December 19, 2025 • 36 mins
I share how faith and action led from despair and repeated hospital stays to a practical path for recovery. The story moves from early experiences of God’s love to a step-by-step survival guide, therapy, micronutrients, and an open invitation to choose agency today.
• the role of faith as a source of hope and direction
• the moment a clear thought interrupted suicidal despair
• why healing came through steps, not an instant cure
• building a mood cycle survival guide
• response team, early warnings, power priorities, system reboot
• boundaries that respect helpers and protect family
• micronutrients from a nonprofit and why they mattered
• therapy reboot with EMDR and proactive tools
• addressing religious trauma and doubts about spiritual impressions
• shifting from diagnosis identity to personal agency
• practical invitations to act and record moments of peace
For more resources, visit www.theupsideofbipolar.com
FREE Mood Cycle Survival Guide: https://theupsideofbipolar.com/free/
The Upside of Bipolar: 7 Steps to Heal Your Disorder: @upsideofbipolar | Linktree
website: https://theupsideofbipolar.com/
email: michelle@theupsideofbipolar.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theupsideofbipolar/
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SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Faith can give us hope.
Faith in God and faith in hislove for us and his desire for
us to heal and to have happylives is gives us hope and it
keeps us from giving up.
Welcome to the Upside ofBipolar, where we uncover the
(00:21):
true sources of bipolar symptomsand share proven tools for
recovery.
I'm your host, MichelleReitinger, number one
international best-sellingauthor of the Upside of Bipolar
Seven Steps to Heal YourDisorder.
In this podcast, I bring yousolo insights from my journey
and guest interviews withleading researchers and experts.
Join us to transform chaos intohope and reclaim your life.
(00:43):
Let's heal together.
I am your host, MichelleReitinger, and I have an
interesting topic for you today.
This is one that I have neverdiscussed that I can recall on
my podcast, but it's one that Ifeel very compelled to talk
(01:04):
about today, and that is faithand its role in healing.
When I first started my blogback in 2021, I wasn't talking
about the role that faith hadplayed in my healing, and I
haven't talked about it mostly,you know, for the most part in
the last four years as I've, youknow, developed my podcast.
Um I did talk about it a littlebit in my book, but I haven't
(01:27):
really talked about it veryopenly.
And there are a couple ofreasons for that.
Number one, when I first startedmy blog, I was just trying to
share the tools and resourcesthat I had found that I believed
were helping me manage what Istill thought was a lifelong
condition.
When I first started this blogback in 2021, I still believed
that bipolar was a lifelongcondition.
(01:48):
And I had just found tools andresources that were helping me
to manage it more effectively.
It wasn't until I started doingmore research and learning more
about what I was actuallystruggling with that I started
understanding healing waspossible, that I started
understanding that I was healingand changed the way that I
talked about bipolar and bipolarsymptoms.
(02:09):
But I didn't talk about faithlargely because I was trying to
reach as large an audience aspossible because I felt like
people needed to know what I hadlearned.
And I didn't want to dissuadeanybody from listening to me
because I know that a lot ofpeople who are struggling with
mental health challenges haveexperienced spiritual wounding
of some sort.
(02:29):
Maybe there's a betrayal fromsomebody or trauma or things
like that that are related topeople who express faith, who
say that they have faith.
And so there's, you know,oftentimes it can turn people
off if they hear somebodytalking about faith related to
healing with regards to mentalillness.
And so I just didn't talk aboutit.
(02:50):
When I wrote my book, it wasimpossible for me to write my
book without talking about Godat all, because he has been an
integral part of the healingprocess for me.
He is the reason that I was ableto find the tools and resources
that help me to recover.
And I'll talk about that todayin this episode because I
realized that I was doing notonly myself a huge disservice by
(03:13):
not openly sharing, you know,the important, essential role
that faith has played in myrecovery.
But I am not being fully honestabout my experiences and fully
honest about the hope, what gaveme hope for healing and what
gave me hope to keep movingforward.
So I want to talk about thattoday.
(03:33):
And I hope that you will, evenif you are not a person of
faith, I hope that you will atleast listen to this episode
with an open mind, because Ihope that what I'm sharing will
give you some ideas about thingsthat could help you in your own
paths to recovery and healing.
So, first of all, I want to talkabout, you know, what the role
that faith has played from myearliest childhood.
(03:54):
When I was a child, I rememberfeeling God's love.
I remember feeling close to him.
I remember believing in him.
From the earliest, I just I justknew that he was there.
From the earliest, my earliestmemories, I have very early
memories of just knowing that hewas there and just knowing that
I had a heavenly father and thathe loved me and I wanted to be
(04:15):
near him.
My experience, the very firstexperience that I share in my
book, actually relates to faithbecause when I was in junior
high and I became suicidal forthe first time, I had an
experience where I could hear mydaughter's voice in my mind.
And it wasn't, I know I've hadpeople suggest that it might
have been some kind of psychoticepisode.
(04:36):
It was, that's not what it was.
I wasn't hearing a voice, youknow, like a like a
schizophrenic episode.
I was feeling a voice in my mindthat was pleading with me to not
give up hope, that was pleadingwith me to not consider ending
my life as I was in that moment.
And I felt peace and I feltlove.
(04:56):
I didn't feel frantic, I didn'tfeel, you know, any any
distressing emotions.
I felt peace.
I felt an incredible sense oflove come over me.
And I know, I knew then and Iknow now that that was a gift
from my heavenly father, showingme that there was hope for the
future, that I shouldn't give uphope in that moment.
And and so that was anexperience that I know was a
(05:19):
gift from my father in heaven,and that kept me moving forward
and kept me.
And it actually, that thatexperience was such a profound
experience for me that itinfluenced a lot of the
experiences I had later on.
You know, things that, you know,it helped me to have the courage
to leave my first marriage whenI was being abused because I
realized that I didn't want thatman to be the father of my
(05:41):
little girl that I had heardwhen I was a teenager.
And there were so many timeswhen I was struggling,
especially before I wasdiagnosed, but even afterwards,
that I would be struggling withsevere depression or, you know,
hopelessness.
And I would go to places where Icould feel God's love.
I would go, you know, to churchor, you know, to our temple, or,
(06:04):
you know, go to places where Icould be near him.
And sometimes I couldn't evenreally feel him, but because I
was in those places, I wasaround people that were kind and
compassionate and would show mekindness and compassion.
And so it was, which I believeis an extension of God's love.
And so I kept, even though therewere so many times when I just
(06:25):
couldn't feel anything becauseof the severe depression I was
experiencing and because of theeffect of the medications I was
on, I couldn't feel anything.
I was very numb for long periodsof time.
I kept trying to come backbecause I had these kind of, I
call them echoes of memories.
You know, they were, Iremembered at one point that I
felt hope.
I remembered at one point that Ifelt love.
I remembered at one point that Ithat I felt peace.
(06:47):
And so those kind of echoes ofthose memories kept me going.
They kept me trying.
And I had a really profoundexperience that I've never
shared before on the podcast,you know, or in my book, that I
felt like I needed to needed toshare.
So I did get to a point with mymental illness, with my bipolar
(07:09):
symptoms, that I became veryhopeless.
I went through a long time ofsevere, severe, severe
depression.
And I had a breakdown and Iended up hospitalized multiple
times.
They did electric convulsivetherapy on me.
I experienced my first psychoticepisode.
Like I was, it was just gettingworse and worse and worse.
I was doing everything thedoctors told me.
(07:31):
I was actively seekingpsychiatric help.
I was actively going to myappointments.
I was taking every medication Iwas given.
And nothing was getting better.
I was just getting worse.
And I started to become veryhopeless, especially because I
had finally had my daughter andI had a sweet little boy, and I
felt like I was ruining theirlives.
