March 17, 2026 • 52 mins
This conversation is one I've been so excited to share with y'all.
I sat down with my friend Emily Allen, and she boldly shared her story of struggling with an eating disorder that started all the way back in middle school. What began as trying to manage health issues turned into years of mental bondage around food, body image, and an identity that was built on appearance. Emily is honest about all of it, and I think so many of us can relate more than we realize.
But here's what I love most. Emily shares the powerful moment she prayed with her sisters and experienced complete freedom. And the joy she walks in today? You can see it the second she walks into a room.
We also talk about raising daughters with a healthy view of their bodies, the danger of comparison and social media, and what it really looks like to find your identity beyond the way you look.
If you've ever struggled with body image, food anxiety, or feeling like you're just not enough, this one is for you.
Follow Emily:
@belovedthriftedbundles on Instagram
@thriftedsisterco on Instagram
I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended.
The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine."
We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health.
If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here.
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Don't just exist. Show up.
🔗 Website: https://kimberlybeamholmes.com
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Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_01 (01:28):
As women, sometimes it can be hard to even think
about the way that we show upbecause we're constantly
thinking about how we look.
We're wanting to be prettyenough, thin enough, whatever
enough, and it can sometimesjust never feel like enough.
In today's episode, I'minterviewing my friend Emily
(01:49):
Allen.
Emily boldly shares about herexperience growing up,
struggling with eatingdisorders, and how that has
impacted her life, how she gotfree from that, and honestly the
joy that she now has toencourage and speak life into
others.
(02:10):
I loved this conversation.
And more than anything, I lovedbeing able to share her story
because I believe that so manyof us struggle to some extent
with this exact topic, but it'snot talked about enough.
Let's dive into today's episode.
So we had a women's conferenceat our church, and I actually
(02:31):
wasn't there.
SPEAKER_00 (02:32):
Yes, I know.
Which so crazy.
It was like one of the bestones, I feel like.
I know.
But they keep getting better.
They keep getting better.
So it'll probably be better nextyear.
SPEAKER_01 (02:45):
I know, that's right.
It was a hard week.
We had all like there had been abunch of snow, and I'm pretty
sure I had a sick child.
Like there was something, and itwas the night of, I was just
like, I can't make it.
I can't make it work.
Yeah, I know.
But sometimes then, I know,sometimes you just don't.
But then someone gave me uh abook from the event, and it was
this beautiful like stories ofdifferent women in our church
(03:07):
and things that they hadexperienced and gone through.
And I feel like every single oneI was like, oh my gosh, I had no
idea.
Right.
I've known this person, had noidea.
And one of the ones that reallystuck out to me was yours.
And just reading your story andnot knowing that you had
(03:28):
struggled with an eatingdisorder, and like, and
especially just how I've seenyou over the past several years,
and your joy and your just likethe way that you show up
organically is I just read itand was like, wow, sometimes you
just don't know the thingspeople have gone through and how
God has worked in their life.
(03:48):
And so thank you for beingwilling to share it then and
share now.
SPEAKER_00 (03:53):
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01 (03:54):
Yeah.
I was so excited to just ask youabout that and hear more about
your story and your experience.
So uh with that, when did youfirst really realize that you
were struggling with an eatingdisorder?
SPEAKER_00 (04:13):
Yeah, I would say probably middle school.
Um, I had always had likeinflammatory, just like my mom,
when she was pregnant with me,her appendix burst.
And so she was like pumped withantibiotics, like when she was
pregnant with me.
And then I became a reallysickly child.
(04:33):
Oh my gosh.
And I like almost had to repeatkindergarten, and I just was
like very sick often.
So I had a lot of inflammation,and so that kind of manifested
into different food triggersthat would like trigger
different things, like I had alot of neurological, like I
would think that like bugs wereflying around when they weren't,
(04:56):
and like stuff like that, whichwas it was just crazy, it was
just a lot of inflammation, andso I kind of started being like,
okay, I guess I'll eliminatethis to see if I could mitigate
any of those symptoms, and soeventually it just kind of got
to the point where I was like, Idon't feel like I can eat
anything at this point, just tokind of keep those symptoms down
(05:18):
of inflammation, of just likehurting joints, like I was just
sickly, and so I was like, okay,let's start with food, and then
yeah, eventually just got to thepoint where I was like not
really eating much because ofthe fear of just like not
feeling good.
So that's kind of how itstarted.
And then yeah, I have alwayskind of like identified with
(05:41):
people who are like, You're sotall, and I love your clothes.
Like, that was always kind ofpeople would compliment me on
that.
That was something that likekind of became my identity, I
would say, or things that I gotattention for.
Like my other siblings weresports, academics, like
different stuff.
And so my parents would kind ofalways introduce me as like this
(06:01):
is our fashionista, this is, youknow, and just I think nothing
no ill will or anything, butjust like, yeah, this is what
she's interested in.
So it just kind of like turnedinto something where I was like,
okay, yeah, this is my thing, Iguess.
Like people look at me for mylooks, and then it just got to
(06:21):
where I was like, yeah, that'swhat it is.
I didn't like excel super wellin school.
So I was like, I guess this ismy thing.
Like, you know, it's just likemy looks.
And so then it, yeah, it kind ofbecame an obsession where I was
like, well, I gotta stay thin inorder to, you know, like that's
what that's who I am, you know.
That's like what has developedover the years.
(06:45):
Um and then I feel like it gotit kind of peaked when my second
oldest sister got married.
Um, and so I am like super closewith them.
And they um, yeah, so my oldestwas married, and then my second
oldest sister got married, and Iwas like, who's gonna want to
marry me?
Like, am I gonna be able to getmarried?
(07:06):
Like it kind of like got me likethinking of like, what can I
bring to the table that wouldhave me be attractive to
somebody in order for me toeventually get married?
That was my senior year.
So yeah, I she got married inIreland and yes, and I like
remember being over there andbeing like, okay, when I get
(07:30):
back home, I'm really gonnafocus on like, yeah, I it was
always a mental thing where Iwas like, didn't ever feel thin
enough or good enough or prettyenough, or like the expectations
that I put on myself of like, ifthis is what my identity is, I
really need to achieve at it,kind of type thing.
So I was like, I need to makesure that I drive it home that
(07:51):
if I'm gonna get a husbandeventually, this is what I can,
you know, have, you know, Idon't, I I just didn't really
feel like there were otherattributes about myself that was
like, I don't know, yeah, thatsomeone would be attracted to.
So I was like, okay, my senioryear, I came home from that trip
(08:12):
and was it got pretty bad afterthat.
And then um, yeah, I juststruggled so bad mentally, like
it was just like day up night,like it was just struggling
thinking about food 24-7 andjust working out and just not
(08:32):
being able to get it off mymind.
Like there was never a break intime, and just like, yeah,
talking about like being coldand stuff, like I was constantly
cold growing up in South Dakota.
I remember just like being in mycar my senior year and like not
wanting to get out because I wasjust like freezing, like I, you
know, and then just drinkingwater, like really just like
(08:58):
basically killing myself, likejust not being healthy in the
slightest.
Um, and so looking back, I'mlike it was a mental bondage,
like it was uh for surespiritual attack too.
Um, because like my childhoodbedroom that I grew up in,
(09:20):
eventually, like at night, Iwould feel like just demons were
like literally like shoulder toshoulder in my room.
Like I could feel that.
And I remember just like layingin my bed, just like, don't
move, don't move.
And so I'm like, now as anadult, I look back and I'm like,
I couldn't really understandwhat that was, but I'm like, it
(09:42):
really was a spiritual attackthat was a long period of time
that I couldn't understand atthe time, but it was.
And so then eventually I had toget to the point where I wanted
help because my family wouldcome to me and be like, you
know, M, like, you were reallyconcerned, you need to be like
(10:04):
eating more.
And they would try to help me.
And I never really went to likeeating specialists or anything
like that.
I went to therapy a little bit,but that like didn't really
help.
I never really like wanted tochange because it was such like
a thing.
Like, I would kind of be like,okay, yeah, no, I will.
I'm gonna eat something.
And so yeah, then it just got towhere I was like, okay, it
(10:29):
finally got to where I was like,I can't handle this anymore.
This is just too much.
And so I went to my family andwas like, I think I need to go
somewhere, like I need to go toa place that actually helps
people with eating disorders.
And so my family found a placein Arizona, and then I prayed
(10:50):
right before I left with my twoolder sisters, and so um, yeah,
my sister who got married inIreland, she was like, Okay,
like you're just gonna bring itto God and you tell him what you
need.
Like, you just get on your kneesand let's tell him what you
need.
And they just started prayingover me.
And so we like all at the sametime felt his presence, like the
(11:13):
Holy Spirit came on me and usall together, and we were just
sobbing together, and I was justlike, I don't want this anymore,
like I want to be freed.
I like I am just over thisbondage, like please release me
from this, and like I didn'teven want to like leave the
presence of him either.
It was just like incredible, andso yeah, eventually, like I
(11:36):
stood up and was like, it wasjust like a weight, like a
cloud.
Like I was just like fully free.
I just felt completelydifferent, like it was just I
don't even know how to explainit.
Like the depression was gone,like everything was gone.
Um, but I I was signed up to goto Arizona, and so I ended up
(11:59):
going there, and I uh was ableto like minister to girls there.
Um, and it was just crazy to beable to arrive there and see all
how it presents itself indifferent people, and so um
yeah, I remember just being kindof shocked of just like, oh wow,
(12:22):
okay, this can be very intenseto just kind of mild.
And I felt like in the middle,because there were girls that
were like literallyhospitalized, and then they
moved from the hospital there,and it just would present in
just like OCD control, like alot of times.
And so, yeah, mine presenteddifferently or like showed up
(12:42):
differently.
So it was just interesting thatwe all had different experiences
of how it started, where we werein our walk.
And so, like, yeah, a lot ofgirls we would just pray
together.
There was like a pastor's wifethat was there that she was like
amazing, but she struggled themost.
Like, she was one that shescared me.
(13:05):
Like her body, it's was scarybecause they were like looked
like they could pass away at anytime because they were just like
skeletons, like it's it wasscary.
And she was one of those, butshe had such like good wisdom
though, too.
It was just so interesting.
And I I didn't finish the wholetime there.
