September 3, 2024 • 39 mins
This chat was a turn-on. Lauren is an award-winning sexologist, business mentor and speaking coach to women in leadership who want to activate their deep power and pleasure so they can speak, lead and express with confidence and magnetism.
Website: laurenwhite.com.au
Instagram: laurenwhiteau
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Episode Transcript
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Merilyn (00:00):
Hello and welcome to my show.
I'm Merilyn and today I'mtalking with Lauren White.
Lauren (00:06):
Ask yourself, does this turn me on?
And by that I mean it doesn'thave to elicit an arousal
response like wink wink.
It can though, I'm notdiscarding that.
But by turn on, I mean whatreally gets your heart racing,
what gives you goosebumps, whathas you like break out in just
like a little sweat?
What has your pupils dilate?
(00:26):
What is it that has you feelingthat edge and that excitement
and feeling alive?
Like so many women are halfalive because of the fear that
is running through their veins.
So my question to everyone isask yourself on a daily basis,
personal, professional, bedroom,brand, boardroom, does this
turn me on?
Merilyn (00:47):
Lauren is an award-winning sexologist,
business mentor, and speakingcoach to women in leadership who
want to activate their deeppower and pleasure so they can
speak, lead, and express withconfidence and magnetism.
I absolutely loved thisconversation.
We riffed, we went off script,and we went to some really deep
(01:10):
places.
Lauren White, welcome to myshow.
Lauren (01:17):
Thanks, Merilyn and I'm ecstatic to be here.
Ecstatic.
I have been anticipating thistalk.
And I've got my red lipstickon.
So yeah, so something sosomething glorious is gonna
happen.
Some sort of mischief, mayhem.
Merilyn (01:36):
We are just gonna freefall this.
Uh it's free fall the rightword.
We're going to just banter andfree fall and see where this
goes.
As you know, I'm all about thewow.
So I'm gonna start there.
I have got an opening question.
Lauren, what is your wow?
What would we say is yourbiggest wow?
Lauren (01:59):
My biggest wow is the untapped power and pleasure in
women out in the world.
Like my biggest wow is yeah, isthat. So I know it's there.
We all know it's there.
That's not the question.
The question is, how do weaccess it?
(02:20):
How do we put it on a pedestal?
How do we have it allow it tobe at the forefront of
leadership?
How do we allow power andpleasure and authority and
energy, what I call the newfemme waves of leadership?
How do we allow that to be thecenterpiece and the thing that
we come back to and come home toevery minute of every day in
(02:45):
the way that we do our work, inthe way that we, in who we are
in the bedroom, in who we arebehind closed doors, in the
private moments of life?
Like that is my big, that is mybig wow, is like wow, it just
astounds me how much untappedpower and pleasure and authority
is out there that's andyearning to be just exalted and
(03:10):
revered and working its magic.
Merilyn (03:13):
Untapped.
What made you put that word inthat in that phrase, that that
dream of yours?
Why why choose that word?
And where's that come from?
And and and and is there anypersonal story?
Lauren (03:26):
I'm a seer of women, and what I mean by that is I it's
almost like I have x-ray vision,and just after working with
women for such a long time andbeing a woman myself, it's like
I can see where women, I mean,especially being online so much,
and in person, I can see wherewomen revert to being the good
(03:49):
girl, um, the nice woman, thelovely lady, or like these
archetypes that are veryoutdated, matemat, people
pleaser, all of that.
Very, very outdated ways ofbeing.
I can see where they are, theyhave this wild inside this, like
(04:10):
this very powerful raw insidewhere they subscribe.
Yeah, but they subscribe towhat is familiar and what is
conditioned.
And so I say it's untappedright now because it's there.
It's not the question.
The question is how can weaccess it?
(04:31):
How can we bring it forth andhave it be a natural part of our
identities and our businessesand leadership, and not be going
around so afraid?
All of those other modes are asign of fear, are a sign of
being scared, of being out oftouch with power.
(04:52):
And granted, there are somevery valid reasons, stories,
traumas, history there.
There comes a point thoughwhere it's not serving anyone
when a woman in power is heldback.
So that's why I consciously usethat word.
It's there, let's access it,let's tap into it.
Merilyn (05:16):
I love that because it's such a cliche, but positive
aspect of it because oftenwe're so used to be told, we're
so used to being told what'smissing or what's absent or what
we've what blocks we've got todiscard.
And I love that untappedbecause you see that already in
(05:37):
people.
Lauren (05:37):
Yep, it's all there.
It's all there and it's ripe.
It is so ripe.
And all it takes, Merilyn, is afew, is some A, some really
good questions, someone askingyou some very good questions.
It's all in the questionasking.
And you or collective you, likewomen, taking the time and not
(05:58):
rushing and stressing andthinking, oh, that is completely
natural, taking the time toreally consider what our truth
is, what our influence is, whatturns a word that I use a lot is
turn on.
I say, what turns you on?
You know, does the question Iask a lot of women in business,
(06:18):
personal, any sort of context isask yourself, does this turn me
on?
And by that I mean it doesn'thave to elicit um an arousal
response like wink wink.
It can though.
I'm not dis you know, I'm notdiscarding that.
But by turn on, I mean whatreally gets your heart racing,
(06:39):
what gives you goosebumps, whatum what has you like break out
in just like a little sweat?
What has your pupils dilate?
What what is it that has youfeeling that edge and that
excitement and feeling alive?
Like so many women are halfalive because of the fear that
is running through their veins.
(07:00):
So my question to everyone isyou know, ask yourself on a
daily basis, personal,professional, bedroom, brand,
boardroom, does this turn me on?
And if it doesn't turn you on,my question to you is is this a
stepping stone to what will turnyou on?
Is there a pathway there to getto what's gonna turn you on?
(07:21):
I mean, we've all got to do,there are times life where
you've got to do things thataren't completely, fully in
alignment, but are thereprospects to getting to what
turns you on?
So if you can live life likethat, I'd say you are definitely
tapping into your power andyour pleasure.
Merilyn (07:39):
I'm gonna ask this question, I'm gonna be the
devil's advocate here, but it'sis that realistic?
Because it's like we live forthe holidays, we live for the
manicures or the, you know, andthat's very cliched, but it's
true.
We don't as women think thatthat's our lot.
Our we're not allowed to dothat all the time.
Maybe we can do it for a littlebit.
Maybe that's why we have spasand why we have I don't know,
(08:04):
kids being looked after.
But do we can we live in thatstate all the time?
What's your thoughts on that?
Lauren (08:11):
Yeah.
I I believe, I believe we can.
I am the living embodiment ofthat.
I am doing that, and it'staken, it's taken some very
conscious effort, and it's meantsaying no to things, and it's
meant course correcting at timesand going, oh, just kind of
slipped up then, didn't reallytap into whether that turned me
(08:32):
on.
That's okay.
That's okay.
The thing about turn on is somuch of it lives in what is
freely available to us.
It doesn't have to be expensivedinners and champagne and um
big holidays.
It doesn't have to be flashy.
Um, although I love anyone whoknows me knows I love beauty.
(08:53):
I espouse beauty and lovethings being aesthetically
pleasing.
But that's not really what turnon is.
It's an internal state.
It can be you belly laughinguntil you're crying.
It can be, it can be awonderful uh wink wink release.
It could be like it just it canbe the things that are freely
(09:16):
available without you having tobuy something or like prove
something.
Like, in fact, if you areproving something to someone
else, then you're probably outof your turn on.
So it can it can be somethingso natural.
It can be putting your feet inthe earth or something that I
talk a lot about in my work iswater, like getting your body in
all in all forms of water toreally experience turn on.
(09:39):
Yeah, so I say you go for it,just go for it without pressure,
without expectation, at leastgo for it.
Just keep asking the questionlike, does this turn me on?
I don't love doing this thing,but it's going to create an
aesthetically pleasing room orhome.
And that turns me on.
Like, don't love doing thisthing, but it's getting me one
(10:02):
step closer.
And while I do it, because Idon't love it and it doesn't
turn me on, how can I make itmore pleasurable?