I felt like the instability,the, the bipolar rage that I
(07:53):
would experience, and you know,all of these symptoms were
damaging these children that Iloved so much.
And I didn't know what else todo.
I was doing everything I wastold, and nothing was getting
better.
It was just getting worse.
And I ended up in the hospitalmultiple times and became
convinced the dark thoughts inmy mind convinced me that
(08:16):
everyone would be better off ifI was gone.
I didn't feel like my life hadany value anymore.
I didn't feel like there was anyhope.
And so I did end up making someattempts on my life.
And I will be forever gratefulthat I wasn't successful because
I had the experience that Irelate in my book of watching my
(08:36):
children play.
It was after the thirdhospitalization.
I was watching them play oneday.
And my daughter was four, and myson was not quite two years old
yet.
I think I say he's two in thebook, but I realized like he
wasn't quite two.
He was almost two.
And I had this really clearthought come into my mind.
If I ever successfully ended mylife, that it would ruin my
daughter's life, she wouldbelieve it was her fault and it
would ruin her life.
(08:56):
And again, I feel like that waslike, you know, the God speaking
to me and letting me know, like,you've got to stop giving up
hope.
You need to have hope thatthere's something better for
you.
And don't, don't follow throughbecause you'll ruin your
daughter's life.
And I knew that what I washearing in my mind at that
moment was true.
It was, it was not like theother thoughts that came into my
(09:17):
mind that were dark and youknow, and destructive.
This one was very clear and Ifelt a tremendous amount of
clarity and peace when I heardwhen I had that thought.
And I I became determined tolive for my daughter and to live
for my son.
But from that point forward, Iwas still just kind of hanging
on for dear life.
I was just holding on by myfingernails, is the way that I
(09:40):
I've described it to people.
And I wasn't doing well, I wasreally suffering.
And I kept trying to hold on forthem because I believed the
thought that I had that that Iwould ruin their lives if I ever
ended mine.
And so um, so the next year orso was just kind of hanging on
for dear life.
And I ended up in the hospitalagain.
(10:02):
And when I was home after thatthat fourth hospitalization,
there's an experience that Ihaven't shared that was one day
I was reading uh the Bible and Iread about the story of the
woman with the issue of bloodthat's in in Luke chapter eight.
And it's for anybody who doesn'tknow this story, there was a
woman who had spent everythingthat she had going to doctors
(10:24):
trying to get help for thisdebilitating medical condition.
They don't say what it was, theysay it was an issue of blood,
but she had spent everything sheshe uh had trying to get help,
and nothing had ever helped.
She just continued to suffer.
And she had heard about Jesusand heard that he was coming to
(10:45):
where she was, and so she pushedinto the crowd that he that was
around him and uh believed thatif she could touch his just
touch his clothes, just touchhis hem, that she would be
healed.
And she reached out to him andtouched him, and instantly she
was healed.
And it talks about how Christfelt, you know, it says that he
(11:08):
could feel virtue leave him.
He felt the the experience thathappened and turned to her and
told her that it was her faiththat had made her whole.
And as I studied this story, allof a sudden I thought, I wonder
if that could happen for me.
I thought, I have faith, I knowthat I have faith in God.
Could that could I be healed byhim?
(11:28):
And and I could totally relateto her experience.
I could relate to how hard shewas trying.
She was doing everything shecould and no one could help her.
No one was, you know, nothingthat the physicians were doing
were was helping her.
She was continuing to suffer.
And I started praying forrelief.
I started praying for a miracle.
(11:50):
And I didn't get an instanthealing.
What I did get were guidancefrom God over the following
years that helped me to discoverthe tools and the resources and
the research that led to myhealing.
And the thing that's incredibleabout the this way that that,
(12:13):
and I believe it's just asmiraculous.
I believe that the experiencethat I've had healing is just as
miraculous as the woman who hadthe issue of blood, even though
it didn't happen in an instant.
I believe it's just asmiraculous.
But I'm grateful for the waythat it happened for me because
he showed me in a way thathelped me be able to share it
with others.
And so the healing wasn't justfor me.
(12:34):
It didn't, it didn't just affectme.
I've been able to now take whatI've learned and share it with
others in my book and in mypodcast and in my coaching
group, the upsiders tribe.
And that path to healing beganshortly after that experience
when I was watching my childrenplay after that whole fourth
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hospitalization one day.
And I had this thought nobody'scoming to save you.
You have to find a way to saveyourself.
And that was the beginning ofcreating the mood cycle survival
guide.
And this relates back to anotherprinciple that I had studied
about in the scriptures, whichis found in in James chapter
two, where he talks about howfaith without works is dead.
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It's not just enough to believein God.
We have to follow him.
We have to follow our Savior anddo what he asks us to do.
He showed us the way to live.
He showed us, you know, what ourway back to our Father in
heaven, and we we get to choosewhether or not we're going to
follow him.
Just like the woman chose toreach out to the Savior to
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receive healing.
We need to choose to do stuff.
We need to choose to act, youknow, to help ourselves.
And so this first experience,which was the first step on this
path to healing, was watching mychildren play and having this
realization, like I've got to dosomething to help myself.
Nothing that there's thatdoctors are showing me is
helping me.
I've got to find a way to helpmyself.
(14:02):
And developing this mid-cyclesurvival guide was really kind
of a precursor for everythingelse because it helped me start
to look at myself in a way thatI was, I was an agent to act,
not to be acted upon.
And what I mean by that is forthe first 12 years after my
diagnosis, I felt like I didn'thave any control over what was
going on with me.
(14:23):
I believed that I had a disease,you know, I had this disorder
that I had no control over.
And so every time I wouldexperience symptoms, I felt like
a victim.
I felt like a victim to thesymptoms.
It felt like, and I've describedthis before, it felt like
getting yanked onto a rollercoaster and I would just hold on
for dear life until the untilthe ride was over, and then I
(14:43):
would survey the damage that Ihad done in my life.
And I felt terrible about myselfbecause I could see that I was
hurting my family.
I could see that I was hurtingpeople I cared about.
And I felt like I didn't haveany control over it.
It makes you feel very helplessand it makes you feel like a
victim.
And it makes you feel like youdon't have the agency to act, to
(15:03):
choose for yourself.
And so this day that I startedthis process, and it wasn't done
in a day, it was just abeginning of the process of
developing this mood cyclesurvival guide.
But this day that I worked onthis, I began first with
thinking about the fact that Idid need help.
I could not do this by myself.
(15:25):
But the but the difficult thingabout asking for help is that I
felt like I was runningrelationships because I was
reaching out for help when I wasin crisis.
And and I could I got to thepoint where I was afraid to ask
for help a lot of times becauseI I was feeling like people were
tired of having me ask for help.
I actually, the way that thispart of this guide started to
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develop was through thecompassion of people from
church.
I had a couple of women fromchurch that were kind to me and
would come to visit me andstarted to see that I needed
help and offer.
They made offers of, like, I hada a good friend who would offer
to come, you know, when shecould see I was really
depressed, she would offer totake my kids for a couple hours
(16:09):
and take them to her house toplay or take them to the park so
that I could get some rest for alittle bit.
And I had a really kind womanthat was my assistant coach when
I was coaching the swim team whoreally wanted me to be able to
continue coaching, even thoughshe could see I was really
struggling with my mentalhealth.
And so she and I came up with aplan for the days that I
couldn't function, I couldn'tshow up for practice.
(16:31):
And as I started, through thekindness of these women, started
to recognize how I could ask forhelp in a way that respected the
people I was asking the helpfrom.
It was, you know, learning.
I didn't understand at the time,but I was learning about
boundaries.
I was learning about how to helphealthy boundaries and
relationships.
