August 28, 2024 • 12 mins
Ever wondered how mastering the art of listening could revolutionize your career and personal life? In this episode of the Freedom First Podcast, I, Justin Arrington, share actionable insights into the transformative power of effective communication. Drawing on lessons from Chris Voss's "Never Split the Difference," we unpack the profound impact of understanding your counterpart's needs and creating a safe space for open dialogue. Whether you're an aspiring entrepreneur or looking to excel in your current role, these communication strategies will provide you with invaluable tools to enhance your interactions and build stronger connections.
You'll hear firsthand experiences and practical tips on why letting others talk more can yield greater insights, making you not only a better salesperson but also a more engaging friend or colleague. From sales tactics to everyday conversations, this episode is packed with advice that you can start applying immediately to see significant improvements. Tune in and discover how mastering these skills can lead you towards a freer, more fulfilling life, helping you live on your own terms. Don't miss this opportunity to elevate your communication game and unlock the doors to personal and professional success.
Follow me on IG @_justinarrington
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
What's going on, guys ?
Welcome back to the FreedomFirst Podcast.
This is Justin Arrington.
I am your host.
Thank you once again for tuninginto today's show.
As you guys heard in the intro,my whole purpose of this podcast
is to provide as much value andgive you guys experiences that
I have personally been throughin my life that will hopefully
lead you on your journey and onyour path to living a free life
(00:41):
and start living it on your ownterms.
And so, if this is the firsttime you guys have tuned in, I
just want to say thank you allfor giving me a chance and
listening to me and this may bethe first and only podcast that
you listen to, but anyway, Ireally do hope that there is a
value exchange here of some sortand just realize the things
(01:01):
that I talk about on this show.
They can be immediatelyimplemented into your life and
anything and everything that Italk about it does have a reason
.
And, like I said, once you guysstart implementing these things
, I know that you will start tosee little differences and
changes in your life that willhopefully lead you on a better
path to becoming the best andhighest version of yourself,
(01:24):
lead you on a better path tobecoming the best and highest
version of yourself.
And so, guys, I don't like towaste a bunch of time, because I
know your time is valuable, soI'm just going to go ahead and
dive right into it.
Today's conversation is goingto be about conversing and
communicating with others, andhow to effectively have a
conversation with a lot ofpeople.
I've talked to a few of youguys and you know some of you
(01:47):
guys are, you know, maybe earlyon in your entrepreneurship
journey, or maybe you just wantto become, you know, a better, a
better person at your job andbe an entrepreneur If that's the
route that you want to go by.
Either way is 100% fine,because the topic of
communicating is the mosteffective and important skill
that you could ever ever comeacross, and it's super important
(02:12):
that you're able to master howto effectively communicate with
people.
And when I started prepping forthis show, one of the books that
popped into my head it'sactually one of my favorites.
I try to read it.
I would say maybe once a year.
Uh, I may not get around tothat, but I probably read this
book now, I don't know three orfour times, and it's never split
(02:33):
the difference by uh, by ChrisVoss, and if you guys have not
read this book, I highlyrecommend you go on Amazon
really quick and order it, or,um, you know, download it,
download it and listen to it, um, but there's just a couple of
things that I wanted to sharefrom you, uh, or share with you.
That's in this book, um, so I'mjust going to read a little read
(02:53):
a couple of paragraphs and thenmaybe paraphrase it a little
bit for you, um, but this is inchapter two, um, and it's just
talking about how having aconversation, and it says the
goal is to identify what yourcounterparts actually need or
want monetarily, emotionally orotherwise and get them feeling
safe enough to talk and talk andtalk some more about what it is
(03:15):
that they want.
And one thing that I've reallycome to understand is when
you're having a conversationwith someone and let's just take
a sales approach for a minute,right, let's say, you know
you're you're having a salesconversation, and if you guys
are not familiar with sales,like, honestly, the least amount
that you talk, the better, andyou always want your counterpart
(03:35):
or your prospect giving, givingall the answers and and talking
the majority of the time.
Like you, you really just wantto listen to them, figure out
what their needs are and, um,really just become a sponge as
to what they're saying.
Um, but, as it says here, likeyou have to get them them as
whoever and you're talking to tofeel safe enough to just talk
(03:56):
and talk and talk.
And that may sound weird, buteven like conversations that I
have with with friends of mineor or you know people, new
people that I meet I honestly Italk less, like I'm more
interested in, you know, hearingabout what they do.