How can I make it moreenjoyable?
Is there a way of doing that?
So that's kind of I have a veryrich fantasy life, and I'm
often, you know, in another, I'moften in another decade, I'll
be honest.
I'm not um, you know, I'm oftenin the 20s or the 80s or
(10:24):
something that's like decadentand uh full of dance and and
music and things.
So just like that, that is mybig like make turn on an
internal state of being first,and then have the outside line
up with that internal state ofturn on.
(10:45):
Don't just look out foreverything to give you turn on
and feed you, generate it andcreate it from inside of you
with your conversations and yourconnections and your friends
and your colleagues and otherentrepreneurs and like turn on
all angles.
Merilyn (11:03):
Lauren, were you were you born like this?
Lauren (11:06):
Definitely not.
Merilyn (11:07):
Is there a story?
Lauren (11:08):
Definitely not born like this.
It's been a process ofdiscovery.
I am I am the youngest of uhthree sisters, and I'm like
quintessential good girl.
Quintessential good girl waspretty book smart, used study as
a way of coping withchallenging times and stress,
(11:29):
did a lot of striving through umthrough school years and then
again in university, and alwayswanted to be exceptional.
And it really came to my 20s,and I've always worked in taboo
areas of health like mentalhealth and drug and alcohol, and
it came to my 20s, and I wantedto learn more about sex, and so
I did a sexology degree, andthat was a big way of me um uh
(11:56):
sourcing more of an identitythat felt untapped and really
dislodging myself from that goodgirl archetype.
And I went on after my studiesand starting a business, I went
on to write a book calledPermission, which is called,
which um the byline is personalliberation for switched-on
women.
And a lot of that was aboutbreaking out of that good girl
(12:19):
archetype that follows us intowomanhood.
So for me, it's been a piece bypiece by piece by piece
process, I would say over 12years at the time of recording.
And my mission now is to makeit a whole lot quicker for
everyone who comes into mymagical world, a whole lot
quicker.
(12:39):
It does not have to take thatlong.
I needed to do all the courses,all the um, you know, access
all the practitioners.
Oh my gosh, the things I'vedone.
I have so many stories aboutthe things I've done through the
sensuality and sexuality worldthat um that we just don't have
time for today.
But like I've done all thereally challenging, edgy stuff
(13:00):
so that I can now distill it andmake it really accessible,
bite-sized, practical, andexciting for the women that
access this work.
Merilyn (13:12):
Did you have a like a, you know, did you have a
destination or a goal, or wasthis just an unknown search for
something?
Lauren (13:19):
It's it's just been this unknown, it has been this
unknown search for um, and we'veto we talked about this in
another conversation.
I in human design, I'm amanifesting generator um with
you know five ones.
So I love um, I love knowledgeand I love that kind of those
kinds of challenges.
And I really like personalchallenges and intimate
(13:41):
challenges uh in particular, andthat kind I can kind of
cross-reference that with beingINFJ and like Myers Briggs.
Anyway, I've got a bit of akooky one, kooky personality
going on.
But um it's it's just alwaysbeen it's just on an ongoing
thread that I keep pulling.
I don't think there's a when Ican do this.
(14:01):
I mean, I did approach it thatway initially.
It was like, when I can dothis, then I'll know, then I'll
be like, then I'll have, thenI'll, and now it's older and
wiser.
I definitely see it as just athread that I will continue to
pull because I'll have abreakthrough of sorts and then
more life will happen.
And then, but like it's just anongoing, ongoing willingness to
(14:27):
explore with pauses in between.
I don't think anyone shouldjust be chronically constantly
doing personal growth workbecause then you're then you
don't know, definitely don'tknow who you are.
But it's just it's somethingyou become you I've met some
very confused people in my timefrom being um dependent and
addicted on personal growthwork.
So I I dip in and out, I I Iwax and I wane and I know when
(14:52):
it's time to meet a new edge.
And I just see that as a like acommitment for the rest of my
life.
I don't not ever done.
And I'm always curious, I'malways letting curiosity lead.
So I love the question.
I feel like in the beginning,yes, there would have been a
when I can, when I'mmulti-orgasmic, that was the
thing that I wanted to be, youknow.
(15:13):
When I'm multi-orgasmic, then,you know, then.
And it's like there's none ofthat now.
Like there's none of it.
There's just uh, I'm curiousabout this.
What why am I, why do I keeprepeating this pattern?
What's there?
And a lot of it requireslooking back and looking right,
right back.
Um, and I'm willing, not alwayswanting to.
(15:36):
And this is what I say topeople, you might not want to,
but are you willing?
Are you willing to look back?
Are you willing to ask thequestions?
You're willing to be asked thequestions.
And so I don't necessarily wantto.
It's not like necessarily myhighest turn on, but I know that
my willingness to keep lookingat myself and doing the
(15:57):
introspective work will get meto closer to turn on than just
staying stuck, staying put,repeating patterns, um, allowing
the same resistance resistancesto play out.
So always learning.
Merilyn (16:12):
It takes, and you've obviously got this, a tremendous
capacity or volume ofself-awareness to even know what
turns you on.
And I you must meet women whouh aren't even in touch with
that desire meter, like theirdesire meter just is it's laying
dead on the ground.
Like it's not, they're not evenfeeling that pleasure.
(16:35):
What do you do there?
Lauren (16:38):
It goes back to that question I just asked.
You might like, are youwilling?
Are you are you willing to findout what you desire what you
desire?
Are you because starting atthat level of the desire meter
being like flat on the floor,you know, just flopped down at
zero, the question is like, areyou do you want to feel alive?
(16:59):
Do you want to?
And in order to feel alive,Marilyn, what I say to people is
sometimes you have to die.
Sometimes that desire mediabeing at zero, it isn't an
actual death.
It's a numbness, it's adisconnect, it's an existence.
And so I ask people, and I talkabout this a bit in my work, is
are you prepared to die?
(17:21):
And what I mean by that, areyou prepared to have a part of
your identity, your patterns?
Are you prepared to allow that?
Your like what you'retolerating, what you're
available for?
Are you willing to let some ofthat die so that you can fully
live?
Because that design meet ofbeing at zero usually says to
(17:41):
me, there's lots of peoplepleasing, there's lots of um,
there's lots of suppressing firewithin and curiosity within and
acting what I call palatable,like, you know, kind of like a
dry cracker.
It's like everyone can eat it,or most people can eat it, but
it's a site, it's neither herenor there, just a dry cracker.
(18:02):
So that desire meter requires adeath, a letting go of a
subtraction in order for us toturn up the volume.
If, and I've always had thisapproach, even when I was doing
um offering sex therapy, Ialways subtract, then add.
Because if we just go straightinto addition, you've got all
(18:23):
the old stuff there trying tocompete with the new stuff.
And what happens is freak outhappens in the subconscious, and
the new stuff doesn't, itdoesn't even penetrate the
surface.
It will never it will not beintegrated.
So do a bit of a clear outfirst of what the belief systems
are, what the habits are, whatwhat um you know what what
(18:46):
actions, what automatic actionsjust keep playing out without
that awareness that youmentioned earlier.
So that's my approach to umincreasing that desire because
when there's space in the body,then new novel experiences can
come in and they can stay there.
They won't just be, you know,they won't just kind of be
(19:07):
washed off.
Merilyn (19:08):
I love that you've thrown, well not thrown, it's
calculated, but you've gotpleasure and power together.
What's from your perspective,what's their synergy?
What is their because I thinkyou I I'm picking up that they
come together, they're like apackage, they're not you know,
(19:29):
most people will focus on eitheron just pleasure or they might
focus on power, but we don'toften combine the two.
And is there's a lot ofquestions there, but I love your
thoughts.
And is it uniquely women forwomen?
Lauren (19:42):
I God, what a great synergy.
Love that word.
By the way, I'm a word nerd, sowords like words turn me on.
So I love that word.
This is not the work I do isexclusive to women, but this is
not power and pleasure is not isnot exclusive to womanhood.
What I feel is that men havealready mastered this in their
(20:07):
own awful way.
