March 23, 2025 • 34 mins
In this deeply insightful episode, I share a special recording from my live class on "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz, offering practical wisdom that can transform your relationships and inner peace. After briefly sharing a personal update about my mother's hospital stay, I dive into these life-changing principles that have guided countless seekers toward greater freedom and happiness.
We explore the first agreement - "Be Impeccable With Your Word" - examining how speaking with integrity builds self-trust and shapes our character. Through powerful examples from class participants, you'll discover why keeping commitments, especially those made to yourself, creates a foundation for success in every area of life. You'll also learn a simple test to help you avoid gossip and strengthen your relationships through direct communication.
The second agreement - "Don't Take Anything Personally" - might be the most challenging for many of us. I share techniques for recognizing when you're being triggered and how to look inward rather than placing blame outward. One participant offers a brilliant reframing strategy: seeing hurtful comments as projections of others' insecurities rather than reflections of your worth.
"Don't Make Assumptions" forms the third agreement, and the discussion reveals how much unnecessary suffering we create through our interpretations, especially in digital communication. You'll hear personal stories of sleepless nights spent worrying about assumed meanings, all of which could have been resolved with a simple conversation.
The final agreement - "Always Do Your Best" - ties everything together. We explore how your "best" varies day-to-day and why this principle isn't about perfectionism but about genuine effort without self-judgment. As one participant beautifully reframes it: "Always feel good about yourself."
Whether you're familiar with these principles or encountering them for the first time, this episode offers fresh insights and practical applications. Try focusing on just one agreement this week and notice how your awareness alone begins to shift your experience toward greater happiness and personal freedom.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
My mother was in the hospital this weekend.
Thank God she's okay, but wasspending a lot of time there
helping her.
So today we're gonna dosomething special.
There was a live class that Idid on the four agreements and I
edited it today and I'm gonnashare it with you, and I think
it's really good and there's alot of value here.
(01:24):
The most important thing thatwe can do is look at one of
these four agreements and sayhow can I actually use this and
apply this in my life?
You'll get a lot of options forapplication, as you'll see as
the class moves on.
So enjoy the class.
How many of you have ever heardor read this book before the
Four Agreements?
Oh good, so there's a number ofpeople that have read it.
(01:46):
It doesn't matter if you haveor haven't, because we're going
to discuss it and we're going todiscuss the key principles.
But essentially he wrote thisbook and said there were four
things and if you just do thesefour things, you'll have a
happier and better life.
You think that's possible if wejust do four things, that we'll
(02:07):
have a better life.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Okay, good, let's talk about number one.
This one I love it's beimpeccable with your word.
Be impeccable with your word.
So, before I tell you what itis, what does that mean to you?
Don't bullshit, I love that.
So you're saying actually speakfrom integrity and and be
(02:33):
authentic.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Yes, don't bullshit, I love that we just have two
different ways of expressing it.
Speaker 4 (02:39):
That's all I like that that's.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
That's one.
I love how you're looking atthat.
What else?
Speaker 5 (02:45):
for me it's being impeccable, meaning, if you're
going to say you have to do it,so it's like a value yourself,
you're promising not only toyourself, you're promising to
God.
I'm going to get up tomorrow,work out, end up the next
morning.
I'm not working out, I'm justtired.
It's like you're lying toyourself and then your body
remembers that and it getsweaker from that and your soul
(03:09):
gets further away from your body.
And the only way to cure thatis to be truthful, to let our
own self be true.
That's it, right there.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Yeah, I love that.
You're 100% right.
You're saying if we make acommitment, then let's keep that
commitment, because we saidwith our word that we were going
to do it, so that means we needto do it.
Or let me ask you a question Doyou have to say to yourself
(03:38):
that you have to wake uptomorrow and go to the gym if
you're not going to do?
It Do you have to make thatcommitment.
Speaker 5 (03:45):
I think you do.
I mean I do.
I mean there have been times inthe past where I would say I'm
going to do it, and then I don'tdo it and things start to fall
apart.
And maybe not in my lifedrastically, but things just
don't work out the way I wantedthem to work out.
The minute I get back on trackwith being truthful, you know,
(04:07):
and following through with whatI say, things start to happen.
You know, it's not just peoplearound me start to really
understand it, but I start topush that energy out.
And that's really what I'mtrying to.
I'm always trying to strive for.
I fail sometimes and then I fixit.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
I would say that's not even failing.
It didn't go the way you wantedto, but you learned from it and
you made it better.
That's not failing is giving upand just stopping altogether.
That's really what failing is.
Let me ask you this If you knewthere was like a 50% chance you
weren't going to go, would yousay out loud to yourself and to
(04:46):
others that you were going to go?
Do that.
Speaker 5 (04:49):
Honestly, I used to, and then I felt like crap
afterwards and now it's like ifthere's less than 90% of a
chance that I'm not going to doit, I won't say it.
But if I'm going to say it,that's 100% promise.
I'm doing it, at least formyself.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
Yeah, I think that is a really great point.
When it comes to beingimpeccable with your word.
The thing is, we don't have tosay we're going to do anything,
but if we do say it, why is itso important that we do it?
Speaker 5 (05:23):
if not for anybody, for yourself.
Yeah, you've made a vow.
You're a vow, is like a sacredbond between you and god, and if
you don't do it, you'rebreaking your word to yourself.
And you may not feel it atfirst, but you're going to start
to feel it and you're going tofeel like crap if you're not
going to do it, don't say it,that's it, that's it.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
That also gives you an excuse to get out of it,
though if you don't say it, you,mike.
That's a great point.
Go ahead.
What?
Speaker 1 (05:50):
were you going to?
Speaker 4 (05:50):
say that's exactly what I was going to say.
If you don't say it out loud,or to yourself or somebody, it
gives you a way to get out ofdoing it, even though you wanted
to do it and you planned ondoing it.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Right, that's another way of looking at it.
It gives you a way out.
No-transcript.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
I'd be very careful of what I was saying and make
sure that I'm able to commit tothat.
I was just thinking that it hasmore to do with me or the
individual than anything,because it doesn't really matter
if anybody else is watching.
It matters what I'm doing andwhat I'm saying to me, my
(06:57):
commitment to me and that's liketo me.
That shows a lot of self-esteemin someone.
When they do what they saythey're going to do, they care
about themselves, do what theysay they're going to do, they
care about themselves.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
It's such a great thing that you're saying,
jeffrey, we don't have to committo certain things, but haven't
we done that many times in thepast?
Someone will say, hey, let'smeet up.
Yeah, man, all right, I'll doit, but you don't really want to
go.
And then you come up with anexcuse like I've got this other
thing, I'm sorry, I'm not goingto be able to meet, let's meet
up another time.
When we do that, what is thatsaying?
Forget about what they'reseeing, but what does that tell
(07:36):
us about ourselves?
Speaker 6 (07:38):
Mike, if you don't believe in your own words, who
will ever believe in you?
Right, we don't realize howimportant words are.
So I could say to you Mike, Idid that.
