February 23, 2026 • 30 mins
What if the timeline you’ve feared was never a delay… but a promise?
Thirty years after blurting out the words, “I won’t come into my own until I’m older,” the spark has landed. Not astrology. Not reinvention. Ignition.
Year of Fire isn’t about burning your life down. It’s about finally lighting the match you’ve been gripping for decades... and refusing to shrink at the exact age society expects you to.
If it hits, follow. Share it. Let’s light a few more.
Follow Merilyn:
Instagram: @merilyn
Website: merilyn.com
Listen
Watch
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Merilyn (00:00):
This is a bit of a personal episode, and I've been
waiting 30 years for this year,and it's here.
It's called the Year of Fire,but it's not about burning
things down.
Let's start with the story...
Thirty years ago, I was sittingwith a group of friends, and we
(00:25):
were chatting and sharing aboutour future dreams and
definitions of success.
Some of the people in the roomhad ambitions to be singers on
stage.
I had no such desire, butsomething came out of my mouth
that I hadn't planned to say.
(00:45):
I said... " I have a feelingthat I won't come into my own
until I'm older."And then I just stopped talking.
Partly because I also had theage of 60 kind of come through,
but I was a little embarrassedto say that.
And partly because I didn'tfeel like I had said it.
It just came at through me outof the blue.
(01:06):
We all kind of laughed and movedon to someone else.
And I sat there a little bitunsettled because something
about it felt like a fact. Not awish. Not a hope. Not even a
fear.
It wasn't a warning.
It was like a schedule, like acalendar.
(01:28):
I filed it away and quitefrankly, forgot about it until
recently.
And then late last year, I sawsomething that brought it up
again.
It kind of confirmed it.
(02:05):
I came across a mention that 2026 is the year of the horse.
I'm not Chinese, but I did know I was born in the year of the horse. So I looked it up and I noticed it's what they call a rare year of the fire horse. And it started month, here in February, the beginning of the lunar year. It doesn't run according toour January 1st Gregorian
calendar.
And the last time there was afire horse year was my birth
year.
Something just landed in me.
Oh, it's that time.
Not because it was about firehorses specifically, not because
(02:25):
of the astrology, but the sensethat, wow, this could be it.
That thing I felt and heard 30years ago in that lounge room
with my friends.
The right timing.
It's here.
And confirmed by something Iwasn't even looking for.
So I'm boldly and nervouslycalling 2026 my Year of Fire.
(02:50):
And before I tell you what Imean, I want to tell you what I
don't mean.
I don't mean that call that wesometimes hear to burn things d
own.
It's not a decluttering year.
And I also don't meandestruction or drama or starting
over.
I mean allowing, not forcing,the fire that's always been
(03:12):
inside of me to be allowed tomove outward.
So less bonfire, less bushfire,and more... there's a beautiful
candle been sitting on thetable unlit for years.
And someone, that would be me,finally putting that match to
(03:34):
it.
So I'm claiming to myself, butalso publicly, that this is the
year I come into my own.
Of course, that doesn't negateany of the wonderful things I've
done and experienced up untiltoday.
But it means I'm open andallowing for whatever "coming
(03:54):
into my own means" and allowingit to just unfold, to manifest
this year.
And the Year of Fire is theperfect name for it.
Want to take part?
Want to join me?
(04:17):
And as exciting as that sounds, I know my logical mind is screaming, "Merilyn, that's preposterous,
isn't it?"Not just the threat of
embarrassment of, well, "what ifI was wrong"?
But culturally preposterous.
Because everything around me,the conversations, the
messaging, the quietassumptions, they're all
(04:37):
whispering that by now the mostinteresting part of my life is
or should be behind me.
I'm very aware that some of thepeople I went to school with are
talking about retiring.
That 60 is when you start towind down, not ignite.
And I'm standing here stating,that I believe the most
(04:59):
significant, most impactful,most alive years of my life are
the ones coming next.
Okay, a little confession.
Wouldn't it have been great?
Incredible.
Probably be a littleunbelievable.
If I'd said somethinglike: "and the last 30 years
have been a series of faithfulhighs where, despite knowing
(05:22):
there was a timeline with apromise, I've been truly
soaring."Um no, I've not been living with
that kind of faith.
Despite that promise 30 yearsago.
And despite the magicalrevelation of this year being a
60-year occurrence of the firehorse year that screams,
(05:43):
"Merilyn, how cool is this?",I've been putting off this
episode.
Because I knew that I would besharing that for a lot of my
life I've believed that NOTcoming into my own was for me.
I've been extremely good athelping others - many
others - come into their flavourof success.
(06:04):
But my own dreams, somehow thatwasn't for me.
And yeah, I'm very, very awareof the self-fulfilling prophecy
effect. Energetics comes beforematter.
And so there's thatphilosophical question of how
(06:26):
much of this is just timing oflife, and how much did I create
it?
Let me go into a little moreuncomfortable territory.
For most of my life, I believedthat containment - and
containment of that fire - wassomething that happened TO me.
(06:49):
And there was plenty ofevidence.
People asked me to turn down myvolume.
Environments didn't quite fit.
Feedback that told me I was toomuch.
My ex-husband used to pretend that there was a volume dial next to my ear. He'd reachover and turn it down whilst I
(07:12):
was sharing something with him.
Also, early on in our marriage,he sent me to a doctor to get
my hearing checked.
