November 16, 2025 • 15 mins
We share a health scare that reframes maintenance through kindness and nervous system safety, then walk through ten lessons that make change last. Tools matter, but emotional regulation and the purposeful pause do the heavy lifting.
• plus one theory and mission
• ICU story and why kindness sustains change
• limits of tools for dysregulated wiring
• maintenance before the tool as foundation
• ten core maintenance lessons explained
• action before motivation to build momentum
• purposeful pause to break reflex loops
• identity work and structure over goals
• reassurance that you are rewiring not failing
• holiday stories launch and community invitation
If you're not on my list yet, head over to pamdwyerspeaker.com and join. You'll get access to the entire Christmas series, and you'll get new stories every Tuesday. If this episode helped you, send it to someone who needs hope today.
Visit Pam Dwyer online and sign up on her email list to receive the latest updates!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:07):
Hey friends, I'm really glad you're here today.
Welcome back to the Plus OneTheory Podcast, where I help
people who know what they shoulddo, but keep falling into the
same patterns.
And I teach you how to pausewith purpose, break the cycle of
brokenness, and finally live thelife you've been trying to
(00:29):
create.
One powerful shift at a time.
So okay.
Before we get into today'sepisode, though, I need to share
something with you.
Something personal and honestly,something I'm still wrapping my
head around.
So if you didn't know, myhusband and I just got back from
a cruise.
(00:49):
And what most people didn't seewas that I was sick the entire
time.
Not the oh I'm tired, maybe Iate something weird.
Nope.
I was sick sick.
Like I couldn't stand up withoutfeeling dizzy, my stomach was
hurting, and I had no energy atall.
Not a fun week.
(01:10):
And when we got home, it gotworse pretty fast.
So within a few hours, theparamedics came and I was taken
to the hospital and put into theICU for a few days.
Doctors were looking at my labsin total disbelief because my
hemoglobin, which is normallyaround an eleven or twelve, was
(01:32):
at a four.
A four.
Every nurse and every doctorsaid the same thing.
They said, Pam, we don'tunderstand how you were even
walking around, girl.
And listen, I didn't either.
They ended up giving me fourpints of blood, and after a few
days of some truly incrediblecare, we found the culprit a
(01:55):
bleeding ulcer.
Who knew?
I didn't even know I had anulcer.
And here's what blows my mind.
One week ago I was fighting forstability.
One week ago my body wasscreaming for help.
And now today, here I am,talking to you, recording this
episode.
Life is so crazy, isn't it?
(02:18):
It's unpredictable, it's messy.
And it can sideswipe you withoutwarning.
And you know what's reallyinteresting?
This week also happens to beWorld Kindness Day.
Well today is the thirteenth.
And that hit me differently thisyear because kindness wasn't
(02:41):
just a social media post that I,you know, scrolled past and
said, Oh, it's World KindnessDay.
Nope.
It was the nurses holding myhand, the doctors explaining
every single step to me, thestrangers who were praying for
me, the kindness I had to givemyself when fear crept in.
(03:07):
Kindness carried me throughsomething really scary, really
scary for me, and it reminded mein a very deep way that kindness
is not weakness.
Kindness is maintenance, it'semotional regulation, and it's
safety.
And that's exactly why today'sepisode matters.
(03:30):
Because when life surprises us,whether it's with overwhelm,
relapse, old patterns, or anunexpected hospital stay,
kindness, not willpower, is whathelps us pause instead of panic.
So today we're talking aboutsomething almost no one teaches
(03:52):
the truth about maintenance, whywe struggle with it and why
tools aren't enough, and howkindness is the foundation for
change that actually lasts.
Alright, my friends, let's getstarted with today's episode,
shall we?
So here's something I want tosay right from the start.
(04:13):
I didn't create delay the bingebecause I wanted another program
or another system.
I created it because I was tiredof seeing people blame
themselves for failing toolsthat were never built to fix the
thing that was actually hurting.
And you know what I mean when Isay tools, right?
(04:35):
Because we've all used them.
Let's list a few, becausethey're everywhere now.
The GLP1 meds like Weigo V,Ozimpic, Moderno, Zepp Bound,
Bariatric Surgeries, there's thesleeve, the bypass, balloons,
all the structured plans likeOctavia, E2M, Weight Watchers,
(04:57):
and Noom.
