Episode 47: When The Shelter Catches Fire

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We break down a simple framework for hard seasons: the storm outside, the shelter we run to, and the fire that starts inside when pressure builds. We share five clear steps to rise above both reactions, find fresh air, and rebuild with boundaries and vision.

• storm, shelter, and fire explained
• the third option as a pause for perspective
• naming the storm and the fire to create distance
• stepping outside, breathing, journaling, prayer for clarity
• three-column exercise: control, influence, release
• letting the storm cool the shelter and teach
• rebuilding with wisdom, boundaries, and new windows
• kindness, clarity, and courage for teams and communities

If your team, organization, or conference needs this message, visit pamdwyer.com/speaking and book me for your next event
So please share, like, follow, join my email list and stay in the know with all that's going on

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:08):
Hi there, everybody.
It's Pam Dwyer, the host of thePlus One Theory Podcast, the
show where we talk about how tofinish stronger than you
started, and how to use life'shardest moments as the very fuel
that moves you forward.
Because your past doesn't defineyou, it prepares you.

(00:31):
Every episode we explorestories, strategies, and real
conversations about turning paininto purpose, failure into
focus, and fear into faith.
We don't settle for averagehere.
We always go for the plus one,that little extra effort, that

(00:54):
deeper breath, that one morestep when it would be easier to
stop.
When life hits hard, reallyhard, the first thing we want is
relief.
We want a place to think, tobreathe, to hide from the noise.
We tell ourselves if I can justget out of this storm for one

(01:18):
minute, I'll figure it out.
So we run for cover.
We find what feels like shelter,maybe a job, a relationship, a
familiar routine, even a beliefthat if we work harder, plan
better, stay quiet long enough,the storm will pass.

(01:41):
But sometimes the storm followsus inside, and that's when it
happens.
Our shelter catches fire.
The storm represents everythingoutside your control finances,
relationships, timing, health.
It's that rush of wind thatknocks you sideways and leaves

(02:04):
you scrambling for footing.
The shelter is the thing you runto for comfort or control, a
job, a person, a plan, a copinghabit.
It gives you the illusion ofsafety.
It's familiar, predictable.
The fire starts when pressurebuilds inside that shelter.

(02:27):
It's fear, guilt, resentment,shame, exhaustion, you name it,
the emotional spark that turnscomfort into chaos.
So now you've got two issues thestorm raging outside and the
fire burning inside yourshelter, your safe place.

(02:49):
And you're in the middle asking,how did I end up here again?
You were chasing peace.
You were trying to survive.
But when the storm rages longenough, every shelter starts to
strain.
You want relief and you foundresponsibility.

(03:10):
You wanted calm and you foundcriticism.
You wanted support and feltpressure instead.
That's the moment the sheltercatches fire.
Now you're trapped between twokinds of pain the chaos you ran
from and the control you can'tkeep.

(03:32):
Do you run back into the storm?
You might escape the flames, butyou're right back in the wind,
cold, confused, carrying thesame fear that you chased
inside.
Or do you stay and fight thefire?
You try to fix, defend, explain,but the more you fight, the

(03:52):
thicker the smoke gets.
You can't see, you can'tbreathe.
Both choices are reactions, bothdriven by fear, and neither
brings peace.
But there is a third option, youknow.
It doesn't look heroic, it looksstill.
It's the pause.

(04:13):
It's the rise.
When I say rise, I don't meanpretending everything's fine.
I mean stepping out of the smokelong enough to see the truth.
At first it feels worse.
The heat is stronger up there.
The smoke follows you becauseheat rises too.

(04:33):
For a moment you think thisisn't working, it's unbearable.
But keep going.
Don't stop halfway.
Because just above that layer ofheat, the air changes.
Like swimming toward the surfaceof deep water.
You're scared you won't make it,and then fresh air.

(04:56):
You inhale for the first time inwhat feels like forever.
That breath, that's relief.
That's clarity.
That's the reward for risingthrough instead of running away.
You've made it through thethickest smoke, the air's still
pretty hazy, but you can breatheagain and that's when rising

(05:20):
starts to make some sense.
The storm is what's happening toyou.
The shelter is where you run forrelief.
The fire it's what happensinside when that relief turns to
pressure.
And the rise, that's the thirdoption.

