June 1, 2026 • 29 mins
You've been waiting to feel ready.
You've been waiting for confidence to show up first, hand you a clipboard, and tell you it's safe to trust yourself.
I want to hold your hand when I tell you — that's not how it works.
Confidence is not a feeling that arrives. It's a stack of receipts you build, one small deposit at a time. In this episode, I'm walking you through what those deposits actually look like in the gym (and outside of it), why strength training is one of the most honest classrooms for learning self-trust, and the one tiny thing I want you to do this week to start counting the evidence you've already been collecting.
Hit play.
The confidence clipboard is not coming.
You are.
If you want the deeper lessons behind strength training, join my newsletter called Between Reps: Building the Unbreakable Woman. Check it out HERE
Instagram: www.instagram.com/tianamoves
Website: unbreakablemb.com
Email: info@unbreakablemb.com
Disclaimer: This show is for education and entertainment purposes only. This is not intended as a replacement for therapy. Please seek out the help of a professional to assist you with your specific situation.
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SPEAKER_00 (00:07):
Welcome to the Unbreakable Mind and Body
Podcast.
I am your host, Tiana Gonzalez,a multi-passionate creative,
storyteller, and entrepreneurwith a fierce love for movement.
This is our space for powerfulstories and actionable
strategies to help you buildmental resilience and elevate
(00:28):
your self-care practice.
Together, we will unlock thetools that you need to create an
unbreakable mind and body.
Welcome to the show.
I'm your host, Tiana.
And yes, I am a multi-passionatecreative, but what does that
really mean?
Well, I am a strength coach.
I host this awesome podcast.
(00:49):
I love to write, I dance, Ising, I paint, I love to connect
with like-minded individuals,and I'm always keeping myself
busy with some type of hobby,task, or learning or in some
sort of mentorship or program.
I am a student of the game, I'ma student of life.
And I'm here to tell you thatyou can build your confidence
(01:14):
with small little deposits everysingle day without having to
take on anything new, withouthaving to flip your life on its
head.
You do not need to wait untilyou're ready to do the things
that you want to do.
And you accomplish that bygetting the confidence through
doing the action.
Now, for years, I always was theperson who would wait until I
(01:37):
felt ready to do something.
I felt confidence was somethingthat was just going to show up
at my door one day and hand me aclipboard and say, hey, now you
can trust yourself.
Now you can go out into theworld and do that thing.
You know what never came.
Not like that.
And what I learned slowly overthe years, rep by rep, set by
(01:59):
set, workout by workout, is thatconfidence is not a feeling that
you wait for.
It's a stack of receipts thatyou build by doing the thing.
Now I know that a lot of usbelieved, or we still do believe
in some way, shape, or form,that confidence is a feeling
that arrives before the action.
(02:20):
And that belief is reallyseductive.
It it kind of lets you off thehook.
You don't have to do the hardthing today because you don't
have the confidence.
So it gives you that permissionslip to sort of take take a
seat, to step back, to shy away,to not speak up and advocate for
yourself and take an attempt atthe thing that you really want
(02:44):
to do.
But if you think about it, evenwhen you're doing everything
right, even when you're checkingall of the boxes, you might not
trust yourself even through allof that.
And the thing that I missed inmy own journey is that even when
(03:04):
I was already making thesedeposits in my life, in whatever
projects I was working on, I wasso focused and also beating
myself up for the lack that Iwas missing all of the good
things happening around me.
So let's paint the scene herebecause I've I think I have
(03:28):
about 30, almost 31 years ofexperience of lifting weights,
training, writing diets,workouts, meal plans.
A lot of it in the early yearswas self-experimentation.
Uh, I would carry around anutrition almanac.
I had a few different liftingbooks that I would keep in my
gym bag.
I also collected tons ofdifferent fitness magazines.
(03:52):
And in those magazines, therewould always be photos spreads
of beautiful men and women andthese fitness models with these
beautiful physiques.
I would rip out their photos,I'd paste them up on my wall.
Sometimes I would have photosautographed and framed if I went
to a fitness expo and I got tomeet some of the IFBB pros at
(04:12):
the time.
And I'm looking at these photoswhile also packing my meals
every day, going to the gymafter work.
So this was a couple of yearsinto my journey at this point.
Um I had my own gym membershipand I used to work not too far
from where my gym was, but Ididn't have my own car.
(04:33):
So I would take the bus to thegym.
And then sometimes I would walkhome from the gym, which was a
pretty decent walk.
It probably took me about 30 to45 minutes, or sometimes I get a
ride home, or sometimes someonewould pick me up.
But that's a sidebar.
I would be committed to theprocess, right?
So I'm packing my meals, I'mgoing to work, I'm going to the
(04:53):
gym right from work, workingout, coming home, trying to
learn how to eat properly.
All the structure, all of thediscipline, all of the right
inputs.
And underneath all of that, Iwas still waiting to feel like
something else.
I was still waiting to feel likethe women I was admiring, like a
(05:18):
lifter, like a bodybuilder, likenot someone who just works out,
but as someone who lifts.
And I wanted to feel like Ibelonged in the gym.
It took me quite some time torealize that it wasn't something
(05:39):
I was gonna actually feel bysomeone telling me or labeling
me or giving me the title.
It was something that I wasgonna have to create for myself.
It came from within.
So if I didn't feel like I was alifter, that's because I was
telling myself I was not that.