And then there's the trackingapps, MyFitnessPal, uh Lose It.
Then there's the watches, AppleWatch, Fitbit, a cool aura ring
that I really want to get.
The high accountability programslike Orange Theory, CrossFit,
even therapy tools, CBTworksheets, grounding exercises,
(05:23):
and journaling apps.
Yay journaling.
Listen, every single one ofthese tools works.
They help, they save lives, theychange lives, and some of them
changed mine.
But here's the truth.
None of them can regulate adysregulated nervous system.
(05:46):
None of them can interrupttrauma related eating, and none
of them can teach emotionalsafety.
None can pause a binge urge.
None can calm your body whenyou're spiraling out of control.
And when the emotional partunderneath isn't addressed,
(06:06):
every tool, and I mean everytool, eventually runs into the
same wall.
Like relapse, regain, burnout,shame, overwhelm, the I was
doing so good until moment.
It's not failure, y'all.
It's wiring.
And that's why I created delaythe binge to fill in the part
(06:29):
the tool can't touch.
The emotional maintenance piece.
Delay the binge teaches you howto pause the reflex, regulate
your nervous system, feel theurge without acting on it, and
choose differently.
Build safety inside yourself.
Not after the tool and notduring the backslide, but before
(06:55):
the tool ever starts.
Because when you learn how tomaintain first, everything
changes.
You know, I as I learned on myown after my bariatric surgery,
I wondered why I wasn't taughtmaintenance before the surgery.
You know, it would have made mystruggle, my transition so much
(07:21):
easier.
I mean, it's gonna be difficultno matter what.
It's a whole new way of eating,a whole new way of life.
But I came up with these umlessons, top ten lessons on
maintenance.
So let's get into the heart oftoday's episode.
These lessons I wish someone hadhanded me decades ago.
(07:44):
So lesson number one ismaintenance begins before the
tool, not after, not someday,and not once I lose the weight.
Maintenance is the foundation.
Lesson number two is tools don'tfail people.
(08:05):
Patterns do.
If the emotional pattern staysthe same, the tool can only take
you so far.
And lesson three, we relapseafter success, not failure.
That's when the nervous systempanics because success is
unfamiliar.
(08:25):
It wants to go back to the oldways, what it knew.
Your brain.
Lesson four, maintenance is 90%emotional regulation.
If your body doesn't feel safe,your habits won't stick.
Lesson number five.
Self-sabotage is usually likeself-protection.
(08:48):
Your brain is not against you,it's trying to get you back to
what it knows.
Lesson six is consistency isn'tdiscipline, it's devotion.
It's my most favorite thing.
I don't like to use that worddiscipline.
It's harsh.
I prefer devotion.
(09:09):
Discipline says do better.
Devotion says you're worthshowing up for.
And lesson seven is you fall tothe level of your structure, not
your goals, not your motivation,your structure.
And if you don't have one, I canhelp you build one.
(09:32):
Lesson eight is you cannot whiteknuckle transformation.
Bottom line.
Shame and perfectionism alwayslead to collapse every time.
And lesson nine, patterns arenot personality.
You're not just like this orborn this way.
You learned it.
(09:54):
And you can unlearn it.
Teach your brain some newpatterns.
Lesson ten, maintenance requiresidentity work.
Let me say that again.
Maintenance requires identitywork.
You behave like the person youbelieve yourself to be or the
person you want to be.
(10:15):
Identity drives everything.
Let's figure out who you reallyare.
And here's the bonus, lessoneleven.
Motivation isn't the startingpoint.
Action is.
Alright, this one is huge.
Game changer huge.
We all think we need motivationfirst to do anything.
(10:36):
Like motivation is the sparkthat gets us going.
Nope.
Motivation is an echo, not aspark.
Motivation comes after thesmallest of actions, after the
pause, after the plus one, afteryou prove to your brain, hey,
it's safe to move here.
Action creates momentum.
(10:57):
Momentum creates motivation.
And motivation sustains whataction began.
So if you're waiting to feelready, stop waiting.
Take the smallest step you can.
Motivation will meet you afteryou move.
Maintenance is lifelong, y'all.
(11:18):
This isn't a 30 day challenge.
This isn't something you finish.
Maintenance is a relationshipwith yourself.
It's a conversation, a practice,a kindness.
And it lasts a lifetime.
