What happens when an introverted woman steps into one of the most male-dominated industries and learns to stand tall in her quiet strength?
In this inspiring conversation, I speak with Dione Chan, a Filipino-Australian business owner, keynote speaker, and director of ICP Group Australia. From growing up shy with severe eczema to finding her voice in the security industry, Dione’s story is one of courage, resilience, and redefining what it means to lead as an introvert.
She shares how a viral encounter with rapper Drake became the catalyst for teaching others about boundaries and self-respect, and how her SAFE framework (Scan, Acknowledge, Find, Engage/Escalate) is helping introverts and women hold their ground with quiet confidence.
This episode is full of practical wisdom for anyone who has ever struggled with people-pleasing, cultural conditioning, or the fear of speaking up.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
- How Dione transformed childhood shyness and self-doubt into resilience and leadership
- The surprising lessons she learned from working in the security industry as an introverted woman
- Why setting boundaries is essential—and how to do it with compassion
- How cultural upbringing and people-pleasing patterns can hold introverts back
- The power of healthy anger and why it’s necessary for self-protection
- Dione’s SAFE framework for handling challenging situations with clarity and courage
- Why putting yourself first is not selfish, but essential for authentic leadership
About Dione Chan
Dione Chan is a Filipino-Australian business owner, keynote speaker, and director of ICP Group Australia. With experience across safety, security, and training, she has built a career in spaces where women are rarely seen. Drawing on her own journey from self-doubt to self-leadership, Dione now speaks and teaches on boundaries, resilience, and quiet confidence—helping others become their own first responders.
Instagram: @that_security_lady
Facebook: @That Security Lady
LinkedIn: Dione Aaliyah Chan
Website: www.icpgroupaustralia.com.au
Next Steps
If you’re ready to become visible without acting extroverted, follow me on LinkedIn for introvert-friendly strategies to grow your career.
This episode was edited by Aura House Productions
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:01):
Hi, I'm Serena Lo.
If you're used to hearing thatintroverts are shy, anxious,
antisocial, and lack goodcommunication and leadership
skills, then this podcast is foryou.
You're about to fall in lovewith a calm, introspective, and
profound person that you are.
Discover what's fun, unique, andpowerful about being an
(00:22):
introvert and how to make theelegant transition from quiet
achiever to quiet warrior inyour life and work.
Anytime you want, in more waysthan you imagined possible.
Welcome.
Hello and welcome.
Today's guest on the QuietWarrior Podcast is Dion Chan.
Dion is a Filipino-Australianbusiness owner, keynote speaker,
(00:46):
and director of ICP GroupAustralia.
Ironically, she found herstrength in the male-dominated
security industry, a space sheentered believing she could
remain unseen.
Instead, it became the veryplace where she learned how to
build a presence, holdboundaries, and lead with quiet
confidence.
(01:06):
Today, Dion runs businesses withher husband across safety,
security, and training andshares her journey of
transforming self-doubt intoresilience.
Welcome, Dion Chan, to the QuietWarrior Podcast.
Hi, Serena.
Thank you for having me.
Dion, I was quite intrigued bywhat you shared in your bio
(01:28):
about growing up as anintrovert.
Could you tell us a bit aboutthat and how it shaped you?
SPEAKER_03 (01:34):
So I grew up in a small community in a regional
town of Western Australia.
And I had eczema as a child,severe eczema.
So that was one factor that keptme quite shy.
My parents are also very shy, soI had all these things really
(01:54):
against me.
But that was that's how itshaped me into adolescence.
My skin started to clear up, andnow I had to go on this path of
you know identifying myself assomebody else because I'd always
been always known and I thoughtof myself as just I had to hide.
(02:23):
And when he started hisbusiness, he said that I could
should come into the fold ofsecurity because there was a
need for women there.
And initially, uh because of thepreconception of security, I was
like, I don't have the size, Idon't have the intimidating
look.
But he said, believe me, it'syou're needed there.
(02:44):
So I trusted him and I trustedhis lead.
So I thought initially, when Istarted on the job, I thought,
this is great, I can just fadeinto the background because I'm
just watching people, I don'thave to do anything.
But then obviously, differentroles gave me different
experiences.
And so now I had to deal withthe public because there were
(03:06):
situations where I would have toapproach them.
And in the early days, that wasso intimidating for me.
And you know, as an introvert,you get so worked up about
something as simple as engagingin conversation with a stranger,
um, especially in the context ofhaving to move them on or give
(03:27):
them direction.
Um, so I found that really,really hard in the early days
mentally.
But with practice, and I thinkalso I was fortunate to be under
the guidance of my husband whojust doesn't hesitate.
You know, when you're inproximity with people that don't
have a problem withconfrontation or just even
(03:50):
speaking to people, it's easy toremind yourself it's not that
big of a deal.
So that was really what helpedme through, you know, his
guidance.
And just with practice, with alldifferent jobs and meeting
different people, I've reallydeveloped a lot in that space,
and now I can apply it to mydaily life and how I choose to
(04:14):
interact with people.
SPEAKER_00 (04:18):
What would you say was the most confronting or
challenging situation you everencountered while working in
security?
SPEAKER_02 (04:28):
Challenging not so much as a security job.
SPEAKER_03 (04:34):
It would have been a situation that happened that put
me in the spotlight because Iwas so used to fading in the
background, observing, and thenjust walking in when I'm needed,
and then suddenly this situationhappened that put me in the
spotlight, and now I was reallyhaving to digest everything that
(04:55):
was happening because internallyum it was triggering past
thoughts of, oh my gosh, this isso uncomfortable for me, but
what am I going to do with this?
Because ultimately, asintroverts, we've always got
situations where we make achoice if we're going to speak
out or if we're going to remainsilent like we always have in
(05:16):
our life.
So uh that would probably be themost challenging for me.
SPEAKER_00 (05:23):
Can you tell us a bit more about that?
What was it, who was it, youknow, involving?
What was it like when thatmoment when you found yourself
in the spotlight in the publiceye?
And how did you deal with it?
SPEAKER_03 (05:36):
So just for context, Serena, this I was working for
um Drake, the rapper Drake.
And so I was working alongsidehis personal security because
that is the foundation of mywork, is actual bodyguard work.
And so in this moment, um he hadseen me and he pulled me into
(05:59):
the spotlight and was flirting,so to speak, asked me if I was
married, and I said yes.
And then he walked off, and thatwas all good.
But that interaction was caughton camera, obviously, by the
thousands of people that were inattendance at his concert, and
that video went viral.
(06:20):
And so it was something that wasjust funny at first.
I thought, okay, we'll just letthat go and let that die in the
internet.
But um, when I started to reviewcomments and the responses to
it, it it started to sparksomething in me that I think I
(06:41):
need to have a discussion aboutthis.
I think I need to open upconversations around the skill
set that I have that applied tothis situation.
So because he had asked me ifI'm married and if I was wearing
a ring, I gladly said yes.
So that's me holding up aboundary.
So it with my security work, Ijust I dealt with it the same
(07:05):
way I would with anybody.
I I didn't, I wasn't affected bythe stars in my eyes, like so
many people are.
It didn't affect me because Iwas in my work zone.
So I just dealt with him thesame way I would with anybody
else.
And I feel that that is soimportant because people do get
what I call starry eyes.
(07:25):
And especially as an introvert,it can be easy to put someone on
such a high pedestal and thenyou don't want to offend them,
you don't want to do this, andyou kind of shrink and shrink
even more, and then you don'tyou almost compromise your own
values because you're yeah,you've just allowed them to take
(07:46):
control of everything.
So I felt that that was ateaching point, um, especially
for women, because it was womenthat were mostly responding
because there was such aninterest around the fact that
I'm a security agent in amale-dominated space.
