March 18, 2026 • 40 mins
Some of the strongest women I know are the ones quietly unraveling in private, not because they’re weak, but because they’ve been carrying too much for too long. I’m joined by Vivian Moyo, a therapist and the founder of Moyo Wellness Therapy, to talk about emotional burnout, unspoken grief, and the way culture and family expectations can train us to stay silent even when we’re hurting.
Vivian opens up about early loss, migration, and what it feels like to grow up without the kind of love and support a child needs. From there, we get practical about trauma healing and therapy myths. She explains why Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is more than talking and why “homework” matters if you want real change. We cover simple tools you can use right now, including journaling for mental health to release stress and organize overwhelming thoughts, plus quick breathwork to calm your nervous system when anxiety spikes.
We also go deeper into suppressed trauma, inner child healing, and breaking generational patterns when your family’s rule is “we don’t talk about that.” Vivian’s message is clear and challenging: stop pretending it didn’t happen. Healing is not about rewriting the past; it’s about protecting your future, choosing self-love, and setting boundaries that bring peace.
https://moyowellnesstherapy.com/
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Everyday growth, everyday healing with everyday warriors!
Music by Deli Rowe: "Space to Move"
Logo by Kaylin Talley
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker (00:01):
Today we're talking about something that a lot of
strong women quietly wrestlewith, holding it all together
while falling apart on theinside.
You know the woman who shows upfor everyone, handles the
family, the career, therelationship, the
responsibility, but rarely hasspace to unpack her own
emotions.
(00:21):
We're talking about her today.
Maybe that's you.
I'm joined by Vivian Moyo,therapist and founder of Moyo
Wellness Therapy, whose workfocuses on helping people slow
down, look inward, and beginhealing from the inside out.
Vivian brings such a grounded,compassionate approach to mental
(00:44):
health, especially when itcomes to understanding how
culture, life experiences, andunspoken expectations shape the
way we cope, love, and survive.
In this episode, we're gettingreal about emotional burnout,
therapy myths, and what itactually looks like to start
doing the deeper work.
(01:04):
Not because you're broken, butbecause you're ready to live
lighter, freer, and more whole.
If you've been caring more thanyou let people see, if you've
ever felt guilty for needinghelp, or if you're in a season
of becoming a healthier versionof yourself, stay with us.
(01:25):
This conversation might beexactly what your heart's been
needing.
Hi, I am your host, LyanetteTalley, and you are listening to
Virago 24-7.
Virago is Latin for femalewarrior, and 24-7 is for all
day, every day.
Virago 24-7 is a weekly podcastthat brings diverse women
(01:49):
together to talk about life andour experiences in this world,
which are our business of love,and of health, marriage,
children, friendships, andreally anything that needs to be
talked about.
Here you will find everydaygrowth, everyday healing, and
everyday warriors.
Her work is deeply spiritualand heart-centered.
(02:38):
She blends faith, intuition,and natural healing to help
people move through pain,embrace forgiveness, and
experience deep transformationfrom within.
And she's also written a bookcalled The Invisible Girl.
And you're also the founder ofMoya Wellness Therapy.
Welcome, Vivian.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Thank you so much for the amazing intro.
I'm glad to be with you today.
Thank you so much.
Speaker (03:02):
Well, your story from what I was reading begins with
loss and trauma at a very, veryyoung age.
So I want to start with howthose early experiences have
shaped you and have called youto, you know, to become a healer
and to and to want to helpothers.
Let's start from the beginning.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
Okay, I'll just summarize it because it is a
long story.
So people, if you want to hearthe full juice of the story, the
book is out in June where Iliterally write every detail of
the journey.
So I was born back home inZimbabwe and my mum died when I
was just three years old.
(03:43):
So I have no memory of my mom.
I don't know how she I onlyknow how she looks like in the
pictures that I'm given, butthen within those pictures, I
don't recognize her.
Like I know she's my mom, but Idon't recognize her as my mom.
I don't know if that makessense because I never really got
the chance to bond with my mom.
(04:04):
Anyway, that was just that.
That was the first trauma, andthen the second trauma was my
dad was never in the picture.
So growing up without a mom andthen not knowing your not
knowing who and where your dadwas, that was another trauma
that I had to live with.
And so I was raised by mygrandmother back home in
Zimbabwe, and obviously she wasgetting old, so she made sure
(04:28):
that before she died that I wasin a safe space where I will be
looked after.
So this is why I came into theUK.
So I came at the age of 11years old to live with my uncle
who was my who is my brother ummy mother's brother.
Did I say that right?
Yeah.
I was just getting thatconfused.
(04:48):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
unknown (04:49):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
And so then by by the time I was so my grandmother
came with us, made sure that Isettled in, and then she left.
And then unfortunately, shealso died by the time I was 12
years old, and I never saidgoodbye to her.
And that was the biggest lossbecause she was almost like a
mother to me in that sense, andso obviously, coming into this
(05:10):
country, it was all a lot.
So imagine having a young girlcoming into a different
country's, she's grieving, shedoesn't even know she's
grieving, she knows she's lostthings, she doesn't even know
what it is.
Nobody's talking to her aboutwhat has happened, and so I
think the reason why they werenot talking about it in the
African culture is a bitdifferent because they feel
(05:31):
like, well, you're too young toknow stuff, we don't want you to
get caught up in this wholesituation.
Let's pretend it didn't happen.
Literally, let's pretend let'snot let's not talk about your
mom, let's not talk about yourdad.
You're here, that's all thatmatters.
But obviously, as a child, Iknow that I know there's
something missing.
(05:51):
I see my cousins with my uncle,with their mother.
I see that they they somethingdifferent in the way that they
were looked after versus the wayI was looked after, and I knew
that I was missing something,and that thing that I was
missing was love.
So that was the first part ofthe story.
Speaker (06:11):
Wow.
I can, yeah, that's I canrelate to like moving to another
country at 11 years old becausethat that happened to me as
well.
So I can totally relate to tobeing somewhere that you don't
know with with new people.
And so yeah, I I I that thatpart touches me.
So you lived with your uncleall the way up until what you
(06:34):
became an adult, and then youmoved out on your own.
And how did you how did youstart this journey of becoming a
coach and helping others?
Speaker 1 (06:44):
So I never wanted to see anyone go through what I
went through alone because Ifelt like I went through the
pain of uh the pain of losing mymom and you know, on my own, I
had no support, I had nobody totalk to, I didn't understand
what was happening.
So it started off with meworking with young girls in
(07:05):
schools, and seeing those littlegirls reminded me of me when I
was young, and I never wantedthose little girls to grow up
without somebody to talk to.
And when I went into thoseschools, oh my gosh, it was it
was heartbreaking because theyoung kids felt invisible, felt
there were mistakes, and theseare young kids at seven years
(07:28):
old, and so they really touchedme, and then I knew that you
know, coaching and life coachingtherapies was something that I
wanted to give back to people.
I never wanted my pain to holdme back, instead, I wanted to
turn my pain into passion andinto supporting other women and
(07:51):
people to begin to find theirvoice and their healing.
Speaker (07:55):
I love that.
So, how long have you beendoing um therapy um and
coaching?
How long has this journey been?
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Uh I'll say it's been it's been many years to be
fair.
I'll say it's probably over 10years because I started off with
young girls, and thenafterwards I then started
working with the more olderwomen who have gone through
abuse and needed a way to findtheir their lives back, and I
(08:26):
was coaching them to find theirpurpose, their careers, and you
know, because sometimes whenyou've been through so much
abuse and so much trauma, noteverybody is strong enough to
move forward.
So I was a I was able to helpthese women and these young
girls move forward because it'snot easy to move forward with so
(08:49):
much pain and trauma if youhaven't got that support.
