September 14, 2026 • 52 mins
I break down the Recovery Cycle so symptoms stop feeling like failure and start feeling like useful feedback. I share the mindset shifts and practical tools I use to move from discouragement back into determination, action, and long-term maintenance.
• recovery as a cycle rather than a straight line
• learning points as part of healing rather than relapse
• pre-contemplation as denial and why it keeps us stuck
• contemplation as anger and self-pity that blocks change
• reconnecting to your why as a motivator to keep going
• choosing influences and communities that support recovery
• determination as mindset preparation before action
• action as building new habits and brain pathways
• curiosity over judgment and becoming a detective
• med releases during stress exercise or weight loss
• trauma responses and working with trauma-informed therapy
• using mindfulness to calm symptoms in the moment
• maintenance as stability without perfection
• language shifts from disorder to symptoms
• naming specific symptoms and tracking early warning signs
• avoiding arbitrary timelines and staying consistent
If you have any questions, you can reach out to me. My email is in the show notes.
If you haven't developed your own Mood Cycle Survival Guide, make sure you go down to the link in the show notes and get that.
If you are listening to this on the podcast, you find the graphic of the Recovery Cycle referenced in the episode in this blog post.
If you need help, if you want support in your own recovery path and you haven't joined the Upsiders' Tribe, you can reach out to me through email and we can schedule a 30-minute complimentary discovery call where we can talk about your situation specifically and see if the Upsiders' Tribe might be a good fit for you.
FREE Mood Cycle Survival Guide: https://theupsideofbipolar.com/free/
The Upside of Bipolar: 7 Steps to Heal Your Disorder: @upsideofbipolar | Linktree
website: https://theupsideofbipolar.com/
email: michelle@theupsideofbipolar.com
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SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
If you do experience symptoms, it's not failure.
(00:02):
You have not failed.
It is absolutely critical toremember that when you
experience symptoms, when youexperience symptoms as you go
through the recovery process,it's just part of recovery.
It's part of this recoverycycle.
Welcome to the Upside ofBipolar, where we uncover the
(00:23):
true sources of bipolar symptomsand share proven tools for
recovery.
I'm your host, MichelleReitinger, number one
international best-sellingauthor of the Upside of Bipolar
Seven Steps to Heal YourDisorder.
In this podcast, I bring yousolo insights from my journey
and guest interviews withleading researchers and experts.
Join us to transform chaos intohope and reclaim your life.
(00:45):
Let's heal together.
Welcome to the Upside ofBipolar.
I am your host, MichelleReitinger, and today I'm doing a
solo episode that's reallyimportant.
It's something that's actuallycome up in my coaching recently,
and I realized it's something Ineed to talk about on the show
(01:08):
here.
So today we are talking aboutthe recovery cycle.
And some of you may have noticedon the wall behind me, I've got
a graphic of the recovery cycle.
If you're listening, um, I'veactually I'm actually going to
link a copy of the recoverycycle in my show notes so that
you can open it up and take alook at it.
(01:29):
Um I'm going to be sharing itgraphically today on the
episode.
So if you're watching this onYouTube, you'll get to see see
the graphic while I'm talkingabout it.
But this is really important.
If you want to heal from yourbipolar symptoms, it's essential
that you understand what therecovery cycle looks like.
And in my book, I share thestory of how I discovered this
(01:54):
for myself.
When I was going throughrecovery, first of all, I didn't
realize I was recovering at thetime.
I thought up until 2020, I thinkit was 2021 or 2022, uh, 2021,
when I found um the anatomy ofan epidemic book and began
reading it and had my eyesopened to the reality of what I
(02:18):
was actually dealing with.
That that bipolar, the bipolardiagnosis was not identifying
the underlying condition.
Um I had not been told why I wasexperiencing these symptoms and
that it was actually possible toheal.
Uh, but up until that point, sofrom 1998, when I was diagnosed
all the way through to you know2020, 2021, I still believed
(02:43):
that I was always going to havebipolar, but I thought I had
just learned how to manage itbetter.
And as I was working on that,every time that I would go
through periods of stability, Ifelt like I was succeeding.
It felt like success.
And which conversely, when Iwould experience symptoms, felt
like failure.
I had this image in my head oftrying to climb a mountain to
(03:06):
stability.
Um, and every time I wouldexperience symptoms, it felt
like I was falling all the waydown to the bottom and having to
start all over again.
And it was a very discouragingway to look at what I was going
through because as you gothrough recovery, you will
experience symptoms.
It's just, it's just the realityof the recovery process.
(03:27):
And I had a particular time whenI was in therapy and I became
very depressed.
And I contacted my therapist andwent into for a session, and I
was very angry that day.
I was crying and frustrated, andI said, you know, I was doing so
well for so long, and then allof a sudden I'm feeling
depressed and I don't know whatI did wrong.
And I kind of ranted for alittle bit.
(03:49):
I was really upset about it.
I was feeling very discouragedat the time.
And truthfully, I just wanted toquit.
Like I just felt like it was toohard.
I didn't want to keep doing thisif I, you know, if I was going
to do all this work and then endup struggling still.
And after my therapist hadlistened to me whine, for lack
(04:09):
of a better word, for a whileabout it, uh, she told me that I
was considering this in in uhmaybe not the best way, that I
was looking at this wrong.
She said that that uh healingwas not a linear process and
that the healing from mentalhealth challenges like bipolar
(04:31):
symptoms follows more closelythe recovery cycle from
addiction.
And I was curious.
I didn't understand what shemeant.
And I so she pulled out, she hada whiteboard a lot of times.
She, I'm very cerebral, I liketo understand things.
And so she liked to, she wasvery happy to accommodate me in
teaching me.
And so she pulled her whiteboardout and drew the recovery cycle
(04:52):
on the whiteboard.
And I'm gonna pull that.
I made a graphic for myself,actually.
This is not the graphic I made.
This was made by a professionalfor my book, but uh, but it was
really helpful to me.
I made a graphic for myself andI put it up on my wall.
And as I was going through thehealing process, I looked at
(05:12):
this frequently so that I wouldremember that when I experienced
symptoms, I was not failing,that it was not failure.
And learning points is languageI use.
So I'm gonna talk about languagea little bit later in this
episode.
But um, learning points is usedin place of relapse.
So in the recovery cycle, um,learning points is actually
(05:34):
relapse.
So when somebody is goingthrough addiction, if they
relapse, that's in that spotright there.
So I'm gonna talk about each ofthe steps of the recovery cycle
and and what you should do inthose steps, because it's really
important for you to makedecisions about do you feel like
being a victim to these symptomsfor the rest of your life, or do
(05:56):
you want to do something aboutit?
So the very first part, the youknow, at the very beginning of
this circle, and I know thatcircle, a circle has no
beginning and no end, but but aswe usually, most people begin
the recovery process inpre-contemplation or
contemplation.
So pre-contemplation is when youdon't even believe you have a
(06:17):
problem.
And I think denial is a reallygood word to use for that.
You know, when when we are,there's sometimes there's a
little inkling in the back ofour minds that there might be
something wrong, but we don'twant to acknowledge it.
So we're in denial.
We're not willing to look at,you know, look at ourselves or
or accept that there might be anissue going on.
And this can happen after we'vestarted recovery.
(06:41):
It's possible to end up in thisphase of the recovery cycle
after you've started recovery,after you've already made the
decision that you want to, youdon't want to live like this
anymore, especially if youexperience a learning point or a
relapse that is severe.
So I'll give you an example ofone of the experiences that I
had like this.
When I was uh going through arecovery at the beginning, I
(07:04):
started with uh micronutrientsin 2010.
And I didn't understand whatthey were doing in my brain.
I didn't understand um what washappening with withdrawal.
I just didn't understand it verywell.
Um I didn't have anybody toteach me really.
When I first started talking toTrue Hope, who's the
micronutrient company that I getmy micronutrients from, they try
(07:27):
to explain things to you, butuh, they didn't have hours to
spend on the phone with meexplaining all the nuances of
the recovery process.
And so, and I honestly didn'tknow to look at to ask them.
I didn't know that the symptomsI was experiencing were anything
other than my quote unquotebipolar disorder, because up to
that point, all of the symptomsI experienced anxiety,
depression, you know, symptomsof mania, every time I
(07:50):
experienced any of thosesymptoms, they just got all of
them were just attributed to mybipolar disorder because that's
what I had been taught by thedoctors.
For the first 12 years of mytreatment, from the time I was
diagnosed in 1998 all the waythrough the beginning of my
process of healing, I had beentold by every psychiatrist I saw
(08:12):
that all of the symptoms I wasexperiencing were part of my
quote-unquote bipolar disorder.
So anytime I experienced any ofthose symptoms, they just got
lumped in into that category.
So when I was experiencing uhwithdrawal symptoms, when I
experienced um over medication,when I experienced med releases,
uh my brain automatically wentto, oh my gosh, my bipolar is
(08:36):
back.
And I had I had a couple ofinstances before I understood
what med releases were, where Ialmost wanted to quit because I
experienced pretty severe medreleases.
I had been on these medicationsfor 12 years when I started the
process of titration.
And I had been on a lot ofmedication during that time.
(08:59):
At one point, I was on sevendifferent medications.
Those medications will getstored in your soft tissues, so
in your fat cells, in yourmuscles.
And when you are under a lot ofstress, um, I went through a
couple of periods of prettyrapid weight loss over the
years.
Hyperthyroidism, you know, I Ihad I had some different issues
(09:19):
uh when I started exercisingreally intensely.
The exercise itself was pushingmedication back into my system.
When I when I went through, whenwe went through moves, we we
moved several times.
And moving is was alwaysstressful for me.
Moves are stressful in general,but I would get hypomanic during
my moves.
I would, um, I would get, Iwould have a hard time sleeping.
(09:42):
My brain was going very quick,you know, thinking about all of
the things that I needed toworry about.
You know, one of the the firstmove we went through after I got
was titrating off themedication.
I had titrated all the way offthe medication.
And then like a month later, wehad to move.
And my husband at the time, hewent ahead.
(10:03):
He had to, he had to get down tothe, it was down in Mississippi.
He had to go down there rightaway because they needed him at
work.
And I had a house to get readyto sell.
And and I spent six weeksgetting, you know, working on
the house, doing a lot ofupdates and repairs and things
like that in order to put ourhouse on the market.
(10:24):
And I had two little childrenthat I was taking care of at the
same time.
So I, you know, I would have,thankfully, my mother-in-law was
there to help during the daywith my kids.
Um, but I was working, you know,from 6 a.m.
until midnight every single dayfor six weeks on the house.
And then um, you know, onSundays, I was, you know, trying
to catch up with my kids and andspend time with my children.
(10:47):
And it was, it was a rough time.
It was a really stressfulexperience.
And when the move, when thatpart of the period was over and
we moved, uh, you know, wefinally got to move.
I was so relieved when I gotthere.
And then I crashed into reallysevere depression.
And at the time, I didn'tunderstand that that was a med
release.
I didn't know what washappening.
I had been under intense stressfor six weeks.
(11:10):
And and then I didn't know thatwhat I was experiencing was a
med release, and I thought thesimp the supplements weren't
working anymore.
But at the time, I didn't havethe wherewithal to do anything
about it, so I just suffered andbinge watched like 19 seasons of
Law and Order SVU.
You know, it was pretty rough.
