June 26, 2026 • 41 mins
You're Not Broken. You're Rebuilding. | Athina West on Grief, Healing & Resilience
What happens when grief changes the course of your life?
In this heartfelt episode of The Resilience Files: Unlocked, Carrie Bernans sits down with Athina West, who shares her deeply personal journey of losing her mother at a young age and the lasting impact that loss had on her identity, relationships, and mental health.
Athina opens up about navigating childhood grief, generational trauma, unhealthy coping mechanisms, motherhood, spirituality, and the ongoing journey of healing. She shares how becoming a mother herself brought buried emotions to the surface and inspired her to break cycles for the next generation.
Together, Carrie and Athina discuss:
✨ Navigating childhood grief and loss
✨ The impact of generational trauma
✨ Healing through self-discovery and spirituality
✨ Motherhood as a catalyst for growth
✨ Learning to ask for help
✨ Building resilience one choice at a time
Athina's message is one that so many people need to hear:
"You're not broken. You're rebuilding."
Whether you've experienced grief, trauma, or are simply trying to heal from life's challenges, this conversation is a reminder that healing isn't about becoming who you once were—it's about becoming who you're meant to be.
Connect with Athina West:
Instagram: @athina.west
Follow The Resilience Files: Unlocked
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@theresiliencefiless
Host:
@carriebernans
Website:
https://theresiliencefiles.com/
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SPEAKER_00 (00:01):
When you feel like a license double hand up on their
cards.
Instead of folding, you doubledown.
You face battle.
You felt broken.
Hey, do us a favor.
Put your hand on your heart.
You still bad.
Still here.
Welcome to the Resilient StylesUnlocked.
(00:23):
Where survival meetstransformation.
SPEAKER_01 (00:29):
Welcome back to the Resilient Styles Podcast.
I'm your host, Carrie Vernunz.
This space exists for honestconversations about survival,
healing, reinvention, and thequiet strength it takes to
rebuild when life doesn't alwaysgo as planned.
Because resilience isn't aboutpretending you're okay.
It's about choosing to keepgoing even when you're not.
(00:50):
Trigger warning for thisepisode.
This episode includesdiscussions of loss, grief,
substance use, and mental healthchallenges.
Please take care of yourselfwhile listening.
I am so excited to share ouramazing guest on today.
Today's guest is Athena West.
As we do here on the ResilienceStyles Podcast, we either have a
(01:13):
guest reader, I myself wouldread, or our guests themselves
would read.
Well, we have a guest readertoday.
Today's guest essay reader isPatricia Lee.
She's going to read Athena'sessay that she submitted, and
then we're going to get into adiscussion with Athena herself.
So without further ado, pleasetake it away.
SPEAKER_02 (01:31):
How do you go on after losing the most important
person in your life?
Unfortunately, this was ananswer I was forced to discover
on my own.
A month after my 14th birthday,when I was 13, my mom found out
she was in a late stage ofcancer.
It was all very confusing forme.
(01:52):
The hardest part was that shewould act as though everything
was fine.
I would cry alone, sometimesbecause I never wanted to cry in
front of her.
She was always so strong.
I didn't want to make her weakeror burden her with my tears.
When my mom was very sick, myparents decided to send my older
(02:16):
brothers and I to Greece to staywith my dad's family.
We had never met.
And they promised to come soon.
I remember it like being stuckin a prison.
I still vividly remember the daymy mom arrived.
I didn't recognize personsmiling back at me for a moment.
The sight of her hit in thechest like a ton of bricks.
(02:40):
She was in a wheelchair for thefirst time in her life.
Her arms and face were so thin,but her stomach was bloated.
Even as I close my eyes now, Iam transported back to that
moment and the grief envelopsme.
Fortunately, I have a muchgreater capacity to sit with my
(03:02):
grief and allow this feeling tobe here.
But that was not always thecase.
My mom stayed with us for a weekor two.
But then she begged my dad totake her take her back to
Canada.
She knew her time was up.
They left us in Greece, and noone warned me that when I said
(03:25):
goodbye to my mom in the airportthat day, it was the last time I
was ever going to talk to herwhile she was still alive.
I don't blame her for not havingthe strength to tell me.
I can't even imagine having tosay goodbye to my daughter for
the last time.
We got the phone call maybe twodays later that she had passed
(03:48):
away.
I barely remember going home orthe months that followed.
I returned to high school thatfall as a hollow shell of the
bubbly person I was the yearbefore.
That year at school, I found myway to the smoke pit.
Someone offered me a puff ofmarijuana, and I was finally
(04:08):
able to giggle again and feel alittle lighter and happier.
At home, no one was checking upon me.
I've always said I'd rather belucky than good.
And I know how lucky I am tohave never been killed or raped,
but I've come close enough bothtimes while partying.
(04:31):
These actions were a desperatecry for attention, attachment,
and a longing for the love and aconnection I didn't have at home
anymore.
I had little respect left for mybody or my health.
On my 16th birthday, whileworking at the racetrack, I met
a guy who was five years olderthan me.
(04:51):
His name was Chris.
And little did I know when wemet for the first time that day,
he would be the person, the oneperson who has been with me
every step of my life sincethen.
We started a relationship that Inow know was based on
codependency.
But this allowed me somenormalcy in my life.
(05:13):
And I went to university andobtained a Bachelor's of Science
degree.
I was getting to a point when Ihad accomplished so much, but
still felt there was more tolife.
I was still smoking weed to feelbetter, and I had a hard time
talking about my mother at all.
I started self-researchingspirituality, and it really
(05:35):
resonated with me.
I ended up signing on to do somehypnotherapy sessions.
And this was the first bit oftruth, deep healing work that I
had begun.
After a few sessions, some otherthings in my life lined up that
I decided to ask Chris what hefelt about trying for a baby.
(05:56):
We got pregnant very easily, andsince day one of finding out I
was pregnant, we have been on anaccelerated healing journey.
I cut out smoking weed as soonas I found out I was pregnant.
And I learned a lot about myselfand how strongly I had been
using it as a coping mechanism.
(06:18):
Becoming a parent changes yourlife and who you are.
I began to learn about my owndevelopmental trauma and its
effect as well as learning aboutgenerational trauma.
I hated myself at times forbeing so dissociated from my
body for so long that I couldn'tfeel if my milk was letting
(06:40):
down, or if my baby was evengetting any milk, or if my body
was failing me.
These are the types of thoughtsthat are common in first-time
mothers, but not enough peopleare sharing them.
I never knew until I experiencedit myself.
Everything that I have beenthrough so far has helped me
(07:00):
come to this place that I am inright now, which is a rebirth of
myself and my soul.
I recently started my ownbusiness called Athena's
Wellness Wisdom, which has ledme here to share my story with
all of you.
My goal is to educate as manypeople as I can about the
possibilities for change bystrengthening the mind-body
(07:24):
connection.
Humans are wired for connection.
Love is the most important thingin life.
And it starts with lovingyourself.
I want the world to be a betterplace for my daughter and for
every one of us.
I truly believe we can make thathappen.
SPEAKER_01 (07:42):
Wow, thank you so much for reading her story.
And Athena, wow.
Thank you so much for trustingus with that.
Before we get started, we wantto know how are you doing today?
SPEAKER_03 (07:57):
Um, yeah, it's it's interesting hearing somebody
else read your story.
SPEAKER_01 (08:00):
Yeah.
Good, good.
Yeah, I feel like sometimeshearing our story reminds us of
how far we've already come andfor us to feel proud of
something.
I would like to go back to lifebefore the loss.
You know, take us back to beforeyou went to Greece, take us back
to before everything changed.
(08:21):
What did safety look like backthen?
And what was your relationshipwith your mom like?
SPEAKER_03 (08:28):
Yeah, so it's interesting because um now that
I've been through like a lot ofmy healing journey, I do know
that there was quite a lot in mylike I'm six years younger than
one of my brothers and fouryears younger than the other
one.
So I kind of do know that my momhad her her kind of closer
together and she was onlynineteen when she had my oldest
(08:51):
brother.
Um and then they had a bit of abig break, and then when I came
along, I know that we had ananny for the beginning.
I had a Filipino accent becauseI think I spent a lot more time
with the nanny than with my ownmom and dad.
(09:11):
She's definitely yeah.
Yeah attention, um, as infamilies and everything.
Um, but of course, like my momwas definitely one of my best
friends and and I really enjoyedspending time with her and and
being with her.
(09:32):
And she was kind of like she wasthe one that wrote my family.
She's definitely like the headof the house, I would say.
Um connection and you know,making us making sure we all
have dinner together and thatsort of thing.
