I talk with Brandy Vega, founder of Promise2Live, about turning a family suicide crisis into a practical, global approach to hope and connection. We share specific ways to interrupt suicidal thoughts, find help fast, and build a safety net that holds even when life still feels hard.
• Brandy’s story of her daughter’s suicide attempts and the shame that kept the first one hidden
• Why people often want pain to end, not life to end
• Making the Promise to Live as a commitment to pause and reach out
• Taking suicide off the table as a mindset shift and a safety step
• Simple check-ins that work, including “How are you really doing?”
• The ASK framework: acknowledge, support, keep in touch
• Pocket Hugs as a tangible reminder of worth and resources
• Building community connection so support is not a one-time moment
• Finding trusted crisis resources in one place, including 988 and online tools
• What recovery can look like afterward, including white-knuckling, DBT skills, and daily practices
We invite you to make the promise to live.
Links
Website: Promise2Live.org
Instagram: @Promise2LiveOfficial
YouTube: @Promise2Live
Bio
Today's guest is Brandy Vega, founder of Promise2Live, a global movement dedicated to suicide prevention, mental health awareness, and meaningful human connection. After nearly losing her own daughter to suicide, Brandy turned her pain into purpose and has since helped reach millions worldwide with a simple but powerful message: Make the Promise to Live.
Brandy is an Army veteran, former television journalist, entrepreneur, humanitarian, and a mother and wife. Through Promise2Live, she has helped distribute tens of thousands of Pocket Hugs, launched community mental health initiatives, hosted global livestreams, and inspired people in more than 100 countries to choose hope, connection, and purpose.
Her mission is simple: to help people know they are not alone and to deliver hope, help, healing, and resources to those who need it most.
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Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_01 (00:00):
As I was praying for a miracle, I heard this voice
say, Brandy, I will give you asecond chance.
There will not be a third.
What will you do?
And that kind of stopped me inmy tracks.
I was like, because we alreadyhad her first suicide attempt
and she got through it.
And this is her second.
I'll give you a second chance.
(00:21):
There will not be a third.
And I just said, I'll doanything.
And I heard the voice sayanything.
And I said, anything.
Just save my child.
And literally within one hour,she woke up and was fully
functional.
SPEAKER_00 (00:37):
Welcome to the Upside of Bipolar, where we
uncover the true sources ofbipolar symptoms and share
proven tools for recovery.
I'm your host, MichelleReitinger, number one
international best-sellingauthor of the Upside of Bipolar
Seven Steps to Heal YourDisorder.
In this podcast, I bring yousolo insights from my journey
and guest interviews withleading researchers and experts.
(00:58):
Join us to transform chaos intohope and reclaim your life.
Let's heal together.
Welcome to the Upside ofBipolar.
I am your host, MichelleReitinger, and I have a
phenomenal guest today.
I am so excited to welcomeBrandi Vega, who is the founder
(01:20):
of Promise to Live, a globalmovement dedicated to suicide
prevention, mental healthawareness, and meaningful human
connection.
After nearly losing her owndaughter to suicide, Brandy
turned her pain into purpose andhas since helped reach millions
worldwide with a simple,powerful message: make the
Promise to Live.
Brandi is an Army veteran,former television journalist,
(01:43):
entrepreneur, humanitarian, anda mother and wife.
Through Promise to Live, she hashelped distribute tens of
thousands of pocket hugs,launched community mental health
initiatives, hosted global livestreams, and inspired people in
more than 100 countries tochoose hope, connection, and
purpose.
Her mission is simple (02:01):
to help people know they are not alone
and to deliver hope, help,healing, and resources to those
that need it most.
Brandy, I am so excited to haveyou on the program today.
Thank you so much for joiningme.
I'm excited to be on yours.
SPEAKER_01 (02:16):
I love what you're doing and the work with bipolar
so important.
My oldest daughter is diagnosedwith bipolar as well.
SPEAKER_00 (02:23):
Well, let's start with your story.
SPEAKER_01 (02:25):
Okay, that's uh it's like, where do you even begin?
I mean, if you dive back intothe depths of Brandyland, uh,
there's a lot going on.
I was born initially in Arizona.
My parents were very young andteen parents.
My mom raised us kind of on ourown.
And so I learned the value ofhard work and knowing what it's
(02:48):
like not to have much.
Um, I ended up going throughsome of my own struggles.
And actually, I had a suicideattempt at 12.
And I remember feeling so justdark and heavy.
And halfway through my attempt,I heard a voice say, Your mom
can't handle this.
My mom always worked so hard forus and loved us.
(03:10):
And that was kind of the thingthat stopped me.
So I was always very passionateabout mental health and suicide
prevention.
In in my career, when I was 10years old, I knew I wanted to be
a broadcast journalist in publicaffairs.
That was my dream.
I was looking at the news and Ithought, I want to do that job.
I want to be on TV.
And so that was kind of my path.
Started in junior high highschool doing broadcast,
(03:33):
graduated early from high schoolto join the army as a broadcast
journalist and public affairsspecialist.
And I had a great career in themilitary.
Got to travel all over,interviewed the president of the
United States.
I worked at the War College, Igot to work with Condi Rice, Don
Rumsfeld, General Shinseki, anda lot of people deployed over to
(03:53):
Kosovo, Serbia, Macedonia,Croatia, did a lot of time over
there, covered the worldmilitary games, which is like
the Olympics for the military.
Did that, even had anopportunity to start reporting
for Fox News at just 20 yearsold.
I was the youngest reporter theyhad ever had, and it was just
great.
So my career was kind of inmedia and marketing.
(04:14):
I got out of the military, I hadmy daughter, and then I had
another daughter down the road.
Found myself as a single mom,always passionate about suicide
prevention and mental healthbecause of my own personal
experience.
In fact, I taught with theattorney general and I would go
to schools and talk aboutsuicide prevention and mental
health.
I did videos on it.
(04:35):
And then it happened to me.
You know, I didn't see itcoming.
My my middle child, all of asudden, you know, it's it's
going into junior high.
It's a hard time, strugglingwith just all the different
things, you know, junior high,puberty, uh, whatever.
And I knew all the signs andthings to look for, but I didn't
see it coming.
And uh, she tried to take herlife at just 12 years old.
(04:59):
And the first time, I thinkbecause of the shock and the
shame and the stigma, Michelle,we just buried it like a deep,
dirty, dark secret.
You know, I didn't want anyoneto know because I thought people
are gonna think I'm such aterrible person.
I'm working too much.
I built my studio, I built mynonprofit, I do a lot of work in
(05:19):
the community.
I was volunteering at thehospital doing nobody dies and
grief support and spiritual careand things.
I also had adopted my sonthrough foster care as a single
mom.
I got my foster care license.
I adopted a baby who was bornaddicted to a lot of things.
And then I was a surrogate for afamily who could not have kids
(05:41):
at, you know, 40, and thatlittle girl's turning eight here
this summer.
So I had done all these things,and then my own daughter tried
to take her life.
And and the shame that came withthat and the stigma, I just
thought my kid must hate me inher life so much, she'd rather
be dead.
It's my fault.
And I was too afraid to letanybody know.
(06:02):
And I didn't talk about it, sowe did.
We buried it.
And, you know, we had aconversation.
She didn't really want too muchhelp, but we tried.
We tried some medication andcounseling.
Didn't seem to go anywhere.
She didn't want to do it.
So we had the talk, and Ithought we were doing okay.
Two years later, I woke up withpolice banging on my door in the
(06:23):
middle of the night saying, Isthis your kid?
And I thought, oh no, what'd shedo?
Did she sneak out and go get introuble?
But thankfully her friend hadhad the courage to call 911.
And police came and woke us upin the middle of the night and
said, Go check on your daughter.
And we found her before it wastoo late.
And we we were able to get toprimary children's.
(06:45):
But when we got there, they hadso many kids attempt suicide.
They didn't even have a bed.
And I remember just breakingdown and and crying, and I was
in the room.
I was like, How did this happen?
And I was with some doctors andnurses.
They're like, we've never seenanything like this.
We've had more suicide attemptsthan we have ever seen from kids
eight to 18.
(07:05):
And just that day, they had hadover, I think, a dozen.
And we're in there just going,My goodness, what is going on?
Next day, same thing.
I came in there, like we hadanother like round, and this is
during pandemic, and they hadanother round of suicide
attempts.
And I went into my car becausewe didn't know for two days what
(07:28):
her prognosis would be.
Would she live?
Would she be functional?
Would she have issues?
Like, we just didn't know.
And I was praying and beggingGod for a miracle, and I went
out to my car and I did the mostvulnerable video of my life.
I'm used to being on video.
I was a news reporter.
I did TV, like I did all thisstuff.
(07:48):
But when you share these thingsthat are so personal and painful
and vulnerable, it's scary.
And I was sitting in my car atthe hospital and I was searching
at the hospital, trying to findresources.
I couldn't find them.
They were so scattered, and Iwas trying to reach out, and it
was just a nightmare.
So I got on my Facebook page, mypersonal, and I just said, I'm
(08:10):
at the hospital.
My kid attempted suicide.
I'm normally here as a volunteerdoing spiritual care.
Nobody dies alone.
Tonight I'm here as a mother.
I need help.
Where do I go?
What do I do?
And I knew some of my friendshad been through it, but when
you're in crisis, you can'tremember who.
And so I did that video, and onmy personal page, it went viral
(08:32):
overnight.
Over 12,000 views just on mypersonal Facebook page.
And I woke up in the morning tohundreds of messages from
people, some I knew, um, andthen I was like, yes, I do
remember you went through that.
Some I had never met, people hadshared it.
And I was blown away that I'vebeen through this, I've lost
someone, I'm struggling.
And and I got this feedback inthese messages.
Well, that day I go back to thehospital and I'm still begging
(08:54):
God, like, please just save mybaby.
Help me know what to do, help mehelp her.
And I got a call from my friendsat NBC.
And they said, Brandy, will youplease share your story on the
news?
I was like, are you kidding meright now?
I was disgusted.
I'm in the darkest, scariestplace of my life.
And you want me to go on TV andbe like, yeah, my kid tried to
(09:16):
kill herself.
I don't know if she's gonnalive.
You know, I I was really upsetby it, but I remembered that
world because that was my world.
And if it bleeds, it leads.
That's kind of how media is.
And I said, No way, I'm nottalking about this.
I was terrified.
I didn't want to be the face orthe voice.
No, no, thank you.
And that's what I told him.
But I went back in the hospitaland I'm I'm praying and I heard
(09:36):
a voice.
I don't know what peoplebelieve, but my belief, I
believe in God, a higher power.
And as I was praying for amiracle, I heard this voice say,
Brandy, I will give you a secondchance.
There will not be a third.
What will you do?
And that kind of stopped me inmy tracks.
I was like, because we alreadyhad her first suicide attempt
(10:00):
and she got through it.
And this is her second.
I'll give you a second chance.
There will not be a third.
And I just said, I'll doanything.
And I heard the voice sayanything, and I said, anything,
just save my child.
And literally within one hour,she woke up and was fully
functional.
And I knew that that I knew thatwas an answer to my prayer.
(10:26):
I knew it was a miracle, and Iknew that God had granted me
that that.
And that's kind of what's keptme going through the last five
years, because there were daysand times I wanted to give up.
And so when she finally woke up,I said to her, um, well, the
first thing I said is, Are youglad you're alive?
Or do you really wish you wouldhave died this time?
(10:46):
And she said, Mom, I didn'treally want to die, but it was
too late.
And this is what we know,Michelle, people don't want to
die.
They just want to kill the pain.
And they don't know how to do itwithout taking their life.
And so, you know, long storyshort, after that, I said, Well,
will you make me a promise thatif you ever find yourself in
that dark place, you'll reachout to me, a friend, a family
member, uh, you know, like yourteacher, safe you tea.
(11:10):
And she said, Yeah.
I said, I know you don't want tolive.
I know.
I know you're struggling.
But will you do it for me?
And she said, Yes.
And it was the power of apromise that I since learned
that people who make a promiseahead of time are up to 60% more
likely to keep it when itcounts.
And this has been our missionwith Promise to Live.
(11:31):
We get everyone everywhere,whether or not you struggle, to
make a promise this very moment.
And I would invite all of yourlisteners and viewers to pause
and make us a promise right nowthat if you ever find yourself
in a really dark or hard placewithout hope, that you promise
you will reach out.
It can be to a friend, a familymember, a trusted resource, or
(11:52):
988.
Can you make that promise?
Just by simply making thatpromise.
When we don't love ourselvesenough, which is often the case,
we love the person we made itfor.
Or we want to honor ourintegrity, our word.
It's all we have.
And so that's step number one.
Step two is we connect people totrusted tools and resources in
one place.
I couldn't find them.
I was looking everywhere.
(12:12):
I didn't know where to go.
And I was like, what is goingon?
So I've spent the last timebuilding these resources.
We waited three months for herappointment to see a
psychologist, and she tried toend her life five days before
it.
People can't wait when they'rein crisis.
So we bridged the gap with AImental health, self-guided tools
and resources in one place sopeople can find them at promis
(12:33):
to live.org.
And then we build our communityof connection.
And there was a lot that wentinto it.
You know, we did our firstglobal broadcast on World
Suicide Prevention Day,September 10th.
And we reached my very firstyear 160,000 with hope and
tools.
The next year, 400,000.
The next year we moved it toHollywood, 3 million.
Last year we reached 7 million.
And this year on September 10th,we're going to be there.
(12:54):
And our goal is 10 million.
And our big campaign right nowis 1 million hugs for hope.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (12:59):
And I so just so everybody knows, I somebody
connected me with Brandy, Ithink it's been about almost two
months now ago.
And when I heard about hermission, I it resonated so
deeply with me.
Because as my listeners know, Iwent through my first time that
I contemplated suicide was whenI was 12 years old.
(13:21):
And I had a miraculousexperience that helped me have a
desire to live.
And nothing was working.
I just kept ending up in thehospital.
(13:41):
Well, and I, and I'm watching mylittle children, my entire life
I had wanted to be a mother.