So that was, I think that mighthave been the intriguing part
(08:07):
initially of that video and whyit went viral, because it was
just so unusual to see a womanin such you know close proximity
of a celebrity and then thatinteraction happening, but me
treating it like he's a normalhuman being.
But this is something that I'vestarted to teach now.
So I felt that that wasimportant from that moment.
SPEAKER_00 (08:28):
I think it's so important that we're having this
conversation, Dion.
As a woman who is alsointroverted, I can relate 100%
to what you said about puttingother people on a pedestal.
I think I did that for many,many years.
And often unconsciously,authority figures or people whom
I perceived had more power ormore somehow more clout, more
(08:52):
influence.
Those were the people I put on apedestal.
And then I would defer to them.
I would, like you said,compromise my own my own stand
in something that was importantto me, but I would say, oh, you
know, because they said it thisway, or because they disagreed,
you know, I should adjust my mymy position on this matter.
(09:13):
And it's every time we do that,I don't know how you feel, but I
feel like I'm giving away alittle bit of myself.
SPEAKER_03 (09:20):
Yes, 100%.
100%.
And when as soon as you startcompromising that, you start
questioning your own beliefs andyour own skill set.
You know, you could be in asituation where you actually
know more than your manager, forexample.
And it's it even goes as far asan office space where you might
just think, okay, they're themanager, they probably know
(09:41):
better, but actually deep down,you have more skills or you're
more experienced in that in thatrole.
And yet, because of the status,you've allowed for that to be
the priority here instead ofwhat you know, and then just
suppressing it.
And then through that, that'swhere so much, especially for
myself in my own experience,I've stayed in that toxic
(10:04):
workplace, you know, because Ifeel like I have to now prove
something, even though Iactually knew better, but I
didn't listen to myself or Ididn't put myself first.
And now that I'm in this in afrontline position, um I'm also
a volunteer ambulance officer.
So now it's like priority toreally put myself first, not
(10:26):
just in safety, but I take thaton, you know, mentally as well.
What do I need in this momentright now?
And how do I feel about it?
Do I need to speak up or do Ineed to escalate this to
somebody else to get it done?
SPEAKER_00 (10:42):
And I think there may be one more element that is
important to talk about.
Do you think that culturalconditioning has a part to play
as well in introverted people,in women suppressing, holding
back, people pleasing, andgiving our power away?
SPEAKER_03 (11:01):
Absolutely.
I think culture has a huge uhinfluence on that.
As someone from an Asianbackground, that is very much
the case.
And I saw that example with mymum.
She's so obliging, she's verypeople-pleasing, very quiet.
And so that was my first exampleof how really a woman should be,
and then also family members aswell, doing you know, following
(11:24):
that same thing.
And so when something differentis presented to you, you
automatically think that's notthe right way, and so there's a
lot of unlearning that has tohappen through your life.
And meeting someone like myhusband, who is very he can be
very confrontational and justvery direct, but he's also very
(11:46):
empathetic.
And so when you see people withthat skill set, you can see that
you can get what you want, butyou do need to take courage and
speak out.
Otherwise, people don't knowthat you can't assume that they
know something that you'rethinking, and you might be so
stuck in your own head that itbecomes even bigger than what it
is as an introvert.
(12:06):
I'm sure you know as well,Serena.
SPEAKER_00 (12:08):
Yeah.
Oh, you're reading my mind.
I'm thinking, how can one bedirect as well as empathetic at
the same time?
Those sound like oppositesbecause we're trained to be in
Asian culture, yeah, we'retrained to be quite indirect, to
be very careful, very subtle.
You know, we follow all theseunwritten rules, and we never
ever say directly to somebodywhat we really think, especially
(12:30):
if we disagree with them.
So, how do you practice beingdirect and empathetic?
SPEAKER_03 (12:36):
That came a lot of practice in the security field,
which I'm very grateful forbecause it allowed me a safe
space to practice that.
So anytime I had to approach apatron, I would I started to
learn to look at it from myangle, and I used empathy to
lead me because I wasn't like myhusband, even though I wanted to
(13:01):
be like him in the way that hedealt with people, I'm still my
own person.
And people aren't going toreceive me the same way they
receive a male security guard.
So I would always lead withempathy, and I would put myself
in that person's situation.
How must they be feeling?
Okay, now how do I lead withthat?
And I would just have aconversation and then slowly
(13:23):
direct them to where I need themto be.
So it was really interesting tosee how you can still control a
situation without beingconfrontational.
And that was something I reallyhad to learn over time because
as an introvert, you just thinkthe moment you talk or the
moment you're engaging, you'reeither going to look really
(13:44):
silly or you're going to comeacross really aggressive, like
because you can't find thatbalance.
SPEAKER_02 (13:50):
So it really came with practice.
SPEAKER_00 (13:55):
And I'm thinking we introverts tend to go to the
other extreme ofover-apologizing or trying to
appease.
So, what's an example of somekind of language that you use
when you are in that sort ofsituation where you need someone
to do something, followinstructions, and you need to
deflect them from what they'recurrently doing.
SPEAKER_03 (14:16):
I tend to say, for example, there's a lady who's
she's quite intoxicated, and Ineed her to move back inside
because she's actually in anarea that is not licensed, so
she can't bring her alcoholoutside.
So something as simple as that.
I would just start aconversation with her because I
(14:38):
can already see that she's sad,and the last thing she would
need is someone going, Hey, getback inside, you know.
So I would just sort of begoing, Hey, how are you going?
You all right?
Can I get you a glass of water?
You know, so I actually hone inon that um appeasing trait that
(14:59):
we have as introverts.
Go with that.
If I can learn to come acrossthat I'm serving them, then from
there they're more likely tofollow me.
So yeah, it's it's been reallyum, and I'm still learning as
I'm going as well, Serena,because you do with so many
different people, you learndifferent things along the way,
but ultimately you do have totake the courage and start
(15:22):
speaking more.
But especially in situationswhere you are feeling
uncomfortable.
So it's different if it'ssomebody else making you feel
uncomfortable.
That's probably the scariestpart as an introvert to take
action.
And I know I'm sure other peoplehave been in situations where
you might have somebody who'svery touchy-feely or making you
(15:46):
feel really uncomfortable.
Um, you know, he could be afriend of a friend, you've got
no real connection to him, butevery time he sees you, he's
just so hands-on and you'rereally uncomfortable, and for so
long you just keep ignoring itand going, okay, well, I'm just
gonna stay further away fromthis person.
But ultimately, if you don't sayanything, it will keep
(16:07):
repeating.
And so I've been in a situationlike that, and I had I just
reached a turning point where Ifelt not just uncomfortable, but
I felt really disrespected.
So from that moment, I wasreally in that hold of do I say
something and and conquer thisfear, or do I leave it like I
(16:28):
always have and possiblyencounter it once more?
So I made that leap to speak up.
And in hindsight, I know I couldhave articulated it better
because when I did approach thatperson, I was doing it in anger.
I was still quite raw in anger,and but I think that also came
(16:48):
across very solid and seriousbecause it shocked him.
He wasn't expecting it, but I'mso glad I did.
And I feel like for introverts,once you make that small change,
it's so liberating.
There's something so liberatingabout taking, you know, speaking
up and seeing something changeand going, you know what, I
(17:10):
don't actually don't have todeal with that person anymore,
and I don't care.
So it's it's really it'ssomething else.
It's um and and from that, youknow, you can take different
situations and and make thosesmall changes, and you can start
putting up boundaries everywhereelse in your life because you've
seen the effect that it has whenyou do speak up.
SPEAKER_00 (17:34):
I'm so glad that you mentioned the the the anger
piece because I've noticed womenand introverts, you know,
together they get veryuncomfortable talking about
anger.
