September 17, 2025 • 37 mins
In this heartfelt episode, Kathryn sits down with Megan Dominici, a Napa-based youth director and mother who tragically lost her daughter, Addie. Megan opens up about her journey through grief, sharing how she has transformed pain into purpose by honoring Addie’s memory and fostering resilience in young people. Together, they explore creative ways to cope with loss, the vital role of community support, and practical strategies for navigating life after tragedy. The conversation also highlights the Hopeful Cities initiative in Napa, offering listeners insight into resources and skills that can help build hope in their own lives and communities.
Napa, California joins Hopeful Cities movement, and residents are encouraged to download the no-cost resources for Hope. For more information, visit www.hopefulcities.org/unitedstates/california/napa
#GriefJourney
#FindingHope
#HealingAfterLoss
#BuildingResilience
#HopefulCities
#CommunitySupport
#MentalHealthAwareness
#InspiringStories
#PodcastEpisode
#TogetherWeHeal
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
This is Kathryn Goetzke,host of The Hope Matrix Podcast.
We are here to share science, storiesand strategies for how to hope.
I'm the Chief Hope officer of the ShineHope Company.
And SHINE is the mnemonicfor how we teach hope.
So when we talk about hope,we talk about how we use Stress Skills,
(00:22):
Happiness habits, Inspired Actions,Nourishing Networks
and Eliminating Challengeswhich are thinking patterns that
get in the way of our ability to hope.
Hope is a skill.
You can measure hope, you can teach hopeand you can start
practicing skills to activate higherhope in your life today.
(00:44):
And on this Hope Matrix podcast,we aim to bring in guests,
experts in science, people with stories,and those that have strategies
for activating hope in your life.
Well hellolisteners this is Kathryn
Goetzke with the Hope Matrix podcast.
It's so good to be backafter a little bit of a break
(01:06):
I am excited here to be here with youtoday.
And Megan Dominici,she is from Napa, California,
and I am so excited to share.
She is our Shine Hope hero in Napa.
So welcome to the show, Megan.
Thank you so much.
(01:26):
Yes, and it's so amazing.
And for those that can't see, Megan,if you're listening and she's wearing
a Be Kind button, which of course,and has a joy sign behind her.
So we already love Megan andyes, are so grateful that you are joining
the podcast sharing your story.
And, yeah,willing to chat with us more today.
(01:50):
About reallyhow you shine hope in the world
and how from everything I've heard, you'rejust such a leader for others
and what we teach and and then eachkind of community that we go into,
we try to find someone that we can kindof highlight and, and share how,
you know, we can get through hard things.
(02:12):
And thatthese skills are a critical
kind of part of doing that.
So again, thank you so much for joining.
So how long have you been in Napa?
I born and raised here in Napa.
So I have been heremy entire life, with the exception
of my college years and, couple of yearswhen I first got married.
(02:34):
But otherwise, born and raisedright here in Napa.
Wow, I love Napa.
It's such a great, such a great area.
So grateful to be be,activating hope in your community.
Yes, we're we're excited about this.
This is a very,it's a very special community to me.
(02:54):
So to, to we talk about hope inthis community is so exciting.
Thank you, thank you.
And, you know, for those that areand aren't familiar with Hope, science,
hope is actually a measurableand teachable skill.
So, we have a hope scale.
And we've created programing for all ages,to how to cultivate hope.
Based on what we've researchedand shine is the framework
(03:17):
and the mnemonic we use to do that,which stands for Stress Skills
how we identify and manage our stressresponse, happiness habits, or how we get
those happy hormones and healthy waysversus unhealthy ways inspired actions.
So how we set goals, overcome obstacles,how we, you know,
sometimes just take one step forwardwhen things are really hard.
(03:39):
Nourishing networks, how we cultivatenetworks, especially in challenging times
and then eliminating challenges,which are all of those negative
thought patternsthat get in the way of our ability
to hope.
And we have programs for all ages,and we license them to cities.
And and again, Napa has just joinedon board to be a hopeful city.
So really grateful for that.
And I know that you put in good wordsfor us about it.
(04:01):
So, thank you and thanks for helping usactivate Hope in the community
because you know, studies are on ouryouth, especially up to 57%
of teen girls, over 40% of all youthidentify with persistent hopelessness,
and it predicts all risky behaviorsand violence and suicide and addiction.
So it's super importantthat we activate these skills right now.
(04:23):
So again, thank you for joining andlearning and sharing more. So
we're here totalk about your own story
and your own journey.
To hope.
And you know, it'syou know, have a
he went through something really hard.
So I first wanted to,just give you, some time to maybe
(04:45):
share more about your own journey,with hope and and, Yeah.
Your own experience.
Okay.
Well, first of all,I am the director of,
outreach here at Justin Siena,Catholic High School in Napa.
And so I'm super blessed to be workingwith young people every single day.
(05:06):
And I absolutely love it,because I think that young people
bring an energy and life to,things that require change.
And so I am blessed to be ableto walk alongside so many young people.
So that is that is at the heart of me.
I spent almost,almost 20 years as a youth minister.
(05:28):
So, before that.
And so I've been working with teenagersmy entire adult life.
So, it is my favorite thing to do.
And, six years ago,almost six years ago
this month, my daughter,Addie, passed away in a tragic accident.
(05:48):
And it was one of those where, it was,beautiful day.
We were celebratingmy mom's 70th birthday.
It was a surprise party.
Addie was so excited.
And a freak accident happened.
A stack of chairs fell on her, and,that was,
the beginning of a of a new world for us.
(06:10):
And so what we learned inthat tragedy was the power of community.
The power of coming togetherand how important it is to to keep moving.
But, but also toto be here to to take something from,
(06:30):
Addie's short little lifeand, pass it on to other people.
I think, right away people said to mehow in all they were of our faith and,
I remember I think it was the second dayI remember standing up in front of,
my school communityand just wanting to make sure
(06:50):
that the kids knew that Addie was okay.
There was the I'll say the word hope, butfor me, it was like just a strong faith.
I had no question from the very beginningthat Addie was okay
and that she was in a better place.
And because of that,I have found great peace.
And and I don't say that like, there'sthere's some
(07:11):
there is some very awful days.
And I still go through them.
And it is crazy that six years later,some of the days just wipe me out.
And I don't know where it camefrom. And it's messy.
But in the heart of of me,I know that she is
in a good place and that,my faith carries me through that.
(07:31):
And the fact that, we are surroundedby a community that loves us.
And there would be a text messagefrom from somebody sometimes
wasn't someone I knew all that well,but it was, text of
of love and hope and,you know, moving forward and just
and itwas a hug in a, in a form of a text.
(07:52):
And that was a pretty special thing.
Yeah.
Well, yeah, thoseI mean, it's the way that that happened.
So tragic.
It's such a shiftfrom one day to the next.
Everything is just kind of different.
All of a sudden.
How did you deal like, how did you dealwith grief practically on it.
So the as we talk about strugglesand grief is, you know, one of those
(08:16):
emotions, the sadness that can,you know, feel so overwhelming and,
and so I hear that you had that balance,you know, that faith and that.
And you also had the that like,how did you practically deal with that?
I think the practical side of itwas, well, you know, it's interesting.
So I have two other children,Nick and Sophia.
(08:37):
They're older than Addie.
So they were big sister, big brother.