Um Yeah, and then I remember Iwent into high school that year
before and there was my friendbeing in with all these mixture
(09:53):
people, and I was definitely thekid that would go around and and
you know, try to join thegroups.
Like I hated the fact that therewas different groups and these
kids didn't want to hang outwith these kids.
Well, I have friends in thisgroup and I have friends in this
group.
I really tried to bringeverybody together.
It was definitely a lot more andand a lot of creativity.
(10:14):
I was really into writing backthen as well.
SPEAKER_01 (10:16):
Wow.
Thank you so much for sharingthat.
I mean, I feel like it's veryimportant that we recognize who
we were prior to survival mode,prior to the moment that shifted
everything.
And to even hear that you werethe youngest and your mom, you
know, had it started six yearsprior and growing up with the
Filipino nanny.
And do you when did yourecognize like the fact that you
(10:40):
spent more time with the nannythan spend with your mom?
SPEAKER_05 (10:44):
I think the nanny save was a yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (10:51):
Yeah, for sure.
But I'm happy that I know it itis hard for working parents and
you know, the desire to want acareer and balancing motherhood
is definitely a juggle of itsown.
And that I'm happy that you wereable to develop a relationship
with your mom regardless.
And I want to go into the momentthat everything shifted for you.
What did it feel like losingyour mother at 14?
(11:14):
What did that feel like at thetime?
SPEAKER_03 (11:16):
Yeah, it was definitely even the fact it was
just the hard part was the fact,like I stated in my story there,
that, you know, nobody wanted totalk about it as it was
happening.
And I was able to just kind oflike pretend that it wasn't
happening.
Even though I do remember I wentto chemo treatments with my mom
there.
(11:37):
Um I remember we went on likethis pretty cool horse um
backpacking trip kind of thing.
Uh I think that was like her wayof like wanting to do a final
trip to say goodbye and havelike a fun time together.
But still it was like all thesethings.
I was just like in such a stateof denial.
And then the whole part of thefact them shipping us off to
(12:00):
Greece You know, whose idea ifit was my mom's or my dad's more
so.
But yeah, it was you know, sucha especially with everything I
know now about trauma and thatsort of thing, like it's so such
a difficult situation for us,you know, to be shipped off kind
of deal.
And then like I said, it was itwas a couple weeks of time that
(12:22):
I hadn't seen my mom.
And then just to see her againlike that and to see how much is
really like so eye-opening.
Like maybe I was able to put theblindfold on before we left
because you see her every day.
But then to have her and then tosee her again and just like
really realizing like holysmells.
Um Right and then spend yeah, alittle bit of time together.
SPEAKER_01 (12:45):
I can imagine that's very tough.
I think that your parents wereobviously trying to protect you
and to protect your siblings andyou, and I think that they had a
hard time probably trying tofigure out what to do, but I'm
sure somewhere and we may neverknow, of course, but your mom
obviously she loved you morethan anything, and she wanted to
(13:06):
somehow protect you all fromprobably going through even what
she feels like it would havebeen a tougher experience.
But I would love to ask you,what did you feel like?
What would you have wanted theexperience to be at the time?
Would you now in retrospective,do you think that you would have
rather have been there duringher last days instead of being
(13:29):
shipped off?
Like if you could change it.
SPEAKER_03 (13:31):
Yeah, it's interesting.
So um the big bulk of mybeginning of my like what I
would say was the beginning ofmy like healing journey and the
bulk of my healing was like thissession, a few sessions of
hypnotherapy.
And it's interesting because oneof the times what we did was go
back to that time, like in theairport when I was saying
(13:52):
goodbye to my mom and like, youknow, like my time and how how
making a difference like wouldhelp to make a difference kind
of thing.
And what happened like in thatsession was you know, like just
told me that I would have Iwould have rather been told
specifically like this might bethe last time and be able to
(14:12):
just say the things that youknow you wanted to say.
So in that session, I wasactually able to go back to that
time.
You know, Adult Athena was ableto talk to, you know, younger
little and just like tell herlike, hey, this is this time
right now kind of thing, youknow, and and then just like
offering connection, offeringhugs like that support, like
(14:35):
that physical support you know,myself and then have my family
too, my brothers and my dad andmy mom, you know.
And so that's just yeah, that'show I changed it for myself.
And how I was really able tokind of shift my perspective on
on that situation for sure.
It's really the hardest thing.
I'm happy the fact, yeah, thatmy brothers and I, you know,
(14:59):
we're all just us together.
Like instead of us all bandingtogether, we just we separated,
you know, we just all grieved onour own in our own little parts.
And unfortunately, my dad, youknow, he did get hit the hardest
with it because, you know, hiswhole life shattered too, and he
just he just receded back,unfortunately, you know.
SPEAKER_01 (15:19):
So that sounds extremely difficult and very,
very challenging and very likeyou said, I mean, everybody's
going through a variety ofemotions and feelings, but you
know, grief without guidance isjust incredibly isolating, and I
don't think anybody knew exactlywhat to do.
And like you said, your dad wasfalling apart, and he still had
(15:42):
to be the only parent for youall that was here on this side
of earth, you know?
And that was probably reallydifficult.
But did you ever have adiscussion, or how long did it
take for you all to come backtogether, or have you all had
that opportunity to come backtogether?
SPEAKER_03 (16:01):
Um, yeah, I kind of chuckle because um, and you know
what, this is like a good way tokind of mention generational,
you know?
Like I know that the reason mydad had such a hard time was
because of, you know, hisupbringing.
Is he lost his dad young.
He was the oldest of his kids,so he had to be the, you know, I
(16:22):
think he was wasn't even ten hadto be the man of the family and
try to support the family.
And now they grew up in povertyand everything.
So it's just, you know, he himnever ever working on his own
stuff is what made it so that,you know, he had not in that
situation.
And unfortunately still, youknow, he's in a very tough place
(16:43):
in his life.
Um, he's still trying to do dodo certain things and he's, you
know, not getting anywhere.
And I know like I talked to himthe other days, like Um, and
then my two brothers, yeah, youknow.
Uh like nobody still seeks thehelp that they should be, you
(17:04):
know.
They're still living slightlynormal lives.
They're not like, you know,they're not they're not doing
anything wrong in life.
No, they're not reaching theirfull potential as I feel like
they probably could.
And they still haven't myselfand you know, especially it's
been about the last five, sixyears that I've been on this
very strong healing journey.
(17:25):
Um, and just things have beensnowballing in, you know, the
positive direction for me, andyou know, it just makes me wanna
to get more out of my life andmakes me want to share my story
now, makes me want to connectwith others.
But there's only so much you cando, you know, you just have to
lead by example.
Um, I can't I can't go there andtell them, you know, there you
guys are wrong with you.
(17:47):
I just have to show them that,you know, this is where I was,
this is where I am.
SPEAKER_01 (17:51):
Yeah, absolutely.
And talking about asking forhelp from other people, well, I
do appreciate you sharing thatabout your family.
And I think like there it isincredibly difficult to move on
from grief when it isunexpected.
And then even with your father,I'm sure with them being
together for such a long time,that that was incredibly
(18:12):
shattering.
I mean, his heart is gone, but Ireally do still have hope that
everyone will one day reclaimtheir sense of purpose and find
purpose in, you know, yourmother's passing as motivation
to keep going.
So that's my hope that I send toyou and to your family.
And during that time for you,you went into a survival mode
(18:36):
mechanism.
You shared turning to marijuanaand risky behaviors.
And even, girl, when you say youwere 16 and you were talking to
the guy that was five yearsolder, I was like, you know,
technically in some state, Idon't know if you was in the
south, but that's a littletouchy, you know.
What do you think you wereavoiding in these moments?
What were you do you think thatyou were using these things to I
(18:58):
feel like I know the answer, butI'm gonna ask you, were you
doing those things, were theyhelping you avoid or were they
helping you survive?
Did you feel like you neededthem in order to survive to not
think about what's next?
What was the emotions that yeah,talk to me.
SPEAKER_03 (19:15):
That's definitely where the marijuana came in for
sure.
It was like just getting me outof the stump of just all this
emotion that was there.
It's just such an easy way todissociate.
Um, so yeah.
Yeah, you know, daily kind ofthing, just kinda and to the
point where, like I said, likeso able to be so dissociated
(19:36):
with my body, like sometimes,you know.
I'm a floating head.
Even now I realize like I don'tusually I very rarely look in
the mirror.
So it's now that I've been doingmore podcasts and speaking on
like Zoom, you kinda seeyourself there.
Like this is the most I ever seemyself.
So it's all kind of part of myhealing journey still, because
(19:57):
if you're always looking atyourself in the mirror, you
can't dissociate away from yourbody, your body's right there
kind of thing.