We might not necessarily agreewith it, but they I believe that
not that they're better at it,but I believe that they've been
conditioned to be more at easewith their power and with their
pleasure.
And a lot of, yeah, and a lotof what is in that it's..
It's probably why the guys willcome home and have no problem
(20:28):
with kicking off the shoes andwatching telly or going out to
golf without even thinking,which is such a stereotype, but
it's it's true, isn't it?
They don't think, whereas we wewomen would traditionally make
sure everything else is okaybefore we go and take care of
it.
Yes, yes, that's right.
And that's what I heard overand over and over again as a sex
therapist in particular was Ican't do anything pleasurable
(20:52):
until everything's done.
Like there's no way.
It's still that old rewardsystem of you've got to do all
your hard work and then need toget the reward.
And what happens is we sabotagethe reward, or it doesn't hit
right, or there's too muchpressure on the reward.
And it's just a very old way ofsaving up and holding in, like
(21:16):
inhale, inhale, inhale, inhale,and now you can get your exhale
and you exhale, and it's notvery satisfying.
It's just it's just not assatisfying as it could be.
Whereas my approach is ratherthan put all your eggs in one
basket with your pleasure, whydon't you like dole it out in
different ways during the day bycoming into your body, by
(21:36):
spreading things out a littlebit, by not like saving yourself
for one big birthday partyevery three months, but like
allowing small um embodiedpleasures to happen throughout
the day.
So to answer your originalquestion around power and
pleasure, there is definitely,there is definitely a synergy
(21:57):
there because your pleasure.
Is potentiated by your power,and your power is potentiated by
your pleasure.
And so, in terms of feminineenergetics and leadership, if
you're just all power, but youdon't know your pleasure, your
audience, your followers, yourum, your staff, everyone will
(22:20):
see that you're in your head.
Like that makes power very,very head-based.
Like it's, and power comesthrough the body, most
definitely.
But if you're not connected toyour pleasure, something is
missing.
And what the most powerfulpeople and the people that are
having the most like significantimpact in very qualitative
(22:43):
ways, not necessarilyquantitative, are those that
know their pleasure.
And they don't even have tosay, I know my pleasure.
It's not an Instagram caption.
It's just you can see it in,you can see it in the way that
they speak, in the way that theyrelate to people, and the way
that they hold their body andmove their body and all of that.
And that's what makes them verypowerful because they've tapped
(23:06):
into a secret of life.
Because everyone else who'scaught up in this old way of
being is like, I got this thing.
Why don't I feel it?
I bought the car.
Why don't I feel excited?
Why don't I feel happy?
Why don't I feel turned on?
It's like because you've missedthe point.
That's not the thing.
It's not about having the thingto then make you make you feel
(23:27):
pleasure or make you feel turnedon.
It's all these small, daily,but very potent actions.
It's the way you laugh and theway that you smile and how you
hold yourself and theconversation.
It's all of that stuff.
And if you're out of touch withthat, your power isn't as
impactful as it could be.
So yeah, they definitely playoff each other.
(23:48):
I just say both.
Like something I say in my lifeis and both more.
How can we have both?
Like we don't have to choose.
You don't have to choose.
You don't have to say, do Iwant to be powerful or do I want
to be pleasurable or pleasured?
Like just go for both.
And the energetics of them areslightly different to me.
So, but they they definitelywork together.
Merilyn (24:09):
We hear a lot of people saying that phrase, um, step
into your power or you know,take back your power.
And you know, I I've beenthinking about that a lot the
last week, just week or so.
What what what does it mean foryou to take back your power,
step in your power?
Because for some reason I saw,you know, just think of a
(24:31):
superhero standing with theirhands on their on their on their
hips, sort of thing.
But what does it mean, I guessinternally?
What what would it mean for youto say, I need to take back my
power, I need to retrieve mypower, or stand in my power?
Lauren (24:45):
Fabulous question.
This is a turn on for me toanswer this.
So the first thing, yeah, thefirst thing I would I would be
asking is myself, if I was like,I I need to take the power
back, I need to step back intomy power.
The first thing I'm asking is,what am I not deciding on?
What am I acting ambivalentabout?
(25:06):
What am I like that, that,because if you're not in your
power, you're usually suspended.
It's like the it's going backto what I said before about
palatability.
You're neither here nor there.
You're not really, you kind oflike following this person.
You kind of, I don't know, youcould go either way with the
political parties.
You could like everything'svery, like everything feels
(25:27):
wishy-washy.
That's okay that you feelwishy-washy.
That's not the problem.
The problem is if it keeps yoususpended in a place where you
can't use your voice because youdon't want to offend anyone, or
you um, you know, you don'twant to look a certain way
because it's too edgy, or youdon't want to change, change
something within yourselfbecause they'll be offended.
(25:49):
It's like you're constantlyliving in this palatable kind of
hit, neither here nor theirspace, then and you want to take
the power back, you need todecide.
You need to, and you'll need tomake a number of decisions, and
it's going to be uncomfortable.
It's going to be uncomfortable.
I just want to prepare youthough, it's not the initial
decision that's the hardest,it's maintaining that decision.
(26:12):
That's where it gets reallyedgy for people.
Maryland, I've met so manywomen that hang out, you know,
that are in my orb or in myvicinity, and they they decide
they're going to be in theirauthority energy.
Fabulous.
Love it.
Excited for them.
And then it wears off becausethey decided once, but they
didn't decide again the nexttime they got the opportunity to
(26:35):
step up and speak.
It is an ongoing decision.
So if you want to take thepower back, you have to decide.
And it's going to beuncomfortable, and it's going to
be uncomfortable again andagain and again.
But then what happens is youget clarity where you had
murkiness and you getspecificity and you get to be
(26:58):
sovereign.
I the this is very something Italk a lot about in my work is
sovereignty as well, as one ofthe portals and pillars to power
and pleasure.
And we always start withsovereignty because the
sovereign is the queen in youthat decides.
She's an independent, she'sindependent.
(27:18):
And what she does is she'sselective and discerning about
who comes into her world, aboutwhat she does, about how she
spends her time.
And that is how you take thepower back.
You become selective anddiscerning.
You say no more.
And if you're toleratingsomething, it's not you
accepting something, it's youjust putting up with something
(27:40):
that really doesn't work foryou.
So anything that you'retolerating, anything that you're
um, any sort of relationshipsor connections or work dynamics,
anything at all that is justgrading you down, you need to
decide once and for all.
And then you need to decideagain and again.
And that is what will help youget the power back.
Merilyn (28:00):
It has seemed well, seems it's a lot to do with
fear.
Lauren (28:04):
Most definitely.
Merilyn (28:06):
What do you do personally?
Can you give me an example whenyou last felt that gripping
fear?
And how what mental and bodyprocess did you go through to
get back your power and yourpleasure?
Lauren (28:19):
Yeah.
The first thing I do is Irecognize it's going on.
I don't necessarily call itfear straight up front because
that's how clever fear.
You have different flavors,yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I just know shit's comingup.
Um, one of the first things Ido is I work out who I can talk
to about it.
And I'm very, and I I havebuilt up a network of all
(28:41):
different people in my orb ordifferent personal and
professional connections that Ican speak to.
It's like, how can I get thisout?
Because I know that shut, Iknow that I'm at risk of a
shutdown of sorts and my voicegoes quiet if I don't speak
about it.
So the more I speak aboutsomething, the less fear it has
over me.
And that's what I love mostabout having a podcast is I just
(29:03):
put it out there about mysexuality and my fears and that.
And it means that it has lessof a hold over me.
It's out there, whatever,people know I'm scared of that,
and now I'm not as scaredanymore.
So I really believe in speakingabout what is like about what
is going on.
I mean, that's why I've alwaysdone what I've done for um more
than 20 years.
So speaking about it, cryingabout it, like crying is a
(29:26):
wonderful release.
Um, moving my body is awonderful way.
Like I love, like I saidbefore, I love being in water.
And talk about water a lotbecause with women, because we
need to be in something that isbigger than us, and we need to
be held because we hold so much.