And then I finally came out ofit and started doing better, and
(11:33):
that was when I started trainingfor triathlons.
And so I went through a fewperiods where I had pretty
severe symptoms that made mefeel frustrated because I didn't
understand what the symptomsmeant.
And it and because I thought thesymptoms were my bipolar
disorder, it was it's verydiscouraging to work really hard
(11:55):
to try to manage things and toand go through long periods of
stability.
Every time you start to feel thestability, there's like this
little part of you in the backthat's like waiting for the
other shoe to drop.
But the longer you go through,you know, as you go through
longer and longer periods ofstability, each time you start
to think, well, maybe, maybe I'mdone.
(12:15):
Like maybe I won't have symptomsthis time.
Maybe I can take care of myselfwell enough.
Maybe, maybe I'll manage thingswell enough and I won't make any
mistakes.
And so you start, as you gothrough these longer periods of
stability, you start to feellike maybe it won't happen
again.
And then if something, you know,if you experience symptoms, then
it feels like failure.
You feel like you've donesomething wrong.
(12:37):
And so that the challenge is notto end up in pre-contemplation
where you're in denial, youknow, and and this can happen
for a few reasons.
When you are going through therecovery process, um, there are
times when you start to feellike you're better.
Uh especially now that people,you know, as people know that
(12:58):
it's possible to heal.
I didn't know it was possible toheal, so I didn't know I was
healing.
But now that, you know, as Iknow that it now that it's
possible to heal, and as I sharethat with other people, when
people feel like, you know,they're doing better and they
think, oh man, I'm healed.
Then when you start toexperience symptoms, you might
be in denial about it.
(13:19):
It's possible that you can feellike, you know, maybe
discouraged or frustrated, ormaybe you just feel like, nope,
I'm not, these are not symptoms.
You know, I'm I'm better.
You know, I've been, I'm doingall the things that I'm supposed
to, and I and I'm feelingbetter.
And so there's a possibilitythat you can be in denial about
what you're experiencing.
And the challenge, the problemthat that creates is when you're
(13:41):
in denial, you're not doinganything about it.
You're not, you're not allowingyourself to be curious, you're
not, you're judging yourself andyou're judging the symptoms and
trying to ignore them.
And the longer you let them goon, the harder things can get.
So deny so pre-contemplation isa place we don't want to be.
It's a it's a part of the a partof the recovery cycle that
(14:05):
really we want to eliminate fromthe cycle, as well as
contemplation.
So contemplation is when yourecognize there's a problem, but
you don't want to do anythingabout it.
You're just, and and this canhappen when you just feel like
you're done.
You know, you're angry.
I I've had times when I've feltlike this where I'm just like
angry.
I feel really angry that I haveto deal with this.
It doesn't feel fair.
(14:26):
You know, it doesn't feel fairthat I had to go through these
years of of struggling withthese symptoms.
And and my mom called it kickingagainst the pricks.
That's a Bible reference foranybody who reads the Bible, but
but it's kicking against thepricks are is just like you're
just hurting yourself.
You know, you're not, it's nothurting anybody else.
It's not, it's not accomplishinganything.
(14:47):
You're just you're just angryand you're just kicking against
things that are causing morepain for you.
And that's that's what I Iexperience in myself sometimes
when I would just feel reallyrebellious about what I was
experiencing and frustrated andand kind of feeling sorry for
myself, truthfully.
You know, like it's not fair,you know.
(15:07):
Like I see other people in theirlives and they don't have to
deal with these things.
So this isn't fair that I haveto.
And so I recognize there, youknow, I would recognize there
was a problem, but I would justfeel rebellious about doing
anything about it because itdidn't feel like I should have
to.
It didn't feel like it was fairthat I was dealing with this
problem.
So I've talked about these twobecause I want you to be able to
recognize them if you're feelingthem, if you're experiencing
(15:31):
them, or if you have in thepast, and if you there's a
possibility you could in thefuture.
This this cycle is reallyimportant to understand and and
let's eliminate these two parts.
That's why on the graphic that'sbehind me, they're gray.
I I've grayed them out becausewe don't want to be there.
Do not live in contemplation orpre-contemplation.
(15:53):
Let's let's at least be mindfulof the fact that, yeah, it's it
stinks that we deal with thesesymptoms.
It's not, it isn't fair.
Who it's there's lots ofunfairness in this life.
But feeling sorry for yourselfor feeling angry or feeling, you
know, like it's like it's unjustthat you have to deal with these
things doesn't serve a purpose.
(16:14):
It doesn't help you.
It's just you're kicking againstthe pricks, you're just hurting
yourself by, you know, havingyour little pity party.
So the things that I wouldencourage people to do when you
are in this part of the process.
So when you're in contemplation,you know, pre-contemplation or
contemplation is do somethingthat will help you start to
(16:34):
shift the way that you'relooking at it.
So you can think about what yourwhy is.
Why did you want to heal in thefirst place?
I when people join my coachingprogram, that's one of the very
first things we do is figure outwhat your why is.
My why was my children.
The reason why when I have theselittle pity parties for myself,
when I would feel frustrated orangry or be in denial, I always
(16:58):
was able to recover because Iwould remember why I started the
recovery process in the firstplace.
It was because of my kids.
I love my children and I wantedthem to have a healthy mom.
And so, even on the days whenthings were really rough, I
would eventually get to a pointwhen I would think, all right,
put on your big girl pants andlet's get back to work.
(17:19):
And so remembering your why is areally powerful motivator.
It's really important to have areason, you know, get clearer on
the reason that you want torecover.
And if you haven't ever donethat, if you haven't ever
figured out, and and I want toinvite you, um, I I've done this
in, I think I did this in aprevious episode, but I'm gonna
do this really quick here, whichis um if you have never gotten
(17:43):
down to the the real true why.
So, you know, somebody mightsay, you know, like I'd say, why
do you want to heal?
And they might say, Well, I justdon't want to live like this
anymore.
And I say, Okay, well, why?
Why don't you want to live likethis anymore?
Well, because it's embarrassing.
Okay, why is it embarrassing?
And and we'll ask the questionsenough times till you get to the
(18:04):
source of what the true sourceof your why.
For me, it was my children for along time.
I I didn't feel like my life hadany value anymore as a person.
I I had felt I had gotten to thepoint where I felt so bad about
myself and so worthless that Ididn't feel like my life had
value.
So my why didn't have anythingto do with me other than just
(18:27):
wanting to be a better mom formy children because I could
still see their value.
I could still see theirpotential in their lives.
And so even though I didn't feellike my life had any value, I
knew that theirs did, and Iwanted them to have a healthier
mom.
I wanted them to have a mom thatcould help them to reach their
potential in this life.
Over time, that evolved becauseas I started to heal, I started
(18:50):
to feel better about myself.
And then my why evolved becauseI wanted to live a better life.
I wanted to contribute to theworld.
I, you know, I had more that Iwanted to do and help, I wanted
to help people.
But it's really important tofigure out why healing matters
to you and get really clear onit so that you can, when you
(19:11):
have these times, which you mayhave, if you have an experience
where you have, you know, reallyintense symptoms, you know,
caused by something that wasoutside your control.
So you didn't do anything wrong.
It's just, you know, life ishard and sometimes things happen
and you end up with really, youknow, intense symptoms as you're
going through the healingprocess.
(19:32):
It's really important toremember why you started the
process so that you don't giveup.
So that you're willing to keeptrying and think, okay, this
stinks, but I can keep going.
I want to keep going because Iwant this why.
I want to, I want to achievethese things.
I want this, this, I want thisin my life.
(19:52):
I want healing because and thenwhat's your why?
So that's one thing that you cando when you're in this state,
you know, pre-contemplation orcontemplation, if you're in
denial, if you're feeling sorryfor yourself, if you're angry or
frustrated, remind yourself ofwhy this matters to you, why
healing was was important, isimportant to you.
(20:13):
The other thing that's importantis make sure that you are
surrounding yourself withinfluences that are going to
help you look forward towardshealing and recovery and not
influences that are going to youknow help you continue wallowing
in the mud.
And what I mean by that is thereis a lot of junk on social
(20:34):
media, a lot of junk.
If I didn't have to use socialmedia to share my message, I
would never go on social mediaagain.
It feels like a cesspool.
And I don't like it.
But and as we, you know, part ofthe reason is because there is
so much junk on there.
There's a lot of people who umwear mental illness as a badge
(20:55):
of honor.
It's become their identity.
Um they they want to bringawareness to their suffering and
and they want people tounderstand when they're behaving
badly because of this, you know,as a result of the symptoms and
and just tolerate it.
And so um, so if you're spendingall of your time listening to,
you know, creators like that,content creators like that, it's
(21:18):
going to start making you feeljustified in your in your denial
and in your self-pity and inyour you know, feelings of
frustration.
I would encourage you not to notto allow yourself to do that.
It can feel good to feelvalidated in your anger and your
frustration, but it's not gonnahelp you feel better ultimately.
It's not going to help you moveforward.
It's gonna keep you stuck inthis pre contemplation
(21:41):
contemplation state.
It's gonna keep you stuck indenial, it's gonna keep you
stuck in self pity, and that'sthat's not gonna help you.
What you want to surroundyourself with is positive
focused influences.
Listen to, you can listen to mypodcast, listen to other
creators' podcasts that arefocused.
On healing and resources andtools that will help you
(22:02):
recover.
Join groups that are where thereare people who are other people
who are going through recoverywho understand what it's like to
experience these learningpoints, understand what it's
like to feel discouraged andfeel frustrated and feel
self-pity about it and feel likeit's unfair.
(22:23):
They understand these are otherpeople who understand what that
feels like and are continuing tomove forward anyway.
Surround yourself with peoplelike that.
I have a Facebook group, youknow, Bipolar Moms Learning to
Live Well.
Um, my coaching group is a fan aphenomenal support group.
These people are so supportiveof each other and everyone is
(22:43):
trying hard.
And everybody knows what itfeels like to experience
learning points, and they knowwhat it takes to get out of
them.
They to move forward and skippre-contemplation and
contemplation and go intodetermination and action.
So make sure that you areutilizing resources that will
help you move forward toward thenext phase, which is
(23:04):
determination.
So it's interesting because Ieach time I would go through
this, it when I would findmyself in the denial or the
self-pity, I would often get toa point where I was kind of fed
up with myself.
Um, often after I had spent, youknow, a week binge watching
shows or something, I would getto a point where I was like,
(23:25):
that's enough.
And I would like give myselfthese lectures about like, all
right, that's enough, Michelle.
Get up off your bum and let'snot do this anymore.
I don't want to live like this.
And and I would feel determinedto do something, but
determination is not necessarilydoing actively doing anything.
You haven't taken any actionyet, but you're doing things to
(23:47):
get yourself into the rightmindset.
So this would be, you know,somebody who's started listening
to podcasts to try and changethe way that they're thinking,
and now they're feeling like, ohyes, like I definitely want to
heal.
I definitely want to get back onthe on track and I'm ready to
try again.
And so determination is where wewant to connect learning points
(24:08):
and determination and eliminatepre-contemplation and
contemplation.
Determination is where youunderstand that there's a
problem and you're ready to dosomething about it, and you're
doing things proactively thatare helping you to get ready to
act.
And so things like listening to,you know, I podcast, listening
or reading my book, listening toor reading my book.
