Thanksgiving, Truth, And The Power Of Impeccable Speech

What if the kindest thing you could say is the clearest thing you’ve been avoiding? We explore how to make your words instruments of healing—especially during a season that calls for gratitude and courage. Drawing on Don Miguel Ruiz’s be impeccable with your word and Brene Brown’s clarity is kindness, we get practical about speaking truth without cruelty, and warmth without pretending. If holiday conversations feel tense, this guide to honest, compassionate communication will help.

We dig into the fawn response—people pleasing as a survival strategy—and how it quietly erodes boundaries, self-worth, and trust. You’ll hear clear markers to notice when you’re saying yes but meaning no, plus coaching on building self-awareness, reclaiming needs, and seeking support through therapy. Then we put language in your pocket: short, humane scripts for the Thanksgiving table that keep peace without sacrificing your voice. I love you and want a peaceful meal. I appreciate your view, and I’d like to focus on gratitude. I hear you, I don’t agree, and I still care about you.

Gratitude becomes sturdier when it’s practiced out loud. We share a daily Glow, Grow, Gratitude reflection, three spoken habits to amplify appreciation, and a simple repair ritual—owning harm with I’m sorry—to restore connection. We also introduce the SALT framework—service, affirmation, love, transformation—to anchor how words can uplift, acknowledge, protect, and clarify. And we hold space for the full story of this holiday by honoring Indigenous histories with empathy and truth, reminding ourselves that impeccable speech includes honest remembrance.

If you’re ready to trade vague niceness for clear kindness, and performative small talk for healing conversation, this is your roadmap to calmer tables and truer ties. Subscribe, share with someone who needs these scripts, and leave a review telling us which line you’ll try first.

The SALT Talk with Jermine Alberty
Service. Affirmation. Love. Transformation.

Thank you for tuning in to The SALT Talk, where we inspire transformation through honest conversations about faith, healing, and purpose.
Be sure to subscribe, rate, and share this episode with someone who needs encouragement today.

To learn more about the SALT Initiative or to book Rev. Alberty for training or speaking engagements, visit www.jerminealberty.com.

Until next time, remember:

Serve with humility, affirm with compassion, love with courage, and live a life of transformation.

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Well everybody, welcome to the Salt Talk where
we serve, affirm, love, andtransform one conversation at a
time.
I'm your host, Jermaine Alberty,and today's episode is about
something that feels right forthe season of gratitude.
Being impeccable with your wordand learning that to be kind is

(00:25):
to be clear.
So as we gather around tablesthis Thanksgiving, we'll talk
about what it means to use ourwords not as weapons, but as
instruments of healing, hope,and transformation.
Because sometimes the mostloving thing we can do is tell

(00:45):
the truth clearly,compassionately, and with
gratitude.
This is Durain Alberty, andyou're listening to The Saw
Talk.
Well, I never forget reading thebook by Don Miguel Rez.
And in his book, The FourAgreements, it begins with the
first and perhaps most powerfulagreement.

(01:10):
Be impeccable with your word.
He writes, speak with integrity,say only what you mean.
Avoid using the word to speakagainst yourself or to gossip
about others.
That word impeccable comes fromthe Latin peccatus meaning sin

(01:34):
and M meaning without.
So to be impeccable with yourword, literally means without
fault in your speech.
Now, this is important becauseso many times we condemn
ourselves.
So many times we lean into falseflattery.

(01:55):
So many times we find ourselvesgossiping.
So to be impeccable with yourword means no self-condemnation,
no false flattery, and nogossip, just truth, spoken in
love and gratitude.
Can you imagine if we couldgravitate toward that?

(02:18):
Which is what we see right nowin the media and what we see
going on all around us.
Just truth, spoken in love andgratitude.
Think about that.
In a world where so much isloud, reactive, and
performative, what would it looklike to slow down our speech?

(02:47):
To speak in ways that healinstead of harm, and to make our
conversations part of ourgratitude practice.
Sometimes the most meaningfulpart of Thanksgiving isn't
what's on the table, but what'ssaid around it.

(03:07):
It's those words that lingerlong after the plates are
cleared, the stories shared, thelaughter exchanged, the moments
when someone says, I'm proud ofyou, or I'm thankful for you.
I want to take a moment just toreflect on what we just talked

(03:31):
about here.
Who in your life could benefitfrom you being impeccable with
your word this week?
Maybe it's yourself, the way youtalk to yourself, or maybe it's
someone at your Thanksgivingtable.
So I really want us to practicebeing impeccable with our word,

(03:58):
because if we can be impeccablewith our word and measure our
words and be kind to ourselvesand be kind to others with the
words we speak, we can live alife of gratitude and
thankfulness each and every day.

