What does it really cost to be the first?
In this powerful episode of The Resilience Files, host Carrie Bernans sits down with Kristen Fitzgerald, Connecticut's first female motorcycle police officer, to uncover the untold story behind breaking barriers in a male-dominated profession.
Kristen shares the workplace sabotage, intimidation, and resistance she faced throughout her career—and how resilience, courage, and unwavering determination helped her overcome it all. From navigating fear to leading with confidence, her 17-year journey is a testament to perseverance, purpose, and the strength to keep moving forward when the odds are stacked against you.
Whether you're facing challenges at work, breaking new ground, or simply looking for inspiration, Kristen's story is a powerful reminder that resilience isn't about never struggling—it's about refusing to give up.
🎙️ In this episode, we discuss:
- Becoming Connecticut's first female motorcycle police officer
- Overcoming workplace sabotage and hostility
- Leadership in male-dominated industries
- Building resilience through adversity
- Lessons learned after 17 years in law enforcement
- Courage, confidence, and perseverance
- Inspiring the next generation of women leaders
If this episode inspired you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs the reminder that they are stronger than they think.
📅 New episodes every Tuesday and Thursday
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📱 Follow us on Instagram: @theresiliencefiless
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:00):
When you feel like life has got you a hand of
unfair cards.
Instead of voting, you doubledown.
You're stuck in the game.
You faced battles.
You felt broken.
But hey, do us a favor.
Put your hand on your heart.
You feel that?
You're still here.
Welcome to the Resilience FilesUnlocked, where survival meets
(00:25):
transformation.
SPEAKER_02 (00:30):
Welcome back to the Resilience Files Podcast.
I'm your host, Carrie Bernunes.
A devastating hit and run on NewYear's Day tried to stop me, but
instead it strengthened my fightto rise again.
And here on the Resilience FilesUnlocked, we create spaces for
stories about what it looks liketo keep going when the path in
front of you wasn't built foryou.
Today's episode is about couragein the workplace, resilience in
(00:54):
the face of opposition, and whathappens when sometimes or
someone decides an open doorthat didn't exist before is
capable of being walked through.
Today we are joined by a speciallady.
And you know what?
Before we get into her and herbackground, as we do here on the
(01:14):
Brazil Styles podcast, we alwayshave our guests submit essays in
first person.
And this legendary personherself is going to read her
essay.
So without further ado, KristenFitzgerald, are you with us?
I am with you.
Thank you.
Absolutely.
Can you please take us away withyour essay?
(01:34):
Sure.
SPEAKER_03 (01:36):
So hi, uh, my name is Kristen Fitzgerald.
I'm 59 years old.
I recently retired after a33-year career as a police
officer.
I spent 22 years in a largeinner city police department in
Connecticut, and another 11years after that in a smaller
suburban police department alsoin Connecticut.
Interestingly, I originally wentto college for music.
(01:56):
I played the French horn.
I earned a degree to teachmusic, but somewhere along the
way, I realized police work feltmore exciting and meaningful to
me than teaching.
So I decided to pursue a careerin law enforcement.
I was hired in 1992 by one ofthe largest police departments
in Connecticut at the age of 25.
In 1995, our city was chosen tohost the worldwide Special
(02:19):
Olympic Games.
At that time, the administrationannounced that they wanted to
expand the motorcycle unit andthey were interested in putting
a female officer on the team.
There was just one problem.
I had never ridden a motorcyclebefore.
But instead of letting that stopme, I signed up for motorcycle
riding classes.
I learned how to ride and earnedmy motorcycle license.
(02:39):
After that, I submitted a memorequesting to be considered for
the unit.
Out of all the applicants, fourofficers were selected to join
the motorcycle unit, and I wasthe only female.
Not only that, I became thefirst female motorcycle officer
in the department's history.
At the time, I was also the onlyfemale motorcycle officer in the
entire state of Connecticut thatI was aware of.
(03:00):
What should have been anexciting achievement, however,
did not come with support.
Some of the male officers in thedepartment were furious that a
woman had been selected.
Several told me directly that Ihad taken a man's job.
And more than one officeractually told me they hoped I
would crash and die because Ihad taken a position that they
believed belonged to a maleofficer.
(03:21):
Hearing these things wasshocking.
These were people I workedalongside every day, and I would
be lying if I said it didn'taffect me.
But I also knew that I hadworked hard to earn that
position and I wasn't going towalk away from something I
believed in.
The hostility did not stop withwords.
I had to install a locking gascap on my motorcycle because
there were threats that someonemight put sugar in my gas tank.
(03:44):
I also had to lock my helmetinside my locker at the end of
every shift because I was warnedthat if I left it hanging on the
handlebars, someone mighturinate in it or even defecate
in it.
The motorcycles were stored inthe basement of the police
department in an area that onlysworn officers could access.
One night someone actually cutthe belt drives on several of
(04:05):
the Harley Davidson motorcycles.
This was discovered the nextmorning when a veteran officer
left the station and beganmerging onto the highway and his
belt suddenly came off.
When he checked it, he realizedit had been cut.
Other officers inspected theirmotorcycles and discovered that
their belt drives had also beensliced.
The belief within the unit wasthat someone had been trying to
sabotage my motorcycle butdidn't know which one was mine,
(04:27):
so they cut them all.
The administration installedsurveillance cameras in the
area, but unfortunately it wasplaced in plain sight, and
whoever did it was never caught.
During the Special Olympicsevent, officers were transported
to various locations by bus.
As the buses drove past me whileI was working traffic posts on
the motorcycles, officers wouldopen the windows and shout
things like, We hope you crashand die.
(04:50):
Despite all of that, I keptshowing up.
I rode in the heat of the summerand through the coldest days of
winter.
One rookie officer later told methat while he was sitting in the
police academy during asnowstorm, he heard a sound of a
motorcycle outside.
And when he looked out thewindow, he saw me riding my
Harley Davidson policemotorcycle through the snow.
I never wanted anyone to say Ididn't deserve to be there.
(05:12):
In the end, I outlasted all thenaysayers.
I rode full-time in themotorcycle unit for 17 years out
of my 22-year career there from1995 and 2012.
One of the biggest lessons Itook away from that experience
is was realizing the phrase, thethin blue line, the idea that
officers have each other's back,did not always apply if you were
a woman.
(05:33):
But I refused to let hatred ornegativity define my experience.
Instead, I stayed humble andgrateful for my opportunity to
do a job I truly loved.
In my opinion, riding a policemotorcycle was the best job in
the department.
Being the only female rider atthat time meant a lot to me.
Today there are more femalemotorcycle officers, and I truly
hope that their experiences aredifferent from mine.
(05:55):
But I'm proud that I stayed thecourse and helped open that
door.
Thank you for listening to mystory.
I'm Kristen Fitzgerald.
SPEAKER_02 (06:04):
Round of applause for you.
You are personating.
You are the definition of bad AZ, okay?
Trigger warning for today'sepisode.
This episode includesconversations about workplace
hostility, genderdiscrimination, and threats
(06:24):
experienced in a professionalenvironment.
If these topics feel personalfor you right now, take what
supports you and leave whatdoesn't.
You're always encouraged tolisten at your own pace.
And disclaimer, I'm not atherapist.
My guest is not a therapist hereon this podcast.
We are survivors andstorytellers creating space for
honest conversations aboutresilience, identity, and the
(06:46):
courage it takes to stand yourground when things aren't easy.
Today's episode is meant toinspire strength and reflection.
Now I'm gonna go back to you,Kristen.
Wow.
Yeah.
My gosh, my my first off, I justwant to say, you're amazing.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Absolutely.
I'm so happy that you're herewith us today.
(07:07):
You spent over three decadesserving your community in law
enforcement, which is already anincredible commitment.
But what really stood out to meis that your story includes
stepping into spaces where noone looked like you, where it
wasn't many people, it wasn'tany women motorcycle officers.
You were that first in thatspace.
(07:27):
And being the first in thatspace always has a lot of
ruffles that go with it.
But you know what, before I getstarted, how do you feel after
reading that essay out loud?
SPEAKER_03 (07:37):
You know, it's hard to reread something that
happened way back in thebeginning of my career because
it all brings it right back tothe forefront again.
And I'm like, I can't believethat that happened because the
more years I was on themotorcycles, people just
accepted me for who I was.
So the younger officers came onand they didn't have any of that
bias.
(07:58):
And the department startedpromoting more women, and they
were really encouraging.
So it was just kind of theolder, crusty veterans that had
given me a problem.
And um, I learned to excel andjust be me and be happy and
positive.
And I think that's reflected inhow many years I stayed in law
enforcement.
SPEAKER_02 (08:16):
Yeah, that's beautiful.
And wow, yeah, you paved thatway for so many people not
having to experience what youexperienced because you took the
grunt of it, but we're gonna getinto that.
I want to kind of take us backto the early years.
Some people may not expect it,but you said you originally went
to college for music and thenyou plan to become a teacher.
What inspired you to shift frommusic education to law
(08:38):
enforcement?
SPEAKER_03 (08:39):
During the summers, I actually worked during the
summer to pay for college at alocal state park and they had
mounted horse patrol.
So I rode horse patrol on thebeach all summer, and I said,
this is much more exciting thanbeing a teacher.
So I kind of started testing forpolice departments, even though
I finished my degree and got adegree to teach, and I still
play the French horn to thisday.