(24:29):
Um, again, you can listen toother content, you know, other
podcasts that are reallyuplifting.
Um, if you have another bookthat is, you know, somebody that
is helping you, you know, withrecovery tools, um, make sure
that you're listening to thosethings.
Those are going to help get youmoving towards the next step,
which is action.
(24:50):
And action is where the poweris.
As I talk about the healing, thepath to recovery, one of the
things that I began tounderstand about it uh is that
you're developing new habits andnew pathways for your brain.
When we our brain lovesautopilot, our brain loves to
(25:12):
just, you know, to know whatit's supposed to do because it
eliminates a lot of the decisionmaking.
And that's sometimes a reallygood thing.
Like it's, it can be reallyhelpful uh because if our brain
had to make every singledecision every single day, it
would, it would probably exhaustus.
And so, you know, there's a lotof things that autopilot, a lot
(25:32):
of ways to autopilot can serveus.
But if we are not mindful aboutinterrupting that, that
autopilot, our brain, especiallyif we've been dealing with
bipolar symptoms for a longtime, can feel like, you know,
we end up in a stressfulsituation and our brain's like,
I know what I'm supposed to do.
And you start to experiencesleeplessness because your brain
(25:54):
doesn't want to go to bedbecause it's like, I've got to
solve this problem right now.
This is every time in the pastthat you've had this problem,
you know, that you've foundthis, it's been in this
situation, this is what we do.
And so your brain can go downthat well-worn neurological
pathway and create symptoms foryou that may not be necessary,
(26:14):
but they are the way that yourbrain has learned how to deal
with things.
This is especially true for ifsomebody's got unhealed trauma.
If you have unhealed trauma andanytime you feel unsafe, your
your body goes into fight orflight, and your um brain starts
to get depressed or it starts toget hyperactive, and you don't
(26:37):
have anything that can interruptthat process, you can end up
experiencing symptoms.
So the whole point of action isto develop new habits, new ways
of interacting with things, withthe world around you, new ways
of understanding what you'reexperiencing and what are you
going to do about it.
And this is the main crux of mybook and the main focus of my
(27:01):
book and of um all these habitsfor healing that I teach.
It's important for you to,number one, when you experience
symptoms, to look with them atwith curiosity instead of
judgment.
So when you are indetermination, when you're in
action in these parts of therecovery cycle, we are looking
(27:22):
at the symptoms with curiosityinstead of judgment.
So if you your circle getssmaller, this this uh recovery
cycle, and you experience alearning point.
So you're and learning pointsare symptoms.
So if you're experiencingsymptoms, the goal is to start
looking at them with curiosityinstead of judgment.
(27:43):
And that's what helps us to getto skip pre-contemplation,
contemplation.
Because when we judge thesymptoms as good or bad, when we
judge ourselves as havingfailed, when we, you know, when
we look at the symptoms andjudge them as just part of our
quote unquote disorder, thatmakes us feel helpless, like we
don't have anything that we cando about it, those all get us
stuck in in those two parts ofdenial and self-pity and and
(28:06):
that.
But if we learn how to look atthose symptoms with curiosity
and learn to be detectives inour own lives and identify what
is this symptom telling me?
What's going on here?
So as I was going through therecovery process, I started to
learn how to identify what thesymptoms were telling me.
(28:26):
I learned what med releaseswere.
I I understood, I started tolearn that I had a whole bunch
of medications stored up in mybody.
And I made a terrible mistake atone point of trying to do a
cleanse because I thought, well,if I've got my medication stored
in my body, let's just get itout.
And True Hope warned me not todo that, but I didn't listen.
And I tried to do a livercleanse, and I got so severely
(28:49):
depressed that I almost ended upin the hospital.
Like if it was borderlinesuicidal.
I, you know, I was I wasextremely depressed, and it was
very disorienting after, youknow, having been doing okay for
a while to feel this level, thatlevel of depression.
But one of the reasons why TrueHope warns people not to do this
(29:10):
is we have no idea how muchmedication is stored in your
soft tissues.
And it's so critical not to tryand push it all out at once
because it can belife-threatening.
And I immediately called TrueHope when I got into this really
severe depression andsheepishly, you know, admitted
to them what I had done.
And they were very kind andcompassionate, very
understanding.
(29:31):
I think they understood, youknow, how hard it is to feel
like you have like a tickingtime bomb inside of your body
with these medications that arethere.
Um, but but the truth is thatit's so important to navigate
this as safely as possible.
And so they gave me guidanceabout what I needed to do.
I use, you know, they had meusing whey protein isolate and
(29:51):
aminos to help get themedication safely out of my
body, and I never did it again.
But I was just very careful fromthat point forward to be aware
that if I went through astressor that I didn't have any
control over, like moving, thatit's possible that it could
cause a med release.
And I and I would contact TrueHope if I experienced the
(30:12):
symptoms.
I started to recognize whatthose symptoms felt like,
contacted True Hope, utilizedthe tools to help safely get
through the med release, andthen I was able to feel better.
And the other thing I did waseliminate triggers for med
releases.
So if there were triggers that Icould eliminate, I did.
I stopped training fortriathlons.
(30:33):
Really intense exercise cancause a med release, and I
stopped doing it because everytime I would I would train for
events, I was triggeringsymptoms in myself from you know
by causing med releases.
So it was something that I gotcurious.
I learned how to be curiousabout the symptoms instead of
judging them, and learned how tobe a detective.
(30:55):
I learned how to look at thecircumstances surrounding the
symptoms and learned how toidentify what were what was the
actual source of the symptoms,what was going on.
Another example was uh when Istarted learning how to identify
trauma responses.
So I over time, as I stoppedlumping all of the symptoms into
(31:16):
categories like mania anddepression and anxiety, and I
started looking at the symptomsindividually, I started
recognizing the differencebetween the different kinds of
symptoms that I wouldexperience.
And I started to learn what atrauma response felt like in my
body.
So instead of just calling itanxiety, I'm having really bad
anxiety.
I was like, oh, my chest isreally tight and I'm, you know,
(31:39):
I'm I'm having a hard timebreathing.
And, you know, I was able to gothrough and identify what are
the specific symptoms Iexperience when I have a trauma
response.
And I don't feel safe.
I don't feel safe right now.
And and so when that when thatwould happen, when I started
understanding what that was, Iwould write down as much
information surrounding theexperience as I could, and then
I would take it to my therapist,who was a trauma-informed
(32:01):
therapist.
She she worked in the EMDRmodality, and I would take all
the information and say, okay, Iexperienced a trauma response.
I'm not sure why this situationcaused a trauma response, but we
got to figure it out.
And and because of that, we wereable, and this was action.
So I was in action.
You know, I was I wasproactively observing the
symptoms, observing thecircumstances, looking them at
(32:24):
them with curiosity, becoming adetective in my own life.
And I could take thatinformation to my therapist, and
we were able to identify thetrigger and resolve it, resolve
the unhealed trauma that was wasmaking it was causing me to
experience this trauma response.
So when you are when you are atthe point of actually being
(32:46):
ready to do something, the mostimportant thing that you can do
is learn how to identify whatthe sources of your symptoms
are, and then utilize the thehabits for healing that you are
should be developingappropriately.
So, you know, when when you are,for example, in my book, I talk
(33:07):
about a time where I had atrauma response when we were
getting ready to go to uh anall-day, we were going to a
amusement park as a family allday.
And I experienced a traumaresponse in the morning, and my
body was going into like severefight or flight.
And I, as we went to the, youknow, and I was just kind of
(33:31):
like in survival mode as we weredriving to the amusement park.
And I had this like little partof my brain that reached out and
said, You're gonna ruin the dayfor everybody.
And and I knew that that wastrue.
I knew I, because I was notbehaving in a way that was
comfortable or relaxed, or, youknow, I was going to, everybody
was worried about me.
And I was, they were all goingto be worried about me during
(33:52):
the day instead of being able toenjoy the day at the amusement
park as a family.
And so I used the tool, a toolthat I had developed, a habit
for healing, which was metamindfulness meditation.
And I was able to go, you know,off by myself, practice some
mindfulness, calm my entiresystem back down.
And then I was able to enjoy theday with my family.
(34:14):
And when I got home that night,I wrote down all the information
about what had caused the traumaresponse and took the
information to my therapist.
So that was two habits forhealing that were applied in
that situation that helpedresolve the symptoms in the
moment and allowed me to resolvethe trigger later on.
So it's important, it's criticalto develop the skill of looking
(34:37):
with curiosity, becoming adetective in your life, learning
how to identify what are thesources of my symptoms, and
develop the habits for healingso that you have the tools
necessary to address theunderlying sources and resolve
them.
As you do this consistently, asyou develop these habits for
healing, as you are helping toresolve, you know, underlying
(34:57):
sources of symptoms, you willend up in longer and longer and
longer periods of maintenance.
And maintenance is where you'vegot your everything is balanced,
you are stable, um, you're notexperiencing symptoms, you know,
during that time.
And that's your happy place.
Like it feels, it feels reallypositive to be in that place.
(35:19):
And it's really important toremember that that's not it, it
is a form of success, meaningthat you are doing the work
necessary to help yourself heal.
And it's a reward.
It feels great.
It feels great to be stable, itfeels great to be able to handle
life around you and to not beexperiencing symptoms all the
(35:42):
time.
And it's also important toremember that if you do
experience symptoms, it's notfailure.
You have not failed.
It is absolutely critical toremember that when you
experience symptoms, when youexperience symptoms as you go
through the recovery process,it's just part of recovery.
It's part of this recoverycycle.
And and if you can learn how tolook at those symptoms with
(36:04):
curiosity instead of judgment,you can skip over the
pre-contemplation andcontemplation, you can skip over
denial, you can skip overself-pity and get back to
determination.
And if you need support and youneed help, the Upsiders Tribe is
a phenomenal place to be.
Because not only do you getguidance about how to develop
(36:27):
these habits for healing foryourself, but you also get
tremendous res support from meand from the other members of
the tribe who are all goingthrough that same healing
process, who will offerencouragement and support and
help you learn how to identifywhat are the sources of your
symptoms.
It's really important also touse language that supports
(36:47):
healing and recovery.
Language is so powerful.
And the language that you use isgoing to affect the way that you
view what you're experiencing.
And that's the last thing that Iwant to talk about is it's so
important that we don't talkabout bipolar disorder because
that language lends itself tothis idea that you have an
(37:07):
underlying condition that youcannot do anything about, that
there's some kind of underlyingbiological mechanism that is
causing these symptoms in you,and that you don't have any
control over it.
It lends itself to a victimmindset, and that is not helpful
to you.
When you're diagnosed withbipolar disorder, you are not
being told why you have thosesymptoms.
It is simply an observation.
(37:28):
It is not an explanation, it isan observation.
It's not explaining the sourceof the symptoms, it's just
observing that you have thatparticular cluster of symptoms.
And the language itself lendsitself to feeling helpless and
feeling like you don't have anycontrol and that you're going to
feel like that for the rest ofyour life.
And so when we in my program, wedon't talk about bipolar
(37:49):
disorder, we talk about bipolarsymptoms.
The symptoms are very real.
When I say that bipolar disorderis not identifying the source,
I'm not saying the symptomsaren't real.
What I am saying is that it'simportant to look at symptoms
with curiosity.
Symptoms are information.
They are source, they areindicating, just like a fever,
if somebody was running a fever,that's information.