And holding isn't holding isn'tan ideal thing.
(29:50):
We need to be held by somethingbigger than us because we hold
so much, and that's what I loveabout water.
That's why I talk about it allthe time.
I talk about spas, I talk aboutice bars, I talk about pools,
talk about beaches, rivers,anything, any sort of body.
And I like mixing them uppersonally.
I'm very fortunate that I canmix up those bodies of water,
(30:14):
all of them, warm, cold,neutral, salt, fresh, all of
them.
Just all of them have adifferent kind of have a
different time and place forhelping you tap into what it is
that you want to feel.
And you getting out of thatholding state, holding state is
very contractive and it's veryfear-based.
(30:35):
So I love, yeah, I again when Ifeel scared, I get into my body
and I see my practitioners andI am getting much better.
I'm still not bona fide expertlevel by any means, but I'm
getting better at slowing downwhat I generate when I need to,
because I am a generator, uh,and what I create when I need to
(30:58):
just go inward and sit withthings and journal and talk
things out.
Merilyn (31:02):
Sounds like you really lean into that fear and just let
it do its thing, feel it, doit.
Whereas so many of us get busyand just keep pushing through.
Lauren (31:13):
Yep.
And yeah, and it's just, yeah,and it's quite um uh it's an
option, but you run the assomeone who's moved, I move very
fast in my life and my bodylikes to move fast as well.
There's nothing wrong withthat, but it puts me at risk of
burnout.
And I know I I got to I'vegotten to a point where I know
(31:36):
if I'm if I risk and want toplay Maverick with burnout, then
I know that my business won'twork.
I can't, I how dare I talkabout power and pleasure from a
place of burnout?
How dare I do that, be thatincongruent.
So for me, it's so much biggerthan me.
It's like I am not, I'm nolonger curious about that.
(31:57):
And that's something I say.
I'm not curious about whathappens if I don't do anything.
I'm not curious aboutovergenerating and working
myself down into the ground.
I'm not curious about notseeing any practitioners and we
and seeing how I go.
I'm not curious anymore.
Um, because the cost is greaterthan me.
It's to my family, it's to myrelationship, it's to my
business, it's to my friendswhen I show up and I can't fully
(32:20):
show up for them becausethere's nothing left.
It's just, it's too, it's it'snot something I want to play
with anymore.
Merilyn (32:27):
Lauren, oh, we could go on forever.
What's next in your?
I want to dive into each ofthose words that you brought up.
What what's next for you?
What what's the future wow foryou?
Lauren (32:39):
Yeah, future wow, is um great timing of this question.
I am delving really deep intomore one-to-one work because I'm
just in love with that sense ofpartnership and that
collaboration.
And I work with the leaders sothat the impact can spread well
(32:59):
beyond one person.
So I go to the top people oftheir field, of their turn-on,
of their profession, and then itgoes to all their followers, it
goes to all their subscribers,all of their everyone.
And I just have seen that shifthappen, and that is major turn,
that is major turn on for me.
(33:20):
So more one-to-one work.
And my one-to-one is verybespoke, it's very sensory, it's
experiential, it's um, it'syeah, it's absolutely
fascinating, but there's only somuch I can say because of
discretion that's highlyimportant to me and my clients.
But what I will say is it's aride, it's an absolute ride.
And I can't tell you whathappened, not because I won't,
(33:42):
but because I can't.
Like I can't actually tell youwhat happens in one-to-one
because it's very much based onwhat you bring what you bring to
the process.
Um, and I love mentoring my mygroup, Embodied Authority.
They are service-based businessowners that want to be fully in
their power in their growingsix-figure service-based
(34:04):
business.
And I just I love it.
I love that.
The podcast, The Secrets MenKeep, that's not going anywhere.
Um, I'm really, reallyrefining.
And I think, I think theuniverse might might want me to
knock down and do some writingagain.
So that's all I'll say.
Maybe, maybe a bit of bookaction might come, but it just
(34:27):
it's um, you're catching me at apoint where it's really asking
me to just be so refined, sosovereign, so clear, so
powerful, so potent.
And I'm listening because I'mnot available for all of the
things that I have beenavailable for up until this
point.
(34:47):
And I just want to takeeverything deeper and make it
richer and what turned on.
Merilyn (34:59):
Oh, it's been a pleasure, absolute pleasure and
powerful to talk to you.
If you're listening right nowand you're thinking, ah, I want
what she's got.
That's all I could think of.
You know, that that movie, I'llhave what she's having.
I want what she's having.
I mean, look at her.
If you come and watch thisvideo, she's gorgeous, just
(35:20):
luxurious and sensuous.
Um, look, I'll put the detailsso you can contact Lauren, but I
highly recommend it.
It it it sounds like you're ina very uh unique uh niche,
unique.
It's so different to sayleadership training for oh yeah,
it's it is totally different.
Lauren (35:43):
It's it's everything that that isn't.
It's not in your head, it'sthrough your body.
It is it is sensory, it isbespoke.
There is no manual for you willlearn the 99 steps.
It is very, it's very present,and there's a lot of immediacy
in it, which is what you say tome informs what I say back to
(36:04):
you.
So it's very pretty bespoke.
It's very, yeah, very bespoke.
And that's yeah, that'severything I've that's
everything I've always done andalways been.
And what I value, I value, Ivalue really bespoke
personalized services andutilizing them.
And it's just, yeah, it's notnone of that is going anywhere.
(36:24):
It's it's anything butmainstream and for the masses,
it's for the very select fewthat select themselves.
Merilyn (36:31):
Which will have a huge impact on humanity, won't it?
When women in power especiallycan get back, you know, back in
touch with that.
I've got to ask though, do youthink there's an age where
people value that?
Like when they step in and theysay, look, I've done all the
power, the power only stuff, orwhat I think is power.
(36:52):
There's something missing, andyou've got that, Lauren.
Lauren (36:57):
Yeah.
Merilyn (36:58):
Do you see like an age?
Did you as like people getolder?
They probably appreciate morethan the youngers, younger ones.
Lauren (37:04):
Yes, yes, yes, definitely.
Yeah, sorry, definitely.
I just had to feel into that.
Yes, I definitely feel 40 plusis more that time, and
definitely 50, 50 plus forwomen, where you've you've got
like kind of the language I usebefore.
There's no more curiosity aboutcertain things anymore.
(37:25):
It's like, I'm not going torepeat that.
I am well and truly done withthat.
What I want now is this, andI'm willing to do go to these
lengths to get it.
So definitely the women that Iwork with are definitely 40 and
50 plus.
And I love working with thembecause they've been through the
ringer in in all sorts of ways,and they're they've got rich
(37:48):
histories and rich stories, andthey show up.
They just, they just they showup, and that's what I'm here
for.
It's like even when it getsscary, even when it gets
testing, they know through livedexperience that it gets to a
really sweet spot when you arecommitted and devoted to
yourself and your power and yourpleasure.
Merilyn (38:11):
Oh, thank you, Lauren.
Is there anything to close offthat you'd like to share with
the ears that are listeningright now, or the viewers that
are watching this video?
Final words of wisdom fromLauren.
Lauren (38:25):
Yeah.
Four little words.
Energy first, strategy second.
Do that and totally change.
Merilyn (38:33):
Wow.
Yeah, wow.
Lauren (38:35):
Yeah.
Merilyn (38:37):
Well, I could refund that.
I I wrote most exactly thosesame words in my journal this
week.
Wow.
Thank you so so much, Laura.
This has been absolutepleasure.
Talking about your wow, wouldyou call your turn on.
(38:58):
Love that.
I love I'm showing off aboutyou, I'm putting you on the show
so people can see what you'redoing.
And uh people listening who arethinking, never knew that
existed.
Lauren (39:14):
Yes, it does.
Yes, it does.
Thanks, Marilyn.
I've had heaps of fun.
Thank you.
Merilyn (39:22):
Thank you.
Oh, what an episode.
Thanks, Lauren.
That was such a greatconversation.
Loved it.
Absolutely loved it.
