July 8, 2026 • 47 mins
Her voice has filled arenas alongside legends like Pink Floyd and Sting, but the most gripping part of Machan Taylor’s story is what happened offstage. We talk about the private weight that can live behind public success: imposter syndrome, loneliness on the road, and the long echo of childhood trauma. Machan takes us back to her earliest chapters, from being born in post World War II Japan to moving to New Jersey in 1960, where identity, discrimination, and an alcoholic, emotionally unavailable father shaped how “belonging” felt for years.
From there, we follow the thread of music as survival. Machan shares how singing in church and school gave her community, purpose, and a place to breathe, then how the pre-internet live music scene helped her build real-world chops through bands, clubs, and early touring. We also pull the curtain back on the music industry reality: life out of a suitcase, constant travel, hotel-room isolation, and the pressures that make it hard to protect your mental health, even on a high-end tour.
Her memoir, "Naked Out Loud", becomes the bridge between the artist and the human being. We dig into vulnerability, aging into authenticity, and the responsibility of healing without staying stuck in blame. The biggest takeaway stays simple and brave: don’t give your power away, and redefine success as self-love, peace, and joy.
If you’re drawn to conversations about creativity, identity, women’s empowerment, healing, and finding your authentic voice, you’ll want to hear this one. Subscribe to Virago 24/7, share this episode with a friend, and leave a review to help more listeners find the show.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 3 (00:00):
Today's guest is a powerhouse artist whose voice
has literally echoed across someof the biggest stages in music
history.
Machan Taylor is a singer,songwriter, performer, educator,
and a creative force whosecareer spans decades of touring
and collaborating with legendaryartists including Pink Floyd,
(00:23):
Sting, Pat Benatar, Foreigner,George Benson, and Government
Mule.
She also fronted the Grammynominated band Hiroshima and has
built an impressive career as asolo artist and vocal educator.
But what makes Machan's storyso compelling isn't just the
incredible resume, it's thewoman behind the music.
(00:46):
From performing in front ofmassive audiences around the
world to helping others findtheir own authentic voice,
Machan brings wisdom,vulnerability, and a deep
understanding of what it meansto evolve as an artist and a
human being.
Today we're diving intocreativity, reinvention,
(01:07):
identity, music, healing, andwhat it really takes to stay
true to yourself through all theseasons of life.
Please welcome the incredibleMachan Taylor.
Hi, I am your host, LyanetteTalley, and you are listening to
Virago 24-7.
(01:27):
Virago is Latin for femalewarrior, and 24-7 is for all
day, every day.
Virago 24-7 is a weekly podcastthat brings diverse women
together to talk about life andour experiences in this world.
We share our views onself-love, mental health,
marriage, children, friendships,and really anything that needs
to be talked about.
(01:47):
Here you will find everydaygrowth, everyday healing with
everyday warriors.
Okay, so you're East Coast.
(02:11):
Yeah, and where do you live?
Speaker (02:14):
Uh right now I'm upstate New York.
Oh, nice.
Very nice.
Yeah, so I I split my timebetween New York City and and
upstate.
My husband and I have a home uhin the Catskill Mountains.
Okay.
So it's like two two hours, twohours north of Manhattan.
Is it really quiet up there?
Speaker 3 (02:33):
Very yeah.
I'm starting to crave more oflike just being away.
Um where I live, it's just alot of traffic, and we're close
to Atlanta, we're close to thecity, so it's just a lot of
people.
And yeah, my as I'm gettingolder, I'm like, man, it'd be
nice just to move away, far, faraway somewhere.
And if I want to enter society,I can.
(02:55):
Yeah, and if I want to go backto my home, I can.
So good for you.
Good for you.
All right, Machan.
Um, so today we have MachanTaylor on Virago 24-7.
And I've done a lot of researchon you.
So um I'm excited for thisconversation.
No, it's, it's, it's before westart, I I'm I was looking at
(03:17):
all the different people thatyou've collaborated with, and I
was telling my 15-year-olddaughter that I was about to,
you know, we were gonna uh talktoday, and I mentioned Pink
Floyd, and she's like, is shethe one that sings?
And then she starts mimickingyour voice.
I'm like, how did you know?
So 15-year-olds, 15-year-oldsknow your voice.
I was like, I I had no, Ididn't know.
(03:38):
I I I'm like, I didn't reallylisten to Pink Floyd growing up,
but um, I know the otherpeople.
I know the other people.
So you're a songwriter, you'rea singer, you're a performer,
uh, you're now an educator.
I read.
Um, you're just a creativeforce.
You have collaborated withmany, many legendary artists,
um, including Pink Floyd, like Imentioned, Sting, Pat Benatar,
(04:02):
Foreigner, George Benson, um somany more.
I saw so many names.
Um, you were also a front womanfor um the Grammy nominated
band Hiroshima.
And you have a book that'scalled Make It Out Loud.
And I definitely want to talkabout that because my podcast, I
love the music part.
I'm excited about that, but Ilike the more personal, intimate
(04:26):
um conversations of like howdid you get here?
So welcome.
Welcome, welcome, Sean.
Thank you so much.
Like I mentioned, you've had anamazing music career.
When you were younger, you'refrom Japan, correct?
Were you born there?
I was born there, yeah.
When you were younger, did youenvision all of this success?
Speaker (04:50):
No.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
So let's start from the beginning.
Let's start from the beginning.
Speaker (04:56):
No, um, yeah, I, you know, I'm a I'm a post-World War
II baby, so I have a few yearson you.
So um, my father was Americanmilitary.
Um, you know, he was stationedin Japan after World War II.
My mother was a singer, and shewas singing in clubs around
(05:18):
Tokyo and uh, you know, allaround that Tokyo suburban area.
And one of the places sheperformed in was the officers
club on the army base inYokohama.
And my father was the managerof the club, and that's how they
met.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
Wow, nice.
Speaker (05:40):
So it's like uh like a Hollywood movie, you know, how
they met.
And and uh long story short,you know, my father ended up uh
retiring from active duty fromthe military, and then he needed
to find work, so he found a jobin New York.
He was from New Jersey, and myfamily had to pick up and move
(06:04):
from Japan to New Jersey so myfather could find a job.
Uh, and it was, you know, itwas a very traumatic.
Um I call it the original sinin my life.
Uh, it was very difficultleaving my family in Japan.
I have an older sister, andthen the two of us, um, you
(06:27):
know, she was nine years old, Iwas four and a half years old,
and including my mother, thethree of us were really pretty
traumatized by that um big shiftin life.
So uh I never imagined mycareer the way it ended ended
up.
I'm very lucky the way it endedup, but it was uh a difficult
(06:51):
road.
It was a long and challengingroad for me.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
What um I read a little bit about that because I
know there was difficulty withrelationship with your father.
Like, are you okay like gettinginto that?
I know it's a part of yourbook, but um that's part of your
your origin story.
So um tell me a little bit moreabout that.
Speaker (07:12):
Well, my father, my father was an alcoholic.
So excuse me, I thinkunfortunately, like a lot of
military men or people, I shouldsay, probably women as well,
um, and especially thatgeneration, that World War II
generation, my father was veryemotionally unavailable.
(07:37):
He was very macho and you know,that very old typical way of
male identity.
And I think my father buried alot of his emotional, his own
emotional pain with alcohol.
And he was also a gambler, hewas a womanizer, he was a bad
(07:58):
boy, you know.
Um, and it was very difficulton the family.
So, yeah, it was, you know, inthat along with my mother, my
sister, and I experiencingdiscrimination um when we moved
to America, it was a verydifferent time.
It was 1960 when we arrived inAmerica.
(08:20):
So there were still a lot ofvery anti-Japanese feelings
post-World War II.
And uh yeah, it was anincredibly different time.
I don't remember as a childever seeing anyone Asian on
television or in movies, exceptfor very few uh very
(08:43):
stereotypical kinds of roles atthat time.
Um, it's different now, whichis great.
You know, we have a much moreuh multicultural, uh, is it safe
to say diverse diverse uh youknow community of people in the
(09:05):
entertainment business and inall fields now.
So it's a very different time,um, which is great.
But that was not the case whenI was young.
So growing up in in a very, youknow, white middle class
neighborhood in New Jersey, myfather being an alcoholic and
(09:25):
had a having a lot of problems,it was it was a difficult
childhood.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
How do you think that like all of that shaped you,
like the you know, the twodifferent the different cultures
that you you were a part ofthat you grew up in?
