March 16, 2026 • 25 mins
Ambition isn’t supposed to look the same at 25 and 45, and pretending it should is a fast track to burnout. We pull back the curtain on how drive matures, why rest becomes a performance tool, and how boundaries can protect your best work without dulling your edge.
We talk through the hidden cost of overstuffed days, the myth that “real hustlers” never need a break, and the subtle art of saying no without apology.
To make this stick, we share a four-pillar framework—physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual—that keeps your energy steady across busy weeks and big goals. Then we get tactical with five moves you can start today.
Lift Like You Mean It, our new strength program, is almost here—check the show notes to join the waitlist and text us what you’re working on.
If this conversation helped, share it with a friend!
If you want the deeper lessons behind strength training, join my newsletter called Between Reps: Building the Unbreakable Woman. Check it out HERE
Instagram: www.instagram.com/tianamoves
Website: unbreakablemb.com
Email: info@unbreakablemb.com
Disclaimer: This show is for education and entertainment purposes only. This is not intended as a replacement for therapy. Please seek out the help of a professional to assist you with your specific situation.
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SPEAKER_00 (00:07):
Welcome to the Unbreakable Mind and Body
Podcast.
I am your host, Tiana Gonzalez,a multi-passionate creative,
storyteller, and entrepreneurwith a fierce love for movement.
This is our space for powerfulstories and actionable
strategies to help you buildmental resilience and elevate
(00:28):
your self-care practice.
Together, we will unlock thetools that you need to create an
unbreakable mind and body.
Welcome back to the show.
I am your host, Tiana, and onthis episode, we're going to
discuss how ambition evolves asyou evolve and how protecting
(00:50):
your peace actually becomes ahuge part of the work that you
must do.
It is required if you want tosustain that high level of
ambition.
I was thinking back to a youngerversion of myself that used to
push through everything.
I was always exhausted.
I was always stressed out.
I was under a lot of pressure,high tension.
(01:13):
And I had something to prove.
And a lot of times I said yes toeverything that crossed my path
because I just wanted to provethat I could do it.
I had to show the world that Iwas fully capable with very
little resources.
I was capable.
That was a big deal for me.
(01:35):
And the truth is, I'm not heranymore, and I don't ever want
to be here again.
Now, in your own life, you mightbe feeling similar.
Where you're waking up and youhave this fire or this passion,
but how you want to spend it,how you want to tap into it,
(01:56):
might look different than it didwhen you were in your 20s and
30s.
And that's valid.
That's definitely not burnoutand it's not giving up.
But I think it's it'spreference.
That's what it really is.
So through this episode, we'regoing to talk about why energy,
(02:21):
ambition, and priorities evolve,what it looks like to be
fiercely driven andsimultaneously deeply protective
of your peace at the same time.
And how taking care of yourselfis one of the most responsible
things that you can do for thepeople around you.
When I refer to energy, there'sthis physical aspect of it, but
(02:44):
there's also the mentalbandwidth piece.
Now, when we're talking aboutthe physicality, right?
In my 20s and 30s, I was able topush through things.
I could function on very littlesleep.
I was able to bounce back.
I mean, really, that's justbiology.
As I got older, I needed more ofrecovery windows, recovery time
(03:06):
post-workout.
My body was starting to ask formore as far as you know, sleep
and stillness and quiet,decompression time, just more
space in between difficultthings.
I was always, when when I wasyounger, I was always the person
who would take on way too muchin one given day, let's say on a
(03:31):
Saturday, and I would try to fitit all in, meaning the gym,
laundry, grocery shopping,cleaning the house, maybe
getting my nails done, runningan errand, doing some shopping.
And then it's like, oh my gosh,we have plans this evening, and
(03:51):
I need to then hurry up, take ashower, but I'm exhausted from
my very busy day, and then get asecond win, maybe have a cup of
coffee in the evening time tosort of wake up, go out to
dinner with my friends, maybe goout after to a club or a bar or
a party somewhere.
And it was this cycle that Ijust kept repeating over and
over and over again.
(04:12):
And also, I used to be late tomany things and I hated it, but
I didn't understand why I wasalways late to things.
And it's because I wasn't givingmyself enough time and enough
space to get from place to placeor from event or and function to
chore and responsibility.
I was very ambitious in mytiming, and I just couldn't keep
(04:36):
up.
Now, thinking about a seriousathlete, when you look at their
program, they have rest daysbuilt into their program and
they cannot skip those daysbecause the rest day is actually
where the growth happens.