(09:00):
But law enforcement wasdefinitely more exciting, at
least to me, I felt, than beingin a classroom and teaching.
SPEAKER_02 (09:06):
Yeah, I love that.
Did you always know that youwanted a career with impact?
Because with law enforcement,you're serving the community,
and with teaching, you'redefinitely serving the
community, our future.
SPEAKER_03 (09:18):
I knew since fourth grade I played the French horn
and I was going to be a teacher.
My dad was a teacher, all of mysisters were teachers.
So for me to completely shiftthat while I was in college was
like completely doing a 360.
SPEAKER_02 (09:30):
Yeah, I can imagine that.
And wow, so you come from a longline of people that have has
served the community in manyways.
So thank you all for that.
We need, we need more peoplelike you.
So at that time when you decidedthat you wanted to make that
career transition, you fell inlove with the horses, riding on
the beach, and you said, Oh, Ikind of like this.
(09:52):
This is better than teaching andanything else, I thought.
You joined one of the largestpolice departments in
Connecticut at just 25 yearsold.
What do you remember most aboutthose early years in the
department?
SPEAKER_03 (10:04):
Um, the department had hired almost a hundred
officers within a year period oftime.
So there was a huge influx ofnew officers, and I was kind of
on the tail end of that.
So it was an exciting time.
It was new for me because I grewup in a little farming community
and to work in the inner city,it was like culture shock, but I
loved it.
And, you know, we were walkingthe beat at first, and I was
(10:26):
working midnights and workingwith all different cultures and
people, and it was really,really exciting for me.
SPEAKER_02 (10:31):
So Yeah, I love that.
Were there many female policeofficers during that time?
SPEAKER_03 (10:37):
Prior to them hiring a hundred, there were only a
handful, but their whole impetusat that time was to hire
minorities and females.
So they actually brought onquite a few in that year of 91
and 92, try to put um morefemales in the ranks of
officers.
SPEAKER_02 (10:55):
I love that.
Did you feel welcome when youfirst entered into that
profession?
SPEAKER_03 (10:59):
The younger officers, yes.
The older officers, absolutelynot.
You know, they were the oldcrusty veterans with the big
mustaches smoking the cigaretteslike you see in the 70s movies.
So they were not happy with allthese new young people.
SPEAKER_02 (11:12):
Of course, they were set in their ways.
They were like, this is a man'scareer, a man's industry, a
man's shop, why there are womenand minorities and other people
and exactly.
Yeah, they didn't want to breakthe status quo of what they've
learned.
And right.
What do you help build yourconfidence during that early
part of your career, especiallywhen like the younger officers
and people were cool, but theolder ones that probably have
(11:34):
more experience, you know,wasn't probably more willing to
teach you.
SPEAKER_03 (11:39):
Exactly.
They were very standoffish, butI'm always very bubbly and
outgoing.
And I think I've always strivedto um be a humble person.
So I would make sure I came towork early.
I would back people up.
I was always very outgoing.
So even before I rode themotorcycles, I always tried to
get a good reputation that I wasa good solid officer.
(12:01):
I would back you up, I wouldhelp so that that reputation
followed me throughout mycareer, both on the motorcycles
and into my next career as anofficer.
So I always went like 110% tohelp people and do things.
And I think that made a bigdifference in how people
perceived me at least.
SPEAKER_02 (12:18):
Yeah, I love that.
I think that's beautiful.
And then came the opportunitythat changed everything for you.
Your department announced thatthey wanted to expand the
motorcycle unit and include afemale officer, but at the same
time, you had the Olympics thatwas taking place and they were
looking to expand their unit,right?
At the same time?
SPEAKER_03 (12:37):
Well, it was the worldwide Special Olympics.
They travel around and they hostit in other major cities.
So it wasn't just like a local,it was huge.
There were people coming in fromChina and Russia.
So it was a like they shut thewhole city down.
They were expecting masses ofpeople and there was bus
transportation.
So they wanted to get us inthere a few months before this
happened in the summer.
(12:58):
So they put us on, like in thespring of that year, trying to
get us ready for the SpecialOlympic.
SPEAKER_02 (13:04):
Wow, I love that.
And even though at that momentyou never read a you never
ridden a motorcycle before, whatmade you decide that you want to
go for this position anyway?
SPEAKER_03 (13:15):
The year before this happened, they said they wanted
to put a female on.
So the year prior, that's when Isaid, I'm gonna go get my
license.
I took a class, I learned how toride, got my license, and then I
submitted my memo.
So when the opportunity came upthat they were putting people
on, I already had that somewhatbasis in place that I had gotten
my license and I had learned toride.
(13:35):
And that way I was at least ableto say, yes, I've I've done
this.
I've been proactive trying toget myself ready for this
position.
And that's how I ended upgetting put on the motorcycle
because I went and got alicense.
SPEAKER_02 (13:46):
Absolutely.
I love it.
You said you set your mind onyour vision and you went and you
started even ahead of time, likeyou knew that this was a year
before, and you said, Let me godo it and let me go practice and
let me let me go and sh showthem.
And I think that that'sbeautiful.
Were you nervous at all?
Or were you always just like uhI'll go out and learn something
new tomorrow?
SPEAKER_03 (14:07):
So it was a little shaky in the beginning because
those motorcycles are reallybig, and the ones I had learned
on were a lot smaller.
So I was a little shaky atfirst.
Um, there were a few falls whereyou have to pick the motorcycle
up.
But the more time you ride, youget better.
So I just did my thing and yourode every day all winter long,
unless there was snow or ice inthe road.
You rode when it was 100degrees, I rode when it was five
(14:29):
degrees.
The lieutenant's yelling at us,get outside if New York City's
riding, you're gonna ride.
SPEAKER_02 (14:33):
I'm like, Yes, sir.
So yes.
I agree with you.
I ride motorcycles as well, andI agree, like the more time that
you can put into it, and that'swith any skill, the better that
you're gonna be and the moreconfident you're gonna be.
I'm also an actress and stunwoman, and I've done some big
shows where I'm driving like aheavy Harley, and I'm like, this
thing, I'm like 107 pounds atthe time.
(14:56):
Like, you know, when you'reriding, you don't feel it, but
when you're I was just gonna saythat.
SPEAKER_03 (15:00):
Yep.
SPEAKER_02 (15:01):
You feel it.
SPEAKER_03 (15:02):
It's when it starts going over.
So you try to avoid that goingover situation.
It's great when it's goingforward.
SPEAKER_02 (15:08):
Exactly.
Yeah, what did it feel like whenyou were selected?
SPEAKER_03 (15:12):
So I was absolutely amazed.
I was so excited.
The other three guys that I wereput on with all had come out of
around the same time I did.
They were all new, just like Iwas.
So I think we had 12 motorcyclesat that time.
So it was it was just soexciting to be the first female
to be put in that or given thatopportunity to do that.
SPEAKER_02 (15:31):
Yeah, absolutely love that.
Did you know at that moment thatyou were making history?
SPEAKER_03 (15:35):
Not at all.
SPEAKER_02 (15:37):
Yeah, that was just new to you.
You just was like the firstthing that you came to mind is
like, I just need to get this.
And then you got it, and youwere like, okay, now let me be
the absolute best that I couldbe at it.
So yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (15:51):
It sounded a little bit like a circus animal.
You know, motorcycles do a lotof funeral escorts.
And sometimes we would go intoNew York if someone had passed
away in the line of duty.
And I remember all these NewYork guys kind of walking around
me like I was a zoo animal, likelooking at me, saying, Oh, we
heard there might be a female onthe motorcycle.
We've never seen one before.
And I'm like, oh yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (16:10):
Wow, you know, it's so interesting.
But it also helped also changenot only, of course, the status
quo of what existed then, but italso started to change how the
people's perceptions ofeverything is, you know, and I
think so often we see it inmovies.
We watch movies that arecompletely different than our
(16:31):
personal realities, and thatchanges our perception.
Then we start to get used tothis or become more empathetic
to this.
And for those, you know,particular people, you showed
them that not only can you befemale, but you can be a female
motorcycle and you can be goodat it.
SPEAKER_03 (16:47):
And I think people would say to me, they're like,
females don't ride motorcycles.
I'm like, sure they do.
Here I am.
SPEAKER_02 (16:53):
Yes, I love that.
You became the first femalemotorcycle officer in your
department's history andpossibly won the first one in
your entire state at the time.
What did that moment mean to youpersonally?
SPEAKER_03 (17:06):
I don't think if at the time I didn't really realize
it because I was just happy tobe there.
And you don't really realize ituntil time goes on.
And then you're like, wow, thisis kind of epic, you know, this
is awesome.
So yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (17:20):
Did I ever feel heavy as far as like the
responsibility that when yourecognize it, that you have to
carry it?
SPEAKER_03 (17:26):
I just was so excited.
I would always say, Who's aclassically trained musician
that rides a Harley?
I am so lucky that I'm gettingpaid to ride a Harley.
So I was just extremelythankful.
I never felt it to be heavy atall.
I did my job, I did it well.
I rode with all the guys, theyall came on.
You know, I turned out to be theone that was the most senior
(17:46):
member of the unit, which wasunheard of.
We'd go places and we wouldpeople be like, who's the most
senior man on your unit?
And the guys would laugh andsay, It's not a man, it's her.
And they'd look at me and belike, I love that.
SPEAKER_02 (17:57):
So, what it sounds like to me too is so beautiful.