So it's always just uhinteresting kind of thing for
me.
Um and maybe other people canrelate, you know, if you don't
look uh it could be So yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (20:14):
What emotions felt too big for you to face in those
moments?
SPEAKER_03 (20:18):
Yes, definitely the grief and just, you know like I
couldn't even bring up my mom'sname.
I couldn't that's why I proprobably a huge reason why our
family couldn't ever talk aboutit was because if I did try to
talk about it, I would just justcry, like I couldn't get words
out, it just never it juststores in your body in such a
(20:38):
huge amount that if you kindaturn the faucet a little bit,
there's no just kind of lettingit trickle out.
The hose bursts, you know, andjust you try to turn it on a
little bit and you Yeah, yeah,you rather numb the pain.
SPEAKER_01 (20:50):
Did anyone around you recognize your pain?
SPEAKER_03 (20:54):
Um Yeah, I noticed that some of my friendships
changed.
Like a a good friend, childhoodfriend of mine.
Her parents actually movedcloser to me and she went
started going to the same schoolas me.
She was a year older than meactually.
And you know, it was kind of Idon't know a hundred percent,
but it seemed like part of thereason was for that support for
(21:15):
me.
And unfortunately in that time II ended up choosing a different
friend, you know, because thisperson smoked weed and drank, so
I feel like that's one of my abit of a regret for sure, is not
accepting some of the help, Iguess that was Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (21:33):
Well, it makes sense.
I feel like sometimes copingmechanisms are just attempts to
feel safe.
And at that moment, you justwanted to feel safe.
You wanted to numb yourfeelings, and you didn't have a
place to properly grieve or toreally learn how to accept the
help that was being given toyou.
And did your school help outduring that time since they may
(21:53):
have been aware of it?
Did the a school counselor tryto reach out and do therapy or
anything?
SPEAKER_03 (21:58):
No, I find that interesting.
It happened over the summer.
We're never ones that would tellthe school anyway.
School knew.
I do find it interesting though,like grade eight.
Oh, like I locked on with all myteachers, but my teachers really
liked me.
In grade nine, sure, or gradeten.
(22:19):
Um, I one TE teacher who waslike a female, and I guess I was
really mean to her,unfortunately.
Um, because she wasn't thenicest person to all of us,
right?
So I would kind of stand up toher, and I remember her one time
like telling me and taking measide and being like, I asked
all your other teachers if shewas a great kid, like, and she
asked me if I was sexist becauseI was her only female teacher at
(22:42):
the time.
And so, you know, I guess, like,I don't even know going back now
what it was all about, but I cansee it maybe just being about,
you know, I never had any strongwomen in my life.
Maybe I was just to her forbeing a woman and trying to be
in my life.
I'm not sure.
So but as far as like, yeah, Ithink I told like I remember her
(23:06):
asking, yeah, how's yourrelationship with your mother?
So she didn't know, right?
SPEAKER_01 (23:10):
Oh wow, yeah.
Wow, it's so interesting becausenow having this discussion, I
don't know who's listening tothis podcast right now, but
maybe it's an opportunity to seeif the parents are involved in
the children's life.
And I know that many schoolshave so many different students
coming from so many differentbackgrounds and housing
situations that it's hard tokeep up with everyone.
But when we think about why kidsare having, you know, these
(23:35):
outbursts or they're going andtrying drugs or, you know, have
behaviors that don't seem to bethe norm.
It's because they're reallycrying out for help and they
want someone to know and wantsomebody to say, like, please,
like, save me, help me.
And they just don't know how tosay it.
So I really hope that they'reable to get that help.
(23:58):
When you mentioned that you werelike, I guess, like looking for
something deeper in life.
You were mentioning that youturned to spirituality and
searching for the meaning oflife.
Can we talk about that a bit?
What led you toward spiritualityand trying hypnosis?
SPEAKER_03 (24:19):
Yeah, so it's actually interesting.
I've always had horses in mylife.
Um, my mom did start trainingracehorses when I was about four
or five.
And then my middle brother,Demetrian, to the racehorses,
and so we that's always beensomething we've bonded over and
just horses in general.
Um I one pony that I owned,actually, she was having issues.
(24:44):
And so it was finally to thepoint where I looked up.
I'd heard about animalcommunication before, um, and I
just decided, what the heck,I'll just get someone, and it
ended up being a lady that Iknew.
It's actually the second time Ihad used an animal communicator,
but this was the lady that Iknew from she's related to
people at the racetrack.
And she had really good, um,really good references.
(25:07):
So when I brought her to thefarm, she was talking about this
little pony and all the things,and like so many of these words
she was saying about the ponywere like things that I resonate
with.
She's saying that she wasantisocial.
She's saying, you know, she hadsome like a strong amount of
grief.
She's saying like some traumafrom the past.
And like all of this stuff, likewithout me talking to this lady
(25:30):
about myself at all, weliterally just talked about the
pony.
I could see all these things,and then she's kind of looking
at me too, because she knewalready that like this horse is
this pony's a mirror of myself,you know.
And then I think it got prettyemotional during that shin.
And then I started to tell her alittle bit about myself, and she
had said to me that she does umhypnotherapy for people, and
(25:55):
that she thought that it wouldbe a good idea for me if I if I
wanted to.
I think it took me about threemonths or so to finally like
dwell on it and be like, youknow, I should really give this
a try.
And then like, yeah, I think wedid about six sessions together
and and then going back to thetime of of when I the last time
(26:17):
I seen my mom in the airportthere, that's and just really
noticed like these big shifts.
Like I did cry quite a lot inalmost all my sessions with her.
Um, but I afterwards, you know,is when when I could feel the
difference, the shift inside ofme, feel like a bit more
expansion inside of me.
The next time we could talkabout what happened the last
(26:37):
time, and you know, I could talkabout it with a capacity of
becoming overwhelmed right away.
So I see these things were wereme.
Um and then yeah, we also didlike a a manifesting thing, um,
where she asked me, you know,like make you happy.
I started working in the film,which is what I do right now,
still um my day job.
(26:59):
And uh I said, you know, oh,it'd be great to just make the
same money and work whereas, youknow, like throwing that out
there and like how that and justthe reasons why that would make
me happy and stuff.
Um, and then like you know, nottoo long after a job opportunity
came up where I could work inthe office instead of out on the
road.
So just like stuff like that,like just such snow ways that my
(27:22):
life could change.
And then um in that tide, youknow, like for my husband and I
were together for 17 years.
We met when I was 16.
Um, and we kept people alwaysasked us when we're gonna have
kids, when we're gonna havekids, and I we just kept saying,
No, no, like it's not for uskind of thing.
And then it was after thetherapy sessions when you just
had this new regard for likeconnection.
(27:44):
I was able to like access lovein myself and and want to give
that love out, you know?
And I decided that maybe I couldhave a baby.
A lot of it for me was that Iwas scared that my mom had
cancer, it's hereditary, her momdied young too.
I don't want to eat and then getcancer and then you know, and
(28:05):
then die.
So that was a huge fear for me,but after working for myself and
this healing, and you know, andjust especially realizing how
much stress has to do with withyour genetics and everything and
cancer, yeah.
You know, just realizing that II don't live in that same stress
that unfortunately my mom did atthe time.
(28:27):
And uh decided, yeah, the the myhusband, we decided to try for a
baby, you know.
That was the biggest change inour lives.
And then I told my hypnotherapyabout it, and then literally my
doctor told me to like waitthree months because you've been
on birth for 15 years, you know.
Literally, like three months tothe day after, and it's like,
(28:50):
oh, oh my goodness, we'repregnant.
And I remember having a lastsession with a hypnotherapist,
and then I see Tad enter thepicture, like, oh by the way.
SPEAKER_01 (29:00):
Wow, I feel like Yeah, that's amazing.
Wow, healing often does begin.
I feel like after we change thestory that we carry, and you
were able to change thathypnotherapy.
And I want to go to themotherhood part, but before we
get there, I do want to know forsomeone that's listening today
that doesn't understandhypnotherapy, can you just do
(29:22):
like a just a little shortdescription of like what the
process is?
SPEAKER_03 (29:27):
Yeah, so there's a lot of different ways people
think about hypnotherapy, I'msure.
It's like the the sideshow actkind of thing.
And to be honest, what it doesis puts you into just like a
very calm, relaxed state, andwhere you can be a little bit
suggestible, as I say.
(29:48):
I learn now from like mydifferent healing and then the
modality that I use with people.
I don't even know like if I wasreally hypothesized, like put
under like um a comment.
But I mean it still has to beyou just agreeing to to go with
(30:10):
what comes, basically.