And for the rest of us who arenot pro-athletes, life still
(05:00):
works that way for us.
We need that space.
Now, on the mental side, justthink about decision fatigue
when you're doing a deep,intentional, focused task.
Maybe it's for work, maybe it'sa personal project.
Those require a lot of mentalenergy.
(05:22):
And it's difficult to switchfrom thing to thing, even when
it's a mental sort of project.
For example, I work full-timeduring the day.
I train clients in person, butthen I leave that and I come
home and I have other things Ido on my MacBook.
(05:44):
And, you know, some of thosethings are this podcast, content
creation, journaling, anewsletter, I'm also working on
a big project behind the scenes.
So I'm getting all those lastlittle bits and pieces tied in
and getting it all together.
And so if I was somebody who hadto consistently switch from one
(06:05):
thing to the other, or let's sayI used to train people in the
morning and then in the middleof the day and then at night,
and I was shifting from thephysical work to the mental work
back to the physical work, Iwould be exhausted and run down.
Now I will tell you the scheduleI have right now is a little bit
ambitious and rough because I'mvery tired when I get home from
(06:27):
the end of my workday.
And I usually have to rally, butinstead of having coffee, I had
a little bit of coconut water.
It's got a little bit of sugarin there and some electrolytes.
So hopefully that'll boost me upa little bit.
But this is a season, it's notthe way I'm choosing to live all
of the time.
But that mental bandwidth piece,I really have to slow down and
(06:49):
consider it.
And the thing for me is thatsolitude has become much less of
a luxury, but more of arequirement.
Some people in your life won'tunderstand that if that's the
case for you.
And I have to tell you, that'sokay.
They don't need to understand.
And by the way, you don't needto explain yourself to everyone.
(07:13):
No is a full and completesentence.
You do not have to accept everyinvitation that you receive.
You do not have to say yes toevery time somebody wants to go
out to dinner or somebody wantsto get together or somebody
wants to meet for a drink.
At some point, you're gonna haveto honor yourself first before
everyone else.
(07:35):
Now, you don't want to get tothis point, but you may have, or
you may in the future get to apoint where your body is gonna
tell you when it's had enoughand it's going to slow you down.
This shows up in ways such ashaving a cold or getting sick or
(07:55):
just feeling fatigued all thetime, or really lacking zest,
vigor, and excitement for thingsthat you normally are excited
about.
And those are clear indicationsfrom your body that you need to
slow down.
Because if you ignore it, youcould end up very ill.
And trust me when I tell you,you don't want to go down that
(08:17):
path.
It is very hard to pull yourselfout of it once you are in so
deep into that terminal or I'msorry, not terminal, in that
long-term exhaustion in thatspace.
But let's talk about ambitionand how it evolves.
(08:40):
Because this is really the key.
This is the meat and potatoes ofthis episode.
Because you can have ambitionthroughout your life, but it's
gonna look different and it'sgonna mean something different
to you as you grow, as youevolve, as you flourish.
(09:02):
When I was in my 20s, ambitionlooked like proving myself.
It looked like stackingachievements, it looked like
being at the top of theleaderboard, maybe in my
CrossFit gym when I was a coachand I used to work out at
CrossFit.
It also could be being at thetop of the leaderboard at work.
You know, if you're on a salesteam and they share everybody's
(09:25):
numbers in an email and you'recomparing where you are with
your coworker, your friend, oryour frenemy, or somebody you
don't like, you know, and youwant to make sure that you're at
the top of that leaderboard.
You want to be in the toppercentages.
And you spend a lot of energy,or I spent a lot of energy at
(09:46):
least, on the things that felturgent, were important, lost
sleep over things that made sucha big deal about.
But in retrospect and lookingback, they really didn't matter.
So there's a fine line between,you know, being tidy, being
organized, being professional,but then going really far off
(10:10):
the deep end and wanting to havecontrol and having something to
prove and making sure that, youknow, your name is sh is looked
at in a good light.
But maybe now as you've gottenolder, it's not as important as
it once was.
Maybe now you get that emailwith the leaderboard on it and
(10:33):
you don't even look at it.
Maybe now you look and you justsee where you finished for the
last month or where you arecurrently in the existing month.
But that's just so you can keepyourself on track with your own
personal goals.
And yeah, I'm talking aboutmyself right now.
But maybe you want to buildsomething different.
(10:57):
Maybe the ambition that you haveis more along the lines of a
personal project or a hobby, orgrowing and developing something
on your own terms, not definedby someone else.