My whole life I'd wanted to be amom.
I'd looked forward to it, and Iwas ruining their life.
Like that's what I was, I wascertain of it in my mind and in
my heart.
I was watching my childrensuffer because of my struggles.
And I became my unwell mind wastrying to find a way to fix the
(14:01):
problem.
And the only solution it waspresenting me at that point was
ending things.
And I became convinced that thatwas what was best for my
children.
And it was the day after mythird hospitalization that I was
watching my children play andhad this really clear thought
come into my mind that if I eversuccessfully ended ended my
(14:21):
life, I would ruin my daughter'slife.
She was four years old at thetime and it would ruin her life.
And in that moment, I knew thatit was true.
And I remember being shocked byit.
SPEAKER_01 (14:30):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (14:30):
Because I was so sure that I was going to make
everybody's lives better byleaving.
But in that moment, I knew thatwas true.
She she was a, you know, alittle mother hen, and she
wanted to help everybody behappy.
And I knew that if I ended mylife, she would think she'd done
something wrong and it wouldruin her life because she would
believe it was her fault.
So I became like determined tosurvive for her.
(14:52):
I didn't think I had hope forany, you know, any better life
for myself, but I knew that herlife had value, even though I
didn't think mine did.
And I was willing to survive forher.
And I will forever be gratefulfor that experience.
And I think that that's one ofthe things that the the thing
that resonated the most with mewith your organization is the
(15:12):
promise to live.
We need something to tether usto life.
There needs to be a reason tokeep living because when people
get to that point, and there's alot of different, I've talked to
a lot of different people.
So there are a lot of differentreasons why our minds convince
us that this is what needs tohappen.
You know, sometimes it's despairand you just want the pain to
end.
Sometimes, you know, for me as amom, my brain was like, you're
(15:34):
ruining everybody's life andthey're going to be better off
if you're not here.
You know, there are, there arepeople who are, you know,
convinced that they are, they'vedone things in their lives that
they will never recover from,nobody will ever love them, and
that they don't, their lifedoesn't have value.
I mean, there's a lot ofdifferent reasons why our brains
convince us that this is theonly option left.
But we need to find a way tohelp people recognize it's not
(15:59):
true.
Your mind is lying to you.
Well, and there is a reason tolive.
SPEAKER_01 (16:04):
I try to tell people, and I I know this is a
little controversial.
I did a podcast and it has like120,000 views already on it with
mixed, mixed comments because Isaid this and I'll say it again.
I take suicide off the table.
Remove it from your mind as anoption.
We put it in there, a lot ofpeople do, because we see it, we
(16:26):
hear it, and we think that,well, that is an option.
It is, it's the most horrible,painful, terrible option on the
planet.
In my in my mind, it's like,okay, well, you know, if you
lose your job, you don't think,well, if I can't get a new job,
maybe I'll just go rob a bank.
Because you know theconsequences are you could go to
(16:49):
prison for life.
You think about things, and it'slike if somebody makes you
really upset and you're very madand you want revenge, you don't
murder.
Is it an option?
Yes, it is, but it's a terribleoption.
Robbing a bank is a terribleoption.
Ending your life is a terribleoption.
It's it's horrible because ofthe pain and suffering it
(17:11):
causes.
And I know like people go, well,you shouldn't guilt me.
You shouldn't tell me what Ishould and shouldn't do.
But I'm here to tell you likethe aftermath is so painful.
And I know people don't want todo that.
They think it'd be better.
Nobody cares.
That's the lie.
That's a lie you tell yourself.
That's a lie that the adversarytells you.
Those are lies.
So many people for every onedeath, there's 135 people who
(17:35):
are impacted deeply.
And so you think it doesn'tmatter.
It does matter.
Like if you can just convinceyourself that no matter how bad
it gets, I'll never do that.
I'll never do that.
We make promises, we makecommitments when we get married.
I'll never cheat, right?
I'll be faithful.
Whatever it is that we're doing,we have to convince ourselves
(17:56):
that it's not an option.
Because if we play with it andwe put it in our mind as an
option, our brain wants to keepgoing there thinking that you
can.
And so, you know, my advice isfind whatever you can to remove
that out of your brain as evenan option.
It can't be an option.
When you get there, you know,pause.
And I know some people won'tmake the promise to live, and I
(18:18):
respect that because they justfeel like they can't.
But I say the promise is reallya promise that you're gonna
pause and you're gonna reachout.
Just take a minute, breathethrough it, reach out.
I was at a funeral last week fora little 16-year-old girl who
had a fight with her family andwent and found a firearm.
Her life was beautiful.
(18:40):
I spoke at her funeral.
There were hundreds of kids.
We gave out 750 of our promiseto live pocket hugs and had 750
people make the promise to live.
It was a reaction.
So remove the barriers thatallow for quick reactions and
long-term solutions toshort-term issues and problems.
(19:02):
Make sure you've got thingslocked up, put away.
Talk to your kids about it.
Talk to a therapist, take it offthe table.
Do everything you can to take itoff.
But also ask the people aroundyou, look them in the eyes and
say, make me a promise that ifyou struggle, you'll reach out.
Because when we start talkingabout it, it stops the stigma.
(19:24):
And when you actually ask, Ihave so many parents and and not
just parents, because like thehighest rate right now of
suicides and attempted suicidesare like 65 plus.
You know, there's a lot ofelderly people.
But when you look them in theeye and you say, make me that
promise, that means something tothem.
(19:44):
That might stop them from animpulsive decision.
And the other good thing thatpeople can do is say, you know,
hey, Michelle, on a scale of oneto 10, how are you feeling
today?
One being the worst and 10 beingthe best.
How are you?
And the other thing that we tellpeople is really add the word
really.
So if I say, hey, how are you?
Everybody's gonna answer thesame thing.
(20:05):
Oh, I'm fine, I'm good.
Live, laugh, love.
But if I say, Michelle, how areyou really doing?
Yeah, that gives you permission.
It lets you know I care.
So if you want to know howpeople are, start asking, how
are you really doing?
But ask the people that you loveto make you the promise.
It's so key.
And people can get pocket hugsonline at our website.
(20:27):
But even if you don't have apocket hug, just having that
conversation is key.
SPEAKER_00 (20:32):
Well, and and I think that opening up the
conversation is so crucialbecause I my suicidal ideation
didn't start the day that I madethe attempt.
It was going on for like a yearand a half, you know, it and it
started.
I think that that's one of thechallenges is, and I I do know
that there are people who itdidn't occur to them till they
tried.
So I'm not saying thateverybody's like this, but I
(20:53):
know a lot of people that thinkabout it, it keeps coming into
their mind and starts like it'sthis whisper in the back of your
head, you know.
And for me, it started out asnightmares.
I had terrible nightmares aboutdying, and I would wake up
feeling awful inside, you know,and then it started, you know,
turned into daydreams where mymind would like present
scenarios to me and I didn'twant to tell anybody.
I was really embarrassed andlike ashamed that I was having
(21:15):
those kinds of thoughts.
And I'm like, I'm not tellinganybody, they're gonna put me in
the hospital.
And so, but I one of the thingsthat I always tell people is
that allowing those thoughts tostay unchallenged is like having
an intruder in your home thatwants to kill you.
And if you allow that intruderto stay, at some point they're
going to make an attempt andthey might be successful.
And so it's so critical to havethese conversations, to bring it
(21:39):
out into the open because thisis the kind of thing that
thrives in darkness.
It thrives in secrecy.
It needs to be brought into thelight.
SPEAKER_01 (21:47):
Yep.
And simply having theseconversations, you know, when I
started to share our journey andour experience on social media,
all of a sudden people startedreaching out because I became a
safe place.
It's like, oh, brandy's.
Really willing to talk aboutthis.
Maybe I can share.
And she won't think I'm crazy orshe won't judge me, or I've been
through it.
I was blown away because as wegot out with Promise to Live and
(22:10):
we started talking at schoolsand businesses and hosting our
monthly mental health town hallswith Silicon Slopes.
We would talk to people, likethe CEO of a company, and we'd
sit down and he'd be like, Yeah,I lost my brother to suicide six
months ago.
And his whole team sitting theregoing, What, Bob?
Like, you you did?
I'm so sorry.
You never said anything.
(22:30):
And it's just like, it is.
It's it's the shame and thestigma and this fear that if
somebody you love dies, then youknow, maybe you're responsible
or maybe something's wrong.
I got a gal on my team.
My stepsister lost both of hersons to suicide.
One of the ladies on our teamlost all three of her sons to
suicide.
One of my volunteers at thehospital lost an entire
(22:53):
generation in less than a year.
The grandfather took his life,the grandson found him, the
grandson took his life, and thenthe father took him.
It's like a plague.
It's contagious.
And studies show that when oneperson dies by suicide, the odds
of somebody else within the homeor within the close social
circle go up 60 to 80 percent.
(23:13):
So as I'm speaking at thisfuneral last week of the
16-year-old, she lost both ofher uncles.
And here's her dad, and he'sjust struggling, and he's like,
I don't know what I can do.
So checking on those people isjust key and critical.
And I know I, you know, it'slike when I share, because it is
scary.
I'm a successful business owner,I'm an entrepreneur,
(23:35):
multi-million dollar company.
People look at you and go, ohyeah, you're successful, you're
great, you don't have anyproblems.
And then it's like, well, I hada suicide attempt at 12.
I almost lost my mom becauseshe's got debilitating disease
and pain, chronic pain,psoriatic arthritis,
degenerative bone, all thesethings.
(23:56):
She's had 20 plus surgeries.
You know, there's days peoplelike that don't want to live.
And a few years ago, my mom wasone of them.
And then I have, you know, asister who hit perimenopause and
all of a sudden, like, didn'tunderstand what was going on,
but had the these feelings.
And you start to talk about it,and then you're like, are people
gonna think that we're allreally messed up because we've
(24:19):
had these?
Then you start to talk, and it'slike, no, I felt the same way.
We went through the same thing.
It's amazing how many people aredirectly impacted or indirectly.
I mean, it's basically everyone.
This is the biggest problem ofour time because for every one
suicide we have, and then thenumbers are 730.
(24:39):
That's reported from a couple ofyears ago.
Most people average it's almosta million people a year that die
by suicide.
For every one death, Michelle,and I'm not here to be doom and
gloom.
I'm just trying to show themagnitude of the problem and why
it's urgent that we act nowbecause it could be you or
somebody you love.
For every one death, there's 32attempts, 32 other people that
(25:00):
attempt.
That's 32 million a year.
For every one death, 135 peopleare directly impact impacted.
That's 135 million people thatare directly impacted by this
every year.
And it's not just suicide.
I I mean you you look atsuicide, but like what we focus
on is addiction, trauma, abuse,mental health, all these things
(25:26):
because it's this viciouscircle.
So when we talk about suicidedeaths, oh, somebody overdosed.
Oh, was that a drug overdose orwas that an intentional
overdose?
We don't know.
You know, you just look at thisand you go, okay, we have to do
something now.
And Da Vinci said it best.
He said, I've been impressedwith the urgency of doing.
Knowing is not enough.
(25:47):
We must be be willing.
Being willing is not enough.
We must do.
So right now I challengeeveryone to start doing
something for yourself, forothers.
Like we have to act.
And if you think it's not goingto impact you, I hate to tell
you you're wrong.
It will.
It's not if, it's when.
SPEAKER_00 (26:06):
Yeah.
So let's talk about.
I I want to talk about you havesome really great resources.
You've mentioned the pocket hug.
So can you tell people what apocket hug is?
SPEAKER_01 (26:15):
I know.
I was wishing I had one on me.
I'm looking here because I haveone right here.
Oh, here we go.
I have one in my desk okay.
I was gonna say it's in there.
So here's what happened with thepocket hug.
And a lot of people don't knowthe backstory.
You know, it's what happened isI started talking about this.
I started doing Promise to Live.
(26:37):
We had our social mediacampaigns, and one of my
husband's childhood friends, Imet her one time at his dad's
funeral, and she followed me onsocial.
And out of the blue, I guess shehad gotten my address.
She found it online, she sent itto my business.
And it was this card, and it wasjust a handwritten card to say,
Hey, Brandy, I just want you toknow I admire the work you're
(26:58):
doing, and I think it's amazing.
I've been following you, but shebut the card, the handwritten
letter said, But how are youreally doing?
Does anybody ever check on you?
And I'm like, wow, no, peopledon't generally check on me.
And it meant a lot.
And she sent me this littlegeneric pocket hug.
(27:20):
And I'd never seen one, but itwas like the little disc and it
had a heart on it.
And then on the back it had thelittle poem that said, This is a
pocket hug for me to you.
When when times are tough, it'sit's a hug, you know.
And I was like, wow, this isreally cool.
So I took the coin, I put it inmy pocket, and every time I
touched it, I was like, huh,huh.
You know, it just made me feelwarm, it made me feel loved, it
(27:41):
made me feel valued.
And I had it in there for fouror five weeks.
And then my friend called me andsaid, My son just died.
Will you speak at his funeral?
And I met her because when Ivolunteered at the hospital, she
also lost a daughter.
And her daughter was about 35.
She was a police dispatcher, andshe died.
(28:04):
They ruled it a suicide.
But I was with her for four orfive weeks on life support, and
I got to know the family well.
And so I spoke at her daughter'sfuneral.
And then when her son died, sheasked me to speak at her son's
funeral, and she wasinconsolable.
And I was, I, you know, I wasfreaking out too.
And I'm reaching in my pocketand I'm clasping this pocket hug
that somebody sent me.
(28:24):
And I was like, dang.
And so I felt inspired to giveit to her.
And I reached out and I said,Kathy, somebody gave me this
coin like four or five weeksago.
They sent it to me and it'sbrought me a lot of comfort.
I want you to have it.
And so I gave it to her rightbefore the funeral.
A week later, she messages meand she said, Brandy, I just
want you to know what that coindid for me.
She goes, That pocket hug got methrough the hardest week of my
(28:46):
entire life when I didn't wantto get out of bed, when I
thought I couldn't.
It gave me comfort, it gave mecourage, it gave me strength.