When I didn't do it, what am Ireally saying to you, Mike, I'm
a liar.
I'm not using the word liar.
Or if I'm saying to you, mike,I'll be there for you, I'll be
(08:00):
there, but I've never been there, the flip, there is what I am
not a accountable person, I amnot a comfortable person, I am
not a dependable person.
I'm not using that word, but myword is telling you, that's who
this person is.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
That's right.
You have a choice, paul.
What you're saying is you havea choice.
You can make a commitment oryou don't have to make a
commitment.
But if we make the commitment,we must stick to it, no matter
what.
Even if we don't want to do it,we got to do it because it's
telling us I believe in myself,I believe in my word.
(08:37):
If I'm consistently giving myword and actually following
through on those when I say tomyself I'm going to start a
business and I'm going to go outand do this, what do you think
my belief level will be when Igo to do that?
You believe in and you did it.
You started it, you've rightthrough with it.
(08:57):
Yeah, and what have I been doing?
All along with my word, upuntil the point that I actually
made that commitment.
If I consistently give my wordand I do what I say, oh, and
keep it.
And then now I go and I give myword that I'm going to start a
business and I'm going to dothis, why will it be easier for
me?
Speaker 6 (09:19):
Because you always do what you say you're going to do
in the first place, and itsupports you.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
In other words, if we don't think we're going to do
it, then just don't make thecommitment.
In other words, if we don'tthink we're going to do it, then
just don't make the commitment.
Then you're not losing faithand belief in yourself because
you haven't made any kind ofcommitment.
Does that make sense toeveryone?
How about this, Again beingimpeccable with your word?
How about gossip?
(09:45):
How about you're sitting with agroup of friends and they start
talking about someone else?
That's not good, not good.
And imagine, jeffrey, you're ina group of friends and someone
starts talking about someoneelse and then you jump in.
You're like, yeah, that person,oh I don't know, they do this,
(10:05):
they do that, everyone in thatgroup, when you're not around,
what are they going to bethinking?
You might be doing about them,talking about them, exactly,
that's exactly right.
So what do we do if we're inthat situation?
Interrupt and change thesubject.
Yeah, that's definitely one wayto handle it.
Anyone else have any otherideas?
(10:27):
You could just interrupt it andchange the subject to something
else.
Speaker 5 (10:30):
I follow what Bob Proctor would say.
He would change the subject oh,that's interesting and either
walk away, change the subject orwhatever.
You're falling into that habitof somebody else gossiping.
What does?
Speaker 3 (10:41):
that do.
I got a question Is that anydifferent than say somebody
starts talking about someone whohurt their feelings?
Speaker 1 (10:50):
What do you guys think?
You're there and someone saysthis person really hurt my
feelings, Is that gossip?
Speaker 5 (10:56):
Just don't talk about it, because it's like you keep
talking about it.
You're carrying on that thing.
That happened to you a hundredyears ago.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
You're better off going to the person Think hurt
yourself.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
No, Hurt you Exactly and talk to them about it to the
person think hurt yourself, no,hurt you Exactly and talk to
them about it.
Yeah, let's say that Frank sayssomething.
He says something to me and ithurts my feelings.
Why should I go to Yvette andtalk to her about how Frank hurt
my feelings?
Wouldn't it be better if I justpicked up the phone and said
Frank, I just wanted to tell youyou may not even realize this,
(11:29):
but when you said that thing tome it kind of hurt my feelings.
And then Frank says oh, youknow what, mike, I really didn't
mean it that way at all.
I'm so sorry.
And now we've handled thatsituation.
If I talk to Yvette about thatsituation without talking to
Frank, does anything really getaccomplished?
Speaker 3 (11:46):
No, and Yvette could bring it to another person.
Anything really getaccomplished?
Speaker 1 (11:50):
No, and Yvette could bring it to another person, to
another person, to anotherperson.
Let me ask you something.
If you are upset again, let'suse Frank.
He says something to me Now I'mwith Jeffrey and Maddie and
we're sitting there and I sayyou know that, frank, he said
this thing to me.
Since I'm talking to Maddie andJeff, maddie takes her phone
and now dials Frank's number andgets him on speaker and says go
(12:12):
ahead, mike, continue theconversation.
Would I say what I'm about tosay to Maddie and Jeffrey Strong
, no, strong, no, strong, no.
So why not just pick up thephone and call Frank?
Does that make sense?
It's taking responsibility.
It's saying I got hurt.
(12:33):
Do I really even need to have aconversation with Frank?
Maybe, but who do I really needto have a conversation with?
Yeah, yeah With myself.
Why?
What is it that I have to findout about myself to really learn
and get stronger?
Speaker 6 (12:52):
Whatever Frank said to me, sugar that responds.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
Exactly.
Frank says something to me, whywould it affect me?
And then he says it to MikeMike's like that's no big deal.
Why was I impacted by it?
Because there's only one reasonI've got something inside of me
that got triggered when Franksaid that.
(13:17):
And instead of dealing withthat thing like I'm not good
enough, I'm not smart enough,instead of dealing with that,
isn't it easier for me to go toYvette and say Yvette, can you
believe that Frank said this tome?
If I go and have a wholeconversation with Yvette, what
am I avoiding in myself?
Speaker 3 (13:40):
My daughter.
She complains about other girlson the cheerleading team.
I think I need some morepractice for that Guess what we
all need practice.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
This is practice when we're having these
conversations.
They're practice.
These are things that we canpractice and get better at, and
we can strive for perfection.
Will we ever meet perfection?
Probably not, but we're goingto keep moving towards it, and
if we do that, then we're doingthe right thing.
It's not pointing the fingerout there.
(14:10):
Instead, it's looking inside.
What do I got going on in herethat's causing me to feel this
pain and upset Make sense.
So let's stop there with oneand move to two.
So, again, we're speaking withintegrity.
We're avoiding gossip, and whenwe're going to gossip, ask
(14:33):
yourself this question Would Itake my phone right now, dial
the person's number that I'mgoing to be talking about and
put it on speakerphone so thatthey could hear?
And I know the answer is goingto be no.
I've asked this question tomany people before and not one
person so far has said yes, theywould do that.
So we want to do that.
(14:54):
Finally, if we're going to makea commitment to ourselves, we
don't have to, but if we do, wekeep it.
Make sense.
That's being impeccable withyour word.
When we're finished today in oneof these four areas that we
look at.
Just say to yourself we talkedabout four different things.
(15:14):
I don't have to improve on allof them, but maybe this one for
me would be a good one to startworking on.
All right, number two get ready, because this one is a little
bit challenging.
Don't take anything personally.
Don't take anything personally.
So Frank comes up to me andsays Mike, you really screwed
(15:38):
this thing up.
I don't know what's wrong withyou.
Is it possible for me to nottake that personally?
What do you think?
I take a lot of thingspersonally, jeffrey.
We all do.
That's why we're talking aboutit.
But the thing is and this isopen for everyone why do we take
(15:58):
things personally?
