June 18, 2026 • 41 mins
In this powerful episode of The Resilience Files: Unlocked, host Carrie Bernans sits down with Christy Barongan to discuss a lifetime spent helping others while quietly battling her own struggles with depression, anxiety, trauma, and self-doubt.
Growing up in a family deeply affected by mental illness, Christy became the caretaker, the listener, and the helper. Yet beneath the surface, she carried her own pain for decades. Through therapy, difficult seasons of depression, questions around diagnosis, medication, and ultimately radical self-compassion, Christy began a journey toward healing and authenticity.
What started as a personal mental health blog became a lifeline—not only for herself, but for countless others who finally felt seen, understood, and less alone.
In this episode, Christy shares:
✨ What it was like growing up as “the helper” in a family struggling with mental illness
✨ Her experience navigating depression, anxiety, and shame
✨ The role therapy played in her healing journey
✨ How vulnerability transformed her life and relationships
✨ Why self-compassion is one of the most powerful tools for resilience
✨ The truth behind her message: there is no normal
This conversation is a reminder that healing isn’t about becoming someone else—it’s about giving yourself permission to be fully, authentically you.
If you’ve ever felt broken, different, or like you’re carrying struggles no one can see, this episode is for you.
#TheResilienceFiles #MentalHealth #SelfCompassion #DepressionAwareness #HealingJourney #Resilience #PersonalGrowth #TraumaRecovery #MentalWellness #Podcast #CarrieBernans #ChristyBarongan #ThereIsNoNormal
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Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_02 (00:00):
When you feel like life has dealt you a hand of
unfair cards, instead of voting,you double down and you're stuck
in the game.
You face battles, you feltbroken.
But hey, do us a favor.
Put your hand on your heart.
You feel that?
You're still here.
Welcome to the Resilience FilesUnlock, where survival meets
(00:25):
transformation.
Hey, welcome back everybody.
This is Carrie Bernance with theResilience Files.
This is a space where we talkabout moments that shape us, the
things we hide, and thepractices that help us come back
to ourselves.
We're so excited today becausewe have such a lovely, amazing
(00:46):
guest.
She is very deeply personal andshe has a lot to share with her
own battles with mental health,but also she has amazing clients
that she's working with in orderto help change their lives.
Today's episode is with ourguest, Christy Baraggan.
Our guest, Christy Barraggan,has generously shared parts of
her mental health journey withus.
So before we begin thisconversation, I want to read a
(01:08):
few experts from her story, aswe do always here on the
Resilient Spouse.
Not the entire piece, because Iwant her to share some of it for
herself as well.
Just enough so you understandwhere she's coming from.
And then I'll let Christy, likeI said, share her own story.
Christy comes from a familydeeply impacted by mental
illness and trauma.
From a young age, she took onthe role of the helper, often
(01:30):
putting others before her ownneeds.
That role followed into heradulthood and eventually into
her profession.
But beneath that strength, shewas quietly struggling.
Christy wrote an essay for usand here it goes.
I first became depressed in highschool.
It's hard to separate the angstof adolescence and clinical
depression, but I had thought ofsuicide by the age of 15.
(01:50):
So I'll say it from the start.
The intensity of my depressionwaxed and waned throughout my
life.
With short periods of being freefrom depression, I've never been
free from anxiety, but it hasbecome more manageable since
2023.
At age 19, I had my firstsession with a psychiatrist who
confirmed my diagnosis of majordepressive disorder.
At the time, that was enough tomake me feel better.
(02:12):
To have someone tell me what Iwas really going through was
real.
I started a trial ofantidepressants in my late 20s,
and it did help.
But after a year and a half, Istopped taking them because I
didn't want to have to rely onthem, the meds, to feel normal.
Now I accept that it's easierfor me to regulate my emotions
if I'm on them.
I'm okay with being on them forlife if that's what it takes.
(02:33):
I have never shared thisdetailed account of my mental
health history with anyonebefore starting a blog because I
was ashamed of my depression.
It felt like a failure.
I was supposed to haveeverything under control.
I was the one everyone looked upto for help.
I decided to start with themental health blog as a form of
exposure therapy, not onlyletting people read my writing,
but being honest about thethings I usually try to hide.
(02:55):
The biggest gift of the bloggave me me was realizing that in
sharing my vulnerability, I wasarticulating other people's
pains too.
People reached out and told methey finally felt seen and less
alone.
With self-compassion, there's anemphasis on common humanity, the
ideal that we're all stumblingalong, doing the best we can.
You think you're learning how tobe normal, but really you're
giving yourself permission to beyourself because there is no
(03:18):
normal.
Wow.
Wow.
Christy, Christy, Christy, thankyou so much for trusting us with
that.
SPEAKER_00 (03:23):
Sure.
SPEAKER_02 (03:24):
Our pleasure.
And before we go forward, Iwould like to know like, how are
you doing today?
How do you feel with hearingthis right out loud?
SPEAKER_01 (03:31):
You know, I'm working a lot with that blog.
I'm trying to turn it into apodcast.
And I've started a second blogthat's called Neurospicy and
Flying.
SPEAKER_02 (03:43):
Ooh, I like that.
SPEAKER_01 (03:45):
Yes, because once you learn how to self-regulate
by doing the skills that I teachin normal and training, then
initially you'll be, you'll feelemotionally stable, but then
you'll start to thrive.
And then when you thrive, youcan start to fly.
And so the two examples I alwayslike to use are Neo from The
(04:06):
Matrix, when he can read thecode.
Right.
And then he literally starts tofly.
unknown (04:11):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (04:12):
And they make fun of him and call Superman, right?
And then the other one is whenAlphabet in Wicked can realizes
that she can read from the spellbook and she uses it to do a
chant on a broom.
Right.
And then she too can fly andunderstands her power.
SPEAKER_02 (04:29):
Wow.
Understanding your power,harnesses.
SPEAKER_01 (04:33):
And then you can fly.
SPEAKER_02 (04:34):
And then you can thrive.
SPEAKER_01 (04:35):
First, you're stable.
Well, first you're not stable.
Yeah.
And we're being honest, you'renot stable for a very long
period of time.
Stability also takes a very longperiod of time because I started
this vlog.
Actually, it was I remember Isee I recently looked up the
exact date and it was September2013.
Yeah.
So over 12 years ago.
SPEAKER_02 (04:55):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (04:56):
And then I started the new one about flying on J
January 1st, 2026, like a monthago.
SPEAKER_02 (05:04):
Congratulations.
I'm so proud of you.
SPEAKER_01 (05:06):
Thank you.
SPEAKER_02 (05:06):
That's so beautiful.
Learning how to fly, and nowyou're flying and you're helping
others find their wings.
And realizing it's right behindthem.
But sometimes they can't see itbecause so much in front of you,
so much chaos or noise ordistractions or exactly external
and internal.
Yes.
I love that.
Thank you so much for that.
You talked about becoming ahelper early on.
(05:28):
So what we love to do on thepodcast is hear about before
people learn to fly and thentheir steps of being on the
training wheels and then takingoff.
So early on in life in yourearly years, you were saying by
the age of 15, you were stillthe helper and you were the
people that your family reliedon.
(05:49):
Can we talk a little bit aboutthat?
When did you realize that youwere the helper?
And then when did you realizethat the role was costing you
something in your own growth ofunderstanding who you are?
SPEAKER_01 (06:00):
Actually, there is a memory that stands out.
So I am the oldest and I am theonly girl.
Well and the females are thecaretakers.
Right.
I have three younger brothers.
And I remember we had gone outand done something, and I can't
remember what it was.
It wasn't anything too wild andcrazy, but my brother is seven
years younger than me.
(06:21):
And so let's say that ithappened at 15, that would make
him what eight, I guess.
SPEAKER_02 (06:27):
Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_01 (06:28):
And my parents got upset with me because they said
that I should know, I shouldhave known that that was too
late for him to be out of thehouse doing something at night.
Again, that wasn't, I don't knowwhat we were doing, but it
wasn't shooting up drugs, right?
SPEAKER_00 (06:44):
Drinking or anything, because we were all
pretty straight laced kids who,you know, didn't get into
trouble.
SPEAKER_01 (06:51):
But it's like I should have known.
Like I didn't realize that wasmy job.
That's my job to make sure thatall of my brothers that are
okay, that I make the decisionsthat a parent is supposed to
make.
Is that what you're saying tome?
Right.
Because this is news to me.
That was not in my contract uponbeing born.
(07:12):
I don't remember signing anydocuments indicating that that's
what I was supposed to be doing,but apparently it was.
And that was an unspoken rulethat um I just discovered after
they got upset with me.
SPEAKER_02 (07:23):
Yeah.
Yeah, it's always the oldest.
We are the most responsibleones.
I'm the oldest too.
So yeah, you have to be the one.
Your parents are like, no, if Itaught you, you know you were
supposed to teach them.
SPEAKER_01 (07:33):
It'd be you were supposed to, you're supposed to
know an eight-year-old kid can'tbe outside, I don't know,
watching fireworks or something.
It was something like that, youknow what I mean.
SPEAKER_02 (07:45):
Yeah.
When did you realize being inthat role costed you your own
like childhood or when you feltlike you lost something because
you were dealing with a lot,battling a lot yourself?
Because you were also mentioningyou were suicidal at a young
age.
SPEAKER_01 (08:01):
Yeah.
You know, I didn't realize itback then because I just
accepted it.
The things that used to make mesuicidal back then were kind of
similar.
They all had to do with, and youknow, my dad was really
narcissistic, I mentioned he hasbipolar disorder, and he has
(08:22):
trauma as well.
And he also had an abusivefather who, from what I can
tell, was far worse, and hereally felt like, okay, I'm not
going to treat my children thatway.