And in some families, you know,the upbringing has been that we
don't do anger, we don't talkabout anger, we shouldn't show
our anger in front of thechildren.
(17:56):
But actually there is this deepresentment, and because it's not
expressed in a healthy way, thechildren go away believing that
expressing anger is wrong, thatsomehow there is, you know, we
should never do that becauseit's that's not how our family
does things.
So it it becomes allinternalized, all buried, yeah,
all hidden.
But at the same time, then theperson doesn't learn to
(18:19):
construct those boundaries youtalked about and to express
healthy anger.
So I believe that every emotionhas got its light side as well
as its shadow side.
And perhaps we are thinkingabout those shadow expressions
of anger where people becomeviolent and become you know
uncontrollable.
But if you're talking aboutanger to defend your boundaries,
to protect yourself or protectsomeone else, that actually is a
(18:42):
very good, healthy kind ofanger.
And we need to be able to accessthat for survival at a critical
time.
SPEAKER_03 (18:49):
Yes, absolutely.
And I think also in a settingwhere, say, your work requires
you to be hands-on withsomebody.
I recently did a talk for thechiropractors association, and
as you know, with chiropractors,their work is very hands-on
physically, and for women, thatcan be quite daunting because
(19:10):
touch alone can send a differentmessage to different
individuals, even though yourintention is only to treat them.
And so this is where it'simportant to learn how to put up
boundaries and to be able tospeak up because you can have
compassion without compromise.
(19:31):
I think that's something that wereally need to emphasize is you
this you can still becompassionate.
Speaking up doesn't make youaggressive.
You can be compassionate withoutcompromising your own safety and
your own values and what youwant from your life.
We're so, as introverts, we'rejust so used to shrinking and
fading, and and we even speakbadly about ourselves because
(19:54):
when you have no output, you getno feedback, right?
And so we get stuck in that.
And I think I think it wasactually an episode that you had
um previously, Serena, uh, whenyou say, you know, as
introverts, we engage inspeaking activities or social
activities, but it's actuallyfar more draining for someone as
(20:18):
an introvert than our extrovertcounterparts because there's so
much going on internally just tohave a conversation with
somebody or to get into a socialevent.
So yeah, it's it's it's verychallenging, but we do have our
strengths as well.
So we need to tap into that, butput ourselves first always.
SPEAKER_00 (20:44):
Well, people that are listening to this, I think
the the concept that you'vementioned a few times, putting
yourself first, may feel a bitforeign, may take some getting
used to because we are oftentold as women to put everybody
else first and to put ourselveslast.
You know, if there just happensto be some time for me, then oh
yes, then that's me time.
But it's always like it's alwayspushed further and further down
(21:05):
the line because somebody else'sneeds are always more important
than my needs.
So I think it's very good thatyou're mentioning repeatedly
that we need to put ourselvesfirst and that it's not a
selfish thing, it's actuallyreally good for everyone, it's a
win for everyone else.
Because if we are looking afterourselves, then we have the full
mental capacity, emotionalcapacity to be able to handle
(21:27):
other people's needs as well.
SPEAKER_03 (21:29):
Yeah, that's right.
And it's also getting thecontrol back in your hands,
Serena.
You know, because you once youset those boundaries and it
becomes transparent to otherpeople how to deal with you,
then that's in your control.
Otherwise, if you leave it tothem, you don't have any
boundaries, you know, what wasthat saying?
(21:49):
If you if you don't stand foranything, you fall for
everything.
So we really need to set ourboundaries and our values and
know what they are and be strongin them.
And be brave enough to holdconviction when necessary as
well.
SPEAKER_00 (22:05):
And that actually is an ongoing challenge because we
we are not used to havingboundaries.
If if we have grown up in acertain kind of family where
people didn't have boundaries orwere taught to feel guilty for
speaking up and defending theirboundaries and made to feel that
somehow there was somethingwrong with them, they were not
(22:26):
being obedient, they're notbeing the good child, then as an
adult, it can still show up inthat dysfunctional way of, oh, I
need to please everybody, I needto say yes all the time.
So it's really important, Ithink, what you're saying.
Clear communication, defendingyour boundaries and having the
courage.
I think courage actually is thekey piece.
(22:49):
Because it takes courage toarticulate, like you said a few
moments earlier, about um howmuch energy it takes introverts
to express ourselves.
You're so right.
Because we have a lot going onin our minds, and it because
we're also sort of going uphill,fighting that sense of am I
worthy enough to even say thatthese are my needs and these are
(23:10):
my boundaries and this is what Idon't stand for and I don't care
about.
And it becomes like anadditional layer, an additional
mental load.
So by the time the introvertactually articulates, it's
already exhausted them.
It's already taken them so muchjust to get to that point to be
able to say, No, I will not betreated this way.
(23:30):
Correct.
SPEAKER_03 (23:31):
Yeah, and I've been there as well, Serena, where you
come up with different scenariosof how you're going to
articulate your response, andit's so draining that you get to
the end and then you just don'tdo it.
You don't follow through becausenow you've essentially taught
yourself out of it.
You know, that I'm sure thereare listeners that can really
(23:53):
associate with that, but we'vereally just, I'm gonna say
something, I'm gonna saysomething, and then they don't.
And so, like with the frameworkthat I'm starting to teach women
now, I my last step on myframework is really um it
actually holds you accountableand it's it's it tells you to
engage or escalate.
And that is really to make surethat you follow through because
(24:14):
there is no point in having allthe information, making the
assessment, knowing how torespond, and then not doing it.
So that last step always helpsyou follow through.
We need to follow through.
And I feel that you know, asintroverts, especially for
myself, it's been so hard tocomplete something or to in in
work, let alone in responding topeople, because you just get so
(24:37):
stuck in your own mind, andeverything seems so much more
enhanced than it actually is.
SPEAKER_00 (24:44):
Can you talk us through your framework?
SPEAKER_03 (24:47):
Yes.
So my framework is the steps umsafe, so F-A-F-E.
The first one being scan forinformation.
And so essentially, just likescanning a QR code, get all of
the information from whatever itis, if it's a situation or a
person that you're meeting, getall of the info and make your
(25:08):
assessment because this is whereyour safety matters.
Um, secondly, acknowledge youremotions.
The thing is with thatacknowledging your emotions, it
actually decreases the severityof it in your mind.
Once you actually acknowledgeit, you're feeling this way and
being okay with identifyingthat, it actually reduces a lot
(25:31):
of pressure on the emotionitself.
So acknowledge your emotionsonce you've made that
assessment.
And F is to find your response.
Now, this is where you take backthe control.
You find your response.
Am I going, what am I going tosay?
And then, like we've just spokenabout, you know, we can work out
how we're going to say it, howwe're going to, when we're going
(25:54):
to say it, is it a good time?
All of that.
You assess all of those things,find your response.
But sometimes, Serena, noresponse is a response.
And I've learned that in mysecurity work a lot.
Sometimes people are in my faceand they're really wanting
information, but I don't need tosay anything.
I don't need to engage in that.
(26:15):
It's not going to bring anyoneanything.
So not responding and notengaging has actually protected
me.
So again, and with findingresponse, it can also be maybe I
need to speak to someone elseabout this.
Maybe I'm I'm struggling withhow to respond to this.
I should speak to someone andget some feedback on how to do
(26:38):
this, or it could be that youescalated to someone to do the
talking for you because of arelationship or whatever it is.
And then finally uh escalate orengage, and that is the final
step to follow through on whatyou've got.
So you've scanned forinformation and made your
assessment, you haveacknowledged your emotions.
(27:00):
How do I feel about this?
Am I triggered?
Am I offended?
And really take it in.