Um how did that shape youemotionally, spiritually?
Like what did you learn fromthat?
Speaker (09:46):
Yeah, I grew up feeling very confused about my
identity.
I was biracial, I am biracial,you know.
Um I didn't know where Ibelonged, whether because I'm
not fully Japanese and I'm notfully white Anglo-Saxon.
So as a child, I was like, whoam I?
(10:08):
And you know, where's mypeople?
You know, who are my people?
Because I'm in betweeneverything.
So I really struggled with mypersonal identity and trying to
figure out who I was.
And then on top of that, withthe emotional difficulties with
(10:30):
growing up in an alcoholicdysfunctional family, um, I, you
know, I wasn't uh safe.
I didn't feel safe andsupported.
And even though I know myparents loved me and loved, you
know, my my sister andconsequently my younger brother
(10:50):
and sister who came along, um mymy parents were were so wrapped
up in their troubles that itwas hard for them um to to show
their love, you know, was sortof very buried underneath um all
the dysfunction.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
So your book Um Nake It Out Loud is about it's a it's
a memoir about your life andabout um the music industry and
all of that.
What um what does that titlelike mean to you?
Like how did you come up withthat title and what does that
mean?
Speaker (11:30):
Well, when I started writing the book, which which I
never really intended onpublishing a book, but um there
were people in my life at onepoint that said, you know, you
really should write a book andtalk about your story because
it's it's so multifaceted andinteresting.
And I thought initially Ithought, oh my God, who you
(11:53):
know, who's gonna care about mybook and me and my story.
But I started journaling and Ijust started going back to my
journal and writing and stayingin the process, and I I've
learned that I really enjoyedthe process of writing.
I could write for three, four,five hours, and it it didn't
(12:17):
feel like very much time hadpassed.
So I discovered this wonderfulspace of creativity in a way
that I had never known before.
You know, I'm used to being asongwriter, and that it's a very
similar process, but um justwriting words was new to me.
(12:37):
So I just kept going.
And over two and a half, almostthree years of writing, then I
realized I had over 60,000 wordswritten, and I said, Oh, okay,
I I have a book.
I have a book here.
Um, but the title came to mebecause what I realized I was
(13:02):
writing about was my internal,emotional, spiritual part of my
life.
My yes, I talk about my career,yes, I talk about the people I
work with, but that was to methe surface story.
And the really important partto me was talking about what
(13:25):
I've gone through in my personalevolution through my life.
Um, you know, I'm gonna be 70in September, which is no way,
yeah.
Yes.
Wow.
It's I would have never guessedthat.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
I would have never guessed that you were about to
turn 70.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
You're beautiful.
Speaker (13:44):
Thank you, thank you so much.
Um, but it's real.
Time, you know, time isticking.
And um, yeah, so now I'm I'm ata place in my life where I feel
certainly much more at peace,much more comfortable within my
skin and in myself.
But it's taken a lot of yearsof personal work, a lot of
(14:09):
therapy, um, a lot ofself-discovery.
And so that's where the titlereally kind of came from because
I realized I was telling a veryvulnerable story, a very
personal story.
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
I love that.
One of the questions I I justlove talking to people that have
been through some thingsbecause I I learned a lot from
from you all.
But um, how do you think likeyou mentioned like authenticity
and and being um a differentversion at this age?
Like, how do you think thatchanges as we get older?
Speaker (14:43):
Well, that's a really good question.
Um, for me, I feel that beinghonest and being vulnerable are
very important characteristicsto embrace.
And with that comesresponsibility for ourselves,
(15:07):
for our mental and emotionalhealth.
And there is a certain amountof work that comes with that
responsibility.
And you realize as you getolder, if you've come from a
difficult childhood and you'vehad trauma in your life, which I
think everybody experiencestrauma on one, you know, one
(15:30):
level or another.
There's big traumas, there'slittle traumas, but we all we
all have our difficulties.
Um but we all come, orhopefully we all come to the
point of realizing that it's ourresponsibility, uh, and no
longer blaming our parents orpeople along the way, that it's
(15:54):
our responsibility to heal andto take care of whatever it is
that's making you unhappy or umdifficult in your life, that we
uh ourselves have to assume thework.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker (16:11):
That's wonderful.
Speaker 3 (16:12):
I love that.
Um because I I've noticed thatnot everyone that ages evolves.
So I like to ask the questionfor the people that have evolved
and that have changed.
Speaker (16:24):
Because some people, uh, if we're gonna be honest,
they stay stuck and they'realways yeah, and it it's it,
yeah, and I see it, you know, Isee it in with people in my you
know generation and people Iknow, and and it's sad, it's
really sad to see.
Um, but we all have our ownjourneys and we all have our own
(16:45):
ways of dealing with things,with things, and and I realize
that.
Um, but for me, I feel likeI've always been a seeker, I've
always been driven.
Um I don't know where that thatdrive came from, but I've
always had this sense in myselfthat I wanted to know more, I
(17:07):
wanted to um be better, I wantedto achieve and progress and and
keep growing.
And I still feel that way.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
Yeah, that's wonderful.
Can we talk about um how didyou get into this industry?
Like like what doors wereopened?
I let's start from thebeginning of how did you get
here?
And how were you able to meetall these amazing artists?
Speaker (17:35):
Um well, I feel like I was very lucky, incredibly lucky
along the way.
But also the the music industrywas very different when I was
young and I was coming up.
Um, you know, when I was ateenager in New Jersey and in
the New York area, and I thinkmost of the United States, the
(17:57):
drinking age was 18.
So it was a really differenttime.
So there were so many clubs uhwith college students and
18-year-olds partying andhanging out and listening to
live music.
It was pre-the internet, it waspre-cell phones, it was pre-um,
(18:17):
you know, Spotify and all ofthat stuff, all the digital
online platforms.
So people went out to hear livemusic.
It was a very vibrant time forfor live music, which gave us,
you know, singers and musicians,wonderful opportunities to get
(18:40):
gigs in clubs, play in clubs,develop our skills.
And um that's really how itevolved for me was starting out,
you know, in high school, um,singing in in bands, playing in
battle of the bands and thingslike that.
And actually going furtherback, it really started in in
(19:03):
school and church because I wentto Catholic school in grammar
school, and I sang in churchchoir.
And that's really where Idiscovered that I could sing and
that it gave me a sense ofidentity, it gave me a community
uh to connect with musiciansand other singers, and it it
(19:24):
gave me a sense of anchoring inmy life that I wasn't getting in
my my personal life.
So music became a sanctuary forme and very healing and
empowering.
So from clubs in New Jersey, umI I my first actual uh
(19:47):
professional, so-calledprofessional, even though I was
making money from the time I was16, you know, playing in bars.
Yeah, and and so really theysay once you get paid, you're a
professional.
Speaker 3 (19:59):
But um but I didn't realize you were so young
starting off.
16.
Okay, wow.
Speaker (20:05):
Yeah, yeah, and I and I started before that just with
acoustic guitar and myselfsinging in little coffee houses,
you know, when I was like 14 orsomething.
So yeah, I started reallyyoung.
My first big audition was whenI was 19, and it was with the
(20:26):
Glenn Miller Orchestra, which isso off like off the beaten path
for me when I when I look at mymy career, you know, I look
back on what I've done.
It wasn't necessarily the kindof music that I wanted, but it
was an opportunity, and it wasmy first big, you know, tour.
So with the Glenn MillerOrchestra, I traveled all over
(20:50):
the United States.
I went to Japan, um, did alittle bit in Europe as well.
So that gave me that the tasteof what it would be like
touring, being on the road, andand living that lifestyle.
And then, of course, later itled to more rock and roll, you
(21:10):
know, opportunities and and moreof the music that I wanted to
be doing.
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (21:16):
Well, your voice is gorgeous.
I was listening to um, youknow, some of your songs and
clips, and I was like, man, I'vealways wanted, I don't have the
gift of singing, but I'm like,maybe when when I get to heaven,
the Lord will gift me with thatwith that talent.
It's I just I really wish Icould sing.
I really, I really do.
(21:36):
So have you tried?
Have you tried?
Trust me.
My my husband, my kids arelike, yeah no, no, no, no.