So the motorcycle officers thatwere with you were the
supportive ones, but instead ofthe support, you also faced
resistance from fellow officersthat were not chosen to be in
this exact prestigious honor,including people that tell you
that they hoped you would crashand die, and they were in your
(18:17):
same unit, and they're fellowofficers that are serving
citizens.
Like it's so interesting thatyou hold that contrast because I
feel like it's incrediblydifficult and heavy to
experience this in your ownworkplace.
Excuse me.
SPEAKER_03 (18:31):
I think that they were the guys who were expecting
to get put on the motorcycleunit, and they felt like they
were passed over for someone whowas subpar.
SPEAKER_00 (18:42):
Yeah.
Well, at that moment, whathelped you keep showing up,
anyways?
SPEAKER_03 (18:49):
I knew that I deserved to be there.
I had gone out and gotten mylicense.
I got stronger every day.
I rode all the time.
So there was no one that had theright to say she doesn't belong
there.
You know, you get a lot ofpeople you see in the workplace
that might be whiny or not greatto work with.
I'm not one of those people.
I'm just happy, I'm outgoing,I'm bubbly, I'm energetic.
So people love my energy.
(19:11):
And I would always go above andbeyond so that the naysayers
kind of had to fall to the sidebecause how can you badmouth
somebody that keeps showing up?
Somebody that's positive andhappy and doing the job.
SPEAKER_02 (19:23):
Yeah, I absolutely love that.
But you're also human and you'realso, you know, you do have
still some feelings andemotions.
Did those words ever get to you?
Did you ever consider steppingaway from the unit?
Did the comments affect youemotionally at all?
SPEAKER_03 (19:38):
In the beginning, I was amazed that other officers
would say that.
So I was hurt because these wereguys I had worked with out on
the street and they were saying,We hope you die.
So as a young rookie officer, itwas really upsetting.
But you just kind of tuck yourchin and I'm like, I'm not gonna
let it affect me.
I'm gonna keep going on and I'mgonna show them that I deserve
(20:00):
this position.
So that's what I did.
SPEAKER_02 (20:03):
Wow, that takes a lot of strength.
And I would love to know wheredid that strength come from
during that time?
Is that something that you grewup with that your parents
instilled in you, or is thatsomething that just developed
because you were a policeofficer?
SPEAKER_03 (20:16):
I think I've always had it.
I always give 110% at everythingI do, whether it's lifting
weights or running or helpingpeople in the community.
I've always tried to do more.
I've always strived.
I just have great energy and Ijust, I just, I know that um
where I need to go is I'm gonnaget it done.
I'll figure it out, has been mymy go-to phrase.
(20:37):
I'll figure it out, I'll get itdone.
SPEAKER_02 (20:38):
I'll figure it out, I'll get it done.
I love that I'll figure it out,I'll get it done.
That's beautiful.
There was a moment when someonecut multiple motorcycle belt
drives, and the belief was thetarget may have been your bike.
And it's just also so shockingand sad to know that someone
could have easily died in thatincident, especially with the
officer that took off on thehighway and realizing that his
(21:01):
belt was not properly on, thenrealizing it was cut.
What was it like to continue todo your job knowing that that
kind of hostility existed aroundyou and that you could have been
the target of someone trying totake you out?
SPEAKER_03 (21:15):
Well, I felt awful that they were targeting me, as
it was pretty obvious, and thatsomebody else would have been
hurt as a result of their hatredfor me.
So, you know, I just that theydid set up that camera, but they
did it kind of half-heartedly sothat anybody coming down would
see this big camera pointed tothe motorcycles.
So I don't think theadministration really cared or
(21:37):
really gave it anyconsideration.
So I just really always had towatch out for myself.
So I always had to check mymotorcycle.
As I stated, I had to put myhelmet away so they wouldn't do
anything to it.
I was the one that asked for alocking gas cap so that they
couldn't sabotage my bike as Iwas told they were going to.
And finally, after a few years,it just kind of fell to the
wayside because I kept showingup and I was there every day,
(21:59):
and I did the job.
And they couldn't, what are theygonna say?
I'm doing everything thatthey're doing and I'm doing it
just as well.
SPEAKER_02 (22:06):
Yeah, I'm happy that it stopped after a few years,
but it's also still shockingthat, you know, people that are
your co-workers that are servingthe community that are supposed
to be all about safety wouldmake you feel unsafe in a work
environment like that.
Did I know the administrationset up the camera, but did they
do anything like sending out amemo to everyone letting them
(22:26):
know that this type of behaviorhas to cease?
Did they ever discipline anyonethrough HR or a layoff or
anything?
Like, were they able to findanything out?
SPEAKER_03 (22:37):
It was so young, and I don't think the administration
at that point really cared.
They were more like, you shouldbe lucky you got put on the
unit, because remember, theadministration was part of that
old regime too.
And probably a lot of themweren't really happy I was put
on either because they theywanted to set me up for failure.
They were hoping that I wouldn'tmake it or I wouldn't have the
chops to ride that 880-poundmotorcycle.
SPEAKER_01 (23:00):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (23:01):
So I'm sure that they'd they really looked the
other way.
They didn't care.
Somebody just put the camera upjust to say, well, we did
something, but they were all theold-time administrators, so they
didn't really care.
So nothing was done.
It wasn't as proactive as it isnow with uh, as you said, memos
or you know, everybody needs togo to special training or
sensitivity training.
(23:21):
It it wasn't like that.
These were all the old guys thathad been on from like the 70s,
and I'm sure none of them wantedme to succeed either.
SPEAKER_02 (23:28):
Yeah, absolutely.
And they like you said, theyprobably were trying to set you
up for failure, but you didn'tshow them failure, you showed
them success, you showed thembadassery and you kept going.
And something powerful,something powerful I felt about
your story, in addition toeverything else, was that
resilience sometimes looks likea team to do your job with
excellence, even when the peoplearound you doubt you doubt that
(23:52):
you even belong there.
And that seems like a specialkind of strength that most
people never see from theoutside.
And even in the midst of likeall of the obstacles that came
in your way, and I think it's sobeautiful that you kept going
this fight and that you keptsaying, No, I'm gonna get past
this, and I'm gonna keep going.
I'm gonna protect myself, I'mgonna take my helmet with me,
(24:12):
I'm gonna ask for the lock toclose this, um, close the gas,
you know, it's like just so manydifferent things.
Also, you stayed persistent anddisciplined with your riding.
You mentioned riding throughextreme weather, even
snowstorms, and because younever wanted anyone to say that
you didn't deserve thatposition.
What kept you motivated duringthose years when things were
(24:35):
probably tough, when themotorcycle probably did fall,
when you were like freezing andwanted to just maybe hop in the
car or to just say, well, thiswas fun for now and I'm good.
SPEAKER_03 (24:45):
So I just knew that um it was a very coveted
position, and I was veryfortunate to have the
opportunity to do it.
Even when the other guys weremaking excuses but that it was
10 degrees out, I'm like, Idon't have an excuse.
I don't want anybody to ever saythat I don't deserve to be here.
And if I need to prove myselfover and over and over again,
(25:07):
that's what I'll do.
And that's what I did for 17years.
I showed up, I didn't complain,I did whatever they asked, and I
went above and beyond when otherguys were making excuses.
Ah, it's 10 degrees out, Ididn't bring my boots, and I'm
just like, are you kidding me?
So I'm like, you know.
SPEAKER_02 (25:22):
That became a part of your purpose.
And that also helped shed somuch light on what they could
ever think about a woman ridinga motorcycle.
I applaud you for that.
That takes um a lot ofresilience, a lot of strength,
and a lot of courage to keepstanding up and to keep going
over and over again.
You shared something also reallyhonest and very powerful that
(25:44):
the ideal of the thin blue linedidn't always apply if you were
a woman.
What did that realization teachyou?
SPEAKER_03 (25:53):
You know, a lot of I mean, nowadays police get a
really bad rap, but most of thepeople I've worked with are good
people.
So, and I'm a good person.
I always would help people tohave somebody say that it kind
of just like the whole walltumbled down, right?
You always think that policeofficers have each other's back.
Well, back in the 90s, it wasonly if you were a guy.
(26:17):
They didn't really want thewomen there.
They weren't really happy withus there.
We were just kind of like anecessary evil.
And maybe they could get alongwith us being patrolmen, but for
me to take a man's job that onlymen have ever been in, they were
not happy with me.
So it was really kind of aneye-opening moment that the thin
blue line only goes really sofar if you look like them, if
(26:39):
you're the same gender as them.
And I was like, you know, theblack sheep of the family.
They were not happy with me.
And it was um upsetting untilagain, more people were
integrated that were younger,that looked different, that were
different genders, you know,that had different beliefs and
values.
So the whole face of policingchanged as they got more younger
(27:00):
people in with all differentbackgrounds.
SPEAKER_02 (27:03):
Oh, yeah, it's powerful.
Did it change how you viewedleadership during that time?
SPEAKER_03 (27:08):
I think as the older administrators started to leave,
and then younger people werepromoted, and a lot of women
were promoted and multiculturalpeople, things really turned
around on the department becauseeverybody was in all sorts of
departments.
There were females in, you know,bomb squad, there were females
in the fire investigation on theMounted Horse Patrol unit.
So I think attitudes changed asthe eras changed.
(27:33):
So the people from the 70s andthe east kind of retired, and
the newer, younger generationwith different um values took
over and it changed the wholelook of policing.
