November 19, 2025 • 32 mins
Jennifer [00:00:00]:
The purpose of gratitude is to help that other part of this, which is literally our mindset. Right. Our cognitive distortions and. And trying to change those to feel better.
Jennifer [00:00:10]:
Yeah, And I agree with that. And I think, you know, I do want to hold space. When you are seeing humanity at its worst or responding to a horrible accident or just seeing those things, it is going to leave an impression on your mindset. And I think that's why that work to kind of skill build and, man, it might feel really hard is so important. And, you know, skill building isn't. Well, I did that once, and I didn't change anything, so I'm done with it. No, skill building is doing something over and over and over again to really build that skill. Welcome back to the podcast.
Jennifer [00:00:51]:
I'm Jennifer.
Ashlee [00:00:53]:
And I'm Ashlee.
Jennifer [00:00:54]:
With a different voice this week at. Right, Ashlee.
Ashlee [00:00:57]:
Sorry, everyone. I don't know what's going on. So we're just.
Jennifer [00:01:00]:
It wasn't from screaming for the Bears, so we can, like, rule that out because, man, you've had some victories.
Ashlee [00:01:06]:
It didn't help. Well, we are on another victory. Well, now. Yeah, no, it's Monday still victory Monday. So that never does. That never helps. But, yeah, we're losing it. The voice is just not wanting to stay these days.
Ashlee [00:01:20]:
Welcome to the winter weather.
Jennifer [00:01:23]:
Yeah, but you're gonna make it. It's just us today. Our special guest is ourselves. So that's our special guest today. And in prep, I was like, oh, you know, what are we going to talk about? And then. Oh, duh. Next week is Thanksgiving. So I am.
Ashlee [00:01:39]:
Wait a minute. It's next week.
Jennifer [00:01:40]:
It is next week.
Ashlee [00:01:41]:
Oh, okay, everybody. I thought we had two weeks or something like that. That's wild.
Jennifer [00:01:47]:
Oh, my gosh.
Ashlee [00:01:49]:
Wait a minute. Yeah, because it's Monday.
Jennifer [00:01:52]:
Wow.
Ashlee [00:01:53]:
Welcome to the show. Okay. Yes.
Jennifer [00:01:56]:
I'm sorry, I might need to do a quick. Can you tell your name, your date of birth? Like, can I do a real quick assessment? Like, are you.
Ashlee [00:02:04]:
So, like, I feel like I have to tell everyone that I've been gone. Like Earth. Like, yeah, just gone. So, like, I. I feel like I'm so behind in everything. I don't even know what's happening right now. But I did not think I was next week. So, like, gratitude.
Ashlee [00:02:20]:
I'm thankful you told me.
Jennifer [00:02:22]:
There you go. Well, and you traveled on a Monday and a conference on a weekend. It is kind of like, what's up, down? Like, it's hard to. I could understand that for sure.
Ashlee [00:02:31]:
Who does that?
Jennifer [00:02:32]:
Yeah. I will say Thanksgiving is My favorite holiday. I love Thanksgiving. It's not just because of the food. Like, I just think thankfulness, gratitude is just a really incredible thing and tool, especially when it comes to resiliency. So I wanted to talk about that. And then I think you had some other stuff like from your conference that you wanted to talk about. So I think that's just kind of it for us today that we were going to cover.
Ashlee [00:02:59]:
Yeah. And that's what I love, is that like when our worlds collide like this. So one of my very favorite speakers at this conference, this was all he talked about was gratitude and our perception. Even as law enforcement. Right. And first responders in general, our perception going into every day really controls a lot of the outcome to things. And yet a lot of us decide to have a negative perception on stuff and then wonder why life around us is negative.
Jennifer [00:03:25]:
Well, and that's one thing that I'm sure everybody's probably sick of me talking about my military resiliency training. But one thing is I think sometimes we're not even trying to have a negative mindset. It's just a negative bias. Like our brains are wired, you know, to look out for the saber tooth tiger, to not eat the poisonous berries. That's why all the news is bad news. That is kind of a natural like survival instinct wiring. And so it takes takes a step to do that, to have that more like gratitude positive mindset, if you will. And one thing that like again is from the MRT training is hunt the good stuff.
Jennifer [00:04:06]:
I feel like maybe I've talked about that on here before though.
Ashlee [00:04:08]:
We'll retalk about it because we've been on this for a while, so people need to hear it. Right.
Jennifer [00:04:12]:
Like, but hunt the good stuff is always like a great thing. And again, Thank
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
The purpose of gratitude is to help that other part of this,
which is literally our mindset, right?
Our cognitive distortions and and trying to change flows to
feel better. Yeah.
And I agree with that. And I think, you know, I do want
to hold space. When you are seeing humanity at
its worst or responding to a horrible accident or just seeing
(00:24):
those things, it is going to leave an impression on your
mindset. And I think that's why that work
to kind of skill build and man, it might feel really hard is so
important. And you know, skill building
isn't well, I did that once and I didn't change anything.
So I'm done with it. No school building is doing
(00:44):
something over and over and overagain to really build that
skill. Welcome back to the podcast.
I'm Jennifer. And I'm Ashley.
With a different voice this week, I write Ashley.
Sorry everyone, I don't know what's going on so.
We're just wasn't from screamingfor the bears.
So we can like rule that out because man, you've had.
(01:06):
The Curry didn't help. Well, we are on another victory.
Well, now, yeah. No, it's Monday.
Still victory Monday. So that never does.
That never helps. But yeah, we're losing it.
The Voice is just not wanting tostay these days.
Welcome to the winter weather. Yeah, but you're going to make
it. It's just us today.
Our special guest is ourselves. So that's our special guest
(01:29):
today. And in prep, I was like, oh, you
know, what are we going to talk about?
And then, oh duh, next week is Thanksgiving.
So I wait a minute. It's.
Next week. It is next week.
Oh, okay, everybody. I thought we had two weeks or
something like that. That's why.
Oh my gosh. Wait a minute.
(01:50):
Yeah, because it's Monday. Wow.
Welcome to the show. OK, yes.
I'm sorry, I might need to do a real quick.
Can you tell your name, your date of birth?
Like can I do a real quick assessment like are you?
So like I feel like I have to tell everyone that I've been
gone, like had a. Plan on Earth.
It's like, yeah, just gone. So like, I, I feel like I'm so
(02:13):
behind in everything. I don't even know what's
happening right now, but I, I did not think I was next week.
So like gratitude. I'm thankful you told me.
There you go. Well, and you traveled on a
Monday and a conference on a weekend.
It is kind of like what's up, what's down?
Like it's hard to know. I could understand that for
sure. Who tells that?
Yeah. I will say Thanksgiving is my
(02:36):
favorite holiday. I love Thanksgiving.
It's not just because of the food.
Like I just think thankfulness, gratitude is just a really
incredible thing and tool, especially when it comes to
resiliency. So I wanted to talk about that.
And then I think you had some other stuff like from your
conference that you wanted to talk about.
So I think that's just kind of it for us today that we were
(02:58):
going to. Cover yeah.
And that's what I love is that like when our worlds collide
like this, so very favorite speakers at this conference,
this was all he talked about wasgratitude And our perception,
even as law enforcement, right? And 1st responders in general,
our perception going into every day really controls a lot of the
outcome to things. And yet a lot of us decide to
(03:20):
have a negative perception on stuff and then wonder why life
around us is negative. Well, and that's one thing that
I'm sure everybody's probably sick of me talking about my
military resiliency training. But one thing is I think
sometimes we're not even trying to have a negative mindset.