And my siblings before that,like before my kids, it was my
siblings, yeah no, yeah.
I I don't, I don't, I don't.
I I don't know how to use mydiaphragm the way I should.
So with Touring with um, youknow, these different bands and
(22:04):
just using your gift that Godgave you on the outside, it
looks so glamorous for us.
Like, oh wow, look at them.
What is something, what arelike some emotional things that
people wouldn't know about thatyou were going through at the
time that you're touring and andyou know, using your gifts and
and doing what you set out todo?
Speaker (22:26):
Yeah, yeah, that that's you know, again, it's a lot of
the story in my book.
So when I was on stage singingin front of, you know, hundreds
of thousands of people with PinkFloyd or Sting or whoever,
whatever the case may be, Icarried with me from my
(22:46):
childhood all of those feelingsof not feeling enough, um, the
imposter syndrome, feeling likeI didn't belong there, that I
wasn't worthy of having thoseopportunities.
And it was really an internalstruggle that I carried with me
(23:07):
for a very long time.
You probably wouldn't know it,you know, if you looked at me on
stage.
Um and and, you know, maybe noone I've worked with even
realized what I was feeling.
But that's what I was reallyexperiencing inside.
So when I look back on thatnow, of course I don't carry
(23:30):
those feelings like I once did,but it's it's so painful to
realize how that younger versionof me was really struggling.
I feel so badly for her.
You know, that version of mewas was really confused and uh
(23:53):
in a lot of pain, actually.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
It sounds like even though you're surrounded by a
lot of people, it's like alonely feeling.
Speaker (24:01):
Yes.
It was a very lonely feeling.
And again, you know, I think alot of people in in the
entertainment businessexperience imposter syndrome.
It's nothing uncommon.
Um everybody has a differentstory, though, as to how they
arrived, you know, with thosefeelings, how those feelings
(24:22):
develop, where they came from,what are the roots of them all.
Um but for me, it's a very, tome, it's a very clear-cut story
in terms of growing up feelingum, you know, very unsupported
and uh in a very dysfunctionalfamily.
And then experiencing thatfirst really big trauma in my
(24:43):
life of leaving Japan when I wasfour and a half and losing that
contact with my family thereand my grandmother who I loved,
my grandmother, and I never gotto see her again, you know.
So that was that was a big thatwas a big scar.
Speaker 3 (25:02):
That was a big heartbreak.
Yeah.
Oh man.
It's it's fascinating to me howpeople with such big talents
still have imposter syndromebecause like we're looking at
you thinking, wow, what a gift.
And to know that you werestruggling with that is it um
that this is why I like havingdifferent people on this podcast
(25:23):
because you realize we all gothrough this as humans.
We all have like this internalstruggle.
And so for someone like youwho's so, you know, so
successful to have had thatsimilar feeling, you know, it
just feels like, okay, we're notalone in this, in this world.
Speaker (25:38):
No, we're not alone.
And I think that's a lot aboutum why I want to speak out, why
I agreed to do these podcaststhat I'm doing lately and to
talk about my book further andmy story, is that we're not
alone.
I'm not anything unique inregards to the human condition
(25:59):
and the human experience, youknow.
And if I can, by speaking outabout my story, if I can give
hope uh to one person, if I canhelp one person to, if they're
in a bad situation, to maybe goget help or to feel better about
(26:20):
themselves, then that makes mefeel good.
That makes me feel like I'mdoing something positive in the
world.
Speaker 3 (26:28):
You know.
So in the music industry, welike to romanticize and
glamorize it.
What is it?
What is something that you cantell us that you can shed light
on like the reality of what itreally looks like?
Speaker (26:42):
Um, well, I do talk about this a little bit in my
book.
Oh, you do?
Speaker 2 (26:46):
Okay, okay.
Speaker (26:47):
A little bit, yeah.
You know, when I toured withPink Floyd, I mean it's it's
quite a few years ago now, youknow, it was 1987, 88.
So probably probably beforeyour time.
Speaker 3 (26:58):
But actually, I was born in 79, so I'm not that
young.
Okay.
I am not that young.
Speaker (27:07):
Oh you look you look very young.
I know.
So so yeah, so it was the 80s.
Um, it was a very long tour, itwas a year-long tour.
And the reality, even though itwas a very high-class tour, and
and I had a lot of fun, I'mcertainly not putting it down.
Um, you know, yes, we weretraveling on, you know, first
(27:29):
class or on private jets andstaying in, you know, four or
five star hotels.
Yes, it was very nice.
But the reality is you'remostly traveling, you're living
out of your suitcase, you'regoing from town to town, you're
you're very ungrounded, youknow, you you're in a little
(27:51):
microcosm with the people you'reworking with, uh, like a gypsy,
going from place to place.
And maybe you're on stage fortwo hours, maybe three if it's a
long show, um, like SpringState or something, because he
does three-hour shows.
But um besides that, you know,aside from being on stage for
(28:15):
those couple of hours, you'retrying to figure out how to keep
your mental and physical healthtogether.
You're dealing with a sense ofhomesick sickness, feeling a
sense of loneliness, even thoughyou're surrounded by a lot of
people.
You go to your hotel room atnight alone most of the time.
(28:37):
When I was when I was young,maybe sometimes I wasn't alone.
Speaker 3 (28:44):
That's hey, you gotta fill up the time somehow,
right?
You can't just like go performand not have a life.
Speaker (28:55):
Yeah, but um, I was young, I had fun.
Good for you, good for you.
Yeah, but there's the otherside of it too.
And it for me in that timeperiod, you know, in the 80s,
there were a lot of drugs, a lotof alcohol, a lot of partying.
It was pretty crazy too.
(29:16):
So um, you know, dealing withthat is also part of the job
because there is a lot of thatthat goes on.
Um, I don't know how it is foryounger generations now on tour.
I I think, I I hope that theyounger people have found better
(29:38):
ways to cope.
Um, but there's probably stillsome some of that craziness
going on, I would imagine.
Yeah, you know.
Speaker 3 (29:48):
So you have been a performer, a teacher, writer,
mentor.
You've done a lot.
And so with all these differentum hats that you've worn, what
have you learned about likecourage and fear?
Because a lot of us don't dowhat we want to do in life
because of fear, lack ofcourage.
(30:10):
What can like what words of uhencouragement or wisdom you can
share about like how you wereable just to jump from these
different things?
Speaker (30:20):
Yeah, uh well, fear is a common human emotion.
I've had lots of fear in mylife.
Um, putting this book out wasscary, has been scary for me to
reveal, you know, some veryvulnerable personal stories.
Um but in the face of fear, wefind our our courage, we find
(30:48):
our strength, we find power, wefind evolution, we find growth.
And when I look back on my lifefrom this point, I can see, you
know, all the the differenttimes in my life when I I did
some scary things and didn'tknow what was on the other side
(31:12):
of that fear, but I knew that Ineeded to move from the point
where I was at, and had to takea leap.
And that leap of faith, if youhave the courage to just take
that little step, that littleleap of faith, it's incredible
(31:34):
what you will find on the otherside of that.
So I think that's the thingthat has kept me going since I'm
a a young girl, um going outinto the world.
I left home when I was 18because I was so unhappy at
home.
I moved out the week I turned18.
(31:55):
Um, I left and I, you know, wasworking already as a singer and
got myself an apartment and acar and just went out into the
world.
And fast forward to um in ninein well, I toured with Sting
1999-2000.
When I got off the road withfrom that tour in New York City,
(32:21):
there was a screen actor'sguild strike that was happening,
and I'm a a union member.
So I came home and I couldn'twork.
There was there were no jobsthat I could do in in recording
studios in New York because umunion.
So um, and it was a very big,long strike.
(32:43):
It was like six months.
So I just yeah, and my husbandalso, who was my boyfriend at
the time, he had just won a bigcommercial and uh writing, he
was writing commercials fortelevision, and he couldn't do
this big campaign that he hadjust won because he was a union
member.
So I was trying to figure outwhat to do, and I thought about
(33:11):
teaching uh at one point,teaching voice, and that was the
moment that I said, okay, Ineed to find some work, and I
wasn't going to go back on theroad.
I had made a decision thatafter the sting tour, I was no
longer going to pursue that kindof work.
And um I started teaching outof my apartment in New York
(33:34):
City.