(38:09):
That's indicating the body is indistress.
And so a doctor would look forthe source of the of the
distress.
What is causing the body tobecome inflamed?
What is causing the body to havea fever?
And we're going to look for thesource and then address the
source.
And so the same thing is truefor bipolar symptoms.
When you have these symptoms,it's critical to identify what
(38:32):
the source of the symptoms areand to look at them with
curiosity instead of judgment.
The next thing that I invitepeople to do, so so in our
program, we don't talk aboutbipolar disorder, we talk about
bipolar symptoms.
The other thing that I invitepeople to do is not talk about
mania, depression, anxiety in asoverall categories.
Sometimes we use that language,um, but I really try not to,
(38:57):
because the the danger of that,of that language is it is it can
obscure what's actually goingon.
So somebody could experiencesymptoms of mania that are
caused by a med release.
If somebody's been on thesemedications for a long time and
they go through they go throughthe process of titrating off
(39:20):
their medications, and then theystart to experience these
symptoms, it's possible thatyou're having a med release.
And that might look differentfrom symptoms that are caused by
you know another source, like umone one source that can cause
symptoms is marijuana use.
And marijuana is a trigger forthese types of symptoms.
(39:44):
So it's really important to callout the symptoms specifically.
So one of the things that Ilook, I invite people to look
for sleeplessness is a reallyimportant one to watch out for.
If somebody starts to experiencesleeplessness, meaning you're
having like less than six hoursof sleep a night, it's really
important to, you know, ifyou're going through titration
(40:04):
or if you are, you know, not onmeds anymore, to you've got to
do what you need to in order toget some sleep.
And and uh true hope is, youknow, if somebody's working with
true hope, you can contact truehope and they can help you
identify how to get rest, how tohelp your brain sleep.
Um, sometimes people will startto have really big ideas.
(40:25):
And that was a big red flag forme.
If I had ideas that I feltcompelled to engage in, that was
a red flag.
And this is, and when I talkabout red flags, we this is
something we uh we do when we'redeveloping the mood cycle
survival guide in the earlywarning system, which is how you
identify um the symptoms and theprecursors of symptoms as early
(40:48):
as possible so that you can dosomething proactively to start
managing them.
We we talk about identifyingtriggers and red flags.
Red flags are indications thatyou are beginning to experience
symptoms that need to beaddressed.
And a red flag for me was bigideas that I felt like I had to
work on right then.
It wasn't an idea that I couldwrite down and think, oh, that's
an interesting idea.
(41:09):
I'll work on, you know, I shouldlook at that later.
It was an big idea that Ithought I have to do this right
now, or, you know, something badwill happen.
Um, or I felt like compulsivelylike I had to do it.
And if I ever started feelingthat way, that was a red flag
that there I needed to look atwhat was going on with the rest
of me to see if if I wasstarting to experience symptoms
(41:30):
for some reason.
And so it was really, it'sreally important to call out
specific symptoms instead oflumping symptoms into
categories, because when youlump them into categories, it's
hard to differentiate betweenwhen you're experiencing mania
from a med release, or you'reexperiencing mania from, you
know, maybe marijuana use, oryou're experiencing mana for
(41:52):
mania from a trauma response.
Sometimes people, that's howtheir brains learned to deal
with trauma was becoming manic.
They, you know, that's a that'sa learned response.
It's a it's something that canhappen if somebody's got severe
trauma and it's been on doesn'tgo, you know, it's goes
untreated and unaddressed foryears, especially if you get
(42:12):
diagnosed with bipolar and puton psychotropic drugs, your
brain can have a trauma responsethat results in developing
symptoms of mania that you willnot recognize what's actually
happening if you just lumpthings into categories.
So language is really, reallyimportant.
It's really important to changethe way that you talk about what
(42:34):
you're experiencing so that youcan see it through the lens of I
can do something about this.
Symptoms are information, andit's critical for you to learn
how to become a detective inyour own life, look for the
sources, and then you canidentify how do I apply these
habits for healing that I'vedeveloped in an appropriate way
to address the symptoms.
(42:55):
It's so important to remember,as you're as we're talking about
all of these things, thatrecovery takes time, that
experiencing symptoms is notfailure.
And I don't even think it's agood idea to look at it as a
setback because that kind oflends itself to that same idea
that I talked about at thebeginning of somebody, you know,
trying to climb a mountain andfeeling like you end up all the
(43:16):
way down at the bottom againwhen you experience symptoms.
But that's not actually truebecause you're not starting all
over because you've gainedknowledge, you've gained
experience, you've gainedunderstanding, and you're not at
the same place you were when youstarted.
So you have all this new insightand knowledge and understanding
that you've gained now that youcan apply to help you continue
(43:37):
moving forward on the recovery,on the path to recovery.
Recovery is possible, and Ipromise you it is worth the
effort.
I spent so many years inrecovery, not even realizing I
was in recovery.
I was just desperately trying tofind a better way to live my
life.
I had made a commitment becauseof the experience I had with my.
(44:00):
Little girl after my thirdhospitalization, that I was
going to survive for her.
But I thought if I'm going tosurvive probably for a long
time, I want to survive as wellas I can.
I wanted to be try to be abetter mom to her.
I wanted to be a healthier momfor my daughter and for my son.
I wanted to be a mom that couldhelp them to achieve the things
(44:20):
that they needed to in this lifebecause I was healthy and
balanced.
I wanted really badly to havethat in my life.
That why kept motivating me,even when I was in
pre-contemplation andcontemplation, in denial, you
know, feeling sorry for myself.
That was always there in theback of my mind.
And it always came forward whenI would get fed up with myself,
having my pity party, and say,time to get up off your butt and
(44:44):
try something different.
Let's let's not do this anymore.
You don't want to live likethis.
And it actually helps to haveother people supporting you.
I I had people in my life thatloved me, but I didn't have
anybody else who understood whatI was going through, which is
why I started the Facebookgroup, my bipolar mom's learning
(45:05):
to live well.
And it's absolutely why Istarted the Upsiders Tribe.
I wanted to provide the supportI wished I'd had.
I wanted people to, I wanted toprovide the guidance that I wish
I'd had.
I didn't understand any of thesethings.
I was just desperately trying tosurvive and trying to find a
better way to do things.
And the more research that Idid, the more tools I had, and I
(45:27):
would, I would apply a tool andfind how it worked for me, and
then I would do better for alittle while, and then I would
have learning points, I wouldexperience learning points, and
and then I would take what I hadlearned and then I would add to
it.
And over time, I was able torecover.
And over the last five years,I've had, I've been through
(45:47):
really intense struggles in mylife, really intense stressors.
Back in 2020, we lost our oldestson.
He died in March of 2020, and itwas devastating.
But I was able to experiencehealthy grief.
I experienced normal, normalgrief, but I didn't end up
dysfunctional.
(46:07):
I was able to keep movingforward.
I was able to support my thenhusband and and my children
through their grief.
And I kept being able to moveforward in my life.
We went through two years ofunemployment.
And halfway through that, we hadto sell our house and move in
with family members.
(46:27):
And it was really stressful.
And I was able to stay stableand continue.
I was able to, I wrote a bookand published it and became a
number one internationalbest-selling author during that
time.
And that's not a brag, that'sjust evidence to me that I have
healed.
I was able to manage theseintense stressors in my life,
(46:51):
utilizing the same two tools andresources that I was able to use
to heal.
Now I use them to manage stressin my life and to be able to
navigate difficult experiences.
And as I mentioned in the lastpodcast episode, I went through
an unexpected separation lastyear and a divorce at the
beginning of this year.
And even though it's been one ofthe most painful experiences of
(47:14):
my life, I have been able toutilize the tools and resources,
the habits for healing that helpme heal to navigate this really
difficult, painful experience inmy life and still be able to
help others.
I promise you that healing ispossible and that it is
absolutely worth the effort.
One other thing that I will sayis don't put arbitrary timelines
(47:38):
on how long it's going to takeyou to heal.
I years ago, um I lived with anaunt and uncle, and
interestingly, they were theones that originally saw
something going on with me.
This was back in college.
Um they were the ones that youknow suggested I go see a
psychiatrist in the first placewhen this all started.
(48:00):
But I had an uncle that he heexperienced a lot of challenges
in his life, but he had such anamazing attitude about these
arbitrary timelines that we puton ourselves.
And he was talking with somebodyone time about, you know,
somebody who was lamenting thatthey were starting college
(48:21):
really late and and that, youknow, I'm gonna be this this old
when I finish college.
I can't remember.
It was like they were gonna be,you know, in their late 20s,
where all their peers werealready graduated and on to, you
know, other things.
And he said, well, he said,where you know, in four years,
you're gonna be four years olderregardless of what you do right
(48:42):
now.
So you can be four years olderwithout a degree, or you can be
four years older with a degree.
And I that stuck with me.
If I, if I had known at thebeginning of the recovery
process, when I started therecovery process back in about
you know, 2009, 2010, if I hadknown that in 2026, I would be
(49:03):
doing a podcast, I would be anumber one bestselling author, I
would be helping other peoplerecover, I would be completely
recovered.
If I had known that back then,would I have, would I have
looked at it and thought, oh,that's too long.
I'm not willing to do that.
No, of course not.
Of course not.
Because in that time frame, in16 years, it didn't take 16
(49:26):
years to recover, but I'm sayingfrom this point, you know, if we
look at about a decade, it tookabout a decade to go through the
recovery process because Ididn't have anybody guiding me.
I didn't know what I was doing.
I would have been a decade olderregardless.
So I could be a decade older andrecovered and thriving in my
life, or I could be a decadeolder still suffering.
So don't put arbitrary timelineson your recovery.
(49:48):
Don't focus on I need, you know,I'll I need to be recovered by
this amount of time.
Just focus one day at a time,one step at a time, on
developing habits for healing,developing the ability to look
at your symptoms with curiosityinstead of judgment.
Learn how to become a detectivein your life so that you can
learn to look for and identifythe sources of the symptoms.
(50:11):
And then you can utilize thetools, the habits for healing
that you've developed and applythem to that source
appropriately so that you canresolve it.
It's a gradual process, but it'sabsolutely worth the effort.
Recovery is possible.
Healing is possible.
And it's possible to live a lifethat you're happy with, that
you, that you're thriving in.
(50:32):
If you will continue,continually focus on that
recovery cycle, take it one dayat a time, one step at a time,
surround yourself with positiveinfluences, people that other
people who believe in yourrecovery, believe that it's
possible, will encourage you,will support you.
Make sure that you're listeningto things, listening to great
uplifting podcasts, podcastswhere people are helping you
(50:54):
develop these habits for healingfor yourself.
Make sure that you are notspending time in the cesspool of
social media that's reinforcingnegative ideas about yourself
with these symptoms.
Look for good sources, look foruplifting sources, look for
sources that will encourage youtowards your own path to re on
your own path to recovery.
If you have any questions, youcan reach out to me.
(51:16):
My my email is in the shownotes.
If you haven't developed yourown mood cycle survival guide,
make sure you go down in thelink in the show notes and get
that.
If you are watching listening tothis on the podcast, you can go
into the show notes and grabyour own copy of the recovery
cycle.
And I invite you to put that upsomewhere in your house so that
you can see it.
(51:37):
It's a really important conceptto understand as you're going
through recovery so that youdon't get discouraged when you
experience symptoms.