I'd rather hear about whatsomeone else does than talk
about what I personally do,which you know may come back to
(04:17):
bite me in the butt and haunt mea little bit down the road, I
don't know.
Like, that's just kind of who Iam.
I've talked, you know, a coupleof times on the show like I am
more introverted than I amextroverted.
Um, really kind of depends onthe, on the setting and whatnot.
Um, but you really like, whenyou're having a conversation,
(04:41):
get people talking, askquestions.
I actually, um, I was watchinga.
What was it?
Oh, it was a reel that one ofmy buddies posted on Instagram
the other day and he was justtalking about how he always asks
people where they're from justto start a conversation.
And the lady that he wastalking to I don't know if she
was from like Minnesota orsomething like that, and we're
here in Utah, obviously, andthat whole question just sparked
an entire conversation.
(05:02):
And you know, they got to learna little bit about, you know
her family and what, wherethey're from and what they do,
and anyway, it really just soasking, asking questions and
listening you'll get more out ofa conversation that or of that,
than just babbling on and onand on and on, and it kind of
like I'm doing right now.
Anyway, so that's one takeawaythat I want you guys to kind of
(05:25):
think about is are you askingquestions and what is the whole
purpose of the conversation thatyou're, that you're having?
Because, in reality, everyconversation that you have, no
matter who it's with, there'ssome sort of purpose, and so
it's better for you to ask thosequestions and get the most
crystal clear understanding thatyou possibly can so that you
understand and can effectivelycommunicate with that person.
(05:49):
As we jump ahead a couple ofpages, this is still in chapter
two and, like I said, if youguys haven't read this book, go
and read it, and chapter two isprobably one of my favorites.
But this paragraph says whendeliberating on a negotiating
strategy or approach, peopletend to focus all of their
energies on what, holy crap, Ican't read today.
(06:09):
Guys, let me pull this a littlebit closer.
When deliberating on anegotiating strategy or approach
, people tend to focus all theirenergies on what to say or do,
but it's how we are our generaldemeanor and delivery.
That is both the easiest thingto enact and the most
immediately effective mode ofinfluence.
(06:31):
And so what's this kind of?
What this is kind of talkingabout right now is mirroring,
and if you guys have never heardthe term mirroring, um, this
really it's easier to do whenyou're, when you're kind of in a
face-to-face setting.
Um, it is possible to do itover the phone, uh, but over the
phone it's more tonality thananything.
Um, but, guys, when you'regoing to meet somebody new and
(06:57):
maybe you don't quite know howto, you know, come about on this
person, or maybe it's, you knowyou're, you're asking someone
out on a date and you don'tquite know how their reaction is
going to be, all you have to dois just mirror them, you know.
So, if you go up to someone andyou shake their hands and you
know you can kind of tell theirtheir handshake wasn't quite as
firm.
Immediately, like, at least myresponse is okay, you know what.
(07:20):
This person might be a littlemore timid, so let's not come at
them, you know, a hundred, ahundred miles an hour.
Let's maybe just tone it back alittle bit and maybe take a
little bit softer approachversus, you know, say, I go to
shake a guy's hand and you knowit's a nice firm handshake and
he, he says hello, he initiatesthe conversation.
I immediately know who and whatkind of person I'm dealing with
right here.
It's clearly an extrovertedperson and this conversation is
(07:41):
probably, you know, going to bea little bit easier than someone
who's, like, super timid.
But either way, however they'reacting, you just got to mirror
them and do the same things theydo, you know, like if, if
they're folding their arms andyou know, maybe they feel like,
oh no, I don't want anybody tosee me Maybe fold your arms and,
(08:02):
just, you know, act a littlebit more casual.
Or, you know, versus a businesssetting, maybe you're going
into an important meeting whereyou know you're going to be
talking about a big project orsomething like that and and you
know you do need to be a littlebit more firm I'm sure there's
going to be a little the theatmosphere in that room is going
to be a little bit different,and you just got to mirror
(08:23):
whatever action the person infront of you or the person that
you're communicating with, justmatch them and do what they do
without it being creepy Right.
This is something that youdefinitely do have to practice,
but I've, you know, in my lineof work I'm talking with
homeowners all the time.
You know, going out onappointments, meeting them.