And so it was recognizing theneed for help, but also
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recognizing that I needed torespect the people that were
helping me.
And that's how the response teamdeveloped.
It was, you know, identifyingwhat I needed, who would be
willing to help me with that,and how do I respect them in the
way that I ask for help and sethealthy boundaries around that
assistance.
You know, the next thing was theearly warning system.
That was me learning how to takeresponsibility for myself.
(17:15):
Like I said, I didn't think thatit was possible to take
responsibility for myself, butlearning how to identify the
symptoms I was experiencing asearly as possible and understand
what they meant, understand, youknow, starting to become an
expert on myself, looking forclues in the symptoms, um, that
helped me become moreself-reliant because I started
(17:37):
recognizing when I was, youknow, was starting to experience
symptoms of depression orsymptoms of hypomania.
And then I could be moreresponsible because I could make
choices about what to do aboutthe symptoms I was experiencing
rather than allowing myself tobe a victim to them.
And it's interesting becausethat part of the plan, the early
warning system, actuallydeveloped into resources for all
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the other, most of the otherhealing tools.
So they it became a tremendousresource for therapy when I
started using therapyproactively and to heal, for me
to start recognizing like, oh,these are triggers and what's
causing the trigger.
And so that early warningsystem, that step two of the
mood cycle survival guide, washelping me to take more
responsibility and take back myagency.
(18:20):
Um, the same was true for thepower priority.
Step three was me recognizingthat I had responsibilities in
my life and I needed toprioritize those
responsibilities.
One of the things that's reallyhard when you're struggling with
mental health symptoms, bipolarsymptoms, is it's very
embarrassing.
(18:41):
It's really embarrassing to haveother people see you struggle.
So when I was struggling,especially with severe
depression, but even with mania,I would try to mask it or hide
it by making sure that I wastaking care of all the outward,
all the visibleresponsibilities.
So things like churchresponsibilities or even like
swim team, things like that.
(19:02):
I would, those would get my whatenergy I had.
And then there was nothing leftfor my family.
And there was nothing left forme a lot of times because I was
expending all of my energytrying to take care of these,
these visible responsibilities.
And and I realized that that wasnot pleasing to God.
It was not pleasing to God thatmy family was suffering while
(19:23):
other people were getting thelimited resources that I had.
And that was when I startedrecognizing how important it was
for me to put my priorities inthe right order and make sure
that the power priorities werethings that I was going to
answer, have to answer to himfirst of all for how I took care
of myself.
Now we're talking to, you know,we were taught that our body is
a temple and we need to takecare of ourselves.
(19:44):
And so I had to be responsiblefor myself.
And I had a stewardship with mymarriage and with my children.
And they needed to takepriority.
And if those were the onlythings that I could do, that was
okay.
And so learning how toprioritize.
The limited emotional resourcesthat I had as I was going
through the healing processreally helped me to feel better
(20:07):
about myself and feel betterabout my relationship with my
father in heaven because I wasbeing responsible.
I was taking care of mystewardships.
I was taking care of the thingsthat I was responsible for.
And then the last, you know,step piece in that, in that mood
cycle survival guide was, youknow, the system reboot,
rebooting my system, which meansgetting myself back into a
(20:28):
healthy, balanced mental space.
And I worked really diligentlyto learn how to go from being
symptomatic to getting back to ahealthy space for my mind and my
body.
And that was moving forward,discovering the rest of the
tools and resources that werenecessary to heal.
And it's interesting becauseI've, as I've looked back over
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the way that I uncovered theother tools and resources that
helped me to resolve the sourcesof symptoms and heal, regularly,
they were things that werebrought to me by people, other
people of faith.
When I found the micronutrients,it was through a friend of mine
from church.
A really good friend of minefrom church was the one who
introduced me to themicronutrients.
(21:11):
And I want to make sureeverybody, when people hear
that, a lot of times they thinkI'm talking about an MLM.
This is not, that's not whatthis is.
True Hope is a nonprofit.
Um, they were actually startedby a man of faith.
And he was doing the same thing.
He was praying to God forguidance about how to save his
family.
And he, through some prettymiraculous experiences, learned
(21:35):
about micronutrition and how itcan help the brain heal and
function in a healthy way.
And I had, when I when I startedto rediscover therapy as a, as a
tool that could actually help meheal the underlying sources of
some of my symptoms throughtrauma processing and that, that
was reintroduced to me through achurch leader who encouraged me
(21:57):
to try therapy one more time.
I had completely given up ontherapy at that point.
I didn't believe therapy had anyvalue.
I had tried it lots of times andit just seemed to make things
worse.
So I just gave up.
And it was this really wisechurch leader that could see I
was really struggling at onepoint and encouraged me just to
give it one more try.
And I'm so thankful that Ilistened to him, that he that he
(22:19):
made that recommendation andthat I listened because that
that therapist that I had wasreally changed things for me.
She was super proactive.
She she was the one whointroduced me to EMDR.
She she helped me to starttaking more responsibility for
my mind and myself.
And I'll be forever grateful forher because that was a huge game
(22:41):
changer for me.
Starting to learn the value oftherapy was was a huge shift for
me and helped me tremendously onmy path to healing and recovery.
So as I continued to work at theresources and tools that he that
God was showing me, he wouldshow me more.
And I really think that one ofthe reasons why I felt so
(23:04):
strongly that I needed to sharethis today is that I think that
we need to have some kind offaith in something.
And I'm not here trying toconvert people.
I am sharing what I believe istrue because it changed my life
and it saved my life.
And I realized that by nottalking about it, that I was
(23:24):
doing a huge disservice to thepeople that are that are
struggling, because faith cangive us hope.
Faith in God and faith and hislove for us and his desire for
us to heal and to have happylives is gives us hope and it
keeps us from giving up.
A lot of times when we'restruggling with these symptoms,
and we've been, especially ifyou've been struggling with them
(23:46):
for a long time, like I was, youcan start to feel hopeless.
And I'm here to tell you thatthere is hope for healing and
there is hope for recovery.
One of the big challenges when Italk about faith, I have talked
about faith in private withpeople.
And one of the challenges that Iencounter when I talk about this
is that there are people whohave been severely wounded by
(24:08):
others who profess to believe inGod.
You know, there's people who'veexperienced religious trauma,
who have experienced abuse andbetrayal from people who profess
faith.
And so I totally understand andhave compassion for people who
have been through that.
And it's one of the reasons,like I said, why I hesitated to
(24:29):
share my faith and share mystory because I don't want to
open wounds up for people when Italk about these things.
But if you have experienced thatkind of trauma, I would
encourage you to not focus onthe person because there are bad
actors in every every walk oflife, there are bad actors, even
(24:50):
in even in religion.
And people can use and twistreligion and God for their own
motivations and for their ownpurposes.
And but I would encourage you tobe open to the idea that perhaps
it's not God Himself or evennecessarily religion, but people
(25:11):
who are acting in bad faith.
And that it is possible to healthose sources, those wounds, and
be able to return back to thatfeeling of peace and love that
can come from God when we turnto him and when we when we seek
him out.
I also know that there are,especially with bipolar, that
(25:31):
there are people who in statesof mania have heard voices,
believe that they're talking toGod.
And that can also be a hugedeterrent for people because I
know that when I wasexperiencing severe mood swings,
um, I got to a point where Ididn't know if I could trust
what I was feeling.
You know, I thought, how do Iknow this is coming from God or
(25:52):
if this is my unwell mind?
And I got to a point where therewas a period of time where I
didn't want to pray because Ididn't know if I could trust my
feelings or my thoughts.
The other side of that was to,you know, the blocking of God
that came from depression.