Speaker (08:54):
So with the with the when you started, is it women
and children from your culture,or is it just all all different
types of people?
Speaker 1 (09:05):
It was all types of people.
Okay.
The moment I came into theEngland, my my culture became
non-existent.
Okay.
Because I left my I left my myfamily when I was 17 years old.
And ever since then, I uh I'vebeen you know meeting different
people, different cultures.
Speaker (09:21):
So you name it when you're helping others through
their journey, their healingjourney, is it talk therapy or
do you use other methods to helpthem um on their journey?
Speaker 1 (09:31):
So I use CBT therapy, and CBT therapy is really
supporting people to be able toregulate their emotions.
Um, people that are strugglingwith understanding their
emotions, whether that is angermanagement, whether that is
depression, whether that issomebody who's struggling with
anxiety, or somebody who'sstruggling to cope really with
(09:55):
the thoughts, with intrusivethoughts that they have in their
mind.
And so, as the therapist and asa coach, what I do is I
basically hate I I find ways andmethods to help them regulate
their emotions so that they cancome back to center.
But also, CBT is about themhelping themselves as much as I
(10:17):
can want to help them, they needto do the work, and this is why
I love doing the CBT therapybecause it's not just talking
therapy where we come together,we talk, and then that's it.
No, we come together, we dostill talk about the issues and
what's happening, but then atthe end of each session, there
is gonna be a homework that theywill need to do in order for
(10:39):
them to see the results becauseyou can't see results if you're
not doing the work or tryingsomething to help the situation,
and this is why I love the Cthe CBT therapy because of that.
Speaker (10:51):
Wonderful.
So, what kind of what are someexamples of the homework that
you would give someone toimplement in their lives?
Speaker 1 (10:59):
Okay, so let's say you have somebody who's coming
to me and they said that theyfind themselves feeling very
stressed all the time.
They they've got so manythoughts, thoughts, and emotions
that they don't even know howto process or how to even
control.
So I would say to them, I wouldlike for you to try journaling
(11:22):
because journaling is the bestway to you know regulate your
thoughts and your emotions andto calm yourself in a in a more
calmer space.
So when you write down what isgoing on with me today, as you
are writing, you're releasingthe stress, the anger, the
frustration, and you're findingpeace and clarity in that
(11:46):
moment.
And by the time you finishjournaling, whether that is
three pages, one page, you'regonna cut you by the time you're
finished, you will feel so atpeace.
Because really and truly, whatthat means with somebody with so
many emotions and thoughts, andthey're not understanding what
(12:06):
is happening, they need to talkit through with somebody.
And some people they might notfeel comfortable talking through
their emotions and theirproblems with somebody, so the
best way is for them to startjournaling, which is a which is
another way of therapy.
Speaker (12:25):
Okay, I like that.
Yeah, journaling has been verytherapeutic for me.
So I I can I can totally relateto that.
What other examples um besidesjournaling could someone do if
they're in that in that state ofum you know frustration or have
things that they have to likeget out?
Speaker 1 (12:48):
So let's say um somebody is, I don't know, is
having a an interview, forexample, and they're about to
have that interview and they'reso stressed, they're feeling
like, oh my gosh, I cannot dothis.
So what I would usually say tothat person is okay, when you're
(13:08):
finding yourself in that state,take a moment, like go to the
toilet, find a safe space whereyou can literally begin the
breath work.
The breath work is so amazingwhere you can literally count.
Uh, so the breath work is youneed to basically count in, as
in like you're breathing in,one, two, three, four, five,
(13:32):
six.
That's still you breathe in,and then to release that, then
you need to start counting one,two, three, four, and then you
need to keep repeating thatprocess for at least a minute.
You will your nerve system willbe very relaxed by then.
Because the problem with thatis people in that state, they're
(13:53):
not breathing properly, likeyou're you're worried, you know,
you there's so many thoughts,and your breathing is just like
you it's yeah, and so that's whyyou find yourself even having
panic attacks because you're notbreathing properly.
So if you're if you learn totake those, you know, 30 seconds
(14:14):
breath work in that state, itreally calms the nerves down and
it calms you down and you feelso much at peace.
Speaker (14:22):
Nice.
What um with your clients, likewhat kind of trauma do you find
um that most people have, orum, what issues are people
trying to overcome?
Is there a common theme or isit very different?
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Uh they're very different, and these people,
Lynn, are people that havesuppressed trauma for many
years.
You know, some some of thesepeople that have been sexually
abused at a very young age, butthey have somehow, you know,
closed that chapter and theyhaven't dealt with it, and
(15:00):
because they haven't dealt withit, what's happened over the
years, there's so much anger,right?
There's there's this feel,there's this enthros intrusive
thoughts.
I'm not good enough.
There's you know, these thingsof like nobody's gonna love me,
and because they've gone throughsuch a a terrible thing that
(15:23):
they have never really managedto deal with, and so that's why
they struggle so much withdepression, they struggle so
much with you know withself-love and loving themselves,
and so I really try to you knowgo back and really help them
(15:44):
sort of like heal the innerchild, and again, this is why
the journaling is good becauseit can take you back to your
six-year-old self because a lotof the traumas that a lot of
people go through, whetherthat's losing a loved one,
whether that's like domesticabuse or sexual abuse or being
(16:04):
in a car accident or whatever itis that they've been they've
gone through, usually start at avery young age, and normally
what happens is people tend toshut down that little child that
was hurt, and they don't wantto ignore that child and they
want to move on as if that childdoesn't exist anymore.
(16:25):
But the reality is that childis still there, and that's why
it shows up in anger, it showsup in frustration.
That's why a lot of peopleagain tend to substance misuse
because they're trying to numberpain that they have forgotten
or they don't even understandwhat it is, is because they're
(16:47):
trying so hard not to go to thatspace.
But again, I do understandthat, Lynn, because who wants to
visit the pain?
Yeah, who wants to go throughthat?
Yeah, sometimes it seems as ifit's easy to pretend it didn't
happen.
Speaker (17:03):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I find though, with withtalking, this podcast has really
helped me release a lot ofthings.
So journaling, talking it outis so huge with the healing
process and like listening toothers' experience is so
important.
And one of the reasons why Istarted this podcast is for you
(17:25):
know, for people to understandthat we're all in this together
and that we're not alone in ourstruggles.
So um, I love your message andI love what you're doing.
And you also have a podcast,right?
It's the Moya Wellness Therapy.
What do you all talk about?
Is it just you?
Do you have guests?
Um, what can we uh look forwardto if we go to your podcast?
Speaker 1 (17:45):
So Moya Wellness Therapy is a safe space where we
all come together, we talkabout trauma, healing, and you
know, really learning about likethe healing journey, knowing
that you're not on your own,knowing that this is a safe
space, a community where we canall come together.
So when I started it as atherapist, as a life coach, I
(18:08):
realized that a lot of peopledidn't really understand the
importance of healing, theydidn't understand what trauma
really was and how that couldaffect them in life if they're
never really healed from that.
And so I decided to create asafe space where therapist, life
coaches, the people that I doin the groundwork, whether
(18:30):
that's psychologists, you know,to come in and to teach us about
different ways and techniqueson how we can heal, but also to
have people come in and sharetheir journeys and experiences
of what they have been throughand how they've healed from
those um, you know, pains thatthey went through, and me really
(18:50):
sharing my story about what Iwent through and you know,
really talking about it and justreally seeing each other and
knowing that hey, we're notalone, we're in this together.
So I started it about two yearsago, and it's going really well
to be fair.
And as I'm talking to you,Ling, you need to come to my
show.
I feel like you've got so muchthings to share.