(08:43):
I've come across all sorts ofpeople where, you know, maybe
there's been a couple that havebeen just ultra wealthy and
they're selling investmentproperties and the conversations
that I have with those peopleare far different than the
homeowner who's about to getforeclosed on because their
spouse left them and you knowthey can't keep up on the bills
(09:03):
and they can't keep up on themortgage and if they don't sell
the house and they're going tolose it, like the conversations
are just 100% different and youhave to be willing to, you know,
go in to that conversation withthe person that's going through
you know a lot in their lifeversus you know someone else
who's just I just need to getrid of this house, and you know
I don't really care, right?
(09:24):
There's one last thing that Iwant to share with you guys in
this book, and it's just onesentence, and it says your most
powerful tool in any verbalcommunication is your voice, you
know.
So I've talked a little bitabout tonality, I've talked a
little bit about mirroring, andif you guys feel like you are
not a good communicator, let'shop on some phone calls, or
(09:46):
let's go out to lunch, let's goand communicate with each other
and just really dive deep onconversations Like
communications.
I honestly feel like thatshould be a whole section that
you have to go through in highschool in order to graduate.
You have to be willing tocommunicate with people, and
even though we live in such adigital age and you can just
(10:09):
send someone an email or sendsomeone a text or whatever yes,
that is cool and it does makethings really, really efficient,
but I guarantee you, if you canmaster the art of communication
because that's what it is, it'san art you have to be willing
to learn how to communicate withpeople, and if you, and if you
master that, you're going to goway further than someone who's
(10:31):
stuck behind a laptop or stuckbehind their phone all day, and
that's where they get all theirwork done, because in reality,
real business, it's done face toface and it's done over the
phone, like just having thatphysical person and not all this
AI.
I'm not going to call itgarbage because I've used it.
I use it in my business today,but there there's there's a time
(10:51):
and place for that.
But I really do feel like it'shighly, highly important to
become a master communicator andbe I don't know good with words
.
You know I may not have a bigvocabulary, but I feel like I do
have the ability to have andhold conversations with.
(11:11):
You know, it doesn't matter tothe person because I've been
able to master the art ofmirroring and tonality and
everything.
So, guys, that's all I have foryou today.
I know we went a little bit longand maybe this episode was a
little bit boring for you, um,but again, action item go get
the book never split thedifference by Chris Voss.
It's on Amazon, I mean you canprobably pick that up for 15
(11:32):
bucks and I guarantee you like,if you take the time to read and
study that book, it will changeyour life if you want to become
a better communicator.
And so that's all I have foryou today.
Thank you all for tuning inonce again and, as always, we'll
chat with you again once againtomorrow.
(11:56):
The Freedom First podcast.
So just come and learn how tobuild a free life living on your
own terms.
What's going on, guys ?
Welcome back to the FreedomFirst Podcast.
This is Justin Arrington.
I am your host.
Thank you once again for tuninginto today's show.
As you guys heard in the intro,my whole purpose of this podcast
is to provide as much value andgive you guys experiences that
I have personally been throughin my life that will hopefully
lead you on your journey and onyour path to living a free life
(00:41):
and start living it on your ownterms.
And so, if this is the firsttime you guys have tuned in, I
just want to say thank you allfor giving me a chance and
listening to me and this may bethe first and only podcast that
you listen to, but anyway, Ireally do hope that there is a
value exchange here of some sortand just realize the things
(01:01):
that I talk about on this show.
They can be immediatelyimplemented into your life and
anything and everything that Italk about it does have a reason
.
And, like I said, once you guysstart implementing these things
, I know that you will start tosee little differences and
changes in your life that willhopefully lead you on a better
path to becoming the best andhighest version of yourself,
(01:24):
lead you on a better path tobecoming the best and highest
version of yourself.
And so, guys, I don't like towaste a bunch of time, because I
know your time is valuable, soI'm just going to go ahead and
dive right into it.
Today's conversation is goingto be about conversing and
communicating with others, andhow to effectively have a
conversation with a lot ofpeople.
I've talked to a few of youguys and you know some of you
(01:47):
guys are, you know, maybe earlyon in your entrepreneurship
journey, or maybe you just wantto become, you know, a better, a
better person at your job andbe an entrepreneur If that's the
route that you want to go by.
Either way is 100% fine,because the topic of
communicating is the mosteffective and important skill
that you could ever ever comeacross, and it's super important
(02:12):
that you're able to master howto effectively communicate with
people.