And thank you so much.
I felt like you were with me.
And I felt like it just buoyedme up.
I said, Wow, kind of did thatfor me too.
What if I could create these andwe could give them out?
So I went back to my office andwe created the Promise to Live
(29:09):
pocket hug.
So you can kind of see there, itsays pocket hug, promise to
live, and it has our website onthe bottom.
And the website has all of ourtools and resources.
On the back, it says, when timesare tough and you don't know
what to do, here's a hug from meto you.
Call or text 988 if you'restruggling.
And so this went out, and so farwe've given out about 120,000 of
(29:33):
these in the last couple ofyears.
And our mission this year is togive out 100,000 because when we
give these out and we ask you tomake the promise to live, which
is the promise to reach out forhelp, you get one to keep and
you get one to give.
And that helps us create ourcommunity of connection.
SPEAKER_00 (29:47):
The first time I came to, so you you one of the
resources that you have is youdo these weekly forms or monthly
forums, sorry, monthly forums,where you have different topics
that will, you know, people willtalk about last time.
I think it was grief.
That was so incredible.
And the first time I came wasthe first time I got a pocket
hug.
And I remember as I was holdingit thinking about it, I thought
(30:07):
about what a powerful thing itis to have a physical reminder
that somebody wants you here,right?
That that your life mattersbecause it's so easy for us to
get so caught up in this all theturmoil in our minds, in our
hearts, that we start to, youknow, we're our we go outside of
ourselves and we we don't be,you know, we feel um
(30:30):
disconnected.
Right.
Right and and having a physicalreminder that no, your life
matters.
We want you here.
I want you here.
unknown (30:39):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (30:40):
That helps it helps us to have a physical thing to
tether us back to to ourreality, to life.
SPEAKER_01 (30:46):
It's tangible.
You can feel it, you can holdit, you can every time you touch
it, you remember, you rememberthe promise you made.
You remember that you're amazingand you're awesome.
I mean, I give these out all thetime.
I'll go to Maverick and grab adrink, or I'll go through the
drive-thru or something.
And before I leave, I'm like,hey, I hand it over and I said,
I just want to give you a hugtoday.
(31:07):
And they pick it up and theyturn it over and they read it
and they're like, How did youknow I needed that?
I said, Because all of us needto know that.
And they'll get emotional andsay, I've been struggling.
It gives them the permission.
And then I'll say, How manypeople are working with you?
Go give them a hug for me.
Sometimes all it takes is oneperson being seen, being
noticed.
I mean, I'm friends with KevinHines, if you know his story.
(31:27):
He's one of the only eversurvivors to jump off the Golden
Gate Bridge.
And he he was just 19 and hecried the whole way for miles,
riding the bus and walking.
And he said, If one person stopsme, if one person noticed me, if
somebody says something to me, Iwon't jump.
And the whole time nobody did.
And then he gets to the bridge,and one lady taps him on the
shoulder and says, Excuse me.
(31:47):
And he thinks, wow, I'm seeing.
And he turns around and shesays, Will you take our picture?
He's crying and he takes theirpicture and then he went and
jumped.
And he said, The moment hejumped, he knew he didn't want
to die and he made the biggestmistake of his life.
Then all he wanted to do wassurvive.
And it was wild because uh a sealion buoyed him up until rescue
could get there.
But you know, he said it wasjust one sign.
(32:08):
And we had an experience with amember on my team, most random
experience.
She calls a fast food place.
She's looking for pickles of allthings, and she calls and she
says, I need pickles.
And the lady was kind of sad andshe noticed, she goes, Hey, how
are you doing?
She's like, I'm okay.
She goes, No, no, no.
How are you really doing?
This is a phone call between oneof my volunteers and a manager
at a fast food restaurant.
(32:28):
And she says, Actually, I'm notgood.
I was diagnosed with cancertoday.
I'm not good.
And my friend goes in there andshe gives her a big hug.
And she didn't have any pockethugs, but she does a 911 to our
group and says, Is it anybody inthe area with a pocket hug?
And our Barb, who's our eventmanager, she shows up uh the
next day, finds this manager,gives her the pocket hug, has
(32:51):
her make the promise to live,gives her a big hug, and the
lady says, You know what?
I was gonna end my life.
I was gonna end my life.
I didn't think this was worthfighting for.
And the good news is she's stillhere.
She's still here because twopromise to live volunteers cared
enough to get her to make thepromise to live, and she made
that promise, and it got herthrough that dark moment of her
(33:12):
life.
You know, nobody knows what thenext six months or six years are
going to bring.
And so it's critical that wemake that promise and that we
have a community and that wecheck on one another.
And that's kind of what thisdoes is when you're keeping it
in there, it's just thisreminder that somebody cared and
here's where the resources are.
You can go on here and findresources 24-7, free of charge
(33:34):
in one place under Get Help.
SPEAKER_00 (33:36):
Yeah, let's talk about what the resources are on
there because I think one of thechallenges is when you get to
that level of hopelessness thatyou're really ready to do
something drastic.
Yeah, it feels like there'snothing left.
You know, we we feel likethere's, you know, this is, I
just need the pain to end, Ijust need the suffering to end,
I don't want to hurt peopleanymore.
Whatever the rationale is thatyour unwell mind has come up
(33:58):
with that has convinced you thatthis is the only option left.
I think that we don't feel likethere's any, you know, there's
we really do believe thatthere's no other option.
This is the only way to go.
So, what kinds of resources doyou have on your website that
that you present to people thathelp them?
SPEAKER_01 (34:16):
So we partnered with Eliza Chat and new NUE.
They offer mental health AI.
So it's it's not therapy, but itis help, right?
But it's an AI assistance thathas it's by doctors and
clinicians and psychologists,and it's contained.
(34:36):
So anybody can go in there andchat and share what they're
feeling, and they're gonna getgood advice and good feedback.
So that's available.
And what we've what we found andwhat they've said is that eight
out of 10 people would prefer todo something that way than have
a conversation.
We partnered with BlumquistHell.
They provide, you know, mentalhealth solutions for about
(34:56):
500,000 people across our state.
And they've been gracious enoughto say, here you go.
And so we're we're in theprocess right now.
You know, everything takes moneyand time.
So we've been putting the moneyand time in to get the API
solutions in there where peoplecan have access to hundreds of
videos by doctors and cliniciansand counselors and that will
address things like burnout,PTSD, postpartum.
(35:20):
I I mean, name it, like they'vegot expert advice, that's
self-guided therapy.
We have all of the AFSP, NAMI,Jed, Trevor, Safe UT, live on.
We put all these in one place,the VA resources.
We're working with a 24-7telehealth company to get those
resources on there so that whenpeople say I'm struggling,
(35:42):
they're not waiting, you know,six weeks to 18 months.
They can go there and at leastbridge the gap.
We're not saying this is thesolution for everyone.
But one of the other things I'vebeen trying to find, I've been
on a mission the last five yearsbecause I realize not it's not
one size fits all.
Right.
You know, for some people, talktherapy is great.
(36:03):
For some people, medication isgreat, for some people,
hypnotherapy, hydrotherapy,ketamine, microdosing.
There's a ton of differentmodalities, I think, that are
out there, but often peopledon't know about them.
You know, I've got a really goodfriend whose son had a migraine
for four years, couldn't fix it,and ended up at 22, taking his
(36:24):
life.
But but now there's medicationsand there's treatments and
there's things.
So we try to find hope andresources that maybe people
haven't heard of, and evensimple things.
Like I was talking to a doctorwho runs a postpartum clinic in
the Midwest, and he was tellingme something that you don't even
think about.
And I'm like, why aren't wecollaborating on this?
Why doesn't the world know?
(36:45):
Because there's things that arehappening, like he said he had a
hundred women who came in thatwere either suicidal,
postpartum, or homicidal, reallystruggling.
They ran blood tests and theyfound that every single one of
these women had copper toxicity.
They had toxic levels of copperin their blood.
He said, I treated that and theyall felt better and went home.
(37:06):
So, you know, I'm going, well,what is that?
What is, you know, where's theresearch on that?
So part of my mission has beento dig in and see we have all
these silos everywhere in mentalhealth and suicide and
depression and bipolar, likeeverybody's working in their
silo.
And I think that we just have toknock down the walls because the
(37:28):
rising tide lifts us all.
But we we can't do better if wedon't know better.
And so if people are working ontheir things here and either
they're not getting the messageout or they're not sharing it,
or people just aren't finding itor hearing about it, then what?
And this is what I'm finding isall over, there's great
resources, there's greatprograms and research.
(37:49):
But if people don't know whereit is or where to find it, then
what good is it actually doing?
And that's been part of Promiseto Live's mission is we want to
capture everybody and we want toshift from awareness.
We're all aware there's aproblem.
Yeah, we know about it.
What are we doing?
What is an action andaccountability step?
Make the promise to live.
Takes 30 seconds to 60 secondsto get somebody to make a
(38:12):
promise.
Go on our website, make thepromise.
That accountability, huge.
You know, if up to 60% of peopleare uh keep a promise they make,
that's huge.
Connecting them to the trustedtools and resources.
Again, if they can't find them,so we've been trying to gather.
So if people have those trustedtools and resources, and it's a
(38:32):
work in progress.
It takes time, effort, and moneyto get all these things on a
website.
And we try to go through it andmake sure that what we're
putting on there is good.
We've been working withdevelopers, so this is currently
in process, but we want to putall of these resources in there
and these articles for people inour newsletter that we're
sending out to say, hey, haveyou thought about, you know,
this treatment?
(38:52):
Have you heard about that?
Have you heard of?
I mean, even simple things likewhat you're working on.
Fragrances, there's so manydifferent things.
So we want to make sure thatwhen you go to Promise to Live,
I mean, essentially our goal, mygoal, is that Promise to Live is
like the Red Cross, but formental health.
You know, when crisis strikesanywhere around the world,
people think of Red Cross andthey show up and they help, but
(39:15):
they deliver their hope and helpafter crisis.
Promise to live is a pre-crisis.
We want everyone to come to useverywhere, make the promise, be
proactive, find the tools andresources and the community that
you need for connection and hopebefore you get to that point.
So we're always looking forpartners, we're always looking
(39:37):
for affiliates, we're looking atour sustainability model right
now, which is like if there's acompany that does fundraising,
if they do roundups, if they doroll-up campaigns, if they do
matching campaigns, you know, ifif you want to donate a dollar
per tire or$200 per mortgage orloan or household, there's just
all kinds of things that we cando where it not only helps us be
(39:59):
sustainable, but it helps them,you know, if you're coming to a
tire shop and they say, hey, wecare about you, not just your
car and your tires.
We care about your mentalhealth.
We invite you, we've partneredwith Promise to Live to make a
promise while you're sitting inthe lobby.
All the dental clinics, make apromise.
Like we care about people, andit's all of our jobs, and we can
all do something.
(40:20):
And it can be as easy as having,you know, a vinyl or a banner or
something in your office, givingpeople a coin with um a cone or
you know what I mean, whateverit is, looking for partners to
to really get involved and showthat that as a community, we
care and we're here and thereare resources and you can talk
about it.
That is gonna help us save liveson a mass scale.
SPEAKER_00 (40:42):
Yeah.
And I want to talk a little bitabout what it looks like when
you make the promise to live.
If you are right at the edge, ifyou are right there and you make
the decision like I did, likeI'm going to, I'm committing to
survive for my daughter.
The first year after that waswhite knuckling it, just hanging
on for dear life.
And so it doesn't, it's not likesomehow magically everything
(41:05):
goes away and everything getsbetter.
unknown (41:07):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (41:07):
Yeah.
But it's but it is the way thatyou think about things changes.
It's a slight, it's a slightshift that just aims you in a
different direction.
And one of the things that I Iwill tell you for myself, and I
have also heard from otherpeople, and I'm not going to ask
for specifics because I I honorthe privacy of your daughter,
but but she, I I would guess,based on I I did have the honor
(41:32):
of meeting her, that she wouldbe grateful that she didn't
succeed.
Oh, is that right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
She has an incredible life now.
Like she's and she's anincredible person.
That's the thing that I I want,I would hope that there's a way
to help people understand howmuch value their life,
specifically, their life has,how much more they add to the
(41:54):
world by just being here, andthat they have more to offer.
I really truly believe that.
And my life, I like I wasn'tcapable of, I was barely
surviving my life when I when Iwas at this point in my life.
My kids were barely surviving.
They were surviving on chickennuggets most of the time because
I didn't even have the energy tomake food for them.
You know, so it was chickennuggets and, you know, grilled
(42:15):
cheese sandwiches.
But over time, as I, as my mindshifted in a different
direction, and I thought atfirst it was just surviving.
I was just going to survive forher.
And then I had an experiencewhere I thought, okay, nobody's
coming to save you.
You have got to find a way tosave yourself.
And the shift in that started metowards, okay, what do I need to
do?
How do I, how do I save myself?
(42:35):
Like I feel like I've been doingeverything the doctors told me
to do and nothing's gettingbetter.
It's just getting worse.
But because I changed the waythat I looked at things and I
reached out for help when Ineeded it, gradually I was able
to find the tools and resourcesthat help me to heal.
And now I get to do that samething for other people.
And every single day of my life,I'm grateful to be here.
I joke all the time.
(42:56):
I'm like, I'm only in my secondhalf.
I'm living to be at least ahundred years old.
So like I've got too much to do.
So that is like a dramatic shiftfrom not wanting to be here
anymore to wanting to live aslong as I possibly can so that I
can help as many people as Ipossibly can.
And so I think that that's oneof the things I'd love to talk a
little bit about is what itlooks like afterwards.
(43:16):
Because, like I said, it's notlike all of a sudden things are
better when you make thatpromise, but it does shift the
way that you're looking at yourlife.
SPEAKER_01 (43:23):
It took years, you know, years of my daughter
finally decided to get somemedication.
She decided to go to counseling.
We worked through things, wetalked openly, she adopted some
of the training, like radicalacceptance and some of the DBT
training and stuff.
And, you know, it was a fewyears later.
