Grief/Depression? Which is it?

Grief and depression are often treated as the same thing—but they’re not. And confusing the two can leave people feeling broken, misdiagnosed, or deeply misunderstood.

In this special Christmas Eve “Healing for the Holidays” episode of When the Bough Breaks, Alexis explores the nuanced differences between grief and depression, where they overlap, and why so many people struggle to name what they’re actually experiencing. Through lived insight and grounded reflection, this episode dismantles the pressure to “heal on a timeline” and challenges the idea that ongoing grief is a personal failure.

If you’ve ever wondered why time didn’t fix it, why therapy didn’t “solve” it, or why you feel functional but still profoundly heavy—this episode is for you.

This is not a diagnostic episode. It’s a human one.

1. Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (U.S.)

Call or Text: 988

Available 24/7, free and confidential.

You can contact 988 if you are:

•Thinking about suicide

•Feeling hopeless or overwhelmed

•Experiencing emotional distress

•Facing a mental health or substance use crisis

•Concerned about someone else

You can call or text—whatever feels safest.

⸻

2. Crisis Text Line (U.S.)

Text: HOME to 741741

Available 24/7, free crisis support via text with a trained counselor.

This option is especially helpful if:

•You prefer texting over talking

•You can’t speak freely where you are

•You need immediate emotional support or grounding

Text HOME to 741741 for support.

⸻

3. SAMHSA National Helpline

Call: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)

Available 24/7, free and confidential.

This is not a crisis line like 988.

It’s for:

•Treatment referrals

•Mental health or substance use resources

•Help for yourself or someone you care about

⸻

4. Dr. Robb Kelly – Substance Use & Mental Health Support

Dr. Robb Kelly, a previous guest on When the Bough Breaks, offers risk-free substance abuse treatment programs, meaning there is no financial or personal risk to you or your family.

A link to his episode and resources is included below for listeners who want additional support.

https://robbkelly.com/

⸻

5. NAMI Helpline

Call: 1-800-950-NAMI (6264)

Available Monday–Friday, 10 a.m. – 10 p.m. ET

NAMI provides:

•Education and referrals

•Peer support

•Guidance on next steps such as therapy, support groups, and navigating care systems

•Support for individuals and families affected by mental health conditions

Send us Fan Mail

Support the show

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:02):
Welcome back to When the Bow Breaks Podcast, the
podcast where estranged people,survivors, and anyone trying to
crawl their way back intothemselves can breathe a little
bit easier.
Today we're naming somethingthat every guest, every
listener, and honestly, probablyevery human on this planet has
dealt with at some point intheir life.

(00:22):
Grief and depression.
We throw the words around likethey're interchangeable, but
they're not.
And knowing the difference canchange exactly how you take care
of yourself.
First of all, grief is not aproblem to solve.
It's not a malfunction.

(00:45):
Grief is the emotional receiptfor loving, hoping, and losing
something that mattered to you.
It shows up when a relationshipbreaks.

(01:07):
It shows up when a family fallsapart.
When you walk away from peoplethat you still love.

(01:52):
It bends you, but it doesn'terase you like depression can.
Oh, it's coming.
Stay tuned.
Keep listening, folks.
My name is Alexis Everlyn, andyou are listening to When the
Bow Breaks Podcast, and this isan episode about grief and
depression.
Stay with us.

(02:19):
So, what depression really is adifferent beast entirely.
It's not really an emotionalwave like you think it is.
It's more like a flat line.
You know what I'm saying?

(02:39):
It's more like a thick, thickfog.
It's a weight on you thatdoesn't move.
Depression drains the color outof things that you love.
Your energy just disappears.

(03:04):
Your self-worth takes a hit.
You can't find the joy anymore.
Joy stops reaching you.
Where even the good moments canfeel muted.
Grief says, I hurt because Iloved something or someone.

(03:29):
Depression says I hurt, but Ialso can't feel anything at all.
And I can't do anything.
I don't know.
You might need know why or whyor why not.
You may know the reason for yourdepression, you may not.

(03:49):
It can creep in quietly.
It does not need a reason or atragedy or a loss.
Sometimes it just moves in,settles in like a roommate who
doesn't pay the rent.
Some people can be born with it.
But things can also kick it off,too.

(04:11):
Grief and depression, how theyoverlap and how they can confuse
people.
So the tricky part is you canhave both grief and depression.
Especially us estranged folks.
We are no strangers to thedouble-stacked emotional pain.

(04:33):
Grief brings sadness.
Depression brings numbness.
Grief comes in waves.
Depression is stillness.
Grief keeps your identityintact.
Depression kicks your identityin the balls.

(04:57):
You might be grieving a parentwho is still alive, a childhood
that you deserved, a version ofyourself that you never got to
be, and you can be clinicallydepressed at the same time.
And the overlap doesn't meanthat you're broken, it means

(05:18):
that you're human and thatyou've been caring too much for
too long all alone.
So, how do we deal with thisbullshit?
Let's make it practical.

(05:39):
Okay.
If you're sitting at home, likewondering, okay, but which do I
have?
Am I grieving or am I depressed?
Uh, because actually it took mea while to understand the
difference between the two,because I just felt like I was
sad all the time.
Um and then sometimes I wouldn'tbe sad, and then I would be sad

(06:00):
again, and then sometimes Iwouldn't be sad.
I would just be like upset andlike kind of like kind of like
numb and kind of like, I don'tknow, I don't, I'm not feeling
like myself.
I don't know.
Just kind of feel like shit.
I don't really know.
Like my therapist, like, itsounds like you're going through
some depression.
It's like, oh shit.
Yeah, I guess.