And even with acknowledging youremotions, be transparent with
yourself, be honest when you dohold some kind of prejudice
because that could be affectingthe way that you're feeling.
Do I feel offended by thisbecause it's coming from this
(27:25):
type of person?
You know, so that you have tofactor all of that in there.
SPEAKER_02 (27:30):
But yeah, finding a response and then engaging and
actually following through.
SPEAKER_00 (27:34):
So I can see how this is a helpful framework for
anybody who wants to communicatebetter or who wants to learn to
be a better responder insituations, instead of feeling
that they are either the victimor they have they are helpless,
they have no power.
This is actually a reallyholistic way for them to take
(27:57):
back some of that control.
Because when you when you scan,then you have the information,
you know what's happening,you're being realistic.
When you acknowledge, then youare you're not hiding from your
emotions.
You're actually saying, Yes,this is how I feel.
So how do I feel about that?
And then the finding theresponse that gives you more
options.
And when you feel you have moreoptions, then you feel that
(28:20):
there is a way out.
You don't feel trapped.
SPEAKER_03 (28:22):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (28:23):
And then being knowing that you can escalate,
that means you can take ithigher or you can engage, which
is also self-empowering.
Again, that gives you options.
And I think it's the knowingthat you have these options, you
know what to do next and you inwhat sequence to do them.
That itself is very liberatingfor an introvert.
SPEAKER_03 (28:41):
Yeah, that's why I had to come up with it, Serena,
because the learning on thefront line through all of my
work, I really had to check inwith myself at all points.
And I've really learned alongthe way that it doesn't just
stop with me.
I actually do have options.
I don't have to respond to thatperson.
I don't have to be obliging.
(29:02):
I don't have to serve.
I don't have to take on thisrole that I have been accustomed
to growing up in an Asianhousehold and apply it to my
work.
I don't need to talk, you know,treat my colleagues as if
they're living in my home.
So there are certain thingswhere you start to see, you know
what, yeah, this is where I needto hold a boundary.
(29:24):
This is where I value um thispart of my life, and that's what
I'm going to protect.
And you always acknowledge thatand be okay when you don't feel
okay.
So acknowledging that emotionreally helps you start speaking
nicely to yourself.
Yeah, you know what, I do feel Ifeel quite flustered.
(29:44):
Maybe what I need first as myresponse is to go for a walk.
It could be something as simpleas that.
And then you carry that out.
Then go back and assess itagain.
Okay, I'm calm now.
So how am I feeling?
Okay, can I take out thisresponse?
Yes, I feel courageous enough togo to this person now.
You know, so just revisitingthat framework all the time.
(30:07):
You can always go back.
You know, once you make onestep, go back and start again.
Scan it again because thingswill always change, which is
what I learned with security.
Things will always change.
Every time we enter a new roomwith a client or a VIP, the risk
assessment has to be made at allpoints.
Every time you meet somebody,you have to do another risk
assessment.
(30:27):
When you enter a new room,you've got to make another risk
assessment.
So keep refreshing that becauseyou will feel different at
different points.
And then you start scanningdifferent information.
And soon enough, the more youacknowledge your emotions, the
easier it becomes.
I've just found this practice tobe so helpful for me.
SPEAKER_00 (30:48):
I think it's what you just said there about
refreshing constantly is veryimportant.
I think we like introverts likea certainty.
We like to be prepared and welike to know that, okay, I'm
going to go into this situation.
But then you're saying that allthe time, every time you have a
different interaction, adifferent person, a different
room, you need to do thatscanning and you need to have
(31:09):
that risk assessment.
So that is a good one toremember.
That that is something to, yeah,this is, I think this is one of
the most valuable things for mepersonally, coming out of this
conversation.
That proactive approach of I'mnot going to go in and just see
what happens.
I'm not going to go in and justgo with the flow and oh, other
people will decide, or I willsee what happens when I when I'm
(31:32):
there, but I'm actually takingcharge.
So that's actuallyself-leadership, isn't it?
Yes, that's it.
SPEAKER_03 (31:38):
And self-empathy as well, because you're
acknowledging how you're feelingand being okay with it and then
leading with that.
So, and this is where againyou're you're putting yourself
first without feeling likeyou're being selfish, you know,
from what people have alwaystold you when you step out of
that person that you you weregrowing up.
(31:59):
So this is a real reminderinternally to to keep assessing
and to keep checking in withyourself and then making your
you know your next move.
SPEAKER_00 (32:11):
So as an introvert, Dion, how do you manage your
energy and your mental spacewhen you're working with so many
different personalities everyday?
SPEAKER_02 (32:22):
Yeah, this we all have different practices.
SPEAKER_03 (32:26):
I I I know it's still difficult to deal with a
number of people all the time.
I still find myself probablymore exhausted than anybody else
when I'm in a in a shift whereI'm required to deal with a lot
of people.
But that's where I acknowledgethat, and I know at the end of
(32:47):
the night what I need.
And so, you know, even somethingum like a shower at the end of
your shift can be verytherapeutic, and I'm I really
consciously see myself as justwashing all of that away.
Um being conscious and beingaware of how you're feeling, and
then just taking out the thingsthat you need to decompress.
(33:09):
Everybody needs to decompressafter work, but for introverts,
I feel like this is really apractice we really, really need
to be to really hone in on morethan anybody because there's so
much mental um pressure thatcomes with anything that we do,
especially in social situations.
SPEAKER_00 (33:31):
Such a good practice.
What is one thing you wantpeople to remember or take away
from our conversation today?
SPEAKER_03 (33:41):
I think think about the times in your life where you
didn't get what you want becauseyou didn't want to offend
somebody, or because you didn'twant to speak up, or you just
didn't have the courage to takea stance.
And this is the time to make achange because you just imagine
(34:03):
the rest of your life followingthrough that action and going,
if I keep doing this andallowing people to take control,
or just letting things run theway that they are, am I really
going to feel fulfillment in mylife?
Am I really going to find joy inwhat I do?
(34:25):
Because you're essentiallytrapped, really.
As an introvert, you aretrapped.
And so until you really reachout and take courage, this
that's the main step is to takecourage, even in the smallest
situations in your life, reallystop and even use the framework
stop and really consciously tryto speak up because you will be
(34:50):
in that situation of, am I goingto speak or am I just going to
let this go once more?
And it's going to be somethingso liberating for you to do
that, to step out of that zone.
And a lot of pressure comes offyour head when you do, because
you've done it the first time,and it's going to get easier the
next time and easier and easieragain until now you just you're
(35:15):
you're so free, you can speakwhen you need to.
And now you're being true toyourself and you're putting
yourself first.
And as a first responder, thisis what I'm teaching is that be
your first, your own firstresponder.
Because nobody else is going todo it for you.
SPEAKER_02 (35:32):
While you're thinking about everyone else,
just think about you.
SPEAKER_00 (35:37):
What I'm also hearing is actually that when
you feel free to speak up orwhen you find the courage to
speak up, that actually becomessomething that frees you.
Because, like you said, youknow, introverts we get stuck
inside our own heads.
And it takes us so much energyjust to open our mouth and to
communicate and say that thing.
(35:58):
But when we finally do take thatstep, when we finally do own our
voice and our power, and we saythe thing that is true for us,
there is tremendous power andinfluence in that.
And it I surprise, I think wesurprise many people when we
decide to speak up.
So that's what we should bepracticing more of.
So I really appreciate youcoming today on the Quiet
(36:19):
Warrior Podcast, Dion, andsharing with our women
listeners, our introvertedlisteners, these tools and this
holistic framework of how to besafe, to scan, to acknowledge,
to find the response, toescalate or to engage.
