March 23, 2026 • 34 mins
In this episode, we unpack the three non-negotiables that help new and returning women lifters make real progress. They are probably NOT what you think.
Along the way, we call out the common traps—random workouts, cherry-picking favorites, and chasing aesthetics without muscle—that stall results and sap confidence.
I share hard-won lessons from decades in fitness and coaching women.
Then we shift from theory to practice: the difference between a routine and a program, how a structured plan removes decision fatigue, and simple ways to read your body so you can move better and lift more with fewer setbacks.
If this conversation moved you, leave a quick review so more women can find and follow a stronger path forward.
If you want the deeper lessons behind strength training, join my newsletter called Between Reps: Building the Unbreakable Woman. Check it out HERE
Instagram: www.instagram.com/tianamoves
Website: unbreakablemb.com
Email: info@unbreakablemb.com
Disclaimer: This show is for education and entertainment purposes only. This is not intended as a replacement for therapy. Please seek out the help of a professional to assist you with your specific situation.
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SPEAKER_00 (00:07):
Welcome to the Unbreakable Mind and Body
Podcast.
I am your host, Tiana Gonzalez,a multi-passionate creative,
storyteller, and entrepreneurwith a fierce love for movement.
This is our space for powerfulstories and actionable
strategies to help you buildmental resilience and elevate
(00:28):
your self-care practice.
Together, we will unlock thetools that you need to create an
unbreakable mind and body.
Welcome back to the show.
I am your host, Tiana, and Ihave a question for you for my
people who work out.
What is something that you wishsomeone had told you sooner?
(00:51):
So if you're new to lifting, orif you've been going for maybe a
year or so to the gym and youstill feel lost, this episode is
for you because we are going tocover, in my opinion, the three
non-negotiables for people whoare new to lifting.
And we're going to talk abouthow these things will carry you
(01:13):
further than any trendingprogram and how a structured
plan will remove the guessworkso you can actually focus on
getting stronger.
I've been working in the healthand wellness and fitness
industry for a little under 30years, which almost saddens me
to say, but I was blessed andfortunate enough to grow up in a
(01:38):
household where my parents werevery health conscious, very into
eating well, training properly,particularly my mom.
So I was blessed in the sensethat I was exposed to a lot at a
very young age and learned someof the same truths that I
(01:59):
believe in today over 30 yearsago.
I am echoing a lot of the samethings.
And I will tell you, after somany years, I have seen people
come and go.
I have seen so many women startsomething and they just fall
off.
And I can see specifics andthings that lead people to
(02:24):
progress.
It's like you're looking at thisroad or this path in front of
you.
And right now, there's potholes,there's a barricade, there's a
crack, there's an issue, there'sa stop sign, there's an animal
crossing, there's a railroad,like you know, just imagine
anything and everything in yourway.
(02:46):
And as you become moreexperienced and as you get to
know your own body better andlearn how to trust yourself,
those things sort of clear away.
And if you spend enough time inthe gym and you people watch,
there are people who come intothe gym and they are not loud,
(03:07):
they just come in, they do theirthing, they have a great
workout, they feel well at theend, they're not dying or in the
fetal position every singletime.
They know how to push themselvesjust enough, and they leave and
they begin to see progress.
And there are others who willshow up who may do the same sort
(03:32):
of actions and yet they don'tmake that kind of progress.
They don't feel as confident,they don't trust themselves in
the same way.
So, what do most women get wrongwhen they start lifting?
And I am gonna gear thisconversation more towards women
because that is my general forteis strength training for women,
(03:54):
if you didn't know that already.
Well, the first year of liftingis always exciting, right?
It's easy to mistake being busyfor making progress.
The first trap that I see oftenis just randomly selecting
exercises.
Maybe seeing someone dosomething on social media or
(04:15):
going to the gym with a friendor their boyfriend or their
husband, or just someone elsewho's a little more experienced,
and then later returning to thegym and trying to replicate what
they did or copy what they saw.
There's also cherry-pickingfavorite exercises.
And this just results in gaps inyour strength, in imbalances, in
(04:42):
hitting plateaus.
And this is the person whosometimes will come to me and
they listen to a ton ofpodcasts.
They can reference influencernames, they may be wearing the
most popular brand of athleticuh attire.
We call that athleisure wear, Ibelieve.
(05:02):
Maybe I'm getting that wrong.
But yet it's like informationoverload and they are completely
overwhelmed.
That's going to be difficult tonavigate.
We almost have to undo that.
Now, the second trap I see ischasing the wrong outcome.
I want to tell you a little bit.
(05:25):
Here's the first sidebar, and myregular listeners know that I
always go on sidebars, and mysidebars have sidebars.
So, sidebar number one.
I want to say many of us beginto exercise because there is
something about our body or ourphysical appearance that we want
to change.
Not everyone, but there are alot of us that fall into that
(05:48):
category, and that's thecategory I belong in.
Okay.
That's where I started.
And so maybe you want to put onmuscle, maybe you want to lose
body fat, maybe you want tochange your shape, okay?
And that's okay.
But the information that isabundant for people who want to
(06:12):
do that to accomplish adifferent physical appearance or
aesthetic is very misleading.
We are seeing an influx of folkswho are using weight loss
medications.
And I am not an expert on thetopic, but what I am an expert
(06:33):
on is understanding people.
And I am seeing a phenomenon ofpeople who are frequenting the
gym now, their bodies lookdifferent than they used to.
It's none of my business ifthey're on a GLP one or not, but
I tend to be able to identifycertain signs.
For example, a lot of looseskin, or their arms and legs
(06:59):
don't have a lot of shape andcurve.
They're kind of just long andskinny.
And a saggy, droopy hiny, right?
There's no muscle in the glutes.
So it's just kind of hangingthere.
And it's none of my business ifsomebody, you know, feels happy
about that or they don't, orthey start that journey and then
(07:23):
they realize, oh, I need to liftweights.