SPEAKER_02 (27:45):
Wow.
Thank you for sharing that.
And yeah, thankfully history hasbeen changing.
I would like to say for thebetter, but I don't even want to
say that right now because Idon't even know.
Like our world, yeah, that'sanother conversation.
SPEAKER_03 (28:00):
It's it absolutely is.
SPEAKER_02 (28:02):
It's like we went like 20 steps forward and I
don't know how many steps backright now.
SPEAKER_03 (28:06):
Yes, exactly.
SPEAKER_02 (28:08):
But I'm happy to see that it has evolved over time in
some way.
Yes.
Did this experience shape howyou supported other women coming
into your profession later?
SPEAKER_03 (28:23):
Well, again, I'm always very outgoing, but I was
always very happy to help them.
I was a field training officer,which is hard to do when you're
on the motorcycle because youcan't put somebody on the
motorcycle and ride them withyou, you know.
But I was always verysupportive.
And still to this day, I stillkeep in touch with a lot of
members that are still on thedepartment, a lot of members
that retired.
(28:43):
The women supported the women.
So we were all, you know, likeone big family in the locker
room laughing and talking andbacking each other up.
So I was always there.
And it's actually Women'sHistory Month, the month of
March.
So the department I'm on justput an Instagram, uh, Facebook
thing together for Women'sHistory Month.
And they asked me for photos onthe motorcycle and they asked
(29:05):
for the horse unit.
So they have this whole thingthat just came out the other day
of women's history, and I justfeel vindicated that I was
actually asked.
You know, they're like, Kristen,this is really important that we
put this on here.
We want some pictures of you onthe motorcycle because you were
a trailblazer.
Yes.
They call me OG, right?
SPEAKER_02 (29:23):
Yeah, it's original gangster.
Yes.
The original gal, originalgangster.
Yeah, I love it.
I love that.
And we're talking about, I wantto move into legacy.
You wrote in the motorcycle unitfor 17 years, which I think is
incredible.
And today there are more womenin those roles.
And I think it's so beautifulbecause you paved the way,
(29:43):
especially for Connecticut womenthat would have had the
opportunity or would have faceda lot more obstacles if you had
not pressed through.
What does it mean to you knowingthat you helped open that door?
SPEAKER_03 (29:58):
After I retired from the inner city, I went to a
smaller department and I alsorode the motorcycle there as the
only female, not full-time, butso we would go to escorts and I
would see more women, and theywould always be like, We heard
that you were the one on theyou're the one that started
this, you know.
So they had heard that there wasa female that had forged the
way.
And towards the end of mycareer, which was just until
(30:19):
recently, I would see more andmore women in positions such as
on the motorcycle.
And, you know, here I'm justkind of exiting as the end of my
career is near and they'restarting.
And I'm so glad to see thatthere's so many more females in
varying positions.
And I don't think they had to gothrough what I went through
because they didn't have thatold crusty veteran.
(30:40):
So I hope that they didn't havethe negativity or the hatred and
that people just accepted themand they're in that role and
they're doing great.
SPEAKER_02 (30:48):
I love that.
I think that's so fascinating.
And that you answered all mycouple of questions I was just
about to ask.
But uh I think that's amazing.
Like, absolutely, you paved theway, and now younger officers
are coming up because of you.
And something I really connectedwith with your story is the
ideal of continuing forward whenthe environment around you isn't
supportive.
I I can also relate to thatbecause of being in the Sunt
(31:12):
world where it is predominantlya lot of men and has been built
around like male-dominated Phil.
And I love watching women gointo male-dominated spaces and
dominate the space.
I think it's so beautifulbecause if a man can do it, a
woman can do it too.
Don't get me wrong.
Like, I do, I'm not too womanenough to ask a man to carry
(31:35):
something heavy, you know?
But at the same time, I'm nottoo woman enough to hop on a
motorcycle like yourself.
And I think that that'sfascinating.
Sometimes I feel like resiliencemeans believing in yourself
before anyone else does andhaving that courage constantly.
What keeps you holding on tothat belief?
Is it now through experience oras I have gotten older?
SPEAKER_03 (31:58):
I see that people are inherently negative.
So when you say, gee, I'm gonnado this, and it's not the norm,
they kind of go, I wouldn't dothat.
I wouldn't.
So I said, you know what?
I'm gonna do me.
And, you know, I'm living thebest life I possibly can, and I
don't let negativity, and Ithink that's the biggest
(32:18):
takeaway.
I will never let negativity holdme down.
I heard this phrase that said,midlife is learning who you were
when you were 16 and embracingthat and learning how to live
like you were when you were 16,open back to who you were, open
experiences.
So you're not held down byanybody.
Negativity is no part in mylife.
I get nothing but up, I can go.
SPEAKER_02 (32:40):
I know, that's right.
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.
I want to do a quick uh round ofuh questions.
And this is just like kind offirst thing that comes to your
mind as we begin to wrap up thisepisode.
And I want you to just answerthem as freely as you want.
What's one lesson lawenforcement taught you?
SPEAKER_03 (32:56):
Oh my goodness, that we see some really horrific
things, but you have to try tocome out on the other side.
You're here to help people anddon't lose your focus.
You can break down afterwards,but take care of that horrific
crime scene or whatever it iswhen you get there to the best
of your ability.
Hold it together and just staystrong for the people that need
your help at that time.
SPEAKER_02 (33:17):
Oh, beautiful.
A moment you felt proudest inyour uniform.
SPEAKER_03 (33:21):
My goodness.
The moment I felt proudest waswhen I helped a horribly abused
child get away from her captorsand abusers and get the help she
needed and uh have that personget arrested for these heinous
crimes.
SPEAKER_02 (33:35):
Chills.
So sad, thankful you were there.
What's the biggest myth aboutwomen and policing?
SPEAKER_03 (33:40):
I don't know if this is PC, but they think everybody
would say, you must be gaybecause you're a female officer
and you're riding a motorcycle.
And I'm like, we have all typeson the police department.
My sexual orientation doesn'thave anything to do with it, but
that's the biggestmisconception.
People would always be, evenwomen that come up and try to
pick me up, right?
And I'm like, oh, I thank you.
That's really nice of you, butyou know, that's not my thing.
(34:02):
So, you know, it's kind offunny, just an interesting
misconception.
SPEAKER_02 (34:05):
Yeah, absolutely.
I can imagine that.
What's advice for women enteringmale-dominated career fields?
SPEAKER_03 (34:11):
Absolutely.
Don't let them stop it.
I think so much has changed.
Women can do absolutely anythingthey put their mind to.
I am a case in point of that.
Women were not supposed to ridemotorcycles, but I did, and I
did it for many, many years.
So we're in every field andwe're just as capable and you
can do it.
I always say that to the youngofficers.
I said, you go, girl.
You can do anything you put yourmind to.
SPEAKER_02 (34:33):
Yeah, I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
So if someone is listening todayand feels like they're trying to
secede in a space where theyjust don't feel accepted, they
don't feel like anyone likesthem and that they're they're
facing a lot of obstacles.
What would you want them toknow?
SPEAKER_03 (34:49):
That goes back to my negativity thing.
I don't understand why peopleare so negative.
You set those goals in yourheart and you follow them, and
you be the best person you canto the best of your ability,
give 110%.
And then all those people thatare looking down on you will be
proved wrong and they'll seethat you're a good person.
You deserve to be there.
(35:09):
You just keep tucking your chinand moving forward, and it's
gonna come to you.
Don't let anybody dissuade youfrom what it is that you want to
do.
SPEAKER_02 (35:17):
So you guys hear that even when people expect you
to fail, you have to keep going.
You have to keep just ignore thenaysayers, stay focused on the
vision and put one foot in frontof the next, and you will
eventually prove them wrong.
And do it for yourself if youdon't do it for anyone else.
Do it for yourself.
I would love to say one of thebiggest takeaways from today's
(35:37):
story for me is that sometimesresilience means doing the job
that you love, even when othersthink that you shouldn't even be
there.
And Kristen, you have opened thedoors for women who came after
you.
And it's fascinating.
I am so thankful that you sharedyour story with us today.
I would love to ask you is thereanything else that you would
(35:58):
like to leave our listeners withtoday?
SPEAKER_03 (36:00):
Just follow your dreams.
Don't ever listen to thenegativity, just keep positive
and you'll get there.
You know, there's a lot ofmental illness today.
Just everybody needs to be alittle kinder and nicer.
Follow your dreams and be younever know who what anybody else
is going through.
So always be a good person.
SPEAKER_02 (36:18):
I love that.
It's so true.
I'm always like be kind.
You never know what any whatanybody else may be going
through.
I appreciate that.
Thank you so much, Kristen.
And thank you, everyone.
Thank you, thank you so much forjoining us on this episode of
the Resilience Files PodcastUnlocked.
If today's conversation remindedyou that courage sometimes looks
like simply just continuingforward, share this episode with
(36:40):
someone who needs encouragementright now.
And if you need to replay thisto remind yourself of your own
badassery, please replay it.
Follow us for more stories ofidentity, leadership, and
resilience.
And remember that you belong inrooms you worked hard to enter.
Your voice matters and yourpersistence can open the door
for someone else.
And because you kicked that doordown just like Kristen, other
(37:03):
people are gonna have it a loteasier.
So keep going.
And also if you feel likebullying does exist among your
job and you can't stand it orsomebody's out to kill you,
speak up and tell someone.