Every single lesson today leadsto this one moment, the
purposeful pause.
(11:39):
The pause is where the reflexbreaks.
It's where you breathe again.
It's where you give yourself asecond to decide instead of
reacting immediately.
That one moment, that onebreath, that one decision is
where the cycle breaks.
That's why the pause is theheart of delay the binge and the
(12:04):
foundation of the plus onetheory.
If you're stuck in repeatedpatterns, and if you've started
over more times than you cancount, if you feel ashamed that
you should know better by now,friends hear me.
You are not failing.
You are rewiring.
(12:26):
Your nervous system isn'tfighting you.
It's trying to protect you theonly way it knows how.
And the fact that you're here,listening, learning, wanting
change, that says somethingabout who you are.
You're not behind.
You're becoming one powerfulshift at a time.
(12:50):
Thank you for being here today.
This episode came from a deepplace for me, and I hope it met
you in a meaningful place.
And before I go, I want to tellyou something I'm really excited
about.
So it's the holiday season,right?
We got Thanksgiving coming andthen Christmas and then the new
(13:10):
year.
I'm writing some Christmas shortstories as PJ Hamilton, and I
actually officially went livewith the very first story
yesterday, which was sent out toeveryone I could possibly find
to encourage them, if they lovethe story, to encourage them to
sign up on my mailing list, joinmy mailing list so they can see,
(13:35):
you know, a new Christmas storyevery single every single week.
And they are some of my beststories, some of my best work.
Heartfelt, nostalgic, a littlefunny, a little messy, all real,
all from the piney woods.
Every Tuesday, all through theseason, I'm sending a brand new
Christmas story straight to yourinbox.
(13:57):
If you're not on my list yet,head over to you can go to
pamdwyerspeaker.com and join.
You'll get access to the entireChristmas series, and you'll get
new stories every Tuesday.
And you'll be the first to knowwhen we launch the Delay the
Binge event.
And when the new books are readyto release.
Yes, I'm writing new books.
(14:18):
I have three of them.
And one is my first attempt atfiction.
Fantasy.
And it's gonna be amazing.
Seriously, I don't want you tomiss anything.
I want you to be with me on thisjourney.
So join me.
Come be part of this community,and remember, I help people who
(14:41):
know what they should do, butkeep falling into the same
patterns.
I teach them how to pause withpurpose, break the cycle of
brokenness, and finally live thelife they've been trying to
create.
One powerful shift at a time.
If this episode helped you, sendit to someone who needs hope
(15:04):
today.
And remember, your past does notdefine you, it prepares you.
I'll see you next week.
Hey friends, I'm really glad you're here today.
Welcome back to the Plus OneTheory Podcast, where I help
people who know what they shoulddo, but keep falling into the
same patterns.
And I teach you how to pausewith purpose, break the cycle of
brokenness, and finally live thelife you've been trying to
(00:29):
create.
One powerful shift at a time.
So okay.
Before we get into today'sepisode, though, I need to share
something with you.
Something personal and honestly,something I'm still wrapping my
head around.
So if you didn't know, myhusband and I just got back from
a cruise.
(00:49):
And what most people didn't seewas that I was sick the entire
time.
Not the oh I'm tired, maybe Iate something weird.
Nope.
I was sick sick.
Like I couldn't stand up withoutfeeling dizzy, my stomach was
hurting, and I had no energy atall.
Not a fun week.
(01:10):
And when we got home, it gotworse pretty fast.
So within a few hours, theparamedics came and I was taken
to the hospital and put into theICU for a few days.
Doctors were looking at my labsin total disbelief because my
hemoglobin, which is normallyaround an eleven or twelve, was
(01:32):
at a four.
A four.
Every nurse and every doctorsaid the same thing.
They said, Pam, we don'tunderstand how you were even
walking around, girl.
And listen, I didn't either.
They ended up giving me fourpints of blood, and after a few
days of some truly incrediblecare, we found the culprit a
(01:55):
bleeding ulcer.
Who knew?
I didn't even know I had anulcer.
And here's what blows my mind.
One week ago I was fighting forstability.
One week ago my body wasscreaming for help.
And now today, here I am,talking to you, recording this
episode.
Life is so crazy, isn't it?
(02:18):
It's unpredictable, it's messy.
And it can sideswipe you withoutwarning.