If you'd like to get in touchwith Lauren, if that turns you
on, uh I've got all the details.
If you'd like to get in touchwith Lauren, I've put all her
(39:44):
details in the show notes.
See you on the next show.
Hello and welcome to my show.
I'm Merilyn and today I'mtalking with Lauren White.
Lauren (00:06):
Ask yourself, does this turn me on?
And by that I mean it doesn'thave to elicit an arousal
response like wink wink.
It can though, I'm notdiscarding that.
But by turn on, I mean whatreally gets your heart racing,
what gives you goosebumps, whathas you like break out in just
like a little sweat?
What has your pupils dilate?
(00:26):
What is it that has you feelingthat edge and that excitement
and feeling alive?
Like so many women are halfalive because of the fear that
is running through their veins.
So my question to everyone isask yourself on a daily basis,
personal, professional, bedroom,brand, boardroom, does this
turn me on?
Merilyn (00:47):
Lauren is an award-winning sexologist,
business mentor, and speakingcoach to women in leadership who
want to activate their deeppower and pleasure so they can
speak, lead, and express withconfidence and magnetism.
I absolutely loved thisconversation.
We riffed, we went off script,and we went to some really deep
(01:10):
places.
Lauren White, welcome to myshow.
Lauren (01:17):
Thanks, Merilyn and I'm ecstatic to be here.
Ecstatic.
I have been anticipating thistalk.
And I've got my red lipstickon.
So yeah, so something sosomething glorious is gonna
happen.
Some sort of mischief, mayhem.
Merilyn (01:36):
We are just gonna freefall this.
Uh it's free fall the rightword.
We're going to just banter andfree fall and see where this
goes.
As you know, I'm all about thewow.
So I'm gonna start there.
I have got an opening question.
Lauren, what is your wow?
What would we say is yourbiggest wow?
Lauren (01:59):
My biggest wow is the untapped power and pleasure in
women out in the world.
Like my biggest wow is yeah, isthat. So I know it's there.
We all know it's there.
That's not the question.
The question is, how do weaccess it?
(02:20):
How do we put it on a pedestal?
How do we have it allow it tobe at the forefront of
leadership?
How do we allow power andpleasure and authority and
energy, what I call the newfemme waves of leadership?
How do we allow that to be thecenterpiece and the thing that
we come back to and come home toevery minute of every day in
(02:45):
the way that we do our work, inthe way that we, in who we are
in the bedroom, in who we arebehind closed doors, in the
private moments of life?
Like that is my big, that is mybig wow, is like wow, it just
astounds me how much untappedpower and pleasure and authority
is out there that's andyearning to be just exalted and
(03:10):
revered and working its magic.
Merilyn (03:13):
Untapped.
What made you put that word inthat in that phrase, that that
dream of yours?
Why why choose that word?
And where's that come from?
And and and and is there anypersonal story?
Lauren (03:26):
I'm a seer of women, and what I mean by that is I it's
almost like I have x-ray vision,and just after working with
women for such a long time andbeing a woman myself, it's like
I can see where women, I mean,especially being online so much,
and in person, I can see wherewomen revert to being the good
(03:49):
girl, um, the nice woman, thelovely lady, or like these
archetypes that are veryoutdated, matemat, people
pleaser, all of that.
Very, very outdated ways ofbeing.
I can see where they are, theyhave this wild inside this, like
(04:10):
this very powerful raw insidewhere they subscribe.
Yeah, but they subscribe towhat is familiar and what is
conditioned.
And so I say it's untappedright now because it's there.
It's not the question.
The question is how can weaccess it?
(04:31):
How can we bring it forth andhave it be a natural part of our
identities and our businessesand leadership, and not be going
around so afraid?
All of those other modes are asign of fear, are a sign of
being scared, of being out oftouch with power.
(04:52):
And granted, there are somevery valid reasons, stories,
traumas, history there.
There comes a point thoughwhere it's not serving anyone
when a woman in power is heldback.
So that's why I consciously usethat word.
It's there, let's access it,let's tap into it.
Merilyn (05:16):
I love that because it's such a cliche, but positive
aspect of it because oftenwe're so used to be told, we're
so used to being told what'smissing or what's absent or what
we've what blocks we've got todiscard.
And I love that untappedbecause you see that already in
(05:37):
people.
Lauren (05:37):
Yep, it's all there.
It's all there and it's ripe.
It is so ripe.
And all it takes, Merilyn, is afew, is some A, some really
good questions, someone askingyou some very good questions.
It's all in the questionasking.
And you or collective you, likewomen, taking the time and not
(05:58):
rushing and stressing andthinking, oh, that is completely
natural, taking the time toreally consider what our truth
is, what our influence is, whatturns a word that I use a lot is
turn on.
I say, what turns you on?
You know, does the question Iask a lot of women in business,
(06:18):
personal, any sort of context isask yourself, does this turn me
on?
And by that I mean it doesn'thave to elicit um an arousal
response like wink wink.
It can though.
I'm not dis you know, I'm notdiscarding that.
But by turn on, I mean whatreally gets your heart racing,
(06:39):
what gives you goosebumps, whatum what has you like break out
in just like a little sweat?
What has your pupils dilate?
What what is it that has youfeeling that edge and that
excitement and feeling alive?
Like so many women are halfalive because of the fear that
is running through their veins.
(07:00):
So my question to everyone isyou know, ask yourself on a
daily basis, personal,professional, bedroom, brand,
boardroom, does this turn me on?
And if it doesn't turn you on,my question to you is is this a
stepping stone to what will turnyou on?
Is there a pathway there to getto what's gonna turn you on?
(07:21):
I mean, we've all got to do,there are times life where
you've got to do things thataren't completely, fully in
alignment, but are thereprospects to getting to what
turns you on?
So if you can live life likethat, I'd say you are definitely
tapping into your power andyour pleasure.
Merilyn (07:39):
I'm gonna ask this question, I'm gonna be the
devil's advocate here, but it'sis that realistic?
Because it's like we live forthe holidays, we live for the
manicures or the, you know, andthat's very cliched, but it's
true.
We don't as women think thatthat's our lot.
Our we're not allowed to dothat all the time.
Maybe we can do it for a littlebit.
Maybe that's why we have spasand why we have I don't know,
(08:04):
kids being looked after.
But do we can we live in thatstate all the time?
What's your thoughts on that?
Lauren (08:11):
Yeah.
I I believe, I believe we can.
I am the living embodiment ofthat.
I am doing that, and it'staken, it's taken some very
conscious effort, and it's meantsaying no to things, and it's
meant course correcting at timesand going, oh, just kind of
slipped up then, didn't reallytap into whether that turned me
(08:32):
on.
That's okay.
That's okay.
The thing about turn on is somuch of it lives in what is
freely available to us.
It doesn't have to be expensivedinners and champagne and um
big holidays.
It doesn't have to be flashy.
Um, although I love anyone whoknows me knows I love beauty.
(08:53):
I espouse beauty and lovethings being aesthetically
pleasing.
But that's not really what turnon is.
It's an internal state.
It can be you belly laughinguntil you're crying.
It can be, it can be awonderful uh wink wink release.
It could be like it just it canbe the things that are freely
(09:16):
available without you having tobuy something or like prove
something.
Like, in fact, if you areproving something to someone
else, then you're probably outof your turn on.
So it can it can be somethingso natural.
It can be putting your feet inthe earth or something that I
talk a lot about in my work iswater, like getting your body in
all in all forms of water toreally experience turn on.
(09:39):
Yeah, so I say you go for it,just go for it without pressure,
without expectation, at leastgo for it.
Just keep asking the questionlike, does this turn me on?
I don't love doing this thing,but it's going to create an
aesthetically pleasing room orhome.
And that turns me on.
Like, don't love doing thisthing, but it's getting me one
(10:02):
step closer.
And while I do it, because Idon't love it and it doesn't
turn me on, how can I make itmore pleasurable?
How can I make it moreenjoyable?
Is there a way of doing that?
So that's kind of I have a veryrich fantasy life, and I'm
often, you know, in another, I'moften in another decade, I'll
be honest.
