Strap in as we pull back the curtain on the wedding and event industry, offering a raw and honest look at the personal impact and challenges that come with this demanding career. Ever wondered why we're often absent from social gatherings and family milestones? It all boils down to our commitment to our clients and the events we've been tasked to organize. But, fret not, we're here to share some insights on how to maintain a balance between work and personal life, and also, how to explain our absence to our loved ones.
Parenting and planning - two roles that can be incredibly demanding. Add to that the guilt of missing out on quality time with your kids due to work commitments, it's a tough balancing act. But, we believe it can be done. We delve into our own experiences and offer advice on leaning on your support system, setting boundaries, and giving yourself a well-deserved break when things get overwhelming. Remember, it's all about the harmony between work and family, and we're here to help you strike that balance.
We wrap up our discussion with an exploration of the importance of flexibility. The event industry may be unforgiving, but it's crucial that we're running the show and not the other way around - a lesson we've learned the hard way. We also touch upon the Certified Wedding Planner Society, shedding light on the opportunities it offers to both industry veterans and newcomers. So join us, as we navigate this challenging yet rewarding career, one event at a time.
www.cwpsociety.com | info@cwpsociety.com | IG: @cwpsociety | FB: @cwpsociety
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Wedding Planner podcast, brought
to you by the Certified WeddingPlanner Society.
Welcome to the Wedding Plannerpodcast.
This is our soulmate series andit's brought to you by the
Certified Wedding PlannerSociety.
(00:22):
We're the world's leadingwedding planner certification
program and the world's largestmembership of certified wedding
planners.
My name is Lori Hartwell andI'm the founder and CEO of the
Certified Wedding PlannerSociety, and my co-host for the
soulmate series is my husbandand the president of the CWP
Society, phillip Hartwell.
Hey Phil, hey Lori.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
And hello everyone.
Today we're going to be talkingabout how the wedding and event
industry impacts our personallife, so let's dive right in.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
All right.
Well, the first thing that kindof comes to mind is just
general family events likereunions, funerals, weddings,
birthday parties, anniversaryparties, graduations and things
of that nature, and a lot oftimes our families and friends
don't really understand why we,as event industry professionals,
(01:12):
cannot attend all of thosetypes of events, and I think
it's really important that wehelp explain to our families and
friends what our process lookslike.
So first, we are beingcontracted with couples and our
clients anywhere from six monthsout to a year and a half out
from any given date.
So that means that if we have afull load of wedding clients,
(01:39):
that means that any events thatare being planned right now by
our friends and family, we maynot be able to attend them
because we might already bebooked for that date, and I find
that we get a lot of pushback.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
It's true and if you think about it, most people have
nine to five, so when they'regoing to plan a family event,
they've planned it for theweekend.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
They plan for the weekend and it's not going to be
probably two years in advance.
They're probably planning itwithin the next year or so,
right?
Well, I really feel like it isup to us as event professionals
to say please understand wheremy job lays, and I hate having
to miss reunions and funeralsand our nieces and nephews'
(02:20):
weddings and their birthdayparties, but it's our job to try
to help explain to them whythat is.
We have a contract with aclient.
We can't breach that contractbecause we want to go someplace
else.
We have to make sure that we'refulfilling that contract,
otherwise we could be taken tocourt.
(02:40):
So I feel like we're alwaysbeing placed in a really bad
position and we miss out on somany fun and wonderful events,
and so that I think that's ahuge impact on how the wedding
and event industry really takesa little bit of a toll on our
personal lives.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
In general the hospitality industry.
Anyone in the tourism,hospitality, hotel, events,
people just don't realize howmuch time that career takes.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Yeah, I mean, if any professional works as a catering
manager at a hotel or a countryclub, they're working anywhere
from like 8 o'clock in themorning to sometimes 7, 8
o'clock at night.
If they have events over theweekend, whether it's corporate
or wedding, they're going to beworking Fridays, they're going
to be working Saturdays, andmany times they'll also be
working Sundays, and so we missout on a lot and it does create
(03:33):
a lot of tension, I think,within families.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
It adds a good and a bad.
When you're spending that muchtime with your coworkers and
your other vendors andprofessionals you're working
with, and your clients, you doreally build a.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Develop like a camaraderie.
Yeah, it's a bond.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
I remember working in the hotel industry way back in
the 80s and it was a bond thatyou build because you're
spending so much time together.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Yeah, you built a lot of forever friendships.
I really did.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
People I'm still friends with to this day.
But it also puts a strain asyou become, as you partner up
with someone else and theneventually build a family.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
Especially if your partner is not in the events
industry and they're just tryingto live their life and they see
things from their perspective.
They're like listen, I workMonday through Friday, nine to
five.
Why are you gone so much?
You're missing all of theseevents.
But my family has you know,they want to do Memorial Day and
you're like well, I've got awedding on Memorial Day weekend,
(04:37):
and so some wedding planners,especially in the beginning of
their careers, are also bookingthemselves on Thanksgiving
weekend.
They're booking themselvesright up to Christmas.
They are overloading themselves.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
But you don't want to say no, right, you don't want
to say no, I do now.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Like this is.
I love the word no now, but,yeah, in the beginning you don't
really say no a lot, and so Ifind that it really does have a
very negative impact on thepersonal life of the wedding
planner as well as whoever thatwedding planner soulmate is, and
so it can really cause a lot ofnegative situations.
So, in order to try to avoid anyof those negative connotations
(05:18):
and those negative feelings,it's probably better to go ahead
and explain to your soulmateand your family, as well as your
friends, what the situation is.
And you know, I know, that myvice president, chrissy Thomas,
many times has these yearly girlweekends with all of her best
(05:38):
friends from college, and whatshe tells them is book that as
far in advance as you possiblycan, and I'll get that on the
books now, and that way I won'tbook any weddings or other
events on that same weekend, andso we have to book out pretty
far.
So we have to train our friendsand family to go ahead and plan
(05:58):
whatever events they want abouta year and a half or more out,
so that we can ensure that wecan attend.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Nothing wrong with that yeah, love it.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
And another way that the wedding and event industry
can impact our personal lives isif and when we ever decide to
become parents, and there aredifferent phases of parenting.
There's the baby and toddlerstage, there's the elementary
school age, the middle schoolage, the high school age and
then the empty nest age, and youand I have actually experienced
(06:30):
all of those stages and Iremember having to pivot and
adjust as we went through, and Ithink that that's just some of
the advice that I wanna makesure that we are passing along
to maybe some people who arethinking okay, I'm ready to
start a family, what do I needto be thinking about?
And so let me kind of startthere.
(06:51):
If you are going to start thatfamily and you find out that
you're pregnant, what I want youto do is look at your event
schedule and see what weddingsand events you have booked
around that nine month period.
Here's a couple of suggestions.
About a month prior to your duedate, you're gonna want to have
(07:12):
some backup plans for all theevents that you have scheduled
within that month leading up tothe due date.
Why?
Because babies sometimes comeearly, maybe you have to be on
bed rest, for whatever reason,and because there are so many
unexpected situations that couldarise, you really should have a
backup plan, whether that meansthat you need to transfer those
(07:33):
weddings to a different planneror at least have a different
planner on standby in casesomething does come up.
Then you need to make sure thatyou are looking at all of the
weddings and events that youhave booked from your due date
to two months after the due date.
You're gonna want to be able tobe home and care for the new
(07:54):
baby and give whatever attentionyou need to give to yourself so
you could recover, as well asto the new family and getting
everyone acclimated.
So a lot of wedding plannersare asking us those questions
all the time of you know, whatdo I do with those weddings that
I already have booked?
Well, it's the same kind ofthing.
You're gonna want to eithertransfer those weddings to other
(08:15):
wedding planners on your teamor you need to reach out to some
of your fellow competitors andsee if they would be willing and
able to take those weddingseither under the umbrella of
your company or maybe transferthem to their company.
Either way, you do need to makesome hard decisions.
It's not easy.
It's one of those situationswhere you just have to make, do
(08:38):
and make it happen.
And so you know, that's thatplanning stage of I'm just gonna
have a family, and now what?
Speaker 2 (08:45):
right.
I love it how planners try toplan things like this, but
they're so raw you have to.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
You know it's sad, but we have to do that because
we don't want to.
We want to make sure that weare respecting the clients who
have signed with us.