I took an ad out in the VillageVoice, which was a very popular
paper in the city back then.
It's it's defunct now.
Um, and I started taking onstudents, and I just I
discovered that I lovedteaching.
And um, and that's how myteaching career started.
(33:54):
And then fast forward, um maybe15 years down the line from
that point, I decided that I Iwanted to go further with my
teaching career.
I was only teaching privatelybecause I had never gone to
college, so I had no degree, soI couldn't apply for jobs at any
(34:18):
universities.
So I went back to school in my50s and got my bachelor's degree
and got my master's degree, andnow I've been at NYU for 12
years.
What a wonderful story.
So it's never too late.
It's never too late, is it?
It's never too late.
(34:38):
It's never too late to discoversomething new, to try something
new, to um conquer your fearsand follow your dreams.
And I am here to attest tothat.
So yeah, I never imaginedmyself with a university job,
but here I am.
(34:59):
And so you're still doing thattoday.
Speaker 3 (35:01):
That's what you you do now.
Speaker (35:03):
Yeah, yeah.
I teach at the Clive DavisInstitute of Recorded Music.
And and I'm an adjunct, I'm nota full-time professor, but I'm
I've been there for 12 years andI love it.
I love my school, I love mystudents, and but I couldn't
have done that if I didn't goback to school.
Speaker 3 (35:20):
Good for you, and got my degrees.
Good for you, good for you.
That's amazing.
Good for you.
I love I love that.
Um so we talk a lot on thispodcast about forgiving others,
forgiving ourselves.
What is something that you hadto forgive yourself for?
Speaker (35:40):
Myself.
Oh wow.
Um, wow, there are a number ofthings.
Um, I would say the biggestone, the biggest event and
decision that I have needed toforgive myself for was my first
(36:05):
marriage.
I met someone when I wastouring with Pink Floyd.
I and I do talk about this inthe book.
Um, he turned out to be a veryabusive person.
It was a very difficult time inmy life.
(36:25):
And on the surface, this personwas successful and dynamic and,
you know, made good money andwas creative and uh seemingly
just a great guy.
And I saw the red flagssubconsciously, I saw the red
(36:49):
flags before I married him, butI went ahead and married him
anyway.
And it turned out to be areally difficult time and a not
very good decision, you know,that I made.
You know, I I picked someonethat was very similar to my my
(37:36):
dad in a certain way, eventhough my ex was not an
alcoholic, but he was arageholic.
And um uh those dysfunctionscome in many different forms.
So yeah, I do forgive myself.
Um, it was a big forgive, but Iknow now that I needed to go
(38:05):
through that challenge anddifficulty in life to heal
something within myself and togrow and to also detach from my
past and and my family stuff,you know, because I I was
(38:26):
carrying that family stuffforward and uh and it got played
out in my first marriage.
So that's a big one.
Speaker 3 (38:35):
Yeah, yeah.
I I I yeah, I've talked to umother people where they that's
it's like you know the red flagsare there, your instincts are
just like, what are we doing?
And we do it anyway.
So I think we all have thatkind of uh story in us, yeah.
And then we beat ourselves upand yeah, yeah, yeah, I did for
(38:57):
a long time.
Speaker (38:57):
But you know what?
When you look back on thesethings, you're a better person
having gone through that.
Yeah, you know, yeah, I reallybelieve that.
And again, I think you know, itit only gets better if you
actually do the work and youwork on healing yourself, yes,
and learn, you know, becausethere are people that will take
(39:19):
situations like that and becomea victim for the rest of their
lives, you know, which is sosad.
But but that's an agreement.
That's, you know, if you'reaccepting that role of you being
a victim, um, it's verydifficult to get out.
unknown (39:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (39:37):
What does power look like for you now versus what it
looked like in your 20s and 30s,like what you thought power was
or success was versus what itlooks like today?
Speaker (39:47):
Oh, that's so easy.
You know, when when I'm I wasyoung, and I'm sure this is true
for a lot of young people,money, success, you know, are
the are the golden, you know,rings that we're reaching for.
And um, you know, I had myshare.
(40:11):
I had my share of that, and Iprobably could have had more had
I had I were in a differentplace personally, you know, 30
years ago.
But now what I feel is truepower is a sense of self-love,
um, confidence, peace withinmyself, um, having people in my
(40:38):
life that I love and that loveme, that are there for me, that
have my back, and vice versa.
And joy and finding joy, youknow, with with the people that
are in my life and the thingsthat I do.
Money is nice, it's good, weall need it.
(40:59):
Yes, of course, but it does notbuy happiness, it really
doesn't.
Speaker 3 (41:06):
Yeah.
And it's it sounds likefreedom.
Like once you get to this placeof knowing who you are,
forgiving yourself, forgivingothers, what whatever that looks
like, whether they stay in yourlife or you keep them at arm's
length, it just feels likefreedom after a while.
Speaker (41:22):
Absolutely, and and money can't buy that.
You know, that that comes withexperience, with age, time,
doing the work, and and justbeing willing to um, yeah, do
what you gotta do to get there,you know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (41:44):
If the women listening to this episode could
take anything from like onetruth from your life and what we
talked to talked about today,what would that be?
Speaker (41:57):
The one thing.
Speaker 3 (41:59):
I could be more than one.
Speaker (42:01):
I could be more than one.
Um I think the biggest message,and and it's and it's something
I I think I still work on, isnot giving your power away.
And I think it's a very toughone for a lot of women because
(42:22):
we're raised in a society thatuh still tends to be a
male-dominated world, no matterwhat profession you're in.
Um, I think we've all beensocialized as little girls and
women to acquiesce to men, uh,to bow down to power, uh, to not
(42:47):
be too aggressive or too angrybecause otherwise you're a
bitchy.
Uh, you know, we've we've beentrained, we've been trained on
many different levels to uhsubjugate ourselves and be
subservient in many situationsand give our power away.
(43:10):
And like I said, I'm stillworking on it, you know.
It's um, and I have a doublewhammy because my mother was
Japanese, so I grew up withwatching my mother be very
subservient, you know.
So I've had to work on breakingthose bonds culturally, but um
(43:32):
yeah, I think that's that is thebiggest thing we all need to
embrace is our own um power, youknow, emotionally, spiritually,
um, mentally, and evenphysically, you know.
I see, I have to say, because Iteach at university, I see a
(43:54):
lot of young women that tend Toreally oversexualize themselves
online on Instagram or you know,whatever it is.
Feel and it seems like theyfeel like that is their only
power, is their sexuality.
And it is a power.
Let's not, you know, foolourselves that, you know, our
(44:18):
power as women and our beauty,our our sexuality and beauty as
women is powerful and can bevery powerful.
But it's all in how you use it,I think.
And I I hate to see a lot ofyoung women really kind of
selling themselves cheaply byoversexualizing their images.
(44:41):
Um, because that's just buyinginto the male structures and of
our society.
Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (44:50):
Oh, yeah, definitely.
And and you don't really getrespect from that.
Like you get a lot ofattention, but it doesn't mean
you get respect from men.
Exactly.
Speaker (45:03):
Exactly.
Yeah, it's tricky.
It's really tricky.
Speaker 3 (45:06):
Yeah.
So make it out loud.
Where can we buy your book?
Speaker (45:12):
So the book is available on Amazon, Barnes and
Noble, and and most um, yeah,pretty much, you know.
I see, you know, my publishingdeal is with a small company, so
they're not stocking a lot ofbooks in stores, you know.
It's it's sort of a print ondemand design.
Um, but it is available.
Speaker 3 (45:32):
So wonderful.
Yeah.
I will make sure that I putyour website um on on the notes,
on the show notes.
That way people can likebecause everything is on there.
Everything about you is on yourwebsite.
So we can buy the book, we canread about your lives.
And I just really, reallyappreciate talking to women that
(45:54):
are vulnerable and authenticand and share their stories
because we can learn a lot fromeach other just by sharing our
stories.
Speaker (46:02):
Absolutely.
Yeah, thank you so much.
It's wonderful that you'redoing this.
Speaker 3 (46:06):
Thank you, Machan.
I really, really, really thankyou for coming on, and um, I
appreciate you being here.
Thank you, Lyanette.
Thank you.
My pleasure.
I'll leave you all with this.
She chose to heal instead ofhate.
She trusted time, she trustedfate.