SPEAKER_02 (08:32):
But, you know, don't fall too far from the tree if
you don't take the worms out ofthat.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (08:38):
And especially if you're not in therapy, you're
not on medication, you're notreading any self-help books,
you're not talking to otherpeople about how do I not be
this abusive man that my fatherwas to my own children, right?
And so I can tell you this willthis will probably help you to
(08:58):
understand.
I remember the first time thatmy dad disowned me.
I was six years old.
And I had just I had been takingpiano lessons for a year.
They let me skip having to dothe recital the first year
because I was so close to havingjust started, right?
And so this was going to be myfirst recital at six years old,
because I started at five.
And we were at a small gatheringof his friends at his friend's
(09:21):
house, and my recital was thenext day, and they were like,
Hey, why don't you play yourpiece for us?
And this was like, ooh, likethis, and this relates to the
neurodivergent piece, which Italk about, which maybe is too
much to go into.
But it's like, you can't, Imean, and and if you try to do
this with most kids, most peopleunderstand they're not gr that
(09:43):
great at performing on the spot.
Yeah, not like for you, becauseI didn't even want to play it at
the recital.
But here he was, and they werelike, and I sat at the piano,
and I remember looking at thekeys and really so wanting to be
able to do it, you know?
SPEAKER_00 (10:01):
And I couldn't.
And I couldn't do it.
I remember staring at it, andthen when we drove home before I
got out of the car, my dad toldme never to ask him for anything
again.
And for him, that's the way Iwas saying to telling you, I
don't love you because youdidn't perform for me.
And so I went into my room and Ihid under the bed.
And that was just the first timethat he did it.
(10:21):
He's done it two other times, Ithink, since then.
And that was just with me.
He's done it with all mybrothers too.
I'm so sorry that you but notover something so trivial.
SPEAKER_02 (10:31):
Yeah, you were six years old, and that's a lot of
pressure to ask a six-year-oldand uh to perform on the spot.
SPEAKER_00 (10:40):
That was the message.
When I say perform, you betterperform.
SPEAKER_01 (10:44):
Wow.
SPEAKER_02 (10:44):
I'm sorry, and it seems like you're still carrying
that weight of you.
What is your relationship withyour father right now?
SPEAKER_01 (10:50):
You know, now he's 85 years old, and I'm trying
really hard to have arelationship with him.
It has a lot of boundariesaround it.
He's not allowed in my space,you know, he's not allowed to
call me.
But we do make an effort to makesure that around his birthday
and around the holidays, we goand we made up at a restaurant.
(11:11):
I've only recently uh allowedhim to follow me on social media
because I have been I didn'tmean to be doing it for him, but
I was just I was just postingthese positive messages about
Christianity as a way to protestthe way that Christianity is
(11:31):
being depicted in our country toshow examples of what Jesus
actually wanted us to do and howto live our lives.
And for some reason this hasreally resonated for him.
And I thought, oh my gosh, Ifinally found a way.
I finally have found a way toget through hit to him.
And he's remembering that at onepoint he told me, I remember
(11:52):
when I was 17 that he was aservant of God.
He's a physician, he was aphysician, and he said his
purpose on earth was to be aservant of God.
And I thought, thank you, God,for because this is the way that
you manifest things.
You say, Tell me what the firststep is, and without knowing
what it is, you commit to takingit.
And that's what has changed mylife in this past six months.
(12:14):
And so I started doing it, andthen the last time I saw him was
the weekend after Christmas, andhe said, I love your blog, and
that's actually not my blog.
Those are actually just posts,those are actually just posts
from these meditations that Iread every day.
But it's reminding him of right,if we have an angel and a devil
(12:34):
inside of us, it's reminding himof the angel.
It's allowing him to listen tothe angel to whisper in his ear
and remember the part of himthat believed that he was here
to be a servant of God.
SPEAKER_02 (12:48):
That's so beautiful, Christy.
I'm happy that your likeInstagram or blog, as your dad
may call it, is sowing seeds inhim and it's ordering the growth
inside of him that is there andthe love of Christ.
I I think that's so beautiful.
And and he's 85, and I'm happythat you've learned to set
boundaries in you all'srelationship in order for you to
be able to grow and to fly.
(13:08):
You know, I think so often somany people limit themselves
because they're afraid.
And even the people that areclosest to you sometimes you
have to set boundaries on likethat.
And because they mean uh themost to you, but you allow
yourself sometimes, especiallywhen it's a toxic relationship,
to stay there and it's sticky.
It's like standing in stickysand or mud, and you're trying
(13:32):
to grow and you're trying toreach for them, and then you're
pulling yourself down.
And I think there's definitelysome listeners that can also
relate to that.
Yes.
I want to know during that timeof your life, you were six and
you saw it happen to yourbrothers, and it happened to
yourself again, and you werestruggling during that time, and
(13:53):
a lot was happening internallyduring that season.
Maybe you could take us from sixuntil I think you were 15 when
you got your diagnosis, right?
SPEAKER_01 (14:01):
No, I didn't get my diagnosis officially until my
second year of college.
SPEAKER_02 (14:08):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (14:08):
So I was maybe 19.
SPEAKER_02 (14:14):
19.
Okay.
So maybe you can um help some ofthe listeners today.
And some people are on here asparents, they're listening for
their own child, and sometimesit's hard as people work and to
recognize behaviors or how tosupport their child during that
moment.
What what was going oninternally in you to say that
there has to be something elsehappening, or what were you
(14:36):
feeling at the moment?
Like, what were your thoughts ifyou can re remember?
SPEAKER_01 (14:40):
Yeah.
Actually, yeah, one thing, justto first go back to what you
were saying about theboundaries.
It's hard because obviously youhave been conditioned all of
your life to not haveboundaries.
Right.
Now, I'm Filipino, which is whyit's hard to pronounce my name,
right?
And so there's this other layerof that where culturally, you
know, as someone who is Asian,you are supposed to listen to
(15:03):
your parents and do whatever itis that they say.
Now, it gets that's one of thedifficulties of growing up in
the US where you had parents wholived in the standard.
My both of my parents becamedoctors because their parents
told them to, and that's notwhat they wanted to do, right?
So, so not only are you havingdifficulty, even if someone is
(15:24):
giving you permission and sayingyes, set boundaries, set
boundaries, set boundaries.
There are people in yourcommunity who are saying no, no,
that's disrespectable.
Don't say how can you do that?
They're your parents.
They care, they care about you.
You know, honor thy mother andfather and all of these things.
And so it's a actually a very,very difficult task to do when
(15:46):
the environment that you're inis also advocating against your
mental health.
SPEAKER_02 (15:50):
So then that's a good question because you're uh
you're a hundred percent rightthere.
What age or when did you decideenough was enough and boundaries
would need it to be set?
SPEAKER_01 (16:00):
Very late in life.
I mean, this is kind of anothercrazy story, but my brother was
let's see, maybe I was 50, sixyears ago.
No, it was more than that.
I was in my late 40s, and mybrother had gotten depressed
because, like I said in thatpart that you read, he decided,
(16:20):
okay, I don't want to be onmedication all my life, and he
stopped taking them.
And then the same thing happenedto him that happened, and this
is always what happens.
He got depressed, and then hehad just received this award at
work for his job stability forfive years, and he got so
depressed that he couldn'tfunction.
And they were so understandingand didn't want to lose him, but
(16:43):
he was so ashamed that he endedup quitting and he ended up
moving back to my parents'house.
You know, with just with thelittle I told you.
You can understand howdisastrous that was, right?
And so while he was living withthem and they were not
respecting his boundaries andputting all of these insane
demands on him to regulate theiremotions and to regulate their
(17:04):
interactions, their conflictwith one another, he had a heart
attack at 40.
No.
And so uh the night before Ifinally got to talk to him and I
was like, when you when you getout of the hospital, don't go
back home.
Don't ever, don't ever go backhome again.
And so then he was like, What?
(17:25):
I gotta do this surgery soap andthis and that, and I can't think
about this right now.
And I'm like, they are thereason that you have are having
a heart attack and you are notto go back home.
And so it's like, be carefulwhat you wish for, right?
He did it, and he came in tomove in with me.
And so then for five years, thatbecame an additional burden on
me.
But that was when I first had tostart setting boundaries because
(17:47):
they felt so guilty becausethey're both doctors, and so
they're well aware of thesymptoms of when someone is
having a heart attack, butbecause they're so caught up in
themselves and their ownnarcissism that they don't
realize that their son is havinga heart attack.
And he's been having symptomsfor a heart attack for a month,
and so he ends up havingquadruple bypass heart surgery
(18:09):
at 40, and they have to take anartery out of his arm because
he's too young to just have avein taken out of your leg
because it's not gonna last longenough.
And even now they said, Yeah,70, that's a pretty long life.
That's probably how long you canexpect to live.
So after that, I was like, youknow what?
(18:30):
Neither of you are coming intomy house ever again.
You're not coming into my space,I'm not talking to you, I'm not
listening to this, I'm notcoming to your 50th anniversary.
You can tell them all I'm ahorrible child.
I don't care what you do, but Icouldn't do it for me.
Right.
But in order to protect my babybrother, the one who was eight,
(18:51):
and they said, You need to lookout for your brother.
I guess I must have learned howto do it because in order to
protect my baby brother, you'renot coming anywhere near him.
You're not coming anywhere nearhim.
And then eventually, because mybrother has the same mental
illnesses, he lived with me forfive years, and I thought, you
know what, he's gonna kill metoo.
And so I'm gonna have to move.
(19:11):
I'm gonna have to quit my job,and I'm gonna have to leave my
all of my support.
I'm gonna have to leave theplace that I've lived for 20
years.
I'm gonna have to leave myfriends who are like my real
family, and I'm gonna have tomove to Tennessee.
And I became depressed again.
And so there are huge, hugecosts.
It's not like you set a boundaryand like, oh, everything's all
better now.
(19:32):
No, it took years to establishstability after that.