This is their big day too.
They have a big event coming up, but I don't think our clients
want to have a woman going intolabor at their wedding.
I sure wouldn't.
(09:11):
No, I don't think that, causenow it's about us, right?
It's not about the coupleanymore.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
But I think the important thing to remember is
you can plan for it, but ofcourse things happen in whatever
timeframe they're gonna happen,and so keep open, or understand
the idea that you need to beflexible and kind of think on
the fly.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
You need to make sure that you have those backup
plans.
Go ahead and have a strategy inyour mind of how you're gonna
handle things if and when asituation does arise there you
go.
And then the baby comes rightand you're ready to maybe jump
back into work.
We have to really think aboutnow how much time do I want to
be away from the family?
(09:53):
So in the baby stage, you knowwhen your child is sleeping.
Because you're recovering,you're probably wanting to take
a nap too.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
And you love your naps, even now, and you don't
even have a baby at home.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
That was my favorite part, because when you were at
work.
I was at home it's not themoment taking a nap at work.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
Okay, well, anyway, I think it's just important to
remind moms that it's okay tomake sure that you're not
rushing back into the process.
Make sure that you're takingcare of yourself, and if you
want to start dabbling back intothe business and start
returning those emails andtaking on new clients,
conducting more initialconsultations, you're more than
(10:34):
welcome to do so after you'vehad time to kind of recover and
get yourself back to feelinglike yourself again.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
I think what you're saying is work yourself in
slowly.
Slow, don't just dive right in100%.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
Exactly so.
After the baby and toddlerstage, then they go into
elementary school.
They kind of start theirpreschool when kindergarten,
first through sixth grade.
Sometimes it's first throughfifth grade.
It just depends on the countingwhich our children are going to
school in.
But I loved that stage.
It was a fun stage and itallowed me because usually in
(11:09):
that kind of age group there'snot a ton of after school
activities and things of thatnature, so I didn't feel like I
was missing out on as much.
I was able to drop off ourchild at school and pick our
child up from school and just beinvolved.
(11:31):
Now what I did start missingwas our weekend time.
I had weddings and so a lot oftimes where wedding planners get
a little bit in the weeds iswhen they feel like they are
missing out on all of theirfamily time, their child time,
on the weekends because ourchildren aren't in school on the
(11:53):
weekends.
We're gone on Fridays, Fridaynights because of rehearsals and
sometimes even longer becauseof rehearsal dinners, if we're
coordinating that, and then onSaturdays we have to leave
pretty early in the morning, goset up for our weddings.
On Saturdays we're not homeuntil sometimes after midnight
in a lot of cases.
And then we are zombies onSundays because we have what's
(12:18):
called a wedding plannerhangover.
So what I'm finding is thatmoms feel a lot of guilt.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
Yeah, I can see how you feel guilty about that.
I don't know that you shouldfeel guilty about that, though.
I mean, think about it.
I don't feel guilty.
When I was working nine to five, I didn't feel guilty leaving
the house.
I was having a smile on my face, got my car drove to work and
happy as a clam, yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
But maybe you felt that way because your daughter
was at school or what have you,I don't know.
Or maybe it's a societysituation where, for a lot of
times, women especiallysometimes feel guilty because we
were kind of expected for thelongest time in history to if
(13:05):
you have a child, your duty isto stay at home and to not be
distracted or work, and today'smom is usually trying to juggle
both things.
And that can be very, verychallenging and we're always
feeling split.
I think any good parent,whether you're a mom or a dad.
(13:26):
I think it's just important tomake sure that you are striking
some sort of balance in yourlife and giving yourself some
grace.
And I have moms asking me allthe time.
I love to work, I'm absolutelyin love with being a wedding
planner, but I have a youngchild at home and I feel guilty
(13:46):
and what I try to explain tothem is that is so normal, that
is such a normal feeling.
But you need to ask yourself ifI'm happy working and I'm happy
being a mom.
You know life is pretty short.
We should do what fulfills us.
If being a stay-at-home momwould not give you the
fulfillment that a job wouldgive you, then, yeah, you should
(14:08):
probably focus as well on thejob, as much on the job as you
do your family.
We just have to find whatbalance works for the family and
everybody's in differentsituations.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Yeah, there's really no right or wrong to it, there's
just not.
And I would say, if you'refeeling like things are out of
balance, then ask for help,whether that's from your
significant other, your soulmate, your husband, your wife,
whoever, your boyfriend,girlfriend, whoever you're with.
Ask for help, but also ask forhelp from your extended family,
If you need.
You know the grandparents towatch your kid.
(14:42):
They are most.
Grandparents are more thanhappy to watch their grandkids
anytime you let them.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
That's true, and you just want to make sure, too,
that you're checking in withyour significant other, your
soulmate, to find out like, okay, do you feel like I'm gone too
much?
Do you in check in with thekids?
Do you feel like I'm workingtoo much?
Because, honestly, it's alwaysgood to have like a family
meeting every once in a while.
Just check in and it doesn'thave to be like an official
(15:10):
meeting where everybody sitsdown or like at a board meeting
around the dining room table,but just ask the children
privately every once in a whileso you know if you could get
anything you want from mommy notpresents or anything but time.
Do you feel like you're gettingenough time with me?
Do you do feel like I'm givingyou enough?
Now, the truth is, most kidsare going to say that there's
never enough.
(15:31):
Never enough, but I want you tofeel free to ask.
It's absolutely okay and mostof the time your significant
other will be able to tell you.
So that I remember, when we gotinto that elementary school
stage, I also homeschooled fromkindergarten through the end of
our daughter's third grade year,and it was one of the greatest
(15:52):
experiences of my life.
I was also planning eventsduring that time, so there was a
lot extra to juggle, not justbeing a mom, but now being a mom
who homeschooled and a mom whohad a career and so, and being a
wife and a mother I mean adaughter and a friend and all
that.
There's a lot to juggle there.
(16:13):
So the way I pivoted was Idecided how many weddings I
wanted to take per month, and Iwanted a specific amount of
weekends that I could devotejust to my family, and then a
certain amount of weekends thatI was willing to be away and do
(16:33):
weddings.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
But it's hard to say no, isn't it?
To a client?
If you feel like you'reoverbooked for a certain month,
it's pretty tough to say no.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
I think it is in the beginning of the career.
It's not so much tough afteryou've been in the industry for
a significant amount of time.
I would say, probably in thefirst five years.
Yeah, it is tough, tough, toughto say no.
You feel obligated to say yes.
But I think as you age and asmaturity kind of takes hold, you
(17:05):
realize that you do not andcannot be everything to everyone
and be in every place at everysecond of the day.
So you have to make reallytough decisions.
My decision was, even though Ilove planning weddings and I
love my job, I love my familymore and I made a decision that
(17:28):
they deserved my time just asmuch as my clients deserved my
time.
So I only took two weddingsevery single month and I used to
take weddings on holidays.
Do you remember when I used totake weddings on my Way back,
yeah, very far back in time,hiding Christmas, new Years, you
know you named the holiday.
(17:48):
I worked the holiday.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
I'm not sure why anybody would want to.
Well, I guess I know why peoplewant to schedule one around the
holiday.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
Yeah, because all of their families in town and this
is like the perfect way tocelebrate.
And so I get it.
It's just that I had to make adecision, and now that happened
a little bit later.
Right, you know, I started withstep one.
I only want to take twoweddings a month, right?
Step two, which happened yearslater, was I no longer want to
work the entire month ofDecember because I found that I
(18:17):
completely missed Christmas.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
We did that didn't happen a couple of years.
Yeah, where in the world did itgo?
What?
Speaker 1 (18:24):
happened Like I completely missed the season and
I never.
I stopped taking weddings onThanksgiving because I really
just wanted to enjoy.
I wanted to be present in thatmoment and not feel like I have
to take texts and check emailson a Thanksgiving week situation
.
So it's just, you know, youhave to make those hard
(18:46):
decisions and the last holidaywedding that I took was our
largest event that we've everhad, which was on a New Year's
event.
It was the largest holidayevent that we had ever done and
I think that did it for me.
Never again, never.
(19:08):
So it was just one of thosethings you just realized and you
go ah, you know what?
No longer, that's not going to,that's no longer serving me,
it's no longer serving my family.