It's just a negative bias. Like our brains are wired, you
(03:42):
know, to lookout for the Saber toothed tiger, to not eat the
poisonous berries. That's why all the news is bad
news. That is kind of a natural like
survival instinct wiring. And so it takes a step to do
that, to have that more like gratitude positive mindset, if
you will. And one thing that like again,
(04:03):
is from the MRT training is huntthe good stuff.
But I feel like maybe I've talked about that on here
before. That well, we talk about it
because we've been on this for awhile, so people need to hear it
right like. But hunt the good stuff is
always like a great thing. And again, Thanksgiving is of
that, where you just name what you're thankful for and hunt the
good stuff. You're just looking about what
(04:24):
you enjoyed about your day. And the goal is to actually like
sit. It's not just to like, well, I
had a good cup of coffee. Traffic wasn't bad, I got my
work done, I got home. The goal is actually to kind of
sit and write down and you know,write down can be pen and paper,
it can be your notes app, you know, writing down three things
(04:45):
that were positive or three things that you're grateful for
about your day. So taking the time to write it
down and then with that, lookingat what about it made it good.
Like it's always nice to start the day without a lot of
traffic, right? What I always appreciate is that
question of how did that happen?You know, did it, it happened
because I got up 10 minutes earlier or maybe it happened
(05:07):
because I was running a little bit late and some of the traffic
had moved, you know, just whatever that is.
And so it's that idea of kind ofsitting deeper with these
things. And I think it's the same with
the gratitude. You know, when we are sitting
with what we're thankful for now, just I'm thankful for my
family. I'm thankful for my friends.
It's what about them, you know, what about that is something
(05:29):
that we're grateful for. And if we're in gratitude, we
are not in an anxious mind. So if we're thinking about what
we have, because anxiety is about that space and time in the
future and if we can be present with what we do have and
obtained in this moment. So that's the kind of hunt the
goods stuff, the resiliency and why I was like, oh, this is a
perfect time to take it to talk about this with the holiday.
(05:53):
And I love that. And I love how you just like
actually worried it all that it's super insightful and a huge
tool for our listeners, right? And I think that I've just come
off of four days of hearing first responders say it's hard
for me to see the good in life when all I see is bad, right?
Or like when you don't think something is possible, but then
(06:14):
you see it first hand. And, and that notion of like, we
have this huge talk about gratitude and the positive
mindset and, and honestly like motivation.
And this whole thing is, it's just like I'm, I'm trying, but
I, I don't even realize at this point that I, I don't do that.
Like all I see is negative and Itry to go out with my family,
but all I'm doing is scanning the whole time.
(06:35):
What if somebody comes in here and does something?
What if, right? And so I think people forget
like, or they just don't know, which I didn't know either.
And I don't know. I'm full of facts.
People fact checked me one day and we're going to get yelled
at. But, and I've probably said it,
but I'll say it a million times over because it just stuck with
me that hard. Is that 90% of our like
happiness and things like that actually come from our thought
(06:56):
process and 10% comes from what we do.
And that's wild because we sit on this show too, like and as
therapists, we're like, hey, like self gay or self-care, like
do the things you love. Don't have the used to listen
that. And while that's true, don't get
me wrong, and that goes away. So hold up everybody.
Like what the heck? The purpose of gratitude is to
help that other part of this, which is literally our mindset,
(07:20):
right? Our cognitive distortions and
and trying to change those to feel better.
Yeah. And I agree with that.
And I think, you know, I do wantto hold space.
When you are seeing humanity at its worst or responding to a
horrible accident or just seeingthose things, it is going to
leave an impression on your mindset.
(07:42):
And I think that's why that workto kind of skill build, man, I
might feel really hard is so important and skill building
isn't, well, I did that once andI didn't change anything, so I'm
done with it. No skill building is doing
something over and over and overbegin to really build that
(08:04):
skill. And then I think to that point
too, then we get into the territory of like, man, I can't
ever do this. Like, well, then maybe this
experience that you had at work is too much.
And like, we do need to go talk to a professional and explore
options to save. Like maybe there was a traumatic
event that's happening that's kind of creating some
dysregulation that maybe, you know, well, I sit in a journal
(08:27):
for an hour and gratitude's not really going to touch that for
sure. Yeah, absolutely.
I think about the guests we've had on, right?
And like our last episode was soincredibly powerful and the
gosh, the story, like to be vulnerable to talk about that is
so powerful. And yet when I sit back and
(08:49):
reflect on that, sure, we didn'tsit there and say, hey, tell us
what you're grateful for now, right?
Like we didn't specifically ask that question, but I challenge
our listeners to go back and listen to that episode or listen
to a few of them and identify the positives out of these
horrific stories because they are there.
I don't want our first responders to walk around
feeling like they're not doing those things.
(09:09):
They are. We just have to have that
intentionality behind it sometimes.
Well, and I think you speak to that vulnerability.
I think it can be like a practice and vulnerability
exercise to name what we have. You know, I've worked with
people that would have some fearabout naming what's good because
fear if I name it some, maybe that would be taken from me or I
(09:29):
wouldn't get to have those experiences.
And so I do think that it's an act in vulnerability, but in a
healthy way too. You know, that's not something
you have to share with anybody. Nobody has to ever know that.
And then on the other side of that too, like I feel like you
are always doing great job of banging the drum for leadership.
It's also a great thing to like incorporate in, in terms of like
(09:53):
encouraging people that you're leading to say, hey, this is a
practice that can be sometimes kind of helpful.
You know, yeah. Well, and I think you think
about where you are when you start a shift and where you are
when you end a shift. I mean, even for your
conference, you know where you are when you started your
conference to being like worn out and what day is it at the
end of stuff. It can be really hard for us to
(10:15):
be at that place. And so sometimes it's a nice way
to kind of say, like, here's something I do have control over
because I don't know what I'm going to be walking into when it
comes to work. I'm so excited that you just
brought up leadership, my nerdy heart, and I won't, I won't.
I will go down it a little bit and back off.
I thought my brain went, ooh, let's talk a little bit about
(10:35):
like positive psychology, all those things.
And yet what it comes back to istrying to reel it in because
everyone is going to be like Ashley, we did not ask for a six
hour episode. Your.
Voice isn't going. To your voice is terrible and
you just went on a rant for six hours.
But when we were working on someadvanced peer support in our
(10:56):
department, positive psychology got brought up and I was like,
yes, this is so true. This is exciting and we did have
people of leadership in that room and you know, one of them
was very open to be like, oh man, like that's not my style.
My style is not to be like, Hey,you did a really good job on
this. My style is to be like, hey, we
(11:17):
need to work on this, right? And yet he was like, I don't
purposely do that, but I think, you know, like he's like in my
brain, I'm helping like I'm identifying areas.
But I didn't stop to think that I should probably be pointing
out the good too that they're doing right.
I don't want innocent, but like,in a way, innocent of like,
yeah, I would never want people to feel like I'm being negative.
(11:40):
I just thought I was doing the right thing by educating them
when I saw something that can beapproved upon, which is very
true in a leadership role. Absolutely.
And yet the difference we can make in morale when we also
balance that with identifying the good that's done too.
And I think leadership plays a huge part in that.
It starts from the top. If the top is doing that, the
(12:02):
rest start to follow. Right.
Well, again, I think that you'reexactly right that that's a very
innocent thing. And I think that, I don't know,
I grew up in a generation was you could do 5 things right, but
you're going to be called out for the one thing you didn't do.
Like that's just, but I think that that leads him back to that
kind of how human brains are wired.
(12:24):
It is that negative bias. I need to, you know, if I'm an
editor, I'm scanning the, the paper for the mistakes.
I think that's again like how it's a wiring aspect.
And I don't think that we have to say that's terrible.
Like no, like that's an important thing.
We want to find the mistakes. We want to see where the
opportunities are to improve. But again, knowing with that as
(12:47):
well, like celebrating somebody doing something is still a
positive, I think from a leadership role too.