And I remember people saying,I don't know how you're,
how you're managing, like, I don't know.
And I remember in the early days I said,I, you know, I don't have a choice.
I have these two other kidsthat I, that I have to take care of.
I have a husband like I have.
I don't have a choice.
(08:59):
And it might have beenI have maybe like a year later,
I realized thatI actually did have a choice.
And every day I was choosing something.
And, it was hard workand it did require action.
But I just remember thinking, you know,I don't have a choice.
I have to do thisand and that wasn't that wasn't truth
because I was actively choosing.
(09:21):
And I think what you're asking iswhat would that look like?
And and I think that was, you know,getting up in the morning and, you know,
doing what I had to do to take care ofwhat was in front of me in that moment.
For me, exercise is important.
So keeping, you know, activeand doing some of my routine things.
(09:42):
But service is a huge part of who I am.
And being able, like,I think in my messiest moments
when I take care of somebody else,I feel better.
And I think that's that's what,what my job
is actually at dress in Sienawith outreach is it's service.
And so I'm constantlyyou're telling the young people,
(10:05):
well, let's if you're in a messy place,well, let's get out there and let's serve,
because service is such a powerful wayfor us to to put our troubles
kind of aside for a momentand think about something different.
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
That's part of I mean, and the researchall supports that.
It's part of our happiness habitsand doing things for other volunteering,
(10:28):
giving back, getting out of that selfand giving for others,
exercise, nutrition, kind of sleep,all of those things.
And oftentimes when we go throughchallenging times, we don't do that stuff
because we're so consumedwith our own grief or anger
or fear or kind of whatever it is.
And so, like you say, it is a choiceand it's a hard choice.
(10:51):
Like, what do you think?
How do you think you were ableto get out of bed?
I mean, how do you think you were able to.
Yeah, I think that I think just hearingyou say it like that, there were
there were things that I let go of.
There were absolutely thingsthat I was like, you know what?
I don't have to worry about that right nowlike that.
It's not important.
And recognizing that there was some thingsthat we just had to set aside.
(11:16):
For the moment, we'll get to that when weget to that, that that really helped.
I definitely I spoke to, professionals.
I instantly was set up with a therapist.
One of my first thingsI asked, I think that day was help me
figure out how I'm supposed to raisetwo kids who have lost a little sister.
(11:40):
And I wanted to make surethat I was equipped to
to parent two kidswho were grieving their sister.
So like, so many layers of it.
But at the Help, asking for help,asking was
it was super important.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And courageous that you did.
(12:01):
And so smart that you that often we don'tand we go for years
and then we internalize everythingand we have all of these unhealthy
kind of coping mechanisms.
So doing it up front when you'rein that kind of crisis, trauma response
to help you kind of keep going and keepyou accountable and moving through it.
And processing is so critical,so amazing
(12:22):
that you did that for yourself whenand you know that you're already thinking
about others,like how, how is it going to impact them
and what can I do to support them.
So just and I think too, thatis such a helpful perspective to take,
because when we are thinkingabout other people and they impact
and what we can do, you know, ittakes that focus of I mean, it takes the,
(12:46):
you know, oh, poor me or,or this happened to me
and I can't do anythingbecause it's so horrible for me, you know,
because we dostill have meaning and purpose
and we have to learn how to navigatekind of the new experience in life.
Absolutely.
Yeah, I will say, I, I just lost,a very dear friend of mine to cancer,
(13:10):
and I was trying to processwhy it was hitting me so hard.
Like, isn't like,somehow shouldn't get a little easier
to to deal with these feelings.
And my sister was processingwith me and she,
she very much said,I've been thinking about you, Meg,
and thinking that,how this impacts you so much.
But I think the momentyou will feel grief of that,
(13:34):
you know, extent you immediatelyfeel it all over for your loved ones.
So every time somebody has thatsimilar experience that you have,
you just carry it and you feel it.
And, I have to give myself a lot of gracein those moments
because they can, they can be messy.
Yeah, yeah.
And they feel like they're going tostay forever, at least for me, like, ever.
(13:57):
I was like, I'mnever this going to feel horrible forever.
And it's still, I still I mean, it'sbeen since I lost my dad.
I, you know, over 35 years.
I think.
And I'm still like some daysI just can't breathe it, you know, it just
it all comes back.
But yeah, it's it's really wonderfulthat you were proactive for yourself
and for your family and,and kind of navigating your way,
(14:21):
and, and the actions,what were the, like, any specific things
you did that really help or.
Like what? Like taking one step forward.
I mean,sometimes it can just feel impossible
to get out of bed,you know, or to do one thing and,
you know, you're mentioning your familyand, and, support and take care of.
(14:42):
And so a lot of people have thatand they can't find the strength
to get out of bedor the will to get out of bed.
What do you think?
You know, it is or whatwhat supported you in that?
Well it's interesting.
Right away one of my dear friends said Iwas going to struggle with this because,
I, I lost my grandmother to smoking,and I joined the,
(15:06):
tobacco station in a program,and I was like,
I'm going to do whatever I canto prevent others.
My brother passed awayand drinking and driving car accident.
And I, you know,I joined the DUI Prevention task force,
and he looked at me and he's like,I think he was afraid
I was going to strugglebecause I wouldn't have a cause
to pick up and at ease, Nate.
(15:28):
And which was kind ofan interesting thing.
But I have to say, Covid hit us six monthsafter Addie's passing, freely unfair
to to strip us from our peoplesix months into to grieving.
But, we actually came up withsome really fun ways
to share Addy's message.
So we got, flamingos, the plasticflamingos that go in front yards.
(15:53):
And,we flocked people full throughout Covid,
and we put this funny message and it wasall about, we have a tagline for Addie.
It's live rad, liveRemembering Addie Dominique.
And so we had these signs and the kidsand my husband and I
would get in the car and we'd go flocka couple houses each night.
(16:13):
And, being creative as to how we couldshare her story and,
do something really fun,we we say her a little line
to remember her.
We say, be silly, be kind, be you.
And I actually think that the silly oneis really, really important.
(16:33):
So having fun andand being playful
has been really important.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it's again, that's another thing.
Like we get our happy hormonesand healthy ways.
Being playful is one of those things,but we so often think that
when we're in grief we have to,you know, hide away and be sad and be,
(16:54):
you know, and and that can get us that,that just ups our stress response.
And that'swhat leads to illness and disease.
And so it's so important.
And it can be counterintuitive, whichwe can think we shouldn't be doing that.
So it's really wonderful.
And I know that Addie is so like gratefulthat, you know, you're caring.
(17:14):
And what a cool thing to doto kind of carry her message,
in those ways in the community,you know, for her.
That's so fun.
That's really. Yeah.
But the day after, the accident,we were celebrating my mom's birthday,
so we had a big cake,and I'm known for a good old cake fight.
And I remember I've tonsthat my nieces and nephews,
(17:36):
everyone was gathered in thereholding this cake,
and they're like,there's no way we're going to eat it.
And so, like, before you know it,we are like, we're thrown cake.
And, you know,I think, humor and laughter really
has been at the heart of our healingprocess with, without a doubt.
Addie's cousinswere were there at the accident.
(17:59):
These poor kids had to give her CPR.
Six years old, little,so hard, so hard on them.
And, they when they hugged me,even to this day,
they hug me extra tight, and I justI just love these kids so dearly.