Now, maybe on the outside Ididn't look like some of the
(06:00):
women in the magazines, butunbeknownst to me at the time, I
didn't realize until severalyears later that even the models
in the magazine don't look likethemselves every day.
They get in shape for thesephoto shoots.
A lot of times, if they're acompetitor, they are doing photo
shoots a few weeks out fromtheir competition where they're
(06:24):
gonna get on stage.
So they're already lean, theyalready have a tan, they're
already posing all of the time.
So the posing for the photos isnot anything crazy for them
because they're alreadypracticing doing their posing
for the stage, which issignificantly harder.
And so I didn't know.
I thought that that's what thesepeople looked like all year
(06:46):
round.
So I'm comparing myself tosomething that's not sustainable
and beating myself up about it.
I also felt really lonely forsome of that time because, you
know, my dad was in prison andthat was weighing on me, and I
was feeling like I was holding alot, and I didn't have anywhere
(07:10):
to turn.
So I had the job, I had the bus,I had the gym, I had the diet, I
was really trying to force a lotof things to happen.
I would do whatever I could tosort of shave off any excess
stuff or weight and really stayfocused on my career, on my
health and fitness, on all myworkouts, but also on going to
(07:34):
see my dad, getting calls fromhim, writing him letters, and of
course, going to visit him.
So there was a lot of pressurethere, and a lot of it was
self-imposed from my health andfitness journey.
Now, what I didn't realize atthe time, but looking back, I
can see it, is that every singlestep throughout that process, I
(07:57):
was making small little depositsinto the confidence bank.
Every time I did go to the gym,even when it was bad weather and
I had to walk home in the rain,every time I did eat healthy,
even when my coworkers weregoing to TGI Fridays or to go
have pizza, and I had my Tupperwith my healthy food in it, and
(08:18):
I sat it out.
You know, there were a lot ofinstances.
I could be here all day talkingabout that, but what I didn't
realize back then that I knownow is all of those small little
steps were building myconfidence quietly.
And for you, what this couldlook like would be showing up to
(08:42):
the gym on a day you don't wantto, adding a little bit more
weight to an exercise that youkind of plateaued at.
What about keeping a promise toyourself?
Doing the thing you don't wantto do, but you do it anyway,
because you are gonna feel likeshit if you go to bed knowing
that you didn't give somethingyour all or you didn't maintain
(09:02):
your integrity.
And we could also think aboutwhen you're actually in the gym
and you're supposed to be doing10 reps, but you get to seven
and it feels really hard.
And so you just let it go.
And you know, even though it wasreally hard, you probably could
have forced at least two morereps, maybe even three, to get
(09:24):
to that 10.
But you sold yourself short.
You phoned it in.
Nobody's looking, no one's gonnaknow.
But you know, and each of thesesmall little things, these small
little examples that I justrattled off, they all culminate
(09:45):
into one big building ofself-trust.
And none of them feel reallyimpressive or massive in each of
those separate moments, but whenyou put it all together, it is
pretty massive.
And here's the thing every timeyou do one of those things, your
(10:08):
brain is quietly filing it away.
And what's happening is you'rebuilding your self-trust.
You are keeping your promise toyourself, and that is priceless.
In a full transparent share, Iwill say that I had an
(10:30):
opportunity presented to me inearly March, and I knew
immediately that it wassomething that I wanted to do.
And years and years ago in thepast, when I was presented with
something similar, I would siton it, I would deliberate, I
would weigh out the pros and thecons.
(10:50):
I'd do my research, I'd try totalk myself out of it.
I would tell myself, you know,it's a huge investment, and you
know, there's no guarantees,you're gonna get anything on
your returns on this.
And what if it doesn't work out?
And I will tell you thisparticular instance, this past
March in 2026, a woman I highlyrespect approached me and she
(11:15):
invited me into her mastermind.
And we had a brief emailexchange.
She made a custom videopresentation for me
specifically.
It was a personalizedinvitation.
I was so impressed by thattouch, and everything she
(11:36):
offered in her program werethings that I wanted to learn,
things that I thought I needed,and things that I felt ready to
take action on.
And I will tell you, it was sofreaking scary because it was
probably one of the biggestinvestments I've ever made.
And I did it.
Now, she was generous enough tooffer a payment plan.
(11:57):
So instead of having to do onebig lump sum pay in full, I'm
doing six smaller payments,which feels a little bit better
for me and it's a little bitmore comfortable to manage.
But I had no second thoughts,not once.
I didn't pull the trigger andthen have buyer's remorse.
I didn't try to talk myself outof it.
(12:19):
I didn't look for any loopholesin the contract language.
I just said, no, I want to dothis.
This is really important to me.
And regardless of the outcome ofmy partnership with this woman
and everything she's going toteach me, I know that if I don't
do this, I will regret it forthe rest of my life.
(12:42):
See, that's where you know it'simportant to you.
And this connects to ourconversation because I had the
confidence to say yes.
I had the confidence in myself.
Now, on our phone call, when wediscussed some of the details, I
(13:09):
did get sensitive and emotional,and I did say, I don't know if
I'm ready, but I want to dothis.
And she reassured me, you'reready.
And I'm I'm just learning.
I'm learning at like a rapidpace so much from her, and it's
great.
But if I had not done some ofthe work, some of these small
(13:32):
little things like doing thingson days you don't want to and
keeping your promise toyourself, it is possible that I
would not have been ready whenthis invitation came to me.