I'm not just shocked that hedid that.
I'm more shocked that Iallowed it.
A friend's husband once told me,in a period of wondering why I
was still single, that men wouldprobably find me intimidating.
(07:35):
I'd always thought of myself asshy, so that one kind of landed
a bit strange.
As a child, my dad wouldconstantly
say, "Stop being bossy".
Because of course, at home, Iwas more of myself and what he
thought of as bossy.
And speaking of bosses, a bossof mine, more than once,
(07:56):
when I was in his favour wouldsay, "Oh, it's good to see
you're over yourself now".
He would describe me as a "bullat a gate".
I was probably just being my enthusiastic self!But whether all those things
were justified or not justified,we don't hear men being
described that way - being toldto slow down, being told to stop
(08:18):
being bossy.
It's just not the kind offeedback that men get.
And this is the part that undidme when I finally saw it: none
of these people, these men, wereenemies.
They didn't wake up thinking,"how do I manage Merilyn today?"
or "How do I make her feelsmall today?".
(08:38):
It wasn't any conspiracy.
It was just the water we're allswimming in.
A collective societal musclememory.
A cultural reflex. So old, soautomatic, that nobody noticed
it was a reflex.
Not them and not me.
(08:58):
I recently owned that I'm anEnneagram 8. A certain
personality type.
If you know the Enneagram,you're probably grinning right
now because 8's are, well, we'reprotectors, we're challengers,
we're the ones who charge, wholead, who don't back down.
And that's true of me.
I recognise that.
Especially in environmentswhere I'm comfortable,
(09:20):
especially at home.
(No wonder my dad called mebossy.)
But what's also true, and whattook me much longer to see, is
that I've spent decades fawning.
Usually, others who have thispersonality often go into a
"fight" nervous system reaction.
And we've all heard of freeze,flight, fight, but fawning,
(09:44):
F-A-W-N-I-N-G, is the littlesister of these fear responses.
And it's not talked about asmuch or understood.
So let me switch over to teachermode for a moment.
After that, I'll tell you why.
Fawning is a deep-seated, oftenunconscious drive to feel safe.
(10:04):
Fawning involves a completeabandonment, actually, of one's
own needs, desires, and voice.
Whereas, general "peoplepleasing" might not be that
severe.
Fawning can be a survivalmechanism developed to deal with
those sort of childhood thingsthat happen, usually trauma or
abuse.
(10:30):
So fawning showed up as me preemptively trying to soften my personality. I wasn't always successfulat that though.
I would scan rooms before Ientered them - I'd feel out the
mood ofthings - in an attempt to control how safe I'd feel.
And I would try and control, allsubconscious, of course, how
others perceived me.
I would abandon my own needs tosort of sync with others and
(10:52):
be hyper-vigilant to emotionsand moods.
A kind of social chameleon.
But on the outside, I presentedas incredibly self-reliant,
resilient, capable, you know,the strong one, really hiding,
subconsciously hiding, my deepneed for love and connection.
Behind that, oh, "I haveeverything under control kind of
(11:16):
mask", I guess it is.
Well, menopause and ADHD hasripped that mask off.
Perhaps life was waiting for meto reach this age so I could see
this and free myself to be whoI fully was born to be.
That's the teaching bit over.
(11:38):
I shared it because it can be helpful to see our own patterns in hearing the stories of others.
This episode isn't about trauma - it'sabout self-awareness. Awareness
of where I've contained thefullness of myself.
And just how timely andappropriate and welcome this
Year of Fire is.
It's not about healing. I'm sharing for context.
The specific shape of MY containment?
Here's a few examples: I spent years asking the question ‘what shall I do when I grow up’, So clarity of vision. Clarity of purpose was impacted. I see now that I’ve always known, unconsciously, I just didn’t feel safe, or allowed, to claim it. (11:54):
undefined
Volume. I toned myself down to avoid criticism. Not just in the decibels, but what I would talk about. When I did speak up, or raise my voice, there would be repercussions. So it just didn’t feel safe. Visibility. That’s something many can all identify with. I sat in the back row even though I wanted to be the one on stage. I’ve struggled to relate to the usual conversations about (fear of) visibility because despite being shy, I learned - perhaps in my 20’s, 30’s - that I loved to literally speak on stage. To literally speak up, to teach, to share. So my visibility wasn’t about being scared to do that, but about the fact that I put myself in the back row.
Money was impacted. I prioritised the needs of others to maintain safety, at the cost of my own financial foundation.
Another example is relationships with men. Here I am publicly admitting.. I have attracted the wrong (for me) relationships that had all the wrong power dynamic. And yet, in terms of friendships with women, I have incredible, incredible women in my life. Very healthy, intelligent, warm, balanced friendships. And how many of us have spent time racing off trying to heal a relationship issue, or a money issue, or a visibility issue, or a clarity of purpose issue, when actually these were symptoms, not the cause. Here's the pattern I finally named… I could genuinely celebrate other people having, achieving, being, seeing, experiencing… I could cheer for them without any trace of resentment. None. While quietly, precisely, holding myself outside of that same permission.
Not because I didn't want those things.Because somewhere I'd decided — without ever consciously deciding — that those things were available. Just not for me.
That is my flavour of containment. It’s too easy to look for an external enemy. This isn’t about this. It’s a acknowledgement of my own inner enemy. As unconscious and innocent or naive as it might be.