(13:28):
There was like insurance stuffthat like eventually it was
gonna be too expensive for me tostay the whole time.
But my healing already happenedbefore I even went there, and it
was just like an added bonusthat I felt like I was able to
like just spread the love ofJesus and kind of what I felt
before I went there.
So I felt like that was like hismission almost for me was to be
(13:53):
able to do that.
And yeah, like I kind of waswaiting for it to eventually
like come back.
I'm like, sometime it's gonnalike, I don't know.
And it never really did, likeit, and I, you know, I always
have been slender, like I justhave, and so um, but yeah, like
just thinking about food andjust like the constant like, am
(14:18):
I gonna work out?
When am I gonna work out next?
When am I gonna have theopportunity to do this?
Like that just was gone.
And I had no thoughts about anyfood.
Like I could just eat whatever,not feel remorse, not feel any
type of way.
Like I was just able to eatfood, and I felt like I was
like, Yeah, it it felt crazybecause I thought I was like in
(14:42):
bondage for so long.
I didn't it was it was almosthard to walk in normalcy, I
guess.
Um I got used to that like kindof just like tenseness.
Um but yeah, it was like ajourney for sure.
SPEAKER_01 (15:04):
You said that it had originally started in middle
school because of your health,like you didn't want to have
that inflammation, you didn'twant to feel bad.
So it would it lasted at leastprobably four years until your
senior year when all of thathappened.
Um when during those years whereit was most rampant, what were
(15:27):
your did you have friends thatwere also struggling, or did
your friends notice that youwere struggling?
SPEAKER_00 (15:34):
Yes, I did have one, like she wasn't like a super
close friend, but she struggledtoo.
Um and yeah, I never really myfriends never really kind of
talked about it.
I don't know, it wasinteresting.
Maybe I gave off the vibe oflike don't talk about it.
Like, I don't know.
(15:55):
Um, yeah, it was mainly justlike my family.
So that kind of felt isolatingbecause I was like, I also
didn't really want people tolike notice.
So then if my family was likethere's something, I was like,
oh what you notice?
Like, I don't want, you know?
So yeah, my friends never reallysaid much.
(16:17):
I don't know.
It felt like um, yeah, very likewanted it to be hidden kind of
type.
It's shame for sure.
Like just the kind of like yeah.
So then when people would talkabout it, I'm like, no, like it
was fine.
Yeah, like don't worry about it.
So I don't know.
SPEAKER_01 (16:36):
I mean, I'm sure maybe my friends brought it up
at some point, and I kind ofmaybe did that response, and
they were probably like, okay,you know when you when you
finally prayed with your sistersand you felt the release of it.
What what changed?
(16:57):
So did you stop obsessivelythinking about food?
Did were you able to eat withoutit affecting your body?
SPEAKER_00 (17:05):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (17:06):
How did things actually change for you in your
day-to-day?
SPEAKER_00 (17:10):
Yes, I feel like the mental load of it is what
changed for me.
Like I was able to wake up andbe like, okay, I'm gonna be able
to eat breakfast this morning.
Like it was like I didn't havesuch a mental load of okay, if I
eat breakfast, I have to makesure that I work out afterwards.
(17:30):
Like it was like very fluid ofjust like, I can eat something
and not have to feel bad oflike, and I did gain weight,
like I gained weight, and so andwere you scared about it?
I thought I was gonna be scaredabout it.
Um, and I did see a photo ofmyself, and I I actually my
thought was like, oh, okay, Ilook good.
(17:53):
Like, I which was crazy, yes.
I was like, that looks healthy,like, and so that was another
part of it too, where I'm like,okay, that I wouldn't, I don't
think I would have thought thatbefore.
I think I would have definitelybeen fearful of that for sure.
Yeah.
And so, yeah, I never really waslike afraid of gaining weight.
(18:16):
I almost was like excited oflike my new found just freedom
of just like being able to eatwithout fear.
Um, I will say I still strugglewith like inflammation of
different stuff.
I try to be like gluten anddairy free, but that's not like
(18:38):
super restrictive.
I'm not very regimented with itjust because of my history.
So I'm like just 50-50 probablywith that.
Um, but yeah, so there aresometimes I get like
inflammatory things, but I'm wayhealthier than what I used to
be.
(18:58):
And I think a lot of it ismental.
And like doing a lot of healingmentally helped my inflammation
and helped my sickness too.
Um, so over the years I feellike, yeah, that's helped me as
well, and also not identifyingas a sickly child, too.
(19:20):
Like my family was always like,she's our sick one, you know.
I had to get like tubes andtonsils and all of that.
And I'm like, I don't have toclaim that anymore, you know,
that doesn't have to be that waspart of my history, but that
doesn't have to be like, youknow.
So yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (19:39):
Yeah, that's an interesting point.
I there's something about thewords we say about ourselves,
the words other people say aboutus, that for sure impacts the
way we think, the way we dothings, our actions, our
behaviors.
I want to dig in a little bitmore, like for people who
struggle with ruminatingthoughts, this mental bondage
(20:02):
that you talk about.
Um, I I know what I know whatthat is like from anxiety,
right?
Like it's it sucks.
Yeah.
How did you find the freedomfrom the mental bondage and do
the healing?
What are things that you did ormaybe even continue to do in
order to keep yourself likementally free?
SPEAKER_00 (20:26):
Yeah.
Um, I feel like with my sisterpraying with me, I that was like
a newfound like unlocking oflike, okay, I'm going to read
the Bible, start reading theBible, and start discovering
like what is God's identity forme versus what is my thought or
(20:50):
what I think other people's viewof my identity is.
So I felt like being able to bein his word and learning more
about his character and moreabout him kind of revealed that
for me.
So I felt like that kind ofunlocked my spiritual walk with
(21:11):
him.
Like I was raised Christian andthat was very much like heavily
involved in our household.
Um, but there was a lot of likedisarray there too.
So I felt like I never reallygrasped the Bible until I was
(21:31):
like very interested in it, justfrom my experience.
So I felt like yeah, being ableto be in the Word in the
mornings, like and just havingmy quiet time.
Um, I felt like that was reallyhelpful.
Um, but yeah, also protectingmyself too, and knowing yes,
(21:54):
anxiety or knowing that like myfamily can tend to be depressed
or anxious, like kind ofcognitively knowing that.
So recognizing the anxiousthoughts or the like, yeah,
worried thoughts, and beinglike, okay, let that go like a
river.
Like I would envision like it'sgoing down the river and I can
(22:17):
let it go and like I can watchit go down the river versus
being like, okay, so what'sthat, you know, because like
grab it out of the river,exactly.
Talk about it, think about it.
Right.
And so it was, yeah, that's comea long way.
But I think, yeah, almost justrecognizing when I could get in
that mental head space and thenbeing like, okay, no, I have to,
(22:41):
you know, focus somewhere else,or just yeah, like I haven't
always been joyful, you know.
So it's been a practice thatI've had to be like, okay, if
I'm feeling depressed, whatcould I do that could like kind
of get me out of a funk?
Like, um, sometimes I'llliterally be like, okay, I'm
gonna walk through this door andI'm gonna leave this bad thought
(23:05):
back here, and I'm gonna gothrough the door, and then I'm
gonna, we're gonna be good.
Like if I have a bad start tothe day or some hard thought.
Like, I'm like, okay, I'm gonnawalk through this door, leave it
behind me, and go.
Like, and so sometimes mentallythinking that is helpful for me
to just be like shift mymindset.
(23:27):
Um Because it's very easy to getcaught in the rabbit hole of
just like, ooh.
And so yeah.
And just being like, no, Satan,you've tried so long, like
you're not gonna have a footholdwith me again.
So I'm like just very aware, Iguess, of like yeah, him trying
(23:50):
to creep in here and there andjust having to kind of be on
guard, you know, but not afraid,but just like aware, you know?
Especially when you have thosetendencies, I feel like.
SPEAKER_01 (24:03):
When is the moment that Jesus has become the most
real to you?
SPEAKER_00 (24:08):
Yeah, that time when I was like literally on my knees
and he came.
Yeah, it was then, I feel like,for sure.
And then that just was like atriggering effect of just
everything.
Yeah.
I mean, it's been yeah, up anddown, you know.
(24:28):
But that was definitely like myon-fire moment of just being
like, okay, you know, I live forhim, I don't live for myself.
My identity is not, and whatother people think of me.
He is who I will listen to forwhat my identity is.
And so, yeah, that was like,yeah.
(24:49):
And I I mean, yeah, you havedownfalls and just different
times that I would kind of justfall back and be like, oh.
But yeah, just constantlyremembering back on that time,
like I felt like that was justso helpful for me to just be
like, he's he freed me fromthis.
(25:11):
Like, he's always there, likeweaving even through my
downfalls or my, you know,because I would be like, Oh, I
don't want to get back here, youknow.
I don't wanna, but yeah,somehow, I mean, he's always
been with me of just being ableto like keep pushing me forward
and keep like yeah, he's justbeen the one that I've leaned
(25:35):
on.
And so I feel like that was thebeginning, like and it it kind
of like coincided with my likelaunching out of the house too.
I was kind of like, this isnice.
Like, I you know, it's just it'snice, it was nice to be able to
just have that like reassurance,I guess.
Um in that transition of likegetting out of the home.
SPEAKER_01 (25:58):
So yeah, you have two girls now, right?
Yeah, two little girls, yeah.
And so when you think about themgrowing up, becoming middle
schoolers, becoming highschoolers, the way that they're
gonna think about their body,knowing the history that you had
and what you endured, what aresome things, if you've if you've
(26:23):
thought about it, like what aresome things that you are
thinking about and how you wantto talk about their body with
them, how you um just like I Iheard a friend say several
several years ago, and and itwas just in thinking about like
she was talking about her niece,and she was like, I don't want
her to grow up to be superegotistical.
SPEAKER_00 (26:45):
Yeah, right.
Because you're like, you don'twant to be like, you're amazing,
you're the person who's gonna bea little bit more.
She's so pretty, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (26:49):
So that's what she said.
She was like, I was always justtelling her how pretty she was,
but I was like, I felt like Ilike I didn't want to just
reiterate that narrative in hermind as being the most important
thing.
So as as having conquered asbeing a person who has conquered
a lot of the things that youhave, what are you thinking
(27:10):
about with your girls and howyou want to speak to them?