Not something that you havelearned, but something that you
now know from your core and fromyour being.
(11:21):
I have some financial goals thatI want to hit.
I have some personal goals aboutwhat I'd like my life to look
like, but I'm not as attached tohow I get there.
I know that feeling good isprobably my number one priority.
And I wish that I could say thatabout everyone I know who's in
(11:41):
their late 40s, but that'scertainly not the case, and
that's okay.
For some people, they don'tunderstand that.
They don't get it when I say youhave to take care of yourself
first.
You can't pour from an emptycup.
I know if you're one of myregular listeners, you've heard
me say this many times on manyepisodes.
But there are people who don'tunderstand that.
(12:05):
They live for their kids, theylive for their job.
They feel like they need to bevaluable, and this is how they
have attached value tothemselves through their work,
through their kids, throughtheir family life, through their
assets.
(12:26):
This is not wrong.
It just may not be what everyonewants.
Certainly not how I measuresuccess or happiness.
But I used to think about everylittle interaction with a
prospective client, with anexisting client, with an
existing client's partner orhusband, or I would feel like
(12:51):
the other shoe was always gonnadrop.
So I really had to outdoeveryone around me and shine and
make sure that I was number one,that people knew I was the best.
And that just does not matter tome anymore.
Because living life that way, Ireally drained myself.
I was always exhausted andhaving something to prove all
(13:14):
the time just didn't work outwell long term.
So a quick prompt for you,something you can maybe journal
on after you listen to thisepisode or when you want to come
back to it.
Ask yourself, is there somethingthat you're losing sleep over
(13:38):
that if you're really honestwith yourself you might have
outgrown?
Think about it.
Something that's not asimportant to you now as it once
was in the past.
Now, talking about taking careof yourself as a part of your
job.
(14:00):
Let's think about self-care andlet's reframe it.
Because I feel like self-caregets really watered down in the
fitness, in the health andwellness space.
People think of it as bubblebaths, face masks, hot tub,
massage, all of those things arefine.
(14:21):
But self-care could also bewaking up extra early because
you know that you need a littlebit more time to sort of collect
yourself and get pull ittogether in the morning.
Self-care could be making surethat you have that cup of coffee
and you can sit on your deck orlook out your window and just
(14:44):
kind of ease into your morning.
Self-care could look likegetting ready for work, not
checking your emails whileyou're still half asleep.
Maybe going to the gym firstthing.
Self-care could look likepacking your food the night
(15:04):
before with nutritious anddelicious foods and ingredients
that you're excited to eat, notbecause it's gonna make you lose
five pounds or make you lookbetter, but because you enjoy
it, because it's high quality,because you know that you're
(15:25):
putting in a little bit of aninvestment into the retirement
plan, into that 401k.
Remember, I've said it in otherepisodes.
You're putting a small littledeposit into that retirement
fund for later.
Every little thing you do nowfor yourself, for health and
wellness, for vitality, for abetter quality of life as you
(15:51):
get older will make adifference.
And when you don't show up foryourself first, everything
downstream suffers.
Your work suffers, yourinteractions with the people you
love may suffer.
The things that you put out intothe world may suffer.
Like it's just not your bestbecause you're not at your best,
(16:14):
because you didn't do what youneeded to do to be at your best.
So you see how that all isconnected, and it's a domino
effect.
So for me, I have four pillarsthat I'm consistently thinking
about and making sure that I tapinto each day.
The physical part, making sure Iget movement, that I got a good
(16:38):
night of sleep, that I do alittle stretch or recovery, my
mental, thinking about mybandwidth, thinking about giving
myself some space to just think,having some silence, or just
creating a little bit of a of aspace where I maybe I take a
(17:01):
nap, maybe I read a few pages ofa book.
I by the way, I am the worstreader.
I have a stack of books by mybedside, and if I'm lucky, I'll
get through three or four pagesbefore I fall asleep.
But I try.
Now the emotional part.
This pillar is important becauseyou gotta know who fills your
(17:24):
cup and who drains it.
And sometimes the people whodrain it are the people that are
immediately closest to you.
Sometimes the people who drainit are the ones you love the
most, but they still drain yourcup as opposed to fill it.
So you've got to be able to do alittle dance and manage that
relationship.
(17:44):
And then there's the spiritualpillar, and this is really just
thinking about doing things thatalign with who you are becoming
your faith, the things youbelieve, whatever that higher
power is, honor that.
