April 27, 2026 • 48 mins
Lauren LeMunyan is breaking down the myths of goal setting, helping leaders embody their future selves, and building psychological safety from the inside out.
This one hit different. I sat down with Lauren LeMunyan — certified master coach, CEO of Spitfire Coach, and creator of Future Self Design — and walked away with a completely new way of thinking about transformation. We talked about burnout, the fear of success, why SMART goals keep us stuck, and what it actually means to become the person you're designing yourself to be. It's a conversation about courage, self-awareness, and the kind of inner work that creates real, lasting change.
Lauren's path to coaching began in a meditation during her first coach training weekend — going through a divorce at 31, she heard a voice say 'you are the Spitfire Coach.' What followed was a decade of building a practice that now serves individuals and corporate teams alike. Future Self Design flips the script on traditional goal setting: instead of focusing on what's not working, it asks who you become on the other side — and challenges you to start embodying that person today.
The conversation also gets into psychological safety as a spectrum, the ladder of inference, why burnout is really about unmet expectations, and how community is the antidote to the isolation epidemic. Lauren is funny, direct, and deeply real — and this episode is packed with tools you can use immediately.
What We Cover
How Lauren went from a messy divorce to building a 10-year coaching practice
Why SMART goals recreate the same patterns — and what Future Self Design does differently
The fear of success: why it's more common than fear of failure, especially for women
What psychological safety actually looks like as a spectrum, not a binary
The ladder of inference and how we make up stories that aren't true
Why burnout is about unmet expectations — and how to address it at the root
The micro decisions that stack into sustainable transformation
Pull Quotes
"Designing your future self isn't about getting it right. It's about being curious."— Lauren LeMunyan
"Your feelings are valid — but they might be lying to you."— Lauren LeMunyan
"Where your focus goes is where your energy grows. Stop circling the problem and start building toward what you want."— Lauren LeMunyan
About Lauren LeMunyan
Lauren LeMunyan is a certified master coach, speaker, and CEO of Spitfire Coach. She is the creator of Future Self Design — an ICF-approved framework and live intensive that helps leaders move beyond goal setting and into embodying the person they are becoming. She works with individuals and corporate teams on psychological safety, inner barriers, and sustainable change. She has a podcast, a YouTube channel, and multiple books. She is a military spouse, a mom, and based in Denver.
Take Action
1) Join the Future Self Design intensive at futureselfdesign.com
2) Explore free resources, the podcast, and YouTube at spitfirecoach.com
3) If you're a coach or leader, look into ICF-approved training in the Future Self Design framework — 13 CCEs
4) Follow Lauren on Instagram and LinkedIn @spitfirecoach
Connect
Website: spitfirecoach.com · futureselfdesign.com
Podcast: The Spitfire Coach Podcast
YouTube: Spitfire Coach
Instagram & LinkedIn: @spitfirecoach
#SpitfireCoach #FutureSelfDesign #LaurenLeMunyan #TogetherDigital #PowerLounge #WomenInLeadership #PsychologicalSafety #Burnout #GoalSetting #SelfAwareness #Coaching #TransformationalLeadership #WomenWhoLead
Listen
Watch
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_02 (00:10):
Hello everyone and welcome to our weekly Power
Lounge.
This is your place to hearauthentic conversations from
those who have power to share.
My name is Amy Vaughn and I amthe owner and chief empowerment
officer of Together Digital, adiverse and collaborative
community of women who work indigital and choose to share
their knowledge, power, andconnections.
You can join the movement atTogetherIndigital.com.
(00:31):
And today's guest is someone whohas built her entire career
around a deceptively simple butdeeply powerful idea that the
transformation isn't somethingthat you wait for.
It's something that you design.
Lauren, I did not ask how topronounce your last name.
I want you to try it.
Go ahead.
Okay.
All right.
So Lauren Lamyan?
SPEAKER_00 (00:54):
Lamun.
You're so close.
Lamunyan.
All right.
Paul Bunyan and Florimion gottogether.
SPEAKER_02 (01:00):
I love that.
Lamunyan.
All right, Lauren Lamunyan.
Even saying it together is fun.
She is a certified master coach,speaker, and CEO of Spitfire
Coach and the creator of FutureSelf-Design, a transformative
framework that helps leadersmove beyond goal setting and
into actually embodying theperson they are becoming.
(01:22):
Known for her direct yet deeplyintuitive approach, Lauren works
with individuals and teams tobreak through intent works with
individuals and teams to breakthrough internal barriers,
strengthen psychological safety,and create sustainable,
meaningful change.
If you've ever set a goal, madea plan, and still feel like
(01:43):
something deeper needs to shiftfirst.
This is the conversation withyou for you.
Good golly, it's Friday.
Lauren, welcome to the PowerLounge.
Thank you so much.
I'm so excited to be here.
Me too.
And that's one of the shorterintros I've had to read.
So I don't know why.
Oh, no, I know why I wasstumbling over my words.
I'm gonna go ahead and throw outmy excuse and get vulnerable and
(02:04):
share that I'm recovering from aconcussion.
Don't worry, everyone.
I'm okay.
Um it does make you a littlemore tongue-tied.
Yeah, I know.
We talked about so much beforewe even came on the air.
And, you know, I didn't touch onthat, but you know, we the show
never would have started.
But yeah, so anywho, I, youknow, we're here, we're good,
we're all upright.
And I'm excited to learn moreabout you, share more about what
(02:27):
you're doing and yourphilosophies.
Cause I can already tell justfrom the last like 10 minutes of
us talking, our members and ourlisteners need to know you and
they need to reach out afterthis as well.
So the name Spitfire Coach, thatfeels very intentional and very
spicy.
I love it.
What is the origin story there?
And what does it tell us aboutyour philosophy as a coach?
SPEAKER_00 (02:48):
Yeah, so the name Spitfire Coach came together in
a meditation at the firstweekend of my coach training.
And I, when I stepped into theroom, I was a mess.
I was going through a divorce, Iwas 31 years old, and I thought
I had everything together as mylife was falling apart.
And I'd never really sat instillness.
(03:10):
And they walked us through aguided meditation, and I had
this moment where everythingwent white.
There was this bright light, andI heard this voice, you are the
Spitfire coach.
And the reason that that tiestogether is because as a kid, I
was always called a Spitfire.
Like I learned how to crochet atsix, I had my first business at
12, I paid my way through schoolat Ruckers, selling hats,
(03:31):
scarves, and baby apparel.
Like I was just always go, go,go.
And so to me, like Spitfire hasalways been this powerful word.
And when you can teach people tospit their own fire, and that
doesn't mean that you have to bean extrovert or like, you know,
be loud and out there, but likewhen you can really harness your
power, it activates it in otherpeople, like showing up aligned
and authentic.
And to me, when the more Istarted digging into Spitfire, I
(03:54):
realized the negativeconnotation because honestly,
anything associated with womenis not very positive.
It's meant to like put us in thebox and contain us, and it's
like you're too much.
And I'm like, screw that, youcan't handle this.
I can handle me.
And if you can't get on mylevel, take a seat and let me
know when you're ready.
So that's kind of the ethos ofeverything.
And the the ironic part is as Iwas getting started in my
(04:15):
practice 10 years ago, I wastold by two men, and I thought I
really respected their opinion.
They said, Lauren, if you usethis name Spitfire Coach, you're
never gonna do business withcorporate.
And I'm here to tell you thatmost of my clients are corporate
because people are wanting tohave that motivation, that fire,
the inner fire.
They don't really know what itmeans yet, but they're like, we
(04:37):
need different than the cookiecutter, jargony, nonsense, old
white dude, crap leadershipbooks that are out there.
They know it doesn't work, andthe stuff that we bring to the
table absolutely does.
SPEAKER_02 (04:48):
I love, love, love, love that origin story.
I know a lot of our listenerscan relate.
And yeah, you can receivefeedback, but you don't have to
take it.
So sorry, fellas.
SPEAKER_00 (05:00):
I love that the I love men.
I love men.
But listen, this is thematriarchy.
It's coming in.
Get ready for it.
SPEAKER_02 (05:06):
Roll up your sleeves, folks.
No, I love that.
And again, like I think whenyou're going through coaching
certification, that had to be achallenge, right?
Like you said, because on thesurface, it probably appeared
like you had everythingtogether, but inside everything
was falling apart.
But to me, I think that's whereyou find the opportunity to sort
of you learn through what you gothrough, right?
(05:26):
And it's like you can't, it'shard to coach other people that
are living lives, especiallygoing through something like
divorce.
Divorce is like also like havingchildren.
I can't put words to it.
I can't describe how it changesthe way that you see the world,
you see yourself, the way thatyou think.
Um, and I think about that,about even if I had to go back
in time and describe any ofthose things to my my younger
(05:47):
self, I don't, I don't think Icould do it justice.
So I think having thatexperience is tremendous.
It's not a downfall.
It's like, oh my gosh, she'sbeen through it.
She knows what she's speakingof.
And so I think from a lot ofthat experience and through your
still in a meditative moment,you kind of started working
through building your practice,and then you created the future
self-design, which is a distinctum form of uh traditional goal
(06:11):
setting.
What's the official difference?
And what do you feel like theexisting, what maybe you feel
like the existing frameworksthat are out there weren't maybe
enough?
SPEAKER_00 (06:20):
Yeah.
So, you know, when I wentthrough coach training and, you
know, some other frameworks,like I have a bunch of
certifications I won't bore youwith, but you know, people are
all about SMART goals.
And I'm like, these are soboring, like specific,
measurable, like actionable,reasonable, timely.
Honestly, it just recreates whatwe've always done.
And the more I was coachingpeople and working on my own
(06:43):
stuff, we're using the sameprocess, we're using the same
resources to recreate, trying tolike stretch us, but we're doing
the same thing over and overagain.
And as I was going through myown like mentoring process and
getting my uh master certifiedcoach credential, I worked with
a mentor and she said this quotethat will always stick with me
and I will continue to repeatit.
Where your focus goes is whereyour energy grows.
(07:04):
And so if we're constantlycircling around the problem and
what's not working, we arereinforcing that belief system,
we're reinforcing the process,we're reinforcing the thoughts.
And so future self-design isabout we can start with what we
don't want, but I'm gonnachallenge you of what's on the
other side of that coin.
What is it that we do want whenthis isn't there?
Who do you now become?
(07:25):
Because otherwise, we can createvision boards.
Like I do vision boards.
I used to do abstract paintingvision board workshops.
It was so much fun.
Um, but what it was missing isthe, and what am how am I
different when I've gone onthese vacations, when I have
this house, when I have thisrelationship, when I'm working
out?
Like, how am I different?
(07:46):
And how do I start embodying itnow?
Because we can have theexperiences and do the things
and then think we're gonnabecome the person.
But the reality is when it allcomes together and becomes
sustainable and creates thatneuropathway forward, we embody
those qualities today to then dothe things to have the life and
the experiences that reinforceit.
(08:07):
And when we don't work thatpattern, we're actually gonna
get more frustrated, create moreinflammation and stress, and
then wonder why can't I havethat life?
Now, this is not to say thatsystemic barriers do not exist.
But what I'm saying is how do weaddress them and find the wiggle
room for us to take ownership ofthe things that are in our power
and control?
SPEAKER_02 (08:26):
I love that.
I was trying to think of a goodreal world example because what
you said was so tremendous.
I don't know if you can think ofany specific real world
examples, but it is one of thosethings where it's like I I just
did a video of this on thisactually, and I shared it on
Instagram and um LinkedIn abouthow career pathing is dead and
how we often just think thatit's like a linear path, it's a
(08:46):
five-year plan, but then lifehappens and you're also you're
constantly looking into thefuture, you're never being fully
present and taking care ofwhat's now.
And so it sounds like more oflike, what can I do, excuse me,
in this day, in this minute tobe fully aware, be fully
present, because it's more aboutbecoming the person that you
want to be every minute of theday, not like three years from
(09:09):
now, five years from now.
Because if you don't starttaking those micro changes,
right?
And those little steps even inthe present, how are you ever
gonna get there?
SPEAKER_00 (09:17):
Absolutely.
So it's about stacking the microdecisions, like deciding I'm
gonna speak to myself positivelytoday, or I'm gonna go outside
instead of engaging in somechaos.
Um the whole thing of like atitle, a salary is going to make
me happy, is the lie that we'veall been told.
So I don't blame people fordoing career planning that way,
(09:38):
but once you know better, you dobetter.
And I was making myself sick incorporate.
Like I worked in associationmanagement and I was traveling
the world and running a CrossFitgym and like was just literally
grinding myself down.
And so anytime someone's likethe hustle of the grind, I'm
like, I work hard, but I do whatI love and I nap, I rest, I ask
for help.
And to me, that's sexy.