Remember, learning points areopportunities.
They're opportunities to learnand move yourself further down
the path to recovery.
If you need help, if you wantsupport in your own recovery
path and you haven't joined theupsiders tribe, you can reach
out to me through email and wecan schedule a 30-minute
(51:59):
complimentary discovery callwhere we can talk about your
situation specifically and seeif the Upsiders tribe might be a
good place for you.
Until next time, Upsiders.
Thanks for joining me on theUpside of Bipolar.
Your journey to recoverymatters, and I'm grateful you're
(52:20):
here.
For more resources, visitwww.theupsideofbipolar.com.
If you're ready to dive deeper,grab my book, The Upside of
Bipolar (52:29):
Seven Steps to Heal Your Disorder.
If you're ready to heal yoursymptoms, join my monthly
membership, The Upsiders Tribe,to transform chaos into hope.
Until next time, Upsiders
If you do experience symptoms, it's not failure.
(00:02):
You have not failed.
It is absolutely critical toremember that when you
experience symptoms, when youexperience symptoms as you go
through the recovery process,it's just part of recovery.
It's part of this recoverycycle.
Welcome to the Upside ofBipolar, where we uncover the
(00:23):
true sources of bipolar symptomsand share proven tools for
recovery.
I'm your host, MichelleReitinger, number one
international best-sellingauthor of the Upside of Bipolar
Seven Steps to Heal YourDisorder.
In this podcast, I bring yousolo insights from my journey
and guest interviews withleading researchers and experts.
Join us to transform chaos intohope and reclaim your life.
(00:45):
Let's heal together.
Welcome to the Upside ofBipolar.
I am your host, MichelleReitinger, and today I'm doing a
solo episode that's reallyimportant.
It's something that's actuallycome up in my coaching recently,
and I realized it's something Ineed to talk about on the show
(01:08):
here.
So today we are talking aboutthe recovery cycle.
And some of you may have noticedon the wall behind me, I've got
a graphic of the recovery cycle.
If you're listening, um, I'veactually I'm actually going to
link a copy of the recoverycycle in my show notes so that
you can open it up and take alook at it.
(01:29):
Um I'm going to be sharing itgraphically today on the
episode.
So if you're watching this onYouTube, you'll get to see see
the graphic while I'm talkingabout it.
But this is really important.
If you want to heal from yourbipolar symptoms, it's essential
that you understand what therecovery cycle looks like.
And in my book, I share thestory of how I discovered this
(01:54):
for myself.
When I was going throughrecovery, first of all, I didn't
realize I was recovering at thetime.
I thought up until 2020, I thinkit was 2021 or 2022, uh, 2021,
when I found um the anatomy ofan epidemic book and began
reading it and had my eyesopened to the reality of what I
(02:18):
was actually dealing with.
That that bipolar, the bipolardiagnosis was not identifying
the underlying condition.
Um I had not been told why I wasexperiencing these symptoms and
that it was actually possible toheal.
Uh, but up until that point, sofrom 1998, when I was diagnosed
all the way through to you know2020, 2021, I still believed
(02:43):
that I was always going to havebipolar, but I thought I had
just learned how to manage itbetter.
And as I was working on that,every time that I would go
through periods of stability, Ifelt like I was succeeding.
It felt like success.
And which conversely, when Iwould experience symptoms, felt
like failure.
I had this image in my head oftrying to climb a mountain to
(03:06):
stability.
Um, and every time I wouldexperience symptoms, it felt
like I was falling all the waydown to the bottom and having to
start all over again.
And it was a very discouragingway to look at what I was going
through because as you gothrough recovery, you will
experience symptoms.
It's just, it's just the realityof the recovery process.
(03:27):
And I had a particular time whenI was in therapy and I became
very depressed.
And I contacted my therapist andwent into for a session, and I
was very angry that day.
I was crying and frustrated, andI said, you know, I was doing so
well for so long, and then allof a sudden I'm feeling
depressed and I don't know whatI did wrong.
And I kind of ranted for alittle bit.
(03:49):
I was really upset about it.
I was feeling very discouragedat the time.
And truthfully, I just wanted toquit.
Like I just felt like it was toohard.
I didn't want to keep doing thisif I, you know, if I was going
to do all this work and then endup struggling still.
And after my therapist hadlistened to me whine, for lack
(04:09):
of a better word, for a whileabout it, uh, she told me that I
was considering this in in uhmaybe not the best way, that I
was looking at this wrong.
She said that that uh healingwas not a linear process and
that the healing from mentalhealth challenges like bipolar
(04:31):
symptoms follows more closelythe recovery cycle from
addiction.
And I was curious.
I didn't understand what shemeant.
And I so she pulled out, she hada whiteboard a lot of times.
She, I'm very cerebral, I liketo understand things.
And so she liked to, she wasvery happy to accommodate me in
teaching me.
And so she pulled her whiteboardout and drew the recovery cycle
(04:52):
on the whiteboard.
And I'm gonna pull that.
I made a graphic for myself,actually.
This is not the graphic I made.
This was made by a professionalfor my book, but uh, but it was
really helpful to me.
I made a graphic for myself andI put it up on my wall.
And as I was going through thehealing process, I looked at
(05:12):
this frequently so that I wouldremember that when I experienced
symptoms, I was not failing,that it was not failure.
And learning points is languageI use.
So I'm gonna talk about languagea little bit later in this
episode.
But um, learning points is usedin place of relapse.
So in the recovery cycle, um,learning points is actually
(05:34):
relapse.
So when somebody is goingthrough addiction, if they
relapse, that's in that spotright there.
So I'm gonna talk about each ofthe steps of the recovery cycle
and and what you should do inthose steps, because it's really
important for you to makedecisions about do you feel like
being a victim to these symptomsfor the rest of your life, or do
(05:56):
you want to do something aboutit?
So the very first part, the youknow, at the very beginning of
this circle, and I know thatcircle, a circle has no
beginning and no end, but but aswe usually, most people begin
the recovery process inpre-contemplation or
contemplation.
So pre-contemplation is when youdon't even believe you have a
(06:17):
problem.
And I think denial is a reallygood word to use for that.
You know, when when we are,there's sometimes there's a
little inkling in the back ofour minds that there might be
something wrong, but we don'twant to acknowledge it.
So we're in denial.
We're not willing to look at,you know, look at ourselves or
or accept that there might be anissue going on.
And this can happen after we'vestarted recovery.
(06:41):
It's possible to end up in thisphase of the recovery cycle
after you've started recovery,after you've already made the
decision that you want to, youdon't want to live like this
anymore, especially if youexperience a learning point or a
relapse that is severe.
So I'll give you an example ofone of the experiences that I
had like this.
When I was uh going through arecovery at the beginning, I
(07:04):
started with uh micronutrientsin 2010.
And I didn't understand whatthey were doing in my brain.
I didn't understand um what washappening with withdrawal.
I just didn't understand it verywell.
Um I didn't have anybody toteach me really.
When I first started talking toTrue Hope, who's the
micronutrient company that I getmy micronutrients from, they try
(07:27):
to explain things to you, butuh, they didn't have hours to
spend on the phone with meexplaining all the nuances of
the recovery process.
And so, and I honestly didn'tknow to look at to ask them.
I didn't know that the symptomsI was experiencing were anything
other than my quote unquotebipolar disorder, because up to
that point, all of the symptomsI experienced anxiety,
depression, you know, symptomsof mania, every time I
(07:50):
experienced any of thosesymptoms, they just got all of
them were just attributed to mybipolar disorder because that's
what I had been taught by thedoctors.
For the first 12 years of mytreatment, from the time I was
diagnosed in 1998 all the waythrough the beginning of my
process of healing, I had beentold by every psychiatrist I saw
(08:12):
that all of the symptoms I wasexperiencing were part of my
quote-unquote bipolar disorder.
So anytime I experienced any ofthose symptoms, they just got
lumped in into that category.
So when I was experiencing uhwithdrawal symptoms, when I
experienced um over medication,when I experienced med releases,
uh my brain automatically wentto, oh my gosh, my bipolar is
(08:36):
back.
And I had I had a couple ofinstances before I understood
what med releases were, where Ialmost wanted to quit because I
experienced pretty severe medreleases.
I had been on these medicationsfor 12 years when I started the
process of titration.
And I had been on a lot ofmedication during that time.
(08:59):
At one point, I was on sevendifferent medications.
Those medications will getstored in your soft tissues, so
in your fat cells, in yourmuscles.
And when you are under a lot ofstress, um, I went through a
couple of periods of prettyrapid weight loss over the
years.
Hyperthyroidism, you know, I Ihad I had some different issues
(09:19):
uh when I started exercisingreally intensely.
The exercise itself was pushingmedication back into my system.
When I when I went through, whenwe went through moves, we we
moved several times.
And moving is was alwaysstressful for me.
Moves are stressful in general,but I would get hypomanic during
my moves.
I would, um, I would get, Iwould have a hard time sleeping.
(09:42):
My brain was going very quick,you know, thinking about all of
the things that I needed toworry about.
You know, one of the the firstmove we went through after I got
was titrating off themedication.
I had titrated all the way offthe medication.
And then like a month later, wehad to move.
And my husband at the time, hewent ahead.
(10:03):
He had to, he had to get down tothe, it was down in Mississippi.
He had to go down there rightaway because they needed him at
work.
And I had a house to get readyto sell.
And and I spent six weeksgetting, you know, working on
the house, doing a lot ofupdates and repairs and things
like that in order to put ourhouse on the market.
(10:24):
And I had two little childrenthat I was taking care of at the
same time.
So I, you know, I would have,thankfully, my mother-in-law was
there to help during the daywith my kids.
Um, but I was working, you know,from 6 a.m.
until midnight every single dayfor six weeks on the house.
And then um, you know, onSundays, I was, you know, trying
to catch up with my kids and andspend time with my children.
(10:47):
And it was, it was a rough time.
It was a really stressfulexperience.
And when the move, when thatpart of the period was over and
we moved, uh, you know, wefinally got to move.
I was so relieved when I gotthere.
And then I crashed into reallysevere depression.
And at the time, I didn'tunderstand that that was a med
release.
I didn't know what washappening.
I had been under intense stressfor six weeks.
(11:10):
And and then I didn't know thatwhat I was experiencing was a
med release, and I thought thesimp the supplements weren't
working anymore.
But at the time, I didn't havethe wherewithal to do anything
about it, so I just suffered andbinge watched like 19 seasons of
Law and Order SVU.
You know, it was pretty rough.
And then I finally came out ofit and started doing better, and
(11:33):
that was when I started trainingfor triathlons.
And so I went through a fewperiods where I had pretty
severe symptoms that made mefeel frustrated because I didn't
understand what the symptomsmeant.
And it and because I thought thesymptoms were my bipolar
disorder, it was it's verydiscouraging to work really hard
(11:55):
to try to manage things and toand go through long periods of
stability.
Every time you start to feel thestability, there's like this
little part of you in the backthat's like waiting for the
other shoe to drop.
But the longer you go through,you know, as you go through
longer and longer periods ofstability, each time you start
to think, well, maybe, maybe I'mdone.
(12:15):
Like maybe I won't have symptomsthis time.
Maybe I can take care of myselfwell enough.
Maybe, maybe I'll manage thingswell enough and I won't make any
mistakes.
And so you start, as you gothrough these longer periods of
stability, you start to feellike maybe it won't happen
again.