SPEAKER_00 (27:12):
Yes, I try hard not to be like, I'm more like you're
strong and like independent andbrave and like more so like that
versus how you look.
Because yes, that was it'striggering for me to be like,
no, that's not an identity.
Like, what are the things we cansay over you that I feel like
(27:33):
God has instilled in you?
Like my girls are reallyconfident, like I'm like, you're
a confident girl, like, and tryto say just like words of
affirmation over them versuslike an outside appearance.
And then I try to just likespeak positively about myself
too, and just like don't spendmuch time in the mirror, and I'm
(27:55):
like, yeah, we can put makeup onwhen we're feeling fancy and
like stuff like that, but wedon't wear it because we're
worried about like maskinganything, like it's just fun to
look fancy and just have fun,and so I feel like yeah, we talk
about that often, but yeah, Imainly just am like I want to
(28:17):
talk about what I feel liketheir attributes are that I'm
seeing, so I'll be like, Yeah,Addy, you're super fast at
running, like just stuff likethat, where I'm like, and I love
how you color, and mommy lovesto color with you, and like
different stuff like that,versus yeah, and then just like
eating when we are eating, I'mlike, this is to nourish our
(28:39):
bodies, like this is our fuel,this is like something God
created for us to be able tolike enjoy and help us have
energy, you know.
It's like we get energy from ourfood, and it's important in that
way, you know.
Um, so yeah, I know I've beennervous about like wanting to
(28:59):
say all the right things andeverything, but I'm just like
again, I'm like, okay, God, yougive me the words of wisdom to
say um over them and like aboutfood and stuff.
And so I'm trying, yeah.
I'm just trying, and then justwhatever he's leading me to do,
I'm trying to lean into that aswell.
(29:20):
So yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (29:22):
You also so you still are very fashionable.
You're like, you are that's notyour best attribute.
You are kind and Christ-like andloving and all of those things,
but yeah, um, but I mean, I Ihave just started following kind
of that part of you onInstagram, you like putting
(29:45):
things together, you love to gothrifting.
So you've kind of turned thething that ended up being an
identity for you in a negativeway, but it's something that it
looks very life-giving from howI experience you engaging with
it.
Um, tell us more, like, tell usmore about that, kind of how
that was redeemed, but also whatabout it gives you life now
(30:08):
versus how do you keep it frombecoming your identity again?
SPEAKER_00 (30:12):
Yes.
Well, my mom brought up a goodpoint.
She's like, it's just aninteresting time for you that
you were able to share yourstory of like body image, and
then now you're kind of likelaunching this thing where you
can like style women and justlike embrace their bodies and
like how different everybodylooks.
(30:33):
And so I'm like, that is what Ilove the most is making people
feel confident no matter theshape and size.
Like, I just want them to feelconfident in their bodies, and
that's my main thing is that Ijust want people to feel good
about themselves, you know.
And so it is cool how the timingall worked out.
(30:53):
Um, and I always have lovedfashion, like I just have, and
I've thrifted like my wholelife, like my mom kind of
started us on that, and so um,yeah, it just kind of came about
randomly.
Like I've always done it for myfamily, and then like I do
(31:14):
lashes as well and brows, and somy clients, I'd be like, find
some stuff for them because Ispend like an hour every two
weeks with them, and so I get toknow them, and so I'm like, Oh,
I found this for you, like, andthey're like, Oh my goodness,
this is amazing! Like today, Ihad a friend where I was like, I
think these jeans would lookamazing on you, and she's like,
I've never tried jeans likethis, but they look so good, so
(31:36):
it was just so fun.
And she was like, Thank you somuch for that, like adding that
to my day.
I really needed that, so I'mlike, it just the fashion piece,
like, no it I feel like thethrift store, you can have any
body shape and find something,like it's just fun to be able to
go and just be like, Oh yeah,it's my oyster in here.
(31:57):
I can find something.
Like, and it's it's just fun forme to just like yeah, share that
with people.
I don't know.
It just gets me excited, so thenI'm hopefully it's exciting for
other people.
So when I see their excitement,I'm like, we're vibing, like
this is fun.
I'm glad that like I just thinkit's I don't know, yeah.
I mean, it has been a part oflike what I enjoy.
(32:21):
So yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (32:22):
You can totally tell too, even now when you're
talking about it.
Oh light up.
I know it is, it's fun, andspecifically like the thrifting
part, you're really passionateabout too, because it I mean,
tell me more, why?
SPEAKER_00 (32:37):
Well, I just feel like you can find unique pieces
and like vintage pieces are whatI like to find.
And then I like it's thesustainability part.
We're not like creating moreclothes.
We already have a ton that'salready created, so like less
landfill, so that's always goodof just like reusing, so like
(32:59):
reselling, reusing instead ofjust like remaking, you know,
like fast fashion, like sheen orwhatever.
Like, you know, I just like Ifeel like older vintage pieces
are like a hundred percent wool,like a hundred percent cotton,
like the material is reallygood.
And like now, fast fashion is somuch of like polyester and
(33:21):
plastics and like stuff likethat.
So it's like pieces that arelike stand the end of time, like
they can just withhold.
I don't know, it's just like oldstuff, like even old tables.
I love antiques and like allthat kind of stuff because it's
just made well, yeah, and I justI just love it.
I don't know, yeah.
And so it's just unique, andthen it's just fun to find like
(33:45):
pieces that I'm like, I don'tknow if anybody else has this,
like I don't know, yeah, but itmakes it unique, right?
Yes, and I don't know, I justthink it's fun, and just being
like, oh, I thought of so andso, I think this will they'll
like this, like that's fun forme to be like, yeah, like I
don't know, or some like whenthey're like, I wouldn't ever
(34:07):
think that I would wearsomething like that, or that I
would look good in somethinglike that.
Like, it's just fun for me tothink about other people, but
yeah, I know with like theidentity thing of like it coming
back into that, like I don'tthink it is.
I feel like that piece I'm likebeing able to express it with
(34:30):
all body types, like especiallyfrom having freedom of like not
worrying about what my bodylooks like and how it ebbs and
flows.
Like, even through pregnancy andstuff, I was like, I love the
way that my body's changing andjust like embracing that.
And so, even like postpartumwomen, I'm like, you can embrace
(34:51):
it and just like you know,because we all go through
transitional times, you know,and weight can ebb and flow.
And so it's just fun for me tobe able to embrace each season.
I think it's good to be able to,especially for women, because
you know, it can be hidden, likepeople it can manifest in
different ways for people, likeyou know, would you eat a
(35:13):
hamburger from Sonic and thenrestrict the next day?
Like it can be like littlestuff, um, and it can start in
little ways, but I mean that'swhat's interesting is that it
can present itself differentlyfor people.
So, my thing that I'm want isjust like, yeah, pro women want
(35:34):
them to feel good, especially,yeah, like women that have
daughters too, for us to be likeforging the way for them to
think positively aboutthemselves and that it's not
about looks, it's not about likeattracting a male just by the
way that you look, you know.
Um, uh, and that God has a planfor you, like you have a
(35:55):
purpose.
That's always my thing.
Is I'm like, what is yourpurpose?
Like, I love discovering that inpeople.
I'm like, what are your gifts?
What did he instill in you thatlike you know, he created you
for your unique purpose?
And so I just think it's fun tobe able to embrace that through
fashion and like different stufftoo.
(36:16):
I think that's fun.
SPEAKER_01 (36:18):
So well, one of the things I saw you post the other
day, um, and I think you werejust trying it on to like show
people what it looked like, butit was some kind of cardigan,
and it was it was large, it waseither like an XL or a 2XL.
Yeah.
And I was like, oh my gosh, likethat's so big, especially for
(36:38):
her.
But when I saw you, when I sawit on you, I was like, but it's
actually super cute.
And I didn't even, and it andwhen I hear you say like all
body types, all body sizes, likeI even think that with the size
on the clothes, and this is soyeah, like coming out of my
mouth, this feels so dumb tosay.
But it's like even that peoplehave things around, like, no,
(37:01):
I'm a medium, or I'm a large, orI'm a small, yeah.
I want to be an extra small, butit was like, but that actually
looked really cute, right?
SPEAKER_00 (37:10):
Yeah, it's like it can be a piece that you're just
like, oh, I can wear it, like,and I don't have to worry about
the size, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (37:17):
Not having to like put yourself like that that
label on the clothing becomingthe label of how you see
yourself, and and even insomething that silly or simple
when it um and it was just likebut it looks fine, like it looks
good and it looks stylish, andshe it looks like it, you know,
(37:41):
she feels comfortable in it.
Yeah, right.
And so being able to just thinkabout that yes, that removes a
lot of it.
It removes, it removes a lot,but there was something else you
said.
So the name of this podcast isThe Way You Show Up because it
was originally called it Startswith Attraction, because it was
all about physical,intellectual, emotional, and
(38:02):
spiritual areas of our life andlike the four areas of
attraction, but how it's notabout attracting someone through
your looks.
Um, and it really is more aboutlike feeling comfortable and
confident so that you show upmore powerfully, more presently,
more confidently in yourrelationships, your family, like
(38:26):
work, wherever.
Yes.
So when you think about the wayyou show up, or the way you
would want to encourage otherpeople to show up, what are some
things that you would be yourlike when you think about what
makes you feel most confidentwhen you show up?
Let's start there.
What is that?
How are you like structuringyour mind or your day so that
(38:49):
you feel confident in the wayyou're showing up?
SPEAKER_00 (38:53):
Um I feel like I always want to be an encourager
for other people.
So yeah, if I if I think aboutmyself showing up in like a
group setting, I want to be theencourager for other people.
Um and so I feel like that issomething that I want to
(39:13):
establish.
I don't know.
Does that is that what you'reasking?
Okay, yeah, like I just my thingis I always I feel like I want
to dismantle like any type ofweirdness.
I don't know, especially withmeeting new people and stuff.
I've always wanted to just belike, there's no expectations
here.
Like, I, you know, we I guess itjust comes back to we all have a
(39:38):
purpose.
Like we all have something tobring to the table.
Like there's nothing that youcould say or do that's like
embarrassing.
I just, yeah, like theconfidence piece, I want other
people to feel confident.
So I think I like to encourageby also um being an example of
(40:00):
showing confidence.
I don't know, of just beinglike, hey, how are you?
Like, you know, and engagingpeople.