We we had a very hardconversation about politics and
(43:44):
taxes and all the things thatadults hate to deal with, but
she was moving out to adult.
She graduated a year early onthe honor roll.
She moved out two weeks aftershe turned 18.
She owns her own company rightnow.
She builds professional mascots.
She's an incredible artist at19.
And she looked at me after thisconversation.
I thought she was going to say,Mom, you're ridiculous.
(44:05):
I don't want to talk about thisstuff.
And she just stared at me for awhile and she goes, I can't wait
to get old like you.
And I cried because it was thefirst time in five years she
said she saw a future.
I mean, and I was old.
I know that.
So it kind of hurt.
But I was like genuinely happybecause it was literally the
first time she had said she sawa future in her life and that
(44:27):
she wanted to get old.
And that meant so much to me.
And she's at a point now, youknow, it's a struggle running a
company.
She called me last week and shesaid, Mom, I can't do this.
I'm not going to hurt myself.
I want you to know I'm in a safeplace.
Like I'm I'm past that, but I'mstruggling and I need help with
my business.
And so there's been goodconversations like that.
My friend Joe Tuyana with I LoveYou Bro, you know, he talked the
(44:50):
guy off the bridge three, fouryears ago.
The guy was gonna jump, hestopped, and he just loved him
off the bridge.
They maintained theirfriendship, and this past year
he got married.
Another friend of mine, hisdaughter was on suicide watch
for 15 years.
She just struggled allthroughout her youth and teens
and even into adulthood and justconstant work and love and
(45:11):
supervision.
And she she got married and shejust had her first baby.
And I saw her at my gala theother day, and she was happy.
You know, there's hope.
Uh, one of my other friends,LGBTQ, struggled and was going
to end his life.
And now he's running a companyand happy and successful.
I think sometimes people thinkthat it's not gonna get better.
(45:32):
And I would just say the best isyet to come.
And there's little things thatyou can do, there's little hacks
that I've learned.
I mean, I'm always studying andlearning and growing and trying
to say, okay, what can I do?
Just because I'm doing this andI understand everything doesn't
mean it's always roses.
So, you know, in the morning, assoon as I wake up, I spend the
first five minutes not lookingon my phone.
(45:53):
I just lay there and I meditateor I pray and I express
gratitude.
I'm thankful I woke up.
I'm thankful my body works.
I'm thankful I can walk.
I'm thankful for air.
I'm thankful for my home, that Ihave food, that I have a loving
husband next to me, that I havekids, whatever it is, find
things to be thankful for.
And then and then shift the wayyou think about it.
(46:14):
Instead of I was thinking, oh mygosh, I have to do this today.
I've got this, I have that, oh,I have all these things to do.
I have to.
I shifted the way I thoughtabout it that I get to.
I'm lucky today.
I get to be on your podcast, Iget to go to a lunch with
friends, I get to speak at aconference, I get to, I get to,
I get to.
It's a blessing that a lot of usdon't have.
(46:36):
And I actually just read a thinglast night that I'm gonna start
trying, and it's from apsychologist.
And he said, before you go tobed at night, you can manifest
and get your brain to work foryou.
Heal your brain while you sleep.
By before you go to bed, you sitdown and you write like three
things.
Things you're thankful for, whatyou want to accomplish, but in
(46:58):
the present tense, I'm gratefulthat I have abundance.
I'm grateful that I got thepromotion at work.
I'm grateful that my kids wantto see me.
You know, whatever it is.
You sit there and you writethese things, you write them
down, and then you spend, youknow, again, five minutes or
whatever before you go to bedmeditating or praying and
thinking of these things.
(47:18):
You read them, you say them, youfeel them, you think them, and
then you go to sleep.
And if that's the last thing youthink about, instead of, oh my
gosh, I've got this, my taxes,my 1099s, what all do I have to
do?
You think about these things,then as you sleep, that's the
channel your brain's on.
So there's all these littlethings.
I mean, getting out in nature,earthing, putting your feet in
(47:40):
the sand, putting touching thegrass, going for a walk up when
when you talk about mentalhealth and suicide prevention,
at least for my daughter and andall the stuff, they said make a
safety plan.
Yeah.
And I encourage people to dothis.
What's your safety plan?
And I know mine, I this still ishard.
There's some days that reallystink.
And I'm like, why am I doingthis?
It's a lot of work, it's it'shard, it's draining, all the
(48:04):
things.
And then I'm like, if I'mfeeling it, I need ice cream.
I want an Oreo blizzard.
I'm gonna roll down the windowsand I'm gonna turn up my music
and I'm gonna drive fast.
You know, like what are thethings that do it for me?
Am I gonna go hiking?
Am I gonna listen to music?
Am I gonna take a hot bath orshower?
Am I gonna listen to good music?
And I find that if you if yousit down and you write down all
(48:28):
the things that actually bringyou joy, bring you happiness,
make you feel good, painting apicture, art, playing soccer,
what is it that kind of gets youin that mode that you feel good?
Write down those things and whenyou feel it start to creep in,
kick it out and replace it withsomething better.
And you know, I was goingthrough some hard things this
week, dealing with stuff, andand it's like you have these
(48:51):
negative thoughts in your head,and they come in my head, but
I'm like, I'm the boss of mybody, I'm the boss of my mind.
My hands don't move unless Itell them to move.
I can sit here all day, and ifthey want to move, it's not
happening unless I say move.
Yeah, that's how it works.
So, you know, I was gettingthese negative thoughts in my
head, like, oh my gosh, I don'teven want to say what it is, but
(49:12):
it's like, screw that, screw me,you know, oh whatever.
And I'm just replacing it.
I'm thinking, okay, replace it.
Bless me.
Thank you.
Bless him.
I'm blessed.
I'm trying to replace those.
And I think it's our job, it'sexercise, it takes work, you
know.
And one of the quotes that Irepeat often, and a story I'll
(49:32):
share with you before we go, ischoose kindness, give grace,
lead with love.
I was working on a production,it was high stress, lots of
people.
I was one of the ones withseniority.
We have a guy who's new, showsup late, has a bad attitude.
You know, he walks in 15, 20minutes late, terrible attitude.
He's being rude and a jerk toeverybody.
(49:52):
And I'm noticing it and I'mgetting very angry and worked
up.
And I was getting ready to gotell him off.
Like, what is your problem?
Why are you acting like this?
Not welcome.
You need to change it.
And just as I'm walking over,you know, with a stride with
that, I'm gonna let him have it.
I went to talk to him and I gotthere, and it was like this
download that said, Don't dothat.
(50:14):
Give him grace.
And so instead of saying, What'syour problem?
I said, Mike, are you okay?
And just that pause, he hestopped for a minute and he
looked at me and he goes, No,actually, today's the
anniversary of my wife's death,and my kids were really
struggling this morning, and Ijust had a hard time.
(50:35):
And he got tears in his eyes,and I got tears in my eyes, and
I said, I'm so sorry, I didn'tknow.
And I just stood there and Igave him a big hug, and we just
stood in the middle of theproduction and just cried.
And I often thought about howdifferent that would have been
if I walked up and said, What'syour problem?
You know, he he was in not agood, safe place.
He was going through grief andloss and pain and struggle.
(50:55):
And the way people treat you hasnothing to do with you.
It's a reflection of what theythey're going through.
That's what I always try to tellpeople.
The way people treat you isn'tabout you, it's a reflection of
what they're going through.
And so he was treating peoplepoorly and he was angry and mean
because he was so sad.
And and so that stuck out to me.
And I just told myself, fromhere on out, I'm gonna choose
kindness, I'm gonna give grace,I'm gonna lead with love because
(51:17):
none of us knows what anyoneelse is going through.
And you're never going to regretthat.
When I was racing, you know, 50miles to get to the hospital, I
was driving like an idiot.
I know I was on the freeway.
I was going 90, 100 miles anhour because I wanted to see my
daughter before she passedbecause I thought she might not
make it.
So you see the car that'stailgating you, weaving in and
(51:37):
out of traffic.
It was me racing to see mydaughter, not knowing if I'd
ever get to see her again.
And I think about that whensomebody's tailgating me.
Where are you going?
What's going on in your life?
Are you going through a divorce?
Did you get a diagnosis?
Is your life rough?
Did your kids abandon you?
You know, what what is it that'sgoing on?
(51:58):
And if people can just pause andsay, you know what, life's hard.
I get it.
I'm just gonna give you gracewhen my food's late, when it's
cold, when the people aredriving, ridiculous, whatever it
is they're going through, theclerk, the doctor, give them
grace.
Choose kindness, lead with love,because that's what you want.
And so just pause, pause andchoose that.
(52:19):
It would be, I think, the bestadvice I could give anyone.
SPEAKER_00 (52:22):
Yeah, and and let reach out for connection.
Like we talked about earlier.
This thrives in the darkness.
These kinds of thoughts, thesekinds of feelings thrive in the
darkness, and we have to exposethem to light so that so that
they die.
And and have it takes a lot ofcourage to reach out to somebody
to just say, I need help.
I'm struggling, but please,please, please let us do that
(52:45):
for you.
Because my son wasn't so lucky.
We weren't lucky with him.
He succeeded in ending his life.
And the grief that comes withthat, the overwhelming grief
that comes with that, and andthe self-reproach, like I the
guilt, the shame, you know, Ithe it it was so overwhelming.
(53:06):
And my mind was constantlylooking at every mistake I ever
made as a mom, everything I everdid wrong for months and months
and months.
And thankfully I had somebodythat uh had gone through the
same thing that came to me, andand she told me that she had
started writing letters to herson.
And I started doing that.
(53:27):
And as I did that, I started toheal.
But man, I would have I wouldhave done anything for him.
I would have done anything forhim, and and I wish that I had
had the opportunity to help him.
There's so many times when ourunwell minds convince us that we
are a burden, that that peopledon't want to hear our problems,
they don't want to know aboutthe things that we're struggling
(53:50):
with.
That's not true.
It's a lie.
It's a lie.
Please have the courage.
Take that courageous step ofjust reaching out and say, I
need help.
I'm struggling.
And let people help you becausewe want to help you.
SPEAKER_01 (54:04):
And one thing too, Michelle, is, you know, if we
could, we always say, Oh mygosh, I just love you to death.
If we could love people to life,no one would die.
You know, our kids, we'd doanything for them.
And sometimes no matter how muchyou love them and how much you
do, they still get to choose.
We don't get to save everybody,but we can do our best trying.
(54:25):
And I think that the lastacronym for people that I'd like
to share is ASK ASK.
We partnered with MTV.
This is one of the things thatthey teach.
It's acknowledge, support, keepin touch.
And it looks like this (54:37):
you acknowledge the elephant in the
room.
You acknowledge the problem.
Hey, Michelle, I know you lostyour son.
How are you really doing?
Hey, I know you're going througha divorce.
I know you lost your job.
I know you're struggling withyour mental health.
I know politics are stressingyou out.
You acknowledge if you know whatthe pain point is, and you ask
(55:00):
them how they're doing.
People are afraid to ask thequestions because they think
they have to solve the problem.
You don't.
You just have to care and ask.
So you acknowledge, and then youhave support.
And support is simple, not I'mgonna fix you.
It's like, that must be so hard.
I'm really sorry you wentthrough that.
I can't imagine your pain.
It's a supportive comment of Isee you, I honor you.
(55:21):
I'm sharing that that is painfuland I am sorry.
That's it.
And then the K is keep in touch.
Will you check in with me nextweek or tomorrow?
Can we go to lunch?
It's giving somebody connection.
It's letting them know thatyou're gonna check on them, that
they're not alone, they havesomething to look forward to.
So whether you're struggling orsomeone you know is struggling,
(55:42):
ask, acknowledge, support, keepin touch.
You don't have to be a doctor ora clinician to do that.
You just have to care.
People just want to know you'rethere.
I love the saying when I was akid that if we were supposed to
talk more than we hear, we'dhave two mouths and one ear.
People just want to be heard.
So you just say, hey, I see thatyou're going through this.
(56:02):
That must be really hard.
Can you catch up with metomorrow as well?
Can you check in and let me knowhow you're doing?
Can we go for a walk, a drink,lunch, whatever it is?
So if you're struggling, ask.
Make the promise to live, choosekindness, give grace, lead with
love, find the hope, find theresources.
You're not broken.
The people you love aren'tbroken.
We're all going throughsomething.
(56:24):
And I promise you that there'shope, there's help, there's
healing.
It's on the other side.
It will come.
The best days are yet to come.
And you can get through it nomatter what.
If you have just the tiny,tiniest inkling, there's help
and it can get better.
It does, it will.
And I've seen it, seen itfirsthand multiple times.
SPEAKER_00 (56:46):
Absolutely.
Oh, Brandy, you're amazing.
I am so thankful for what you'redoing.
I'm so thankful that I found youand I really appreciate you
coming on today.
This has been such a fantasticconversation.
Where can people connect withyou?
If they want to get involved, ifthey want to get a pocket hug,
where can they connect with you?
SPEAKER_01 (57:03):
Absolutely.
Please thank you for having me.
Go to promise the number twolive.org, promisetolive.org.
You can find me on LinkedIn, youcan find me on Facebook under
Brandy Vega, B-R-A-N-D-Y, Vega.
On our website as well, we havevolunteers.
Start a chapter.
We're launching chapters allover the country where people
can build this movement, gettraining and education and help
(57:25):
people where they are.
We have ambassadors, um, allkinds of support on there.
So go to our website, getinvolved there, find us online,
find us at events.
If you're in Utah, we do ourmonthly town halls.
Those, of course, are also livestreamed.
You can find them later, but welove you.
If we can hate for any reason,we can love for any reason.
And I just want you to know thatI love you and that you can do
(57:47):
hard things and the world isbetter with you in it.
And that goes for you too,Michelle.
Keep up the great work.
You're such a light, a force ofgood.
And the more we talk about this,the more good we do.
So thank you for your part.
SPEAKER_00 (57:59):
Thank you so much, Brandy.
I will make sure everything islinked in the show notes.
So make sure you go into theshow notes, get connected, get a
pocket hug.