And I also think this is a parenting thing as well.
Oh my gosh, you just read my mind.
My mind went straight to parenting.
Well, I think that there's a lotmore like research, you know,
papers too. It's not just like good job,
(13:09):
it's OK. What what about the task was
good? You got all your reports and
before the last second, like I really appreciate it.
That makes my job easier when you do that.
So thank you. I mean, it's just like naming
what it is not just good job. And I think from a leadership
standpoint, that does take a little bit more work.
(13:30):
Again, that negative bias is just such a automated thing.
And again, it's there for a reason.
I don't want us to just like harp on where wire it all wrong.
A positive thing, a positive intent, a positive thought.
It's 2 steps because the negative is an automatic and so
a positive has to take two steps.
And I think it's the same in terms of leadership as well.
(13:53):
It's going to take more effort to be like, hey, good job, you
know? Yeah, and I do see how that
translates to home. My dad, obviously, you know, I I
just right when he said that, like my brain went to the prime
example of like getting that report card and like it's good,
but there's that 1B. My dad would be like why is that
not an A? You're so cute that you had 1B
(14:14):
like OK Oh no, no. I I don't know, I probably had
more than 1B, but I didn't get good at school until like
college. I swear.
Ask, ask. Yeah, I was AI was I hope
children everyone go to school, but I wasn't I did not love high
school. I did not love to go.
And then all of a sudden I left college and I never stopped
(14:35):
going. So I'm not sure what happened
there, but that's what that reminded me of, right?
It's just that notion of like, Oh yeah, these grades are pretty
good, but like, what happened here and you're like, Dang it.
Yeah, I. Can't get away without anything.
And yet also. I could challenge myself on that
too though, because if we're talking about perception, that's
a perception thing as well, right?
(14:56):
Because if my dad said hey, goodjob here, but what happened with
this B? Couldn't that have been an A?
I'm also just canceling out the fact that he did tell me I.
Did a good job. Exactly.
You know, I'll actually I'll give my dad credit.
This is so classic. My dad, he could care less about
the report card and we weren't interested in that.
But if I had a ball game, I would in the car ride home be
(15:19):
like, OK, do you want to know what you did good first or what
you need to work on 1st? You know, so I got a like
positive, negative, you know, interms of what I needed to work
on. Again, the report card, we could
care less about that. But how did I do in sport?
Really needed to be that. Yeah, honestly, come on now.
(15:39):
But talk about some, they were so positive and a negative that
he was looking at when it came to those things for sure.
Oh my gosh, that's so funny. But yes, I listened to the
speaker the last day of the conference who again, just
talked about our perception and like seeing the world in a
different light and having to put that effort in.
And actually he spoke a lot about using humor to do that,
(16:00):
which we know very well that first responders use humor a lot
of the time. Sometimes it's very rough, but
it's it is the. Gallon of humor, Yeah.
Laughter does heal the soul sometimes, right?
And so like, he spoke a lot about that and just he did say
just like we say, you know, hey,like, yeah, maybe you can jot
(16:21):
down some of these more positivethings or something you are
grateful for to help continue toshow that side.
Sometimes we have to take that step back and actually put the
work in to be able to see it. Yeah.
And again, it's just like it's not something that just happens
overnight. And I think that by no means
this is like, like relatable to what our first responders go
(16:43):
through, But you know, I have had experiences and in my field
of feeling like, again, you're meeting people when they're not
at their best and not doing well.
And it can change your perspective.
A past life I worked with like teenagers that were in all kinds
of trouble. And you kind of think, well, all
teenagers are just troubled and you forget like, Oh, I'm just
(17:07):
looking at a a small sample sizeand in terms of what humanity
has to offer. But it can be hard when that's
where you spend so much of your time.
And so you do have to make some efforts to kind of see outside
of that. Yeah, for sure.
Was there anything I'm, I don't mean to like switch gears, but
when we're speaking about being thankful, right.
I know both you and I, we talk often about how we do hold so
(17:31):
much gratitude towards both likeour families, you know, our dads
obviously have been very gracious in our adventures in
life and being open to talk about it.
Was is there anything that your family did growing up in terms
of like Thanksgiving that was different or special, even with
him working? You know, it's so funny when I
think of like my childhood Thanksgivings, obviously, like
(17:52):
family coming together. My mom comes from like a bigger
family, and then my dad's extended family was bigger.
And so that was always just fun.But also I will say this
Thanksgiving was always around my grandmother's birthday.
So like I think that's probably another their reason because I
think like, I don't know, I definitely have my grandmother
(18:14):
on a pedestal as she should stayforever because she was a
perfect human being. And so I think when I think
about that, I think about like celebrating her birthday and
celebrating her and I love that.Well, and she was just such a
such like heartbeat of our family in terms of she was just
definitely the embodiment of love, like just a loving.
(18:35):
I love this. Talk about somebody that saw
like the good in everybody kind of person.
So I don't know that there's necessary traditions.
We always went to where my parents are from in Western
Kentucky. And your dad got pretty.
If I'm remembering correct, yourdad was a little bit like he
didn't have to miss as many holidays because of his
positionings. Yeah, like it was in a way I
(18:57):
didn't remember him, like not being there at Christmas or not
being there at a Thanksgiving. Like he probably wasn't there
the whole break, but like on theholiday was there.
So what about you guys? Would you guys do something
special, especially if you're done?
Yeah, so our mind's a little different.
Like my dad worked pretty much the bulk of them when I was when
(19:17):
he was in. So it's, I think, you know, it's
hard, especially as we got olderand finances are tight.
You work those holidays because you get some pay, right.
So, but I will say it was something that I really loved.
Even when he did have to work, they had they always had his
department always had a footballgame, so like against each
other. It is against fire, baby.
(19:38):
I forget if it was against fire,if it was against each other.
Either way, I remember always being like, OK, so like, don't
come home if you didn't win the trophy.
Like, I just don't. Like, we're not.
We're winners in this household.And you need to step it up on
Thanksgiving Day. And I really like that.
I thought that was always so fun, like to ask him like, wait,
(19:59):
who won or what happened? I mean, of course it stinks to
not have him there. But when he was there just made
it that much more special. And, and now I'm thankful that
he's retired and. Oh my God, Thanksgiving at his
house now is so fun, of course, but I just always like, I loved
Thanksgiving for that. Obviously we're a big, I don't
hide it very well, but we're a big football family.
(20:21):
Really. I got no one would know,
although one day we're going to do like when the call hits home
trivia and like, hey, you win a prize if you know my favorite
team and if you don't, you're we're going to have.
To give out so many prizes, yeah.
You're not listening. I just think about that, you
know, and a lot of, I don't knowthat I had to, when we were
talking about like finding the good, I had to think about it
(20:43):
for myself because I so easily could come on here and be like,
well, my dad just like wasn't there a lot of the time and
like, whatever, you know. But genuinely, I was excited
when he did that there. I was thankful that we had that
experience and that it was fun. And I remember him even bringing
home a trophy, Like he literallybrought home this like little.
So they really went all out. I thought it was a fun way to
keep the, like, officers engagedand stuff even when they're away
(21:06):
from their families. Yeah.
I. Agree with that too.
And I know like for some families, it's like, well, I'll
pick up Thanksgiving so I can make sure I can be there for
Christmas or I'll work New Year's because it's more
important for me to be there forthis holiday day or this
birthday and stuff like that. So I can see that.
And that is kind of a cool way to keep people engaged for sure.
(21:28):
Absolutely, Absolutely. Did you ever get to go to the
games? I feel like I didn't now that
we're talking about him. Like I don't know if I ever I
don't think so. I'm maybe I mean he might have a
whole different he's going to listen to this and be like,
yeah, is he in a bed? But I mean, I just I think like
especially where we live versus where he patrolled and stuff, it
was kind of far. So it's like I think by.