I'm not um, you know, I'm oftenin the 20s or the 80s or
(10:24):
something that's like decadentand uh full of dance and and
music and things.
So just like that, that is mybig like make turn on an
internal state of being first,and then have the outside line
up with that internal state ofturn on.
(10:45):
Don't just look out foreverything to give you turn on
and feed you, generate it andcreate it from inside of you
with your conversations and yourconnections and your friends
and your colleagues and otherentrepreneurs and like turn on
all angles.
Merilyn (11:03):
Lauren, were you were you born like this?
Lauren (11:06):
Definitely not.
Merilyn (11:07):
Is there a story?
Lauren (11:08):
Definitely not born like this.
It's been a process ofdiscovery.
I am I am the youngest of uhthree sisters, and I'm like
quintessential good girl.
Quintessential good girl waspretty book smart, used study as
a way of coping withchallenging times and stress,
(11:29):
did a lot of striving through umthrough school years and then
again in university, and alwayswanted to be exceptional.
And it really came to my 20s,and I've always worked in taboo
areas of health like mentalhealth and drug and alcohol, and
it came to my 20s, and I wantedto learn more about sex, and so
I did a sexology degree, andthat was a big way of me um uh
(11:56):
sourcing more of an identitythat felt untapped and really
dislodging myself from that goodgirl archetype.
And I went on after my studiesand starting a business, I went
on to write a book calledPermission, which is called,
which um the byline is personalliberation for switched-on
women.
And a lot of that was aboutbreaking out of that good girl
(12:19):
archetype that follows us intowomanhood.
So for me, it's been a piece bypiece by piece by piece
process, I would say over 12years at the time of recording.
And my mission now is to makeit a whole lot quicker for
everyone who comes into mymagical world, a whole lot
quicker.
(12:39):
It does not have to take thatlong.
I needed to do all the courses,all the um, you know, access
all the practitioners.
Oh my gosh, the things I'vedone.
I have so many stories aboutthe things I've done through the
sensuality and sexuality worldthat um that we just don't have
time for today.
But like I've done all thereally challenging, edgy stuff
(13:00):
so that I can now distill it andmake it really accessible,
bite-sized, practical, andexciting for the women that
access this work.
Merilyn (13:12):
Did you have a like a, you know, did you have a
destination or a goal, or wasthis just an unknown search for
something?
Lauren (13:19):
It's it's just been this unknown, it has been this
unknown search for um, and we'veto we talked about this in
another conversation.
I in human design, I'm amanifesting generator um with
you know five ones.
So I love um, I love knowledgeand I love that kind of those
kinds of challenges.
And I really like personalchallenges and intimate
(13:41):
challenges uh in particular, andthat kind I can kind of
cross-reference that with beingINFJ and like Myers Briggs.
Anyway, I've got a bit of akooky one, kooky personality
going on.
But um it's it's just alwaysbeen it's just on an ongoing
thread that I keep pulling.
I don't think there's a when Ican do this.
(14:01):
I mean, I did approach it thatway initially.
It was like, when I can dothis, then I'll know, then I'll
be like, then I'll have, thenI'll, and now it's older and
wiser.
I definitely see it as just athread that I will continue to
pull because I'll have abreakthrough of sorts and then
more life will happen.
And then, but like it's just anongoing, ongoing willingness to
(14:27):
explore with pauses in between.
I don't think anyone shouldjust be chronically constantly
doing personal growth workbecause then you're then you
don't know, definitely don'tknow who you are.
But it's just it's somethingyou become you I've met some
very confused people in my timefrom being um dependent and
addicted on personal growthwork.
So I I dip in and out, I I Iwax and I wane and I know when
(14:52):
it's time to meet a new edge.
And I just see that as a like acommitment for the rest of my
life.
I don't not ever done.
And I'm always curious, I'malways letting curiosity lead.
So I love the question.
I feel like in the beginning,yes, there would have been a
when I can, when I'mmulti-orgasmic, that was the
thing that I wanted to be, youknow.
(15:13):
When I'm multi-orgasmic, then,you know, then.
And it's like there's none ofthat now.
Like there's none of it.
There's just uh, I'm curiousabout this.
What why am I, why do I keeprepeating this pattern?
What's there?
And a lot of it requireslooking back and looking right,
right back.
Um, and I'm willing, not alwayswanting to.
(15:36):
And this is what I say topeople, you might not want to,
but are you willing?
Are you willing to look back?
Are you willing to ask thequestions?
You're willing to be asked thequestions.
And so I don't necessarily wantto.
It's not like necessarily myhighest turn on, but I know that
my willingness to keep lookingat myself and doing the
(15:57):
introspective work will get meto closer to turn on than just
staying stuck, staying put,repeating patterns, um, allowing
the same resistance resistancesto play out.
So always learning.
Merilyn (16:12):
It takes, and you've obviously got this, a tremendous
capacity or volume ofself-awareness to even know what
turns you on.
And I you must meet women whouh aren't even in touch with
that desire meter, like theirdesire meter just is it's laying
dead on the ground.
Like it's not, they're not evenfeeling that pleasure.
(16:35):
What do you do there?
Lauren (16:38):
It goes back to that question I just asked.
You might like, are youwilling?
Are you are you willing to findout what you desire what you
desire?
Are you because starting atthat level of the desire meter
being like flat on the floor,you know, just flopped down at
zero, the question is like, areyou do you want to feel alive?
(16:59):
Do you want to?
And in order to feel alive,Marilyn, what I say to people is
sometimes you have to die.
Sometimes that desire mediabeing at zero, it isn't an
actual death.
It's a numbness, it's adisconnect, it's an existence.
And so I ask people, and I talkabout this a bit in my work, is
are you prepared to die?
(17:21):
And what I mean by that, areyou prepared to have a part of
your identity, your patterns?
Are you prepared to allow that?
Your like what you'retolerating, what you're
available for?
Are you willing to let some ofthat die so that you can fully
live?
Because that design meet ofbeing at zero usually says to
(17:41):
me, there's lots of peoplepleasing, there's lots of um,
there's lots of suppressing firewithin and curiosity within and
acting what I call palatable,like, you know, kind of like a
dry cracker.
It's like everyone can eat it,or most people can eat it, but
it's a site, it's neither herenor there, just a dry cracker.
(18:02):
So that desire meter requires adeath, a letting go of a
subtraction in order for us toturn up the volume.
If, and I've always had thisapproach, even when I was doing
um offering sex therapy, Ialways subtract, then add.
Because if we just go straightinto addition, you've got all
(18:23):
the old stuff there trying tocompete with the new stuff.
And what happens is freak outhappens in the subconscious, and
the new stuff doesn't, itdoesn't even penetrate the
surface.
It will never it will not beintegrated.
So do a bit of a clear outfirst of what the belief systems
are, what the habits are, whatwhat um you know what what
(18:46):
actions, what automatic actionsjust keep playing out without
that awareness that youmentioned earlier.
So that's my approach to umincreasing that desire because
when there's space in the body,then new novel experiences can
come in and they can stay there.
They won't just be, you know,they won't just kind of be
(19:07):
washed off.
Merilyn (19:08):
I love that you've thrown, well not thrown, it's
calculated, but you've gotpleasure and power together.
What's from your perspective,what's their synergy?
What is their because I thinkyou I I'm picking up that they
come together, they're like apackage, they're not you know,
(19:29):
most people will focus on eitheron just pleasure or they might
focus on power, but we don'toften combine the two.
And is there's a lot ofquestions there, but I love your
thoughts.
And is it uniquely women forwomen?
Lauren (19:42):
I God, what a great synergy.
Love that word.
By the way, I'm a word nerd, sowords like words turn me on.
So I love that word.
This is not the work I do isexclusive to women, but this is
not power and pleasure is not isnot exclusive to womanhood.
What I feel is that men havealready mastered this in their
(20:07):
own awful way.
We might not necessarily agreewith it, but they I believe that
not that they're better at it,but I believe that they've been
conditioned to be more at easewith their power and with their
pleasure.