So you have to learn how topivot and adjust whatever it is
that you're doing for yourfamily to make sure that it's
working for everybody.
So that was that elementaryschool age and you know you move
(19:29):
then into the middle school andhigh school age.
Your children at that agerequire a little bit more.
There's a little bit moreattention.
They're going throughcompletely different things than
they went through in elementaryschool.
I felt what I needed to do isbe a lot more present is at
least like during the week.
(19:49):
I wanted to make sure that Idid not overbook myself.
I always arranged my hours tobe working when she was in
school.
So you know we dropped her offat middle and high school around
eight o'clock in the morning.
I went and picked her up aroundthree, three, 30 every day.
(20:10):
You were pretty much doneworking.
I had to I had to because Iwanted to make sure that I could
listen to all of our daughtersstories after school and not
make her feel rushed.
But I also wanted to be therein case she needed some
assistance with homework orwhatever it was that was going
(20:30):
on in her life, and so there wasdefinitely another pivot,
another adjustment there.
But it's really about, I think,the wedding planner and their
soulmate to say, okay, so whatare our family needs now?
And you have to re-look at thatand kind of reassess all of
that.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Probably what Well, I'd say at least.
Well, maybe not every year, inour case, the way I've observed
it every three or four years,things kind of change you know,
especially when you're raisingchildren.
Things kind of adjust and Ithink some people may say every
three weeks that happens.
(21:08):
But yeah, that's the consistentthing is that things always
change, so you gotta be on yourtoes.
You have to be flexible, bewilling to to pivot if that's
what needs to happen but I alsothink you need to be willing to
give your partner grace andforgiveness to, and Yourself
(21:31):
grace and forgiveness, becausenone of us are perfect
absolutely Perfection one yeahespecially at parenting
especially at parenting.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
Yes, I agree I I probably screwed up way more
than I ever even realized, youand everyone else who's ever
parented.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
So, yes, yes, of course you did, but the the
thing is that you know you, youlearn when you, when you do
something.
That's not ideal.
Yeah, hopefully we learn fromour mistakes.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
Yeah, and so our, our advice, feeling nice advice,
would be to make sure thatyou're not too hard on yourself,
that you know how to have thoseconversations, listen to each
other and and try to anticipatewhat might be coming down the
(22:18):
pike, so that you can maybe Makethose adjustments a little bit
in a more smoother type of way.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
Yeah, and understand it's gonna be an adjustment.
Like everything's important,parenting's important, your kids
are important, your home, yourFamily, your spouse, your career
, your friends, your parents,your grandparents, your
grandchildren in some cases forsome of you.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
So it's all important but it's all about being out of
balance so balance is the key,making sure that we are Keeping
everything just at the forefrontof our minds and asking
questions, checking in with eachother, checking in with
yourself.
That's a really big thing, andyou know high schoolers, you
(23:01):
know when that teenage stage,that is a very, very difficult
stage to go through for both thechild as Well as the parent,
because imagine what the childis going through right there.
Their hormones are all over theplace.
They are angry when they don'teven number one realize they're
(23:23):
angry.
Sometimes they're angry andthey Don't know why they're
angry.
It can be a whole thing and we,as parents, don't always know
how to navigate all of thatgoing on in high school, that's
for sure.
It is tough.
I remember how tough it waswhen I was in high school and it
can just be a very, very toughtime period, but it's tough for
(23:45):
everybody.
So, as a wedding and eventplanner and you know, you and I
were both in the event industryit it is something like if
you're gone all the time, thatisn't always going to benefit
the child on whatever it is thatthey're going through.
So make sure that you, if youare going to be taking a lot of
(24:06):
events Each month, what supportsystem do you have in place for
the kiddos, in case they needsomeone on the spot?
I lot of times that could begrandparents, it could be
godparents, it could be Justwonderful friends that are
nearby, but having and buildinga village so that we can support
(24:28):
the child as much as possible.
But it always keeps coming backto.
I Am contracted legally toattend these events, to put on
them all together and I can'tdrop things at the very last
second, and so that puts a momor a dad in a very precarious
situation when you do havechildren of a certain age well,
(24:51):
of any age.
But it can really be quitescary and a little bit uneasy.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
It is, and though you mentioned the weekends, now we
weren't booked every singleweekend, but you're right, and
many weekends, two weekends amonth was my rule.
But the nice thing about the ofbeing an independent wedding or
event planner Is at least yourhome during the week, you know.
If you're there, at least ussee them every day when they get
out of school, at whatever agethey are.
(25:18):
That's an important thing forkids, to have that kind of thing
.
If you're able to do that, soif you're able to see not every
wedding planner is able to dothat.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
I think it's our job to make sure that we are looking
at the child's schedule andArranging our events in our life
around the child's schedule, asmuch as we possibly can.
Talk to your soulmate, find outwhat their schedule looks like.
How can we balance each otherout with all of this?
How can we support each otherto make sure that the child or
children are a hundred percentTaking care of, at whatever time
(25:49):
period?
That it is now, because we arebooked so much in advance, we
can plan in advance, and so itis so important to make sure
that you've got like a masterfamily calendar, a master
Wedding calendar, and that wayyou can compare the two.
You'll know, too, what's goingon at school, what types of
(26:09):
events are coming up, when isthe Christmas chorus, when is
the Football games if your childis a cheerleader or a football
player, like you'll know whenwhat other events are kind of
coming up, and you can make somesmall Adjustments to try to
accommodate everybody.
But there are going to be time,for you can't accommodate
anyone except for the client whopaid you thousands of dollars
(26:32):
and you have a legally bindingdocument that says that you have
to be there.
So, again, give yourself somegrace.
Hmm, this is the, the job in thecareer that we are, we're in,
we have to accept the pros aswell as the cons that come along
with that.
Now, not to mention and this isalways a, this is an important
(26:53):
little aspect here being awedding and event planner.
I don't know if you know this.
It's rated number three of themost stressful jobs in the world
.
It used to be prior to now usedto be rated number five at the
most stressful jobs in America.
It has been upgraded to thethird most stressful job in the
entire world.
So if you are already in one ofthe most stressful jobs in the
(27:19):
world and you are trying toPlease Everybody, you know we're
trying to be the very bestpossible parent, the very best
possible soulmate, the very bestpossible Child to our parents,
the very best possible friend toall of our friends and Cousin
and what have you?
(27:40):
All the different hats that wewear?
Because it's so stressful,we're probably going to feel
like we're failing someone atsome time sounds a bit
impossible to me.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
Well, it is.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
I'll be honest, I feel like I lived an impossible
life For the longest time, and Ithink I felt that way because I
never gave myself the gracethat I deserved to have.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
You know, we all, especially you, event and
wedding planners deserve grace.
Yeah, for sure, I can totallysee how that's in the top three.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
Yeah, I mean it's a lot, there's a lot going on and
maybe part of that stress Iwonder if this is how they
analyze it is how much stress itactually can put on our
Families well, I was gonna askyou which why you think it it's
that way, and I think it's alsothat your clients are paying you
a lot of money and so they'rethere.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
Expectation.
Yeah, I'm paying you thousandsof dollars.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
Everything better be perfect or you better be at my
back and call.
If I call you, you better pickup, and that's why I think it's
really great to put boundariesin place.
Right when a couple hires you,right, I let them know.
These are my office hours.
Also, if you would like to talkto me, you know whether it's in
within my office hours or not.
(28:55):
If you have an appointment, youhave to book those appointments
with me in advance.
You cannot just call me out ofthe blue, because if I'm in the
middle of a meeting, I can'tjust drop everything and every
one, just like I wouldn't dothat if I was in the middle of a
meeting with you.
And so usually when I explainit to them like that, they're
like oh yeah, I mean, Icompletely understand, but you
have to put those boundaries andpolicies out there so that we
(29:18):
can try to avoid some of thosepitfalls.
But yeah, I think that's partof it.
I don't think that weddingplanners in the beginning Feel
comfortable putting thoseboundaries well, it makes sense
in every other industry, right?
Speaker 2 (29:29):
I can't just pick up the phone and call my doctor
anytime and you also pick up thephone, no, you?
Speaker 1 (29:34):
also can't just stop into their office on a Sunday at
2 o'clock because it's gonna belocked right like you can't
just show up.