And I just feel, I wasn't there.
(18:21):
At the accident,my husband and I ran an errand, so we.
We didn't have to do thatugliest part of it.
But these kids did.
So loving on them and embracingthem, is so important to me.
Well, you talked a little bitabout the text messages people sent.
I think oftentimes people don'tknow what to say or don't know what to do.
(18:44):
So can you talk a little about whatyou heard that was helpful or supportive?
And if there's anything that wasn't,yeah.
Can you share?
Yeah, I would actually say,honestly, less is more.
Don't don't overthink it.
For me,the most powerful moments were the hugs.
(19:05):
I would get a hugfrom someone that just said
it said so much in that, in that hug,I do.
I recall, a phone call, Addy's principaland I tell this story
all the time because, you know,she went to a public school.
He's calling me checking in on,I don't know.
Did I say Addie Sofia's principal?
(19:25):
So she was just callingto check in on Sophia,
and when we ended the conversation,he said, I love you.
And I thought,we don't use that phrase enough at all.
And here's this man who I sincerely feltthe love hands down.
And we we hold on to a little to to tightand people were sharing
(19:48):
I love you and hugs in a waythat were so needed and so appreciated.
And we shouldn't we shouldn'thold them for those awful moments.
We should say them more often.
I love that, yeah,we were just talking about that.
And my friendScarlett Lewis actually runs that Choose
Love movement and she teaches love and Iyou know, we have
we have this fear associatedwith Saint love that it means this.
(20:12):
But like really it's the greatest giftyou can give people hugs and love
and like, yeah, it's it's it's athat's a magical thing that's great
for a principal to say, you know.
Yeah, that's super special.
And so you've talkedand is nourishing networks and you've
talked a lot about your networkssupported you through that.
(20:34):
I mean, how do people like, how do youbuild and strengthen networks a lot?
You know, we know that lonelinessis very high in, our country.
And I often say lonely,you know, you have to set goals if you're
if you're experiencing loneliness,you've got to circle, you know,
you've got to look at your hopelessnessabout that,
and you've got to set goals and take stepsto actually create connections,
(20:57):
because it does take a lot of workto build and keep connections.
And it sounds like you'repretty brilliant data.
So can you give us any words of wisdomand how do y'all make better
connections? And.
I that's a reallythat's a really good question. And,
and I do know that peoplethey struggle with
(21:18):
that and are constantly looking.
I, I think putting yourself outthere is so essential,
so much easier said than done.
I do realize that.
But every chance that we have toto reach out
and to nurture, it's so important.
We lose sight of thelittle text messages, how how
(21:41):
far they cango when we when we nurture relationship.
And I don't think we have to look too far.
I think I think we have tolook who, who's right in front of you.
If it's classmates or teachers or,you know, a youth group or whatever
it might be, and just nurtureexactly what it is we have in front of us.
(22:01):
Neighbor like that.
And, and sometimes just,just going out and,
you know, putting a sign on a door can,can open possibilities.
And I love it.
I, like I said, working with teenagers,inspiring them to be creative
as to how they can makea difference in this world, has taught me
so much of the different waysthat we can do
(22:25):
relationship and networkingand that kind of stuff.
Yeah, yeah. So critical.
And yeah, and in talking about your work,I mean, and you know,
I mentioned the statistics around kidsand hopelessness and I just,
I always think of if we could just tellall of their angst and, and anger and fear
and sadness into like solving challengesand innovating
(22:48):
and ideating around the things they caremost about, like that
could be such a powerful, powerful force.
And and unfortunately, right nowthey're using it to harm themselves
or harm other people for the most part.
And that's why to me, teaching themthese skills are so critical.
Because once you learn how to do that,harness the power of your sadness
and use it to fuel action.
(23:09):
You know why you're here?
What your purpose and to innovateand problem solve around things.
Same with the anger and and frustrationand and and fear.
And I love that you work with kidsbecause I mean, they teach me,
you know, so muchand have taught me so much
about how we hope, you know,they're so brilliant at it.
And I almost think they kind of learn it.
(23:30):
We we teach it out of them.
And. Oh, but.
I agree.
I have a yeah.
So getting them back to that.
That's so fun. Great.
And we know that you know,everyone needs at least one person
they can talk to in times of challenge.
And, you know, when we have our educators,we always encourage them.
(23:51):
If students don't have anyone, pleasebe that for that student they need.
That's a big indicator of success in life.
And outcomes for themis having that one trusted adult or person
in their life, or a best friend or,you know, someone they can go to.
So that's super important.
And then eliminating challenges,which are the kind of negative thinking
patterns.
(24:12):
Did you have a lot of challengeswith with those like were you in your head
a lot after it happened?
Did you ruminate a lot?
Did you, you know, worry about the future?
What were some of those?
I would say for me,the, the hardest thing for me was silence.
So when I would lay down at night,any kind of quiet time
(24:33):
just it took me to a placeI didn't want to be.
So I didn't allow for way too long.
I didn't allow myself to have quiet time.
I'd put the earbuds in.
I'd have some kind of noise.
I kept moving and being busy,and it took me a while
to to be capable of some quiet time.
(24:55):
It was just too messy.
I even said thatmy prayer life got really messy
because even though I was at peace then,I knew where Addie was and heaven.
Jesus. Not a whole bit.
I just the the slow down, quiet momentstook me to places
I just didn't want to be.
And so I avoided a lot.
(25:17):
And,it took me a, it took me a stretch to,
to figure out how I could allow thatsilence and the reflection
and the moments to even, evenjust allow me to be present with Addie,
which I kind of wasn't allowing myselfto do because it was so hard.
(25:37):
Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.
And so do you have any advicefor listeners
that are having kind of challengeswith that, with that quiet, what would you
I mean.
I don't know if it required meto take the time.
I don't know if I would say I, I wouldn'tforce it in one sense.
I've found it in different places.
(25:59):
I could find it when I went to churchand sat there with other people,
that kind of stuff.
I think a lot of it is giving yourselfthat grace I spoke about earlier.
Like allowing yourselfto to work through the process.
Definitely talking it out.
If I didn't have the therapistI had that first year,
(26:20):
I don't know how I would have made itthrough some of that.
And, and of course, leaning on,leaning on people around me.
Yeah, yeah. So wonderful.
So the final kind of question iswhat kind of message
would you want to send to the world?
You know, we deal with. Yeah.
Hopelessness is a completely normal.
(26:40):
Our moments of hopelessnessare where they happen all the time.
So when you break it down into despair,you feel emotional,
sad, angry, afraid, and youthe sense of helplessness about it.
And so, of course,when you lose someone, you're going to,
you know,a lot of moments of hopelessness.
And it's just really about managingthose moments and in healthier ways.
And, and we use the shine skills for howwe kind of teach on how we do that.
(27:05):
But there are so many things we gothrough moments of hopelessness about and,
you know, moving and changing jobs,you know, addiction,
veterans have a lot of challenges.
If you're housing,you know, if you've got food insecurity,
all of these kind of things.
And, and so,you know, a would just want to kind of
(27:26):
normalize the conversation around it.
It doesn't have to be a big thing,to have happen to experience
moments of hopelessness.
We all experience,that's why we all need to learn,
you know, the skillsto build our hope muscle.
But we kind of endwith any kind of messaging
you would want to send the world.
Or maybe Addie would want to sendthe world about, You know what?