And reminding us always that wecan exercise self-empathy,
self-leadership by taking chargeof our environment and the
(36:41):
communications, the way wecommunicate with other people,
the way we speak for ourboundaries and for ourselves,
and to remember also to putourselves first.
Those were the things that Ilearned from you today.
So thank you very much forsharing your wisdom and your
energy.
SPEAKER_03 (36:56):
I'm so glad.
I'm so glad.
Thank you so much, Serena.
Thank you.
SPEAKER_00 (37:00):
Welcome.
If you are looking for ways tobecome visible without having to
act extroverted, follow me onLinkedIn where I share more of
what works and what doesn't.
See you on the next episode.
I'm so grateful that you're heretoday.
If you found this contentvaluable, please share it on
your social media channels andsubscribe to the show on your
(37:21):
favorite listening platform.
Together we can help moreintroverts thrive.
To receive more upliftingcontent like this, connect with
me on Instagram at SerenaloQuiet Warrior Coach.
Thank you for sharing your timeand your energy with me.
See you on the next episode.
Hi, I'm Serena Lo.
If you're used to hearing thatintroverts are shy, anxious,
antisocial, and lack goodcommunication and leadership
skills, then this podcast is foryou.
You're about to fall in lovewith a calm, introspective, and
profound person that you are.
Discover what's fun, unique, andpowerful about being an
(00:22):
introvert and how to make theelegant transition from quiet
achiever to quiet warrior inyour life and work.
Anytime you want, in more waysthan you imagined possible.
Welcome.
Hello and welcome.
Today's guest on the QuietWarrior Podcast is Dion Chan.
Dion is a Filipino-Australianbusiness owner, keynote speaker,
(00:46):
and director of ICP GroupAustralia.
Ironically, she found herstrength in the male-dominated
security industry, a space sheentered believing she could
remain unseen.
Instead, it became the veryplace where she learned how to
build a presence, holdboundaries, and lead with quiet
confidence.
(01:06):
Today, Dion runs businesses withher husband across safety,
security, and training andshares her journey of
transforming self-doubt intoresilience.
Welcome, Dion Chan, to the QuietWarrior Podcast.
Hi, Serena.
Thank you for having me.
Dion, I was quite intrigued bywhat you shared in your bio
(01:28):
about growing up as anintrovert.
Could you tell us a bit aboutthat and how it shaped you?
SPEAKER_03 (01:34):
So I grew up in a small community in a regional
town of Western Australia.
And I had eczema as a child,severe eczema.
So that was one factor that keptme quite shy.
My parents are also very shy, soI had all these things really
(01:54):
against me.
But that was that's how itshaped me into adolescence.
My skin started to clear up, andnow I had to go on this path of
you know identifying myself assomebody else because I'd always
been always known and I thoughtof myself as just I had to hide.
(02:23):
And when he started hisbusiness, he said that I could
should come into the fold ofsecurity because there was a
need for women there.
And initially, uh because of thepreconception of security, I was
like, I don't have the size, Idon't have the intimidating
look.
But he said, believe me, it'syou're needed there.
(02:44):
So I trusted him and I trustedhis lead.
So I thought initially, when Istarted on the job, I thought,
this is great, I can just fadeinto the background because I'm
just watching people, I don'thave to do anything.
But then obviously, differentroles gave me different
experiences.
And so now I had to deal withthe public because there were
(03:06):
situations where I would have toapproach them.
And in the early days, that wasso intimidating for me.
And you know, as an introvert,you get so worked up about
something as simple as engagingin conversation with a stranger,
um, especially in the context ofhaving to move them on or give
(03:27):
them direction.
Um, so I found that really,really hard in the early days
mentally.
But with practice, and I thinkalso I was fortunate to be under
the guidance of my husband whojust doesn't hesitate.
You know, when you're inproximity with people that don't
have a problem withconfrontation or just even
(03:50):
speaking to people, it's easy toremind yourself it's not that
big of a deal.
So that was really what helpedme through, you know, his
guidance.
And just with practice, with alldifferent jobs and meeting
different people, I've reallydeveloped a lot in that space,
and now I can apply it to mydaily life and how I choose to
(04:14):
interact with people.
SPEAKER_00 (04:18):
What would you say was the most confronting or
challenging situation you everencountered while working in
security?
SPEAKER_02 (04:28):
Challenging not so much as a security job.
SPEAKER_03 (04:34):
It would have been a situation that happened that put
me in the spotlight because Iwas so used to fading in the
background, observing, and thenjust walking in when I'm needed,
and then suddenly this situationhappened that put me in the
spotlight, and now I was reallyhaving to digest everything that
(04:55):
was happening because internallyum it was triggering past
thoughts of, oh my gosh, this isso uncomfortable for me, but
what am I going to do with this?
Because ultimately, asintroverts, we've always got
situations where we make achoice if we're going to speak
out or if we're going to remainsilent like we always have in
(05:16):
our life.
So uh that would probably be themost challenging for me.
SPEAKER_00 (05:23):
Can you tell us a bit more about that?
What was it, who was it, youknow, involving?
What was it like when thatmoment when you found yourself
in the spotlight in the publiceye?
And how did you deal with it?
SPEAKER_03 (05:36):
So just for context, Serena, this I was working for
um Drake, the rapper Drake.
And so I was working alongsidehis personal security because
that is the foundation of mywork, is actual bodyguard work.
And so in this moment, um he hadseen me and he pulled me into
(05:59):
the spotlight and was flirting,so to speak, asked me if I was
married, and I said yes.
And then he walked off, and thatwas all good.
But that interaction was caughton camera, obviously, by the
thousands of people that were inattendance at his concert, and
that video went viral.
(06:20):
And so it was something that wasjust funny at first.
I thought, okay, we'll just letthat go and let that die in the
internet.
But um, when I started to reviewcomments and the responses to
it, it it started to sparksomething in me that I think I
(06:41):
need to have a discussion aboutthis.
I think I need to open upconversations around the skill
set that I have that applied tothis situation.
So because he had asked me ifI'm married and if I was wearing
a ring, I gladly said yes.
So that's me holding up aboundary.
So it with my security work, Ijust I dealt with it the same
(07:05):
way I would with anybody.
I I didn't, I wasn't affected bythe stars in my eyes, like so
many people are.
It didn't affect me because Iwas in my work zone.
So I just dealt with him thesame way I would with anybody
else.
And I feel that that is soimportant because people do get
what I call starry eyes.
(07:25):
And especially as an introvert,it can be easy to put someone on
such a high pedestal and thenyou don't want to offend them,
you don't want to do this, andyou kind of shrink and shrink
even more, and then you don'tyou almost compromise your own
values because you're yeah,you've just allowed them to take
(07:46):
control of everything.
So I felt that that was ateaching point, um, especially
for women, because it was womenthat were mostly responding
because there was such aninterest around the fact that
I'm a security agent in amale-dominated space.
So that was, I think that mighthave been the intriguing part
(08:07):
initially of that video and whyit went viral, because it was
just so unusual to see a womanin such you know close proximity
of a celebrity and then thatinteraction happening, but me
treating it like he's a normalhuman being.
But this is something that I'vestarted to teach now.
So I felt that that wasimportant from that moment.
SPEAKER_00 (08:28):
I think it's so important that we're having this
conversation, Dion.
As a woman who is alsointroverted, I can relate 100%
to what you said about puttingother people on a pedestal.
I think I did that for many,many years.
And often unconsciously,authority figures or people whom
I perceived had more power ormore somehow more clout, more
(08:52):
influence.
Those were the people I put on apedestal.
And then I would defer to them.
I would, like you said,compromise my own my own stand
in something that was importantto me, but I would say, oh, you
know, because they said it thisway, or because they disagreed,
you know, I should adjust my mymy position on this matter.