You know, when I wouldexperience, like I said, I went
through long periods of timewhere either my depression or
(26:12):
the medications that numbed memade it impossible for me to
feel God's love.
It made it impossible for me tofeel him and to feel the peace
that came from his influence.
And I know that that is reallypainful for people.
I know it makes it hard to keepwanting to like go to church or
read your scriptures or anythingif you can't feel anything.
(26:32):
Like those, that's why we dothose things.
We we do those things to seekout his love, to seek out the
peace and comfort that comesfrom him.
And when you can't feel thosethings, it makes it, it can, you
know, for me for a while, I gotto a point where I just didn't
want to read the scripturesanymore.
I didn't want to pray because itwas almost, it almost made the
silence deafening.
(26:54):
You know, the inability to feelhim or or to connect with him
was very painful for me.
And it made me not want to go tochurch or not want to read my
scriptures or pray.
But I will tell you this thatwhen I was really sick with my
symptoms and when I was reallystruggling, I have very specific
(27:15):
times that I can recall where Iwhere I ran to him in my
distress and in my emptiness.
And every single time that Iwould go to a place where he
was, go to church or or for mego to my, you know, to the
temple, he gave me some kind ofindication that he was there.
And I will forever be gratefulfor that because it kept me
(27:38):
coming back to him.
Even when I would go longperiods without without talking
to him or without being able tofeel him, I would keep coming
back because of, like Imentioned, those echoes of
memories, those echoes ofexperiences that when I was in
the darkness and despair, Iwould keep, I would, I would
long for him and I would go backto him.
(27:59):
And I encourage you to seek somekind of peace, you know, some
kind of place that you you canreach out to him, do something,
act in some way that will helpyou reach out to him so that he
can show you that he's stillthere and that he loves you and
that you there is hope for yourlife.
(28:21):
I think that the reason why Ifeel so strongly that I need to
share this today is number one,it's it is inauthentic of me to
not share this part of myrecovery process because truly,
without God, I could not haverecovered.
I absolutely believe that.
He showed me the way to recover.
He gave me each of the tools.
He showed me step by step how togo through the recovery process.
(28:45):
And like I said earlier, it isno less miraculous than the
experience of the woman who hadthe issue of blood.
Even though it didn't happen ina moment, it is a miracle that
God showed me how to heal.
It truly is a miracle.
My life today, I believe, is amiracle.
And I am forever grateful thathe showed it to me in a way that
(29:06):
I could share it with others.
If he had just healed me in aninstant, I would not have been
able to do the same for otherpeople.
But because he showed me in away that invited me to act,
invited me to do for myself, itmade it possible for me then to
then turn around and help otherpeople.
And I promise you that it ispossible to recover from this.
(29:28):
I know it with every in everypart of my being, I know it
truly, that there is healing andrecovery for everyone who is
struggling with these symptoms.
If you will be willing to actfor yourself, if you will be
willing to do something to take,you know, to move forward, to
try, to use your agency tochoose not to be a victim
(29:49):
anymore, to choose to begin, youknow, with your mood cycle
survival guide.
Start taking responsibility bytaking ownership of what you're
going to do when you experiencethese symptoms.
If you're, you know, when you'reexperiencing these kinds of
symptoms, you need help.
And instead of only going topeople in crisis and burning all
(30:12):
your bridges and honestly nothaving any respect for other
people, when we when we do that,we're not showing respect or
love for the people who areclosest to us or the people
we're reaching out to.
We're putting ourselves first.
And so I'm not saying that youshouldn't reach out, but let's
reach out in respect.
Let's start taking ownership forthe things that we're struggling
(30:33):
with.
Learning how to identify yoursymptoms and learning how to
identify them earlier starts tohelp you become more proactive
in recognizing and acknowledgingthe symptoms you're experiencing
and then creating a plan for howto manage those symptoms more
proactively.
Make sure that you are puttingyour life in the right order,
(30:53):
prioritizing the things thatmatter most so that when you do
have limited emotional resourceswhile you're going through their
healing and recovery process,that the things that matter most
get taken care of.
And then take responsibility forlearning how to get yourself
back into a healthy, balancedmental state.
(31:13):
We have been made into victimsby the system that tells us that
we have a disorder and that it'sincurable.
That is not true.
You don't have to live like thisfor the rest of your life.
These symptoms are an indicationof a brain in distress, a mind
in distress.
I know that it is possible toidentify the underlying sources
(31:35):
of your symptoms and then toutilize the tools and resources
that God has revealed.
I believe that all truth comesfrom God.
I truly believe that.
And that all of all of theinnovations and insights and
research that we have come fromhim, that he has revealed them
to people who have been seekingtruth.
(31:56):
And so all of the tools andresources that we have come from
him, and he wants us to utilizethem.
One of the things that I seefrequently online, when I get
kind of a people come attackingme from both sides of the
spectrum.
On one side, people will getangry with me when I say that
it's possible to heal bipolar,because as I've mentioned in a
(32:18):
you know previous episode, itthreatens the identity that they
have.
They have they have become toidentify with the disorder, with
this label.
And so when I say that it'spossible to heal it, it
threatens the identity that theyhave taken on.
On the other side, I've hadpeople comment that all we need
to do is ask Jesus for healingand that he'll heal us.
(32:39):
And I believe that he wants tohelp us heal, but I also believe
that he wants to help us heal ina way that helps us more than
just receiving relief from thesymptoms.
He wants us to exercise ouragency.
He wants us to choose to act forourselves because not only does
that help us to find relief fromthe symptoms, but it helps us to
(33:00):
feel better about ourselves.
It helps us to see our value andour worth when we're choosing to
act for ourselves, when we'retaking responsibility for
ourselves.
And he has revealed all of thesetools and resources for us.
I don't believe if I broke myleg that it would be pleasing to
God for me just to lay there inpain and pray to him for him to
(33:21):
heal my leg.
He has revealed theunderstanding that we have to
help mend wounded legs.
And I believe he's revealed theresources and tools that help us
to heal.
And he wants us to use thosethings.
He's given us the resources andtools that we need in order to
recover.
And he wants us to use them.
(33:41):
He wants us to use our agency toaccess those tools.
Just like the woman with theissue of blood reached out to
the savior.
He wants us to reach out forhealing and he wants us to use
our agency to act for ourselves.
And as we do that, the recoveryprocess is really empowering.
It helps us to feel so much, ithelps us to feel better about
ourselves.
It helps us to feel our valueand our worth, and it helps us
(34:05):
to have hope.
I promise you that healing isand recovery are possible if you
will choose to act for yourself,if you'll choose to be an agent
to act for yourself and choosenot to be a victim anymore to
this.
I hope that what I'm sharingwith you today resonates on some
level.
And if it does, I want you torecognize that as an invitation.
(34:27):
When we feel peace, when we feelhope, those are invitations.
They're invitations for us toact, to use our agency to act.
So I want to invite you, as weclose this, as I close this
episode, to consider how youfeel right now.
And if you're feeling distress,if you're one of those people
(34:49):
who has experienced religioustrauma or or you know
uncomfortable things related toreligion, I want to invite you
to think what could you do rightnow that would help you to have
some hope.
Send me a message if you're ifyou're feeling distress, and I'd
be happy to work through thatwith you.
Send me an email or a message onsocial media.
(35:14):
If you've been feeling some kindof peace or hope, think about
what's causing you to feel thatand write it down.
And then think, what can I doright now?
What can I do right now thatwill help me to accept this
invitation of peace and hope?
What can I do?
What choice can I make rightnow?
I invite you to act.
I invite you to make a choicethat will move you forward
(35:35):
towards healing and recovery.
There is hope, there is healing.
And I hope that you will reachout if you have any questions.
And I invite you to act.
Make a choice today.
Do something that will move youtowards healing and recovery.
