The Brochure on Caregiving, Boundaries, And Small Wins

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Caregiving isn’t a tidy checklist; it’s a constant recalibration of energy, emotion, and logistics. In this episode, I'm talking about life after back-to-back hospital stays and what it takes to keep a home running when helpers still need help, the dog thinks every visitor is a threat, and the cat needs a calming plan to handle the foot traffic. That swirl forces hard choices, and I get candid about the small moments that protect sanity—like holding a long-delayed hair appointment as a promise to myself.

The heart of this conversation is practical compassion. We talk about why “put your oxygen mask on first” sounds simple yet feels impossible when physical therapy schedules collide with neuropathy flares. Thanksgiving becomes a lesson in doing less on purpose: skipping big cooking, embracing reheats, and spending a sunny afternoon in the garden reclaiming calm leaf by leaf. From there, we reset expectations for the holidays—lighter decorations, a friend’s help to swap seasonal boxes, and permission to live with a garage that looks like life happened, not like it was staged for a catalog.

We dig into the essentials that keep us steady: guarding sleep, making peace with imperfect routines, and treating the 20-minute dog walk as a micro win for body and mind. Working from home makes this season possible, but the weight is real, and we share the honesty of sore backs, tired mornings, and friendships that get fewer check-ins than we’d like. If you’re navigating caregiving, chronic illness at home, or just a season of overwhelm, this story offers validation and a playbook of small, repeatable choices that add up to resilience.

Subscribe, share with a friend who needs encouragement, and leave a review to help others find the show. Your notes and stories mean the world—tell us one small boundary you’re keeping this week.

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Episode Transcript

Tracy (00:06):
Welcome to the Only Child Diaries Podcast.
I'm your host, Tracy Wallace.
Have you ever felt like youdidn't receive the how-to
brochure on life?
That you didn't get enoughguidance about major life
issues?
So did I.
You don't have to be an onlychild to feel this way.

(00:26):
In my podcast, we'll exploresome of the best ways to better
navigate adulting while doing sowith humor and light.
Welcome everyone to the OnlyChild Diaries Podcast.
Today I'm gonna talk aboutcaregiving.

(00:51):
Now, as you know, if you'vebeen a regular listener, my
husband um was in the hospitalthis month and last month.
And so, yes, I've been acaregiver.
Although really throughout mostof our relationship, I've been

(01:11):
a caregiver.
And it's really an art, Iguess, balancing everything that
you do along with taking careof someone or taking care of
somebody's needs in addition toyour own.
But with the last twohospitalizations, I would have

(01:37):
to say that my caregiving umduties have increased.
Now, if you've ever knownanybody who's been a caregiver
or you've ever been aroundanybody who's a caregiver, you
know that one of the commonconversations that people will

(02:02):
have with that person isremember to take care of
yourself.
Oh, you've got to take care ofyourself.
Oh, you've got to put yourselffirst.
Because if you don't take careof yourself, you can't take care
of somebody else.
And I would tend to agree withthat.

(02:22):
I mean, right, in the airplane,if you don't put your oxygen
mask on first, you're not goingto be able to help anybody else.
True.
But what I found is thatcaregiving is a challenging, a
challenging job.

(02:42):
And there's not always time totake care of yourself or take
care of yourself in the way thatyou would like to take care of
yourself, right?
Bill has needed a lot of helpand a lot of maintenance.
And in addition to the thingsthat I do for him, there are the

(03:07):
home health people.
There's the visiting nurse,there's the physical therapist
that comes to the house, andthere's a nurse that comes to
help him bathe.
And what I found is thateverybody who comes isn't um
what's the word?

(03:28):
Independent of me.
They're not they're coming tohelp, sure, but they also need
my help when they're here.
They have questions, they needto get something, or they need
to find something.
And then there's the pets.

(03:49):
The cat and the dog, Brownieand Bubby, need to be um watched
out over, right?
So they don't get out.
Brownie the dog, um, she willtend to bark a lot.
Sometimes she feels threatened,depending on who it is, right?
So I have to take care of themto make sure they're okay.

(04:15):
And it really stresses my catout to have different people
coming and going in the house.
So what I've done is juststarted to give him a little bit
of medication every day thatsomebody's coming, which is most
every day, so that he is calmand we don't have any other

(04:37):
issues going on because rightnow I don't need any other
issues, right?
Now, this week, Thanksgivingweek, um, well, last week I
decided to finally make myselfan appointment to get my hair
done because my gray roots arereally getting out of control.

(04:59):
I mean, it's to the point thatit is kind of embarrassing,
right?
And my hair is kind of long andI can deal with that, but the
gray roots can't really coverthem up too well.
So I made an appointment on aday and time that I thought was
safe, hoping to carve out thattime for me, and and also just

(05:24):
so that I don't look like, youknow, a mess.
And of course, there was aconversation because, of course,
the physical therapist wantedto come, you know, at that
point, at that time, and um itcaused a problem, right?
But we held to our ground andBill didn't mind.

(05:47):
We're not gonna have well, withthe holiday too, it's
stressful.
And Bill also had one nightthis week where he had really
horrible neuropathy pain in hisfoot, so he couldn't see the
therapist that day.
So that was the alternative dayto my hair appointment.
So, long story short, he onlysaw him once this week, but

(06:12):
that's the way it goes, right?
I feel bad that maybe I umprevented the therapist from
coming.
Um, well, it's today.
I'm gonna go get my hair donetoday.
But I have to get some thingsdone for myself, right?
I think any anybody would agreewith that.