And I hit probably the lowestlow I've ever had in order to
set that boundary and be like,all right, that's it.
You know what?
I have to have space from all ofyou.
SPEAKER_02 (19:47):
Yeah, absolutely.
You set boundaries, you allowedyour brother to move in with you
for five years, realized that hewas going through major
depression, he had to go throughthe whole surgery, all of these
things, and no money, couldn'tmake a living.
So no money.
SPEAKER_01 (20:02):
No one else from the family was supporting him but
me.
SPEAKER_02 (20:05):
No one else supporting you, and you were
already dealing with, and atthat time, we are skipping FYI
listeners, we are skipping alongto you'll see where she is at
today.
But you are already successfulin your career at that moment,
and you already graduatedcollege, you've already found
the medication that works foryou, you regulated yourself, you
(20:25):
were in a healthy, good mentalhealth standpoint prior to him
coming along, and not that hewas dragging you down, but
sometimes carrying in the weightof someone else's bag can also
lead you into a depressive or amental health crisis yourself.
Yes.
I want to talk to that because Ithink that is such an
interesting point because youknow, so often I feel like
(20:48):
people use this thing calledtrauma binding, or they and you
all are obviously brother andsister, so it's not that you're
trauma binding in a relationshipper se, but it is a relationship
in a sense because you're familyand you are helping your brother
carry this weight.
But when you're carrying yourown weight and you're carrying
someone else's weight, it'seasier to be drugged down and to
start getting more exhausted,tired, lack of rest.
(21:11):
So talk to us on when did yourealize that it was important to
get your brother his own helpand you to go on your own
because of your own mentalhealth?
SPEAKER_01 (21:20):
Right.
Well, I can give you the analogyfirst of how I felt during that
time.
Yeah.
I felt like and this is alwaysthe way that it feels in those
transitions, you know, when arelationship ends or a job ends
or something ends, and you hadhad this vision of how your life
is supposed to look like.
And usually it feels like I'm ona raft in the middle of the
(21:43):
ocean and I can't see any land.
I have no idea where I'm gonnago, what direction to go in, or
what's going to happen to me.
But when I was taking care of mybrother during that time, it was
like I am a boat and I can seethe shore.
And I'm almost there, but theboat is so heavy.
(22:03):
There's so much on there thatI'm throwing stuff off left and
right, as many things as I canto get rid of it, so that I can
try to make it to the shore.
I'm like doing everything that Ican to make it.
And when I took that last step,and I took it because, well,
one, it was COVID, and Irealized how nice it was that I
(22:25):
didn't, because I was alsocommuting an hour and a half to
get to my job.
And I had a boss who she didn'tjust do it to me, but it was
particularly triggering for mebecause of my dad, who was
constantly telling me that Iwasn't doing enough.
And when I did something well,she would use it to shame other
people and say, Why aren't youseeing as many clients as
Chrissy?
(22:46):
But I never knew that I was oneof the top two people who were
who was seeing the most clients.
So she never told me anythingpositive.
She only told me when shethought that I was failing.
And sometimes she jumped the gunand just didn't have enough
information.
And so when I realized, like,ooh, you know what?
SPEAKER_00 (23:02):
She's too busy with this COVID stuff, so she can't
be in my business.
SPEAKER_01 (23:06):
Yeah.
And I could do virtual therapyand I don't have to commute.
And I could begin to envision alife where my practice could
look the way that I want it tolook, which is the way that it
looks now, right?
Where I'm doing virtual therapyand I don't have a boss.
I'm self-employed, and so I cando whatever I want and take
(23:28):
ever, however much time I wantand start whenever I want and
end whenever I want.
And I'm still a pretty toughboss, but I'm nowhere near as
tough tough as she was.
And I think I'm a pretty goodtherapist, too.
And I don't know if she thoughtthat I was or not.
I have no idea because she wouldhave never told me anything
positive.
So that was one thing.
The other thing is that mybrother was in a manic episode
(23:51):
and he was doing things at workthat could have really gotten
him into a lot of trouble, couldhave gotten him in trouble with
the law, could have gotten himfired.
And he knew that I didn'tapprove because he knew that
what he was doing was wrong.
But this is what people who arenarcissistic do.
They project theirvulnerabilities, their
(24:13):
weaknesses, and their mistakesonto you, and they blame you for
it.
And it's like, you know what?
All I've done for the past fiveyears is to save your life, and
you're gonna turn around everyday and yell at me because
you're making these stupiddecisions that are gonna ruin
your life.
It's like that's it.
And I couldn't get him to moveout because I could barely get
him to freaking clean his room.
(24:34):
Do you know what I mean?
To sell the house.
So I was like, I'm gonna leave.
I'm gonna move.
I'm gonna drop everything that Ihave, every resource that I have
to save my own life, and I'mgonna move to Tennessee.
SPEAKER_02 (24:47):
Wow.
Girl, you moved, left him in thehouse, or did he just eventually
move?
SPEAKER_01 (24:51):
He had to because he's not gonna be able to afford
the house.
But let me tell you, I was outof the house at n three o'clock
in the afternoon, and I toldhim, hey, the people, and I
lied, I just said they'reshutting off the electricity
because otherwise he might justkeep keep living there.
And I was like, They're cuttingoff the power at nine o'clock in
the morning tomorrow morning.
(25:11):
He didn't get out of the houseuntil 12 30, 1 30 in the
morning.
SPEAKER_02 (25:16):
Wow.
SPEAKER_01 (25:17):
And I was like, see ya, I'm driving to Tennessee.
Good luck.
And it broke my heart to tellhim.
I was like, I'm moving, and he'slike, Well, when are we doing
it?
And I'm like, We're not doing ittogether.
Same thing.
God came in for him.
He stepped up for for mybrother.
And someone called him andrecruited him from Indeed and
(25:37):
gave him a job.
And that week, because heprocrastinated and waited three
days before he was supposed tomove out, he landed a townhouse
that was a great deal that hecould afford.
He landed a great job.
And so God was like, I'm I'mgonna take care of you.
I'm gonna take care of both ofyou.
SPEAKER_02 (25:54):
You know what?
I realized too.
If you uh what is the quote?
Like if you give a person if youhave a person too much too long,
they don't what is the quote?
I need the quote.
SPEAKER_01 (26:06):
About like the fish teaching someone to fish.
SPEAKER_02 (26:09):
Yeah, you have to teach them how to fish.
SPEAKER_01 (26:10):
If you go let me what like if you give a man a
fish, then he eats for whatever,a day.
I don't know if that's the onethat you're talking about,
right?
But if you teach a man to fish,and it was a good thing for both
of us, because I was enablinghim, if that's what you're
getting at.
And for him to be forced to goout there and struggle and
realize how hard it is and howeasy I had been making it for
(26:33):
him.
And he's still struggling, and Istill help him, but my help is
much more limited now than itwas before.
SPEAKER_02 (26:39):
Yeah, well, good for you.
Yeah, you're definitely teachinga man how to fish, but also I
think like he'll stop if wesorry, my words are da-da-da.
If we can go back to like evenat what you said at the
beginning, sometimes theyrealize that they can't find
their own wings, you know.
He realizes like if we do whatis it, if we do for others what
they can do, they ought to dofor themselves.
We all often weaken them ratherthan strengthen them.
(27:02):
And I was yeah, you know, he wasrelying on your support for so
long that he only imagined whatlife would be with your support
and couldn't imagine standing onhis own two legs.
And I do believe that we shouldoffer a bridge in order to help
someone or offer a hand up inorder to allow someone to see
from a different viewpoint or togive them a leg up, a hand out,
(27:22):
you know.
But when the reliance happenedfor too long, a person then
starts figuring they lose theirinner spark of like realizing
that they can do it on theirown.
SPEAKER_01 (27:31):
Yes.
But I think that's such a greatpoint.
I mean, and that's what I donow.
Now, the way that I work is it'slike, you know what?
I realize that one of mysuperpowers is that I know what
your strengths are.
And I'm going to tell you whatyour strengths are.
And I am going to tell you whatyou can do so that you can start
(27:52):
using your strengths.
And I know what your weaknessesare too.
And I'm going to teach you whatto do when you become
dysregulated because of yourweaknesses.
And once you know those twothings, once you know how to
utilize your strengths, and onceyou know what to do when you're
dysregulated or in distress,right?
And know how to stabilize again,then you can thrive.
SPEAKER_02 (28:14):
I love that.
I love that.
We're gonna just shift it backto a few questions that are just
on the timeline for other peoplethat have been in your same
situation before they got tohelping their brother, and it's
becoming a clinical psycholpsychologist.
My words are not working today,but it's okay.
I'm gonna edit this episode.
So we're gonna hop right back inbecause I know some people are
wondering, okay, wait, wait,wait.
(28:36):
So, six years old, you know,first experience, dad disowning
you, realizing that you are theoldest of five and you were the
only four.
Though you were the oldest offour, you were the only girl.
You had the reliance of beingthe helper in the house, taking
care of your younger siblings,and also realizing that you had
some mental health issues, butnot exactly figuring out what
(28:58):
that pinpoint was.
And then at the age of 19,finally being diagnosed your
second semester, second year inschool, correct?
Yes.
So I wanted to know once youwere diagnosed, what was that
like for you?
What did you feel?
And did you did it come withmedication or did it come with
you just need therapy?
SPEAKER_01 (29:16):
So that's a great question.
And by the way, I knew that Iwas depressed that whole year.
The reason why I finally went inis because my roommate, who was
also depressed, attemptedsuicide on her birthday by
overdosing on all of my samplesof Tylenol.
And so then I was like, I needhelp.
I can't.
I can't fake it anymore and justkeep producing and producing and
(29:40):
producing.
And when I went in, he was tothis day the most compassionate
psychiatrist I had ever met,met.
And he saw me.
He literally saw me.
He saw that I was dressed incomplete black.
He articulated my depressionperfectly.