(27:47):
You've been through and insightsand what you might,
send to other people.
I would say that,I think being real is so important.
My coworker would walk into my officeand he'd be like, okay,
what are you aton the Messiness Scale today?
(28:09):
And just because he would ask,that would be like, okay, okay.
And I'd be like,you know, I'm a mess, you know?
And so, you know, having the peoplethat connect talk real with.
So but if I was going to give an Adimessage,
I would say, be silly, be kind and be you.
I think all three of those thingsand the being you is how you do that.
(28:33):
Whatever it is that you're going to do,just embrace who you are when you do it.
Because we're all going to do itdifferently.
And that's okay.
But but know who you are in itand be okay with who you are,
because that is the messagethat Addie gave me loud and clear.
She was a little tomboy.
She rode BMX bikes, and she,she was not a lover of putting a dress on.
(28:57):
And we just embraced it.
And we loved her for her unique self.
And, as the silliness is real.
Have a car.
Have fun.
That's amazing. That's a wonderful.
And let's talk more about the house,Liz and Eric and how you.
Now, I'm so excitedthat he connected me to you,
and that they're supportingthis initiative and getting hopeful cities
(29:18):
as well as mentors.
That's really wonderful.
So can you talk a little bit more aboutthem and
the work they do in your community?
And now the Luli we love the house. Liz.
My husband and I went on EngagedEncounter Weekend with Eric and Hannah.
We both got married a week apart.
(29:39):
Which seems like a lifetime ago.
And so we've known each othera really long time.
Eric's daughter, Elena,was in my youth group, and,
when she passed away, they asked meto put on her memorial service,
which was a huge honor.
And, nothing.
You want to do but really, really honoredto be able to do that for them,
(30:02):
because I just love them so much.
When when Elena passed away,she passed away nine months before.
Addie.
So crazy about that.
We have that in common.
But when she passed away,I was devastated to
to feel the pain of a friendlosing a child.
(30:23):
Just, It it was it was a lot.
And so that experience to help meto be able to relate
to people who were feeling our painwhen Addie passed.
So it was just an experience that we,we learned so much from.
But her.
I have a beautiful messageand Elena's voice and, enough
(30:46):
and all the things that they stand behind,we are right there with them.
Yeah. So wonderful.
So, yeah, Elena's voice is making,hopeful cities and and Napa
possible and mentis and and we're workingto get other people on board.
So we're super excited.
And there are a lot of resourcesnow available for all Napa
(31:06):
residents,you know, including a teen guide.
Or teens can learn about hope.
They can get their own teen guide.
It's a kind of peer to peer modelfor learning how to help.
We have educator guides.
We have a parents guidefor how to use that hope language at home
and practice practice hope skills.
You know, we think of hope like a muscle.
You have to get good at it.
(31:27):
And the more challenges you have,the more you've got to learn the skills
and practice.
And, you know, it'sa simple kind of construct,
but it's not easy and it takes work.
And like you said, every day we get upand, you know, when we go through
really hard things in life,we have to make that decision to,
you know, take the one stop,take the first step, move forward.
(31:49):
And and we all have our different paths.
But, you know, I, I do wish I'd knownwhat I know now back in my early days,
you know, I just would have beena much easier path for me.
And I would have,and yet I wouldn't know what I know now.
So super grateful for the journey.
But yeah,and we have a program for veterans.
(32:11):
So we have a facilitator guideand workbook for veterans.
We have those in itfor incarcerated individuals or
in the juvenile justice system,those in recovery.
I've been in recovery 21 yearsand hope and, you know, these skills
have definitely been really importantin that journey.
Shine hope story templates.
You can write your own shine Hope stories.
(32:31):
So a lot of resources.
And the goal is to get them outto as many people as possible.
And again,not anyone necessarily experience
in hopelessness,but just learning or learning it.
Like CPR, you know, what is it?
How do we navigate it?
How do we get to hope sothat we can better support each other
in the community and in doing that.
So yeah, so I'm so grateful to you, Megan,for joining us.
(32:56):
Yeah.
Sharing your story, your courage.
I know Addie would be so grateful.
You know, this isthis is how we make it easier,
you know, for othersby sharing what we know
and and what worked and what didn't work.
And, and, you know, we don't wish any,any of this on anyone and yet,
(33:18):
grateful to carry carry on people's.
You know, Addie's voice. My dad's voice.
Through Elena'svoice, through all of this.
So. Yeah.
So, listeners, if you live in Napa,be sure to check out all Full Cities
and the Napa page where you can downloadall the resources available at no cost.
(33:38):
Again, and if you want to becomea whole cities, reach out to us
at the shine Hope company.
We would love to activate more citiesand get these resources
to more communities,because they are so critical
and we're passionateabout ensuring all know
you know what homelessness isand how to get to hope.
So. Any final words, miss Melody.
(34:00):
You so much for giving me the opportunityto share my story.
And Addie story too.
Oh, absolutely. And thank you.
And thank you for being a youth.
And is it a what do they sorry you.
I fou reach yeah.
Yeah, I know I'm trying to think ofbecause I was in that youth program
and I loved it.
(34:21):
So dig. Well, slugger. You're listening.
You're amazing.
Hey, I loved I love that group. So.
And thank you, listeners for listening.
And if you were inspired by any of those,please do share it.
And thank you so much.
And just now, you know,no matter what you're going through,
you can get through it.
You know, you just got to buckle downand keep shining, keep shining.
(34:44):
Hope, thanks a bunch for listening andthank you.
Thank you all for listening into the Hope Matrix podcast.
We want to shine a lightthat hope is teachable.
Hope is measurable and teachableand provide you with actionable insights
for how you can start activatinghope in your life today
(35:06):
and provide a framework so you can starttalking about hope with other people
and practice these skills togetherbecause we are better with hope.
Please feel free to check outtheshinehopecompany.com, where we list
all of our resources around how to Hope.
We have a lot of free programsfor how to hope, including the five day
Challenge, our Hope infographicwith a lot of skills
(35:30):
that showcase how to hope and articlesof how to incorporate hope in your life.
We have The Hopebeat Weekly,which is a weekly newsletter
that shares strategies for hope.
We have a My Hope Story templates soyou can write your own Hope story today.
Also my Hope Hero so we can sharewhat our heroes are doing to activate
hope in their lives.
(35:53):
And this is especially good with youthso they can start looking up
to people that have overcome similaror challenges to them
and seen how these heroes use the ShineHope framework.
We have a Hopeful Minds for Teens programand Hopeful minds Overview
Educator Guides.
We have a new evidencebased college course so you can activate
Hope on the college campus.
(36:14):
There are programs in the workplace.
Overview courses 90 minute coursesfor learning the what,
why and how to hope.
What I want you to know about hopeis it's a skill.
You’ve got to practice these skillsto become hopeful.
It's easyto fall into despair and helplessness
when we deal with challenges in life,and it takes intentional work
and practice to get to hope.
(36:37):
And yet it is always possible.
So no matter what life brings.
Keep shining hope.
Thanks so much for listeningand have an awesome day.
And of course, I’ve got to add this, thatthis program is designed to assist you
in learning about hope should not be usedfor medical advice, counseling,
or other health related services.
iFred, The Shine Hope Company and myself,Kathryn Goetzke
(37:01):
do not endorse or provide any medicaladvice, diagnosis or treatment.
