Episode 50: Quiet Depletion, Real Recovery

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What if the reason you’re snapping, shutting down, or reaching for quick fixes isn’t lack of willpower but quiet depletion—the slow fade that turns joy into numbness? We shine a light on the exhaustion beneath the exhaustion and share how a three-second pause can change your day and your brain. From a raw story about a health scare to the science of why the prefrontal cortex goes offline under stress, we connect the dots between invisible labor, holiday pressure, and binge reactions that are really survival signals.

We break down practical ways to come back to yourself: the three gates (Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?), identifying one place you’ve gone missing, lowering a single expectation this season, and asking daily what you need. You’ll hear how to use the holidays as fuel instead of a trigger by swapping judgment for curiosity and giving yourself permission to step out of emotional over-responsibility. Instead of chasing motivation, we show you how micro-pauses rebuild safety and restore agency.

We also talk about why healing thrives in community. Delay the Binge isn’t about gritting your teeth; it’s about creating space between feeling and action so you can listen to your body and choose differently. If you’ve felt like life is happening to you and your spark is dimming, this conversation offers a path back—one pause, one gate, one delay at a time. If this resonates, subscribe, share it with a friend who needs it, and join the waitlist at DelayTheBinge. Your return starts with a breath.

Visit Pam Dwyer online and sign up on her email list to receive the latest updates!

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:08):
Welcome back to the Plus One Theory Podcast.
I'm Pam Dwyer, your host, and Ijust want to begin by saying
something I don't think I saynearly enough.
I care about you, and I careabout your heart, your
well-being, your healing, andyour ability to feel like you
again.

(00:28):
You matter here.
Today's episode is going tospeak directly to the places
inside you that you've beencarrying for too long.
We're talking about quietdepletion.
The kind that steals your joy,steals your energy, and slowly
erases the real you, especiallyduring the holidays.

(00:52):
But we're also talking abouthope and about healing and about
how to take one powerful pausethat can bring you back to
yourself one moment at a time.
So take a deep breath.
You're safe here, you're seenhere, and you're worth this
conversation.
So let's get started.

(01:14):
Today we're going to talk aboutsomething that quietly steals
your energy, your joy, youridentity, and your well being.
Quiet depletion.
The exhaustion beneath theexhaustion, the tiredness you
learn to function through, theemotional shutdown you don't

(01:35):
even recognize happening.
And I want to show you how onesimple idea, a pause, can
literally bring you back tolife.
There's this Buddha quote I sawtoday that I really love.
Before you speak, let your wordspass through three gates.
Is it true?

(01:56):
Is it necessary?
And is it kind?
Those three questions, they canchange your life.
Because when you are depleted,overwhelmed, and running on
fumes, you don't speak throughthe gates.
You speak through survival.
So today we're going to talkabout what quiet depletion

(02:19):
really is and why it steals thereal you and why it makes bench
behaviors stronger and how itnearly took my life.
And how to use the holidayseason as fuel instead of a
trigger.
Plus the steps to begin healingtoday.

(02:39):
Take a breath.
Let's begin.
Quiet depletion is not burnout.
Burnout screams.
Quiet depletion whispers.
It erodes.
It shows up when you carry toomuch for too long without
support.
It looks like I'm fine even whenyou aren't.

(03:02):
Functioning without feeling,taking care of everyone but
yourself, being responsible forthe emotional temperature of the
room, pushing through physicalsymptoms and not remembering the
last time you felt joy.
Feeling like your life ishappening to you and not with

(03:24):
you.
Here's the part no one talksabout.
When you live in quiet depletionlong enough, the real you
disappears.
Not dramatically, but quietly,gradually.
You don't even notice thatyou're fading away.
Your laugh becomes softer, andyour spark it dims, and your

(03:49):
opinions get quieter.
Your needs evaporate and yourjoy disappears.
And for and somewhere inside youwhisper, Who even am I anymore?
What is the real me anyway?
You've been operating onautopilot for so long that

(04:10):
you've forgotten what it feelslike to be fully alive.
Let's talk about what this doesto your body and your mind.
Women are twice as likely as mento experience chronic fatigue,
and women perform about threetimes more invisible labor,

(04:30):
which is the emotional andmental workload no one sees.
Almost half of women in midlifereport feeling burned out.
Chronic fatigue impactscognitive clarity, emotional
regulation, memory and impulsecontrol.
Translation When you'redepleted, you snap faster, you

(04:54):
shut down faster, you crumblefaster, you say yes when you
mean no, and you ignore yourneeds.
You numb everything just to keepgoing.
Quiet depletion doesn't justchange your day, it changes your
brain.
This is where it gets real.

(05:16):
Quiet depletion makes bingereactions more likely, not
because you're weak, but becauseyour brain is overwhelmed.
Your prefrontal cortex, the partthat makes wise long term
decisions, goes offline.
Your amygdala, the panic part,takes over.
Your brain starts begging forrelief, a dopamine hit, a moment

(05:41):
to breathe.
So you reach for sugar, wine,scrolling, shopping,
overcleaning, overworking,overgiving, emotional outbursts,
and emotional shutdown.
Not because you're trying tosabotage yourself, because
you're trying to survive.

(06:02):
It's not a binge problem.
It's a depletion problem.
A few weeks ago, I talked aboutthis in my previous podcast, but
a few weeks ago a quietdepletion almost ended my life.
I was on a cruise.
I didn't want to inconvenienceanyone.
I didn't want to ruin the trip.