Because as soon as we get thispiece, we'll start to really
look at what's going on.
So why do we take thingspersonally when someone says
something to us?
Speaker 3 (16:08):
They're not being kind to me, they don't have any
respect for me, or they wouldn'tbe doing that.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
And the only way that you would get upset from a
comment is if you've gotsomething inside of yourself
that gets triggered Right.
If you have a trigger inside ofyou, if you have a paradigm, a
belief about yourself that saysI'm not good enough, and now
suddenly someone says somethingto make you feel like you're not
(16:37):
good enough, what's going tohappen with your emotions?
If we feel an emotion that'snegative from something that
someone says, we know there'ssomething inside we have to look
at.
That's a very high level.
(17:31):
It's not easy to do, Isn't itmuch easier to point the finger
outside and say, oh, they'resuch jerks.
They always do this to everyone.
Speaker 3 (17:39):
Well, I've got a question.
Do you have to really look atwhat it is that got triggered,
or can you have a response, asimple?
Speaker 1 (17:47):
I am good enough so it's a good question.
Anyone have an answer to that,I'll answer it afterwards.
What do you respond to thatperson, or I mean?
Speaker 3 (17:57):
within yourself, like if you're feeling not good
enough, the dialogue that that Iwould be.
I'd be feeling that I'd say I'mgood enough, I don't need to
feel this way.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
That's right.
As soon as you feel a negativeemotion, if you can identify it
quickly and most of the timeit's centered around the same
thing.
When you're triggered, it'susually I'm not good enough.
Tell yourself I love myself, Iam good enough, whatever the
affirmation that makes you feela little bit better about
yourselves, because that's theonly reason you're getting upset
(18:30):
.
Any other thoughts on that?
Speaker 6 (18:35):
Yeah, mike, a lot of times we get upset because we
have an image to protect.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
We are blindsided.
What inside of me is causing meto feel upset right now?
Well, I'm angry, okay, becauseanger is usually what covers up
the other emotion underneath it.
It's never the anger, it'ssomething underneath the anger.
I got hurt because they saidthis, and then how did that make
(19:02):
you feel?
Well, it made me feel like Iwasn't good enough, or it made
me feel stupid, or it made mefeel whatever was triggered for
you, but always whittle it down,because it's never the top
level.
It's never.
I'm angry.
Why are you angry?
And just keep digging until youget to it, and You'll know when
(19:23):
you're there, believe me.
So don't take anythingpersonally.
Any other ways that you couldimplement that, so that you
don't take things personallywhen someone says something to
you?
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Something that I try to do is when someone says
something that is obviouslyhurtful so not when someone
accidentally says somethinghurtful, but if someone says
something that is obviouslyhurtful so not not when someone
accidentally says somethinghurtful, but if someone says
something that's very obviouslyhurtful or meant to make you
angry or sad or whatever any ofthose negative emotions I try
and I try and reframe it and seethat it's just them projecting
(19:57):
at me.
It's them being insecure, it'sthem feeling this way and I try
to empathize with with themthat's a great idea.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
You start to look at what's going on inside of them
and what's really causing themto be like this and to say these
type of things.
That's a great point.
All right, you ready for numberthree?
Don't make any assumptions.
Don't make any assumptions.
How have you made an assumptionin the past that didn't work
(20:26):
out for you?
Speaker 4 (20:27):
So for sales, I would pull up to somebody's house and
you would judge them based offlike I pulled up to somebody's
house and I've gone in and it'dbeen like a rancher and they're
very modest, sliver, and then Iwould sit down and take their
assets and they would have waymore money than people that live
in mansions.
So you're assuming that theydon't have money and just based
off the outside appearance oftheir house or their cars.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
And he drives yeah, Just based on how they look and
their appearances.
It's isn't it easy to make anassumption about someone right
away when you look at them?
Yeah, absolutely.
Aren't we doing that a lot ofthe time?
When we see people, we'reimmediately making an assumption
about them and it could becompletely false, agreed.
(21:08):
Isn't that interesting that wedo that?
So knowing that, what do we doinstead of that?
Keep an open mind.
That's a great point.
Just keep an open mind.
Speaker 4 (21:23):
I always think of that book, the Millionaire Next
Door.
The people that live belowtheir means and they live
modestly.
Some of them are very wealthy.
They're not all seditious.
They don't have to keep up withthe Joneses.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
Totally agree.
It's funny you say that Iremember showing up to a
client's house this was in thefinancial industry, just like
you said, and the outside justdidn't look good.
And then I got in and literallythere was food all over the
table from dinner and it was amess and I'm thinking what a
waste of time.
And you know what happened.
(21:56):
They turned out to be reallybig clients and it was exactly
like you said.
I made an assumption about thembased on what I was seeing in
front of me.
Imagine if I said to myself I'mnot even going to go, I'm just
going to turn around right nowbecause I know they have nothing
and this is going to be a wasteof time.
I know people that have donethat.
(22:17):
They'll just leave.
How else do we make assumptions?
It's a habit, isn't it a habit,to assume these assumptions
that we're making for ourselvesagain, if we did it 10 times,
how many times are we actuallyright about the assumption?
Not often.
You would think we would learnautomatically.
(22:38):
We've done it so many timeswhere we assume something, but
yet we still do it.
That's why this one's on thelist.
It's not only assuming whatthey're saying, it's assuming
our own thoughts, our ownfeelings, when we make an
assumption, like Art did earlier.
He made that assumption, I can'tget on the phone with him.
(23:00):
What if he made the oppositeassumption?
I'm amazing, I can absolutelyget on the phone with him.
What if he made the oppositeassumption?
I'm amazing.
I can absolutely get on thephone with them.
And if they choose not to talkto me, that's their choice.
That's their mistake.
What if he came from it, fromthat place?
What if he used assumption toactually help himself by
assuming the opposite of whathis initial assumption was?
(23:22):
By assuming the opposite ofwhat his initial assumption was?
You ever see Seinfeld whereGeorge Costanza does the
opposite?
It's called the opposite day.
He does the opposite ofeverything that he normally
would do and his day andeverything starts working out
for him.
Because when we make theseassumptions, if we do the
(23:42):
opposite of it, what we'll findis we are assuming the wrong way
most of the time.
If I am worried that Paul isthinking something about me,
wouldn't it be a good idea forme to just call him and ask him?
Then there's no more assumption, the assumption's gone.
(24:05):
I just cleared it because Ichecked in with Paul.
Instead of, it could be twomonths, three months from now
and I'm still thinking Paul'sthinking this way about me.
Wouldn't it be so much easierif I just said, paul, are you
thinking this way?
And he was like Mike, you'reout of your mind, I'm not
thinking that.
Or if he said, yes, I am Atleast now I know.
(24:26):
But being in assumption mode,how do you feel when you're
assuming all the time?
Speaker 7 (24:39):
horrible Right, I had that last night.
I couldn't sleep, I was tossingand turning and then I did tell
you and then all you said to mewas like why don't you pick up
the phone and talk to thatperson, which I did this morning
, which took a lot for me but Imade the mistake and it bothered
me all day and then I couldn'tsleep.
