean is that youraised him, you took them to
church, you got them in Sundayschool.
And then I asked them thisquestion so how how much did you
model to them the life that youwanted them to live in Christ?
(25:49):
Where it's so believable and socompelling for them that they
want to they want to follow Godjust like you.
See, that's the that's the bigkahuna point of everything I'm
sharing with you today.
See, I've learned one thing overand over as a dad, now grandpa.
(26:15):
I gotta live the life first sothey see it's possible.
And then I gotta teach them andshare with them how to enter
that themselves.
And then I celebrate them whenthey enter it.
And I brag on them and otherpeople, and they get it, it gets
back to my kids.
Hey, I was with your dad today,and man, he just says incredible
(26:38):
things about you.
It's it's powerful when yourchildren do that.
And you know what's even morepowerful when your friends that
you have tell you that they justmet your son and he all he
(26:59):
talked about was how proud hewas of you being his dad.
Isn't that ultimately what youwant as a father?
You want your children to toexcel in their life, but don't
you want a a great relationshipwhere they really are receiving
from you?
Because whether they listensometimes or appear not to, they
(27:21):
are always watching you.
And so the the first thing Iwant to say to you is that you
got to live a life you want themto live.
And I think it's I think it's inmy notes here.
I might be jumping way ahead,but and the reason and and that
(27:41):
is, you know, you know, Jamessays it this way about this
whole understanding oflistening, asking questions.
My dear brothers and sisters,take note of this.
Everyone should be quick tolisten, slow to speak, and slow
to become angry.
That's really hard for us asparents when we don't feel
heard.
(28:04):
Can I ask you the question?
How long and how much have youlearned and gone through in your
life to come to the point whereyou are today with God?
Some of you might be, you know,recently asking Christ in your
life, you might be new to him.
(28:25):
But just think about all of theyears that you've been following
God, all the mistakes, all theall the repentance, all the
coming back, all the ways hetreated you and loved you and
took care of you.
Excuse me.
And all the gentleness in theway he's treated you.
(28:49):
What would change in yourrelationship with your children
right now if you really learnedhow to be gentle that way?
If you really learned how to beaffirming that way.
If you really learned how to bepatient that way.
(29:14):
Understanding that you backingoff and not putting the pressure
on your kids when they'rebroken, but praying for them and
modeling that life and beingready uh to help them, the more
you do that with them, the moreimpact you're gonna have.
(29:38):
And that and that's and that'san incredible, incredible truth.
I'm gonna share maybe one morething.
We I have a big list.
I'm gonna finish this next weekbecause it's such a big, big
subject.
And I want to honor your timebecause I am so grateful that
you showed up here tonight.
(29:58):
But the more you You model theman you want your son to be, or
the kind of man you would wantyour daughter to marry, or
become that kind of father thatshe wants to be like you, and
the way you walk with God.
That first the thing, the wayyou open her ears, or your your
(30:22):
son's ears when they're uh angrywith you, is in the way you
treat them, in the way you livethat life.
And so you don't have to have tolove a lot of money to be a good
father.
Matter of fact, I I I've coacheda number of kids that were
raised in opulence, and and theythey're so screwed up because
(30:48):
they they count on the money ofthe family.
They've learned to count on themoney and the fun and the things
they do, but they've not reallylearned how to be honest and and
count on their dads.
Because they're working all thetime.
And yet our legacy is father'sand as grandfathers, it's more
(31:13):
than the estates we build, notsaying that that's not
important.
It's about the the true man thatyou are before the Lord.
And let me kind of close withthis because I I want to be
sensitive to your time.
Not only do you ask questions,but the second second part I
(31:36):
wanted to share with you tonightis you get really good at
showing your kids how to ask forforgiveness.
If there's like one thing thatyou could do that that could
(32:00):
have the biggest impact inprotecting your family legacy
from bitterness, is to model toyour children how to ask for
forgiveness when you blow it.
I was with uh a group of galsthat I ministered to here in
Southern California, a number ofthem, you know, they ended up
(32:24):
having really bad relationshipswith their dads.
Or no father at all.
Even talking about it with them.
I was with them last night, andthey're just lovely young women,
but they just don't know itbecause their fathers were so
(32:44):
brutal.
And they just wept, you know,when they started talking about
their dads.
There was just moments where theHoly Spirit was just breaking
through for them because theywant to be great moms and they
want to have a different storyin their marriage than their
parents did, many of them.
(33:05):
And and I asked them a question,I said, How many of you made the
biggest mistakes of your lifebecause you were angry with your
dad?
You know, all their hands wentup.
(33:29):
And they started sharing yourstory and and one just couldn't
even get the words out becausetheir persona of how they saw
themselves as a young girl, nowa mother, was shaped by that the
(33:51):
first man of their story.
Now you might not realize this,Dan, but you are the first man
of your daughter's story, andyou might have completely blown
it.
I got great news for you.
It's never too late to repairthat.
(34:12):
But if there's one one thing Iwant to leave you with tonight,
just kind of in closing, isteach them how to get forgiven
by God.
And here's what you do you modelto them what asking for
(34:33):
forgiveness looks like.