And he said, You're depressed.
(30:00):
Maybe that seems like ano-brainer, but when you don't
know, like when in your head,your inner critic is saying
things like, It's not real,people, people are doing worse,
you know.
You what do you have to be upsetabout?
You're at UVA and you're blah,blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
and you're you're succeeding andwhatever.
(30:20):
And then someone says, No, thisis a real thing.
You are depressed.
This is an actual disorder.
This is not your fault.
You are suffering.
This is real.
It's like, wow.
And I know that that's the waythat people re feel when they
read my blog posts.
They're like, wow, that's whatshe's telling me.
That what I'm going through isreal, that this is real, and
(30:43):
that I am suffering terribly.
And thank God, finally, someonesaw me and said something.
And so he at the time had justre recommended therapy.
But the weight of just beingtold that I was depressed and
that it was real for a while wasenough to it's like it's like
not fair to call it a placebo.
(31:04):
It's more sort of like a commonfactor.
There's a common factor toanything, to medication, to any
type of therapy, anytime youtalk to someone, and that counts
accounts for about almost athird of what helps people.
And so for a while, that wasenough to bolster me and to be
like, oh, this is real?
Yeah.
Well, okay.
(31:25):
Then I guess I can do it as longas I and that is real.
I can do this.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (31:30):
Wow.
And then when did the medicationpart come into the picture?
SPEAKER_01 (31:34):
So the medication part came.
First, the first therapy cameafter college.
So I was about twenty two.
And then the first medicationcame when I was thirty.
So this is important too.
You see how long and my story isvery typical in terms of how
(31:56):
long it takes from the time thatyou realize that you're
suffering, to the time that yourealize this might actually be a
thing, to the time that you goand you get help, to the time
that you actually commit totherapy, to the time that you
start a medication and that youstick with it.
(32:16):
So stability takes a very we'retalking decades.
SPEAKER_02 (32:21):
Yeah.
Well, well, you guys l y'allhear that.
SPEAKER_01 (32:25):
So if I can speed up the process for you by getting
you to listen to this podcast,you know, speed up.
It doesn't have to take decades.
It doesn't have to take care ofit.
SPEAKER_02 (32:35):
It doesn't have to it doesn't have to.
You know, I really appreciatehow you were so honest with the
shame that you carried and alsothe honesty that you felt like
something was going on arounddepression, and you were able to
also get the validation that itwas real.
And like you said, there's somany people that need to hear
that.
Like Chrissy just said, itdoesn't have to take decades.
(32:56):
You know, go see go see apsychiatrist.
Go today.
Yeah, go today.
Reach out to your doctor becausethe reality is you could be
living a much healthier life andalso feeling validating with who
you are and understanding thatyou're not alone and there's
people all around the world thatare battling mental health on a
daily basis and that your lifematters.
(33:17):
I would like to know.
I love that you created yourblog.
I definitely want to get that atthe end of this podcast so other
people can also look at it.
I love that you have beenputting into words on how you
feel, and it's validated on howothers also feel.
I wanted to just shift reallyquickly and ask you what made
you want to go into the fieldthat you're in today, and how
(33:38):
does you going into, you know,being a PhD psychologist affect
you with also your own mentalhealth?
SPEAKER_01 (33:47):
So, you know, this is this is actually one of the
interviews that's on my Normalin Training podcast.
I have my niece interview me.
And so she asks me the questionsthat people often ask me.
But when I was in high school, Iknew that I wanted to be two
things.
I knew that I wanted to be awriter.
At least I wrote an essay sayingthat I wanted to be a writer.
And I knew no, I did want to bea writer, which is why I started
(34:10):
the blog.
And I knew that I wanted to be atherapist because um I was used
to people coming to me.
They sense it about you.
Do you know what I mean?
It's just a quality that youhave where you talk to people
and they know that they're goingto be seen and heard, and they
know that they're going to belistened to, and they know that
(34:31):
they're not going to be judged,and so they sense that you're
safe.
And it's like, this is what Iwant to do for a living.
I want to do this for people.
And so I knew in high school,right around that same age,
around 15, I want to be awriter, I want to be a
therapist, you know, I'mdepressed.
(34:51):
And they're all interrelated,you know what I mean?
Right.
Like, yes, I know these negativethings, but I know these
positive things too, of what Iwant to do about it.
I want to be a writer and I wantto be a therapist.
SPEAKER_02 (35:02):
I love that.
And how does that play?
Do you ever feel like you haveany episodes that you need a
moment because you hear ofeveryone else's problems and
issues and you're carrying thatweight?
Or do you feel like you canbalance those two?
How do you balance those two?
SPEAKER_01 (35:17):
I do still have problems setting boundaries.
And the funny thing is that now,because I am so much more
authentic in my therapy, that myclients will be the one like,
girls, take more than one day ofvacation at Christmas.
And they'll be like, I feel soterrible that we're going over.
You need to go eat.
Go get something to eat.
(35:38):
Which which is like that'sprobably not good.
And if there are therapists outthere who are listening, but you
know, for me, it's commonhumanity.
SPEAKER_02 (35:47):
Therapist are people too.
SPEAKER_01 (35:49):
It's common humanity, right?
I'm taking care of you, andthey're taking care of me, and
we're taking care of each other.
And that's the way that I dotherapy.
I don't speak out, and you tellme I'm not setting a boundary,
and I will call you out, andI'll tell you that you're not
setting a boundary.
And we are committed to makingsure that we take care of
ourselves and that we take careof one another.
(36:11):
And that's the way I do my work.
SPEAKER_02 (36:12):
Yeah, I don't see anything wrong with that.
I'm sure the majority of thesession is not that discussion,
but I also believe like we'rehuman and we know that therapies
are human and everyone's too.
And right now, with theinformation overload and also so
much unfortunate eventshappening around us, it's normal
to also be like, hey, I knowyou're human and you watch TV or
(36:35):
you go outside and you seethings happening too.
Are you okay?
You know?
SPEAKER_01 (36:39):
Exactly.
And therapists are notorious forburnout because we give too
much, because we give too much.
And so I'm thankful for thoseclients who are like, No, I've
gone too far.
I need to get off, and you needto go eat, you need to go take a
nap, you need to take morevacation, you need to do these
things because they're right,because I'm still the same
person.
(36:59):
I'm still the person who isalways at risk of giving too
much, and it's a lifelong thingthat I have to pay attention to
and monitor.
SPEAKER_02 (37:09):
Yeah.
I love, I love that.
Um, that y'all have thatrelationship.
I have two more questions foryou as we wrap it up.
And life feels overwhelming,especially now.
And like we kind of talked aboutit briefly.
What are ways that you do sorry?
What are what are ways that youhelp regulate yourself?
And then what are ways that ourlisteners can help regulate
(37:29):
themselves during that time?
SPEAKER_01 (37:31):
Sure.
Um, I meditate and I actuallygive a free meditation for
anyone who wants to listen.
There are recordings of it onZoom or on um on um YouTube that
you can find under my name.
But I also give a freemeditation to anybody who wants
it.
They just have to email me, andthat doesn't commit you to
(37:52):
coming.
It just means you'll get thelink for the meditation, and
after the meditation is over,you'll get a recording so that
you can listen to it at your ownconvenience.
Very, very few people takeadvantage because people are
afraid to fly because they can'ttake that first step.
And you gotta walk before youcan fly.
(38:14):
But I offer that to everyone.
I meditate every single night, Iread, I knit, I crochet, I play
tennis, play pickleball, Iwrite, I blog, I have a podcast,
I do so many things that I love.
I do so many things that my day,I right now I I'm finding a way
(38:35):
to do it all.
And now I'm on this podcast, andit's like, hey, and then I
actually just applied yesterday,because this is my dream job, is
to be like a commentator, atennis commentator, but as a
psychologist.
And so on TikTok, I just didthis yesterday on the spur of
the moment.
They're like, hey, enter thiscontest to, and then I keep
getting, I don't know anythingabout self-promotion, because
(38:57):
really I'm doing it all to helppeople.
And so I'm not that concernedabout making money.
I just trust that if I do whatI'm up here on earth to do,
God's gonna take care of me,right?
No, that's right.
And so I was just like, okay,TikTok has changed there,
everyone's all freaking outabout it.
There, it's like I don't havethat many viewers anyway, so
it's not really affecting methat much.
(39:19):
But they're they want you to usethis live function, and then
they're like, you could be thistennis commentator.
And it's like, okay, you knowwhat?
I'm gonna, I don't even knowwhat I'm doing, but I'm gonna
use the live function.
I'm gonna go live.
No, go live, go live.
I've never done a live thing inmy life.
I don't even know how to turnthe sucker off.
But you know, like these people,these people don't know me.
(39:42):
Yes, I'm gonna use my tennisknowledge, my tennis skills, my
my analysis of personality, mypsychology.
I'm gonna use everything.
And then I'll be like, vote forme, people, because look how
brave I am.
I'm stepping out of my comfortzone.
I'm gonna make this happen formyself.
This is my ultimate dream job,and I'm gonna make it happen.
(40:02):
And I just did that yesterday.
SPEAKER_02 (40:04):
I love that.
I love that, I love that, I lovethat.
Thank you so much for sharingyour resiliency story.
I think it's so beautiful.
And wow, you guys, like thisepisode has been so so many gems
have been dropped and so manynuggets of not only like you're
doing right now, taking courageto really step out of your
balance, but also finding thatbalance.
(40:25):
If you need to regulateyourself, finding something that
you're passionate about that youabsolutely love.
Also, it doesn't have to takeyou decades to be diagnosed.
So see a psychiatrist today ifyou feel like you're battling
depression and mental health.
Our guest here, Chrissy, hasshared with you so vulnerably,
like even the disassociationwith her father at the young age
of six, and just to see whereshe's grown now to being a
(40:48):
psychologist and helping otherpeople with their mental health
battles.