It was 1230 at night and I wasup.
It was a mistake I made, so Ijust wanted to acknowledge that
(25:03):
and just make sure that therewere no hard feelings, because
I'm also owning up that Imisinterpreted something.
It was uncomfortable for me,but she did thank me for putting
it out there.
I got it off my chest becauseit was bothering me, but it
wasn't bothering her.
I don't think she gave it asecond thought, but it did
bother me.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
That's the funny thing.
But how did you feel after itwas done and after you made the
call?
I felt good, Made an assumption.
Haven't you all gotten a text?
They must be pissed orsomething.
And then you call them up andthey're like what are you
talking about?
She sounded worried and andthen you call them up and
they're like what are youtalking about?
Speaker 7 (25:41):
She sounded worried and why does she sound like that
?
But then then she sent meanother message just a little
while ago, apologizing tobecause there was a little
situation at her house.
She couldn't fully engage inthe conversation, but it was
just funny because she probablyhad things going through her
head Like why does she want tochat?
Because in her head there'slike nothing that she and I
would have to chat about.
(26:02):
But little did she know thatI've had a sleepless night over
this silly thing.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
Yeah, but do you see how, in what Yvette's just
saying?
Do you see how the assumptionsjust continue going back and
forth?
Now that Yvette says I'd liketo talk, then the woman's
thinking oh my God, what is shegoing to say to me?
Is it this?
Is it that Right?
This happens all the time.
If you look at how many timesyou assume during the day, it's
(26:30):
amazing to really look at it.
And it's okay, it's not bad.
Speaker 4 (26:34):
but we do it, it happens a lot over text, because
there's zero inflection on atext and you can be reading a
text five different ways and ifyou don't hear the tone of the
person's voice saying that samesentence, you don't have any
idea how they're coming off.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
Exactly right.
That's exactly right.
I remember I got a text from itwas one of my biggest clients,
this was years ago and he saysto me.
He says I need to talk.
I'm like, oh no, I'm trying tothink.
What did it?
You know what it ended up beingLike I was thinking all these
things, I was preparing for allthese different things in my
head.
He wanted to let me know thathe was coming to town.
He wanted to just get togetherand grab some lunch, but I spent
(27:13):
30 to 40 minutes really gettingnervous about what's going on,
instead of just picking up thephone and asking him Don't
assume, just pick up and findout what's going on.
That's it, just ask.
It's like how many things wouldwe avoid if we just had a
conversation directly with theindividual?
We would be impeccable with ourword if we were talking
(27:36):
directly to the person.
We probably wouldn't take itpersonally if we actually talked
to them and figured out whatwas really going on.
And then, ultimately, if wedon't make assumptions about
what they're saying.
So you see how these kind ofall intertwine with each other.
It's just practice.
Let's get to the last one andthen we're going to do some
takeaways.
(27:56):
The last one.
Always do your best.
Always do your best.
What do you think that means toyou?
Speaker 3 (28:08):
You want to always put in your full effort in
everything you do.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
Always give full effort.
Yeah, always give full effort,frank, what do you?
Speaker 4 (28:19):
think no I was just going to say for me it's like
you want to treat everybody howyou would treat your family or
your closest friends.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
That's a great point.
They always have that exampleof the top level executive in
the company that you work withand the janitor.
Would you treat one differentthan the other?
You shouldn't, because whatdoes that say about you if you
do that?
This is, I'm just trying to getsomething from that person and
I can't get something from thisperson.
No, I'm going to be a caring,kind, compassionate person with
(28:48):
everyone that I meet.
That's leaving everyone withthe impression of increase.
Always do your best.
How about avoidingself-judgment and regret?
Is that doing your best whenyou're avoiding that about
yourself?
I'm going to avoid judgingmyself.
If you're doing your best,would you judge yourself in a
(29:10):
negative way?
No, if you didn't do it thebest way that you wanted to,
that time, what would you say toyourself?
Speaker 4 (29:19):
When you got everything you could.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
Yeah, and what can I learn from it?
I did the best that I could.
What can I learn from it?
How could I get a little bitbetter the next time?
Speaker 5 (29:31):
Keep doing it until you get it right.
It's not failure, it's feedback.
So you do your best and if andit doesn't go exactly how you
planned, look at it how ithappened and what can you
execute next time to make itbetter.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
And what we think is failure is very short-term
thinking, because one thingdoesn't get us there.
It may mean the other amazingthing is coming sooner, and
we're really need to get to that, because it's going to take us
down a completely different path.
Right, that's a great point,maddie, you had your hand up.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
Yeah, I was just going to add on to that.
Like I'm a firm believer in thefact that your best is not
necessarily going to be the sameevery day, like your 100
percent is going to be differentdepending on I don't know like
your health, or or maybe that'ssomething difficult that's going
on around you, and if you'regiving 100 percent every day, it
doesn't necessarily mean you're100 percent.
Yesterday is going to be thesame as your 100 percent today.
(30:26):
So as long as you're givingeverything that you can, I feel
like you're still doing yourbest.
Quote unquote.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
Yeah, you're 100 percent right and it will be
different every day.
Unless you're doing the exactsame thing every day, it's going
to be different.
Your best in one area is verydifferent from your best in a
different area.
So you're 100% right.
What were you going to say,jeffrey?
Speaker 3 (30:49):
I'm going to rewrite number four Always feel good
about yourself.
I like it.
I feel good about myself.
I'm going to treat people asgood as I feel about me.
Speaker 1 (31:00):
That's great, always doing your best.
I think it even falls underthat too, which is always
feeling good about yourself.
Yeah, because we should.
If we're doing our best, whatelse can we ask for Anyone else?
Speaker 6 (31:14):
Yeah, mike, I think the answer we get every day in
life is the question that we areasking.
So we are asking thesequestions consciously and
subconsciously.
So when something goes not whatwe expected, we should ask what
is in this thing that I can getsomething good out of it?
Always look for something good,nothing wrong with looking for
(31:35):
something good.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
If we're always doing our best, wouldn't we be
looking for the good ineverything, and there is always
something good?
Wouldn't we be looking for thegood and everything and there is
always something good?
We wouldn't have adisappointment, we wouldn't have
upset if there wasn't a reasonfor us to grow from it.
So we just do our best inassessing that situation and
saying what can I do?
Like Paul said, what questioncan I ask to help me in this
(31:57):
situation right now?
What can I learn from this?
What can I learn from this?
How can I grow from this?
How does this make me better?
What will I do next time?
All questions we can ask whenanything that seems negative
happens to us.
And aren't we making anassumption when we assume that
this is a negative thing that'shappened?
(32:18):
What if it's actually for ourgood?
Okay, final takeaways what doyou get from this?
How do you use it during theweek?
Speaker 3 (32:28):
I think there's a lot of opportunity for growth here.
I'm going to be mindful of thethings each day.
My goodness, that could lead medown a really good path, yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
It's just one step at a time.