But losing weight is one thing.
You need to actually liftweights in order to build muscle
underneath your body fat so thatwhen you lose weight, you still
have some substance and youstill have something protecting
(07:43):
your skeleton and supportingyour body.
So if you don't have that muscletone to begin with and you just
suddenly lose a lot of weight,that is what we're seeing more
and more prevalently now ispeople who are just losing a lot
of weight and they're losing itfast, and their skin is hanging
(08:04):
on their skeleton, which, youknow, whether we find it
attractive or not, it's reallynone of our business.
But that is a phenomenon thatI'm seeing.
So sidebar number two is Ialready told you.
I have sidebars here.
Second sidebar is wanting tochange something about your
(08:25):
physical appearance.
There's nothing inherently wrongwith that.
But I do recognize that therehas been a period of time where,
for example, the boutiquestudios, the functional fitness
gyms, where the focus becamemore about doing the exercise
(08:48):
and less about what your bodylooks like.
And I love embracing what ourbodies can do for us.
But there was this time period,I want to say of a solid 10 to
15 years, where it was almostfrowned upon to want to change
something aesthetically.
(09:10):
Like, what do you mean you wantto build your glutes?
Or what do you mean you wantmore uh muscle on your shoulders
and you want big roundedshoulders, or what do you mean
you want to build your back inorder to make your waist
smaller?
We don't do that here.
We're doing CrossFit, forexample, or we're doing uh a
(09:32):
sporting event, or we'repowerlifting.
It doesn't matter what you looklike when you do those
activities, your your appearanceis not going to improve your
performance.
And so there was certainly thistime period where it was almost
like if you wanted to changesomething aesthetically, you
(09:52):
kind of have to keep had to keepit a secret.
Now, of course, this is my ownpersonal experience, and this is
in the area where I live and inthe different fitness
establishments and gyms that Ifrequented.
And at one period of time, I wasemployed at a big box gym.
I was coaching CrossFit at adifferent CrossFit gym.
I was teaching a boot camp classat a gym in the Bronx.
(10:17):
I was also teaching atreadmill-based class in another
gym little boutique studio.
So I was kind of all over themap and I saw this often.
And there's nothing wrong withwanting to change something
about your physical appearance.
But thinking about results onthe outside, they actually come
(10:38):
from what you build on theinside: stronger muscles, better
mechanics, and being consistentwith your efforts over time.
Now, trap number three, back tothe topic.
So many people think that theyshould be further along than
where they are.
(10:58):
I will hear it often where awoman will say, I should be able
to do this by now.
We've been working together forlet's say six months, let's say
a year.
I should be able to do that.
I should be able to do this.
And it's frustrating for them.
But the truth is six to eightweeks in on a new fitness
(11:20):
journey, on a new strengthtraining journey, there is so
much to learn in the beginning.
It's very difficult to absorb itall, retain it all, to undo bad
habits, to mobilize your bodyproperly, and everyone's body is
different, and then buildstrength, not only through the
(11:40):
muscles, but also within thejoints, so that you can get a
proper range of motion andexecute the movements well, and
then build the strength.
So, do you see how you almosthave to peel it back to get to
the root?
And then you address certainconcerns and then you build upon
it.
(12:01):
And so when we look at it fromthat angle, and of course, we
live in the digital age wherecomparison is everything.
I mean, we're spoon-fed ahighlight reel of other people's
lives, even if it's fake, it canstill mess you up mentally.
And so there's this idea that,you know, mastery should be
(12:22):
happening much faster than itactually is.
And I'm happy to say AI issomething that will never
replace me.
It will never take my job.
There will always be a need forin-person coaches and trainers
because we need to see ourclients doing these things in
(12:47):
person and correcting them inreal time and coaching them and
guiding them and mentoring.
And that is another sidebar.
So let's get back to thefoundations, to the things I
actually want you to focus on inyour first year, two years,
maybe even three years.
And, you know, if you're in thisperiod of time, first couple of
(13:09):
years, and you're findingyourself frustrated, please take
a deep breath and hear me outbecause you're not behind.
And there's nothing wrong withyou, even if you feel like
you're a little frustrated.
All right.
So the first thing I highlyrecommend you focus on are your
(13:30):
movement patterns.
Now, I just touched on that inmy little ramble before when we
were talking about mobility andstretching out the muscles with
our flexibility training,working through the tight areas
of your joints to get themmobile, and then applying load
to build strength.
There's fundamental movementpatterns, squat, hinge, push,
(13:56):
pull, core or rotation, and thenthere's also carry, which carry
is similar to hinging if you arepicking something up off the
floor, but you could also carrysomething in a in the front of
your body, for example, like alarge sandbag, which would
replicate carrying a large bagor a grocery bag.
(14:20):
And these movement patternsmatter because once you
recognize the patterns, it helpssimplify everything.
So if you have an issue in oneof the movement patterns, until
you really figure out what theissue is, is it's maybe you have
(14:43):
something going on in your toesand you need to work through the
soft tissue in your feet beforeyou start a workout?
Is it maybe because you sit at adesk all day and your hips are
really tight?
Is it maybe because you're onyour phone a lot or you're
looking down a lot during yourday?
And so your neck and your trapsare really tight.
Maybe you're under a lot ofstress.
(15:04):
And then again, your neck couldbe really tight.
You might be clenching your jawwhen you sleep at night.
Now, trainers are not with it'sthere, it's not within their
scope of practice to diagnoseanything.
Okay.
We just know patterns, we knowsigns, and we can make general
recommendations for certainthings.
But it takes time to not onlyidentify where there are areas
(15:30):
that can be improved, but thenworking through it.
And sometimes if you startadding a weight in to a movement
before the movement is clean orit's you're able to execute it
well, you can create a problem.
You can get injured.
It can also be very defeatingbecause let's say the issue is
(15:54):
not the weight nor the abilityto do it, meaning that the
strength of your muscles, butmaybe you have an old injury and
that there's one joint in yourbody that's really tight.