And that's what we have toexplain to our couples and any
of the clients that hire us isthese are our office hours, and
Even a lot of wedding plannershave a policy in place that says
(29:55):
you can't text me unless it's aweek of your wedding.
I like the no text policycompletely, like don't text me
the end, unless there is anemergency.
For instance, you are on fire,or your dress is currently on
fire, or your venue is currentlyon fire and you are freaking
(30:15):
out.
Those are the only times I wantto hear from someone via text.
Otherwise, you can send me anemail and 24 hours can go by.
Did you guys break up, you know?
Speaker 2 (30:26):
it's your fiance missing.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
There are.
There are actual emergencies.
And then there's what ourclients sometimes perceive as an
emergency, and you know, losingyour, you know, hair clip.
This is not going to constituteas a an emergency.
In my book, or if you're madeof honor, made you cry, that is
not an emergency, so you mighthave to join the club yeah yeah,
(30:52):
right, you might have to just,you know, lay some of that out
there.
But so after high school You'vegot a lot of times.
The child then moves out andthey either go off to college or
they just move out with theirfriends and strike their career,
and then the wedding plannerbecomes an empty nester and.
I am now an empty nester and itis so reminiscent, like I feel
(31:18):
like I just been thrown back intime to pre family and I'll be
honest, it does take a bit of anadjustment.
After your children move out,you're like okay, I don't know
what to do with myself or mytime.
How do I feel I'm so used tolike let me check in on you know
?
And then all of a sudden, likenow there's no one I can go
(31:39):
check in on well, you can checkin on me anytime.
You and I are with each other 24hours a day, seven days a week.
I don't really have to check in.
All I have to do is look downthe hall.
Speaker 2 (31:48):
Well, you could check if I need a snack or something.
Yes, I'll do that.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
I'll do that the second that you check on me and
ask me if I want a brown.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
But yeah, it's an adjustment and it just tells you
how life just kind of goes fullcircle and no matter what
challenge you're in in thecurrent moment.
It's kind of like that whatthey say about the weather in
Florida if you don't like theweather, just wait.
It'll wait a few minutes.
It'll change yeah and it reallyis how it's gone.
(32:19):
How I've seen our career go iswhen things are challenging in
the wedding and events industry.
You know, just wait and justkeep moving and things.
Things do change and Everyonehas challenges and everyone
struggles with that kind ofthing.
You were talking about theguilt of being away from your
(32:40):
kid.
But it's awful, that guilt isawful, it's awful, I'm sure, but
it's not out of the ordinaryand it's not rare.
It's very common in thisindustry and it's something you
shouldn't feel guilty about.
It's something you should Beaware of and make sure your life
has balance.
Your child is just as important, as you know, as your career
(33:04):
and your friends and family andeverybody else.
It's just all about balance,it's fine.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
Yeah, and I really feel like we struck a pretty
decent balance there and I feellike we we did everything we
possibly could to ensure that wejust were doing our best.
Oh and and sometimes whatparents are gonna find if.
If you are either a parentright now or you are looking to
become a parent, what you'regoing to realize that there are
(33:29):
gonna be time for you realizeyour best Just isn't good enough
but to make sure that you giveyourself grace and give yourself
some forgiveness, because thereis no such Thing as a perfect
parent.
There's no such thing as aperfect wedding planner.
There's no such thing as aperfect person.
You're not going to be able toachieve perfection, but what you
can achieve is your best, justdoing your best at the time, at
(33:54):
whatever situation you findyourself in yeah yeah, it's a
hard.
it's hard, though, isn't it?
It's hard being Trying to beeverything to everyone all the
time.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
Well, I try to be the perfect husband, and I know
that I'm very, very close.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
I love you so much.
You're such a silly, silly.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
I know how close I've come, but no, you try to be the
perfect spouse, right and right, and parent and everything else
, but you, you can't avoiddisappointing people, someone at
some point.
Yeah, so you're gonnadisappoint someone, yeah but as
long as, in my case, I what theway I see it is I know I'm
(34:36):
trying my best to do the rightthing, that's it.
And if, if I know I'm doing theright thing, that's it, then I
can't go wrong, that's it.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
I mean, because what isn't that all we can control?
Right is, whatever situationwe're in in the present moment.
So strike, try and stay present, right?
Whatever you're, whatevermoment you're in which is only
right now.
Yeah, we can only give our verybest, and I don't like having
regrets.
I I have a couple, but everyonedoes, of course you're right,
(35:07):
Everybody has regrets and Thingsthat they would have wished
they had done a little bitdifferently.
But what I think is importantis I know my intentions, I know
my heart and I always wanted tomake sure I put my whole heart
into literally everything Iwould do and I try to pour love
on as many people as I possiblycould be there for as many
(35:30):
people as I could, and so I knowI did my best.
That's got to be enough forourselves, even if it wasn't
enough for other people.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
True, true, and that goes for clients a lot of times.
Speaker 1 (35:41):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
I know it's very rare , but there are a few clients
through the years I can rememberwho were disappointed in
something.
Speaker 1 (35:49):
Yeah, I'll give you an example there was, do you
remember that one mother of thebride that called me the day
after the wedding and she saidLori, you know, the wedding was
beautiful, everything was so, sowonderful.
I only wanted to talk to youabout two complaints that I had,
two things I wish would havegone differently.
You're cracking up and ofcourse I was like, oh my gosh,
(36:13):
absolutely Tell me what's goingon.
And the first thing do youremember the first thing that
she said to me?
Speaker 2 (36:18):
Something about feet.
Speaker 1 (36:19):
Yeah, she said you didn't offer to massage my
daughter's feet at the reception.
And I said yeah, you know why?
Because that's actually not aservice that you paid for, nor
is it a service that I offer.
So that may be why that that,like it was just so funny.
Speaker 2 (36:40):
But you didn't shampoo her hair either.
No, I didn't.
Those are two things.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
I did not bring the spa right.
Like like, what are you talkingabout?
Nonsense.
Well and it's just aninteresting thing.
Her other complaint was that Ididn't offer to bring a separate
pair of shoes for her daughterand I said when would I have
gotten her shoes?
(37:05):
Apparently, the feet situationwas a very important thing.
She just failed to tell me thatfeet were important to them at
the time.
And this is a woman that I wentinto the bathroom with.
You know, like not the mom, butthe bride I held.
I was in the stall Winningplanners.
I know for a lot of times thesoulmates are like I'm sorry,
you were in the stall with yourclient.
(37:28):
Yeah, holding up the weddinggown hovering over the bride, as
she's doing all kinds like it'snot just a number one Sometimes
it's other numbers.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
I really wish facial expressions were able to be seen
through podcasts right nowbecause, that's ridiculous.
No, I mean, we're there to help.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
We're just so.
Here's.
That's the problem is like I'mlike.
So you're telling me that sothe wedding was perfect.
You also appreciated that Iliterally held your daughter
over a toilet while she didbusiness, but you're upset that
in a bit, disappointed that Ididn't offer to give her a
(38:15):
massage and and magically comeup with a second pair of shoes
for her to wear.
So I just find these are thekinds of things you cannot
please everyone.
I did my job masterfully thatnight.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
Right, maybe wedding planners should add to their
form.
So how do you feel about feet?
Speaker 1 (38:32):
Right, what's pretty stand.
Speaker 2 (38:33):
What's your view on Care care in general?
Speaker 1 (38:37):
Yeah, are you expecting me to give any
massages?
If so, I'm not the planner foryou.
Speaker 2 (38:42):
These are questions that you can't please them all.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
You cannot please them all and you just have to
understand these things.
But you know, more of the storyis there's going to be
different stages in your life asa wedding and event planner,
and, whether you decide to havekids or not have children,
you're going to need to figureout ways to pivot and adjust
according to whatever is goingon in your life at the time, and
(39:05):
so make sure that you're opento that kind of flexibility.
Make sure that your business isworking for you rather than you
working for the business.
I really want to make sure thatyou're running the show and not
have the show run you.
That is such a big life lessonthat I learned, probably a
little bit too late, a littlelater than I would have wished I
(39:26):
had learned it, but this is whyI'm a teacher now.
Right, this is why I try tomentor wedding planners is to
kind of give them some of thosetips that I wished I would have
had when I was a younger planner.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
I love it.
So what I'm hearing you say isplan your whole life, as well as
you plan your clients weddings.