Her heart once broken, hervoice once dim, now sings with
(46:29):
courage deep within.
She chose to heal, she learnedto grow, she faced the pain she
used to know.
Each wound she bore became herguide, her strength no longer
had to hide.
She chose to heal, her soul isfree, she found the truth of who
to be.
No weight could break, no nightconceal, for she is proof that
(46:53):
hearts can heal.
Thank you so much for listeningto Virago247.
If you haven't done so already,go ahead and hit that subscribe
button and please give usfive-star ratings.
Also, don't forget to follow uson Instagram at Virago24
underscore seven and on Facebookat Virago24 slash 7.
(47:17):
And just connect with us andshare your story.
We'd love to hear from you.
Today's guest is a powerhouse artist whose voice
has literally echoed across someof the biggest stages in music
history.
Machan Taylor is a singer,songwriter, performer, educator,
and a creative force whosecareer spans decades of touring
and collaborating with legendaryartists including Pink Floyd,
(00:23):
Sting, Pat Benatar, Foreigner,George Benson, and Government
Mule.
She also fronted the Grammynominated band Hiroshima and has
built an impressive career as asolo artist and vocal educator.
But what makes Machan's storyso compelling isn't just the
incredible resume, it's thewoman behind the music.
(00:46):
From performing in front ofmassive audiences around the
world to helping others findtheir own authentic voice,
Machan brings wisdom,vulnerability, and a deep
understanding of what it meansto evolve as an artist and a
human being.
Today we're diving intocreativity, reinvention,
(01:07):
identity, music, healing, andwhat it really takes to stay
true to yourself through all theseasons of life.
Please welcome the incredibleMachan Taylor.
Hi, I am your host, LyanetteTalley, and you are listening to
Virago 24-7.
(01:27):
Virago is Latin for femalewarrior, and 24-7 is for all
day, every day.
Virago 24-7 is a weekly podcastthat brings diverse women
together to talk about life andour experiences in this world.
We share our views onself-love, mental health,
marriage, children, friendships,and really anything that needs
to be talked about.
(01:47):
Here you will find everydaygrowth, everyday healing with
everyday warriors.
Okay, so you're East Coast.
(02:11):
Yeah, and where do you live?
Speaker (02:14):
Uh right now I'm upstate New York.
Oh, nice.
Very nice.
Yeah, so I I split my timebetween New York City and and
upstate.
My husband and I have a home uhin the Catskill Mountains.
Okay.
So it's like two two hours, twohours north of Manhattan.
Is it really quiet up there?
Speaker 3 (02:33):
Very yeah.
I'm starting to crave more oflike just being away.
Um where I live, it's just alot of traffic, and we're close
to Atlanta, we're close to thecity, so it's just a lot of
people.
And yeah, my as I'm gettingolder, I'm like, man, it'd be
nice just to move away, far, faraway somewhere.
And if I want to enter society,I can.
(02:55):
Yeah, and if I want to go backto my home, I can.
So good for you.
Good for you.
All right, Machan.
Um, so today we have MachanTaylor on Virago 24-7.
And I've done a lot of researchon you.
So um I'm excited for thisconversation.
No, it's, it's, it's before westart, I I'm I was looking at
(03:17):
all the different people thatyou've collaborated with, and I
was telling my 15-year-olddaughter that I was about to,
you know, we were gonna uh talktoday, and I mentioned Pink
Floyd, and she's like, is shethe one that sings?
And then she starts mimickingyour voice.
I'm like, how did you know?
So 15-year-olds, 15-year-oldsknow your voice.
I was like, I I had no, Ididn't know.
(03:38):
I I I'm like, I didn't reallylisten to Pink Floyd growing up,
but um, I know the otherpeople.
I know the other people.
So you're a songwriter, you'rea singer, you're a performer,
uh, you're now an educator.
I read.
Um, you're just a creativeforce.
You have collaborated withmany, many legendary artists,
um, including Pink Floyd, like Imentioned, Sting, Pat Benatar,
(04:02):
Foreigner, George Benson, um somany more.
I saw so many names.
Um, you were also a front womanfor um the Grammy nominated
band Hiroshima.
And you have a book that'scalled Make It Out Loud.
And I definitely want to talkabout that because my podcast, I
love the music part.
I'm excited about that, but Ilike the more personal, intimate
(04:26):
um conversations of like howdid you get here?
So welcome.
Welcome, welcome, Sean.
Thank you so much.
Like I mentioned, you've had anamazing music career.
When you were younger, you'refrom Japan, correct?
Were you born there?
I was born there, yeah.
When you were younger, did youenvision all of this success?
Speaker (04:50):
No.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
So let's start from the beginning.
Let's start from the beginning.
Speaker (04:56):
No, um, yeah, I, you know, I'm a I'm a post-World War
II baby, so I have a few yearson you.
So um, my father was Americanmilitary.
Um, you know, he was stationedin Japan after World War II.
My mother was a singer, and shewas singing in clubs around
(05:18):
Tokyo and uh, you know, allaround that Tokyo suburban area.
And one of the places sheperformed in was the officers
club on the army base inYokohama.
And my father was the managerof the club, and that's how they
met.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
Wow, nice.
Speaker (05:40):
So it's like uh like a Hollywood movie, you know, how
they met.
And and uh long story short,you know, my father ended up uh
retiring from active duty fromthe military, and then he needed
to find work, so he found a jobin New York.
He was from New Jersey, and myfamily had to pick up and move
(06:04):
from Japan to New Jersey so myfather could find a job.
Uh, and it was, you know, itwas a very traumatic.
Um I call it the original sinin my life.
Uh, it was very difficultleaving my family in Japan.
I have an older sister, andthen the two of us, um, you
(06:27):
know, she was nine years old, Iwas four and a half years old,
and including my mother, thethree of us were really pretty
traumatized by that um big shiftin life.
So uh I never imagined mycareer the way it ended ended
up.
I'm very lucky the way it endedup, but it was uh a difficult
(06:51):
road.
It was a long and challengingroad for me.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
What um I read a little bit about that because I
know there was difficulty withrelationship with your father.
Like, are you okay like gettinginto that?
I know it's a part of yourbook, but um that's part of your
your origin story.
So um tell me a little bit moreabout that.
Speaker (07:12):
Well, my father, my father was an alcoholic.
So excuse me, I thinkunfortunately, like a lot of
military men or people, I shouldsay, probably women as well,
um, and especially thatgeneration, that World War II
generation, my father was veryemotionally unavailable.
(07:37):
He was very macho and you know,that very old typical way of
male identity.
And I think my father buried alot of his emotional, his own
emotional pain with alcohol.
And he was also a gambler, hewas a womanizer, he was a bad
(07:58):
boy, you know.
Um, and it was very difficulton the family.
So, yeah, it was, you know, inthat along with my mother, my
sister, and I experiencingdiscrimination um when we moved
to America, it was a verydifferent time.
It was 1960 when we arrived inAmerica.
(08:20):
So there were still a lot ofvery anti-Japanese feelings
post-World War II.
And uh yeah, it was anincredibly different time.
I don't remember as a childever seeing anyone Asian on
television or in movies, exceptfor very few uh very
(08:43):
stereotypical kinds of roles atthat time.
Um, it's different now, whichis great.
You know, we have a much moreuh multicultural, uh, is it safe
to say diverse diverse uh youknow community of people in the
(09:05):
entertainment business and inall fields now.
So it's a very different time,um, which is great.
But that was not the case whenI was young.
So growing up in in a very, youknow, white middle class
neighborhood in New Jersey, myfather being an alcoholic and
(09:25):
had a having a lot of problems,it was it was a difficult
childhood.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
How do you think that like all of that shaped you,
like the you know, the twodifferent the different cultures
that you you were a part ofthat you grew up in?
Um how did that shape youemotionally, spiritually?
Like what did you learn fromthat?
Speaker (09:46):
Yeah, I grew up feeling very confused about my
identity.
I was biracial, I am biracial,you know.
Um I didn't know where Ibelonged, whether because I'm
not fully Japanese and I'm notfully white Anglo-Saxon.
So as a child, I was like, whoam I?
(10:08):
And you know, where's mypeople?
You know, who are my people?
Because I'm in betweeneverything.
So I really struggled with mypersonal identity and trying to
figure out who I was.