There's a lot of scar tissuethere.
Like maybe you broke your arm,or maybe you hurt your shoulder
years ago in a skiing accident.
Now it's 30 years later, and youhave the strength to push the
(16:17):
weight, but the shoulder isgiving you a little bit of a
problem.
That's just one example.
The next thing we want to focuson is progressive overload.
Now, I used to get sointimidated by that.
It sounds really fancy,progressive overload.
And what it really means in anutshell is that you're
(16:41):
gradually increasing the demand,meaning you're gradually
increasing the weight on yourbody over an extended amount of
time.
Now it's not just the weight,but you could in most of the
time it's increasing the weight,increasing the reps, or resting
less.
These are the general ones thatyou can choose from, but you
(17:04):
have to be consistent with it.
So a lot of times you'll hearpeople say, like, oh, I have to
confuse my body.
No, you don't.
You don't have to confuse afucking thing.
In fact, especially if you're abeginner, we shouldn't be
confusing anything.
We should be doing literally thesame workout for several weeks,
if not months, if not sixmonths.
(17:25):
Because if you do the sameworkout, then you get to really
see how you are making progress.
You can track your weights, youcan look at your body in the
mirror when you're executing themovement, you can reference how
you're sleeping and how you feelthe next day.
(17:46):
These are all signs that canshow progress.
And the thing is that your bodywill adapt to whatever stress
you give it.
So, yes, you have to give it newchallenges, but that doesn't
necessarily mean a whole newworkout every time you do legs,
for example.
And by the way, tracking really,really matters here.
(18:10):
Because if you're just guessing,you could be leaving, you could
be leaving some room forimprovement, you know, leaving
it on the table.
Write down your weights, keep atracker, maybe in Google Docs,
maybe somewhere in your notes,in your phone.
But it's important becauseyou're not always gonna remember
(18:31):
what you did for a certainmovement.
Now the third thing we want tofocus on, and this is the most
important of all, isconsistency.
You could be talented, you couldhave fantastic genetics, you can
take the best supplements in theworld, you can have a pristine
(18:55):
diet and the most perfectprogram.
But none of that matters a bitmore than showing up repeatedly,
time after time after time.
Strength is built in layers, soevery time you show up, you
(19:18):
complete a session, it's likemaking a deposit, and you may
have heard me say this before onthis show.
You're making a little ittybitty deposit into your
retirement fund, into your 401k,into your Roth IRA.
You it's so small when you lookat it day to day that you don't
(19:39):
really see the difference, youdon't feel it.
It's like, you know, that smalllittle investment out of your
paycheck that you don't don'treally miss, or that pre-tax
deduction, you don't really missit because it's so small when
it's paychecked to paycheck.
But at the end of a year or fiveyears, it's a decent amount of
money.
(20:00):
And that's the same thing withstrength training.
The goal in one year shouldn'tbe to crush and obliterate
yourself every single workout,but it should really be just to
make going to the gym a part ofwho you are because and this is
something that I think somepeople don't necessarily want to
(20:24):
submit to, but you're gonna haveto go to the gym for the rest of
your life, and that's a goodthing, it's not a bad thing.
But I think perhaps maybebecause of my generation growing
up in the 80s, it was like youwent on a diet and then you went
(20:44):
off a diet.
And the thing is, that'sprobably the most disastrous
thing you could do for yourselfbecause you're gonna get your
body into this shape that youdreamed of and you work so hard,
and then you just let it falloff.
I don't know about you, but thatsounds devastating to me.
And quite frankly, it is.
I've been through that many,many, many times because I
(21:04):
competed in bodybuilding showson and off for 13 plus years.
The woman who shows up three orfour times every week for an
entire year is going tooutperform the woman who trains
intensely for let's say sixweeks or eight weeks and then
(21:27):
disappears.
Like there's just simply nocomparison there.
So let's talk about what mysolution would be.
I'm sure you can guess.
It's a structured program.
So when we think about aprogram, I also don't want that
(21:50):
word to intimidate you because Ithink sometimes it does
intimidate people.
And oftentimes a program and aroutine are used interchangeably
in.
And the narrative when we'retalking about working out in
conversation sometimes withpeople, they're not the same.
A routine is establishing, youknow, the frequency.
(22:17):
What's the routine of the monthor the year?
Let's say, but most people don'tplan a routine for a year, they
do it in seasons.
Your routine is what are youdoing Sunday?
What are you doing Monday,Tuesday, Wednesday, every day of
the week?
And then repeat.
So the routine is sort ofoverarching.
It's kind of like the broadstroke.
(22:40):
The program is where you dialin.
It's where you get granular.
It's where you look at each dayspecifically and figure out
well, how much time do you have?
And how many days per week areyou going to actually train?
And what is your proficiencylevel?
(23:04):
If you're in the first year tothree years, it's probably
beginner with all of theexercises, the equipment, the
free weights, dumbbells,kettlebells, barbells,
plate-loaded machines, cables.
So there's a lot there.
(23:24):
So if you're somebody who's beenbeating yourself up because you
still don't know how to doeverything, be nice to yourself.
Give yourself a break.
This shit is hard, and nobodywas born knowing any of it.
It's all learned behavior.
So when you have a structuredprogram, it's selecting your
(23:45):
exercises intentionally.
You're looking at the movementpatterns and you're seeing the
purpose behind it and how itfits into the bigger plan.
We bake in progressive overload.
So how are you going tochallenge yourself week over
week over week?
At some point in time, thenewbie gains start to taper off
(24:09):
and then plateau.
And then for a good period oftime, you're probably working
with the same weights, butyou're changing the intensity,
or you're using tempo, or you'reincreasing the rep range, or
you're adding an extra set.
And so there's where youroverload comes into play.
(24:30):
The other thing about having aprogram that is life-changing is
that it removes the mental trainof decision making.