All right.
Until next time, Upsiders.
(36:03):
Thanks for joining me on theUpside of Bipolar.
Your journey to recoverymatters, and I'm grateful you're
here.
For more resources, visitwww.theupsideofbipolar.com.
If you're ready to dive deeper,grab my book, The Upside of
Bipolar, seven steps to healyour disorder.
If you're ready to heal yoursymptoms, join my monthly
membership, The Upsiders Tribe,to transform chaos into hope.
(36:27):
Until next time, Upsiders.
Faith can give us hope.
Faith in God and faith in hislove for us and his desire for
us to heal and to have happylives is gives us hope and it
keeps us from giving up.
Welcome to the Upside ofBipolar, where we uncover the
(00:21):
true sources of bipolar symptomsand share proven tools for
recovery.
I'm your host, MichelleReitinger, number one
international best-sellingauthor of the Upside of Bipolar
Seven Steps to Heal YourDisorder.
In this podcast, I bring yousolo insights from my journey
and guest interviews withleading researchers and experts.
Join us to transform chaos intohope and reclaim your life.
(00:43):
Let's heal together.
I am your host, MichelleReitinger, and I have an
interesting topic for you today.
This is one that I have neverdiscussed that I can recall on
my podcast, but it's one that Ifeel very compelled to talk
(01:04):
about today, and that is faithand its role in healing.
When I first started my blogback in 2021, I wasn't talking
about the role that faith hadplayed in my healing, and I
haven't talked about it mostly,you know, for the most part in
the last four years as I've, youknow, developed my podcast.
Um I did talk about it a littlebit in my book, but I haven't
(01:27):
really talked about it veryopenly.
And there are a couple ofreasons for that.
Number one, when I first startedmy blog, I was just trying to
share the tools and resourcesthat I had found that I believed
were helping me manage what Istill thought was a lifelong
condition.
When I first started this blogback in 2021, I still believed
that bipolar was a lifelongcondition.
(01:48):
And I had just found tools andresources that were helping me
to manage it more effectively.
It wasn't until I started doingmore research and learning more
about what I was actuallystruggling with that I started
understanding healing waspossible, that I started
understanding that I was healingand changed the way that I
talked about bipolar and bipolarsymptoms.
(02:09):
But I didn't talk about faithlargely because I was trying to
reach as large an audience aspossible because I felt like
people needed to know what I hadlearned.
And I didn't want to dissuadeanybody from listening to me
because I know that a lot ofpeople who are struggling with
mental health challenges haveexperienced spiritual wounding
of some sort.
(02:29):
Maybe there's a betrayal fromsomebody or trauma or things
like that that are related topeople who express faith, who
say that they have faith.
And so there's, you know,oftentimes it can turn people
off if they hear somebodytalking about faith related to
healing with regards to mentalillness.
And so I just didn't talk aboutit.
(02:50):
When I wrote my book, it wasimpossible for me to write my
book without talking about Godat all, because he has been an
integral part of the healingprocess for me.
He is the reason that I was ableto find the tools and resources
that help me to recover.
And I'll talk about that todayin this episode because I
realized that I was doing notonly myself a huge disservice by
(03:13):
not openly sharing, you know,the important, essential role
that faith has played in myrecovery.
But I am not being fully honestabout my experiences and fully
honest about the hope, what gaveme hope for healing and what
gave me hope to keep movingforward.
So I want to talk about thattoday.
(03:33):
And I hope that you will, evenif you are not a person of
faith, I hope that you will atleast listen to this episode
with an open mind, because Ihope that what I'm sharing will
give you some ideas about thingsthat could help you in your own
paths to recovery and healing.
So, first of all, I want to talkabout, you know, what the role
that faith has played from myearliest childhood.
(03:54):
When I was a child, I rememberfeeling God's love.
I remember feeling close to him.
I remember believing in him.
From the earliest, I just I justknew that he was there.
From the earliest, my earliestmemories, I have very early
memories of just knowing that hewas there and just knowing that
I had a heavenly father and thathe loved me and I wanted to be
(04:15):
near him.
My experience, the very firstexperience that I share in my
book, actually relates to faithbecause when I was in junior
high and I became suicidal forthe first time, I had an
experience where I could hear mydaughter's voice in my mind.
And it wasn't, I know I've hadpeople suggest that it might
have been some kind of psychoticepisode.
(04:36):
It was, that's not what it was.
I wasn't hearing a voice, youknow, like a like a
schizophrenic episode.
I was feeling a voice in my mindthat was pleading with me to not
give up hope, that was pleadingwith me to not consider ending
my life as I was in that moment.
And I felt peace and I feltlove.
(04:56):
I didn't feel frantic, I didn'tfeel, you know, any any
distressing emotions.
I felt peace.
I felt an incredible sense oflove come over me.
And I know, I knew then and Iknow now that that was a gift
from my heavenly father, showingme that there was hope for the
future, that I shouldn't give uphope in that moment.
And and so that was anexperience that I know was a
(05:19):
gift from my father in heaven,and that kept me moving forward
and kept me.
And it actually, that thatexperience was such a profound
experience for me that itinfluenced a lot of the
experiences I had later on.
You know, things that, you know,it helped me to have the courage
to leave my first marriage whenI was being abused because I
realized that I didn't want thatman to be the father of my
(05:41):
little girl that I had heardwhen I was a teenager.
And there were so many timeswhen I was struggling,
especially before I wasdiagnosed, but even afterwards,
that I would be struggling withsevere depression or, you know,
hopelessness.
And I would go to places where Icould feel God's love.
I would go, you know, to churchor, you know, to our temple, or,
(06:04):
you know, go to places where Icould be near him.
And sometimes I couldn't evenreally feel him, but because I
was in those places, I wasaround people that were kind and
compassionate and would show mekindness and compassion.
And so it was, which I believeis an extension of God's love.
And so I kept, even though therewere so many times when I just
(06:25):
couldn't feel anything becauseof the severe depression I was
experiencing and because of theeffect of the medications I was
on, I couldn't feel anything.
I was very numb for long periodsof time.
I kept trying to come backbecause I had these kind of, I
call them echoes of memories.
You know, they were, Iremembered at one point that I
felt hope.
I remembered at one point that Ifelt love.
I remembered at one point that Ithat I felt peace.
(06:47):
And so those kind of echoes ofthose memories kept me going.
They kept me trying.
And I had a really profoundexperience that I've never
shared before on the podcast,you know, or in my book, that I
felt like I needed to needed toshare.
So I did get to a point with mymental illness, with my bipolar
(07:09):
symptoms, that I became veryhopeless.
I went through a long time ofsevere, severe, severe
depression.
And I had a breakdown and Iended up hospitalized multiple
times.
They did electric convulsivetherapy on me.
I experienced my first psychoticepisode.
Like I was, it was just gettingworse and worse and worse.
I was doing everything thedoctors told me.
(07:31):
I was actively seekingpsychiatric help.
I was actively going to myappointments.
I was taking every medication Iwas given.
And nothing was getting better.
I was just getting worse.
And I started to become veryhopeless, especially because I
had finally had my daughter andI had a sweet little boy, and I
felt like I was ruining theirlives.
I felt like the instability,the, the bipolar rage that I
(07:53):
would experience, and you know,all of these symptoms were
damaging these children that Iloved so much.
And I didn't know what else todo.
I was doing everything I wastold, and nothing was getting
better.
It was just getting worse.
And I ended up in the hospitalmultiple times and became
convinced the dark thoughts inmy mind convinced me that
(08:16):
everyone would be better off ifI was gone.
I didn't feel like my life hadany value anymore.
I didn't feel like there was anyhope.
And so I did end up making someattempts on my life.