Um, I've always kind of enjoyeddoing that.
I enjoy talking to people too.
I don't know.
I just like helping people feelcomfortable and just letting
them feel like yeah, justcomfortable in their space that
(40:21):
they're in, I guess.
I don't know.
Yeah, I guess I would just bythat question I thought of like
a group setting.
I don't know.
Oh, or just yeah.
I don't know.
Yeah, I've identified that forsure.
Being an encourager.
I like to do that.
I feel the most lit up by thatof just like you have a purpose.
Everybody does.
And so I don't know.
(40:41):
Yeah.
I can see that.
SPEAKER_01 (40:43):
Yeah.
Yeah, I can see that.
Uh, when you are like when I seeyou walk into church or even at
like a girls' supper, you'reconstantly like you're coming in
with a smile, you're coming injust focused on a person, like
talking to them, helping themfeel included for sure.
SPEAKER_00 (41:03):
Oh, good.
I'm glad.
Yeah, for sure.
That's what I want to be, forsure.
My mom was like that.
She was like anywhere we wouldgo, she would just engage with
people, like, and just anybody.
Like, just we'll be at HobbyLobby, and she's like the
person's putting stuff back onthe shelf, and she's like, You
are doing amazing.
Like, good job.
(41:24):
Like, I don't know.
She's just been an encourage,like, and all of my siblings, we
all are that way.
Like, we love to be able to justlike meet people where they are
and just be like, You'reawesome.
I don't know.
She's just always been likethat.
I know.
So I'm like, it's really cool.
She definitely instilled that inall of us for sure.
But it's a gift for all of usbecause yeah, we all enjoy it.
(41:47):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (41:48):
What about um if there was a woman that you were
helping to style, you weretrying to help her feel
confident again.
What are some things that youwould maybe say to her or
encourage her with to help herfeel more confident?
SPEAKER_00 (42:04):
Um, I would say get off social media.
Say it louder.
Yeah.
That's so hard though.
I know.
Yeah.
Or just like put limits on it orjust like try to catch yourself
from comparison.
Cause I feel like social mediafor us is such a comparative
place.
Um, and just like instead offocusing on your flaws that you
(42:28):
feel like you have, focus on thethings that you enjoy about
yourself.
Like, you know, because somewomen are like, I don't like the
way my arms look.
So I'm like, okay, talk aboutyour ankles.
You like your ankles.
You want some shoes that arelike emphasize your, you know,
it's like that's small or likeyour hands, even, but it's like
shifting your mindset of likenegative, negative, negative,
(42:50):
like tearing yourself to piecesis just like a rabbit hole that
a lot of us can get stuck in.
So if it's like, okay, you'reshifting that mindset in little
small ways, even if it doesstart small.
And sometimes if it is hard,because you are in such a space
of just like, oh, I don't likethe way I look.
Like you do have to start smallwhere you're like, okay, I have
(43:10):
nice nail beds.
Like, you know, it's like youhave to start speaking to
yourself differently.
And then, yeah, social media, Ifeel like it's just hard for
everybody because it's just notreal oftentimes.
And then we're just likecomparing ourselves to that, and
that's hard.
It is hard, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (43:32):
Will you let your girls have social media or your
bo or your son?
SPEAKER_00 (43:36):
Yeah, I feel like no.
Right now, my answer is likeabsolutely no.
I know.
SPEAKER_01 (43:40):
I know.
SPEAKER_00 (43:41):
Because I'm just like, I don't feel like there's
um a reason.
I don't know.
Yeah, I they they would have toshow me a reason why they would
need it.
I just don't think right now,yeah.
I'm like black and white.
Like right now, I'm a full no.
Like, I just don't think theydo.
(44:02):
Yeah, I just am like, it's justgetting more and more addicting
too.
It's almost like video games forkids, and I'm like, we're a hard
no on video games.
Like, you know, it's just kindof what do you let in that
trickles?
I know, you know, and so yeah,I'm a no right now, but they're
(44:26):
seven, four, and two, and we'llwait until they're teenagers and
are pressuring me.
I'm like, but right now I'm likemaybe just building that like
argument for myself.
That's right.
From like, you don't need it.
SPEAKER_01 (44:41):
Yeah, same.
My daughter is 11 now, so she'llbe 12 this year, and we're just
super hard nosed.
And the more they try that shetries and builds an argument,
I'm like, the more my heels goin the ground.
Right, like I will I will showyou that I am serious about it.
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (44:59):
Yes, yes, it is.
I it's our protection, I feellike.
Like I have to tell Dawsonoften, I'm like, I know you
don't understand right now, butlike later on, you'll appreciate
the protection.
Yeah.
Like it was in one of the umcourses we did at church that
they were it was on technology,and there was like an 18 year
(45:22):
old boy that like wasn't allowedto have a cell phone or
something like that.
Like the parents were like, ormaybe it was social.
Media, but he came back to themand was like, Thank you so much
for protecting me.
And it's like, isn't that thegreatest gift?
That you're like, maybe youwouldn't ever get that, but like
that is a great gift for him torecognize you were actually
protecting me instead of youhaving to constantly like be
(45:44):
like, you don't need this, thisis why.
You know, it's like theyunderstood, oh, that was my
parents' protection, like, andso that's the goal, and that's
what you would hope they wouldeventually see.
I feel like I see that lookingback, you know, as like wanting
certain things when I was ateenager and recognizing why I
(46:06):
wasn't able to get it.
So I'm like, Yeah, I think, Imean, because social media, we
didn't really have that.
SPEAKER_01 (46:14):
It wasn't like so it wasn't anything what it is now.
You had to have when I, when I Idon't know if we're even the
same age.
I think I'm older than you.
SPEAKER_00 (46:24):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (46:24):
But when I was in high school, you had to have a
university email address to haveFacebook and Instagram didn't
exist.
So there was no social media.
There was MySpace.
Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_00 (46:36):
Yes, I remember, yeah, yes, yes, yes.
SPEAKER_01 (46:38):
There was MySpace.
SPEAKER_00 (46:39):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (46:39):
Uh and so like I didn't have social media until I
was probably 20, 21, where I hada much more fully developed
brain, not even a fully yetdeveloped prefrontal cortex.
Right.
But also I was married alreadyat that time.
So it was like crazy.
SPEAKER_00 (46:56):
Yeah.
So what are we doing?
Handing them and their brainsdon't even, and it's so fast,
like there's so much.
Like we're not even supposed togo on.
SPEAKER_01 (47:06):
See or know all of that.
You you said, you know, it wasthe protection of your parents.
And I remember growing up, mydad had to approve all my
swimsuits.
SPEAKER_00 (47:17):
Of course.
SPEAKER_01 (47:18):
And all of my shorts until I was 18.
SPEAKER_00 (47:21):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (47:22):
And they had to be like fingertip length.
Not the not the swimsuit.
But uh, yeah, shorts had to befingertip length.
My swimsuit, it was like boyshorts and like a very covered
sports bra.
Pretty much.
Um, and I just remember beinglike, oh my gosh, this is so
embarrassing, frustrating.
Like, my my friends get to wearwhatever they want to wear.
(47:44):
Yes.
And he would say, I am so sorrythat your friend's parents don't
love that as much as I love you.
And at the time, I know, at thetime I was like, roll my eyes.
Yes.
But now I'm like, it's so true.
Yes.
Because it taught meself-respect.
Like it taught me that, right,like I didn't have to do some of
(48:07):
those things in order to likeget attention.
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00 (48:11):
You know?
It's yes, yeah.
So that's so good instillingthat in you for sure.
It was.
Yeah, it was.
So you can look back and belike, thank you.
Instead of the time, you'relike, everybody else gets to
wear these bathing suits.
Like, I know that's good.
I love that.
I know.
SPEAKER_01 (48:27):
The string bikinis, which I still can't even wear to
this day.
Yeah, you're like, do I want toanyway?
I know.
First of all, don't want to.
Don't have the body of an18-year-old.
Uh, but also just like, I'mmarried.
Like, I could even go and bejust with my husband, and I feel
weird.
SPEAKER_00 (48:44):
Hey, yeah, you're like, I don't want to wear this,
it's uncomfortable.
It's uncomfortable.
Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_01 (48:50):
Like full coverage.
Yeah.
So cozy in this.
Yeah.
Yes, 100%.
Yeah.
Emily, it has been such a joytalking to you and getting to
know you.
Uh, if people want to follow youand all your thrifting finds,
where can they do that?
SPEAKER_00 (49:08):
So it's beloved thrifted bundles.
And then um, me and Olivia haveThrifted Sister Co.
So there's two places.
So, yeah, just on Instagramright now, and then Emily Allen.
I love it.
I love it.
Thank you again so much, Emily.
Thank you so much.
It's been so fun.
SPEAKER_01 (49:29):
Here are my three key takeaways from today's
episode with Emily.
The first one was that for her,her story and her testimony is
what fuels her.
We even talked more about itafter we stopped filming.
And I just love how the momentthat Jesus became most real in
(49:51):
her life to her is the samemoment that she experienced
freedom for the thing that hadbeen keeping her in bondage.
That is Jesus.
And that is the story of so manypeople, and how freedom is one
of the things that he is able todo for us.
He is freedom.
(50:11):
In him, we find freedom.
He is the way, the truth, andthe life.
And for Emily, like for it to beso deeply intertwined with her
experiencing that completefreedom for her mentally is an
encouragement to my heart.
And I hope that it's anencouragement to yours as well.
(50:33):
The other thing, the secondthing that was my key takeaway
was when I asked Emily the wayyou show up, when you think
about the way that you want toshow up, what is that for you?
And she had an answer.
She said, I want to be anencourager.
What is it for you?
When you think about the waythat you want to show up in your
relationships, in your family,at your work, what is that?
(50:58):
Emily is doing it.
I can tell you when I see herout and about at different
things, at church, she's alwaysan encourager.
And so the fact that she takesthat into her day-to-day life,
into the places that she isgoing, that that is the idea
that she has of the person thatshe wants to be and how she
(51:20):
wants to come across, it isimpacting and influencing the
way that she shows up.
What is it for you?
How do you want to show upboldly?
And then finally, my thirdtakeaway from this episode is
that your story matters.
And you might not think that itdoes, but when you're able to
(51:41):
share with another person torelate to them and say, This is
where I've been, I've been whereyou are, I understand how you
feel.