Do not hold that all.
Now, yes.
You know, there are resourcesthat are more available than
they were in the 70s, and evenin the 90s.
We have a lot of resources now,and you should not be in a
(37:24):
situation where you feel thatsomebody is actually out to harm
you or to set you up to not behere with us.
So definitely reach out for helpif you feel like it's within
your means of just keep goingand keep staying persistent, do
that too.
I'm Carrie Bernanz.
This has been another beautifulepisode of the Resilience Files
Podcast Unlock.
Stay tuned for our next episode.
(37:46):
Thank you so much, everyone, forlistening.
When you feel like life has got you a hand of
unfair cards.
Instead of voting, you doubledown.
You're stuck in the game.
You faced battles.
You felt broken.
But hey, do us a favor.
Put your hand on your heart.
You feel that?
You're still here.
Welcome to the Resilience FilesUnlocked, where survival meets
(00:25):
transformation.
SPEAKER_02 (00:30):
Welcome back to the Resilience Files Podcast.
I'm your host, Carrie Bernunes.
A devastating hit and run on NewYear's Day tried to stop me, but
instead it strengthened my fightto rise again.
And here on the Resilience FilesUnlocked, we create spaces for
stories about what it looks liketo keep going when the path in
front of you wasn't built foryou.
Today's episode is about couragein the workplace, resilience in
(00:54):
the face of opposition, and whathappens when sometimes or
someone decides an open doorthat didn't exist before is
capable of being walked through.
Today we are joined by a speciallady.
And you know what?
Before we get into her and herbackground, as we do here on the
(01:14):
Brazil Styles podcast, we alwayshave our guests submit essays in
first person.
And this legendary personherself is going to read her
essay.
So without further ado, KristenFitzgerald, are you with us?
I am with you.
Thank you.
Absolutely.
Can you please take us away withyour essay?
(01:34):
Sure.
SPEAKER_03 (01:36):
So hi, uh, my name is Kristen Fitzgerald.
I'm 59 years old.
I recently retired after a33-year career as a police
officer.
I spent 22 years in a largeinner city police department in
Connecticut, and another 11years after that in a smaller
suburban police department alsoin Connecticut.
Interestingly, I originally wentto college for music.
(01:56):
I played the French horn.
I earned a degree to teachmusic, but somewhere along the
way, I realized police work feltmore exciting and meaningful to
me than teaching.
So I decided to pursue a careerin law enforcement.
I was hired in 1992 by one ofthe largest police departments
in Connecticut at the age of 25.
In 1995, our city was chosen tohost the worldwide Special
(02:19):
Olympic Games.
At that time, the administrationannounced that they wanted to
expand the motorcycle unit andthey were interested in putting
a female officer on the team.
There was just one problem.
I had never ridden a motorcyclebefore.
But instead of letting that stopme, I signed up for motorcycle
riding classes.
I learned how to ride and earnedmy motorcycle license.
(02:39):
After that, I submitted a memorequesting to be considered for
the unit.
Out of all the applicants, fourofficers were selected to join
the motorcycle unit, and I wasthe only female.
Not only that, I became thefirst female motorcycle officer
in the department's history.
At the time, I was also the onlyfemale motorcycle officer in the
entire state of Connecticut thatI was aware of.
(03:00):
What should have been anexciting achievement, however,
did not come with support.
Some of the male officers in thedepartment were furious that a
woman had been selected.
Several told me directly that Ihad taken a man's job.
And more than one officeractually told me they hoped I
would crash and die because Ihad taken a position that they
believed belonged to a maleofficer.
(03:21):
Hearing these things wasshocking.
These were people I workedalongside every day, and I would
be lying if I said it didn'taffect me.
But I also knew that I hadworked hard to earn that
position and I wasn't going towalk away from something I
believed in.
The hostility did not stop withwords.
I had to install a locking gascap on my motorcycle because
there were threats that someonemight put sugar in my gas tank.
(03:44):
I also had to lock my helmetinside my locker at the end of
every shift because I was warnedthat if I left it hanging on the
handlebars, someone mighturinate in it or even defecate
in it.
The motorcycles were stored inthe basement of the police
department in an area that onlysworn officers could access.
One night someone actually cutthe belt drives on several of
(04:05):
the Harley Davidson motorcycles.
This was discovered the nextmorning when a veteran officer
left the station and beganmerging onto the highway and his
belt suddenly came off.
When he checked it, he realizedit had been cut.
Other officers inspected theirmotorcycles and discovered that
their belt drives had also beensliced.
The belief within the unit wasthat someone had been trying to
sabotage my motorcycle butdidn't know which one was mine,
(04:27):
so they cut them all.
The administration installedsurveillance cameras in the
area, but unfortunately it wasplaced in plain sight, and
whoever did it was never caught.
During the Special Olympicsevent, officers were transported
to various locations by bus.
As the buses drove past me whileI was working traffic posts on
the motorcycles, officers wouldopen the windows and shout
things like, We hope you crashand die.
(04:50):
Despite all of that, I keptshowing up.
I rode in the heat of the summerand through the coldest days of
winter.
One rookie officer later told methat while he was sitting in the
police academy during asnowstorm, he heard a sound of a
motorcycle outside.
And when he looked out thewindow, he saw me riding my
Harley Davidson policemotorcycle through the snow.
I never wanted anyone to say Ididn't deserve to be there.
(05:12):
In the end, I outlasted all thenaysayers.
I rode full-time in themotorcycle unit for 17 years out
of my 22-year career there from1995 and 2012.
One of the biggest lessons Itook away from that experience
is was realizing the phrase, thethin blue line, the idea that
officers have each other's back,did not always apply if you were
a woman.
(05:33):
But I refused to let hatred ornegativity define my experience.
Instead, I stayed humble andgrateful for my opportunity to
do a job I truly loved.
In my opinion, riding a policemotorcycle was the best job in
the department.
Being the only female rider atthat time meant a lot to me.
Today there are more femalemotorcycle officers, and I truly
hope that their experiences aredifferent from mine.
(05:55):
But I'm proud that I stayed thecourse and helped open that
door.
Thank you for listening to mystory.
I'm Kristen Fitzgerald.
SPEAKER_02 (06:04):
Round of applause for you.
You are personating.
You are the definition of bad AZ, okay?
Trigger warning for today'sepisode.
This episode includesconversations about workplace
hostility, genderdiscrimination, and threats
(06:24):
experienced in a professionalenvironment.
If these topics feel personalfor you right now, take what
supports you and leave whatdoesn't.
You're always encouraged tolisten at your own pace.
And disclaimer, I'm not atherapist.
My guest is not a therapist hereon this podcast.
We are survivors andstorytellers creating space for
honest conversations aboutresilience, identity, and the
(06:46):
courage it takes to stand yourground when things aren't easy.
Today's episode is meant toinspire strength and reflection.
Now I'm gonna go back to you,Kristen.
Wow.
Yeah.
My gosh, my my first off, I justwant to say, you're amazing.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Absolutely.
I'm so happy that you're herewith us today.
(07:07):
You spent over three decadesserving your community in law
enforcement, which is already anincredible commitment.
But what really stood out to meis that your story includes
stepping into spaces where noone looked like you, where it
wasn't many people, it wasn'tany women motorcycle officers.
You were that first in thatspace.
(07:27):
And being the first in thatspace always has a lot of
ruffles that go with it.
But you know what, before I getstarted, how do you feel after
reading that essay out loud?
SPEAKER_03 (07:37):
You know, it's hard to reread something that
happened way back in thebeginning of my career because
it all brings it right back tothe forefront again.
And I'm like, I can't believethat that happened because the
more years I was on themotorcycles, people just
accepted me for who I was.
So the younger officers came onand they didn't have any of that
bias.
(07:58):
And the department startedpromoting more women, and they
were really encouraging.
So it was just kind of theolder, crusty veterans that had
given me a problem.
And um, I learned to excel andjust be me and be happy and
positive.
And I think that's reflected inhow many years I stayed in law
enforcement.
SPEAKER_02 (08:16):
Yeah, that's beautiful.
And wow, yeah, you paved thatway for so many people not
having to experience what youexperienced because you took the
grunt of it, but we're gonna getinto that.
I want to kind of take us backto the early years.
Some people may not expect it,but you said you originally went
to college for music and thenyou plan to become a teacher.
What inspired you to shift frommusic education to law
(08:38):
enforcement?
SPEAKER_03 (08:39):
During the summers, I actually worked during the
summer to pay for college at alocal state park and they had
mounted horse patrol.
So I rode horse patrol on thebeach all summer, and I said,
this is much more exciting thanbeing a teacher.
So I kind of started testing forpolice departments, even though
I finished my degree and got adegree to teach, and I still
play the French horn to thisday.
(09:00):
But law enforcement wasdefinitely more exciting, at
least to me, I felt, than beingin a classroom and teaching.
SPEAKER_02 (09:06):
Yeah, I love that.
Did you always know that youwanted a career with impact?
Because with law enforcement,you're serving the community,
and with teaching, you'redefinitely serving the
community, our future.
SPEAKER_03 (09:18):
I knew since fourth grade I played the French horn
and I was going to be a teacher.
My dad was a teacher, all of mysisters were teachers.
So for me to completely shiftthat while I was in college was
like completely doing a 360.
SPEAKER_02 (09:30):
Yeah, I can imagine that.