And then on top of that, withthe emotional difficulties with
(10:30):
growing up in an alcoholicdysfunctional family, um, I, you
know, I wasn't uh safe.
I didn't feel safe andsupported.
And even though I know myparents loved me and loved, you
know, my my sister andconsequently my younger brother
(10:50):
and sister who came along, um mymy parents were were so wrapped
up in their troubles that itwas hard for them um to to show
their love, you know, was sortof very buried underneath um all
the dysfunction.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
So your book Um Nake It Out Loud is about it's a it's
a memoir about your life andabout um the music industry and
all of that.
What um what does that titlelike mean to you?
Like how did you come up withthat title and what does that
mean?
Speaker (11:30):
Well, when I started writing the book, which which I
never really intended onpublishing a book, but um there
were people in my life at onepoint that said, you know, you
really should write a book andtalk about your story because
it's it's so multifaceted andinteresting.
And I thought initially Ithought, oh my God, who you
(11:53):
know, who's gonna care about mybook and me and my story.
But I started journaling and Ijust started going back to my
journal and writing and stayingin the process, and I I've
learned that I really enjoyedthe process of writing.
I could write for three, four,five hours, and it it didn't
(12:17):
feel like very much time hadpassed.
So I discovered this wonderfulspace of creativity in a way
that I had never known before.
You know, I'm used to being asongwriter, and that it's a very
similar process, but um justwriting words was new to me.
(12:37):
So I just kept going.
And over two and a half, almostthree years of writing, then I
realized I had over 60,000 wordswritten, and I said, Oh, okay,
I I have a book.
I have a book here.
Um, but the title came to mebecause what I realized I was
(13:02):
writing about was my internal,emotional, spiritual part of my
life.
My yes, I talk about my career,yes, I talk about the people I
work with, but that was to methe surface story.
And the really important partto me was talking about what
(13:25):
I've gone through in my personalevolution through my life.
Um, you know, I'm gonna be 70in September, which is no way,
yeah.
Yes.
Wow.
It's I would have never guessedthat.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
I would have never guessed that you were about to
turn 70.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
You're beautiful.
Speaker (13:44):
Thank you, thank you so much.
Um, but it's real.
Time, you know, time isticking.
And um, yeah, so now I'm I'm ata place in my life where I feel
certainly much more at peace,much more comfortable within my
skin and in myself.
But it's taken a lot of yearsof personal work, a lot of
(14:09):
therapy, um, a lot ofself-discovery.
And so that's where the titlereally kind of came from because
I realized I was telling a veryvulnerable story, a very
personal story.
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
I love that.
One of the questions I I justlove talking to people that have
been through some thingsbecause I I learned a lot from
from you all.
But um, how do you think likeyou mentioned like authenticity
and and being um a differentversion at this age?
Like, how do you think thatchanges as we get older?
Speaker (14:43):
Well, that's a really good question.
Um, for me, I feel that beinghonest and being vulnerable are
very important characteristicsto embrace.
And with that comesresponsibility for ourselves,
(15:07):
for our mental and emotionalhealth.
And there is a certain amountof work that comes with that
responsibility.
And you realize as you getolder, if you've come from a
difficult childhood and you'vehad trauma in your life, which I
think everybody experiencestrauma on one, you know, one
(15:30):
level or another.
There's big traumas, there'slittle traumas, but we all we
all have our difficulties.
Um but we all come, orhopefully we all come to the
point of realizing that it's ourresponsibility, uh, and no
longer blaming our parents orpeople along the way, that it's
(15:54):
our responsibility to heal andto take care of whatever it is
that's making you unhappy or umdifficult in your life, that we
uh ourselves have to assume thework.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker (16:11):
That's wonderful.
Speaker 3 (16:12):
I love that.
Um because I I've noticed thatnot everyone that ages evolves.
So I like to ask the questionfor the people that have evolved
and that have changed.
Speaker (16:24):
Because some people, uh, if we're gonna be honest,
they stay stuck and they'realways yeah, and it it's it,
yeah, and I see it, you know, Isee it in with people in my you
know generation and people Iknow, and and it's sad, it's
really sad to see.
Um, but we all have our ownjourneys and we all have our own
(16:45):
ways of dealing with things,with things, and and I realize
that.
Um, but for me, I feel likeI've always been a seeker, I've
always been driven.
Um I don't know where that thatdrive came from, but I've
always had this sense in myselfthat I wanted to know more, I
(17:07):
wanted to um be better, I wantedto achieve and progress and and
keep growing.
And I still feel that way.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
Yeah, that's wonderful.
Can we talk about um how didyou get into this industry?
Like like what doors wereopened?
I let's start from thebeginning of how did you get
here?
And how were you able to meetall these amazing artists?
Speaker (17:35):
Um well, I feel like I was very lucky, incredibly lucky
along the way.
But also the the music industrywas very different when I was
young and I was coming up.
Um, you know, when I was ateenager in New Jersey and in
the New York area, and I thinkmost of the United States, the
(17:57):
drinking age was 18.
So it was a really differenttime.
So there were so many clubs uhwith college students and
18-year-olds partying andhanging out and listening to
live music.
It was pre-the internet, it waspre-cell phones, it was pre-um,
(18:17):
you know, Spotify and all ofthat stuff, all the digital
online platforms.
So people went out to hear livemusic.
It was a very vibrant time forfor live music, which gave us,
you know, singers and musicians,wonderful opportunities to get
(18:40):
gigs in clubs, play in clubs,develop our skills.
And um that's really how itevolved for me was starting out,
you know, in high school, um,singing in in bands, playing in
battle of the bands and thingslike that.
And actually going furtherback, it really started in in
(19:03):
school and church because I wentto Catholic school in grammar
school, and I sang in churchchoir.
And that's really where Idiscovered that I could sing and
that it gave me a sense ofidentity, it gave me a community
uh to connect with musiciansand other singers, and it it
(19:24):
gave me a sense of anchoring inmy life that I wasn't getting in
my my personal life.
So music became a sanctuary forme and very healing and
empowering.
So from clubs in New Jersey, umI I my first actual uh
(19:47):
professional, so-calledprofessional, even though I was
making money from the time I was16, you know, playing in bars.
Yeah, and and so really theysay once you get paid, you're a
professional.
Speaker 3 (19:59):
But um but I didn't realize you were so young
starting off.
16.
Okay, wow.
Speaker (20:05):
Yeah, yeah, and I and I started before that just with
acoustic guitar and myselfsinging in little coffee houses,
you know, when I was like 14 orsomething.
So yeah, I started reallyyoung.
My first big audition was whenI was 19, and it was with the
(20:26):
Glenn Miller Orchestra, which isso off like off the beaten path
for me when I when I look at mymy career, you know, I look
back on what I've done.
It wasn't necessarily the kindof music that I wanted, but it
was an opportunity, and it wasmy first big, you know, tour.
So with the Glenn MillerOrchestra, I traveled all over
(20:50):
the United States.
I went to Japan, um, did alittle bit in Europe as well.
So that gave me that the tasteof what it would be like
touring, being on the road, andand living that lifestyle.
And then, of course, later itled to more rock and roll, you
(21:10):
know, opportunities and and moreof the music that I wanted to
be doing.
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (21:16):
Well, your voice is gorgeous.
I was listening to um, youknow, some of your songs and
clips, and I was like, man, I'vealways wanted, I don't have the
gift of singing, but I'm like,maybe when when I get to heaven,
the Lord will gift me with thatwith that talent.
It's I just I really wish Icould sing.
I really, I really do.
(21:36):
So have you tried?
Have you tried?
Trust me.
My my husband, my kids arelike, yeah no, no, no, no.
And my siblings before that,like before my kids, it was my
siblings, yeah no, yeah.
I I don't, I don't, I don't.
I I don't know how to use mydiaphragm the way I should.
So with Touring with um, youknow, these different bands and
(22:04):
just using your gift that Godgave you on the outside, it
looks so glamorous for us.
Like, oh wow, look at them.
What is something, what arelike some emotional things that
people wouldn't know about thatyou were going through at the
time that you're touring and andyou know, using your gifts and
and doing what you set out todo?
Speaker (22:26):
Yeah, yeah, that that's you know, again, it's a lot of
the story in my book.