So if you hear this episode,just know that you're not
broken, you're not not normal.
You know, you don't have to beashamed that there are people
out there just like you and youare perfectly made the way you
were supposed to be made.
You just might need a littlehelp, a little validation so you
(41:11):
can get the thing you need inorder to thrive in life.
And it's Christmas five, right?
We want to fly.
SPEAKER_01 (41:17):
Everyone can fly.
SPEAKER_02 (41:20):
Everyone can fly.
Thank you so much, Christy, foryour vulnerability and your
courage.
We appreciate you being here onthe resilience pile.
Sure.
SPEAKER_01 (41:26):
Thank you for the letting me do what I'm meant to
do, which is to spread thismessage.
That's really all I care aboutis that I spread this message
and help as many people aspossible.
When you feel like life has dealt you a hand of
unfair cards, instead of voting,you double down and you're stuck
in the game.
You face battles, you feltbroken.
But hey, do us a favor.
Put your hand on your heart.
You feel that?
You're still here.
Welcome to the Resilience FilesUnlock, where survival meets
(00:25):
transformation.
Hey, welcome back everybody.
This is Carrie Bernance with theResilience Files.
This is a space where we talkabout moments that shape us, the
things we hide, and thepractices that help us come back
to ourselves.
We're so excited today becausewe have such a lovely, amazing
(00:46):
guest.
She is very deeply personal andshe has a lot to share with her
own battles with mental health,but also she has amazing clients
that she's working with in orderto help change their lives.
Today's episode is with ourguest, Christy Baraggan.
Our guest, Christy Barraggan,has generously shared parts of
her mental health journey withus.
So before we begin thisconversation, I want to read a
(01:08):
few experts from her story, aswe do always here on the
Resilient Spouse.
Not the entire piece, because Iwant her to share some of it for
herself as well.
Just enough so you understandwhere she's coming from.
And then I'll let Christy, likeI said, share her own story.
Christy comes from a familydeeply impacted by mental
illness and trauma.
From a young age, she took onthe role of the helper, often
(01:30):
putting others before her ownneeds.
That role followed into heradulthood and eventually into
her profession.
But beneath that strength, shewas quietly struggling.
Christy wrote an essay for usand here it goes.
I first became depressed in highschool.
It's hard to separate the angstof adolescence and clinical
depression, but I had thought ofsuicide by the age of 15.
(01:50):
So I'll say it from the start.
The intensity of my depressionwaxed and waned throughout my
life.
With short periods of being freefrom depression, I've never been
free from anxiety, but it hasbecome more manageable since
2023.
At age 19, I had my firstsession with a psychiatrist who
confirmed my diagnosis of majordepressive disorder.
At the time, that was enough tomake me feel better.
(02:12):
To have someone tell me what Iwas really going through was
real.
I started a trial ofantidepressants in my late 20s,
and it did help.
But after a year and a half, Istopped taking them because I
didn't want to have to rely onthem, the meds, to feel normal.
Now I accept that it's easierfor me to regulate my emotions
if I'm on them.
I'm okay with being on them forlife if that's what it takes.
(02:33):
I have never shared thisdetailed account of my mental
health history with anyonebefore starting a blog because I
was ashamed of my depression.
It felt like a failure.
I was supposed to haveeverything under control.
I was the one everyone looked upto for help.
I decided to start with themental health blog as a form of
exposure therapy, not onlyletting people read my writing,
but being honest about thethings I usually try to hide.
(02:55):
The biggest gift of the bloggave me me was realizing that in
sharing my vulnerability, I wasarticulating other people's
pains too.
People reached out and told methey finally felt seen and less
alone.
With self-compassion, there's anemphasis on common humanity, the
ideal that we're all stumblingalong, doing the best we can.
You think you're learning how tobe normal, but really you're
giving yourself permission to beyourself because there is no
(03:18):
normal.
Wow.
Wow.
Christy, Christy, Christy, thankyou so much for trusting us with
that.
SPEAKER_00 (03:23):
Sure.
SPEAKER_02 (03:24):
Our pleasure.
And before we go forward, Iwould like to know like, how are
you doing today?
How do you feel with hearingthis right out loud?
SPEAKER_01 (03:31):
You know, I'm working a lot with that blog.
I'm trying to turn it into apodcast.
And I've started a second blogthat's called Neurospicy and
Flying.
SPEAKER_02 (03:43):
Ooh, I like that.
SPEAKER_01 (03:45):
Yes, because once you learn how to self-regulate
by doing the skills that I teachin normal and training, then
initially you'll be, you'll feelemotionally stable, but then
you'll start to thrive.
And then when you thrive, youcan start to fly.
And so the two examples I alwayslike to use are Neo from The
(04:06):
Matrix, when he can read thecode.
Right.
And then he literally starts tofly.
unknown (04:11):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (04:12):
And they make fun of him and call Superman, right?
And then the other one is whenAlphabet in Wicked can realizes
that she can read from the spellbook and she uses it to do a
chant on a broom.
Right.
And then she too can fly andunderstands her power.
SPEAKER_02 (04:29):
Wow.
Understanding your power,harnesses.
SPEAKER_01 (04:33):
And then you can fly.
SPEAKER_02 (04:34):
And then you can thrive.
SPEAKER_01 (04:35):
First, you're stable.
Well, first you're not stable.
Yeah.
And we're being honest, you'renot stable for a very long
period of time.
Stability also takes a very longperiod of time because I started
this vlog.
Actually, it was I remember Isee I recently looked up the
exact date and it was September2013.
Yeah.
So over 12 years ago.
SPEAKER_02 (04:55):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (04:56):
And then I started the new one about flying on J
January 1st, 2026, like a monthago.
SPEAKER_02 (05:04):
Congratulations.
I'm so proud of you.
SPEAKER_01 (05:06):
Thank you.
SPEAKER_02 (05:06):
That's so beautiful.
Learning how to fly, and nowyou're flying and you're helping
others find their wings.
And realizing it's right behindthem.
But sometimes they can't see itbecause so much in front of you,
so much chaos or noise ordistractions or exactly external
and internal.
Yes.
I love that.
Thank you so much for that.
You talked about becoming ahelper early on.
(05:28):
So what we love to do on thepodcast is hear about before
people learn to fly and thentheir steps of being on the
training wheels and then takingoff.
So early on in life in yourearly years, you were saying by
the age of 15, you were stillthe helper and you were the
people that your family reliedon.
(05:49):
Can we talk a little bit aboutthat?
When did you realize that youwere the helper?
And then when did you realizethat the role was costing you
something in your own growth ofunderstanding who you are?
SPEAKER_01 (06:00):
Actually, there is a memory that stands out.
So I am the oldest and I am theonly girl.
Well and the females are thecaretakers.
Right.
I have three younger brothers.
And I remember we had gone outand done something, and I can't
remember what it was.
It wasn't anything too wild andcrazy, but my brother is seven
years younger than me.
(06:21):
And so let's say that ithappened at 15, that would make
him what eight, I guess.
SPEAKER_02 (06:27):
Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_01 (06:28):
And my parents got upset with me because they said
that I should know, I shouldhave known that that was too
late for him to be out of thehouse doing something at night.
Again, that wasn't, I don't knowwhat we were doing, but it
wasn't shooting up drugs, right?
SPEAKER_00 (06:44):
Drinking or anything, because we were all
pretty straight laced kids who,you know, didn't get into
trouble.
SPEAKER_01 (06:51):
But it's like I should have known.
Like I didn't realize that wasmy job.
That's my job to make sure thatall of my brothers that are
okay, that I make the decisionsthat a parent is supposed to
make.
Is that what you're saying tome?
Right.
Because this is news to me.
That was not in my contract uponbeing born.
(07:12):
I don't remember signing anydocuments indicating that that's
what I was supposed to be doing,but apparently it was.
And that was an unspoken rulethat um I just discovered after
they got upset with me.
SPEAKER_02 (07:23):
Yeah.
Yeah, it's always the oldest.
We are the most responsibleones.
I'm the oldest too.
So yeah, you have to be the one.
Your parents are like, no, if Itaught you, you know you were
supposed to teach them.
SPEAKER_01 (07:33):
It'd be you were supposed to, you're supposed to
know an eight-year-old kid can'tbe outside, I don't know,
watching fireworks or something.
It was something like that, youknow what I mean.
SPEAKER_02 (07:45):
Yeah.
When did you realize being inthat role costed you your own
like childhood or when you feltlike you lost something because
you were dealing with a lot,battling a lot yourself?
Because you were also mentioningyou were suicidal at a young
age.
SPEAKER_01 (08:01):
Yeah.
You know, I didn't realize itback then because I just
accepted it.
The things that used to make mesuicidal back then were kind of
similar.
They all had to do with, and youknow, my dad was really
narcissistic, I mentioned he hasbipolar disorder, and he has
(08:22):
trauma as well.
And he also had an abusivefather who, from what I can
tell, was far worse, and hereally felt like, okay, I'm not
going to treat my children thatway.
SPEAKER_02 (08:32):
But, you know, don't fall too far from the tree if
you don't take the worms out ofthat.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (08:38):
And especially if you're not in therapy, you're
not on medication, you're notreading any self-help books,
you're not talking to otherpeople about how do I not be
this abusive man that my fatherwas to my own children, right?
And so I can tell you this willthis will probably help you to
(08:58):
understand.
I remember the first time thatmy dad disowned me.
I was six years old.
And I had just I had been takingpiano lessons for a year.
They let me skip having to dothe recital the first year
because I was so close to havingjust started, right?
And so this was going to be myfirst recital at six years old,
because I started at five.
And we were at a small gatheringof his friends at his friend's
(09:21):
house, and my recital was thenext day, and they were like,
Hey, why don't you play yourpiece for us?
And this was like, ooh, likethis, and this relates to the
neurodivergent piece, which Italk about, which maybe is too
much to go into.