Speaker (19:12):
I do.
I I can talk about a lot ofthings.
Yes, I would love to come onyour show.
I would absolutely love that.
Um, let's get back to yourbook.
So, The Invisible Girl, yousaid it's coming out in June.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
Yes, it is.
Speaker (19:25):
It's coming out in June.
So is it mostly about your lifeor do you put in the is there
like tips and tricks of what youcan do to heal?
What is like the main um themeof your book?
Speaker 1 (19:38):
So the book is called The Invisible Girl, um, you
know, healing from trauma.
And so really it's abouthelping people relate to my
story, but also giving them thetools and the reflection to heal
it as they're reading.
(19:58):
So it is a self-help book whereI'm guiding them with sharing
my story, but also helping themto understand how they can heal
from that.
And then it's almost like ajournal, in a way, because at
the end of each session, thereis like reflection um questions
where people can really liketalk about the things, um, you
(20:21):
know, work through it, as inlike, okay, um, how what what
ways do you find that you judgeyourself?
Um, what ways do you feel likeyou can improve in loving
yourself?
Like it's a reflection wherethey can really talk about it,
or even take a moment to reallythink about that to sort of help
(20:45):
them.
Because sometimes I feel likepeople can relate to somebody's
story, and that way they can seethemselves in that story, and
they can begin to heal in themwith those healing props as
well.
Speaker (21:01):
Oh, I like that.
I like that.
So it's about your story, butthen you're also giving tools
and and and making people thinkabout their journey and their
lives.
So what advice if someone isfeeling stuck right now and they
are not even on a healingjourney, they just know that
there's old patterns and they'refeeling stuck and they're
(21:24):
feeling overwhelmed.
What is advice that you wouldgive them?
What is a tool that they canuse like today to start that
process of healing and lettinggo?
Speaker 1 (21:34):
My advice will be stop pretending it didn't
happen.
Because that is the beginningof your healing journey.
Stop pretending it didn't hurt.
Stop pretending that you didn'tfeel betrayed, stop pretending
that you're not in pain.
Stop pretending that you don'tneed help.
(21:55):
Stop pretending that you needto be this strong girl or this
Strong men all the time.
Like it's okay to bevulnerable.
It's okay to cry.
It's okay, you know, to not beokay.
And it's okay to seek help.
Seek help.
Talk to somebody becausethere's people out there that
(22:17):
can help and support you.
You don't have to go through iton your own.
But also, there's so many otherpeople that have gone through
probably worse, but just stopfor a moment and really stop
pretending it didn't happen.
Speaker (22:38):
Yeah, it's interesting how people think that by
stuffing it down, that you know,out of sight, out of mind kind
of mentality, but realizing thatthat really drives all your
decisions, the way you react,the way you communicate, all
those things, it affects allthose, and not in a healthy way.
(22:59):
So man, I I wish more peoplewould realize, okay, there's
some shit going on within me,and I gotta get it out, and I
and I have to do something aboutthis.
And you know, in the beginning,nobody wants to talk about that
stuff.
You cry a lot, it hurts, yourheartaches, you're you get mad
all over again over things thatthat happened like 30 years ago,
(23:21):
20 years ago.
And um, but it's so worth it.
It really is.
I I haven't done therapymyself, but I feel like being on
this show and doing the podcastand having different guests and
and talking to my friends, Ifeel like that has been therapy
for me.
So, like with you, I'll take afew things that you've said and
I will actually implement it,you know?
(23:42):
So, and and actually dosomething with it.
So it is very, very helpful tohave guests like you on to give
tips and tricks and tools thatwe can use if someone doesn't
want to go to therapy or maybethey can't afford therapy.
So this is this is wonderful.
Podcasting has been the bestinvention ever for a lot of us.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
Exactly.
Exactly.
And then to ask to answer thelast question, the tools they
can use as I've alreadymentioned journey.
If you feel like you are notready to talk about what has
happened, start writing aboutit.
Because writing about it istherapy.
Me writing my book really hashelped me to continue to still
(24:29):
heal.
Because sometimes you just needthat safe space to release it,
like to be free, and so writingabout it, whether that is a
piece of paper, whether that ison your phone, whether that is a
journal, that is the firststep, and as you're writing
(24:52):
about it, you're releasing allof that anger, all of that
stress, all of that, you know,emotion, guilt, shame, whatever
it is, and you are findingfreedom because I feel like when
you pretend nothing is wrong,you're not really in a space
(25:15):
where you have freedom becausethere's so much going on, but
the moment you begin to let itout, the the peace in it, Lynn,
is amazing, honestly.
The peace of knowing that oh mygosh, I don't have to keep this
secret anymore.
(25:36):
Like I have a safe space, andthat's why journaling is the
best thing first, and thenobviously you do have therapies
and coaches, you know,psychologists and you know,
people that can, you know, helpyou to unpack and navigate what
it is that you are strugglingwith.
(25:57):
You don't need to go through iton your own.
Speaker (26:00):
I love that.
I love that message.
Um, I want to get back to you,and and uh you don't have to
answer if you don't want, butgoing back to like your family,
the one that um that you wereraised with, like your uncle and
your and your cousins, you saidyou know that they don't talk
about stuff like that in thatculture.
You're just pretending thatdidn't happen.
How are they seeing you todayactually voicing these things
(26:23):
and saying it out loud?
Are they okay with it or dothey feel a certain kind of way
about it?
Speaker 1 (26:29):
They feel a certain kind of way about it.
And that's what I thought.
Speaker (26:33):
That's why that's why I said you don't have to answer.
I had a feeling.
So what are their thoughts?
Speaker 1 (26:42):
They they they feel some type of way about it, and
their story again in Africa,African tradition, you don't
really talk about certainthings, like you know, certain
things just needs to be notreally research.
But I disagree because I feellike how are we gonna break the
(27:05):
generational pattern that isunhealthy in our family?
Because a lot of the traumasthat we all go through now,
unfortunately, are coming fromour ancestral lineage where they
picked up this habit of let'snot talk about it, this habit of
oh, it didn't happen, and thenit's gonna be passed on to the
(27:25):
next person, and then familiesin that family are gonna think
that it's okay, but is it reallyokay?
Somebody in the family has tobreak that pattern, and
unfortunately, it's me, and Iguess I need to take the hit,
but I don't want my my childrenand then that generation to feel
like that is okay becausesomething needs to change, and
(27:48):
there's being a lot of hurt thatI don't feel like was done
intentionally, but it's justthat it's being the pattern for
many years that unfortunatelyit's not recognizable as a rot
as something that is wrong, butit is wrong.
Speaker (28:04):
Exactly.
Yeah, no, I feel you.
I I feel like me talking aboutmy my upbringing.
Um, I've I've done a ton ofepisodes uh for this podcast,
but like the beginning showswere about my childhood, and
yeah, that didn't go well.
That didn't go well.
I I think what happens is whenwhen you're outing, quote
(28:25):
unquote outing someone, theyfeel so threatened by it.
And I've had my oldestdaughter, yeah, they feel so
threatened, and it's it's not,I'm not attacking you.
I just want you to acknowledgethat this happened so that I
don't feel crazy about myexperience.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
Exactly.
At the end of the day, yourexperience is your experience.
They might not have experiencedit that way, but acknowledge
that I was hurt.
Yes, acknowledge that that'show I feel, but they still
dismissive and they still feellike you're talking.
So what how do we move forward?
Speaker (29:01):
Exactly.
And in my experience, I'verealized that I had to learn
that it doesn't matter.
Um I didn't get an ap, like Ihaven't gotten apologies or I
didn't get like all my questionsanswered.
And I've had to and I've had tolet it go.