And I will be forever gratefulthat I wasn't successful because
I had the experience that Irelate in my book of watching my
(08:36):
children play.
It was after the thirdhospitalization.
I was watching them play oneday.
And my daughter was four, and myson was not quite two years old
yet.
I think I say he's two in thebook, but I realized like he
wasn't quite two.
He was almost two.
And I had this really clearthought come into my mind.
If I ever successfully ended mylife, that it would ruin my
daughter's life, she wouldbelieve it was her fault and it
would ruin her life.
(08:56):
And again, I feel like that waslike, you know, the God speaking
to me and letting me know, like,you've got to stop giving up
hope.
You need to have hope thatthere's something better for
you.
And don't, don't follow throughbecause you'll ruin your
daughter's life.
And I knew that what I washearing in my mind at that
moment was true.
It was, it was not like theother thoughts that came into my
(09:17):
mind that were dark and youknow, and destructive.
This one was very clear and Ifelt a tremendous amount of
clarity and peace when I heardwhen I had that thought.
And I I became determined tolive for my daughter and to live
for my son.
But from that point forward, Iwas still just kind of hanging
on for dear life.
I was just holding on by myfingernails, is the way that I
(09:40):
I've described it to people.
And I wasn't doing well, I wasreally suffering.
And I kept trying to hold on forthem because I believed the
thought that I had that that Iwould ruin their lives if I ever
ended mine.
And so um, so the next year orso was just kind of hanging on
for dear life.
And I ended up in the hospitalagain.
(10:02):
And when I was home after thatthat fourth hospitalization,
there's an experience that Ihaven't shared that was one day
I was reading uh the Bible and Iread about the story of the
woman with the issue of bloodthat's in in Luke chapter eight.
And it's for anybody who doesn'tknow this story, there was a
woman who had spent everythingthat she had going to doctors
(10:24):
trying to get help for thisdebilitating medical condition.
They don't say what it was, theysay it was an issue of blood,
but she had spent everything sheshe uh had trying to get help,
and nothing had ever helped.
She just continued to suffer.
And she had heard about Jesusand heard that he was coming to
(10:45):
where she was, and so she pushedinto the crowd that he that was
around him and uh believed thatif she could touch his just
touch his clothes, just touchhis hem, that she would be
healed.
And she reached out to him andtouched him, and instantly she
was healed.
And it talks about how Christfelt, you know, it says that he
(11:08):
could feel virtue leave him.
He felt the the experience thathappened and turned to her and
told her that it was her faiththat had made her whole.
And as I studied this story, allof a sudden I thought, I wonder
if that could happen for me.
I thought, I have faith, I knowthat I have faith in God.
Could that could I be healed byhim?
(11:28):
And and I could totally relateto her experience.
I could relate to how hard shewas trying.
She was doing everything shecould and no one could help her.
No one was, you know, nothingthat the physicians were doing
were was helping her.
She was continuing to suffer.
And I started praying forrelief.
I started praying for a miracle.
(11:50):
And I didn't get an instanthealing.
What I did get were guidancefrom God over the following
years that helped me to discoverthe tools and the resources and
the research that led to myhealing.
And the thing that's incredibleabout the this way that that,
(12:13):
and I believe it's just asmiraculous.
I believe that the experiencethat I've had healing is just as
miraculous as the woman who hadthe issue of blood, even though
it didn't happen in an instant.
I believe it's just asmiraculous.
But I'm grateful for the waythat it happened for me because
he showed me in a way thathelped me be able to share it
with others.
And so the healing wasn't justfor me.
(12:34):
It didn't, it didn't just affectme.
I've been able to now take whatI've learned and share it with
others in my book and in mypodcast and in my coaching
group, the upsiders tribe.
And that path to healing beganshortly after that experience
when I was watching my childrenplay after that whole fourth
(12:57):
hospitalization one day.
And I had this thought nobody'scoming to save you.
You have to find a way to saveyourself.
And that was the beginning ofcreating the mood cycle survival
guide.
And this relates back to anotherprinciple that I had studied
about in the scriptures, whichis found in in James chapter
two, where he talks about howfaith without works is dead.
(13:19):
It's not just enough to believein God.
We have to follow him.
We have to follow our Savior anddo what he asks us to do.
He showed us the way to live.
He showed us, you know, what ourway back to our Father in
heaven, and we we get to choosewhether or not we're going to
follow him.
Just like the woman chose toreach out to the Savior to
(13:39):
receive healing.
We need to choose to do stuff.
We need to choose to act, youknow, to help ourselves.
And so this first experience,which was the first step on this
path to healing, was watching mychildren play and having this
realization, like I've got to dosomething to help myself.
Nothing that there's thatdoctors are showing me is
helping me.
I've got to find a way to helpmyself.
(14:02):
And developing this mid-cyclesurvival guide was really kind
of a precursor for everythingelse because it helped me start
to look at myself in a way thatI was, I was an agent to act,
not to be acted upon.
And what I mean by that is forthe first 12 years after my
diagnosis, I felt like I didn'thave any control over what was
going on with me.
(14:23):
I believed that I had a disease,you know, I had this disorder
that I had no control over.
And so every time I wouldexperience symptoms, I felt like
a victim.
I felt like a victim to thesymptoms.
It felt like, and I've describedthis before, it felt like
getting yanked onto a rollercoaster and I would just hold on
for dear life until the untilthe ride was over, and then I
(14:43):
would survey the damage that Ihad done in my life.
And I felt terrible about myselfbecause I could see that I was
hurting my family.
I could see that I was hurtingpeople I cared about.
And I felt like I didn't haveany control over it.
It makes you feel very helplessand it makes you feel like a
victim.
And it makes you feel like youdon't have the agency to act, to
(15:03):
choose for yourself.
And so this day that I startedthis process, and it wasn't done
in a day, it was just abeginning of the process of
developing this mood cyclesurvival guide.
But this day that I worked onthis, I began first with
thinking about the fact that Idid need help.
I could not do this by myself.
(15:25):
But the but the difficult thingabout asking for help is that I
felt like I was runningrelationships because I was
reaching out for help when I wasin crisis.
And and I could I got to thepoint where I was afraid to ask
for help a lot of times becauseI I was feeling like people were
tired of having me ask for help.
I actually, the way that thispart of this guide started to
(15:47):
develop was through thecompassion of people from
church.
I had a couple of women fromchurch that were kind to me and
would come to visit me andstarted to see that I needed
help and offer.
They made offers of, like, I hada a good friend who would offer
to come, you know, when shecould see I was really
depressed, she would offer totake my kids for a couple hours
(16:09):
and take them to her house toplay or take them to the park so
that I could get some rest for alittle bit.
And I had a really kind womanthat was my assistant coach when
I was coaching the swim team whoreally wanted me to be able to
continue coaching, even thoughshe could see I was really
struggling with my mentalhealth.
And so she and I came up with aplan for the days that I
couldn't function, I couldn'tshow up for practice.
(16:31):
And as I started, through thekindness of these women, started
to recognize how I could ask forhelp in a way that respected the
people I was asking the helpfrom.
It was, you know, learning.
I didn't understand at the time,but I was learning about
boundaries.
I was learning about how to helphealthy boundaries and
relationships.
And so it was recognizing theneed for help, but also
(16:54):
recognizing that I needed torespect the people that were
helping me.
And that's how the response teamdeveloped.
It was, you know, identifyingwhat I needed, who would be
willing to help me with that,and how do I respect them in the
way that I ask for help and sethealthy boundaries around that
assistance.
You know, the next thing was theearly warning system.
That was me learning how to takeresponsibility for myself.