I am not a medical doctor.
The information provided hereshould not be used for the diagnosis
or treatment of any medical conditionand cannot be substituted
for the advice of physicians, licenseprofessionals or therapists
who are familiarwith your specific situation.
(37:23):
Consulta licensed medical profession or call 911.
If you are in need of immediate assistanceand be sure to know the crisis Hotline.
988. If you are in need of support.
Thanks so much for listening.
Take good care of yourselfand keep shining hope.
This is Kathryn Goetzke,host of The Hope Matrix Podcast.
We are here to share science, storiesand strategies for how to hope.
I'm the Chief Hope officer of the ShineHope Company.
And SHINE is the mnemonicfor how we teach hope.
So when we talk about hope,we talk about how we use Stress Skills,
(00:22):
Happiness habits, Inspired Actions,Nourishing Networks
and Eliminating Challengeswhich are thinking patterns that
get in the way of our ability to hope.
Hope is a skill.
You can measure hope, you can teach hopeand you can start
practicing skills to activate higherhope in your life today.
(00:44):
And on this Hope Matrix podcast,we aim to bring in guests,
experts in science, people with stories,and those that have strategies
for activating hope in your life.
Well hellolisteners this is Kathryn
Goetzke with the Hope Matrix podcast.
It's so good to be backafter a little bit of a break
(01:06):
I am excited here to be here with youtoday.
And Megan Dominici,she is from Napa, California,
and I am so excited to share.
She is our Shine Hope hero in Napa.
So welcome to the show, Megan.
Thank you so much.
(01:26):
Yes, and it's so amazing.
And for those that can't see, Megan,if you're listening and she's wearing
a Be Kind button, which of course,and has a joy sign behind her.
So we already love Megan andyes, are so grateful that you are joining
the podcast sharing your story.
And, yeah,willing to chat with us more today.
(01:50):
About reallyhow you shine hope in the world
and how from everything I've heard, you'rejust such a leader for others
and what we teach and and then eachkind of community that we go into,
we try to find someone that we can kindof highlight and, and share how,
you know, we can get through hard things.
(02:12):
And thatthese skills are a critical
kind of part of doing that.
So again, thank you so much for joining.
So how long have you been in Napa?
I born and raised here in Napa.
So I have been heremy entire life, with the exception
of my college years and, couple of yearswhen I first got married.
(02:34):
But otherwise, born and raisedright here in Napa.
Wow, I love Napa.
It's such a great, such a great area.
So grateful to be be,activating hope in your community.
Yes, we're we're excited about this.
This is a very,it's a very special community to me.
(02:54):
So to, to we talk about hope inthis community is so exciting.
Thank you, thank you.
And, you know, for those that areand aren't familiar with Hope, science,
hope is actually a measurableand teachable skill.
So, we have a hope scale.
And we've created programing for all ages,to how to cultivate hope.
Based on what we've researchedand shine is the framework
(03:17):
and the mnemonic we use to do that,which stands for Stress Skills
how we identify and manage our stressresponse, happiness habits, or how we get
those happy hormones and healthy waysversus unhealthy ways inspired actions.
So how we set goals, overcome obstacles,how we, you know,
sometimes just take one step forwardwhen things are really hard.
(03:39):
Nourishing networks, how we cultivatenetworks, especially in challenging times
and then eliminating challenges,which are all of those negative
thought patternsthat get in the way of our ability
to hope.
And we have programs for all ages,and we license them to cities.
And and again, Napa has just joinedon board to be a hopeful city.
So really grateful for that.
And I know that you put in good wordsfor us about it.
(04:01):
So, thank you and thanks for helping usactivate Hope in the community
because you know, studies are on ouryouth, especially up to 57%
of teen girls, over 40% of all youthidentify with persistent hopelessness,
and it predicts all risky behaviorsand violence and suicide and addiction.
So it's super importantthat we activate these skills right now.
(04:23):
So again, thank you for joining andlearning and sharing more. So
we're here totalk about your own story
and your own journey.
To hope.
And you know, it'syou know, have a
he went through something really hard.
So I first wanted to,just give you, some time to maybe
(04:45):
share more about your own journey,with hope and and, Yeah.
Your own experience.
Okay.
Well, first of all,I am the director of,
outreach here at Justin Siena,Catholic High School in Napa.
And so I'm super blessed to be workingwith young people every single day.
(05:06):
And I absolutely love it,because I think that young people
bring an energy and life to,things that require change.
And so I am blessed to be ableto walk alongside so many young people.
So that is that is at the heart of me.
I spent almost,almost 20 years as a youth minister.
(05:28):
So, before that.
And so I've been working with teenagersmy entire adult life.
So, it is my favorite thing to do.
And, six years ago,almost six years ago
this month, my daughter,Addie, passed away in a tragic accident.
(05:48):
And it was one of those where, it was,beautiful day.
We were celebratingmy mom's 70th birthday.
It was a surprise party.
Addie was so excited.
And a freak accident happened.
A stack of chairs fell on her, and,that was,
the beginning of a of a new world for us.
(06:10):
And so what we learned inthat tragedy was the power of community.
The power of coming togetherand how important it is to to keep moving.
But, but also toto be here to to take something from,
(06:30):
Addie's short little lifeand, pass it on to other people.
I think, right away people said to mehow in all they were of our faith and,
I remember I think it was the second dayI remember standing up in front of,
my school communityand just wanting to make sure
(06:50):
that the kids knew that Addie was okay.
There was the I'll say the word hope, butfor me, it was like just a strong faith.
I had no question from the very beginningthat Addie was okay
and that she was in a better place.
And because of that,I have found great peace.
And and I don't say that like, there'sthere's some
(07:11):
there is some very awful days.
And I still go through them.
And it is crazy that six years later,some of the days just wipe me out.
And I don't know where it camefrom. And it's messy.
But in the heart of of me,I know that she is
in a good place and that,my faith carries me through that.
(07:31):
And the fact that, we are surroundedby a community that loves us.
And there would be a text messagefrom from somebody sometimes
wasn't someone I knew all that well,but it was, text of
of love and hope and,you know, moving forward and just
and itwas a hug in a, in a form of a text.
(07:52):
And that was a pretty special thing.
Yeah.
Well, yeah, thoseI mean, it's the way that that happened.
So tragic.
It's such a shiftfrom one day to the next.
Everything is just kind of different.
All of a sudden.
How did you deal like, how did you dealwith grief practically on it.
So the as we talk about strugglesand grief is, you know, one of those
(08:16):
emotions, the sadness that can,you know, feel so overwhelming and,
and so I hear that you had that balance,you know, that faith and that.
And you also had the that like,how did you practically deal with that?
I think the practical side of itwas, well, you know, it's interesting.
So I have two other children,Nick and Sophia.
(08:37):
They're older than Addie.
So they were big sister, big brother.
And I remember people saying,I don't know how you're,
how you're managing, like, I don't know.
And I remember in the early days I said,I, you know, I don't have a choice.
I have these two other kidsthat I, that I have to take care of.
I have a husband like I have.
I don't have a choice.
(08:59):
And it might have beenI have maybe like a year later,
I realized thatI actually did have a choice.
And every day I was choosing something.
And, it was hard workand it did require action.
But I just remember thinking, you know,I don't have a choice.
I have to do thisand and that wasn't that wasn't truth
because I was actively choosing.