(18:07):
And make sure that you aregiving yourself a little bit of
space to think and contemplate,maybe to pray.
Maybe not, but I think it'svaluable to at least highlight
that.
And like I said before, youcan't pour from an empty cup.
(18:27):
So you really need to make surethat, yeah, even though you're
leading from the front, you'vedone what you needed to do for
yourself in order to do thatwell.
Now, I'm gonna give you somepractical takeaways because this
would not be an unbreakable mindand body episode if I did not do
that.
All right.
(18:48):
So here we go.
Number one, I want you to justaudit your energy.
Think about, you know, where areyou giving a lot of yourself?
Maybe where do you need toreallocate your bandwidth or
your energy stores so that youdon't get home at the end of the
day and want to completelycollapse?
(19:10):
And this does take a little bitof time.
It's a little bit of practice, alittle bit of trial and error.
You're not always gonna knock itout of the park.
It is forever an evolving sortof flow.
Some days you're gonna feelgreat, some days you might miss
the mark a little bit, andthat's okay.
Next, make sure your to-do listdoes not continue to get longer
(19:31):
and longer and longer.
Maybe put one or two mainobjectives for the day at the
top of your list that you wantto take care of.
And if anything else gets done,that's great.
I know for me, uh chores,household chores, things like
cleaning, laundry, thegroceries, and cooking.
(19:56):
Can I do all of that in one day?
Yeah.
Do I want to do it all on my dayoff?
No.
So if I do it on a workday, thatmeans it's getting done in the
afternoon or evening.
And that's really tough becausenow I'm tired and I don't
necessarily have the desire todo all of those things.
So maybe I'll do one or two ofthem and I'll push the other two
to another day.
That just means I have to makesure that I have enough
(20:18):
underwear and socks to get methrough the next couple days and
I don't need to do my laundryimmediately.
Or I have enough chicken breastcooked or turkey breast cooked
or cans of tuna so I can getthrough the next day or two
without starving.
Number three, build rest intoyour plan.
(20:38):
This is my favorite.
If you wait until everythingelse is done, you're gonna be
going to bed late.
But if you give yourself apause, if you give yourself a
20-minute break in the middle ofthe day, if you give yourself a
moment to just step away fromthe desk, blink your eyes, look
(20:59):
at the sun, maybe, smell theoutside air, it'll do a lot for
you.
Number four, stop explainingyourself to people.
At this point, you don't oweanyone an any sort of
explanation or justification forwanting something different.
(21:21):
And this will come up whenyou're with friends that you've
had for a long time or coworkersthat you've known for a really
long time.
Sometimes people see you the wayyou used to be and not the way
you are now.
And you have to find your way ofjust politely declining the
invites or politely saying, No,I'm not available for that, and
(21:46):
keeping it moving.
And then the last one check inwith yourself with what
ambitious really means to you,to the you right now, not to the
you.
From five years ago, because Iguarantee you, some of the
things that were once soincredibly important to you are
(22:07):
not anymore.
They're probably not even afleeting thought anymore.
I remember when I started myonline training business.
The idea came up probably around2012.
And at the time, my vision wasto live somewhere tropical,
(22:27):
somewhere beautiful, and beworking completely remote from
my laptop, not customer-facing,doing programming for my online
clients that lived all over theworld.
Sounds great, right?
Now when I think about that, Isay to myself, no, thank you.
I would rather work in personand then have my online stuff be
(22:52):
things similar to this, to apodcast or a body of work, or my
paintings, or dancing, but notsomething where I still need to
be attached to my computer 24-7.
Now, listen, I know this episodemight be all over the place, but
this is just all the stuffthat's top of mind for me right
(23:15):
now.
And I always speak to you fromthe heart.
I always speak to you withwhat's going on in the current
moment.
And I think it's important thatwe consistently check in with
ourselves and identify, youknow, what are we still carrying
around that we've genuinelyoutgrown?
And what can we look forward to?
(23:37):
What's what are what are weworking towards?
What are we moving ahead to?
The thing is, it doesn't have tobe this big, huge undertaking or
this big overhaul of your life.
It could simply be the nextthree or four steps, or maybe
even just the next step period.
Now I want to remind you thatshowing up for yourself is
(23:59):
self-care.
It's not selfish because youhave to do whatever you can to
be healthy as you age, as youget older.
And that includes your mentalhealth.
Now, the project I've beenworking on for months is almost
(24:20):
ready to be launched, and it's astrength program called Lift
Like You Mean It.
I'm gonna include a link in theshow notes that you can check it
out.