(05:40):
It's the pause that lets you seethe whole picture.
That's why rising matters.
You can't think clearly insmoke.
And you can't plan your futurewhile gasping for air.
Rising is an escape.
It's perspective.
Here's five ways that haveworked for me to rise above both

(06:03):
options one and two where youfight the storm, stay outside,
or go into your shelter andfight the fire.
The third option has five waysto work.
Number one is you pause beforeyou react.

(06:24):
Rising begins with stillness.
That first breath after panic,that's your climb.
And number two, name what'shappening.
Say it out loud.
This is my storm.
This is my fire.
Naming separates you from it.
And number three, step outsidefor clarity.

(06:48):
Sometimes you need to literallystep outside.
Literally.
Breathe some fresh air orjournal and pray.
Walk barefoot on the grassoutside.
It really helps foc it helpscenter you.
Number four, refocus on what youcan control.

(07:12):
This is what I do.
I get a piece of paper and Iwrite three columns.
And I label one control, numbertwo, influence, and number
three, release.
Peace hides in the release, thatthird column.
It really does help to see it onpaper for me.

(07:33):
You should give it a try.
And number five, let the stormdo its work.
The rain that scared you is whatputs the fire out in your
shelter.
Let it cool and cleanse whatneeds to go.
When you do that, you realizesomething beautiful.

(07:54):
The storm and the fire werenever enemies.
They were teachers.
One revealed what neededhealing, and the other brought
the healing itself.
And then there it is.
The fresh air.
Take it in.
You made it through.
When you finally reach thatpocket of clean air, you realize

(08:17):
you're not the same person whoran for cover.
You're calmer, clearer,different.
The storm and the fire didn'tbreak you.
They revealed you.
You look back and see yourshelter.
Scarred, singed, lots of damagethere.

(08:39):
But it's still standing.
And now you can rebuild withclarity instead of panic or
fear.
Rebuilding isn't about restoringwhat was.
It's about strengthening whatremains.
You patch the roof with wisdom,rebuild the walls with
boundaries, and you add windowswhere there used to be walls.

(09:02):
That's what rising gives you.
Vision.
It doesn't stop the next storm,it prepares you for it.
Carry these lessons into life.
Pause before reacting.
Step outside for clarity andrefocus on what you can control.
Let the storm do its work.

(09:24):
They're not survival tricks.
They're transformation tools.
You can't control the weather,but you can train your soul to
stay steady through it.
That's the essence of the plusone theory.
Finish stronger than youstarted.
If you're listening right nowand your shelter feels like it's

(09:47):
burning down, financially,emotionally, or spiritually,
please know this.
You can rise too.
And when you look back down,you'll see the rain falling,
cooling, healing.
The same storm that scared younow saving you.
That's the gift of rising.

(10:08):
Now imagine what would happen ifmore workplaces, classrooms, and
communities understood this,that storms aren't proof of
failure, but invitations toclarity.
That's why I speak.
That's why I write.
Because I've lived it.
I've seen what happens whenpeople realize that rising above

(10:31):
the storm and the fire isn'tabout pretending to be strong.
It's about remembering that theyalready are.
They're already strong.
If your team, organization, orconference needs this message,
visit pamdwyre.com slashspeaking and book me for your
next event.

(10:51):
We'll explore how kindness,clarity, and courage can change
the way people lead, work, andlive.
Your past doesn't define you, itprepares you.
So when your shelter catchesfire, remember the third option.
Pause, rise, and breathe in therelief that's been waiting for

(11:13):
you all along.
So please share, like, follow,join my email list and stay in
the know with all that's goingon.
I have like several new bookscoming out in the new year.
The holidays are coming, so Ihave lots of specials coming on
my books.
Lots of great ideas on kindness.

(11:35):
So follow me.
Come along with me, and let'sexplore kindness together.
Let's remind one another to bethe best we can be.
You know, plus one.
Thanks for listening.