And I love that I love that theycome in sets of two so that you
get one for yourself, you makethe promise to live, and then
you get to give it to somebodyelse and invite them to make the
promise to live as well.
And I I challenge every one ofmy listeners, please make that
promise.
(58:20):
Will you please, please make thepromise to live?
Your life matters.
You add value to the world, andwe need you.
Thank you so much, Brandy.
Thank you.
And still next time, upsiders.
Thanks for joining me on theUpside of Bipolar.
Your journey to recoverymatters, and I'm grateful you're
(58:41):
here.
For more resources, visitwww.theupsideofbipolar.com.
If you're ready to dive deeper,grab my book, The Upside of
Bipolar, Seven Steps to HealYour Disorder.
If you're ready to heal yoursymptoms, join my monthly
membership, The Upsiders Tribe,to transform chaos into hope.
Until next time, Upsiders
As I was praying for a miracle, I heard this voice
say, Brandy, I will give you asecond chance.
There will not be a third.
What will you do?
And that kind of stopped me inmy tracks.
I was like, because we alreadyhad her first suicide attempt
and she got through it.
And this is her second.
I'll give you a second chance.
(00:21):
There will not be a third.
And I just said, I'll doanything.
And I heard the voice sayanything.
And I said, anything.
Just save my child.
And literally within one hour,she woke up and was fully
functional.
SPEAKER_00 (00:37):
Welcome to the Upside of Bipolar, where we
uncover the true sources ofbipolar symptoms and share
proven tools for recovery.
I'm your host, MichelleReitinger, number one
international best-sellingauthor of the Upside of Bipolar
Seven Steps to Heal YourDisorder.
In this podcast, I bring yousolo insights from my journey
and guest interviews withleading researchers and experts.
(00:58):
Join us to transform chaos intohope and reclaim your life.
Let's heal together.
Welcome to the Upside ofBipolar.
I am your host, MichelleReitinger, and I have a
phenomenal guest today.
I am so excited to welcomeBrandi Vega, who is the founder
(01:20):
of Promise to Live, a globalmovement dedicated to suicide
prevention, mental healthawareness, and meaningful human
connection.
After nearly losing her owndaughter to suicide, Brandy
turned her pain into purpose andhas since helped reach millions
worldwide with a simple,powerful message: make the
Promise to Live.
Brandi is an Army veteran,former television journalist,
(01:43):
entrepreneur, humanitarian, anda mother and wife.
Through Promise to Live, she hashelped distribute tens of
thousands of pocket hugs,launched community mental health
initiatives, hosted global livestreams, and inspired people in
more than 100 countries tochoose hope, connection, and
purpose.
Her mission is simple (02:01):
to help people know they are not alone
and to deliver hope, help,healing, and resources to those
that need it most.
Brandy, I am so excited to haveyou on the program today.
Thank you so much for joiningme.
I'm excited to be on yours.
SPEAKER_01 (02:16):
I love what you're doing and the work with bipolar
so important.
My oldest daughter is diagnosedwith bipolar as well.
SPEAKER_00 (02:23):
Well, let's start with your story.
SPEAKER_01 (02:25):
Okay, that's uh it's like, where do you even begin?
I mean, if you dive back intothe depths of Brandyland, uh,
there's a lot going on.
I was born initially in Arizona.
My parents were very young andteen parents.
My mom raised us kind of on ourown.
And so I learned the value ofhard work and knowing what it's
(02:48):
like not to have much.
Um, I ended up going throughsome of my own struggles.
And actually, I had a suicideattempt at 12.
And I remember feeling so justdark and heavy.
And halfway through my attempt,I heard a voice say, Your mom
can't handle this.
My mom always worked so hard forus and loved us.
(03:10):
And that was kind of the thingthat stopped me.
So I was always very passionateabout mental health and suicide
prevention.
In in my career, when I was 10years old, I knew I wanted to be
a broadcast journalist in publicaffairs.
That was my dream.
I was looking at the news and Ithought, I want to do that job.
I want to be on TV.
And so that was kind of my path.
Started in junior high highschool doing broadcast,
(03:33):
graduated early from high schoolto join the army as a broadcast
journalist and public affairsspecialist.
And I had a great career in themilitary.
Got to travel all over,interviewed the president of the
United States.
I worked at the War College, Igot to work with Condi Rice, Don
Rumsfeld, General Shinseki, anda lot of people deployed over to
(03:53):
Kosovo, Serbia, Macedonia,Croatia, did a lot of time over
there, covered the worldmilitary games, which is like
the Olympics for the military.
Did that, even had anopportunity to start reporting
for Fox News at just 20 yearsold.
I was the youngest reporter theyhad ever had, and it was just
great.
So my career was kind of inmedia and marketing.
(04:14):
I got out of the military, I hadmy daughter, and then I had
another daughter down the road.
Found myself as a single mom,always passionate about suicide
prevention and mental healthbecause of my own personal
experience.
In fact, I taught with theattorney general and I would go
to schools and talk aboutsuicide prevention and mental
health.
I did videos on it.
(04:35):
And then it happened to me.
You know, I didn't see itcoming.
My my middle child, all of asudden, you know, it's it's
going into junior high.
It's a hard time, strugglingwith just all the different
things, you know, junior high,puberty, uh, whatever.
And I knew all the signs andthings to look for, but I didn't
see it coming.
And uh, she tried to take herlife at just 12 years old.
(04:59):
And the first time, I thinkbecause of the shock and the
shame and the stigma, Michelle,we just buried it like a deep,
dirty, dark secret.
You know, I didn't want anyoneto know because I thought people
are gonna think I'm such aterrible person.
I'm working too much.
I built my studio, I built mynonprofit, I do a lot of work in
(05:19):
the community.
I was volunteering at thehospital doing nobody dies and
grief support and spiritual careand things.
I also had adopted my sonthrough foster care as a single
mom.
I got my foster care license.
I adopted a baby who was bornaddicted to a lot of things.
And then I was a surrogate for afamily who could not have kids
(05:41):
at, you know, 40, and thatlittle girl's turning eight here
this summer.
So I had done all these things,and then my own daughter tried
to take her life.
And and the shame that came withthat and the stigma, I just
thought my kid must hate me inher life so much, she'd rather
be dead.
It's my fault.
And I was too afraid to letanybody know.
(06:02):
And I didn't talk about it, sowe did.
We buried it.
And, you know, we had aconversation.
She didn't really want too muchhelp, but we tried.
We tried some medication andcounseling.
Didn't seem to go anywhere.
She didn't want to do it.
So we had the talk, and Ithought we were doing okay.
Two years later, I woke up withpolice banging on my door in the
(06:23):
middle of the night saying, Isthis your kid?
And I thought, oh no, what'd shedo?
Did she sneak out and go get introuble?
But thankfully her friend hadhad the courage to call 911.
And police came and woke us upin the middle of the night and
said, Go check on your daughter.
And we found her before it wastoo late.
And we we were able to get toprimary children's.
(06:45):
But when we got there, they hadso many kids attempt suicide.
They didn't even have a bed.
And I remember just breakingdown and and crying, and I was
in the room.
I was like, How did this happen?
And I was with some doctors andnurses.
They're like, we've never seenanything like this.
We've had more suicide attemptsthan we have ever seen from kids
eight to 18.
(07:05):
And just that day, they had hadover, I think, a dozen.
And we're in there just going,My goodness, what is going on?
Next day, same thing.
I came in there, like we hadanother like round, and this is
during pandemic, and they hadanother round of suicide
attempts.
And I went into my car becausewe didn't know for two days what
(07:28):
her prognosis would be.
Would she live?
Would she be functional?
Would she have issues?
Like, we just didn't know.
And I was praying and beggingGod for a miracle, and I went
out to my car and I did the mostvulnerable video of my life.
I'm used to being on video.
I was a news reporter.
I did TV, like I did all thisstuff.
(07:48):
But when you share these thingsthat are so personal and painful
and vulnerable, it's scary.
And I was sitting in my car atthe hospital and I was searching
at the hospital, trying to findresources.
I couldn't find them.
They were so scattered, and Iwas trying to reach out, and it
was just a nightmare.
So I got on my Facebook page, mypersonal, and I just said, I'm
(08:10):
at the hospital.
My kid attempted suicide.
I'm normally here as a volunteerdoing spiritual care.
Nobody dies alone.
Tonight I'm here as a mother.
I need help.
Where do I go?
What do I do?
And I knew some of my friendshad been through it, but when
you're in crisis, you can'tremember who.
And so I did that video, and onmy personal page, it went viral
(08:32):
overnight.
Over 12,000 views just on mypersonal Facebook page.
And I woke up in the morning tohundreds of messages from
people, some I knew, um, andthen I was like, yes, I do
remember you went through that.
Some I had never met, people hadshared it.
And I was blown away that I'vebeen through this, I've lost
someone, I'm struggling.
And and I got this feedback inthese messages.
Well, that day I go back to thehospital and I'm still begging
(08:54):
God, like, please just save mybaby.
Help me know what to do, help mehelp her.
And I got a call from my friendsat NBC.
And they said, Brandy, will youplease share your story on the
news?
I was like, are you kidding meright now?
I was disgusted.
I'm in the darkest, scariestplace of my life.
And you want me to go on TV andbe like, yeah, my kid tried to
(09:16):
kill herself.
I don't know if she's gonnalive.
You know, I I was really upsetby it, but I remembered that
world because that was my world.
And if it bleeds, it leads.
That's kind of how media is.
And I said, No way, I'm nottalking about this.
I was terrified.
I didn't want to be the face orthe voice.
No, no, thank you.
And that's what I told him.
But I went back in the hospitaland I'm I'm praying and I heard
(09:36):
a voice.
I don't know what peoplebelieve, but my belief, I
believe in God, a higher power.
And as I was praying for amiracle, I heard this voice say,
Brandy, I will give you a secondchance.
There will not be a third.
What will you do?
And that kind of stopped me inmy tracks.
I was like, because we alreadyhad her first suicide attempt
(10:00):
and she got through it.
And this is her second.
I'll give you a second chance.
There will not be a third.
And I just said, I'll doanything.
And I heard the voice sayanything, and I said, anything,
just save my child.
And literally within one hour,she woke up and was fully
functional.
And I knew that that I knew thatwas an answer to my prayer.
(10:26):
I knew it was a miracle, and Iknew that God had granted me
that that.
And that's kind of what's keptme going through the last five
years, because there were daysand times I wanted to give up.
And so when she finally woke up,I said to her, um, well, the
first thing I said is, Are youglad you're alive?
Or do you really wish you wouldhave died this time?
(10:46):
And she said, Mom, I didn'treally want to die, but it was
too late.
And this is what we know,Michelle, people don't want to
die.
They just want to kill the pain.
And they don't know how to do itwithout taking their life.
And so, you know, long storyshort, after that, I said, Well,
will you make me a promise thatif you ever find yourself in
that dark place, you'll reachout to me, a friend, a family
member, uh, you know, like yourteacher, safe you tea.
(11:10):
And she said, Yeah.
I said, I know you don't want tolive.
I know.
I know you're struggling.
But will you do it for me?
And she said, Yes.
And it was the power of apromise that I since learned
that people who make a promiseahead of time are up to 60% more
likely to keep it when itcounts.
And this has been our missionwith Promise to Live.
(11:31):
We get everyone everywhere,whether or not you struggle, to
make a promise this very moment.
And I would invite all of yourlisteners and viewers to pause
and make us a promise right nowthat if you ever find yourself
in a really dark or hard placewithout hope, that you promise
you will reach out.
It can be to a friend, a familymember, a trusted resource, or
(11:52):
988.
Can you make that promise?
Just by simply making thatpromise.
When we don't love ourselvesenough, which is often the case,
we love the person we made itfor.
Or we want to honor ourintegrity, our word.
It's all we have.
And so that's step number one.
Step two is we connect people totrusted tools and resources in
one place.
I couldn't find them.
I was looking everywhere.
(12:12):
I didn't know where to go.
And I was like, what is goingon?
So I've spent the last timebuilding these resources.
We waited three months for herappointment to see a
psychologist, and she tried toend her life five days before
it.
People can't wait when they'rein crisis.
So we bridged the gap with AImental health, self-guided tools
and resources in one place sopeople can find them at promis
(12:33):
to live.org.
And then we build our communityof connection.
And there was a lot that wentinto it.
You know, we did our firstglobal broadcast on World
Suicide Prevention Day,September 10th.
And we reached my very firstyear 160,000 with hope and
tools.
The next year, 400,000.
The next year we moved it toHollywood, 3 million.
Last year we reached 7 million.
And this year on September 10th,we're going to be there.
(12:54):
And our goal is 10 million.
And our big campaign right nowis 1 million hugs for hope.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (12:59):
And I so just so everybody knows, I somebody
connected me with Brandy, Ithink it's been about almost two
months now ago.
And when I heard about hermission, I it resonated so
deeply with me.
Because as my listeners know, Iwent through my first time that
I contemplated suicide was whenI was 12 years old.
(13:21):
And I had a miraculousexperience that helped me have a
desire to live.
And nothing was working.
I just kept ending up in thehospital.
(13:41):
Well, and I, and I'm watching mylittle children, my entire life
I had wanted to be a mother.
My whole life I'd wanted to be amom.
I'd looked forward to it, and Iwas ruining their life.
Like that's what I was, I wascertain of it in my mind and in
my heart.
I was watching my childrensuffer because of my struggles.
And I became my unwell mind wastrying to find a way to fix the
(14:01):
problem.
And the only solution it waspresenting me at that point was
ending things.
And I became convinced that thatwas what was best for my
children.
And it was the day after mythird hospitalization that I was
watching my children play andhad this really clear thought
come into my mind that if I eversuccessfully ended ended my
(14:21):
life, I would ruin my daughter'slife.
She was four years old at thetime and it would ruin her life.
And in that moment, I knew thatit was true.
And I remember being shocked byit.
SPEAKER_01 (14:30):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (14:30):
Because I was so sure that I was going to make
everybody's lives better byleaving.
But in that moment, I knew thatwas true.