(09:21):
And I think what you're asking iswhat would that look like?
And and I think that was, you know,getting up in the morning and, you know,
doing what I had to do to take care ofwhat was in front of me in that moment.
For me, exercise is important.
So keeping, you know, activeand doing some of my routine things.
(09:42):
But service is a huge part of who I am.
And being able, like,I think in my messiest moments
when I take care of somebody else,I feel better.
And I think that's that's what,what my job
is actually at dress in Sienawith outreach is it's service.
And so I'm constantlyyou're telling the young people,
(10:05):
well, let's if you're in a messy place,well, let's get out there and let's serve,
because service is such a powerful wayfor us to to put our troubles
kind of aside for a momentand think about something different.
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
That's part of I mean, and the researchall supports that.
It's part of our happiness habitsand doing things for other volunteering,
(10:28):
giving back, getting out of that selfand giving for others,
exercise, nutrition, kind of sleep,all of those things.
And oftentimes when we go throughchallenging times, we don't do that stuff
because we're so consumedwith our own grief or anger
or fear or kind of whatever it is.
And so, like you say, it is a choiceand it's a hard choice.
(10:51):
Like, what do you think?
How do you think you were ableto get out of bed?
I mean, how do you think you were able to.
Yeah, I think that I think just hearingyou say it like that, there were
there were things that I let go of.
There were absolutely thingsthat I was like, you know what?
I don't have to worry about that right nowlike that.
It's not important.
And recognizing that there was some thingsthat we just had to set aside.
(11:16):
For the moment, we'll get to that when weget to that, that that really helped.
I definitely I spoke to, professionals.
I instantly was set up with a therapist.
One of my first thingsI asked, I think that day was help me
figure out how I'm supposed to raisetwo kids who have lost a little sister.
(11:40):
And I wanted to make surethat I was equipped to
to parent two kidswho were grieving their sister.
So like, so many layers of it.
But at the Help, asking for help,asking was
it was super important.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And courageous that you did.
(12:01):
And so smart that you that often we don'tand we go for years
and then we internalize everythingand we have all of these unhealthy
kind of coping mechanisms.
So doing it up front when you'rein that kind of crisis, trauma response
to help you kind of keep going and keepyou accountable and moving through it.
And processing is so critical,so amazing
(12:22):
that you did that for yourself whenand you know that you're already thinking
about others,like how, how is it going to impact them
and what can I do to support them.
So just and I think too, thatis such a helpful perspective to take,
because when we are thinkingabout other people and they impact
and what we can do, you know, ittakes that focus of I mean, it takes the,
(12:46):
you know, oh, poor me or,or this happened to me
and I can't do anythingbecause it's so horrible for me, you know,
because we dostill have meaning and purpose
and we have to learn how to navigatekind of the new experience in life.
Absolutely.
Yeah, I will say, I, I just lost,a very dear friend of mine to cancer,
(13:10):
and I was trying to processwhy it was hitting me so hard.
Like, isn't like,somehow shouldn't get a little easier
to to deal with these feelings.
And my sister was processingwith me and she,
she very much said,I've been thinking about you, Meg,
and thinking that,how this impacts you so much.
But I think the momentyou will feel grief of that,
(13:34):
you know, extent you immediatelyfeel it all over for your loved ones.
So every time somebody has thatsimilar experience that you have,
you just carry it and you feel it.
And, I have to give myself a lot of gracein those moments
because they can, they can be messy.
Yeah, yeah.
And they feel like they're going tostay forever, at least for me, like, ever.
(13:57):
I was like, I'mnever this going to feel horrible forever.
And it's still, I still I mean, it'sbeen since I lost my dad.
I, you know, over 35 years.
I think.
And I'm still like some daysI just can't breathe it, you know, it just
it all comes back.
But yeah, it's it's really wonderfulthat you were proactive for yourself
and for your family and,and kind of navigating your way,
(14:21):
and, and the actions,what were the, like, any specific things
you did that really help or.
Like what? Like taking one step forward.
I mean,sometimes it can just feel impossible
to get out of bed,you know, or to do one thing and,
you know, you're mentioning your familyand, and, support and take care of.
(14:42):
And so a lot of people have thatand they can't find the strength
to get out of bedor the will to get out of bed.
What do you think?
You know, it is or whatwhat supported you in that?
Well it's interesting.
Right away one of my dear friends said Iwas going to struggle with this because,
I, I lost my grandmother to smoking,and I joined the,
(15:06):
tobacco station in a program,and I was like,
I'm going to do whatever I canto prevent others.
My brother passed awayand drinking and driving car accident.
And I, you know,I joined the DUI Prevention task force,
and he looked at me and he's like,I think he was afraid
I was going to strugglebecause I wouldn't have a cause
to pick up and at ease, Nate.
(15:28):
And which was kind ofan interesting thing.
But I have to say, Covid hit us six monthsafter Addie's passing, freely unfair
to to strip us from our peoplesix months into to grieving.
But, we actually came up withsome really fun ways
to share Addy's message.
So we got, flamingos, the plasticflamingos that go in front yards.
(15:53):
And,we flocked people full throughout Covid,
and we put this funny message and it wasall about, we have a tagline for Addie.
It's live rad, liveRemembering Addie Dominique.
And so we had these signs and the kidsand my husband and I
would get in the car and we'd go flocka couple houses each night.
(16:13):
And, being creative as to how we couldshare her story and,
do something really fun,we we say her a little line
to remember her.
We say, be silly, be kind, be you.
And I actually think that the silly oneis really, really important.
(16:33):
So having fun andand being playful
has been really important.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it's again, that's another thing.
Like we get our happy hormonesand healthy ways.
Being playful is one of those things,but we so often think that
when we're in grief we have to,you know, hide away and be sad and be,
(16:54):
you know, and and that can get us that,that just ups our stress response.
And that'swhat leads to illness and disease.
And so it's so important.
And it can be counterintuitive, whichwe can think we shouldn't be doing that.
So it's really wonderful.
And I know that Addie is so like gratefulthat, you know, you're caring.
(17:14):
And what a cool thing to doto kind of carry her message,
in those ways in the community,you know, for her.
That's so fun.
That's really. Yeah.
But the day after, the accident,we were celebrating my mom's birthday,
so we had a big cake,and I'm known for a good old cake fight.
And I remember I've tonsthat my nieces and nephews,
(17:36):
everyone was gathered in thereholding this cake,
and they're like,there's no way we're going to eat it.
And so, like, before you know it,we are like, we're thrown cake.
And, you know,I think, humor and laughter really
has been at the heart of our healingprocess with, without a doubt.
Addie's cousinswere were there at the accident.
(17:59):
These poor kids had to give her CPR.
Six years old, little,so hard, so hard on them.
And, they when they hugged me,even to this day,
they hug me extra tight, and I justI just love these kids so dearly.
And I just feel, I wasn't there.
(18:21):
At the accident,my husband and I ran an errand, so we.
We didn't have to do thatugliest part of it.
But these kids did.
So loving on them and embracingthem, is so important to me.
Well, you talked a little bitabout the text messages people sent.
I think oftentimes people don'tknow what to say or don't know what to do.
(18:44):
So can you talk a little about whatyou heard that was helpful or supportive?
And if there's anything that wasn't,yeah.
Can you share?