(09:59):
Um so this whole like I'm gonnasweat it out and grind it out,
nobody gets an award for likedoing it by themselves and like
ending up in a hospital bedbecause you work too hard.
But that is the capitalisticmyth that we have all been fed
our whole lives.
So now that you know, you can dobetter.
So the question is when you makeX amount of dollars, who are
(10:20):
you?
How are things different foryou?
What changes about your life?
And if you can't answer thosequestions, then you got to start
somewhere else, which is what doyou honor and value now?
And what do you want to honorand value about yourself and
your life later on?
All those little like tangible,you know, consumptive things are
just byproducts.
(10:41):
If you don't know who you areand who you want to become, you
got no business putting yourselfon a path that's gonna kick your
ass and wear you down.
You're gonna be bitter andresentful.
SPEAKER_02 (10:51):
So, so true.
And burnout, right?
Because we keep hearing aboutthat term always, over and over
again.
SPEAKER_00 (10:56):
That is what it's about.
I'm so glad you touched onburnout because all
relationships break down fromunmet expectations.
And that includes in yourcareer, you have an assumption
of what you expect to get out ofit, how you're gonna be
rewarded, how you're gonna berecognized and acknowledged.
And when it doesn't happen,you'd spin up, spin up, spin,
because I just need to do more.
And if you're a high performer,you're just raising the bar each
(11:19):
and every time.
And before you know it, itcollapses down and a vacation is
not going to solve it for you.
SPEAKER_02 (11:24):
Heck no.
And we know that pay raise andpromotion ain't coming.
Ain't coming.
And even if it does, taxes aretaking it away, or you've
already invented.
Yes.
So I think what you're speakingto right now, Lauren, is going
to be the story of ourgeneration.
I think that we all kind of gotfed that load of like go to
college, rack up these expensesand debts, get yourself out of
school, get a job, make sixfigures, get the highest title
(11:47):
that you can.
And yeah, so we have a wholegeneration of very burnt-out
people.
And I do feel, and I'm gladyou're saying this because it is
like a sense that I get from ourtogether digital community that
I get from the marketingcollaborative community I have
here in Cincinnati.
Um, just this bigger movementtowards, you know, and again,
this ties back to what I sharedyesterday too.
Funny enough, like so well ofhow um our our core values and
(12:12):
passions, it's not that you haveto take your passion and make it
a profession.
It's just that that is morepossible and more plausible now
than ever.
And if you don't have a passionand a purpose behind what you
do, like you said, no paycheck,no title will ever sustain you.
Will ever sustain you.
There's too many things goingagainst you there.
Go ahead.
SPEAKER_00 (12:28):
I want to add one thing onto that because I feel
like, and I heard this onanother podcast, so I'm not
gonna like say it's my ownindividual idea, but I want to
incorporate it in that purposeis not about you just offering,
but you being in community withpeople.
What is your add oncollectively?
Because we as human socialbeings are not meant to be
alone.
(12:49):
That is also part of the myth.
That is why we're in the troublewe're in.
We all became isolated, becameindividualistic.
The more collective we can be,the more we help each other, the
more we evolve up.
SPEAKER_02 (12:59):
Yeah, I agree.
Oh my gosh.
I wish you weren't moving allthe way to Denver.
We could just hang out and chatand have drinks all day.
Like there's so much I do.
Oh, yeah, same.
I want to come, I'm gonna cometo Colorado.
Sounds more fun.
Cincinnati's all right, no hateCincinnati.
But oh, 100%.
That's why I have TogetherDigital and the Market are
collaborative, is that thatloneliness epidemic is real.
(13:20):
Um, and it we have to startrecognizing the power of
community and collaboration andwhat it has to offer us.
You started to kind of talkabout this a little bit, but I
want to come back to it to makesure that we kind of hit it on
the head hard for these ladiesbecause we've got a lot of
smart, capable women listening.
Um when they set goals, they allthey put them on paper often
because we know writing themdown, right?
(13:40):
That increases the likelihoodthat they will stick, but then
they don't fully stick.
What is happening beneath thesurface when this happens, would
you say?
SPEAKER_00 (13:49):
So part of the process of future self-design
addresses just this because wehave an idea of like this is the
goal, but we don't focus on whatthe outcome is.
And we also aren't addressingthe obstacles that can pop up.
So if we can objectively listout the obstacles, whether
they're internal or external,and then connect them to
(14:10):
resources that we already haveor we might need, that's where
the community comes in.
And then examining where ourgifts and experience and
expertise, we haven't mapped outthe plan.
So I have this whole like theoryabout it's not procrastination.
There's four lacks.
You either lack information,resources, a plan, or the desire
(14:30):
to do it.
So if it's any of those fourthings and it might be a
combination, it's worthexploring.
But if it's not lighting you up,if it's not bringing you joy,
it's just another checklistchore item.
And I think that's what goalsetting has turned into.
Like, I'm like, whatever, I'llknock it out.
Like, I have no problem gettingduals.
But to me, I want a learninggoal.
And that's that's what um reallylike just inspired me.
(14:53):
I was like, yes, stop with thesmart goals.
It's gotta stretch you, it'sgotta challenge you to have new
conversations, look into newinformation, critical thinking,
challenging.
Like, get out of Claude and ChatGPT and start having
conversations and asking reallycurious questions because
otherwise you are repeating thesame patterns, and that's not
gonna get you excited.
(15:14):
That's not gonna fire you up andgetting those neuropathways
going.
SPEAKER_02 (15:18):
It kind of reminds me of a framework in which I've
evaluated employees by before inthe past.
Uh a mentor gave me, it's like,is it a skill, hill, or will
problem?
If it's a skill, what what newskill do I need to learn?
What's that barrier obstaclethat's keeping me from actually
obtaining whatever it is that Iwant to obtain or do?
Um, hill, is there a personalhill?
Is there something happening inmy life or is it a financial
(15:39):
barrier?
Like what other hills type ofbarriers are there?
And then will is just cheerlythat.
Like you just don't have thepassion, like you think you
should check it off.
I'm like, I should run amarathon.
I've never run a day in my life,not me personally.
I I do run a little bit, not alot, but like I've never run a
day in my life, but like I'mgonna run a marathon because
that seems like a good goalbased on what everybody else
(16:00):
says is a good goal.
So then it's like, okay, yeah, Ican get the skill to run.
I can't, I might hit some hillsbecause I'm probably gonna get
injured if I've never runbefore.
But truly, like the will, if thewill is not there, you're never
gonna show up for it.
SPEAKER_00 (16:13):
Yeah, you know.
You said some very criticalwords in there that are usually
red flags for me when I'mcoaching people that I always
dig in on.
Uh should and scenes, becausethose are coming from outside of
you and they're usually likereally embedded belief systems.
So I'm gonna immediately addressit.
Right?
I love these are things to alsobe aware in yourself of like
(16:34):
getting getting like aspiral-bound notebook and like
how many shoulds have you saidto yourself in the day, and
where do they come from?
And where can you rewrite thatthat would actually support you
if it's something you want todo?
And also, it's okay to quitthings.
I quit a master's program and Ifelt amazing.
It wasn't giving me I had apanic attack, it was great.
(16:56):
I just was like, nope, and I gotout.
SPEAKER_02 (16:59):
You don't be surprised how nice quitting can
be sometimes.
I feel quitting's amazing.
SPEAKER_00 (17:04):
I quit my marriage, I quit my job, I quit my
master's program.
Because you decide, you choose.
SPEAKER_02 (17:13):
That is your power.
SPEAKER_00 (17:14):
Choice is power.
SPEAKER_02 (17:15):
Choice is power, and we we jokingly say that as uh
stop shooting all over yourselfaround the TD and the TD chats.
So yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (17:23):
But here's the thing you have to replace it with
something else because in thesame way that we don't want to
keep focusing on the problem andcircling around that, we have to
give ourselves somethingpositive, not like posit toxic
positivity, but like somethingconstructive to aim towards.
So if it's not shoulda, shoulda,shoulda, it's like want to.
I can, I am, I'm doing it, I'min motion.
(17:46):
And that positive, like likeformation creation speak is what
builds that micro, like eachlittle brick and builds you the
that staircase that's going tosupport you in a strong
foundation to whatever futureyou want.
SPEAKER_02 (18:00):
Well, that reminds me too of what you talk about
with embodying your future selfbefore the evidence arrives.
It takes a lot of trust inyourself, right?
How do you how would you helpsomeone build that kind of
intentional confidence whenmaybe the external proof isn't
there yet?
SPEAKER_00 (18:14):
Well, the amount of body, mind-body disconnection
that's there is so, so thick.
And so a lot of it is justgetting people in touch with
sensations.
So feelings are just sensationswith a thought to follow.
So I first have to likerecognize what is my body
feeling.
And a lot of people have numbedout.
Like it is a coping mechanism.
(18:34):
So literally just like checkingin with yourself, like you'll
you'll notice me just do thisbecause this is my how I
regulate myself.
So I do a lot of chest tappingbecause all of my like stress
and and signals are very trustand chest based.
So anywhere is just kind of likeacknowledging your body because
it is this amazing vessel ofsignals.
(18:54):
And when we listen to it, whenwe honor it, we build that inner
trust, but we ignore it.
And I like to tell my clients,like, listen, first it's gonna
whisper, then it's gonna talk toyou, then it's gonna scream, and
then it's gonna paralyze you.
So it's your choice when youwant to start picking up on it
and doing something about it.
And so the more that we canstart to say, okay, this is a
(19:15):
sensation, I'm having asensation in my body, and then
picking up the thought, becausethe thoughts are deeply embedded
from when we were, you know,birth to seven years, from
things that we've picked up tobasically make ourselves safe.
We were just absorbing things.
And so now, as adults, as fullyformed human beings, assuming
that your prefrontal cortex isfully developed after the age of
(19:35):
25, you now have the ability,and I'm gonna say the the
responsibility to be in linewith your thoughts and to
examine them.
And if you aren't ready to doit, working with a professional
to help you sort that out,whether it's a counselor,
therapist, psychiatrist, butreally get in check with that
because it's not just aboutmantras, but about the curiosity
of like, where did that comefrom?
(19:57):
How did it serve me then, andhow can it serve me now by
reformatting it in a better way?
And so it's not just here's mylist, I'm writing it down, but
it's what is the belief system,the thought system, the
sensations in my body that areopen and expansive that are
going to support me in gettingthat done and also celebrating
myself along the way.
unknown (20:16):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (20:17):
I love that.
Yeah, those are really goodpractices.
It kind of reminds me too of umUntamed, Glenn and Doyle and her
book, but then there's also likeum a workbook that you can get
after.
And I actually found theworkbook way more useful and
helpful because it puts it allinto practice.
SPEAKER_00 (20:32):
The threads universe is not a fan of her.
I'm just gonna tell you that.
I know, I know, I know, yeah, Iknow.
SPEAKER_02 (20:37):
But you know, the content that's out there is
really helpful and useful.
People it's kind of like me inmusic.
I'm like, oh, I love theirmusic, but I hate that person.
SPEAKER_00 (20:45):
So all of these are universal principles.
Everything I'm saying is just mytake on it.
So, like, I'm not likegroundbreaking.
I'm never gonna claim these aslike my independent research.
This is my interpretation ofwhat I've picked up.
SPEAKER_02 (20:56):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, no, super helpful.
Okay, let's talk about thoseinner obstacles some more then.
Um, because I think that's whatwe're kind of hovering in and
around, right?
Is like the shoulds and thewoulds or coulds or ought to's,
whatever.
What are some of the most commonones that you see that are
quietly keeping maybespecifically women stuck, even
when they look successful fromthe outside?
SPEAKER_00 (21:18):
Uh, this one might surprise you.
Fear of success.
Say more.
unknown (21:35):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (21:36):
There's a shedding that happens.
When you fully evolve into yourtrue power, there are people who
are not meant to go along withyou.
That's what happened in mydivorce.
I lost a lot of friends.
Um, it needed to happen.
Every time I've kind of hadanother like seven year life
revolution, it's like there isthere is a takeaway that
happens.
It might be family members.
(21:57):
I cut some family members offtoo, but it's examining.
Who in my life is adding towardsthis like amazing movement?
Who needs to go to kind of theacquaintance level realm?
And who do I just need to removeand just put that boundary and
barrier down?
Because if we're not taking aninventory of that, we are
tolerating things that are belowour vibration and are going to
(22:19):
pull us down, especially whenwe're trying to evolve, because
they just don't understand it.
They want people to be at theirlevel.
It's like the giraffe and thetortoise.
I think it was T.D.
Jenks that said it.
But it was like if you are agiraffe and you're up in the
trees, that that tortoise can'tunderstand like what you're
seeing.
And so they want you to comedown to your level, but it's
going to harm you.
