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November 16, 2020 73 min
Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Laura is @lmichet on Twitter and just shipped A Monster's Expedition. * JP is @vectorpoem on Twitter. Topics: * What is the least horny sport? * Best task-tracking software. Definition of "best" here is not necessarily the one you think has the best features, but the one you used longest and with the best attitude. Which is that? * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kanban is an entire scheduling methodology, not merely the board-and-card-based task system used by various Scrum etc teams. * All comments relating to our critiques of git can be directed to highlyvaluedgitfeedback@whitehouse.gov * Driving around with a photo of yourself on your vehicle * Timothy Dalton's character in Hot Fuzz: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WfICiLbwz8I (that 1-second clip captures the visual gag but not the comedic timing; good enough) * The Giant Eddie Murphy Head trailer thing was part of a promotional campaign for the 2008 movie "Meet Dave", and that one specific photo of it in highway traffic went viral. Neil Cicierega used it as the profile image for his last.fm page, and so it showed up as the album art for all non-album Lemon Demon tracks. https://kottke.org/08/06/eddie-murphys-giant-head https://www.reddit.com/r/tumblr/comments/c6m2nn/doesthisremindyouofsomething/ * Stephen asks: "A fictional world, the discovery of which prompted global obsession and study which gradually allowed Tlön to bleed into and eventually replace the real world. Kind of like the internet." * Safety-proofing your house to keep a Pokemon in it, if Pokemon were real--what would this entail? Would you do it, or just give up on having a Pokemon? * An animal's cuteness being weaponized to promote its own exploitation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hL4b0Pc1xIs * You can send one print of a single film of your choosing back to 1960. What film do you choose, and why? * Ferris Bueller supplements his own bodily function noises with an E-mu Emulator II. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATkUqWssSGc Microtopics: * Typing in all lowercase because anyone who uses capital letters is a cop. * The Lowercase Age. * Capital letters and punctuation reflecting a certain social context. * Whether Laura has ever spoken to someone in person. * A very chill video game with cute jokes in it. * One of the better ways to enjoy life. * The eSport played by the oldest people. * Car Lords. * The hypothetical horniness of the train similar speed running scene. * Whether you can be fired from your train job in Train Simulator or is you're just shot on the spot. * The height of golf's horniness ceiling. * The horniness differential between simulated golf and real life miniature golf. * A medieval shepherd saying "caring for sheep in the Scottish Highlands is a low demand activity so I'm going to use this stick to hit rocks and eventually a sport will coalesce." * Not wanting to guess how to say "coalesce" in a Scottish accent. * Not wanting to call your coworkers at 9pm, the devil's hour. * Hiring a sensitivity reader to figure out how to respectfully create a pinup calendar of accents around the world. * A sample of Meg Ryan faking an orgasm. * "When Harry Met Sally" faked orgasm sound board. * Admiring the UI of task tracking software. * Using a text file to do task tracking. * An ignorant caveman who is working harder rather than smarter. * The miserable state of programming tools (compilers excepted) * How if GitHub had built their web site around any VCS, it would now be the dominant VCS, but it would be weird that they called it "GitHub." * Using SVN to talk to GitHub. * Game development putting the folks who can get value out of Git alongside the folks Git just makes miserable and forcing them to collaborate somehow. * Data mining your blood sugar levels over time. * Data mining your enamel pin collection. * Complaining that your wife really likes her new baby. * Having your phone number on your car so that if someone doesn't like your driving they can give you a call. * Decals on your rear window with stick figures representing every member of your family, with their social security numbers beneath them. * The parallel reality where everyone has their faces on their car and PictoChat on their DS so you can drive up to someone you recognize on the freeway and send them a drawing of a dick. * Not being willing to put a photo of yourself on your car but covering your tiny electric motorcycle with them. * A helmet with a huge depiction of your face, like you're in big head mode. * Gigantic electric skateboards with wacky shocks. * Eddie Murphy driving Eddie Murphy's giant head car. * Coopting someone's write-in to talk about manufacturing gaskets. * A question that makes you feel inadequate so you resent it. * Learning how to make gaskets because everyone who works at the gasket manufacturer needs to know how to make gaskets. * Gasket manufacturing equipment probably cutting rubber with a laser or maybe a big knife. * A chore wheel by which everyone at the company eventually does every job. * Treating all of humanity as a single organism, and not in the gross "this disadvantaged person needs to take one for the team" kind of way. * Gasket perishability. * A gasket failing and causing a terrible disaster because it was left on the front porch too long. * Having a plant product like perishability. * A piston seal pointing its piston tusks at the ground and launching itself into the air. * The fantasy of having a little animal who is in fire. * A dog or cat already being able to mess up your house pretty bad even though they don't have pyrokinetic powers. * Not being willing to give any dog you've ever met elemental magic powers. * A Problem Charmander. * The entire Pokemon universe is a hologram running on a GameBoy. * Whether you can be held legally liable for your pet Charmander burning your neighbor's house down. * Training your grass-type Pokemon to repeatedly fire solarbeam at your solar panels. * The ones who walk away from Nomekop. * The Pokemon species that became dominant and enslaved all the others. "Human human!" * Spending enough time in nature to develop a personal opinion about nature. * Journeying through the world and having fun equitable relationships with magical creatures. * The only anime that is about adults rather than teenagers. * Sending space movies back in time to feed the conspiracy theory that the moon landings were faked. * Repeatedly sending the sports almanac back in time to construct an optimal run of 20th century sports betting. * Sending a sports almanac back in time to everyone so everyone wins every sports bet. * Sending a white dude back in time so that a white dude can invent rock and roll.
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