So it's basically like she wouldcount me down, she'd put me into
this very relaxed state, andthen she'd say, you know, like
where does your body think you?
Like, what are you seeing?
Like what's and basically thegist of any type of like healing
modalities I find, um, that arekind of going off mainstream, is
(30:31):
basically like your body.
Maybe we've lots of peopleprobably heard the name of the
book, The Body Keeps the Score,you know?
Like the body is kind of likewhat stores our unconscious
mind.
Like our conscious mind and ourthoughts are all up here, but
everything unconscious isactually in our body.
And so basically, like, youknow, really relaxing yourself
(30:53):
and letting the body is whenlike certain memories and
certain things come up, youknow?
Um, yeah, it's just like amodality basically where they
get you very relaxed.
SPEAKER_01 (31:04):
Thank you for describing that.
Let's talk about motherhood as amirror.
Because especially losing yourmother at the age of 14, how did
becoming a mother resurface awounds for you?
SPEAKER_03 (31:17):
Yeah, so like I said, it kind of just
accelerates you into a humanjoint because yeah, you're
looking at this tiny version ofyourself and my daughter, like
you know, you put a side byside, almost splitting image,
you know?
So it's like, yeah, just thislittle version of yourself.
Um, so for me, actually one ofthe hard things to a counselor,
(31:40):
like a therapist without thiswas that um being so needed and
being like so unconditionallyloved, like when they're on you
crow, that was actually atrigger for being too loved
because for so long I'd been,you know, I felt like I wasn't
loved kind of thing after losingmy mom, even you know, at the
(32:04):
beginning of development andattachment styles and stuff.
Any kind of competing forparental attention.
And unfortunately, my dad, youknow, when I got pregnant with
my daughter, the first thing mydad said was, Oh, good thing you
need someone like Chris to raisehis child with someone like me.
So basically saying, you know,like he wasn't ever really there
(32:28):
emotionally.
So, you know, that all haseffects on you growing up.
So yeah, just being sounconditionally loved was
actually like a for me.
Uh told my therapist that theone day, she's like, I've
actually never heard aboutbefore, but it makes sense.
Like, yeah now, you know, andthen so when my daughter was
(32:48):
quite young, I actually took acouple different certifications.
Um, the main one being some sothat's like working somatically
with the body, kind of like Iwas talking about before.
Um and yeah, so that that reallyhelped me work through like
these triggers and stuff.
Um like this patience thing, youknow, like kids will try your
(33:09):
patience all the time, right?
Um if you don't have any tools,you know, and ways to like
regulate that and capacity tojust feel maybe the frustration
that comes up, it's when we canlash out, you know, and maybe
things that we feel.
SPEAKER_01 (33:27):
Yeah.
I agree.
Yeah, I agree with you.
I feel like parenthood oftenreveals what we didn't heal, and
unless you work on healing it orgetting those skills, then you
would lash out or you could.
You have the ability to do a lotof things, and like you said,
like you experience love on awhole new level where you've
never experienced it before, andit probably did feel weird and
(33:49):
uncomfortable, and you had tofigure out like how to navigate
those feelings because it'sbecause it is your child, you
know.
But I appreciate you sharingthat with us.
You begin to wrap this up.
I would love to know like whatdoes healing look like for you
today?
What is regulation and healinglook like for you right now?
Like, are you still doinghypnosis?
Are you working on breath work,meditation, nervous system care?
(34:13):
Like, what's your thing?
SPEAKER_03 (34:15):
Yeah, um, I haven't done any hypnotherapy.
I just did those like sixsessions, and that was great for
me.
Um, I'm doing some embodyprocessing, I swap sessions with
people.
Um, and at first talk therapyreally did, but I'm actually
noticing now that that I havemore tools tool about um that I
(34:36):
can go back, and it's actuallyreally great to have somebody to
talk things through with as wellas them, you know, it back to
the body and then find areasthat maybe still are stuck.
Unfortunately, the healing now,like we just keep healing back
the layers.
Because once, you know, we oncewe can kind of get at our own
(34:57):
core, then you know trauma comesin.
Um world's a lot right now forsure, right?
SPEAKER_01 (35:05):
So Yeah, very well it is.
SPEAKER_03 (35:08):
Yeah.
So for me it's like I was justbeing out in nature, work with
horses still, and I'm developinga business where I can do
sessions and bring my horses,you know, as co-facilitators for
me with me.
Yeah, for and then yeah, justbuilding this business.
Um, I do some podcasts of my ownto get the word out there.
SPEAKER_05 (35:29):
Nice.
SPEAKER_01 (35:32):
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah, I feel like I loveeverything that you're saying.
As I always say that resilienceisn't strength, it's regulation.
It it's how you're processing itand through like the breath work
and through walking out innature, through being around
your horses, through sharingyour story.
That's how you can survive itand get through it and also
(35:54):
process it so it doesn't feellike a heavy weight on you, but
more like strength contained inyou that you can carry.
You know, you're resilientbecause of this.
I love um everything that you'redoing in you.
Athena's Athena's wellnesswisdom.
Can you tell us more about that?
Who do you feel called to helpwith that?
SPEAKER_03 (36:15):
Yeah, definitely.
So I do have the free resourceslike podcasts and stuff.
Um, but I'm really leaningtowards working with parents.
Uh that's where I'm mostpassionate about parents and
just like caregivers, maybeteachers or something like that.
Because it's so important tostart with the early years.
(36:36):
And yeah, anybody who's, youknow, who is a primary
caregiver, it doesn't even haveto be a parent, like I said, but
a primary caregiver orinteracting with any of our
youth.
Um, they're the ones that reallyneed to be able to, you know,
becoming a place of resiliencein order to kind of break those
generational chains.
(36:59):
And yeah, and really just justto help raise the next
generation because that's who'sgonna be around, that's who's
gonna make change for our world.
And yeah, the kids are ourfuture.
And I that connection, like forso long in my life, I was like
just you know, uh don't want tointeract with anybody kind of
(37:21):
thing.
And it's just crazy thedifference that once you bring
that, you know, once you havethat connection with others and
you know, and and asking forhelp, you know, it's there's so
much help out there.
There's so many free resourcesalso just sessions for people, I
either do one-on-one or groupsessions.
Um yeah, just just for help.
(37:44):
There's so much help out thereand feel who you resonate with,
especially with social media andstuff.
Um, like before when I justfound a counselors and I said it
didn't really work, that wasjust Google, you know, a
counselor, maybe they'll have alittle bio or something.
But now with social media, likeyou can literally like let hear
the stories of the people thatyou want to work with ahead of
(38:05):
time.
And I really like our listeners.
That's an amazing way to go outthere and do it and just learn
about people first.
SPEAKER_01 (38:12):
Yeah.
I agree with you.
I love how you're turning yourpain into purpose and you're
helping the youth, and that'swhere you feel most called.
I think that that's whodefinitely needs the most help.
Not that other people can'taccept or receive help,
especially, you know, youprocessing grief at 14 and you
doing it all alone, and no oneknowing you're going through
(38:35):
this process, besides maybe aclose couple of family members,
like your, you know, best friendat the time's parents moving
closer to you, but not anybodyat your school.
You know, you turn those thatpain into marijuana, you turn
that pain into other activitiesthat wasn't helping you fully
achieve your purpose, right?
(38:57):
But uh you mentioned alreadywhat you would tell your
14-year-old self throughhypnosis.
But I know that there's probablysome 14-year-old that's
listening right now, and theymay need to hear a little of it
if you feel so called to speakand to say, if you right now
talk to your 14-year-old self,what would you tell her?
SPEAKER_03 (39:19):
Yeah, I would just say, you know, like you're worth
it, you know, love.
You just you gotta reach out andand just you know, find those
people that are gonna be in yourcircle and find the right people
and just ask for help.
Like it's totally okay to askfor help.
SPEAKER_01 (39:38):
It's never Yeah.
That's beautiful.
That's beautiful.
I love that.
Thank you so much.
Athena, your story shows us thathealing isn't about going back,
it's about becoming someone new.
And maybe that's also aboutevolving and realizing that it
may not happen all at once andpeople may not recognize it.
(39:58):
But like you said earlier, thatit's okay to ask for help.
And I hope that someone listensto this today, that it's okay to
ask for help and you need to askfor help.
And doing this alone isn't theonly way.
You don't want to do it alone.
You'll progress further bytelling someone and them helping
you than doing it alone.
(40:19):
But if you're doing it alonetoday, if you're listening and
you're grieving, I just want toremind you that you're not
broken, you're rebuilding andyou're gonna rebuild stronger.
And it's okay to ask for help.
If this episode resonated withyou, I want you to share it with
someone who may need it.