And you can say, hey, whenyou're ready to come up here,
(22:40):
like it's great.
But like we can have this typeof relationship, but I can't
come down to your level becauseit really hurts me.
Um so that's that's basicallywhat it is.
It's like understanding that inorder for you to truly step into
your power, there are going tobe some things that are going to
change.
And that that change and thatrewriting of the script is
really painful because you haveto acknowledge, like, there's
(23:00):
probably some things that I thatI did that I continue to do that
are harming me.
And that knowing is reallypainful.
But once you can address it andsay, you know what, I deserve
better.
I deserve to treat myself betterand to truly go there, that's
that's what can open it up.
But the more that you don'taddress it, you stay in these
loops and you talk the talk andyou have the face on, but you're
(23:21):
not really aligned in it.
SPEAKER_02 (23:23):
Yeah.
And you're staying in the box,right?
Because as women, we have thedouble-edged sword.
We we're successful when we'reperceived as a bitch, honestly.
Like we're not, they see it,right?
We are less liked when we areperceived as successful.
And so there's it's not evenjust the fear of success alone,
but it's the fear of perceptionof success.
So like you might even not, byyour own terms, be successful,
but even by looking it, you'reyou're already getting dinged.
SPEAKER_00 (23:47):
We are in an impossible situation given the
current societal framework.
Yeah, like it but it but it isthat way by design.
So that acknowledgement, and soit's not just the internal
obstacles, but acknowledging theexternal obstacles.
Misogyny is a real thing, and itis it is designed to keep us
small.
And once we can address that, wethen can see it as a game.
(24:09):
You are always gonna do yourthing.
You're gonna be woman hating andtrying to put us in the box.
So let me play a differentroute.
Let's see where we can go.
So once we can just list it out,then we can look at, well, what
do I know?
Who do I know?
What can I do?
And then things start to open updifferently.
SPEAKER_02 (24:26):
Yeah, I love it.
I love that great answer.
I'm never gonna forget thetortoise and the giraffe now.
It's such a good analogy.
I don't think I've heard thatone yet.
I love it.
All right, so I think everyonewho's listening, and by the way,
live listeners, I see you.
They love the fear of success.
They agree with that's legit.
If you have questions for Laurenas we're going through this, I
do have time in the show to makesure that we can hit on your
(24:47):
questions.
So if you've got them, drop themin the chat.
We love that you're listeninglive.
All right.
So, and and like I was saying,those who are listening, they're
probably in different points oftheir life or seasons of
reinvention, right?
And and there's sometimes it'shard to tell the difference
between if it's like a season ofreinvention, like I'm going
through a divorce and now mywhole identity as a person, my
livelihood, my finances, my homesituation, everything's changing
(25:10):
versus maybe just feelingrestless.
How does someone know whenthey're genuinely ready for and
because it doesn't have to be alife event, right?
For that next chapter versuswhen they need to do something
different within their currentone.
SPEAKER_00 (25:24):
I think we're always on that cusp if we listen.
Um and I I think, yes, there aremoments of like just like that
acknowledgement of like, Ireally love where I am.
I I've been going through thisseason in my life too.
I have a 21-month-old.
Um we are about to, I'm amilitary spouse.
So so much of my life feels outof control as I'm running a
10-year-old business.
(25:44):
Um, and so I have to constantlyexamine of what's best for me,
what's working, what's notworking.
And so that that like mind-bodyconnection is so important.
And I think, you know, if youfeel any friction, and I mean
that like tentation sensations,wind up, like whatever it is
that you can kind of acknowledgeas being something, my body's
trying to tell me something ofjust sitting in silence and like
(26:05):
asking, like, what are youtrying to tell me?
Like, have that inner voiceconversation.
Um, because we are alwaysexposed to new things.
We are always thinking andprocessing, like our brains are
always looking for patterns.
And so I think just having adaily practice of just saying,
hey, what's working and whatmight I want to explore or check
out?
Whether you're going through adivorce, whether you are a new
(26:26):
mom, whether you're about to getmarried, whether you're starting
a new job, whether you'restarting a new business, or
whether you've been doing all ofthis and you feel like maybe I
want to do something different.
I don't know.
But I think when you can ejectcuriosity, because that's the
opposite of judgment, it justallows it to be part of a
practice versus it being like, Imust follow this playbook, I
must do it this way.
And that's and that's theproblem that I see with
(26:48):
self-help books and like thatspace is that my story, and I
have a book, so I I've writtenmany books, but my story and my
journey work for me.
And I always say when I teach,think of it as a buffet.
Take what you want, try it out.
If it works for you, take somemore of it.
If it doesn't work for you, putit away.
But try it, see how it works.
(27:08):
And that's what criticalthinking is.
So don't absorb it as absolutetruth.
It is my truth.
Your truth is gonna look alittle different, might look a
lot different.
But I think the freedom toexplore, the freedom of choice
again, is where you can reallyharness that energy and feel
empowered instead of feelinglike I have to have the right
answer, I have to have the rightdecision about my life.
(27:28):
I need to be this kind ofperson.
Open it up to explore.
And we're constantly changing.
If you met me when I was 21, Iwas a complete asshole.
I'm I'm so different now.
I didn't like you back then.
You're meant to change andevolve.
That's the beauty of all ofthis.
I'm sorry, am I allowed to curseon this podcast?
SPEAKER_02 (27:46):
Uh yeah.
I already dropped the B-word, soyeah, you're fine.
I I love that.
I think that um, yeah, I thinkwhat you're encouraging is
stillness, which is a reallyhard thing for people to do.
And I don't think stillness hasto be in a cave meditating,
although that sounds glorious tosomeone like me.
I think what it does mean isslowing down with intention from
(28:07):
time to time, whether that'slike once a month, once a
quarter, once a week, whateverlooks attainable to you.
Because I also feel like we,especially women, find our value
in productivity, right?
It's another checklist, which iswhy a lot of these self-help
books look like checklists andframeworks, because it's like if
I can just take their answersand apply it to my life, it'll
work.
But then you get overwhelmedbecause there are so many.
(28:29):
I'm like, I think that's thefastest growing section in the
bookstore if you can if youstill have a bookstore near you.
Um, is that self-help section?
And I love it.
I love, I've always lovedself-help.
But for me, I've definitelytaken that philosophical
approach as well, where it'sit's adaptive.
You know, it's it's all data andinformation.
And I love your buffet analogyof like, I can take this and if
(28:49):
it works and it's it's great.
Same thing with parentingadvice.
Then I'm gonna take it and workwith it.
But it might not work foreverybody because kids are
different, parents aredifferent, home life situations
are different.
So yeah, I really do love that.
I that idea of it's not maybeit's not even about like that
full full end goal, right?
That full end picture.
(29:10):
Because it's like, are youthere's this invisible summit we
try to keep climbing?
And how do you ever know ifyou've gotten there?
To me, it's like what you'resaying is it's just a constant
evolution of who you are andwhere you want to be.
And you can't do that if youdon't stop and look around.
If you're just hoofing it upthat mountain constantly, it's
just never, you're never gonnaget there.
SPEAKER_00 (29:27):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (29:27):
You're gonna collapse, most likely.
SPEAKER_00 (29:29):
Right.
And all you need to do is turnaround and look at everything
that's around you.
Everything like and I think thatthat is the one thing that you
can do.
Like, don't even put like, Iknow this is a podcast and I
have a podcast too, but gooutside with nothing.
Yes.
Leave your phone at home andjust go walk.
Whether you're in a city,whether you're in the country,
(29:50):
like give yourself 20 minutes tojust walk and notice, be aware,
pick things up.
That's where self-awarenesscomes in by first being aware of
your environment and yoursurroundings.
SPEAKER_02 (30:01):
Yep.
SPEAKER_00 (30:01):
I love it.
SPEAKER_02 (30:02):
It's like mindfulness walk and meditation,
right?
Exactly.
There's some of those online ifyou want to listen to them.
If it helps, if you need theguidance.
I've started um recently goingback to like I since I'm driving
to and from the office again,um, like I hadn't been for six
years.
I will drive, and this soundsprobably pretty psychotic to
some of you.
I I listen, I don't haveanything on.
No radio, no podcasts, I don'tmake phone calls.
(30:24):
My phone is in my purse in thebackseat of the car.
And I just drive and noticewhile I'm driving.
Part of that was also myconcussion recovery because I
was too paranoid.
SPEAKER_00 (30:34):
But also your body leads you to what you need,
right?
SPEAKER_02 (30:38):
100%.
Well, then I also realized Icould hack my my whole um
healing process becauseapparently w after brain trauma,
um, neuroplasticity increases.
Yep.
So I actually am making more newneural pathways now than I was
before I hit my head.
So yeah, you know, silver liningand all.
SPEAKER_00 (30:57):
Yeah.
My husband had a seizure lastsummer.
So he he actually had brainsurgery.
And so I'm seeing that nowhappen with him.
Yeah, he almost died.
Um, that's a whole otherpodcast.
But uh yeah, but it was throughthat process of like I was like
whispering stuff, actually, Iwas yelling in his ear, um, many
things, but I was giving himfuture points to focus on with
(31:20):
our daughter, with his voice,sailing, traveling.
Like, even though he wasunconscious, I was like feeding
him with this stuff and heremembers that.
He doesn't remember anythingelse.
Oh, wow, that's so cool.
SPEAKER_02 (31:32):
Uh see, you just affirmed my nerdiness.
Thank you.
I appreciate that.
And I'm so glad that he made itthrough and he had you inside
him.
That's amazing.
SPEAKER_00 (31:40):
Yeah, I don't want to be doing the widow's uh
keynote.
That's no, thank you.
Nobody wants that.
I do the resilience keynote, Idon't want to do the widow's
keynote.
SPEAKER_02 (31:48):
Right, exactly.
Oh, I'm glad I'm glad he's doingbetter.
That's scary stuff.
Yeah.
All right.
So you have worked with bothteams and individuals on the
psychological safety is a bigterm that gets turned around
around a lot.
How does a leader's relationshipwith her own future self show up
in the culture that she createsaround her?
SPEAKER_00 (32:07):
That is a big question.
Um, I want to just first diveinto like psychological safety
as a spectrum, yeah, not as abinary, because I've heard it
like we have psychologicalsafety, we don't have
psychological safety.
You are constantly buildingtowards it or taking away in the
same way that you're buildingand and reducing trust.
And so uh I like to tell peoplewhen I'm teaching this that you
(32:30):
are a culture architect as aleader.
You have a responsibility ofcreating the space, of creating
the standards for the space, andalso enforcing when there's a
violation of the psychologicalsafety and the trust.
And so when you see something,when you become aware, you need
to do something about it.
Now, it doesn't mean that youneed to reprimand someone or
anything else, but you have toaddress it in the moment or it
(32:52):
starts to build.
But before you can do that, youas a leader need to be safe in
yourself.
You need to be regulating, youneed to understand like I'm
triggered here, I'm having, youknow, baggage, like everyone's
got baggage.
Like I like to say that I helppeople heal from their workplace
trauma because we all have it.
Like my first job, um, I had astack of papers thrown at my
(33:14):
head because I got promoted.
Um, and it was awful.
Like my first three months, thesix months in, um, like had
sexual harassment where the bossthe CEO of the um nonprofit I
was working for called my hotelroom and said he was gonna come
read me bedtime stories.
I was terrified, terrified.
And at the same point, I wasthen like called other names
(33:36):
because this woman wasthreatened by me.
Like it was, it was a wild time.
But I I was not psychologicallysafe.
And so a lot of my bad practicesas a manager were because I
didn't have a positive exampleto follow.
And so a lot of my thing wasbeing reactive.
And so now being in the space tohelp people, I can acknowledge,
listen, this is what happenswhen we're not taking care of
(33:58):
our shit, when we're not facingour own baggage and history.
Um, because in psychologicalsafety, you might be one of
those people that, like when youget a deadline, when you're
under stress, you perform reallywell.
Or you might be the person thatwhen those same elements and
environment happen, you aregonna have a safety response
where you are trying to protectyourself.
And one isn't better than theother, but we reward the
(34:20):
performance response.
Yeah.
And so just because that's truedoesn't mean that we we have to
be able to neutrally address it.
And exactly what you were sayingbefore, like asking the
questions and feedback, I alwayslike to say, what's the way
forward here?
How do we create co-create aplan together to either work
together to resolve it or worktogether to see a way out?
(34:43):
Because sometimes it's just amisfit, and that's okay.
But we got to keep it objective.
We have to have high levels ofintellectual friction and low
levels of social friction,meaning it's not about the
personal stuff.
And when you have that baggagecoming in, the storytelling and
what we make up about people isnot the truth.
It's what we've picked up andwhat we're applying.
(35:05):
Now, that person might be a jerkor whatever, but they're taking
away your power in the process.