The other night I watched with the family that latest Jack Black movie - Anaconda. Hilarious. But there was a line that stuck out. Jack Black’s character is told by his boss (and Jack Black in this is a wanna-be movie director, or a movie director who has got old and never realised his dreams). And his boss says to him: "I’ll retire and you’ll be the boss of this place. And hey, this is a B, maybe even a B+ life we're talking about." He said like it was a gift. Like he should be relieved. To stop dreaming and wanting more out of life. Just accept a life that’s… a B. And what’s wrong with that.
And I thought — despite everyone laughing around me - that's it. That's exactly what unconscious self-containment produces.
Not suffering. Not a broken life. Just... a B, perhaps B+ life. Genuinely fine. Objectively pretty good. The kind of life where, if someone asked, you'd say — yeah, I can't complain.
And yet the horror struck… somewhere along the way, without ever consciously agreeing to it - I'd signed up for my own B, B+ life.
By the time I was in my forties, I didn't need anyone to turn down the dial.I was already doing it.
Preemptively.
A reflex.
Before I walked into rooms,before I opened my mouth, before
(16:40):
I sent the email.
It was exhausting really.
I think I shudder more that Iwas doing this unconsciously,
that it was so stealth, is whatgets me.
And I guess what's worse is Iwas better at containing myself
than any of those men...
human situations...
had ever been.
The suppression I thought wascoming from outside?
(17:04):
I'd internalised it socompletely, so efficiently, that
I'd made it my own operatingsystem.
I never noticed I was the oneholding the valve, the one in
the driving seat, the one withthe book of permission slips,
the one governing the flow, theone with the matchbox in her
hand.
(17:24):
This isn't a wound that needshealing.
It's a habit that I'veinterrupted.
And that interruptionculminates in this Year of Fire.
(18:20):
Let's jump from micro to macro for a bit. The globe, the planet.
Because the Year of Fire isn't just a personal one. Look at the world right now. The structures we thought were stable politically, economically, culturally are wobbling. They're wobbling in ways that don't feel like distant news on the tv anymore. It's close to home.
In times of polarity like this, two types emerge. There are those who contract, who wait for certainty before they move, who manage themselves smaller because the world is unsafe and unpredictable.
And then there are others wholead from compassionate fire
rather than fear.
And the world needs more ofthese self-aware, conscious fire
carriers.
People who've released anyhabit of self-containment, not
louder arguments, but cleanerpower.
(18:41):
And that kind of leadership iswhat our world is hungry for.
That's what a collectiveYear of Fire can produce, not to
suffer through the chaos, butto be people who show up in that
chaos. On purpose.
(19:03):
The Year of Fire is therefore my line in the sand.
Not a resolution or a rebrand ornot even a new offer.
This isn't about business or alaunch runway, none of that.
It's about becoming that secondtype of person who leads from
fire, not fear, growing, growingin self-awareness, in
(19:25):
consciousness, in compassion,that kind of a leadership.
And that, for me, is a decision.
A decision to no longer containmyself.
To no longer live a life withan unlit fire.
(19:51):
And that girl that wants to besmaller than she knows she can
be, who reacts to fear a way shedoesn't want to, who stands at
the start of the runway, ready,coiled, and yet doesn't move?
(20:11):
That version of her has servedher purpose and she got me here.
But she doesn't get to run 2026.
If you're inspired to make 2026 your year of fire as well, what linewill you draw in the sand?
(20:32):
What will you leave behind thatline and not bring with you?
And what do we know about fire?
Well, for one thing, it doesn'tperform or persuade or
negotiate.
It just illuminates, lights up.
And it does burn off everythingin its way.
And whilst I'musing Year of Fire in a context
(20:53):
of lighting up or illuminatingor letting the energy erupt or
ignite - and I did say thiswasn't about burning off - fire
doesn't , by nature exist,without burning something.
So what was in the way of myfullest light or my fullest life
actually burns off, gone.
(21:14):
It's not like gatheringrubbish that you want to burn
off and setting a match to it.
I'm thinking more of thosebeautiful roaring fires we love
to sit beside on a cold night.
Fueled by logs - logs made ofhabits...
smallness...
containering.
(21:35):
And that's what I mean by Yearof Fire.
Another metaphor, perhaps evenstronger... After years of
waiting and hovering around thestarting blocks - this is the
year where I hear "on your markget set, go".
And the starting gun fires.
And the Year of Fire erupts.
(21:58):
There were no false starts.
Everything that came before waspreparation, training,
strengthening.
(23:10):
Here's what I'm actually offering this year. And it's not what you think it is, because I've been in this work long enough and in this industry long enough to know what doesn't help.
What doesn't help is another course - hello, AI. We don't need another carefully designed program that tells you who to become or what to do, or a six-step program to skyrocket to success . Yeah, you know. Excuse my cynicism.
What I've watched change people - and sometimes I don't like that word change because it has a connotation that we are needing fixing - what I've seen gives people the impetus for healthy growth is proximity to someone whose fire is actually lit.
Not being taught, not being coached, but watching.
Think of instances where you've watched someone whosefire is lit from the inside and
it's inspired you.
I don't mean the people thatyou've looked at and you've
compared yourself to.
I'll use an example of the X-Factor, or Britains' Got Talent. It's probably why I love those shows. When you see someone who is a little bit ignorant of just how talented they are.