Um, Athena, I know that you haveyour wellness wisdom and you're
(40:42):
working on some amazing therapyoptions with horses.
If people were interested infollowing up with you or
following your journey, howwould they do that?
SPEAKER_03 (40:51):
Yeah, just googling Athena's wellness wisdom and a
perfect.
SPEAKER_01 (40:55):
We'll put it at the bottom of the show notes for
anyone that's looking for it.
Follow the um thank you, Athena,so much.
Follow the resilience filesunlocked and email us at
resyfiles at gmail.com if youhave a resilience story to
share.
Until next time, stay strong,stay hopeful, and keep unlocking
your resilience.
(41:16):
You got this.
And it's Carrie Bernans, andwe'll see you on the next
episode.
When you feel like a license double hand up on their
cards.
Instead of folding, you doubledown.
You face battle.
You felt broken.
Hey, do us a favor.
Put your hand on your heart.
You still bad.
Still here.
Welcome to the Resilient StylesUnlocked.
(00:23):
Where survival meetstransformation.
SPEAKER_01 (00:29):
Welcome back to the Resilient Styles Podcast.
I'm your host, Carrie Vernunz.
This space exists for honestconversations about survival,
healing, reinvention, and thequiet strength it takes to
rebuild when life doesn't alwaysgo as planned.
Because resilience isn't aboutpretending you're okay.
It's about choosing to keepgoing even when you're not.
(00:50):
Trigger warning for thisepisode.
This episode includesdiscussions of loss, grief,
substance use, and mental healthchallenges.
Please take care of yourselfwhile listening.
I am so excited to share ouramazing guest on today.
Today's guest is Athena West.
As we do here on the ResilienceStyles Podcast, we either have a
(01:13):
guest reader, I myself wouldread, or our guests themselves
would read.
Well, we have a guest readertoday.
Today's guest essay reader isPatricia Lee.
She's going to read Athena'sessay that she submitted, and
then we're going to get into adiscussion with Athena herself.
So without further ado, pleasetake it away.
SPEAKER_02 (01:31):
How do you go on after losing the most important
person in your life?
Unfortunately, this was ananswer I was forced to discover
on my own.
A month after my 14th birthday,when I was 13, my mom found out
she was in a late stage ofcancer.
It was all very confusing forme.
(01:52):
The hardest part was that shewould act as though everything
was fine.
I would cry alone, sometimesbecause I never wanted to cry in
front of her.
She was always so strong.
I didn't want to make her weakeror burden her with my tears.
When my mom was very sick, myparents decided to send my older
(02:16):
brothers and I to Greece to staywith my dad's family.
We had never met.
And they promised to come soon.
I remember it like being stuckin a prison.
I still vividly remember the daymy mom arrived.
I didn't recognize personsmiling back at me for a moment.
The sight of her hit in thechest like a ton of bricks.
(02:40):
She was in a wheelchair for thefirst time in her life.
Her arms and face were so thin,but her stomach was bloated.
Even as I close my eyes now, Iam transported back to that
moment and the grief envelopsme.
Fortunately, I have a muchgreater capacity to sit with my
(03:02):
grief and allow this feeling tobe here.
But that was not always thecase.
My mom stayed with us for a weekor two.
But then she begged my dad totake her take her back to
Canada.
She knew her time was up.
They left us in Greece, and noone warned me that when I said
(03:25):
goodbye to my mom in the airportthat day, it was the last time I
was ever going to talk to herwhile she was still alive.
I don't blame her for not havingthe strength to tell me.
I can't even imagine having tosay goodbye to my daughter for
the last time.
We got the phone call maybe twodays later that she had passed
(03:48):
away.
I barely remember going home orthe months that followed.
I returned to high school thatfall as a hollow shell of the
bubbly person I was the yearbefore.
That year at school, I found myway to the smoke pit.
Someone offered me a puff ofmarijuana, and I was finally
(04:08):
able to giggle again and feel alittle lighter and happier.
At home, no one was checking upon me.
I've always said I'd rather belucky than good.
And I know how lucky I am tohave never been killed or raped,
but I've come close enough bothtimes while partying.
(04:31):
These actions were a desperatecry for attention, attachment,
and a longing for the love and aconnection I didn't have at home
anymore.
I had little respect left for mybody or my health.
On my 16th birthday, whileworking at the racetrack, I met
a guy who was five years olderthan me.
(04:51):
His name was Chris.
And little did I know when wemet for the first time that day,
he would be the person, the oneperson who has been with me
every step of my life sincethen.
We started a relationship that Inow know was based on
codependency.
But this allowed me somenormalcy in my life.
(05:13):
And I went to university andobtained a Bachelor's of Science
degree.
I was getting to a point when Ihad accomplished so much, but
still felt there was more tolife.
I was still smoking weed to feelbetter, and I had a hard time
talking about my mother at all.
I started self-researchingspirituality, and it really
(05:35):
resonated with me.
I ended up signing on to do somehypnotherapy sessions.
And this was the first bit oftruth, deep healing work that I
had begun.
After a few sessions, some otherthings in my life lined up that
I decided to ask Chris what hefelt about trying for a baby.
(05:56):
We got pregnant very easily, andsince day one of finding out I
was pregnant, we have been on anaccelerated healing journey.
I cut out smoking weed as soonas I found out I was pregnant.
And I learned a lot about myselfand how strongly I had been
using it as a coping mechanism.
(06:18):
Becoming a parent changes yourlife and who you are.
I began to learn about my owndevelopmental trauma and its
effect as well as learning aboutgenerational trauma.
I hated myself at times forbeing so dissociated from my
body for so long that I couldn'tfeel if my milk was letting
(06:40):
down, or if my baby was evengetting any milk, or if my body
was failing me.
These are the types of thoughtsthat are common in first-time
mothers, but not enough peopleare sharing them.
I never knew until I experiencedit myself.
Everything that I have beenthrough so far has helped me
(07:00):
come to this place that I am inright now, which is a rebirth of
myself and my soul.
I recently started my ownbusiness called Athena's
Wellness Wisdom, which has ledme here to share my story with
all of you.
My goal is to educate as manypeople as I can about the
possibilities for change bystrengthening the mind-body
(07:24):
connection.
Humans are wired for connection.
Love is the most important thingin life.
And it starts with lovingyourself.
I want the world to be a betterplace for my daughter and for
every one of us.
I truly believe we can make thathappen.
SPEAKER_01 (07:42):
Wow, thank you so much for reading her story.
And Athena, wow.
Thank you so much for trustingus with that.
Before we get started, we wantto know how are you doing today?
SPEAKER_03 (07:57):
Um, yeah, it's it's interesting hearing somebody
else read your story.
SPEAKER_01 (08:00):
Yeah.
Good, good.
Yeah, I feel like sometimeshearing our story reminds us of
how far we've already come andfor us to feel proud of
something.
I would like to go back to lifebefore the loss.
You know, take us back to beforeyou went to Greece, take us back
to before everything changed.
(08:21):
What did safety look like backthen?
And what was your relationshipwith your mom like?
SPEAKER_03 (08:28):
Yeah, so it's interesting because um now that
I've been through like a lot ofmy healing journey, I do know
that there was quite a lot in mylike I'm six years younger than
one of my brothers and fouryears younger than the other
one.
So I kind of do know that my momhad her her kind of closer
together and she was onlynineteen when she had my oldest
(08:51):
brother.
Um and then they had a bit of abig break, and then when I came
along, I know that we had ananny for the beginning.
I had a Filipino accent becauseI think I spent a lot more time
with the nanny than with my ownmom and dad.
(09:11):
She's definitely yeah.
Yeah attention, um, as infamilies and everything.
Um, but of course, like my momwas definitely one of my best
friends and and I really enjoyedspending time with her and and
being with her.
(09:32):
And she was kind of like she wasthe one that wrote my family.
She's definitely like the headof the house, I would say.
Um connection and you know,making us making sure we all
have dinner together and thatsort of thing.
Um Yeah, and then I remember Iwent into high school that year
before and there was my friendbeing in with all these mixture
(09:53):
people, and I was definitely thekid that would go around and and
you know, try to join thegroups.
Like I hated the fact that therewas different groups and these
kids didn't want to hang outwith these kids.
Well, I have friends in thisgroup and I have friends in this
group.
I really tried to bringeverybody together.
It was definitely a lot more andand a lot of creativity.
(10:14):
I was really into writing backthen as well.
SPEAKER_01 (10:16):
Wow.
Thank you so much for sharingthat.
I mean, I feel like it's veryimportant that we recognize who
we were prior to survival mode,prior to the moment that shifted
everything.
And to even hear that you werethe youngest and your mom, you
know, had it started six yearsprior and growing up with the
Filipino nanny.