And you know, I remember whenGod started showing me about my
kids, and I wanted unity and Iwanted my kids to be a certain
way, and I found myself drivingthem, treating them like
(34:56):
pastors' kids, not my kids,hurting them deeply.
But the breakthrough startedcoming when I learned that the
biggest offender in their lifewasn't necessarily their bad
things they did with Godthemselves.
It was the way I treated themwhen I got angry, the way I
(35:17):
drove them, didn't listen tothem.
And I I remember, like it wasjust yesterday, where I'm, you
know, frustrated with my kidsbecause they're not listening to
me.
And I'm just, you know, they'refighting in the other room and
treating one another badly.
And I heard them, and and mywife said, You need to go in and
(35:39):
handle that.
And I was I was walking thereready to just, you know, have a
family meeting and just drillthem for not treating one
another well.
As I'm walking, the Lord said,Well, you showed them.
You showed them how to how totreat be this way.
(36:03):
Why don't you ask them how youhurt them so you can ask for
forgiveness?
Gosh, what a moment that was.
Because immediately I'm like,well, you know, I couldn't have
been that bad.
And so I I trusted what God wasleading me to do, and I had no
(36:27):
idea what was going to do to myrelationship.
And I I got I put my kids at thetable, and one of my sons said,
Oh boy, here comes anothersermon.
And I said, You know, guys, Iknow that I've really hurt you
at times, is your dad.
And I never really I neverreally asked for forgiveness.
(36:49):
Can you tell me what I did so Ican ask for forgiveness?
And I want to tell you, I mean,that it was like a holy bomb
went off in in our den, and mydaughters immediately started to
tear up and cry.
My oldest son just sat back.
(37:09):
He'd never seen this side of me.
I was big head the evangelist,professional football player,
you know, pastor of a church.
Now I was just dad.
I was just dad.
He was broken.
(37:29):
And so my daughter, my oldestdaughter, Jessica, said, Really?
Really?
And I said, Yeah.
Whatever it is.
And she shared her heart and ithit me.
Oh man, I did that.
And I you don't when forgivenessdoesn't happen when you say
(37:52):
sorry.
Forgiveness happens when youacknowledge what you did and you
ask them to forgive you, andthat becomes a transaction
between you and them where theyget to vote on whether or not
they forgive you.
You give them the choice.
(38:12):
And so I I acknowledge, I said,Would you forgive me for doing
that to you?
I can tell it really hurt you,and I am I'm so sorry that I did
that.
Will you forgive me?
And she paused for about aminute, just crying, and and
(38:35):
then she looked at me, she goes,I forgive you, Daddy.
And then Mary shares something,and then same kind of thing.
And then Edward and Josh andLucas.
Josh was little and somethingbroke in my family.
(39:03):
And what broke was bitterness,was laying a foundation between
me and my kids.
And so when you think about yourchildren right now, is
bitterness crept in?
You know how you breakbitterness?
(39:25):
Not by going up to somebody andsaying, Hey, you need to stop
being so bitter.
Well, you break bitternessbetween you and a person as you
go and say, What did I do?
Because I can tell you're doingthis to me.
Is there something that I didthat I need to ask for
forgiveness for?
(39:47):
And I can't tell you how manyhundreds of dads that I've
coached through this and howthey got their kids back.
Because what I didn't realize inthat moment is that I was
modeling to my children whatasking forgiveness was all
about.
And I was laying a foundation offorgiveness so that God's
(40:11):
blessing could flow between usand restore our relationship.
So think about it for a minute.
Which one of your kids do youneed to ask forgiveness for?
Think about that.
Have you ever asked thatquestion?
(40:33):
Do you know how you knowforgiveness is happening?
Because they want to be aroundyou.
I mean, you know, there's athere there's a lot of hurt in
families today, and modernpsychology is kind of stepped
in, and kids now are creatingboundaries around parents
(40:55):
because of hurt.
And it's because forgivenessdoes not come between them.
And it's it's demonic, it'swicked.
And even for a while, there'speople in political parties who
I will not mention, you know,have been perpetrating this in
(41:16):
separating families so that sonsand daughters can listen to the
culture more than they do theirfathers.
That's the devil's plan.
So what's our what's oursuperpower?
Humility.
(41:36):
And it's a question.
I know I've hurt you.
Can you tell me what I've doneso I can ask for forgiveness?
Who in your life do you need toask it for?
Or maybe you have.
Or maybe it's new for youtonight.
(41:57):
And so I wanted I wanted toshare that with you tonight and
have you think about it.
And we're gonna come back nextweek and uh and learn some more.
But tonight is just about thosetwo things that we talked about.
And I'm just uh grateful.
(42:17):
I'd love to get comments fromyou too, and and just a couple
of things is that we have a lotof different resources for you
that I would be honored to youknow share with you.
That in our if you've never beenin our website, it's a father
difference.
And we have an online uhfatherhood academy that has
(42:42):
personal coaching to really helpyou get to the next level.
And right on our website, andyou can go to our website and
and uh and you'll see it on ourwebsite about the fatherhood
academy.