(23:41):
I remember years ago, LeonaLewis, she has such a beautiful
voice, but she had this presencearound her that was completely
unaware of just how good shewas.
I love seeing that.
You can't unsee a lit fire.
(25:20):
And so the most useful thing I can do for you in this year is to refuse to contain myself, to get regular on this podcast again, to let you watch what it looks like when someone stops holding the valve, especially at an age that is against every cultural message that says the interesting part is behind her. But please do not watch me as a performance, but to encourage you, to light you up.
That's what I'm bringing into the Tall Poppy Society this year, both on this free podcast and in the private club.
Both are now called the Tall Poppy Society.
Just a little history for you. When this podcast started in 2020, it was called Lead Your Day. It was a name that just came out of the blue because everything back then was.. Lead Your World... Lead Your Mind... Lead Your Brand. "Lead Your" everything.
Because it started as a daily podcast off the back of a Lead Your Year workshop. It was never going to keep that name. I knew that.
Within a couple of years, it had reached top 10 in 11 countries. It was going along well.
In 2022, I did a spectacular, it was amazing,loved it, 51 days in a row
sprint of guests that I invited,inspired by the International
Women's Day.
It was an amazing, amazingsprint of podcast episodes.
Then it kind of lost its way.
More and more people asked to beguests, which was of course
exciting and flattering and allof that.
(25:42):
And I got to interview someincredible, incredible people.
And every conversation I loved.
But overall, it lost purposeand became, I hate to say it, a
promotional outlet for others.
And it got muddled in itspositioning.
Changing itsname to The Merilyn Show didn't
(26:04):
give it more clarity of purpose.
So I kind of simply just pressedpause.
Didn't stop it, just pressedpause until that would be
figured out.
And so this very episode is alsoserving to announce its new
name, the Tall Poppy SocietyPodcast, which is the heart of
my purpose, self-agency, thequiet power of self-leadership,
(26:30):
being a tall poppy.
And I want to have conversationswith those who have mastered
that internal landscape.
Conversations that inspire usto keep our own fire lit.
It's not about "let's rise".
It's not that.
I guess it's at the intersection of global impact, global heart and deep personal fulfillment.
Celebrating the beautiful, theextraordinary, a dive into lives
(27:01):
and aspects of those who risenot to be seen, but it's a
natural byproduct ofunstoppable, creative, and a
purpose-filled life.
No ladders whatsoever.
I was always inspired by a radioshow in the 90s by one of the
(27:22):
forerunner women in broadcastingin Australia, Margaret Throsby,
who used to run a daily chatshow, I guess conversation show,
where she would bring on allsorts of people, not just
musicians or conductors orpeople in the classical music
(27:44):
realm.
But it could be artists, itcould be authors, it could be
even politicians.
And it was beautiful becauseshe'd explore their lives and
they would in turn share musicthat meant a lot to them and
they'd play that music.
I was very inspired by how shedrew the stories from people,
(28:04):
and that was the basis of how Ialways wanted to podcast.
So a few years ago, when theTall Poppy Society came to life
as a subscription, as amembership, as a lifestyle, it
was never to be a program tocomplete, never to be a course.
It was a place to belong to, tosupport you, to cheer you on as
(28:29):
you rise.
And yeah, inside it is tools tohelp us do that.
And it's a very cheeky middlefinger to the tall poppy
syndrome.
The name Tall Poppy Societycomes from something I find
painful and beautiful.
Tall Poppy Syndrome, which Ijust mentioned, if you live in
Australia, New Zealand, Britain,you'll know it.
(28:50):
It's part of our upbringing.
Tall Poppy Syndrome is thecultural habit of cutting down
anyone who rises, who reachesfurther, who dares to want more.
Often impacts sports people orentertainment or actors or
musicians and business people.
(29:11):
It's long been dressed up as avirtue, a humility, a mateship.
You don't want to rise aboveyour mates.
But real mateship does theopposite.
Real mateship says, "if yourise, I rise with you".
Another thing aboutpoppies - the poppy flower, it
(29:32):
grows in hard places, out ofrubble, out of ground where
battles were fought.
That's why it's used as asymbol for remembrance days,
when we remember our war heroes.
Hardy and delicate at the sametime.
And instinctively, when onegrows taller than the rest,
reaches higher, gets more light,we notice.
(29:53):
We don't look away.
That's what I'm building, notsyndrome - society.
And this year I'm not keeping ita secret (and I think I have
been).
I'm growing it, but I'm alsoliving it out loud.
Soyou can see exactly what that looks like.
Thirty years ago, somethingspoke through me and told me I
(30:14):
had a schedule, a timeline.
Back then I didn't know what itmeant.
Not really.
It felt like a delay.
Today I think I know what itmeant.
It wasn't a warning about howlong it would take - it was a
promise about what was co ming.
The most important years, themost alive years, the years
where the fire finally isuncontained, gets lit and gets
(30:38):
to move.
Does that mean everything I'vedone up until now is negated?
Absolutely not.
Is what I'm claimingpreposterous?
Maybe.
But I'm done with B or B+And guess what?
The fires lit by others in mylife didn't burn me, didn't
(31:02):
break me, didn't kill me.
The hard things don't need tobreak you either.
They forge us.
They make us.
And this is the year where wefinally let them move.