So let's tie this in to myfavorite subject to talk about,
(13:53):
which is strength training andwhy I think the bar, meaning the
barbell, is one of the mosthonest mirrors that you will
ever have.
And if you go to a gym, you haveaccess to it, it doesn't require
any additional investment.
But strength training is souniquely honest with you because
(14:17):
the weight is always a staticthing, meaning 45 pounds last
week is 45 pounds today, and itwill be the same tomorrow and
the week after that.
So whether it moves or itdoesn't, there's no faking it,
there's no maneuvering, there'sno spinning, there's no waiting
(14:39):
for permission.
You either lift it or you don't.
And it doesn't care about howyou feel.
It is a simple, transparent,evident, static thing.
It doesn't care how you feel, ittells you the truth.
It's not gonna argue with you,it's gonna tell you the truth.
(15:00):
It's not gonna reason with you,it's gonna give you the truth.
And every time that you completeyour workout, your sets, your
reps, you're making thosedeposits.
It happened.
Your body did it.
You can feel the evidence inyour body.
(15:21):
You know when you get to the endof the workout, you did the best
that you could on that day.
And that is all that you canever ask yourself to do.
So this is why when you strengthtrain, it rewires your brain
because you're building thatself-trust in a way that few
other practices do.
(15:41):
The feedback is immediate.
You get the physical feedback,you get the emotional feedback,
you have the undeniableknowledge at the end of the
workout that you did the thing.
And this is really somethingspecial and really something
amazing.
And I think that, yeah, youcould probably say any sort of
(16:04):
physical activity is gonna bethe same thing.
You either do it or you don't.
But I believe personally thatstrength training is unique in
the sense that the weight is theweight and the weight is always
gonna be the weight.
Who you are and how you show upand what you choose to do, those
are the variables.
(16:24):
Now, on a side note, I want youto think about some of the
things that are important to youand think about what you'd like
to accomplish before the end ofthis year.
So at the time of thisrecording, it's mid-May 2026.
You have well over half a year,and I I don't want to sound
(16:51):
cliche in the sense of like, oh,it's cute too.
Are you on your way with yourresolutions that you made in
January or the goals that youset up for yourself?
Some people don't really believein that.
I personally feel goals arehelpful because it's a way to
(17:11):
keep you accountable.
It's also a way for you tocapture what's important to you.
So you write it down, you lookat it, you decide if you want to
go for it.
Maybe you shuffle the deck andreprioritize what's most
important to you.
And if you're someone like me,you have seasons in your life.
So as a coach at a gym,obviously we have a few slower
(17:36):
months, we have a few busiermonths, and and quite frankly,
it's somewhat predictable, butit's not what most people think.
A lot of people think January isthe busiest month of the year,
and that's actually not true.
February is very busy.
January is busy, but it's a lotof new joins that come to the
gym.
They're not necessarily ready tocommit to personal training.
(17:58):
So that's like a whole otherconversation.
But February starts to get busy.
March is a little bit busier,usually, April a little bit
busier, May is gets May getssuper busy, but then June, July,
and August are a bitunpredictable.
September is also a very busymonth.
(18:19):
It's almost like a new year,like a second new year, because
that's when typically in theNortheast kids go back to
school, schedules are changingagain, and so there's another
season change.
And then you have October, mostof November, and then you get
into the holidays.
And so that's also hit or miss.
And when you're thinking aboutseasons and you're thinking
(18:44):
about what's important to you, Ithink that having those goals
can be helpful.
So, what are the things that youset out to do in this year?
And are you on track or close toaccomplishing them?
And if not, why?
Maybe it's not important to youanymore, like it was back in
January or last December.
And if that's the case, take itoff the list.
(19:06):
So you don't beat yourself up,so you don't feel badly about
it, so you don't guilt tripyourself.
And then focus on the thingsthat you do want to do.
Focus on the things that makeyou feel good, focus on the
things that you are passionateabout, and then double down on
those things.
Because that's also going tohelp you build your confidence,
whether it's inside of the gymstrength training or maybe it's
(19:26):
something else.
I'm picking back up my runninghabit.
Many of you don't know this, butI used to run outside all of the
time.
So back in, I would say 2017,2018, I used to run outside a
lot.
Even in the winter, even in thesnow, I would bundle up, put a
(19:50):
hat and gloves on, and get outthere and run.
And um, I wound up having asurgery at the end of 2018.
So it sort of knocked me intothe sidelines for a while.
And then during COVID, I pickedup running outside again.
And I remember the very firsttime that I went out for a run
in April of 2020.
(20:12):
I went out, I did seven miles.
I mean, it was painful and itwasn't fast, but I completed
seven miles and I was prettydarn impressed with myself.
So I continued my runningjourney in 2020, but of course,
as with anything, we all had toget back to reality.
Schedules got busier, and I didnot have the time or the desire.
(20:37):
Um, I'm a little bit moreprotective of my safety now.
So there are certain places Iwill not go that I used to go.
And um, I just need to feelcomfortable wherever I'm
choosing to exercise.
So a lot of times I'll just runon the treadmill.
Now, the running on thetreadmill has been a thing on
and off forever, but outside isa whole different animal.
(21:03):
And by the way, I highlyencourage it.
Even if you're not someone whois a quote unquote runner and
you don't like running, you canlearn to like it and you can
fall in love with the way itmakes you feel afterwards.
That's really the best part ofthe whole thing.
So I'm resuming some outdoorexercise.
I'm very excited about itbecause I haven't competed in
(21:25):
anything athletic in quite sometime.