And a lot of, yeah, and a lotof what is in that it's..
It's probably why the guys willcome home and have no problem
(20:28):
with kicking off the shoes andwatching telly or going out to
golf without even thinking,which is such a stereotype, but
it's it's true, isn't it?
They don't think, whereas we wewomen would traditionally make
sure everything else is okaybefore we go and take care of
it.
Yes, yes, that's right.
And that's what I heard overand over and over again as a sex
therapist in particular was Ican't do anything pleasurable
(20:52):
until everything's done.
Like there's no way.
It's still that old rewardsystem of you've got to do all
your hard work and then need toget the reward.
And what happens is we sabotagethe reward, or it doesn't hit
right, or there's too muchpressure on the reward.
And it's just a very old way ofsaving up and holding in, like
(21:16):
inhale, inhale, inhale, inhale,and now you can get your exhale
and you exhale, and it's notvery satisfying.
It's just it's just not assatisfying as it could be.
Whereas my approach is ratherthan put all your eggs in one
basket with your pleasure, whydon't you like dole it out in
different ways during the day bycoming into your body, by
(21:36):
spreading things out a littlebit, by not like saving yourself
for one big birthday partyevery three months, but like
allowing small um embodiedpleasures to happen throughout
the day.
So to answer your originalquestion around power and
pleasure, there is definitely,there is definitely a synergy
(21:57):
there because your pleasure.
Is potentiated by your power,and your power is potentiated by
your pleasure.
And so, in terms of feminineenergetics and leadership, if
you're just all power, but youdon't know your pleasure, your
audience, your followers, yourum, your staff, everyone will
(22:20):
see that you're in your head.
Like that makes power very,very head-based.
Like it's, and power comesthrough the body, most
definitely.
But if you're not connected toyour pleasure, something is
missing.
And what the most powerfulpeople and the people that are
having the most like significantimpact in very qualitative
(22:43):
ways, not necessarilyquantitative, are those that
know their pleasure.
And they don't even have tosay, I know my pleasure.
It's not an Instagram caption.
It's just you can see it in,you can see it in the way that
they speak, in the way that theyrelate to people, and the way
that they hold their body andmove their body and all of that.
And that's what makes them verypowerful because they've tapped
(23:06):
into a secret of life.
Because everyone else who'scaught up in this old way of
being is like, I got this thing.
Why don't I feel it?
I bought the car.
Why don't I feel excited?
Why don't I feel happy?
Why don't I feel turned on?
It's like because you've missedthe point.
That's not the thing.
It's not about having the thingto then make you make you feel
(23:27):
pleasure or make you feel turnedon.
It's all these small, daily,but very potent actions.
It's the way you laugh and theway that you smile and how you
hold yourself and theconversation.
It's all of that stuff.
And if you're out of touch withthat, your power isn't as
impactful as it could be.
So yeah, they definitely playoff each other.
(23:48):
I just say both.
Like something I say in my lifeis and both more.
How can we have both?
Like we don't have to choose.
You don't have to choose.
You don't have to say, do Iwant to be powerful or do I want
to be pleasurable or pleasured?
Like just go for both.
And the energetics of them areslightly different to me.
So, but they they definitelywork together.
Merilyn (24:09):
We hear a lot of people saying that phrase, um, step
into your power or you know,take back your power.
And you know, I I've beenthinking about that a lot the
last week, just week or so.
What what what does it mean foryou to take back your power,
step in your power?
Because for some reason I saw,you know, just think of a
(24:31):
superhero standing with theirhands on their on their on their
hips, sort of thing.
But what does it mean, I guessinternally?
What what would it mean for youto say, I need to take back my
power, I need to retrieve mypower, or stand in my power?
Lauren (24:45):
Fabulous question.
This is a turn on for me toanswer this.
So the first thing, yeah, thefirst thing I would I would be
asking is myself, if I was like,I I need to take the power
back, I need to step back intomy power.
The first thing I'm asking is,what am I not deciding on?
What am I acting ambivalentabout?
(25:06):
What am I like that, that,because if you're not in your
power, you're usually suspended.
It's like the it's going backto what I said before about
palatability.
You're neither here nor there.
You're not really, you kind oflike following this person.
You kind of, I don't know, youcould go either way with the
political parties.
You could like everything'svery, like everything feels
(25:27):
wishy-washy.
That's okay that you feelwishy-washy.
That's not the problem.
The problem is if it keeps yoususpended in a place where you
can't use your voice because youdon't want to offend anyone, or
you um, you know, you don'twant to look a certain way
because it's too edgy, or youdon't want to change, change
something within yourselfbecause they'll be offended.
(25:49):
It's like you're constantlyliving in this palatable kind of
hit, neither here nor theirspace, then and you want to take
the power back, you need todecide.
You need to, and you'll need tomake a number of decisions, and
it's going to be uncomfortable.
It's going to be uncomfortable.
I just want to prepare youthough, it's not the initial
decision that's the hardest,it's maintaining that decision.
(26:12):
That's where it gets reallyedgy for people.
Maryland, I've met so manywomen that hang out, you know,
that are in my orb or in myvicinity, and they they decide
they're going to be in theirauthority energy.
Fabulous.
Love it.
Excited for them.
And then it wears off becausethey decided once, but they
didn't decide again the nexttime they got the opportunity to
(26:35):
step up and speak.
It is an ongoing decision.
So if you want to take thepower back, you have to decide.
And it's going to beuncomfortable, and it's going to
be uncomfortable again andagain and again.
But then what happens is youget clarity where you had
murkiness and you getspecificity and you get to be
(26:58):
sovereign.
I the this is very something Italk a lot about in my work is
sovereignty as well, as one ofthe portals and pillars to power
and pleasure.
And we always start withsovereignty because the
sovereign is the queen in youthat decides.
She's an independent, she'sindependent.
(27:18):
And what she does is she'sselective and discerning about
who comes into her world, aboutwhat she does, about how she
spends her time.
And that is how you take thepower back.
You become selective anddiscerning.
You say no more.
And if you're toleratingsomething, it's not you
accepting something, it's youjust putting up with something
(27:40):
that really doesn't work foryou.
So anything that you'retolerating, anything that you're
um, any sort of relationshipsor connections or work dynamics,
anything at all that is justgrading you down, you need to
decide once and for all.
And then you need to decideagain and again.
And that is what will help youget the power back.
Merilyn (28:00):
It has seemed well, seems it's a lot to do with
fear.
Lauren (28:04):
Most definitely.
Merilyn (28:06):
What do you do personally?
Can you give me an example whenyou last felt that gripping
fear?
And how what mental and bodyprocess did you go through to
get back your power and yourpleasure?
Lauren (28:19):
Yeah.
The first thing I do is Irecognize it's going on.
I don't necessarily call itfear straight up front because
that's how clever fear.
You have different flavors,yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I just know shit's comingup.
Um, one of the first things Ido is I work out who I can talk
to about it.
And I'm very, and I I havebuilt up a network of all
(28:41):
different people in my orb ordifferent personal and
professional connections that Ican speak to.
It's like, how can I get thisout?
Because I know that shut, Iknow that I'm at risk of a
shutdown of sorts and my voicegoes quiet if I don't speak
about it.
So the more I speak aboutsomething, the less fear it has
over me.
And that's what I love mostabout having a podcast is I just
(29:03):
put it out there about mysexuality and my fears and that.
And it means that it has lessof a hold over me.
It's out there, whatever,people know I'm scared of that,
and now I'm not as scaredanymore.
So I really believe in speakingabout what is like about what
is going on.
I mean, that's why I've alwaysdone what I've done for um more
than 20 years.
So speaking about it, cryingabout it, like crying is a
(29:26):
wonderful release.
Um, moving my body is awonderful way.
Like I love, like I saidbefore, I love being in water.
And talk about water a lotbecause with women, because we
need to be in something that isbigger than us, and we need to
be held because we hold so much.
And holding isn't holding isn'tan ideal thing.
(29:50):
We need to be held by somethingbigger than us because we hold
so much, and that's what I loveabout water.