(31:22):
If this episode has struck deepwith you, save it, share it, and
especially follow this show,subscribe to this show, it helps
spread the algorithmconsciously to spread this
message tomore. Until the next episode... practice being not just just a tall poppy, but the tallest tall poppy that you can be.
This is a bit of a personal episode, and I've been
waiting 30 years for this year,and it's here.
It's called the Year of Fire,but it's not about burning
things down.
Let's start with the story...
Thirty years ago, I was sittingwith a group of friends, and we
(00:25):
were chatting and sharing aboutour future dreams and
definitions of success.
Some of the people in the roomhad ambitions to be singers on
stage.
I had no such desire, butsomething came out of my mouth
that I hadn't planned to say.
(00:45):
I said... " I have a feelingthat I won't come into my own
until I'm older."And then I just stopped talking.
Partly because I also had theage of 60 kind of come through,
but I was a little embarrassedto say that.
And partly because I didn'tfeel like I had said it.
It just came at through me outof the blue.
(01:06):
We all kind of laughed and movedon to someone else.
And I sat there a little bitunsettled because something
about it felt like a fact. Not awish. Not a hope. Not even a
fear.
It wasn't a warning.
It was like a schedule, like acalendar.
(01:28):
I filed it away and quitefrankly, forgot about it until
recently.
And then late last year, I sawsomething that brought it up
again.
It kind of confirmed it.
(02:05):
I came across a mention that 2026 is the year of the horse.
I'm not Chinese, but I did know I was born in the year of the horse. So I looked it up and I noticed it's what they call a rare year of the fire horse. And it started month, here in February, the beginning of the lunar year. It doesn't run according toour January 1st Gregorian
calendar.
And the last time there was afire horse year was my birth
year.
Something just landed in me.
Oh, it's that time.
Not because it was about firehorses specifically, not because
(02:25):
of the astrology, but the sensethat, wow, this could be it.
That thing I felt and heard 30years ago in that lounge room
with my friends.
The right timing.
It's here.
And confirmed by something Iwasn't even looking for.
So I'm boldly and nervouslycalling 2026 my Year of Fire.
(02:50):
And before I tell you what Imean, I want to tell you what I
don't mean.
I don't mean that call that wesometimes hear to burn things d
own.
It's not a decluttering year.
And I also don't meandestruction or drama or starting
over.
I mean allowing, not forcing,the fire that's always been
(03:12):
inside of me to be allowed tomove outward.
So less bonfire, less bushfire,and more... there's a beautiful
candle been sitting on thetable unlit for years.
And someone, that would be me,finally putting that match to
(03:34):
it.
So I'm claiming to myself, butalso publicly, that this is the
year I come into my own.
Of course, that doesn't negateany of the wonderful things I've
done and experienced up untiltoday.
But it means I'm open andallowing for whatever "coming
(03:54):
into my own means" and allowingit to just unfold, to manifest
this year.
And the Year of Fire is theperfect name for it.
Want to take part?
Want to join me?
(04:17):
And as exciting as that sounds, I know my logical mind is screaming, "Merilyn, that's preposterous,
isn't it?"Not just the threat of
embarrassment of, well, "what ifI was wrong"?
But culturally preposterous.
Because everything around me,the conversations, the
messaging, the quietassumptions, they're all
(04:37):
whispering that by now the mostinteresting part of my life is
or should be behind me.
I'm very aware that some of thepeople I went to school with are
talking about retiring.
That 60 is when you start towind down, not ignite.
And I'm standing here stating,that I believe the most
(04:59):
significant, most impactful,most alive years of my life are
the ones coming next.
Okay, a little confession.
Wouldn't it have been great?
Incredible.
Probably be a littleunbelievable.
If I'd said somethinglike: "and the last 30 years
have been a series of faithfulhighs where, despite knowing
(05:22):
there was a timeline with apromise, I've been truly
soaring."Um no, I've not been living with
that kind of faith.
Despite that promise 30 yearsago.
And despite the magicalrevelation of this year being a
60-year occurrence of the firehorse year that screams,
(05:43):
"Merilyn, how cool is this?",I've been putting off this
episode.
Because I knew that I would besharing that for a lot of my
life I've believed that NOTcoming into my own was for me.
I've been extremely good athelping others - many
others - come into their flavourof success.
(06:04):
But my own dreams, somehow thatwasn't for me.
And yeah, I'm very, very awareof the self-fulfilling prophecy
effect. Energetics comes beforematter.
And so there's thatphilosophical question of how
(06:26):
much of this is just timing oflife, and how much did I create
it?
Let me go into a little moreuncomfortable territory.
For most of my life, I believedthat containment - and
containment of that fire - wassomething that happened TO me.
(06:49):
And there was plenty ofevidence.
People asked me to turn down myvolume.
Environments didn't quite fit.
Feedback that told me I was toomuch.
My ex-husband used to pretend that there was a volume dial next to my ear. He'd reachover and turn it down whilst I
(07:12):
was sharing something with him.
Also, early on in our marriage,he sent me to a doctor to get
my hearing checked.
I'm not just shocked that hedid that.
I'm more shocked that Iallowed it.
A friend's husband once told me,in a period of wondering why I
was still single, that men wouldprobably find me intimidating.
(07:35):
I'd always thought of myself asshy, so that one kind of landed
a bit strange.
As a child, my dad wouldconstantly
say, "Stop being bossy".