Yeah, I would actually say,honestly, less is more.
Don't don't overthink it.
For me,the most powerful moments were the hugs.
(19:05):
I would get a hugfrom someone that just said
it said so much in that, in that hug,I do.
I recall, a phone call, Addy's principaland I tell this story
all the time because, you know,she went to a public school.
He's calling me checking in on,I don't know.
Did I say Addie Sofia's principal?
(19:25):
So she was just callingto check in on Sophia,
and when we ended the conversation,he said, I love you.
And I thought,we don't use that phrase enough at all.
And here's this man who I sincerely feltthe love hands down.
And we we hold on to a little to to tightand people were sharing
(19:48):
I love you and hugs in a waythat were so needed and so appreciated.
And we shouldn't we shouldn'thold them for those awful moments.
We should say them more often.
I love that, yeah,we were just talking about that.
And my friendScarlett Lewis actually runs that Choose
Love movement and she teaches love and Iyou know, we have
we have this fear associatedwith Saint love that it means this.
(20:12):
But like really it's the greatest giftyou can give people hugs and love
and like, yeah, it's it's it's athat's a magical thing that's great
for a principal to say, you know.
Yeah, that's super special.
And so you've talkedand is nourishing networks and you've
talked a lot about your networkssupported you through that.
(20:34):
I mean, how do people like, how do youbuild and strengthen networks a lot?
You know, we know that lonelinessis very high in, our country.
And I often say lonely,you know, you have to set goals if you're
if you're experiencing loneliness,you've got to circle, you know,
you've got to look at your hopelessnessabout that,
and you've got to set goals and take stepsto actually create connections,
(20:57):
because it does take a lot of workto build and keep connections.
And it sounds like you'repretty brilliant data.
So can you give us any words of wisdomand how do y'all make better
connections? And.
I that's a reallythat's a really good question. And,
and I do know that peoplethey struggle with
(21:18):
that and are constantly looking.
I, I think putting yourself outthere is so essential,
so much easier said than done.
I do realize that.
But every chance that we have toto reach out
and to nurture, it's so important.
We lose sight of thelittle text messages, how how
(21:41):
far they cango when we when we nurture relationship.
And I don't think we have to look too far.
I think I think we have tolook who, who's right in front of you.
If it's classmates or teachers or,you know, a youth group or whatever
it might be, and just nurtureexactly what it is we have in front of us.
(22:01):
Neighbor like that.
And, and sometimes just,just going out and,
you know, putting a sign on a door can,can open possibilities.
And I love it.
I, like I said, working with teenagers,inspiring them to be creative
as to how they can makea difference in this world, has taught me
so much of the different waysthat we can do
(22:25):
relationship and networkingand that kind of stuff.
Yeah, yeah. So critical.
And yeah, and in talking about your work,I mean, and you know,
I mentioned the statistics around kidsand hopelessness and I just,
I always think of if we could just tellall of their angst and, and anger and fear
and sadness into like solving challengesand innovating
(22:48):
and ideating around the things they caremost about, like that
could be such a powerful, powerful force.
And and unfortunately, right nowthey're using it to harm themselves
or harm other people for the most part.
And that's why to me, teaching themthese skills are so critical.
Because once you learn how to do that,harness the power of your sadness
and use it to fuel action.
(23:09):
You know why you're here?
What your purpose and to innovateand problem solve around things.
Same with the anger and and frustrationand and and fear.
And I love that you work with kidsbecause I mean, they teach me,
you know, so muchand have taught me so much
about how we hope, you know,they're so brilliant at it.
And I almost think they kind of learn it.
(23:30):
We we teach it out of them.
And. Oh, but.
I agree.
I have a yeah.
So getting them back to that.
That's so fun. Great.
And we know that you know,everyone needs at least one person
they can talk to in times of challenge.
And, you know, when we have our educators,we always encourage them.
(23:51):
If students don't have anyone, pleasebe that for that student they need.
That's a big indicator of success in life.
And outcomes for themis having that one trusted adult or person
in their life, or a best friend or,you know, someone they can go to.
So that's super important.
And then eliminating challenges,which are the kind of negative thinking
patterns.
(24:12):
Did you have a lot of challengeswith with those like were you in your head
a lot after it happened?
Did you ruminate a lot?
Did you, you know, worry about the future?
What were some of those?
I would say for me,the, the hardest thing for me was silence.
So when I would lay down at night,any kind of quiet time
(24:33):
just it took me to a placeI didn't want to be.
So I didn't allow for way too long.
I didn't allow myself to have quiet time.
I'd put the earbuds in.
I'd have some kind of noise.
I kept moving and being busy,and it took me a while
to to be capable of some quiet time.
(24:55):
It was just too messy.
I even said thatmy prayer life got really messy
because even though I was at peace then,I knew where Addie was and heaven.
Jesus. Not a whole bit.
I just the the slow down, quiet momentstook me to places
I just didn't want to be.
And so I avoided a lot.
(25:17):
And,it took me a, it took me a stretch to,
to figure out how I could allow thatsilence and the reflection
and the moments to even, evenjust allow me to be present with Addie,
which I kind of wasn't allowing myselfto do because it was so hard.
(25:37):
Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.
And so do you have any advicefor listeners
that are having kind of challengeswith that, with that quiet, what would you
I mean.
I don't know if it required meto take the time.
I don't know if I would say I, I wouldn'tforce it in one sense.
I've found it in different places.
(25:59):
I could find it when I went to churchand sat there with other people,
that kind of stuff.
I think a lot of it is giving yourselfthat grace I spoke about earlier.
Like allowing yourselfto to work through the process.
Definitely talking it out.
If I didn't have the therapistI had that first year,
(26:20):
I don't know how I would have made itthrough some of that.
And, and of course, leaning on,leaning on people around me.
Yeah, yeah. So wonderful.
So the final kind of question iswhat kind of message
would you want to send to the world?
You know, we deal with. Yeah.
Hopelessness is a completely normal.
(26:40):
Our moments of hopelessnessare where they happen all the time.
So when you break it down into despair,you feel emotional,
sad, angry, afraid, and youthe sense of helplessness about it.
And so, of course,when you lose someone, you're going to,
you know,a lot of moments of hopelessness.
And it's just really about managingthose moments and in healthier ways.
And, and we use the shine skills for howwe kind of teach on how we do that.
(27:05):
But there are so many things we gothrough moments of hopelessness about and,
you know, moving and changing jobs,you know, addiction,
veterans have a lot of challenges.
If you're housing,you know, if you've got food insecurity,
all of these kind of things.
And, and so,you know, a would just want to kind of
(27:26):
normalize the conversation around it.
It doesn't have to be a big thing,to have happen to experience
moments of hopelessness.
We all experience,that's why we all need to learn,
you know, the skillsto build our hope muscle.
But we kind of endwith any kind of messaging
you would want to send the world.
Or maybe Addie would want to sendthe world about, You know what?
(27:47):
You've been through and insightsand what you might,
send to other people.
I would say that,I think being real is so important.
My coworker would walk into my officeand he'd be like, okay,
what are you aton the Messiness Scale today?
(28:09):
And just because he would ask,that would be like, okay, okay.
And I'd be like,you know, I'm a mess, you know?
And so, you know, having the peoplethat connect talk real with.
So but if I was going to give an Adimessage,
I would say, be silly, be kind and be you.