If you want to sign up for thewait list, there's a way to do
that.
And if you want to send me atext and let me know what you're
working on, I would love to hearfrom you.
(24:42):
There is a way to do that in theshow notes as well.
As always, I appreciate yourtime and attention each and
every week.
If you found this episodehelpful, do me a favor and share
it with a friend.
Every time you share one ofthese episodes with somebody
else, you give me theopportunity to get a little bit
more visibility and to connectwith more incredible human
(25:04):
beings just like yourself.
Thank you for being here, and asalways, I'll catch you on the
next one.
Welcome to the Unbreakable Mind and Body
Podcast.
I am your host, Tiana Gonzalez,a multi-passionate creative,
storyteller, and entrepreneurwith a fierce love for movement.
This is our space for powerfulstories and actionable
strategies to help you buildmental resilience and elevate
(00:28):
your self-care practice.
Together, we will unlock thetools that you need to create an
unbreakable mind and body.
Welcome back to the show.
I am your host, Tiana, and onthis episode, we're going to
discuss how ambition evolves asyou evolve and how protecting
(00:50):
your peace actually becomes ahuge part of the work that you
must do.
It is required if you want tosustain that high level of
ambition.
I was thinking back to a youngerversion of myself that used to
push through everything.
I was always exhausted.
I was always stressed out.
I was under a lot of pressure,high tension.
(01:13):
And I had something to prove.
And a lot of times I said yes toeverything that crossed my path
because I just wanted to provethat I could do it.
I had to show the world that Iwas fully capable with very
little resources.
I was capable.
That was a big deal for me.
(01:35):
And the truth is, I'm not heranymore, and I don't ever want
to be here again.
Now, in your own life, you mightbe feeling similar.
Where you're waking up and youhave this fire or this passion,
but how you want to spend it,how you want to tap into it,
(01:56):
might look different than it didwhen you were in your 20s and
30s.
And that's valid.
That's definitely not burnoutand it's not giving up.
But I think it's it'spreference.
That's what it really is.
So through this episode, we'regoing to talk about why energy,
(02:21):
ambition, and priorities evolve,what it looks like to be
fiercely driven andsimultaneously deeply protective
of your peace at the same time.
And how taking care of yourselfis one of the most responsible
things that you can do for thepeople around you.
When I refer to energy, there'sthis physical aspect of it, but
(02:44):
there's also the mentalbandwidth piece.
Now, when we're talking aboutthe physicality, right?
In my 20s and 30s, I was able topush through things.
I could function on very littlesleep.
I was able to bounce back.
I mean, really, that's justbiology.
As I got older, I needed more ofrecovery windows, recovery time
(03:06):
post-workout.
My body was starting to ask formore as far as you know, sleep
and stillness and quiet,decompression time, just more
space in between difficultthings.
I was always, when when I wasyounger, I was always the person
who would take on way too muchin one given day, let's say on a
(03:31):
Saturday, and I would try to fitit all in, meaning the gym,
laundry, grocery shopping,cleaning the house, maybe
getting my nails done, runningan errand, doing some shopping.
And then it's like, oh my gosh,we have plans this evening, and
(03:51):
I need to then hurry up, take ashower, but I'm exhausted from
my very busy day, and then get asecond win, maybe have a cup of
coffee in the evening time tosort of wake up, go out to
dinner with my friends, maybe goout after to a club or a bar or
a party somewhere.
And it was this cycle that Ijust kept repeating over and
over and over again.
(04:12):
And also, I used to be late tomany things and I hated it, but
I didn't understand why I wasalways late to things.
And it's because I wasn't givingmyself enough time and enough
space to get from place to placeor from event or and function to
chore and responsibility.
I was very ambitious in mytiming, and I just couldn't keep
(04:36):
up.
Now, thinking about a seriousathlete, when you look at their
program, they have rest daysbuilt into their program and
they cannot skip those daysbecause the rest day is actually
where the growth happens.
And for the rest of us who arenot pro-athletes, life still
(05:00):
works that way for us.
We need that space.
Now, on the mental side, justthink about decision fatigue
when you're doing a deep,intentional, focused task.
Maybe it's for work, maybe it'sa personal project.
Those require a lot of mentalenergy.
(05:22):
And it's difficult to switchfrom thing to thing, even when
it's a mental sort of project.
For example, I work full-timeduring the day.
I train clients in person, butthen I leave that and I come
home and I have other things Ido on my MacBook.