SPEAKER_01 (35:09):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (35:10):
So we've got to sort through our own stuff, make sure
we've cleaned up our house inour backyard before we invite
people over or start judgingother people about their
neighborhoods.
SPEAKER_02 (35:19):
Yes.
I like to say, don't get don'tget furious, get curious before
you start to judge somebodyelse's actions.
SPEAKER_00 (35:26):
I mean, I do is hard.
It gets things done.
SPEAKER_02 (35:31):
So believe me, I love to, oh, I will use the shit
out of my anger when I need tofor the right things.
SPEAKER_00 (35:38):
But I think so good.
I'm so good at cleaning andorganizing when I'm pissed off.
SPEAKER_02 (35:42):
Oh, hell yeah.
Well, and then I think not onlythat, but it's just like, how
long will I let the angerconsume me?
And it does build and create somuch energy.
It's like, what can I actuallydo constructively with this?
Like just being ragey and madand angry and venting, it serves
a purpose to a point.
But then after a while, it'slike, who am I really serving?
And it's like jumping toconclusions.
Not to bring up anothercontroversial lady, but uh Brene
(36:05):
Brown, I got to hear her speakat Design Week back in, gosh,
2011 before anybody really knewwho she was.
And she told this story abouthow this other professor at the
University of Texas, where shewas working and starting to kind
of put together um grant writingfor her shame research.
Um, ironically, this woman wasvery dismissive of her in her
(36:26):
meeting as she was kind ofreading her proposal and she was
under this tremendous deadlineand stressed, and she'd worked
so hard, and she was just madbecause this woman was like on
her phone the whole time.
And she went home and made upthis entire story and narrative
about how this woman was againsther and didn't want her to also
have the money or therecognition, or she was jealous
and was just going on and onabout this stuff to her husband,
(36:47):
only to find out after she sendsa very scathing, vicious email
to the woman, basically tellingher off for being so dismissive
of her, um, that her dog haddied, her family dog had died,
and that she's apologized.
She's like, I should havecanceled that meeting, but I
knew how it was how important itwas to you.
I was not able to be fullypresent.
It was our 16-year-old lab, andI was devastated.
(37:07):
Like we were literally makingthe choice as I was texting on
my phone in that meeting.
unknown (37:11):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (37:12):
I'm like, oh.
So exactly what you're saying iscalled uh the ladder of
inference.
So we're taking like the thingsthat we're observing and we're
applying meaning and assumptionsto them.
Yeah.
And that is usually never thetruth.
SPEAKER_02 (37:26):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (37:26):
But I think if we can approach it of how do we
operate on the same team?
Yes.
Like anytime my husband and Ihave conflict now, I was like,
same team.
SPEAKER_02 (37:35):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (37:36):
Yeah, my team.
Like that is now our code word.
Like, you know, people havetheir safety word like
pineapple.
Uh-huh.
Same team.
SPEAKER_02 (37:42):
Same team.
I love that.
That's great.
And it is, it's true.
It's really hard.
I think um, you know, I even seeit.
I have a 12-year-old daughter athome, you know, and I'm trying
to teach her this.
Oh, it's so funny.
I'm trying to teach her this nowbecause it's going to be such an
important aspect of what she howshe works in the future.
Because again, I mean, justthink about it, y'all.
How much time have we spent inour lives just spiraling on
(38:03):
things that that are inference,you know, that are us applying
stories and narratives thataren't really there?
And I think, you know, beingable to recognize those types of
thinking patterns will help youand and everyone in return.
It's not about being a doormat,it's not about giving total
grace.
Yes, you are allowed to get mad.
Get mad, that's fine.
But also like make sure you havethe right information about
getting mad.
SPEAKER_00 (38:22):
It's your choice to get mad.
And also keep in mind thateverything is neutral until you
apply a thought to it.
I like that too.
And you are the one who gets todecide the thought.
SPEAKER_02 (38:33):
Yes, yes.
unknown (38:34):
Yep.
SPEAKER_02 (38:35):
And just because you think it doesn't make it true,
we say that one around the housea lot too.
Yeah.
Well, your your feelings arevalid, but they might be lying
to you.
SPEAKER_00 (38:42):
Yes, yes.
SPEAKER_02 (38:43):
Mm-hmm.
100%.
SPEAKER_00 (38:45):
That's just it.
And and have grace.
Like, we're all freaking human.
We're we're humaning the crapout of this life.
And it's sometimes really messy.
Like it's meant to be messy.
That's where you get fertilizerfrom for things to grow.
But it's just like be kind toyourself.
Like we're not meant to get thisperfectly right.
unknown (39:01):
Yeah.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (39:02):
I think that's been a big thing for me too, is just
reminding myself.
I mean, I grace sometimes I saythat and it doesn't stick for
me.
But the other night I was I waslaying in bed with my racing
rubinating thoughts, and I waslike, be gentle, be gentle.
Like to me, that word just hitdifferent.
It's it's like such nuance andit's a little pedantic.
But find that word, find thatphrase, find that reminder so
(39:23):
that when you start to kind ofget into those spiral moments,
that you can bring yourself outof it.
Because it's professionallyspeaking, personally speaking,
it's going to keep you morepresent, you know.
unknown (39:32):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (39:32):
You know, which is what we all are striving for.
SPEAKER_01 (39:35):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (39:36):
But one thing I would just add when you're doing
that, please, for your listenerstoo, you can have that thought
be gentle.
And then you need to have bodysensation too.
So whether that means you'rerocking or like just like
tapping on your heart, becausethat's signaling, okay, we can
relate to it.
We're safe.
Yeah, we're safe.
Good reminder.
SPEAKER_02 (39:53):
Yeah.
Lauren, I also want to remindlisteners too, because I was
thinking about it while we weretalking, but you make so many
good points.
I'm like, oh my gosh, I have somuch to say and share too.
Um, is that we do have anepisode on um tapping.
We have a whole podcast episodewith I can't even remember what
the term is now, where it's likeyou can learn how to semitic
awareness.
Mm-hmm.
There's like an EMF orsomething.
(40:14):
I don't remember.
Anyways, concussion brain.
I'll blame it on that.
But like the tapping for likeyour face, but then also on your
hands and like things you cankind of do even when you're on
Zoom calls or in meetings tohelp kind of calm and regulate.
When you're stressed out, ifsomeone's pissing you off, do
this underneath your desk orjust use tap tap tap crab claws,
you know, get out of the room.
I'm just kidding.
SPEAKER_00 (40:34):
Yeah.
Also, if if you're getting woundup in a conversation, this is
why having a pen and paper is soimportant.
Like just write down words thatare coming up because you need
to get it out of your head andput it somewhere else.
Like energy needs a home, andthat's the perfect place to play
to put it.
SPEAKER_02 (40:50):
So much good stuff in this episode, Lauren.
I'm loving it.
All right.
What does a sustainabletransformation actually look
like from day to day?
Not necessarily the peakmoments, but maybe those
ordinary practices of becomingwho you're designing yourself to
be.
That maybe we just kind of areagain, we're so busy.
And like, I just check off thething off my list.
That's that's that's success,right?
SPEAKER_00 (41:10):
What else is there, Lauren?
To me, it's it's just aboutintentionality of like just
having that that check-in ofasking yourself, how's this
working for me?
What do I want to do more of?
What do I want to do less of?
What do I want to add in?
What do I want to take away?
Like all of those things.
It's it takes like two minutesevery day.
And so sustainability to medoesn't say I'm doing the same
thing every day, but it's sayingI'm looking at if I was a
(41:33):
vehicle, what are the things Ineed to maintain?
What are the things I need tofill up?
What are the things I need tolike?
I need my keys, I need to makesure that I, you know, am
shifting into gear and I'mlooking around and making sure I
don't, you know, roll oversomething.
Um, think of that as your life,as you are like entering spaces
and and starting your day andnot of like, how do you want to
start up?
(41:54):
How do you want to like drive toyour destination?
And it and I think if you seethis as something for you, this
is the gift that you giveyourself every day, busyness
starts to look a littledifferent.
Productivity looks a littledifferent because you're gonna
be very intentional about whatcreates the most impact for me
and what I'm about today.
(42:15):
And how can I make the life forother people a little bit
better?
SPEAKER_02 (42:19):
That's great.
I was gonna say for me, forwhatever reason, right now, um
to me, transformation is theability for at least two minutes
of my day to stop, slow down,and look around.
Because I'm not running amillion miles a minute, you
know, between being a mom oftwo, you know, two businesses.
It's like, you know, I got a dogrecently, which is just like
(42:42):
sounds like it's adding to theresponsibilities, but he gets me
out.
They're great for mindfulness,right?
We get outside, we go for awalk, and I like to me a good
day is when I get the chance tolook up at the sky, whether it's
looking at the stars at night,sunset, sunrise, or just in the
middle of the day and noticingthe clouds.
Like to me, that's a good day.
If I actually get to stepoutside and just be still enough
(43:05):
to look up and see the sky.
And it sounds so sad, but likehow many when's the last time
y'all looked up at the sky?
Do you remember what was upthere?
What time of day it was, whereyou were?
Can I offer something else?
SPEAKER_00 (43:16):
Yeah, please.
Every day I can open my eyes.
Yes.
Every day I can take a deepbreath is a good day.
SPEAKER_02 (43:24):
Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00 (43:25):
Because that is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_02 (43:27):
Yes.
None of it is guaranteed.
And I feel like sometimes thesimpler you can make those
things, like it's justreinforcing.
Speaking of dogs and trainingpuppies, like, right?
Reinforce the good.
Notice those those littlethings, the gratitude there.
SPEAKER_00 (43:41):
Yeah.
Well, it's also like we're doingthe things we're doing because
they were set up so long ago.
That's our default.
And so the work that we're doingnow is reprogramming your
default systems.
It's gonna take like X amountmore effort to do that.
And it's and it's gonna try toreset.
Because our brains want to keepus safe and do the same thing.
(44:03):
So, no, this is gonna be alittle challenging.
It's gonna feel weird.
It's gonna feel awkward, butthat's what you want to feel.
Like that awkward baby giraffefeeling means that you're on to
something.
SPEAKER_02 (44:15):
Yeah.
If you're not comfortable, thenyou're doing it right.
unknown (44:19):
Right.
SPEAKER_02 (44:20):
Essentially.
Let's make it awkward and weird.
Right?
Let's go.
I'm always down for that.
All right.
If someone was to walk away fromthis conversation, ready to
start, what is the very firstthing that you would tell her to
do?
SPEAKER_00 (44:30):
Um, go to my website.
Um so we actually have a newoffering.
Future self-design is going tobe a two-part live intensive
where I'm doing live coachingand walking you through a
workbook and prompts.
So you can do that, you canrevisit it and go through it.
And we also train coaches inthis framework too.
So it started as a coachtraining.
(44:51):
It is ICF approved.
It's 13 CCEs.
Um, so that's a great, greatoption.
Um, and you get to walk awaywith the workbook and things
like that.
So whether you're in thecoaching space or you are a
leader, uh a powerful woman, oryou want to be more powerful,
like it's it's there.
Um, so it'sfutureselfdesign.com.
My website is spitfirecoach.com.
(45:11):
We have a podcast, tons ofresources, um YouTube channel,
all that jazz.
SPEAKER_02 (45:16):
Fantastic.
Wonderful, wonderful.
All right, everybody, be sure tocheck out the website.
I love that you, I was gettingready to ask you to drop the
URL.
We'll include it in the shownotes as well.
All right.
I don't see any questions comingthrough in the chat.
So we're gonna jump into thepower round, but I'll keep an
eye in case anything comesthrough.
Power round is just kind ofquick fire, short, fun answers,
fun questions for us to justwrap up with.
(45:38):
All right, what is one beliefabout yourself you had to let go
of because to become who you arenow?
Uh, I need to do it all.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
What does your future self knowthat your past self really
needed to hear?
SPEAKER_00 (45:52):
Uh, that everything I need is already established,
and I just need to trust theprocess.
SPEAKER_02 (45:58):
Love it.
Oh, trust the process.
I'm trying, I'm trying.
All right, finish this sentence.
Designing your future self isn'tabout blank, it's about blank.
SPEAKER_00 (46:10):
Designing your future self isn't about getting
it right, it's about beingcurious.
Love it.
SPEAKER_02 (46:17):
The best piece of advice you've ever received
about leading yourself first.
Ask for help and be willing toaccept it.
Yes.
The receiving part, that's hard.
I think the asking is scary.
So at Together Digital, we dothis practice of ask and give.
And it's like deer andheadlights when you ask a woman,
(46:39):
how can I help you?
They're like, What?
Nobody ever asks me that.
You know, and we just aren'tconditioned to ask for help.
So it's like, I don't even knowwhere to start, right?