Speaker 1 (39:46):
I didn't think of it that way, but, phil, yes, I love
it Absolutely.
What a great way to end thisshow, and so thank you all for
listening.
I am so grateful that you tunedinto the wedding planner
podcast today.
Now, if you're not yet a memberof the Certified Wedding
Planner Society, I would love towelcome you into our amazing
and loving group.
(40:06):
Simply go to our website formore information.
You can find us atCertifiedWeddingPlanerSocietycom
.
That'sCertifiedWeddingPlanerSocietycom
, and you can learn moreinformation on how to join.
Have a great day, everyone.
Welcome to the Wedding Planner podcast, brought
to you by the Certified WeddingPlanner Society.
Welcome to the Wedding Plannerpodcast.
This is our soulmate series andit's brought to you by the
Certified Wedding PlannerSociety.
(00:22):
We're the world's leadingwedding planner certification
program and the world's largestmembership of certified wedding
planners.
My name is Lori Hartwell andI'm the founder and CEO of the
Certified Wedding PlannerSociety, and my co-host for the
soulmate series is my husbandand the president of the CWP
Society, phillip Hartwell.
Hey Phil, hey Lori.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
And hello everyone.
Today we're going to be talkingabout how the wedding and event
industry impacts our personallife, so let's dive right in.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
All right.
Well, the first thing that kindof comes to mind is just
general family events likereunions, funerals, weddings,
birthday parties, anniversaryparties, graduations and things
of that nature, and a lot oftimes our families and friends
don't really understand why we,as event industry professionals,
(01:12):
cannot attend all of thosetypes of events, and I think
it's really important that wehelp explain to our families and
friends what our process lookslike.
So first, we are beingcontracted with couples and our
clients anywhere from six monthsout to a year and a half out
from any given date.
So that means that if we have afull load of wedding clients,
(01:39):
that means that any events thatare being planned right now by
our friends and family, we maynot be able to attend them
because we might already bebooked for that date, and I find
that we get a lot of pushback.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
It's true and if you think about it, most people have
nine to five, so when they'regoing to plan a family event,
they've planned it for theweekend.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
They plan for the weekend and it's not going to be
probably two years in advance.
They're probably planning itwithin the next year or so,
right?
Well, I really feel like it isup to us as event professionals
to say please understand wheremy job lays, and I hate having
to miss reunions and funeralsand our nieces and nephews'
(02:20):
weddings and their birthdayparties, but it's our job to try
to help explain to them whythat is.
We have a contract with aclient.
We can't breach that contractbecause we want to go someplace
else.
We have to make sure that we'refulfilling that contract,
otherwise we could be taken tocourt.
(02:40):
So I feel like we're alwaysbeing placed in a really bad
position and we miss out on somany fun and wonderful events,
and so that I think that's ahuge impact on how the wedding
and event industry really takesa little bit of a toll on our
personal lives.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
In general the hospitality industry.
Anyone in the tourism,hospitality, hotel, events,
people just don't realize howmuch time that career takes.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Yeah, I mean, if any professional works as a catering
manager at a hotel or a countryclub, they're working anywhere
from like 8 o'clock in themorning to sometimes 7, 8
o'clock at night.
If they have events over theweekend, whether it's corporate
or wedding, they're going to beworking Fridays, they're going
to be working Saturdays, andmany times they'll also be
working Sundays, and so we missout on a lot and it does create
(03:33):
a lot of tension, I think,within families.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
It adds a good and a bad.
When you're spending that muchtime with your coworkers and
your other vendors andprofessionals you're working
with, and your clients, you doreally build a.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Develop like a camaraderie.
Yeah, it's a bond.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
I remember working in the hotel industry way back in
the 80s and it was a bond thatyou build because you're
spending so much time together.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Yeah, you built a lot of forever friendships.
I really did.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
People I'm still friends with to this day.
But it also puts a strain asyou become, as you partner up
with someone else and theneventually build a family.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
Especially if your partner is not in the events
industry and they're just tryingto live their life and they see
things from their perspective.
They're like listen, I workMonday through Friday, nine to
five.
Why are you gone so much?
You're missing all of theseevents.
But my family has you know,they want to do Memorial Day and
you're like well, I've got awedding on Memorial Day weekend,
(04:37):
and so some wedding planners,especially in the beginning of
their careers, are also bookingthemselves on Thanksgiving
weekend.
They're booking themselvesright up to Christmas.
They are overloading themselves.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
But you don't want to say no, right, you don't want
to say no, I do now.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Like this is.
I love the word no now, but,yeah, in the beginning you don't
really say no a lot, and so Ifind that it really does have a
very negative impact on thepersonal life of the wedding
planner as well as whoever thatwedding planner soulmate is, and
so it can really cause a lot ofnegative situations.
So, in order to try to avoid anyof those negative connotations
(05:18):
and those negative feelings,it's probably better to go ahead
and explain to your soulmateand your family, as well as your
friends, what the situation is.
And you know, I know, that myvice president, chrissy Thomas,
many times has these yearly girlweekends with all of her best
(05:38):
friends from college, and whatshe tells them is book that as
far in advance as you possiblycan, and I'll get that on the
books now, and that way I won'tbook any weddings or other
events on that same weekend, andso we have to book out pretty
far.
So we have to train our friendsand family to go ahead and plan
(05:58):
whatever events they want abouta year and a half or more out,
so that we can ensure that wecan attend.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Nothing wrong with that yeah, love it.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
And another way that the wedding and event industry
can impact our personal lives isif and when we ever decide to
become parents, and there aredifferent phases of parenting.
There's the baby and toddlerstage, there's the elementary
school age, the middle schoolage, the high school age and
then the empty nest age, and youand I have actually experienced
(06:30):
all of those stages and Iremember having to pivot and
adjust as we went through, and Ithink that that's just some of
the advice that I wanna makesure that we are passing along
to maybe some people who arethinking okay, I'm ready to
start a family, what do I needto be thinking about?
And so let me kind of startthere.
(06:51):
If you are going to start thatfamily and you find out that
you're pregnant, what I want youto do is look at your event
schedule and see what weddingsand events you have booked
around that nine month period.
Here's a couple of suggestions.
About a month prior to your duedate, you're gonna want to have
(07:12):
some backup plans for all theevents that you have scheduled
within that month leading up tothe due date.
Why?
Because babies sometimes comeearly, maybe you have to be on
bed rest, for whatever reason,and because there are so many
unexpected situations that couldarise, you really should have a
backup plan, whether that meansthat you need to transfer those
(07:33):
weddings to a different planneror at least have a different
planner on standby in casesomething does come up.
Then you need to make sure thatyou are looking at all of the
weddings and events that youhave booked from your due date
to two months after the due date.
You're gonna want to be able tobe home and care for the new
(07:54):
baby and give whatever attentionyou need to give to yourself so
you could recover, as well asto the new family and getting
everyone acclimated.
So a lot of wedding plannersare asking us those questions
all the time of you know, whatdo I do with those weddings that
I already have booked?
Well, it's the same kind ofthing.
You're gonna want to eithertransfer those weddings to other
(08:15):
wedding planners on your teamor you need to reach out to some
of your fellow competitors andsee if they would be willing and
able to take those weddingseither under the umbrella of
your company or maybe transferthem to their company.
Either way, you do need to makesome hard decisions.
It's not easy.
It's one of those situationswhere you just have to make, do
(08:38):
and make it happen.
And so you know, that's thatplanning stage of I'm just gonna
have a family, and now what?
Speaker 2 (08:45):
right.
I love it how planners try toplan things like this, but
they're so raw you have to.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
You know it's sad, but we have to do that because
we don't want to.
We want to make sure that weare respecting the clients who
have signed with us.
This is their big day too.
They have a big event coming up, but I don't think our clients
want to have a woman going intolabor at their wedding.
I sure wouldn't.
(09:11):
No, I don't think that, causenow it's about us, right?
It's not about the coupleanymore.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
But I think the important thing to remember is
you can plan for it, but ofcourse things happen in whatever
timeframe they're gonna happen,and so keep open, or understand
the idea that you need to beflexible and kind of think on
the fly.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
You need to make sure that you have those backup
plans.
Go ahead and have a strategy inyour mind of how you're gonna
handle things if and when asituation does arise there you
go.