Because of course, at home, Iwas more of myself and what he
thought of as bossy.
And speaking of bosses, a bossof mine, more than once,
(07:56):
when I was in his favour wouldsay, "Oh, it's good to see
you're over yourself now".
He would describe me as a "bullat a gate".
I was probably just being my enthusiastic self!But whether all those things
were justified or not justified,we don't hear men being
described that way - being toldto slow down, being told to stop
(08:18):
being bossy.
It's just not the kind offeedback that men get.
And this is the part that undidme when I finally saw it: none
of these people, these men, wereenemies.
They didn't wake up thinking,"how do I manage Merilyn today?"
or "How do I make her feelsmall today?".
(08:38):
It wasn't any conspiracy.
It was just the water we're allswimming in.
A collective societal musclememory.
A cultural reflex. So old, soautomatic, that nobody noticed
it was a reflex.
Not them and not me.
(08:58):
I recently owned that I'm anEnneagram 8. A certain
personality type.
If you know the Enneagram,you're probably grinning right
now because 8's are, well, we'reprotectors, we're challengers,
we're the ones who charge, wholead, who don't back down.
And that's true of me.
I recognise that.
Especially in environmentswhere I'm comfortable,
(09:20):
especially at home.
(No wonder my dad called mebossy.)
But what's also true, and whattook me much longer to see, is
that I've spent decades fawning.
Usually, others who have thispersonality often go into a
"fight" nervous system reaction.
And we've all heard of freeze,flight, fight, but fawning,
(09:44):
F-A-W-N-I-N-G, is the littlesister of these fear responses.
And it's not talked about asmuch or understood.
So let me switch over to teachermode for a moment.
After that, I'll tell you why.
Fawning is a deep-seated, oftenunconscious drive to feel safe.
(10:04):
Fawning involves a completeabandonment, actually, of one's
own needs, desires, and voice.
Whereas, general "peoplepleasing" might not be that
severe.
Fawning can be a survivalmechanism developed to deal with
those sort of childhood thingsthat happen, usually trauma or
abuse.
(10:30):
So fawning showed up as me preemptively trying to soften my personality. I wasn't always successfulat that though.
I would scan rooms before Ientered them - I'd feel out the
mood ofthings - in an attempt to control how safe I'd feel.
And I would try and control, allsubconscious, of course, how
others perceived me.
I would abandon my own needs tosort of sync with others and
(10:52):
be hyper-vigilant to emotionsand moods.
A kind of social chameleon.
But on the outside, I presentedas incredibly self-reliant,
resilient, capable, you know,the strong one, really hiding,
subconsciously hiding, my deepneed for love and connection.
Behind that, oh, "I haveeverything under control kind of
(11:16):
mask", I guess it is.
Well, menopause and ADHD hasripped that mask off.
Perhaps life was waiting for meto reach this age so I could see
this and free myself to be whoI fully was born to be.
That's the teaching bit over.
(11:38):
I shared it because it can be helpful to see our own patterns in hearing the stories of others.
This episode isn't about trauma - it'sabout self-awareness. Awareness
of where I've contained thefullness of myself.
And just how timely andappropriate and welcome this
Year of Fire is.
It's not about healing. I'm sharing for context.
The specific shape of MY containment?
Here's a few examples: I spent years asking the question ‘what shall I do when I grow up’, So clarity of vision. Clarity of purpose was impacted. I see now that I’ve always known, unconsciously, I just didn’t feel safe, or allowed, to claim it. (11:54):
undefined
Volume. I toned myself down to avoid criticism. Not just in the decibels, but what I would talk about. When I did speak up, or raise my voice, there would be repercussions. So it just didn’t feel safe. Visibility. That’s something many can all identify with. I sat in the back row even though I wanted to be the one on stage. I’ve struggled to relate to the usual conversations about (fear of) visibility because despite being shy, I learned - perhaps in my 20’s, 30’s - that I loved to literally speak on stage. To literally speak up, to teach, to share. So my visibility wasn’t about being scared to do that, but about the fact that I put myself in the back row.
Money was impacted. I prioritised the needs of others to maintain safety, at the cost of my own financial foundation.
Another example is relationships with men. Here I am publicly admitting.. I have attracted the wrong (for me) relationships that had all the wrong power dynamic. And yet, in terms of friendships with women, I have incredible, incredible women in my life. Very healthy, intelligent, warm, balanced friendships. And how many of us have spent time racing off trying to heal a relationship issue, or a money issue, or a visibility issue, or a clarity of purpose issue, when actually these were symptoms, not the cause. Here's the pattern I finally named… I could genuinely celebrate other people having, achieving, being, seeing, experiencing… I could cheer for them without any trace of resentment. None. While quietly, precisely, holding myself outside of that same permission.
Not because I didn't want those things.Because somewhere I'd decided — without ever consciously deciding — that those things were available. Just not for me.
That is my flavour of containment. It’s too easy to look for an external enemy. This isn’t about this. It’s a acknowledgement of my own inner enemy. As unconscious and innocent or naive as it might be.
The other night I watched with the family that latest Jack Black movie - Anaconda. Hilarious. But there was a line that stuck out. Jack Black’s character is told by his boss (and Jack Black in this is a wanna-be movie director, or a movie director who has got old and never realised his dreams). And his boss says to him: "I’ll retire and you’ll be the boss of this place. And hey, this is a B, maybe even a B+ life we're talking about." He said like it was a gift. Like he should be relieved. To stop dreaming and wanting more out of life. Just accept a life that’s… a B. And what’s wrong with that.