But it's like, you can't, Imean, and and if you try to do
this with most kids, most peopleunderstand they're not gr that
(09:43):
great at performing on the spot.
Yeah, not like for you, becauseI didn't even want to play it at
the recital.
But here he was, and they werelike, and I sat at the piano,
and I remember looking at thekeys and really so wanting to be
able to do it, you know?
SPEAKER_00 (10:01):
And I couldn't.
And I couldn't do it.
I remember staring at it, andthen when we drove home before I
got out of the car, my dad toldme never to ask him for anything
again.
And for him, that's the way Iwas saying to telling you, I
don't love you because youdidn't perform for me.
And so I went into my room and Ihid under the bed.
And that was just the first timethat he did it.
(10:21):
He's done it two other times, Ithink, since then.
And that was just with me.
He's done it with all mybrothers too.
I'm so sorry that you but notover something so trivial.
SPEAKER_02 (10:31):
Yeah, you were six years old, and that's a lot of
pressure to ask a six-year-oldand uh to perform on the spot.
SPEAKER_00 (10:40):
That was the message.
When I say perform, you betterperform.
SPEAKER_01 (10:44):
Wow.
SPEAKER_02 (10:44):
I'm sorry, and it seems like you're still carrying
that weight of you.
What is your relationship withyour father right now?
SPEAKER_01 (10:50):
You know, now he's 85 years old, and I'm trying
really hard to have arelationship with him.
It has a lot of boundariesaround it.
He's not allowed in my space,you know, he's not allowed to
call me.
But we do make an effort to makesure that around his birthday
and around the holidays, we goand we made up at a restaurant.
(11:11):
I've only recently uh allowedhim to follow me on social media
because I have been I didn'tmean to be doing it for him, but
I was just I was just postingthese positive messages about
Christianity as a way to protestthe way that Christianity is
(11:31):
being depicted in our country toshow examples of what Jesus
actually wanted us to do and howto live our lives.
And for some reason this hasreally resonated for him.
And I thought, oh my gosh, Ifinally found a way.
I finally have found a way toget through hit to him.
And he's remembering that at onepoint he told me, I remember
(11:52):
when I was 17 that he was aservant of God.
He's a physician, he was aphysician, and he said his
purpose on earth was to be aservant of God.
And I thought, thank you, God,for because this is the way that
you manifest things.
You say, Tell me what the firststep is, and without knowing
what it is, you commit to takingit.
And that's what has changed mylife in this past six months.
(12:14):
And so I started doing it, andthen the last time I saw him was
the weekend after Christmas, andhe said, I love your blog, and
that's actually not my blog.
Those are actually just posts,those are actually just posts
from these meditations that Iread every day.
But it's reminding him of right,if we have an angel and a devil
(12:34):
inside of us, it's reminding himof the angel.
It's allowing him to listen tothe angel to whisper in his ear
and remember the part of himthat believed that he was here
to be a servant of God.
SPEAKER_02 (12:48):
That's so beautiful, Christy.
I'm happy that your likeInstagram or blog, as your dad
may call it, is sowing seeds inhim and it's ordering the growth
inside of him that is there andthe love of Christ.
I I think that's so beautiful.
And and he's 85, and I'm happythat you've learned to set
boundaries in you all'srelationship in order for you to
be able to grow and to fly.
(13:08):
You know, I think so often somany people limit themselves
because they're afraid.
And even the people that areclosest to you sometimes you
have to set boundaries on likethat.
And because they mean uh themost to you, but you allow
yourself sometimes, especiallywhen it's a toxic relationship,
to stay there and it's sticky.
It's like standing in stickysand or mud, and you're trying
(13:32):
to grow and you're trying toreach for them, and then you're
pulling yourself down.
And I think there's definitelysome listeners that can also
relate to that.
Yes.
I want to know during that timeof your life, you were six and
you saw it happen to yourbrothers, and it happened to
yourself again, and you werestruggling during that time, and
(13:53):
a lot was happening internallyduring that season.
Maybe you could take us from sixuntil I think you were 15 when
you got your diagnosis, right?
SPEAKER_01 (14:01):
No, I didn't get my diagnosis officially until my
second year of college.
SPEAKER_02 (14:08):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (14:08):
So I was maybe 19.
SPEAKER_02 (14:14):
19.
Okay.
So maybe you can um help some ofthe listeners today.
And some people are on here asparents, they're listening for
their own child, and sometimesit's hard as people work and to
recognize behaviors or how tosupport their child during that
moment.
What what was going oninternally in you to say that
there has to be something elsehappening, or what were you
(14:36):
feeling at the moment?
Like, what were your thoughts ifyou can re remember?
SPEAKER_01 (14:40):
Yeah.
Actually, yeah, one thing, justto first go back to what you
were saying about theboundaries.
It's hard because obviously youhave been conditioned all of
your life to not haveboundaries.
Right.
Now, I'm Filipino, which is whyit's hard to pronounce my name,
right?
And so there's this other layerof that where culturally, you
know, as someone who is Asian,you are supposed to listen to
(15:03):
your parents and do whatever itis that they say.
Now, it gets that's one of thedifficulties of growing up in
the US where you had parents wholived in the standard.
My both of my parents becamedoctors because their parents
told them to, and that's notwhat they wanted to do, right?
So, so not only are you havingdifficulty, even if someone is
(15:24):
giving you permission and sayingyes, set boundaries, set
boundaries, set boundaries.
There are people in yourcommunity who are saying no, no,
that's disrespectable.
Don't say how can you do that?
They're your parents.
They care, they care about you.
You know, honor thy mother andfather and all of these things.
And so it's a actually a very,very difficult task to do when
(15:46):
the environment that you're inis also advocating against your
mental health.
SPEAKER_02 (15:50):
So then that's a good question because you're uh
you're a hundred percent rightthere.
What age or when did you decideenough was enough and boundaries
would need it to be set?
SPEAKER_01 (16:00):
Very late in life.
I mean, this is kind of anothercrazy story, but my brother was
let's see, maybe I was 50, sixyears ago.
No, it was more than that.
I was in my late 40s, and mybrother had gotten depressed
because, like I said in thatpart that you read, he decided,
(16:20):
okay, I don't want to be onmedication all my life, and he
stopped taking them.
And then the same thing happenedto him that happened, and this
is always what happens.
He got depressed, and then hehad just received this award at
work for his job stability forfive years, and he got so
depressed that he couldn'tfunction.
And they were so understandingand didn't want to lose him, but
(16:43):
he was so ashamed that he endedup quitting and he ended up
moving back to my parents'house.
You know, with just with thelittle I told you.
You can understand howdisastrous that was, right?
And so while he was living withthem and they were not
respecting his boundaries andputting all of these insane
demands on him to regulate theiremotions and to regulate their
(17:04):
interactions, their conflictwith one another, he had a heart
attack at 40.
No.
And so uh the night before Ifinally got to talk to him and I
was like, when you when you getout of the hospital, don't go
back home.
Don't ever, don't ever go backhome again.
And so then he was like, What?
(17:25):
I gotta do this surgery soap andthis and that, and I can't think
about this right now.
And I'm like, they are thereason that you have are having
a heart attack and you are notto go back home.
And so it's like, be carefulwhat you wish for, right?
He did it, and he came in tomove in with me.
And so then for five years, thatbecame an additional burden on
me.
But that was when I first had tostart setting boundaries because
(17:47):
they felt so guilty becausethey're both doctors, and so
they're well aware of thesymptoms of when someone is
having a heart attack, butbecause they're so caught up in
themselves and their ownnarcissism that they don't
realize that their son is havinga heart attack.
And he's been having symptomsfor a heart attack for a month,
and so he ends up havingquadruple bypass heart surgery
(18:09):
at 40, and they have to take anartery out of his arm because
he's too young to just have avein taken out of your leg
because it's not gonna last longenough.
And even now they said, Yeah,70, that's a pretty long life.
That's probably how long you canexpect to live.
So after that, I was like, youknow what?
(18:30):
Neither of you are coming intomy house ever again.
You're not coming into my space,I'm not talking to you, I'm not
listening to this, I'm notcoming to your 50th anniversary.
You can tell them all I'm ahorrible child.
I don't care what you do, but Icouldn't do it for me.
Right.
But in order to protect my babybrother, the one who was eight,
(18:51):
and they said, You need to lookout for your brother.
I guess I must have learned howto do it because in order to
protect my baby brother, you'renot coming anywhere near him.
You're not coming anywhere nearhim.
And then eventually, because mybrother has the same mental
illnesses, he lived with me forfive years, and I thought, you
know what, he's gonna kill metoo.
And so I'm gonna have to move.
(19:11):
I'm gonna have to quit my job,and I'm gonna have to leave my
all of my support.
I'm gonna have to leave theplace that I've lived for 20
years.
I'm gonna have to leave myfriends who are like my real
family, and I'm gonna have tomove to Tennessee.
And I became depressed again.
And so there are huge, hugecosts.
It's not like you set a boundaryand like, oh, everything's all
better now.
(19:32):
No, it took years to establishstability after that.
And I hit probably the lowestlow I've ever had in order to
set that boundary and be like,all right, that's it.
You know what?
I have to have space from all ofyou.
SPEAKER_02 (19:47):
Yeah, absolutely.
You set boundaries, you allowedyour brother to move in with you
for five years, realized that hewas going through major
depression, he had to go throughthe whole surgery, all of these
things, and no money, couldn'tmake a living.
So no money.
SPEAKER_01 (20:02):
No one else from the family was supporting him but
me.
SPEAKER_02 (20:05):
No one else supporting you, and you were
already dealing with, and atthat time, we are skipping FYI
listeners, we are skipping alongto you'll see where she is at
today.