And then the baby comes rightand you're ready to maybe jump
back into work.
We have to really think aboutnow how much time do I want to
be away from the family?
(09:53):
So in the baby stage, you knowwhen your child is sleeping.
Because you're recovering,you're probably wanting to take
a nap too.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
And you love your naps, even now, and you don't
even have a baby at home.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
That was my favorite part, because when you were at
work.
I was at home it's not themoment taking a nap at work.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
Okay, well, anyway, I think it's just important to
remind moms that it's okay tomake sure that you're not
rushing back into the process.
Make sure that you're takingcare of yourself, and if you
want to start dabbling back intothe business and start
returning those emails andtaking on new clients,
conducting more initialconsultations, you're more than
(10:34):
welcome to do so after you'vehad time to kind of recover and
get yourself back to feelinglike yourself again.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
I think what you're saying is work yourself in
slowly.
Slow, don't just dive right in100%.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
Exactly so.
After the baby and toddlerstage, then they go into
elementary school.
They kind of start theirpreschool when kindergarten,
first through sixth grade.
Sometimes it's first throughfifth grade.
It just depends on the countingwhich our children are going to
school in.
But I loved that stage.
It was a fun stage and itallowed me because usually in
(11:09):
that kind of age group there'snot a ton of after school
activities and things of thatnature, so I didn't feel like I
was missing out on as much.
I was able to drop off ourchild at school and pick our
child up from school and just beinvolved.
(11:31):
Now what I did start missingwas our weekend time.
I had weddings and so a lot oftimes where wedding planners get
a little bit in the weeds iswhen they feel like they are
missing out on all of theirfamily time, their child time,
on the weekends because ourchildren aren't in school on the
(11:53):
weekends.
We're gone on Fridays, Fridaynights because of rehearsals and
sometimes even longer becauseof rehearsal dinners, if we're
coordinating that, and then onSaturdays we have to leave
pretty early in the morning, goset up for our weddings.
On Saturdays we're not homeuntil sometimes after midnight
in a lot of cases.
And then we are zombies onSundays because we have what's
(12:18):
called a wedding plannerhangover.
So what I'm finding is thatmoms feel a lot of guilt.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
Yeah, I can see how you feel guilty about that.
I don't know that you shouldfeel guilty about that, though.
I mean, think about it.
I don't feel guilty.
When I was working nine to five, I didn't feel guilty leaving
the house.
I was having a smile on my face, got my car drove to work and
happy as a clam, yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
But maybe you felt that way because your daughter
was at school or what have you,I don't know.
Or maybe it's a societysituation where, for a lot of
times, women especiallysometimes feel guilty because we
were kind of expected for thelongest time in history to if
(13:05):
you have a child, your duty isto stay at home and to not be
distracted or work, and today'smom is usually trying to juggle
both things.
And that can be very, verychallenging and we're always
feeling split.
I think any good parent,whether you're a mom or a dad.
(13:26):
I think it's just important tomake sure that you are striking
some sort of balance in yourlife and giving yourself some
grace.
And I have moms asking me allthe time.
I love to work, I'm absolutelyin love with being a wedding
planner, but I have a youngchild at home and I feel guilty
(13:46):
and what I try to explain tothem is that is so normal, that
is such a normal feeling.
But you need to ask yourself ifI'm happy working and I'm happy
being a mom.
You know life is pretty short.
We should do what fulfills us.
If being a stay-at-home momwould not give you the
fulfillment that a job wouldgive you, then, yeah, you should
(14:08):
probably focus as well on thejob, as much on the job as you
do your family.
We just have to find whatbalance works for the family and
everybody's in differentsituations.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Yeah, there's really no right or wrong to it, there's
just not.
And I would say, if you'refeeling like things are out of
balance, then ask for help,whether that's from your
significant other, your soulmate, your husband, your wife,
whoever, your boyfriend,girlfriend, whoever you're with.
Ask for help, but also ask forhelp from your extended family,
If you need.
You know the grandparents towatch your kid.
(14:42):
They are most.
Grandparents are more thanhappy to watch their grandkids
anytime you let them.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
That's true, and you just want to make sure, too,
that you're checking in withyour significant other, your
soulmate, to find out like, okay, do you feel like I'm gone too
much?
Do you in check in with thekids?
Do you feel like I'm workingtoo much?
Because, honestly, it's alwaysgood to have like a family
meeting every once in a while.
Just check in and it doesn'thave to be like an official
(15:10):
meeting where everybody sitsdown or like at a board meeting
around the dining room table,but just ask the children
privately every once in a whileso you know if you could get
anything you want from mommy notpresents or anything but time.
Do you feel like you're gettingenough time with me?
Do you do feel like I'm givingyou enough?
Now, the truth is, most kidsare going to say that there's
never enough.
(15:31):
Never enough, but I want you tofeel free to ask.
It's absolutely okay and mostof the time your significant
other will be able to tell you.
So that I remember, when we gotinto that elementary school
stage, I also homeschooled fromkindergarten through the end of
our daughter's third grade year,and it was one of the greatest
(15:52):
experiences of my life.
I was also planning eventsduring that time, so there was a
lot extra to juggle, not justbeing a mom, but now being a mom
who homeschooled and a mom whohad a career and so, and being a
wife and a mother I mean adaughter and a friend and all
that.
There's a lot to juggle there.
(16:13):
So the way I pivoted was Idecided how many weddings I
wanted to take per month, and Iwanted a specific amount of
weekends that I could devotejust to my family, and then a
certain amount of weekends thatI was willing to be away and do
(16:33):
weddings.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
But it's hard to say no, isn't it?
To a client?
If you feel like you'reoverbooked for a certain month,
it's pretty tough to say no.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
I think it is in the beginning of the career.
It's not so much tough afteryou've been in the industry for
a significant amount of time.
I would say, probably in thefirst five years.
Yeah, it is tough, tough, toughto say no.
You feel obligated to say yes.
But I think as you age and asmaturity kind of takes hold, you
(17:05):
realize that you do not andcannot be everything to everyone
and be in every place at everysecond of the day.
So you have to make reallytough decisions.
My decision was, even though Ilove planning weddings and I
love my job, I love my familymore and I made a decision that
(17:28):
they deserved my time just asmuch as my clients deserved my
time.
So I only took two weddingsevery single month and I used to
take weddings on holidays.
Do you remember when I used totake weddings on my Way back,
yeah, very far back in time,hiding Christmas, new Years, you
know you named the holiday.
(17:48):
I worked the holiday.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
I'm not sure why anybody would want to.
Well, I guess I know why peoplewant to schedule one around the
holiday.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
Yeah, because all of their families in town and this
is like the perfect way tocelebrate.
And so I get it.
It's just that I had to make adecision, and now that happened
a little bit later.
Right, you know, I started withstep one.
I only want to take twoweddings a month, right?
Step two, which happened yearslater, was I no longer want to
work the entire month ofDecember because I found that I
(18:17):
completely missed Christmas.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
We did that didn't happen a couple of years.
Yeah, where in the world did itgo?
What?
Speaker 1 (18:24):
happened Like I completely missed the season and
I never.
I stopped taking weddings onThanksgiving because I really
just wanted to enjoy.
I wanted to be present in thatmoment and not feel like I have
to take texts and check emailson a Thanksgiving week situation
.
So it's just, you know, youhave to make those hard
(18:46):
decisions and the last holidaywedding that I took was our
largest event that we've everhad, which was on a New Year's
event.
It was the largest holidayevent that we had ever done and
I think that did it for me.
Never again, never.
(19:08):
So it was just one of thosethings you just realized and you
go ah, you know what?
No longer, that's not going to,that's no longer serving me,
it's no longer serving my family.
So you have to learn how topivot and adjust whatever it is
that you're doing for yourfamily to make sure that it's
working for everybody.
So that was that elementaryschool age and you know you move
(19:29):
then into the middle school andhigh school age.
Your children at that agerequire a little bit more.
There's a little bit moreattention.
They're going throughcompletely different things than
they went through in elementaryschool.
I felt what I needed to do isbe a lot more present is at
least like during the week.
(19:49):
I wanted to make sure that Idid not overbook myself.
I always arranged my hours tobe working when she was in
school.
So you know we dropped her offat middle and high school around
eight o'clock in the morning.