(21:50):
The time we would. Get up and like, get ready to go
to our Thanksgiving. You know, like it was.
It's too much travel. And yeah, I apologize.
I mean, I just, you know, my dadwas officer in the city I lived
in, so I forget sometimes that you had a little bit of like
your dad had a commute. So yeah.
He knew just after the boondocks.
So why do you I should put a poll out there for this too.
(22:13):
So random today, but whatever. We're just having a good time.
Like do you know how many times people are like, why do you have
a southern accent? And I'm like, I, I do, like I
don't. And I get it all the time.
And I'm like, oh, and I'm like, well, I grew up in Belvedere,
Illinois. Like, I don't know, maybe
because you're isolated. I don't know.
(22:34):
We have our own language in thislittle city in the middle of
Illinois. I have no idea who.
Has told you that you sound southern.
Well, everybody, I hear it all the time at this conference.
I heard it probably 4 different times really.
Wow, that's so funny. I don't.
I hear, I hear Chicago. I knew you.
(22:55):
Mean a sassy but I will I do want to bring us back to the
conference because I want to share a little bit of something
that happened OK that I think children of first responders can
relate to or I hope so it was itwas like a smack me in the face
moment and Jesus is going to bring us back to one thing but
here we go so it was a very verybeautiful, powerful conference.
(23:18):
It was, but it ended on Sunday at I'm 45, so yes, I was in the
audience a little bit anxious because I'm like, so kickoffs at
noon. And yeah, they're pushing it.
That's in Louisiana. So we're in New Orleans and I
Google, is there a place I couldwatch it?
The hotel didn't have it. In fact, the audacity of the the
(23:39):
hotel to have the Green Bay gameon.
I was like, are you kidding me? It's.
Like my worst nightmare, I. Mean they were playing the New
York Giants, weren't they? Yeah, but but like Green Bay
like. I know.
So I find this bar and it was literally like across the street
from my hotel. Couldn't get any closer and it's
(24:00):
a Bears one like a Chicago yes, what yes did.
You call ahead. No, I was so excited.
They had they they had all theirgames on, but they had the Bears
one playing with the audio to itas well.
I'm blanking on the word, but Long story short, there's a ton
of people that I don't know right?
And I start interacting with people, but what are you
(24:20):
supposed to do? Other Bears?
So tons of other bears fans and what have you.
I come across this gentleman, nice guy but definitely like all
my senses from my dad kicked in.OK.
Everything where I was just like, oh, this may not be my I
feel a little nervous about this, but like I promise you
when I say probably was harmless, I don't want to
(24:43):
whatever like nothing happened. But my point of this is to say
that like holy man, are we in great like we are engraved to
like remember these things. My brain was like, OK, make sure
you stay by everybody. Like I always was scanning for
who was coming in just to make sure like just and don't leave
your drink, don't leave right. Like all these things.
(25:04):
And in my head I'm like, OK, this is So what I could do to
get out of this situation. This is what I could do if, if I
feel uncomfortable, you know what I mean?
Like I sat there for a moment. I kind of giggled to myself
because I'm like, man, I just went to a whole conference about
police officers and, you know, but this all stems like from my
dad and him always teaching me, you be aware, be aware of your
surroundings, be aware of peopleand their intentions.
(25:27):
You can't trust somebody you don't know, right?
Like all those things that we harp on a little bit where we're
like, you guys are so crazy and over like, just let us live
really quickly. I was like, whoa, I'm in New
Orleans by myself right now. This could not be a good thing,
right? But I was like so thankful that
I had the knowledge and the tools.
(25:47):
Obviously nothing happened. I'm here to talk, but right.
But like, it was just one of those eye opening experiences
where I was like, I am grateful for the job that my dad had.
I am grateful for the knowledge that was instilled in me.
And some of these things that come from the job of being like,
life isn't a joke sometimes. And you may be harmless going to
a bar. You you think that, but like
people you have to be aware, have to have that common sense.
(26:11):
And I was just like, man, did that come full circle in here.
I actually ended up making a different friend there, an older
gentleman who was a huge Bears fan.
I talked to him for hours. He actually kind of picked up on
the whole situation and stayed with me and made sure I got out
OK, which I did. I would have been OK y'all, but
it was I was thankful for him. And then how beautiful the whole
(26:33):
thing turned out where I was just one of those moments where
I was, this man was meant to be put in my life because the
connection we made about football, talking about my dad
and like our experiences, it wasso beautiful.
So that it was like a full circle moment for me where I was
like one minute I was, oh, Ashley, you may have not put
yourself in the best position inlife, but use your tools.
And then to like flipping to being like, Oh my gosh, just
(26:54):
turned out to be one of the bestthings that could have happened
to me. I grew in so many ways and I met
someone incredible along the way.
But yeah, no, I just was like, man, they're on to some.
Well, and I think it's so important that you listen to
your gut when it comes to those things in terms of those
experiences. And I think first responder
kiddos maybe have guts that are a little bit more sensitive to
(27:17):
things and pay a little bit moreattention at times to those kind
of things to just have that awareness.
And so I'm glad that you're safeand you made a friend and you
were able to feel like safe going back to the hotel and all
those things. Yeah, I guess I don't want any
first responder truck because I I remember growing up like kind
of being made fun of for that myfriends being not a bad way, but
(27:39):
just being like, Oh my God, Ashley, like you don't have to.
You're the mom of the group. You're the mom of the group
because you're just so anxious and you just, And I remember
being like, yeah, like, why can't I ever not like just live
free like them as they're wild in.
And it always kind of bothered me because I was like, is it, am
I wrong for that? But then literally in that
moment I was like, no, thank God.
(28:00):
Because again, I don't know if anything negative would have
happened. However my gut was like, oh,
this is not going in a directionthat I I feel OK with.
I need to get out of this situation.
I can't risk, you know, so, but I really don't know that a lot
of people have that awareness sometimes.
Yeah, You know, I find it is hard for me when I'm around
(28:22):
people that like don't take an account anything like just
people that live like are just so freely in a situation.
Sometimes it just says like, do you have any common sense?
Correct. But you know, I think that
coming from a place of being so hyper aware, I can be really
(28:42):
frustrated with people that are so unaware.
And that is a hard, it's a hard thing to kind of strike a
balance with that sometimes whenit's like, what do you mean you
didn't pay attention to that person?
Correct. Like just walk by or what do you
mean you didn't notice that there was our garbage can in
front of the fire exit or, you know, just like what you know,
(29:05):
just again, how our brains kind of work to scan and pay
attention and all those things. So, yeah, it's so interesting to
me how much of it it really it'syeah, it's wild that it does
come from, I mean, all parents, don't get me wrong, but I do
think it's a little heightened on our end because of what they
see and they're exposed to and they want to keep their children
(29:26):
safe. So.
Right. They share that knowledge, yeah.
And I think that, you know, kidsare our hearts outside of our
bodies. And when you see other people
lose their children and things like that, it just it creates
such a place that you would do whatever you could to make sure
your kids safe, even if that feels like it's intense for
(29:48):
those kids. It's like it's coming from a
good place. Yes, absolutely.
Look at that. We're bringing it back to that
positive. For sure.
Well, one that I want to say I'mvery thankful for is you.
And I also, when I say I'm just extremely thankful for our
listeners, the people that have supported this podcast and you
(30:11):
guys just, I don't know, I'm always astonished by your
engagement and your listening and your feedback.
And I'm just incredibly gratefulthat When the Call Hits Home has
been around for this long in a way, like I know we're going to
do 1. And, and the love that we've
received and honestly, Jennifer,you know that like you mean the
(30:31):
world to me and I could not everdo this without you.