(05:44):
And, you know, some of thosethings are this podcast, content
creation, journaling, anewsletter, I'm also working on
a big project behind the scenes.
So I'm getting all those lastlittle bits and pieces tied in
and getting it all together.
And so if I was somebody who hadto consistently switch from one
(06:05):
thing to the other, or let's sayI used to train people in the
morning and then in the middleof the day and then at night,
and I was shifting from thephysical work to the mental work
back to the physical work, Iwould be exhausted and run down.
Now I will tell you the scheduleI have right now is a little bit
ambitious and rough because I'mvery tired when I get home from
(06:27):
the end of my workday.
And I usually have to rally, butinstead of having coffee, I had
a little bit of coconut water.
It's got a little bit of sugarin there and some electrolytes.
So hopefully that'll boost me upa little bit.
But this is a season, it's notthe way I'm choosing to live all
of the time.
But that mental bandwidth piece,I really have to slow down and
(06:49):
consider it.
And the thing for me is thatsolitude has become much less of
a luxury, but more of arequirement.
Some people in your life won'tunderstand that if that's the
case for you.
And I have to tell you, that'sokay.
They don't need to understand.
And by the way, you don't needto explain yourself to everyone.
(07:13):
No is a full and completesentence.
You do not have to accept everyinvitation that you receive.
You do not have to say yes toevery time somebody wants to go
out to dinner or somebody wantsto get together or somebody
wants to meet for a drink.
At some point, you're gonna haveto honor yourself first before
everyone else.
(07:35):
Now, you don't want to get tothis point, but you may have, or
you may in the future get to apoint where your body is gonna
tell you when it's had enoughand it's going to slow you down.
This shows up in ways such ashaving a cold or getting sick or
(07:55):
just feeling fatigued all thetime, or really lacking zest,
vigor, and excitement for thingsthat you normally are excited
about.
And those are clear indicationsfrom your body that you need to
slow down.
Because if you ignore it, youcould end up very ill.
And trust me when I tell you,you don't want to go down that
(08:17):
path.
It is very hard to pull yourselfout of it once you are in so
deep into that terminal or I'msorry, not terminal, in that
long-term exhaustion in thatspace.
But let's talk about ambitionand how it evolves.
(08:40):
Because this is really the key.
This is the meat and potatoes ofthis episode.
Because you can have ambitionthroughout your life, but it's
gonna look different and it'sgonna mean something different
to you as you grow, as youevolve, as you flourish.
(09:02):
When I was in my 20s, ambitionlooked like proving myself.
It looked like stackingachievements, it looked like
being at the top of theleaderboard, maybe in my
CrossFit gym when I was a coachand I used to work out at
CrossFit.
It also could be being at thetop of the leaderboard at work.
You know, if you're on a salesteam and they share everybody's
(09:25):
numbers in an email and you'recomparing where you are with
your coworker, your friend, oryour frenemy, or somebody you
don't like, you know, and youwant to make sure that you're at
the top of that leaderboard.
You want to be in the toppercentages.
And you spend a lot of energy,or I spent a lot of energy at
(09:46):
least, on the things that felturgent, were important, lost
sleep over things that made sucha big deal about.
But in retrospect and lookingback, they really didn't matter.
So there's a fine line between,you know, being tidy, being
organized, being professional,but then going really far off
(10:10):
the deep end and wanting to havecontrol and having something to
prove and making sure that, youknow, your name is sh is looked
at in a good light.
But maybe now as you've gottenolder, it's not as important as
it once was.
Maybe now you get that emailwith the leaderboard on it and
(10:33):
you don't even look at it.
Maybe now you look and you justsee where you finished for the
last month or where you arecurrently in the existing month.
But that's just so you can keepyourself on track with your own
personal goals.
And yeah, I'm talking aboutmyself right now.
But maybe you want to buildsomething different.
(10:57):
Maybe the ambition that you haveis more along the lines of a
personal project or a hobby, orgrowing and developing something
on your own terms, not definedby someone else.
Not something that you havelearned, but something that you
now know from your core and fromyour being.
(11:21):
I have some financial goals thatI want to hit.
I have some personal goals aboutwhat I'd like my life to look
like, but I'm not as attached tohow I get there.
I know that feeling good isprobably my number one priority.
And I wish that I could say thatabout everyone I know who's in
(11:41):
their late 40s, but that'scertainly not the case, and
that's okay.
For some people, they don'tunderstand that.
They don't get it when I say youhave to take care of yourself
first.
You can't pour from an emptycup.