Because your mind just goes intoa definitely deer and headlights
moment.
Um, but it's a muscle that youbegin to build, which is why we
really encourage it in our Slackchannels at our conferences and
events.
We're like, ask, ask, ask, ask,ask.
(47:01):
And um, the next part thatalways is like the gut punch to
the ladies is okay, now thatyou've gotten all this amazing
information and ideas andinspiration, what you gonna do
with it?
Like, are you willing to receivethis?
unknown (47:13):
Yep.
SPEAKER_02 (47:13):
Because yeah, we feel like we have to do it all
and we have to do it all alone.
But not the case, my friends.
SPEAKER_00 (47:18):
We're not meant to outsource it's good for the
economy.
Right?
Great.
SPEAKER_02 (47:25):
Let's do it.
Oh, Lauren, thank you so much.
This has been such an amazingconversation.
I think it's exactly what ourcommunity and I even I know I
needed to hear today.
So thank you so much for showingup, um, for sharing and being so
open and vulnerable.
Um, for everyone who waslistening today, you know, check
out Together Digital, check outLauren's websites, check out her
workshops.
I know I will be.
(47:46):
Um, I appreciate you so much forbeing here and for all of you
listening.
And most of all for you, Lauren.
Thank you for being an amazingguest.
SPEAKER_00 (47:52):
Thank you for having me.
SPEAKER_02 (47:54):
Absolutely.
All right, everyone.
That's all that we have for youtoday.
Until then, keep asking, keepgiving, and keep growing.
We'll see you next time.
SPEAKER_01 (48:11):
Produced by Heartcast Media.
Hello everyone and welcome to our weekly Power
Lounge.
This is your place to hearauthentic conversations from
those who have power to share.
My name is Amy Vaughn and I amthe owner and chief empowerment
officer of Together Digital, adiverse and collaborative
community of women who work indigital and choose to share
their knowledge, power, andconnections.
You can join the movement atTogetherIndigital.com.
(00:31):
And today's guest is someone whohas built her entire career
around a deceptively simple butdeeply powerful idea that the
transformation isn't somethingthat you wait for.
It's something that you design.
Lauren, I did not ask how topronounce your last name.
I want you to try it.
Go ahead.
Okay.
All right.
So Lauren Lamyan?
SPEAKER_00 (00:54):
Lamun.
You're so close.
Lamunyan.
All right.
Paul Bunyan and Florimion gottogether.
SPEAKER_02 (01:00):
I love that.
Lamunyan.
All right, Lauren Lamunyan.
Even saying it together is fun.
She is a certified master coach,speaker, and CEO of Spitfire
Coach and the creator of FutureSelf-Design, a transformative
framework that helps leadersmove beyond goal setting and
into actually embodying theperson they are becoming.
(01:22):
Known for her direct yet deeplyintuitive approach, Lauren works
with individuals and teams tobreak through intent works with
individuals and teams to breakthrough internal barriers,
strengthen psychological safety,and create sustainable,
meaningful change.
If you've ever set a goal, madea plan, and still feel like
(01:43):
something deeper needs to shiftfirst.
This is the conversation withyou for you.
Good golly, it's Friday.
Lauren, welcome to the PowerLounge.
Thank you so much.
I'm so excited to be here.
Me too.
And that's one of the shorterintros I've had to read.
So I don't know why.
Oh, no, I know why I wasstumbling over my words.
I'm gonna go ahead and throw outmy excuse and get vulnerable and
(02:04):
share that I'm recovering from aconcussion.
Don't worry, everyone.
I'm okay.
Um it does make you a littlemore tongue-tied.
Yeah, I know.
We talked about so much beforewe even came on the air.
And, you know, I didn't touch onthat, but you know, we the show
never would have started.
But yeah, so anywho, I, youknow, we're here, we're good,
we're all upright.
And I'm excited to learn moreabout you, share more about what
(02:27):
you're doing and yourphilosophies.
Cause I can already tell justfrom the last like 10 minutes of
us talking, our members and ourlisteners need to know you and
they need to reach out afterthis as well.
So the name Spitfire Coach, thatfeels very intentional and very
spicy.
I love it.
What is the origin story there?
And what does it tell us aboutyour philosophy as a coach?
SPEAKER_00 (02:48):
Yeah, so the name Spitfire Coach came together in
a meditation at the firstweekend of my coach training.
And I, when I stepped into theroom, I was a mess.
I was going through a divorce, Iwas 31 years old, and I thought
I had everything together as mylife was falling apart.
And I'd never really sat instillness.
(03:10):
And they walked us through aguided meditation, and I had
this moment where everythingwent white.
There was this bright light, andI heard this voice, you are the
Spitfire coach.
And the reason that that tiestogether is because as a kid, I
was always called a Spitfire.
Like I learned how to crochet atsix, I had my first business at
12, I paid my way through schoolat Ruckers, selling hats,
(03:31):
scarves, and baby apparel.
Like I was just always go, go,go.
And so to me, like Spitfire hasalways been this powerful word.
And when you can teach people tospit their own fire, and that
doesn't mean that you have to bean extrovert or like, you know,
be loud and out there, but likewhen you can really harness your
power, it activates it in otherpeople, like showing up aligned
and authentic.
And to me, when the more Istarted digging into Spitfire, I
(03:54):
realized the negativeconnotation because honestly,
anything associated with womenis not very positive.
It's meant to like put us in thebox and contain us, and it's
like you're too much.
And I'm like, screw that, youcan't handle this.
I can handle me.
And if you can't get on mylevel, take a seat and let me
know when you're ready.
So that's kind of the ethos ofeverything.
And the the ironic part is as Iwas getting started in my
(04:15):
practice 10 years ago, I wastold by two men, and I thought I
really respected their opinion.
They said, Lauren, if you usethis name Spitfire Coach, you're
never gonna do business withcorporate.
And I'm here to tell you thatmost of my clients are corporate
because people are wanting tohave that motivation, that fire,
the inner fire.
They don't really know what itmeans yet, but they're like, we
(04:37):
need different than the cookiecutter, jargony, nonsense, old
white dude, crap leadershipbooks that are out there.
They know it doesn't work, andthe stuff that we bring to the
table absolutely does.
SPEAKER_02 (04:48):
I love, love, love, love that origin story.
I know a lot of our listenerscan relate.
And yeah, you can receivefeedback, but you don't have to
take it.
So sorry, fellas.
SPEAKER_00 (05:00):
I love that the I love men.
I love men.
But listen, this is thematriarchy.
It's coming in.
Get ready for it.
SPEAKER_02 (05:06):
Roll up your sleeves, folks.
No, I love that.
And again, like I think whenyou're going through coaching
certification, that had to be achallenge, right?
Like you said, because on thesurface, it probably appeared
like you had everythingtogether, but inside everything
was falling apart.
But to me, I think that's whereyou find the opportunity to sort
of you learn through what you gothrough, right?
(05:26):
And it's like you can't, it'shard to coach other people that
are living lives, especiallygoing through something like
divorce.
Divorce is like also like havingchildren.
I can't put words to it.
I can't describe how it changesthe way that you see the world,
you see yourself, the way thatyou think.
Um, and I think about that,about even if I had to go back
in time and describe any ofthose things to my my younger
(05:47):
self, I don't, I don't think Icould do it justice.
So I think having thatexperience is tremendous.
It's not a downfall.
It's like, oh my gosh, she'sbeen through it.
She knows what she's speakingof.
And so I think from a lot ofthat experience and through your
still in a meditative moment,you kind of started working
through building your practice,and then you created the future
self-design, which is a distinctum form of uh traditional goal
(06:11):
setting.
What's the official difference?
And what do you feel like theexisting, what maybe you feel
like the existing frameworksthat are out there weren't maybe
enough?
SPEAKER_00 (06:20):
Yeah.
So, you know, when I wentthrough coach training and, you
know, some other frameworks,like I have a bunch of
certifications I won't bore youwith, but you know, people are
all about SMART goals.
And I'm like, these are soboring, like specific,
measurable, like actionable,reasonable, timely.
Honestly, it just recreates whatwe've always done.
And the more I was coachingpeople and working on my own
(06:43):
stuff, we're using the sameprocess, we're using the same
resources to recreate, trying tolike stretch us, but we're doing
the same thing over and overagain.
And as I was going through myown like mentoring process and
getting my uh master certifiedcoach credential, I worked with
a mentor and she said this quotethat will always stick with me
and I will continue to repeatit.
Where your focus goes is whereyour energy grows.
(07:04):
And so if we're constantlycircling around the problem and
what's not working, we arereinforcing that belief system,
we're reinforcing the process,we're reinforcing the thoughts.
And so future self-design isabout we can start with what we
don't want, but I'm gonnachallenge you of what's on the
other side of that coin.
What is it that we do want whenthis isn't there?
Who do you now become?
(07:25):
Because otherwise, we can createvision boards.
Like I do vision boards.
I used to do abstract paintingvision board workshops.
It was so much fun.
Um, but what it was missing isthe, and what am how am I
different when I've gone onthese vacations, when I have
this house, when I have thisrelationship, when I'm working
out?
Like, how am I different?
(07:46):
And how do I start embodying itnow?
Because we can have theexperiences and do the things
and then think we're gonnabecome the person.
But the reality is when it allcomes together and becomes
sustainable and creates thatneuropathway forward, we embody
those qualities today to then dothe things to have the life and
the experiences that reinforceit.
(08:07):
And when we don't work thatpattern, we're actually gonna
get more frustrated, create moreinflammation and stress, and
then wonder why can't I havethat life?
Now, this is not to say thatsystemic barriers do not exist.
But what I'm saying is how do weaddress them and find the wiggle
room for us to take ownership ofthe things that are in our power
and control?
SPEAKER_02 (08:26):
I love that.
I was trying to think of a goodreal world example because what
you said was so tremendous.
I don't know if you can think ofany specific real world
examples, but it is one of thosethings where it's like I I just
did a video of this on thisactually, and I shared it on
Instagram and um LinkedIn abouthow career pathing is dead and
how we often just think thatit's like a linear path, it's a
(08:46):
five-year plan, but then lifehappens and you're also you're
constantly looking into thefuture, you're never being fully
present and taking care ofwhat's now.
And so it sounds like more oflike, what can I do, excuse me,
in this day, in this minute tobe fully aware, be fully
present, because it's more aboutbecoming the person that you
want to be every minute of theday, not like three years from
(09:09):
now, five years from now.
Because if you don't starttaking those micro changes,
right?
And those little steps even inthe present, how are you ever
gonna get there?
SPEAKER_00 (09:17):
Absolutely.
So it's about stacking the microdecisions, like deciding I'm
gonna speak to myself positivelytoday, or I'm gonna go outside
instead of engaging in somechaos.
Um the whole thing of like atitle, a salary is going to make
me happy, is the lie that we'veall been told.
So I don't blame people fordoing career planning that way,
(09:38):
but once you know better, you dobetter.
And I was making myself sick incorporate.
Like I worked in associationmanagement and I was traveling
the world and running a CrossFitgym and like was just literally
grinding myself down.
And so anytime someone's likethe hustle of the grind, I'm
like, I work hard, but I do whatI love and I nap, I rest, I ask
for help.
And to me, that's sexy.
(09:59):
Um so this whole like I'm gonnasweat it out and grind it out,
nobody gets an award for likedoing it by themselves and like
ending up in a hospital bedbecause you work too hard.
But that is the capitalisticmyth that we have all been fed
our whole lives.
So now that you know, you can dobetter.
So the question is when you makeX amount of dollars, who are
(10:20):
you?
How are things different foryou?
What changes about your life?
And if you can't answer thosequestions, then you got to start
somewhere else, which is what doyou honor and value now?
And what do you want to honorand value about yourself and
your life later on?
All those little like tangible,you know, consumptive things are
just byproducts.
(10:41):
If you don't know who you areand who you want to become, you
got no business putting yourselfon a path that's gonna kick your
ass and wear you down.
You're gonna be bitter andresentful.
SPEAKER_02 (10:51):
So, so true.
And burnout, right?
Because we keep hearing aboutthat term always, over and over
again.
SPEAKER_00 (10:56):
That is what it's about.
I'm so glad you touched onburnout because all
relationships break down fromunmet expectations.
And that includes in yourcareer, you have an assumption
of what you expect to get out ofit, how you're gonna be
rewarded, how you're gonna berecognized and acknowledged.
And when it doesn't happen,you'd spin up, spin up, spin,
because I just need to do more.
And if you're a high performer,you're just raising the bar each
(11:19):
and every time.
And before you know it, itcollapses down and a vacation is
not going to solve it for you.
SPEAKER_02 (11:24):
Heck no.
And we know that pay raise andpromotion ain't coming.
Ain't coming.
And even if it does, taxes aretaking it away, or you've
already invented.