But you are already successfulin your career at that moment,
and you already graduatedcollege, you've already found
the medication that works foryou, you regulated yourself, you
(20:25):
were in a healthy, good mentalhealth standpoint prior to him
coming along, and not that hewas dragging you down, but
sometimes carrying in the weightof someone else's bag can also
lead you into a depressive or amental health crisis yourself.
Yes.
I want to talk to that because Ithink that is such an
interesting point because youknow, so often I feel like
(20:48):
people use this thing calledtrauma binding, or they and you
all are obviously brother andsister, so it's not that you're
trauma binding in a relationshipper se, but it is a relationship
in a sense because you're familyand you are helping your brother
carry this weight.
But when you're carrying yourown weight and you're carrying
someone else's weight, it'seasier to be drugged down and to
start getting more exhausted,tired, lack of rest.
(21:11):
So talk to us on when did yourealize that it was important to
get your brother his own helpand you to go on your own
because of your own mentalhealth?
SPEAKER_01 (21:20):
Right.
Well, I can give you the analogyfirst of how I felt during that
time.
Yeah.
I felt like and this is alwaysthe way that it feels in those
transitions, you know, when arelationship ends or a job ends
or something ends, and you hadhad this vision of how your life
is supposed to look like.
And usually it feels like I'm ona raft in the middle of the
(21:43):
ocean and I can't see any land.
I have no idea where I'm gonnago, what direction to go in, or
what's going to happen to me.
But when I was taking care of mybrother during that time, it was
like I am a boat and I can seethe shore.
And I'm almost there, but theboat is so heavy.
(22:03):
There's so much on there thatI'm throwing stuff off left and
right, as many things as I canto get rid of it, so that I can
try to make it to the shore.
I'm like doing everything that Ican to make it.
And when I took that last step,and I took it because, well,
one, it was COVID, and Irealized how nice it was that I
(22:25):
didn't, because I was alsocommuting an hour and a half to
get to my job.
And I had a boss who she didn'tjust do it to me, but it was
particularly triggering for mebecause of my dad, who was
constantly telling me that Iwasn't doing enough.
And when I did something well,she would use it to shame other
people and say, Why aren't youseeing as many clients as
Chrissy?
(22:46):
But I never knew that I was oneof the top two people who were
who was seeing the most clients.
So she never told me anythingpositive.
She only told me when shethought that I was failing.
And sometimes she jumped the gunand just didn't have enough
information.
And so when I realized, like,ooh, you know what?
SPEAKER_00 (23:02):
She's too busy with this COVID stuff, so she can't
be in my business.
SPEAKER_01 (23:06):
Yeah.
And I could do virtual therapyand I don't have to commute.
And I could begin to envision alife where my practice could
look the way that I want it tolook, which is the way that it
looks now, right?
Where I'm doing virtual therapyand I don't have a boss.
I'm self-employed, and so I cando whatever I want and take
(23:28):
ever, however much time I wantand start whenever I want and
end whenever I want.
And I'm still a pretty toughboss, but I'm nowhere near as
tough tough as she was.
And I think I'm a pretty goodtherapist, too.
And I don't know if she thoughtthat I was or not.
I have no idea because she wouldhave never told me anything
positive.
So that was one thing.
The other thing is that mybrother was in a manic episode
(23:51):
and he was doing things at workthat could have really gotten
him into a lot of trouble, couldhave gotten him in trouble with
the law, could have gotten himfired.
And he knew that I didn'tapprove because he knew that
what he was doing was wrong.
But this is what people who arenarcissistic do.
They project theirvulnerabilities, their
(24:13):
weaknesses, and their mistakesonto you, and they blame you for
it.
And it's like, you know what?
All I've done for the past fiveyears is to save your life, and
you're gonna turn around everyday and yell at me because
you're making these stupiddecisions that are gonna ruin
your life.
It's like that's it.
And I couldn't get him to moveout because I could barely get
him to freaking clean his room.
(24:34):
Do you know what I mean?
To sell the house.
So I was like, I'm gonna leave.
I'm gonna move.
I'm gonna drop everything that Ihave, every resource that I have
to save my own life, and I'mgonna move to Tennessee.
SPEAKER_02 (24:47):
Wow.
Girl, you moved, left him in thehouse, or did he just eventually
move?
SPEAKER_01 (24:51):
He had to because he's not gonna be able to afford
the house.
But let me tell you, I was outof the house at n three o'clock
in the afternoon, and I toldhim, hey, the people, and I
lied, I just said they'reshutting off the electricity
because otherwise he might justkeep keep living there.
And I was like, They're cuttingoff the power at nine o'clock in
the morning tomorrow morning.
(25:11):
He didn't get out of the houseuntil 12 30, 1 30 in the
morning.
SPEAKER_02 (25:16):
Wow.
SPEAKER_01 (25:17):
And I was like, see ya, I'm driving to Tennessee.
Good luck.
And it broke my heart to tellhim.
I was like, I'm moving, and he'slike, Well, when are we doing
it?
And I'm like, We're not doing ittogether.
Same thing.
God came in for him.
He stepped up for for mybrother.
And someone called him andrecruited him from Indeed and
(25:37):
gave him a job.
And that week, because heprocrastinated and waited three
days before he was supposed tomove out, he landed a townhouse
that was a great deal that hecould afford.
He landed a great job.
And so God was like, I'm I'mgonna take care of you.
I'm gonna take care of both ofyou.
SPEAKER_02 (25:54):
You know what?
I realized too.
If you uh what is the quote?
Like if you give a person if youhave a person too much too long,
they don't what is the quote?
I need the quote.
SPEAKER_01 (26:06):
About like the fish teaching someone to fish.
SPEAKER_02 (26:09):
Yeah, you have to teach them how to fish.
SPEAKER_01 (26:10):
If you go let me what like if you give a man a
fish, then he eats for whatever,a day.
I don't know if that's the onethat you're talking about,
right?
But if you teach a man to fish,and it was a good thing for both
of us, because I was enablinghim, if that's what you're
getting at.
And for him to be forced to goout there and struggle and
realize how hard it is and howeasy I had been making it for
(26:33):
him.
And he's still struggling, and Istill help him, but my help is
much more limited now than itwas before.
SPEAKER_02 (26:39):
Yeah, well, good for you.
Yeah, you're definitely teachinga man how to fish, but also I
think like he'll stop if wesorry, my words are da-da-da.
If we can go back to like evenat what you said at the
beginning, sometimes theyrealize that they can't find
their own wings, you know.
He realizes like if we do whatis it, if we do for others what
they can do, they ought to dofor themselves.
We all often weaken them ratherthan strengthen them.
(27:02):
And I was yeah, you know, he wasrelying on your support for so
long that he only imagined whatlife would be with your support
and couldn't imagine standing onhis own two legs.
And I do believe that we shouldoffer a bridge in order to help
someone or offer a hand up inorder to allow someone to see
from a different viewpoint or togive them a leg up, a hand out,
(27:22):
you know.
But when the reliance happenedfor too long, a person then
starts figuring they lose theirinner spark of like realizing
that they can do it on theirown.
SPEAKER_01 (27:31):
Yes.
But I think that's such a greatpoint.
I mean, and that's what I donow.
Now, the way that I work is it'slike, you know what?
I realize that one of mysuperpowers is that I know what
your strengths are.
And I'm going to tell you whatyour strengths are.
And I am going to tell you whatyou can do so that you can start
(27:52):
using your strengths.
And I know what your weaknessesare too.
And I'm going to teach you whatto do when you become
dysregulated because of yourweaknesses.
And once you know those twothings, once you know how to
utilize your strengths, and onceyou know what to do when you're
dysregulated or in distress,right?
And know how to stabilize again,then you can thrive.
SPEAKER_02 (28:14):
I love that.
I love that.
We're gonna just shift it backto a few questions that are just
on the timeline for other peoplethat have been in your same
situation before they got tohelping their brother, and it's
becoming a clinical psycholpsychologist.
My words are not working today,but it's okay.
I'm gonna edit this episode.
So we're gonna hop right back inbecause I know some people are
wondering, okay, wait, wait,wait.
(28:36):
So, six years old, you know,first experience, dad disowning
you, realizing that you are theoldest of five and you were the
only four.
Though you were the oldest offour, you were the only girl.
You had the reliance of beingthe helper in the house, taking
care of your younger siblings,and also realizing that you had
some mental health issues, butnot exactly figuring out what
(28:58):
that pinpoint was.
And then at the age of 19,finally being diagnosed your
second semester, second year inschool, correct?
Yes.
So I wanted to know once youwere diagnosed, what was that
like for you?
What did you feel?
And did you did it come withmedication or did it come with
you just need therapy?
SPEAKER_01 (29:16):
So that's a great question.
And by the way, I knew that Iwas depressed that whole year.
The reason why I finally went inis because my roommate, who was
also depressed, attemptedsuicide on her birthday by
overdosing on all of my samplesof Tylenol.
And so then I was like, I needhelp.
I can't.
I can't fake it anymore and justkeep producing and producing and
(29:40):
producing.
And when I went in, he was tothis day the most compassionate
psychiatrist I had ever met,met.
And he saw me.
He literally saw me.
He saw that I was dressed incomplete black.
He articulated my depressionperfectly.
And he said, You're depressed.
(30:00):
Maybe that seems like ano-brainer, but when you don't
know, like when in your head,your inner critic is saying
things like, It's not real,people, people are doing worse,
you know.
You what do you have to be upsetabout?
You're at UVA and you're blah,blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
and you're you're succeeding andwhatever.
(30:20):
And then someone says, No, thisis a real thing.
You are depressed.
This is an actual disorder.
This is not your fault.
You are suffering.
This is real.
It's like, wow.
And I know that that's the waythat people re feel when they
read my blog posts.
They're like, wow, that's whatshe's telling me.
That what I'm going through isreal, that this is real, and
(30:43):
that I am suffering terribly.
And thank God, finally, someonesaw me and said something.
And so he at the time had justre recommended therapy.