The last time I competed was uharound Halloween in 2022.
I did a powerlifting meet.
That was a lot of fun, um, a lotof hard work, and I'm ready for
something new.
So I've never done an official10K.
(21:46):
I have done a couple of 5Ks inthe past, but I'm ready to do a
10K.
And who knows, maybe this willbecome a new passion of mine.
But I'm so excited about it, andit's still going to continue.
To make those small depositsinto the confidence bank.
Now, running is prettystraightforward, but there are a
(22:07):
lot of technical aspects to it,especially when you're outside.
You want to think abouthydration, you want to think
about the time of day, thetemperature, the humidity, your
footwear, making sure you'redressed properly, all of that
good stuff.
And I think it will be very goodfor me to get back into it and
get myself back outside a littlebit more.
Obviously, feeling safe whereverI'm gonna do that.
(22:30):
But now let's get back to youbecause I have some action items
for you after this episode tothink about.
Now, the first thing I want youto do is think about something
that you've been circling.
Maybe it's a lift or a specificexercise or it's an activity.
And it's something that you'realready doing.
It's not something that you wantto do or that you used to do and
(22:53):
haven't done anymore.
This is something you'reactually doing right now.
Okay, find whatever thatactivity is.
Are you actually pushingyourself while you're doing it?
So if it's a lift, have you beenstuck at the same weight for a
couple weeks or maybe evenmonths?
And I want to ask you, whatwould it take for you to maybe
add a little bit more weight tothat exercise?
(23:17):
This week, I want you to trythat.
That's a deposit.
See how as soon as I say that,your brain is like ch-ching
literally.
Now, before that, what I wantyou to do when you are about to
start that set, even if youdon't feel ready, you just need
(23:40):
to do one rep at that heavierweight.
Your confidence will catch upwith you afterwards.
You may not feel ready, youmight feel scared, you might
want to get someone to spot you.
That's fine.
Maybe just increase the weight alittle bit so you're not really
scared and overwhelmed andintimidated.
But I want you to at least feelwhat that weight is going to
(24:00):
feel like on your body.
So I will share another storywith you.
When I first got into powerlifting, which was back in 2014,
I had to retrain myself how tosquat because I had really
incredibly tight hips andexcessive lean forward because I
have a short torso and a reallylong femur bone, and I have
(24:23):
tight ankles and feet.
I still do have all of that.
However, I've learned how towork with it and I've been
slamming the mobility sincethen, 12 years.
And so I remember at one pointthe people I was training with
wanted me to do to do a squat ata much heavier weight.
I think like 225.
(24:43):
I was fucking terrified.
I think at that point I had onlygotten up to like 175.
So I was absolutely scared toput 245s on the bar and try to
squat.
Wait, is that 225?
Yes.
245 plates on the barbell is240, is 225, excuse me, 225
pounds.
(25:04):
And what we did was we took pinsand put them up high in the
squat rack.
So the barbell, when I got intothe squat rack, it was more of
like the square cage box type ofsquat rack.
And we had safety bars and theywere up pretty high.
(25:26):
So I got in underneath the barand I stood up for part of the
squat, but I didn't actuallysquat all the way down.
So I was really only feeling theweight and the load on my body,
on my back for the top portionof the lift.
And if you don't lift weights,what are you waiting for?
(25:47):
But besides that, think aboutseeing somebody doing a squat
and when they're coming out fromthe bottom to stand back up,
it's just that top sort ofquarter of the range of motion.
That's what I'm talking abouthere.
And the reason why we did itthat way was so that I could
mentally and physically preparefor what that weight was going
(26:10):
to feel like on my body.
That way, the next time I didit, it wouldn't feel like a
complete shock.
Now, I've talked about this insome other episodes where I'll
be training somebody and I'llsay, All right, go grab the
45-pound dumbbells, and theywill pick it up off the rack.
And before they even try whatI'm asking them to do, they're
like, oh no, it's too heavy.
(26:31):
It feels too heavy.
No, it's not.
It is heavy, but it's not tooheavy.
So I want you to find thatcourage, get a spotter, maybe do
a partial rep if you need to.
Feel what that weight is goingto feel like on your body, and
then walk away from it.
That's it.
You just do like one attempt andwalk away.
(26:52):
Then the next week you're goingto do that again.
I want you to push yourself justa little bit more.
Now remember, this is under theassumption that you are already
somebody who's active and isworking out.
If you do not exercise, pleasedo not just go into the gym and
try this.
I would like you to go see yourdoctor, make sure you have
(27:13):
medical clearance, and then talkto somebody in person in your
orbit that can be a set of eyesfor you to help you to make sure
that you do this safely andproperly.
Now, remember the clipboard andthe magic is not just going to
show up at your door.
That confidence clipboard I wastalking about at the
(27:34):
introduction of this episode.
Nobody's just gonna walk intoyour gym and save you or rescue
you or tell you, anoint you andtell you that you have passed
and moved on, and you now havethe confidence to do what you've
always wanted to do.
Screw that.
You can do it right now.
Every time you show up to thegym, every time you do a hard
(27:56):
workout, every time you do thathard thing, you are building
your self-trust.
And the more that you do it, thestronger you become, the more
confident you become, and thebetter your life will be.
And I know that that sounds alittle out there, but I firmly
believe this.
I believe that strength trainingis the gateway to a healthy and
(28:19):
long-lasting life.
It's never too late to start,and you will thrive if you stay
committed to the process.