Yes.
So I think what you're speakingto right now, Lauren, is going
to be the story of ourgeneration.
I think that we all kind of gotfed that load of like go to
college, rack up these expensesand debts, get yourself out of
school, get a job, make sixfigures, get the highest title
(11:47):
that you can.
And yeah, so we have a wholegeneration of very burnt-out
people.
And I do feel, and I'm gladyou're saying this because it is
like a sense that I get from ourtogether digital community that
I get from the marketingcollaborative community I have
here in Cincinnati.
Um, just this bigger movementtowards, you know, and again,
this ties back to what I sharedyesterday too.
Funny enough, like so well ofhow um our our core values and
(12:12):
passions, it's not that you haveto take your passion and make it
a profession.
It's just that that is morepossible and more plausible now
than ever.
And if you don't have a passionand a purpose behind what you
do, like you said, no paycheck,no title will ever sustain you.
Will ever sustain you.
There's too many things goingagainst you there.
Go ahead.
SPEAKER_00 (12:28):
I want to add one thing onto that because I feel
like, and I heard this onanother podcast, so I'm not
gonna like say it's my ownindividual idea, but I want to
incorporate it in that purposeis not about you just offering,
but you being in community withpeople.
What is your add oncollectively?
Because we as human socialbeings are not meant to be
alone.
(12:49):
That is also part of the myth.
That is why we're in the troublewe're in.
We all became isolated, becameindividualistic.
The more collective we can be,the more we help each other, the
more we evolve up.
SPEAKER_02 (12:59):
Yeah, I agree.
Oh my gosh.
I wish you weren't moving allthe way to Denver.
We could just hang out and chatand have drinks all day.
Like there's so much I do.
Oh, yeah, same.
I want to come, I'm gonna cometo Colorado.
Sounds more fun.
Cincinnati's all right, no hateCincinnati.
But oh, 100%.
That's why I have TogetherDigital and the Market are
collaborative, is that thatloneliness epidemic is real.
(13:20):
Um, and it we have to startrecognizing the power of
community and collaboration andwhat it has to offer us.
You started to kind of talkabout this a little bit, but I
want to come back to it to makesure that we kind of hit it on
the head hard for these ladiesbecause we've got a lot of
smart, capable women listening.
Um when they set goals, they allthey put them on paper often
because we know writing themdown, right?
(13:40):
That increases the likelihoodthat they will stick, but then
they don't fully stick.
What is happening beneath thesurface when this happens, would
you say?
SPEAKER_00 (13:49):
So part of the process of future self-design
addresses just this because wehave an idea of like this is the
goal, but we don't focus on whatthe outcome is.
And we also aren't addressingthe obstacles that can pop up.
So if we can objectively listout the obstacles, whether
they're internal or external,and then connect them to
(14:10):
resources that we already haveor we might need, that's where
the community comes in.
And then examining where ourgifts and experience and
expertise, we haven't mapped outthe plan.
So I have this whole like theoryabout it's not procrastination.
There's four lacks.
You either lack information,resources, a plan, or the desire
(14:30):
to do it.
So if it's any of those fourthings and it might be a
combination, it's worthexploring.
But if it's not lighting you up,if it's not bringing you joy,
it's just another checklistchore item.
And I think that's what goalsetting has turned into.
Like, I'm like, whatever, I'llknock it out.
Like, I have no problem gettingduals.
But to me, I want a learninggoal.
And that's that's what um reallylike just inspired me.
(14:53):
I was like, yes, stop with thesmart goals.
It's gotta stretch you, it'sgotta challenge you to have new
conversations, look into newinformation, critical thinking,
challenging.
Like, get out of Claude and ChatGPT and start having
conversations and asking reallycurious questions because
otherwise you are repeating thesame patterns, and that's not
gonna get you excited.
(15:14):
That's not gonna fire you up andgetting those neuropathways
going.
SPEAKER_02 (15:18):
It kind of reminds me of a framework in which I've
evaluated employees by before inthe past.
Uh a mentor gave me, it's like,is it a skill, hill, or will
problem?
If it's a skill, what what newskill do I need to learn?
What's that barrier obstaclethat's keeping me from actually
obtaining whatever it is that Iwant to obtain or do?
Um, hill, is there a personalhill?
Is there something happening inmy life or is it a financial
(15:39):
barrier?
Like what other hills type ofbarriers are there?
And then will is just cheerlythat.
Like you just don't have thepassion, like you think you
should check it off.
I'm like, I should run amarathon.
I've never run a day in my life,not me personally.
I I do run a little bit, not alot, but like I've never run a
day in my life, but like I'mgonna run a marathon because
that seems like a good goalbased on what everybody else
(16:00):
says is a good goal.
So then it's like, okay, yeah, Ican get the skill to run.
I can't, I might hit some hillsbecause I'm probably gonna get
injured if I've never runbefore.
But truly, like the will, if thewill is not there, you're never
gonna show up for it.
SPEAKER_00 (16:13):
Yeah, you know.
You said some very criticalwords in there that are usually
red flags for me when I'mcoaching people that I always
dig in on.
Uh should and scenes, becausethose are coming from outside of
you and they're usually likereally embedded belief systems.
So I'm gonna immediately addressit.
Right?
I love these are things to alsobe aware in yourself of like
(16:34):
getting getting like aspiral-bound notebook and like
how many shoulds have you saidto yourself in the day, and
where do they come from?
And where can you rewrite thatthat would actually support you
if it's something you want todo?
And also, it's okay to quitthings.
I quit a master's program and Ifelt amazing.
It wasn't giving me I had apanic attack, it was great.
(16:56):
I just was like, nope, and I gotout.
SPEAKER_02 (16:59):
You don't be surprised how nice quitting can
be sometimes.
I feel quitting's amazing.
SPEAKER_00 (17:04):
I quit my marriage, I quit my job, I quit my
master's program.
Because you decide, you choose.
SPEAKER_02 (17:13):
That is your power.
SPEAKER_00 (17:14):
Choice is power.
SPEAKER_02 (17:15):
Choice is power, and we we jokingly say that as uh
stop shooting all over yourselfaround the TD and the TD chats.
So yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (17:23):
But here's the thing you have to replace it with
something else because in thesame way that we don't want to
keep focusing on the problem andcircling around that, we have to
give ourselves somethingpositive, not like posit toxic
positivity, but like somethingconstructive to aim towards.
So if it's not shoulda, shoulda,shoulda, it's like want to.
I can, I am, I'm doing it, I'min motion.
(17:46):
And that positive, like likeformation creation speak is what
builds that micro, like eachlittle brick and builds you the
that staircase that's going tosupport you in a strong
foundation to whatever futureyou want.
SPEAKER_02 (18:00):
Well, that reminds me too of what you talk about
with embodying your future selfbefore the evidence arrives.
It takes a lot of trust inyourself, right?
How do you how would you helpsomeone build that kind of
intentional confidence whenmaybe the external proof isn't
there yet?
SPEAKER_00 (18:14):
Well, the amount of body, mind-body disconnection
that's there is so, so thick.
And so a lot of it is justgetting people in touch with
sensations.
So feelings are just sensationswith a thought to follow.
So I first have to likerecognize what is my body
feeling.
And a lot of people have numbedout.
Like it is a coping mechanism.
(18:34):
So literally just like checkingin with yourself, like you'll
you'll notice me just do thisbecause this is my how I
regulate myself.
So I do a lot of chest tappingbecause all of my like stress
and and signals are very trustand chest based.
So anywhere is just kind of likeacknowledging your body because
it is this amazing vessel ofsignals.
(18:54):
And when we listen to it, whenwe honor it, we build that inner
trust, but we ignore it.
And I like to tell my clients,like, listen, first it's gonna
whisper, then it's gonna talk toyou, then it's gonna scream, and
then it's gonna paralyze you.
So it's your choice when youwant to start picking up on it
and doing something about it.
And so the more that we canstart to say, okay, this is a
(19:15):
sensation, I'm having asensation in my body, and then
picking up the thought, becausethe thoughts are deeply embedded
from when we were, you know,birth to seven years, from
things that we've picked up tobasically make ourselves safe.
We were just absorbing things.
And so now, as adults, as fullyformed human beings, assuming
that your prefrontal cortex isfully developed after the age of
(19:35):
25, you now have the ability,and I'm gonna say the the
responsibility to be in linewith your thoughts and to
examine them.
And if you aren't ready to doit, working with a professional
to help you sort that out,whether it's a counselor,
therapist, psychiatrist, butreally get in check with that
because it's not just aboutmantras, but about the curiosity
of like, where did that comefrom?
(19:57):
How did it serve me then, andhow can it serve me now by
reformatting it in a better way?
And so it's not just here's mylist, I'm writing it down, but
it's what is the belief system,the thought system, the
sensations in my body that areopen and expansive that are
going to support me in gettingthat done and also celebrating
myself along the way.
unknown (20:16):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (20:17):
I love that.
Yeah, those are really goodpractices.
It kind of reminds me too of umUntamed, Glenn and Doyle and her
book, but then there's also likeum a workbook that you can get
after.
And I actually found theworkbook way more useful and
helpful because it puts it allinto practice.
SPEAKER_00 (20:32):
The threads universe is not a fan of her.
I'm just gonna tell you that.
I know, I know, I know, yeah, Iknow.
SPEAKER_02 (20:37):
But you know, the content that's out there is
really helpful and useful.
People it's kind of like me inmusic.
I'm like, oh, I love theirmusic, but I hate that person.
SPEAKER_00 (20:45):
So all of these are universal principles.
Everything I'm saying is just mytake on it.
So, like, I'm not likegroundbreaking.
I'm never gonna claim these aslike my independent research.
This is my interpretation ofwhat I've picked up.
SPEAKER_02 (20:56):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, no, super helpful.
Okay, let's talk about thoseinner obstacles some more then.
Um, because I think that's whatwe're kind of hovering in and
around, right?
Is like the shoulds and thewoulds or coulds or ought to's,
whatever.
What are some of the most commonones that you see that are
quietly keeping maybespecifically women stuck, even
when they look successful fromthe outside?
SPEAKER_00 (21:18):
Uh, this one might surprise you.
Fear of success.
Say more.
unknown (21:35):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (21:36):
There's a shedding that happens.
When you fully evolve into yourtrue power, there are people who
are not meant to go along withyou.
That's what happened in mydivorce.
I lost a lot of friends.
Um, it needed to happen.
Every time I've kind of hadanother like seven year life
revolution, it's like there isthere is a takeaway that
happens.
It might be family members.
(21:57):
I cut some family members offtoo, but it's examining.
Who in my life is adding towardsthis like amazing movement?
Who needs to go to kind of theacquaintance level realm?
And who do I just need to removeand just put that boundary and
barrier down?
Because if we're not taking aninventory of that, we are
tolerating things that are belowour vibration and are going to
(22:19):
pull us down, especially whenwe're trying to evolve, because
they just don't understand it.
They want people to be at theirlevel.
It's like the giraffe and thetortoise.
I think it was T.D.
Jenks that said it.
But it was like if you are agiraffe and you're up in the
trees, that that tortoise can'tunderstand like what you're
seeing.
And so they want you to comedown to your level, but it's
going to harm you.
And you can say, hey, whenyou're ready to come up here,
(22:40):
like it's great.
But like we can have this typeof relationship, but I can't
come down to your level becauseit really hurts me.
Um so that's that's basicallywhat it is.
It's like understanding that inorder for you to truly step into
your power, there are going tobe some things that are going to
change.
And that that change and thatrewriting of the script is
really painful because you haveto acknowledge, like, there's
(23:00):
probably some things that I thatI did that I continue to do that
are harming me.
And that knowing is reallypainful.
But once you can address it andsay, you know what, I deserve
better.
I deserve to treat myself betterand to truly go there, that's
that's what can open it up.
But the more that you don'taddress it, you stay in these
loops and you talk the talk andyou have the face on, but you're
(23:21):
not really aligned in it.
SPEAKER_02 (23:23):
Yeah.
And you're staying in the box,right?
Because as women, we have thedouble-edged sword.
We we're successful when we'reperceived as a bitch, honestly.
Like we're not, they see it,right?
We are less liked when we areperceived as successful.
And so there's it's not evenjust the fear of success alone,
but it's the fear of perceptionof success.
So like you might even not, byyour own terms, be successful,
but even by looking it, you'reyou're already getting dinged.
SPEAKER_00 (23:47):
We are in an impossible situation given the
current societal framework.
Yeah, like it but it but it isthat way by design.
So that acknowledgement, and soit's not just the internal
obstacles, but acknowledging theexternal obstacles.
Misogyny is a real thing, and itis it is designed to keep us
small.
And once we can address that, wethen can see it as a game.
(24:09):
You are always gonna do yourthing.