I know if you're one of myregular listeners, you've heard
me say this many times on manyepisodes.
But there are people who don'tunderstand that.
(12:05):
They live for their kids, theylive for their job.
They feel like they need to bevaluable, and this is how they
have attached value tothemselves through their work,
through their kids, throughtheir family life, through their
assets.
(12:26):
This is not wrong.
It just may not be what everyonewants.
Certainly not how I measuresuccess or happiness.
But I used to think about everylittle interaction with a
prospective client, with anexisting client, with an
existing client's partner orhusband, or I would feel like
(12:51):
the other shoe was always gonnadrop.
So I really had to outdoeveryone around me and shine and
make sure that I was number one,that people knew I was the best.
And that just does not matter tome anymore.
Because living life that way, Ireally drained myself.
I was always exhausted andhaving something to prove all
(13:14):
the time just didn't work outwell long term.
So a quick prompt for you,something you can maybe journal
on after you listen to thisepisode or when you want to come
back to it.
Ask yourself, is there somethingthat you're losing sleep over
(13:38):
that if you're really honestwith yourself you might have
outgrown?
Think about it.
Something that's not asimportant to you now as it once
was in the past.
Now, talking about taking careof yourself as a part of your
job.
(14:00):
Let's think about self-care andlet's reframe it.
Because I feel like self-caregets really watered down in the
fitness, in the health andwellness space.
People think of it as bubblebaths, face masks, hot tub,
massage, all of those things arefine.
(14:21):
But self-care could also bewaking up extra early because
you know that you need a littlebit more time to sort of collect
yourself and get pull ittogether in the morning.
Self-care could be making surethat you have that cup of coffee
and you can sit on your deck orlook out your window and just
(14:44):
kind of ease into your morning.
Self-care could look likegetting ready for work, not
checking your emails whileyou're still half asleep.
Maybe going to the gym firstthing.
Self-care could look likepacking your food the night
(15:04):
before with nutritious anddelicious foods and ingredients
that you're excited to eat, notbecause it's gonna make you lose
five pounds or make you lookbetter, but because you enjoy
it, because it's high quality,because you know that you're
(15:25):
putting in a little bit of aninvestment into the retirement
plan, into that 401k.
Remember, I've said it in otherepisodes.
You're putting a small littledeposit into that retirement
fund for later.
Every little thing you do nowfor yourself, for health and
wellness, for vitality, for abetter quality of life as you
(15:51):
get older will make adifference.
And when you don't show up foryourself first, everything
downstream suffers.
Your work suffers, yourinteractions with the people you
love may suffer.
The things that you put out intothe world may suffer.
Like it's just not your bestbecause you're not at your best,
(16:14):
because you didn't do what youneeded to do to be at your best.
So you see how that all isconnected, and it's a domino
effect.
So for me, I have four pillarsthat I'm consistently thinking
about and making sure that I tapinto each day.
The physical part, making sure Iget movement, that I got a good
(16:38):
night of sleep, that I do alittle stretch or recovery, my
mental, thinking about mybandwidth, thinking about giving
myself some space to just think,having some silence, or just
creating a little bit of a of aspace where I maybe I take a
(17:01):
nap, maybe I read a few pages ofa book.
I by the way, I am the worstreader.
I have a stack of books by mybedside, and if I'm lucky, I'll
get through three or four pagesbefore I fall asleep.
But I try.
Now the emotional part.
This pillar is important becauseyou gotta know who fills your
(17:24):
cup and who drains it.
And sometimes the people whodrain it are the people that are
immediately closest to you.
Sometimes the people who drainit are the ones you love the
most, but they still drain yourcup as opposed to fill it.
So you've got to be able to do alittle dance and manage that
relationship.
(17:44):
And then there's the spiritualpillar, and this is really just
thinking about doing things thatalign with who you are becoming
your faith, the things youbelieve, whatever that higher
power is, honor that.
(18:07):
And make sure that you aregiving yourself a little bit of
space to think and contemplate,maybe to pray.
Maybe not, but I think it'svaluable to at least highlight
that.
And like I said before, youcan't pour from an empty cup.
(18:27):
So you really need to make surethat, yeah, even though you're
leading from the front, you'vedone what you needed to do for
yourself in order to do thatwell.
Now, I'm gonna give you somepractical takeaways because this
would not be an unbreakable mindand body episode if I did not do
that.
All right.
(18:48):
So here we go.
Number one, I want you to justaudit your energy.
Think about, you know, where areyou giving a lot of yourself?