And you know what's reallyinteresting?
This week also happens to beWorld Kindness Day.
Well today is the thirteenth.
And that hit me differently thisyear because kindness wasn't
(02:41):
just a social media post that I,you know, scrolled past and
said, Oh, it's World KindnessDay.
Nope.
It was the nurses holding myhand, the doctors explaining
every single step to me, thestrangers who were praying for
me, the kindness I had to givemyself when fear crept in.
(03:07):
Kindness carried me throughsomething really scary, really
scary for me, and it reminded mein a very deep way that kindness
is not weakness.
Kindness is maintenance, it'semotional regulation, and it's
safety.
And that's exactly why today'sepisode matters.
(03:30):
Because when life surprises us,whether it's with overwhelm,
relapse, old patterns, or anunexpected hospital stay,
kindness, not willpower, is whathelps us pause instead of panic.
So today we're talking aboutsomething almost no one teaches
(03:52):
the truth about maintenance, whywe struggle with it and why
tools aren't enough, and howkindness is the foundation for
change that actually lasts.
Alright, my friends, let's getstarted with today's episode,
shall we?
So here's something I want tosay right from the start.
(04:13):
I didn't create delay the bingebecause I wanted another program
or another system.
I created it because I was tiredof seeing people blame
themselves for failing toolsthat were never built to fix the
thing that was actually hurting.
And you know what I mean when Isay tools, right?
(04:35):
Because we've all used them.
Let's list a few, becausethey're everywhere now.
The GLP1 meds like Weigo V,Ozimpic, Moderno, Zepp Bound,
Bariatric Surgeries, there's thesleeve, the bypass, balloons,
all the structured plans likeOctavia, E2M, Weight Watchers,
(04:57):
and Noom.
And then there's the trackingapps, MyFitnessPal, uh Lose It.
Then there's the watches, AppleWatch, Fitbit, a cool aura ring
that I really want to get.
The high accountability programslike Orange Theory, CrossFit,
even therapy tools, CBTworksheets, grounding exercises,
(05:23):
and journaling apps.
Yay journaling.
Listen, every single one ofthese tools works.
They help, they save lives, theychange lives, and some of them
changed mine.
But here's the truth.
None of them can regulate adysregulated nervous system.
(05:46):
None of them can interrupttrauma related eating, and none
of them can teach emotionalsafety.
None can pause a binge urge.
None can calm your body whenyou're spiraling out of control.
And when the emotional partunderneath isn't addressed,
(06:06):
every tool, and I mean everytool, eventually runs into the
same wall.
Like relapse, regain, burnout,shame, overwhelm, the I was
doing so good until moment.
It's not failure, y'all.
It's wiring.
And that's why I created delaythe binge to fill in the part
(06:29):
the tool can't touch.
The emotional maintenance piece.
Delay the binge teaches you howto pause the reflex, regulate
your nervous system, feel theurge without acting on it, and
choose differently.
Build safety inside yourself.
Not after the tool and notduring the backslide, but before
(06:55):
the tool ever starts.
Because when you learn how tomaintain first, everything
changes.
You know, I as I learned on myown after my bariatric surgery,
I wondered why I wasn't taughtmaintenance before the surgery.
You know, it would have made mystruggle, my transition so much
(07:21):
easier.
I mean, it's gonna be difficultno matter what.
It's a whole new way of eating,a whole new way of life.
But I came up with these umlessons, top ten lessons on
maintenance.
So let's get into the heart oftoday's episode.
These lessons I wish someone hadhanded me decades ago.
(07:44):
So lesson number one ismaintenance begins before the
tool, not after, not someday,and not once I lose the weight.
Maintenance is the foundation.
Lesson number two is tools don'tfail people.
(08:05):
Patterns do.
If the emotional pattern staysthe same, the tool can only take
you so far.
And lesson three, we relapseafter success, not failure.
That's when the nervous systempanics because success is
unfamiliar.
(08:25):
It wants to go back to the oldways, what it knew.
Your brain.
Lesson four, maintenance is 90%emotional regulation.
If your body doesn't feel safe,your habits won't stick.
Lesson number five.
Self-sabotage is usually likeself-protection.
(08:48):
Your brain is not against you,it's trying to get you back to
what it knows.
Lesson six is consistency isn'tdiscipline, it's devotion.