And wow, so you come from a longline of people that have has
served the community in manyways.
So thank you all for that.
We need, we need more peoplelike you.
So at that time when you decidedthat you wanted to make that
career transition, you fell inlove with the horses, riding on
the beach, and you said, Oh, Ikind of like this.
(09:52):
This is better than teaching andanything else, I thought.
You joined one of the largestpolice departments in
Connecticut at just 25 yearsold.
What do you remember most aboutthose early years in the
department?
SPEAKER_03 (10:04):
Um, the department had hired almost a hundred
officers within a year period oftime.
So there was a huge influx ofnew officers, and I was kind of
on the tail end of that.
So it was an exciting time.
It was new for me because I grewup in a little farming community
and to work in the inner city,it was like culture shock, but I
loved it.
And, you know, we were walkingthe beat at first, and I was
(10:26):
working midnights and workingwith all different cultures and
people, and it was really,really exciting for me.
SPEAKER_02 (10:31):
So Yeah, I love that.
Were there many female policeofficers during that time?
SPEAKER_03 (10:37):
Prior to them hiring a hundred, there were only a
handful, but their whole impetusat that time was to hire
minorities and females.
So they actually brought onquite a few in that year of 91
and 92, try to put um morefemales in the ranks of
officers.
SPEAKER_02 (10:55):
I love that.
Did you feel welcome when youfirst entered into that
profession?
SPEAKER_03 (10:59):
The younger officers, yes.
The older officers, absolutelynot.
You know, they were the oldcrusty veterans with the big
mustaches smoking the cigaretteslike you see in the 70s movies.
So they were not happy with allthese new young people.
SPEAKER_02 (11:12):
Of course, they were set in their ways.
They were like, this is a man'scareer, a man's industry, a
man's shop, why there are womenand minorities and other people
and exactly.
Yeah, they didn't want to breakthe status quo of what they've
learned.
And right.
What do you help build yourconfidence during that early
part of your career, especiallywhen like the younger officers
and people were cool, but theolder ones that probably have
(11:34):
more experience, you know,wasn't probably more willing to
teach you.
SPEAKER_03 (11:39):
Exactly.
They were very standoffish, butI'm always very bubbly and
outgoing.
And I think I've always strivedto um be a humble person.
So I would make sure I came towork early.
I would back people up.
I was always very outgoing.
So even before I rode themotorcycles, I always tried to
get a good reputation that I wasa good solid officer.
(12:01):
I would back you up, I wouldhelp so that that reputation
followed me throughout mycareer, both on the motorcycles
and into my next career as anofficer.
So I always went like 110% tohelp people and do things.
And I think that made a bigdifference in how people
perceived me at least.
SPEAKER_02 (12:18):
Yeah, I love that.
I think that's beautiful.
And then came the opportunitythat changed everything for you.
Your department announced thatthey wanted to expand the
motorcycle unit and include afemale officer, but at the same
time, you had the Olympics thatwas taking place and they were
looking to expand their unit,right?
At the same time?
SPEAKER_03 (12:37):
Well, it was the worldwide Special Olympics.
They travel around and they hostit in other major cities.
So it wasn't just like a local,it was huge.
There were people coming in fromChina and Russia.
So it was a like they shut thewhole city down.
They were expecting masses ofpeople and there was bus
transportation.
So they wanted to get us inthere a few months before this
happened in the summer.
(12:58):
So they put us on, like in thespring of that year, trying to
get us ready for the SpecialOlympic.
SPEAKER_02 (13:04):
Wow, I love that.
And even though at that momentyou never read a you never
ridden a motorcycle before, whatmade you decide that you want to
go for this position anyway?
SPEAKER_03 (13:15):
The year before this happened, they said they wanted
to put a female on.
So the year prior, that's when Isaid, I'm gonna go get my
license.
I took a class, I learned how toride, got my license, and then I
submitted my memo.
So when the opportunity came upthat they were putting people
on, I already had that somewhatbasis in place that I had gotten
my license and I had learned toride.
(13:35):
And that way I was at least ableto say, yes, I've I've done
this.
I've been proactive trying toget myself ready for this
position.
And that's how I ended upgetting put on the motorcycle
because I went and got alicense.
SPEAKER_02 (13:46):
Absolutely.
I love it.
You said you set your mind onyour vision and you went and you
started even ahead of time, likeyou knew that this was a year
before, and you said, Let me godo it and let me go practice and
let me let me go and sh showthem.
And I think that that'sbeautiful.
Were you nervous at all?
Or were you always just like uhI'll go out and learn something
new tomorrow?
SPEAKER_03 (14:07):
So it was a little shaky in the beginning because
those motorcycles are reallybig, and the ones I had learned
on were a lot smaller.
So I was a little shaky atfirst.
Um, there were a few falls whereyou have to pick the motorcycle
up.
But the more time you ride, youget better.
So I just did my thing and yourode every day all winter long,
unless there was snow or ice inthe road.
You rode when it was 100degrees, I rode when it was five
(14:29):
degrees.
The lieutenant's yelling at us,get outside if New York City's
riding, you're gonna ride.
SPEAKER_02 (14:33):
I'm like, Yes, sir.
So yes.
I agree with you.
I ride motorcycles as well, andI agree, like the more time that
you can put into it, and that'swith any skill, the better that
you're gonna be and the moreconfident you're gonna be.
I'm also an actress and stunwoman, and I've done some big
shows where I'm driving like aheavy Harley, and I'm like, this
thing, I'm like 107 pounds atthe time.
(14:56):
Like, you know, when you'reriding, you don't feel it, but
when you're I was just gonna saythat.
SPEAKER_03 (15:00):
Yep.
SPEAKER_02 (15:01):
You feel it.
SPEAKER_03 (15:02):
It's when it starts going over.
So you try to avoid that goingover situation.
It's great when it's goingforward.
SPEAKER_02 (15:08):
Exactly.
Yeah, what did it feel like whenyou were selected?
SPEAKER_03 (15:12):
So I was absolutely amazed.
I was so excited.
The other three guys that I wereput on with all had come out of
around the same time I did.
They were all new, just like Iwas.
So I think we had 12 motorcyclesat that time.
So it was it was just soexciting to be the first female
to be put in that or given thatopportunity to do that.
SPEAKER_02 (15:31):
Yeah, absolutely love that.
Did you know at that moment thatyou were making history?
SPEAKER_03 (15:35):
Not at all.
SPEAKER_02 (15:37):
Yeah, that was just new to you.
You just was like the firstthing that you came to mind is
like, I just need to get this.
And then you got it, and youwere like, okay, now let me be
the absolute best that I couldbe at it.
So yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (15:51):
It sounded a little bit like a circus animal.
You know, motorcycles do a lotof funeral escorts.
And sometimes we would go intoNew York if someone had passed
away in the line of duty.
And I remember all these NewYork guys kind of walking around
me like I was a zoo animal, likelooking at me, saying, Oh, we
heard there might be a female onthe motorcycle.
We've never seen one before.
And I'm like, oh yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (16:10):
Wow, you know, it's so interesting.
But it also helped also changenot only, of course, the status
quo of what existed then, but italso started to change how the
people's perceptions ofeverything is, you know, and I
think so often we see it inmovies.
We watch movies that arecompletely different than our
(16:31):
personal realities, and thatchanges our perception.
Then we start to get used tothis or become more empathetic
to this.
And for those, you know,particular people, you showed
them that not only can you befemale, but you can be a female
motorcycle and you can be goodat it.
SPEAKER_03 (16:47):
And I think people would say to me, they're like,
females don't ride motorcycles.
I'm like, sure they do.
Here I am.
SPEAKER_02 (16:53):
Yes, I love that.
You became the first femalemotorcycle officer in your
department's history andpossibly won the first one in
your entire state at the time.
What did that moment mean to youpersonally?
SPEAKER_03 (17:06):
I don't think if at the time I didn't really realize
it because I was just happy tobe there.
And you don't really realize ituntil time goes on.
And then you're like, wow, thisis kind of epic, you know, this
is awesome.
So yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (17:20):
Did I ever feel heavy as far as like the
responsibility that when yourecognize it, that you have to
carry it?
SPEAKER_03 (17:26):
I just was so excited.
I would always say, Who's aclassically trained musician
that rides a Harley?
I am so lucky that I'm gettingpaid to ride a Harley.
So I was just extremelythankful.
I never felt it to be heavy atall.
I did my job, I did it well.
I rode with all the guys, theyall came on.
You know, I turned out to be theone that was the most senior
(17:46):
member of the unit, which wasunheard of.
We'd go places and we wouldpeople be like, who's the most
senior man on your unit?
And the guys would laugh andsay, It's not a man, it's her.
And they'd look at me and belike, I love that.
SPEAKER_02 (17:57):
So, what it sounds like to me too is so beautiful.
So the motorcycle officers thatwere with you were the
supportive ones, but instead ofthe support, you also faced
resistance from fellow officersthat were not chosen to be in
this exact prestigious honor,including people that tell you
that they hoped you would crashand die, and they were in your
(18:17):
same unit, and they're fellowofficers that are serving
citizens.
Like it's so interesting thatyou hold that contrast because I
feel like it's incrediblydifficult and heavy to
experience this in your ownworkplace.
Excuse me.
SPEAKER_03 (18:31):
I think that they were the guys who were expecting
to get put on the motorcycleunit, and they felt like they
were passed over for someone whowas subpar.