And it's, it's insane how we have grown so much in our
listeners. We have some so dedicated to us
that it just, it melts my heart.And I think like, yet we have
some really cool things coming, which is also so cool.
Like I'm like, whoa, Sky's the limit.
I don't, I don't know. We're just going to have to keep
grinding at it because it's, we do have some cool stuff coming
(30:54):
up. But I am just so thankful and
I'm so thankful for you and everybody else.
It's a huge family and that's what our goal was.
Oh, totally. Well, and I'm like, I did text
her that you have two other sisters, but I'm your third, so
you know. She really is, folks.
She really I sometimes, yeah, yeah, she maybe doesn't need all
(31:16):
my phone calls while I'm going through things, but like, she
gets it. It's.
Perfect. I was actually at a children's
birthday party, gosh, yesterday and was talking to a mom there
who happened to be the kid of a first responder who happened to
have like siblings that are in the military.
And we were just kind of laughing over like, what is, you
(31:40):
know, this is so weird that you're just at this random
birthday party, but it is kind of funny just that speaking
about community, like our community kind of finds its way.
Yes. And of course then I did like a
a shameless plug for the podcastonce.
This pops up. I mean, you have to just throw
it out there, you. Know you just have.
To throw it out there. I was really sad I wasn't
(32:01):
wearing any of our new swag to be like oh check out my shirts
and stuff. So we always encourage that too
if you guys want to check out our shop.
Yes, and then post it, like sendit to us or post it, tag us like
we love that. We absolutely love it.
But yeah, I mean, I hope everyone has a great
Thanksgiving and does reflect onthe good, be intentional about
it. So maybe it is time to start
(32:23):
writing down a few things you'reyou're grateful for or that you
know, just whatever that may be for you trying to find that
because I do think there's some point to getting your mindset
right to live through these types of careers it.
Is a powerful, powerful thing and exactly what you're saying,
what we can do and we can work on our thinking.
No stinking thinking. All right, you guys have a great
(32:45):
Thanksgiving and we'll be back at we'll be back, right.
We're we're going back on. I hope so.
They know, they know, they know when it's at.
Well, when the call hits home, Jennifer and I are here for you.
Thank you guys. Thank you.
Happy Thanksgiving.
The purpose of gratitude is to help that other part of this,
which is literally our mindset, right?
Our cognitive distortions and and trying to change flows to
feel better. Yeah.
And I agree with that. And I think, you know, I do want
to hold space. When you are seeing humanity at
its worst or responding to a horrible accident or just seeing
(00:24):
those things, it is going to leave an impression on your
mindset. And I think that's why that work
to kind of skill build and man, it might feel really hard is so
important. And you know, skill building
isn't well, I did that once and I didn't change anything.
So I'm done with it. No school building is doing
(00:44):
something over and over and overagain to really build that
skill. Welcome back to the podcast.
I'm Jennifer. And I'm Ashley.
With a different voice this week, I write Ashley.
Sorry everyone, I don't know what's going on so.
We're just wasn't from screamingfor the bears.
So we can like rule that out because man, you've had.
(01:06):
The Curry didn't help. Well, we are on another victory.
Well, now, yeah. No, it's Monday.
Still victory Monday. So that never does.
That never helps. But yeah, we're losing it.
The Voice is just not wanting tostay these days.
Welcome to the winter weather. Yeah, but you're going to make
it. It's just us today.
Our special guest is ourselves. So that's our special guest
(01:29):
today. And in prep, I was like, oh, you
know, what are we going to talk about?
And then, oh duh, next week is Thanksgiving.
So I wait a minute. It's.
Next week. It is next week.
Oh, okay, everybody. I thought we had two weeks or
something like that. That's why.
Oh my gosh. Wait a minute.
(01:50):
Yeah, because it's Monday. Wow.
Welcome to the show. OK, yes.
I'm sorry, I might need to do a real quick.
Can you tell your name, your date of birth?
Like can I do a real quick assessment like are you?
So like I feel like I have to tell everyone that I've been
gone, like had a. Plan on Earth.
It's like, yeah, just gone. So like, I, I feel like I'm so
(02:13):
behind in everything. I don't even know what's
happening right now, but I, I did not think I was next week.
So like gratitude. I'm thankful you told me.
There you go. Well, and you traveled on a
Monday and a conference on a weekend.
It is kind of like what's up, what's down?
Like it's hard to know. I could understand that for
sure. Who tells that?
Yeah. I will say Thanksgiving is my
(02:36):
favorite holiday. I love Thanksgiving.
It's not just because of the food.
Like I just think thankfulness, gratitude is just a really
incredible thing and tool, especially when it comes to
resiliency. So I wanted to talk about that.
And then I think you had some other stuff like from your
conference that you wanted to talk about.
So I think that's just kind of it for us today that we were
(02:58):
going to. Cover yeah.
And that's what I love is that like when our worlds collide
like this, so very favorite speakers at this conference,
this was all he talked about wasgratitude And our perception,
even as law enforcement, right? And 1st responders in general,
our perception going into every day really controls a lot of the
outcome to things. And yet a lot of us decide to
(03:20):
have a negative perception on stuff and then wonder why life
around us is negative. Well, and that's one thing that
I'm sure everybody's probably sick of me talking about my
military resiliency training. But one thing is I think
sometimes we're not even trying to have a negative mindset.
It's just a negative bias. Like our brains are wired, you
(03:42):
know, to lookout for the Saber toothed tiger, to not eat the
poisonous berries. That's why all the news is bad
news. That is kind of a natural like
survival instinct wiring. And so it takes a step to do
that, to have that more like gratitude positive mindset, if
you will. And one thing that like again,
(04:03):
is from the MRT training is huntthe good stuff.
But I feel like maybe I've talked about that on here
before. That well, we talk about it
because we've been on this for awhile, so people need to hear it
right like. But hunt the good stuff is
always like a great thing. And again, Thanksgiving is of
that, where you just name what you're thankful for and hunt the
good stuff. You're just looking about what
(04:24):
you enjoyed about your day. And the goal is to actually like
sit. It's not just to like, well, I
had a good cup of coffee. Traffic wasn't bad, I got my
work done, I got home. The goal is actually to kind of
sit and write down and you know,write down can be pen and paper,
it can be your notes app, you know, writing down three things
(04:45):
that were positive or three things that you're grateful for
about your day. So taking the time to write it
down and then with that, lookingat what about it made it good.
Like it's always nice to start the day without a lot of
traffic, right? What I always appreciate is that
question of how did that happen?You know, did it, it happened
because I got up 10 minutes earlier or maybe it happened
(05:07):
because I was running a little bit late and some of the traffic
had moved, you know, just whatever that is.
And so it's that idea of kind ofsitting deeper with these
things. And I think it's the same with
the gratitude. You know, when we are sitting
with what we're thankful for now, just I'm thankful for my
family. I'm thankful for my friends.
It's what about them, you know, what about that is something
(05:29):
that we're grateful for. And if we're in gratitude, we
are not in an anxious mind. So if we're thinking about what
we have, because anxiety is about that space and time in the
future and if we can be present with what we do have and
obtained in this moment. So that's the kind of hunt the
goods stuff, the resiliency and why I was like, oh, this is a
perfect time to take it to talk about this with the holiday.
(05:53):
And I love that. And I love how you just like
actually worried it all that it's super insightful and a huge
tool for our listeners, right? And I think that I've just come
off of four days of hearing first responders say it's hard
for me to see the good in life when all I see is bad, right?
Or like when you don't think something is possible, but then
(06:14):
you see it first hand. And, and that notion of like, we
have this huge talk about gratitude and the positive
mindset and, and honestly like motivation.