And do you when did yourecognize like the fact that you
(10:40):
spent more time with the nannythan spend with your mom?
SPEAKER_05 (10:44):
I think the nanny save was a yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (10:51):
Yeah, for sure.
But I'm happy that I know it itis hard for working parents and
you know, the desire to want acareer and balancing motherhood
is definitely a juggle of itsown.
And that I'm happy that you wereable to develop a relationship
with your mom regardless.
And I want to go into the momentthat everything shifted for you.
What did it feel like losingyour mother at 14?
(11:14):
What did that feel like at thetime?
SPEAKER_03 (11:16):
Yeah, it was definitely even the fact it was
just the hard part was the fact,like I stated in my story there,
that, you know, nobody wanted totalk about it as it was
happening.
And I was able to just kind oflike pretend that it wasn't
happening.
Even though I do remember I wentto chemo treatments with my mom
there.
(11:37):
Um I remember we went on likethis pretty cool horse um
backpacking trip kind of thing.
Uh I think that was like her wayof like wanting to do a final
trip to say goodbye and havelike a fun time together.
But still it was like all thesethings.
I was just like in such a stateof denial.
And then the whole part of thefact them shipping us off to
(12:00):
Greece You know, whose idea ifit was my mom's or my dad's more
so.
But yeah, it was you know, sucha especially with everything I
know now about trauma and thatsort of thing, like it's so such
a difficult situation for us,you know, to be shipped off kind
of deal.
And then like I said, it was itwas a couple weeks of time that
(12:22):
I hadn't seen my mom.
And then just to see her againlike that and to see how much is
really like so eye-opening.
Like maybe I was able to put theblindfold on before we left
because you see her every day.
But then to have her and then tosee her again and just like
really realizing like holysmells.
Um Right and then spend yeah, alittle bit of time together.
SPEAKER_01 (12:45):
I can imagine that's very tough.
I think that your parents wereobviously trying to protect you
and to protect your siblings andyou, and I think that they had a
hard time probably trying tofigure out what to do, but I'm
sure somewhere and we may neverknow, of course, but your mom
obviously she loved you morethan anything, and she wanted to
(13:06):
somehow protect you all fromprobably going through even what
she feels like it would havebeen a tougher experience.
But I would love to ask you,what did you feel like?
What would you have wanted theexperience to be at the time?
Would you now in retrospective,do you think that you would have
rather have been there duringher last days instead of being
(13:29):
shipped off?
Like if you could change it.
SPEAKER_03 (13:31):
Yeah, it's interesting.
So um the big bulk of mybeginning of my like what I
would say was the beginning ofmy like healing journey and the
bulk of my healing was like thissession, a few sessions of
hypnotherapy.
And it's interesting because oneof the times what we did was go
back to that time, like in theairport when I was saying
(13:52):
goodbye to my mom and like, youknow, like my time and how how
making a difference like wouldhelp to make a difference kind
of thing.
And what happened like in thatsession was you know, like just
told me that I would have Iwould have rather been told
specifically like this might bethe last time and be able to
(14:12):
just say the things that youknow you wanted to say.
So in that session, I wasactually able to go back to that
time.
You know, Adult Athena was ableto talk to, you know, younger
little and just like tell herlike, hey, this is this time
right now kind of thing, youknow, and and then just like
offering connection, offeringhugs like that support, like
(14:35):
that physical support you know,myself and then have my family
too, my brothers and my dad andmy mom, you know.
And so that's just yeah, that'show I changed it for myself.
And how I was really able tokind of shift my perspective on
on that situation for sure.
It's really the hardest thing.
I'm happy the fact, yeah, thatmy brothers and I, you know,
(14:59):
we're all just us together.
Like instead of us all bandingtogether, we just we separated,
you know, we just all grieved onour own in our own little parts.
And unfortunately, my dad, youknow, he did get hit the hardest
with it because, you know, hiswhole life shattered too, and he
just he just receded back,unfortunately, you know.
SPEAKER_01 (15:19):
So that sounds extremely difficult and very,
very challenging and very likeyou said, I mean, everybody's
going through a variety ofemotions and feelings, but you
know, grief without guidance isjust incredibly isolating, and I
don't think anybody knew exactlywhat to do.
And like you said, your dad wasfalling apart, and he still had
(15:42):
to be the only parent for youall that was here on this side
of earth, you know?
And that was probably reallydifficult.
But did you ever have adiscussion, or how long did it
take for you all to come backtogether, or have you all had
that opportunity to come backtogether?
SPEAKER_03 (16:01):
Um, yeah, I kind of chuckle because um, and you know
what, this is like a good way tokind of mention generational,
you know?
Like I know that the reason mydad had such a hard time was
because of, you know, hisupbringing.
Is he lost his dad young.
He was the oldest of his kids,so he had to be the, you know, I
(16:22):
think he was wasn't even ten hadto be the man of the family and
try to support the family.
And now they grew up in povertyand everything.
So it's just, you know, he himnever ever working on his own
stuff is what made it so that,you know, he had not in that
situation.
And unfortunately still, youknow, he's in a very tough place
(16:43):
in his life.
Um, he's still trying to do dodo certain things and he's, you
know, not getting anywhere.
And I know like I talked to himthe other days, like Um, and
then my two brothers, yeah, youknow.
Uh like nobody still seeks thehelp that they should be, you
(17:04):
know.
They're still living slightlynormal lives.
They're not like, you know,they're not they're not doing
anything wrong in life.
No, they're not reaching theirfull potential as I feel like
they probably could.
And they still haven't myselfand you know, especially it's
been about the last five, sixyears that I've been on this
very strong healing journey.
(17:25):
Um, and just things have beensnowballing in, you know, the
positive direction for me, andyou know, it just makes me wanna
to get more out of my life andmakes me want to share my story
now, makes me want to connectwith others.
But there's only so much you cando, you know, you just have to
lead by example.
Um, I can't I can't go there andtell them, you know, there you
guys are wrong with you.
(17:47):
I just have to show them that,you know, this is where I was,
this is where I am.
SPEAKER_01 (17:51):
Yeah, absolutely.
And talking about asking forhelp from other people, well, I
do appreciate you sharing thatabout your family.
And I think like there it isincredibly difficult to move on
from grief when it isunexpected.
And then even with your father,I'm sure with them being
together for such a long time,that that was incredibly
(18:12):
shattering.
I mean, his heart is gone, but Ireally do still have hope that
everyone will one day reclaimtheir sense of purpose and find
purpose in, you know, yourmother's passing as motivation
to keep going.
So that's my hope that I send toyou and to your family.
And during that time for you,you went into a survival mode
(18:36):
mechanism.
You shared turning to marijuanaand risky behaviors.
And even, girl, when you say youwere 16 and you were talking to
the guy that was five yearsolder, I was like, you know,
technically in some state, Idon't know if you was in the
south, but that's a littletouchy, you know.
What do you think you wereavoiding in these moments?
What were you do you think thatyou were using these things to I
(18:58):
feel like I know the answer, butI'm gonna ask you, were you
doing those things, were theyhelping you avoid or were they
helping you survive?
Did you feel like you neededthem in order to survive to not
think about what's next?
What was the emotions that yeah,talk to me.
SPEAKER_03 (19:15):
That's definitely where the marijuana came in for
sure.
It was like just getting me outof the stump of just all this
emotion that was there.
It's just such an easy way todissociate.
Um, so yeah.
Yeah, you know, daily kind ofthing, just kinda and to the
point where, like I said, likeso able to be so dissociated
(19:36):
with my body, like sometimes,you know.
I'm a floating head.
Even now I realize like I don'tusually I very rarely look in
the mirror.
So it's now that I've been doingmore podcasts and speaking on
like Zoom, you kinda seeyourself there.
Like this is the most I ever seemyself.
So it's all kind of part of myhealing journey still, because
(19:57):
if you're always looking atyourself in the mirror, you
can't dissociate away from yourbody, your body's right there
kind of thing.
So it's always just uhinteresting kind of thing for
me.
Um and maybe other people canrelate, you know, if you don't
look uh it could be So yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (20:14):
What emotions felt too big for you to face in those
moments?
SPEAKER_03 (20:18):
Yes, definitely the grief and just, you know like I
couldn't even bring up my mom'sname.
I couldn't that's why I proprobably a huge reason why our
family couldn't ever talk aboutit was because if I did try to
talk about it, I would just justcry, like I couldn't get words
out, it just never it juststores in your body in such a
(20:38):
huge amount that if you kindaturn the faucet a little bit,
there's no just kind of lettingit trickle out.
The hose bursts, you know, andjust you try to turn it on a
little bit and you Yeah, yeah,you rather numb the pain.