(09:13):
And it's every time we do that,I don't know how you feel, but I
feel like I'm giving away alittle bit of myself.
SPEAKER_03 (09:20):
Yes, 100%.
100%.
And when as soon as you startcompromising that, you start
questioning your own beliefs andyour own skill set.
You know, you could be in asituation where you actually
know more than your manager, forexample.
And it's it even goes as far asan office space where you might
just think, okay, they're themanager, they probably know
(09:41):
better, but actually deep down,you have more skills or you're
more experienced in that in thatrole.
And yet, because of the status,you've allowed for that to be
the priority here instead ofwhat you know, and then just
suppressing it.
And then through that, that'swhere so much, especially for
myself in my own experience,I've stayed in that toxic
(10:04):
workplace, you know, because Ifeel like I have to now prove
something, even though Iactually knew better, but I
didn't listen to myself or Ididn't put myself first.
And now that I'm in this in afrontline position, um I'm also
a volunteer ambulance officer.
So now it's like priority toreally put myself first, not
(10:26):
just in safety, but I take thaton, you know, mentally as well.
What do I need in this momentright now?
And how do I feel about it?
Do I need to speak up or do Ineed to escalate this to
somebody else to get it done?
SPEAKER_00 (10:42):
And I think there may be one more element that is
important to talk about.
Do you think that culturalconditioning has a part to play
as well in introverted people,in women suppressing, holding
back, people pleasing, andgiving our power away?
SPEAKER_03 (11:01):
Absolutely.
I think culture has a huge uhinfluence on that.
As someone from an Asianbackground, that is very much
the case.
And I saw that example with mymum.
She's so obliging, she's verypeople-pleasing, very quiet.
And so that was my first exampleof how really a woman should be,
and then also family members aswell, doing you know, following
(11:24):
that same thing.
And so when something differentis presented to you, you
automatically think that's notthe right way, and so there's a
lot of unlearning that has tohappen through your life.
And meeting someone like myhusband, who is very he can be
very confrontational and justvery direct, but he's also very
(11:46):
empathetic.
And so when you see people withthat skill set, you can see that
you can get what you want, butyou do need to take courage and
speak out.
Otherwise, people don't knowthat you can't assume that they
know something that you'rethinking, and you might be so
stuck in your own head that itbecomes even bigger than what it
is as an introvert.
(12:06):
I'm sure you know as well,Serena.
SPEAKER_00 (12:08):
Yeah.
Oh, you're reading my mind.
I'm thinking, how can one bedirect as well as empathetic at
the same time?
Those sound like oppositesbecause we're trained to be in
Asian culture, yeah, we'retrained to be quite indirect, to
be very careful, very subtle.
You know, we follow all theseunwritten rules, and we never
ever say directly to somebodywhat we really think, especially
(12:30):
if we disagree with them.
So, how do you practice beingdirect and empathetic?
SPEAKER_03 (12:36):
That came a lot of practice in the security field,
which I'm very grateful forbecause it allowed me a safe
space to practice that.
So anytime I had to approach apatron, I would I started to
learn to look at it from myangle, and I used empathy to
lead me because I wasn't like myhusband, even though I wanted to
(13:01):
be like him in the way that hedealt with people, I'm still my
own person.
And people aren't going toreceive me the same way they
receive a male security guard.
So I would always lead withempathy, and I would put myself
in that person's situation.
How must they be feeling?
Okay, now how do I lead withthat?
And I would just have aconversation and then slowly
(13:23):
direct them to where I need themto be.
So it was really interesting tosee how you can still control a
situation without beingconfrontational.
And that was something I reallyhad to learn over time because
as an introvert, you just thinkthe moment you talk or the
moment you're engaging, you'reeither going to look really
(13:44):
silly or you're going to comeacross really aggressive, like
because you can't find thatbalance.
SPEAKER_02 (13:50):
So it really came with practice.
SPEAKER_00 (13:55):
And I'm thinking we introverts tend to go to the
other extreme ofover-apologizing or trying to
appease.
So, what's an example of somekind of language that you use
when you are in that sort ofsituation where you need someone
to do something, followinstructions, and you need to
deflect them from what they'recurrently doing.
SPEAKER_03 (14:16):
I tend to say, for example, there's a lady who's
she's quite intoxicated, and Ineed her to move back inside
because she's actually in anarea that is not licensed, so
she can't bring her alcoholoutside.
So something as simple as that.
I would just start aconversation with her because I
(14:38):
can already see that she's sad,and the last thing she would
need is someone going, Hey, getback inside, you know.
So I would just sort of begoing, Hey, how are you going?
You all right?
Can I get you a glass of water?
You know, so I actually hone inon that um appeasing trait that
(14:59):
we have as introverts.
Go with that.
If I can learn to come acrossthat I'm serving them, then from
there they're more likely tofollow me.
So yeah, it's it's been reallyum, and I'm still learning as
I'm going as well, Serena,because you do with so many
different people, you learndifferent things along the way,
but ultimately you do have totake the courage and start
(15:22):
speaking more.
But especially in situationswhere you are feeling
uncomfortable.
So it's different if it'ssomebody else making you feel
uncomfortable.
That's probably the scariestpart as an introvert to take
action.
And I know I'm sure other peoplehave been in situations where
you might have somebody who'svery touchy-feely or making you
(15:46):
feel really uncomfortable.
Um, you know, he could be afriend of a friend, you've got
no real connection to him, butevery time he sees you, he's
just so hands-on and you'rereally uncomfortable, and for so
long you just keep ignoring itand going, okay, well, I'm just
gonna stay further away fromthis person.
But ultimately, if you don't sayanything, it will keep
(16:07):
repeating.
And so I've been in a situationlike that, and I had I just
reached a turning point where Ifelt not just uncomfortable, but
I felt really disrespected.
So from that moment, I wasreally in that hold of do I say
something and and conquer thisfear, or do I leave it like I
(16:28):
always have and possiblyencounter it once more?
So I made that leap to speak up.
And in hindsight, I know I couldhave articulated it better
because when I did approach thatperson, I was doing it in anger.
I was still quite raw in anger,and but I think that also came
(16:48):
across very solid and seriousbecause it shocked him.
He wasn't expecting it, but I'mso glad I did.
And I feel like for introverts,once you make that small change,
it's so liberating.
There's something so liberatingabout taking, you know, speaking
up and seeing something changeand going, you know what, I
(17:10):
don't actually don't have todeal with that person anymore,
and I don't care.
So it's it's really it'ssomething else.
It's um and and from that, youknow, you can take different
situations and and make thosesmall changes, and you can start
putting up boundaries everywhereelse in your life because you've
seen the effect that it has whenyou do speak up.
SPEAKER_00 (17:34):
I'm so glad that you mentioned the the the anger
piece because I've noticed womenand introverts, you know,
together they get veryuncomfortable talking about
anger.
And in some families, you know,the upbringing has been that we
don't do anger, we don't talkabout anger, we shouldn't show
our anger in front of thechildren.
(17:56):
But actually there is this deepresentment, and because it's not
expressed in a healthy way, thechildren go away believing that
expressing anger is wrong, thatsomehow there is, you know, we
should never do that becauseit's that's not how our family
does things.
So it it becomes allinternalized, all buried, yeah,
all hidden.
But at the same time, then theperson doesn't learn to
(18:19):
construct those boundaries youtalked about and to express
healthy anger.
So I believe that every emotionhas got its light side as well
as its shadow side.
And perhaps we are thinkingabout those shadow expressions
of anger where people becomeviolent and become you know
uncontrollable.
But if you're talking aboutanger to defend your boundaries,
to protect yourself or protectsomeone else, that actually is a
(18:42):
very good, healthy kind ofanger.