That's why I talk about it allthe time.
I talk about spas, I talk aboutice bars, I talk about pools,
talk about beaches, rivers,anything, any sort of body.
And I like mixing them uppersonally.
I'm very fortunate that I canmix up those bodies of water,
(30:14):
all of them, warm, cold,neutral, salt, fresh, all of
them.
Just all of them have adifferent kind of have a
different time and place forhelping you tap into what it is
that you want to feel.
And you getting out of thatholding state, holding state is
very contractive and it's veryfear-based.
(30:35):
So I love, yeah, I again when Ifeel scared, I get into my body
and I see my practitioners andI am getting much better.
I'm still not bona fide expertlevel by any means, but I'm
getting better at slowing downwhat I generate when I need to,
because I am a generator, uh,and what I create when I need to
(30:58):
just go inward and sit withthings and journal and talk
things out.
Merilyn (31:02):
Sounds like you really lean into that fear and just let
it do its thing, feel it, doit.
Whereas so many of us get busyand just keep pushing through.
Lauren (31:13):
Yep.
And yeah, and it's just, yeah,and it's quite um uh it's an
option, but you run the assomeone who's moved, I move very
fast in my life and my bodylikes to move fast as well.
There's nothing wrong withthat, but it puts me at risk of
burnout.
And I know I I got to I'vegotten to a point where I know
(31:36):
if I'm if I risk and want toplay Maverick with burnout, then
I know that my business won'twork.
I can't, I how dare I talkabout power and pleasure from a
place of burnout?
How dare I do that, be thatincongruent.
So for me, it's so much biggerthan me.
It's like I am not, I'm nolonger curious about that.
(31:57):
And that's something I say.
I'm not curious about whathappens if I don't do anything.
I'm not curious aboutovergenerating and working
myself down into the ground.
I'm not curious about notseeing any practitioners and we
and seeing how I go.
I'm not curious anymore.
Um, because the cost is greaterthan me.
It's to my family, it's to myrelationship, it's to my
business, it's to my friendswhen I show up and I can't fully
(32:20):
show up for them becausethere's nothing left.
It's just, it's too, it's it'snot something I want to play
with anymore.
Merilyn (32:27):
Lauren, oh, we could go on forever.
What's next in your?
I want to dive into each ofthose words that you brought up.
What what's next for you?
What what's the future wow foryou?
Lauren (32:39):
Yeah, future wow, is um great timing of this question.
I am delving really deep intomore one-to-one work because I'm
just in love with that sense ofpartnership and that
collaboration.
And I work with the leaders sothat the impact can spread well
(32:59):
beyond one person.
So I go to the top people oftheir field, of their turn-on,
of their profession, and then itgoes to all their followers, it
goes to all their subscribers,all of their everyone.
And I just have seen that shifthappen, and that is major turn,
that is major turn on for me.
(33:20):
So more one-to-one work.
And my one-to-one is verybespoke, it's very sensory, it's
experiential, it's um, it'syeah, it's absolutely
fascinating, but there's only somuch I can say because of
discretion that's highlyimportant to me and my clients.
But what I will say is it's aride, it's an absolute ride.
And I can't tell you whathappened, not because I won't,
(33:42):
but because I can't.
Like I can't actually tell youwhat happens in one-to-one
because it's very much based onwhat you bring what you bring to
the process.
Um, and I love mentoring my mygroup, Embodied Authority.
They are service-based businessowners that want to be fully in
their power in their growingsix-figure service-based
(34:04):
business.
And I just I love it.
I love that.
The podcast, The Secrets MenKeep, that's not going anywhere.
Um, I'm really, reallyrefining.
And I think, I think theuniverse might might want me to
knock down and do some writingagain.
So that's all I'll say.
Maybe, maybe a bit of bookaction might come, but it just
(34:27):
it's um, you're catching me at apoint where it's really asking
me to just be so refined, sosovereign, so clear, so
powerful, so potent.
And I'm listening because I'mnot available for all of the
things that I have beenavailable for up until this
point.
(34:47):
And I just want to takeeverything deeper and make it
richer and what turned on.
Merilyn (34:59):
Oh, it's been a pleasure, absolute pleasure and
powerful to talk to you.
If you're listening right nowand you're thinking, ah, I want
what she's got.
That's all I could think of.
You know, that that movie, I'llhave what she's having.
I want what she's having.
I mean, look at her.
If you come and watch thisvideo, she's gorgeous, just
(35:20):
luxurious and sensuous.
Um, look, I'll put the detailsso you can contact Lauren, but I
highly recommend it.
It it it sounds like you're ina very uh unique uh niche,
unique.
It's so different to sayleadership training for oh yeah,
it's it is totally different.
Lauren (35:43):
It's it's everything that that isn't.
It's not in your head, it'sthrough your body.
It is it is sensory, it isbespoke.
There is no manual for you willlearn the 99 steps.
It is very, it's very present,and there's a lot of immediacy
in it, which is what you say tome informs what I say back to
(36:04):
you.
So it's very pretty bespoke.
It's very, yeah, very bespoke.
And that's yeah, that'severything I've that's
everything I've always done andalways been.
And what I value, I value, Ivalue really bespoke
personalized services andutilizing them.
And it's just, yeah, it's notnone of that is going anywhere.
(36:24):
It's it's anything butmainstream and for the masses,
it's for the very select fewthat select themselves.
Merilyn (36:31):
Which will have a huge impact on humanity, won't it?
When women in power especiallycan get back, you know, back in
touch with that.
I've got to ask though, do youthink there's an age where
people value that?
Like when they step in and theysay, look, I've done all the
power, the power only stuff, orwhat I think is power.
(36:52):
There's something missing, andyou've got that, Lauren.
Lauren (36:57):
Yeah.
Merilyn (36:58):
Do you see like an age?
Did you as like people getolder?
They probably appreciate morethan the youngers, younger ones.
Lauren (37:04):
Yes, yes, yes, definitely.
Yeah, sorry, definitely.
I just had to feel into that.
Yes, I definitely feel 40 plusis more that time, and
definitely 50, 50 plus forwomen, where you've you've got
like kind of the language I usebefore.
There's no more curiosity aboutcertain things anymore.
(37:25):
It's like, I'm not going torepeat that.
I am well and truly done withthat.
What I want now is this, andI'm willing to do go to these
lengths to get it.
So definitely the women that Iwork with are definitely 40 and
50 plus.
And I love working with thembecause they've been through the
ringer in in all sorts of ways,and they're they've got rich
(37:48):
histories and rich stories, andthey show up.
They just, they just they showup, and that's what I'm here
for.
It's like even when it getsscary, even when it gets
testing, they know through livedexperience that it gets to a
really sweet spot when you arecommitted and devoted to
yourself and your power and yourpleasure.
Merilyn (38:11):
Oh, thank you, Lauren.
Is there anything to close offthat you'd like to share with
the ears that are listeningright now, or the viewers that
are watching this video?
Final words of wisdom fromLauren.
Lauren (38:25):
Yeah.
Four little words.
Energy first, strategy second.
Do that and totally change.
Merilyn (38:33):
Wow.
Yeah, wow.
Lauren (38:35):
Yeah.
Merilyn (38:37):
Well, I could refund that.
I I wrote most exactly thosesame words in my journal this
week.
Wow.
Thank you so so much, Laura.
This has been absolutepleasure.
Talking about your wow, wouldyou call your turn on.
(38:58):
Love that.
I love I'm showing off aboutyou, I'm putting you on the show
so people can see what you'redoing.
And uh people listening who arethinking, never knew that
existed.
Lauren (39:14):
Yes, it does.
Yes, it does.
Thanks, Marilyn.
I've had heaps of fun.
Thank you.
Merilyn (39:22):
Thank you.
Oh, what an episode.
Thanks, Lauren.
That was such a greatconversation.
Loved it.
Absolutely loved it.
If you'd like to get in touchwith Lauren, if that turns you
on, uh I've got all the details.
If you'd like to get in touchwith Lauren, I've put all her
(39:44):
details in the show notes.
See you on the next show.
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