And this whole thing is, it's just like I'm, I'm trying, but
I, I don't even realize at this point that I, I don't do that.
Like all I see is negative and Itry to go out with my family,
but all I'm doing is scanning the whole time.
(06:35):
What if somebody comes in here and does something?
What if, right? And so I think people forget
like, or they just don't know, which I didn't know either.
And I don't know. I'm full of facts.
People fact checked me one day and we're going to get yelled
at. But, and I've probably said it,
but I'll say it a million times over because it just stuck with
me that hard. Is that 90% of our like
happiness and things like that actually come from our thought
(06:56):
process and 10% comes from what we do.
And that's wild because we sit on this show too, like and as
therapists, we're like, hey, like self gay or self-care, like
do the things you love. Don't have the used to listen
that. And while that's true, don't get
me wrong, and that goes away. So hold up everybody.
Like what the heck? The purpose of gratitude is to
help that other part of this, which is literally our mindset,
(07:20):
right? Our cognitive distortions and
and trying to change those to feel better.
Yeah. And I agree with that.
And I think, you know, I do wantto hold space.
When you are seeing humanity at its worst or responding to a
horrible accident or just seeingthose things, it is going to
leave an impression on your mindset.
(07:42):
And I think that's why that workto kind of skill build, man, I
might feel really hard is so important and skill building
isn't, well, I did that once andI didn't change anything, so I'm
done with it. No skill building is doing
something over and over and overbegin to really build that
(08:04):
skill. And then I think to that point
too, then we get into the territory of like, man, I can't
ever do this. Like, well, then maybe this
experience that you had at work is too much.
And like, we do need to go talk to a professional and explore
options to save. Like maybe there was a traumatic
event that's happening that's kind of creating some
dysregulation that maybe, you know, well, I sit in a journal
(08:27):
for an hour and gratitude's not really going to touch that for
sure. Yeah, absolutely.
I think about the guests we've had on, right?
And like our last episode was soincredibly powerful and the
gosh, the story, like to be vulnerable to talk about that is
so powerful. And yet when I sit back and
(08:49):
reflect on that, sure, we didn'tsit there and say, hey, tell us
what you're grateful for now, right?
Like we didn't specifically ask that question, but I challenge
our listeners to go back and listen to that episode or listen
to a few of them and identify the positives out of these
horrific stories because they are there.
I don't want our first responders to walk around
feeling like they're not doing those things.
(09:09):
They are. We just have to have that
intentionality behind it sometimes.
Well, and I think you speak to that vulnerability.
I think it can be like a practice and vulnerability
exercise to name what we have. You know, I've worked with
people that would have some fearabout naming what's good because
fear if I name it some, maybe that would be taken from me or I
(09:29):
wouldn't get to have those experiences.
And so I do think that it's an act in vulnerability, but in a
healthy way too. You know, that's not something
you have to share with anybody. Nobody has to ever know that.
And then on the other side of that too, like I feel like you
are always doing great job of banging the drum for leadership.
It's also a great thing to like incorporate in, in terms of like
(09:53):
encouraging people that you're leading to say, hey, this is a
practice that can be sometimes kind of helpful.
You know, yeah. Well, and I think you think
about where you are when you start a shift and where you are
when you end a shift. I mean, even for your
conference, you know where you are when you started your
conference to being like worn out and what day is it at the
end of stuff. It can be really hard for us to
(10:15):
be at that place. And so sometimes it's a nice way
to kind of say, like, here's something I do have control over
because I don't know what I'm going to be walking into when it
comes to work. I'm so excited that you just
brought up leadership, my nerdy heart, and I won't, I won't.
I will go down it a little bit and back off.
I thought my brain went, ooh, let's talk a little bit about
(10:35):
like positive psychology, all those things.
And yet what it comes back to istrying to reel it in because
everyone is going to be like Ashley, we did not ask for a six
hour episode. Your.
Voice isn't going. To your voice is terrible and
you just went on a rant for six hours.
But when we were working on someadvanced peer support in our
(10:56):
department, positive psychology got brought up and I was like,
yes, this is so true. This is exciting and we did have
people of leadership in that room and you know, one of them
was very open to be like, oh man, like that's not my style.
My style is not to be like, Hey,you did a really good job on
this. My style is to be like, hey, we
(11:17):
need to work on this, right? And yet he was like, I don't
purposely do that, but I think, you know, like he's like in my
brain, I'm helping like I'm identifying areas.
But I didn't stop to think that I should probably be pointing
out the good too that they're doing right.
I don't want innocent, but like,in a way, innocent of like,
yeah, I would never want people to feel like I'm being negative.
(11:40):
I just thought I was doing the right thing by educating them
when I saw something that can beapproved upon, which is very
true in a leadership role. Absolutely.
And yet the difference we can make in morale when we also
balance that with identifying the good that's done too.
And I think leadership plays a huge part in that.
It starts from the top. If the top is doing that, the
(12:02):
rest start to follow. Right.
Well, again, I think that you'reexactly right that that's a very
innocent thing. And I think that, I don't know,
I grew up in a generation was you could do 5 things right, but
you're going to be called out for the one thing you didn't do.
Like that's just, but I think that that leads him back to that
kind of how human brains are wired.
(12:24):
It is that negative bias. I need to, you know, if I'm an
editor, I'm scanning the, the paper for the mistakes.
I think that's again like how it's a wiring aspect.
And I don't think that we have to say that's terrible.
Like no, like that's an important thing.
We want to find the mistakes. We want to see where the
opportunities are to improve. But again, knowing with that as
(12:47):
well, like celebrating somebody doing something is still a
positive, I think from a leadership role too.
And I also think this is a parenting thing as well.
Oh my gosh, you just read my mind.
My mind went straight to parenting.
Well, I think that there's a lotmore like research, you know,
papers too. It's not just like good job,
(13:09):
it's OK. What what about the task was
good? You got all your reports and
before the last second, like I really appreciate it.
That makes my job easier when you do that.
So thank you. I mean, it's just like naming
what it is not just good job. And I think from a leadership
standpoint, that does take a little bit more work.
(13:30):
Again, that negative bias is just such a automated thing.
And again, it's there for a reason.
I don't want us to just like harp on where wire it all wrong.
A positive thing, a positive intent, a positive thought.
It's 2 steps because the negative is an automatic and so
a positive has to take two steps.
And I think it's the same in terms of leadership as well.
(13:53):
It's going to take more effort to be like, hey, good job, you
know? Yeah, and I do see how that
translates to home. My dad, obviously, you know, I I
just right when he said that, like my brain went to the prime
example of like getting that report card and like it's good,
but there's that 1B. My dad would be like why is that
not an A? You're so cute that you had 1B
(14:14):
like OK Oh no, no. I I don't know, I probably had
more than 1B, but I didn't get good at school until like
college. I swear.
Ask, ask. Yeah, I was AI was I hope
children everyone go to school, but I wasn't I did not love high
school. I did not love to go.
And then all of a sudden I left college and I never stopped
(14:35):
going. So I'm not sure what happened
there, but that's what that reminded me of, right?
It's just that notion of like, Oh yeah, these grades are pretty
good, but like, what happened here and you're like, Dang it.
Yeah, I. Can't get away without anything.
And yet also. I could challenge myself on that
too though, because if we're talking about perception, that's
a perception thing as well, right?
(14:56):
Because if my dad said hey, goodjob here, but what happened with
this B? Couldn't that have been an A?
I'm also just canceling out the fact that he did tell me I.
Did a good job. Exactly.
You know, I'll actually I'll give my dad credit.
This is so classic. My dad, he could care less about
the report card and we weren't interested in that.
But if I had a ball game, I would in the car ride home be
(15:19):
like, OK, do you want to know what you did good first or what
you need to work on 1st? You know, so I got a like
positive, negative, you know, interms of what I needed to work
on. Again, the report card, we could
care less about that. But how did I do in sport?