You follow the plan, you put inthe work, you go home.
You don't have to wander aroundthe gym and wonder what to do
(24:52):
next.
You don't have to go looking foryour favorite fitness pro on
Instagram to see what was thatmachine she said she did, and
piece it together with stuff youhad from another workout.
Now, let's talk about yourquality of life because, in my
opinion, your quality of lifewill improve dramatically.
(25:17):
Strength that's built in the gymis gonna show up everywhere else
in your life.
When you're picking up yourkids, when you're climbing a
flight of stairs, when you areputting on your shoes in the
morning, when you're carryingthe groceries, when you are
walking in a crowded place, whenyou are putting your carry-on in
(25:39):
the overhead bin.
These are real life day-to-dayexamples where your life will
become so much easier because ofthe work that you do in the gym
on a consistent basis.
Women who build a strongfoundation, when they get older,
(26:00):
they're able to maintainindependence.
There's less pain, they're ableto do things.
It's a completely differentexperience than the women who
decide they're not gonnaexercise.
I don't want to speak negativenegatively about anyone because
(26:23):
we all have choices and somethings are within our control
and some things are not.
But I will tell you, when itcomes to taking care of yourself
and doing your best to try toguarantee that you are going to
(26:44):
have a healthy life well intoyour senior years, you need to
be exercising, you need to bechallenging yourself with the
weights.
We need to maintain our bonedensity.
We want to have healthy joints,you want to have good metabolic
function and your hormones.
(27:06):
Hello, let's not forget aboutthat.
Keeping your hormones balancedor as balanced as possible, this
will all take place as a directresult of strength training.
And I'm gonna tell you,prevention is always cheaper
(27:27):
than treatment.
So you're investing in yourwellness now so that you'll have
less hospital bills later.
Think about that.
So there's something reallyimportant I want to close out
this episode with.
The biggest takeaway from thiswhole conversation is that
(27:50):
knowledge alone will not producethe results you want.
So, yes, we're touching on a lotof important shit in this
conversation.
And if you need to bookmark thisepisode and come back and listen
to it again and again and again,great.
I appreciate that.
But guess what?
(28:10):
That's just a starting point.
Because you need to actuallytake action.
You need to get out there, youneed to do stuff.
So I'm curious.
Do you remember your last threeworkouts?
Do you know exactly what youdid, how they went, how they
felt in your body?
(28:30):
Let's reflect on that.
Or how about recognizing onemovement pattern that you avoid
because it feels really hard oruncomfortable?
That might be a good place foryou to start and to work
(28:52):
through.
Now, you might be askingyourself, well, if I don't know
how to do it or if I'mstruggling with it, how do I
work through it?
That's a great question.
There are a couple things thatyou can do.
Number one, I highly recommendwherever you are, if you have
access to a gym, if you have agym membership, I would find a
(29:17):
professional, get a personaltrainer, book some sessions,
tell them what your goal is, bestraightforward and transparent,
but get hands-on coaching.
Nothing will ever replace havingsomebody standing right in front
of you.
And I will die on this hill.
(29:39):
And I am someone who, I mean,the whole inception of my
fitness business, which theideas came to me around 2010,
2011.
I executed in 2012.
I went all in in 2013.
But the goal was always to be anonline personal trainer.
And another sidebar for you, Iwas a beta tester for one of the
(30:05):
world's most well-known onlinecoaching certification programs.
And I was a beta tester for thefirst rollout of the program.
It had a different title, it wasum delivered in a different
format.
But I remember that was like thereal first big business
investment I ever made inmyself.
(30:25):
I think it was like$750.
And I did a payment plan for acouple of payments through
PayPal, and it was very, very,very exciting.
But it was so long ago, and thewhole premise was to figure out
how to deliver personal trainingto remote clients.
(30:47):
And I did that for a long time,and I built this business that I
wound up completely resentingand shutting down a couple of
years ago.
Because the truth is that yeah,you can scale, but you can't
scale quality.
You can't scale hands-on.
And those first few years ofyour training life are crucial.
(31:12):
You want to be in the hands ofsomebody that you trust, that
you know is informing youproperly, is programming for
you, not just piecing togetherrandom workouts, because you
could do that yourself.
You don't need to pay a trainerif they're gonna completely wing
it, all right?
And maybe I'll do anotherepisode on the things you should
look for if you're gonna hire atrainer to work with in person.
(31:34):
You know what?
That's a great idea.
But your other options could beto reach out to me.
If you check the show notes, youcan send me a text.
There are all the links, all ofthe things at the uh at the
footer of the show notes.
(31:55):
You'll see the website, you'llsee my Instagram, you will see a
link to my Substack page, whichis where I go even deeper on
some of these topics that we'rediscussing here on this show.
And the the newsletter is calledBetween Reps: Building the
Unbreakable Woman.
And there's also one more thingthat I'll throw in here.
(32:19):
I am rolling out a strengthprogram.
It's for women who have somelifting experience, but they're
looking for clarity, they'relooking for structure, they're
looking to have that peace ofmind.
All the things we just discussedin this episode.
It's called Lift Like You MeanIt.
It's a self-paced uh program.
The lessons are delivered in a10-episode podcast.
(32:44):
There's progressions, there'svideo demonstrations, there's a
progress tracker, there's all ofthose things.
And it's at an amazing pricepoint for the first rollout of
the launch.
So it's going to be under$100.
And I have to tell you, it'sawesome.
But again, it's not the same asworking with a trainer in
(33:07):
person.
So if you're somebody who'sstill kind of a beginner and
you're interested in theprogram, that's great.
And you still need to be withsomebody in person because
there's just so much value inhaving somebody give you that
instant feedback.
All right.
Listen, wherever you are, bethere completely.
(33:30):
And trust yourself that ifyou're stuck, if you're
confused, if you're frustrated,you are absolutely capable of
getting yourself out of thatsituation.