That is all I have for you onthis episode.
I hope that you enjoyed it.
And if you have any questions,you want to stay in touch with
me, you would like to subscribeto my newsletter, please check
the show notes for all of thatjuicy information so that we can
(28:42):
stay in touch with each other.
And if you enjoyed this episode,please do me a favor and rate
this episode and rate the showand give me a review.
It truly helps for gettingvisibility so that other amazing
human beings can join ourcommunity.
As always, I appreciate yourtime and attention, and I will
catch you on the next one.
Welcome to the Unbreakable Mind and Body
Podcast.
I am your host, Tiana Gonzalez,a multi-passionate creative,
storyteller, and entrepreneurwith a fierce love for movement.
This is our space for powerfulstories and actionable
strategies to help you buildmental resilience and elevate
(00:28):
your self-care practice.
Together, we will unlock thetools that you need to create an
unbreakable mind and body.
Welcome to the show.
I'm your host, Tiana.
And yes, I am a multi-passionatecreative, but what does that
really mean?
Well, I am a strength coach.
I host this awesome podcast.
(00:49):
I love to write, I dance, Ising, I paint, I love to connect
with like-minded individuals,and I'm always keeping myself
busy with some type of hobby,task, or learning or in some
sort of mentorship or program.
I am a student of the game, I'ma student of life.
And I'm here to tell you thatyou can build your confidence
(01:14):
with small little deposits everysingle day without having to
take on anything new, withouthaving to flip your life on its
head.
You do not need to wait untilyou're ready to do the things
that you want to do.
And you accomplish that bygetting the confidence through
doing the action.
Now, for years, I always was theperson who would wait until I
(01:37):
felt ready to do something.
I felt confidence was somethingthat was just going to show up
at my door one day and hand me aclipboard and say, hey, now you
can trust yourself.
Now you can go out into theworld and do that thing.
You know what never came.
Not like that.
And what I learned slowly overthe years, rep by rep, set by
(01:59):
set, workout by workout, is thatconfidence is not a feeling that
you wait for.
It's a stack of receipts thatyou build by doing the thing.
Now I know that a lot of usbelieved, or we still do believe
in some way, shape, or form,that confidence is a feeling
that arrives before the action.
(02:20):
And that belief is reallyseductive.
It it kind of lets you off thehook.
You don't have to do the hardthing today because you don't
have the confidence.
So it gives you that permissionslip to sort of take take a
seat, to step back, to shy away,to not speak up and advocate for
yourself and take an attempt atthe thing that you really want
(02:44):
to do.
But if you think about it, evenwhen you're doing everything
right, even when you're checkingall of the boxes, you might not
trust yourself even through allof that.
And the thing that I missed inmy own journey is that even when
(03:04):
I was already making thesedeposits in my life, in whatever
projects I was working on, I wasso focused and also beating
myself up for the lack that Iwas missing all of the good
things happening around me.
So let's paint the scene herebecause I've I think I have
(03:28):
about 30, almost 31 years ofexperience of lifting weights,
training, writing diets,workouts, meal plans.
A lot of it in the early yearswas self-experimentation.
Uh, I would carry around anutrition almanac.
I had a few different liftingbooks that I would keep in my
gym bag.
I also collected tons ofdifferent fitness magazines.
(03:52):
And in those magazines, therewould always be photos spreads
of beautiful men and women andthese fitness models with these
beautiful physiques.
I would rip out their photos,I'd paste them up on my wall.
Sometimes I would have photosautographed and framed if I went
to a fitness expo and I got tomeet some of the IFBB pros at
(04:12):
the time.
And I'm looking at these photoswhile also packing my meals
every day, going to the gymafter work.
So this was a couple of yearsinto my journey at this point.
Um I had my own gym membershipand I used to work not too far
from where my gym was, but Ididn't have my own car.
(04:33):
So I would take the bus to thegym.
And then sometimes I would walkhome from the gym, which was a
pretty decent walk.
It probably took me about 30 to45 minutes, or sometimes I get a
ride home, or sometimes someonewould pick me up.
But that's a sidebar.
I would be committed to theprocess, right?
So I'm packing my meals, I'mgoing to work, I'm going to the
(04:53):
gym right from work, workingout, coming home, trying to
learn how to eat properly.
All the structure, all of thediscipline, all of the right
inputs.
And underneath all of that, Iwas still waiting to feel like
something else.
I was still waiting to feel likethe women I was admiring, like a
(05:18):
lifter, like a bodybuilder, likenot someone who just works out,
but as someone who lifts.
And I wanted to feel like Ibelonged in the gym.
It took me quite some time torealize that it wasn't something
(05:39):
I was gonna actually feel bysomeone telling me or labeling
me or giving me the title.
It was something that I wasgonna have to create for myself.
It came from within.
So if I didn't feel like I was alifter, that's because I was
telling myself I was not that.
Now, maybe on the outside Ididn't look like some of the
(06:00):
women in the magazines, butunbeknownst to me at the time, I
didn't realize until severalyears later that even the models
in the magazine don't look likethemselves every day.
They get in shape for thesephoto shoots.
A lot of times, if they're acompetitor, they are doing photo
shoots a few weeks out fromtheir competition where they're
(06:24):
gonna get on stage.
So they're already lean, theyalready have a tan, they're
already posing all of the time.
So the posing for the photos isnot anything crazy for them
because they're alreadypracticing doing their posing
for the stage, which issignificantly harder.