She she was a, you know, alittle mother hen, and she
wanted to help everybody behappy.
And I knew that if I ended mylife, she would think she'd done
something wrong and it wouldruin her life because she would
believe it was her fault.
So I became like determined tosurvive for her.
(14:52):
I didn't think I had hope forany, you know, any better life
for myself, but I knew that herlife had value, even though I
didn't think mine did.
And I was willing to survive forher.
And I will forever be gratefulfor that experience.
And I think that that's one ofthe things that the the thing
that resonated the most with mewith your organization is the
(15:12):
promise to live.
We need something to tether usto life.
There needs to be a reason tokeep living because when people
get to that point, and there's alot of different, I've talked to
a lot of different people.
So there are a lot of differentreasons why our minds convince
us that this is what needs tohappen.
You know, sometimes it's despairand you just want the pain to
end.
Sometimes, you know, for me as amom, my brain was like, you're
(15:34):
ruining everybody's life andthey're going to be better off
if you're not here.
You know, there are, there arepeople who are, you know,
convinced that they are, they'vedone things in their lives that
they will never recover from,nobody will ever love them, and
that they don't, their lifedoesn't have value.
I mean, there's a lot ofdifferent reasons why our brains
convince us that this is theonly option left.
But we need to find a way tohelp people recognize it's not
(15:59):
true.
Your mind is lying to you.
Well, and there is a reason tolive.
SPEAKER_01 (16:04):
I try to tell people, and I I know this is a
little controversial.
I did a podcast and it has like120,000 views already on it with
mixed, mixed comments because Isaid this and I'll say it again.
I take suicide off the table.
Remove it from your mind as anoption.
We put it in there, a lot ofpeople do, because we see it, we
(16:26):
hear it, and we think that,well, that is an option.
It is, it's the most horrible,painful, terrible option on the
planet.
In my in my mind, it's like,okay, well, you know, if you
lose your job, you don't think,well, if I can't get a new job,
maybe I'll just go rob a bank.
Because you know theconsequences are you could go to
(16:49):
prison for life.
You think about things, and it'slike if somebody makes you
really upset and you're very madand you want revenge, you don't
murder.
Is it an option?
Yes, it is, but it's a terribleoption.
Robbing a bank is a terribleoption.
Ending your life is a terribleoption.
It's it's horrible because ofthe pain and suffering it
(17:11):
causes.
And I know like people go, well,you shouldn't guilt me.
You shouldn't tell me what Ishould and shouldn't do.
But I'm here to tell you likethe aftermath is so painful.
And I know people don't want todo that.
They think it'd be better.
Nobody cares.
That's the lie.
That's a lie you tell yourself.
That's a lie that the adversarytells you.
Those are lies.
So many people for every onedeath, there's 135 people who
(17:35):
are impacted deeply.
And so you think it doesn'tmatter.
It does matter.
Like if you can just convinceyourself that no matter how bad
it gets, I'll never do that.
I'll never do that.
We make promises, we makecommitments when we get married.
I'll never cheat, right?
I'll be faithful.
Whatever it is that we're doing,we have to convince ourselves
(17:56):
that it's not an option.
Because if we play with it andwe put it in our mind as an
option, our brain wants to keepgoing there thinking that you
can.
And so, you know, my advice isfind whatever you can to remove
that out of your brain as evenan option.
It can't be an option.
When you get there, you know,pause.
And I know some people won'tmake the promise to live, and I
(18:18):
respect that because they justfeel like they can't.
But I say the promise is reallya promise that you're gonna
pause and you're gonna reachout.
Just take a minute, breathethrough it, reach out.
I was at a funeral last week fora little 16-year-old girl who
had a fight with her family andwent and found a firearm.
Her life was beautiful.
(18:40):
I spoke at her funeral.
There were hundreds of kids.
We gave out 750 of our promiseto live pocket hugs and had 750
people make the promise to live.
It was a reaction.
So remove the barriers thatallow for quick reactions and
long-term solutions toshort-term issues and problems.
(19:02):
Make sure you've got thingslocked up, put away.
Talk to your kids about it.
Talk to a therapist, take it offthe table.
Do everything you can to take itoff.
But also ask the people aroundyou, look them in the eyes and
say, make me a promise that ifyou struggle, you'll reach out.
Because when we start talkingabout it, it stops the stigma.
(19:24):
And when you actually ask, Ihave so many parents and and not
just parents, because like thehighest rate right now of
suicides and attempted suicidesare like 65 plus.
You know, there's a lot ofelderly people.
But when you look them in theeye and you say, make me that
promise, that means something tothem.
(19:44):
That might stop them from animpulsive decision.
And the other good thing thatpeople can do is say, you know,
hey, Michelle, on a scale of oneto 10, how are you feeling
today?
One being the worst and 10 beingthe best.
How are you?
And the other thing that we tellpeople is really add the word
really.
So if I say, hey, how are you?
Everybody's gonna answer thesame thing.
(20:05):
Oh, I'm fine, I'm good.
Live, laugh, love.
But if I say, Michelle, how areyou really doing?
Yeah, that gives you permission.
It lets you know I care.
So if you want to know howpeople are, start asking, how
are you really doing?
But ask the people that you loveto make you the promise.
It's so key.
And people can get pocket hugsonline at our website.
(20:27):
But even if you don't have apocket hug, just having that
conversation is key.
SPEAKER_00 (20:32):
Well, and and I think that opening up the
conversation is so crucialbecause I my suicidal ideation
didn't start the day that I madethe attempt.
It was going on for like a yearand a half, you know, it and it
started.
I think that that's one of thechallenges is, and I I do know
that there are people who itdidn't occur to them till they
tried.
So I'm not saying thateverybody's like this, but I
(20:53):
know a lot of people that thinkabout it, it keeps coming into
their mind and starts like it'sthis whisper in the back of your
head, you know.
And for me, it started out asnightmares.
I had terrible nightmares aboutdying, and I would wake up
feeling awful inside, you know,and then it started, you know,
turned into daydreams where mymind would like present
scenarios to me and I didn'twant to tell anybody.
I was really embarrassed andlike ashamed that I was having
(21:15):
those kinds of thoughts.
And I'm like, I'm not tellinganybody, they're gonna put me in
the hospital.
And so, but I one of the thingsthat I always tell people is
that allowing those thoughts tostay unchallenged is like having
an intruder in your home thatwants to kill you.
And if you allow that intruderto stay, at some point they're
going to make an attempt andthey might be successful.
And so it's so critical to havethese conversations, to bring it
(21:39):
out into the open because thisis the kind of thing that
thrives in darkness.
It thrives in secrecy.
It needs to be brought into thelight.
SPEAKER_01 (21:47):
Yep.
And simply having theseconversations, you know, when I
started to share our journey andour experience on social media,
all of a sudden people startedreaching out because I became a
safe place.
It's like, oh, brandy's.
Really willing to talk aboutthis.
Maybe I can share.
And she won't think I'm crazy orshe won't judge me, or I've been
through it.
I was blown away because as wegot out with Promise to Live and
(22:10):
we started talking at schoolsand businesses and hosting our
monthly mental health town hallswith Silicon Slopes.
We would talk to people, likethe CEO of a company, and we'd
sit down and he'd be like, Yeah,I lost my brother to suicide six
months ago.
And his whole team sitting theregoing, What, Bob?
Like, you you did?
I'm so sorry.
You never said anything.
(22:30):
And it's just like, it is.
It's it's the shame and thestigma and this fear that if
somebody you love dies, then youknow, maybe you're responsible
or maybe something's wrong.
I got a gal on my team.
My stepsister lost both of hersons to suicide.
One of the ladies on our teamlost all three of her sons to
suicide.
One of my volunteers at thehospital lost an entire
(22:53):
generation in less than a year.
The grandfather took his life,the grandson found him, the
grandson took his life, and thenthe father took him.
It's like a plague.
It's contagious.
And studies show that when oneperson dies by suicide, the odds
of somebody else within the homeor within the close social
circle go up 60 to 80 percent.
(23:13):
So as I'm speaking at thisfuneral last week of the
16-year-old, she lost both ofher uncles.
And here's her dad, and he'sjust struggling, and he's like,
I don't know what I can do.
So checking on those people isjust key and critical.
And I know I, you know, it'slike when I share, because it is
scary.
I'm a successful business owner,I'm an entrepreneur,
(23:35):
multi-million dollar company.
People look at you and go, ohyeah, you're successful, you're
great, you don't have anyproblems.
And then it's like, well, I hada suicide attempt at 12.
I almost lost my mom becauseshe's got debilitating disease
and pain, chronic pain,psoriatic arthritis,
degenerative bone, all thesethings.
(23:56):
She's had 20 plus surgeries.
You know, there's days peoplelike that don't want to live.
And a few years ago, my mom wasone of them.
And then I have, you know, asister who hit perimenopause and
all of a sudden, like, didn'tunderstand what was going on,
but had the these feelings.
And you start to talk about it,and then you're like, are people
gonna think that we're allreally messed up because we've
(24:19):
had these?
Then you start to talk, and it'slike, no, I felt the same way.
We went through the same thing.
It's amazing how many people aredirectly impacted or indirectly.
I mean, it's basically everyone.
This is the biggest problem ofour time because for every one
suicide we have, and then thenumbers are 730.
(24:39):
That's reported from a couple ofyears ago.
Most people average it's almosta million people a year that die
by suicide.
For every one death, Michelle,and I'm not here to be doom and
gloom.
I'm just trying to show themagnitude of the problem and why
it's urgent that we act nowbecause it could be you or
somebody you love.
For every one death, there's 32attempts, 32 other people that
(25:00):
attempt.
That's 32 million a year.
For every one death, 135 peopleare directly impact impacted.
That's 135 million people thatare directly impacted by this
every year.
And it's not just suicide.
I I mean you you look atsuicide, but like what we focus
on is addiction, trauma, abuse,mental health, all these things
(25:26):
because it's this viciouscircle.
So when we talk about suicidedeaths, oh, somebody overdosed.
Oh, was that a drug overdose orwas that an intentional
overdose?
We don't know.
You know, you just look at thisand you go, okay, we have to do
something now.
And Da Vinci said it best.
He said, I've been impressedwith the urgency of doing.
Knowing is not enough.
(25:47):
We must be be willing.
Being willing is not enough.
We must do.
So right now I challengeeveryone to start doing
something for yourself, forothers.
Like we have to act.
And if you think it's not goingto impact you, I hate to tell
you you're wrong.
It will.
It's not if, it's when.
SPEAKER_00 (26:06):
Yeah.
So let's talk about.
I I want to talk about you havesome really great resources.
You've mentioned the pocket hug.
So can you tell people what apocket hug is?
SPEAKER_01 (26:15):
I know.
I was wishing I had one on me.
I'm looking here because I haveone right here.
Oh, here we go.
I have one in my desk okay.
I was gonna say it's in there.
So here's what happened with thepocket hug.
And a lot of people don't knowthe backstory.
You know, it's what happened isI started talking about this.
I started doing Promise to Live.
(26:37):
We had our social mediacampaigns, and one of my
husband's childhood friends, Imet her one time at his dad's
funeral, and she followed me onsocial.
And out of the blue, I guess shehad gotten my address.
She found it online, she sent itto my business.
And it was this card, and it wasjust a handwritten card to say,
Hey, Brandy, I just want you toknow I admire the work you're
(26:58):
doing, and I think it's amazing.
I've been following you, but shebut the card, the handwritten
letter said, But how are youreally doing?
Does anybody ever check on you?
And I'm like, wow, no, peopledon't generally check on me.
And it meant a lot.
And she sent me this littlegeneric pocket hug.
(27:20):
And I'd never seen one, but itwas like the little disc and it
had a heart on it.
And then on the back it had thelittle poem that said, This is a
pocket hug for me to you.
When when times are tough, it'sit's a hug, you know.
And I was like, wow, this isreally cool.
So I took the coin, I put it inmy pocket, and every time I
touched it, I was like, huh,huh.
You know, it just made me feelwarm, it made me feel loved, it
(27:41):
made me feel valued.
And I had it in there for fouror five weeks.
And then my friend called me andsaid, My son just died.
Will you speak at his funeral?
And I met her because when Ivolunteered at the hospital, she
also lost a daughter.
And her daughter was about 35.
She was a police dispatcher, andshe died.
(28:04):
They ruled it a suicide.
But I was with her for four orfive weeks on life support, and
I got to know the family well.
And so I spoke at her daughter'sfuneral.
And then when her son died, sheasked me to speak at her son's
funeral, and she wasinconsolable.
And I was, I, you know, I wasfreaking out too.
And I'm reaching in my pocketand I'm clasping this pocket hug
that somebody sent me.
(28:24):
And I was like, dang.
And so I felt inspired to giveit to her.
And I reached out and I said,Kathy, somebody gave me this
coin like four or five weeksago.
They sent it to me and it'sbrought me a lot of comfort.
I want you to have it.
And so I gave it to her rightbefore the funeral.
A week later, she messages meand she said, Brandy, I just
want you to know what that coindid for me.
She goes, That pocket hug got methrough the hardest week of my
(28:46):
entire life when I didn't wantto get out of bed, when I
thought I couldn't.
It gave me comfort, it gave mecourage, it gave me strength.
And thank you so much.
I felt like you were with me.
And I felt like it just buoyedme up.
I said, Wow, kind of did thatfor me too.
What if I could create these andwe could give them out?
So I went back to my office andwe created the Promise to Live
(29:09):
pocket hug.
So you can kind of see there, itsays pocket hug, promise to
live, and it has our website onthe bottom.
And the website has all of ourtools and resources.
On the back, it says, when timesare tough and you don't know
what to do, here's a hug from meto you.
Call or text 988 if you'restruggling.
And so this went out, and so farwe've given out about 120,000 of
(29:33):
these in the last couple ofyears.
And our mission this year is togive out 100,000 because when we
give these out and we ask you tomake the promise to live, which
is the promise to reach out forhelp, you get one to keep and
you get one to give.
And that helps us create ourcommunity of connection.