That is maybe the mostlife-giving thing that they
could hear.
One of the things that my pastorhas said is the hardest part of
your story might be the mostlife-giving thing for someone
(52:06):
else to hear.
Who do you need to share yourstory with?
Where do you maybe need tobecome more bold in being able
to share about a way that Godhas saved you, a way that God
has healed you?
Or if you are not a Christian,then thinking through how you
have changed and a way that youhave found freedom.
(52:28):
Until next week, stay strong.
As women, sometimes it can be hard to even think
about the way that we show upbecause we're constantly
thinking about how we look.
We're wanting to be prettyenough, thin enough, whatever
enough, and it can sometimesjust never feel like enough.
In today's episode, I'minterviewing my friend Emily
(01:49):
Allen.
Emily boldly shares about herexperience growing up,
struggling with eatingdisorders, and how that has
impacted her life, how she gotfree from that, and honestly the
joy that she now has toencourage and speak life into
others.
(02:10):
I loved this conversation.
And more than anything, I lovedbeing able to share her story
because I believe that so manyof us struggle to some extent
with this exact topic, but it'snot talked about enough.
Let's dive into today's episode.
So we had a women's conferenceat our church, and I actually
(02:31):
wasn't there.
SPEAKER_00 (02:32):
Yes, I know.
Which so crazy.
It was like one of the bestones, I feel like.
I know.
But they keep getting better.
They keep getting better.
So it'll probably be better nextyear.
SPEAKER_01 (02:45):
I know, that's right.
It was a hard week.
We had all like there had been abunch of snow, and I'm pretty
sure I had a sick child.
Like there was something, and itwas the night of, I was just
like, I can't make it.
I can't make it work.
Yeah, I know.
But sometimes then, I know,sometimes you just don't.
But then someone gave me uh abook from the event, and it was
this beautiful like stories ofdifferent women in our church
(03:07):
and things that they hadexperienced and gone through.
And I feel like every single oneI was like, oh my gosh, I had no
idea.
Right.
I've known this person, had noidea.
And one of the ones that reallystuck out to me was yours.
And just reading your story andnot knowing that you had
(03:28):
struggled with an eatingdisorder, and like, and
especially just how I've seenyou over the past several years,
and your joy and your just likethe way that you show up
organically is I just read itand was like, wow, sometimes you
just don't know the thingspeople have gone through and how
God has worked in their life.
(03:48):
And so thank you for beingwilling to share it then and
share now.
SPEAKER_00 (03:53):
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01 (03:54):
Yeah.
I was so excited to just ask youabout that and hear more about
your story and your experience.
So uh with that, when did youfirst really realize that you
were struggling with an eatingdisorder?
SPEAKER_00 (04:13):
Yeah, I would say probably middle school.
Um, I had always had likeinflammatory, just like my mom,
when she was pregnant with me,her appendix burst.
And so she was like pumped withantibiotics, like when she was
pregnant with me.
And then I became a reallysickly child.
(04:33):
Oh my gosh.
And I like almost had to repeatkindergarten, and I just was
like very sick often.
So I had a lot of inflammation,and so that kind of manifested
into different food triggersthat would like trigger
different things, like I had alot of neurological, like I
would think that like bugs wereflying around when they weren't,
(04:56):
and like stuff like that, whichwas it was just crazy, it was
just a lot of inflammation, andso I kind of started being like,
okay, I guess I'll eliminatethis to see if I could mitigate
any of those symptoms, and soeventually it just kind of got
to the point where I was like, Idon't feel like I can eat
anything at this point, just tokind of keep those symptoms down
(05:18):
of inflammation, of just likehurting joints, like I was just
sickly, and so I was like, okay,let's start with food, and then
yeah, eventually just got to thepoint where I was like not
really eating much because ofthe fear of just like not
feeling good.
So that's kind of how itstarted.
And then yeah, I have alwayskind of like identified with
(05:41):
people who are like, You're sotall, and I love your clothes.
Like, that was always kind ofpeople would compliment me on
that.
That was something that likekind of became my identity, I
would say, or things that I gotattention for.
Like my other siblings weresports, academics, like
different stuff.
And so my parents would kind ofalways introduce me as like this
(06:01):
is our fashionista, this is, youknow, and just I think nothing
no ill will or anything, butjust like, yeah, this is what
she's interested in.
So it just kind of like turnedinto something where I was like,
okay, yeah, this is my thing, Iguess.
Like people look at me for mylooks, and then it just got to
(06:21):
where I was like, yeah, that'swhat it is.
I didn't like excel super wellin school.
So I was like, I guess this ismy thing.
Like, you know, it's just likemy looks.
And so then it, yeah, it kind ofbecame an obsession where I was
like, well, I gotta stay thin inorder to, you know, like that's
what that's who I am, you know.
That's like what has developedover the years.
(06:45):
Um and then I feel like it gotit kind of peaked when my second
oldest sister got married.
Um, and so I am like super closewith them.
And they um, yeah, so my oldestwas married, and then my second
oldest sister got married, and Iwas like, who's gonna want to
marry me?
Like, am I gonna be able to getmarried?
(07:06):
Like it kind of like got me likethinking of like, what can I
bring to the table that wouldhave me be attractive to
somebody in order for me toeventually get married?
That was my senior year.
So yeah, I she got married inIreland and yes, and I like
remember being over there andbeing like, okay, when I get
(07:30):
back home, I'm really gonnafocus on like, yeah, I it was
always a mental thing where Iwas like, didn't ever feel thin
enough or good enough or prettyenough, or like the expectations
that I put on myself of like, ifthis is what my identity is, I
really need to achieve at it,kind of type thing.
So I was like, I need to makesure that I drive it home that
(07:51):
if I'm gonna get a husbandeventually, this is what I can,
you know, have, you know, Idon't, I I just didn't really
feel like there were otherattributes about myself that was
like, I don't know, yeah, thatsomeone would be attracted to.
So I was like, okay, my senioryear, I came home from that trip
(08:12):
and was it got pretty bad afterthat.
And then um, yeah, I juststruggled so bad mentally, like
it was just like day up night,like it was just struggling
thinking about food 24-7 andjust working out and just not
(08:32):
being able to get it off mymind.
Like there was never a break intime, and just like, yeah,
talking about like being coldand stuff, like I was constantly
cold growing up in South Dakota.
I remember just like being in mycar my senior year and like not
wanting to get out because I wasjust like freezing, like I, you
know, and then just drinkingwater, like really just like
(08:58):
basically killing myself, likejust not being healthy in the
slightest.
Um, and so looking back, I'mlike it was a mental bondage,
like it was uh for surespiritual attack too.
Um, because like my childhoodbedroom that I grew up in,
(09:20):
eventually, like at night, Iwould feel like just demons were
like literally like shoulder toshoulder in my room.
Like I could feel that.
And I remember just like layingin my bed, just like, don't
move, don't move.
And so I'm like, now as anadult, I look back and I'm like,
I couldn't really understandwhat that was, but I'm like, it
(09:42):
really was a spiritual attackthat was a long period of time
that I couldn't understand atthe time, but it was.
And so then eventually I had toget to the point where I wanted
help because my family wouldcome to me and be like, you
know, M, like, you were reallyconcerned, you need to be like
(10:04):
eating more.
And they would try to help me.
And I never really went to likeeating specialists or anything
like that.
I went to therapy a little bit,but that like didn't really
help.
I never really like wanted tochange because it was such like
a thing.
Like, I would kind of be like,okay, yeah, no, I will.
I'm gonna eat something.
And so yeah, then it just got towhere I was like, okay, it
(10:29):
finally got to where I was like,I can't handle this anymore.
This is just too much.
And so I went to my family andwas like, I think I need to go
somewhere, like I need to go toa place that actually helps
people with eating disorders.
And so my family found a placein Arizona, and then I prayed
(10:50):
right before I left with my twoolder sisters, and so um, yeah,
my sister who got married inIreland, she was like, Okay,
like you're just gonna bring itto God and you tell him what you
need.
Like, you just get on your kneesand let's tell him what you
need.
And they just started prayingover me.
And so we like all at the sametime felt his presence, like the
(11:13):
Holy Spirit came on me and usall together, and we were just
sobbing together, and I was justlike, I don't want this anymore,
like I want to be freed.
I like I am just over thisbondage, like please release me
from this, and like I didn'teven want to like leave the
presence of him either.
It was just like incredible, andso yeah, eventually, like I
(11:36):
stood up and was like, it wasjust like a weight, like a
cloud.
Like I was just like fully free.
I just felt completelydifferent, like it was just I
don't even know how to explainit.
Like the depression was gone,like everything was gone.
Um, but I I was signed up to goto Arizona, and so I ended up
(11:59):
going there, and I uh was ableto like minister to girls there.
Um, and it was just crazy to beable to arrive there and see all
how it presents itself indifferent people, and so um
yeah, I remember just being kindof shocked of just like, oh wow,
(12:22):
okay, this can be very intenseto just kind of mild.
And I felt like in the middle,because there were girls that
were like literallyhospitalized, and then they
moved from the hospital there,and it just would present in
just like OCD control, like alot of times.
And so, yeah, mine presenteddifferently or like showed up
(12:42):
differently.
So it was just interesting thatwe all had different experiences
of how it started, where we werein our walk.
And so, like, yeah, a lot ofgirls we would just pray
together.
There was like a pastor's wifethat was there that she was like
amazing, but she struggled themost.
Like, she was one that shescared me.
(13:05):
Like her body, it's was scarybecause they were like looked
like they could pass away at anytime because they were just like
skeletons, like it's it wasscary.
And she was one of those, butshe had such like good wisdom
though, too.
It was just so interesting.
And I I didn't finish the wholetime there.
(13:28):
There was like insurance stuffthat like eventually it was
gonna be too expensive for me tostay the whole time.
But my healing already happenedbefore I even went there, and it
was just like an added bonusthat I felt like I was able to
like just spread the love ofJesus and kind of what I felt
before I went there.
So I felt like that was like hismission almost for me was to be
(13:53):
able to do that.
And yeah, like I kind of waswaiting for it to eventually
like come back.
I'm like, sometime it's gonnalike, I don't know.
And it never really did, likeit, and I, you know, I always
have been slender, like I justhave, and so um, but yeah, like
just thinking about food andjust like the constant like, am
(14:18):
I gonna work out?