You're gonna be woman hating andtrying to put us in the box.
So let me play a differentroute.
Let's see where we can go.
So once we can just list it out,then we can look at, well, what
do I know?
Who do I know?
What can I do?
And then things start to open updifferently.
SPEAKER_02 (24:26):
Yeah, I love it.
I love that great answer.
I'm never gonna forget thetortoise and the giraffe now.
It's such a good analogy.
I don't think I've heard thatone yet.
I love it.
All right, so I think everyonewho's listening, and by the way,
live listeners, I see you.
They love the fear of success.
They agree with that's legit.
If you have questions for Laurenas we're going through this, I
do have time in the show to makesure that we can hit on your
(24:47):
questions.
So if you've got them, drop themin the chat.
We love that you're listeninglive.
All right.
So, and and like I was saying,those who are listening, they're
probably in different points oftheir life or seasons of
reinvention, right?
And and there's sometimes it'shard to tell the difference
between if it's like a season ofreinvention, like I'm going
through a divorce and now mywhole identity as a person, my
livelihood, my finances, my homesituation, everything's changing
(25:10):
versus maybe just feelingrestless.
How does someone know whenthey're genuinely ready for and
because it doesn't have to be alife event, right?
For that next chapter versuswhen they need to do something
different within their currentone.
SPEAKER_00 (25:24):
I think we're always on that cusp if we listen.
Um and I I think, yes, there aremoments of like just like that
acknowledgement of like, Ireally love where I am.
I I've been going through thisseason in my life too.
I have a 21-month-old.
Um we are about to, I'm amilitary spouse.
So so much of my life feels outof control as I'm running a
10-year-old business.
(25:44):
Um, and so I have to constantlyexamine of what's best for me,
what's working, what's notworking.
And so that that like mind-bodyconnection is so important.
And I think, you know, if youfeel any friction, and I mean
that like tentation sensations,wind up, like whatever it is
that you can kind of acknowledgeas being something, my body's
trying to tell me something ofjust sitting in silence and like
(26:05):
asking, like, what are youtrying to tell me?
Like, have that inner voiceconversation.
Um, because we are alwaysexposed to new things.
We are always thinking andprocessing, like our brains are
always looking for patterns.
And so I think just having adaily practice of just saying,
hey, what's working and whatmight I want to explore or check
out?
Whether you're going through adivorce, whether you are a new
(26:26):
mom, whether you're about to getmarried, whether you're starting
a new job, whether you'restarting a new business, or
whether you've been doing all ofthis and you feel like maybe I
want to do something different.
I don't know.
But I think when you can ejectcuriosity, because that's the
opposite of judgment, it justallows it to be part of a
practice versus it being like, Imust follow this playbook, I
must do it this way.
And that's and that's theproblem that I see with
(26:48):
self-help books and like thatspace is that my story, and I
have a book, so I I've writtenmany books, but my story and my
journey work for me.
And I always say when I teach,think of it as a buffet.
Take what you want, try it out.
If it works for you, take somemore of it.
If it doesn't work for you, putit away.
But try it, see how it works.
(27:08):
And that's what criticalthinking is.
So don't absorb it as absolutetruth.
It is my truth.
Your truth is gonna look alittle different, might look a
lot different.
But I think the freedom toexplore, the freedom of choice
again, is where you can reallyharness that energy and feel
empowered instead of feelinglike I have to have the right
answer, I have to have the rightdecision about my life.
(27:28):
I need to be this kind ofperson.
Open it up to explore.
And we're constantly changing.
If you met me when I was 21, Iwas a complete asshole.
I'm I'm so different now.
I didn't like you back then.
You're meant to change andevolve.
That's the beauty of all ofthis.
I'm sorry, am I allowed to curseon this podcast?
SPEAKER_02 (27:46):
Uh yeah.
I already dropped the B-word, soyeah, you're fine.
I I love that.
I think that um, yeah, I thinkwhat you're encouraging is
stillness, which is a reallyhard thing for people to do.
And I don't think stillness hasto be in a cave meditating,
although that sounds glorious tosomeone like me.
I think what it does mean isslowing down with intention from
(28:07):
time to time, whether that'slike once a month, once a
quarter, once a week, whateverlooks attainable to you.
Because I also feel like we,especially women, find our value
in productivity, right?
It's another checklist, which iswhy a lot of these self-help
books look like checklists andframeworks, because it's like if
I can just take their answersand apply it to my life, it'll
work.
But then you get overwhelmedbecause there are so many.
(28:29):
I'm like, I think that's thefastest growing section in the
bookstore if you can if youstill have a bookstore near you.
Um, is that self-help section?
And I love it.
I love, I've always lovedself-help.
But for me, I've definitelytaken that philosophical
approach as well, where it'sit's adaptive.
You know, it's it's all data andinformation.
And I love your buffet analogyof like, I can take this and if
(28:49):
it works and it's it's great.
Same thing with parentingadvice.
Then I'm gonna take it and workwith it.
But it might not work foreverybody because kids are
different, parents aredifferent, home life situations
are different.
So yeah, I really do love that.
I that idea of it's not maybeit's not even about like that
full full end goal, right?
That full end picture.
(29:10):
Because it's like, are youthere's this invisible summit we
try to keep climbing?
And how do you ever know ifyou've gotten there?
To me, it's like what you'resaying is it's just a constant
evolution of who you are andwhere you want to be.
And you can't do that if youdon't stop and look around.
If you're just hoofing it upthat mountain constantly, it's
just never, you're never gonnaget there.
SPEAKER_00 (29:27):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (29:27):
You're gonna collapse, most likely.
SPEAKER_00 (29:29):
Right.
And all you need to do is turnaround and look at everything
that's around you.
Everything like and I think thatthat is the one thing that you
can do.
Like, don't even put like, Iknow this is a podcast and I
have a podcast too, but gooutside with nothing.
Yes.
Leave your phone at home andjust go walk.
Whether you're in a city,whether you're in the country,
(29:50):
like give yourself 20 minutes tojust walk and notice, be aware,
pick things up.
That's where self-awarenesscomes in by first being aware of
your environment and yoursurroundings.
SPEAKER_02 (30:01):
Yep.
SPEAKER_00 (30:01):
I love it.
SPEAKER_02 (30:02):
It's like mindfulness walk and meditation,
right?
Exactly.
There's some of those online ifyou want to listen to them.
If it helps, if you need theguidance.
I've started um recently goingback to like I since I'm driving
to and from the office again,um, like I hadn't been for six
years.
I will drive, and this soundsprobably pretty psychotic to
some of you.
I I listen, I don't haveanything on.
No radio, no podcasts, I don'tmake phone calls.
(30:24):
My phone is in my purse in thebackseat of the car.
And I just drive and noticewhile I'm driving.
Part of that was also myconcussion recovery because I
was too paranoid.
SPEAKER_00 (30:34):
But also your body leads you to what you need,
right?
SPEAKER_02 (30:38):
100%.
Well, then I also realized Icould hack my my whole um
healing process becauseapparently w after brain trauma,
um, neuroplasticity increases.
Yep.
So I actually am making more newneural pathways now than I was
before I hit my head.
So yeah, you know, silver liningand all.
SPEAKER_00 (30:57):
Yeah.
My husband had a seizure lastsummer.
So he he actually had brainsurgery.
And so I'm seeing that nowhappen with him.
Yeah, he almost died.
Um, that's a whole otherpodcast.
But uh yeah, but it was throughthat process of like I was like
whispering stuff, actually, Iwas yelling in his ear, um, many
things, but I was giving himfuture points to focus on with
(31:20):
our daughter, with his voice,sailing, traveling.
Like, even though he wasunconscious, I was like feeding
him with this stuff and heremembers that.
He doesn't remember anythingelse.
Oh, wow, that's so cool.
SPEAKER_02 (31:32):
Uh see, you just affirmed my nerdiness.
Thank you.
I appreciate that.
And I'm so glad that he made itthrough and he had you inside
him.
That's amazing.
SPEAKER_00 (31:40):
Yeah, I don't want to be doing the widow's uh
keynote.
That's no, thank you.
Nobody wants that.
I do the resilience keynote, Idon't want to do the widow's
keynote.
SPEAKER_02 (31:48):
Right, exactly.
Oh, I'm glad I'm glad he's doingbetter.
That's scary stuff.
Yeah.
All right.
So you have worked with bothteams and individuals on the
psychological safety is a bigterm that gets turned around
around a lot.
How does a leader's relationshipwith her own future self show up
in the culture that she createsaround her?
SPEAKER_00 (32:07):
That is a big question.
Um, I want to just first diveinto like psychological safety
as a spectrum, yeah, not as abinary, because I've heard it
like we have psychologicalsafety, we don't have
psychological safety.
You are constantly buildingtowards it or taking away in the
same way that you're buildingand and reducing trust.
And so uh I like to tell peoplewhen I'm teaching this that you
(32:30):
are a culture architect as aleader.
You have a responsibility ofcreating the space, of creating
the standards for the space, andalso enforcing when there's a
violation of the psychologicalsafety and the trust.
And so when you see something,when you become aware, you need
to do something about it.
Now, it doesn't mean that youneed to reprimand someone or
anything else, but you have toaddress it in the moment or it
(32:52):
starts to build.
But before you can do that, youas a leader need to be safe in
yourself.
You need to be regulating, youneed to understand like I'm
triggered here, I'm having, youknow, baggage, like everyone's
got baggage.
Like I like to say that I helppeople heal from their workplace
trauma because we all have it.
Like my first job, um, I had astack of papers thrown at my
(33:14):
head because I got promoted.
Um, and it was awful.
Like my first three months, thesix months in, um, like had
sexual harassment where the bossthe CEO of the um nonprofit I
was working for called my hotelroom and said he was gonna come
read me bedtime stories.
I was terrified, terrified.
And at the same point, I wasthen like called other names
(33:36):
because this woman wasthreatened by me.
Like it was, it was a wild time.
But I I was not psychologicallysafe.
And so a lot of my bad practicesas a manager were because I
didn't have a positive exampleto follow.
And so a lot of my thing wasbeing reactive.
And so now being in the space tohelp people, I can acknowledge,
listen, this is what happenswhen we're not taking care of
(33:58):
our shit, when we're not facingour own baggage and history.
Um, because in psychologicalsafety, you might be one of
those people that, like when youget a deadline, when you're
under stress, you perform reallywell.
Or you might be the person thatwhen those same elements and
environment happen, you aregonna have a safety response
where you are trying to protectyourself.
And one isn't better than theother, but we reward the
(34:20):
performance response.
Yeah.
And so just because that's truedoesn't mean that we we have to
be able to neutrally address it.
And exactly what you were sayingbefore, like asking the
questions and feedback, I alwayslike to say, what's the way
forward here?
How do we create co-create aplan together to either work
together to resolve it or worktogether to see a way out?
(34:43):
Because sometimes it's just amisfit, and that's okay.
But we got to keep it objective.
We have to have high levels ofintellectual friction and low
levels of social friction,meaning it's not about the
personal stuff.
And when you have that baggagecoming in, the storytelling and
what we make up about people isnot the truth.
It's what we've picked up andwhat we're applying.
(35:05):
Now, that person might be a jerkor whatever, but they're taking
away your power in the process.
SPEAKER_01 (35:09):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (35:10):
So we've got to sort through our own stuff, make sure
we've cleaned up our house inour backyard before we invite
people over or start judgingother people about their
neighborhoods.
SPEAKER_02 (35:19):
Yes.
I like to say, don't get don'tget furious, get curious before
you start to judge somebodyelse's actions.
SPEAKER_00 (35:26):
I mean, I do is hard.
It gets things done.
SPEAKER_02 (35:31):
So believe me, I love to, oh, I will use the shit
out of my anger when I need tofor the right things.
SPEAKER_00 (35:38):
But I think so good.
I'm so good at cleaning andorganizing when I'm pissed off.
SPEAKER_02 (35:42):
Oh, hell yeah.
Well, and then I think not onlythat, but it's just like, how
long will I let the angerconsume me?
And it does build and create somuch energy.
It's like, what can I actuallydo constructively with this?
Like just being ragey and madand angry and venting, it serves
a purpose to a point.
But then after a while, it'slike, who am I really serving?
And it's like jumping toconclusions.
Not to bring up anothercontroversial lady, but uh Brene
(36:05):
Brown, I got to hear her speakat Design Week back in, gosh,
2011 before anybody really knewwho she was.
And she told this story abouthow this other professor at the
University of Texas, where shewas working and starting to kind
of put together um grant writingfor her shame research.
Um, ironically, this woman wasvery dismissive of her in her
(36:26):
meeting as she was kind ofreading her proposal and she was
under this tremendous deadlineand stressed, and she'd worked
so hard, and she was just madbecause this woman was like on
her phone the whole time.