SPEAKER_00 (29:47):
The first time I came to, so you you one of the
resources that you have is youdo these weekly forms or monthly
forums, sorry, monthly forums,where you have different topics
that will, you know, people willtalk about last time.
I think it was grief.
That was so incredible.
And the first time I came wasthe first time I got a pocket
hug.
And I remember as I was holdingit thinking about it, I thought
(30:07):
about what a powerful thing itis to have a physical reminder
that somebody wants you here,right?
That that your life mattersbecause it's so easy for us to
get so caught up in this all theturmoil in our minds, in our
hearts, that we start to, youknow, we're our we go outside of
ourselves and we we don't be,you know, we feel um
(30:30):
disconnected.
Right.
Right and and having a physicalreminder that no, your life
matters.
We want you here.
I want you here.
unknown (30:39):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (30:40):
That helps it helps us to have a physical thing to
tether us back to to ourreality, to life.
SPEAKER_01 (30:46):
It's tangible.
You can feel it, you can holdit, you can every time you touch
it, you remember, you rememberthe promise you made.
You remember that you're amazingand you're awesome.
I mean, I give these out all thetime.
I'll go to Maverick and grab adrink, or I'll go through the
drive-thru or something.
And before I leave, I'm like,hey, I hand it over and I said,
I just want to give you a hugtoday.
(31:07):
And they pick it up and theyturn it over and they read it
and they're like, How did youknow I needed that?
I said, Because all of us needto know that.
And they'll get emotional andsay, I've been struggling.
It gives them the permission.
And then I'll say, How manypeople are working with you?
Go give them a hug for me.
Sometimes all it takes is oneperson being seen, being
noticed.
I mean, I'm friends with KevinHines, if you know his story.
(31:27):
He's one of the only eversurvivors to jump off the Golden
Gate Bridge.
And he he was just 19 and hecried the whole way for miles,
riding the bus and walking.
And he said, If one person stopsme, if one person noticed me, if
somebody says something to me, Iwon't jump.
And the whole time nobody did.
And then he gets to the bridge,and one lady taps him on the
shoulder and says, Excuse me.
(31:47):
And he thinks, wow, I'm seeing.
And he turns around and shesays, Will you take our picture?
He's crying and he takes theirpicture and then he went and
jumped.
And he said, The moment hejumped, he knew he didn't want
to die and he made the biggestmistake of his life.
Then all he wanted to do wassurvive.
And it was wild because uh a sealion buoyed him up until rescue
could get there.
But you know, he said it wasjust one sign.
(32:08):
And we had an experience with amember on my team, most random
experience.
She calls a fast food place.
She's looking for pickles of allthings, and she calls and she
says, I need pickles.
And the lady was kind of sad andshe noticed, she goes, Hey, how
are you doing?
She's like, I'm okay.
She goes, No, no, no.
How are you really doing?
This is a phone call between oneof my volunteers and a manager
at a fast food restaurant.
(32:28):
And she says, Actually, I'm notgood.
I was diagnosed with cancertoday.
I'm not good.
And my friend goes in there andshe gives her a big hug.
And she didn't have any pockethugs, but she does a 911 to our
group and says, Is it anybody inthe area with a pocket hug?
And our Barb, who's our eventmanager, she shows up uh the
next day, finds this manager,gives her the pocket hug, has
(32:51):
her make the promise to live,gives her a big hug, and the
lady says, You know what?
I was gonna end my life.
I was gonna end my life.
I didn't think this was worthfighting for.
And the good news is she's stillhere.
She's still here because twopromise to live volunteers cared
enough to get her to make thepromise to live, and she made
that promise, and it got herthrough that dark moment of her
(33:12):
life.
You know, nobody knows what thenext six months or six years are
going to bring.
And so it's critical that wemake that promise and that we
have a community and that wecheck on one another.
And that's kind of what thisdoes is when you're keeping it
in there, it's just thisreminder that somebody cared and
here's where the resources are.
You can go on here and findresources 24-7, free of charge
(33:34):
in one place under Get Help.
SPEAKER_00 (33:36):
Yeah, let's talk about what the resources are on
there because I think one of thechallenges is when you get to
that level of hopelessness thatyou're really ready to do
something drastic.
Yeah, it feels like there'snothing left.
You know, we we feel likethere's, you know, this is, I
just need the pain to end, Ijust need the suffering to end,
I don't want to hurt peopleanymore.
Whatever the rationale is thatyour unwell mind has come up
(33:58):
with that has convinced you thatthis is the only option left.
I think that we don't feel likethere's any, you know, there's
we really do believe thatthere's no other option.
This is the only way to go.
So, what kinds of resources doyou have on your website that
that you present to people thathelp them?
SPEAKER_01 (34:16):
So we partnered with Eliza Chat and new NUE.
They offer mental health AI.
So it's it's not therapy, but itis help, right?
But it's an AI assistance thathas it's by doctors and
clinicians and psychologists,and it's contained.
(34:36):
So anybody can go in there andchat and share what they're
feeling, and they're gonna getgood advice and good feedback.
So that's available.
And what we've what we found andwhat they've said is that eight
out of 10 people would prefer todo something that way than have
a conversation.
We partnered with BlumquistHell.
They provide, you know, mentalhealth solutions for about
(34:56):
500,000 people across our state.
And they've been gracious enoughto say, here you go.
And so we're we're in theprocess right now.
You know, everything takes moneyand time.
So we've been putting the moneyand time in to get the API
solutions in there where peoplecan have access to hundreds of
videos by doctors and cliniciansand counselors and that will
address things like burnout,PTSD, postpartum.
(35:20):
I I mean, name it, like they'vegot expert advice, that's
self-guided therapy.
We have all of the AFSP, NAMI,Jed, Trevor, Safe UT, live on.
We put all these in one place,the VA resources.
We're working with a 24-7telehealth company to get those
resources on there so that whenpeople say I'm struggling,
(35:42):
they're not waiting, you know,six weeks to 18 months.
They can go there and at leastbridge the gap.
We're not saying this is thesolution for everyone.
But one of the other things I'vebeen trying to find, I've been
on a mission the last five yearsbecause I realize not it's not
one size fits all.
Right.
You know, for some people, talktherapy is great.
(36:03):
For some people, medication isgreat, for some people,
hypnotherapy, hydrotherapy,ketamine, microdosing.
There's a ton of differentmodalities, I think, that are
out there, but often peopledon't know about them.
You know, I've got a really goodfriend whose son had a migraine
for four years, couldn't fix it,and ended up at 22, taking his
(36:24):
life.
But but now there's medicationsand there's treatments and
there's things.
So we try to find hope andresources that maybe people
haven't heard of, and evensimple things.
Like I was talking to a doctorwho runs a postpartum clinic in
the Midwest, and he was tellingme something that you don't even
think about.
And I'm like, why aren't wecollaborating on this?
Why doesn't the world know?
(36:45):
Because there's things that arehappening, like he said he had a
hundred women who came in thatwere either suicidal,
postpartum, or homicidal, reallystruggling.
They ran blood tests and theyfound that every single one of
these women had copper toxicity.
They had toxic levels of copperin their blood.
He said, I treated that and theyall felt better and went home.
(37:06):
So, you know, I'm going, well,what is that?
What is, you know, where's theresearch on that?
So part of my mission has beento dig in and see we have all
these silos everywhere in mentalhealth and suicide and
depression and bipolar, likeeverybody's working in their
silo.
And I think that we just have toknock down the walls because the
(37:28):
rising tide lifts us all.
But we we can't do better if wedon't know better.
And so if people are working ontheir things here and either
they're not getting the messageout or they're not sharing it,
or people just aren't finding itor hearing about it, then what?
And this is what I'm finding isall over, there's great
resources, there's greatprograms and research.
(37:49):
But if people don't know whereit is or where to find it, then
what good is it actually doing?
And that's been part of Promiseto Live's mission is we want to
capture everybody and we want toshift from awareness.
We're all aware there's aproblem.
Yeah, we know about it.
What are we doing?
What is an action andaccountability step?
Make the promise to live.
Takes 30 seconds to 60 secondsto get somebody to make a
(38:12):
promise.
Go on our website, make thepromise.
That accountability, huge.
You know, if up to 60% of peopleare uh keep a promise they make,
that's huge.
Connecting them to the trustedtools and resources.
Again, if they can't find them,so we've been trying to gather.
So if people have those trustedtools and resources, and it's a
(38:32):
work in progress.
It takes time, effort, and moneyto get all these things on a
website.
And we try to go through it andmake sure that what we're
putting on there is good.
We've been working withdevelopers, so this is currently
in process, but we want to putall of these resources in there
and these articles for people inour newsletter that we're
sending out to say, hey, haveyou thought about, you know,
this treatment?
(38:52):
Have you heard about that?
Have you heard of?
I mean, even simple things likewhat you're working on.
Fragrances, there's so manydifferent things.
So we want to make sure thatwhen you go to Promise to Live,
I mean, essentially our goal, mygoal, is that Promise to Live is
like the Red Cross, but formental health.
You know, when crisis strikesanywhere around the world,
people think of Red Cross andthey show up and they help, but
(39:15):
they deliver their hope and helpafter crisis.
Promise to live is a pre-crisis.
We want everyone to come to useverywhere, make the promise, be
proactive, find the tools andresources and the community that
you need for connection and hopebefore you get to that point.
So we're always looking forpartners, we're always looking
(39:37):
for affiliates, we're looking atour sustainability model right
now, which is like if there's acompany that does fundraising,
if they do roundups, if they doroll-up campaigns, if they do
matching campaigns, you know, ifif you want to donate a dollar
per tire or$200 per mortgage orloan or household, there's just
all kinds of things that we cando where it not only helps us be
(39:59):
sustainable, but it helps them,you know, if you're coming to a
tire shop and they say, hey, wecare about you, not just your
car and your tires.
We care about your mentalhealth.
We invite you, we've partneredwith Promise to Live to make a
promise while you're sitting inthe lobby.
All the dental clinics, make apromise.
Like we care about people, andit's all of our jobs, and we can
all do something.
(40:20):
And it can be as easy as having,you know, a vinyl or a banner or
something in your office, givingpeople a coin with um a cone or
you know what I mean, whateverit is, looking for partners to
to really get involved and showthat that as a community, we
care and we're here and thereare resources and you can talk
about it.
That is gonna help us save liveson a mass scale.
SPEAKER_00 (40:42):
Yeah.
And I want to talk a little bitabout what it looks like when
you make the promise to live.
If you are right at the edge, ifyou are right there and you make
the decision like I did, likeI'm going to, I'm committing to
survive for my daughter.
The first year after that waswhite knuckling it, just hanging
on for dear life.
And so it doesn't, it's not likesomehow magically everything
(41:05):
goes away and everything getsbetter.
unknown (41:07):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (41:07):
Yeah.
But it's but it is the way thatyou think about things changes.
It's a slight, it's a slightshift that just aims you in a
different direction.
And one of the things that I Iwill tell you for myself, and I
have also heard from otherpeople, and I'm not going to ask
for specifics because I I honorthe privacy of your daughter,
but but she, I I would guess,based on I I did have the honor
(41:32):
of meeting her, that she wouldbe grateful that she didn't
succeed.
Oh, is that right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
She has an incredible life now.
Like she's and she's anincredible person.
That's the thing that I I want,I would hope that there's a way
to help people understand howmuch value their life,
specifically, their life has,how much more they add to the
(41:54):
world by just being here, andthat they have more to offer.
I really truly believe that.
And my life, I like I wasn'tcapable of, I was barely
surviving my life when I when Iwas at this point in my life.
My kids were barely surviving.
They were surviving on chickennuggets most of the time because
I didn't even have the energy tomake food for them.
You know, so it was chickennuggets and, you know, grilled
(42:15):
cheese sandwiches.
But over time, as I, as my mindshifted in a different
direction, and I thought atfirst it was just surviving.
I was just going to survive forher.
And then I had an experiencewhere I thought, okay, nobody's
coming to save you.
You have got to find a way tosave yourself.
And the shift in that started metowards, okay, what do I need to
do?
How do I, how do I save myself?
(42:35):
Like I feel like I've been doingeverything the doctors told me
to do and nothing's gettingbetter.
It's just getting worse.
But because I changed the waythat I looked at things and I
reached out for help when Ineeded it, gradually I was able
to find the tools and resourcesthat help me to heal.
And now I get to do that samething for other people.
And every single day of my life,I'm grateful to be here.
I joke all the time.
(42:56):
I'm like, I'm only in my secondhalf.
I'm living to be at least ahundred years old.
So like I've got too much to do.
So that is like a dramatic shiftfrom not wanting to be here
anymore to wanting to live aslong as I possibly can so that I
can help as many people as Ipossibly can.
And so I think that that's oneof the things I'd love to talk a
little bit about is what itlooks like afterwards.
(43:16):
Because, like I said, it's notlike all of a sudden things are
better when you make thatpromise, but it does shift the
way that you're looking at yourlife.
SPEAKER_01 (43:23):
It took years, you know, years of my daughter
finally decided to get somemedication.
She decided to go to counseling.
We worked through things, wetalked openly, she adopted some
of the training, like radicalacceptance and some of the DBT
training and stuff.
And, you know, it was a fewyears later.
We we had a very hardconversation about politics and
(43:44):
taxes and all the things thatadults hate to deal with, but
she was moving out to adult.
She graduated a year early onthe honor roll.
She moved out two weeks aftershe turned 18.
She owns her own company rightnow.
She builds professional mascots.
She's an incredible artist at19.
And she looked at me after thisconversation.
I thought she was going to say,Mom, you're ridiculous.
(44:05):
I don't want to talk about thisstuff.
And she just stared at me for awhile and she goes, I can't wait
to get old like you.
And I cried because it was thefirst time in five years she
said she saw a future.
I mean, and I was old.
I know that.
So it kind of hurt.
But I was like genuinely happybecause it was literally the
first time she had said she sawa future in her life and that
(44:27):
she wanted to get old.
And that meant so much to me.
And she's at a point now, youknow, it's a struggle running a
company.