It's my most favorite thing.
I don't like to use that worddiscipline.
It's harsh.
I prefer devotion.
(09:09):
Discipline says do better.
Devotion says you're worthshowing up for.
And lesson seven is you fall tothe level of your structure, not
your goals, not your motivation,your structure.
And if you don't have one, I canhelp you build one.
(09:32):
Lesson eight is you cannot whiteknuckle transformation.
Bottom line.
Shame and perfectionism alwayslead to collapse every time.
And lesson nine, patterns arenot personality.
You're not just like this orborn this way.
You learned it.
(09:54):
And you can unlearn it.
Teach your brain some newpatterns.
Lesson ten, maintenance requiresidentity work.
Let me say that again.
Maintenance requires identitywork.
You behave like the person youbelieve yourself to be or the
person you want to be.
(10:15):
Identity drives everything.
Let's figure out who you reallyare.
And here's the bonus, lessoneleven.
Motivation isn't the startingpoint.
Action is.
Alright, this one is huge.
Game changer huge.
We all think we need motivationfirst to do anything.
(10:36):
Like motivation is the sparkthat gets us going.
Nope.
Motivation is an echo, not aspark.
Motivation comes after thesmallest of actions, after the
pause, after the plus one, afteryou prove to your brain, hey,
it's safe to move here.
Action creates momentum.
(10:57):
Momentum creates motivation.
And motivation sustains whataction began.
So if you're waiting to feelready, stop waiting.
Take the smallest step you can.
Motivation will meet you afteryou move.
Maintenance is lifelong, y'all.
(11:18):
This isn't a 30 day challenge.
This isn't something you finish.
Maintenance is a relationshipwith yourself.
It's a conversation, a practice,a kindness.
And it lasts a lifetime.
Every single lesson today leadsto this one moment, the
purposeful pause.
(11:39):
The pause is where the reflexbreaks.
It's where you breathe again.
It's where you give yourself asecond to decide instead of
reacting immediately.
That one moment, that onebreath, that one decision is
where the cycle breaks.
That's why the pause is theheart of delay the binge and the
(12:04):
foundation of the plus onetheory.
If you're stuck in repeatedpatterns, and if you've started
over more times than you cancount, if you feel ashamed that
you should know better by now,friends hear me.
You are not failing.
You are rewiring.
(12:26):
Your nervous system isn'tfighting you.
It's trying to protect you theonly way it knows how.
And the fact that you're here,listening, learning, wanting
change, that says somethingabout who you are.
You're not behind.
You're becoming one powerfulshift at a time.
(12:50):
Thank you for being here today.
This episode came from a deepplace for me, and I hope it met
you in a meaningful place.
And before I go, I want to tellyou something I'm really excited
about.
So it's the holiday season,right?
We got Thanksgiving coming andthen Christmas and then the new
(13:10):
year.
I'm writing some Christmas shortstories as PJ Hamilton, and I
actually officially went livewith the very first story
yesterday, which was sent out toeveryone I could possibly find
to encourage them, if they lovethe story, to encourage them to
sign up on my mailing list, joinmy mailing list so they can see,
(13:35):
you know, a new Christmas storyevery single every single week.
And they are some of my beststories, some of my best work.
Heartfelt, nostalgic, a littlefunny, a little messy, all real,
all from the piney woods.
Every Tuesday, all through theseason, I'm sending a brand new
Christmas story straight to yourinbox.
(13:57):
If you're not on my list yet,head over to you can go to
pamdwyerspeaker.com and join.
You'll get access to the entireChristmas series, and you'll get
new stories every Tuesday.
And you'll be the first to knowwhen we launch the Delay the
Binge event.
And when the new books are readyto release.
Yes, I'm writing new books.
(14:18):
I have three of them.
And one is my first attempt atfiction.
Fantasy.
And it's gonna be amazing.
Seriously, I don't want you tomiss anything.
I want you to be with me on thisjourney.
So join me.
Come be part of this community,and remember, I help people who
(14:41):
know what they should do, butkeep falling into the same
patterns.
I teach them how to pause withpurpose, break the cycle of
brokenness, and finally live thelife they've been trying to
create.
One powerful shift at a time.
If this episode helped you, sendit to someone who needs hope
(15:04):
today.
And remember, your past does notdefine you, it prepares you.
I'll see you next week.
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