And then if something, you know,if you experience symptoms, then
it feels like failure.
You feel like you've donesomething wrong.
(12:37):
And so that the challenge is notto end up in pre-contemplation
where you're in denial, youknow, and and this can happen
for a few reasons.
When you are going through therecovery process, um, there are
times when you start to feellike you're better.
Uh especially now that people,you know, as people know that
(12:58):
it's possible to heal.
I didn't know it was possible toheal, so I didn't know I was
healing.
But now that, you know, as Iknow that it now that it's
possible to heal, and as I sharethat with other people, when
people feel like, you know,they're doing better and they
think, oh man, I'm healed.
Then when you start toexperience symptoms, you might
be in denial about it.
(13:19):
It's possible that you can feellike, you know, maybe
discouraged or frustrated, ormaybe you just feel like, nope,
I'm not, these are not symptoms.
You know, I'm I'm better.
You know, I've been, I'm doingall the things that I'm supposed
to, and I and I'm feelingbetter.
And so there's a possibilitythat you can be in denial about
what you're experiencing.
And the challenge, the problemthat that creates is when you're
(13:41):
in denial, you're not doinganything about it.
You're not, you're not allowingyourself to be curious, you're
not, you're judging yourself andyou're judging the symptoms and
trying to ignore them.
And the longer you let them goon, the harder things can get.
So deny so pre-contemplation isa place we don't want to be.
It's a it's a part of the a partof the recovery cycle that
(14:05):
really we want to eliminate fromthe cycle, as well as
contemplation.
So contemplation is when yourecognize there's a problem, but
you don't want to do anythingabout it.
You're just, and and this canhappen when you just feel like
you're done.
You know, you're angry.
I I've had times when I've feltlike this where I'm just like
angry.
I feel really angry that I haveto deal with this.
It doesn't feel fair.
(14:26):
You know, it doesn't feel fairthat I had to go through these
years of of struggling withthese symptoms.
And and my mom called it kickingagainst the pricks.
That's a Bible reference foranybody who reads the Bible, but
but it's kicking against thepricks are is just like you're
just hurting yourself.
You know, you're not, it's nothurting anybody else.
It's not, it's not accomplishinganything.
(14:47):
You're just you're just angryand you're just kicking against
things that are causing morepain for you.
And that's that's what I Iexperience in myself sometimes
when I would just feel reallyrebellious about what I was
experiencing and frustrated andand kind of feeling sorry for
myself, truthfully.
You know, like it's not fair,you know.
(15:07):
Like I see other people in theirlives and they don't have to
deal with these things.
So this isn't fair that I haveto.
And so I recognize there, youknow, I would recognize there
was a problem, but I would justfeel rebellious about doing
anything about it because itdidn't feel like I should have
to.
It didn't feel like it was fairthat I was dealing with this
problem.
So I've talked about these twobecause I want you to be able to
recognize them if you're feelingthem, if you're experiencing
(15:31):
them, or if you have in thepast, and if you there's a
possibility you could in thefuture.
This this cycle is reallyimportant to understand and and
let's eliminate these two parts.
That's why on the graphic that'sbehind me, they're gray.
I I've grayed them out becausewe don't want to be there.
Do not live in contemplation orpre-contemplation.
(15:53):
Let's let's at least be mindfulof the fact that, yeah, it's it
stinks that we deal with thesesymptoms.
It's not, it isn't fair.
Who it's there's lots ofunfairness in this life.
But feeling sorry for yourselfor feeling angry or feeling, you
know, like it's like it's unjustthat you have to deal with these
things doesn't serve a purpose.
(16:14):
It doesn't help you.
It's just you're kicking againstthe pricks, you're just hurting
yourself by, you know, havingyour little pity party.
So the things that I wouldencourage people to do when you
are in this part of the process.
So when you're in contemplation,you know, pre-contemplation or
contemplation is do somethingthat will help you start to
(16:34):
shift the way that you'relooking at it.
So you can think about what yourwhy is.
Why did you want to heal in thefirst place?
I when people join my coachingprogram, that's one of the very
first things we do is figure outwhat your why is.
My why was my children.
The reason why when I have theselittle pity parties for myself,
when I would feel frustrated orangry or be in denial, I always
(16:58):
was able to recover because Iwould remember why I started the
recovery process in the firstplace.
It was because of my kids.
I love my children and I wantedthem to have a healthy mom.
And so, even on the days whenthings were really rough, I
would eventually get to a pointwhen I would think, all right,
put on your big girl pants andlet's get back to work.
(17:19):
And so remembering your why is areally powerful motivator.
It's really important to have areason, you know, get clearer on
the reason that you want torecover.
And if you haven't ever donethat, if you haven't ever
figured out, and and I want toinvite you, um, I I've done this
in, I think I did this in aprevious episode, but I'm gonna
do this really quick here, whichis um if you have never gotten
(17:43):
down to the the real true why.
So, you know, somebody mightsay, you know, like I'd say, why
do you want to heal?
And they might say, Well, I justdon't want to live like this
anymore.
And I say, Okay, well, why?
Why don't you want to live likethis anymore?
Well, because it's embarrassing.
Okay, why is it embarrassing?
And and we'll ask the questionsenough times till you get to the
(18:04):
source of what the true sourceof your why.
For me, it was my children for along time.
I I didn't feel like my life hadany value anymore as a person.
I I had felt I had gotten to thepoint where I felt so bad about
myself and so worthless that Ididn't feel like my life had
value.
So my why didn't have anythingto do with me other than just
(18:27):
wanting to be a better mom formy children because I could
still see their value.
I could still see theirpotential in their lives.
And so even though I didn't feellike my life had any value, I
knew that theirs did, and Iwanted them to have a healthier
mom.
I wanted them to have a mom thatcould help them to reach their
potential in this life.
Over time, that evolved becauseas I started to heal, I started
(18:50):
to feel better about myself.
And then my why evolved becauseI wanted to live a better life.
I wanted to contribute to theworld.
I, you know, I had more that Iwanted to do and help, I wanted
to help people.
But it's really important tofigure out why healing matters
to you and get really clear onit so that you can, when you
(19:11):
have these times, which you mayhave, if you have an experience
where you have, you know, reallyintense symptoms, you know,
caused by something that wasoutside your control.
So you didn't do anything wrong.
It's just, you know, life ishard and sometimes things happen
and you end up with really, youknow, intense symptoms as you're
going through the healingprocess.
(19:32):
It's really important toremember why you started the
process so that you don't giveup.
So that you're willing to keeptrying and think, okay, this
stinks, but I can keep going.
I want to keep going because Iwant this why.
I want to, I want to achievethese things.
I want this, this, I want thisin my life.
(19:52):
I want healing because and thenwhat's your why?
So that's one thing that you cando when you're in this state,
you know, pre-contemplation orcontemplation, if you're in
denial, if you're feeling sorryfor yourself, if you're angry or
frustrated, remind yourself ofwhy this matters to you, why
healing was was important, isimportant to you.
(20:13):
The other thing that's importantis make sure that you are
surrounding yourself withinfluences that are going to
help you look forward towardshealing and recovery and not
influences that are going to youknow help you continue wallowing
in the mud.
And what I mean by that is thereis a lot of junk on social
(20:34):
media, a lot of junk.
If I didn't have to use socialmedia to share my message, I
would never go on social mediaagain.
It feels like a cesspool.
And I don't like it.
But and as we, you know, part ofthe reason is because there is
so much junk on there.
There's a lot of people who umwear mental illness as a badge
(20:55):
of honor.
It's become their identity.
Um they they want to bringawareness to their suffering and
and they want people tounderstand when they're behaving
badly because of this, you know,as a result of the symptoms and
and just tolerate it.
And so um, so if you're spendingall of your time listening to,
you know, creators like that,content creators like that, it's
(21:18):
going to start making you feeljustified in your in your denial
and in your self-pity and inyour you know, feelings of
frustration.
I would encourage you not to notto allow yourself to do that.
It can feel good to feelvalidated in your anger and your
frustration, but it's not gonnahelp you feel better ultimately.
It's not going to help you moveforward.
It's gonna keep you stuck inthis pre contemplation
(21:41):
contemplation state.
It's gonna keep you stuck indenial, it's gonna keep you
stuck in self pity, and that'sthat's not gonna help you.
What you want to surroundyourself with is positive
focused influences.
Listen to, you can listen to mypodcast, listen to other
creators' podcasts that arefocused.
On healing and resources andtools that will help you
(22:02):
recover.
Join groups that are where thereare people who are other people
who are going through recoverywho understand what it's like to
experience these learningpoints, understand what it's
like to feel discouraged andfeel frustrated and feel
self-pity about it and feel likeit's unfair.
(22:23):
They understand these are otherpeople who understand what that
feels like and are continuing tomove forward anyway.
Surround yourself with peoplelike that.
I have a Facebook group, youknow, Bipolar Moms Learning to
Live Well.
Um, my coaching group is a fan aphenomenal support group.
These people are so supportiveof each other and everyone is
(22:43):
trying hard.
And everybody knows what itfeels like to experience
learning points, and they knowwhat it takes to get out of
them.
They to move forward and skippre-contemplation and
contemplation and go intodetermination and action.
So make sure that you areutilizing resources that will
help you move forward toward thenext phase, which is
(23:04):
determination.
So it's interesting because Ieach time I would go through
this, it when I would findmyself in the denial or the
self-pity, I would often get toa point where I was kind of fed
up with myself.
Um, often after I had spent, youknow, a week binge watching
shows or something, I would getto a point where I was like,
(23:25):
that's enough.
And I would like give myselfthese lectures about like, all
right, that's enough, Michelle.
Get up off your bum and let'snot do this anymore.
I don't want to live like this.
And and I would feel determinedto do something, but
determination is not necessarilydoing actively doing anything.
You haven't taken any actionyet, but you're doing things to
(23:47):
get yourself into the rightmindset.
So this would be, you know,somebody who's started listening
to podcasts to try and changethe way that they're thinking,
and now they're feeling like, ohyes, like I definitely want to
heal.
I definitely want to get back onthe on track and I'm ready to
try again.
And so determination is where wewant to connect learning points
(24:08):
and determination and eliminatepre-contemplation and
contemplation.
Determination is where youunderstand that there's a
problem and you're ready to dosomething about it, and you're
doing things proactively thatare helping you to get ready to
act.
And so things like listening to,you know, I podcast, listening
or reading my book, listening toor reading my book.
(24:29):
Um, again, you can listen toother content, you know, other
podcasts that are reallyuplifting.
Um, if you have another bookthat is, you know, somebody that
is helping you, you know, withrecovery tools, um, make sure
that you're listening to thosethings.
Those are going to help get youmoving towards the next step,
which is action.
(24:50):
And action is where the poweris.
As I talk about the healing, thepath to recovery, one of the
things that I began tounderstand about it uh is that
you're developing new habits andnew pathways for your brain.
When we our brain lovesautopilot, our brain loves to
(25:12):
just, you know, to know whatit's supposed to do because it
eliminates a lot of the decisionmaking.
And that's sometimes a reallygood thing.
Like it's, it can be reallyhelpful uh because if our brain
had to make every singledecision every single day, it
would, it would probably exhaustus.
And so, you know, there's a lotof things that autopilot, a lot
(25:32):
of ways to autopilot can serveus.