And we need to be able to accessthat for survival at a critical
time.
SPEAKER_03 (18:49):
Yes, absolutely.
And I think also in a settingwhere, say, your work requires
you to be hands-on withsomebody.
I recently did a talk for thechiropractors association, and
as you know, with chiropractors,their work is very hands-on
physically, and for women, thatcan be quite daunting because
(19:10):
touch alone can send a differentmessage to different
individuals, even though yourintention is only to treat them.
And so this is where it'simportant to learn how to put up
boundaries and to be able tospeak up because you can have
compassion without compromise.
(19:31):
I think that's something that wereally need to emphasize is you
this you can still becompassionate.
Speaking up doesn't make youaggressive.
You can be compassionate withoutcompromising your own safety and
your own values and what youwant from your life.
We're so, as introverts, we'rejust so used to shrinking and
fading, and and we even speakbadly about ourselves because
(19:54):
when you have no output, you getno feedback, right?
And so we get stuck in that.
And I think I think it wasactually an episode that you had
um previously, Serena, uh, whenyou say, you know, as
introverts, we engage inspeaking activities or social
activities, but it's actuallyfar more draining for someone as
(20:18):
an introvert than our extrovertcounterparts because there's so
much going on internally just tohave a conversation with
somebody or to get into a socialevent.
So yeah, it's it's it's verychallenging, but we do have our
strengths as well.
So we need to tap into that, butput ourselves first always.
SPEAKER_00 (20:44):
Well, people that are listening to this, I think
the the concept that you'vementioned a few times, putting
yourself first, may feel a bitforeign, may take some getting
used to because we are oftentold as women to put everybody
else first and to put ourselveslast.
You know, if there just happensto be some time for me, then oh
yes, then that's me time.
But it's always like it's alwayspushed further and further down
(21:05):
the line because somebody else'sneeds are always more important
than my needs.
So I think it's very good thatyou're mentioning repeatedly
that we need to put ourselvesfirst and that it's not a
selfish thing, it's actuallyreally good for everyone, it's a
win for everyone else.
Because if we are looking afterourselves, then we have the full
mental capacity, emotionalcapacity to be able to handle
(21:27):
other people's needs as well.
SPEAKER_03 (21:29):
Yeah, that's right.
And it's also getting thecontrol back in your hands,
Serena.
You know, because you once youset those boundaries and it
becomes transparent to otherpeople how to deal with you,
then that's in your control.
Otherwise, if you leave it tothem, you don't have any
boundaries, you know, what wasthat saying?
(21:49):
If you if you don't stand foranything, you fall for
everything.
So we really need to set ourboundaries and our values and
know what they are and be strongin them.
And be brave enough to holdconviction when necessary as
well.
SPEAKER_00 (22:05):
And that actually is an ongoing challenge because we
we are not used to havingboundaries.
If if we have grown up in acertain kind of family where
people didn't have boundaries orwere taught to feel guilty for
speaking up and defending theirboundaries and made to feel that
somehow there was somethingwrong with them, they were not
(22:26):
being obedient, they're notbeing the good child, then as an
adult, it can still show up inthat dysfunctional way of, oh, I
need to please everybody, I needto say yes all the time.
So it's really important, Ithink, what you're saying.
Clear communication, defendingyour boundaries and having the
courage.
I think courage actually is thekey piece.
(22:49):
Because it takes courage toarticulate, like you said a few
moments earlier, about um howmuch energy it takes introverts
to express ourselves.
You're so right.
Because we have a lot going onin our minds, and it because
we're also sort of going uphill,fighting that sense of am I
worthy enough to even say thatthese are my needs and these are
(23:10):
my boundaries and this is what Idon't stand for and I don't care
about.
And it becomes like anadditional layer, an additional
mental load.
So by the time the introvertactually articulates, it's
already exhausted them.
It's already taken them so muchjust to get to that point to be
able to say, No, I will not betreated this way.
(23:30):
Correct.
SPEAKER_03 (23:31):
Yeah, and I've been there as well, Serena, where you
come up with different scenariosof how you're going to
articulate your response, andit's so draining that you get to
the end and then you just don'tdo it.
You don't follow through becausenow you've essentially taught
yourself out of it.
You know, that I'm sure thereare listeners that can really
(23:53):
associate with that, but we'vereally just, I'm gonna say
something, I'm gonna saysomething, and then they don't.
And so, like with the frameworkthat I'm starting to teach women
now, I my last step on myframework is really um it
actually holds you accountableand it's it's it tells you to
engage or escalate.
And that is really to make surethat you follow through because
(24:14):
there is no point in having allthe information, making the
assessment, knowing how torespond, and then not doing it.
So that last step always helpsyou follow through.
We need to follow through.
And I feel that you know, asintroverts, especially for
myself, it's been so hard tocomplete something or to in in
work, let alone in responding topeople, because you just get so
(24:37):
stuck in your own mind, andeverything seems so much more
enhanced than it actually is.
SPEAKER_00 (24:44):
Can you talk us through your framework?
SPEAKER_03 (24:47):
Yes.
So my framework is the steps umsafe, so F-A-F-E.
The first one being scan forinformation.
And so essentially, just likescanning a QR code, get all of
the information from whatever itis, if it's a situation or a
person that you're meeting, getall of the info and make your
(25:08):
assessment because this is whereyour safety matters.
Um, secondly, acknowledge youremotions.
The thing is with thatacknowledging your emotions, it
actually decreases the severityof it in your mind.
Once you actually acknowledgeit, you're feeling this way and
being okay with identifyingthat, it actually reduces a lot
(25:31):
of pressure on the emotionitself.
So acknowledge your emotionsonce you've made that
assessment.
And F is to find your response.
Now, this is where you take backthe control.
You find your response.
Am I going, what am I going tosay?
And then, like we've just spokenabout, you know, we can work out
how we're going to say it, howwe're going to, when we're going
(25:54):
to say it, is it a good time?
All of that.
You assess all of those things,find your response.
But sometimes, Serena, noresponse is a response.
And I've learned that in mysecurity work a lot.
Sometimes people are in my faceand they're really wanting
information, but I don't need tosay anything.
I don't need to engage in that.
(26:15):
It's not going to bring anyoneanything.
So not responding and notengaging has actually protected
me.
So again, and with findingresponse, it can also be maybe I
need to speak to someone elseabout this.
Maybe I'm I'm struggling withhow to respond to this.
I should speak to someone andget some feedback on how to do
(26:38):
this, or it could be that youescalated to someone to do the
talking for you because of arelationship or whatever it is.
And then finally uh escalate orengage, and that is the final
step to follow through on whatyou've got.
So you've scanned forinformation and made your
assessment, you haveacknowledged your emotions.
(27:00):
How do I feel about this?
Am I triggered?
Am I offended?
And really take it in.
And even with acknowledging youremotions, be transparent with
yourself, be honest when you dohold some kind of prejudice
because that could be affectingthe way that you're feeling.
Do I feel offended by thisbecause it's coming from this
(27:25):
type of person?
You know, so that you have tofactor all of that in there.
SPEAKER_02 (27:30):
But yeah, finding a response and then engaging and
actually following through.
SPEAKER_00 (27:34):
So I can see how this is a helpful framework for
anybody who wants to communicatebetter or who wants to learn to
be a better responder insituations, instead of feeling
that they are either the victimor they have they are helpless,
they have no power.
This is actually a reallyholistic way for them to take
(27:57):
back some of that control.
Because when you when you scan,then you have the information,
you know what's happening,you're being realistic.
When you acknowledge, then youare you're not hiding from your
emotions.
You're actually saying, Yes,this is how I feel.
So how do I feel about that?
And then the finding theresponse that gives you more
options.