When am I gonna work out next?
When am I gonna have theopportunity to do this?
Like that just was gone.
And I had no thoughts about anyfood.
Like I could just eat whatever,not feel remorse, not feel any
type of way.
Like I was just able to eatfood, and I felt like I was
like, Yeah, it it felt crazybecause I thought I was like in
(14:42):
bondage for so long.
I didn't it was it was almosthard to walk in normalcy, I
guess.
Um I got used to that like kindof just like tenseness.
Um but yeah, it was like ajourney for sure.
SPEAKER_01 (15:04):
You said that it had originally started in middle
school because of your health,like you didn't want to have
that inflammation, you didn'twant to feel bad.
So it would it lasted at leastprobably four years until your
senior year when all of thathappened.
Um when during those years whereit was most rampant, what were
(15:27):
your did you have friends thatwere also struggling, or did
your friends notice that youwere struggling?
SPEAKER_00 (15:34):
Yes, I did have one, like she wasn't like a super
close friend, but she struggledtoo.
Um and yeah, I never really myfriends never really kind of
talked about it.
I don't know, it wasinteresting.
Maybe I gave off the vibe oflike don't talk about it.
Like, I don't know.
(15:55):
Um, yeah, it was mainly justlike my family.
So that kind of felt isolatingbecause I was like, I also
didn't really want people tolike notice.
So then if my family was likethere's something, I was like,
oh what you notice?
Like, I don't want, you know?
So yeah, my friends never reallysaid much.
(16:17):
I don't know.
It felt like um, yeah, very likewanted it to be hidden kind of
type.
It's shame for sure.
Like just the kind of like yeah.
So then when people would talkabout it, I'm like, no, like it
was fine.
Yeah, like don't worry about it.
So I don't know.
SPEAKER_01 (16:36):
I mean, I'm sure maybe my friends brought it up
at some point, and I kind ofmaybe did that response, and
they were probably like, okay,you know when you when you
finally prayed with your sistersand you felt the release of it.
What what changed?
(16:57):
So did you stop obsessivelythinking about food?
Did were you able to eat withoutit affecting your body?
SPEAKER_00 (17:05):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (17:06):
How did things actually change for you in your
day-to-day?
SPEAKER_00 (17:10):
Yes, I feel like the mental load of it is what
changed for me.
Like I was able to wake up andbe like, okay, I'm gonna be able
to eat breakfast this morning.
Like it was like I didn't havesuch a mental load of okay, if I
eat breakfast, I have to makesure that I work out afterwards.
(17:30):
Like it was like very fluid ofjust like, I can eat something
and not have to feel bad oflike, and I did gain weight,
like I gained weight, and so andwere you scared about it?
I thought I was gonna be scaredabout it.
Um, and I did see a photo ofmyself, and I I actually my
thought was like, oh, okay, Ilook good.
(17:53):
Like, I which was crazy, yes.
I was like, that looks healthy,like, and so that was another
part of it too, where I'm like,okay, that I wouldn't, I don't
think I would have thought thatbefore.
I think I would have definitelybeen fearful of that for sure.
Yeah.
And so, yeah, I never really waslike afraid of gaining weight.
(18:16):
I almost was like excited oflike my new found just freedom
of just like being able to eatwithout fear.
Um, I will say I still strugglewith like inflammation of
different stuff.
I try to be like gluten anddairy free, but that's not like
(18:38):
super restrictive.
I'm not very regimented with itjust because of my history.
So I'm like just 50-50 probablywith that.
Um, but yeah, so there aresometimes I get like
inflammatory things, but I'm wayhealthier than what I used to
be.
(18:58):
And I think a lot of it ismental.
And like doing a lot of healingmentally helped my inflammation
and helped my sickness too.
Um, so over the years I feellike, yeah, that's helped me as
well, and also not identifyingas a sickly child, too.
(19:20):
Like my family was always like,she's our sick one, you know.
I had to get like tubes andtonsils and all of that.
And I'm like, I don't have toclaim that anymore, you know,
that doesn't have to be that waspart of my history, but that
doesn't have to be like, youknow.
So yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (19:39):
Yeah, that's an interesting point.
I there's something about thewords we say about ourselves,
the words other people say aboutus, that for sure impacts the
way we think, the way we dothings, our actions, our
behaviors.
I want to dig in a little bitmore, like for people who
struggle with ruminatingthoughts, this mental bondage
(20:02):
that you talk about.
Um, I I know what I know whatthat is like from anxiety,
right?
Like it's it sucks.
Yeah.
How did you find the freedomfrom the mental bondage and do
the healing?
What are things that you did ormaybe even continue to do in
order to keep yourself likementally free?
SPEAKER_00 (20:26):
Yeah.
Um, I feel like with my sisterpraying with me, I that was like
a newfound like unlocking oflike, okay, I'm going to read
the Bible, start reading theBible, and start discovering
like what is God's identity forme versus what is my thought or
(20:50):
what I think other people's viewof my identity is.
So I felt like being able to bein his word and learning more
about his character and moreabout him kind of revealed that
for me.
So I felt like that kind ofunlocked my spiritual walk with
(21:11):
him.
Like I was raised Christian andthat was very much like heavily
involved in our household.
Um, but there was a lot of likedisarray there too.
So I felt like I never reallygrasped the Bible until I was
(21:31):
like very interested in it, justfrom my experience.
So I felt like yeah, being ableto be in the Word in the
mornings, like and just havingmy quiet time.
Um, I felt like that was reallyhelpful.
Um, but yeah, also protectingmyself too, and knowing yes,
(21:54):
anxiety or knowing that like myfamily can tend to be depressed
or anxious, like kind ofcognitively knowing that.
So recognizing the anxiousthoughts or the like, yeah,
worried thoughts, and beinglike, okay, let that go like a
river.
Like I would envision like it'sgoing down the river and I can
(22:17):
let it go and like I can watchit go down the river versus
being like, okay, so what'sthat, you know, because like
grab it out of the river,exactly.
Talk about it, think about it.
Right.
And so it was, yeah, that's comea long way.
But I think, yeah, almost justrecognizing when I could get in
that mental head space and thenbeing like, okay, no, I have to,
(22:41):
you know, focus somewhere else,or just yeah, like I haven't
always been joyful, you know.
So it's been a practice thatI've had to be like, okay, if
I'm feeling depressed, whatcould I do that could like kind
of get me out of a funk?
Like, um, sometimes I'llliterally be like, okay, I'm
gonna walk through this door andI'm gonna leave this bad thought
(23:05):
back here, and I'm gonna gothrough the door, and then I'm
gonna, we're gonna be good.
Like if I have a bad start tothe day or some hard thought.
Like, I'm like, okay, I'm gonnawalk through this door, leave it
behind me, and go.
Like, and so sometimes mentallythinking that is helpful for me
to just be like shift mymindset.
(23:27):
Um Because it's very easy to getcaught in the rabbit hole of
just like, ooh.
And so yeah.
And just being like, no, Satan,you've tried so long, like
you're not gonna have a footholdwith me again.
So I'm like just very aware, Iguess, of like yeah, him trying
(23:50):
to creep in here and there andjust having to kind of be on
guard, you know, but not afraid,but just like aware, you know?
Especially when you have thosetendencies, I feel like.
SPEAKER_01 (24:03):
When is the moment that Jesus has become the most
real to you?
SPEAKER_00 (24:08):
Yeah, that time when I was like literally on my knees
and he came.
Yeah, it was then, I feel like,for sure.
And then that just was like atriggering effect of just
everything.
Yeah.
I mean, it's been yeah, up anddown, you know.
(24:28):
But that was definitely like myon-fire moment of just being
like, okay, you know, I live forhim, I don't live for myself.
My identity is not, and whatother people think of me.
He is who I will listen to forwhat my identity is.
And so, yeah, that was like,yeah.
(24:49):
And I I mean, yeah, you havedownfalls and just different
times that I would kind of justfall back and be like, oh.
But yeah, just constantlyremembering back on that time,
like I felt like that was justso helpful for me to just be
like, he's he freed me fromthis.
(25:11):
Like, he's always there, likeweaving even through my
downfalls or my, you know,because I would be like, Oh, I
don't want to get back here, youknow.
I don't wanna, but yeah,somehow, I mean, he's always
been with me of just being ableto like keep pushing me forward
and keep like yeah, he's justbeen the one that I've leaned
(25:35):
on.
And so I feel like that was thebeginning, like and it it kind
of like coincided with my likelaunching out of the house too.
I was kind of like, this isnice.
Like, I you know, it's just it'snice, it was nice to be able to
just have that like reassurance,I guess.
Um in that transition of likegetting out of the home.
SPEAKER_01 (25:58):
So yeah, you have two girls now, right?
Yeah, two little girls, yeah.
And so when you think about themgrowing up, becoming middle
schoolers, becoming highschoolers, the way that they're
gonna think about their body,knowing the history that you had
and what you endured, what aresome things, if you've if you've
(26:23):
thought about it, like what aresome things that you are
thinking about and how you wantto talk about their body with
them, how you um just like I Iheard a friend say several
several years ago, and and itwas just in thinking about like
she was talking about her niece,and she was like, I don't want
her to grow up to be superegotistical.
SPEAKER_00 (26:45):
Yeah, right.
Because you're like, you don'twant to be like, you're amazing,
you're the person who's gonna bea little bit more.
She's so pretty, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (26:49):
So that's what she said.
She was like, I was always justtelling her how pretty she was,
but I was like, I felt like Ilike I didn't want to just
reiterate that narrative in hermind as being the most important
thing.
So as as having conquered asbeing a person who has conquered
a lot of the things that youhave, what are you thinking
(27:10):
about with your girls and howyou want to speak to them?
SPEAKER_00 (27:12):
Yes, I try hard not to be like, I'm more like you're
strong and like independent andbrave and like more so like that
versus how you look.
Because yes, that was it'striggering for me to be like,
no, that's not an identity.
Like, what are the things we cansay over you that I feel like
(27:33):
God has instilled in you?
Like my girls are reallyconfident, like I'm like, you're
a confident girl, like, and tryto say just like words of
affirmation over them versuslike an outside appearance.