I've had to just heal myself,and that's all I can control.
(29:23):
And and I I had to learnbecause I was very angry for a
very, very long time.
And I I need to show them that,you know, what they've done.
And I need you to be sorry, andI need you to commit.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
But forgiveness isn't it?
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker (29:42):
But I just I had to let it go and I've had to heal, and
just there's just gonna becertain things that will never
be answered, and I've had to,I've had to accept that.
That's a hard pill to swallow.
And I think that's why a lot ofpeople just don't want to say
anything either.
Because maybe they think, well,it's in the past, what can we
do about it?
(30:02):
Um, you know, we can't changethe past, is what I hear a lot
of people saying.
Um, what do you say to peoplethat would say something like
that?
Like, it's in the past, whatwhat's the point of bringing it
up and talking about it?
We can't change it.
That's what I've heard so manytimes.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
Thank you for thank you for um asking that question.
Yes, it's not even about thepast anymore, it's about the
future.
Like, do you want your childrento experience the same thing
and the same pain?
Because what people don'tunderstand is if you as a mother
haven't healed from that andthey're pretending that it
(30:41):
hasn't happened, when you have achild, that trauma becomes DNA,
and then your childunfortunately is going to
inherit that pain.
And do you really want yourchild to go through the pain
that you probably could haveavoided by dealing with it?
Speaker (31:00):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
So it's not about the past, it's about the future,
and it's about the nextgeneration.
And I'm sorry to say this is nolonger about you anymore.
Yes, it has happened, yes, ithappened to you, but it's about
the next generation, it's aboutthe future, it's about making,
it's about stopping somethingand making it right.
Speaker (31:25):
Yeah, yeah.
No, I see a big difference.
I have three children, and myoldest is 24, and my and my
youngest is 15.
Speaker 1 (31:33):
And and 24?
You're like you're 24 yourself.
What do you mean?
Speaker (31:38):
I had her at 21, so I had her at a very young age, and
um, and I and and the way Ishowed up for my oldest daughter
was very just um I'm PuertoRican and Dominican, so we're
very loud and we and we scream,and there's just a lot of just
just sit down and be quiet typeattitude, and that and that's
how I start I was parenting whenshe was little.
(32:00):
And I had to learn when I hadmy two other kids that they're
so different, and I had tochange the way I I communicate,
the way I show up as a parent,as a mother.
Um the way I respond to eachchild is very different because
they all have differentpersonalities.
So I do see the struggles thatmy oldest daughter had because
(32:21):
of that, versus my youngest whosees the healthier version of me
and has a healthier mom and alot more patience is what I
have.
I did not have patience.
So you're right, it does affectthe next generation.
And I've seen it in my ownchildren.
The way I was in the beginningand the way I am now is very
(32:42):
different.
And and I can see that in theway my my kids move through this
world.
It's very, very different.
Um, so yeah, I I appreciate yousaying that.
Is there anything else youthink that you would want to
share that um that people cantake away from this show?
Speaker 1 (33:00):
Healing is about self-love and choosing yourself.
I learned that the hard way.
Because growing up I waslooking for love in the wrong
people, not realizing that Ineeded to learn to love myself.
unknown (33:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
And the moment I begin to love myself, the moment
I'm gonna break away from thosebad habits, the moment I'm
gonna break away from thosepeople-pleasing habits, you
know, saying yes when I know Idon't want to do that, attack
attracting toxic relationships,attracting, you know, um
(33:36):
trauma-bonding relationships,being involved in addiction
behaviors such as you know,drugs, alcohol, you know, binge
binging food or whatever thatcould that may be.
It's about learning to loveyourself, and when you love
yourself, that's when you beginto choose yourself, and that's
(33:57):
when you begin to setboundaries.
Boundaries are a form ofself-love.
When I started healing andchoosing myself, mean I no
longer tolerated people thatwere negative the way I did it.
I started blocking and deletingpeople that I knew that the
(34:21):
more I kept those people, themore I will never be completely
in love with myself.
I had to start all over again.
I had to really like okay, whatare my boundaries like when it
comes to relationships?
What are my boundaries when itcomes to you know myself as
(34:42):
well?
Because boundaries are not justfor others, but boundaries are
for yourself, and that's whereyou really begin to see growth
and self-love.
So, in order for you to heal,start loving yourself and
choosing yourself and puttingyourself first, even if it seems
(35:04):
selfish.
People will say it's selfish,but at the end of the day, you
are choosing you, you meta, itis your so it's about you, and
you need to be rootless, even ifyou need to.
I literally to the self-lovesometimes can seem lonely
(35:26):
because you don't even have thechaos anymore.
Like, sometimes my life is soquiet, it's so peaceful.
I'm like, girl, like where'severyone?
But I'm like, you know what,it's it's good, it's good
because um I can finallybreathe.
Like, do you know what I mean?
So it's okay to come to thatspace, but honestly, guys,
(35:49):
loving yourself is the beginningand is the best thing that you
could ever do.
Because when you love yourself,lean as a mother, you can teach
your daughters how to lovethemselves so they don't repeat
the same mistakes that you weyou did, or you know, other
people have done.
Speaker (36:09):
Exactly.
No, I love that message.
Um, I thank you so much, uh,Vivian.
We can find you on moyowwellness therapy.com.
Is there any other websitesthat you have or social media
handles that you would like toshare?
Speaker 1 (36:24):
My website is www.moyo wellness therapy.com,
and literally you can listen toall of our episodes there, and
uh, you can get to even look atthe coaching packages that we
have on our site as well.
And uh the information aboutthe book and newsletter is gonna
(36:46):
be out very soon, probably byuh February, mid-February.
Uh, so you can subscribe to beon the waiting list, and you can
also follow us on Spotify atMoya Wellness Therapy, YouTube
at Moya Wellness Therapy,although there isn't contact on
there just yet, but that issomething we're gonna do uh
(37:06):
again, maybe March or you know,uh, but this year definitely,
and then you can find us on onTikTok at Moya Wellness Therapy,
and then on Instagram at MoyaWellness Therapy.
But the most active socialmedia probably will be uh TikTok
at the moment, um, becauseyeah, writing a book and
(37:27):
podcasts, it's just being a lotgoing on.
But our website will give youmore stuff too to look out for.
Speaker (37:34):
Thank you.
I'm gonna buy your book.
I'm so curious to hear more ofyour story, and I would love to
do the homework that's in there.
So I'm gonna go to your websiteand get on that waiting list.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
It's not up there yet, but once it is, I'll I'll
I'll send you the link and theinformation.
Speaker (37:50):
Please do, please do, because I I'm not just saying
it, I'm going to buy it.
So please send that to me whenit's available.
So come to my show as well.
I would love to.
I mean, I'm not a therapist oran expert, but I can share my
story.
And you know, that's all I can,that's all I have is my story
in my life.
So um, I would love to come on.
(38:10):
Just let me know when.
And I I I appreciate you,Vivian, for for talking to me
all the way from the UK.
It's it's so cool to talk topeople from all parts of the
country and the world.
So um, I appreciate it, and Ithank you again.
Speaker 1 (38:25):
Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker (38:27):
All right, we'll talk soon.
I'm gonna wait for your emailso I can buy that book.
Speaker 1 (38:32):
And then you can send it out to your people and I
will.
Speaker (38:34):
I definitely will.
I definitely will.
Um, again, thank you.
All right, all right, we'lltalk soon.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
You too, darling.
Speaker (38:42):
All right, all right, get better.
Yo, thank you.
And you get better.
You get better.
Get your rest.
All right, bye.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
You too.
Take care, darling.
Good boy.
Speaker (38:51):
I'll leave you with this.