(06:25):
I didn't want to disrupt thefun.
So I ignored.
I ignored the dizziness, theweakness, the fatigue, the fear
rising in my chest.
My intuition screaming somethingwas wrong.
And I told myself the same lieswe all tell.
I can push through this.

(06:46):
I'll deal with it later.
And I don't want to be a burdento everyone.
It has to get done.
So when I finally got home andmade it to the hospital, yes.
I was paramedics came andeverything.
Took me to the ER.
I learned that I had a bleedingulcer.

(07:06):
I didn't even know I had anulcer.
I was severely anemic and Ineeded four pints of blood.
The doctor said, Your body hasbeen shutting down, and I don't
know how you were stillfunctioning.
But I do.
It's called quiet depletion.
Quiet depletion doesn't knockyou out.

(07:28):
It slowly empties you untilthere's nothing left, like a
slow leak.
Quiet depletion doesn't make youstronger, it silences the
signals your body is begging youto hear.
And if you don't respond tothose signals, your body
eventually forces you to.

(07:49):
Let's talk about the seasonwhere we're walking into we're
going into the holidays.
Thanksgiving is next week, andthen comes Christmas and then
New Year's.
If you're already depleted, theholidays don't help at all.
They magnify everything.
They add more expectations, moreemotional labor, more

(08:12):
obligations, planning, moredoing and pressure, more
pretending.
And here's what happens.
You numb out to function.
You shut down to survive.
You push your needs even furtherdown because the holidays should
be magical, right?
But the truth, you become abalancing act that isn't

(08:36):
balanced at all.
You keep everything on theoutside festive and happy, while
everything on the inside goessilent.
And that silence, that numbness,that's the sound of you
disappearing.
You don't feel joy because youdon't feel anything.
Your system is trying to survivethe season, not enjoy it.

(09:00):
And you binge to feel or to notfeel, to stay awake, to stay
functioning, to stay invisible.
So let's shift over to somehope, shall we?
Here's what you can do startingtoday to begin healing your
quiet depletion.

(09:20):
Number one is you start with thepause before you speak, before
you commit, before you say yes,pause.
Every three seconds can saveyou.
Number two, use the three gatesthat we talked about earlier.
Ask yourself, is it true?
Is it necessary?

(09:41):
And is it kind?
And then at your gate, is itpaused?
Number three is identify oneplace you're disappearing.
Where have you gone missing fromyour own life?
Where do you feel nothing?
Awareness is the beginning ofreturn.

(10:01):
Lower one expectation thisholiday season, just one.
Release something that drainsyou.
It doesn't mean you're failing,you're protecting yourself.
Number five, ask yourself daily,what do I need?
This is not selfishness, this issurvival.

(10:22):
And number six, use the holidaysas fuel.
Yes, you heard me, fuel.
If the holidays expose yourdepletion, use that awareness as
a turning point.
Instead of spiraling, choosecuriosity.
What is this season showing meabout what I can't keep doing?

(10:42):
Your depletion speaks.
Listen.
Number seven, find community.
This is my favorite.
Quiet depletion thrives alone.
Healing thrives together.
This is why delay the bingeexists.
Delay the binge is not aboutwillpower.

(11:04):
It's about understanding why theurge shows up in the first place
and creating space between thefeeling and the action.
Learning what your body istrying to tell you.
Feeling again without fear,reconnecting to the real you and

(11:25):
having support while you do it.
Most importantly, it's acommunity of people who
understand this exact cycle.
People who won't say just pushthrough it because they've done
that too.
People who won't say try harderbecause they know depletion is

(11:47):
not about effort.
It's about exhaustion.
People who see you, people whoget you, people who walk with
you, one pause at a time, oneshift at a time, and one delay
at a time.
You don't need to overhaul yourlife today, and you don't need

(12:08):
to fix everything.
You don't need to carryeveryone.
You just need a moment, a pause,a breath, a gatekeeper.
Because the real you, the onewho laughs, feels, hopes,
dreams, loves, she's stillthere.
She's tired, she's buried, she'squiet, but she's not gone.

(12:32):
In this season, it can be theseason you return.
With awareness, with compassion,with truth, kindness, and with a
pause.
And with support.
You deserve to live, notdisappear.
And you deserve joy, notnumbness.

(12:53):
You deserve to be you again.
One pause, one gate, one delayat a time.
Thank you for being with metoday.
And please hear this with yourwhole heart.
I care about you.
You deserve support.
You deserve tools that help youheal.

(13:13):
And you deserve a community thatsees you because you are worth
it.
If today's episode made you feelunderstood, seen, or even a
little less alone, I want topersonally invite you to join my
Delay the Binge wait list.
Not only for you, but to alsohelp us grow a community of

(13:35):
people who support one another,who lift each other up, who
understand the quiet depletionyou've been carrying, and who
want to heal together.
DelayThe Binge will give you thespace to pause, the tools to
break the cycle, and theencouragement to reconnect with

(13:56):
the real you.
Just go to delaythebinge.com andadd your name today.
The link is also in the shownotes.
Thank you for listening, andthank you for choosing yourself
today.
And remember, you can reclaimyour life.
One pause, one gate, one delayat a time.

(14:19):
Thanks for listening.
I'll see you next week.