(06:34):
And my husband is fullysupportive of it as well, so
there's that.
I mean, he's not upset.
He he knows that I've beenreally going out of my way to to
take care of him.
Um, our Thanksgiving.
Well, I I told him and I tolduh my brother-in-law, his

(06:57):
brother, that I wasn't gonnacook, and I wasn't even gonna
get stuff that I had to reheatbecause that in effect is
cooking.
So I just got some extra foodthe day before.
I did have to reheat that, butit wasn't a big deal, and it was
just the two of us.
We didn't do anything big andsplashy this year, we didn't do

(07:21):
anything at all really, and thatwas fine.
And what I did was I spent mostof the day in my garden.
The weather was perfect, it wassunny and fairly warm, and I
got to clean up a lot of thestuff that I've been putting
off.
We had, you know, all the rain,of course, and we had a lot of

(07:46):
leaves that had come down.
I got to sweep those up, I gotto pull some weeds, I got to
trim some things that needed tobe trimmed, and uh filled up one
of the garbage cans with allthat stuff.
So I'm happy about the backyardlooking better.
Uh, I also have uh some of theHalloween stuff still not in the

(08:13):
garage.
And so what I did was I askedmy friend Lauren, she's gonna
come over tomorrow and help meget some of the last remaining
pieces of Halloween in thegarage while getting some of the
Christmas stuff out of thegarage.

(08:33):
Uh at this point, the garagelooks like a nuclear bomb hit
it, it's a disaster.
But um it is what it is.
And you learn that you have tokind of settle for things,
right?
You can't you can't have yourexpectations too high because

(08:57):
you're just not gonna get there.
Um so I'm gonna decorate somefor Christmas, but I'm not gonna
go, you know, crazy like I Ihave done.
Um, I did get a few new pieces.
Well, I got new pieces lastyear on clearance, and I did get

(09:20):
a couple new things this year,and uh I'm gonna put out some
more lights and make it somewhatfestive.
I would say that there's a lotof houses in the neighborhood
that already have theirChristmas lights up, some have
their decorations, and it's justfun to look outside and at

(09:43):
night, right?
And see that you have Christmaslights and Christmas
decorations, but I just don'thave all the energy that I
usually have.
And I know that I'm gonna haveto take it all down.
So but I I want to dosomething.

(10:05):
Um, so that's what I'm gonnado.
We're gonna do that tomorrow,and uh, you know, put up
something, make it fun, andthat'll be that'll make me feel
better, and um, and then getstill have the skeletons and the
oh the other tombstones uh out.

(10:27):
So those will have to find aplace in the garage somehow.
Yeah, so there's that.
Um and really what my goals arenow uh well my main goal is to
get through each day, but makesure everybody's fed, make sure

(10:50):
everybody's clean and uhhealthy, but also uh to make
sure that I get enough sleep orto get as much sleep as I can
every day.
That is definitely my numberone goal.
And to eat, of course, becauseit's all about eating, but um

(11:12):
definitely to sleep, becausewith without sleep, you're
nothing.
And I'm just grateful uh and sothankful that I work at home
because I can't imagine how Iwould navigate this whole
situation if I was working, youknow, full-time outside of the
house.
It just wouldn't have happened,it it couldn't happen.

(11:35):
Um, I would have had to take aleave of absence.
So I am able to get stuff donehere.
Um, you know, but is it is itoverwhelming?
Sometimes yes, because I'm oneperson, I have a lot of
responsibility, you know, justfor the house.

(11:55):
And um some days I'm tired,some days I'm sore, some days my
back hurts, and um, you know,the the neighbors have been
walking the dog, but they theywent out of town to see their
family.
Um, and I said to myself, well,Tracy, you should be walking

(12:18):
too, walking for your health,right?
But oh gosh, it's uh it's alot.
And you know, I feel badbecause she'll look at me, you
know, every day like, oh, are wegoing now?
Are we going now?
And she she so wants to go on awalk and she so wants to smell

(12:40):
everything, and she enjoys it somuch, and it's only like 20
minutes out of my day to goaround the block.
Um, and it's good for her, butoh gosh, sometimes it's like I I
don't know if I can do it,right?
So anyway, but it it's onething that is good for me too,

(13:02):
and that's what I try toremember.
It's good for me.
And in my mind, I think, youknow, I should be going out and
I should be walking for a coupleof hours.
I I would be healthier, I wouldbe thinner, uh I would feel
better, but I feel like I don'thave that time.

(13:24):
So it's it's a delicatebalance.
And you know, whether you'retaking care of a spouse or a
child or a parent or evenyourself, I think that these are
all things that can resonatewith you.
Um if not now, at some point inthe future.

(13:47):
So just remember to be easy onyourself.
That's what I tell myself everyday.
I've got to be easy on myselfand you know, to take it one day
at a time.
And I feel bad because I havefriends, you know, I have people
that I want to keep up with andcheck in with and see how

(14:09):
they're doing.
And that's challenging as well.
Um, I've I think I've doneokay, but the scope and the
amount of people that I've beenable to keep up with is
obviously more limited because Ijust don't have the time to do
that like I'd like to.
So that's that's where I'm attoday.

(14:36):
And now I'm sure that there'ssomething I have to go do, and
I'm gonna figure out what thatis next week.
Well, we'll tackle anothertopic together.
I hope you'll join me.
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(15:00):
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Thanks for listening.

(15:21):
I'm Tracy Wallace, and theseare the Only Child Diaries.