Some wounds don't disappear,but they teach us resilience.
Some scars remain, but theyremind us of survival.
Healing is messy, slow, andunpredictable.
But every step forward is proofthat you're stronger than
yesterday.
Breathe.
(39:12):
Feel grow.
You are healing.
Even on the day it doesn't feellike it.
Thank you so much for listeningto Virago247.
If you haven't done so already,go ahead and hit that subscribe
button and please give usfive-star ratings.
(39:35):
Also, don't forget to follow uson Instagram at Virago24
underscore seven and on Facebookat Virago24 slash 7.
And just connect with us andshare your story.
We'd love to hear from you.
Today we're talking about something that a lot of
strong women quietly wrestlewith, holding it all together
while falling apart on theinside.
You know the woman who shows upfor everyone, handles the
family, the career, therelationship, the
responsibility, but rarely hasspace to unpack her own
emotions.
(00:21):
We're talking about her today.
Maybe that's you.
I'm joined by Vivian Moyo,therapist and founder of Moyo
Wellness Therapy, whose workfocuses on helping people slow
down, look inward, and beginhealing from the inside out.
Vivian brings such a grounded,compassionate approach to mental
(00:44):
health, especially when itcomes to understanding how
culture, life experiences, andunspoken expectations shape the
way we cope, love, and survive.
In this episode, we're gettingreal about emotional burnout,
therapy myths, and what itactually looks like to start
doing the deeper work.
(01:04):
Not because you're broken, butbecause you're ready to live
lighter, freer, and more whole.
If you've been caring more thanyou let people see, if you've
ever felt guilty for needinghelp, or if you're in a season
of becoming a healthier versionof yourself, stay with us.
(01:25):
This conversation might beexactly what your heart's been
needing.
Hi, I am your host, LyanetteTalley, and you are listening to
Virago 24-7.
Virago is Latin for femalewarrior, and 24-7 is for all
day, every day.
Virago 24-7 is a weekly podcastthat brings diverse women
(01:49):
together to talk about life andour experiences in this world,
which are our business of love,and of health, marriage,
children, friendships, andreally anything that needs to be
talked about.
Here you will find everydaygrowth, everyday healing, and
everyday warriors.
Her work is deeply spiritualand heart-centered.
(02:38):
She blends faith, intuition,and natural healing to help
people move through pain,embrace forgiveness, and
experience deep transformationfrom within.
And she's also written a bookcalled The Invisible Girl.
And you're also the founder ofMoya Wellness Therapy.
Welcome, Vivian.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Thank you so much for the amazing intro.
I'm glad to be with you today.
Thank you so much.
Speaker (03:02):
Well, your story from what I was reading begins with
loss and trauma at a very, veryyoung age.
So I want to start with howthose early experiences have
shaped you and have called youto, you know, to become a healer
and to and to want to helpothers.
Let's start from the beginning.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
Okay, I'll just summarize it because it is a
long story.
So people, if you want to hearthe full juice of the story, the
book is out in June where Iliterally write every detail of
the journey.
So I was born back home inZimbabwe and my mum died when I
was just three years old.
(03:43):
So I have no memory of my mom.
I don't know how she I onlyknow how she looks like in the
pictures that I'm given, butthen within those pictures, I
don't recognize her.
Like I know she's my mom, but Idon't recognize her as my mom.
I don't know if that makessense because I never really got
the chance to bond with my mom.
(04:04):
Anyway, that was just that.
That was the first trauma, andthen the second trauma was my
dad was never in the picture.
So growing up without a mom andthen not knowing your not
knowing who and where your dadwas, that was another trauma
that I had to live with.
And so I was raised by mygrandmother back home in
Zimbabwe, and obviously she wasgetting old, so she made sure
(04:28):
that before she died that I wasin a safe space where I will be
looked after.
So this is why I came into theUK.
So I came at the age of 11years old to live with my uncle
who was my who is my brother ummy mother's brother.
Did I say that right?
Yeah.
I was just getting thatconfused.
(04:48):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
unknown (04:49):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
And so then by by the time I was so my grandmother
came with us, made sure that Isettled in, and then she left.
And then unfortunately, shealso died by the time I was 12
years old, and I never saidgoodbye to her.
And that was the biggest lossbecause she was almost like a
mother to me in that sense, andso obviously, coming into this
(05:10):
country, it was all a lot.
So imagine having a young girlcoming into a different
country's, she's grieving, shedoesn't even know she's
grieving, she knows she's lostthings, she doesn't even know
what it is.
Nobody's talking to her aboutwhat has happened, and so I
think the reason why they werenot talking about it in the
African culture is a bitdifferent because they feel
(05:31):
like, well, you're too young toknow stuff, we don't want you to
get caught up in this wholesituation.
Let's pretend it didn't happen.
Literally, let's pretend let'snot let's not talk about your
mom, let's not talk about yourdad.
You're here, that's all thatmatters.
But obviously, as a child, Iknow that I know there's
something missing.
(05:51):
I see my cousins with my uncle,with their mother.
I see that they they somethingdifferent in the way that they
were looked after versus the wayI was looked after, and I knew
that I was missing something,and that thing that I was
missing was love.
So that was the first part ofthe story.
Speaker (06:11):
Wow.
I can, yeah, that's I canrelate to like moving to another
country at 11 years old becausethat that happened to me as
well.
So I can totally relate to tobeing somewhere that you don't
know with with new people.
And so yeah, I I I that thatpart touches me.
So you lived with your uncleall the way up until what you
(06:34):
became an adult, and then youmoved out on your own.
And how did you how did youstart this journey of becoming a
coach and helping others?
Speaker 1 (06:44):
So I never wanted to see anyone go through what I
went through alone because Ifelt like I went through the
pain of uh the pain of losing mymom and you know, on my own, I
had no support, I had nobody totalk to, I didn't understand
what was happening.
So it started off with meworking with young girls in
(07:05):
schools, and seeing those littlegirls reminded me of me when I
was young, and I never wantedthose little girls to grow up
without somebody to talk to.
And when I went into thoseschools, oh my gosh, it was it
was heartbreaking because theyoung kids felt invisible, felt
there were mistakes, and theseare young kids at seven years
(07:28):
old, and so they really touchedme, and then I knew that you
know, coaching and life coachingtherapies was something that I
wanted to give back to people.
I never wanted my pain to holdme back, instead, I wanted to
turn my pain into passion andinto supporting other women and
(07:51):
people to begin to find theirvoice and their healing.
Speaker (07:55):
I love that.
So, how long have you beendoing um therapy um and
coaching?
How long has this journey been?
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Uh I'll say it's been it's been many years to be
fair.
I'll say it's probably over 10years because I started off with
young girls, and thenafterwards I then started
working with the more olderwomen who have gone through
abuse and needed a way to findtheir their lives back, and I
(08:26):
was coaching them to find theirpurpose, their careers, and you
know, because sometimes whenyou've been through so much
abuse and so much trauma, noteverybody is strong enough to
move forward.
So I was a I was able to helpthese women and these young
girls move forward because it'snot easy to move forward with so
(08:49):
much pain and trauma if youhaven't got that support.
Speaker (08:54):
So with the with the when you started, is it women
and children from your culture,or is it just all all different
types of people?
Speaker 1 (09:05):
It was all types of people.
Okay.
The moment I came into theEngland, my my culture became
non-existent.
Okay.
Because I left my I left my myfamily when I was 17 years old.
And ever since then, I uh I'vebeen you know meeting different
people, different cultures.
Speaker (09:21):
So you name it when you're helping others through
their journey, their healingjourney, is it talk therapy or
do you use other methods to helpthem um on their journey?