However, you don't have to do itby yourself.
You are not required to figureit all out by yourself.
(33:51):
And there are so many differentways that you can solve that
riddle or get out of that littlesticky spot on your path that we
talked about earlier today.
Maybe you're stuck at the redlight right now or the railroad
crossing.
But regardless, you got this.
You're here, you're giving meyour time and attention, and I
(34:12):
appreciate it completely.
And if this show helped you inany way, please share it with a
friend that you think canappreciate and value this
conversation just like you did.
I will catch you on the nextone.
Welcome to the Unbreakable Mind and Body
Podcast.
I am your host, Tiana Gonzalez,a multi-passionate creative,
storyteller, and entrepreneurwith a fierce love for movement.
This is our space for powerfulstories and actionable
strategies to help you buildmental resilience and elevate
(00:28):
your self-care practice.
Together, we will unlock thetools that you need to create an
unbreakable mind and body.
Welcome back to the show.
I am your host, Tiana, and Ihave a question for you for my
people who work out.
What is something that you wishsomeone had told you sooner?
(00:51):
So if you're new to lifting, orif you've been going for maybe a
year or so to the gym and youstill feel lost, this episode is
for you because we are going tocover, in my opinion, the three
non-negotiables for people whoare new to lifting.
And we're going to talk abouthow these things will carry you
(01:13):
further than any trendingprogram and how a structured
plan will remove the guessworkso you can actually focus on
getting stronger.
I've been working in the healthand wellness and fitness
industry for a little under 30years, which almost saddens me
to say, but I was blessed andfortunate enough to grow up in a
(01:38):
household where my parents werevery health conscious, very into
eating well, training properly,particularly my mom.
So I was blessed in the sensethat I was exposed to a lot at a
very young age and learned someof the same truths that I
(01:59):
believe in today over 30 yearsago.
I am echoing a lot of the samethings.
And I will tell you, after somany years, I have seen people
come and go.
I have seen so many women startsomething and they just fall
off.
And I can see specifics andthings that lead people to
(02:24):
progress.
It's like you're looking at thisroad or this path in front of
you.
And right now, there's potholes,there's a barricade, there's a
crack, there's an issue, there'sa stop sign, there's an animal
crossing, there's a railroad,like you know, just imagine
anything and everything in yourway.
(02:46):
And as you become moreexperienced and as you get to
know your own body better andlearn how to trust yourself,
those things sort of clear away.
And if you spend enough time inthe gym and you people watch,
there are people who come intothe gym and they are not loud,
(03:07):
they just come in, they do theirthing, they have a great
workout, they feel well at theend, they're not dying or in the
fetal position every singletime.
They know how to push themselvesjust enough, and they leave and
they begin to see progress.
And there are others who willshow up who may do the same sort
(03:32):
of actions and yet they don'tmake that kind of progress.
They don't feel as confident,they don't trust themselves in
the same way.
So, what do most women get wrongwhen they start lifting?
And I am gonna gear thisconversation more towards women
because that is my general forteis strength training for women,
(03:54):
if you didn't know that already.
Well, the first year of liftingis always exciting, right?
It's easy to mistake being busyfor making progress.
The first trap that I see oftenis just randomly selecting
exercises.
Maybe seeing someone dosomething on social media or
(04:15):
going to the gym with a friendor their boyfriend or their
husband, or just someone elsewho's a little more experienced,
and then later returning to thegym and trying to replicate what
they did or copy what they saw.
There's also cherry-pickingfavorite exercises.
And this just results in gaps inyour strength, in imbalances, in
(04:42):
hitting plateaus.
And this is the person whosometimes will come to me and
they listen to a ton ofpodcasts.
They can reference influencernames, they may be wearing the
most popular brand of athleticuh attire.
We call that athleisure wear, Ibelieve.
(05:02):
Maybe I'm getting that wrong.
But yet it's like informationoverload and they are completely
overwhelmed.
That's going to be difficult tonavigate.
We almost have to undo that.
Now, the second trap I see ischasing the wrong outcome.
I want to tell you a little bit.
(05:25):
Here's the first sidebar, and myregular listeners know that I
always go on sidebars, and mysidebars have sidebars.
So, sidebar number one.
I want to say many of us beginto exercise because there is
something about our body or ourphysical appearance that we want
to change.
Not everyone, but there are alot of us that fall into that
(05:48):
category, and that's thecategory I belong in.
Okay.
That's where I started.
And so maybe you want to put onmuscle, maybe you want to lose
body fat, maybe you want tochange your shape, okay?
And that's okay.
But the information that isabundant for people who want to
(06:12):
do that to accomplish adifferent physical appearance or
aesthetic is very misleading.
We are seeing an influx of folkswho are using weight loss
medications.
And I am not an expert on thetopic, but what I am an expert
(06:33):
on is understanding people.
And I am seeing a phenomenon ofpeople who are frequenting the
gym now, their bodies lookdifferent than they used to.
It's none of my business ifthey're on a GLP one or not, but
I tend to be able to identifycertain signs.
For example, a lot of looseskin, or their arms and legs
(06:59):
don't have a lot of shape andcurve.
They're kind of just long andskinny.
And a saggy, droopy hiny, right?
There's no muscle in the glutes.
So it's just kind of hangingthere.
And it's none of my business ifsomebody, you know, feels happy
about that or they don't, orthey start that journey and then
(07:23):
they realize, oh, I need to liftweights.
But losing weight is one thing.
You need to actually liftweights in order to build muscle
underneath your body fat so thatwhen you lose weight, you still
have some substance and youstill have something protecting
(07:43):
your skeleton and supportingyour body.
So if you don't have that muscletone to begin with and you just
suddenly lose a lot of weight,that is what we're seeing more
and more prevalently now ispeople who are just losing a lot
of weight and they're losing itfast, and their skin is hanging
(08:04):
on their skeleton, which, youknow, whether we find it
attractive or not, it's reallynone of our business.