But if we are not mindful aboutinterrupting that, that
autopilot, our brain, especiallyif we've been dealing with
bipolar symptoms for a longtime, can feel like, you know,
we end up in a stressfulsituation and our brain's like,
I know what I'm supposed to do.
And you start to experiencesleeplessness because your brain
(25:54):
doesn't want to go to bedbecause it's like, I've got to
solve this problem right now.
This is every time in the pastthat you've had this problem,
you know, that you've foundthis, it's been in this
situation, this is what we do.
And so your brain can go downthat well-worn neurological
pathway and create symptoms foryou that may not be necessary,
(26:14):
but they are the way that yourbrain has learned how to deal
with things.
This is especially true for ifsomebody's got unhealed trauma.
If you have unhealed trauma andanytime you feel unsafe, your
your body goes into fight orflight, and your um brain starts
to get depressed or it starts toget hyperactive, and you don't
(26:37):
have anything that can interruptthat process, you can end up
experiencing symptoms.
So the whole point of action isto develop new habits, new ways
of interacting with things, withthe world around you, new ways
of understanding what you'reexperiencing and what are you
going to do about it.
And this is the main crux of mybook and the main focus of my
(27:01):
book and of um all these habitsfor healing that I teach.
It's important for you to,number one, when you experience
symptoms, to look with them atwith curiosity instead of
judgment.
So when you are indetermination, when you're in
action in these parts of therecovery cycle, we are looking
(27:22):
at the symptoms with curiosityinstead of judgment.
So if you your circle getssmaller, this this uh recovery
cycle, and you experience alearning point.
So you're and learning pointsare symptoms.
So if you're experiencingsymptoms, the goal is to start
looking at them with curiosityinstead of judgment.
(27:43):
And that's what helps us to getto skip pre-contemplation,
contemplation.
Because when we judge thesymptoms as good or bad, when we
judge ourselves as havingfailed, when we, you know, when
we look at the symptoms andjudge them as just part of our
quote unquote disorder, thatmakes us feel helpless, like we
don't have anything that we cando about it, those all get us
stuck in in those two parts ofdenial and self-pity and and
(28:06):
that.
But if we learn how to look atthose symptoms with curiosity
and learn to be detectives inour own lives and identify what
is this symptom telling me?
What's going on here?
So as I was going through therecovery process, I started to
learn how to identify what thesymptoms were telling me.
(28:26):
I learned what med releaseswere.
I I understood, I started tolearn that I had a whole bunch
of medications stored up in mybody.
And I made a terrible mistake atone point of trying to do a
cleanse because I thought, well,if I've got my medication stored
in my body, let's just get itout.
And True Hope warned me not todo that, but I didn't listen.
And I tried to do a livercleanse, and I got so severely
(28:49):
depressed that I almost ended upin the hospital.
Like if it was borderlinesuicidal.
I, you know, I was I wasextremely depressed, and it was
very disorienting after, youknow, having been doing okay for
a while to feel this level, thatlevel of depression.
But one of the reasons why TrueHope warns people not to do this
(29:10):
is we have no idea how muchmedication is stored in your
soft tissues.
And it's so critical not to tryand push it all out at once
because it can belife-threatening.
And I immediately called TrueHope when I got into this really
severe depression andsheepishly, you know, admitted
to them what I had done.
And they were very kind andcompassionate, very
understanding.
(29:31):
I think they understood, youknow, how hard it is to feel
like you have like a tickingtime bomb inside of your body
with these medications that arethere.
Um, but but the truth is thatit's so important to navigate
this as safely as possible.
And so they gave me guidanceabout what I needed to do.
I use, you know, they had meusing whey protein isolate and
(29:51):
aminos to help get themedication safely out of my
body, and I never did it again.
But I was just very careful fromthat point forward to be aware
that if I went through astressor that I didn't have any
control over, like moving, thatit's possible that it could
cause a med release.
And I and I would contact TrueHope if I experienced the
(30:12):
symptoms.
I started to recognize whatthose symptoms felt like,
contacted True Hope, utilizedthe tools to help safely get
through the med release, andthen I was able to feel better.
And the other thing I did waseliminate triggers for med
releases.
So if there were triggers that Icould eliminate, I did.
I stopped training fortriathlons.
(30:33):
Really intense exercise cancause a med release, and I
stopped doing it because everytime I would I would train for
events, I was triggeringsymptoms in myself from you know
by causing med releases.
So it was something that I gotcurious.
I learned how to be curiousabout the symptoms instead of
judging them, and learned how tobe a detective.
(30:55):
I learned how to look at thecircumstances surrounding the
symptoms and learned how toidentify what were what was the
actual source of the symptoms,what was going on.
Another example was uh when Istarted learning how to identify
trauma responses.
So I over time, as I stoppedlumping all of the symptoms into
(31:16):
categories like mania anddepression and anxiety, and I
started looking at the symptomsindividually, I started
recognizing the differencebetween the different kinds of
symptoms that I wouldexperience.
And I started to learn what atrauma response felt like in my
body.
So instead of just calling itanxiety, I'm having really bad
anxiety.
I was like, oh, my chest isreally tight and I'm, you know,
(31:39):
I'm I'm having a hard timebreathing.
And, you know, I was able to gothrough and identify what are
the specific symptoms Iexperience when I have a trauma
response.
And I don't feel safe.
I don't feel safe right now.
And and so when that when thatwould happen, when I started
understanding what that was, Iwould write down as much
information surrounding theexperience as I could, and then
I would take it to my therapist,who was a trauma-informed
(32:01):
therapist.
She she worked in the EMDRmodality, and I would take all
the information and say, okay, Iexperienced a trauma response.
I'm not sure why this situationcaused a trauma response, but we
got to figure it out.
And and because of that, we wereable, and this was action.
So I was in action.
You know, I was I wasproactively observing the
symptoms, observing thecircumstances, looking them at
(32:24):
them with curiosity, becoming adetective in my own life.
And I could take thatinformation to my therapist, and
we were able to identify thetrigger and resolve it, resolve
the unhealed trauma that was wasmaking it was causing me to
experience this trauma response.
So when you are when you are atthe point of actually being
(32:46):
ready to do something, the mostimportant thing that you can do
is learn how to identify whatthe sources of your symptoms
are, and then utilize the thehabits for healing that you are
should be developingappropriately.
So, you know, when when you are,for example, in my book, I talk
(33:07):
about a time where I had atrauma response when we were
getting ready to go to uh anall-day, we were going to a
amusement park as a family allday.
And I experienced a traumaresponse in the morning, and my
body was going into like severefight or flight.
And I, as we went to the, youknow, and I was just kind of
(33:31):
like in survival mode as we weredriving to the amusement park.
And I had this like little partof my brain that reached out and
said, You're gonna ruin the dayfor everybody.
And and I knew that that wastrue.
I knew I, because I was notbehaving in a way that was
comfortable or relaxed, or, youknow, I was going to, everybody
was worried about me.
And I was, they were all goingto be worried about me during
(33:52):
the day instead of being able toenjoy the day at the amusement
park as a family.
And so I used the tool, a toolthat I had developed, a habit
for healing, which was metamindfulness meditation.
And I was able to go, you know,off by myself, practice some
mindfulness, calm my entiresystem back down.
And then I was able to enjoy theday with my family.
(34:14):
And when I got home that night,I wrote down all the information
about what had caused the traumaresponse and took the
information to my therapist.
So that was two habits forhealing that were applied in
that situation that helpedresolve the symptoms in the
moment and allowed me to resolvethe trigger later on.
So it's important, it's criticalto develop the skill of looking
(34:37):
with curiosity, becoming adetective in your life, learning
how to identify what are thesources of my symptoms, and
develop the habits for healingso that you have the tools
necessary to address theunderlying sources and resolve
them.
As you do this consistently, asyou develop these habits for
healing, as you are helping toresolve, you know, underlying
(34:57):
sources of symptoms, you willend up in longer and longer and
longer periods of maintenance.
And maintenance is where you'vegot your everything is balanced,
you are stable, um, you're notexperiencing symptoms, you know,
during that time.
And that's your happy place.
Like it feels, it feels reallypositive to be in that place.
(35:19):
And it's really important toremember that that's not it, it
is a form of success, meaningthat you are doing the work
necessary to help yourself heal.
And it's a reward.
It feels great.
It feels great to be stable, itfeels great to be able to handle
life around you and to not beexperiencing symptoms all the
(35:42):
time.
And it's also important toremember that if you do
experience symptoms, it's notfailure.
You have not failed.
It is absolutely critical toremember that when you
experience symptoms, when youexperience symptoms as you go
through the recovery process,it's just part of recovery.
It's part of this recoverycycle.
And and if you can learn how tolook at those symptoms with
(36:04):
curiosity instead of judgment,you can skip over the
pre-contemplation andcontemplation, you can skip over
denial, you can skip overself-pity and get back to
determination.
And if you need support and youneed help, the Upsiders Tribe is
a phenomenal place to be.
Because not only do you getguidance about how to develop
(36:27):
these habits for healing foryourself, but you also get
tremendous res support from meand from the other members of
the tribe who are all goingthrough that same healing
process, who will offerencouragement and support and
help you learn how to identifywhat are the sources of your
symptoms.
It's really important also touse language that supports
(36:47):
healing and recovery.
Language is so powerful.
And the language that you use isgoing to affect the way that you
view what you're experiencing.
And that's the last thing that Iwant to talk about is it's so
important that we don't talkabout bipolar disorder because
that language lends itself tothis idea that you have an
(37:07):
underlying condition that youcannot do anything about, that
there's some kind of underlyingbiological mechanism that is
causing these symptoms in you,and that you don't have any
control over it.
It lends itself to a victimmindset, and that is not helpful
to you.
When you're diagnosed withbipolar disorder, you are not
being told why you have thosesymptoms.
It is simply an observation.
(37:28):
It is not an explanation, it isan observation.
It's not explaining the sourceof the symptoms, it's just
observing that you have thatparticular cluster of symptoms.
And the language itself lendsitself to feeling helpless and
feeling like you don't have anycontrol and that you're going to
feel like that for the rest ofyour life.
And so when we in my program, wedon't talk about bipolar
(37:49):
disorder, we talk about bipolarsymptoms.
The symptoms are very real.
When I say that bipolar disorderis not identifying the source,
I'm not saying the symptomsaren't real.
What I am saying is that it'simportant to look at symptoms
with curiosity.
Symptoms are information.
They are source, they areindicating, just like a fever,
if somebody was running a fever,that's information.
(38:09):
That's indicating the body is indistress.
And so a doctor would look forthe source of the of the
distress.
What is causing the body tobecome inflamed?
What is causing the body to havea fever?
And we're going to look for thesource and then address the
source.
And so the same thing is truefor bipolar symptoms.
When you have these symptoms,it's critical to identify what
(38:32):
the source of the symptoms areand to look at them with
curiosity instead of judgment.
The next thing that I invitepeople to do, so so in our
program, we don't talk aboutbipolar disorder, we talk about
bipolar symptoms.
The other thing that I invitepeople to do is not talk about
mania, depression, anxiety in asoverall categories.
Sometimes we use that language,um, but I really try not to,
(38:57):
because the the danger of that,of that language is it is it can
obscure what's actually goingon.
So somebody could experiencesymptoms of mania that are
caused by a med release.