And when you feel you have moreoptions, then you feel that
(28:20):
there is a way out.
You don't feel trapped.
SPEAKER_03 (28:22):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (28:23):
And then being knowing that you can escalate,
that means you can take ithigher or you can engage, which
is also self-empowering.
Again, that gives you options.
And I think it's the knowingthat you have these options, you
know what to do next and you inwhat sequence to do them.
That itself is very liberatingfor an introvert.
SPEAKER_03 (28:41):
Yeah, that's why I had to come up with it, Serena,
because the learning on thefront line through all of my
work, I really had to check inwith myself at all points.
And I've really learned alongthe way that it doesn't just
stop with me.
I actually do have options.
I don't have to respond to thatperson.
I don't have to be obliging.
(29:02):
I don't have to serve.
I don't have to take on thisrole that I have been accustomed
to growing up in an Asianhousehold and apply it to my
work.
I don't need to talk, you know,treat my colleagues as if
they're living in my home.
So there are certain thingswhere you start to see, you know
what, yeah, this is where I needto hold a boundary.
(29:24):
This is where I value um thispart of my life, and that's what
I'm going to protect.
And you always acknowledge thatand be okay when you don't feel
okay.
So acknowledging that emotionreally helps you start speaking
nicely to yourself.
Yeah, you know what, I do feel Ifeel quite flustered.
(29:44):
Maybe what I need first as myresponse is to go for a walk.
It could be something as simpleas that.
And then you carry that out.
Then go back and assess itagain.
Okay, I'm calm now.
So how am I feeling?
Okay, can I take out thisresponse?
Yes, I feel courageous enough togo to this person now.
You know, so just revisitingthat framework all the time.
(30:07):
You can always go back.
You know, once you make onestep, go back and start again.
Scan it again because thingswill always change, which is
what I learned with security.
Things will always change.
Every time we enter a new roomwith a client or a VIP, the risk
assessment has to be made at allpoints.
Every time you meet somebody,you have to do another risk
assessment.
(30:27):
When you enter a new room,you've got to make another risk
assessment.
So keep refreshing that becauseyou will feel different at
different points.
And then you start scanningdifferent information.
And soon enough, the more youacknowledge your emotions, the
easier it becomes.
I've just found this practice tobe so helpful for me.
SPEAKER_00 (30:48):
I think it's what you just said there about
refreshing constantly is veryimportant.
I think we like introverts likea certainty.
We like to be prepared and welike to know that, okay, I'm
going to go into this situation.
But then you're saying that allthe time, every time you have a
different interaction, adifferent person, a different
room, you need to do thatscanning and you need to have
(31:09):
that risk assessment.
So that is a good one toremember.
That that is something to, yeah,this is, I think this is one of
the most valuable things for mepersonally, coming out of this
conversation.
That proactive approach of I'mnot going to go in and just see
what happens.
I'm not going to go in and justgo with the flow and oh, other
people will decide, or I willsee what happens when I when I'm
(31:32):
there, but I'm actually takingcharge.
So that's actuallyself-leadership, isn't it?
Yes, that's it.
SPEAKER_03 (31:38):
And self-empathy as well, because you're
acknowledging how you're feelingand being okay with it and then
leading with that.
So, and this is where againyou're you're putting yourself
first without feeling likeyou're being selfish, you know,
from what people have alwaystold you when you step out of
that person that you you weregrowing up.
(31:59):
So this is a real reminderinternally to to keep assessing
and to keep checking in withyourself and then making your
you know your next move.
SPEAKER_00 (32:11):
So as an introvert, Dion, how do you manage your
energy and your mental spacewhen you're working with so many
different personalities everyday?
SPEAKER_02 (32:22):
Yeah, this we all have different practices.
SPEAKER_03 (32:26):
I I I know it's still difficult to deal with a
number of people all the time.
I still find myself probablymore exhausted than anybody else
when I'm in a in a shift whereI'm required to deal with a lot
of people.
But that's where I acknowledgethat, and I know at the end of
(32:47):
the night what I need.
And so, you know, even somethingum like a shower at the end of
your shift can be verytherapeutic, and I'm I really
consciously see myself as justwashing all of that away.
Um being conscious and beingaware of how you're feeling, and
then just taking out the thingsthat you need to decompress.
(33:09):
Everybody needs to decompressafter work, but for introverts,
I feel like this is really apractice we really, really need
to be to really hone in on morethan anybody because there's so
much mental um pressure thatcomes with anything that we do,
especially in social situations.
SPEAKER_00 (33:31):
Such a good practice.
What is one thing you wantpeople to remember or take away
from our conversation today?
SPEAKER_03 (33:41):
I think think about the times in your life where you
didn't get what you want becauseyou didn't want to offend
somebody, or because you didn'twant to speak up, or you just
didn't have the courage to takea stance.
And this is the time to make achange because you just imagine
(34:03):
the rest of your life followingthrough that action and going,
if I keep doing this andallowing people to take control,
or just letting things run theway that they are, am I really
going to feel fulfillment in mylife?
Am I really going to find joy inwhat I do?
(34:25):
Because you're essentiallytrapped, really.
As an introvert, you aretrapped.
And so until you really reachout and take courage, this
that's the main step is to takecourage, even in the smallest
situations in your life, reallystop and even use the framework
stop and really consciously tryto speak up because you will be
(34:50):
in that situation of, am I goingto speak or am I just going to
let this go once more?
And it's going to be somethingso liberating for you to do
that, to step out of that zone.
And a lot of pressure comes offyour head when you do, because
you've done it the first time,and it's going to get easier the
next time and easier and easieragain until now you just you're
(35:15):
you're so free, you can speakwhen you need to.
And now you're being true toyourself and you're putting
yourself first.
And as a first responder, thisis what I'm teaching is that be
your first, your own firstresponder.
Because nobody else is going todo it for you.
SPEAKER_02 (35:32):
While you're thinking about everyone else,
just think about you.
SPEAKER_00 (35:37):
What I'm also hearing is actually that when
you feel free to speak up orwhen you find the courage to
speak up, that actually becomessomething that frees you.
Because, like you said, youknow, introverts we get stuck
inside our own heads.
And it takes us so much energyjust to open our mouth and to
communicate and say that thing.
(35:58):
But when we finally do take thatstep, when we finally do own our
voice and our power, and we saythe thing that is true for us,
there is tremendous power andinfluence in that.
And it I surprise, I think wesurprise many people when we
decide to speak up.
So that's what we should bepracticing more of.
So I really appreciate youcoming today on the Quiet
(36:19):
Warrior Podcast, Dion, andsharing with our women
listeners, our introvertedlisteners, these tools and this
holistic framework of how to besafe, to scan, to acknowledge,
to find the response, toescalate or to engage.
And reminding us always that wecan exercise self-empathy,
self-leadership by taking chargeof our environment and the
(36:41):
communications, the way wecommunicate with other people,
the way we speak for ourboundaries and for ourselves,
and to remember also to putourselves first.
Those were the things that Ilearned from you today.
So thank you very much forsharing your wisdom and your
energy.
SPEAKER_03 (36:56):
I'm so glad.
I'm so glad.
Thank you so much, Serena.
Thank you.
SPEAKER_00 (37:00):
Welcome.
If you are looking for ways tobecome visible without having to
act extroverted, follow me onLinkedIn where I share more of
what works and what doesn't.
See you on the next episode.
I'm so grateful that you're heretoday.
If you found this contentvaluable, please share it on
your social media channels andsubscribe to the show on your
(37:21):
favorite listening platform.
Together we can help moreintroverts thrive.
To receive more upliftingcontent like this, connect with
me on Instagram at SerenaloQuiet Warrior Coach.
Thank you for sharing your timeand your energy with me.
See you on the next episode.
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