And then I try to just likespeak positively about myself
too, and just like don't spendmuch time in the mirror, and I'm
(27:55):
like, yeah, we can put makeup onwhen we're feeling fancy and
like stuff like that, but wedon't wear it because we're
worried about like maskinganything, like it's just fun to
look fancy and just have fun,and so I feel like yeah, we talk
about that often, but yeah, Imainly just am like I want to
(28:17):
talk about what I feel liketheir attributes are that I'm
seeing, so I'll be like, Yeah,Addy, you're super fast at
running, like just stuff likethat, where I'm like, and I love
how you color, and mommy lovesto color with you, and like
different stuff like that,versus yeah, and then just like
eating when we are eating, I'mlike, this is to nourish our
(28:39):
bodies, like this is our fuel,this is like something God
created for us to be able tolike enjoy and help us have
energy, you know.
It's like we get energy from ourfood, and it's important in that
way, you know.
Um, so yeah, I know I've beennervous about like wanting to
(28:59):
say all the right things andeverything, but I'm just like
again, I'm like, okay, God, yougive me the words of wisdom to
say um over them and like aboutfood and stuff.
And so I'm trying, yeah.
I'm just trying, and then justwhatever he's leading me to do,
I'm trying to lean into that aswell.
(29:20):
So yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (29:22):
You also so you still are very fashionable.
You're like, you are that's notyour best attribute.
You are kind and Christ-like andloving and all of those things,
but yeah, um, but I mean, I Ihave just started following kind
of that part of you onInstagram, you like putting
(29:45):
things together, you love to gothrifting.
So you've kind of turned thething that ended up being an
identity for you in a negativeway, but it's something that it
looks very life-giving from howI experience you engaging with
it.
Um, tell us more, like, tell usmore about that, kind of how
that was redeemed, but also whatabout it gives you life now
(30:08):
versus how do you keep it frombecoming your identity again?
SPEAKER_00 (30:12):
Yes.
Well, my mom brought up a goodpoint.
She's like, it's just aninteresting time for you that
you were able to share yourstory of like body image, and
then now you're kind of likelaunching this thing where you
can like style women and justlike embrace their bodies and
like how different everybodylooks.
(30:33):
And so I'm like, that is what Ilove the most is making people
feel confident no matter theshape and size.
Like, I just want them to feelconfident in their bodies, and
that's my main thing is that Ijust want people to feel good
about themselves, you know.
And so it is cool how the timingall worked out.
(30:53):
Um, and I always have lovedfashion, like I just have, and
I've thrifted like my wholelife, like my mom kind of
started us on that, and so um,yeah, it just kind of came about
randomly.
Like I've always done it for myfamily, and then like I do
(31:14):
lashes as well and brows, and somy clients, I'd be like, find
some stuff for them because Ispend like an hour every two
weeks with them, and so I get toknow them, and so I'm like, Oh,
I found this for you, like, andthey're like, Oh my goodness,
this is amazing! Like today, Ihad a friend where I was like, I
think these jeans would lookamazing on you, and she's like,
I've never tried jeans likethis, but they look so good, so
(31:36):
it was just so fun.
And she was like, Thank you somuch for that, like adding that
to my day.
I really needed that, so I'mlike, it just the fashion piece,
like, no it I feel like thethrift store, you can have any
body shape and find something,like it's just fun to be able to
go and just be like, Oh yeah,it's my oyster in here.
(31:57):
I can find something.
Like, and it's it's just fun forme to just like yeah, share that
with people.
I don't know.
It just gets me excited, so thenI'm hopefully it's exciting for
other people.
So when I see their excitement,I'm like, we're vibing, like
this is fun.
I'm glad that like I just thinkit's I don't know, yeah.
I mean, it has been a part oflike what I enjoy.
(32:21):
So yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (32:22):
You can totally tell too, even now when you're
talking about it.
Oh light up.
I know it is, it's fun, andspecifically like the thrifting
part, you're really passionateabout too, because it I mean,
tell me more, why?
SPEAKER_00 (32:37):
Well, I just feel like you can find unique pieces
and like vintage pieces are whatI like to find.
And then I like it's thesustainability part.
We're not like creating moreclothes.
We already have a ton that'salready created, so like less
landfill, so that's always goodof just like reusing, so like
(32:59):
reselling, reusing instead ofjust like remaking, you know,
like fast fashion, like sheen orwhatever.
Like, you know, I just like Ifeel like older vintage pieces
are like a hundred percent wool,like a hundred percent cotton,
like the material is reallygood.
And like now, fast fashion is somuch of like polyester and
(33:21):
plastics and like stuff likethat.
So it's like pieces that arelike stand the end of time, like
they can just withhold.
I don't know, it's just like oldstuff, like even old tables.
I love antiques and like allthat kind of stuff because it's
just made well, yeah, and I justI just love it.
I don't know, yeah.
And so it's just unique, andthen it's just fun to find like
(33:45):
pieces that I'm like, I don'tknow if anybody else has this,
like I don't know, yeah, but itmakes it unique, right?
Yes, and I don't know, I justthink it's fun, and just being
like, oh, I thought of so andso, I think this will they'll
like this, like that's fun forme to be like, yeah, like I
don't know, or some like whenthey're like, I wouldn't ever
(34:07):
think that I would wearsomething like that, or that I
would look good in somethinglike that.
Like, it's just fun for me tothink about other people, but
yeah, I know with like theidentity thing of like it coming
back into that, like I don'tthink it is.
I feel like that piece I'm likebeing able to express it with
(34:30):
all body types, like especiallyfrom having freedom of like not
worrying about what my bodylooks like and how it ebbs and
flows.
Like, even through pregnancy andstuff, I was like, I love the
way that my body's changing andjust like embracing that.
And so, even like postpartumwomen, I'm like, you can embrace
(34:51):
it and just like you know,because we all go through
transitional times, you know,and weight can ebb and flow.
And so it's just fun for me tobe able to embrace each season.
I think it's good to be able to,especially for women, because
you know, it can be hidden, likepeople it can manifest in
different ways for people, likeyou know, would you eat a
(35:13):
hamburger from Sonic and thenrestrict the next day?
Like it can be like littlestuff, um, and it can start in
little ways, but I mean that'swhat's interesting is that it
can present itself differentlyfor people.
So, my thing that I'm want isjust like, yeah, pro women want
(35:34):
them to feel good, especially,yeah, like women that have
daughters too, for us to be likeforging the way for them to
think positively aboutthemselves and that it's not
about looks, it's not about likeattracting a male just by the
way that you look, you know.
Um, uh, and that God has a planfor you, like you have a
(35:55):
purpose.
That's always my thing.
Is I'm like, what is yourpurpose?
Like, I love discovering that inpeople.
I'm like, what are your gifts?
What did he instill in you thatlike you know, he created you
for your unique purpose?
And so I just think it's fun tobe able to embrace that through
fashion and like different stufftoo.
(36:16):
I think that's fun.
SPEAKER_01 (36:18):
So well, one of the things I saw you post the other
day, um, and I think you werejust trying it on to like show
people what it looked like, butit was some kind of cardigan,
and it was it was large, it waseither like an XL or a 2XL.
Yeah.
And I was like, oh my gosh, likethat's so big, especially for
(36:38):
her.
But when I saw you, when I sawit on you, I was like, but it's
actually super cute.
And I didn't even, and it andwhen I hear you say like all
body types, all body sizes, likeI even think that with the size
on the clothes, and this is soyeah, like coming out of my
mouth, this feels so dumb tosay.
But it's like even that peoplehave things around, like, no,
(37:01):
I'm a medium, or I'm a large, orI'm a small, yeah.
I want to be an extra small, butit was like, but that actually
looked really cute, right?
SPEAKER_00 (37:10):
Yeah, it's like it can be a piece that you're just
like, oh, I can wear it, like,and I don't have to worry about
the size, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (37:17):
Not having to like put yourself like that that
label on the clothing becomingthe label of how you see
yourself, and and even insomething that silly or simple
when it um and it was just likebut it looks fine, like it looks
good and it looks stylish, andshe it looks like it, you know,
(37:41):
she feels comfortable in it.
Yeah, right.
And so being able to just thinkabout that yes, that removes a
lot of it.
It removes, it removes a lot,but there was something else you
said.
So the name of this podcast isThe Way You Show Up because it
was originally called it Startswith Attraction, because it was
all about physical,intellectual, emotional, and
(38:02):
spiritual areas of our life andlike the four areas of
attraction, but how it's notabout attracting someone through
your looks.
Um, and it really is more aboutlike feeling comfortable and
confident so that you show upmore powerfully, more presently,
more confidently in yourrelationships, your family, like
(38:26):
work, wherever.
Yes.
So when you think about the wayyou show up, or the way you
would want to encourage otherpeople to show up, what are some
things that you would be yourlike when you think about what
makes you feel most confidentwhen you show up?
Let's start there.
What is that?
How are you like structuringyour mind or your day so that
(38:49):
you feel confident in the wayyou're showing up?
SPEAKER_00 (38:53):
Um I feel like I always want to be an encourager
for other people.
So yeah, if I if I think aboutmyself showing up in like a
group setting, I want to be theencourager for other people.
Um and so I feel like that issomething that I want to
(39:13):
establish.
I don't know.
Does that is that what you'reasking?
Okay, yeah, like I just my thingis I always I feel like I want
to dismantle like any type ofweirdness.
I don't know, especially withmeeting new people and stuff.
I've always wanted to just belike, there's no expectations
here.
Like, I, you know, we I guess itjust comes back to we all have a
(39:38):
purpose.
Like we all have something tobring to the table.
Like there's nothing that youcould say or do that's like
embarrassing.
I just, yeah, like theconfidence piece, I want other
people to feel confident.
So I think I like to encourageby also um being an example of
(40:00):
showing confidence.
I don't know, of just beinglike, hey, how are you?
Like, you know, and engagingpeople.
Um, I've always kind of enjoyeddoing that.
I enjoy talking to people too.
I don't know.
I just like helping people feelcomfortable and just letting
them feel like yeah, justcomfortable in their space that
(40:21):
they're in, I guess.
I don't know.
Yeah, I guess I would just bythat question I thought of like
a group setting.
I don't know.
Oh, or just yeah.
I don't know.
Yeah, I've identified that forsure.
Being an encourager.
I like to do that.
I feel the most lit up by thatof just like you have a purpose.