I went and picked her up aroundthree, three, 30 every day.
(20:10):
You were pretty much doneworking.
I had to I had to because Iwanted to make sure that I could
listen to all of our daughtersstories after school and not
make her feel rushed.
But I also wanted to be therein case she needed some
assistance with homework orwhatever it was that was going
(20:30):
on in her life, and so there wasdefinitely another pivot,
another adjustment there.
But it's really about, I think,the wedding planner and their
soulmate to say, okay, so whatare our family needs now?
And you have to re-look at thatand kind of reassess all of
that.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Probably what Well, I'd say at least.
Well, maybe not every year, inour case, the way I've observed
it every three or four years,things kind of change you know,
especially when you're raisingchildren.
Things kind of adjust and Ithink some people may say every
three weeks that happens.
(21:08):
But yeah, that's the consistentthing is that things always
change, so you gotta be on yourtoes.
You have to be flexible, bewilling to to pivot if that's
what needs to happen but I alsothink you need to be willing to
give your partner grace andforgiveness to, and Yourself
(21:31):
grace and forgiveness, becausenone of us are perfect
absolutely Perfection one yeahespecially at parenting
especially at parenting.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
Yes, I agree I I probably screwed up way more
than I ever even realized, youand everyone else who's ever
parented.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
So, yes, yes, of course you did, but the the
thing is that you know you, youlearn when you, when you do
something.
That's not ideal.
Yeah, hopefully we learn fromour mistakes.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
Yeah, and so our, our advice, feeling nice advice,
would be to make sure thatyou're not too hard on yourself,
that you know how to have thoseconversations, listen to each
other and and try to anticipatewhat might be coming down the
(22:18):
pike, so that you can maybe Makethose adjustments a little bit
in a more smoother type of way.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
Yeah, and understand it's gonna be an adjustment.
Like everything's important,parenting's important, your kids
are important, your home, yourFamily, your spouse, your career
, your friends, your parents,your grandparents, your
grandchildren in some cases forsome of you.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
So it's all important but it's all about being out of
balance so balance is the key,making sure that we are Keeping
everything just at the forefrontof our minds and asking
questions, checking in with eachother, checking in with
yourself.
That's a really big thing, andyou know high schoolers, you
(23:01):
know when that teenage stage,that is a very, very difficult
stage to go through for both thechild as Well as the parent,
because imagine what the childis going through right there.
Their hormones are all over theplace.
They are angry when they don'teven number one realize they're
(23:23):
angry.
Sometimes they're angry andthey Don't know why they're
angry.
It can be a whole thing and we,as parents, don't always know
how to navigate all of thatgoing on in high school, that's
for sure.
It is tough.
I remember how tough it waswhen I was in high school and it
can just be a very, very toughtime period, but it's tough for
(23:45):
everybody.
So, as a wedding and eventplanner and you know, you and I
were both in the event industryit it is something like if
you're gone all the time, thatisn't always going to benefit
the child on whatever it is thatthey're going through.
So make sure that you, if youare going to be taking a lot of
(24:06):
events Each month, what supportsystem do you have in place for
the kiddos, in case they needsomeone on the spot?
I lot of times that could begrandparents, it could be
godparents, it could be Justwonderful friends that are
nearby, but having and buildinga village so that we can support
(24:28):
the child as much as possible.
But it always keeps coming backto.
I Am contracted legally toattend these events, to put on
them all together and I can'tdrop things at the very last
second, and so that puts a momor a dad in a very precarious
situation when you do havechildren of a certain age well,
(24:51):
of any age.
But it can really be quitescary and a little bit uneasy.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
It is, and though you mentioned the weekends, now we
weren't booked every singleweekend, but you're right, and
many weekends, two weekends amonth was my rule.
But the nice thing about the ofbeing an independent wedding or
event planner Is at least yourhome during the week, you know.
If you're there, at least ussee them every day when they get
out of school, at whatever agethey are.
(25:18):
That's an important thing forkids, to have that kind of thing
.
If you're able to do that, soif you're able to see not every
wedding planner is able to dothat.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
I think it's our job to make sure that we are looking
at the child's schedule andArranging our events in our life
around the child's schedule, asmuch as we possibly can.
Talk to your soulmate, find outwhat their schedule looks like.
How can we balance each otherout with all of this?
How can we support each otherto make sure that the child or
children are a hundred percentTaking care of, at whatever time
(25:49):
period?
That it is now, because we arebooked so much in advance, we
can plan in advance, and so itis so important to make sure
that you've got like a masterfamily calendar, a master
Wedding calendar, and that wayyou can compare the two.
You'll know, too, what's goingon at school, what types of
(26:09):
events are coming up, when isthe Christmas chorus, when is
the Football games if your childis a cheerleader or a football
player, like you'll know whenwhat other events are kind of
coming up, and you can make somesmall Adjustments to try to
accommodate everybody.
But there are going to be time,for you can't accommodate
anyone except for the client whopaid you thousands of dollars
(26:32):
and you have a legally bindingdocument that says that you have
to be there.
So, again, give yourself somegrace.
Hmm, this is the, the job in thecareer that we are, we're in,
we have to accept the pros aswell as the cons that come along
with that.
Now, not to mention and this isalways a, this is an important
(26:53):
little aspect here being awedding and event planner.
I don't know if you know this.
It's rated number three of themost stressful jobs in the world
.
It used to be prior to now usedto be rated number five at the
most stressful jobs in America.
It has been upgraded to thethird most stressful job in the
entire world.
So if you are already in one ofthe most stressful jobs in the
(27:19):
world and you are trying toPlease Everybody, you know we're
trying to be the very bestpossible parent, the very best
possible soulmate, the very bestpossible Child to our parents,
the very best possible friend toall of our friends and Cousin
and what have you?
(27:40):
All the different hats that wewear?
Because it's so stressful,we're probably going to feel
like we're failing someone atsome time sounds a bit
impossible to me.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
Well, it is.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
I'll be honest, I feel like I lived an impossible
life For the longest time, and Ithink I felt that way because I
never gave myself the gracethat I deserved to have.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
You know, we all, especially you, event and
wedding planners deserve grace.
Yeah, for sure, I can totallysee how that's in the top three.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
Yeah, I mean it's a lot, there's a lot going on and
maybe part of that stress Iwonder if this is how they
analyze it is how much stress itactually can put on our
Families well, I was gonna askyou which why you think it it's
that way, and I think it's alsothat your clients are paying you
a lot of money and so they'rethere.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
Expectation.
Yeah, I'm paying you thousandsof dollars.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
Everything better be perfect or you better be at my
back and call.
If I call you, you better pickup, and that's why I think it's
really great to put boundariesin place.
Right when a couple hires you,right, I let them know.
These are my office hours.
Also, if you would like to talkto me, you know whether it's in
within my office hours or not.
(28:55):
If you have an appointment, youhave to book those appointments
with me in advance.
You cannot just call me out ofthe blue, because if I'm in the
middle of a meeting, I can'tjust drop everything and every
one, just like I wouldn't dothat if I was in the middle of a
meeting with you.
And so usually when I explainit to them like that, they're
like oh yeah, I mean, Icompletely understand, but you
have to put those boundaries andpolicies out there so that we
(29:18):
can try to avoid some of thosepitfalls.
But yeah, I think that's partof it.
I don't think that weddingplanners in the beginning Feel
comfortable putting thoseboundaries well, it makes sense
in every other industry, right?
Speaker 2 (29:29):
I can't just pick up the phone and call my doctor
anytime and you also pick up thephone, no, you?
Speaker 1 (29:34):
also can't just stop into their office on a Sunday at
2 o'clock because it's gonna belocked right like you can't
just show up.
And that's what we have toexplain to our couples and any
of the clients that hire us isthese are our office hours, and
Even a lot of wedding plannershave a policy in place that says
(29:55):
you can't text me unless it's aweek of your wedding.
I like the no text policycompletely, like don't text me
the end, unless there is anemergency.
For instance, you are on fire,or your dress is currently on
fire, or your venue is currentlyon fire and you are freaking
(30:15):
out.
Those are the only times I wantto hear from someone via text.
Otherwise, you can send me anemail and 24 hours can go by.
Did you guys break up, you know?
Speaker 2 (30:26):
it's your fiance missing.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
There are.
There are actual emergencies.