SPEAKER_01 (20:50):
Did anyone around you recognize your pain?
SPEAKER_03 (20:54):
Um Yeah, I noticed that some of my friendships
changed.
Like a a good friend, childhoodfriend of mine.
Her parents actually movedcloser to me and she went
started going to the same schoolas me.
She was a year older than meactually.
And you know, it was kind of Idon't know a hundred percent,
but it seemed like part of thereason was for that support for
(21:15):
me.
And unfortunately in that time II ended up choosing a different
friend, you know, because thisperson smoked weed and drank, so
I feel like that's one of my abit of a regret for sure, is not
accepting some of the help, Iguess that was Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (21:33):
Well, it makes sense.
I feel like sometimes copingmechanisms are just attempts to
feel safe.
And at that moment, you justwanted to feel safe.
You wanted to numb yourfeelings, and you didn't have a
place to properly grieve or toreally learn how to accept the
help that was being given toyou.
And did your school help outduring that time since they may
(21:53):
have been aware of it?
Did the a school counselor tryto reach out and do therapy or
anything?
SPEAKER_03 (21:58):
No, I find that interesting.
It happened over the summer.
We're never ones that would tellthe school anyway.
School knew.
I do find it interesting though,like grade eight.
Oh, like I locked on with all myteachers, but my teachers really
liked me.
In grade nine, sure, or gradeten.
(22:19):
Um, I one TE teacher who waslike a female, and I guess I was
really mean to her,unfortunately.
Um, because she wasn't thenicest person to all of us,
right?
So I would kind of stand up toher, and I remember her one time
like telling me and taking measide and being like, I asked
all your other teachers if shewas a great kid, like, and she
asked me if I was sexist becauseI was her only female teacher at
(22:42):
the time.
And so, you know, I guess, like,I don't even know going back now
what it was all about, but I cansee it maybe just being about,
you know, I never had any strongwomen in my life.
Maybe I was just to her forbeing a woman and trying to be
in my life.
I'm not sure.
So but as far as like, yeah, Ithink I told like I remember her
(23:06):
asking, yeah, how's yourrelationship with your mother?
So she didn't know, right?
SPEAKER_01 (23:10):
Oh wow, yeah.
Wow, it's so interesting becausenow having this discussion, I
don't know who's listening tothis podcast right now, but
maybe it's an opportunity to seeif the parents are involved in
the children's life.
And I know that many schoolshave so many different students
coming from so many differentbackgrounds and housing
situations that it's hard tokeep up with everyone.
But when we think about why kidsare having, you know, these
(23:35):
outbursts or they're going andtrying drugs or, you know, have
behaviors that don't seem to bethe norm.
It's because they're reallycrying out for help and they
want someone to know and wantsomebody to say, like, please,
like, save me, help me.
And they just don't know how tosay it.
So I really hope that they'reable to get that help.
(23:58):
When you mentioned that you werelike, I guess, like looking for
something deeper in life.
You were mentioning that youturned to spirituality and
searching for the meaning oflife.
Can we talk about that a bit?
What led you toward spiritualityand trying hypnosis?
SPEAKER_03 (24:19):
Yeah, so it's actually interesting.
I've always had horses in mylife.
Um, my mom did start trainingracehorses when I was about four
or five.
And then my middle brother,Demetrian, to the racehorses,
and so we that's always beensomething we've bonded over and
just horses in general.
Um I one pony that I owned,actually, she was having issues.
(24:44):
And so it was finally to thepoint where I looked up.
I'd heard about animalcommunication before, um, and I
just decided, what the heck,I'll just get someone, and it
ended up being a lady that Iknew.
It's actually the second time Ihad used an animal communicator,
but this was the lady that Iknew from she's related to
people at the racetrack.
And she had really good, um,really good references.
(25:07):
So when I brought her to thefarm, she was talking about this
little pony and all the things,and like so many of these words
she was saying about the ponywere like things that I resonate
with.
She's saying that she wasantisocial.
She's saying, you know, she hadsome like a strong amount of
grief.
She's saying like some traumafrom the past.
And like all of this stuff, likewithout me talking to this lady
(25:30):
about myself at all, weliterally just talked about the
pony.
I could see all these things,and then she's kind of looking
at me too, because she knewalready that like this horse is
this pony's a mirror of myself,you know.
And then I think it got prettyemotional during that shin.
And then I started to tell her alittle bit about myself, and she
had said to me that she does umhypnotherapy for people, and
(25:55):
that she thought that it wouldbe a good idea for me if I if I
wanted to.
I think it took me about threemonths or so to finally like
dwell on it and be like, youknow, I should really give this
a try.
And then like, yeah, I think wedid about six sessions together
and and then going back to thetime of of when I the last time
(26:17):
I seen my mom in the airportthere, that's and just really
noticed like these big shifts.
Like I did cry quite a lot inalmost all my sessions with her.
Um, but I afterwards, you know,is when when I could feel the
difference, the shift inside ofme, feel like a bit more
expansion inside of me.
The next time we could talkabout what happened the last
(26:37):
time, and you know, I could talkabout it with a capacity of
becoming overwhelmed right away.
So I see these things were wereme.
Um and then yeah, we also didlike a a manifesting thing, um,
where she asked me, you know,like make you happy.
I started working in the film,which is what I do right now,
still um my day job.
(26:59):
And uh I said, you know, oh,it'd be great to just make the
same money and work whereas, youknow, like throwing that out
there and like how that and justthe reasons why that would make
me happy and stuff.
Um, and then like you know, nottoo long after a job opportunity
came up where I could work inthe office instead of out on the
road.
So just like stuff like that,like just such snow ways that my
(27:22):
life could change.
And then um in that tide, youknow, like for my husband and I
were together for 17 years.
We met when I was 16.
Um, and we kept people alwaysasked us when we're gonna have
kids, when we're gonna havekids, and I we just kept saying,
No, no, like it's not for uskind of thing.
And then it was after thetherapy sessions when you just
had this new regard for likeconnection.
(27:44):
I was able to like access lovein myself and and want to give
that love out, you know?
And I decided that maybe I couldhave a baby.
A lot of it for me was that Iwas scared that my mom had
cancer, it's hereditary, her momdied young too.
I don't want to eat and then getcancer and then you know, and
(28:05):
then die.
So that was a huge fear for me,but after working for myself and
this healing, and you know, andjust especially realizing how
much stress has to do with withyour genetics and everything and
cancer, yeah.
You know, just realizing that II don't live in that same stress
that unfortunately my mom did atthe time.
(28:27):
And uh decided, yeah, the the myhusband, we decided to try for a
baby, you know.
That was the biggest change inour lives.
And then I told my hypnotherapyabout it, and then literally my
doctor told me to like waitthree months because you've been
on birth for 15 years, you know.
Literally, like three months tothe day after, and it's like,
(28:50):
oh, oh my goodness, we'repregnant.
And I remember having a lastsession with a hypnotherapist,
and then I see Tad enter thepicture, like, oh by the way.
SPEAKER_01 (29:00):
Wow, I feel like Yeah, that's amazing.
Wow, healing often does begin.
I feel like after we change thestory that we carry, and you
were able to change thathypnotherapy.
And I want to go to themotherhood part, but before we
get there, I do want to know forsomeone that's listening today
that doesn't understandhypnotherapy, can you just do
(29:22):
like a just a little shortdescription of like what the
process is?
SPEAKER_03 (29:27):
Yeah, so there's a lot of different ways people
think about hypnotherapy, I'msure.
It's like the the sideshow actkind of thing.
And to be honest, what it doesis puts you into just like a
very calm, relaxed state, andwhere you can be a little bit
suggestible, as I say.
(29:48):
I learn now from like mydifferent healing and then the
modality that I use with people.
I don't even know like if I wasreally hypothesized, like put
under like um a comment.
But I mean it still has to beyou just agreeing to to go with
(30:10):
what comes, basically.
So it's basically like she wouldcount me down, she'd put me into
this very relaxed state, andthen she'd say, you know, like
where does your body think you?
Like, what are you seeing?
Like what's and basically thegist of any type of like healing
modalities I find, um, that arekind of going off mainstream, is
(30:31):
basically like your body.
Maybe we've lots of peopleprobably heard the name of the
book, The Body Keeps the Score,you know?
Like the body is kind of likewhat stores our unconscious
mind.
Like our conscious mind and ourthoughts are all up here, but
everything unconscious isactually in our body.
And so basically, like, youknow, really relaxing yourself
(30:53):
and letting the body is whenlike certain memories and
certain things come up, youknow?
Um, yeah, it's just like amodality basically where they
get you very relaxed.