Really needed to be that. Yeah, honestly, come on now.
(15:39):
But talk about some, they were so positive and a negative that
he was looking at when it came to those things for sure.
Oh my gosh, that's so funny. But yes, I listened to the
speaker the last day of the conference who again, just
talked about our perception and like seeing the world in a
different light and having to put that effort in.
And actually he spoke a lot about using humor to do that,
(16:00):
which we know very well that first responders use humor a lot
of the time. Sometimes it's very rough, but
it's it is the. Gallon of humor, Yeah.
Laughter does heal the soul sometimes, right?
And so like, he spoke a lot about that and just he did say
just like we say, you know, hey,like, yeah, maybe you can jot
(16:21):
down some of these more positivethings or something you are
grateful for to help continue toshow that side.
Sometimes we have to take that step back and actually put the
work in to be able to see it. Yeah.
And again, it's just like it's not something that just happens
overnight. And I think that by no means
this is like, like relatable to what our first responders go
(16:43):
through, But you know, I have had experiences and in my field
of feeling like, again, you're meeting people when they're not
at their best and not doing well.
And it can change your perspective.
A past life I worked with like teenagers that were in all kinds
of trouble. And you kind of think, well, all
teenagers are just troubled and you forget like, Oh, I'm just
(17:07):
looking at a a small sample sizeand in terms of what humanity
has to offer. But it can be hard when that's
where you spend so much of your time.
And so you do have to make some efforts to kind of see outside
of that. Yeah, for sure.
Was there anything I'm, I don't mean to like switch gears, but
when we're speaking about being thankful, right.
I know both you and I, we talk often about how we do hold so
(17:31):
much gratitude towards both likeour families, you know, our dads
obviously have been very gracious in our adventures in
life and being open to talk about it.
Was is there anything that your family did growing up in terms
of like Thanksgiving that was different or special, even with
him working? You know, it's so funny when I
think of like my childhood Thanksgivings, obviously, like
(17:52):
family coming together. My mom comes from like a bigger
family, and then my dad's extended family was bigger.
And so that was always just fun.But also I will say this
Thanksgiving was always around my grandmother's birthday.
So like I think that's probably another their reason because I
think like, I don't know, I definitely have my grandmother
(18:14):
on a pedestal as she should stayforever because she was a
perfect human being. And so I think when I think
about that, I think about like celebrating her birthday and
celebrating her and I love that.Well, and she was just such a
such like heartbeat of our family in terms of she was just
definitely the embodiment of love, like just a loving.
(18:35):
I love this. Talk about somebody that saw
like the good in everybody kind of person.
So I don't know that there's necessary traditions.
We always went to where my parents are from in Western
Kentucky. And your dad got pretty.
If I'm remembering correct, yourdad was a little bit like he
didn't have to miss as many holidays because of his
positionings. Yeah, like it was in a way I
(18:57):
didn't remember him, like not being there at Christmas or not
being there at a Thanksgiving. Like he probably wasn't there
the whole break, but like on theholiday was there.
So what about you guys? Would you guys do something
special, especially if you're done?
Yeah, so our mind's a little different.
Like my dad worked pretty much the bulk of them when I was when
(19:17):
he was in. So it's, I think, you know, it's
hard, especially as we got olderand finances are tight.
You work those holidays because you get some pay, right.
So, but I will say it was something that I really loved.
Even when he did have to work, they had they always had his
department always had a footballgame, so like against each
other. It is against fire, baby.
(19:38):
I forget if it was against fire,if it was against each other.
Either way, I remember always being like, OK, so like, don't
come home if you didn't win the trophy.
Like, I just don't. Like, we're not.
We're winners in this household.And you need to step it up on
Thanksgiving Day. And I really like that.
I thought that was always so fun, like to ask him like, wait,
(19:59):
who won or what happened? I mean, of course it stinks to
not have him there. But when he was there just made
it that much more special. And, and now I'm thankful that
he's retired and. Oh my God, Thanksgiving at his
house now is so fun, of course, but I just always like, I loved
Thanksgiving for that. Obviously we're a big, I don't
hide it very well, but we're a big football family.
(20:21):
Really. I got no one would know,
although one day we're going to do like when the call hits home
trivia and like, hey, you win a prize if you know my favorite
team and if you don't, you're we're going to have.
To give out so many prizes, yeah.
You're not listening. I just think about that, you
know, and a lot of, I don't knowthat I had to, when we were
talking about like finding the good, I had to think about it
(20:43):
for myself because I so easily could come on here and be like,
well, my dad just like wasn't there a lot of the time and
like, whatever, you know. But genuinely, I was excited
when he did that there. I was thankful that we had that
experience and that it was fun. And I remember him even bringing
home a trophy, Like he literallybrought home this like little.
So they really went all out. I thought it was a fun way to
keep the, like, officers engagedand stuff even when they're away
(21:06):
from their families. Yeah.
I. Agree with that too.
And I know like for some families, it's like, well, I'll
pick up Thanksgiving so I can make sure I can be there for
Christmas or I'll work New Year's because it's more
important for me to be there forthis holiday day or this
birthday and stuff like that. So I can see that.
And that is kind of a cool way to keep people engaged for sure.
(21:28):
Absolutely, Absolutely. Did you ever get to go to the
games? I feel like I didn't now that
we're talking about him. Like I don't know if I ever I
don't think so. I'm maybe I mean he might have a
whole different he's going to listen to this and be like,
yeah, is he in a bed? But I mean, I just I think like
especially where we live versus where he patrolled and stuff, it
was kind of far. So it's like I think by.
(21:50):
The time we would. Get up and like, get ready to go
to our Thanksgiving. You know, like it was.
It's too much travel. And yeah, I apologize.
I mean, I just, you know, my dadwas officer in the city I lived
in, so I forget sometimes that you had a little bit of like
your dad had a commute. So yeah.
He knew just after the boondocks.
So why do you I should put a poll out there for this too.
(22:13):
So random today, but whatever. We're just having a good time.
Like do you know how many times people are like, why do you have
a southern accent? And I'm like, I, I do, like I
don't. And I get it all the time.
And I'm like, oh, and I'm like, well, I grew up in Belvedere,
Illinois. Like, I don't know, maybe
because you're isolated. I don't know.
(22:34):
We have our own language in thislittle city in the middle of
Illinois. I have no idea who.
Has told you that you sound southern.
Well, everybody, I hear it all the time at this conference.
I heard it probably 4 different times really.
Wow, that's so funny. I don't.
I hear, I hear Chicago. I knew you.
(22:55):
Mean a sassy but I will I do want to bring us back to the
conference because I want to share a little bit of something
that happened OK that I think children of first responders can
relate to or I hope so it was itwas like a smack me in the face
moment and Jesus is going to bring us back to one thing but
here we go so it was a very verybeautiful, powerful conference.
(23:18):
It was, but it ended on Sunday at I'm 45, so yes, I was in the
audience a little bit anxious because I'm like, so kickoffs at
noon. And yeah, they're pushing it.
That's in Louisiana. So we're in New Orleans and I
Google, is there a place I couldwatch it?
The hotel didn't have it. In fact, the audacity of the the
(23:39):
hotel to have the Green Bay gameon.
I was like, are you kidding me? It's.
Like my worst nightmare, I. Mean they were playing the New
York Giants, weren't they? Yeah, but but like Green Bay
like. I know.
So I find this bar and it was literally like across the street
from my hotel. Couldn't get any closer and it's
(24:00):
a Bears one like a Chicago yes, what yes did.
You call ahead. No, I was so excited.
They had they they had all theirgames on, but they had the Bears
one playing with the audio to itas well.