I think all three of those thingsand the being you is how you do that.
(28:33):
Whatever it is that you're going to do,just embrace who you are when you do it.
Because we're all going to do itdifferently.
And that's okay.
But but know who you are in itand be okay with who you are,
because that is the messagethat Addie gave me loud and clear.
She was a little tomboy.
She rode BMX bikes, and she,she was not a lover of putting a dress on.
(28:57):
And we just embraced it.
And we loved her for her unique self.
And, as the silliness is real.
Have a car.
Have fun.
That's amazing. That's a wonderful.
And let's talk more about the house,Liz and Eric and how you.
Now, I'm so excitedthat he connected me to you,
and that they're supportingthis initiative and getting hopeful cities
(29:18):
as well as mentors.
That's really wonderful.
So can you talk a little bit more aboutthem and
the work they do in your community?
And now the Luli we love the house. Liz.
My husband and I went on EngagedEncounter Weekend with Eric and Hannah.
We both got married a week apart.
(29:39):
Which seems like a lifetime ago.
And so we've known each othera really long time.
Eric's daughter, Elena,was in my youth group, and,
when she passed away, they asked meto put on her memorial service,
which was a huge honor.
And, nothing.
You want to do but really, really honoredto be able to do that for them,
(30:02):
because I just love them so much.
When when Elena passed away,she passed away nine months before.
Addie.
So crazy about that.
We have that in common.
But when she passed away,I was devastated to
to feel the pain of a friendlosing a child.
(30:23):
Just, It it was it was a lot.
And so that experience to help meto be able to relate
to people who were feeling our painwhen Addie passed.
So it was just an experience that we,we learned so much from.
But her.
I have a beautiful messageand Elena's voice and, enough
(30:46):
and all the things that they stand behind,we are right there with them.
Yeah. So wonderful.
So, yeah, Elena's voice is making,hopeful cities and and Napa
possible and mentis and and we're workingto get other people on board.
So we're super excited.
And there are a lot of resourcesnow available for all Napa
(31:06):
residents,you know, including a teen guide.
Or teens can learn about hope.
They can get their own teen guide.
It's a kind of peer to peer modelfor learning how to help.
We have educator guides.
We have a parents guidefor how to use that hope language at home
and practice practice hope skills.
You know, we think of hope like a muscle.
You have to get good at it.
(31:27):
And the more challenges you have,the more you've got to learn the skills
and practice.
And, you know, it'sa simple kind of construct,
but it's not easy and it takes work.
And like you said, every day we get upand, you know, when we go through
really hard things in life,we have to make that decision to,
you know, take the one stop,take the first step, move forward.
(31:49):
And and we all have our different paths.
But, you know, I, I do wish I'd knownwhat I know now back in my early days,
you know, I just would have beena much easier path for me.
And I would have,and yet I wouldn't know what I know now.
So super grateful for the journey.
But yeah,and we have a program for veterans.
(32:11):
So we have a facilitator guideand workbook for veterans.
We have those in itfor incarcerated individuals or
in the juvenile justice system,those in recovery.
I've been in recovery 21 yearsand hope and, you know, these skills
have definitely been really importantin that journey.
Shine hope story templates.
You can write your own shine Hope stories.
(32:31):
So a lot of resources.
And the goal is to get them outto as many people as possible.
And again,not anyone necessarily experience
in hopelessness,but just learning or learning it.
Like CPR, you know, what is it?
How do we navigate it?
How do we get to hope sothat we can better support each other
in the community and in doing that.
So yeah, so I'm so grateful to you, Megan,for joining us.
(32:56):
Yeah.
Sharing your story, your courage.
I know Addie would be so grateful.
You know, this isthis is how we make it easier,
you know, for othersby sharing what we know
and and what worked and what didn't work.
And, and, you know, we don't wish any,any of this on anyone and yet,
(33:18):
grateful to carry carry on people's.
You know, Addie's voice. My dad's voice.
Through Elena'svoice, through all of this.
So. Yeah.
So, listeners, if you live in Napa,be sure to check out all Full Cities
and the Napa page where you can downloadall the resources available at no cost.
(33:38):
Again, and if you want to becomea whole cities, reach out to us
at the shine Hope company.
We would love to activate more citiesand get these resources
to more communities,because they are so critical
and we're passionateabout ensuring all know
you know what homelessness isand how to get to hope.
So. Any final words, miss Melody.
(34:00):
You so much for giving me the opportunityto share my story.
And Addie story too.
Oh, absolutely. And thank you.
And thank you for being a youth.
And is it a what do they sorry you.
I fou reach yeah.
Yeah, I know I'm trying to think ofbecause I was in that youth program
and I loved it.
(34:21):
So dig. Well, slugger. You're listening.
You're amazing.
Hey, I loved I love that group. So.
And thank you, listeners for listening.
And if you were inspired by any of those,please do share it.
And thank you so much.
And just now, you know,no matter what you're going through,
you can get through it.
You know, you just got to buckle downand keep shining, keep shining.
(34:44):
Hope, thanks a bunch for listening andthank you.
Thank you all for listening into the Hope Matrix podcast.
We want to shine a lightthat hope is teachable.
Hope is measurable and teachableand provide you with actionable insights
for how you can start activatinghope in your life today
(35:06):
and provide a framework so you can starttalking about hope with other people
and practice these skills togetherbecause we are better with hope.
Please feel free to check outtheshinehopecompany.com, where we list
all of our resources around how to Hope.
We have a lot of free programsfor how to hope, including the five day
Challenge, our Hope infographicwith a lot of skills
(35:30):
that showcase how to hope and articlesof how to incorporate hope in your life.
We have The Hopebeat Weekly,which is a weekly newsletter
that shares strategies for hope.
We have a My Hope Story templates soyou can write your own Hope story today.
Also my Hope Hero so we can sharewhat our heroes are doing to activate
hope in their lives.
(35:53):
And this is especially good with youthso they can start looking up
to people that have overcome similaror challenges to them
and seen how these heroes use the ShineHope framework.
We have a Hopeful Minds for Teens programand Hopeful minds Overview
Educator Guides.
We have a new evidencebased college course so you can activate
Hope on the college campus.
(36:14):
There are programs in the workplace.
Overview courses 90 minute coursesfor learning the what,
why and how to hope.
What I want you to know about hopeis it's a skill.
You’ve got to practice these skillsto become hopeful.
It's easyto fall into despair and helplessness
when we deal with challenges in life,and it takes intentional work
and practice to get to hope.
(36:37):
And yet it is always possible.
So no matter what life brings.
Keep shining hope.
Thanks so much for listeningand have an awesome day.
And of course, I’ve got to add this, thatthis program is designed to assist you
in learning about hope should not be usedfor medical advice, counseling,
or other health related services.
iFred, The Shine Hope Company and myself,Kathryn Goetzke
(37:01):
do not endorse or provide any medicaladvice, diagnosis or treatment.
I am not a medical doctor.
The information provided hereshould not be used for the diagnosis
or treatment of any medical conditionand cannot be substituted
for the advice of physicians, licenseprofessionals or therapists
who are familiarwith your specific situation.
(37:23):
Consulta licensed medical profession or call 911.
If you are in need of immediate assistanceand be sure to know the crisis Hotline.
988. If you are in need of support.
Thanks so much for listening.
Take good care of yourselfand keep shining hope.
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