It's a it's a brand new thingthat we're doing, and it's a
(43:05):
place for you as a as a man tobecome the husband, father, and
maybe you're single, the manthat God has called you to be.
And I'd love for you to be partof our program.
Because like after this callhere, I'm I'm meeting with my
guys online for kind of anadvanced coaching time to teach
(43:26):
them not only how to workthrough those issues, but how
they can learn to be coachesthemselves to the men that they
know.
Because if we're gonna changethe culture of the world where
dads have been systematicallycut out by the devil and crazy
politicians, because theyweren't good fathers themselves.
(43:47):
So, how are they gonna teachpeople to do that?
But God's gonna do somethingbefore the great and coming day
of the Lord.
He is gonna turn the hearts ofus, our dads, towards our
children.
So that the hearts of ourchildren will turn back to our
fathers.
It's never too late to heal yourfamily.
And so we built a FatherhoodAcademy.
(44:09):
So, and it'll be a littlecommercial at the end about this
that I just encourage you towatch.
I'd love for you to become partof.
It's a money-back guarantee,it's a small investment every
month, but it gives you somemaximum results in your life.
And I want to encourage you tothink about that.
But before we do that, I want topray with you, Father.
(44:31):
I just I pray for every friendthat I have right now on all the
different platforms.
And I ask you right now to healtheir relationship with their
children and teach them how tobe the kind of father that their
children call because they wantto hear from their dad.
(44:52):
They want to know what he knows,and they want their dads to be
part of their story.
So, Father, I pray you wouldbring that level of healing with
my friends that are watching.
And that these little tools theylearned tonight.
If you've forgotten what theyare, go back and listen to the
replay.
(45:14):
There's some moments I want tolisten to because I know that
God kind of showed up in ourmidst here in some profound
ways.
And Lord, I pray you would wewould heal the families of the
men that are listening right nowin the name of Jesus.
And no matter what is happening,even maybe you're in the midst
(45:35):
of a divorce or your wife wantsa divorce.
That question for your children,it's a powerful question to
understand how much you've hurtyour wife so that you can ask
for forgiveness.
Imagine what would happen in aworld, in our world, if we
really learned how to do that.
(45:55):
Well, that's God's plan.
So I ask you to bless mybrothers and sisters, use their
lives in profound ways, Lord, tobe a light for you, Jesus, in a
really dark time in our world.
And we pray all these things inthe name of Jesus.
Thanks for being with me.
Thanks for just hanging inthere.
(46:18):
This was a beautiful, intimatetime for me anyway.
I'd love your feedback.
You can email me at any time.
You can go to my website at thefatherdifferent.com, send me an
email, let me know what spoke toyou, or maybe you got a prayer
request.
We also have a free book you canget at any time.
(46:41):
Right now, this this is goingout to 233 countries, and I'm so
grateful that it's gone so far,and I'm so blessed by it.
And all that to say, watch thislittle short little video in
closing.
And uh, I can't, I'll I'll seeyou next week.
The Lord bless you.
(47:01):
And uh I'm really excited abouthow God's going to use you as
the model to model to yourchildren who God is really wants
them to be, and in the way youask for forgiveness to bring
healing to your family.
So that's what we talked abouttonight.
(47:22):
And when you do that, yourchildren will listen to you.
God bless you.
SPEAKER_00 (47:28):
Here's that little video.
Dear friends, imagine a worldwhere every father feels
equipped to lead with faith,love, and purpose.
A world where families thriveand communities grow stronger
because of devoted,Christ-centered fathers.
SPEAKER_02 (47:45):
You know, beloved, that is the vision that God's
put in my heart for every singlefamily.
You know, he is on the move, Ibelieve.
He promises in Malachi thatbefore the great and coming day
of the Lord, he's gonna dosomething profound.
He's gonna turn the hearts offathers back towards their
(48:07):
children.
So the hearts of their childrenwill turn back to their father.
That's what God is doing.
I mean dads daily who want tolearn to be better fathers.
Yet many have never been shownhow.
Too many families are beingfractured through bitterness and
with parents and grandparentseven being canceled.
(48:29):
That's why we're launching anonline community to quit and to
be the fathers that God hascalled them to be.
It's more than a program, it's apart of a movement that God is
already doing to reshapefatherhood as a sacred calling
rooted in the teachings ofpride.
(48:50):
And we're calling this theFatherhood Academy, where men
will embark on a journey ofhealing and spiritual
restoration that helps themtransform their family
relationship.
And to make this vision areality, would you consider
partnering with us financiallyas we continue to reach and
(49:14):
disciple every man, dad, andgrandpa that comes our way?
Your donation will help create aripple across the neighborhoods,
communities, you know, andultimately our nature, anchoring
each child, their division, andthe unwavering love and guidance
of a devoted dad.
SPEAKER_00 (49:36):
Will you partner with us?
Your gift, whether a one-timedonation or ongoing monthly
support, will help to transformlives.
Together, we can equip fathersand grandfathers to lead with
faith and create a brighter,hope filled future for
generations to come.
(49:57):
Click the link to donate today.
Thank you for believing in thismission and joining us on this
transformative journey.
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