Just one step.
Today, I'm going to focus onassumptions.
I'm just going to focus on it.
Where am I making assumptions?
I'm going to catch myselfmaking an assumption today.
I caught myself.
I'm teaching it and I caughtmyself.
I caught myself beingimpeccable with my word.
I started to not be impeccable,but I caught myself.
(33:03):
I caught myself beingimpeccable with my word.
I started to not be impeccable,but I caught myself.
That's what we want to do.
It's the awareness that givesus the ability to get better and
better by practicing.
It's practice.
Every single athlete who isunbelievably successful.
They practice harder thaneveryone else.
That's all we have to do is wepractice every single day.
(33:24):
That's it.
All right, guys, Practice,practice, practice.
Have fun, have an amazing dayeveryone.
Speaker 5 (33:31):
Take care.
My mother was in the hospital this weekend.
Thank God she's okay, but wasspending a lot of time there
helping her.
So today we're gonna dosomething special.
There was a live class that Idid on the four agreements and I
edited it today and I'm gonnashare it with you, and I think
it's really good and there's alot of value here.
(01:24):
The most important thing thatwe can do is look at one of
these four agreements and sayhow can I actually use this and
apply this in my life?
You'll get a lot of options forapplication, as you'll see as
the class moves on.
So enjoy the class.
How many of you have ever heardor read this book before the
Four Agreements?
Oh good, so there's a number ofpeople that have read it.
(01:46):
It doesn't matter if you haveor haven't, because we're going
to discuss it and we're going todiscuss the key principles.
But essentially he wrote thisbook and said there were four
things and if you just do thesefour things, you'll have a
happier and better life.
You think that's possible if wejust do four things, that we'll
(02:07):
have a better life.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Okay, good, let's talk about number one.
This one I love it's beimpeccable with your word.
Be impeccable with your word.
So, before I tell you what itis, what does that mean to you?
Don't bullshit, I love that.
So you're saying actually speakfrom integrity and and be
(02:33):
authentic.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Yes, don't bullshit, I love that we just have two
different ways of expressing it.
Speaker 4 (02:39):
That's all I like that that's.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
That's one.
I love how you're looking atthat.
What else?
Speaker 5 (02:45):
for me it's being impeccable, meaning, if you're
going to say you have to do it,so it's like a value yourself,
you're promising not only toyourself, you're promising to
God.
I'm going to get up tomorrow,work out, end up the next
morning.
I'm not working out, I'm justtired.
It's like you're lying toyourself and then your body
remembers that and it getsweaker from that and your soul
(03:09):
gets further away from your body.
And the only way to cure thatis to be truthful, to let our
own self be true.
That's it, right there.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Yeah, I love that.
You're 100% right.
You're saying if we make acommitment, then let's keep that
commitment, because we saidwith our word that we were going
to do it, so that means we needto do it.
Or let me ask you a question Doyou have to say to yourself
(03:38):
that you have to wake uptomorrow and go to the gym if
you're not going to do?
It Do you have to make thatcommitment.
Speaker 5 (03:45):
I think you do.
I mean I do.
I mean there have been times inthe past where I would say I'm
going to do it, and then I don'tdo it and things start to fall
apart.
And maybe not in my lifedrastically, but things just
don't work out the way I wantedthem to work out.
The minute I get back on trackwith being truthful, you know,
(04:07):
and following through with whatI say, things start to happen.
You know, it's not just peoplearound me start to really
understand it, but I start topush that energy out.
And that's really what I'mtrying to.
I'm always trying to strive for.
I fail sometimes and then I fixit.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
I would say that's not even failing.
It didn't go the way you wantedto, but you learned from it and
you made it better.
That's not failing is giving upand just stopping altogether.
That's really what failing is.
Let me ask you this If you knewthere was like a 50% chance you
weren't going to go, would yousay out loud to yourself and to
(04:46):
others that you were going to go?
Do that.
Speaker 5 (04:49):
Honestly, I used to, and then I felt like crap
afterwards and now it's like ifthere's less than 90% of a
chance that I'm not going to doit, I won't say it.
But if I'm going to say it,that's 100% promise.
I'm doing it, at least formyself.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
Yeah, I think that is a really great point.
When it comes to beingimpeccable with your word.
The thing is, we don't have tosay we're going to do anything,
but if we do say it, why is itso important that we do it?
Speaker 5 (05:23):
if not for anybody, for yourself.
Yeah, you've made a vow.
You're a vow, is like a sacredbond between you and god, and if
you don't do it, you'rebreaking your word to yourself.
And you may not feel it atfirst, but you're going to start
to feel it and you're going tofeel like crap if you're not
going to do it, don't say it,that's it, that's it.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
That also gives you an excuse to get out of it,
though if you don't say it, you,mike.
That's a great point.
Go ahead.
What?
Speaker 1 (05:50):
were you going to?
Speaker 4 (05:50):
say that's exactly what I was going to say.
If you don't say it out loud,or to yourself or somebody, it
gives you a way to get out ofdoing it, even though you wanted
to do it and you planned ondoing it.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Right, that's another way of looking at it.
It gives you a way out.
No-transcript.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
I'd be very careful of what I was saying and make
sure that I'm able to commit tothat.
I was just thinking that it hasmore to do with me or the
individual than anything,because it doesn't really matter
if anybody else is watching.
It matters what I'm doing andwhat I'm saying to me, my
(06:57):
commitment to me and that's liketo me.
That shows a lot of self-esteemin someone.
When they do what they saythey're going to do, they care
about themselves, do what theysay they're going to do, they
care about themselves.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
It's such a great thing that you're saying,
jeffrey, we don't have to committo certain things, but haven't
we done that many times in thepast?
Someone will say, hey, let'smeet up.
Yeah, man, all right, I'll doit, but you don't really want to
go.
And then you come up with anexcuse like I've got this other
thing, I'm sorry, I'm not goingto be able to meet, let's meet
up another time.
When we do that, what is thatsaying?
Forget about what they'reseeing, but what does that tell
(07:36):
us about ourselves?
Speaker 6 (07:38):
Mike, if you don't believe in your own words, who
will ever believe in you?
Right, we don't realize howimportant words are.
So I could say to you Mike, Idid that.
When I didn't do it, what am Ireally saying to you, Mike, I'm
a liar.
I'm not using the word liar.
Or if I'm saying to you, mike,I'll be there for you, I'll be
(08:00):
there, but I've never been there, the flip, there is what I am
not a accountable person, I amnot a comfortable person, I am
not a dependable person.
I'm not using that word, but myword is telling you, that's who
this person is.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
That's right.
You have a choice, paul.
What you're saying is you havea choice.
You can make a commitment oryou don't have to make a
commitment.
But if we make the commitment,we must stick to it, no matter
what.
Even if we don't want to do it,we got to do it because it's
telling us I believe in myself,I believe in my word.
(08:37):
If I'm consistently giving myword and actually following
through on those when I say tomyself I'm going to start a
business and I'm going to go outand do this, what do you think
my belief level will be when Igo to do that?