(04:19):
And that reminds me aboutsomething that I read from
Arthur Brene Brown.
Brene Brown teaches um somethingthat ties in beautifully with
Ruaz First Agreement.
And Brene Brown has a quote thatto be kind is to be clear.

(04:46):
Now, let me tell you something.
That jacked me up.
Because what I realized manytimes in my efforts to be kind
to people, I was not beingtruthful and honest with them
about how they were making mefeel in my life.

(05:07):
In an effort to protect theirfeelings, I wasn't even
protecting my feelings.
In an effort to make sure theydidn't get somehow evoked with
some kind of distressing feelingbecause of what I said.
I just held in to myself.
And in doing so, I was not evenbeing kind to my own self.

(05:30):
To be clear is to be kind.
But Renee reminds us that realkindness is rooted in clarity.

(05:55):
And I think so many timesthere's the small screens, and
it's all this stuff that we aredoing to try to avoid conflict.
And one of the uh areas that Ihave been working so hard is
avoiding the fawning to avoidconflict.

(06:19):
I'm gonna say that again.
I've been trying to avoid thefawning response to avoid
conflict.
You see, the fawn response is atrauma response where a person
tries to avoid conflict byconstantly appeasing others and

(06:40):
people pleasing, often at theexpense of their own needs and
feelings.
My friend, this is asubconscious survival tactic
involved in prioritizing otherpersons' needs to ensure safety
and prevent disapproval,criticism, or danger.

(07:03):
And it often stems fromchildhood trauma or environments
where conflict and expressingemotions could lead to rejection
or punishment.
And because we want to avoidthat rejection and that
punishment and that conflict,we're not clear with our words,

(07:23):
and we become people pleasers,consistently putting the needs
of others for our own, conflictavoidance where we are having a
strong fear of conflict anddifficulty saying no, having
issues with boundaries,struggling to set or maintain
personal boundaries, suppressingour own emotions, hiding our own

(07:44):
opinions, feelings, or needs toavoid making others unhappy,
agreeing with things weshouldn't even be agreeing with.
That's when we automaticallyagree with others to avoid
disagreement even when we don'tfully agree.
And then lastly, appeasement, anattempt to keep the peace by

(08:06):
being overly agreeable andhelpful.
Where does this come from?
The farm response, let me bereally clear, is a survival
mechanism, it is not weakness.

(08:30):
As I said, I was trying tofigure out how I developed this
response in my life, and when Idid the research, it often
developed in childhood as aresponse to unpredictable or
abusive environments.
It's in those environmentswhere, as children, we learn to

(08:52):
be good or agreeable, to gainthe approval of those parents
and guardians and adults in ourlife to avoid punishment, and it
can even develop in adultrelationships with emotionally
abusive or controlling partners.

(09:15):
How do we move past this?
It begins with an increasedself-awareness.
We have to pay attention to whenwe go silent and say yes.
We have to pay attention to whenwe go silent and say yes.

(09:40):
When we really mean no orminimize our needs.
We need to work on identifyingand valuing our own needs and
feelings.
We need to build that self-worthwhere we recognize that worth is

(10:03):
not dependent on pleasingothers.
And we need to do what I didalmost three years ago.
And that was I soughtprofessional help.
I got a therapist, went to amental health professional, and
talked through those issues.

(10:26):
Because the mental healthprofessional can help you
understand the roots of thattrauma and develop healthier
coping mechanisms.
To be impeccable with your wordbegins with being honest with
yourself.
To be kind to yourself beginswith being clear with yourself.

(10:55):
As Renee Brown reminds us onceagain, real kindness is rooted
in clarity.
When we're clear, we don't leaveothers guessing.
When we're clear, people feelrespected even when the message
is hard to hear.
Because what clarity does isremoves confusion, and confusion

(11:20):
often causes more harm than thetruth ever could.
So many of us don't want to goto Thanksgiving dinner because
there's people at these mealsand these gatherings that evoke
distress in us, and sometimes weonly accept the invitation to

(11:42):
avoid conflict.
So let me give you some tips.
Let me give you some tips.
This can happen.
These these what I'm gonna giveyou some advice for can happen

(12:04):
at the Thanksgiving table, atthe water cooler, in the church
vestibule.
But say things like, you know, Ilove you and I want this meal to
be peaceful.
Or, you know, I appreciate yourview, but I'd rather focus on
gratitude right now.
Or I hear you, I don't agree,but I still care about you.

(12:31):
That's what it means to live thefirst agreement, to speak
impeccably, and then to practiceBrene Brown's kind of courage,
kindness with boundaries,clarity with compassion.
Because when you're clear,you're not being cruel.
You're creating a space wheretrust can live, where love can

(12:56):
breathe, and where gratitudefeels safe to grow.
So let's talk about that justfor a minute.
Let's talk about thankfulness asa practice.
So when we think aboutThanksgiving, gratitude is often
framed as a feeling, you know,something that arises when

(13:20):
things go right or when lifefeels full.
But what if gratitude is morethan a feeling?
What if it becomes a discipline,a daily decision about what we
speak and what we notice, andwhat we choose to highlight?
I try to uh evaluate my day bythree Gs.