And then there's what ourclients sometimes perceive as an
emergency, and you know, losingyour, you know, hair clip.
This is not going to constituteas a an emergency.
In my book, or if you're madeof honor, made you cry, that is
not an emergency, so you mighthave to join the club yeah yeah,
(30:52):
right, you might have to just,you know, lay some of that out
there.
But so after high school You'vegot a lot of times.
The child then moves out andthey either go off to college or
they just move out with theirfriends and strike their career,
and then the wedding plannerbecomes an empty nester and.
I am now an empty nester and itis so reminiscent, like I feel
(31:18):
like I just been thrown back intime to pre family and I'll be
honest, it does take a bit of anadjustment.
After your children move out,you're like okay, I don't know
what to do with myself or mytime.
How do I feel I'm so used tolike let me check in on you know
?
And then all of a sudden, likenow there's no one I can go
(31:39):
check in on well, you can checkin on me anytime.
You and I are with each other 24hours a day, seven days a week.
I don't really have to check in.
All I have to do is look downthe hall.
Speaker 2 (31:48):
Well, you could check if I need a snack or something.
Yes, I'll do that.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
I'll do that the second that you check on me and
ask me if I want a brown.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
But yeah, it's an adjustment and it just tells you
how life just kind of goes fullcircle and no matter what
challenge you're in in thecurrent moment.
It's kind of like that whatthey say about the weather in
Florida if you don't like theweather, just wait.
It'll wait a few minutes.
It'll change yeah and it reallyis how it's gone.
(32:19):
How I've seen our career go iswhen things are challenging in
the wedding and events industry.
You know, just wait and justkeep moving and things.
Things do change and Everyonehas challenges and everyone
struggles with that kind ofthing.
You were talking about theguilt of being away from your
(32:40):
kid.
But it's awful, that guilt isawful, it's awful, I'm sure, but
it's not out of the ordinaryand it's not rare.
It's very common in thisindustry and it's something you
shouldn't feel guilty about.
It's something you should Beaware of and make sure your life
has balance.
Your child is just as important, as you know, as your career
(33:04):
and your friends and family andeverybody else.
It's just all about balance,it's fine.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
Yeah, and I really feel like we struck a pretty
decent balance there and I feellike we we did everything we
possibly could to ensure that wejust were doing our best.
Oh and and sometimes whatparents are gonna find if.
If you are either a parentright now or you are looking to
become a parent, what you'regoing to realize that there are
(33:29):
gonna be time for you realizeyour best Just isn't good enough
but to make sure that you giveyourself grace and give yourself
some forgiveness, because thereis no such Thing as a perfect
parent.
There's no such thing as aperfect wedding planner.
There's no such thing as aperfect person.
You're not going to be able toachieve perfection, but what you
can achieve is your best, justdoing your best at the time, at
(33:54):
whatever situation you findyourself in yeah yeah, it's a
hard.
it's hard, though, isn't it?
It's hard being Trying to beeverything to everyone all the
time.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
Well, I try to be the perfect husband, and I know
that I'm very, very close.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
I love you so much.
You're such a silly, silly.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
I know how close I've come, but no, you try to be the
perfect spouse, right and right, and parent and everything else
, but you, you can't avoiddisappointing people, someone at
some point.
Yeah, so you're gonnadisappoint someone, yeah but as
long as, in my case, I what theway I see it is I know I'm
(34:36):
trying my best to do the rightthing, that's it.
And if, if I know I'm doing theright thing, that's it, then I
can't go wrong, that's it.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
I mean, because what isn't that all we can control?
Right is, whatever situationwe're in in the present moment.
So strike, try and stay present, right?
Whatever you're, whatevermoment you're in which is only
right now.
Yeah, we can only give our verybest, and I don't like having
regrets.
I I have a couple, but everyonedoes, of course you're right,
(35:07):
Everybody has regrets and Thingsthat they would have wished
they had done a little bitdifferently.
But what I think is importantis I know my intentions, I know
my heart and I always wanted tomake sure I put my whole heart
into literally everything Iwould do and I try to pour love
on as many people as I possiblycould be there for as many
(35:30):
people as I could, and so I knowI did my best.
That's got to be enough forourselves, even if it wasn't
enough for other people.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
True, true, and that goes for clients a lot of times.
Speaker 1 (35:41):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
I know it's very rare , but there are a few clients
through the years I can rememberwho were disappointed in
something.
Speaker 1 (35:49):
Yeah, I'll give you an example there was, do you
remember that one mother of thebride that called me the day
after the wedding and she saidLori, you know, the wedding was
beautiful, everything was so, sowonderful.
I only wanted to talk to youabout two complaints that I had,
two things I wish would havegone differently.
You're cracking up and ofcourse I was like, oh my gosh,
(36:13):
absolutely Tell me what's goingon.
And the first thing do youremember the first thing that
she said to me?
Speaker 2 (36:18):
Something about feet.
Speaker 1 (36:19):
Yeah, she said you didn't offer to massage my
daughter's feet at the reception.
And I said yeah, you know why?
Because that's actually not aservice that you paid for, nor
is it a service that I offer.
So that may be why that that,like it was just so funny.
Speaker 2 (36:40):
But you didn't shampoo her hair either.
No, I didn't.
Those are two things.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
I did not bring the spa right.
Like like, what are you talkingabout?
Nonsense.
Well and it's just aninteresting thing.
Her other complaint was that Ididn't offer to bring a separate
pair of shoes for her daughterand I said when would I have
gotten her shoes?
(37:05):
Apparently, the feet situationwas a very important thing.
She just failed to tell me thatfeet were important to them at
the time.
And this is a woman that I wentinto the bathroom with.
You know, like not the mom, butthe bride I held.
I was in the stall Winningplanners.
I know for a lot of times thesoulmates are like I'm sorry,
you were in the stall with yourclient.
(37:28):
Yeah, holding up the weddinggown hovering over the bride, as
she's doing all kinds like it'snot just a number one Sometimes
it's other numbers.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
I really wish facial expressions were able to be seen
through podcasts right nowbecause, that's ridiculous.
No, I mean, we're there to help.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
We're just so.
Here's.
That's the problem is like I'mlike.
So you're telling me that sothe wedding was perfect.
You also appreciated that Iliterally held your daughter
over a toilet while she didbusiness, but you're upset that
in a bit, disappointed that Ididn't offer to give her a
(38:15):
massage and and magically comeup with a second pair of shoes
for her to wear.
So I just find these are thekinds of things you cannot
please everyone.
I did my job masterfully thatnight.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
Right, maybe wedding planners should add to their
form.
So how do you feel about feet?
Speaker 1 (38:32):
Right, what's pretty stand.
Speaker 2 (38:33):
What's your view on Care care in general?
Speaker 1 (38:37):
Yeah, are you expecting me to give any
massages?
If so, I'm not the planner foryou.
Speaker 2 (38:42):
These are questions that you can't please them all.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
You cannot please them all and you just have to
understand these things.
But you know, more of the storyis there's going to be
different stages in your life asa wedding and event planner,
and, whether you decide to havekids or not have children,
you're going to need to figureout ways to pivot and adjust
according to whatever is goingon in your life at the time, and
(39:05):
so make sure that you're opento that kind of flexibility.
Make sure that your business isworking for you rather than you
working for the business.
I really want to make sure thatyou're running the show and not
have the show run you.
That is such a big life lessonthat I learned, probably a
little bit too late, a littlelater than I would have wished I
(39:26):
had learned it, but this is whyI'm a teacher now.
Right, this is why I try tomentor wedding planners is to
kind of give them some of thosetips that I wished I would have
had when I was a younger planner.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
I love it.
So what I'm hearing you say isplan your whole life, as well as
you plan your clients weddings.
Speaker 1 (39:46):
I didn't think of it that way, but, phil, yes, I love
it Absolutely.
What a great way to end thisshow, and so thank you all for
listening.
I am so grateful that you tunedinto the wedding planner
podcast today.
Now, if you're not yet a memberof the Certified Wedding
Planner Society, I would love towelcome you into our amazing
and loving group.
(40:06):
Simply go to our website formore information.
You can find us atCertifiedWeddingPlanerSocietycom
.
That'sCertifiedWeddingPlanerSocietycom
, and you can learn moreinformation on how to join.
Have a great day, everyone.
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