So when I was on stage singingin front of, you know, hundreds
of thousands of people with PinkFloyd or Sting or whoever,
whatever the case may be, Icarried with me from my
(22:46):
childhood all of those feelingsof not feeling enough, um, the
imposter syndrome, feeling likeI didn't belong there, that I
wasn't worthy of having thoseopportunities.
And it was really an internalstruggle that I carried with me
(23:07):
for a very long time.
You probably wouldn't know it,you know, if you looked at me on
stage.
Um and and, you know, maybe noone I've worked with even
realized what I was feeling.
But that's what I was reallyexperiencing inside.
So when I look back on thatnow, of course I don't carry
(23:30):
those feelings like I once did,but it's it's so painful to
realize how that younger versionof me was really struggling.
I feel so badly for her.
You know, that version of mewas was really confused and uh
(23:53):
in a lot of pain, actually.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
It sounds like even though you're surrounded by a
lot of people, it's like alonely feeling.
Speaker (24:01):
Yes.
It was a very lonely feeling.
And again, you know, I think alot of people in in the
entertainment businessexperience imposter syndrome.
It's nothing uncommon.
Um everybody has a differentstory, though, as to how they
arrived, you know, with thosefeelings, how those feelings
(24:22):
develop, where they came from,what are the roots of them all.
Um but for me, it's a very, tome, it's a very clear-cut story
in terms of growing up feelingum, you know, very unsupported
and uh in a very dysfunctionalfamily.
And then experiencing thatfirst really big trauma in my
(24:43):
life of leaving Japan when I wasfour and a half and losing that
contact with my family thereand my grandmother who I loved,
my grandmother, and I never gotto see her again, you know.
So that was that was a big thatwas a big scar.
Speaker 3 (25:02):
That was a big heartbreak.
Yeah.
Oh man.
It's it's fascinating to me howpeople with such big talents
still have imposter syndromebecause like we're looking at
you thinking, wow, what a gift.
And to know that you werestruggling with that is it um
that this is why I like havingdifferent people on this podcast
(25:23):
because you realize we all gothrough this as humans.
We all have like this internalstruggle.
And so for someone like youwho's so, you know, so
successful to have had thatsimilar feeling, you know, it
just feels like, okay, we're notalone in this, in this world.
Speaker (25:38):
No, we're not alone.
And I think that's a lot aboutum why I want to speak out, why
I agreed to do these podcaststhat I'm doing lately and to
talk about my book further andmy story, is that we're not
alone.
I'm not anything unique inregards to the human condition
(25:59):
and the human experience, youknow.
And if I can, by speaking outabout my story, if I can give
hope uh to one person, if I canhelp one person to, if they're
in a bad situation, to maybe goget help or to feel better about
(26:20):
themselves, then that makes mefeel good.
That makes me feel like I'mdoing something positive in the
world.
Speaker 3 (26:28):
You know.
So in the music industry, welike to romanticize and
glamorize it.
What is it?
What is something that you cantell us that you can shed light
on like the reality of what itreally looks like?
Speaker (26:42):
Um, well, I do talk about this a little bit in my
book.
Oh, you do?
Speaker 2 (26:46):
Okay, okay.
Speaker (26:47):
A little bit, yeah.
You know, when I toured withPink Floyd, I mean it's it's
quite a few years ago now, youknow, it was 1987, 88.
So probably probably beforeyour time.
Speaker 3 (26:58):
But actually, I was born in 79, so I'm not that
young.
Okay.
I am not that young.
Speaker (27:07):
Oh you look you look very young.
I know.
So so yeah, so it was the 80s.
Um, it was a very long tour, itwas a year-long tour.
And the reality, even though itwas a very high-class tour, and
and I had a lot of fun, I'mcertainly not putting it down.
Um, you know, yes, we weretraveling on, you know, first
(27:29):
class or on private jets andstaying in, you know, four or
five star hotels.
Yes, it was very nice.
But the reality is you'remostly traveling, you're living
out of your suitcase, you'regoing from town to town, you're
you're very ungrounded, youknow, you you're in a little
(27:51):
microcosm with the people you'reworking with, uh, like a gypsy,
going from place to place.
And maybe you're on stage fortwo hours, maybe three if it's a
long show, um, like SpringState or something, because he
does three-hour shows.
But um besides that, you know,aside from being on stage for
(28:15):
those couple of hours, you'retrying to figure out how to keep
your mental and physical healthtogether.
You're dealing with a sense ofhomesick sickness, feeling a
sense of loneliness, even thoughyou're surrounded by a lot of
people.
You go to your hotel room atnight alone most of the time.
(28:37):
When I was when I was young,maybe sometimes I wasn't alone.
Speaker 3 (28:44):
That's hey, you gotta fill up the time somehow,
right?
You can't just like go performand not have a life.
Speaker (28:55):
Yeah, but um, I was young, I had fun.
Good for you, good for you.
Yeah, but there's the otherside of it too.
And it for me in that timeperiod, you know, in the 80s,
there were a lot of drugs, a lotof alcohol, a lot of partying.
It was pretty crazy too.
(29:16):
So um, you know, dealing withthat is also part of the job
because there is a lot of thatthat goes on.
Um, I don't know how it is foryounger generations now on tour.
I I think, I I hope that theyounger people have found better
(29:38):
ways to cope.
Um, but there's probably stillsome some of that craziness
going on, I would imagine.
Yeah, you know.
Speaker 3 (29:48):
So you have been a performer, a teacher, writer,
mentor.
You've done a lot.
And so with all these differentum hats that you've worn, what
have you learned about likecourage and fear?
Because a lot of us don't dowhat we want to do in life
because of fear, lack ofcourage.
(30:10):
What can like what words of uhencouragement or wisdom you can
share about like how you wereable just to jump from these
different things?
Speaker (30:20):
Yeah, uh well, fear is a common human emotion.
I've had lots of fear in mylife.
Um, putting this book out wasscary, has been scary for me to
reveal, you know, some veryvulnerable personal stories.
Um but in the face of fear, wefind our our courage, we find
(30:48):
our strength, we find power, wefind evolution, we find growth.
And when I look back on my lifefrom this point, I can see, you
know, all the the differenttimes in my life when I I did
some scary things and didn'tknow what was on the other side
(31:12):
of that fear, but I knew that Ineeded to move from the point
where I was at, and had to takea leap.
And that leap of faith, if youhave the courage to just take
that little step, that littleleap of faith, it's incredible
(31:34):
what you will find on the otherside of that.
So I think that's the thingthat has kept me going since I'm
a a young girl, um going outinto the world.
I left home when I was 18because I was so unhappy at
home.
I moved out the week I turned18.
(31:55):
Um, I left and I, you know, wasworking already as a singer and
got myself an apartment and acar and just went out into the
world.
And fast forward to um in ninein well, I toured with Sting
1999-2000.
When I got off the road withfrom that tour in New York City,
(32:21):
there was a screen actor'sguild strike that was happening,
and I'm a a union member.
So I came home and I couldn'twork.
There was there were no jobsthat I could do in in recording
studios in New York because umunion.
So um, and it was a very big,long strike.
(32:43):
It was like six months.
So I just yeah, and my husbandalso, who was my boyfriend at
the time, he had just won a bigcommercial and uh writing, he
was writing commercials fortelevision, and he couldn't do
this big campaign that he hadjust won because he was a union
member.
So I was trying to figure outwhat to do, and I thought about
(33:11):
teaching uh at one point,teaching voice, and that was the
moment that I said, okay, Ineed to find some work, and I
wasn't going to go back on theroad.
I had made a decision thatafter the sting tour, I was no
longer going to pursue that kindof work.
And um I started teaching outof my apartment in New York
(33:34):
City.
I took an ad out in the VillageVoice, which was a very popular
paper in the city back then.
It's it's defunct now.
Um, and I started taking onstudents, and I just I
discovered that I lovedteaching.
And um, and that's how myteaching career started.
(33:54):
And then fast forward, um maybe15 years down the line from
that point, I decided that I Iwanted to go further with my
teaching career.
I was only teaching privatelybecause I had never gone to
college, so I had no degree, soI couldn't apply for jobs at any
(34:18):
universities.
So I went back to school in my50s and got my bachelor's degree
and got my master's degree, andnow I've been at NYU for 12
years.
What a wonderful story.
So it's never too late.
It's never too late, is it?
It's never too late.