SPEAKER_00 (18:42):
Yeah.
Well, at that moment, whathelped you keep showing up,
anyways?
SPEAKER_03 (18:49):
I knew that I deserved to be there.
I had gone out and gotten mylicense.
I got stronger every day.
I rode all the time.
So there was no one that had theright to say she doesn't belong
there.
You know, you get a lot ofpeople you see in the workplace
that might be whiny or not greatto work with.
I'm not one of those people.
I'm just happy, I'm outgoing,I'm bubbly, I'm energetic.
So people love my energy.
(19:11):
And I would always go above andbeyond so that the naysayers
kind of had to fall to the sidebecause how can you badmouth
somebody that keeps showing up?
Somebody that's positive andhappy and doing the job.
SPEAKER_02 (19:23):
Yeah, I absolutely love that.
But you're also human and you'realso, you know, you do have
still some feelings andemotions.
Did those words ever get to you?
Did you ever consider steppingaway from the unit?
Did the comments affect youemotionally at all?
SPEAKER_03 (19:38):
In the beginning, I was amazed that other officers
would say that.
So I was hurt because these wereguys I had worked with out on
the street and they were saying,We hope you die.
So as a young rookie officer, itwas really upsetting.
But you just kind of tuck yourchin and I'm like, I'm not gonna
let it affect me.
I'm gonna keep going on and I'mgonna show them that I deserve
(20:00):
this position.
So that's what I did.
SPEAKER_02 (20:03):
Wow, that takes a lot of strength.
And I would love to know wheredid that strength come from
during that time?
Is that something that you grewup with that your parents
instilled in you, or is thatsomething that just developed
because you were a policeofficer?
SPEAKER_03 (20:16):
I think I've always had it.
I always give 110% at everythingI do, whether it's lifting
weights or running or helpingpeople in the community.
I've always tried to do more.
I've always strived.
I just have great energy and Ijust, I just, I know that um
where I need to go is I'm gonnaget it done.
I'll figure it out, has been mymy go-to phrase.
(20:37):
I'll figure it out, I'll get itdone.
SPEAKER_02 (20:38):
I'll figure it out, I'll get it done.
I love that I'll figure it out,I'll get it done.
That's beautiful.
There was a moment when someonecut multiple motorcycle belt
drives, and the belief was thetarget may have been your bike.
And it's just also so shockingand sad to know that someone
could have easily died in thatincident, especially with the
officer that took off on thehighway and realizing that his
(21:01):
belt was not properly on, thenrealizing it was cut.
What was it like to continue todo your job knowing that that
kind of hostility existed aroundyou and that you could have been
the target of someone trying totake you out?
SPEAKER_03 (21:15):
Well, I felt awful that they were targeting me, as
it was pretty obvious, and thatsomebody else would have been
hurt as a result of their hatredfor me.
So, you know, I just that theydid set up that camera, but they
did it kind of half-heartedly sothat anybody coming down would
see this big camera pointed tothe motorcycles.
So I don't think theadministration really cared or
(21:37):
really gave it anyconsideration.
So I just really always had towatch out for myself.
So I always had to check mymotorcycle.
As I stated, I had to put myhelmet away so they wouldn't do
anything to it.
I was the one that asked for alocking gas cap so that they
couldn't sabotage my bike as Iwas told they were going to.
And finally, after a few years,it just kind of fell to the
wayside because I kept showingup and I was there every day,
(21:59):
and I did the job.
And they couldn't, what are theygonna say?
I'm doing everything thatthey're doing and I'm doing it
just as well.
SPEAKER_02 (22:06):
Yeah, I'm happy that it stopped after a few years,
but it's also still shockingthat, you know, people that are
your co-workers that are servingthe community that are supposed
to be all about safety wouldmake you feel unsafe in a work
environment like that.
Did I know the administrationset up the camera, but did they
do anything like sending out amemo to everyone letting them
(22:26):
know that this type of behaviorhas to cease?
Did they ever discipline anyonethrough HR or a layoff or
anything?
Like, were they able to findanything out?
SPEAKER_03 (22:37):
It was so young, and I don't think the administration
at that point really cared.
They were more like, you shouldbe lucky you got put on the
unit, because remember, theadministration was part of that
old regime too.
And probably a lot of themweren't really happy I was put
on either because they theywanted to set me up for failure.
They were hoping that I wouldn'tmake it or I wouldn't have the
chops to ride that 880-poundmotorcycle.
SPEAKER_01 (23:00):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (23:01):
So I'm sure that they'd they really looked the
other way.
They didn't care.
Somebody just put the camera upjust to say, well, we did
something, but they were all theold-time administrators, so they
didn't really care.
So nothing was done.
It wasn't as proactive as it isnow with uh, as you said, memos
or you know, everybody needs togo to special training or
sensitivity training.
(23:21):
It it wasn't like that.
These were all the old guys thathad been on from like the 70s,
and I'm sure none of them wantedme to succeed either.
SPEAKER_02 (23:28):
Yeah, absolutely.
And they like you said, theyprobably were trying to set you
up for failure, but you didn'tshow them failure, you showed
them success, you showed thembadassery and you kept going.
And something powerful,something powerful I felt about
your story, in addition toeverything else, was that
resilience sometimes looks likea team to do your job with
excellence, even when the peoplearound you doubt you doubt that
(23:52):
you even belong there.
And that seems like a specialkind of strength that most
people never see from theoutside.
And even in the midst of likeall of the obstacles that came
in your way, and I think it's sobeautiful that you kept going
this fight and that you keptsaying, No, I'm gonna get past
this, and I'm gonna keep going.
I'm gonna protect myself, I'mgonna take my helmet with me,
(24:12):
I'm gonna ask for the lock toclose this, um, close the gas,
you know, it's like just so manydifferent things.
Also, you stayed persistent anddisciplined with your riding.
You mentioned riding throughextreme weather, even
snowstorms, and because younever wanted anyone to say that
you didn't deserve thatposition.
What kept you motivated duringthose years when things were
(24:35):
probably tough, when themotorcycle probably did fall,
when you were like freezing andwanted to just maybe hop in the
car or to just say, well, thiswas fun for now and I'm good.
SPEAKER_03 (24:45):
So I just knew that um it was a very coveted
position, and I was veryfortunate to have the
opportunity to do it.
Even when the other guys weremaking excuses but that it was
10 degrees out, I'm like, Idon't have an excuse.
I don't want anybody to ever saythat I don't deserve to be here.
And if I need to prove myselfover and over and over again,
(25:07):
that's what I'll do.
And that's what I did for 17years.
I showed up, I didn't complain,I did whatever they asked, and I
went above and beyond when otherguys were making excuses.
Ah, it's 10 degrees out, Ididn't bring my boots, and I'm
just like, are you kidding me?
So I'm like, you know.
SPEAKER_02 (25:22):
That became a part of your purpose.
And that also helped shed somuch light on what they could
ever think about a woman ridinga motorcycle.
I applaud you for that.
That takes um a lot ofresilience, a lot of strength,
and a lot of courage to keepstanding up and to keep going
over and over again.
You shared something also reallyhonest and very powerful that
(25:44):
the ideal of the thin blue linedidn't always apply if you were
a woman.
What did that realization teachyou?
SPEAKER_03 (25:53):
You know, a lot of I mean, nowadays police get a
really bad rap, but most of thepeople I've worked with are good
people.
So, and I'm a good person.
I always would help people tohave somebody say that it kind
of just like the whole walltumbled down, right?
You always think that policeofficers have each other's back.
Well, back in the 90s, it wasonly if you were a guy.
(26:17):
They didn't really want thewomen there.
They weren't really happy withus there.
We were just kind of like anecessary evil.
And maybe they could get alongwith us being patrolmen, but for
me to take a man's job that onlymen have ever been in, they were
not happy with me.
So it was really kind of aneye-opening moment that the thin
blue line only goes really sofar if you look like them, if
(26:39):
you're the same gender as them.
And I was like, you know, theblack sheep of the family.
They were not happy with me.
And it was um upsetting untilagain, more people were
integrated that were younger,that looked different, that were
different genders, you know,that had different beliefs and
values.
So the whole face of policingchanged as they got more younger
(27:00):
people in with all differentbackgrounds.
SPEAKER_02 (27:03):
Oh, yeah, it's powerful.
Did it change how you viewedleadership during that time?
SPEAKER_03 (27:08):
I think as the older administrators started to leave,
and then younger people werepromoted, and a lot of women
were promoted and multiculturalpeople, things really turned
around on the department becauseeverybody was in all sorts of
departments.
There were females in, you know,bomb squad, there were females
in the fire investigation on theMounted Horse Patrol unit.
So I think attitudes changed asthe eras changed.
(27:33):
So the people from the 70s andthe east kind of retired, and
the newer, younger generationwith different um values took
over and it changed the wholelook of policing.
SPEAKER_02 (27:45):
Wow.
Thank you for sharing that.
And yeah, thankfully history hasbeen changing.
I would like to say for thebetter, but I don't even want to
say that right now because Idon't even know.
Like our world, yeah, that'sanother conversation.
SPEAKER_03 (28:00):
It's it absolutely is.
SPEAKER_02 (28:02):
It's like we went like 20 steps forward and I
don't know how many steps backright now.
SPEAKER_03 (28:06):
Yes, exactly.
SPEAKER_02 (28:08):
But I'm happy to see that it has evolved over time in
some way.
Yes.