And when I started prepping forthis show, one of the books that
popped into my head it'sactually one of my favorites.
I try to read it.
I would say maybe once a year.
Uh, I may not get around tothat, but I probably read this
book now, I don't know three orfour times, and it's never split
(02:33):
the difference by uh, by ChrisVoss, and if you guys have not
read this book, I highlyrecommend you go on Amazon
really quick and order it, or,um, you know, download it,
download it and listen to it, um, but there's just a couple of
things that I wanted to sharefrom you, uh, or share with you.
That's in this book, um, so I'mjust going to read a little read
(02:53):
a couple of paragraphs and thenmaybe paraphrase it a little
bit for you, um, but this is inchapter two, um, and it's just
talking about how having aconversation, and it says the
goal is to identify what yourcounterparts actually need or
want monetarily, emotionally orotherwise and get them feeling
safe enough to talk and talk andtalk some more about what it is
(03:15):
that they want.
And one thing that I've reallycome to understand is when
you're having a conversationwith someone and let's just take
a sales approach for a minute,right, let's say, you know
you're you're having a salesconversation, and if you guys
are not familiar with sales,like, honestly, the least amount
that you talk, the better, andyou always want your counterpart
(03:35):
or your prospect giving, givingall the answers and and talking
the majority of the time.
Like you, you really just wantto listen to them, figure out
what their needs are and, um,really just become a sponge as
to what they're saying.
Um, but, as it says here, likeyou have to get them them as
whoever and you're talking to tofeel safe enough to just talk
(03:56):
and talk and talk.
And that may sound weird, buteven like conversations that I
have with with friends of mineor or you know people, new
people that I meet I honestly Italk less, like I'm more
interested in, you know, hearingabout what they do.
I'd rather hear about whatsomeone else does than talk
about what I personally do,which you know may come back to
(04:17):
bite me in the butt and haunt mea little bit down the road, I
don't know.
Like, that's just kind of who Iam.
I've talked, you know, a coupleof times on the show like I am
more introverted than I amextroverted.
Um, really kind of depends onthe, on the setting and whatnot.
Um, but you really like, whenyou're having a conversation,
(04:41):
get people talking, askquestions.
I actually, um, I was watchinga.
What was it?
Oh, it was a reel that one ofmy buddies posted on Instagram
the other day and he was justtalking about how he always asks
people where they're from justto start a conversation.
And the lady that he wastalking to I don't know if she
was from like Minnesota orsomething like that, and we're
here in Utah, obviously, andthat whole question just sparked
an entire conversation.
(05:02):
And you know, they got to learna little bit about, you know
her family and what, wherethey're from and what they do,
and anyway, it really just soasking, asking questions and
listening you'll get more out ofa conversation that or of that,
than just babbling on and onand on and on, and it kind of
like I'm doing right now.
Anyway, so that's one takeawaythat I want you guys to kind of
(05:25):
think about is are you askingquestions and what is the whole
purpose of the conversation thatyou're, that you're having?
Because, in reality, everyconversation that you have, no
matter who it's with, there'ssome sort of purpose, and so
it's better for you to ask thosequestions and get the most
crystal clear understanding thatyou possibly can so that you
understand and can effectivelycommunicate with that person.
(05:49):
As we jump ahead a couple ofpages, this is still in chapter
two and, like I said, if youguys haven't read this book, go
and read it, and chapter two isprobably one of my favorites.
But this paragraph says whendeliberating on a negotiating
strategy or approach, peopletend to focus all of their
energies on what, holy crap, Ican't read today.
(06:09):
Guys, let me pull this a littlebit closer.
When deliberating on anegotiating strategy or approach
, people tend to focus all theirenergies on what to say or do,
but it's how we are our generaldemeanor and delivery.
That is both the easiest thingto enact and the most
immediately effective mode ofinfluence.
(06:31):
And so what's this kind of?
What this is kind of talkingabout right now is mirroring,
and if you guys have never heardthe term mirroring, um, this
really it's easier to do whenyou're, when you're kind of in a
face-to-face setting.
Um, it is possible to do itover the phone, uh, but over the
phone it's more tonality thananything.
Um, but, guys, when you'regoing to meet somebody new and
(06:57):
maybe you don't quite know howto, you know, come about on this
person, or maybe it's, you knowyou're, you're asking someone
out on a date and you don'tquite know how their reaction is
going to be, all you have to dois just mirror them, you know.