And so I didn't know.
I thought that that's what thesepeople looked like all year
(06:46):
round.
So I'm comparing myself tosomething that's not sustainable
and beating myself up about it.
I also felt really lonely forsome of that time because, you
know, my dad was in prison andthat was weighing on me, and I
was feeling like I was holding alot, and I didn't have anywhere
(07:10):
to turn.
So I had the job, I had the bus,I had the gym, I had the diet, I
was really trying to force a lotof things to happen.
I would do whatever I could tosort of shave off any excess
stuff or weight and really stayfocused on my career, on my
health and fitness, on all myworkouts, but also on going to
(07:34):
see my dad, getting calls fromhim, writing him letters, and of
course, going to visit him.
So there was a lot of pressurethere, and a lot of it was
self-imposed from my health andfitness journey.
Now, what I didn't realize atthe time, but looking back, I
can see it, is that every singlestep throughout that process, I
(07:57):
was making small little depositsinto the confidence bank.
Every time I did go to the gym,even when it was bad weather and
I had to walk home in the rain,every time I did eat healthy,
even when my coworkers weregoing to TGI Fridays or to go
have pizza, and I had my Tupperwith my healthy food in it, and
(08:18):
I sat it out.
You know, there were a lot ofinstances.
I could be here all day talkingabout that, but what I didn't
realize back then that I knownow is all of those small little
steps were building myconfidence quietly.
And for you, what this couldlook like would be showing up to
(08:42):
the gym on a day you don't wantto, adding a little bit more
weight to an exercise that youkind of plateaued at.
What about keeping a promise toyourself?
Doing the thing you don't wantto do, but you do it anyway,
because you are gonna feel likeshit if you go to bed knowing
that you didn't give somethingyour all or you didn't maintain
(09:02):
your integrity.
And we could also think aboutwhen you're actually in the gym
and you're supposed to be doing10 reps, but you get to seven
and it feels really hard.
And so you just let it go.
And you know, even though it wasreally hard, you probably could
have forced at least two morereps, maybe even three, to get
(09:24):
to that 10.
But you sold yourself short.
You phoned it in.
Nobody's looking, no one's gonnaknow.
But you know, and each of thesesmall little things, these small
little examples that I justrattled off, they all culminate
(09:45):
into one big building ofself-trust.
And none of them feel reallyimpressive or massive in each of
those separate moments, but whenyou put it all together, it is
pretty massive.
And here's the thing every timeyou do one of those things, your
(10:08):
brain is quietly filing it away.
And what's happening is you'rebuilding your self-trust.
You are keeping your promise toyourself, and that is priceless.
In a full transparent share, Iwill say that I had an
(10:30):
opportunity presented to me inearly March, and I knew
immediately that it wassomething that I wanted to do.
And years and years ago in thepast, when I was presented with
something similar, I would siton it, I would deliberate, I
would weigh out the pros and thecons.
(10:50):
I'd do my research, I'd try totalk myself out of it.
I would tell myself, you know,it's a huge investment, and you
know, there's no guarantees,you're gonna get anything on
your returns on this.
And what if it doesn't work out?
And I will tell you thisparticular instance, this past
March in 2026, a woman I highlyrespect approached me and she
(11:15):
invited me into her mastermind.
And we had a brief emailexchange.
She made a custom videopresentation for me
specifically.
It was a personalizedinvitation.
I was so impressed by thattouch, and everything she
(11:36):
offered in her program werethings that I wanted to learn,
things that I thought I needed,and things that I felt ready to
take action on.
And I will tell you, it was sofreaking scary because it was
probably one of the biggestinvestments I've ever made.
And I did it.
Now, she was generous enough tooffer a payment plan.
(11:57):
So instead of having to do onebig lump sum pay in full, I'm
doing six smaller payments,which feels a little bit better
for me and it's a little bitmore comfortable to manage.
But I had no second thoughts,not once.
I didn't pull the trigger andthen have buyer's remorse.
I didn't try to talk myself outof it.
(12:19):
I didn't look for any loopholesin the contract language.
I just said, no, I want to dothis.
This is really important to me.
And regardless of the outcome ofmy partnership with this woman
and everything she's going toteach me, I know that if I don't
do this, I will regret it forthe rest of my life.
(12:42):
See, that's where you know it'simportant to you.
And this connects to ourconversation because I had the
confidence to say yes.
I had the confidence in myself.
Now, on our phone call, when wediscussed some of the details, I
(13:09):
did get sensitive and emotional,and I did say, I don't know if
I'm ready, but I want to dothis.
And she reassured me, you'reready.
And I'm I'm just learning.
I'm learning at like a rapidpace so much from her, and it's
great.
But if I had not done some ofthe work, some of these small
(13:32):
little things like doing thingson days you don't want to and
keeping your promise toyourself, it is possible that I
would not have been ready whenthis invitation came to me.
So let's tie this in to myfavorite subject to talk about,
(13:53):
which is strength training andwhy I think the bar, meaning the
barbell, is one of the mosthonest mirrors that you will
ever have.
And if you go to a gym, you haveaccess to it, it doesn't require
any additional investment.
But strength training is souniquely honest with you because
(14:17):
the weight is always a staticthing, meaning 45 pounds last
week is 45 pounds today, and itwill be the same tomorrow and
the week after that.
So whether it moves or itdoesn't, there's no faking it,
there's no maneuvering, there'sno spinning, there's no waiting
(14:39):
for permission.