But that is a phenomenon thatI'm seeing.
So sidebar number two is Ialready told you.
I have sidebars here.
Second sidebar is wanting tochange something about your
(08:25):
physical appearance.
There's nothing inherently wrongwith that.
But I do recognize that therehas been a period of time where,
for example, the boutiquestudios, the functional fitness
gyms, where the focus becamemore about doing the exercise
(08:48):
and less about what your bodylooks like.
And I love embracing what ourbodies can do for us.
But there was this time period,I want to say of a solid 10 to
15 years, where it was almostfrowned upon to want to change
something aesthetically.
(09:10):
Like, what do you mean you wantto build your glutes?
Or what do you mean you wantmore uh muscle on your shoulders
and you want big roundedshoulders, or what do you mean
you want to build your back inorder to make your waist
smaller?
We don't do that here.
We're doing CrossFit, forexample, or we're doing uh a
(09:32):
sporting event, or we'repowerlifting.
It doesn't matter what you looklike when you do those
activities, your your appearanceis not going to improve your
performance.
And so there was certainly thistime period where it was almost
like if you wanted to changesomething aesthetically, you
(09:52):
kind of have to keep had to keepit a secret.
Now, of course, this is my ownpersonal experience, and this is
in the area where I live and inthe different fitness
establishments and gyms that Ifrequented.
And at one period of time, I wasemployed at a big box gym.
I was coaching CrossFit at adifferent CrossFit gym.
I was teaching a boot camp classat a gym in the Bronx.
(10:17):
I was also teaching atreadmill-based class in another
gym little boutique studio.
So I was kind of all over themap and I saw this often.
And there's nothing wrong withwanting to change something
about your physical appearance.
But thinking about results onthe outside, they actually come
(10:38):
from what you build on theinside: stronger muscles, better
mechanics, and being consistentwith your efforts over time.
Now, trap number three, back tothe topic.
So many people think that theyshould be further along than
where they are.
(10:58):
I will hear it often where awoman will say, I should be able
to do this by now.
We've been working together forlet's say six months, let's say
a year.
I should be able to do that.
I should be able to do this.
And it's frustrating for them.
But the truth is six to eightweeks in on a new fitness
(11:20):
journey, on a new strengthtraining journey, there is so
much to learn in the beginning.
It's very difficult to absorb itall, retain it all, to undo bad
habits, to mobilize your bodyproperly, and everyone's body is
different, and then buildstrength, not only through the
(11:40):
muscles, but also within thejoints, so that you can get a
proper range of motion andexecute the movements well, and
then build the strength.
So, do you see how you almosthave to peel it back to get to
the root?
And then you address certainconcerns and then you build upon
it.
(12:01):
And so when we look at it fromthat angle, and of course, we
live in the digital age wherecomparison is everything.
I mean, we're spoon-fed ahighlight reel of other people's
lives, even if it's fake, it canstill mess you up mentally.
And so there's this idea that,you know, mastery should be
(12:22):
happening much faster than itactually is.
And I'm happy to say AI issomething that will never
replace me.
It will never take my job.
There will always be a need forin-person coaches and trainers
because we need to see ourclients doing these things in
(12:47):
person and correcting them inreal time and coaching them and
guiding them and mentoring.
And that is another sidebar.
So let's get back to thefoundations, to the things I
actually want you to focus on inyour first year, two years,
maybe even three years.
And, you know, if you're in thisperiod of time, first couple of
(13:09):
years, and you're findingyourself frustrated, please take
a deep breath and hear me outbecause you're not behind.
And there's nothing wrong withyou, even if you feel like
you're a little frustrated.
All right.
So the first thing I highlyrecommend you focus on are your
(13:30):
movement patterns.
Now, I just touched on that inmy little ramble before when we
were talking about mobility andstretching out the muscles with
our flexibility training,working through the tight areas
of your joints to get themmobile, and then applying load
to build strength.
There's fundamental movementpatterns, squat, hinge, push,
(13:56):
pull, core or rotation, and thenthere's also carry, which carry
is similar to hinging if you arepicking something up off the
floor, but you could also carrysomething in a in the front of
your body, for example, like alarge sandbag, which would
replicate carrying a large bagor a grocery bag.
(14:20):
And these movement patternsmatter because once you
recognize the patterns, it helpssimplify everything.
So if you have an issue in oneof the movement patterns, until
you really figure out what theissue is, is it's maybe you have
(14:43):
something going on in your toesand you need to work through the
soft tissue in your feet beforeyou start a workout?
Is it maybe because you sit at adesk all day and your hips are
really tight?
Is it maybe because you're onyour phone a lot or you're
looking down a lot during yourday?
And so your neck and your trapsare really tight.
Maybe you're under a lot ofstress.
(15:04):
And then again, your neck couldbe really tight.
You might be clenching your jawwhen you sleep at night.
Now, trainers are not with it'sthere, it's not within their
scope of practice to diagnoseanything.
Okay.
We just know patterns, we knowsigns, and we can make general
recommendations for certainthings.
But it takes time to not onlyidentify where there are areas
(15:30):
that can be improved, but thenworking through it.
And sometimes if you startadding a weight in to a movement
before the movement is clean orit's you're able to execute it
well, you can create a problem.
You can get injured.
It can also be very defeatingbecause let's say the issue is
(15:54):
not the weight nor the abilityto do it, meaning that the
strength of your muscles, butmaybe you have an old injury and
that there's one joint in yourbody that's really tight.
There's a lot of scar tissuethere.
Like maybe you broke your arm,or maybe you hurt your shoulder
years ago in a skiing accident.
Now it's 30 years later, and youhave the strength to push the
(16:17):
weight, but the shoulder isgiving you a little bit of a
problem.
That's just one example.
The next thing we want to focuson is progressive overload.
Now, I used to get sointimidated by that.
It sounds really fancy,progressive overload.