(17:15):
Like I said, I didn't think thatit was possible to take
responsibility for myself, butlearning how to identify the
symptoms I was experiencing asearly as possible and understand
what they meant, understand, youknow, starting to become an
expert on myself, looking forclues in the symptoms, um, that
helped me become moreself-reliant because I started
(17:37):
recognizing when I was, youknow, was starting to experience
symptoms of depression orsymptoms of hypomania.
And then I could be moreresponsible because I could make
choices about what to do aboutthe symptoms I was experiencing
rather than allowing myself tobe a victim to them.
And it's interesting becausethat part of the plan, the early
warning system, actuallydeveloped into resources for all
(17:59):
the other, most of the otherhealing tools.
So they it became a tremendousresource for therapy when I
started using therapyproactively and to heal, for me
to start recognizing like, oh,these are triggers and what's
causing the trigger.
And so that early warningsystem, that step two of the
mood cycle survival guide, washelping me to take more
responsibility and take back myagency.
(18:20):
Um, the same was true for thepower priority.
Step three was me recognizingthat I had responsibilities in
my life and I needed toprioritize those
responsibilities.
One of the things that's reallyhard when you're struggling with
mental health symptoms, bipolarsymptoms, is it's very
embarrassing.
(18:41):
It's really embarrassing to haveother people see you struggle.
So when I was struggling,especially with severe
depression, but even with mania,I would try to mask it or hide
it by making sure that I wastaking care of all the outward,
all the visibleresponsibilities.
So things like churchresponsibilities or even like
swim team, things like that.
(19:02):
I would, those would get my whatenergy I had.
And then there was nothing leftfor my family.
And there was nothing left forme a lot of times because I was
expending all of my energytrying to take care of these,
these visible responsibilities.
And and I realized that that wasnot pleasing to God.
It was not pleasing to God thatmy family was suffering while
(19:23):
other people were getting thelimited resources that I had.
And that was when I startedrecognizing how important it was
for me to put my priorities inthe right order and make sure
that the power priorities werethings that I was going to
answer, have to answer to himfirst of all for how I took care
of myself.
Now we're talking to, you know,we were taught that our body is
a temple and we need to takecare of ourselves.
(19:44):
And so I had to be responsiblefor myself.
And I had a stewardship with mymarriage and with my children.
And they needed to takepriority.
And if those were the onlythings that I could do, that was
okay.
And so learning how toprioritize.
The limited emotional resourcesthat I had as I was going
through the healing processreally helped me to feel better
(20:07):
about myself and feel betterabout my relationship with my
father in heaven because I wasbeing responsible.
I was taking care of mystewardships.
I was taking care of the thingsthat I was responsible for.
And then the last, you know,step piece in that, in that mood
cycle survival guide was, youknow, the system reboot,
rebooting my system, which meansgetting myself back into a
(20:28):
healthy, balanced mental space.
And I worked really diligentlyto learn how to go from being
symptomatic to getting back to ahealthy space for my mind and my
body.
And that was moving forward,discovering the rest of the
tools and resources that werenecessary to heal.
And it's interesting becauseI've, as I've looked back over
(20:51):
the way that I uncovered theother tools and resources that
helped me to resolve the sourcesof symptoms and heal, regularly,
they were things that werebrought to me by people, other
people of faith.
When I found the micronutrients,it was through a friend of mine
from church.
A really good friend of minefrom church was the one who
introduced me to themicronutrients.
(21:11):
And I want to make sureeverybody, when people hear
that, a lot of times they thinkI'm talking about an MLM.
This is not, that's not whatthis is.
True Hope is a nonprofit.
Um, they were actually startedby a man of faith.
And he was doing the same thing.
He was praying to God forguidance about how to save his
family.
And he, through some prettymiraculous experiences, learned
(21:35):
about micronutrition and how itcan help the brain heal and
function in a healthy way.
And I had, when I when I startedto rediscover therapy as a, as a
tool that could actually help meheal the underlying sources of
some of my symptoms throughtrauma processing and that, that
was reintroduced to me through achurch leader who encouraged me
(21:57):
to try therapy one more time.
I had completely given up ontherapy at that point.
I didn't believe therapy had anyvalue.
I had tried it lots of times andit just seemed to make things
worse.
So I just gave up.
And it was this really wisechurch leader that could see I
was really struggling at onepoint and encouraged me just to
give it one more try.
And I'm so thankful that Ilistened to him, that he that he
(22:19):
made that recommendation andthat I listened because that
that therapist that I had wasreally changed things for me.
She was super proactive.
She she was the one whointroduced me to EMDR.
She she helped me to starttaking more responsibility for
my mind and myself.
And I'll be forever grateful forher because that was a huge game
(22:41):
changer for me.
Starting to learn the value oftherapy was was a huge shift for
me and helped me tremendously onmy path to healing and recovery.
So as I continued to work at theresources and tools that he that
God was showing me, he wouldshow me more.
And I really think that one ofthe reasons why I felt so
(23:04):
strongly that I needed to sharethis today is that I think that
we need to have some kind offaith in something.
And I'm not here trying toconvert people.
I am sharing what I believe istrue because it changed my life
and it saved my life.
And I realized that by nottalking about it, that I was
(23:24):
doing a huge disservice to thepeople that are that are
struggling, because faith cangive us hope.
Faith in God and faith and hislove for us and his desire for
us to heal and to have happylives is gives us hope and it
keeps us from giving up.
A lot of times when we'restruggling with these symptoms,
and we've been, especially ifyou've been struggling with them
(23:46):
for a long time, like I was, youcan start to feel hopeless.
And I'm here to tell you thatthere is hope for healing and
there is hope for recovery.
One of the big challenges when Italk about faith, I have talked
about faith in private withpeople.
And one of the challenges that Iencounter when I talk about this
is that there are people whohave been severely wounded by
(24:08):
others who profess to believe inGod.
You know, there's people who'veexperienced religious trauma,
who have experienced abuse andbetrayal from people who profess
faith.
And so I totally understand andhave compassion for people who
have been through that.
And it's one of the reasons,like I said, why I hesitated to
(24:29):
share my faith and share mystory because I don't want to
open wounds up for people when Italk about these things.
But if you have experienced thatkind of trauma, I would
encourage you to not focus onthe person because there are bad
actors in every every walk oflife, there are bad actors, even
(24:50):
in even in religion.
And people can use and twistreligion and God for their own
motivations and for their ownpurposes.
And but I would encourage you tobe open to the idea that perhaps
it's not God Himself or evennecessarily religion, but people
(25:11):
who are acting in bad faith.
And that it is possible to healthose sources, those wounds, and
be able to return back to thatfeeling of peace and love that
can come from God when we turnto him and when we when we seek
him out.
I also know that there are,especially with bipolar, that
(25:31):
there are people who in statesof mania have heard voices,
believe that they're talking toGod.
And that can also be a hugedeterrent for people because I
know that when I wasexperiencing severe mood swings,
um, I got to a point where Ididn't know if I could trust
what I was feeling.
You know, I thought, how do Iknow this is coming from God or
(25:52):
if this is my unwell mind?
And I got to a point where therewas a period of time where I
didn't want to pray because Ididn't know if I could trust my
feelings or my thoughts.
The other side of that was to,you know, the blocking of God
that came from depression.
You know, when I wouldexperience, like I said, I went
through long periods of timewhere either my depression or
(26:12):
the medications that numbed memade it impossible for me to
feel God's love.
It made it impossible for me tofeel him and to feel the peace
that came from his influence.
And I know that that is reallypainful for people.
I know it makes it hard to keepwanting to like go to church or
read your scriptures or anythingif you can't feel anything.
(26:32):
Like those, that's why we dothose things.
We we do those things to seekout his love, to seek out the
peace and comfort that comesfrom him.
And when you can't feel thosethings, it makes it, it can, you
know, for me for a while, I gotto a point where I just didn't
want to read the scripturesanymore.