You either lift it or you don't.
And it doesn't care about howyou feel.
It is a simple, transparent,evident, static thing.
It doesn't care how you feel, ittells you the truth.
It's not gonna argue with you,it's gonna tell you the truth.
(15:00):
It's not gonna reason with you,it's gonna give you the truth.
And every time that you completeyour workout, your sets, your
reps, you're making thosedeposits.
It happened.
Your body did it.
You can feel the evidence inyour body.
(15:21):
You know when you get to the endof the workout, you did the best
that you could on that day.
And that is all that you canever ask yourself to do.
So this is why when you strengthtrain, it rewires your brain
because you're building thatself-trust in a way that few
other practices do.
(15:41):
The feedback is immediate.
You get the physical feedback,you get the emotional feedback,
you have the undeniableknowledge at the end of the
workout that you did the thing.
And this is really somethingspecial and really something
amazing.
And I think that, yeah, youcould probably say any sort of
(16:04):
physical activity is gonna bethe same thing.
You either do it or you don't.
But I believe personally thatstrength training is unique in
the sense that the weight is theweight and the weight is always
gonna be the weight.
Who you are and how you show upand what you choose to do, those
are the variables.
(16:24):
Now, on a side note, I want youto think about some of the
things that are important to youand think about what you'd like
to accomplish before the end ofthis year.
So at the time of thisrecording, it's mid-May 2026.
You have well over half a year,and I I don't want to sound
(16:51):
cliche in the sense of like, oh,it's cute too.
Are you on your way with yourresolutions that you made in
January or the goals that youset up for yourself?
Some people don't really believein that.
I personally feel goals arehelpful because it's a way to
(17:11):
keep you accountable.
It's also a way for you tocapture what's important to you.
So you write it down, you lookat it, you decide if you want to
go for it.
Maybe you shuffle the deck andreprioritize what's most
important to you.
And if you're someone like me,you have seasons in your life.
So as a coach at a gym,obviously we have a few slower
(17:36):
months, we have a few busiermonths, and and quite frankly,
it's somewhat predictable, butit's not what most people think.
A lot of people think January isthe busiest month of the year,
and that's actually not true.
February is very busy.
January is busy, but it's a lotof new joins that come to the
gym.
They're not necessarily ready tocommit to personal training.
(17:58):
So that's like a whole otherconversation.
But February starts to get busy.
March is a little bit busier,usually, April a little bit
busier, May is gets May getssuper busy, but then June, July,
and August are a bitunpredictable.
September is also a very busymonth.
(18:19):
It's almost like a new year,like a second new year, because
that's when typically in theNortheast kids go back to
school, schedules are changingagain, and so there's another
season change.
And then you have October, mostof November, and then you get
into the holidays.
And so that's also hit or miss.
And when you're thinking aboutseasons and you're thinking
(18:44):
about what's important to you, Ithink that having those goals
can be helpful.
So, what are the things that youset out to do in this year?
And are you on track or close toaccomplishing them?
And if not, why?
Maybe it's not important to youanymore, like it was back in
January or last December.
And if that's the case, take itoff the list.
(19:06):
So you don't beat yourself up,so you don't feel badly about
it, so you don't guilt tripyourself.
And then focus on the thingsthat you do want to do.
Focus on the things that makeyou feel good, focus on the
things that you are passionateabout, and then double down on
those things.
Because that's also going tohelp you build your confidence,
whether it's inside of the gymstrength training or maybe it's
(19:26):
something else.
I'm picking back up my runninghabit.
Many of you don't know this, butI used to run outside all of the
time.
So back in, I would say 2017,2018, I used to run outside a
lot.
Even in the winter, even in thesnow, I would bundle up, put a
(19:50):
hat and gloves on, and get outthere and run.
And um, I wound up having asurgery at the end of 2018.
So it sort of knocked me intothe sidelines for a while.
And then during COVID, I pickedup running outside again.
And I remember the very firsttime that I went out for a run
in April of 2020.
(20:12):
I went out, I did seven miles.
I mean, it was painful and itwasn't fast, but I completed
seven miles and I was prettydarn impressed with myself.
So I continued my runningjourney in 2020, but of course,
as with anything, we all had toget back to reality.
Schedules got busier, and I didnot have the time or the desire.
(20:37):
Um, I'm a little bit moreprotective of my safety now.
So there are certain places Iwill not go that I used to go.
And um, I just need to feelcomfortable wherever I'm
choosing to exercise.
So a lot of times I'll just runon the treadmill.
Now, the running on thetreadmill has been a thing on
and off forever, but outside isa whole different animal.
(21:03):
And by the way, I highlyencourage it.
Even if you're not someone whois a quote unquote runner and
you don't like running, you canlearn to like it and you can
fall in love with the way itmakes you feel afterwards.
That's really the best part ofthe whole thing.
So I'm resuming some outdoorexercise.
I'm very excited about itbecause I haven't competed in
(21:25):
anything athletic in quite sometime.
The last time I competed was uharound Halloween in 2022.
I did a powerlifting meet.
That was a lot of fun, um, a lotof hard work, and I'm ready for
something new.
So I've never done an official10K.
(21:46):
I have done a couple of 5Ks inthe past, but I'm ready to do a
10K.
And who knows, maybe this willbecome a new passion of mine.
But I'm so excited about it, andit's still going to continue.
To make those small depositsinto the confidence bank.
Now, running is prettystraightforward, but there are a
(22:07):
lot of technical aspects to it,especially when you're outside.