You believe in and you did it.
You started it, you've rightthrough with it.
(08:57):
Yeah, and what have I been doing?
All along with my word, upuntil the point that I actually
made that commitment.
If I consistently give my wordand I do what I say, oh, and
keep it.
And then now I go and I give myword that I'm going to start a
business and I'm going to dothis, why will it be easier for
me?
Speaker 6 (09:19):
Because you always do what you say you're going to do
in the first place, and itsupports you.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
In other words, if we don't think we're going to do
it, then just don't make thecommitment.
In other words, if we don'tthink we're going to do it, then
just don't make the commitment.
Then you're not losing faithand belief in yourself because
you haven't made any kind ofcommitment.
Does that make sense toeveryone?
How about this, Again beingimpeccable with your word?
How about gossip?
(09:45):
How about you're sitting with agroup of friends and they start
talking about someone else?
That's not good, not good.
And imagine, jeffrey, you're ina group of friends and someone
starts talking about someoneelse and then you jump in.
You're like, yeah, that person,oh I don't know, they do this,
(10:05):
they do that, everyone in thatgroup, when you're not around,
what are they going to bethinking?
You might be doing about them,talking about them, exactly,
that's exactly right.
So what do we do if we're inthat situation?
Interrupt and change thesubject.
Yeah, that's definitely one wayto handle it.
Anyone else have any otherideas?
(10:27):
You could just interrupt it andchange the subject to something
else.
Speaker 5 (10:30):
I follow what Bob Proctor would say.
He would change the subject oh,that's interesting and either
walk away, change the subject orwhatever.
You're falling into that habitof somebody else gossiping.
What does?
Speaker 3 (10:41):
that do.
I got a question Is that anydifferent than say somebody
starts talking about someone whohurt their feelings?
Speaker 1 (10:50):
What do you guys think?
You're there and someone saysthis person really hurt my
feelings, Is that gossip?
Speaker 5 (10:56):
Just don't talk about it, because it's like you keep
talking about it.
You're carrying on that thing.
That happened to you a hundredyears ago.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
You're better off going to the person Think hurt
yourself.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
No, Hurt you Exactly and talk to them about it to the
person think hurt yourself, no,hurt you Exactly and talk to
them about it.
Yeah, let's say that Frank sayssomething.
He says something to me and ithurts my feelings.
Why should I go to Yvette andtalk to her about how Frank hurt
my feelings?
Wouldn't it be better if I justpicked up the phone and said
Frank, I just wanted to tell youyou may not even realize this,
(11:29):
but when you said that thing tome it kind of hurt my feelings.
And then Frank says oh, youknow what, mike, I really didn't
mean it that way at all.
I'm so sorry.
And now we've handled thatsituation.
If I talk to Yvette about thatsituation without talking to
Frank, does anything really getaccomplished?
Speaker 3 (11:46):
No, and Yvette could bring it to another person.
Anything really getaccomplished?
Speaker 1 (11:50):
No, and Yvette could bring it to another person, to
another person, to anotherperson.
Let me ask you something.
If you are upset again, let'suse Frank.
He says something to me Now I'mwith Jeffrey and Maddie and
we're sitting there and I sayyou know that, frank, he said
this thing to me.
Since I'm talking to Maddie andJeff, maddie takes her phone
and now dials Frank's number andgets him on speaker and says go
(12:12):
ahead, mike, continue theconversation.
Would I say what I'm about tosay to Maddie and Jeffrey Strong
, no, strong, no, strong, no.
So why not just pick up thephone and call Frank?
Does that make sense?
It's taking responsibility.
It's saying I got hurt.
(12:33):
Do I really even need to have aconversation with Frank?
Maybe, but who do I really needto have a conversation with?
Yeah, yeah With myself.
Why?
What is it that I have to findout about myself to really learn
and get stronger?
Speaker 6 (12:52):
Whatever Frank said to me, sugar that responds.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
Exactly.
Frank says something to me, whywould it affect me?
And then he says it to MikeMike's like that's no big deal.
Why was I impacted by it?
Because there's only one reasonI've got something inside of me
that got triggered when Franksaid that.
(13:17):
And instead of dealing withthat thing like I'm not good
enough, I'm not smart enough,instead of dealing with that,
isn't it easier for me to go toYvette and say Yvette, can you
believe that Frank said this tome?
If I go and have a wholeconversation with Yvette, what
am I avoiding in myself?
Speaker 3 (13:40):
My daughter.
She complains about other girlson the cheerleading team.
I think I need some morepractice for that Guess what we
all need practice.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
This is practice when we're having these
conversations.
They're practice.
These are things that we canpractice and get better at, and
we can strive for perfection.
Will we ever meet perfection?
Probably not, but we're goingto keep moving towards it, and
if we do that, then we're doingthe right thing.
It's not pointing the fingerout there.
(14:10):
Instead, it's looking inside.
What do I got going on in herethat's causing me to feel this
pain and upset Make sense.
So let's stop there with oneand move to two.
So, again, we're speaking withintegrity.
We're avoiding gossip, and whenwe're going to gossip, ask
(14:33):
yourself this question Would Itake my phone right now, dial
the person's number that I'mgoing to be talking about and
put it on speakerphone so thatthey could hear?
And I know the answer is goingto be no.
I've asked this question tomany people before and not one
person so far has said yes, theywould do that.
So we want to do that.
(14:54):
Finally, if we're going to makea commitment to ourselves, we
don't have to, but if we do, wekeep it.
Make sense.
That's being impeccable withyour word.
When we're finished today in oneof these four areas that we
look at.
Just say to yourself we talkedabout four different things.
(15:14):
I don't have to improve on allof them, but maybe this one for
me would be a good one to startworking on.
All right, number two get ready, because this one is a little
bit challenging.
Don't take anything personally.
Don't take anything personally.
So Frank comes up to me andsays Mike, you really screwed
(15:38):
this thing up.
I don't know what's wrong withyou.
Is it possible for me to nottake that personally?
What do you think?
I take a lot of thingspersonally, jeffrey.
We all do.
That's why we're talking aboutit.
But the thing is and this isopen for everyone why do we take
(15:58):
things personally?
Because as soon as we get thispiece, we'll start to really
look at what's going on.
So why do we take thingspersonally when someone says
something to us?
Speaker 3 (16:08):
They're not being kind to me, they don't have any
respect for me, or they wouldn'tbe doing that.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
And the only way that you would get upset from a
comment is if you've gotsomething inside of yourself
that gets triggered Right.
If you have a trigger inside ofyou, if you have a paradigm, a
belief about yourself that saysI'm not good enough, and now
suddenly someone says somethingto make you feel like you're not
(16:37):
good enough, what's going tohappen with your emotions?
If we feel an emotion that'snegative from something that
someone says, we know there'ssomething inside we have to look
at.
That's a very high level.
(17:31):
It's not easy to do, Isn't itmuch easier to point the finger
outside and say, oh, they'resuch jerks.
They always do this to everyone.