And I thought — despite everyone laughing around me - that's it. That's exactly what unconscious self-containment produces.
Not suffering. Not a broken life. Just... a B, perhaps B+ life. Genuinely fine. Objectively pretty good. The kind of life where, if someone asked, you'd say — yeah, I can't complain.
And yet the horror struck… somewhere along the way, without ever consciously agreeing to it - I'd signed up for my own B, B+ life.
By the time I was in my forties, I didn't need anyone to turn down the dial.I was already doing it.
Preemptively.
A reflex.
Before I walked into rooms,before I opened my mouth, before
(16:40):
I sent the email.
It was exhausting really.
I think I shudder more that Iwas doing this unconsciously,
that it was so stealth, is whatgets me.
And I guess what's worse is Iwas better at containing myself
than any of those men...
human situations...
had ever been.
The suppression I thought wascoming from outside?
(17:04):
I'd internalised it socompletely, so efficiently, that
I'd made it my own operatingsystem.
I never noticed I was the oneholding the valve, the one in
the driving seat, the one withthe book of permission slips,
the one governing the flow, theone with the matchbox in her
hand.
(17:24):
This isn't a wound that needshealing.
It's a habit that I'veinterrupted.
And that interruptionculminates in this Year of Fire.
(18:20):
Let's jump from micro to macro for a bit. The globe, the planet.
Because the Year of Fire isn't just a personal one. Look at the world right now. The structures we thought were stable politically, economically, culturally are wobbling. They're wobbling in ways that don't feel like distant news on the tv anymore. It's close to home.
In times of polarity like this, two types emerge. There are those who contract, who wait for certainty before they move, who manage themselves smaller because the world is unsafe and unpredictable.
And then there are others wholead from compassionate fire
rather than fear.
And the world needs more ofthese self-aware, conscious fire
carriers.
People who've released anyhabit of self-containment, not
louder arguments, but cleanerpower.
(18:41):
And that kind of leadership iswhat our world is hungry for.
That's what a collectiveYear of Fire can produce, not to
suffer through the chaos, butto be people who show up in that
chaos. On purpose.
(19:03):
The Year of Fire is therefore my line in the sand.
Not a resolution or a rebrand ornot even a new offer.
This isn't about business or alaunch runway, none of that.
It's about becoming that secondtype of person who leads from
fire, not fear, growing, growingin self-awareness, in
(19:25):
consciousness, in compassion,that kind of a leadership.
And that, for me, is a decision.
A decision to no longer containmyself.
To no longer live a life withan unlit fire.
(19:51):
And that girl that wants to besmaller than she knows she can
be, who reacts to fear a way shedoesn't want to, who stands at
the start of the runway, ready,coiled, and yet doesn't move?
(20:11):
That version of her has servedher purpose and she got me here.
But she doesn't get to run 2026.
If you're inspired to make 2026 your year of fire as well, what linewill you draw in the sand?
(20:32):
What will you leave behind thatline and not bring with you?
And what do we know about fire?
Well, for one thing, it doesn'tperform or persuade or
negotiate.
It just illuminates, lights up.
And it does burn off everythingin its way.
And whilst I'musing Year of Fire in a context
(20:53):
of lighting up or illuminatingor letting the energy erupt or
ignite - and I did say thiswasn't about burning off - fire
doesn't , by nature exist,without burning something.
So what was in the way of myfullest light or my fullest life
actually burns off, gone.
(21:14):
It's not like gatheringrubbish that you want to burn
off and setting a match to it.
I'm thinking more of thosebeautiful roaring fires we love
to sit beside on a cold night.
Fueled by logs - logs made ofhabits...
smallness...
containering.
(21:35):
And that's what I mean by Yearof Fire.
Another metaphor, perhaps evenstronger... After years of
waiting and hovering around thestarting blocks - this is the
year where I hear "on your markget set, go".
And the starting gun fires.
And the Year of Fire erupts.
(21:58):
There were no false starts.
Everything that came before waspreparation, training,
strengthening.
(23:10):
Here's what I'm actually offering this year. And it's not what you think it is, because I've been in this work long enough and in this industry long enough to know what doesn't help.
What doesn't help is another course - hello, AI. We don't need another carefully designed program that tells you who to become or what to do, or a six-step program to skyrocket to success . Yeah, you know. Excuse my cynicism.
What I've watched change people - and sometimes I don't like that word change because it has a connotation that we are needing fixing - what I've seen gives people the impetus for healthy growth is proximity to someone whose fire is actually lit.
Not being taught, not being coached, but watching.
Think of instances where you've watched someone whosefire is lit from the inside and
it's inspired you.
I don't mean the people thatyou've looked at and you've
compared yourself to.
I'll use an example of the X-Factor, or Britains' Got Talent. It's probably why I love those shows. When you see someone who is a little bit ignorant of just how talented they are.
(23:41):
I remember years ago, LeonaLewis, she has such a beautiful
voice, but she had this presencearound her that was completely
unaware of just how good shewas.
I love seeing that.
You can't unsee a lit fire.