Did this experience shape howyou supported other women coming
into your profession later?
SPEAKER_03 (28:23):
Well, again, I'm always very outgoing, but I was
always very happy to help them.
I was a field training officer,which is hard to do when you're
on the motorcycle because youcan't put somebody on the
motorcycle and ride them withyou, you know.
But I was always verysupportive.
And still to this day, I stillkeep in touch with a lot of
members that are still on thedepartment, a lot of members
that retired.
(28:43):
The women supported the women.
So we were all, you know, likeone big family in the locker
room laughing and talking andbacking each other up.
So I was always there.
And it's actually Women'sHistory Month, the month of
March.
So the department I'm on justput an Instagram, uh, Facebook
thing together for Women'sHistory Month.
And they asked me for photos onthe motorcycle and they asked
(29:05):
for the horse unit.
So they have this whole thingthat just came out the other day
of women's history, and I justfeel vindicated that I was
actually asked.
You know, they're like, Kristen,this is really important that we
put this on here.
We want some pictures of you onthe motorcycle because you were
a trailblazer.
Yes.
They call me OG, right?
SPEAKER_02 (29:23):
Yeah, it's original gangster.
Yes.
The original gal, originalgangster.
Yeah, I love it.
I love that.
And we're talking about, I wantto move into legacy.
You wrote in the motorcycle unitfor 17 years, which I think is
incredible.
And today there are more womenin those roles.
And I think it's so beautifulbecause you paved the way,
(29:43):
especially for Connecticut womenthat would have had the
opportunity or would have faceda lot more obstacles if you had
not pressed through.
What does it mean to you knowingthat you helped open that door?
SPEAKER_03 (29:58):
After I retired from the inner city, I went to a
smaller department and I alsorode the motorcycle there as the
only female, not full-time, butso we would go to escorts and I
would see more women, and theywould always be like, We heard
that you were the one on theyou're the one that started
this, you know.
So they had heard that there wasa female that had forged the
way.
And towards the end of mycareer, which was just until
(30:19):
recently, I would see more andmore women in positions such as
on the motorcycle.
And, you know, here I'm justkind of exiting as the end of my
career is near and they'restarting.
And I'm so glad to see thatthere's so many more females in
varying positions.
And I don't think they had to gothrough what I went through
because they didn't have thatold crusty veteran.
(30:40):
So I hope that they didn't havethe negativity or the hatred and
that people just accepted themand they're in that role and
they're doing great.
SPEAKER_02 (30:48):
I love that.
I think that's so fascinating.
And that you answered all mycouple of questions I was just
about to ask.
But uh I think that's amazing.
Like, absolutely, you paved theway, and now younger officers
are coming up because of you.
And something I really connectedwith with your story is the
ideal of continuing forward whenthe environment around you isn't
supportive.
I I can also relate to thatbecause of being in the Sunt
(31:12):
world where it is predominantlya lot of men and has been built
around like male-dominated Phil.
And I love watching women gointo male-dominated spaces and
dominate the space.
I think it's so beautifulbecause if a man can do it, a
woman can do it too.
Don't get me wrong.
Like, I do, I'm not too womanenough to ask a man to carry
(31:35):
something heavy, you know?
But at the same time, I'm nottoo woman enough to hop on a
motorcycle like yourself.
And I think that that'sfascinating.
Sometimes I feel like resiliencemeans believing in yourself
before anyone else does andhaving that courage constantly.
What keeps you holding on tothat belief?
Is it now through experience oras I have gotten older?
SPEAKER_03 (31:58):
I see that people are inherently negative.
So when you say, gee, I'm gonnado this, and it's not the norm,
they kind of go, I wouldn't dothat.
I wouldn't.
So I said, you know what?
I'm gonna do me.
And, you know, I'm living thebest life I possibly can, and I
don't let negativity, and Ithink that's the biggest
(32:18):
takeaway.
I will never let negativity holdme down.
I heard this phrase that said,midlife is learning who you were
when you were 16 and embracingthat and learning how to live
like you were when you were 16,open back to who you were, open
experiences.
So you're not held down byanybody.
Negativity is no part in mylife.
I get nothing but up, I can go.
SPEAKER_02 (32:40):
I know, that's right.
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.
I want to do a quick uh round ofuh questions.
And this is just like kind offirst thing that comes to your
mind as we begin to wrap up thisepisode.
And I want you to just answerthem as freely as you want.
What's one lesson lawenforcement taught you?
SPEAKER_03 (32:56):
Oh my goodness, that we see some really horrific
things, but you have to try tocome out on the other side.
You're here to help people anddon't lose your focus.
You can break down afterwards,but take care of that horrific
crime scene or whatever it iswhen you get there to the best
of your ability.
Hold it together and just staystrong for the people that need
your help at that time.
SPEAKER_02 (33:17):
Oh, beautiful.
A moment you felt proudest inyour uniform.
SPEAKER_03 (33:21):
My goodness.
The moment I felt proudest waswhen I helped a horribly abused
child get away from her captorsand abusers and get the help she
needed and uh have that personget arrested for these heinous
crimes.
SPEAKER_02 (33:35):
Chills.
So sad, thankful you were there.
What's the biggest myth aboutwomen and policing?
SPEAKER_03 (33:40):
I don't know if this is PC, but they think everybody
would say, you must be gaybecause you're a female officer
and you're riding a motorcycle.
And I'm like, we have all typeson the police department.
My sexual orientation doesn'thave anything to do with it, but
that's the biggestmisconception.
People would always be, evenwomen that come up and try to
pick me up, right?
And I'm like, oh, I thank you.
That's really nice of you, butyou know, that's not my thing.
(34:02):
So, you know, it's kind offunny, just an interesting
misconception.
SPEAKER_02 (34:05):
Yeah, absolutely.
I can imagine that.
What's advice for women enteringmale-dominated career fields?
SPEAKER_03 (34:11):
Absolutely.
Don't let them stop it.
I think so much has changed.
Women can do absolutely anythingthey put their mind to.
I am a case in point of that.
Women were not supposed to ridemotorcycles, but I did, and I
did it for many, many years.
So we're in every field andwe're just as capable and you
can do it.
I always say that to the youngofficers.
I said, you go, girl.
You can do anything you put yourmind to.
SPEAKER_02 (34:33):
Yeah, I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
So if someone is listening todayand feels like they're trying to
secede in a space where theyjust don't feel accepted, they
don't feel like anyone likesthem and that they're they're
facing a lot of obstacles.
What would you want them toknow?
SPEAKER_03 (34:49):
That goes back to my negativity thing.
I don't understand why peopleare so negative.
You set those goals in yourheart and you follow them, and
you be the best person you canto the best of your ability,
give 110%.
And then all those people thatare looking down on you will be
proved wrong and they'll seethat you're a good person.
You deserve to be there.
(35:09):
You just keep tucking your chinand moving forward, and it's
gonna come to you.
Don't let anybody dissuade youfrom what it is that you want to
do.
SPEAKER_02 (35:17):
So you guys hear that even when people expect you
to fail, you have to keep going.
You have to keep just ignore thenaysayers, stay focused on the
vision and put one foot in frontof the next, and you will
eventually prove them wrong.
And do it for yourself if youdon't do it for anyone else.
Do it for yourself.
I would love to say one of thebiggest takeaways from today's
(35:37):
story for me is that sometimesresilience means doing the job
that you love, even when othersthink that you shouldn't even be
there.
And Kristen, you have opened thedoors for women who came after
you.
And it's fascinating.
I am so thankful that you sharedyour story with us today.
I would love to ask you is thereanything else that you would
(35:58):
like to leave our listeners withtoday?
SPEAKER_03 (36:00):
Just follow your dreams.
Don't ever listen to thenegativity, just keep positive
and you'll get there.
You know, there's a lot ofmental illness today.
Just everybody needs to be alittle kinder and nicer.
Follow your dreams and be younever know who what anybody else
is going through.
So always be a good person.
SPEAKER_02 (36:18):
I love that.
It's so true.
I'm always like be kind.
You never know what any whatanybody else may be going
through.
I appreciate that.
Thank you so much, Kristen.
And thank you, everyone.
Thank you, thank you so much forjoining us on this episode of
the Resilience Files PodcastUnlocked.
If today's conversation remindedyou that courage sometimes looks
like simply just continuingforward, share this episode with
(36:40):
someone who needs encouragementright now.
And if you need to replay thisto remind yourself of your own
badassery, please replay it.
Follow us for more stories ofidentity, leadership, and
resilience.
And remember that you belong inrooms you worked hard to enter.
Your voice matters and yourpersistence can open the door
for someone else.
And because you kicked that doordown just like Kristen, other
(37:03):
people are gonna have it a loteasier.
So keep going.
And also if you feel likebullying does exist among your
job and you can't stand it orsomebody's out to kill you,
speak up and tell someone.
Do not hold that all.
Now, yes.
You know, there are resourcesthat are more available than
they were in the 70s, and evenin the 90s.
We have a lot of resources now,and you should not be in a
(37:24):
situation where you feel thatsomebody is actually out to harm
you or to set you up to not behere with us.
So definitely reach out for helpif you feel like it's within
your means of just keep goingand keep staying persistent, do
that too.
I'm Carrie Bernanz.
This has been another beautifulepisode of the Resilience Files
Podcast Unlock.
Stay tuned for our next episode.
(37:46):
Thank you so much, everyone, forlistening.
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