If somebody's been on thesemedications for a long time and
they go through they go throughthe process of titrating off
(39:20):
their medications, and then theystart to experience these
symptoms, it's possible thatyou're having a med release.
And that might look differentfrom symptoms that are caused by
you know another source, like umone one source that can cause
symptoms is marijuana use.
And marijuana is a trigger forthese types of symptoms.
(39:44):
So it's really important to callout the symptoms specifically.
So one of the things that Ilook, I invite people to look
for sleeplessness is a reallyimportant one to watch out for.
If somebody starts to experiencesleeplessness, meaning you're
having like less than six hoursof sleep a night, it's really
important to, you know, ifyou're going through titration
(40:04):
or if you are, you know, not onmeds anymore, to you've got to
do what you need to in order toget some sleep.
And and uh true hope is, youknow, if somebody's working with
true hope, you can contact truehope and they can help you
identify how to get rest, how tohelp your brain sleep.
Um, sometimes people will startto have really big ideas.
(40:25):
And that was a big red flag forme.
If I had ideas that I feltcompelled to engage in, that was
a red flag.
And this is, and when I talkabout red flags, we this is
something we uh we do when we'redeveloping the mood cycle
survival guide in the earlywarning system, which is how you
identify um the symptoms and theprecursors of symptoms as early
(40:48):
as possible so that you can dosomething proactively to start
managing them.
We we talk about identifyingtriggers and red flags.
Red flags are indications thatyou are beginning to experience
symptoms that need to beaddressed.
And a red flag for me was bigideas that I felt like I had to
work on right then.
It wasn't an idea that I couldwrite down and think, oh, that's
an interesting idea.
(41:09):
I'll work on, you know, I shouldlook at that later.
It was an big idea that Ithought I have to do this right
now, or, you know, something badwill happen.
Um, or I felt like compulsivelylike I had to do it.
And if I ever started feelingthat way, that was a red flag
that there I needed to look atwhat was going on with the rest
of me to see if if I wasstarting to experience symptoms
(41:30):
for some reason.
And so it was really, it'sreally important to call out
specific symptoms instead oflumping symptoms into
categories, because when youlump them into categories, it's
hard to differentiate betweenwhen you're experiencing mania
from a med release, or you'reexperiencing mania from, you
know, maybe marijuana use, oryou're experiencing mana for
(41:52):
mania from a trauma response.
Sometimes people, that's howtheir brains learned to deal
with trauma was becoming manic.
They, you know, that's a that'sa learned response.
It's a it's something that canhappen if somebody's got severe
trauma and it's been on doesn'tgo, you know, it's goes
untreated and unaddressed foryears, especially if you get
(42:12):
diagnosed with bipolar and puton psychotropic drugs, your
brain can have a trauma responsethat results in developing
symptoms of mania that you willnot recognize what's actually
happening if you just lumpthings into categories.
So language is really, reallyimportant.
It's really important to changethe way that you talk about what
(42:34):
you're experiencing so that youcan see it through the lens of I
can do something about this.
Symptoms are information, andit's critical for you to learn
how to become a detective inyour own life, look for the
sources, and then you canidentify how do I apply these
habits for healing that I'vedeveloped in an appropriate way
to address the symptoms.
(42:55):
It's so important to remember,as you're as we're talking about
all of these things, thatrecovery takes time, that
experiencing symptoms is notfailure.
And I don't even think it's agood idea to look at it as a
setback because that kind oflends itself to that same idea
that I talked about at thebeginning of somebody, you know,
trying to climb a mountain andfeeling like you end up all the
(43:16):
way down at the bottom againwhen you experience symptoms.
But that's not actually truebecause you're not starting all
over because you've gainedknowledge, you've gained
experience, you've gainedunderstanding, and you're not at
the same place you were when youstarted.
So you have all this new insightand knowledge and understanding
that you've gained now that youcan apply to help you continue
(43:37):
moving forward on the recovery,on the path to recovery.
Recovery is possible, and Ipromise you it is worth the
effort.
I spent so many years inrecovery, not even realizing I
was in recovery.
I was just desperately trying tofind a better way to live my
life.
I had made a commitment becauseof the experience I had with my.
(44:00):
Little girl after my thirdhospitalization, that I was
going to survive for her.
But I thought if I'm going tosurvive probably for a long
time, I want to survive as wellas I can.
I wanted to be try to be abetter mom to her.
I wanted to be a healthier momfor my daughter and for my son.
I wanted to be a mom that couldhelp them to achieve the things
(44:20):
that they needed to in this lifebecause I was healthy and
balanced.
I wanted really badly to havethat in my life.
That why kept motivating me,even when I was in
pre-contemplation andcontemplation, in denial, you
know, feeling sorry for myself.
That was always there in theback of my mind.
And it always came forward whenI would get fed up with myself,
having my pity party, and say,time to get up off your butt and
(44:44):
try something different.
Let's let's not do this anymore.
You don't want to live likethis.
And it actually helps to haveother people supporting you.
I I had people in my life thatloved me, but I didn't have
anybody else who understood whatI was going through, which is
why I started the Facebookgroup, my bipolar mom's learning
(45:05):
to live well.
And it's absolutely why Istarted the Upsiders Tribe.
I wanted to provide the supportI wished I'd had.
I wanted people to, I wanted toprovide the guidance that I wish
I'd had.
I didn't understand any of thesethings.
I was just desperately trying tosurvive and trying to find a
better way to do things.
And the more research that Idid, the more tools I had, and I
(45:27):
would, I would apply a tool andfind how it worked for me, and
then I would do better for alittle while, and then I would
have learning points, I wouldexperience learning points, and
and then I would take what I hadlearned and then I would add to
it.
And over time, I was able torecover.
And over the last five years,I've had, I've been through
(45:47):
really intense struggles in mylife, really intense stressors.
Back in 2020, we lost our oldestson.
He died in March of 2020, and itwas devastating.
But I was able to experiencehealthy grief.
I experienced normal, normalgrief, but I didn't end up
dysfunctional.
(46:07):
I was able to keep movingforward.
I was able to support my thenhusband and and my children
through their grief.
And I kept being able to moveforward in my life.
We went through two years ofunemployment.
And halfway through that, we hadto sell our house and move in
with family members.
(46:27):
And it was really stressful.
And I was able to stay stableand continue.
I was able to, I wrote a bookand published it and became a
number one internationalbest-selling author during that
time.
And that's not a brag, that'sjust evidence to me that I have
healed.
I was able to manage theseintense stressors in my life,
(46:51):
utilizing the same two tools andresources that I was able to use
to heal.
Now I use them to manage stressin my life and to be able to
navigate difficult experiences.
And as I mentioned in the lastpodcast episode, I went through
an unexpected separation lastyear and a divorce at the
beginning of this year.
And even though it's been one ofthe most painful experiences of
(47:14):
my life, I have been able toutilize the tools and resources,
the habits for healing that helpme heal to navigate this really
difficult, painful experience inmy life and still be able to
help others.
I promise you that healing ispossible and that it is
absolutely worth the effort.
One other thing that I will sayis don't put arbitrary timelines
(47:38):
on how long it's going to takeyou to heal.
I years ago, um I lived with anaunt and uncle, and
interestingly, they were theones that originally saw
something going on with me.
This was back in college.
Um they were the ones that youknow suggested I go see a
psychiatrist in the first placewhen this all started.
(48:00):
But I had an uncle that he heexperienced a lot of challenges
in his life, but he had such anamazing attitude about these
arbitrary timelines that we puton ourselves.
And he was talking with somebodyone time about, you know,
somebody who was lamenting thatthey were starting college
(48:21):
really late and and that, youknow, I'm gonna be this this old
when I finish college.
I can't remember.
It was like they were gonna be,you know, in their late 20s,
where all their peers werealready graduated and on to, you
know, other things.
And he said, well, he said,where you know, in four years,
you're gonna be four years olderregardless of what you do right
(48:42):
now.
So you can be four years olderwithout a degree, or you can be
four years older with a degree.
And I that stuck with me.
If I, if I had known at thebeginning of the recovery
process, when I started therecovery process back in about
you know, 2009, 2010, if I hadknown that in 2026, I would be
(49:03):
doing a podcast, I would be anumber one bestselling author, I
would be helping other peoplerecover, I would be completely
recovered.
If I had known that back then,would I have, would I have
looked at it and thought, oh,that's too long.
I'm not willing to do that.
No, of course not.
Of course not.
Because in that time frame, in16 years, it didn't take 16
(49:26):
years to recover, but I'm sayingfrom this point, you know, if we
look at about a decade, it tookabout a decade to go through the
recovery process because Ididn't have anybody guiding me.
I didn't know what I was doing.
I would have been a decade olderregardless.
So I could be a decade older andrecovered and thriving in my
life, or I could be a decadeolder still suffering.
So don't put arbitrary timelineson your recovery.
(49:48):
Don't focus on I need, you know,I'll I need to be recovered by
this amount of time.
Just focus one day at a time,one step at a time, on
developing habits for healing,developing the ability to look
at your symptoms with curiosityinstead of judgment.
Learn how to become a detectivein your life so that you can
learn to look for and identifythe sources of the symptoms.
(50:11):
And then you can utilize thetools, the habits for healing
that you've developed and applythem to that source
appropriately so that you canresolve it.
It's a gradual process, but it'sabsolutely worth the effort.
Recovery is possible.
Healing is possible.
And it's possible to live a lifethat you're happy with, that
you, that you're thriving in.
(50:32):
If you will continue,continually focus on that
recovery cycle, take it one dayat a time, one step at a time,
surround yourself with positiveinfluences, people that other
people who believe in yourrecovery, believe that it's
possible, will encourage you,will support you.
Make sure that you're listeningto things, listening to great
uplifting podcasts, podcastswhere people are helping you
(50:54):
develop these habits for healingfor yourself.
Make sure that you are notspending time in the cesspool of
social media that's reinforcingnegative ideas about yourself
with these symptoms.
Look for good sources, look foruplifting sources, look for
sources that will encourage youtowards your own path to re on
your own path to recovery.
If you have any questions, youcan reach out to me.
(51:16):
My my email is in the shownotes.
If you haven't developed yourown mood cycle survival guide,
make sure you go down in thelink in the show notes and get
that.
If you are watching listening tothis on the podcast, you can go
into the show notes and grabyour own copy of the recovery
cycle.
And I invite you to put that upsomewhere in your house so that
you can see it.
(51:37):
It's a really important conceptto understand as you're going
through recovery so that youdon't get discouraged when you
experience symptoms.
Remember, learning points areopportunities.
They're opportunities to learnand move yourself further down
the path to recovery.
If you need help, if you wantsupport in your own recovery
path and you haven't joined theupsiders tribe, you can reach
out to me through email and wecan schedule a 30-minute
(51:59):
complimentary discovery callwhere we can talk about your
situation specifically and seeif the Upsiders tribe might be a
good place for you.
Until next time, Upsiders.
Thanks for joining me on theUpside of Bipolar.
Your journey to recoverymatters, and I'm grateful you're
(52:20):
here.
For more resources, visitwww.theupsideofbipolar.com.
If you're ready to dive deeper,grab my book, The Upside of
Bipolar (52:29):
Seven Steps to Heal Your Disorder.
If you're ready to heal yoursymptoms, join my monthly
membership, The Upsiders Tribe,to transform chaos into hope.
Until next time, Upsiders
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