You want to think abouthydration, you want to think
about the time of day, thetemperature, the humidity, your
footwear, making sure you'redressed properly, all of that
good stuff.
And I think it will be very goodfor me to get back into it and
get myself back outside a littlebit more.
Obviously, feeling safe whereverI'm gonna do that.
(22:30):
But now let's get back to youbecause I have some action items
for you after this episode tothink about.
Now, the first thing I want youto do is think about something
that you've been circling.
Maybe it's a lift or a specificexercise or it's an activity.
And it's something that you'realready doing.
It's not something that you wantto do or that you used to do and
(22:53):
haven't done anymore.
This is something you'reactually doing right now.
Okay, find whatever thatactivity is.
Are you actually pushingyourself while you're doing it?
So if it's a lift, have you beenstuck at the same weight for a
couple weeks or maybe evenmonths?
And I want to ask you, whatwould it take for you to maybe
add a little bit more weight tothat exercise?
(23:17):
This week, I want you to trythat.
That's a deposit.
See how as soon as I say that,your brain is like ch-ching
literally.
Now, before that, what I wantyou to do when you are about to
start that set, even if youdon't feel ready, you just need
(23:40):
to do one rep at that heavierweight.
Your confidence will catch upwith you afterwards.
You may not feel ready, youmight feel scared, you might
want to get someone to spot you.
That's fine.
Maybe just increase the weight alittle bit so you're not really
scared and overwhelmed andintimidated.
But I want you to at least feelwhat that weight is going to
(24:00):
feel like on your body.
So I will share another storywith you.
When I first got into powerlifting, which was back in 2014,
I had to retrain myself how tosquat because I had really
incredibly tight hips andexcessive lean forward because I
have a short torso and a reallylong femur bone, and I have
(24:23):
tight ankles and feet.
I still do have all of that.
However, I've learned how towork with it and I've been
slamming the mobility sincethen, 12 years.
And so I remember at one pointthe people I was training with
wanted me to do to do a squat ata much heavier weight.
I think like 225.
(24:43):
I was fucking terrified.
I think at that point I had onlygotten up to like 175.
So I was absolutely scared toput 245s on the bar and try to
squat.
Wait, is that 225?
Yes.
245 plates on the barbell is240, is 225, excuse me, 225
pounds.
(25:04):
And what we did was we took pinsand put them up high in the
squat rack.
So the barbell, when I got intothe squat rack, it was more of
like the square cage box type ofsquat rack.
And we had safety bars and theywere up pretty high.
(25:26):
So I got in underneath the barand I stood up for part of the
squat, but I didn't actuallysquat all the way down.
So I was really only feeling theweight and the load on my body,
on my back for the top portionof the lift.
And if you don't lift weights,what are you waiting for?
(25:47):
But besides that, think aboutseeing somebody doing a squat
and when they're coming out fromthe bottom to stand back up,
it's just that top sort ofquarter of the range of motion.
That's what I'm talking abouthere.
And the reason why we did itthat way was so that I could
mentally and physically preparefor what that weight was going
(26:10):
to feel like on my body.
That way, the next time I didit, it wouldn't feel like a
complete shock.
Now, I've talked about this insome other episodes where I'll
be training somebody and I'llsay, All right, go grab the
45-pound dumbbells, and theywill pick it up off the rack.
And before they even try whatI'm asking them to do, they're
like, oh no, it's too heavy.
(26:31):
It feels too heavy.
No, it's not.
It is heavy, but it's not tooheavy.
So I want you to find thatcourage, get a spotter, maybe do
a partial rep if you need to.
Feel what that weight is goingto feel like on your body, and
then walk away from it.
That's it.
You just do like one attempt andwalk away.
(26:52):
Then the next week you're goingto do that again.
I want you to push yourself justa little bit more.
Now remember, this is under theassumption that you are already
somebody who's active and isworking out.
If you do not exercise, pleasedo not just go into the gym and
try this.
I would like you to go see yourdoctor, make sure you have
(27:13):
medical clearance, and then talkto somebody in person in your
orbit that can be a set of eyesfor you to help you to make sure
that you do this safely andproperly.
Now, remember the clipboard andthe magic is not just going to
show up at your door.
That confidence clipboard I wastalking about at the
(27:34):
introduction of this episode.
Nobody's just gonna walk intoyour gym and save you or rescue
you or tell you, anoint you andtell you that you have passed
and moved on, and you now havethe confidence to do what you've
always wanted to do.
Screw that.
You can do it right now.
Every time you show up to thegym, every time you do a hard
(27:56):
workout, every time you do thathard thing, you are building
your self-trust.
And the more that you do it, thestronger you become, the more
confident you become, and thebetter your life will be.
And I know that that sounds alittle out there, but I firmly
believe this.
I believe that strength trainingis the gateway to a healthy and
(28:19):
long-lasting life.
It's never too late to start,and you will thrive if you stay
committed to the process.
That is all I have for you onthis episode.
I hope that you enjoyed it.
And if you have any questions,you want to stay in touch with
me, you would like to subscribeto my newsletter, please check
the show notes for all of thatjuicy information so that we can
(28:42):
stay in touch with each other.
And if you enjoyed this episode,please do me a favor and rate
this episode and rate the showand give me a review.
It truly helps for gettingvisibility so that other amazing
human beings can join ourcommunity.
As always, I appreciate yourtime and attention, and I will
catch you on the next one.
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