(13:45):
Where did I glow?
Where can I grow?
And what am I grateful for?
Say that again.
Where did I glow?
In essence, where did I shinebright?
Where was my strength?
And then where can I grow?
Where can I improve?
But then that other G is what amI grateful for?

(14:06):
What am I grateful for?
And I promise you, if you takegratefulness and gratitude and
make it a discipline, a dailydecision about what we speak and
what we notice and what wechoose to highlight, being
impeccable with your word canactually be an act of gratitude
because every time you speaktruth and love, you are from

(14:29):
life.
And every time you use yourwords to uplift instead of
complain, you shift theatmosphere around you.
So here are three practices youcan try this week.
Remember, I said my three glow,grow, gratitude.

(14:50):
All right, glow, grow,gratitude.
Here's three more.
Speaking gratitude, right?
So just don't think thankfulthoughts, but speak them aloud.
I'm grateful for my health.
I'm thankful for my community.
I appreciate how someone showedup for me this year.

(15:13):
Gratitude spoken becomesgratitude shared.
Number two, affirm others.
Be specific in yourappreciation.
I admire how you stay calm underpressure.
You have a way of making peoplefeel seen.
And when we affirm othersclearly, we remind them of their

(15:34):
value.
And three, repair with words.
If your words have caused harm,be impeccable by owning it.
Don't be gaslighting people, beimpeccable with your word.
Own it.
I said something I regret.

(15:56):
I'm sorry.
See, that's honesty.
And that honesty is healing, notonly for you, but for them also.
Because when we use our wordsthis way, we create a ripple of
gratitude that stretches beyondthe table and beyond the season
and into a rhythm of our lives.

(16:19):
Well, you know, I cannot end asalt talk episode without
talking about salt.
You know, salt.
We believe transformation startswith the words we choose:
service, affirmation, love, andtransformation.

(16:41):
That's salt.
And each one depends on theintegrity of our speech.
So when we are talking aboutsalt in the form of service, our
words serve when they uplift andmake space for others to be
heard.
We're talking about affirmation.
Our words affirm when theyacknowledge the good, when they
say, I see you.

(17:02):
Love, our words love when theyare honest, yet gentle, when
they hold truth and tendernesstogether.
In that transformation, ourwords transform when they bring
light into dark moments andclarity into confusion.
And so that is why this seasonthat is called Thanksgiving.

(17:27):
I invite you to start a newtradition.
Before you eat, go around thetable and have each other say,
This year I'm thankful for.
And when each person shares,responds together, we see you.

(17:50):
We thank you.
And that exchange, thatintentional acknowledgement, is
what community looks like inaction.
It's what transformation soundslike.

(18:25):
Be impeccable with your word.
Acknowledge that.
Acknowledge what you're feeling.
Acknowledge that.
They can build bridges ofburden.
They can plant seeds of hope orspread weeds of harm.
Being impeccable with your worddoesn't mean you'll always get

(18:48):
it right.
But what it does mean is you'realways aware of the impact your
words carry.
It means speaking from a placeof clarity, compassion, and
care.
And may this Thanksgiving, mayyour words be filled with
warmth, may they carry peaceinto rooms that need it.

(19:10):
And may you find that gratitudegrows louder when your speech
becomes more intentional.
But before we close, I want topause for a moment of
reflection.
Thanksgiving is often seen as atime of gratitude, gathering,

(19:31):
and abundance.
And it can be all those things,and yet also invites us to look
honestly at the stories we telland the history we inherit.
Seven years ago, I received dualcitizenship as part of the
Cherokee Nation.
And as a black freeman carryingboth ancestry of the enslaved
and the Cherokee, I recognizethe importance of closing this

(19:52):
conversation with truth andreflection.
For many Native American andindigenous people, Thanksgiving
is not a celebration, but areminder of loss, displacement,
and broken promises.
Being pickable with our wordmeans acknowledging that
history, telling the truth, evenwhen it's uncomfortable, and
speaking it with empathy andrespect.

(20:15):
As we give thanks, may we alsohold space for remembrance,
listening, and learning, usingour words and actions to honor
the full story and seekunderstanding and help build a
more compassionate and truthfulfuture for all.

(20:36):
Thank you for joining me todayon the Slow Talk.
I'm Jermaine Alberty, remindingyou that transformation begins
with how you speak, how youlove, and how you live.
This is Jermaine Alberty, andyou've been listening to The
Slow Talk.