Speaker 1 (09:31):
So I use CBT therapy, and CBT therapy is really
supporting people to be able toregulate their emotions.
Um, people that are strugglingwith understanding their
emotions, whether that is angermanagement, whether that is
depression, whether that issomebody who's struggling with
anxiety, or somebody who'sstruggling to cope really with
(09:55):
the thoughts, with intrusivethoughts that they have in their
mind.
And so, as the therapist and asa coach, what I do is I
basically hate I I find ways andmethods to help them regulate
their emotions so that they cancome back to center.
But also, CBT is about themhelping themselves as much as I
(10:17):
can want to help them, they needto do the work, and this is why
I love doing the CBT therapybecause it's not just talking
therapy where we come together,we talk, and then that's it.
No, we come together, we dostill talk about the issues and
what's happening, but then atthe end of each session, there
is gonna be a homework that theywill need to do in order for
(10:39):
them to see the results becauseyou can't see results if you're
not doing the work or tryingsomething to help the situation,
and this is why I love the Cthe CBT therapy because of that.
Speaker (10:51):
Wonderful.
So, what kind of what are someexamples of the homework that
you would give someone toimplement in their lives?
Speaker 1 (10:59):
Okay, so let's say you have somebody who's coming
to me and they said that theyfind themselves feeling very
stressed all the time.
They they've got so manythoughts, thoughts, and emotions
that they don't even know howto process or how to even
control.
So I would say to them, I wouldlike for you to try journaling
(11:22):
because journaling is the bestway to you know regulate your
thoughts and your emotions andto calm yourself in a in a more
calmer space.
So when you write down what isgoing on with me today, as you
are writing, you're releasingthe stress, the anger, the
frustration, and you're findingpeace and clarity in that
(11:46):
moment.
And by the time you finishjournaling, whether that is
three pages, one page, you'regonna cut you by the time you're
finished, you will feel so atpeace.
Because really and truly, whatthat means with somebody with so
many emotions and thoughts, andthey're not understanding what
(12:06):
is happening, they need to talkit through with somebody.
And some people they might notfeel comfortable talking through
their emotions and theirproblems with somebody, so the
best way is for them to startjournaling, which is a which is
another way of therapy.
Speaker (12:25):
Okay, I like that.
Yeah, journaling has been verytherapeutic for me.
So I I can I can totally relateto that.
What other examples um besidesjournaling could someone do if
they're in that in that state ofum you know frustration or have
things that they have to likeget out?
Speaker 1 (12:48):
So let's say um somebody is, I don't know, is
having a an interview, forexample, and they're about to
have that interview and they'reso stressed, they're feeling
like, oh my gosh, I cannot dothis.
So what I would usually say tothat person is okay, when you're
(13:08):
finding yourself in that state,take a moment, like go to the
toilet, find a safe space whereyou can literally begin the
breath work.
The breath work is so amazingwhere you can literally count.
Uh, so the breath work is youneed to basically count in, as
in like you're breathing in,one, two, three, four, five,
(13:32):
six.
That's still you breathe in,and then to release that, then
you need to start counting one,two, three, four, and then you
need to keep repeating thatprocess for at least a minute.
You will your nerve system willbe very relaxed by then.
Because the problem with thatis people in that state, they're
(13:53):
not breathing properly, likeyou're you're worried, you know,
you there's so many thoughts,and your breathing is just like
you it's yeah, and so that's whyyou find yourself even having
panic attacks because you're notbreathing properly.
So if you're if you learn totake those, you know, 30 seconds
(14:14):
breath work in that state, itreally calms the nerves down and
it calms you down and you feelso much at peace.
Speaker (14:22):
Nice.
What um with your clients, likewhat kind of trauma do you find
um that most people have, orum, what issues are people
trying to overcome?
Is there a common theme or isit very different?
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Uh they're very different, and these people,
Lynn, are people that havesuppressed trauma for many
years.
You know, some some of thesepeople that have been sexually
abused at a very young age, butthey have somehow, you know,
closed that chapter and theyhaven't dealt with it, and
(15:00):
because they haven't dealt withit, what's happened over the
years, there's so much anger,right?
There's there's this feel,there's this enthros intrusive
thoughts.
I'm not good enough.
There's you know, these thingsof like nobody's gonna love me,
and because they've gone throughsuch a a terrible thing that
(15:23):
they have never really managedto deal with, and so that's why
they struggle so much withdepression, they struggle so
much with you know withself-love and loving themselves,
and so I really try to you knowgo back and really help them
(15:44):
sort of like heal the innerchild, and again, this is why
the journaling is good becauseit can take you back to your
six-year-old self because a lotof the traumas that a lot of
people go through, whetherthat's losing a loved one,
whether that's like domesticabuse or sexual abuse or being
(16:04):
in a car accident or whatever itis that they've been they've
gone through, usually start at avery young age, and normally
what happens is people tend toshut down that little child that
was hurt, and they don't wantto ignore that child and they
want to move on as if that childdoesn't exist anymore.
(16:25):
But the reality is that childis still there, and that's why
it shows up in anger, it showsup in frustration.
That's why a lot of peopleagain tend to substance misuse
because they're trying to numberpain that they have forgotten
or they don't even understandwhat it is, is because they're
(16:47):
trying so hard not to go to thatspace.
But again, I do understandthat, Lynn, because who wants to
visit the pain?
Yeah, who wants to go throughthat?
Yeah, sometimes it seems as ifit's easy to pretend it didn't
happen.
Speaker (17:03):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I find though, with withtalking, this podcast has really
helped me release a lot ofthings.
So journaling, talking it outis so huge with the healing
process and like listening toothers' experience is so
important.
And one of the reasons why Istarted this podcast is for you
(17:25):
know, for people to understandthat we're all in this together
and that we're not alone in ourstruggles.
So um, I love your message andI love what you're doing.
And you also have a podcast,right?
It's the Moya Wellness Therapy.
What do you all talk about?
Is it just you?
Do you have guests?
Um, what can we uh look forwardto if we go to your podcast?
Speaker 1 (17:45):
So Moya Wellness Therapy is a safe space where we
all come together, we talkabout trauma, healing, and you
know, really learning about likethe healing journey, knowing
that you're not on your own,knowing that this is a safe
space, a community where we canall come together.
So when I started it as atherapist, as a life coach, I
(18:08):
realized that a lot of peopledidn't really understand the
importance of healing, theydidn't understand what trauma
really was and how that couldaffect them in life if they're
never really healed from that.
And so I decided to create asafe space where therapist, life
coaches, the people that I doin the groundwork, whether
(18:30):
that's psychologists, you know,to come in and to teach us about
different ways and techniqueson how we can heal, but also to
have people come in and sharetheir journeys and experiences
of what they have been throughand how they've healed from
those um, you know, pains thatthey went through, and me really
(18:50):
sharing my story about what Iwent through and you know,
really talking about it and justreally seeing each other and
knowing that hey, we're notalone, we're in this together.
So I started it about two yearsago, and it's going really well
to be fair.
And as I'm talking to you,Ling, you need to come to my
show.
I feel like you've got so muchthings to share.
Speaker (19:12):
I do.
I I can talk about a lot ofthings.
Yes, I would love to come onyour show.
I would absolutely love that.
Um, let's get back to yourbook.
So, The Invisible Girl, yousaid it's coming out in June.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
Yes, it is.
Speaker (19:25):
It's coming out in June.
So is it mostly about your lifeor do you put in the is there
like tips and tricks of what youcan do to heal?
What is like the main um themeof your book?
Speaker 1 (19:38):
So the book is called The Invisible Girl, um, you
know, healing from trauma.
And so really it's abouthelping people relate to my
story, but also giving them thetools and the reflection to heal
it as they're reading.