Speaker 3 (17:39):
Well, I've got a question.
Do you have to really look atwhat it is that got triggered,
or can you have a response, asimple?
Speaker 1 (17:47):
I am good enough so it's a good question.
Anyone have an answer to that,I'll answer it afterwards.
What do you respond to thatperson, or I mean?
Speaker 3 (17:57):
within yourself, like if you're feeling not good
enough, the dialogue that that Iwould be.
I'd be feeling that I'd say I'mgood enough, I don't need to
feel this way.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
That's right.
As soon as you feel a negativeemotion, if you can identify it
quickly and most of the timeit's centered around the same
thing.
When you're triggered, it'susually I'm not good enough.
Tell yourself I love myself, Iam good enough, whatever the
affirmation that makes you feela little bit better about
yourselves, because that's theonly reason you're getting upset
(18:30):
.
Any other thoughts on that?
Speaker 6 (18:35):
Yeah, mike, a lot of times we get upset because we
have an image to protect.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
We are blindsided.
What inside of me is causing meto feel upset right now?
Well, I'm angry, okay, becauseanger is usually what covers up
the other emotion underneath it.
It's never the anger, it'ssomething underneath the anger.
I got hurt because they saidthis, and then how did that make
(19:02):
you feel?
Well, it made me feel like Iwasn't good enough, or it made
me feel stupid, or it made mefeel whatever was triggered for
you, but always whittle it down,because it's never the top
level.
It's never.
I'm angry.
Why are you angry?
And just keep digging until youget to it, and You'll know when
(19:23):
you're there, believe me.
So don't take anythingpersonally.
Any other ways that you couldimplement that, so that you
don't take things personallywhen someone says something to
you?
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Something that I try to do is when someone says
something that is obviouslyhurtful so not when someone
accidentally says somethinghurtful, but if someone says
something that is obviouslyhurtful so not not when someone
accidentally says somethinghurtful, but if someone says
something that's very obviouslyhurtful or meant to make you
angry or sad or whatever any ofthose negative emotions I try
and I try and reframe it and seethat it's just them projecting
(19:57):
at me.
It's them being insecure, it'sthem feeling this way and I try
to empathize with with themthat's a great idea.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
You start to look at what's going on inside of them
and what's really causing themto be like this and to say these
type of things.
That's a great point.
All right, you ready for numberthree?
Don't make any assumptions.
Don't make any assumptions.
How have you made an assumptionin the past that didn't work
(20:26):
out for you?
Speaker 4 (20:27):
So for sales, I would pull up to somebody's house and
you would judge them based offlike I pulled up to somebody's
house and I've gone in and it'dbeen like a rancher and they're
very modest, sliver, and then Iwould sit down and take their
assets and they would have waymore money than people that live
in mansions.
So you're assuming that theydon't have money and just based
off the outside appearance oftheir house or their cars.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
And he drives yeah, Just based on how they look and
their appearances.
It's isn't it easy to make anassumption about someone right
away when you look at them?
Yeah, absolutely.
Aren't we doing that a lot ofthe time?
When we see people, we'reimmediately making an assumption
about them and it could becompletely false, agreed.
(21:08):
Isn't that interesting that wedo that?
So knowing that, what do we doinstead of that?
Keep an open mind.
That's a great point.
Just keep an open mind.
Speaker 4 (21:23):
I always think of that book, the Millionaire Next
Door.
The people that live belowtheir means and they live
modestly.
Some of them are very wealthy.
They're not all seditious.
They don't have to keep up withthe Joneses.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
Totally agree.
It's funny you say that Iremember showing up to a
client's house this was in thefinancial industry, just like
you said, and the outside justdidn't look good.
And then I got in and literallythere was food all over the
table from dinner and it was amess and I'm thinking what a
waste of time.
And you know what happened.
(21:56):
They turned out to be reallybig clients and it was exactly
like you said.
I made an assumption about thembased on what I was seeing in
front of me.
Imagine if I said to myself I'mnot even going to go, I'm just
going to turn around right nowbecause I know they have nothing
and this is going to be a wasteof time.
I know people that have donethat.
(22:17):
They'll just leave.
How else do we make assumptions?
It's a habit, isn't it a habit,to assume these assumptions
that we're making for ourselvesagain, if we did it 10 times,
how many times are we actuallyright about the assumption?
Not often.
You would think we would learnautomatically.
(22:38):
We've done it so many timeswhere we assume something, but
yet we still do it.
That's why this one's on thelist.
It's not only assuming whatthey're saying, it's assuming
our own thoughts, our ownfeelings, when we make an
assumption, like Art did earlier.
He made that assumption, I can'tget on the phone with him.
(23:00):
What if he made the oppositeassumption?
I'm amazing, I can absolutelyget on the phone with him.
What if he made the oppositeassumption?
I'm amazing.
I can absolutely get on thephone with them.
And if they choose not to talkto me, that's their choice.
That's their mistake.
What if he came from it, fromthat place?
What if he used assumption toactually help himself by
assuming the opposite of whathis initial assumption was?
(23:22):
By assuming the opposite ofwhat his initial assumption was?
You ever see Seinfeld whereGeorge Costanza does the
opposite?
It's called the opposite day.
He does the opposite ofeverything that he normally
would do and his day andeverything starts working out
for him.
Because when we make theseassumptions, if we do the
(23:42):
opposite of it, what we'll findis we are assuming the wrong way
most of the time.
If I am worried that Paul isthinking something about me,
wouldn't it be a good idea forme to just call him and ask him?
Then there's no more assumption, the assumption's gone.
(24:05):
I just cleared it because Ichecked in with Paul.
Instead of, it could be twomonths, three months from now
and I'm still thinking Paul'sthinking this way about me.
Wouldn't it be so much easierif I just said, paul, are you
thinking this way?
And he was like Mike, you'reout of your mind, I'm not
thinking that.
Or if he said, yes, I am Atleast now I know.
(24:26):
But being in assumption mode,how do you feel when you're
assuming all the time?
Speaker 7 (24:39):
horrible Right, I had that last night.
I couldn't sleep, I was tossingand turning and then I did tell
you and then all you said to mewas like why don't you pick up
the phone and talk to thatperson, which I did this morning
, which took a lot for me but Imade the mistake and it bothered
me all day and then I couldn'tsleep.
It was 1230 at night and I wasup.
It was a mistake I made, so Ijust wanted to acknowledge that
(25:03):
and just make sure that therewere no hard feelings, because
I'm also owning up that Imisinterpreted something.
It was uncomfortable for me,but she did thank me for putting
it out there.
I got it off my chest becauseit was bothering me, but it
wasn't bothering her.
I don't think she gave it asecond thought, but it did
bother me.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
That's the funny thing.
But how did you feel after itwas done and after you made the
call?
I felt good, Made an assumption.
Haven't you all gotten a text?
They must be pissed orsomething.
And then you call them up andthey're like what are you
talking about?
She sounded worried and andthen you call them up and
they're like what are youtalking about?