But the weight of just beingtold that I was depressed and
that it was real for a while wasenough to it's like it's like
not fair to call it a placebo.
(31:04):
It's more sort of like a commonfactor.
There's a common factor toanything, to medication, to any
type of therapy, anytime youtalk to someone, and that counts
accounts for about almost athird of what helps people.
And so for a while, that wasenough to bolster me and to be
like, oh, this is real?
Yeah.
Well, okay.
(31:25):
Then I guess I can do it as longas I and that is real.
I can do this.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (31:30):
Wow.
And then when did the medicationpart come into the picture?
SPEAKER_01 (31:34):
So the medication part came.
First, the first therapy cameafter college.
So I was about twenty two.
And then the first medicationcame when I was thirty.
So this is important too.
You see how long and my story isvery typical in terms of how
(31:56):
long it takes from the time thatyou realize that you're
suffering, to the time that yourealize this might actually be a
thing, to the time that you goand you get help, to the time
that you actually commit totherapy, to the time that you
start a medication and that youstick with it.
(32:16):
So stability takes a very we'retalking decades.
SPEAKER_02 (32:21):
Yeah.
Well, well, you guys l y'allhear that.
SPEAKER_01 (32:25):
So if I can speed up the process for you by getting
you to listen to this podcast,you know, speed up.
It doesn't have to take decades.
It doesn't have to take care ofit.
SPEAKER_02 (32:35):
It doesn't have to it doesn't have to.
You know, I really appreciatehow you were so honest with the
shame that you carried and alsothe honesty that you felt like
something was going on arounddepression, and you were able to
also get the validation that itwas real.
And like you said, there's somany people that need to hear
that.
Like Chrissy just said, itdoesn't have to take decades.
(32:56):
You know, go see go see apsychiatrist.
Go today.
Yeah, go today.
Reach out to your doctor becausethe reality is you could be
living a much healthier life andalso feeling validating with who
you are and understanding thatyou're not alone and there's
people all around the world thatare battling mental health on a
daily basis and that your lifematters.
(33:17):
I would like to know.
I love that you created yourblog.
I definitely want to get that atthe end of this podcast so other
people can also look at it.
I love that you have beenputting into words on how you
feel, and it's validated on howothers also feel.
I wanted to just shift reallyquickly and ask you what made
you want to go into the fieldthat you're in today, and how
(33:38):
does you going into, you know,being a PhD psychologist affect
you with also your own mentalhealth?
SPEAKER_01 (33:47):
So, you know, this is this is actually one of the
interviews that's on my Normalin Training podcast.
I have my niece interview me.
And so she asks me the questionsthat people often ask me.
But when I was in high school, Iknew that I wanted to be two
things.
I knew that I wanted to be awriter.
At least I wrote an essay sayingthat I wanted to be a writer.
And I knew no, I did want to bea writer, which is why I started
(34:10):
the blog.
And I knew that I wanted to be atherapist because um I was used
to people coming to me.
They sense it about you.
Do you know what I mean?
It's just a quality that youhave where you talk to people
and they know that they're goingto be seen and heard, and they
know that they're going to belistened to, and they know that
(34:31):
they're not going to be judged,and so they sense that you're
safe.
And it's like, this is what Iwant to do for a living.
I want to do this for people.
And so I knew in high school,right around that same age,
around 15, I want to be awriter, I want to be a
therapist, you know, I'mdepressed.
(34:51):
And they're all interrelated,you know what I mean?
Right.
Like, yes, I know these negativethings, but I know these
positive things too, of what Iwant to do about it.
I want to be a writer and I wantto be a therapist.
SPEAKER_02 (35:02):
I love that.
And how does that play?
Do you ever feel like you haveany episodes that you need a
moment because you hear ofeveryone else's problems and
issues and you're carrying thatweight?
Or do you feel like you canbalance those two?
How do you balance those two?
SPEAKER_01 (35:17):
I do still have problems setting boundaries.
And the funny thing is that now,because I am so much more
authentic in my therapy, that myclients will be the one like,
girls, take more than one day ofvacation at Christmas.
And they'll be like, I feel soterrible that we're going over.
You need to go eat.
Go get something to eat.
(35:38):
Which which is like that'sprobably not good.
And if there are therapists outthere who are listening, but you
know, for me, it's commonhumanity.
SPEAKER_02 (35:47):
Therapist are people too.
SPEAKER_01 (35:49):
It's common humanity, right?
I'm taking care of you, andthey're taking care of me, and
we're taking care of each other.
And that's the way that I dotherapy.
I don't speak out, and you tellme I'm not setting a boundary,
and I will call you out, andI'll tell you that you're not
setting a boundary.
And we are committed to makingsure that we take care of
ourselves and that we take careof one another.
(36:11):
And that's the way I do my work.
SPEAKER_02 (36:12):
Yeah, I don't see anything wrong with that.
I'm sure the majority of thesession is not that discussion,
but I also believe like we'rehuman and we know that therapies
are human and everyone's too.
And right now, with theinformation overload and also so
much unfortunate eventshappening around us, it's normal
to also be like, hey, I knowyou're human and you watch TV or
(36:35):
you go outside and you seethings happening too.
Are you okay?
You know?
SPEAKER_01 (36:39):
Exactly.
And therapists are notorious forburnout because we give too
much, because we give too much.
And so I'm thankful for thoseclients who are like, No, I've
gone too far.
I need to get off, and you needto go eat, you need to go take a
nap, you need to take morevacation, you need to do these
things because they're right,because I'm still the same
person.
(36:59):
I'm still the person who isalways at risk of giving too
much, and it's a lifelong thingthat I have to pay attention to
and monitor.
SPEAKER_02 (37:09):
Yeah.
I love, I love that.
Um, that y'all have thatrelationship.
I have two more questions foryou as we wrap it up.
And life feels overwhelming,especially now.
And like we kind of talked aboutit briefly.
What are ways that you do sorry?
What are what are ways that youhelp regulate yourself?
And then what are ways that ourlisteners can help regulate
(37:29):
themselves during that time?
SPEAKER_01 (37:31):
Sure.
Um, I meditate and I actuallygive a free meditation for
anyone who wants to listen.
There are recordings of it onZoom or on um on um YouTube that
you can find under my name.
But I also give a freemeditation to anybody who wants
it.
They just have to email me, andthat doesn't commit you to
(37:52):
coming.
It just means you'll get thelink for the meditation, and
after the meditation is over,you'll get a recording so that
you can listen to it at your ownconvenience.
Very, very few people takeadvantage because people are
afraid to fly because they can'ttake that first step.
And you gotta walk before youcan fly.
(38:14):
But I offer that to everyone.
I meditate every single night, Iread, I knit, I crochet, I play
tennis, play pickleball, Iwrite, I blog, I have a podcast,
I do so many things that I love.
I do so many things that my day,I right now I I'm finding a way
(38:35):
to do it all.
And now I'm on this podcast, andit's like, hey, and then I
actually just applied yesterday,because this is my dream job, is
to be like a commentator, atennis commentator, but as a
psychologist.
And so on TikTok, I just didthis yesterday on the spur of
the moment.
They're like, hey, enter thiscontest to, and then I keep
getting, I don't know anythingabout self-promotion, because
(38:57):
really I'm doing it all to helppeople.
And so I'm not that concernedabout making money.
I just trust that if I do whatI'm up here on earth to do,
God's gonna take care of me,right?
No, that's right.
And so I was just like, okay,TikTok has changed there,
everyone's all freaking outabout it.
There, it's like I don't havethat many viewers anyway, so
it's not really affecting methat much.
(39:19):
But they're they want you to usethis live function, and then
they're like, you could be thistennis commentator.
And it's like, okay, you knowwhat?
I'm gonna, I don't even knowwhat I'm doing, but I'm gonna
use the live function.
I'm gonna go live.
No, go live, go live.
I've never done a live thing inmy life.
I don't even know how to turnthe sucker off.
But you know, like these people,these people don't know me.
(39:42):
Yes, I'm gonna use my tennisknowledge, my tennis skills, my
my analysis of personality, mypsychology.
I'm gonna use everything.
And then I'll be like, vote forme, people, because look how
brave I am.
I'm stepping out of my comfortzone.
I'm gonna make this happen formyself.
This is my ultimate dream job,and I'm gonna make it happen.
(40:02):
And I just did that yesterday.
SPEAKER_02 (40:04):
I love that.
I love that, I love that, I lovethat.
Thank you so much for sharingyour resiliency story.
I think it's so beautiful.
And wow, you guys, like thisepisode has been so so many gems
have been dropped and so manynuggets of not only like you're
doing right now, taking courageto really step out of your
balance, but also finding thatbalance.
(40:25):
If you need to regulateyourself, finding something that
you're passionate about that youabsolutely love.
Also, it doesn't have to takeyou decades to be diagnosed.
So see a psychiatrist today ifyou feel like you're battling
depression and mental health.
Our guest here, Chrissy, hasshared with you so vulnerably,
like even the disassociationwith her father at the young age
of six, and just to see whereshe's grown now to being a
(40:48):
psychologist and helping otherpeople with their mental health
battles.
So if you hear this episode,just know that you're not
broken, you're not not normal.
You know, you don't have to beashamed that there are people
out there just like you and youare perfectly made the way you
were supposed to be made.
You just might need a littlehelp, a little validation so you
(41:11):
can get the thing you need inorder to thrive in life.
And it's Christmas five, right?
We want to fly.
SPEAKER_01 (41:17):
Everyone can fly.
SPEAKER_02 (41:20):
Everyone can fly.
Thank you so much, Christy, foryour vulnerability and your
courage.
We appreciate you being here onthe resilience pile.
Sure.
SPEAKER_01 (41:26):
Thank you for the letting me do what I'm meant to
do, which is to spread thismessage.
That's really all I care aboutis that I spread this message
and help as many people aspossible.
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