SPEAKER_01 (31:04):
Thank you for describing that.
Let's talk about motherhood as amirror.
Because especially losing yourmother at the age of 14, how did
becoming a mother resurface awounds for you?
SPEAKER_03 (31:17):
Yeah, so like I said, it kind of just
accelerates you into a humanjoint because yeah, you're
looking at this tiny version ofyourself and my daughter, like
you know, you put a side byside, almost splitting image,
you know?
So it's like, yeah, just thislittle version of yourself.
Um, so for me, actually one ofthe hard things to a counselor,
(31:40):
like a therapist without thiswas that um being so needed and
being like so unconditionallyloved, like when they're on you
crow, that was actually atrigger for being too loved
because for so long I'd been,you know, I felt like I wasn't
loved kind of thing after losingmy mom, even you know, at the
(32:04):
beginning of development andattachment styles and stuff.
Any kind of competing forparental attention.
And unfortunately, my dad, youknow, when I got pregnant with
my daughter, the first thing mydad said was, Oh, good thing you
need someone like Chris to raisehis child with someone like me.
So basically saying, you know,like he wasn't ever really there
(32:28):
emotionally.
So, you know, that all haseffects on you growing up.
So yeah, just being sounconditionally loved was
actually like a for me.
Uh told my therapist that theone day, she's like, I've
actually never heard aboutbefore, but it makes sense.
Like, yeah now, you know, andthen so when my daughter was
(32:48):
quite young, I actually took acouple different certifications.
Um, the main one being some sothat's like working somatically
with the body, kind of like Iwas talking about before.
Um and yeah, so that that reallyhelped me work through like
these triggers and stuff.
Um like this patience thing, youknow, like kids will try your
(33:09):
patience all the time, right?
Um if you don't have any tools,you know, and ways to like
regulate that and capacity tojust feel maybe the frustration
that comes up, it's when we canlash out, you know, and maybe
things that we feel.
SPEAKER_01 (33:27):
Yeah.
I agree.
Yeah, I agree with you.
I feel like parenthood oftenreveals what we didn't heal, and
unless you work on healing it orgetting those skills, then you
would lash out or you could.
You have the ability to do a lotof things, and like you said,
like you experience love on awhole new level where you've
never experienced it before, andit probably did feel weird and
(33:49):
uncomfortable, and you had tofigure out like how to navigate
those feelings because it'sbecause it is your child, you
know.
But I appreciate you sharingthat with us.
You begin to wrap this up.
I would love to know like whatdoes healing look like for you
today?
What is regulation and healinglook like for you right now?
Like, are you still doinghypnosis?
Are you working on breath work,meditation, nervous system care?
(34:13):
Like, what's your thing?
SPEAKER_03 (34:15):
Yeah, um, I haven't done any hypnotherapy.
I just did those like sixsessions, and that was great for
me.
Um, I'm doing some embodyprocessing, I swap sessions with
people.
Um, and at first talk therapyreally did, but I'm actually
noticing now that that I havemore tools tool about um that I
(34:36):
can go back, and it's actuallyreally great to have somebody to
talk things through with as wellas them, you know, it back to
the body and then find areasthat maybe still are stuck.
Unfortunately, the healing now,like we just keep healing back
the layers.
Because once, you know, we oncewe can kind of get at our own
(34:57):
core, then you know trauma comesin.
Um world's a lot right now forsure, right?
SPEAKER_01 (35:05):
So Yeah, very well it is.
SPEAKER_03 (35:08):
Yeah.
So for me it's like I was justbeing out in nature, work with
horses still, and I'm developinga business where I can do
sessions and bring my horses,you know, as co-facilitators for
me with me.
Yeah, for and then yeah, justbuilding this business.
Um, I do some podcasts of my ownto get the word out there.
SPEAKER_05 (35:29):
Nice.
SPEAKER_01 (35:32):
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah, I feel like I loveeverything that you're saying.
As I always say that resilienceisn't strength, it's regulation.
It it's how you're processing itand through like the breath work
and through walking out innature, through being around
your horses, through sharingyour story.
That's how you can survive itand get through it and also
(35:54):
process it so it doesn't feellike a heavy weight on you, but
more like strength contained inyou that you can carry.
You know, you're resilientbecause of this.
I love um everything that you'redoing in you.
Athena's Athena's wellnesswisdom.
Can you tell us more about that?
Who do you feel called to helpwith that?
SPEAKER_03 (36:15):
Yeah, definitely.
So I do have the free resourceslike podcasts and stuff.
Um, but I'm really leaningtowards working with parents.
Uh that's where I'm mostpassionate about parents and
just like caregivers, maybeteachers or something like that.
Because it's so important tostart with the early years.
(36:36):
And yeah, anybody who's, youknow, who is a primary
caregiver, it doesn't even haveto be a parent, like I said, but
a primary caregiver orinteracting with any of our
youth.
Um, they're the ones that reallyneed to be able to, you know,
becoming a place of resiliencein order to kind of break those
generational chains.
(36:59):
And yeah, and really just justto help raise the next
generation because that's who'sgonna be around, that's who's
gonna make change for our world.
And yeah, the kids are ourfuture.
And I that connection, like forso long in my life, I was like
just you know, uh don't want tointeract with anybody kind of
(37:21):
thing.
And it's just crazy thedifference that once you bring
that, you know, once you havethat connection with others and
you know, and and asking forhelp, you know, it's there's so
much help out there.
There's so many free resourcesalso just sessions for people, I
either do one-on-one or groupsessions.
Um yeah, just just for help.
(37:44):
There's so much help out thereand feel who you resonate with,
especially with social media andstuff.
Um, like before when I justfound a counselors and I said it
didn't really work, that wasjust Google, you know, a
counselor, maybe they'll have alittle bio or something.
But now with social media, likeyou can literally like let hear
the stories of the people thatyou want to work with ahead of
(38:05):
time.
And I really like our listeners.
That's an amazing way to go outthere and do it and just learn
about people first.
SPEAKER_01 (38:12):
Yeah.
I agree with you.
I love how you're turning yourpain into purpose and you're
helping the youth, and that'swhere you feel most called.
I think that that's whodefinitely needs the most help.
Not that other people can'taccept or receive help,
especially, you know, youprocessing grief at 14 and you
doing it all alone, and no oneknowing you're going through
(38:35):
this process, besides maybe aclose couple of family members,
like your, you know, best friendat the time's parents moving
closer to you, but not anybodyat your school.
You know, you turn those thatpain into marijuana, you turn
that pain into other activitiesthat wasn't helping you fully
achieve your purpose, right?
(38:57):
But uh you mentioned alreadywhat you would tell your
14-year-old self throughhypnosis.
But I know that there's probablysome 14-year-old that's
listening right now, and theymay need to hear a little of it
if you feel so called to speakand to say, if you right now
talk to your 14-year-old self,what would you tell her?
SPEAKER_03 (39:19):
Yeah, I would just say, you know, like you're worth
it, you know, love.
You just you gotta reach out andand just you know, find those
people that are gonna be in yourcircle and find the right people
and just ask for help.
Like it's totally okay to askfor help.
SPEAKER_01 (39:38):
It's never Yeah.
That's beautiful.
That's beautiful.
I love that.
Thank you so much.
Athena, your story shows us thathealing isn't about going back,
it's about becoming someone new.
And maybe that's also aboutevolving and realizing that it
may not happen all at once andpeople may not recognize it.
(39:58):
But like you said earlier, thatit's okay to ask for help.
And I hope that someone listensto this today, that it's okay to
ask for help and you need to askfor help.
And doing this alone isn't theonly way.
You don't want to do it alone.
You'll progress further bytelling someone and them helping
you than doing it alone.
(40:19):
But if you're doing it alonetoday, if you're listening and
you're grieving, I just want toremind you that you're not
broken, you're rebuilding andyou're gonna rebuild stronger.
And it's okay to ask for help.
If this episode resonated withyou, I want you to share it with
someone who may need it.
Um, Athena, I know that you haveyour wellness wisdom and you're
(40:42):
working on some amazing therapyoptions with horses.
If people were interested infollowing up with you or
following your journey, howwould they do that?
SPEAKER_03 (40:51):
Yeah, just googling Athena's wellness wisdom and a
perfect.
SPEAKER_01 (40:55):
We'll put it at the bottom of the show notes for
anyone that's looking for it.
Follow the um thank you, Athena,so much.
Follow the resilience filesunlocked and email us at
resyfiles at gmail.com if youhave a resilience story to
share.
Until next time, stay strong,stay hopeful, and keep unlocking
your resilience.
(41:16):
You got this.
And it's Carrie Bernans, andwe'll see you on the next
episode.
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