Everybody does.
And so I don't know.
(40:41):
Yeah.
I can see that.
SPEAKER_01 (40:43):
Yeah.
Yeah, I can see that.
Uh, when you are like when I seeyou walk into church or even at
like a girls' supper, you'reconstantly like you're coming in
with a smile, you're coming injust focused on a person, like
talking to them, helping themfeel included for sure.
SPEAKER_00 (41:03):
Oh, good.
I'm glad.
Yeah, for sure.
That's what I want to be, forsure.
My mom was like that.
She was like anywhere we wouldgo, she would just engage with
people, like, and just anybody.
Like, just we'll be at HobbyLobby, and she's like the
person's putting stuff back onthe shelf, and she's like, You
are doing amazing.
Like, good job.
(41:24):
Like, I don't know.
She's just been an encourage,like, and all of my siblings, we
all are that way.
Like, we love to be able to justlike meet people where they are
and just be like, You'reawesome.
I don't know.
She's just always been likethat.
I know.
So I'm like, it's really cool.
She definitely instilled that inall of us for sure.
But it's a gift for all of usbecause yeah, we all enjoy it.
(41:47):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (41:48):
What about um if there was a woman that you were
helping to style, you weretrying to help her feel
confident again.
What are some things that youwould maybe say to her or
encourage her with to help herfeel more confident?
SPEAKER_00 (42:04):
Um, I would say get off social media.
Say it louder.
Yeah.
That's so hard though.
I know.
Yeah.
Or just like put limits on it orjust like try to catch yourself
from comparison.
Cause I feel like social mediafor us is such a comparative
place.
Um, and just like instead offocusing on your flaws that you
(42:28):
feel like you have, focus on thethings that you enjoy about
yourself.
Like, you know, because somewomen are like, I don't like the
way my arms look.
So I'm like, okay, talk aboutyour ankles.
You like your ankles.
You want some shoes that arelike emphasize your, you know,
it's like that's small or likeyour hands, even, but it's like
shifting your mindset of likenegative, negative, negative,
(42:50):
like tearing yourself to piecesis just like a rabbit hole that
a lot of us can get stuck in.
So if it's like, okay, you'reshifting that mindset in little
small ways, even if it doesstart small.
And sometimes if it is hard,because you are in such a space
of just like, oh, I don't likethe way I look.
Like you do have to start smallwhere you're like, okay, I have
(43:10):
nice nail beds.
Like, you know, it's like youhave to start speaking to
yourself differently.
And then, yeah, social media, Ifeel like it's just hard for
everybody because it's just notreal oftentimes.
And then we're just likecomparing ourselves to that, and
that's hard.
It is hard, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (43:32):
Will you let your girls have social media or your
bo or your son?
SPEAKER_00 (43:36):
Yeah, I feel like no.
Right now, my answer is likeabsolutely no.
I know.
SPEAKER_01 (43:40):
I know.
SPEAKER_00 (43:41):
Because I'm just like, I don't feel like there's
um a reason.
I don't know.
Yeah, I they they would have toshow me a reason why they would
need it.
I just don't think right now,yeah.
I'm like black and white.
Like right now, I'm a full no.
Like, I just don't think theydo.
(44:02):
Yeah, I just am like, it's justgetting more and more addicting
too.
It's almost like video games forkids, and I'm like, we're a hard
no on video games.
Like, you know, it's just kindof what do you let in that
trickles?
I know, you know, and so yeah,I'm a no right now, but they're
(44:26):
seven, four, and two, and we'llwait until they're teenagers and
are pressuring me.
I'm like, but right now I'm likemaybe just building that like
argument for myself.
That's right.
From like, you don't need it.
SPEAKER_01 (44:41):
Yeah, same.
My daughter is 11 now, so she'llbe 12 this year, and we're just
super hard nosed.
And the more they try that shetries and builds an argument,
I'm like, the more my heels goin the ground.
Right, like I will I will showyou that I am serious about it.
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (44:59):
Yes, yes, it is.
I it's our protection, I feellike.
Like I have to tell Dawsonoften, I'm like, I know you
don't understand right now, butlike later on, you'll appreciate
the protection.
Yeah.
Like it was in one of the umcourses we did at church that
they were it was on technology,and there was like an 18 year
(45:22):
old boy that like wasn't allowedto have a cell phone or
something like that.
Like the parents were like, ormaybe it was social.
Media, but he came back to themand was like, Thank you so much
for protecting me.
And it's like, isn't that thegreatest gift?
That you're like, maybe youwouldn't ever get that, but like
that is a great gift for him torecognize you were actually
protecting me instead of youhaving to constantly like be
(45:44):
like, you don't need this, thisis why.
You know, it's like theyunderstood, oh, that was my
parents' protection, like, andso that's the goal, and that's
what you would hope they wouldeventually see.
I feel like I see that lookingback, you know, as like wanting
certain things when I was ateenager and recognizing why I
(46:06):
wasn't able to get it.
So I'm like, Yeah, I think, Imean, because social media, we
didn't really have that.
SPEAKER_01 (46:14):
It wasn't like so it wasn't anything what it is now.
You had to have when I, when I Idon't know if we're even the
same age.
I think I'm older than you.
SPEAKER_00 (46:24):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (46:24):
But when I was in high school, you had to have a
university email address to haveFacebook and Instagram didn't
exist.
So there was no social media.
There was MySpace.
Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_00 (46:36):
Yes, I remember, yeah, yes, yes, yes.
SPEAKER_01 (46:38):
There was MySpace.
SPEAKER_00 (46:39):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (46:39):
Uh and so like I didn't have social media until I
was probably 20, 21, where I hada much more fully developed
brain, not even a fully yetdeveloped prefrontal cortex.
Right.
But also I was married alreadyat that time.
So it was like crazy.
SPEAKER_00 (46:56):
Yeah.
So what are we doing?
Handing them and their brainsdon't even, and it's so fast,
like there's so much.
Like we're not even supposed togo on.
SPEAKER_01 (47:06):
See or know all of that.
You you said, you know, it wasthe protection of your parents.
And I remember growing up, mydad had to approve all my
swimsuits.
SPEAKER_00 (47:17):
Of course.
SPEAKER_01 (47:18):
And all of my shorts until I was 18.
SPEAKER_00 (47:21):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (47:22):
And they had to be like fingertip length.
Not the not the swimsuit.
But uh, yeah, shorts had to befingertip length.
My swimsuit, it was like boyshorts and like a very covered
sports bra.
Pretty much.
Um, and I just remember beinglike, oh my gosh, this is so
embarrassing, frustrating.
Like, my my friends get to wearwhatever they want to wear.
(47:44):
Yes.
And he would say, I am so sorrythat your friend's parents don't
love that as much as I love you.
And at the time, I know, at thetime I was like, roll my eyes.
Yes.
But now I'm like, it's so true.
Yes.
Because it taught meself-respect.
Like it taught me that, right,like I didn't have to do some of
(48:07):
those things in order to likeget attention.
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00 (48:11):
You know?
It's yes, yeah.
So that's so good instillingthat in you for sure.
It was.
Yeah, it was.
So you can look back and belike, thank you.
Instead of the time, you'relike, everybody else gets to
wear these bathing suits.
Like, I know that's good.
I love that.
I know.
SPEAKER_01 (48:27):
The string bikinis, which I still can't even wear to
this day.
Yeah, you're like, do I want toanyway?
I know.
First of all, don't want to.
Don't have the body of an18-year-old.
Uh, but also just like, I'mmarried.
Like, I could even go and bejust with my husband, and I feel
weird.
SPEAKER_00 (48:44):
Hey, yeah, you're like, I don't want to wear this,
it's uncomfortable.
It's uncomfortable.
Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_01 (48:50):
Like full coverage.
Yeah.
So cozy in this.
Yeah.
Yes, 100%.
Yeah.
Emily, it has been such a joytalking to you and getting to
know you.
Uh, if people want to follow youand all your thrifting finds,
where can they do that?
SPEAKER_00 (49:08):
So it's beloved thrifted bundles.
And then um, me and Olivia haveThrifted Sister Co.
So there's two places.
So, yeah, just on Instagramright now, and then Emily Allen.
I love it.
I love it.
Thank you again so much, Emily.
Thank you so much.
It's been so fun.
SPEAKER_01 (49:29):
Here are my three key takeaways from today's
episode with Emily.
The first one was that for her,her story and her testimony is
what fuels her.
We even talked more about itafter we stopped filming.
And I just love how the momentthat Jesus became most real in
(49:51):
her life to her is the samemoment that she experienced
freedom for the thing that hadbeen keeping her in bondage.
That is Jesus.
And that is the story of so manypeople, and how freedom is one
of the things that he is able todo for us.
He is freedom.
(50:11):
In him, we find freedom.
He is the way, the truth, andthe life.
And for Emily, like for it to beso deeply intertwined with her
experiencing that completefreedom for her mentally is an
encouragement to my heart.
And I hope that it's anencouragement to yours as well.
(50:33):
The other thing, the secondthing that was my key takeaway
was when I asked Emily the wayyou show up, when you think
about the way that you want toshow up, what is that for you?
And she had an answer.
She said, I want to be anencourager.
What is it for you?
When you think about the waythat you want to show up in your
relationships, in your family,at your work, what is that?
(50:58):
Emily is doing it.
I can tell you when I see herout and about at different
things, at church, she's alwaysan encourager.
And so the fact that she takesthat into her day-to-day life,
into the places that she isgoing, that that is the idea
that she has of the person thatshe wants to be and how she
(51:20):
wants to come across, it isimpacting and influencing the
way that she shows up.
What is it for you?
How do you want to show upboldly?
And then finally, my thirdtakeaway from this episode is
that your story matters.
And you might not think that itdoes, but when you're able to
(51:41):
share with another person torelate to them and say, This is
where I've been, I've been whereyou are, I understand how you
feel.
That is maybe the mostlife-giving thing that they
could hear.
One of the things that my pastorhas said is the hardest part of
your story might be the mostlife-giving thing for someone
(52:06):
else to hear.
Who do you need to share yourstory with?
Where do you maybe need tobecome more bold in being able
to share about a way that Godhas saved you, a way that God
has healed you?
Or if you are not a Christian,then thinking through how you
have changed and a way that youhave found freedom.
(52:28):
Until next week, stay strong.
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