I didn't want to pray because itwas almost, it almost made the
silence deafening.
(26:54):
You know, the inability to feelhim or or to connect with him
was very painful for me.
And it made me not want to go tochurch or not want to read my
scriptures or pray.
But I will tell you this thatwhen I was really sick with my
symptoms and when I was reallystruggling, I have very specific
(27:15):
times that I can recall where Iwhere I ran to him in my
distress and in my emptiness.
And every single time that Iwould go to a place where he
was, go to church or or for mego to my, you know, to the
temple, he gave me some kind ofindication that he was there.
And I will forever be gratefulfor that because it kept me
(27:38):
coming back to him.
Even when I would go longperiods without without talking
to him or without being able tofeel him, I would keep coming
back because of, like Imentioned, those echoes of
memories, those echoes ofexperiences that when I was in
the darkness and despair, Iwould keep, I would, I would
long for him and I would go backto him.
(27:59):
And I encourage you to seek somekind of peace, you know, some
kind of place that you you canreach out to him, do something,
act in some way that will helpyou reach out to him so that he
can show you that he's stillthere and that he loves you and
that you there is hope for yourlife.
(28:21):
I think that the reason why Ifeel so strongly that I need to
share this today is number one,it's it is inauthentic of me to
not share this part of myrecovery process because truly,
without God, I could not haverecovered.
I absolutely believe that.
He showed me the way to recover.
He gave me each of the tools.
He showed me step by step how togo through the recovery process.
(28:45):
And like I said earlier, it isno less miraculous than the
experience of the woman who hadthe issue of blood.
Even though it didn't happen ina moment, it is a miracle that
God showed me how to heal.
It truly is a miracle.
My life today, I believe, is amiracle.
And I am forever grateful thathe showed it to me in a way that
(29:06):
I could share it with others.
If he had just healed me in aninstant, I would not have been
able to do the same for otherpeople.
But because he showed me in away that invited me to act,
invited me to do for myself, itmade it possible for me then to
then turn around and help otherpeople.
And I promise you that it ispossible to recover from this.
(29:28):
I know it with every in everypart of my being, I know it
truly, that there is healing andrecovery for everyone who is
struggling with these symptoms.
If you will be willing to actfor yourself, if you will be
willing to do something to take,you know, to move forward, to
try, to use your agency tochoose not to be a victim
(29:49):
anymore, to choose to begin, youknow, with your mood cycle
survival guide.
Start taking responsibility bytaking ownership of what you're
going to do when you experiencethese symptoms.
If you're, you know, when you'reexperiencing these kinds of
symptoms, you need help.
And instead of only going topeople in crisis and burning all
(30:12):
your bridges and honestly nothaving any respect for other
people, when we when we do that,we're not showing respect or
love for the people who areclosest to us or the people
we're reaching out to.
We're putting ourselves first.
And so I'm not saying that youshouldn't reach out, but let's
reach out in respect.
Let's start taking ownership forthe things that we're struggling
(30:33):
with.
Learning how to identify yoursymptoms and learning how to
identify them earlier starts tohelp you become more proactive
in recognizing and acknowledgingthe symptoms you're experiencing
and then creating a plan for howto manage those symptoms more
proactively.
Make sure that you are puttingyour life in the right order,
(30:53):
prioritizing the things thatmatter most so that when you do
have limited emotional resourceswhile you're going through their
healing and recovery process,that the things that matter most
get taken care of.
And then take responsibility forlearning how to get yourself
back into a healthy, balancedmental state.
(31:13):
We have been made into victimsby the system that tells us that
we have a disorder and that it'sincurable.
That is not true.
You don't have to live like thisfor the rest of your life.
These symptoms are an indicationof a brain in distress, a mind
in distress.
I know that it is possible toidentify the underlying sources
(31:35):
of your symptoms and then toutilize the tools and resources
that God has revealed.
I believe that all truth comesfrom God.
I truly believe that.
And that all of all of theinnovations and insights and
research that we have come fromhim, that he has revealed them
to people who have been seekingtruth.
(31:56):
And so all of the tools andresources that we have come from
him, and he wants us to utilizethem.
One of the things that I seefrequently online, when I get
kind of a people come attackingme from both sides of the
spectrum.
On one side, people will getangry with me when I say that
it's possible to heal bipolar,because as I've mentioned in a
(32:18):
you know previous episode, itthreatens the identity that they
have.
They have they have become toidentify with the disorder, with
this label.
And so when I say that it'spossible to heal it, it
threatens the identity that theyhave taken on.
On the other side, I've hadpeople comment that all we need
to do is ask Jesus for healingand that he'll heal us.
(32:39):
And I believe that he wants tohelp us heal, but I also believe
that he wants to help us heal ina way that helps us more than
just receiving relief from thesymptoms.
He wants us to exercise ouragency.
He wants us to choose to act forourselves because not only does
that help us to find relief fromthe symptoms, but it helps us to
(33:00):
feel better about ourselves.
It helps us to see our value andour worth when we're choosing to
act for ourselves, when we'retaking responsibility for
ourselves.
And he has revealed all of thesetools and resources for us.
I don't believe if I broke myleg that it would be pleasing to
God for me just to lay there inpain and pray to him for him to
(33:21):
heal my leg.
He has revealed theunderstanding that we have to
help mend wounded legs.
And I believe he's revealed theresources and tools that help us
to heal.
And he wants us to use thosethings.
He's given us the resources andtools that we need in order to
recover.
And he wants us to use them.
(33:41):
He wants us to use our agency toaccess those tools.
Just like the woman with theissue of blood reached out to
the savior.
He wants us to reach out forhealing and he wants us to use
our agency to act for ourselves.
And as we do that, the recoveryprocess is really empowering.
It helps us to feel so much, ithelps us to feel better about
ourselves.
It helps us to feel our valueand our worth, and it helps us
(34:05):
to have hope.
I promise you that healing isand recovery are possible if you
will choose to act for yourself,if you'll choose to be an agent
to act for yourself and choosenot to be a victim anymore to
this.
I hope that what I'm sharingwith you today resonates on some
level.
And if it does, I want you torecognize that as an invitation.
(34:27):
When we feel peace, when we feelhope, those are invitations.
They're invitations for us toact, to use our agency to act.
So I want to invite you, as weclose this, as I close this
episode, to consider how youfeel right now.
And if you're feeling distress,if you're one of those people
(34:49):
who has experienced religioustrauma or or you know
uncomfortable things related toreligion, I want to invite you
to think what could you do rightnow that would help you to have
some hope.
Send me a message if you're ifyou're feeling distress, and I'd
be happy to work through thatwith you.
Send me an email or a message onsocial media.
(35:14):
If you've been feeling some kindof peace or hope, think about
what's causing you to feel thatand write it down.
And then think, what can I doright now?
What can I do right now thatwill help me to accept this
invitation of peace and hope?
What can I do?
What choice can I make rightnow?
I invite you to act.
I invite you to make a choicethat will move you forward
(35:35):
towards healing and recovery.
There is hope, there is healing.
And I hope that you will reachout if you have any questions.
And I invite you to act.
Make a choice today.
Do something that will move youtowards healing and recovery.
All right.
Until next time, Upsiders.
(36:03):
Thanks for joining me on theUpside of Bipolar.
Your journey to recoverymatters, and I'm grateful you're
here.
For more resources, visitwww.theupsideofbipolar.com.
If you're ready to dive deeper,grab my book, The Upside of
Bipolar, seven steps to healyour disorder.
If you're ready to heal yoursymptoms, join my monthly
membership, The Upsiders Tribe,to transform chaos into hope.
(36:27):
Until next time, Upsiders.
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