She called me last week and shesaid, Mom, I can't do this.
I'm not going to hurt myself.
I want you to know I'm in a safeplace.
Like I'm I'm past that, but I'mstruggling and I need help with
my business.
And so there's been goodconversations like that.
My friend Joe Tuyana with I LoveYou Bro, you know, he talked the
(44:50):
guy off the bridge three, fouryears ago.
The guy was gonna jump, hestopped, and he just loved him
off the bridge.
They maintained theirfriendship, and this past year
he got married.
Another friend of mine, hisdaughter was on suicide watch
for 15 years.
She just struggled allthroughout her youth and teens
and even into adulthood and justconstant work and love and
(45:11):
supervision.
And she she got married and shejust had her first baby.
And I saw her at my gala theother day, and she was happy.
You know, there's hope.
Uh, one of my other friends,LGBTQ, struggled and was going
to end his life.
And now he's running a companyand happy and successful.
I think sometimes people thinkthat it's not gonna get better.
(45:32):
And I would just say the best isyet to come.
And there's little things thatyou can do, there's little hacks
that I've learned.
I mean, I'm always studying andlearning and growing and trying
to say, okay, what can I do?
Just because I'm doing this andI understand everything doesn't
mean it's always roses.
So, you know, in the morning, assoon as I wake up, I spend the
first five minutes not lookingon my phone.
(45:53):
I just lay there and I meditateor I pray and I express
gratitude.
I'm thankful I woke up.
I'm thankful my body works.
I'm thankful I can walk.
I'm thankful for air.
I'm thankful for my home, that Ihave food, that I have a loving
husband next to me, that I havekids, whatever it is, find
things to be thankful for.
And then and then shift the wayyou think about it.
(46:14):
Instead of I was thinking, oh mygosh, I have to do this today.
I've got this, I have that, oh,I have all these things to do.
I have to.
I shifted the way I thoughtabout it that I get to.
I'm lucky today.
I get to be on your podcast, Iget to go to a lunch with
friends, I get to speak at aconference, I get to, I get to,
I get to.
It's a blessing that a lot of usdon't have.
(46:36):
And I actually just read a thinglast night that I'm gonna start
trying, and it's from apsychologist.
And he said, before you go tobed at night, you can manifest
and get your brain to work foryou.
Heal your brain while you sleep.
By before you go to bed, you sitdown and you write like three
things.
Things you're thankful for, whatyou want to accomplish, but in
(46:58):
the present tense, I'm gratefulthat I have abundance.
I'm grateful that I got thepromotion at work.
I'm grateful that my kids wantto see me.
You know, whatever it is.
You sit there and you writethese things, you write them
down, and then you spend, youknow, again, five minutes or
whatever before you go to bedmeditating or praying and
thinking of these things.
(47:18):
You read them, you say them, youfeel them, you think them, and
then you go to sleep.
And if that's the last thing youthink about, instead of, oh my
gosh, I've got this, my taxes,my 1099s, what all do I have to
do?
You think about these things,then as you sleep, that's the
channel your brain's on.
So there's all these littlethings.
I mean, getting out in nature,earthing, putting your feet in
(47:40):
the sand, putting touching thegrass, going for a walk up when
when you talk about mentalhealth and suicide prevention,
at least for my daughter and andall the stuff, they said make a
safety plan.
Yeah.
And I encourage people to dothis.
What's your safety plan?
And I know mine, I this still ishard.
There's some days that reallystink.
And I'm like, why am I doingthis?
It's a lot of work, it's it'shard, it's draining, all the
(48:04):
things.
And then I'm like, if I'mfeeling it, I need ice cream.
I want an Oreo blizzard.
I'm gonna roll down the windowsand I'm gonna turn up my music
and I'm gonna drive fast.
You know, like what are thethings that do it for me?
Am I gonna go hiking?
Am I gonna listen to music?
Am I gonna take a hot bath orshower?
Am I gonna listen to good music?
And I find that if you if yousit down and you write down all
(48:28):
the things that actually bringyou joy, bring you happiness,
make you feel good, painting apicture, art, playing soccer,
what is it that kind of gets youin that mode that you feel good?
Write down those things and whenyou feel it start to creep in,
kick it out and replace it withsomething better.
And you know, I was goingthrough some hard things this
week, dealing with stuff, andand it's like you have these
(48:51):
negative thoughts in your head,and they come in my head, but
I'm like, I'm the boss of mybody, I'm the boss of my mind.
My hands don't move unless Itell them to move.
I can sit here all day, and ifthey want to move, it's not
happening unless I say move.
Yeah, that's how it works.
So, you know, I was gettingthese negative thoughts in my
head, like, oh my gosh, I don'teven want to say what it is, but
(49:12):
it's like, screw that, screw me,you know, oh whatever.
And I'm just replacing it.
I'm thinking, okay, replace it.
Bless me.
Thank you.
Bless him.
I'm blessed.
I'm trying to replace those.
And I think it's our job, it'sexercise, it takes work, you
know.
And one of the quotes that Irepeat often, and a story I'll
(49:32):
share with you before we go, ischoose kindness, give grace,
lead with love.
I was working on a production,it was high stress, lots of
people.
I was one of the ones withseniority.
We have a guy who's new, showsup late, has a bad attitude.
You know, he walks in 15, 20minutes late, terrible attitude.
He's being rude and a jerk toeverybody.
(49:52):
And I'm noticing it and I'mgetting very angry and worked
up.
And I was getting ready to gotell him off.
Like, what is your problem?
Why are you acting like this?
Not welcome.
You need to change it.
And just as I'm walking over,you know, with a stride with
that, I'm gonna let him have it.
I went to talk to him and I gotthere, and it was like this
download that said, Don't dothat.
(50:14):
Give him grace.
And so instead of saying, What'syour problem?
I said, Mike, are you okay?
And just that pause, he hestopped for a minute and he
looked at me and he goes, No,actually, today's the
anniversary of my wife's death,and my kids were really
struggling this morning, and Ijust had a hard time.
(50:35):
And he got tears in his eyes,and I got tears in my eyes, and
I said, I'm so sorry, I didn'tknow.
And I just stood there and Igave him a big hug, and we just
stood in the middle of theproduction and just cried.
And I often thought about howdifferent that would have been
if I walked up and said, What'syour problem?
You know, he he was in not agood, safe place.
He was going through grief andloss and pain and struggle.
(50:55):
And the way people treat you hasnothing to do with you.
It's a reflection of what theythey're going through.
That's what I always try to tellpeople.
The way people treat you isn'tabout you, it's a reflection of
what they're going through.
And so he was treating peoplepoorly and he was angry and mean
because he was so sad.
And and so that stuck out to me.
And I just told myself, fromhere on out, I'm gonna choose
kindness, I'm gonna give grace,I'm gonna lead with love because
(51:17):
none of us knows what anyoneelse is going through.
And you're never going to regretthat.
When I was racing, you know, 50miles to get to the hospital, I
was driving like an idiot.
I know I was on the freeway.
I was going 90, 100 miles anhour because I wanted to see my
daughter before she passedbecause I thought she might not
make it.
So you see the car that'stailgating you, weaving in and
(51:37):
out of traffic.
It was me racing to see mydaughter, not knowing if I'd
ever get to see her again.
And I think about that whensomebody's tailgating me.
Where are you going?
What's going on in your life?
Are you going through a divorce?
Did you get a diagnosis?
Is your life rough?
Did your kids abandon you?
You know, what what is it that'sgoing on?
(51:58):
And if people can just pause andsay, you know what, life's hard.
I get it.
I'm just gonna give you gracewhen my food's late, when it's
cold, when the people aredriving, ridiculous, whatever it
is they're going through, theclerk, the doctor, give them
grace.
Choose kindness, lead with love,because that's what you want.
And so just pause, pause andchoose that.
(52:19):
It would be, I think, the bestadvice I could give anyone.
SPEAKER_00 (52:22):
Yeah, and and let reach out for connection.
Like we talked about earlier.
This thrives in the darkness.
These kinds of thoughts, thesekinds of feelings thrive in the
darkness, and we have to exposethem to light so that so that
they die.
And and have it takes a lot ofcourage to reach out to somebody
to just say, I need help.
I'm struggling, but please,please, please let us do that
(52:45):
for you.
Because my son wasn't so lucky.
We weren't lucky with him.
He succeeded in ending his life.
And the grief that comes withthat, the overwhelming grief
that comes with that, and andthe self-reproach, like I the
guilt, the shame, you know, Ithe it it was so overwhelming.
(53:06):
And my mind was constantlylooking at every mistake I ever
made as a mom, everything I everdid wrong for months and months
and months.
And thankfully I had somebodythat uh had gone through the
same thing that came to me, andand she told me that she had
started writing letters to herson.
And I started doing that.
(53:27):
And as I did that, I started toheal.
But man, I would have I wouldhave done anything for him.
I would have done anything forhim, and and I wish that I had
had the opportunity to help him.
There's so many times when ourunwell minds convince us that we
are a burden, that that peopledon't want to hear our problems,
they don't want to know aboutthe things that we're struggling
(53:50):
with.
That's not true.
It's a lie.
It's a lie.
Please have the courage.
Take that courageous step ofjust reaching out and say, I
need help.
I'm struggling.
And let people help you becausewe want to help you.
SPEAKER_01 (54:04):
And one thing too, Michelle, is, you know, if we
could, we always say, Oh mygosh, I just love you to death.
If we could love people to life,no one would die.
You know, our kids, we'd doanything for them.
And sometimes no matter how muchyou love them and how much you
do, they still get to choose.
We don't get to save everybody,but we can do our best trying.
(54:25):
And I think that the lastacronym for people that I'd like
to share is ASK ASK.
We partnered with MTV.
This is one of the things thatthey teach.
It's acknowledge, support, keepin touch.
And it looks like this (54:37):
you acknowledge the elephant in the
room.
You acknowledge the problem.
Hey, Michelle, I know you lostyour son.
How are you really doing?
Hey, I know you're going througha divorce.
I know you lost your job.
I know you're struggling withyour mental health.
I know politics are stressingyou out.
You acknowledge if you know whatthe pain point is, and you ask
(55:00):
them how they're doing.
People are afraid to ask thequestions because they think
they have to solve the problem.
You don't.
You just have to care and ask.
So you acknowledge, and then youhave support.
And support is simple, not I'mgonna fix you.
It's like, that must be so hard.
I'm really sorry you wentthrough that.
I can't imagine your pain.
It's a supportive comment of Isee you, I honor you.
(55:21):
I'm sharing that that is painfuland I am sorry.
That's it.
And then the K is keep in touch.
Will you check in with me nextweek or tomorrow?
Can we go to lunch?
It's giving somebody connection.
It's letting them know thatyou're gonna check on them, that
they're not alone, they havesomething to look forward to.
So whether you're struggling orsomeone you know is struggling,
(55:42):
ask, acknowledge, support, keepin touch.
You don't have to be a doctor ora clinician to do that.
You just have to care.
People just want to know you'rethere.
I love the saying when I was akid that if we were supposed to
talk more than we hear, we'dhave two mouths and one ear.
People just want to be heard.
So you just say, hey, I see thatyou're going through this.
(56:02):
That must be really hard.
Can you catch up with metomorrow as well?
Can you check in and let me knowhow you're doing?
Can we go for a walk, a drink,lunch, whatever it is?
So if you're struggling, ask.
Make the promise to live, choosekindness, give grace, lead with
love, find the hope, find theresources.
You're not broken.
The people you love aren'tbroken.
We're all going throughsomething.
(56:24):
And I promise you that there'shope, there's help, there's
healing.
It's on the other side.
It will come.
The best days are yet to come.
And you can get through it nomatter what.
If you have just the tiny,tiniest inkling, there's help
and it can get better.
It does, it will.
And I've seen it, seen itfirsthand multiple times.
SPEAKER_00 (56:46):
Absolutely.
Oh, Brandy, you're amazing.
I am so thankful for what you'redoing.
I'm so thankful that I found youand I really appreciate you
coming on today.
This has been such a fantasticconversation.
Where can people connect withyou?
If they want to get involved, ifthey want to get a pocket hug,
where can they connect with you?
SPEAKER_01 (57:03):
Absolutely.
Please thank you for having me.
Go to promise the number twolive.org, promisetolive.org.
You can find me on LinkedIn, youcan find me on Facebook under
Brandy Vega, B-R-A-N-D-Y, Vega.
On our website as well, we havevolunteers.
Start a chapter.
We're launching chapters allover the country where people
can build this movement, gettraining and education and help
(57:25):
people where they are.
We have ambassadors, um, allkinds of support on there.
So go to our website, getinvolved there, find us online,
find us at events.
If you're in Utah, we do ourmonthly town halls.
Those, of course, are also livestreamed.
You can find them later, but welove you.
If we can hate for any reason,we can love for any reason.
And I just want you to know thatI love you and that you can do
(57:47):
hard things and the world isbetter with you in it.
And that goes for you too,Michelle.
Keep up the great work.
You're such a light, a force ofgood.
And the more we talk about this,the more good we do.
So thank you for your part.
SPEAKER_00 (57:59):
Thank you so much, Brandy.
I will make sure everything islinked in the show notes.
So make sure you go into theshow notes, get connected, get a
pocket hug.
And I love that I love that theycome in sets of two so that you
get one for yourself, you makethe promise to live, and then
you get to give it to somebodyelse and invite them to make the
promise to live as well.
And I I challenge every one ofmy listeners, please make that
promise.
(58:20):
Will you please, please make thepromise to live?
Your life matters.
You add value to the world, andwe need you.
Thank you so much, Brandy.
Thank you.
And still next time, upsiders.
Thanks for joining me on theUpside of Bipolar.
Your journey to recoverymatters, and I'm grateful you're
(58:41):
here.
For more resources, visitwww.theupsideofbipolar.com.
If you're ready to dive deeper,grab my book, The Upside of
Bipolar, Seven Steps to HealYour Disorder.
If you're ready to heal yoursymptoms, join my monthly
membership, The Upsiders Tribe,to transform chaos into hope.
Until next time, Upsiders
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