So, if you go up to someone andyou shake their hands and you
know you can kind of tell theirtheir handshake wasn't quite as
firm.
Immediately, like, at least myresponse is okay, you know what.
(07:20):
This person might be a littlemore timid, so let's not come at
them, you know, a hundred, ahundred miles an hour.
Let's maybe just tone it back alittle bit and maybe take a
little bit softer approachversus, you know, say, I go to
shake a guy's hand and you knowit's a nice firm handshake and
he, he says hello, he initiatesthe conversation.
I immediately know who and whatkind of person I'm dealing with
right here.
It's clearly an extrovertedperson and this conversation is
(07:41):
probably, you know, going to bea little bit easier than someone
who's, like, super timid.
But either way, however they'reacting, you just got to mirror
them and do the same things theydo, you know, like if, if
they're folding their arms andyou know, maybe they feel like,
oh no, I don't want anybody tosee me Maybe fold your arms and,
(08:02):
just, you know, act a littlebit more casual.
Or, you know, versus a businesssetting, maybe you're going
into an important meeting whereyou know you're going to be
talking about a big project orsomething like that and and you
know you do need to be a littlebit more firm I'm sure there's
going to be a little the theatmosphere in that room is going
to be a little bit different,and you just got to mirror
(08:23):
whatever action the person infront of you or the person that
you're communicating with, justmatch them and do what they do
without it being creepy Right.
This is something that youdefinitely do have to practice,
but I've, you know, in my lineof work I'm talking with
homeowners all the time.
You know, going out onappointments, meeting them.
(08:43):
I've come across all sorts ofpeople where, you know, maybe
there's been a couple that havebeen just ultra wealthy and
they're selling investmentproperties and the conversations
that I have with those peopleare far different than the
homeowner who's about to getforeclosed on because their
spouse left them and you knowthey can't keep up on the bills
(09:03):
and they can't keep up on themortgage and if they don't sell
the house and they're going tolose it, like the conversations
are just 100% different and youhave to be willing to, you know,
go in to that conversation withthe person that's going through
you know a lot in their lifeversus you know someone else
who's just I just need to getrid of this house, and you know
I don't really care, right?
(09:24):
There's one last thing that Iwant to share with you guys in
this book, and it's just onesentence, and it says your most
powerful tool in any verbalcommunication is your voice, you
know.
So I've talked a little bitabout tonality, I've talked a
little bit about mirroring, andif you guys feel like you are
not a good communicator, let'shop on some phone calls, or
(09:46):
let's go out to lunch, let's goand communicate with each other
and just really dive deep onconversations Like
communications.
I honestly feel like thatshould be a whole section that
you have to go through in highschool in order to graduate.
You have to be willing tocommunicate with people, and
even though we live in such adigital age and you can just
(10:09):
send someone an email or sendsomeone a text or whatever yes,
that is cool and it does makethings really, really efficient,
but I guarantee you, if you canmaster the art of communication
because that's what it is, it'san art you have to be willing
to learn how to communicate withpeople, and if you, and if you
master that, you're going to goway further than someone who's
(10:31):
stuck behind a laptop or stuckbehind their phone all day, and
that's where they get all theirwork done, because in reality,
real business, it's done face toface and it's done over the
phone, like just having thatphysical person and not all this
AI.
I'm not going to call itgarbage because I've used it.
I use it in my business today,but there there's there's a time
(10:51):
and place for that.
But I really do feel like it'shighly, highly important to
become a master communicator andbe I don't know good with words
.
You know I may not have a bigvocabulary, but I feel like I do
have the ability to have andhold conversations with.
(11:11):
You know, it doesn't matter tothe person because I've been
able to master the art ofmirroring and tonality and
everything.
So, guys, that's all I have foryou today.
I know we went a little bit longand maybe this episode was a
little bit boring for you, um,but again, action item go get
the book never split thedifference by Chris Voss.
It's on Amazon, I mean you canprobably pick that up for 15
(11:32):
bucks and I guarantee you like,if you take the time to read and
study that book, it will changeyour life if you want to become
a better communicator.
And so that's all I have foryou today.
Thank you all for tuning inonce again and, as always, we'll
chat with you again once againtomorrow.
(11:56):
The Freedom First podcast.
So just come and learn how tobuild a free life living on your
own terms.
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.