(19:58):
So it is a self-help book whereI'm guiding them with sharing
my story, but also helping themto understand how they can heal
from that.
And then it's almost like ajournal, in a way, because at
the end of each session, thereis like reflection um questions
where people can really liketalk about the things, um, you
(20:21):
know, work through it, as inlike, okay, um, how what what
ways do you find that you judgeyourself?
Um, what ways do you feel likeyou can improve in loving
yourself?
Like it's a reflection wherethey can really talk about it,
or even take a moment to reallythink about that to sort of help
(20:45):
them.
Because sometimes I feel likepeople can relate to somebody's
story, and that way they can seethemselves in that story, and
they can begin to heal in themwith those healing props as
well.
Speaker (21:01):
Oh, I like that.
I like that.
So it's about your story, butthen you're also giving tools
and and and making people thinkabout their journey and their
lives.
So what advice if someone isfeeling stuck right now and they
are not even on a healingjourney, they just know that
there's old patterns and they'refeeling stuck and they're
(21:24):
feeling overwhelmed.
What is advice that you wouldgive them?
What is a tool that they canuse like today to start that
process of healing and lettinggo?
Speaker 1 (21:34):
My advice will be stop pretending it didn't
happen.
Because that is the beginningof your healing journey.
Stop pretending it didn't hurt.
Stop pretending that you didn'tfeel betrayed, stop pretending
that you're not in pain.
Stop pretending that you don'tneed help.
(21:55):
Stop pretending that you needto be this strong girl or this
Strong men all the time.
Like it's okay to bevulnerable.
It's okay to cry.
It's okay, you know, to not beokay.
And it's okay to seek help.
Seek help.
Talk to somebody becausethere's people out there that
(22:17):
can help and support you.
You don't have to go through iton your own.
But also, there's so many otherpeople that have gone through
probably worse, but just stopfor a moment and really stop
pretending it didn't happen.
Speaker (22:38):
Yeah, it's interesting how people think that by
stuffing it down, that you know,out of sight, out of mind kind
of mentality, but realizing thatthat really drives all your
decisions, the way you react,the way you communicate, all
those things, it affects allthose, and not in a healthy way.
(22:59):
So man, I I wish more peoplewould realize, okay, there's
some shit going on within me,and I gotta get it out, and I
and I have to do something aboutthis.
And you know, in the beginning,nobody wants to talk about that
stuff.
You cry a lot, it hurts, yourheartaches, you're you get mad
all over again over things thatthat happened like 30 years ago,
(23:21):
20 years ago.
And um, but it's so worth it.
It really is.
I I haven't done therapymyself, but I feel like being on
this show and doing the podcastand having different guests and
and talking to my friends, Ifeel like that has been therapy
for me.
So, like with you, I'll take afew things that you've said and
I will actually implement it,you know?
(23:42):
So, and and actually dosomething with it.
So it is very, very helpful tohave guests like you on to give
tips and tricks and tools thatwe can use if someone doesn't
want to go to therapy or maybethey can't afford therapy.
So this is this is wonderful.
Podcasting has been the bestinvention ever for a lot of us.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
Exactly.
Exactly.
And then to ask to answer thelast question, the tools they
can use as I've alreadymentioned journey.
If you feel like you are notready to talk about what has
happened, start writing aboutit.
Because writing about it istherapy.
Me writing my book really hashelped me to continue to still
(24:29):
heal.
Because sometimes you just needthat safe space to release it,
like to be free, and so writingabout it, whether that is a
piece of paper, whether that ison your phone, whether that is a
journal, that is the firststep, and as you're writing
(24:52):
about it, you're releasing allof that anger, all of that
stress, all of that, you know,emotion, guilt, shame, whatever
it is, and you are findingfreedom because I feel like when
you pretend nothing is wrong,you're not really in a space
(25:15):
where you have freedom becausethere's so much going on, but
the moment you begin to let itout, the the peace in it, Lynn,
is amazing, honestly.
The peace of knowing that oh mygosh, I don't have to keep this
secret anymore.
(25:36):
Like I have a safe space, andthat's why journaling is the
best thing first, and thenobviously you do have therapies
and coaches, you know,psychologists and you know,
people that can, you know, helpyou to unpack and navigate what
it is that you are strugglingwith.
(25:57):
You don't need to go through iton your own.
Speaker (26:00):
I love that.
I love that message.
Um, I want to get back to you,and and uh you don't have to
answer if you don't want, butgoing back to like your family,
the one that um that you wereraised with, like your uncle and
your and your cousins, you saidyou know that they don't talk
about stuff like that in thatculture.
You're just pretending thatdidn't happen.
How are they seeing you todayactually voicing these things
(26:23):
and saying it out loud?
Are they okay with it or dothey feel a certain kind of way
about it?
Speaker 1 (26:29):
They feel a certain kind of way about it.
And that's what I thought.
Speaker (26:33):
That's why that's why I said you don't have to answer.
I had a feeling.
So what are their thoughts?
Speaker 1 (26:42):
They they they feel some type of way about it, and
their story again in Africa,African tradition, you don't
really talk about certainthings, like you know, certain
things just needs to be notreally research.
But I disagree because I feellike how are we gonna break the
(27:05):
generational pattern that isunhealthy in our family?
Because a lot of the traumasthat we all go through now,
unfortunately, are coming fromour ancestral lineage where they
picked up this habit of let'snot talk about it, this habit of
oh, it didn't happen, and thenit's gonna be passed on to the
(27:25):
next person, and then familiesin that family are gonna think
that it's okay, but is it reallyokay?
Somebody in the family has tobreak that pattern, and
unfortunately, it's me, and Iguess I need to take the hit,
but I don't want my my childrenand then that generation to feel
like that is okay becausesomething needs to change, and
(27:48):
there's being a lot of hurt thatI don't feel like was done
intentionally, but it's justthat it's being the pattern for
many years that unfortunatelyit's not recognizable as a rot
as something that is wrong, butit is wrong.
Speaker (28:04):
Exactly.
Yeah, no, I feel you.
I I feel like me talking aboutmy my upbringing.
Um, I've I've done a ton ofepisodes uh for this podcast,
but like the beginning showswere about my childhood, and
yeah, that didn't go well.
That didn't go well.
I I think what happens is whenwhen you're outing, quote
(28:25):
unquote outing someone, theyfeel so threatened by it.
And I've had my oldestdaughter, yeah, they feel so
threatened, and it's it's not,I'm not attacking you.
I just want you to acknowledgethat this happened so that I
don't feel crazy about myexperience.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
Exactly.
At the end of the day, yourexperience is your experience.
They might not have experiencedit that way, but acknowledge
that I was hurt.
Yes, acknowledge that that'show I feel, but they still
dismissive and they still feellike you're talking.
So what how do we move forward?
Speaker (29:01):
Exactly.
And in my experience, I'verealized that I had to learn
that it doesn't matter.
Um I didn't get an ap, like Ihaven't gotten apologies or I
didn't get like all my questionsanswered.
And I've had to and I've had tolet it go.
I've had to just heal myself,and that's all I can control.
(29:23):
And and I I had to learnbecause I was very angry for a
very, very long time.
And I I need to show them that,you know, what they've done.
And I need you to be sorry, andI need you to commit.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
But forgiveness isn't it?
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker (29:42):
But I just I had to let it go and I've had to heal, and
just there's just gonna becertain things that will never
be answered, and I've had to,I've had to accept that.
That's a hard pill to swallow.
And I think that's why a lot ofpeople just don't want to say
anything either.
Because maybe they think, well,it's in the past, what can we
do about it?
(30:02):
Um, you know, we can't changethe past, is what I hear a lot
of people saying.