And what it really means in anutshell is that you're
(16:41):
gradually increasing the demand,meaning you're gradually
increasing the weight on yourbody over an extended amount of
time.
Now it's not just the weight,but you could in most of the
time it's increasing the weight,increasing the reps, or resting
less.
These are the general ones thatyou can choose from, but you
(17:04):
have to be consistent with it.
So a lot of times you'll hearpeople say, like, oh, I have to
confuse my body.
No, you don't.
You don't have to confuse afucking thing.
In fact, especially if you're abeginner, we shouldn't be
confusing anything.
We should be doing literally thesame workout for several weeks,
if not months, if not sixmonths.
(17:25):
Because if you do the sameworkout, then you get to really
see how you are making progress.
You can track your weights, youcan look at your body in the
mirror when you're executing themovement, you can reference how
you're sleeping and how you feelthe next day.
(17:46):
These are all signs that canshow progress.
And the thing is that your bodywill adapt to whatever stress
you give it.
So, yes, you have to give it newchallenges, but that doesn't
necessarily mean a whole newworkout every time you do legs,
for example.
And by the way, tracking really,really matters here.
(18:10):
Because if you're just guessing,you could be leaving, you could
be leaving some room forimprovement, you know, leaving
it on the table.
Write down your weights, keep atracker, maybe in Google Docs,
maybe somewhere in your notes,in your phone.
But it's important becauseyou're not always gonna remember
(18:31):
what you did for a certainmovement.
Now the third thing we want tofocus on, and this is the most
important of all, isconsistency.
You could be talented, you couldhave fantastic genetics, you can
take the best supplements in theworld, you can have a pristine
(18:55):
diet and the most perfectprogram.
But none of that matters a bitmore than showing up repeatedly,
time after time after time.
Strength is built in layers, soevery time you show up, you
(19:18):
complete a session, it's likemaking a deposit, and you may
have heard me say this before onthis show.
You're making a little ittybitty deposit into your
retirement fund, into your 401k,into your Roth IRA.
You it's so small when you lookat it day to day that you don't
(19:39):
really see the difference, youdon't feel it.
It's like, you know, that smalllittle investment out of your
paycheck that you don't don'treally miss, or that pre-tax
deduction, you don't really missit because it's so small when
it's paychecked to paycheck.
But at the end of a year or fiveyears, it's a decent amount of
money.
(20:00):
And that's the same thing withstrength training.
The goal in one year shouldn'tbe to crush and obliterate
yourself every single workout,but it should really be just to
make going to the gym a part ofwho you are because and this is
something that I think somepeople don't necessarily want to
(20:24):
submit to, but you're gonna haveto go to the gym for the rest of
your life, and that's a goodthing, it's not a bad thing.
But I think perhaps maybebecause of my generation growing
up in the 80s, it was like youwent on a diet and then you went
(20:44):
off a diet.
And the thing is, that'sprobably the most disastrous
thing you could do for yourselfbecause you're gonna get your
body into this shape that youdreamed of and you work so hard,
and then you just let it falloff.
I don't know about you, but thatsounds devastating to me.
And quite frankly, it is.
I've been through that many,many, many times because I
(21:04):
competed in bodybuilding showson and off for 13 plus years.
The woman who shows up three orfour times every week for an
entire year is going tooutperform the woman who trains
intensely for let's say sixweeks or eight weeks and then
(21:27):
disappears.
Like there's just simply nocomparison there.
So let's talk about what mysolution would be.
I'm sure you can guess.
It's a structured program.
So when we think about aprogram, I also don't want that
(21:50):
word to intimidate you because Ithink sometimes it does
intimidate people.
And oftentimes a program and aroutine are used interchangeably
in.
And the narrative when we'retalking about working out in
conversation sometimes withpeople, they're not the same.
A routine is establishing, youknow, the frequency.
(22:17):
What's the routine of the monthor the year?
Let's say, but most people don'tplan a routine for a year, they
do it in seasons.
Your routine is what are youdoing Sunday?
What are you doing Monday,Tuesday, Wednesday, every day of
the week?
And then repeat.
So the routine is sort ofoverarching.
It's kind of like the broadstroke.
(22:40):
The program is where you dialin.
It's where you get granular.
It's where you look at each dayspecifically and figure out
well, how much time do you have?
And how many days per week areyou going to actually train?
And what is your proficiencylevel?
(23:04):
If you're in the first year tothree years, it's probably
beginner with all of theexercises, the equipment, the
free weights, dumbbells,kettlebells, barbells,
plate-loaded machines, cables.
So there's a lot there.
(23:24):
So if you're somebody who's beenbeating yourself up because you
still don't know how to doeverything, be nice to yourself.
Give yourself a break.
This shit is hard, and nobodywas born knowing any of it.
It's all learned behavior.
So when you have a structuredprogram, it's selecting your
(23:45):
exercises intentionally.
You're looking at the movementpatterns and you're seeing the
purpose behind it and how itfits into the bigger plan.
We bake in progressive overload.
So how are you going tochallenge yourself week over
week over week?
At some point in time, thenewbie gains start to taper off
(24:09):
and then plateau.
And then for a good period oftime, you're probably working
with the same weights, butyou're changing the intensity,
or you're using tempo, or you'reincreasing the rep range, or
you're adding an extra set.
And so there's where youroverload comes into play.
(24:30):
The other thing about having aprogram that is life-changing is
that it removes the mental trainof decision making.
You follow the plan, you put inthe work, you go home.
You don't have to wander aroundthe gym and wonder what to do
(24:52):
next.
You don't have to go looking foryour favorite fitness pro on
Instagram to see what was thatmachine she said she did, and
piece it together with stuff youhad from another workout.
Now, let's talk about yourquality of life because, in my
opinion, your quality of lifewill improve dramatically.
(25:17):
Strength that's built in the gymis gonna show up everywhere else
in your life.