And she went home and made upthis entire story and narrative
about how this woman was againsther and didn't want her to also
have the money or therecognition, or she was jealous
and was just going on and onabout this stuff to her husband,
(36:47):
only to find out after she sendsa very scathing, vicious email
to the woman, basically tellingher off for being so dismissive
of her, um, that her dog haddied, her family dog had died,
and that she's apologized.
She's like, I should havecanceled that meeting, but I
knew how it was how important itwas to you.
I was not able to be fullypresent.
It was our 16-year-old lab, andI was devastated.
(37:07):
Like we were literally makingthe choice as I was texting on
my phone in that meeting.
unknown (37:11):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (37:12):
I'm like, oh.
So exactly what you're saying iscalled uh the ladder of
inference.
So we're taking like the thingsthat we're observing and we're
applying meaning and assumptionsto them.
Yeah.
And that is usually never thetruth.
SPEAKER_02 (37:26):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (37:26):
But I think if we can approach it of how do we
operate on the same team?
Yes.
Like anytime my husband and Ihave conflict now, I was like,
same team.
SPEAKER_02 (37:35):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (37:36):
Yeah, my team.
Like that is now our code word.
Like, you know, people havetheir safety word like
pineapple.
Uh-huh.
Same team.
SPEAKER_02 (37:42):
Same team.
I love that.
That's great.
And it is, it's true.
It's really hard.
I think um, you know, I even seeit.
I have a 12-year-old daughter athome, you know, and I'm trying
to teach her this.
Oh, it's so funny.
I'm trying to teach her this nowbecause it's going to be such an
important aspect of what she howshe works in the future.
Because again, I mean, justthink about it, y'all.
How much time have we spent inour lives just spiraling on
(38:03):
things that that are inference,you know, that are us applying
stories and narratives thataren't really there?
And I think, you know, beingable to recognize those types of
thinking patterns will help youand and everyone in return.
It's not about being a doormat,it's not about giving total
grace.
Yes, you are allowed to get mad.
Get mad, that's fine.
But also like make sure you havethe right information about
getting mad.
SPEAKER_00 (38:22):
It's your choice to get mad.
And also keep in mind thateverything is neutral until you
apply a thought to it.
I like that too.
And you are the one who gets todecide the thought.
SPEAKER_02 (38:33):
Yes, yes.
unknown (38:34):
Yep.
SPEAKER_02 (38:35):
And just because you think it doesn't make it true,
we say that one around the housea lot too.
Yeah.
Well, your your feelings arevalid, but they might be lying
to you.
SPEAKER_00 (38:42):
Yes, yes.
SPEAKER_02 (38:43):
Mm-hmm.
100%.
SPEAKER_00 (38:45):
That's just it.
And and have grace.
Like, we're all freaking human.
We're we're humaning the crapout of this life.
And it's sometimes really messy.
Like it's meant to be messy.
That's where you get fertilizerfrom for things to grow.
But it's just like be kind toyourself.
Like we're not meant to get thisperfectly right.
unknown (39:01):
Yeah.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (39:02):
I think that's been a big thing for me too, is just
reminding myself.
I mean, I grace sometimes I saythat and it doesn't stick for
me.
But the other night I was I waslaying in bed with my racing
rubinating thoughts, and I waslike, be gentle, be gentle.
Like to me, that word just hitdifferent.
It's it's like such nuance andit's a little pedantic.
But find that word, find thatphrase, find that reminder so
(39:23):
that when you start to kind ofget into those spiral moments,
that you can bring yourself outof it.
Because it's professionallyspeaking, personally speaking,
it's going to keep you morepresent, you know.
unknown (39:32):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (39:32):
You know, which is what we all are striving for.
SPEAKER_01 (39:35):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (39:36):
But one thing I would just add when you're doing
that, please, for your listenerstoo, you can have that thought
be gentle.
And then you need to have bodysensation too.
So whether that means you'rerocking or like just like
tapping on your heart, becausethat's signaling, okay, we can
relate to it.
We're safe.
Yeah, we're safe.
Good reminder.
SPEAKER_02 (39:53):
Yeah.
Lauren, I also want to remindlisteners too, because I was
thinking about it while we weretalking, but you make so many
good points.
I'm like, oh my gosh, I have somuch to say and share too.
Um, is that we do have anepisode on um tapping.
We have a whole podcast episodewith I can't even remember what
the term is now, where it's likeyou can learn how to semitic
awareness.
Mm-hmm.
There's like an EMF orsomething.
(40:14):
I don't remember.
Anyways, concussion brain.
I'll blame it on that.
But like the tapping for likeyour face, but then also on your
hands and like things you cankind of do even when you're on
Zoom calls or in meetings tohelp kind of calm and regulate.
When you're stressed out, ifsomeone's pissing you off, do
this underneath your desk orjust use tap tap tap crab claws,
you know, get out of the room.
I'm just kidding.
SPEAKER_00 (40:34):
Yeah.
Also, if if you're getting woundup in a conversation, this is
why having a pen and paper is soimportant.
Like just write down words thatare coming up because you need
to get it out of your head andput it somewhere else.
Like energy needs a home, andthat's the perfect place to play
to put it.
SPEAKER_02 (40:50):
So much good stuff in this episode, Lauren.
I'm loving it.
All right.
What does a sustainabletransformation actually look
like from day to day?
Not necessarily the peakmoments, but maybe those
ordinary practices of becomingwho you're designing yourself to
be.
That maybe we just kind of areagain, we're so busy.
And like, I just check off thething off my list.
That's that's that's success,right?
SPEAKER_00 (41:10):
What else is there, Lauren?
To me, it's it's just aboutintentionality of like just
having that that check-in ofasking yourself, how's this
working for me?
What do I want to do more of?
What do I want to do less of?
What do I want to add in?
What do I want to take away?
Like all of those things.
It's it takes like two minutesevery day.
And so sustainability to medoesn't say I'm doing the same
thing every day, but it's sayingI'm looking at if I was a
(41:33):
vehicle, what are the things Ineed to maintain?
What are the things I need tofill up?
What are the things I need tolike?
I need my keys, I need to makesure that I, you know, am
shifting into gear and I'mlooking around and making sure I
don't, you know, roll oversomething.
Um, think of that as your life,as you are like entering spaces
and and starting your day andnot of like, how do you want to
start up?
(41:54):
How do you want to like drive toyour destination?
And it and I think if you seethis as something for you, this
is the gift that you giveyourself every day, busyness
starts to look a littledifferent.
Productivity looks a littledifferent because you're gonna
be very intentional about whatcreates the most impact for me
and what I'm about today.
(42:15):
And how can I make the life forother people a little bit
better?
SPEAKER_02 (42:19):
That's great.
I was gonna say for me, forwhatever reason, right now, um
to me, transformation is theability for at least two minutes
of my day to stop, slow down,and look around.
Because I'm not running amillion miles a minute, you
know, between being a mom oftwo, you know, two businesses.
It's like, you know, I got a dogrecently, which is just like
(42:42):
sounds like it's adding to theresponsibilities, but he gets me
out.
They're great for mindfulness,right?
We get outside, we go for awalk, and I like to me a good
day is when I get the chance tolook up at the sky, whether it's
looking at the stars at night,sunset, sunrise, or just in the
middle of the day and noticingthe clouds.
Like to me, that's a good day.
If I actually get to stepoutside and just be still enough
(43:05):
to look up and see the sky.
And it sounds so sad, but likehow many when's the last time
y'all looked up at the sky?
Do you remember what was upthere?
What time of day it was, whereyou were?
Can I offer something else?
SPEAKER_00 (43:16):
Yeah, please.
Every day I can open my eyes.
Yes.
Every day I can take a deepbreath is a good day.
SPEAKER_02 (43:24):
Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00 (43:25):
Because that is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_02 (43:27):
Yes.
None of it is guaranteed.
And I feel like sometimes thesimpler you can make those
things, like it's justreinforcing.
Speaking of dogs and trainingpuppies, like, right?
Reinforce the good.
Notice those those littlethings, the gratitude there.
SPEAKER_00 (43:41):
Yeah.
Well, it's also like we're doingthe things we're doing because
they were set up so long ago.
That's our default.
And so the work that we're doingnow is reprogramming your
default systems.
It's gonna take like X amountmore effort to do that.
And it's and it's gonna try toreset.
Because our brains want to keepus safe and do the same thing.
(44:03):
So, no, this is gonna be alittle challenging.
It's gonna feel weird.
It's gonna feel awkward, butthat's what you want to feel.
Like that awkward baby giraffefeeling means that you're on to
something.
SPEAKER_02 (44:15):
Yeah.
If you're not comfortable, thenyou're doing it right.
unknown (44:19):
Right.
SPEAKER_02 (44:20):
Essentially.
Let's make it awkward and weird.
Right?
Let's go.
I'm always down for that.
All right.
If someone was to walk away fromthis conversation, ready to
start, what is the very firstthing that you would tell her to
do?
SPEAKER_00 (44:30):
Um, go to my website.
Um so we actually have a newoffering.
Future self-design is going tobe a two-part live intensive
where I'm doing live coachingand walking you through a
workbook and prompts.
So you can do that, you canrevisit it and go through it.
And we also train coaches inthis framework too.
So it started as a coachtraining.
(44:51):
It is ICF approved.
It's 13 CCEs.
Um, so that's a great, greatoption.
Um, and you get to walk awaywith the workbook and things
like that.
So whether you're in thecoaching space or you are a
leader, uh a powerful woman, oryou want to be more powerful,
like it's it's there.
Um, so it'sfutureselfdesign.com.
My website is spitfirecoach.com.
(45:11):
We have a podcast, tons ofresources, um YouTube channel,
all that jazz.
SPEAKER_02 (45:16):
Fantastic.
Wonderful, wonderful.
All right, everybody, be sure tocheck out the website.
I love that you, I was gettingready to ask you to drop the
URL.
We'll include it in the shownotes as well.
All right.
I don't see any questions comingthrough in the chat.
So we're gonna jump into thepower round, but I'll keep an
eye in case anything comesthrough.
Power round is just kind ofquick fire, short, fun answers,
fun questions for us to justwrap up with.
(45:38):
All right, what is one beliefabout yourself you had to let go
of because to become who you arenow?
Uh, I need to do it all.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
What does your future self knowthat your past self really
needed to hear?
SPEAKER_00 (45:52):
Uh, that everything I need is already established,
and I just need to trust theprocess.
SPEAKER_02 (45:58):
Love it.
Oh, trust the process.
I'm trying, I'm trying.
All right, finish this sentence.
Designing your future self isn'tabout blank, it's about blank.
SPEAKER_00 (46:10):
Designing your future self isn't about getting
it right, it's about beingcurious.
Love it.
SPEAKER_02 (46:17):
The best piece of advice you've ever received
about leading yourself first.
Ask for help and be willing toaccept it.
Yes.
The receiving part, that's hard.
I think the asking is scary.
So at Together Digital, we dothis practice of ask and give.
And it's like deer andheadlights when you ask a woman,
(46:39):
how can I help you?
They're like, What?
Nobody ever asks me that.
You know, and we just aren'tconditioned to ask for help.
So it's like, I don't even knowwhere to start, right?
Because your mind just goes intoa definitely deer and headlights
moment.
Um, but it's a muscle that youbegin to build, which is why we
really encourage it in our Slackchannels at our conferences and
events.
We're like, ask, ask, ask, ask,ask.
(47:01):
And um, the next part thatalways is like the gut punch to
the ladies is okay, now thatyou've gotten all this amazing
information and ideas andinspiration, what you gonna do
with it?
Like, are you willing to receivethis?
unknown (47:13):
Yep.
SPEAKER_02 (47:13):
Because yeah, we feel like we have to do it all
and we have to do it all alone.
But not the case, my friends.
SPEAKER_00 (47:18):
We're not meant to outsource it's good for the
economy.
Right?
Great.
SPEAKER_02 (47:25):
Let's do it.
Oh, Lauren, thank you so much.
This has been such an amazingconversation.
I think it's exactly what ourcommunity and I even I know I
needed to hear today.
So thank you so much for showingup, um, for sharing and being so
open and vulnerable.
Um, for everyone who waslistening today, you know, check
out Together Digital, check outLauren's websites, check out her
workshops.
I know I will be.
(47:46):
Um, I appreciate you so much forbeing here and for all of you
listening.
And most of all for you, Lauren.
Thank you for being an amazingguest.
SPEAKER_00 (47:52):
Thank you for having me.
SPEAKER_02 (47:54):
Absolutely.
All right, everyone.
That's all that we have for youtoday.
Until then, keep asking, keepgiving, and keep growing.
We'll see you next time.
SPEAKER_01 (48:11):
Produced by Heartcast Media.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!