(06:22):
Uh it can be like that.
Um, it can be hard to tell,like, what is wrong with me.
Uh so we're going to do kind oflike a simple emotional
check-in, okay?
If your feelings come and go inwaves, that's grief.
If your energy, your hope, andyour joy feel flat or gone, that

(06:46):
is depression.
If you feel both sadness andemptiness, that is both.
And neither one of those things,honey, is your fault.
Neither one of those thingsmakes you weak.
Okay?

(07:07):
It just makes you human.
So why does the differencematter?
It matters because of the wayyou take care of yourself can
change depending on which onethat you're facing.
When you're grieving, you needexpression.

(07:30):
Uh I was feeling really smartone day when I came up with
this.
I was like talking about how I alot of my grief as a child was
heavily suppressed, and all thatdid was breed suppression.
So I was like, suppressionbreeds depression.
And I was like, oh, I'm smart.
Um, but it's true.
Uh if you're grieving something,if you're sad, don't hold it in.

(07:53):
Don't like nobody cares.
Like, yes, we do care.
We care about you, and we carethat somebody, something is
something somebody or somethingis making you sad.
So uh here's how to work withthat.
Talk about it, cry about it,remember it, write about it,
storytell it, get together withall your friends and have a beer

(08:15):
over it and laugh about it.
Build meaning, connection.
That is what your grief needs.
Okay.
All the things that are aboutyourself that make you who you
are and make you strong, yourgrief needs that.
Your grief needs you, stillneeds your art.

(08:36):
It still needs your functioning.
Okay.

(09:02):
It needs community and sometimestherapy, sometimes medication,
and sometimes it means someonesaying, You don't have to do
this by yourself.
I'm going to be with you.
I'm going to help you.

(09:22):
And when you're dealing withboth of those things, as many
estranged people do, you need ablend of compassion and
structure.
You need room to feel, and youneed scaffolding to hold you up
on the days you can't feel atall.
If that makes sense.

(09:48):
Grief is evidence that somethingmattered to you.
Depression is evidence thatsomething inside of you needs
help and care.
Neither emotion is shameful,neither emotion makes you too
much.
Both are invitations back toyourself.

(10:14):
So if you're listening andyou're thinking, well, damn,
I've been drowning and I didn'teven have the right words for
it.
Then this episode is yourpermission slip to slow down,
name what's happening to you,get the kind of support that

(10:34):
fits your experience, notsomeone else's expectations.
Okay?
You're not alone in this.
You are not failing.
You are just human, and healingis allowed here.

(10:54):
If this episode hit home foryou, share it with someone who
needs it.
And if you're navigating griefor depression, and you want to
be a guest on when the bowbreaks, the door is always open.
Send us an email to wtbb podcastat gmail.com.

(11:16):
If you are in emotional pain,thinking about hurting yourself,
or you feel like you can't keepyourself safe, please reach out
to a crisis line.
You don't have to be on the edgein order to qualify to call or
text.
Here's some numbers to help youout.

(11:37):
You can text or call 988, whichis the suicide and crisis
lifeline.
Again, that's 988 for theSuicide and Crisis Lifeline.
You can call or text.
247.
It's free and confidential to988.

(11:59):
You can call or text 988 if youare thinking about suicide,
feeling hopeless or overwhelmed,worried about someone else,
dealing with emotional distress,mental health, or substance use
crisis.
Give it a shy.

(12:26):
That's 741 twice.
That's all in the same thing.
Six numbers, 741-741.
Uh text home to 741-741 for free24-7 crisis support with a
trained counselor.
This number is good for peoplewho prefer texting instead of

(12:47):
talking, or if they're in asituation where they can't uh
speak freely.
This is also good for someonewho needs immediate emotional
support and grounding.
So if you would rather textinstead of talk, if you're in a
situation where you can't speakor you need immediate emotional
support and grounding help, texthome to 741-741 for the U.S.

(13:16):
Crisis Text Line.
That's 1-800-662-4357.

(13:37):
They are also available 24-7 andfree and confidential help for
treatment referrals for mentalhealth and substance use
disorders.
This number is not a crisis linelike 988, but it is for finding
treatment, getting informationfor yourself or someone else

(14:00):
that you care about.
So if you're if you want to helpsomeone out with these things,
or if you need help withsubstance use, call
1-800-662-HELP.
It's free.
And I'd also like to recommendsomeone else who's actually been
a guest on the show.
His name is Dr.

(14:20):
Rob Kelly.
Dr.
Rob Kelly has his uh his owngroup where he offers risk-free
substance abuse treatmentprograms.
Uh, so there's no risk to you oryour family.
So if you'd like, I'll leave thelink for that episode because
there's all kinds of goodies inthere, and he's got information

(14:43):
that can uh help you with thosethings too.
So remember, Dr.
Rob Kelly is also a greatresource for uh mental health
and substance uh issues.
There's also the NAMI helplinefor information and support.
You can call1-800-950-NAMI-6264.

(15:07):
That's 1-800-950-6264.
They are available Mondaythrough Friday between the hours
of 10 a.m.
and 10 p.m.
Eastern Standard Time.
NAMI provides educationreferrals and peer support for
people living with mental healthconditions and their families.

(15:30):
They also provide guidance onnext steps, which could be
therapy or support groups ornavigating certain systems and
things like that.
So again, go back and listen.
Uh, I will also list all thesenumbers and all this information
in the show notes.

(15:51):
Thank you for listening to Whenthe Bell Breaks Podcast.
This is your host, Alexa SarahLynn.