Maybe where do you need toreallocate your bandwidth or
your energy stores so that youdon't get home at the end of the
day and want to completelycollapse?
(19:10):
And this does take a little bitof time.
It's a little bit of practice, alittle bit of trial and error.
You're not always gonna knock itout of the park.
It is forever an evolving sortof flow.
Some days you're gonna feelgreat, some days you might miss
the mark a little bit, andthat's okay.
Next, make sure your to-do listdoes not continue to get longer
(19:31):
and longer and longer.
Maybe put one or two mainobjectives for the day at the
top of your list that you wantto take care of.
And if anything else gets done,that's great.
I know for me, uh chores,household chores, things like
cleaning, laundry, thegroceries, and cooking.
(19:56):
Can I do all of that in one day?
Yeah.
Do I want to do it all on my dayoff?
No.
So if I do it on a workday, thatmeans it's getting done in the
afternoon or evening.
And that's really tough becausenow I'm tired and I don't
necessarily have the desire todo all of those things.
So maybe I'll do one or two ofthem and I'll push the other two
to another day.
That just means I have to makesure that I have enough
(20:18):
underwear and socks to get methrough the next couple days and
I don't need to do my laundryimmediately.
Or I have enough chicken breastcooked or turkey breast cooked
or cans of tuna so I can getthrough the next day or two
without starving.
Number three, build rest intoyour plan.
(20:38):
This is my favorite.
If you wait until everythingelse is done, you're gonna be
going to bed late.
But if you give yourself apause, if you give yourself a
20-minute break in the middle ofthe day, if you give yourself a
moment to just step away fromthe desk, blink your eyes, look
(20:59):
at the sun, maybe, smell theoutside air, it'll do a lot for
you.
Number four, stop explainingyourself to people.
At this point, you don't oweanyone an any sort of
explanation or justification forwanting something different.
(21:21):
And this will come up whenyou're with friends that you've
had for a long time or coworkersthat you've known for a really
long time.
Sometimes people see you the wayyou used to be and not the way
you are now.
And you have to find your way ofjust politely declining the
invites or politely saying, No,I'm not available for that, and
(21:46):
keeping it moving.
And then the last one check inwith yourself with what
ambitious really means to you,to the you right now, not to the
you.
From five years ago, because Iguarantee you, some of the
things that were once soincredibly important to you are
(22:07):
not anymore.
They're probably not even afleeting thought anymore.
I remember when I started myonline training business.
The idea came up probably around2012.
And at the time, my vision wasto live somewhere tropical,
(22:27):
somewhere beautiful, and beworking completely remote from
my laptop, not customer-facing,doing programming for my online
clients that lived all over theworld.
Sounds great, right?
Now when I think about that, Isay to myself, no, thank you.
I would rather work in personand then have my online stuff be
(22:52):
things similar to this, to apodcast or a body of work, or my
paintings, or dancing, but notsomething where I still need to
be attached to my computer 24-7.
Now, listen, I know this episodemight be all over the place, but
this is just all the stuffthat's top of mind for me right
(23:15):
now.
And I always speak to you fromthe heart.
I always speak to you withwhat's going on in the current
moment.
And I think it's important thatwe consistently check in with
ourselves and identify, youknow, what are we still carrying
around that we've genuinelyoutgrown?
And what can we look forward to?
(23:37):
What's what are what are weworking towards?
What are we moving ahead to?
The thing is, it doesn't have tobe this big, huge undertaking or
this big overhaul of your life.
It could simply be the nextthree or four steps, or maybe
even just the next step period.
Now I want to remind you thatshowing up for yourself is
(23:59):
self-care.
It's not selfish because youhave to do whatever you can to
be healthy as you age, as youget older.
And that includes your mentalhealth.
Now, the project I've beenworking on for months is almost
(24:20):
ready to be launched, and it's astrength program called Lift
Like You Mean It.
I'm gonna include a link in theshow notes that you can check it
out.
If you want to sign up for thewait list, there's a way to do
that.
And if you want to send me atext and let me know what you're
working on, I would love to hearfrom you.
(24:42):
There is a way to do that in theshow notes as well.
As always, I appreciate yourtime and attention each and
every week.
If you found this episodehelpful, do me a favor and share
it with a friend.
Every time you share one ofthese episodes with somebody
else, you give me theopportunity to get a little bit
more visibility and to connectwith more incredible human
(25:04):
beings just like yourself.
Thank you for being here, and asalways, I'll catch you on the
next one.
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