I'm blanking on the word, but Long story short, there's a ton
of people that I don't know right?
And I start interacting with people, but what are you
(24:20):
supposed to do? Other Bears?
So tons of other bears fans and what have you.
I come across this gentleman, nice guy but definitely like all
my senses from my dad kicked in.OK.
Everything where I was just like, oh, this may not be my I
feel a little nervous about this, but like I promise you
when I say probably was harmless, I don't want to
(24:43):
whatever like nothing happened. But my point of this is to say
that like holy man, are we in great like we are engraved to
like remember these things. My brain was like, OK, make sure
you stay by everybody. Like I always was scanning for
who was coming in just to make sure like just and don't leave
your drink, don't leave right. Like all these things.
(25:04):
And in my head I'm like, OK, this is So what I could do to
get out of this situation. This is what I could do if, if I
feel uncomfortable, you know what I mean?
Like I sat there for a moment. I kind of giggled to myself
because I'm like, man, I just went to a whole conference about
police officers and, you know, but this all stems like from my
dad and him always teaching me, you be aware, be aware of your
surroundings, be aware of peopleand their intentions.
(25:27):
You can't trust somebody you don't know, right?
Like all those things that we harp on a little bit where we're
like, you guys are so crazy and over like, just let us live
really quickly. I was like, whoa, I'm in New
Orleans by myself right now. This could not be a good thing,
right? But I was like so thankful that
I had the knowledge and the tools.
(25:47):
Obviously nothing happened. I'm here to talk, but right.
But like, it was just one of those eye opening experiences
where I was like, I am grateful for the job that my dad had.
I am grateful for the knowledge that was instilled in me.
And some of these things that come from the job of being like,
life isn't a joke sometimes. And you may be harmless going to
a bar. You you think that, but like
people you have to be aware, have to have that common sense.
(26:11):
And I was just like, man, did that come full circle in here.
I actually ended up making a different friend there, an older
gentleman who was a huge Bears fan.
I talked to him for hours. He actually kind of picked up on
the whole situation and stayed with me and made sure I got out
OK, which I did. I would have been OK y'all, but
it was I was thankful for him. And then how beautiful the whole
(26:33):
thing turned out where I was just one of those moments where
I was, this man was meant to be put in my life because the
connection we made about football, talking about my dad
and like our experiences, it wasso beautiful.
So that it was like a full circle moment for me where I was
like one minute I was, oh, Ashley, you may have not put
yourself in the best position inlife, but use your tools.
And then to like flipping to being like, Oh my gosh, just
(26:54):
turned out to be one of the bestthings that could have happened
to me. I grew in so many ways and I met
someone incredible along the way.
But yeah, no, I just was like, man, they're on to some.
Well, and I think it's so important that you listen to
your gut when it comes to those things in terms of those
experiences. And I think first responder
kiddos maybe have guts that are a little bit more sensitive to
(27:17):
things and pay a little bit moreattention at times to those kind
of things to just have that awareness.
And so I'm glad that you're safeand you made a friend and you
were able to feel like safe going back to the hotel and all
those things. Yeah, I guess I don't want any
first responder truck because I I remember growing up like kind
of being made fun of for that myfriends being not a bad way, but
(27:39):
just being like, Oh my God, Ashley, like you don't have to.
You're the mom of the group. You're the mom of the group
because you're just so anxious and you just, And I remember
being like, yeah, like, why can't I ever not like just live
free like them as they're wild in.
And it always kind of bothered me because I was like, is it, am
I wrong for that? But then literally in that
moment I was like, no, thank God.
(28:00):
Because again, I don't know if anything negative would have
happened. However my gut was like, oh,
this is not going in a directionthat I I feel OK with.
I need to get out of this situation.
I can't risk, you know, so, but I really don't know that a lot
of people have that awareness sometimes.
Yeah, You know, I find it is hard for me when I'm around
(28:22):
people that like don't take an account anything like just
people that live like are just so freely in a situation.
Sometimes it just says like, do you have any common sense?
Correct. But you know, I think that
coming from a place of being so hyper aware, I can be really
(28:42):
frustrated with people that are so unaware.
And that is a hard, it's a hard thing to kind of strike a
balance with that sometimes whenit's like, what do you mean you
didn't pay attention to that person?
Correct. Like just walk by or what do you
mean you didn't notice that there was our garbage can in
front of the fire exit or, you know, just like what you know,
(29:05):
just again, how our brains kind of work to scan and pay
attention and all those things. So, yeah, it's so interesting to
me how much of it it really it'syeah, it's wild that it does
come from, I mean, all parents, don't get me wrong, but I do
think it's a little heightened on our end because of what they
see and they're exposed to and they want to keep their children
(29:26):
safe. So.
Right. They share that knowledge, yeah.
And I think that, you know, kidsare our hearts outside of our
bodies. And when you see other people
lose their children and things like that, it just it creates
such a place that you would do whatever you could to make sure
your kids safe, even if that feels like it's intense for
(29:48):
those kids. It's like it's coming from a
good place. Yes, absolutely.
Look at that. We're bringing it back to that
positive. For sure.
Well, one that I want to say I'mvery thankful for is you.
And I also, when I say I'm just extremely thankful for our
listeners, the people that have supported this podcast and you
(30:11):
guys just, I don't know, I'm always astonished by your
engagement and your listening and your feedback.
And I'm just incredibly gratefulthat When the Call Hits Home has
been around for this long in a way, like I know we're going to
do 1. And, and the love that we've
received and honestly, Jennifer,you know that like you mean the
(30:31):
world to me and I could not everdo this without you.
And it's, it's insane how we have grown so much in our
listeners. We have some so dedicated to us
that it just, it melts my heart.And I think like, yet we have
some really cool things coming, which is also so cool.
Like I'm like, whoa, Sky's the limit.
I don't, I don't know. We're just going to have to keep
grinding at it because it's, we do have some cool stuff coming
(30:54):
up. But I am just so thankful and
I'm so thankful for you and everybody else.
It's a huge family and that's what our goal was.
Oh, totally. Well, and I'm like, I did text
her that you have two other sisters, but I'm your third, so
you know. She really is, folks.
She really I sometimes, yeah, yeah, she maybe doesn't need all
(31:16):
my phone calls while I'm going through things, but like, she
gets it. It's.
Perfect. I was actually at a children's
birthday party, gosh, yesterday and was talking to a mom there
who happened to be the kid of a first responder who happened to
have like siblings that are in the military.
And we were just kind of laughing over like, what is, you
(31:40):
know, this is so weird that you're just at this random
birthday party, but it is kind of funny just that speaking
about community, like our community kind of finds its way.
Yes. And of course then I did like a
a shameless plug for the podcastonce.
This pops up. I mean, you have to just throw
it out there, you. Know you just have.
To throw it out there. I was really sad I wasn't
(32:01):
wearing any of our new swag to be like oh check out my shirts
and stuff. So we always encourage that too
if you guys want to check out our shop.
Yes, and then post it, like sendit to us or post it, tag us like
we love that. We absolutely love it.
But yeah, I mean, I hope everyone has a great
Thanksgiving and does reflect onthe good, be intentional about
it. So maybe it is time to start
(32:23):
writing down a few things you'reyou're grateful for or that you
know, just whatever that may be for you trying to find that
because I do think there's some point to getting your mindset
right to live through these types of careers it.
Is a powerful, powerful thing and exactly what you're saying,
what we can do and we can work on our thinking.
No stinking thinking. All right, you guys have a great
(32:45):
Thanksgiving and we'll be back at we'll be back, right.
We're we're going back on. I hope so.
They know, they know, they know when it's at.
Well, when the call hits home, Jennifer and I are here for you.
Thank you guys. Thank you.
Happy Thanksgiving.
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