When you're picking up yourkids, when you're climbing a
flight of stairs, when you areputting on your shoes in the
morning, when you're carryingthe groceries, when you are
walking in a crowded place, whenyou are putting your carry-on in
(25:39):
the overhead bin.
These are real life day-to-dayexamples where your life will
become so much easier because ofthe work that you do in the gym
on a consistent basis.
Women who build a strongfoundation, when they get older,
(26:00):
they're able to maintainindependence.
There's less pain, they're ableto do things.
It's a completely differentexperience than the women who
decide they're not gonnaexercise.
I don't want to speak negativenegatively about anyone because
(26:23):
we all have choices and somethings are within our control
and some things are not.
But I will tell you, when itcomes to taking care of yourself
and doing your best to try toguarantee that you are going to
(26:44):
have a healthy life well intoyour senior years, you need to
be exercising, you need to bechallenging yourself with the
weights.
We need to maintain our bonedensity.
We want to have healthy joints,you want to have good metabolic
function and your hormones.
(27:06):
Hello, let's not forget aboutthat.
Keeping your hormones balancedor as balanced as possible, this
will all take place as a directresult of strength training.
And I'm gonna tell you,prevention is always cheaper
(27:27):
than treatment.
So you're investing in yourwellness now so that you'll have
less hospital bills later.
Think about that.
So there's something reallyimportant I want to close out
this episode with.
The biggest takeaway from thiswhole conversation is that
(27:50):
knowledge alone will not producethe results you want.
So, yes, we're touching on a lotof important shit in this
conversation.
And if you need to bookmark thisepisode and come back and listen
to it again and again and again,great.
I appreciate that.
But guess what?
(28:10):
That's just a starting point.
Because you need to actuallytake action.
You need to get out there, youneed to do stuff.
So I'm curious.
Do you remember your last threeworkouts?
Do you know exactly what youdid, how they went, how they
felt in your body?
(28:30):
Let's reflect on that.
Or how about recognizing onemovement pattern that you avoid
because it feels really hard oruncomfortable?
That might be a good place foryou to start and to work
(28:52):
through.
Now, you might be askingyourself, well, if I don't know
how to do it or if I'mstruggling with it, how do I
work through it?
That's a great question.
There are a couple things thatyou can do.
Number one, I highly recommendwherever you are, if you have
access to a gym, if you have agym membership, I would find a
(29:17):
professional, get a personaltrainer, book some sessions,
tell them what your goal is, bestraightforward and transparent,
but get hands-on coaching.
Nothing will ever replace havingsomebody standing right in front
of you.
And I will die on this hill.
(29:39):
And I am someone who, I mean,the whole inception of my
fitness business, which theideas came to me around 2010,
2011.
I executed in 2012.
I went all in in 2013.
But the goal was always to be anonline personal trainer.
And another sidebar for you, Iwas a beta tester for one of the
(30:05):
world's most well-known onlinecoaching certification programs.
And I was a beta tester for thefirst rollout of the program.
It had a different title, it wasum delivered in a different
format.
But I remember that was like thereal first big business
investment I ever made inmyself.
(30:25):
I think it was like$750.
And I did a payment plan for acouple of payments through
PayPal, and it was very, very,very exciting.
But it was so long ago, and thewhole premise was to figure out
how to deliver personal trainingto remote clients.
(30:47):
And I did that for a long time,and I built this business that I
wound up completely resentingand shutting down a couple of
years ago.
Because the truth is that yeah,you can scale, but you can't
scale quality.
You can't scale hands-on.
And those first few years ofyour training life are crucial.
(31:12):
You want to be in the hands ofsomebody that you trust, that
you know is informing youproperly, is programming for
you, not just piecing togetherrandom workouts, because you
could do that yourself.
You don't need to pay a trainerif they're gonna completely wing
it, all right?
And maybe I'll do anotherepisode on the things you should
look for if you're gonna hire atrainer to work with in person.
(31:34):
You know what?
That's a great idea.
But your other options could beto reach out to me.
If you check the show notes, youcan send me a text.
There are all the links, all ofthe things at the uh at the
footer of the show notes.
(31:55):
You'll see the website, you'llsee my Instagram, you will see a
link to my Substack page, whichis where I go even deeper on
some of these topics that we'rediscussing here on this show.
And the the newsletter is calledBetween Reps: Building the
Unbreakable Woman.
And there's also one more thingthat I'll throw in here.
(32:19):
I am rolling out a strengthprogram.
It's for women who have somelifting experience, but they're
looking for clarity, they'relooking for structure, they're
looking to have that peace ofmind.
All the things we just discussedin this episode.
It's called Lift Like You MeanIt.
It's a self-paced uh program.
The lessons are delivered in a10-episode podcast.
(32:44):
There's progressions, there'svideo demonstrations, there's a
progress tracker, there's all ofthose things.
And it's at an amazing pricepoint for the first rollout of
the launch.
So it's going to be under$100.
And I have to tell you, it'sawesome.
But again, it's not the same asworking with a trainer in
(33:07):
person.
So if you're somebody who'sstill kind of a beginner and
you're interested in theprogram, that's great.
And you still need to be withsomebody in person because
there's just so much value inhaving somebody give you that
instant feedback.
All right.
Listen, wherever you are, bethere completely.
(33:30):
And trust yourself that ifyou're stuck, if you're
confused, if you're frustrated,you are absolutely capable of
getting yourself out of thatsituation.
However, you don't have to do itby yourself.
You are not required to figureit all out by yourself.
(33:51):
And there are so many differentways that you can solve that
riddle or get out of that littlesticky spot on your path that we
talked about earlier today.
Maybe you're stuck at the redlight right now or the railroad
crossing.
But regardless, you got this.
You're here, you're giving meyour time and attention, and I
(34:12):
appreciate it completely.
And if this show helped you inany way, please share it with a
friend that you think canappreciate and value this
conversation just like you did.
I will catch you on the nextone.
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