Speaker 7 (25:41):
She sounded worried and why does she sound like that
?
But then then she sent meanother message just a little
while ago, apologizing tobecause there was a little
situation at her house.
She couldn't fully engage inthe conversation, but it was
just funny because she probablyhad things going through her
head Like why does she want tochat?
Because in her head there'slike nothing that she and I
would have to chat about.
(26:02):
But little did she know thatI've had a sleepless night over
this silly thing.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
Yeah, but do you see how, in what Yvette's just
saying?
Do you see how the assumptionsjust continue going back and
forth?
Now that Yvette says I'd liketo talk, then the woman's
thinking oh my God, what is shegoing to say to me?
Is it this?
Is it that Right?
This happens all the time.
If you look at how many timesyou assume during the day, it's
(26:30):
amazing to really look at it.
And it's okay, it's not bad.
Speaker 4 (26:34):
but we do it, it happens a lot over text, because
there's zero inflection on atext and you can be reading a
text five different ways and ifyou don't hear the tone of the
person's voice saying that samesentence, you don't have any
idea how they're coming off.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
Exactly right.
That's exactly right.
I remember I got a text from itwas one of my biggest clients,
this was years ago and he saysto me.
He says I need to talk.
I'm like, oh no, I'm trying tothink.
What did it?
You know what it ended up beingLike I was thinking all these
things, I was preparing for allthese different things in my
head.
He wanted to let me know thathe was coming to town.
He wanted to just get togetherand grab some lunch, but I spent
(27:13):
30 to 40 minutes really gettingnervous about what's going on,
instead of just picking up thephone and asking him Don't
assume, just pick up and findout what's going on.
That's it, just ask.
It's like how many things wouldwe avoid if we just had a
conversation directly with theindividual?
We would be impeccable with ourword if we were talking
(27:36):
directly to the person.
We probably wouldn't take itpersonally if we actually talked
to them and figured out whatwas really going on.
And then, ultimately, if wedon't make assumptions about
what they're saying.
So you see how these kind ofall intertwine with each other.
It's just practice.
Let's get to the last one andthen we're going to do some
takeaways.
(27:56):
The last one.
Always do your best.
Always do your best.
What do you think that means toyou?
Speaker 3 (28:08):
You want to always put in your full effort in
everything you do.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
Always give full effort.
Yeah, always give full effort,frank, what do you?
Speaker 4 (28:19):
think no I was just going to say for me it's like
you want to treat everybody howyou would treat your family or
your closest friends.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
That's a great point.
They always have that exampleof the top level executive in
the company that you work withand the janitor.
Would you treat one differentthan the other?
You shouldn't, because whatdoes that say about you if you
do that?
This is, I'm just trying to getsomething from that person and
I can't get something from thisperson.
No, I'm going to be a caring,kind, compassionate person with
(28:48):
everyone that I meet.
That's leaving everyone withthe impression of increase.
Always do your best.
How about avoidingself-judgment and regret?
Is that doing your best whenyou're avoiding that about
yourself?
I'm going to avoid judgingmyself.
If you're doing your best,would you judge yourself in a
(29:10):
negative way?
No, if you didn't do it thebest way that you wanted to,
that time, what would you say toyourself?
Speaker 4 (29:19):
When you got everything you could.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
Yeah, and what can I learn from it?
I did the best that I could.
What can I learn from it?
How could I get a little bitbetter the next time?
Speaker 5 (29:31):
Keep doing it until you get it right.
It's not failure, it's feedback.
So you do your best and if andit doesn't go exactly how you
planned, look at it how ithappened and what can you
execute next time to make itbetter.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
And what we think is failure is very short-term
thinking, because one thingdoesn't get us there.
It may mean the other amazingthing is coming sooner, and
we're really need to get to that, because it's going to take us
down a completely different path.
Right, that's a great point,maddie, you had your hand up.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
Yeah, I was just going to add on to that.
Like I'm a firm believer in thefact that your best is not
necessarily going to be the sameevery day, like your 100
percent is going to be differentdepending on I don't know like
your health, or or maybe that'ssomething difficult that's going
on around you, and if you'regiving 100 percent every day, it
doesn't necessarily mean you're100 percent.
Yesterday is going to be thesame as your 100 percent today.
(30:26):
So as long as you're givingeverything that you can, I feel
like you're still doing yourbest.
Quote unquote.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
Yeah, you're 100 percent right and it will be
different every day.
Unless you're doing the exactsame thing every day, it's going
to be different.
Your best in one area is verydifferent from your best in a
different area.
So you're 100% right.
What were you going to say,jeffrey?
Speaker 3 (30:49):
I'm going to rewrite number four Always feel good
about yourself.
I like it.
I feel good about myself.
I'm going to treat people asgood as I feel about me.
Speaker 1 (31:00):
That's great, always doing your best.
I think it even falls underthat too, which is always
feeling good about yourself.
Yeah, because we should.
If we're doing our best, whatelse can we ask for Anyone else?
Speaker 6 (31:14):
Yeah, mike, I think the answer we get every day in
life is the question that we areasking.
So we are asking thesequestions consciously and
subconsciously.
So when something goes not whatwe expected, we should ask what
is in this thing that I can getsomething good out of it?
Always look for something good,nothing wrong with looking for
(31:35):
something good.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
If we're always doing our best, wouldn't we be
looking for the good ineverything, and there is always
something good?
Wouldn't we be looking for thegood and everything and there is
always something good?
We wouldn't have adisappointment, we wouldn't have
upset if there wasn't a reasonfor us to grow from it.
So we just do our best inassessing that situation and
saying what can I do?
Like Paul said, what questioncan I ask to help me in this
(31:57):
situation right now?
What can I learn from this?
What can I learn from this?
How can I grow from this?
How does this make me better?
What will I do next time?
All questions we can ask whenanything that seems negative
happens to us.
And aren't we making anassumption when we assume that
this is a negative thing that'shappened?
(32:18):
What if it's actually for ourgood?
Okay, final takeaways what doyou get from this?
How do you use it during theweek?
Speaker 3 (32:28):
I think there's a lot of opportunity for growth here.
I'm going to be mindful of thethings each day.
My goodness, that could lead medown a really good path, yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
It's just one step at a time.
Just one step.
Today, I'm going to focus onassumptions.
I'm just going to focus on it.
Where am I making assumptions?
I'm going to catch myselfmaking an assumption today.
I caught myself.
I'm teaching it and I caughtmyself.
I caught myself beingimpeccable with my word.
I started to not be impeccable,but I caught myself.
(33:03):
I caught myself beingimpeccable with my word.
I started to not be impeccable,but I caught myself.
That's what we want to do.
It's the awareness that givesus the ability to get better and
better by practicing.
It's practice.
Every single athlete who isunbelievably successful.
They practice harder thaneveryone else.
That's all we have to do is wepractice every single day.
(33:24):
That's it.
All right, guys, Practice,practice, practice.
Have fun, have an amazing dayeveryone.
Speaker 5 (33:31):
Take care.
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