(34:38):
It's never too late to discoversomething new, to try something
new, to um conquer your fearsand follow your dreams.
And I am here to attest tothat.
So yeah, I never imaginedmyself with a university job,
but here I am.
(34:59):
And so you're still doing thattoday.
Speaker 3 (35:01):
That's what you you do now.
Speaker (35:03):
Yeah, yeah.
I teach at the Clive DavisInstitute of Recorded Music.
And and I'm an adjunct, I'm nota full-time professor, but I'm
I've been there for 12 years andI love it.
I love my school, I love mystudents, and but I couldn't
have done that if I didn't goback to school.
Speaker 3 (35:20):
Good for you, and got my degrees.
Good for you, good for you.
That's amazing.
Good for you.
I love I love that.
Um so we talk a lot on thispodcast about forgiving others,
forgiving ourselves.
What is something that you hadto forgive yourself for?
Speaker (35:40):
Myself.
Oh wow.
Um, wow, there are a number ofthings.
Um, I would say the biggestone, the biggest event and
decision that I have needed toforgive myself for was my first
(36:05):
marriage.
I met someone when I wastouring with Pink Floyd.
I and I do talk about this inthe book.
Um, he turned out to be a veryabusive person.
It was a very difficult time inmy life.
(36:25):
And on the surface, this personwas successful and dynamic and,
you know, made good money andwas creative and uh seemingly
just a great guy.
And I saw the red flagssubconsciously, I saw the red
(36:49):
flags before I married him, butI went ahead and married him
anyway.
And it turned out to be areally difficult time and a not
very good decision, you know,that I made.
You know, I I picked someonethat was very similar to my my
(37:36):
dad in a certain way, eventhough my ex was not an
alcoholic, but he was arageholic.
And um uh those dysfunctionscome in many different forms.
So yeah, I do forgive myself.
Um, it was a big forgive, but Iknow now that I needed to go
(38:05):
through that challenge anddifficulty in life to heal
something within myself and togrow and to also detach from my
past and and my family stuff,you know, because I I was
(38:26):
carrying that family stuffforward and uh and it got played
out in my first marriage.
So that's a big one.
Speaker 3 (38:35):
Yeah, yeah.
I I I yeah, I've talked to umother people where they that's
it's like you know the red flagsare there, your instincts are
just like, what are we doing?
And we do it anyway.
So I think we all have thatkind of uh story in us, yeah.
And then we beat ourselves upand yeah, yeah, yeah, I did for
(38:57):
a long time.
Speaker (38:57):
But you know what?
When you look back on thesethings, you're a better person
having gone through that.
Yeah, you know, yeah, I reallybelieve that.
And again, I think you know, itit only gets better if you
actually do the work and youwork on healing yourself, yes,
and learn, you know, becausethere are people that will take
(39:19):
situations like that and becomea victim for the rest of their
lives, you know, which is sosad.
But but that's an agreement.
That's, you know, if you'reaccepting that role of you being
a victim, um, it's verydifficult to get out.
unknown (39:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (39:37):
What does power look like for you now versus what it
looked like in your 20s and 30s,like what you thought power was
or success was versus what itlooks like today?
Speaker (39:47):
Oh, that's so easy.
You know, when when I'm I wasyoung, and I'm sure this is true
for a lot of young people,money, success, you know, are
the are the golden, you know,rings that we're reaching for.
And um, you know, I had myshare.
(40:11):
I had my share of that, and Iprobably could have had more had
I had I were in a differentplace personally, you know, 30
years ago.
But now what I feel is truepower is a sense of self-love,
um, confidence, peace withinmyself, um, having people in my
(40:38):
life that I love and that loveme, that are there for me, that
have my back, and vice versa.
And joy and finding joy, youknow, with with the people that
are in my life and the thingsthat I do.
Money is nice, it's good, weall need it.
(40:59):
Yes, of course, but it does notbuy happiness, it really
doesn't.
Speaker 3 (41:06):
Yeah.
And it's it sounds likefreedom.
Like once you get to this placeof knowing who you are,
forgiving yourself, forgivingothers, what whatever that looks
like, whether they stay in yourlife or you keep them at arm's
length, it just feels likefreedom after a while.
Speaker (41:22):
Absolutely, and and money can't buy that.
You know, that that comes withexperience, with age, time,
doing the work, and and justbeing willing to um, yeah, do
what you gotta do to get there,you know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (41:44):
If the women listening to this episode could
take anything from like onetruth from your life and what we
talked to talked about today,what would that be?
Speaker (41:57):
The one thing.
Speaker 3 (41:59):
I could be more than one.
Speaker (42:01):
I could be more than one.
Um I think the biggest message,and and it's and it's something
I I think I still work on, isnot giving your power away.
And I think it's a very toughone for a lot of women because
(42:22):
we're raised in a society thatuh still tends to be a
male-dominated world, no matterwhat profession you're in.
Um, I think we've all beensocialized as little girls and
women to acquiesce to men, uh,to bow down to power, uh, to not
(42:47):
be too aggressive or too angrybecause otherwise you're a
bitchy.
Uh, you know, we've we've beentrained, we've been trained on
many different levels to uhsubjugate ourselves and be
subservient in many situationsand give our power away.
(43:10):
And like I said, I'm stillworking on it, you know.
It's um, and I have a doublewhammy because my mother was
Japanese, so I grew up withwatching my mother be very
subservient, you know.
So I've had to work on breakingthose bonds culturally, but um
(43:32):
yeah, I think that's that is thebiggest thing we all need to
embrace is our own um power, youknow, emotionally, spiritually,
um, mentally, and evenphysically, you know.
I see, I have to say, because Iteach at university, I see a
(43:54):
lot of young women that tend Toreally oversexualize themselves
online on Instagram or you know,whatever it is.
Feel and it seems like theyfeel like that is their only
power, is their sexuality.
And it is a power.
Let's not, you know, foolourselves that, you know, our
(44:18):
power as women and our beauty,our our sexuality and beauty as
women is powerful and can bevery powerful.
But it's all in how you use it,I think.
And I I hate to see a lot ofyoung women really kind of
selling themselves cheaply byoversexualizing their images.
(44:41):
Um, because that's just buyinginto the male structures and of
our society.
Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (44:50):
Oh, yeah, definitely.
And and you don't really getrespect from that.
Like you get a lot ofattention, but it doesn't mean
you get respect from men.
Exactly.
Speaker (45:03):
Exactly.
Yeah, it's tricky.
It's really tricky.
Speaker 3 (45:06):
Yeah.
So make it out loud.
Where can we buy your book?
Speaker (45:12):
So the book is available on Amazon, Barnes and
Noble, and and most um, yeah,pretty much, you know.
I see, you know, my publishingdeal is with a small company, so
they're not stocking a lot ofbooks in stores, you know.
It's it's sort of a print ondemand design.
Um, but it is available.
Speaker 3 (45:32):
So wonderful.
Yeah.
I will make sure that I putyour website um on on the notes,
on the show notes.
That way people can likebecause everything is on there.
Everything about you is on yourwebsite.
So we can buy the book, we canread about your lives.
And I just really, reallyappreciate talking to women that
(45:54):
are vulnerable and authenticand and share their stories
because we can learn a lot fromeach other just by sharing our
stories.
Speaker (46:02):
Absolutely.
Yeah, thank you so much.
It's wonderful that you'redoing this.
Speaker 3 (46:06):
Thank you, Machan.
I really, really, really thankyou for coming on, and um, I
appreciate you being here.
Thank you, Lyanette.
Thank you.
My pleasure.
I'll leave you all with this.
She chose to heal instead ofhate.
She trusted time, she trustedfate.
Her heart once broken, hervoice once dim, now sings with
(46:29):
courage deep within.
She chose to heal, she learnedto grow, she faced the pain she
used to know.
Each wound she bore became herguide, her strength no longer
had to hide.
She chose to heal, her soul isfree, she found the truth of who
to be.
No weight could break, no nightconceal, for she is proof that
(46:53):
hearts can heal.
Thank you so much for listeningto Virago247.
If you haven't done so already,go ahead and hit that subscribe
button and please give usfive-star ratings.
Also, don't forget to follow uson Instagram at Virago24
underscore seven and on Facebookat Virago24 slash 7.
(47:17):
And just connect with us andshare your story.
We'd love to hear from you.
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