Um, what do you say to peoplethat would say something like
that?
Like, it's in the past, whatwhat's the point of bringing it
up and talking about it?
We can't change it.
That's what I've heard so manytimes.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
Thank you for thank you for um asking that question.
Yes, it's not even about thepast anymore, it's about the
future.
Like, do you want your childrento experience the same thing
and the same pain?
Because what people don'tunderstand is if you as a mother
haven't healed from that andthey're pretending that it
(30:41):
hasn't happened, when you have achild, that trauma becomes DNA,
and then your childunfortunately is going to
inherit that pain.
And do you really want yourchild to go through the pain
that you probably could haveavoided by dealing with it?
Speaker (31:00):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
So it's not about the past, it's about the future,
and it's about the nextgeneration.
And I'm sorry to say this is nolonger about you anymore.
Yes, it has happened, yes, ithappened to you, but it's about
the next generation, it's aboutthe future, it's about making,
it's about stopping somethingand making it right.
Speaker (31:25):
Yeah, yeah.
No, I see a big difference.
I have three children, and myoldest is 24, and my and my
youngest is 15.
Speaker 1 (31:33):
And and 24?
You're like you're 24 yourself.
What do you mean?
Speaker (31:38):
I had her at 21, so I had her at a very young age, and
um, and I and and the way Ishowed up for my oldest daughter
was very just um I'm PuertoRican and Dominican, so we're
very loud and we and we scream,and there's just a lot of just
just sit down and be quiet typeattitude, and that and that's
how I start I was parenting whenshe was little.
(32:00):
And I had to learn when I hadmy two other kids that they're
so different, and I had tochange the way I I communicate,
the way I show up as a parent,as a mother.
Um the way I respond to eachchild is very different because
they all have differentpersonalities.
So I do see the struggles thatmy oldest daughter had because
(32:21):
of that, versus my youngest whosees the healthier version of me
and has a healthier mom and alot more patience is what I
have.
I did not have patience.
So you're right, it does affectthe next generation.
And I've seen it in my ownchildren.
The way I was in the beginningand the way I am now is very
(32:42):
different.
And and I can see that in theway my my kids move through this
world.
It's very, very different.
Um, so yeah, I I appreciate yousaying that.
Is there anything else youthink that you would want to
share that um that people cantake away from this show?
Speaker 1 (33:00):
Healing is about self-love and choosing yourself.
I learned that the hard way.
Because growing up I waslooking for love in the wrong
people, not realizing that Ineeded to learn to love myself.
unknown (33:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
And the moment I begin to love myself, the moment
I'm gonna break away from thosebad habits, the moment I'm
gonna break away from thosepeople-pleasing habits, you
know, saying yes when I know Idon't want to do that, attack
attracting toxic relationships,attracting, you know, um
(33:36):
trauma-bonding relationships,being involved in addiction
behaviors such as you know,drugs, alcohol, you know, binge
binging food or whatever thatcould that may be.
It's about learning to loveyourself, and when you love
yourself, that's when you beginto choose yourself, and that's
(33:57):
when you begin to setboundaries.
Boundaries are a form ofself-love.
When I started healing andchoosing myself, mean I no
longer tolerated people thatwere negative the way I did it.
I started blocking and deletingpeople that I knew that the
(34:21):
more I kept those people, themore I will never be completely
in love with myself.
I had to start all over again.
I had to really like okay, whatare my boundaries like when it
comes to relationships?
What are my boundaries when itcomes to you know myself as
(34:42):
well?
Because boundaries are not justfor others, but boundaries are
for yourself, and that's whereyou really begin to see growth
and self-love.
So, in order for you to heal,start loving yourself and
choosing yourself and puttingyourself first, even if it seems
(35:04):
selfish.
People will say it's selfish,but at the end of the day, you
are choosing you, you meta, itis your so it's about you, and
you need to be rootless, even ifyou need to.
I literally to the self-lovesometimes can seem lonely
(35:26):
because you don't even have thechaos anymore.
Like, sometimes my life is soquiet, it's so peaceful.
I'm like, girl, like where'severyone?
But I'm like, you know what,it's it's good, it's good
because um I can finallybreathe.
Like, do you know what I mean?
So it's okay to come to thatspace, but honestly, guys,
(35:49):
loving yourself is the beginningand is the best thing that you
could ever do.
Because when you love yourself,lean as a mother, you can teach
your daughters how to lovethemselves so they don't repeat
the same mistakes that you weyou did, or you know, other
people have done.
Speaker (36:09):
Exactly.
No, I love that message.
Um, I thank you so much, uh,Vivian.
We can find you on moyowwellness therapy.com.
Is there any other websitesthat you have or social media
handles that you would like toshare?
Speaker 1 (36:24):
My website is www.moyo wellness therapy.com,
and literally you can listen toall of our episodes there, and
uh, you can get to even look atthe coaching packages that we
have on our site as well.
And uh the information aboutthe book and newsletter is gonna
(36:46):
be out very soon, probably byuh February, mid-February.
Uh, so you can subscribe to beon the waiting list, and you can
also follow us on Spotify atMoya Wellness Therapy, YouTube
at Moya Wellness Therapy,although there isn't contact on
there just yet, but that issomething we're gonna do uh
(37:06):
again, maybe March or you know,uh, but this year definitely,
and then you can find us on onTikTok at Moya Wellness Therapy,
and then on Instagram at MoyaWellness Therapy.
But the most active socialmedia probably will be uh TikTok
at the moment, um, becauseyeah, writing a book and
(37:27):
podcasts, it's just being a lotgoing on.
But our website will give youmore stuff too to look out for.
Speaker (37:34):
Thank you.
I'm gonna buy your book.
I'm so curious to hear more ofyour story, and I would love to
do the homework that's in there.
So I'm gonna go to your websiteand get on that waiting list.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
It's not up there yet, but once it is, I'll I'll
I'll send you the link and theinformation.
Speaker (37:50):
Please do, please do, because I I'm not just saying
it, I'm going to buy it.
So please send that to me whenit's available.
So come to my show as well.
I would love to.
I mean, I'm not a therapist oran expert, but I can share my
story.
And you know, that's all I can,that's all I have is my story
in my life.
So um, I would love to come on.
(38:10):
Just let me know when.
And I I I appreciate you,Vivian, for for talking to me
all the way from the UK.
It's it's so cool to talk topeople from all parts of the
country and the world.
So um, I appreciate it, and Ithank you again.
Speaker 1 (38:25):
Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker (38:27):
All right, we'll talk soon.
I'm gonna wait for your emailso I can buy that book.
Speaker 1 (38:32):
And then you can send it out to your people and I
will.
Speaker (38:34):
I definitely will.
I definitely will.
Um, again, thank you.
All right, all right, we'lltalk soon.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
You too, darling.
Speaker (38:42):
All right, all right, get better.
Yo, thank you.
And you get better.
You get better.
Get your rest.
All right, bye.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
You too.
Take care, darling.
Good boy.
Speaker (38:51):
I'll leave you with this.
Some wounds don't disappear,but they teach us resilience.
Some scars remain, but theyremind us of survival.
Healing is messy, slow, andunpredictable.
But every step forward is proofthat you're stronger than
yesterday.
Breathe.
(39:12):
Feel grow.
You are healing.
Even on the day it doesn't feellike it.
Thank you so much for listeningto Virago247.
If you haven't done so already,go ahead and hit that subscribe
button and please give usfive-star ratings.
(39:35):
Also, don't forget to follow uson Instagram at Virago24
underscore seven and on Facebookat Virago24 slash 7.
And just connect with us andshare your story.
We'd love to hear from you.
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