(25:20):
And so the most useful thing I can do for you in this year is to refuse to contain myself, to get regular on this podcast again, to let you watch what it looks like when someone stops holding the valve, especially at an age that is against every cultural message that says the interesting part is behind her. But please do not watch me as a performance, but to encourage you, to light you up.
That's what I'm bringing into the Tall Poppy Society this year, both on this free podcast and in the private club.
Both are now called the Tall Poppy Society.
Just a little history for you. When this podcast started in 2020, it was called Lead Your Day. It was a name that just came out of the blue because everything back then was.. Lead Your World... Lead Your Mind... Lead Your Brand. "Lead Your" everything.
Because it started as a daily podcast off the back of a Lead Your Year workshop. It was never going to keep that name. I knew that.
Within a couple of years, it had reached top 10 in 11 countries. It was going along well.
In 2022, I did a spectacular, it was amazing,loved it, 51 days in a row
sprint of guests that I invited,inspired by the International
Women's Day.
It was an amazing, amazingsprint of podcast episodes.
Then it kind of lost its way.
More and more people asked to beguests, which was of course
exciting and flattering and allof that.
(25:42):
And I got to interview someincredible, incredible people.
And every conversation I loved.
But overall, it lost purposeand became, I hate to say it, a
promotional outlet for others.
And it got muddled in itspositioning.
Changing itsname to The Merilyn Show didn't
(26:04):
give it more clarity of purpose.
So I kind of simply just pressedpause.
Didn't stop it, just pressedpause until that would be
figured out.
And so this very episode is alsoserving to announce its new
name, the Tall Poppy SocietyPodcast, which is the heart of
my purpose, self-agency, thequiet power of self-leadership,
(26:30):
being a tall poppy.
And I want to have conversationswith those who have mastered
that internal landscape.
Conversations that inspire usto keep our own fire lit.
It's not about "let's rise".
It's not that.
I guess it's at the intersection of global impact, global heart and deep personal fulfillment.
Celebrating the beautiful, theextraordinary, a dive into lives
(27:01):
and aspects of those who risenot to be seen, but it's a
natural byproduct ofunstoppable, creative, and a
purpose-filled life.
No ladders whatsoever.
I was always inspired by a radioshow in the 90s by one of the
(27:22):
forerunner women in broadcastingin Australia, Margaret Throsby,
who used to run a daily chatshow, I guess conversation show,
where she would bring on allsorts of people, not just
musicians or conductors orpeople in the classical music
(27:44):
realm.
But it could be artists, itcould be authors, it could be
even politicians.
And it was beautiful becauseshe'd explore their lives and
they would in turn share musicthat meant a lot to them and
they'd play that music.
I was very inspired by how shedrew the stories from people,
(28:04):
and that was the basis of how Ialways wanted to podcast.
So a few years ago, when theTall Poppy Society came to life
as a subscription, as amembership, as a lifestyle, it
was never to be a program tocomplete, never to be a course.
It was a place to belong to, tosupport you, to cheer you on as
(28:29):
you rise.
And yeah, inside it is tools tohelp us do that.
And it's a very cheeky middlefinger to the tall poppy
syndrome.
The name Tall Poppy Societycomes from something I find
painful and beautiful.
Tall Poppy Syndrome, which Ijust mentioned, if you live in
Australia, New Zealand, Britain,you'll know it.
(28:50):
It's part of our upbringing.
Tall Poppy Syndrome is thecultural habit of cutting down
anyone who rises, who reachesfurther, who dares to want more.
Often impacts sports people orentertainment or actors or
musicians and business people.
(29:11):
It's long been dressed up as avirtue, a humility, a mateship.
You don't want to rise aboveyour mates.
But real mateship does theopposite.
Real mateship says, "if yourise, I rise with you".
Another thing aboutpoppies - the poppy flower, it
(29:32):
grows in hard places, out ofrubble, out of ground where
battles were fought.
That's why it's used as asymbol for remembrance days,
when we remember our war heroes.
Hardy and delicate at the sametime.
And instinctively, when onegrows taller than the rest,
reaches higher, gets more light,we notice.
(29:53):
We don't look away.
That's what I'm building, notsyndrome - society.
And this year I'm not keeping ita secret (and I think I have
been).
I'm growing it, but I'm alsoliving it out loud.
Soyou can see exactly what that looks like.
Thirty years ago, somethingspoke through me and told me I
(30:14):
had a schedule, a timeline.
Back then I didn't know what itmeant.
Not really.
It felt like a delay.
Today I think I know what itmeant.
It wasn't a warning about howlong it would take - it was a
promise about what was co ming.
The most important years, themost alive years, the years
where the fire finally isuncontained, gets lit and gets
(30:38):
to move.
Does that mean everything I'vedone up until now is negated?
Absolutely not.
Is what I'm claimingpreposterous?
Maybe.
But I'm done with B or B+And guess what?
The fires lit by others in mylife didn't burn me, didn't
(31:02):
break me, didn't kill me.
The hard things don't need tobreak you either.
They forge us.
They make us.
And this is the year where wefinally let them move.
(31:22):
If this episode has struck deepwith you, save it, share it, and
especially follow this show,subscribe to this show, it helps
spread the algorithmconsciously to spread this
message tomore. Until the next episode... practice being not just just a tall poppy, but the tallest tall poppy that you can be.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Bobby Bones Show
Listen to 'The Bobby Bones Show' by downloading the daily full replay.